#we were all acting like he just told us he has a terminal illness fucking insane

[uhode]

best friend decided to move abroad next year for uni i cried so much i’m going to kill him and then kill myself

[geekbarprincess]

outside of the weird connection i have to my online ex boyfriend that i never even met irl, i have a boy i’ve been hanging out w. we met on hinge 😺 not the first boy i’ve met on hinge, but the first one ive met while i was on hinge as a legal adult. and the first one ive liked this much. he’s genuinely lowkey someone i could see myself falling in love w, or at least sticking around. with the last hinge boy, and the only one that lasted more than one meeting until now* , he wasn’t really super mean but he was just subtly mean and but he was lowkey nice too.. idek how to describe that because it feels so weird to think abt that point in my life because it doesn’t feel like it’s my own memory, even tho it was literally only february of this year. well anyways, the new boy. he’s so sweet to me. he seems that he’s actually putting effort into understanding me as somebody who’s terminally mentally ill. he’s more patient with me than most people and i feel just so bad that he has to put up with me.

we met like right after my ex broke up w me.. i wasted no time. i mean we met on hinge like the next day and then i met him irl pretty soon after that. he picked me up and we sat in his car and talked for like 6 or 7 hours. it was one of the best times of my life and tbh my underwear were really wet but it’s okay. anyways, we fucked the first time he came to my house (idk how many meetings in that was or what day), and we’ve been fucking a lot since then yayyy. he’s got a nice penis tbh at least bigger than my ex’s (which i only ever saw on a screen anyway but it looked pretty small compared to new boy, which is crazy bc ex had the ability to use whatever specific angle to make it look big but i see new boy’s irl and its fr just big without him having to use specific angles).

well… new boy. i’ll call him bf. he’s a sweetheart. idk if we are dating fr or not but idc bc it’s not like im gonna go fuck anyone else or something because i don’t want to. i’d rather just spend all my time with him. he spends the night a lot. he just makes me really happy. he puts up with my crazy mood changes and emotional regulation issues. we went bowling together and i wasted being so annoying at the start and he seemed to get a bit fed up, but he didn’t take it out on me and we both just talked and calmed down. it made me feel so much better to see the way he reacted to that because him not getting angry at me for not being able to handle my emotions made me feel better to be able to try to calm down. but for some reason my brain tells me he’s pranking me so i guess i’ll update yall when he kidnaps my cats and makes me wanna kill myself again. jk i don’t see him personally doing that because he himself seems like a sweet person, i just don’t have faith in men as a whole at all because of my ex telling me so often that he could handle my mental problems but still get upset and bitchy and rude whenever i would act like i have mental problems. and im not saying i was completely not at all in the wrong in our relationship, but im saying with him knowing me for 3 years and me being mentally ill and insecure throughout the whole time of knowing me, he could’ve responded better than saying that he doesn’t wanna have “talks like this” when im just bringing up an insecurity. new boy actually tries to reassure me and make me feel worthy of being cared for and loved by my ex just made me want to hurt myself.. literally i attempted to kms and went to the psych ward in june literally only because i thought he stopped loving me. and then just a few months later he told me he loved me less. and then a few days later, left me.

idek what i’m saying fr but i hope my ex boyfriend dies and im really glad i met new boy and he lowkey makes my heart feel like its actually growing. he’s such a sweetie

* (there’s been 3, one we met up once and never talked again, one we ‘dated’ for a month and were saying i love you but i didn’t love him and he prob didn’t love me either, i mean we hardly knew each other, and i ended up telling him i couldn’t do it and i went back to the same ex i’ve been posting about, so not a successful past)

[pedroalonso]

it’s so funny to me how the fandom is so divided about palermo’s development there is no middle ground in any of the arguments i’ve seen so far

Martín has always been a divisive character from the start and I honestly love that for him. lmao. But yeah, In truth, I can’t scroll through the LCDP tag without seeing someone ranting about Palermo, either negatively or positively regarding his arc this season.

And after thinking about it for a while, I realize that a large chunk of people’s arguments (my own included) are deeply rooted in personal interpretation and biases. We all have our own takes on a character. We project either our likes or dislikes on them, depending on our own life experiences and beliefs. It’s not wrong to do so, it’s literally a normal thing humans do. To personalize a story in a way that resonates with them.

But at the end of the day, characters are not sentient beings. They are narrative tools to tell a story and move the plot forward. While we can get a gauge of the “basics” of a character from the stuff we are presented with in canon, we can never really be certain about “who they are” because they aren’t real. Their development is dependent on what kind of story is being told, and writers will always adjust their characters to fit the current narrative.

In terms of Volume 1, the writers have always hinted that they wanted to make the final season “an explosive one”, meaning they wanted to make it more action heavy. And looking back on it now, they succeeded in doing what they set out to do. The new season was like an action movie. Lots of gunfire. Explosions. It’s easy to brush it off as LCDP mimicking another Hollywood blockbuster to increase viewership, but I think it made sense. It showed us how dire their situation is in the bank. How much deep shit they were in that the military was willing to bomb the building and inadvertently kill hostages just to catch them. And the first volume ended with the MAIN CHARACTER getting killed off. Like the stakes were so high not even the goddamn narrator survived. The show is literally telling us how fucked things are for the band.

So with that said, the characters adjusted to this “action” movie vibe the writers wanted to go with. And I think they all acted accordingly. There was less conflict within the group because they worked together to beat a common enemy, setting aside their personal issues to get the job done and survive. And while it’s true that some character arcs (Palermo’s especially) had to be set aside, it was because they HAD to in order to move the plot forward. How much sense would it make if Martín kept raving on about the gold when the Bank was literally exploding around him? He’s a chaotic asshole, yeah. But give him more credit than that, he’s not an idiot. The gold can wait. He needs to survive NOW.

And again, narrative wise, who he is in Part 5 directly connects to his last scene in Part 4. He made a promise to do better and they followed it through in literally the first episode of Volume 1, where he’s shown to be more remorseful for his actions. If he just went back to being an angry asshole, it wouldn’t have made sense because otherwise, what was his last scene in Part 4 supposed to be for?? Just for funsies?? No, of course not. They were already foreshadowing where his arc was heading in Part 5.

And I know LCDP sucks at maintaining continuity. There are a lot of plotholes that haven’t been addressed because they probably forgot about it or deemed it unnecessary. (Like me, for example, wondering if Martín knows it was Helsinki who blew up the tunnel that resulted in Andrés death??? Like I want that angst PLEASE).

But, hear me out. What LCDP fails in continuity, they make up for emotional terrorism. Not only are they more than capable of killing off likable characters (NAAAAIROBI), they are also very good at making unlikeable characters… not always loveable. But understandable, in a way. More empathetic. For example: Berlin was 100% a disgusting dipshit in the Mint, yes, but in the end when he sacrifices himself to save the gang and you find out he and the Professor were brothers this whole time? That was a twist. Maybe you didn’t end up liking Berlin, but you felt pain for Sergio for losing someone so obviously dear to him. They made you feel sorry for seeing this asshole go.

Which brings me to my final point. Characters are used to convey a theme. What do they represent in the story? Berlin’s thematic arc in the first two seasons, for example, was him going from a villain to an anti-hero. From the moment we find out about his terminal illness, we knew he was going to die either way. You can see him grappling with his mortality — about the inevitability of his death. And it seemed like he was planning to live out his last remaining years being an asshole surrounded by a shitload of money, until he ultimately dies from his illness.

But then, he sacrifices himself. Not only does he escape the “humiliating” decline that was to befall him when he escapes, he also gave meaning to his death. He, the heartless evil bastard, made himself the hero in the end. How rude!

So, when it comes to Martín, we have to think: What is his purpose in this story? What is the theme he’s trying to convey? Is it the tragedy of an unrequited love? Or is it learning to let it go?

Because looking back in episode two of Part 3, Sergio recruits Martín in a dirty flat in Palermo, littered with empty liquor bottles and Martín himself looking like a mess. When he broaches the topic of the heist, Martín can barely mention Andrés without his voice cracking. And when he and Sergio do discuss Andrés, he screams and gets angry and cries. He was obviously still mourning Andrés, who at this point, died FIVE YEARS AGO. That is not… a normal grieving period. May it be due to the lack of a support system after Andrés’s death (since I doubt Sergio visited), or the lack of real closure between him and Andrés, or something else, the point is… Martín Berrote was not okay. He was still clinging to Andrés in some way. Still unable to move on.

So when Sergio proposes to do the Bank of Spain heist and Martín accepts, his thematic arc began. He is introduced as Andrés’s long suffering best friend who was in love with him for years until he was eventually discarded. A lot of his moments in the show discuss and convey this dynamic. From him telling Sergio he loved the plan as much as he loved Andrés, to Nairobi confronting him about Berlin, to Martín himself telling Helsinki how Andrés leaving him made him the “asshole” he is today.

His theme is not just about his love for Andrés, but his grief and suffering because of it. Where the show will eventually take it is still debate-able, and we’ll have to wait for Volume 2 for that. But viewing Martín’s whole arc in this way, through the scenes they chose to put about him, and the way they connect it to the main plot — his development this season did not come out of the blue. It made logical and narrative sense. It all connects! This was the kind of story they wanted for him from the start.

[soukokuwu]

This is a bit particular, but can I get a scenario on Dazai when his (female) s/o, whom he's been with for a while, tells him that she was has a terminal condition and she'll only live a few more years? He's bitter that she has to die so early and expects her to feel the same way, but he's surprised when she explains that she's gotten past her resentment of the situation and is only grateful that she was able to experience the world as long as she had? Tysm!

Dazai Osamu

➢ angst, a hint of fluff (dazai x reader)

➢ warnings, suicidal thoughts, death

➢ word count: 2.1k

➢ ah i always love a good angst theme! i hope you don’t mind that i made this a full story i just got so absorbed writing this that i kept going 🥺 i really hope you’ll like this anon! 🌻🤍

Life & You

Pain and loss.

They followed him everywhere, wherever he went, in every crevice he thought he could hide in. They were the only thing that reminded him he was even remotely human, of the fact that he had a beating heart. The heartache was the only thing to serve as proof that he was alive, since he had never truly felt the kind of joy that made his heart soar or the kind of excitement that made it sing.

The cuts that littered his skin, under all the wraps that he used to shield them from the world, were a small yet painful reminder that somehow he still longed to find something to ignite his desire for life. If he had wanted to die right then and there - if he was really, truly hopeless, the razor would have cut its way deeper into his skin instead of settling for shallow gashes on its surface.

Nothing else made Dazai Osamu human. He was a clump of negativity and sorrow, a disdainful mess that should eventually be discarded by everyone and everything he held dear. Someone undeserving of feeling any sort of human connection.

Or so he thought, until he met you.

You were a strange little thing. The most infectious kind of love bug he thought he would never get himself involved with. Yet there was something pulling him to you, like you were opposite poles of a magnet, likewise spurring an intrigue in you that drew you to him even though you hated his initially pessimistic outlook on life.

Neither of you were ever able to pinpoint why the attraction existed in the first place. And neither of you tried to explore it either. The both of you had sought something in the world that you had somehow found in each other. Neither of you questioned the nature of your love for fear that deeper probing might lead to proof that the two of you weren’t meant to be.

For Dazai found a reason to live in you. And for you found in him something to be thankful to have lived for.

But it was funny how a dream can be right there in front of you, so attainable, yet it can be as fleeting as it came, taken away from you just like that.

The doctor profusely apologised and the nurses looked away out of pity. You kept your silence, disappointed that it turned out this way yet you weren’t surprised in the least. Life had a knack for bringing you down when you were up, and this was just another one of those moments. Although this takes the kick.

It had taken a while for you to process the news. ‘A while’, which of course meant a few months. And each day you spent with Dazai, the guilt that you shouldn’t have felt grew and grew. None of this was anyone’s fault, you were pretty sure it wasn’t even genetic. There was no one to blame but the cruel hands of fate. But fate doesn’t exist in a tangible form for you to take your hate out on. The only thing you could do was accept it. You knew that, but you knew Dazai didn’t.

This insecurity that built up inside you had caused you to put off breaking the news to him. But if you had learned anything throughout your own journey of acceptance, it was that faith could tide you through the darkest of times and the bleakest of moments, even if it had to be blind.

You had to trust in him. You had to believe that Dazai would continue loving you, even in death, and carry your wish for him to keep on living, no matter how selfish it seemed.

It was painful; to be able to see the pain flashing in his eyes even as he was trying his hardest not to show it. But you weren’t his lover for nothing. You could notice these tiny, subtle movements and twitches. Only most of the time you acted like you didn’t, if only to ease the possible worry Dazai would harbor about making you feel bad.

Throughout your relationship he had been calm and collected, his comedic facáde never once fading. Not even when he had to explain to you about his old scars, not even when you spotted him nearly committing suicide that one time. Which was why you were surprised at his sudden outburst upon hearing of your future, or lack thereof.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” was the first thing he shouted. You could see the anger, the upset in his face, this being the first time he’s ever worn his heart on his sleeve. “Why do you sound so calm telling me this? And how do you expect me to be fucking okay with this?”

Dazai was bitter, oh so bitter. Tears made tracks down his face as he continued lashing out. His wild hand gestures and uncouth words only served to show just how angry he was at the world for, yet again, wanting to take away that with which he held most dear. He uttered a string of hopeless wishes, thinking of any possible ways to hold onto hope that you would be able to properly grow old with him.

Of course it was all futile. Your future was already set in stone. There was no changing the fucked-up ways of fate. It took a while for him to calm down, and out on the balcony the sunlight was fading, the colours of the day soon to disappear. The orange hue brought a calm that was missing throughout his rampage.

The two of you were sitting out on the patio chairs, with Dazai still hanging his head down, both hands tugging at his hair, body rocking back and forth as though it would wake him from the cruel dream he wished it was. You had to say your piece anyway, no matter how much he didn’t want to hear it. He was angry you didn’t tell him about this sooner, yes, but what made him more upset was because he didn’t understand how you’ve accepted all this, and why you’re taking this lying down.

“Because I found you, Osamu.”

Dazai swallowed the lump in his throat upon hearing your words, a feeling of utter confusion washing over him. He forced himself to turn to look at you, and he met you with his brown, desolate eyes, only serving to magnify the ache in your heart. But you steeled your resolve. This conversation still had to happen.

“You asked me why I’m not mad, right?” you reminded him, giving him the strongest smile you could manage. “I am not terrified of dying. Am I afraid? Maybe a smidge. Much less so if there’s nothing I can do about it. But Osamu?” As you focused on your lover’s beautiful face in front of you, you feel your smile growing more and more genuine by the second. “I was only able to be this happy because I met you. You are the reason why I’ve finally been able to be grateful for living.”

Dazai processed your words with suppressed joy rather than his earlier anger, the former growing as he listened further. These were words you thought but could never bring yourself to admit. And even in this situation, he reveled in hearing it. Someone like him, who could only have dreamt of what happiness felt like, actually instilled the feeling in you? The most beautiful human being he’s ever known?

“If death is going to consume me in the next few years, all I’m worried about is not when it happens. All I want to think about is how do we make our next few years together count, Osamu,” you told him, your voice strong with conviction.

You weren’t done, but Dazai couldn’t wait to pull you into a hug, stifling his sobs as he did, arms gradually wrapping themselves tighter and tighter around you. It was a simple message he was conveying: an apology for the unnecessarily long outburst and the assurance that he understood completely what you meant.

When he pulled away, you realised the tear tracks had dried, and he had a visibly calmer ambience to him. It was as though you could see the love in his eyes as he stared into yours, which was something considering Dazai never thought he could convey any love without having to explicitly do or say anything.

And as the last rays of the sun found its way below the horizon, he uttered to you the most loving words he had ever said.

“My precious belladonna, I will be together with you until your time comes, and I promise not to make you worry even after you leave.”

And Dazai Osamu kept his word. While you were still able to take your place beside him, and even after you ceased to exist. He had poured his heart and soul into loving you, something that he would never tolerate you arguing with him over. You would always tell him to do a little something for himself, not to keep prioritising you above everything.

“I will always put my belladonna first,” he would always say. “You’re going to take a whole other journey without me, could you just allow me this honour of treating you like my princess, while I can?”

You couldn’t argue with him then. After all, it was all thanks to the brunette that you were able to fully enjoy every second of your last few years in this world. Never once did he fuck up, never once did he make you feel bad about your terminal illness, never once did he show himself breaking down just thinking about life after you.

All the memories you carried on your deathbed were full of Dazai and the happiness throughout your relationship. How he had always made sure you got everything you wanted, be it simple things like food or even an overseas trip to Europe like you’ve always dreamed of. How he had treated you gentler than he thought he could ever handle anything at all. How he had proposed to you despite knowing your circumstances. How he had made sure you had the wedding of your dreams.

Even when the illness took a toll for the worst, Dazai had never let himself falter. He understood you needed him to be as strong as possible, even though you wouldn’t admit it. Showing how utterly despondent he actually was would only make things worse. So he didn’t. He continued giving you his endless care, feeding you when you were too weak to move your fingers, massaging your legs when you felt sore, and showering you with kisses no matter how frail and repulsive you thought you looked.

And now the memories were his and his alone.

As Dazai sat on your side of the bed and looked at your wedding picture, framed up and hung on the wall, he finally allowed his tears to flow. It had been a long, painful week since your passing. He had had to arrange everything, the funeral, the catering— everything.

Dazai did not have a care in the world for the expensive pressed suit he was currently wearing. He collapsed onto the bed - he swore it still smelled like you - and all anyone else could hear in the dark of the night was the painful cries of a man who had lost his wife.

