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WASTING TIME? ノ EKKO
pairing: alternative!ekko x fem!reader
blurb — theme/content: fluff. "angst" if you squint? idk. reader has fomo (fear of missing out) implied. it's ekko from s2 ep7. ꒰ word count: 960 ꒱
"babe?..." you said as appeared on ekko's room door, seeing him sat in front of his desk with a million papers above, his inventor plan of attack as he liked to call. he was resting his face in one of his hands while his elbows were resting on the table and its papers.
"hm? yes miss? whatcha need?" he rubbed his eyes and mumbled without looking at you, from far away you could notice a little smile appearing on his face, making yourself smile too knowing that his one it was because of your presence. it was like this since your relationship started, being on the same tune, contagious.
"you done? i mean... doesn't look very done to me, but..." you replied while getting steps closer to his desk, contouring his body just to being up behind him, leaning down to put support your hands on his shoulders. "just checkin' you up.”
"ah, i think i am really on the final steps to conclude this... am only securing it all goes fine," ekko muttered concentrated doing some more scribbles, at the same time using his left hand to catch one of yours from his shoulders, bringing it closer to his face so he could kiss the inner palm of your hand, making you smile. "besides... why the shawty is awakened this hour?”
"aah i- i missed you on the bed, the usual..." you yawned lazily and leaned all your body on his, being with your chin above his head and arms wrapped around his neck. his body heat was radiating and smelling so good as he took a bath some minutes before, making you sniff his hair just to feel the loveable coconut shampoo smell that you buyed for him.
“i am managing my time very well lately and the project is in the dead end, this time it's the only last time i'll be overworking, ‘kay?” he giggled at your sniffing on his hair, at this point it turned out to become common you doing this, it was cute; lifting his head to look at you, endened giving you free access to kiss his forehead, as you should and did.
“i know… i just can't sleep because of that thing,” you pointed out with your chin the blackboard on the wall with various drawings about this new invention. “i don't want to not be here when you finish this…,” you sighed, catching a chair nearby and sitting really close at ekko's side.
your sudden change from a tired expression to a worried and sadden one was not missed by him, who quickly dropped his pencil at the desk and turned his torso to look at you directly with those frowned big eyes so sweet of him. “babe? what is wrong? you- you don't need to worry about that.”
“nah… just some bullshits passing through my mind… i'm tired, only that.” you looked away from his gaze and scratched your forehead, squirming on the chair a little to see if it could make you comfortable to talk about the subject. it wasn't helping, you're not the kind of person who likes to talk about serious things like this. always praying and hoping for better days, trying to ignore the rocks life throws at you, till you reach the limit and suddenly explodes as a tiny thing goes wrong. like this you wouldn’t worry anyone but only yourself.
“hey, i know when something is wrong with you…” but of course he knew, ekko being your best friend who turn out to be your boyfriend, always being a great observant to notice every detail of you, and care about each one of them. that's why it was so easy for you to fall for him.
“it's that thing we talked about before?” he asked while softly catched your chin with one of his hands to make you lock eyes with him, he looked so worried and still so caringly about you, it made your butterflies on the stomach do flips. “y-yeah… it's making me anxious…”
“hey, you’re not- you don't lose anything not being here when i finish this…,” he fixed his posture on the chair, quickly catching your hand and intertwining your fingers. “i promised you that everything that i create, you will be the first eyes besides mine that will appreciate it when finished. just because it's not your thang to understand inventions, or not being here when i end those things… doesn't mean you're less of a girlfriend or bad person.”
ekko was so damn comprehensible with everyone, and mainly you, that it made you heart aches everytime you had every time you had a moment of low self-esteem and your anxiety spoke louder. but he was always so careful and always knew what to say to calm and reassure you, how can you not love him?
“and not to forget too, you're never gonna not be enough for me, never. you heard me?” you felt that warm and asphyxiating feeling gathering on your throat wanting to cry but holded enough and only sighed tired, giving him an agreeing smile. “i know… i'm sorry for-”
“don't need to apologize babe, i understand you…” he pulled you to make you sit on his lap, hugging your waist, making you feel safe. “life is stressing me out these days ekko, but… you make it better,” you mumbled on his neck, hugging him back and closing your eyes.
“i love you” he replied, by the proximity you could know and feel that he was smiling. “i love you more” and now you too.
(...)
after spending some minutes staying like this you happened to start sleeping, there, on ekko’s arms and lap while he continued finishing his invention, feeling safe, loved and enough.
a/n: this was writed only for satisfy myself! i love him so much, i'm so enchanted. ngl, write the universe from s2 ep7 it's easy for me😭 he's still the same but i love how there's no conflicts around. this is the actually the third writing piece i post here, i hope you enjoyed and it's not ooc, writed this while almost sleeping. (i edited this ekko image here.
tagging some mutuals to boost the post! sorry for the bothering. 🤍 @strawb3rrystar @marchsfreakshow @wcnderlnds @decaf-mother @jazzy-reads @mistysconcilium | join my taglist here.
#writed by julia — ✎#alternative!ekko#alternative!ekko x reader#ekko x reader#ekko x you#ekko x y/n#ekko blurb#ekko imagine#ekko fanfic#arcane x reader#arcane x you#arcane x y/n#arcane fanfic#league of legends x reader#league of legends x you#league of legends x y/n#league of legends imagine#league of legends fanfic#lol x reader#lol x you#lol x y/n#arcane#arcane season 2#league of legends#ekko#lol ekko#arcane ekko#arcane fandom
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— ‘tis the damn season taylor swift
pairing – paige bueckers x fem oc!dorothea greene
summary – its now 2023 and they’ve been at it since highschool, this back and forth, what happens when paige and thea realize this hometown situationship might be something worth more?