A man who found something he thought didn’t exist at all and lost it to the void. A man who remembered his lover’s smile, the memories of how happy she had been on their wedding night, saying their vows, and every night after that. A man who wanted so desperately to follow her in the afterlife, only to look at his old razors and remember his promise to her. A man who wanted so badly for none of this to be real, and to wake up seeing her peaceful face on the pillow next to his. A man who thought he was a monster, finding his savior in the world he had lost hope in, an angel who brought him up from the depths of his own hell, and had to watch helplessly as she slowly fell into the abyss herself. And now a man who couldn’t find anything else to live for, save for the hopeless promise of staying alive for you, no matter how empty it made him feel.

He screamed out your name one last time before letting it drown in his sobbing, the light that appeared and stayed in his life the moment you came gradually fading away, leaving Dazai alone in the dark once more.

tags: @yokelish @gogolparadise

[prorevenge]

Mess with minors and my job? Lose your job and your boyfriend.

Tl;dr at the end because this is a doozy.

Alright circa 2014 I worked for a large movie theatre chain in a small Midwestern city. Job was pretty awesome outside of the shit pay and essentially no way to move up. I like to think I am good at my job and I try my hardest no matter where I work. In this particular situation I was one the most tenured employees at the theatre save for two other folks who had worked there part time on the side, and had full time jobs elsewhere.

So for the sake of this story I need to tell you about Jane (not actual name). Jane started working for the theatre 2 months before me. They worked elsewhere as a supervisor and was looking to move up at the theatre. Right after I started one of the managers left to work at a different theatre and the supervisor moved up. We had two managers, one general manager (basically the highest level at the theatre), and a supervisor which is a manager in training. (This is important.) Jane somehow got the supervisor position even though there was another person who essentially was promised the position due to their continued service at the theatre for almost 8 years. There were rumors about Jane sleeping with the GM when she started and this situation got them going again. I didn’t care too much because why would I, I am but a lowly peon in the corporate machine. Anyways Jane moved up and the tenured crew member left the company because they got screwed over.

Once Jane moved up we had a whole meeting about her moving up and how the theatre focuses on professionalism and ensuring no favoritism was happening. Specifically referencing how normal crew members shouldn’t fraternize outside of work with management.

Jane didn’t really listen to that though. She continued to hang out with the crew members who were mostly underage and would do various things like go drinking with minors, taking them to bars and buying them drinks or simply buying alcohol at a store and letting them drink at her house, I honestly have no issue with the drinking at home deal, just adding context, as well smoke weed with them and post pictures on Instagram. Oh yeah I forgot to mention Jane had a secret Instagram where they would post pictures of themselves with their friends from the theatre. They chose Instagram because none of their family or their boyfriend used Instagram and no one would know right?

Even more damning was her relationship with a 19 year old that worked at the theatre. She had a boyfriend who had been with her for years and honestly supported her for all intensive purposes. Not only did she have a 19 year old side piece, but also was messing around with a 17 year old. I even caught them messing around in the break room one time. She essentially threatened me with my job if I told anyone. Honestly she could’ve just told me to please be quiet and I would have just judged her silently.

Fast forward about a year or so and another one of the managers left for a new job. Jane obviously moved up and someone else took the supervisor position. Now I won’t go into too much detail, but despite my tenure and performance I was looked over for the promotion. A newer crew member who was really good friends with Jane got the position over me. This was confirmed by the other manager who let me know that Jane was definitely in good with the GM, who ultimately made the final decision. That being said I was beginning to sour and making minimum wage for years at a job that couldn’t give a shit about my efforts and continued performance. That being said I was preparing for an exit.

Before I get into my exit, it is important to note that Jane had and most likely still has a problem with me. I have talked about some issues I had with her, but I never escalated or even confronted her about anything she did to me up to this point. I honestly left it be. But I didn’t like her and the fact I didn’t like her or play along with her bullshit infuriated her. So much to the point where she made my life hell at the theatre. When she was a supervisor she didn’t have much power but when she became manager she began giving me shit shifts, convincing people that I was weird and to avoid me (I mean I am weird but not like avoid me weird), threatening me physically, threatening my job, her and her gang of misfit assholes also slashed my tires (I have no solid proof, but my car was parked in the employee lot and ya know only employees can get in), beyond that she also made fun of my girlfriend (my now wife) for having an invisible illness (MS), she would make her life hell because she had a disability and had some minor limitations. Add together all of this, plus my GF went off to college, plus getting looked over for the promotion, suffice it to say I found a new job.

I had a few close friends at the theatre including my now wife who I met while working there (silver lining right.) I had let a few of them know about the new job, but told them to keep it on the DL since it was still two weeks away. I had put my two weeks in with the GM and asked that he also keep it on the DL since Jane and her posse would fuck with me. I told him that I wanted to tell everyone myself so it kept him quiet.

Now the important thing about my new job is that it essentially paid me double my wages from the theatre. All of my friends were stoked for me, I was taking a job that would also have me making more than the managers at the theatre but also a job that put me on a better track in life. That being said with Jane and I butting heads on multiple occasions and her track record of messing with me, she decided to get one last attack on me. She started a rumor that I was just going to call out on all of my shifts the two weeks before my new job started.

With her last act of revenge in motion, the GM approached me and let me know that he wouldn’t be scheduling me the last two weeks. I tried to explain to him that the rumors were bullshit that I needed to work because it would be my only source of income. I told him that Jane started the rumor and I started to tell him all of the other stuff as well. He of course didn’t believe me and told me that Jane wouldn’t do what I was saying she would do. So it was her word vs mine. I contacted my new job who let me know that my start date was firm and that their budget wouldn’t allow me to start until two weeks later as originally planned. Now here I am essentially jobless for two weeks. Now I was upset, but I was also lucky. I was still living with family and didn’t have to pay rent, so I sucked it up and essentially told myself that I would just take a forced two week vacation. But Jane didn’t stop there. She escalated again by having one of her cronies call my new job and tell them that I got fired. I was luckily able to talk down my new boss by letting him know that this wasn’t the case that I put my two weeks in and everything else, but that was the last straw.

I left my last day at the theatre and while it was sad and I was upset that I wouldn’t be able to work out the last two weeks of my job that I had for years, I was focused and determined on revenge. Rule #1 of living a secret life and having a secret Instagram is not add every body and their mother to the page. I had a friend of a friend who also didn’t care for Jane let’s call them Joe. Joe and I had gone to high school together and briefly worked at the theatre together. He and Jane were part of the same group at the theatre until they had a small falling out. Nothing crazy but he wasn’t exactly happy with her. I talked to Joe and we discussed my issues with Jane over some lunch that I bought for him. (Food is the key to all revenge plots.) Once we ate and discussed my problems with Jane I asked for his help. I needed access to her Instagram. Ya know the secret one, showing her hanging out with underage employees, drinking alcohol and smoking weed with them, and also some mushy posts about her 19 year old boyfriend, as well as some moderately racy photos with her 17 year old fling. With very little discussion he gave me full access.

I took screenshots of essentially everything. We are talking 2-3 years worth of illicit and moderately illegal activity. More than enough to get her fired and to raise some questions in her relationship. I took the screenshots and I printed them on the most high quality paper/material that CVS had to offer. I also copied them too a few flash drives for good measure. I purchased two yellow padded envelopes (can never be too safe), and I filled them both with copies of all of the posts as well as a flash drive with additional copies. As well I included a note in each one for the appropriate parties.

One of the envelopes was taped to the back door of the theatre. There was somewhat of a blind spot so pulled into the parking lot from the rear and snuck around the corner mission impossible style to tape the envelope to the back door. On it was the GM’s name, as well in the letter I merely stated that one of their managers had a secret Instagram with a lot of damning evidence of not only favoritism, but also fraternizing with underage employees amongst other wrong doings. In the letter I also requested her immediate termination or the information would be provided to the district manager as well as our corporate office. I made sure to put it somewhere the GM would see on his morning sweep when he opened the theatre. The second folder and letter was delivered to her home by Joe. Joe agreed to this as I knew Jane’s schedule and had a good idea of when she would be gone and he knew where she lived from previous hang outs.

With both folders delivered it was only a matter of time. Before I knew it I was receiving death threats from Jane’s gang. All of them saying that they knew it was me and that Jane was going to come after me, that she never did anything to deserve this. It didn’t matter to me of course, I no longer worked there and would hopefully never have to deal with them again. From what I heard she was taken into the main office of the theatre and the GM let her have it. He ultimately had to fire her because there was very clear proof that she was in direct violation of many of the rules and conditions of her employment. As well her boyfriend with proof in hand kicked her out of his home.

Last I heard she moved farther north and hasn’t held down a solid job since. Her family didn’t want much to do with her once everything came out with her cheating on her boyfriend. Also the part about fooling around with a 17 year old tends not to sit well. In the end I started my new job without fail and moved on from that place. Haven’t see much of anyone from there since.

Tl;dr: Manager makes my life hell, continues to hang out and fool around with underage crew members, lives to regret it. Enjoy losing your job and your boyfriend.

(source) story by (/u/Ike09161995)

[crstapor]

Terror White

“You’re either with us or against us.” - George W. Bush


1.

On January 6th, 2021, domestic terrorists invaded the Capital Building in an act of political insurrection. Their intent was to overthrow the will of the people by preventing certification of a free and fair democratic election. They did so at the behest of their political leader (who was impeached a second time for inciting this gross transgression of his oath of office), other voices in their party - the so-called GOP - and talking head agitators inhabiting the far-right media echo chamber. Nearly to a man, a woman, a they, each of these terrorists were white.

Images of ‘good old boys’ traipsing down the halls of the people’s house waving confederate battle flags, kicking feet up on the Speaker’s desk, walking off with public property or smearing their shit on the floors pervaded the internet. These images provided by the villains themselves, posted shamelessly to social media profiles.

As a result of this treasonous, insulting, juvenile, despicable, and ultimately futile effort five people died. Even still, hours after the fact, a majority of members of the so-called GOP voted in accordance with the will of these terrorists. They voted to overturn the results of a free and fair election in the world’s oldest modern democracy. They did so because they believed there were serious ‘concerns’ (‘concerns’, let’s be clear, that started with them and like the Ouroboros, ended up with the confusing, if unhygienic, phenomenon of not knowing where their mouths or assholes ended or began) with the 2020 presidential election. After over 60 court cases arguing that point only one was ruled in their favor. None of the 50 States comprising our union found any evidence of wide-spread fraud. Indeed, a federal agency tasked with monitoring election security stated unequivocally that the presidential election of 2020 was one of the most secure in a generation.

And yet? There they were. Spouting conspiracy theories, assaulting police officers (those stalwart stewards of the ‘law & order’ they otherwise claim to love), brandishing spears and bearskins, stealing mail, leaving death threats to the Vice President, fundamentally acting the fool. A bunch of bullies let out of detention with rage and rebellion on their minds.

Let me be clear: each and every one of these terrorists should be hunted down by law enforcement and charged to the fullest extent of the law. They should then be prosecuted and the judges in each and every case should show or allow no mercy. These barbarians must never be allowed to storm the gates again.

Fine.

But that’s not the really interesting question here. The far-right has been producing assholes forever (one of the few things the ‘right’ is truly consistent at). What’s actually interesting is how these insurrectionists arrived at the conclusions they did. Which is to say; how did their ‘thinking’ bring them to this point.

2.

While it might be tempting for some on the left to see that last sentence as a joke, let’s remember we’re sitting at the adult table. These terrorists, being human, sharing our genetic code, are people - real, live, eating, shitting, fucking, anxious, sleeping, scared, afraid, terrified people - just like you and me. As much as it would be easier if we could see them as Uruk-hai instead of our brothers and sisters, sadly? That’s what they are. Family. Part of the Human Condition.

Though humans that are clearly very, very, very sick. My diagnosis? Mind Cancer. Let me explain, under the assumption my readers understand the difference between mind and brain. As such, I am not asserting that the terrorists are physically sick. From their pics and videos it’s clear many are - obesity, hypertension, anal retention - though that isn’t the point. It’s their mental programming, their minds, that have been infected. Infected with what?

Put simply? A disjointed ontological phenomenology obscured, obfuscated, and accelerated by persistently chaotic epistemological aberrations. Said plainly? Their ability to process reality has been impaired.

Why? Racial resentment, poor economic opportunities, an aversion to books and learning? Yes. All that. Plus? The internet, which has created a new Dark Ages.

Paradoxically, one built on light.

3.

Look. Self-interested demagogues intent on self-aggrandizement are nothing new. Nor are their ability to rally or rile a downtrodden populace. Sadly, demonizing the ‘other’ is also pretty par for the course in these scenarios. An old story, all told. What’s new this time is how it happens.

In a single second - count it out! One Mississippi - a beam, or photon of light moves 186,000 miles. Roughly seven times the circumference of the Earth. The new speed of hate. The internet, that modern marvel ushering in Humanity’s first truly post-scarcity resource, is built on light. Philosophers have for millennia wed knowledge with light. And now we all (well, those of us in the post-industrial world) carry a terminal connected to this internet in our pockets. A stunning marvel of human ingenuity. One would imagine that access to such a wellspring of knowledge and information would have a truly edifying affect on the Human Condition. Perhaps, in aggregate, or retrospect, it will. At the moment?

Yeah ...

At the moment it seems that the more access to information humans have the more they double down on tribal identities, wish fulfillment, instant gratification (read: porn), perceived slights, fantasy lands, Rick Astley videos, or the jibbering incoherent rantings of simple capitalists fomenting the fragile emotional states of low information individuals who feel they have no place in this world. This is a fundamentally devastating epistemological conundrum. Why? For centuries the barrier to the future was the amount of information, knowledge, you could access or process. Yet here and now? Here and now there might be too much access. Too much information. More so, the striking fact that our ability, as a species, writ large, to process or parse this information has not kept pace with the information at hand. A sad equation that inevitably leads to moments like 01/06/21.

4.

The Trump Terrorists of January 6th, 2021, weaponized the internet to facilitate their attempted coup. As did their ‘dear leader’ throughout his humiliating single term in office. In fact, it was the geometrical acceleration of connectivity and interconnectedness enabled via the web and its insanely capitalist platforms that allowed for their ‘movement’ to incubate and evolve. While it is true that neo-liberal policies advocating globalist economics and monetary policy are at the current root cause of most ills genuinely affecting rural, or poor, or uneducated MAGA-heads, it’s also true that apart from an Independent from Vermont no one in the political economy of the last couple decades gave much of a shit about these poor and dispossessed inheritors of old racial mythemes and toxic narratives of self-reliance. No one that is, other than their ‘dear leader’. Never mind he didn’t intend to ease their suffering in any material, or structural way. He talked about it. He tweeted about it. And then he gave them a little song and dance at the rallies. Breathtaking stuff.

However, it wasn’t just the performative act of playing ‘authoritarian’ that got them hot and bothered. No, it was at the same time the eternal need to belong to a group, the legitimate feeling of economic obsolescence, coupled with these new tools of information transmission. Tools that at once gave them powers unheralded and seemingly ensconced them in a protective shell, a perpetually larval manifestation of all their baser inclinations. A reactionary ‘safe space’ from which they could launch a thousand ships of intolerance and hate. What good is truth if you can’t weaponize it? What good are facts if you share them with everyone else?

And so we find ourselves revising Plato. There isn’t just one cave in which we are chained, kept from reality. There are multiple tunnels, alcoves, deeper caverns in which we might dwell. Furthermore, if lucky, there are different days, vistas, egresses in which we can escape from the confines of ignorance. Much like the lucky Mormons, it would seem the far-right believes there are plenty of planets in which ‘Truth’ can dwell. Never mind that multiplying ‘Truth’ in such a way doesn’t actually produce more truth.

In fact, it reduces ‘Truth’. Impoverishes it. Hollows it out.

Which is sad, really. For the major harm caused by these rebels isn’t to our democratic institutions, nor our mythological vision of our nature, nor that ever-loving economy - but to the very fabric that binds the social contract on which all the preceding rely.

That fabric being, specifically, a shared objective reality.

5.

How can we survive if we can’t agree on basic facts? Can a multi-racial, multi-cultural, representative democracy exist when a large percentage of the comprising citizens don’t believe in, or even acknowledge, that that’s actually what’s happening? Is White Supremacy so fundamentally a part of our nation’s DNA that the country can’t exist without it? If so, for those of us who vehemently oppose White Supremacy, the question might then be: is the country worth saving?

Most versions of Western Ethics indicate that violence is not the cure. Nor do I advocate such a position. At the same time I’m deeply troubled, because due their illness these actors are neither rational or coherent. Ergo, we can’t reason with them either. So what next?

To corral the revolutionary, if inchoate, spirit of these sick, fringe minds diseased as they are by hate, grievance, and digital oubliettes would any policy proposals be acceptable? Perhaps as fantastic an idea as the images from 01/06/21, what if the Federal Government decided to halt its obsequious sycophantry to corporate America and ‘elites’ and instead actually, seriously, emphatically reinvested in the heartland, in Main Street, in the working class? Wouldn’t it be ironic if a little more socialism was truly the cure these hatemongers require?

6.

Maybe we should step back and listen to the wisdom of George W. Bush.

Confronting what was at the time the most disheartening terror attack on the homeland, Bush made clear not all who could otherwise be lumped in with the terrorists were terrorists. In the same way that, yes, not all Trump voters are Trump Terrorists.

Even so. Bush made it clear you needed to pick a side.

With us - toward a diverse future in which the promise of the Founders is emboldened and expanded for all who live between our shores. Or against us - back to your stunted hovels and holes with all the other low information troglodytes you like to cosplay revolution with.  

Choose.

It’s your call. But choose quickly, because history is watching, and only one path moves toward the future.

C. R. Stapor Longmont, CO 01/16/21

[marwritesgood]

Changes | S. Harrington

Pairing: Steve x Henderson!Reader

Timeframe: Season 3

Summary: When Dustin asks his sister to take him to Scoops Ahoy so he can see Steve, she knows it’s time to break the news to him.

masterlist

A/N: Send your requests in! I’m finishing Season 3 as we speak.

“Henderson! He’s back!”

When Dustin kept nagging me to drive him to Starcourt so he could see Steve for the first time since getting back from camp, I would have never anticipated the greeting they gave one another the minute Steve bursted through the doors.

“You got the job,” Dustin exclaimed, grinning happily. I knew he was disappointed about not reaching Suzie, and his friends not welcoming the way he wanted, so it was nice to see him happy again for a change.

“I got the job!” Steve laughed back, matching Dustin’s enthusiasm, something I had gotten mildly used to during our time together over the summer so far. 

After the two exchanged a complex, yet extremely dorky handshake, I sighed and leaned against the counter. Robin and I shared an amused glance, before turning our attention back to the two boys who were giggling, for having completed their elaborate handshake which ended with them pretending to vomit. Classic.

“How many children are you friends with?” Robin asked from behind the register. I tried my best to stifle the urge to laugh, but Steve’s inability to respond to her question sent me reeling.

“Okay, alright,” he droned, acting like he didn’t appreciate mine and Robin’s amusement, however, his unfazed grin suggested otherwise. “Henderson, you look like you’re in need of some ice cream, yeah? On the house.”

“Alright,” Dustin cheered. I didn’t think it would be possible for his mood to improve even more, but ice cream has that kind of effect on people. “I could go for a banana split boat.”

“You got it,” Steve answered, before turning to me with a smirk. “I think I might need an extra set of hands though, since Robin’s working the counter-”

“Oh jeez,” Robin sighed, knowing exactly where he was going with this.

“Y/n? Could you gimme some help?”

“Suuure,” I answered, in my artificially sweet tone. I hadn’t broken the news to Dustin yet, that Steve and I were dating, and he was making it really difficult to hide with all of his smirks and side glances. “Dusty, go save us a table and we’ll bring it out to you, yeah?”

“Okay,” he answered, too overcome with joy and excitement to take note of anything weird in our behaviour. Thank goodness.

After Dustin began walking towards the closest empty table he could find, Steve took my hand and gently pulled me along as he hastily made his way to the back room of Ships Ahoy, making sure my little brother wasn’t looking.

“You haven’t told him yet, have you?”

“I tried to,” I said, trying to reason with him. We had agreed that I would tell Dustin about our relationship as soon as he got home from camp, but with his friends surprising him and him getting disappointed when he couldn’t reach Suzie, it got increasingly difficult to bring up. “But then Mike and El bailed on him, and he couldn’t get Suzie to reply so Lucas and Max still don’t believe she’s real, and I didn’t want to overwhelm him.”

“Babe, slow down,” Steve said softly, placing both of his hands on my shoulders and breathing deeply, so that I could follow.

“He was just really bummed out,” I explained. “And he was super excited to see you, and I didn’t wanna change that.”

“Okay, I get it. We’ll just tell him now. Together... After we give him the ice cream, yeah?” I nodded after chuckling lightly. “But, I gotta ask... Was he... The only one excited to come see me again?”

He didn’t wait a second, to pull me closer to him, and snaking his arms around my lower back. As he leaned in towards me, staring intently at my lips, I placed my hand on his shoulders and kept him from getting any closer.

“What are you doing? He can probably see our silhouettes.”

“Aw, c’mon,” he whined, frowning as he reluctantly leaned back. He still kept his around me, and gently tightened his grasp. “I haven’t seen you all week. Can’t I have just one kiss before we break your little brother’s heart?”

“Well I’ll be damned. Do my ears deceive me?” I gasped dramatically, before linking my fingers together behind his neck. “Have I been transported to an alternate dimension, or is the Steve Harrington actually begging?”

“You know what you do to me,” he leaned close and whispered in my ear. It was needless to say that, even after years of dealing with his bullshit, and almost an entire month of dealing with his whining, he still knew just what to say to make my heart jump.

“Tell you what,” I began, before slowing pulling away from Steve, who reluctantly released his grasp. “You help me get through breaking the news to Dustin, and I’ll consider ‘accidentally’ making my way over to your place after I drop him off at home. Deal?”

I hold my hand out for him to shake, the way we always would when making deals. A tradition that dates back to our time together in middle school. But, instead of shaking my hand, Steve takes hold of it, lifts it up, and kisses the back of it. Before I can react, he quickly turns towards the ice cream tubs, and begins assembling the banana split boat.

“You’re such a dork,” I laughed, before helping him with the toppings. 

After we finished Dustin’s banana split, I held the door open for Steve so he could take it to the table where he sat. We had been in the back room for at least twenty minutes, but Dustin’s excitement remained unfazed. This both warmed my heart and brought me a strong feeling of unease. 

“Hey Y/n,” Robin called out to me, as I followed Steve towards the table. When I turned to face her, she held out a cone with two scoops of my favourite flavour of ice cream. “For you... You look like you need it.”

“Angel, Robin,” I muttered, before eagerly taking the ice cream from her hands. “You are an angel. A whole fucking guardian one.”

She tipped her hat off, making me chuckle, before I turned to see Steve sitting with Dustin. I walked over to their table, and sat on the left side , so that Dustin was inbetween Steve and I. They were in the middle of a conversation about Suzie, Dustin’s girlfriend. 

“No way,” Steve said, shaking his head at Dustin, who lifted a heaped spoonful of ice cream to his mouth. “Hotter than Phoebe Cates? No way.”

“What was that Steve?” I asked in annoyance, daring him to call another woman hot in front of me again. He quickly realised I was at the table too, and smiled cheekily at me. “Hm? Oh, nothing,” he answered.

“So do you really just get to eat as much of this as you want?” 

Dustin was an easily mesmerised kid, I knew that better than anyone. The prospect of free unlimited food, however, was something he will forever be blown away by.

“Yeah, I mean sure,” Steve shrugged. “It’s not really a good idea for me, though. You know, ‘cause I gotta keep in shape for...”

I raised my eyebrows, and Robin did too from her spot all the way from behind the register. Was this really how he wanted to tell my little brother we were dating? Steven quickly noticed my expression of concern, and kept himself from finishing the sentence with my name.

“... the ladies.”

“The ladies?” Dustin repeated, amused by Steve’s response.

“Yeah, the ladies, Steve?” I repeated, in a more aggressive tone, with eyebrows still raised and eyes widened. Steve found my expression entertaining, and smiled playfully in response

“Yeah. The ladies,” he affirmed. “One girl in particular, actually. She’s about Y/n’s height. Works with Miss Byers at Melvald’s. I think you know her?”

“She sounds like a real catch,” I exclaimed, whilst smiling proudly.

“Ehh,” Steve muttered, tilting his head from side to side. I pretended to be angry, and glared playfully at him. He returned the favour. “She’s alright. Never lets me kiss her, though. And her family members are a little weird.”

“Is that so?” I asked dramatically, crossing my arms in an exaggerated manner.

“Oh yeah,” he answered, a bit too quickly for my likings. “She has this little brother-”

Before we could keep playing the little act we found ourselves playing, Dustin cut in. Only then did we realise how confused the poor kid must have been, and how horrible of a job we were doing in easing him into the news. Perhaps the bandaid approach was our only option.

“What’s going on? Am I missing something?”

“We... We have to tell you something,” Steve explained, before nodding towards me. Once Dustin turned to face me, I took a deep breath before beginning. 

“Buddy,” I murmured, causing Dustin to immediately groan as though he were in excruciating pain. “What?”

“You only call me buddy when you tell me bad news,” he said, and just like that his expression was completely drained of all the joy and enthusiasm he was initially overflowed with after his reunion with Steve. “So, what is it this time? Are you moving away? Is Steve terminally ill? Did you two go on a date while I was away?”

I suppose for a kid who grew up playing DnD, we should have anticipated he would be great at figuring out what people are gonna do or say next. When Steve and I remained silent, Dustin’s jaw dropped.

“You guys went on a date while I was away?!”

“No,” Steve answered defensively, trying to get Dustin to calm down. “I’ve taken her out on at least 7 dates while you were away.”

I lifted my hand up to my face and sighed. Robin did the same, having been able to see and hear everything that was happening. 

“WHAT?!”

“Dusty, calm down,” I said softly, placing my hand on his shoulder, less in an attempt to soothe him and more as a precautionary measure in case he stood up to do something. 

“My sister, Steve?... Really? Of all the girls in this fucking town, you decide to go for my sister.”

“Hey,” I cried out in offence.

“Ugh, you know what I mean,” Dustin says, frustrated. “Why didn’t you guys tell me? Y/n, you sent me two whole letters while I was away... You didn’t think the fact that you and Steve were sucking faces is something important to note in?”

“I knew you’d react like this,” I explained calmly, trying to mellow down the mood of our conversation. 

“Because everything is changing,” he cried. I glanced over at Steve briefly, and he looked just as gutted as I was. After taking yet another deep breath, I wrapped my arm around Dustin’s shoulder.

“Look, Dusty, I get that a lot of things are changing,” I began. “But change doesn’t always have to be a bad thing.”

“Yeah,” Steve chimed in. “And just because Y/n and I are- I don’t wanna say sucking faces.”

“Yeah, please don’t,” I warned.

“Just because we’re going out, doesn’t mean anything else is gonna change too,” he explained. “Y/n’s still gonna be your sister, and I’ll still be here for you whenever you need. If anything, things are changing for the better.”

I had to hand it to him. Steve would make a great mom.

“I guess it is pretty cool that you guys are sucking faces.”

“-Again, I do not like that phrase,” I muttered, making both of them chuckle.

“And I s’pose if anyone’s gonna date my sister, I’m glad it’s you, Steve, and not someone like... Like that guy you were talking about before- Matt Lewinsky.”

“Right?! That guy is so lame. Spent all of last season on the bench.”

“Okay, moving on,” I said, as I rolled my eyes. I had heard enough of Steve’s complaints about Lewinsky to last a lifetime. I was not about to sit and listen to another one. “Are you okay now, Dust? Are we good?”

“Yeah,” he sighed, before reaching for the rest of his banana split. “Just... Don’t... do couple stuff in front of me. I’m cool with you two dating, but that doesn’t mean I’m not weirded out by it.”

“So, you’re saying it’d be weird for you if I did this?”

As Dustin leaned over to finish his banana split, Steve stood up as much as he could, and leaned towards me, pecking my lips quickly, but long enough for my little brother to squirm. I giggled, both amused by Steve’s antics and relieved that our relationship was out in the open now.

“I finally got my fucking kiss,” Steve stated proudly, completely unbothered by how very visibly bothered Dustin was. 

Deep down, we both knew the kid was happy that of all the teenagers falling in love this summer, his sister and the guy he looked up to did so with one another.

[fandom-necromancer]

045. Part 2

As said, this is a three-parter and the warnings apply to all parts. Only the bold ones to this part. I promise it will end well in the last(?) next part! (You know me I never let it end bad!)

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed900, Hannor/Hankon | AU: reverse AU (Warnings: android being shipped off to Cyberlife for analysis of deviancy, loss of privacy, loss of control, most think the android is dead, grieving character, trauma because of past mistakes, canon-typical violence)

[part1]   [part3]   [part4]

The precinct was as silent as ever that day. No one dared to say a single word out loud. Maybe there were whispers where necessary, but mostly it was dead quiet. After Richard had come back yesterday, he had gone straight back to Connor’s and Hank’s desk and pulled the android out of his chair. There was a screaming match between Connor and Richard as the stronger, taller twin pushed Hank against a wall, punching him straight into the regulator. Hank’s calmness and lack of reaction only made Richard more furious about it all and his attacks more intense. Connor tried pulling him away, only to earn a fist on his eye, too. It was Fowler who forced him to stop, standing on the stairs to his office, threatening Richard with a disciplinary and suspension. Connor had doubted this to hold his brother back, but he had let Hank go and marched back to his desk in silence.

Connor didn’t file a complaint and Hank wasn’t damaged enough to get him for it, so Richard wasn’t suspended. Still the next day he didn’t come to work, apparently ill. Connor was conflicted. He could understand Richard’s reaction and he worried for his well-being but throwing his fists around was not a good way to handle this. As much as Connor himself hated Hank for it, he still was just a machine. He wasn’t deviant. He followed his orders. No matter how wrong they were, who gave them initially was at fault, not Hank.

Connor couldn’t take this any longer. There was a familiar itch in his hand and his head was too busy for him. Only a few hours in, everything was already pressing down on him and he longed for a bottle to wash it all away. He knew it wasn’t healthy, he knew it was a bad thing to do, but he just couldn’t help it. ‘Fuck it’, he mumbled under his breath, shutting off his terminal. ‘I’m going.’ ‘Where to, Lieutenant?’, the android asked, but he was already walking away. ‘I’m going.’

-

Hank stayed at work without informing anyone of Connor’s absence. It wasn’t necessary as they had no running mission and as it had turned out a deviant hadn’t been among the gang-members but their very own precinct, he was left without a task. ‘Hey, there has been a homicide reported. Eden-club. Some Sex-club downtown. You… errr… where’s Connor?’ ‘You can give me the details; I’ll brief him once he’s back from the restroom.’ A lie. Not the best of options but acceptable as long as he did find Connor and followed the mission. ‘Yeah sure. I’ll upload it to your terminal then.’

Hank had checked Jimmy’s bar with no luck and was now driving to Connor’s house, hoping to find him there. No one answered as he rang the doorbell, but that didn’t mean Connor wasn’t home. As he went around the house, he could see the man lying on the floor unconscious. So, he did the reasonable thing breaking in and slapping him awake. ‘Connor, we got a case.’ ‘Fffffuck off, ya damn android!’ ‘Don’t think I can do that. You are intoxicated and I need you. I’ll sober you up for your own safety, Lieutenant.’ ‘Ya ain’t gonna do shit, ya hear me? You did enough already!’ Regardless of Connor’s words, he hoisted him up and pulled him to the bathroom pushing him under ice-cold water. Finally, that pulled him out of it. ‘Hank? What the fuck are you doing here?’ ‘We have a case. A homicide reported 43 minutes ago.’ ‘Shit. They’ll give me so much shit for leaving…’ ‘I don’t think they realised.’ ‘Why?’ ‘I told them you were off to the bathroom.’ ‘For four hours?’ Hank shrugged. ‘They didn’t seem to notice you leaving.’ ‘And you lied to them?’ ‘I can lie if it helps me archieve my mission.’ ‘I wish you could have lied yesterday.’ ‘About what?’ ‘Oh, fuck off, would’ya? Go get me some clothes, I’ll be up in a minute.’

They drove to the Eden-club in silence and Hank only half-way spoke up: ‘Connor? Can I ask you a question?’ ‘Of fucking course.’ ‘I only follow my mission. I am expected to follow my mission. I am made to obey. Yet me detecting an android amidst us as a deviant made you and your brother angry. What did I do wrong?’ ‘Hank, you… You did nothing wrong. But your mission may be wrong. I wouldn’t say all these androids rebelling and running away from their jobs and murdering people are good things. But that GV200? He was content working here. Deviant or not wouldn’t have made a difference. He loved my brother. He saved him. I can’t see what is wrong with that.’ ‘He wasn’t supposed to be this way. He was supposed to obey. He didn’t. That is wrong.’ ‘Okay, let me tell you from experience: Orders are not always perfect. Someone gives you an order thinking about all eventualities and meaning good. But in the end when you are there yourself, you might see something the one who gave that order didn’t expect. And then you should evaluate it yourself, not just blindly follow it.’ ‘But that would be against protocol.’ ‘If Gavin followed protocol my brother would be dead. And we got the perp anyways. So, he did the right thing.’ ‘He disobeyed’, Hank disagreed. ‘That can be the same thing’, Connor sighed and put on the radio to stop any further argument.

Investigating the crime at the Eden-club quickly got messier than thought. Hank managed to trace the blue-haired Tracy easily, but once he found her it was a blur of fast preconstruction and programmed responses. Connor was fighting a second android, but they both were remarkably competent, and Hank had to concentrate on his android completely. Somehow, they ended up outside, Hank jumping up from where he had fallen, gun in hand and aiming for the blue-haired Tracy. He could shoot. He could spare her. She was a deviant. Connor’s words were still in his head, otherwise he would have shot without hesitance. Sometimes disobeying and doing the right thing is the same. He loved him. Before he knew he had decided, the moment of choice had passed and the Tracy backed up, explaining herself. Hank was still overwhelmed, his software instability messing with his system. Why hadn’t he shot? Had he disobeyed? He watched them get away and flinched, when Connor sighed and turned to leave. ‘Maybe it’s better this way.’

-

The next weeks Richard had come back to work. But he was the shadow of the man he once had been. He wasn’t focussed on work, Connor often found him staring off into the distance. When he did work it was sloppy and not as thoroughly as in the past. He had been assigned a new partner at the end of the week and Connor had expected it to go to shit. But Richard was civil with the TI300 and they formed an efficient team. But it wasn’t like before. Richard was wasting away. His formerly neat and tidy appearance slacked, his hair was greasy and dishevelled and his favourite form of communication were a series of variating grunts. Connor couldn’t remember when the last time had been his brother smiled. Ever since Hank found him collapsed in his kitchen the android had apparently decided to take care of him as much as he was allowed, annoying him into eating properly and to stay away from the alcohol as much as possible. It didn’t do shit, he was still drunk most days, but he felt awful about it afterwards. Seeing Richard now slowly spiral into the same shithole, was an entirely different thing.

He wanted to help his brother, be there for him, but work quickly came in between him and his plans. More and more cases of deviancy arose and it was spreading like an illness. With Marcus protesting in the streets and it all being as peaceful as it could be, it got out of hand pretty fast. Detroit felt more and more like a forming warzone and less like a city. People fled to relatives outside the city or took a vacation. With the coming winter the streets were empty and everyone full of concern. Richard wasn’t able to work anymore. He couldn’t act against deviants and as the order came for SWAT to clear the streets and put all androids into holding camps, he refused as he was asked to join them. He requested leave from the police afterwards and only a lot of coaxing from Connor’s side let him give in to staying at his place. Whenever he came home now, Richard would be sitting on his couch huddled in a blanket and watching the news, their enormous dog Sumo in his lap. The dog wasn’t allowed there normally, but Connor couldn’t bring himself to telling Richard this. He needed comfort, so to hell with the state of the cushions. At least he didn’t drink. Richard had always been one to only drink on special occasions and maybe that saved him from wrecking his body even more. Some nights Connor could hear him cry in the living room and whenever Hank accompanied Connor home, he didn’t speak a word.