word count – 3.7k
warnings – idgaf abt punctuation, language
authors note – there will be multiple parts, this is very much the "intro", tried my very best to line it up with ttds lyrics but giving it my own twist/meaning. it makes sense to me but thats coming from a chronic swiftie so idk if its gonna be confusing for others or not.. pls lmk but be nice lol
dorothea greene pov
if i wanted to know who you were hanging with while i was gone i would have asked you
its been three years since we graduated and no matter how much i told myself the throwing of our caps in the air was it, the symbolic end, i knew myself better than that. i knew her better. i knew us better. because thats not how our christmas break went six months later, or the year after, and year after that. which brings us to now. i go home tonight. to celebrate the holidays with my family and hometown friends, but the odds that i dont see her are slim to none. and shes all i can think about as im trying to pack. everything im throwing in my bag, a reminder of her. the shoes she got me for my birthday years ago, my favorite t shirt to sleep in that may or may not be hers. even what im wearing to the goddamn airport, a sweatsuit i bought at the mall of america with her, and a necklace she gave to me before we graduated that i cant muster the strength to give up. i know i dont mean anything to her anymore, honestly i dont know if i even meant that much to her back then, but i cant help but be conflicted myself, why is it the whole year im fine, “cured” of paige bueckers, but the second it hits december and i know snow is falling back home, i need to be back in hopkins wrapped up in her arms? she probably has someone else by now. no, she definitely has someone else by now. ugh this shouldnt be so hard. okay. just go home, dont get drawn back in. easy right?
im loading all my things into my car, this car, damn we did it in her car too didnt we? see, what did i say? constant. reminders.
its the kind of cold, fogs up windshield glass but i felt it when i passed you
fuck, “snap out of it” i murmur to myself over and over while loading my bags. its not too many bags so im just piling them into my passenger seat as im paying to keep my car parked at the airport while im gone. i head back up to my apartment to lock it up then im pulling out of my places parking ramp and am on the freeway to the airport, a peaceful car ride, that is till i get a notification that makes my heart jump and car nearly swerve off the road. and i know its abt to begin, im abt to fall back in, but i cant help it.
paige bueckers
Hey
Whats your break schedule
read 6:21 pm
dorothea greene
hi.
ive got the next four weeks of classes off but im only home for abt two.
deciding to only stay home for about two weeks to minimize the amount of damage i can do involving her, but i keep that part out.
Cool
When’s your flight?
in two hours actually
im on the road rn
Don’t crash pls
I prefer you alive
i roll my eyes and let out a little snicker, thankful she cant hear, but typical paige having to sneak at least something in. im glancing up and down from my phone to the road, dont text and drive is repeating in my head in my moms voice, but its paige. the exact reason why im afraid to go home.
funny
Its the truth
So your landing in 6 hrs then?
At 12?
nice math
Alr alr chill 😂
How you getting home from the airport its gonna be late
Prolly like 1 am
yeah ik
thats what ubers are for paige
Nah uh no way
What if its a creep
I’ll come get you
no
i cant ask u to do that
u wont get home till like two
(a lie, im overestimating, but i really wasnt intenting on seeing paige this early on my tip back home.)
U aint askin im offering
Plus I want to
hm yeah right why is that paige
Aint it obvious comon
I miss you Thea.
read 6:43
theres an ache in you put there by the ache in me but if its all the same to you its the same to me
and just like that, those three words, eight letters. that i so wish were three different ones, eight different letters, that im sure shes said to someone else, someone new in connecticut, but i cant bother to care about right now because at least i got something, something to show that maybe she still cares a little bit. a little bit about me. and i dont know if this is a mistake, even though i think i do. i know i do. even though i just told myself a couple of hours ago i wasnt going to do this. but hell, going from trying to not see her at all to her being the first person i see is almost comical.
okay.
im going to be in terminal one
gate G20.
Damn was kinda hopin for a diff kinda rsp
Guess that’ll do…
you’re so pushy omg
i miss you too p.
That’s more like it 😊
i hate you sm
Nah
You dont.
read 6:49
paige is right, which she knows, and i hate that. that i dont hate her, i never could, and i dont think i ever will. that is what hurts the most. no matter how much i have to remind myself of the routine and how much this will never go anywhere, how her words are empty, only sounding full and meaningful for the week or two we are in the same city, i dont know how to stop. bc its her. its paige. my paige.
the rest of my travel night goes by in a blur, i paid for my car to be parked in the garage, i checked my bags, went through security, waited at the gate, and am now on the plane where i would normally get a nice four hour nap in so the ride would go by quicker, i dont, because i dont know if im prepared to land, to see whos waiting for me once this plane lands in minnesota. but just like that it does, it lands.
thankfully im seated near the back of the aircraft so i have a little bit more time wasting im able to do, i find myself walking to baggage claim extremely slow its almost comical, praying my bag isnt one of the first ones out, but of course it is. curse you universe. im plotting on how im gonna look lost outside, how i purposefully cant find her car like i have no idea what it looks like, like i dont have her licscene plate number memorized. like we havent done unspeakable shit in that car, unable to wait a ten minute drive home from a random bar. that is until i look up from my phone, suspicious because she hasnt texted me about her whereabouts outside yet, and i spot a little ways down the strip of the airport, a strikingly bright blonde head of hair that i would recognize anywhere. my pace, unbeknownst to me, picks up, and as i get closer i can make out that shes holding up a sign. not huge and flashy, but modest, smaller, she begins to walk towards me as well with what i can make out so far as the biggest grin on her face i have ever seen. that im sure my own face is reflecting. the closer she gets the more clear her sign becomes, that reads, ‘welcome home thea’ as she flips it to back that says ‘ive missed you most’. at this point ive completely ditched my bags and have just jumped in her arms, a giggling mess. god im a child. my arms are wrapped around her neck, hers around my waist, lifting me up off the floor slightly, breathing into my neck, a couple of hours ago i said i wasnt going to get drawn back in, now im in the middle of the airport looking like a lovesick idiot.
so we could call it even you could call me babe for the weekend 'tis the damn season
“hi baby” she mumbled against my skin and heart just about burst. i missed her so much. i pull back to look at her face, i just want to look at her face, i could forever. with my hands cupping her face. her rosy cheeks from being outside in the minnesota weather all cold, trying to warm her up. and as shes setting me down shes wiping hair out of my face, off of my forehead, looking deep into my eyes with her ocean blue ones, “god i missed you.” she whispered, quiet enough to be heard by just us, like a secret she didnt want anyone around us to hear in fear of it breaking. “so ive heard” i say back to her, moving my face closer to hers, with a smug but playful grin on my lips. and my arms are right back around her neck as im saying into her ear “i missed you too p.” scattering small kisses across the side of her head. on her ear, hairline, neck, temple. i know better. but at this point, theres no going back. and its not on her lips, so what damage is it really doing? i back away and intertwine my hand with hers while looking into her eyes, “lets go home, k?” i say while nodding my head in encouragement, “okay” she mumbles, while squeezing my hand, and grabbing my bags for me off of the floor. shes perfect, for these next two weeks shes going to be perfect.