He still believed Gavin was alive. Connor saw the hope in his eyes when one of Marcus’ marches was covered by the news. He could see his hurt whenever another shooting of androids had been mentioned. He could see his anger when Cyberlife was interviewed. Connor wanted it to be true. That the GV200 was stored away in some lab and no matter what had been done to him, that at least he was still alive. He wanted that Marcus was successful. He wanted it all so badly. But he didn’t believe it.

He didn’t believe it, until it happened.

The androids were singing, the President had called the army off and Richard…

Richard was smiling.

[>next part]

[goraturtle]

1 - 43 please!

WHEWWWWW, i told myself i’d do these questions for two of my main current ocs i play in weekly motw sessions, Astrid and Frankie, if i got any, so let’s goooooo

under a readmore bc this is long and i’m not evil

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

Astrid - if she’s with someone? Astrid could probably sit in companionable silence for hours, and she’s very much a “falling asleep on people as a love language” kind of person, so if she trusts u and has time to kill she Will fall asleep on you. If she’s by herself waiting for something to happen or already twitchy to begin with? she could probably stand like 3 minutes before getting agitated and pacing around or finding something to do

Frankie - if she’s ever in a spot where she can’t think of anything to do, she will Find something to do and then get so absorbed in it she won’t move an inch over the course of literal hours. either that or if she’s with people she’ll be content to just laze around and hang out

How easy is it for your character to laugh?

Astrid - not very easy at all, she’s more likely to roll her eyes at you if you try to say something funny or elbow you sharply in the ribs if she doesn’t approve of your joke lol

Frankie - extremely easy, frankie is generally pretty easygoing + especially loves to make other people laugh

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

Astrid - this kid is kind of a mess so she’s very much one of those “go over everything in your head that could possibly go wrong in the future” kind of people, which, as you can imagine, doesn’t rlly help with sleep

Frankie - for plot reasons [tw terminal illness ///] (ie. Frankie is actually extremely ill and her backstory is that she came to town seeking a magical cure to save her own life) Frankie is usually so bone weary she doesn’t need a routine. From a young age she’s been good at falling asleep wherever/whenever she wants, but these days the second she hits a slightly cushioned piece of furniture, she’s out like a light (and also a very heavy sleeper)

How easy is it to earn their trust?

Astrid - surprisingly easy if you’re a decent person. she might still be slow to open up but that doesn’t mean that trust isn’t there. for all her prickliness, Astrid likes to believe in the good in people (to her frustration)

Frankie - Not that easy actually! Frankie likes to believe in the good in people too, but she tends to be highly suspicious of strangers

How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

Astrid - depends on the person, very VERY difficult if you’re someone she’s already trusted bc she has a hard time wrapping her head/heart around betrayal (even if she projects otherwise) but if you’re just some rando it’s easy to land yourself on her shitlist

Frankie - Also not easy, she doesn’t mistrust unless you give her a reason to. She’s just pretty neutral on people and tries to cover her bases until she’s got cause to believe otherwise

Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

Astrid - my baby was a thief for most of her life before getting scooped up and conscripted into being a superhero, so in general she does not give a shit about the law

Frankie - you know, for a law school dropout you’d think Frankie would care more about laws, but she doesn’t. not even a little bit.

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

Astrid - I think seeing happy families for her is a unique trigger, reminds her of when her mom was still around and when her twin siblings were babies. She was separated from the twins for years, and has reconnected with one of them, so I think even spending time w/ her little sis has been triggering major nostalgia as well. She wants to tell her baby sister more about how things were (Caroline was too little to retain most memories from back then) but doesn’t want to push too hard, and doesn’t know how to open up about memories she’s kept close for years. The feeling is painful, but little by little she’s learning to cope w/ it and appreciate it.

Frankie - Happy families is probably a trigger for Frankie as well, since she left home after highschool after getting into a dumb argument w/ her dad. She was always going to go home after getting her law degree, but got her diagnosis + discovered the existence of magic and that changed everything. That nostalgia is extremely painful for her, and she tries to block it out as much as possible, since she knows that the next time she sees her parents it’ll either be after she figures out a cure for herself or once she gives up completely and goes home to accept her fate

What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child

Astrid - she was a bit of a gregarious wildchild so it was a lot of exasperated “get DOWN from there” “Astrid stop RUNNING” “Don’t forget to hold my hand when we cross the street!!!”s from her mom lol. poor woman.

Frankie - Frankie was a very shy little kid, so it was a lot of gentle coaxings from her parents for her to speak up

Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

Astrid - fuck yeah she does, hers was probably “fuck you”

Frankie - absolutely. she probably swore the first time after hearing her dad cuss or something, so it’d be something like “son of a bitch” or something (her dad probably lost his mind laughing after he heard her say it, and her mom would NOT have been happy w him lol)

What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?

Astrid - She hasn’t told her baby sister that she was a thief before her current gig, and that makes her feel bad honestly

Frankie - the lie by omission about her general health and why she came to town in the first place. it haunts her literally every single day.

How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

Astrid - she does not ask questions, probably acts like she understands/is above the conversation but you could definitely catch her side-eyeing people or eavesdropping to try and understand

Frankie - outright is like ‘haha what’

How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?

Astrid - will scratch herself on every single inanimate object she can reach, scowling the entire time

Frankie - complain very loudly to incite sympathy and help

What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

Astrid - she generally wears a lot of black/dark blue. She looks good in dark blue, but she also looks great in brighter jewel tones (she won’t wear them though bc she thinks it’s ‘Too Much’)

Frankie - she wears a TON of color all the time, think tacky buttondowns every single day, but she thinks she looks best in that soft peachy kind of orange (and she’s absolutely right)

What animal do they fear most?

Astrid - *takes a long draw off an old wooden pipe* Mankind

Frankie - she was kind of woodsy as a kid, living in montana, so i don’t think she’s really afraid of any animals. maybe a healthy respect for bears? now that she’s a werewolf i don’t think she’s scared of any animals at all

How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

Astrid - definitely an on-the-spot thinker

Frankie - she’s very careful about what she says, generally, but she can blurt stuff out if she’s feeling emotional/not in control

What makes their stomach turn?

Astrid - cruelty in general. She’s lived a hard life and isnt afraid to punch hard, but she doesn’t understand delighting in someone’s suffering

Frankie - thoughts of impending inescapable death

Are they easily embarrassed?

Astrid - depends, most things won’t rattle her but I think genuine affection when she isn’t expecting it will get her a little flustered

Frankie - no she’s a rock. the only thing that could make her blush would be like a genuine romantic confession + someone being interested in her in that way

What embarrasses them?

whoops, see above

What is their favorite number?

Astrid - does not care

Frankie - 420

If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

Astrid - she’d probably roll her eyes and be like “Don’t be stupid, do I really have to explain something so obvious to you?”

Frankie - “Well first of all if I wanna kiss them on the lips it’s romantic”

Why do they get up in the morning?

Astrid - more habit than anything most days, but she gets up for her little sister, for her teammates, and in the hopes that they’ll be able to find the other twin, her brother, very soon

Frankie - very much does not want to die or let down the people who have supported her since coming to down.

How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)?

Astrid - she’d get possessive but ONLY in private, afterwards. Astrid would react off the cuff and get pretty pissy, but get even angrier at herself for lashing out + leave/avoid the person for a while to try and control herself

Frankie - I don’t think she’s used to being possessive so it would take her completely by surprise. She’d get very hurt, and wouldn’t necessarily be aloof, but she’d try to remove herself from the situation so she’s ‘not in the way’. She’d probably get pissed at herself for even feeling hurt, when it’s not like she’s in any position to be laying the foundation for a future anywhere

How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)?

Astrid - thief, so. she will definitely just take that shit provided there’s nothing else to make her hesitate (ie. it’s not a special trinket/memento and provided the person she’s stealing from isn’t struggling to make ends meet)

Frankie - I can’t see her getting envious over a possession or anything honestly

Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom?

Astrid - yeah, why not honestly. I think she’d be fine talking generally about it w/ anyone. She does NOT want to hear any details about her two madly in love middle aged coworkers fucking, though, please no

Frankie - definitely. not a lot of romantic experience, but Frankie is old hat at hookups/one night stands and doesn’t shy away from talking about it if asked. I think she’s more embarrassed about never having been in a real relationship than she is about her sexual history

What are their thoughts on marriage?

Astrid - her mom never got married (she has a different father from the twins, and in both cases the dad fucked off and left after her mom realized she was pregnant) and she is terrified of letting people down, so at the moment she isn’t rlly excited about that kind of thing. Her ex, Charlie, also betrayed her and hurt her pretty badly, and even though they were teenagers Astrid still thought of her as being The One, so she’s doubtful about ever finding or wanting to find a replacement. She’s still young and traumatized though, and I can easily see her mind changing

Frankie - literally domestic life would be bliss for her, but she doesn’t even let herself think about a serious relationship, let alone marriage, bc she does not anticipate living long

What is their preferred mode of transportation?

Astrid - she had this shitty old 2003 chevy silverado she drove for years that she’s still got a soft spot for, even if she’ll swear up and down to any witness that she hates the damn thing

Frankie - she’s got a little prius-c bc i wanted to shove her into a clown car, but she grew up on her parents’ horse farm in montana and tbh. nothing can beat horseback for her.

What causes them to feel dread?

Astrid - these days? being alone/feeling exposed. She’s gotten used to her backup. Also thinking about her lost twin brother has been a major source of dread/pain for her lately

Frankie - when she wakes up in the morning and the body aches and chills are worse than the day before

Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth?

Astrid - no and if she caught someone lying to her just to save her feelings she’d be SO mad, prepare to get ur ass beaten by this maladjusted 5′1 twenty five year old

Frankie - definitely not. which is hypocritical as hell for her, all things considered

Do they usually live up to their own ideals?

Astrid - she sets very high standards for herself that she can’t possibly meet, so no. she’s still trying to feel like she belongs as a superhero

Frankie - usually, but obviously her lying about her health is a major blind spot where she becomes extremely hypocritical

Who do they most regret meeting?

Astrid - i’d say on the surface she says she regretted meeting her ex, Charlie, but that’s not true, not even a little bit. She’s still heartsick over everything that happened between them

Frankie - there was an incident with a werewolf hunter (who Frankie had helped to save the life of) going after Lou and Selene. Lou got shot (Frankie healed him) and the two of them had to kill her, which was obviously traumatizing for them. Frankie still wishes that they’d never even seen the hunter in the first place and regrets saving her life

Who are they the most glad to have met?

Astrid - when she was conscripted into the superhero biz and given her powers, she was put onto a team with two other supers named Arsenal and Bullet (the other player characters, real names are Heather and Cyrus), who are middle aged pros very used to the field. Astrid’s only 25 so they naturally kind of leaned into the parent relationship, and Astrid loves them so much. It was rocky at first because Astrid was adjusting and wasn’t even sure she wanted to be there, but they have been so patient and kind at this point i think Astrid would literally do anything for them

Frankie - the other player characters, again (two twins named Selene and Lou who are members of the local werewolf pack. Frankie got bit in the first session to see if a werewolf’s healing abilities could cure her. It didn’t work), but especially Selene. They’ve been bonding a lot lately and as much as Frankie wants to keep everyone at bay in case she fails and has to leave town in the middle of the night, everyone she’s met in town has made a big impact on her.

Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke?

Astrid - her only ‘joke’ is that she rolls her eyes constantly. in the early games when she was still too emotionally constipated to really chat with Arsenal/Heather and Bullet/Cyrus i made her roll her eyes like every 3 seconds. She doesn’t think she’s a very funny person and spent a lot of time growing up trying to focus on keeping herself fed/safe so she feels awkward trying to crack jokes + has a (correct) feeling that most of her ‘stories’ from her teenage years would horrify Heather and Cyrus

Frankie - she’s been very cagey about details about her personal life in-game, but I am very excited for her to tell the story about when a horse kicked her and broke 3 ribs when she was like 8

Could they be considered lazy?

Astrid - definitely not. this girl would not know how to relax if you paid her

Frankie - if she’s stoned? yes. (she self medicates)

How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt?

Astrid - hard, but she also doesn’t seek validation from other people. A pep talk from her two favorite work parents would probably go a long way (which is probably a small reason why she doesn’t ask for that from them, since she’s a little self-punishing)

Frankie - easy enough throughout the day when she’s busy, but feelings like that tend to come for you when things get quiet

How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive?

Astrid - not used to people coming to her bc they’re excited, usually ppl come to her w/ Problems, but she’d be very supportive, if a bit awkward

Frankie - VERy supportive, 10/10, will get extremely invested for your sake

Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap?

Astrid - she sought it out with her ex Charlie, initially, when they were teenagers, and has been kind of closed off ever since, aside from the occasional one night stand here and there. Even those, she waits for it, though. Having your ex kick you out and try to hurt you does a number on the ol’ self esteem. She’s not really interested in romance currently

Frankie - doesn’t seek it out at all except in a purely sexual context when she’s bored (w/ others strictly looking for the same) bc she doesn’t feel like she’s got enough time left to give to someone right now. Also, genuinely, she’s got some self esteem issues as well and can’t fathom someone wanting her for more than just one night

Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)?

Astrid - nope, not at all. If she did she would have gotten a lot better grades in middle school/early high school (she dropped out like freshman year)

Frankie - she just writes everything down in a notebook

What memory do they revisit the most often?

Astrid - the night that Charlie told her to get lost and then tried to kill her. She hasn’t come to terms with it yet.

Frankie - the last time she saw her parents. When her dad lost his temper and said “If you’re gonna walk out that door then don’t come back” and she, in all of her 18 year old stubbornness, followed directions to the letter. She had a good relationship w/ her dad, they’re both just stubborn and stupid. she wishes she could have repaired things sooner

How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?

Astrid - extremely easy, she doesn’t exactly see herself as having a leg to stand on.

Frankie - easy, everyone fucks up, she’s more interested in communication and willingness to make things better than she is in perfection

How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

Astrid - EXTREMELY sensitive

Frankie - fairly sensitive, she’s very self aware of her shortcomings but stays quiet about them since most of them are really only apparent to her

How do they feel about children?

Astrid - loves kids, terminal big sis syndrome. will never want her own bc she’s terrified of fucking up and thinks she would make a bad mom

Frankie - likes kids, once again doesn’t rlly think about them as being a possibility for her. When she’s cured and ready to start considering a future (the gm isn’t gonna kill her i trust her too much we’re just in this for the angst) i think she’ll really want children, she’d consider it a privilege to raise a child. Also she’d be the perfect dad joke lesbian

How badly do they want to reach their end goal?

Astrid - she went from a lonely thief to a superhero being slowly reunited w/ her family, plus she’s made a new kind of family in the process. All she wants is to find her baby brother right now, and she’ll do anything to make sure he’s safe and sound.

Frankie - so bad it hurts. what started out as her being purely scared of dying has also quickly turned into her wanting to live and stay more with these people she’s met.

If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so?

Astrid - “Girls.”

Frankie - “Haha, why, you interested? *winks*” (but also lesbian as well)

[destieltropecollection]

Destiel Trope Collection 2019 Day 17: Friends To Lovers

No Longer A Bat-chelor | @envydean Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 6787 Main Tags and Warnings: Wildlife Rescuer!Dean, Wildlife Vet!Cas, fluff, blanket sharing Summary: Dean's always been too busy for a relationship, but, after a visit to the wildlife vet with his latest rescues, Cas asks him out and Dean agrees. Maybe the universe just needed him to wait until the right time.

Catch 22 | @dmsilvisart Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 3664 Main Tags and Warnings: friends to lovers, pining, halloween, swearing, suggested or mild sexual content Summary: Their entire town knew that Dean or Cas were a sure thing if you wanted meaningless sex and you were in for a damn good time. Word got around and neither man left their partner wanting when the night was through. DEAN A year ago, at this Halloween party, Cas and Dean ended up tumbling into bed together after the festivities. They had been friends for ages and occasionally fuck buddies when one of their dates hadn’t panned out. Since then, they’ve been a regular for each other but still not exclusive. Dean knew Cas occasionally had other partners and so did Dean. Truth be told, it had been a couple months since Dean got any enjoyment out of sex that wasn’t with Cas. CASTIEL Cas was leaving his schedule open in case Dean called. It was pathetic but that's what it was. He wanted his best friend around as more than just a hookup, He wanted Dean to himself. He hadn’t enjoyed sex for months unless it was with Dean. Don’t get him wrong, he still had sex, but there was no connection. He couldn’t leave fast enough when all was said and done. He always spent the night with Dean though.

C Is For... | @spinnerjen Rating: Mature Word Count: 24369 Main Tags and Warnings: Major Character Death, Cancer, Terminal Illnesses Summary: Summary: Health expert and dietician, Castiel has just been told he has two years to live... He plans to make the most of it.

Since Always | @casbeanwrites Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1936 Main Tags and Warnings: friends to lovers, fluff, mutual pining, best friends, first kiss Summary: They are best friends, they always have been. Or so Dean constantly tells himself.

Memories Can Hurt or Heal | @fangirlingtodeath513 Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1606 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe - No Monsters Summary: Dean moved into this house months ago. There's one box on the top shelf of his closet that remains unpacked. A rainy Saturday morning seems like the perfect time to reminisce, doesn't it?