write this down, im stayin at my parents house and the road not taken looks real good now, and it always leads to you in my hometown
im in her passenger seat, like ive been in drastically different situations many times before, as we’ve finally made it out of the god awful airport pickup zone. ive been day dreaming out this window for who knows how long about her of course. because when im with her as happy as it makes me, it only confuses me more. and it drives me insane. thats when i feel her right hand creep up on my thigh from the drivers side in soothing circles, “thea? hey did you hear what i said?” my eyes jerk down to her hand and then towards her eyes. “sorry p, whats up?” because i genuinely did miss her question, but theres some look etched on her face one i havent seen before, and it makes me take a big gulp of water thats been sitting in her car for possibly ages, as im all of a sudden afraid of what shes gonna say. her hand continues to rub soothing circles on my thigh while her eyes i swear are staring into the deepest parts of my soul, i should be worried considering shes currently driving on the highway but i cant seem to care, the way she looks at me makes me feel like im the only person in the world. “hey are you okay?” she says sincerely, “what?” i say almost too loudly, “sorry, yeah no im good p”, safe to say that wasnt what i was expecting her to ask. i dont know what i was, but it wasnt that. not something that made her seem like she cares deeper than the surface level. actually able to tell when somethings going on with me. whatever, its probably nothing. “alright thea,” as her goddamn hand is almost territorially sitting on my thigh now, like shes trying to protect me from the heat coming out of the ac in the car, “you never told me where im takin you.” she states, looking at me with her cute but smuggish at the same time grin. “yeah right, sorry, uh im staying with my parents. i’ll send you the address.” i ramble, trying to get this car ride to go by quicker. i swear shes driving slower on purpose. just to see me squirm. i see out of the corner of my eye as im going to send her the address her hand coming up to my phone, shes setting my hands down in my lap, and then turning my chin to face her, “thea. enough with the sorries. and i know were your parents live baby you dont need to send me the address.” she lets out a chuckle, but not one making fun, a light hearted one, as her hand moves to find mine and intertwines our fingers in my lap. but i know paige better than anyone, before we were whatever this is, we were friends, bestfriends. so of course she lets no teasing opportunity pass her by. “damn,” she says, looking down at my phone, that has our messages open, “my full legal name as the contact name is lethal” she says, looking up at me with a smirk, i shove her shoulder trying not to give her the satisfaction of a laugh and am then playing with the rings on her fingers. “alright p i would like a better suggestion. your name as your name in my phone makes complete sense to me. now i dont even wanna know what you got me as in yours,” i say with a chuckle, but also leaving it on a hint, i do wanna know. its probably nothing special, but paige is right, anything other than my full name would be special. “oh really?” shes looking at me with that smirk, god it kills me. shes pulled out her phone and opened it up to my contact, 'thea 💚'. it really seems like nothing special to the blind eye, but it is to me. not even my full first name, my nickname, with a heart that just about makes my own heart burst. and not just any heart, one of my favorite color, that ironically is the same as my last name. no words are exchanged just two pairs of eyes looking deeply into one another, faces with the biggest grins on them, while the rest of the car ride was silent. the center console of her car jabbing into the left side of my rib cage so my head was able to lean on her shoulder with her hand in my lap the whole way home. our hearts beating almost too romantically in sync the whole way to my parents house.
paige, despite what i knew she wanted to do, dropped me off at home. she pulled into my parents driveway with her headlights off, sure to not wake them, and though the door wasnt even twenty feet away, “im still walking you to it” she insisted, while grabbing my bags from the backseat. i unlocked the door, placed my bags inside and turned to the tall blonde, looking up into her icy blue eyes. “thank you for getting me p. and bringing me home,” i whispered the last part as i reach up to place my arms around her neck, as her arms find their familar home around my waist. i couldnt tell you how long we stood there for, swaying lightly, not wanting to let one another go, with my front door wide open letting all the cold minnesota air in but i finally pulled away looking into her eyes, mumbling “but i cant let you in. i want to, but i cant, p.” paige sighs, looking down at our feet, then back at me, “i know baby, its okay.” she spoke while wiping baby hairs away from my face and once again scooping me up in a hug. her breath warm agaisnt the left crevice where my neck and shoulder meet. i want to let her in so bad, but i cant because i know myself. i know her. i know us. and she knows it too. one thing will lead to another. and i need to try to hold out for as long as possible, as much as its killing me. as paige pulls away she leaves a kiss on my cheek and mumbles, “i’ll see you soon. get some sleep okay?” looking at me with questioning eyes and a raised eyebrow. god shes so cute. “okay.” i breathe out, reaching down to grab both of her hands. till she starts to back away, i find myself trying to hold onto the tips of her fingers for as long as possible as shes whispering goodbye and just like that her car is backing out of the driveway, and im standing under the porch light. alone. i know this scene all too well. we arent in highschool anymore, i have to remind myself, so i turn around and head inside before i overthink, again.
i parkеd my car right between the methodist and thе school that used to be ours
with playlists blasting in my ears, im unpacking my bags in my childhood room, tidying it up because my mom has turned it into her own personal closet while ive been gone, finding little knickknacks that meant everything to me as a kid. i stumble upon a hopkins basketball sweatshirt on my closet floor, i wonder who that belongs to? a cross on my wall from our communities church event. from the same church i went to every sunday that i would always find myself sitting next to paige at. and cleaning my bathroom i so luckily have attached to my bedroom, putting away my toiletries, opening a drawer that still has some of her things in it from when she would stay over almost every night, as im about to get in the shower before i finally try and get some sleep. thats when my music pauses to signify a ding of a notification. its paige. of course.
paige bueckers
U up?
read 2:13 am
thea 💚
nope
Alr 1 ur mean 2 I thought I told u to sleep
one you love me
two shouldnt u not be textin me then?
Damn u right on both tbh
But nah yk I cant leave u alone
read 2:17am
overthinking is my speciality, but am i doing that right now? because in all of our years of even just being friends we expressed our gratitude for one another, but since we’ve been whatever the fuck this is, flirt, hookup, ghost, paige has never even said the words “i like you” to me. we both know we care so deeply for one another, possibly more, but its complicated, our lives never worked out together that way, never overlapped, so we accepted the mutual heartbreak but kept pushing forward with this toxic cycle anyways because neither of us could bare not having the other in our life anymore. did she just admit that she loves me? nah. no fucking way. we say shit in playful tones like that all time. oh you love me this you love me that. but shes never admitted it back, not like that. what is going on. god its late, get out of your head thea. play it cool.
yeah ur lowkey annoying
highkey actually
Alr get out
U love me back dw ik
mm debatable
Ouch
Wyd tmr
i dont know actually
my parents arent awake to make any plans with lol
Oh so I get u first
ok who said that??
You basically 😊
paige madison omg
Hey that reminds me
You change that contact name yet??
that rlly buggin you huh
Maybe
then i might just keep it
Thea istg
alr alr chill i will change it 😂
dorothea greene changed paige bueckers contact to 'paige 💜'
And I will pick u up at noon?
where tf did i agree to that?
Would you rather meet somewhere?
i dont see where i agreed to do anything with you
I want to see you
paige.
you just saw me not even an hour ago
I miss you
you cant possibly
How do you know that
You dont know I feel
I miss you
I miss you
okay will you shut up if i say yes
Um only if nice Thea shows up
okay sorry p 😂😂
Never be sorry
Sooooo I will pick you up tomorrow at noon?
you will pick me up tomorrow at noon.
Goodnight baby sleep well
Actually sleep please
read 2:35
that damn petname, nickname, wtv it is it fucking kills me and she probably has no idea. no she definitely knows and thats why she uses it. thank god she cant see my face right now because its full blown red, completely embarrassed post screaming my lungs out into my pillow.
i will
goodnight p
see u tmr.
i just snickered to myself after sending paige those last texts. almost shameful of myself. i dont know what im doing. or maybe i do? i think its safe to say my winter break is gonna go different than i planned, but the same way as it always was. whenever i dare to mix myself with paige bueckers and my hometown.
there will be a part two to this story to finish out the lyrics (in blue) to the song! which i will link once i have it up on my blog! - if i rlly like how this story is going atp i might make it into a full blown series incorporating other songs from the album 'evermore' but that is tbd.
reminder: my box is open for all requests ⋆˙⟡
#pmbueckers#wcbb x reader#wcbb#basketball#uconn wbb#uconn huskies#uconn womens basketball#paige bueckers fan fic#paige bueckers fanfic#paige bueckers fic#paige bueckers x oc#paige bueckers x reader#wlw#lgbtq#paige bueckers fluff#wbb
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Pretty Boy - Ch 7 (Buddie x Reader)
Summary: You can feel Buck staring. When your eyes meet his, you realize he’s staring at your hand, which is still on Eddie’s knee. You slowly retreat, which makes Buck turn his attention to your face. You smile softly. He just looks out the window. The one where you’re an advanced paramedic, Buck and Eddie are firefighters, and you think you might be in love with both of them.
Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4 | Ch 5 | Ch 6
Chapter Summary: You and Buck are officially a couple, but it isn't an easy start for either of you.
Word Count: 3k Warnings: none
It’s strange how effortless it is to go from being Buck’s best friend to his girlfriend. Maybe that’s because you’re still best friends, only now, you can make out with each other. Buck being on medical leave is kind of perfect timing, too, because none of your coworkers suspect anything. They aren’t surprised you spend most of your time at his loft. When they wonder how Buck is doing, they ask you; they know you know him best.
“Woah, hey, be careful!”
You and Buck are sitting around his table. Well, you’re sitting at the table, and he’s off to the side, sitting in one chair while another elevates his leg.
You look up at Buck and roll your eyes. “What, you’re gonna sew it back together?”
You’re holding a pair of his navy slacks and ripping apart the left pant leg.
“It doesn’t mean you had to rip them,” he chastises.
You lift up the pants, and you have to admit: it’s not your best work. It’s even, but the edges are frayed.
“Yep, looks terrible.”
“It’ll be fine!” you assure, setting them back down. “We’ll just tuck it in the top of your cast.”
You sit in an uncomfortable silence.
“Are we ever gonna talk about it?” Buck eventually asks.
You sigh. He had a follow-up appointment with the surgeon today, which wasn’t great. Granted, it could have been much worse. The fracture isn’t healing as expected, so he wants to perform another surgery. It wouldn’t be a minor surgery, either — he’d be replacing the rod and using bone grafts instead.
You lean back in your chair and cross your arms. “You already know what I think.”
You and the surgeon think Buck should wait a few more weeks before surgery. Buck, being Buck, disagrees.
“The sooner I have the surgery, the sooner I can get back to work.”
“We’re talking about your ability to walk, Buck,” you say slowly. “We’re talking about your health, your life.”
“No, being a firefighter is my life!” Buck shouts. “It is the only thing I have ever done that was important and that mattered, okay? Without that, I-I don’t have…”
His eyes are red, and his voice is breaking.
“You will still be Buck, okay?” You say, kneeling in front of him. “We’ll all still love you. There are lots of other important things that you can do with your life.”
He stares at you, then looks away and clenches his jaw. “Do you know how hard it is to watch you walk out that door every day? Leaving me behind to just sit here and stare at a wall? Knowing you get to go do the one thing I want to, but can’t?”
You press your lips together. “Buck, I’m sorry, I never thought about it-”
“I’m not trying to make you feel bad,” he interrupts. “I-I want you to keep working. I just want to be working with you.”
You move closer, setting a hand on his face and pressing your foreheads together. “I know. I know you do.”
He reaches up to hold your wrist. The two of you stay like that for what feels like hours.
“People assume we choose this life; I'm not so sure. Sometimes, I think this life chooses us.”
Everyone is gathered around foldout tables in the station loft. There are two rows: on one side sits the 118 staff, and on the other side is Eddie’s family. Bobby and Eddie stand in front of everyone.
“For those that answer the call, there can be no doubt, no equivocation,” Bobby continues. “It's not just the lives of those we serve that depend on us, but our own. The lives of our fellow firefighter and first responders. Today, we welcome a new brother into those ranks. After a year of hard work and dedication, I am proud to officially declare that your probationary period is at an end. Welcome to the Los Angeles Fire Department, Firefighter Diaz!”