Goddamnit, Cas! | @imbiowaresbitch Rating: Explicit Word Count: 3932 Main Tags and Warnings: Friends to lovers, human Cas, porn without plot, fluff Summary: Human!Cas has an oral fixation and it is positively destroying Dean's ability to think. Cas isn't trying to be a cocktease, but Dean is about to burst. And yeah, Cas is a total cocktease.

Not a couple | @huntersandwerewolves Rating: Explicit Word Count: 2426 Main Tags and Warnings: school reunion, friends to lovers, confessions, first kiss, frottage Summary: Castiel had had enough. After years of sexual tension, unrequited feelings and being teased by their friends, he was done. Dean wasn’t in love with him and he was fine with that, but he didn’t have to rub it in. The length Dean went through to make sure people knew they WEREN’T dating was ridiculous and frankly, Cas had had enough.

trustworthy for such work | @reallyelegantsharkfish Rating: Explicit Word Count: 7474 Main Tags and Warnings: Dragon Castiel, djinn dean, Dragons, Djinni & Genies, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Demisexual Castiel, Mutual Pining, Magic, Wishes References to Addiction, References to Knotting Summary: Cas hugs his pillow, and he’s mostly asleep when a memory works its way in. His father watching Fox news, a fearmongering piece about ifrits in healthcare. His father’s voice, saying, Blood is how they take your wishes. Cas always assumed that meant through feeding. But —

First Words | @suckerfordeansfreckles Rating: General Word Count: 1051 Main Tags and Warnings: friends to lovers, mild hurt/comfort, mentions of alcohol, Cas had too many drinks, love confessions Summary: Cas isn’t sure why he decides to text Dean now, at 3:24 a.m. — but with how his stomach is roaring and his head is pounding, his mouth still tasting like cheap tequila, all he wants is his best friend to take care of him. Cas: I don’t know why i even let Meg drag me out to party, but this isit Cas: i think i’ll die Cas: i didn’t realize i had such a low alcohol tolernce

Untimely Confessions of Love and Other Things - A Hunter's Realization in 5 Parts | @lemonsorbae Rating: General Word Count: 1732 Main Tags and Warnings: Post-Canon, Pining Dean, Oblivious Castiel, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers Summary: They’re dangling off his tongue again, those three little words; the three most terrifying words in the entire English language. It’s getting harder and harder to hang on to them, to keep them imprisoned.

Adventures in Problem Solving | @blueeyesandpie Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 5726 Main Tags and Warnings: no warnings, fluff and goodness, College/University AU, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Christmas, Fluff, Russian Castiel, Human Castiel, Student Castiel, Student Dean Winchester Summary: Dean and Cas have been living together since freshman year and despite their many differences, that's how Dean wants to keep it. Then senior year rolls around and Castiel reminds Dean that his student visa expires soon after he graduates. Dean has a mad plan, but can they keep up the charade long enough for Cas to stay in America where he belongs, or will Dean's growing feelings get in the way?

i need you | @breathingdestiel Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1688 Main Tags and Warnings: au, actor!cas, actor!dean Summary: Dean and Cas are acting in the same movie after a long time. This would be fantastic if Dean didn’t have a huge crush on his best friend.

Sweeten My Heart | @breathingdestiel Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2332 Main Tags and Warnings: hs!au, pining Summary: Cas is in love with his best friend who is straight and could never love him back. But why is Dean all of a sudden calling him sweetheart, sunshine, and other pet names? Is it possible that Cas's love isn't unrequited after all?

Pen Pal | @peanutbutterjelly-pie Rating: General Word Count: 5246 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe, Pen Pals, Friends to Lovers, Fluff Summary: “Hey, Cas, you wanna be my pen pal?” * * * * * * * * * (Dean is twelve years old when he asks Castiel to be his pen pal, not knowing that it will change his life completely.)

I'm Okay With That | @DesiraeLovesDestiel Rating: Explicit Word Count: 6221 Main Tags and Warnings: Professor Cas/Mechanic Dean, best friends to lovers, pining, love confssions Summary: "Look Cas, I'm sorry, okay? Really. I never meant for you to find out, or make you uncomfortable. We can just pretend this whole thing never happened." "Seriously? Pretend that I didn't just learn you've been in love with me for fourteen years?" Dean has been in love with his best friend Castiel Novak since they were children. A fact that Cas was NEVER supposed to find out.

Hands | @marian-elisa Rating: Explicit Word Count: 2297 Main Tags and Warnings: Friendship/Love, Canon compliant, missing moments Summary: Dean wasn’t sure of when it happened, but holding Cas’ hand had become just as vital as breathing for him. Or: a reflection written from the point of view of their hands.

Let's Just Get a Beer Instead | @a-winchester-scorned  Rating: Explicit Word Count: 5941 Main Tags and Warnings: Destiel, Bottom Castiel, PWP, Top Dean, First Time Summary: Dean’s plan to get Cas laid didn’t go as planned, so they settle for a few beers at a dive bar.

Dean Likes (Cas') Anatomy | @braezenkitty Rating: Explicit Word Count: 2328 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe - College/University, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, First Time, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Time, Blow Jobs, Frottage Summary: Dean and Cas have been best friends since they were kids, and they've also had crushes on each other for just about as long. They finally get their shit together thanks to an Anatomy midterm.

Not good enough? | @notfunnydean Rating: General Word Count: 6099 Main Tags and Warnings: sad!dean, Crying!Dean, pining!dean, Pining!Cas, two idiots in love Summary: When Dean finds a list in Cas’ room, where Cas has written down everything he hates about him, Dean tries to become a brand new person. But Castiel seems to hate that as well.

Ten Years Gone | @mittensmorgul Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 4011 Main Tags and Warnings: Fluff, Anniversary, Feelings, Dean's Top 13 Zepp Traxx Mixtape Summary: Ten years after Cas first pulled Dean out of Hell, they both realized that somewhere along the way, they'd saved each other.

What Do You Wish For? | @envydean Rating: Explicit Word Count: 1500 Main Tags and Warnings: Camping, Fluff, Smut, Fingering, semi-public smut, First Time, allusions to Dean/Others, Wishes, Recreational Drug Use, Weed, sharing joints Summary: Dean, Cas, and their senior high school friends are on their annual camping trip. The sun has set and Cas wants some space to reset himself after a lot of socialising and Dean joins him.

Cold-Hearted | @supernatural9917fic Rating: Explicit Word Count: 1595 Main Tags and Warnings: they were roommates, Friends to Lovers, angry breakup songs, Fluff and Smut Summary: Dean's just gone through a bad break-up, so Cas helps him the best way he knows how- booze and angry break-up songs.

Never or Forever | @almaasi Rating: General Word Count: 5604 Main Tags and Warnings: Canon Universe, Fluff, Romance, Relationship Reveal, Best Friends, Friends to Lovers, Mistaken for a Couple, Resolved Romantic Tension, First Kiss, Family Dinners, Everyone Ships Castiel/Dean, Bisexual Dean, Bisexual Jody, Matchmaker Jody Mills, Wayward Sisters, Everyone Is Alive, Kaia Nieves Lives, Eileen Leahy Lives, POV Jody Mills, Eavesdropping Summary: During an impromptu family dinner, Jody figures out that Dean is in a happy long-term relationship. But does he even know? Cas is clearly paying attention. Yet Dean seems to think he's single. Jody never thought of herself as a meddler – but clearly, under circumstances such as these, something must be done.

Gulls N' Roses | @almaasi Rating: General Word Count: 2414 Main Tags and Warnings: Canon Universe, Romance, Fluff, Gift Exchange, True Love, Roses, Misunderstandings, First Kiss, Holding Hands, Ghost Hunters, Seaside Storms, Arcades, Dean Loves Pie, Angel Castiel, Autistic Castiel Summary: While mid-hunt, Dean gives Cas a red rose. Interpreting the gift as a gesture of true love, Cas decides to give Dean something very special in return.

Prince of the Ether Realms | @almaasi Rating: General Word Count: 5423 Main Tags and Warnings: Canon Universe, Fluff, Romance, Weddings, Misunderstandings, Marriage of Convenience, Dean is Bad at Feelings, Sam Knows, Shipper Sam, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Portals, Cuddly Dean, Angel Castiel, Agender Castiel, Prince Castiel Summary: To complete a spell, Castiel needs to marry a human. Sam, Dean, and Cas make do with a simple two-minute ceremony in the bunker's library. It means nothing, it's just a means to an end. But what begins as a shortcut for spellwork becomes something far more important, as the human Cas chooses to marry is Dean. As it happens, the shift in their relationship is very real – and the effects, one might say, are universe-bending.

Whoa There Cowboy | @almaasi Rating: Explicit Word Count: 5381 Main Tags and Warnings: Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Smut, Fluff, Romance, Dean's Cowboy Fetish, Cowboy Dean, Bisexual Dean, Cowboy Castiel, Porn Watching, Misunderstandings, First Kiss, First Time, Masturbation, Roleplay, Frottage, Love Confessions, Cuddling & Snuggling, Castiel Watches Dean Winchester Sleep, Episode: s13e06 Tombstone Summary: If you're gonna jerk off, watch something you find sexy, Dean said. There's a dirty cowboy movie on TV, and that suits him perfectly. But he never expected that Cas would want to watch /him/.

A Place and a Feeling | @almaasi Rating: Explicit Word Count: 24402 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe, Romance, Schmoop, Domestic Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Feelings With Porn, Real Estate Agent Castiel, Castiel in Glasses, Castiel in Panties, Bisexual Dean, Workplace Relationship, House Hunting, Love Confessions, Desk Sex, Premature Ejaculation, Moving In Together, Cuddling & Snuggling, Pets, Adopted Children, Adoptive Parents Castiel & Dean Summary: Human AU. Dean Winchester still hasn't found the perfect little house in the suburbs he's always dreamed of. On the off-chance that another meeting with his totally adorkable realtor could finally change everything, Dean keeps going back to Castiel's agency. Like Cas always says, home is both a place and a feeling. But what if the place Dean's looking for is Castiel's house, and the feeling is Castiel himself? Sometimes the most unprofessional choices lead to the most enjoyable personal consequences. This is one of those times.

...and so you fell 'verse (WIP) (Series) | @babybluecas 

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 15605 Main Tags and Warnings:canon divergence, alt-season 9, fallen!Cas, fluff and angst Summary: After the fall, Cas finds his way to the Bunker, but that's hardly the end of his road. Humanity comes with its burdens, but it might have some perks as well.

Tag Your Porn | jscribbles (AO3) Rating: Mature Word Count: 3517 Main Tags and Warnings: panty kink, fourth wall, TFW reads fanfiction, naughty Summary: When Becky sends Sam some of EllenOfOz's fanfiction, he makes it his mission to use Destiel fanfiction to mortify Dean. But to his surprise, Cas seems intrigued by panties, Dean slowly becomes engrossed in fanfic, and what the hell are they doing cooped up in Dean's room for so goddamn long? Sam is scarred for life when he goes to find out exactly what they're up to.

[shi-daisy]

I've noticed that you're not very fond of Renji or the Kuchiki characters in general. Can I ask why? (No offense, just curious)

No offense here, anon. I'm more than happy to answer.

I'll start with Rukia since she's the easiest to explain. Rukia was one of my favorite characters up until the Hueco Mundo Arc. You see at first she was a dynamic girl, a little helpless but that was understandable since she had no powers, she was funny, kind and I really felt for her during the first arcs. Then Kubo just replaced her with another character. Rukia got more closed off, agressive, punch happy and tried to make Ichigo apologize about something that wasn't his fault. I didn't hate her, as she still had some of her best traits but this shift made her go from one of my faves to a neutral character. Worst off it's when she marries Renji after he left her for years and almost slashed her to bits, and the novel, oh that damn post canon novel gave me rabies. She's embarrassed by being called Abarai? I could buy this from Orihime, or Momo, hell I'd even buy it from Riruka, but Rukia? No, that's not her. Instead of forgiving Byakuya and Renji in a heartbeat, Rukia's character would've been better off if she told them both to sit on a prickly cactus and stay the hell away from her, then left with Ichigo and Co. to the human world at the end of the Rescue arc. Instead she forgives those two, who have been nothing but shitty to her and takes to hero worshipping Byakuya. No, that's the worst thing she could've done and to top it off she marries one of them and has his kid. That dude hit you once and you not only marry him but have his kid?! Gurl, that literally begging for trouble right there. I just felt disgusted with the way Kubo handled Rukia. I don't hate her but I don't love her as much as everyone else in the fandom does.

Renji And Byakuya though? Those two I absolutely despise.

During the first arc these two come to the human world to arrest Rukia, who need I remind you was completely powerless, and what's the first thing Renji does? Swing a goddamn sword at her. He literally just tried to slash her with his sword. Does Byakuya interfiere? Tells him to maybe tone it down a bit? Nope, he does fucking nothing. Renji keeps trying to hit her, with a grin on his face, and later on even chokes her. It's not until Uryu, who's a freaking Quincy, steps in that the whole aggression stops.

I know people defend this with 'oh Kubo meant for them to seem as villians at the time' but I think you can't come back from trying to slash your bestie/future wife or from letting my sister be slashed to bits.

But ok, if it was just that, I'd be willing to let it slide so as long as the two apologize and Rukia gave em a 'reason you suck speech' or something similar. Well next time we see Renji he's taunting Rukia in prison. He backs out and says it's a joke later but it was still scumy of him to do that. During that same scene Rukia says she knows she'll get killed and pinnapple dumbass tells her Byakuya would intervine, but she shoots him down by saying that he'd likely just kill her himself and has never once cared for her from the moment he adopted her. Like, what? This asshat hasn't even looked her in the eye in 40 years? I know in shinigami time that's like 4 years maybe but it's still a long time to be emotionality neglected.

After his fight with Ichigo we get Renji And Rukia's backstory and instead of growing sympathetic towards him, I hated him more. So he and Rukia grow up together with some friends in the poorest place in Soul Society, and after their friends death they join the academy to get better housing and food. That's good so far, only the two are separate because Renji has more potential and Rukia is average at best. He gets new friends and keeps moving forward. Rukia was alone and stuck. Sad but ok maybe they'll make up after graduation. Nope, because the Kuchiki clan wants to adopt Rukia, remove her from the academy and now she'll live as a Noble. It's clear in that scene that Rukia does not want this, that she'll take any excuse to not accept, does Renji tell her to stay with him, or to choose what she wants? Of course not, the idiot congratulates her, makes a light-hearted joke about it and then sulks when Rukia sadly thanks him and leaves. Then he suddenly decides to stay away from Rukia for... bullshit reasons. Like I get Kubo tried to paint it as a I have to stay away so the Kuchiki won't get mad at her, but Rukia didn't ask for that, she was lonely, even more so without Renji, and he didn't even attempt to communicate with her or just check in? She obviously didn't want that and he didn't either, but no, I'm apparently supposed to be heartbroken that they were speareted. Then when he sees her again, his childhood bestie, the woman he loves, his future wife and mother of his child, what happens? He tried to slash her with a sword when she was depowered. See how his backstory made the previous scene worst. Honestly I was glad he chose to help Ichigo not let Rukia get killed but damn, it shouldn't have taken this long!

After that we get the whole Renji vs Byakuya thing. Renji goes down like a chump, assists in the final battle for a bit and that's it. No apologies for the past, or for what he did when he arrested her, or the things he said to her in prison, zero apologies from Renji Abarai. This doesn't work, especially if Kubo wanted to marry these two off by the end of the series. Renji needed to apologize directly, we needed to see it play out, not just be told he did it offscreen. This left me hating Renji for the reminder of the show. He was now more friendly and even a bit of a comic relief but his first impression muddled that for me. On the Fullbringer Arc he refused to fight Jackie because a man who hits a woman is trash but... didn't you just do that to the chick you're in love with like two years prior? Did he forget? Was that an admission of guilt or something? I dunno. It felt like a last ditch attempt from Kubo to make him more likeable but to me it fell flat. By the end I was fully disinterested in Renji, wheather he lived, died, married Rukia, Byakuya, whoever the hell, I just didn't care for him at all. It did bug me that he took Uryu's spot in the final chapter cover. Uryu deserved better than Mr hypocrite taking his limelight. Renji would've been better as one off villian, Kubo should've given his backstory to another character and have them with Rukia instead. I'll never get over the fact that this dude spent his first appearance being the most unlikeable jerk, physically assaulting the woman he loves, talking shit like a cocky dumbass, almost killing two of the main characters, and taking the girl he loved to her death; only to be married to said girl in the end, with a daughter and on best terms with the people he fucked over. I ain't a fan of him.

Byakuya it's another character who I wanted to smack against the concrete, repeatedly. First appearance? Lets his lieutenant throw his sister around like a ragdoll, almost kills an innocent human, and basically acts like everyone's beneath him? Good, I already hate him. Next time we see him, he shows no emotion towards Rukia's sentence, he's still hell-bent on stopping the human squad from rescuing her, almost lets Renji die after he loses to Ichigo (honestly I was down for Renji bitting it but c'mon this dude is your employee and you don't care if he dies? Big yikes) Keeps messing up every attempt from the others to rescue Rukia. Almost kills Renji in a fight, then goes to fight Ichigo and here's where he became irredeemable for me. During his fight with Ichigo, he says he'll beat Ichigo and then kill Rukia himself. That's when I wanted Ichigo to chop him into sashimi. You can't say something like that and expect anyone to forgive you. He loses against Ichigo and at the very least honors his word to not kill Rukia. Okay then he defends Rukia from the real baddies. Nice, I still hate him. When he's being healed he tells Rukia that he adopted her because his wife was Rukia's actual sister, and he promised he'd keep Rukia safe if he ever found her.