The two men shake hands as everyone claps and cheers. Christopher stands up and approaches Eddie, offering him his helmet. Eddie picks Christopher up into a hug.
Something draws your eyes to Buck, who’s sitting next to you. He doesn’t see you looking, so you watch as he claps and smiles for his friend.
It’s crazy to think that Eddie’s only been in your lives for a year. In 365 days, he’s become the third closest person to you, right behind Buck and Hen. Something about him, in both a personal and professional sense, fits so perfectly into your life.
Everyone disperses to converse and get lunch from the catering table. Eddie makes his way around the small crowd. Eventually, he makes it to the table where you and Hen are sitting.
Hen pulls him into a sideways hug. “Congrats, Eddie. This is well earned.”
He thanks her and pulls her in a little tighter.
You rise out of your seat and pull him into a hug. You turn your lips to his ear in a whisper. “I’m proud of you.”
Eddie squeezes you tighter. This is the closest you’ve ever been to him. For a brief moment, the only thing between your bodies is a held breath.
You separate, but he keeps his hands on your arms. He chuckles and dips his head down.
“What?” You ask, lips curving into a confused smile.
“I’m just… I’m glad I met you.”
You smile warmly as you pat his arms. “Ditto.”
You hear some shouting and laughter. Across the loft, Buck and Chris are playing a game on the TV console. You see Christopher laugh and rest back on the couch while Buck leans forward, pointing at the screen. He gives Chris a gentle push, which makes him laugh harder.
“You two are a thing, aren’t you?”
You turn back to Eddie. You look him up and down. His hands are now buried in his front pockets, and his smile isn't as wide.
You could try faking it, but he’d call you on it in five seconds flat. “We’re that obvious, huh?”
Eddie shrugs a little. “To me, I guess.”
Your smile softens a little.
‘I’m not saying it can never happen.’ The sound of your own words keeps bouncing around your head. You essentially told this man that you could see sharing a life with him… if the timing wasn’t wrong. A strange sensation settles into your stomach. You wonder why it’s the right timing for Buck. You wonder how Eddie feels, knowing he has time to spend with you while also knowing his best friend’s time is just a few minutes sooner. You wonder if it’ll ever be Eddie’s time, and wondering this makes the feeling in your stomach more than a little bit worse.
“Well, you seem happy,” Eddie says, cutting into your thoughts. “I’m happy for you both.”
Part of you hopes he means it, and the other part sort of hopes he’s lying.
You and Buck spend the next few months growing closer. He has the second surgery, and you’re there to help him recover. For now, you’re not sharing work hours, but you’re sharing time. You’re telling your stories, and he’s telling his. Your relationship sews itself like a quilt, each day getting cozier and heavier. The extra warmth is worth the extra weight.
It’s still weird not working with him. Now that he’s going through re-certification, he at least has something to keep himself busy. Before that, he was always at his apartment when you got off work. You’ve been spending most of your free time at his place. You can’t remember the last time you spent the night at your own place; you just pop in occasionally to grab something.
You blink awake, rubbing at your eyes as you yawn. You slowly sit up, and the pleasant smell of fresh coffee greets you. You rub your eyes again, and when you open them, you see Buck standing at the top of the stairwell. He’s already dressed, and he’s holding a mug.
“Hey,” you smile. “You’re up early.”
Buck smiles back. He sits on the edge of the bed, handing you the mug. “I’m heading in now, wanna get a jump on things.”
“Today’s your final eval, right?” You ask as if you don’t already know the answer. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come?”
“Nah, watching me pretend to save lives isn’t as important as actually saving lives.”
“Well, you’ll be done with pretending by the end of today,” you remind. “You’re gonna do great.”
He grins. “You’re just a twelve today, right?”
“Yeah, I’ll be back around 8 tonight,” you confirm. “I’ll make dinner! We can celebrate.”
“Sounds perfect,” Buck smiles again.
You return the expression. God, you can’t remember the last time you were this happy.
He looks at his watch. “I gotta go. I’ll see you tonight, then.”
You nod and bite your lip to hold back a massive grin.
Buck springs to his feet. He kisses you on the forehead before trotting down the stairs. “Love ya!”
Before you can say anything, the front door opens and closes. He’s gone.
“It was just… weird,” you say, tapping your finger against the steering wheel. “I mean, we’ve implied it, but we’ve never said it, you know?”
You’re chatting with Hen in the rig. You’re on your way to a scene call, but it’ll be a few minutes before you arrive.
She figured out you and Buck were dating a few days after it started. Hen’s always been able to read you like a book, so you didn’t even try to deny it. Truthfully, it’s nice to have someone to talk to. The only other person on the team that knows is Eddie, and you’re friends, but not kind of friends. Talking to Eddie about Buck would feel like talking behind Buck’s back.
“So you said it back?” Hen asks.
“He was gone before I could.”
“Do you want to say it back?”
You sigh. “I mean, I kind of feel like I don’t even have to. He knows I love him. He has to know. …Right?”
Hen shrugs. “Just because he knows doesn’t mean you shouldn’t tell him. He might need to hear it, even if he knows.”
You pull up to the scene, and it effectively ends the conversation. A car ran through a crowd of pedestrians using the crosswalk and T-boned another car. Once you’re out of the rig, Bobby assigns you and Hen to the most critical pedestrian while Chimney and Eddie check on the driver.
“Hey there,” you greet, grabbing a C-collar from your bag. “What’s your name?”
“Shannon,” the woman musters. Her lips are pale and her voice is raspy.
“Hi Shannon, my friend Hen and I are going to look you over, okay?" You say as you start an IV. "Where does it hurt?”
“Nowhere,” she answers. “That can’t be good, right?”
“You’re in shock; we won’t know the extent of your injuries until we get you to the hospital,” you assure. “Can you wiggle your toes for me?”
You look down at her feet. They aren’t moving.
You place your hands in hers. “Can you squeeze my hands?”
Her hands sit limply in yours.
“I’m not doing anything, am I?” Shannon asks. She shakes her head as much as the collar will allow. “That’s bad. My husband, he’s a paramedic. He’s said that people with severe spinal cord injuries either die or probably wish they were dead.”
“No one’s dying, you hear me, Shannon?” You say, squeezing her hand, even if she can’t feel it.
Shannon. Her husband is a paramedic.
“Eddie,” you whisper before whipping your head around.
He’s already barreling towards the three of you. You stand up, taking a few quick steps forward. You place a hand on his chest to stop him from moving closer.
“Eddie, let me handle this,” you say in a low voice.
“How bad is it?” he asks, staring at his wife. “Spinal injury?”
“Maybe worse.”
Eddie pushes past you and kneels beside Shannon.
“Vitals are trending downward,” Hen says as she pulls her stethoscope from her ears.
“We need to get her out of here, now!” You order, ushering in some paramedics and EMTs.
Eddie stands by and watches as you and some other first responders transfer her onto a backboard and gurney. He then follows you and Hen as you load her into the rig.
“I’m riding with her,” he says, leaving no room for argument.
You turn to him, pressing your lips together. “Eddie, it looks like a cervical spine injury. We’ll probably have to intubate her. If we do that, there’s a good chance it’ll never come out.”
Tears form in his eyes. His jaw sets. He nods slightly.
“You need to say goodbye,” you whisper.
You end up intubating her in the ambulance. When you’re hitting the ER, her heart stops, and you begin chest compressions. They code her for about half an hour before Eddie says enough is enough. They call her time of death. Eddie goes to fill out paperwork while you pace around the waiting room.
He comes out a little while later, holding a plastic bag full of Shannon’s belongings. You stop dead in your tracks and just stare at him.
You rub your hands up and down your thighs. “Eddie, I’m so-”
Eddie pulls you into a bone-crushing hug. You return it in full force.
You open the door to Buck’s apartment. He’s in the kitchen with his back facing you. A bottle of champagne sits in a bucket of ice on the island. You hear a sizzling sound and watch his arms move. You close the door a little louder than normal.
“Hey, you’re home!” Buck says after he turns around. He’s holding a skillet in one hand and a spatula in the other.
“Sorry I’m late,” you say, dropping your bag and jacket on the floor by the front door. “I thought I was supposed to cook.”
“Well, since you were running behind, I figured I’d get a jump on things,” Buck says.
You smile. Even though it doesn’t feel genuine, you hope it looks it. “So you passed, huh?”
“In record time,” Buck adds, returning to his cooking. “Cap should clear me in no time.”
You kick off your shoes and take a seat at the kitchen island. “I’m proud of you. …I love you.”
Buck stops what he’s doing. He turns to face you again, a puzzled look on his face.
“You said it this morning, on your way out,” you say. “I say it in a lot of different ways, but I realized I never told you directly. So… I love you. I need you to know that.”
Buck folds his hands together and leans on the island. “Did something happen at work?”
You smile sadly. “Yeah. Uh… you know Shannon?”
“Eddie’s wife?”
You nod. “She got hit by a car when she was walking in a crosswalk — C-spine injury. We had to tube her in the ambulance. She coded and died in the ER.”
Buck takes his hands in yours. “Are you okay?”
Tears start to form, but you quickly blink them away. They aren’t yours to shed. “I’m fine. I mean, I was just doing my job.”
“How’s Eddie?”
You clear your throat. “Um, about as well as can be expected, I guess? He kind of just… took off. I called him a few times, and he texted me back saying he’s at home with Christopher.”
“That poor kid,” Buck mutters.
“Yeah,” you say quietly, playing with his fingers. “Life is short, so… I just needed to know that you know.”
Buck smiles softly. “I know.”
He begins to cough.
“Are you okay?” You ask.
He steps away, waving a hand as if to tell you he’s fine. He cups the other as he coughs into it.
“I’m gonna get you a glass of water,” you say, already standing to go to the cupboard.
Buck puts his free hand on your shoulder, stopping you. When he pulls back his hand, it’s spattered with blood. Your eyes widen as you look up at him.
“Buck?” you ask, setting a hand on his waist.
He starts coughing again, but this time, a flood of dark red blood flows out of his mouth and down his chin. He stumbles backward.
“Evan?!” you shout, helping him to the floor.
“You got lucky. Most people who suffer a pulmonary embolism aren’t in the same room as a medical professional. It saved your life.”
You’re sitting beside Buck, who’s lying in an ICU bed for the second time this year. You keep his hand in yours, your thumb gently rubbing the back of his hand.
“What caused the blood clot?” you ask.
“Clots, plural. There's the one that hit his lungs, and then there's two more in his leg,” The doctor explains. “As to the cause? It's unclear.”
“Yeah, but he just got a clean bill of health last week,” you argue. “This came out of nowhere.”
“Did it?” The doctor counters. He looks at Buck. “No pain or tenderness in the leg? Any skin discoloration, swelling?”
“...I thought I just pulled a muscle or something.”
You run your free hand over your face.
“Okay, um, well, great. Look, I'm not dead. You found the clots. When can I get out of here?” Buck asks.
“We'll move you to a room and keep you on the anticoagulants. Tomorrow, we'll run some more tests. And then we'll see.”
You thank the doctor for his time, and he dismisses himself from the room. You stare at Buck.
“I wasn’t ignoring this,” he says slowly.
“When did the symptoms start?”
“...A day or two ago.”
You stand out of your chair. “Dammit, Buck.”
“I didn’t know what it was,” he argues. “I thought it was a leg cramp or something.”
You start pacing. “If this happened when you were alone, you could have died.”
“But I-I didn't, okay?” Buck says. “Can… can you just sit down again? Please?”
After a moment, you sigh but ultimately listen to him. You take his hand again, this time with both of yours.
“The last time you were in the hospital, I told you I was scared of losing you. I hope I don’t have to repeat myself,” you say quietly.
“You don’t,” Buck assures. “I’m not going anywhere.”
#911 abc#evan buckley#evan buckley x reader#911 show#911 on abc#911 reader insert#evan buckley/reader#eddie diaz x reader#eddie diaz#evan buckley x eddie diaz x reader#Buddie x reader#buddie x reader#i can write
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in an interview a while back, vivzie compared stella to beatrice horseman from bojack horseman. if you haven't seen it, beatrice's childhood AND adult life were awful but at the exact same time it's also very clear that nothing about it justified how she treated her son bojack - much like how bojack's own abusive childhood didn't justify the way he treated people. it just explained it.
we'll have to wait and see if viv can actually pull this off (signs point to 'no' atm tbh) but stella being written with this particular comparison explicitly in mind is giving me a little hope she'll at least try.