All throughout the flashback I only felt sympathy for Hisana. Being put in the poorest place in Rukon, having to leave your baby sister to survive, marrying a guy who you love only for his family to hate you because you're not Noble, then getting terminally ill and not being able to help your lost sibling, all of that is horrible and broke my heart. More so when you realize that Byakuya didn't keep his promise to protect Rukia because it would break the law. He can stick his laws where the sun don't shine Rukia almost got killed unfairly because of him, Ichigo and his friends would've died unfairly because of him, he doesn't deserve any forgiveness. At least the dude had the spine to apologize on screen but that still just the bare minimum. I wanted to see him make up for all the shit he caused, maybe try and help change the law so a mistake like this dosen't happen again, just something productive. Well no, he's still the same cold and unlikable jerk we first met, only now he seems to treat Rukia better. This should've been a start, not the default. When he almost died in the final arc I thought it was a fitting end, he's humbled down, he apologizes to Rukia and Renji for losing, he leaves everything in Ichigo's hands, which mirrors how he was opposing him on the first arc but it's now fully on his side, it was the best way to salvage this unlikeable prick. But no, he dosen't die. He lives and its back to the grind again. Worst of all it's how he appears during Rukia's big fight and she uses her Bankai, he's there to mansplain and sour the fight and ugh I hated that chapter. Then he says he's proud of Rukia and it's meant to be a heartwarming moment, to me however it was vomit inducing. You're proud now? Two years ago you almost killed her! You ignored her and neglected her for decades and this is supposed to be cute?! No, his pride is worth less than dirt when he treated her this badly before. Heck if he had won back at the beginning Rukia wouldn't even be there. You almost killed her two years before, and now you're proud? Miss me with that nonsense.

The ending was especially jarring for me not just because Renji got with Rukia but also because they, along with Byakuya did nothing to fix the system that almost led to Rukia's unfair death. None of them did anything and if there's one thing I would love to see if Bleach ever got a sequel,would be Ichika yelling at the three of them for their ineptitude. They let the Sokyoku get rebuilt, they didn't do a smidge to change the system even though they're two captains and a lieutenant, and still live in prefect rich peep paradise when Rukon is still as shitty as it was when Renji and Rukia lived there.

Sorry for the long answer, I just wanted to let everything out as in most discussions people are baffled by the fact that I don't like these three characters all that much. Hope this answers your question anon!

[treehugginglibrarian]

Social Justice Bedroom Warriors

Social Justice Warriors need to stay out of people’s intimate lives, unless they’re personally invited in, because they’re starting to sound a bit like incels.  

Recently, a member of one of my childfree on-line forums posed a question regarding dating and mental health, being unsure whether it was acceptable for her to bow out of a potential relationship because the gentleman in question suffered from depression and anxiety. While most people, including those with one or both of those health issues, were quick to reassure her that she never has to date anyone she doesn’t want to, and she owes no one an explanation, others were less supportive. One entire sub-thread of this mess ended up dedicated to the notion that, if she did not date this man, she was an “ableist cunt.” That’s not how this works. THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS. This also isn’t the first time I’ve seen this argument made.

As a population, we’ve gotten pretty good at reminding straight, white, men (and black men, on occasion) that women do not owe them anything. We don’t owe them our time, our phone number, a date, or sex. We do not owe them anything simply because they were born with a dick and took a fancy to us. It’s becoming increasingly clear, however, that the only people who don’t appear to be owed sex or relationships are straight, white, men. 

On multiple occasions during the course of my adult life, I have been called a “racist” by a black man who wanted my phone number and to whom I did not want to give it. Sometimes I didn’t want to give it to him because it was obvious he wasn’t my type. Sometimes I was just disinterested. Sometimes I was taken. In all instances, my rejection was not met merely with annoyance, but with a charge of “racism.” As though their blackness entitled them to my time, even if their maleness left me disinterested. As though a failure to be interested on my part could only be attributed to an aversion to brown skin, rather than an aversion to them, as an individual. I never thought much of these instances because I have, in fact, dated men of color before. As a child, my first Hollywood crush was on a black man. As an adult, about the only human I would consider leaving my wife for is a black woman (I jest. I would never leave my wife. But if I did it would be for Jessica Williams). My disinterest in these men was not because I am incapable of attraction to black bodies. I just wasn’t interested in those men; a fact they were quite offended by and quite willing to project over.  

Shortly after coming off of active duty, I got called “fat phobic” for the first time. It wouldn’t be the last time and, despite the general definition of oppressive hatred, at no time has this name been lobbed at me because I’ve been treating those who are overweight as though they are “less than.” I’m not scared of fat people. I don’t hate fat people. In fact, unless you are an overweight person with whom I am personally acquainted, I probably have effectively zero feeling about you or your excess weight. If you’re a fat person with whom I’m personally acquainted, my feelings towards you will have little to do with your weight and significantly more to do with your personality and your work ethic. You do you, boo, just don’t be a mean person or a shitty coworker along the way. That said, I acknowledge a lack of physical attraction on my part when it comes to overweight people. Part of it is that I’m just not attracted to the body type. Part of it is that I am an insanely active person, and I do make certain assumptions about other people’s lives and activity levels based upon their body types. I am going to assume that someone who is 150 pounds overweight is not going to be compatible with who I am as a person. My unwillingness to date people who fit this criteria, my disinterest in having sex with a body type that does not appeal to me, is apparently rooted in a deep and unacknowledged phobia of fat people. I got told by multiple women that unless I’m willing to force an attraction to fat people, I am fat phobic. How I treat these people out of the sheets is completely irrelevant. 

A little research showed that fatphobia was hardly the only politically correct pile of shite making its way into bedrooms. White people who won’t date outside their race are, with some level of regularity, told they’re racist. Refusing to date someone from another country, culture, or religious sect is now deemed xenophobic. Even refusing to date someone who had children or wildly different political views than your own was, somehow, deemed inappropriate. Even as society has been trying to drill into people’s heads that no one, NO ONE, is owed a relationship, that same society is doing an excellent job of telling us that we’re not allowed to say “no” to certain people. Saying “no” to marginalized or “othered” individuals is no longer a simple declination of sex, and is now an act of discrimination. Their marginalization, apparently, entitles them to both my time and my body. 

Through it all, sexism is a charge that has largely gone underutilized amongst most groups. Gay men are never called sexist for refusing to fuck women, and straight people are never called sexist or homophobic for not being queer. Lesbians, however, haven’t been granted this same dignity. (As usual, bisexuality is ignored. For once, the bi’s of the world are pleased about this). Probably because the idea that sexual pleasure can exist outside the scope of a penis is, for many, wildly inconceivable.     

For as long as lesbianism has been a thing, people with penises attempting to convince lesbians that said lesbians do, in fact, enjoy dicks have been a thing. For most of history, those people have been humans presenting as straight men, who apparently can’t conceive of a woman not wanting any dick at all, let alone their dick. In more recent years however, a vocal cohort of trans women, many pre-operative and still possessing intact penises, have taken to outing lesbians who refuse to date them as “transphobic.” As though one’s bedroom is an arena in which our efforts at establishing equality for all can be adequately assessed. 

Here’s the thing, a lack of attraction to a particular characteristic or a disinterest in having a particular characteristic in your bed or yourself, is not a form of discrimination. Why? Because absolutely no one, no matter how disenfranchised they may be by the rest of society, is ever owed personal time, relationships, or sexual intimacy from or by anyone else. They’re just not. Lesbians don’t owe transwomen sex or relationships, and they don’t owe them an explanation for why they’re not interested in these things. They are not suffering from a case of discriminatory genital preferences, because sexual proclivities are not preferences- they are ingrained parts of our beings. 

Do you really think straight women wouldn’t make the transition to vaginas if it was as simple as changing their genital preferences? The existence of straight women is proof positive that basically everything about our sexual attractions are beyond the scope of our control. 

While we can control whether or not we act on these attractions, control over what we are attracted to is pretty fucking limited. Do you really think pedophiles enjoy being pedophiles? If you do, I’d recommend reading an interview with one. It’s pretty eye-opening, if you can get past the part where you’re reading an interview with a pedophile. And all of them make quite clear that acting on their attraction to children is within their control, but the attraction itself is not. A fact that tends to leave them shunned by society whether they act on them or not, and pretty fucking miserable for obvious reasons. The list of things I’m not attracted to is relatively long and, while the list itself is mutable because additions have been made over the years, I have never found myself attracted to something that had once previously repulsed me. 

You will not change someone’s attractions simply by couching their sexual disinterest in social justice warrior language and attempting to shame them into being attracted to you. 

All you’ll do is piss them off and lose an ally. If you don’t want to date someone who is black, white, or purple, you don’t have to. If you don’t want to date someone with a particular set of genitalia, you don’t have, no matter what their external presentation is. If you don’t want to date a particular gender, you don’t have to. You don’t have to date people with mental illness, with food restrictions, with terminal cancer, or with webbed feet. You don’t have to date fat people, skinny people, or exercise obsessed people. You don’t have to date rich people or poor people, the fashion forward or the fashion oblivious. You don’t have to let anything other than your attraction to that particular person, or lack thereof, determine whether you date another person. And if you don’t want to date anybody, at all, you don’t have to. And you never, ever, ever owe them any explanation for why you are not interested. In fact, an argument could be made that you’re better off not giving them a reason.  

Get your shamey social justice warrior bullshit out of our bedrooms. NOW. 

No one owes you anything. 

[commentaryvorg]

Danganronpa V3 Commentary: Part 5.1

Be aware that this is not a blind playthrough! This will contain spoilers for the entire game, regardless of the part of the game I’m commenting on. A major focus of this commentary is to talk about all of the hints and foreshadowing of events that are going to happen and facts that are going to be revealed in the future of the story. It is emphatically not intended for someone experiencing the game for their first time.

Last time at the end of trial 4 after losing our precious gentleman friend, Kokichi switched from the huge lie with a grain of truth to it he’d been telling before the execution to a different huge lie with a grain of truth to it while still dodging all responsibility for murdering anyone, Kaito’s worst fear came true, almost, but he desperately tried to paper over it and insist it wasn’t really true at all, Shuichi tried to reach out and help him even more obviously and literally and Kaito could not let that happen, and Kokichi was still thoroughly lying to himself about everything (as opposed to Kaito, whose lies are mostly just to everyone else).

Now it’s time to move from my favourite chapter to my other favourite chapter!

Voyage Without Passion or Purpose

This chapter title is about SPACE. Mostly the in-universe story in which they left the ruined Earth while none of them really wanted to, a voyage which then ended up with even less passion or purpose once they were brought back to Earth and started killing each other anyway. But it’s also relevant to the one person who actually does end up going to space in this chapter, who, in contrast to the intended point of his “voyage”, will still manage to have passion and purpose while doing so.

And on that note, let’s skip this chapter’s terrible excuse for an opening stinger (some meaningless Monokuma nonsense about his dead cubs) and get to the real opening stinger of the chapter, which is, of course, Kaito being totally fine, what else?

Shuichi:  (Even in such a dark time, one of us was still bright, trying to cheer us all up…)

That’s exactly why Kaito’s going to be acting this way! It’s not for his own sake – it’s to keep everyone else’s spirits up, because right now they need that more than ever, and Kaito is better at doing that than anyone. If even Kaito was acting down and gloomy right now, things really would seem hopeless, and he can’t let that happen.

(Also I love how Shuichi’s metaphor describes Kaito as “bright”. He’s a luminary!)

Kaito:  “Geez, don’t be stupid, guys. There’s no way I’d die, y’know? Cuz I’m Kaito Momota! Luminary of the Stars!”

Obviously. Because he’s the Luminary of the Stars. He’s an invincible hero, right? The notion that he could be weak and dying is just stupid.

Tsumugi:  “Are you really okay…?”

People Not Convinced: 1/5.

Kaito:  “I’m telling you! I’m just fine! I wasn’t feeling great yesterday, but after a good night’s sleep I’m all better. I’m 100% better now!”

Yes, because what everyone saw last night is definitely something that can be completely fixed with one night of sleep. If he tried to claim he’s still not at 100% but was at least feeling better enough that they don’t need to worry about him, it might be more believable, but this?

Himiko:  “But… there’s no way you’d get better so quickly after coughing up that much bloo—”

People Not Convinced: 2/5.

Kaito:  “I told you, didn’t I? I just coughed too much and cut my throat a little, that’s all.”

Nobody believed you then, Kaito; they shouldn’t believe you now. But maybe now that a night has passed, he’s hoping people might have slightly forgotten just how much blood there was, or might be able to be convinced that their memories are exaggerating it due to the shock of seeing any blood at all.

Or maybe he’s just hoping that if he stubbornly insists this enough times, people will start to think it might somehow be true anyway because surely he wouldn’t keep telling such an obvious lie.

Keebo:  “Are you sure you’re not pushing yourself too hard? Or suffering from a chronic illness—”

People Not Convinced: 3/5.

(Kaito is absolutely pushing himself too hard right now and is never going to stop.)

Kaito:  “Don’t be stupid! If I had a chronic illness, I wouldn’t stand a chance in astronaut training!”

This… works somewhat well as an excuse. Kaito himself has no idea why the hell he’s so sick, because it doesn’t make any sense for him to have had this beforehand considering he’s supposed to be completely healthy to be an astronaut. So at least he can use his own confusion about this to help convince everyone else that it therefore can’t be happening at all!

Kind of a tangential point: on my first time through I thought Kaito’s illness was a terminal illness that he’d had and known about his whole life. It would have made a lot of sense! Of course he’d be so determined to live life to the fullest, if he’d always known he was dying! It would have explained why he risked everything to get into astronaut training early, if he knew he wouldn’t live long enough to make it into space if he waited to do it the normal way!

…But what didn’t occur to me was Kaito’s point here that he would never have actually got into astronaut training if he’d been sick at the time. They obviously do medical exams as part of the screening, and they’d pick up on an illness like this.

It also wouldn’t have made complete sense for Kaito to have been terminally ill his whole life, since the way he deals with realising he’s dying during the story is… pretty terrible, suggesting that he was not at all mentally prepared for suddenly facing his imminent mortality. And in the end, it’s even more fun that way.

Kaito:  “Seriously, you guys are worrying too much. Just cuz you all love me and can’t help yours—”

Of course they care about you and are therefore worried about you, you moron! You’re the one who made yourself so important to everyone! Stop acting like the fact that everyone cares about you is something to be brushed off as a joke!

Kaito’s determination to be an inspirational figure to others is delightfully incompatible with his insistence on not having anybody worry about him. Or at least it would be if there was something wrong with him, so good thing that’s not the case and he’s totally fine, right?

Maki:  “…Of course we’d be worried.”

People Not Convinced: 4/5.

Kaito:  “… My bad… But I’m serious. You don’t need to worry about me anymore…”

And of course, of all things, it would be Maki saying she’s worried – which isn’t just anyone being worried about him, it’s his sidekick – that’d be the thing to make Kaito drop the forced cheeriness and be slightly more real about things. Only in terms of how he feels bad about making people worry, though, of course. Not in terms of him feeling bad for himself.

Kaito:  “I shoulda told you guys I wasn’t feeling well. I made you worry for nothing.”

Looks like he’s somewhat regretting pretending to be so Completely Fine last chapter. If he’d been just more honest that he was at least sick, then they wouldn’t have been so shocked at suddenly seeing the full extent of his illness out of nowhere and it might have been easier for him to brush over exactly how bad it was.

…Buuuut despite that, he is still insisting that he’s completely 100% better now and making that mistake all over again. Gotta be the most invincible hero he can possibly be!

(Either way, that wouldn’t remotely fix the problem of how they’re going to deal with you dying when it happens, Kaito.)

Maki:  “…”

Kaito:  “O-Okay… don’t glare at me like that.”

Maki is Not Amused at him being an idiot in a way that hurts himself and makes everyone worry about him more. She’s so caring, in her very distinctly Maki-like way.

Kaito:  “If I do start to feel bad again, I’ll have you guys help me, okay?”

Kaito, you gigantic fucking liar. You’re feeling bad and need their help right now and you’re not asking for it.

This right here is honestly one of the worst lies Kaito ever tells, because he’s doing more than just stating something untrue. He’s actively asking them to trust him that if he does feel bad he wouldn’t hide it, while utterly breaking that trust even as he’s saying it. It’s bad enough that I think Kaito has to be less okay with this than the kind of lie he usually tells. It probably hurts him on some level to be saying this, and this just goes to show how desperate he is to convince them that he’s fine and stop them worrying about him no matter what it takes.

Kaito:  “Now that that’s outta the way, let’s eat! Yeah, c’mon guys! Let’s all eat!”

(Kaito spoke cheerily, then left to go get his meal.)

And here’s a conspicuous subject change immediately after that, like he’s hoping people won’t think too hard about how awful he would have just been if he really is still sick and lying to them. All of this awful lying and desperately trying to convince them of something horrendously untrue – all that’s definitely “out of the way” now, because he says so. They’re convinced and it’s over and he doesn’t have to worry or think about it any more, right? Right.

Also, there’s no way Kaito is able to keep any reasonable amount of food down at this point. He’s going to have to force himself to eat at a normal pace in order to not worry anyone further, which is only going to cause him even more suffering later when he’s on his own.

Shuichi:  (…Is there really nothing wrong? With what I saw yesterday… how can I act like nothing’s wrong…?)

People Not Convinced: 5/5.

Literally nobody is buying that Kaito’s okay. His display this morning has quite clearly been over-the-top forced cheeriness and pointed insistence cutting people off the moment they question him, and everybody can see through it.

…Partly.

Keebo:  “Despite Kaito’s remarks, he should probably receive medical attention just in case…”

Tsumugi:  “Now we’ve got another reason why we need to get out of here.”

Maki:  “And on top of that, we need to do it fast.”

Because while they are suggesting this, nobody seems to be acknowledging just how completely necessary it is to get Kaito medical attention as soon as possible. So while, evidently, everyone still believes that he’s sick, he has managed to successfully convince them that at least he’s probably not dying. I imagine they’re thinking that if he really did know he was dying, that’s something big enough and serious enough that surely, surely he wouldn’t be so stupid as to not let them know that.