Hey, Anon! Thanks for the ask!
I’m really glad you brought this up because I had actually been planning a post comparing Beatrice and Stella because I find it kind of fascinating that the writers say Stella is similar to Beatrice Horseman. Because so far they’re really, really, really not.
In fact, the way Stella and Beatrice are introduced and developed as characters are inverses of each other. (Explanation below)
Beatrice is introduced to us as being unambiguously the one in the wrong—she’s so ridiculously abusive towards Bojack, her own son, that it sometime crosses over into pure black comedy. Bojack is clearly the wronged party here, as he was a literal child. He depended on Beatrice for everything and was met with abuse.
Even when Beatrice’s abuse becomes so over-the-top that it’s almost comedic, the audience still understands she’s in the wrong. We understand even though it’s played for black comedy, Bojack was clearly very negatively affected by the abuse, and that her treatment of him was horrific.
During the flashbacks to Bojack’s childhood in earlier episodes, the audience has no further details or information as to why Beatrice would act this way, (not that there’s any excuse regardless) so it seems like there’s not a lot of depth to Beatrice because of this. Season 1 Beatrice Horseman is a very flat character.
But after season 1, the writers of Bojack Horseman continue to develop Beatrice. In the beginning of season 2, we learn that Beatrice is aware of her abuse and how it affected Bojack and, in her own messed up way, tries to apologize to him. She acknowledges that she is a deeply flawed person, and acknowledges her own part in Bojack’s terrible upbringing.
We learn that she regrets the way she acted, that she thinks of herself as being broken, and she sadly admits that Bojack inherited this broken-ness from her.
NONE of this makes the abuse okay for course, but we’re given more insight into her as a person. As Bojack Horseman progresses, the audience is continually given more and more information about Beatrice that explains her in depth. We learn why she acted the way she did, how she coped (and failed to cope) with the intense trauma from her childhood, and how everything that happened to her affected her behavior and outlook on life, and how that in-turn affected Bojack.
The writers develop her from being a flat character to one with depth, one that feels like a real person.
In contrast, the VERY first thing we learn about Stella, before we know anything about her personality, or how she usually talks, or what her relationships are like, is that Stolas cheated on her. She is literally introduced to us as someone who has just been wronged, and presumably, hurt by her husband’s cheating on her.
I don’t think it’s unfair to assume that audiences immediately understand why Stella acts the way she does around Stolas in season 1. Being cheated on sucks. It’s a breech of trust, and extremely hurtful.
Unlike Beatrice, Stella is introduced to us as the wronged party.
Again, that doesn’t mean her actions are warranted or should be excused, but it’s very easy to understand why she is acting the way she is.
Due to this, while Stella still starts as a relatively flat character to b/c we don’t know much about her (other than how she acts directly after being cheated on) she has a lot of potential. The writers could have gone in lots of different directions in her character development.
So naturally, in the first episode of season 2 of Helluva Boss, we learn that Stella strangled puppies as a young child, was always mean to Stolas all the time even before he cheated on her, loves “tormenting” Stolas, and is physically abusive. We learn that since she was a young child she’s always been terrible and evil.
Any potential for some further depth to be added to Stella at the beginning of season 2 is fucking steamrolled by this writing decision.
Since S2E1, The Circus, Stella has been written consistently as being mean, rude, vindictive, and stupid. The audience has been given no further information on her, other than that she has brother who is smarter and than her, and that we should hate her for standing in the way of Stolas and Blitzø’s relationship.
Due to all of this, I have absolutely no idea how HB’s writers could possibly develop Stella to be even 1/8th as nuanced or “real” as Beatrice.
At this point, I think it’s too little too late for Stella’s backstory. Why would I care about her upbringing now? What important bit of information could the writers possibly give us about her past that would make her behavior understandable, or develop her character further??
I’m not saying it’s IMPOSSIBLE. But I can’t think of anything they could do to build upon Stella’s character after they already cemented her so firmly as a one-dimensional villain.
So. To summarize (TLDR)
Beatrice Horseman started out flat, and was developed over time until she felt like a fully realized person.
Stella started out flat, but with the potential to be developed into a more nuanced character.
Instead of being developed more gradually, like Beatrice, starting in season 2, Stella was written to be as evil as possible in all her appearances.
Due to this, the writers have made it incredibly difficult to go back and give Stella a backstory that will matter or explain her behavior in any meaningful way.
#helluva boss critical#hb critical#helluva boss criticism#helluva boss critique#hb criticism#stella goetia#stella hb#Stella helluva boss#funhouse convo#media criticism#media critique#writing criticism#writing critique
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Unwanted- Part 4
Paring: Wanda Maximoff x Reader
Summary: Y/N is an enhanced SHIELD agent who is forced to work with the Avengers. What happens when they discover that she’s not alone?
A/N: Two in a row! Enjoy.- Lana
After a long conversation with Natasha, you came to terms with the fact that sooner or later you would end up having to talk to the team. You didn't trust them, and they didn't trust you either. And as long as you wanted to bring Hydra down, you needed to play by the rules. Even If it meant telling the team personal information about yourself.
However that was not the only thing in your mind. Another redhead was keeping your mind busy. You hadn't seen Wanda since you left her in the medical area. You had no idea of her status or if she even wanted to see you. But you decided that you should find it out for yourself.
And so you did. While waking the compound halls you thought of the reason behind your actions. Why did you suddenly cared for someone's health? If it came to Natasha, would you check on her? But before you could turn back you were standing next to Wanda's bedroom door. You knocked tree times, cursing yourself for doing so, but waiting for Wanda to open the door.
"Come in" You heard from inside the room, and immediately pushed the door and walked inside.
"Uhm... I wanted to check on you. How is your leg?" You nervously said. Truth was that you had spend so much time hating any kind of human interaction, that you had become unable to talk about anything that did not included killing someone.
"Y/N! Hi." Wanda quickly replied as she sat properly on her bed. "The leg is fine, thanks for asking. It doesn't hurt that much."
"Great... That's good, I guess." You said. It was clear to Wanda that the girl in front of her was struggling to keep te conversation floating. It was hilarious and a little bit adorable, she thought to herself.
To Wanda, all that you were doing was trying to pretend that you were tough by being cold and distant. When in reality you were another lost soul who had no one and was scared to be vulnerable. And Wanda felt a sense of familiarity in your behavior.