…But, no, he… really is entirely that stupid. Guys, you are massively underestimating how incredibly idiotically selfless Kaito is.

(Well, Tsumugi does know he’s dying, but of course she’s not going to do anything that might save his life and is just going to continue to act vague and oblivious while he continues to die because of her.)

When Kaito comes back, everyone’s moved on to speculating about the outside world that Gonta saw and despaired over.

Kaito:  “We can’t figure that out just thinking about it, so there’s no point wasting your brainpower.”

Keebo:  “But we can’t simply not think about—”

Kaito:  “Sure, there’s a chance the outside world is messed up because of Monokuma. But making us worry about it is what Monokuma wants. He’s using it to put pressure on us.”

Kaito is still really good? He’s been lying through his teeth, but that’s all for the sake of keeping everyone’s spirits high and stopping them worrying, and now he’s continuing to do that in a way that doesn’t require any lying, too. Wondering what could be out there without having any way to know for sure is just going to make everyone anxious for no real reason, which is exactly the kind of thing Kaito’s always working to try and prevent.

(I wonder if it’s occurred to him that his own illness might also be something Monokuma did to put pressure on everyone by making them worry. Because that isn’t actually too far from the truth.)

Kaito:  “Kokichi and Gonta just snapped under that pressure.”

It’s really interesting and notable that Kaito includes Kokichi as having snapped under the pressure of what he saw! Given that Kaito obviously has no way of knowing that Kokichi realised the outside world was a lie, this is a reasonable thing to think. (And he did kind of snap when he saw it anyway, just for a different reason.) Evidently Kaito never quite bought Kokichi’s claim that he did everything purely for sadistic glee. I would hope that Kaito is also sensible enough to realise that Kokichi didn’t truly want the mercy kill either, since he actively pointed out that he sabotaged it himself. So I’m not sure exactly what Kaito’s mental idea of Kokichi is right now, but it does seem to involve him having snapped and lashed out as a result of seeing the outside world, making him messed up and pitiable rather than just inhumanly evil. If anyone was going to see through Kokichi and realise something fairly close to the truth about him, of course it would be Kaito.

Kaito:  “The outside world is probably fine.”

Himiko:  “You’re such an optometrist… Can you prescribe some rose-colored glasses for me too?”

Himiko’s line here is so freaking clever. It sounds like she’s just mispronouncing “optimist”… and then she goes and makes the sentence actually make sense for the word “optometrist” while still being about optimism. I love it. …It’s honestly a little too clever to be really befitting of Himiko, but still, good one, localisers.

Keebo:  “…As a detective, what are your thoughts on this, Shuichi?”

Gotta ask Shuichi about this, of course. If anyone’s figured this out, it would definitely be him, right?

Shuichi:  “I-I’ve considered a few theories, but I can’t say for sure…”

Himiko:  “Well, that’s understandable. There are barely any clues.”

…But, yes, funnily enough, Shuichi has not magically figured it out when he has basically nothing to go on. I wouldn’t be surprised if the possibility of an apocalypse has crossed his mind given what they know about the meteorites, but there’s no way he’s going to claim that and make everybody freak out unless he has concrete proof of it.

Kaito:  “…”

Shuichi:  (Since the incident yesterday, Kaito won’t look me in the eyes.)

It’s appropriate that the first moment Shuichi is brought into the conversation, which draws our attention to what’s going on with Kaito here, is when people asked for Shuichi’s help because they assume he can figure out everything. Even though they’re assuming that wrongly in this case, the simple fact that everyone clearly looks up to and relies on Shuichi so much still really bothers Kaito, and after last night’s trial, his jealousy is worse than ever.

And the thing is, Kaito still shouldn’t even be jealous of Shuichi! Everyone is relying on Shuichi’s detective skills, but everyone has also been relying on Kaito’s luminary skills to keep their spirits up and stop them worrying throughout this very conversation. He’s just as important to the group as Shuichi is, just in a different way. But… Kaito can’t see that, because his façade doesn’t change how weak and helpless he feels beneath it. Recall that he’s in constant pain by this point – he can literally feel the extent to which his words aren’t true. He’s convinced that all of the effect he’s having on everyone right now is built entirely on lies and would completely fall apart if they realised that. (In reality, that is very definitely not the case; after all, everyone already knows it’s at least partly a façade.)

Shuichi:  (He must still be angry.)

No, Shuichi. He’s not.

It never made any rational sense for Kaito to be angry at Shuichi even during the trial; any moments of him acting that way were him deflecting his pain and not the real point of how he felt. It makes even less sense for him to be angry now that he’s had a whole night to sleep it off and calm down from the irrational lashing out he did and realise what was really bothering him. It also makes no sense when you think about the fact that Kaito’s way of expressing anger at someone would never be to passive-aggressively ignore them like this – he would just come out and tell them how he feels. He’s not doing this because he’s angry.

I mentioned Kaito’s jealousy of Shuichi a moment ago, and while that’s contributing, that’s also not the main point. If he was simply jealous, that wouldn’t stop him from engaging with Shuichi like he normally does – Kaito was also jealous of Shuichi throughout case 4, but even as it was starting to get to him more and more, it didn’t change that he was still trying to to help and support his sidekick like always.

The problem is that Kaito doesn’t feel like he can help and support Shuichi any more, not after having shown himself to be so obviously and undeniably weaker than Shuichi in running away from the truth. He did everything he could to cover that up during the trial not out of jealousy so much as out of his irrational conviction that he needs to be strong and invincible in order for Shuichi to look up to him and be inspired by him. Throughout the last chapter, Kaito stressed again and again how much he wanted to help Shuichi, how he would always be there for him to support him and carry his burdens. By proving himself to be so much weaker than Shuichi in the trial, and by making things even harder for Shuichi by lashing out the way he did, Kaito is convinced that he’s failed every word of those promises he was so desperate to make.

The guilt and shame of his perceived failure hurts Kaito so much that he can’t deal with it, so he’s… not. He’s just pathetically trying to pretend Shuichi isn’t there and that the problem doesn’t exist.

And it’s not just about his own perception of having failed, either. If Kaito thought that Shuichi even possibly hasn’t noticed his weakness yet and there was even the slightest chance that Kaito could still support him even a little by continuing to act heroic and inspiring at him, by god would he keep trying, even though he’d feel it was a desperately fragile façade. (Just like he’s still trying to do that for everyone else despite them having seen his illness.) But since he’s not even attempting to engage with Shuichi right now, he has to believe not only that he’s utterly failed Shuichi far more than he has anyone else, but also that Shuichi knows it and there’s no point in trying to pretend otherwise. That “aren’t you my sidekick? Was that just a lie?” from yesterday’s trial that suggested the idea that Shuichi knew he didn’t need Kaito? Kaito still believes that.

Shuichi:  (But… I had no choice… I had no other options… My deduction… wasn’t wrong. If I hadn’t identified Gonta as the culprit, we would all be dead. For the rest of us to survive, Gonta had to be sacrificed… There was nothing I could do…)

Shuichi is only assuming that Kaito is angry at him because of his own anxiety and tendency to blame himself. On the surface of his thoughts here, Shuichi is being somewhat sensible and rational about it – he’s able to assert that what he did wasn’t wrong and was necessary for everyone to survive. But still, the way he’s wording these thoughts here give the sense that, even if he’s not quite consciously blaming himself, he still feels like he failed Gonta for not having been able to do anything to stop him being executed. Despite knowing he wasn’t in the wrong, Shuichi still feels like the bad guy – and because of that, it makes sense to him that Kaito could be blaming him too, so he gets stuck on that rather than thinking about other reasons Kaito might be acting this way.

But no, Shuichi. There really was nothing else you could have done, and so it’s not your fault. Kokichi and Monokuma (and the mastermind) are the ones who killed Gonta, not you. Kaito knows this just as much as everyone in this room except you.

(For the duration of this bit of Shuichi’s inner monologue, we’re forced to look at a flashback image of Gonta being impaled during his execution, which I do not appreciate at all. But I understand why it’s there, because Shuichi would have that horrifying image burned into his mind to the point that he’d recall it every time he thinks about Gonta’s death, so this serves to show us how Shuichi is still haunted by that.)

Kaito:  “I’m glad we’re talking about how to escape, but…”

Kaito, do you know why everyone got onto the topic of trying to escape? It’s because they were thinking about how to help you. If you told them the truth, they’d be even more desperate to escape in order to save you, so much so that they might actually manage it!

If Kaito realised this, it might actually be enough for him to be willing to bite the bullet and tell them he’s dying. Unlike a certain few people last chapter, Kaito would do anything if he believed it could help everyone to escape. So I genuinely don’t think this has or ever will occur to him – apparently his mind just won’t even entertain trains of thought involving everyone worrying about him, or everyone risking themselves for him and not the other way around, long enough for him to realise that this’d be what would happen. The notion of having himself be prioritised above everybody else really is just that unthinkable to Kaito.

Kaito:  “…where’d *he* go? Kokichi…”

Shuichi:  (The instant Kaito spoke his name, a nervous energy shot through us.)

Apparently Kokichi’s name is having something of a Voldemort effect on everyone right now. Except of course for Kaito, who freely said his name – because Kaito doesn’t quite buy that he’s the evil sadist he claimed to be.

Tsumugi:  “We can’t just let… that person… be. He’s… a little too dangerous. No… not just a little… Because he… He enjoys watching us suffer. His face just screams that he’s having fun whenever he sees us suffer.”

Tsumugi, of course, also knows that’s not true, but she’s the one most stressing that and talking about it like it’s definitely true. I guess she’s figured that if Kokichi is going to paint himself as a massive villain, she might as well play along with that, since it’s a good story.

Maki:  “If we weren’t in this killing game, I would’ve assassinated him already.”

Maki’s still stuck in that mindset that killing people is the best method of solving problems that don’t seem to have an easy solution. Her directing this mindset towards Kokichi is specifically because he’s apparently a dangerous monster who’s made himself seem like he needs to be stopped before he hurts anyone else. She always kind of hated him on a personal level, but she wouldn’t have said this about him last chapter.

Maki:  “Ironic… The rules of this killing game actually make it harder to kill.”

Kaito:  “Maki Roll… that’s not good. Playing this killing game is just what Monokuma wants us to do.”

Maki:  “…I know.”

And this is why Maki does try and kill Kokichi later this chapter – because she’s going to believe he’s the mastermind and therefore that killing him won’t be “playing the game”. Given that, in her eyes, there’s no reason for her not to. Kaito’s argument here is valid, but he’s also forgetting to make the wider argument that, killing game or not, murder isn’t the right way to solve problems, even really big ones like this, and she should try and find something better.

Himiko:  “Nyeh? Is Maki Roll a nickname for Maki? That’s a good nickname.”

I appreciate this build-up to the fact that Himiko is indeed going to start calling her Maki Roll eventually, but… how did you not notice this until now, Himiko? Kaito’s been calling her that for a chapter and a half.

Shuichi:  “Kokichi told us his objective was to win the killing game. He wouldn’t risk a murder that would so obviously implicate him.”

You’re thinking too narrowly, Shuichi. Kokichi has redefined “winning” to mean something other than getting away with being the blackened. His new win condition definitely could (and will) involve a murder which obviously implicates him.

Monokuma shows up to hand out the “prizes”.

Monokuma:  “I can’t refuse you all, not when I’m all alone and outnumbered.”

Kaito:  “…Outnumbered?”

And here’s Kaito realising that there’s no Exisals anymore, meaning that fighting back is finally a viable option. Monokuma mentioned that suspiciously readily, so I wonder if he prompted that train of thought out of Kaito on purpose so that this chapter’s story would hopefully take some interesting turns.

Monokuma:  “But I’m used to being alone. Back in the day, I was alone from start to finish…”

Yes, and all of us preferred it that way, thanks.

Maki:  “…What do you want to do, Kaito?”

Kaito:  “I’m worried about Kokichi, but… There’s no point worrying about him all the time. Alright! Our first priority is to solve the mystery of this academy!”

Look at Maki turning to Kaito for leadership! And Kaito is genuinely being a pretty good leader – everyone else was leaning towards just worrying about Kokichi, but if they do that all day they’re never going to get anywhere and discover anything new. Kaito’s always about spurring everyone to take action.

Kaito:  “Let’s investigate!”

Shuichi:  “Alright… Ah, I’ll hold onto that…”

Kaito:  “Oh… that’s right…”

Shuichi:  (Without meeting my eyes, Kaito placed the key into my palm.)

Apparently Monokuma specifically gave the keys to Kaito, leading to this delightfully awkward exchange, made even more so by the fact that giving the job to Shuichi has everything to do with why Kaito’s so upset. I love the irony that it was Kaito who first decided that Shuichi should be the one to take the stuff and solve the puzzles back in chapter 2. What started out as a gesture from Kaito to help boost Shuichi’s confidence when he needed it by making him feel useful has turned into a reminder of the fact that Shuichi is by far the most useful and reliable person here and doesn’t appear to need Kaito’s help at all.

And the thing is, this job still doesn’t need Shuichi! Less than ever before, this time, since the items are literally keys and therefore there’s no puzzle involved. Kaito could respond to Shuichi here by going, “Nah, it’s fine. They’re just keys, right? Let me handle it this time.” – but he doesn’t. Even though Kaito is jealous of Shuichi and hates how Shuichi is supposedly so much more of a hero than him (which isn’t entirely the case – Maki just turned to Kaito to lead them, after all), he doesn’t try and act like Shuichi’s superiority is anything but the truth or try and take the spotlight away from him. Kaito believes that he genuinely is inferior to Shuichi and doesn’t deserve to be taking any of the credit that rightfully belongs to someone as awesome as him.

(And that’s painfully self-deprecating but also actually pretty admirable of him. Kaito is jealous of Shuichi, but it’s not a malicious kind of jealousy that makes him want to take away what Shuichi has that he doesn’t. Kaito is never that kind of person, even at his lowest.)

Keebo:  “Kaito? Shuichi? What’s the matter? You both seem different today.”

Maki:  “…Read the mood, Keebo. It’s fine, so let’s go already.”

Since Keebo is the worst at reading the room out of everyone here, we can assume from this that everybody else has very much noticed the awkwardness between Kaito and Shuichi and has decided to just completely ignore that elephant in the room. If only they weren’t doing that. They’re all probably assuming Kaito is just angry at Shuichi and therefore that asking what the problem is and trying to get them to talk about it would only ever make things worse… but oh boy are they wrong.

---

[Next post]

[casworan]

❝ pride was fed to him from a silver spoon and now that he’s grown up, he’s grabbed the spoon and fed his ego some more. ❞ THOMAS HAYES? No, that’s actually CASWORAN ROWLE. Only EIGHTEEN years old, this SLYTHERIN alumni works as a PHILANTHROPIST and is sided with THE DEATH EATERS. HE identifies as A CIS MAN and is a PUREBLOOD who is known to be SNOBBISH, ENTITLED, and CRUEL but also DISCIPLINED, METICULOUS and CHARISMATIC. 

LINKS: stats, pinboard, playlist. CHARACTER PARALLELS: schmidt (new girl), henry winter (the secret history), alistair ryle (the riot club), chad radwell (scream queens), chad charming (descendants) --- (how are two of these named chad wtf) HELLO uh just a heads up that i donut condone any of the behaviour this shithole throws into the world. yikes! also there’s some triggers in here for abuse and terminal illness, but they will be marked <3 

history

let’s get one thing straight --- emrick rowle and hemera rosier did not love each other when they married each other and they knew about it. they both agreed that their marriage was a good choice, a smart move, that it would benefit both and --- well, they both had ambition streaming through their veins, so the choice was made easily. they married, for political reasons, for money, but absolutely not for love. 

casworan was born a year into their marriage and was the perfect son. he wasn’t given a welsh name like so many rowles before him had, but a cornish one, celebrating hemera’s mother’s cornish ancestry. 

casworan means one who is powerful in battle, which emrick liked. he wanted a soldier, a pawn, a piece in his great chess match that was the world.

cas is a cousin to genie, wes and lo, and also to seren on his mother’s side.

and casworan’s parents might not love each other, they did love him. his mother’s love was doting and smothering, but genuine and unconditional.  his father’s was conditional, and based on expectations and constantly changing from hot to cold. emrick raised casworan to the perfect heir, the perfect son, the perfect pawn.

emrick rowle is a strategist, but also a coward. he uses his money and influence to pull strings behind the scenes, but is never the one to publicly call the shots. casworan is his son, but he’s also ... another piece in the game. he’s the person who’ll pick up where he left off, and emrick won’t leave everything to someone he does not trust and respect.

hemera is evan rosier’s daughter, by the way, and by no means a sweetheart, but a better parent. compared to emrick, the standard is quite low but still --- she is a better parent, and casworan is a complete momma’s boy. 

so casworan grows up --- spoiled dirty and loved by both parents. he learns languages (french and kernowek from his mother, latin and english grammar and such from a tutor), learns to play the violin, learns about his family’s history and legacy and how it intertwines with the rest of the history of the wizarding world, learns about blood purity and how one day he and his parents will rise above all the unworthy members of their society. he takes it all up and questions nothing, both because he has no reason to, and because his parents are convincing.

abuse tw (verbal and physical) // that’s not to say life was perfect. there was always a certain coldness at home. the lack of love between cas’ parents was clear to him from a young age, and it’s quite a strange thing, when your parents don’t seem to love each other but dont have any issue with it. there was no room for failure at home, no room for toeing the line. his father’s words could go from praising and prideful to harsh and cruel in seconds, his hands hard and unforgiving. casworan learned to keep his back straight and work harder and to swallow whatever anger he felt. he listened to every word that came from his father’s lips and took them in as truth and never questioned the way things were. end of tw

casworan went to hogwarts at age eleven ( he’d seen the castle before, of course --- he’d visited hogsmeade plenty of times before with his mother ) and was sorted into slytherin there. it was an easy sorting --- there were not many non-slytherin qualities the hat saw, besides maybe a sense of loyalty and a hunger for learning but cas’ cunning, shrewdness and ambition outweighed everything. 

hogwarts came easy to casworan. he was a good learner and knew plenty of people from his life before school -- people who ran in the same circles. to branch out wasn’t something he felt he needed to do, with a few exception here or there ( for either particularly skilled people or other purebloods he didn’t know yet ). casworan likes learning, values his education and was, well, a nerd. a hardworking student. was in a few clubs too, i’m sure --- i will get back on that when i have it figured out for plotting purposes! 

terminal illness tw // in casworan’s third year, his mother fell ill. it was a genetic disease, an incurable one, one that soon left her weakened and bedbound and tired. his father’s response wasn’t to stick to her side --- they didn’t love each other after all, and in all honesty, hemera didn’t want him on her side either --- but to flee in stead. his involvement in shady dealings grew and he retreated to the city more and more for work. casworan ... well, didn’t respond very well. 

abuse tw // he raged. he cried and raged and kicked against his father’s shins and demanded that he solved this because, well, the world had always given casworan exactly what he wanted, and when he got something he absolutely did not want, the one person he could blame was his father. he acted like a child because he was one, and his mother was going to die, and his father broke the news in such a cold way that he couldn’t help but rage. his tantrum was met with cold eyes and the same cruelty cas had felt before.

this was when a seed of hate for his father started to grow, something he’d never even dared to feel before. it’s still growing to this day. end of abuse tw //

a family friend moved in to help his mother, and they got a second house elf and life changed, thigns shifted. casworan learned what it was to feel out of control and well, he didn’t like it one bit. he’s entitled and spoiled and used to getting everything he wants and this situation is something he has absolutely no say in and it drives him mad. rather than give him some perspective, it just makes him act more entitled and controlling in the rest of his life. end of terminal illness tw //

so cas makes his way through hogwarts, acting like an entitled twat, hanging with his lads, having a laff here and there and earning a whole lot of NEWTs. he had no qualms sharing his world views or sharing his entitled nature, here and there showing a more violent and cruel streak. casworan is a bully, an elitist prick, someone who looks down on most people. 

when the war breaks out, well --- he’s quick to sign up. he believes in the cause, of course, and there’s no other option, really. he’s been prepped for this life. this is what he was made to do. he doesn’t even consider not joining. and so he joins and feels pride and power and a thirst to proof everyone around him that he’s the motherfucking shit. what an IDIOT.

besides his death eater life, cas is mostly focused on maintaining his image. like his father, he works hard on things like charity and philanthropy, so his name appears in the newspaper linked with good news almost exclusively. he’s picky, of course, about the causes he works for ----- things related to education, he genuinely works for, but there’s also some questionable things he donates to.

and then besides that, cas is mostly focused on enjoying life. getting drunk or high out of his mind, fucking shit up with the lads, having a good old time because guess what? the world is his to own and ruin, and he won’t stop at nothing. he’s entitled and obnoxious, but he always pays and tips well and sees absolutely no issues with his behaviour. he can’t wait for the world to become even more his as the war progresses. 

personality & tidbits

...... an asshole.

no literally he’s such an asshole. he’s so fucking used to the world catering to his ugly needs and getting everything he wants and he’s so entitled and such an ASSHOLE.

someone please punch him

anyway --- he likes Extra things. velvet and silk and rich fabrics and leather shoes and accessories with snake themes and polo shirts and ... he dresses like a frat boy, but then mixed with wizarding fashion

ugly. 

pretentious and snobbish to a fault. wants nothing but the best and is used to the best. would often complain about the house elves and their quality of food at hogwarts, because his house elves were much better cooks, they had been trained in france after all!!!

kind of hates his name and prefers to go by cas at all times, and i dont blame him

has daddy and mommy issues lmao !!! 

capitalist right wing scum, tbh. would have voted trump and brexit and all that shit if he was a real person. I HATE HIM SO MUUUUUCHHHHHHH.

“if youre poor, thats your own fault!”

he is literally the worst person

i hate-write this character its a load of fun

he loves his hair lmao

plays the violin and generally likes classical music? a snob, i told yall. also likes other music, let me figure it out pls thanks

okay let’s talk about some of his better sides because so far all ive done is drag this kid and thats reasonable, but ... he’s got some good things, i guess. 

he’s a good friend. like, if you’re his mate, you’re his mate for life (or until you turn your back, which is when he will feel hurt and will hurt u back yike!). he’ll be there for u Big Time. not good at emotional support, but good at sitting with a glass of wine/whiskey and talking/listening. will finance u if u need it (he doesnt like poor ppl but makes an exception for friends i guess?). will punch someone for u.

he ... does really value education? he would just like to see hogwarts change around bc there’s so much unnecessary shit (read: muggleborn students and subjects like muggle studies and divination). but yeah, he rly thinks that learning is important and that u have to ~broaden your mind ( but not too much ofc )

he is pretty family oriented, and rn he’s of course 18 so that’s not a big thing, but he’d be a ... proper dad? i think? he rly wants a big fam eventually

still a dick

good dueller and generally a pretty skilled wizard which is a bummer :/

loves partying and getting drunk out of his mind and then breaking stuff that isnt his, very riot club like

idk what else to say but HE IS AN ASSHOLE. 

[soundtrackofversace]

Episode 2 Recap

The episode opens with a pretty solemn vibe, showing a feeble Versace walking the halls of a hospital and seeing terminally ill patients suffering from AIDS. The camerawork and editing implies that Versace was also dealing with AIDS and was empathizing with them, but the estate of Versace maintains that the ailment that plagued Gianni’s later years was actually ear cancer. Making that up to cover up the ‘shame’ of a gay man in such a powerful role of the fashion industry? Sounds plausible. Even though it’s not a stretch that Versace was gay and that obviously trivializes the unique trauma he possibly endured having AIDS, this is all hearsay and can’t be confirmed. 

We move on to see Gianni bedridden with his illness, having a heartfelt conversation with Donatella essentially about how she’s a badass who can survive anything, even the loss of her brother if he should in fact, die. She leaves the room and we see a more telling interaction between Donatella and Antonio, Gianni’s lover. Gianni had already told the two of them to get the fuck over their differences because he needs family, and they stubbornly agreed, showing what we already knew, that she looked down on him. But now we know a little more about why: in her eyes, Antonio has provided little for Gianni, saying “What have you given him? Stability? Safety? Family?” and telling him that his desire to bring a multitude of men into their bedroom is too big a compromise for Versace to make. Once we’re brought back to the time of Versace’s death, Donatella eventually turns to Antonio saying that they had no reason to pretend anymore because Gianni was dead. Oof.

Where’s the guy who killed him? Well, he’s stealing license plates off random cars in Walmart parking lots, of course! There’s a spooky strings motif that accompanies Cunanan’s creepiest actions, and we hear it during this, when he smiles at a child mid-theft in a bone-chilling way. Once he delays the cops for a bit with a new license, he ends up driving on the highway headed to Miami, vibing to “Gloria” by Laura Branigan with his head out the window like a puppy, which is cute and all until you remember he’s all excited to go kill Versace. He also overhears a radio station talking about a certain Andrew Cunanan being wanted for murder, but that doesn’t do a thing to his spirit.

Once Cunanan gets to Miami, he promptly goes about utilizing his handy lil manipulation tactics by schmoozing the front desk lady of a hotel into a cheap room (and eventually into an oceanside view with no additional fee, which is just not realistic but ok). This hotel is where he meets Ronnie, a man told he had a few months to live when diagnosed with AIDS, spent everything he had, got treatment and didn’t die, and then ended up strung out in this dingy Miami hotel (and also is played by Schmidt of New Girl, which adds so much). He talks to Ronnie anecdotally and asks where he can score, when they end up walking down to the beachfront. They sit for a bit, but Cunanan suddenly gets up and walks over to a lone, older gentleman lounging on the beach; they talk, and eventually they both walk off the beach, with Cunanan giving Ronnie a creepy smile on the way. 

There are several shots of the FBI agents who have been tracking Andrew Cunanan throughout his murder spree (spoiler I think? but also you kinda could have guessed and you knew he already killed two people, so what’s a few more), and they’re trying to alert the Miami police that Cunanan has been moved to the Top Ten Most Wanted list, and they need to distribute the flyers with his information ASAP. The Miami cops don’t seem too concerned about him or getting those flyers out, which lowkey bites them in the ass later because Cunanan could have been found pre-Versace death, but we’ll get to that. 

Back to Cunanan and the older gentleman we don’t know but are very scared for: they’ve entered a hotel room belonging to the old guy, and it’s clear that this guy has never acted on his desire to be involved with anyone other than the wife he probably has. Cunanan gets right to the freaky, rapidly dict taping the top of this guy’s head (yes, he’s bald but we still gotta think about eyelashes/eyebrows because yike), which might just be kinky, but then he DUCT TAPES OVER HIS NOSE AND MOUTH. TIGHTLY. I don’t know what this guy thought he was getting but I know it wasn’t that, and instead of helping this older man who is desperately trying to fucking breath, Andrew decides that now is the best time for a little dance party. Playing Phil Collins’ “Easy Lover” loudly, he nonchalantly dances around the room, sporadically shouting “Embrace it!” at this poor man going through it. Suddenly he jumps on top of this man’s chest and uses a pair of scissors to stab a hole (from VERY far above the head too, so not sure how he didn’t do a boatload of damage) into his mouth so he can *just barely* breathe. The only reason that Cunanan doesn’t get arrested right then and here is because the older guy is too ashamed that he invited Cunanan inside in the first place. BIG oof.

Cut to the moments before a Versace runway: Gianni doesn’t like the models chosen because of their gaunt and ‘emaciated’ appearance, while Donatella believes that because this is what’s popular, that’s what they should look like. Gianni goes off on a cute lil rant about life and how looking ‘alive’ should be embraced, that standing out from the crowd should be embraced, that strength and confidence should be embraced. It’s lowkey inspiring, and very needed after that whole duct tape assault. 

But now we go back to Andrew and Ronnie, in their hotel room smoking meth (kind of an assumption based on the paraphernalia, but they haven’t explicitly said, so don’t quote me there) when Andrew abruptly gets up and quickly walks into the bathroom and shuts the door. While Ronnie gets up to check on him and be there for him (cute), Cunanan begins to duct tape the top of his head, just like he did to the old guy. After a few minutes he walks outside the bathroom just to say to Ronnie “I need to shower” (yes, with the duct tape still on), and walk right back in. He eventually comes out, sans tape, and when Ronnie asks what he’s done (presumably to cause him to act this way), Cunanan replies, “Nothing. I’ve done absolutely nothing.”

Now we’re in Versace’s bedroom: he’s designing various pieces at his desk, and Antonio is very openly sexually involved with another man in the bed (bold). When Antonio invites Versace to join, he politely declines and even encourages Antonio to go on ahead, but we see his lil longing stare at the pair of them and we know it’s because it secretly hurts his heart. In the morning, Antonio tells Versace that he wants to give up that life and just get married, but Versace doesn’t buy it, saying “you’ll say it in the morning, but will you say it in the evening?”.

Hey, remember those FBI Most Wanted posters for Andrew Cunanan? The ones that were supposed to be distributed throughout the city, but stayed in the trunk of a car? Yeah, here’s where those would have been handy. Had they made it out, at least one of those flyers would have gotten on the Most Wanted board at the pawn shop Cunanan goes into a few days before Versace’s death. He wants to pawn a gold coin (we know that coin is sketchy), and the owner takes a look at that board, but when there’s no fresh-faced brown haired young man named Andrew Cunanan (yeah, he used his real name, but hey he’s bold) doesn’t appear, she doesn’t call the cops. If she had, he might have been in custody before he was able to shoot Versace.

After seeing a brief interaction between a fake Donatella and real Gianni outside Versace’s villa, Cunanan begins to spiral, and I mean spiral. Like ‘rip all the meticulously printed and tacked pictures of Versace and his clothing off the wall, pack all belongings up from the hotel, and pay Ronnie to act like they never met’ spiral. It seems that Cunanan has officially decided to quit fucking around in Miami and just kill Versace already, so naturally he begins to stalk the outside of his house. When he sees Gianni and Antonio leave and head for a club, Cunanan follows them to that same club and tries to look for him? talk to him? I don’t know, but he looks kinda manic and sweaty, so I don’t necessarily think it was nice. They somehow miss each other, but good thing, because Gianni and Antonio are outside having a cute little moment; to respond to Versace’s statement that he can’t want monogamy at night, Antonio reaffirms his desires to marry Versace and that he just wants a life with him alone. It’s a cute moment that shows the true love and joy between the two, and it sucks to know that Cunanan came in and RUINED IT a few days later, but alas. 

While Versace’s getting it, Andrew’s still on the dance floor and is approached by an average looking guy asking what he does for a living. Cunanan initially responds with “I’m a serial killer” (CREEPY) but the loud music muffles him so the guy asks him to repeat himself. And man, when he does, he just starts listing off all kinds of professions and lifestyles that were just unrealistic and grandiose, making this guy uncomfortable as fuck. But the cherry on top comes with the last few lines of the show:

“I’m the person least likely to be forgotten. I’m Andrew Cunanan.”

[thereoncewereflwrs]

in where i find myself in the absence

i read an article last night that spoke of the fallacy of cooperatives. more specifically, it spoke on how cooperatives in actuality create the conditions for workers to actively participate in a capitalist market, rather than encouraging them to engage in deep class struggle at the workplace through union building. i instantly thought it was an argument missing in analysis, but i also found myself with each new paragraph asking out loud ’what exactly is the idea of a socialist economy in practice if it cannot start with a business set up that allows workers to become owners of the means of their own commodities?’ also and at the same time, i found useful how the article aimed at articulating the real tension in whether worker-owner businesses can exist within or outside of a capitalist political economy all together. this article didn’t make me think of you, but i did dream last night that you called me to tell me you had been married to a man - out of potential convenience on his end? because he had been terminally ill, you said - and he had died recently. you berated me for being so careless and caustic with my words and tone over the phone, and maturely told me i should calm myself because you just wanted to talk. clearly even in my dreams a similarly singular tension continues to prevail about whether i can in fact exist beyond my own conditioned responses or whether any improvement simply exists within those confines. my body, muscle memory, and even (sub)consciousness are like the boundaries of capitalism, and maybe my aims to improve myself beyond what i am are mere attempts at participating in my own free market under the guise of pseudo-socialism. 

i don’t know why i felt like writing to you - or maybe this could be considered reaching out? i woke up from the dream carrying the emotions and thoughts i had held while dreaming it, and i spent all day attempting to untangle myself from the made up scenario my sleeping mind had conjured that had felt so tangible it had made me lose track of reality. in the dream you had insisted that we meet up (again, your suggestion was met with childish remarks on my end) and throughout the day i kept thinking i needed to rush home and shower so that i could get ready for this meeting, as if you had jumped from my sleeping mind onto a table at a nearby coffee shop and were ready to continue scolding me. beyond this sensation that i haven’t been able to shake off regarding this fake conversation that never took place but was so real in my mind it feels like it did, it’s become increasingly hard to reconcile just how much i’ve wanted it to have happened with how much i know it won’t ever happen. you see, i’m just all types of fucking angry all the time about you and everything that went down, but this isn’t an email about that or about my anger, i promise. this statement is just to say that i am upset with myself for wanting what my logical mind has strictly placed off limits: to just be in your orbit without the memories of the past year and a half weighing me down. 

i’m not asking for that now, so don’t worry. i’ve thought over and over again about your general anxiety with receiving emails from distant folks whom you feel bound and committed to in some way or another. probably you’ve already done the work to extricate yourself from those ungrounded self-imposed obligations, but maybe you haven’t. and if you haven’t, well maybe you’re reading this email (maybe you’re not at all, maybe you didn’t even open it, in which case these words are just space on your google cloud and don’t matter at all and I can make some ridiculous confession that will never be seen) and feeling pangs of anxiety and dread at the idea that soon after you’re through you might have to set time to process it all and then perhaps consider actionable steps around whether you type a response or not. or maybe you haven’t worked through this particular anxiety but you have worked through our failed friendship and no longer feel or think anything about me and these words are just boring and slightly sad because you had wished i had just stopped thinking about you all together and would leave you alone. in deep retrospect i can understand that this particular anxiety that you have, combined with my conditioned response to pretend that nothing or no one i deeply care about can hurt me in a real way, is a dangerous thing. 

anyways, this email is sort of pointless. it acts as a creator of self-inflicted anxiety and self-indulgence more than anything else. i’m not going to ask anything because that would put us both in a really awful position, right? it forces you to decide whether you answer me back or not and brings with it all the implications and annoyances that come with either of those things. and it puts my pride on a heavy and potentially unbalanced line, in where the only proper way of restoring it would be for you to send me something in return. if you do, then that’s a mess, and if you don’t, well that’s just a mess too in its own way, just less compromising and collective. instead i’ll say sometimes i think about you and wonder so many different things, and sometimes amongst that wondering i wish certain things. i can imagine all kinds of shit about how you are, where you are, what you’ve become in the last year, and most of the time i have no choice but to let my imagination do its thing. but ~sometimes~ im able to actively wish you were well, healthy, somewhere you want to be, with the people you want to be with, and that you are no longer entrapped in relationships that make you feel cornered or unable to set your boundaries. those wishes don’t come often, but in the spirit of having felt that we had talked on the phone, set up a meeting time and place, and felt that we would be alright after all, i wished that today. that’s good enough for now.

p.s. here is the article i mention above, but be warned, it's not consequential enough to even warrant a read, imo https://organizing.work/2021/01/you-cant-win-without-a-fight-why-worker-cooperatives-are-a-bad-strategy/?fbclid=IwAR07R1hJogQ8cemiH9vZfLbSOJa6AnoCufPTeEG-QzzpDW_X3Qt2h8tZm9Y