"I should probably get going, it's late and you need to rest. Good night Wanda." You continued.
"Yeah... Good night Y/N." The redhead replied and watched as you abandoned the room.
After leaving the girl's room, you walked through the compound's floors. You had no destination, but you enjoyed the walk anyways. The compound was empty, the avengers either were sleeping or in their own rooms. No one was there to ask questions or to annoy you in any way. Being all day inside your room was not healthy, and you definitely needed a change of scenery.
It wasn't until you found yourself in the kitchen, that you realized that you hadn't eaten in all day. And the alien was well aware of that, so you opened the fridge looking for something to cook. While taking some vegetables to put them in the countertop, you heard a deep voice. Immediately your body was submerged under the creatures skin.
"Easy Y/N. I'm not a threat." You heard a male voice. Steve came out of the shadows and showed himself to you. After calming yourself and taking a deep breath, you returned to your normal self. You were definitely not usted to living with others.
"I could've killed you, old man." You said as you took a knife to star chopping the items you had placed earlier.
"Can't sleep?" Steve asked, before taking a sit next to the countertop.
"Never can. And you? What is keeping American's hero awake?"
Steve took a deep breath before talking. His mind was thinking about many things, and he couldn't shake it off. "You know, the usual, missions and training."
"Speaking of, uhm we have an upcoming mission in a couple of days." Steve continued.
You looked at him and nodded. You hated small talks, that's why you always tried to avoid talking to anyone, unless is was extremely necessary. "Great"
"You know, you should talk to Tony. He may be a little bit arrogant, but he can be a great friend."
"And why would I do that Rogers?" You replied.
"Because If you don't then I can't send you on missions. You need to learn how to work as a team. I'm not asking you to be friends with them, just talk to Tony and the team." Steve finished. And before you could say anything he was already excusing himself.
As the captain of the team, Steve thought that you needed to let people in. Otherwise all the 'not trusting one another' would end up having someone killed by a simple mistake. And tho your intentions were good, your methods were no the most suitable.
When you finished eating the meal that you had prepared for yourself, you went upstairs to rest. However, your mind was running a million miles away, and you could stop thinking about your conversation with Steve. After hours of walking from the bed to your desk, you came to the conclusion that you didn't had to be open about your feelings or any shit like that, you just need to be "friendly". And god, you already hated yourself for having to do such thing.
You woke up and, unlike the other mornings, you actually went to have breakfast with the team. Once you put foot on the kitchen all the eyes were turned to you.
"Good morning, nice for you to join us" Steve greet you with a pat on your shoulder.
"Yeah..." You said, unsure that you had made the right decision. After your small interaction with Steve, you walked to the countertop, took a plate and put some waffles on it. After that, you sat next to Natasha. At least having her closed brought you a little bit of comfort.
While you were finishing breakfast as quick as you could, you heard Wanda enter the room greeting everyone. However, she wasn't entering alone, and a kid that didn't looked older than 16, was walking side by side with her.
Wanda went into the kitchen a pour herself a cup of tea before she sat herself across from you and Natasha. Wanda found shocking the fact that you were actually having breakfast on the common area. However, your moment of peace and quiet was interrupted by a really chatty kid that was more than eager to talk to you. But before anyone could stop him, he was already with his mouth open.
"Are you the new member? The one that has an alien inside of her?" He asked. Tony and Steve looked at each other fearing for the kid's life. Everyone looked at you waiting for you to say something.
The kid's question took you by surprise. You were not expecting someone as eager to talk as him to interact with you. Less to be asked about the creature that lived inside of your body. However, before you could reply you felt Venom's willingness to make itself present.
"We are Venom" Said the creature as it slowly started to appeared behind you.
"Cool..." Was everything that came from the kid's mouth. You could actually see that he was curious about his encounter with the alien. "My name is Peter Parker, but everyone calls me Spider-Man"
"No. Nobody calls you that" Sam said entering the room. Leaving a very frustrated Peter
Wanda's eyes were worryingly looking at you, she didn't feared that you would hurt him, but she didn't want you to feel overwhelmed by Peter's questions. However before you could respond you were cut by Steve.
"Wanda... How are you feeling? How's the leg?" He asked. And immediately your eyes were glued on her face, actually wanting to know how she was doing.
"Fine, it hurts a little bit. But Bruce told me that I can walk. So that's better." She replied, and noticed how a small smile of relief escaped your lips.
The room fell into small conversations between the different Avengers, each of them talking about different topics with one another. And before they even noticed, you were already walking to the kitchen, placing you plate into the sink, and reaching the hallway.
However, before you could leave the room, you were stoped by someone calling for you.
"Y/N wait up!"
Hearing Steve's voice, you turned around to find the blond man reaching the kitchen door. You raised your eyebrows indicating him ti star talking.
"Hill mentioned that you have intel about Hydra ex members and their possibles locations." Said the captain. Upon hearing
Steve's tone you knew exactly where the conversation was going.
"What about that?" You asked frowning your eyes.
"Why don't you bring them here so we can have a look at those files?" He finally asked. Even though you maintained your best poker face, your eyes betrayed you. To Steve it was cleared that you were having an internal fight. You could work with them using the only peace of information that you had, but you didn't trust them, at least not yet. "As a team."
Your eyes darted from Steve to Wanda, who was still sitting on the kitchen table. Her giggle echoing the thin walls as she laughed about Peter being teased by Bucky and Sam. Maybe Natasha was right and you had to trust them, maybe trusting them meant that you could bring Hydra down quickly. Maybe, just maybe, they were not that bad as you thought. Maybe there it was your second chance.
"They are at my apartment, I guess I can bring them to the compound" You replied reviving a smile from Steve.
"Thank you" Said the blond. Replaying with a nod you begin to walk back to your room. However you were stopped by the captain's voice again. "Oh before you go, could you give Peter a lift, he's late for school"
"Absolutely not" You said without looking back.
#wanda maximoff#wanda maximoff x reader#marvel#reader#wanda maximoff fluff#wanda maximoff x female reader#y/n y/l/n
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"do you think we'll be together in every lifetime?"
ngl... i kinda made myself sad writing this one DDFHSKDJLKFGL... this was inspired by some chats I had w my guildies so shoutout to them for giving me fuel to break their hearts to <3 also a fill for @mastering-procrastinating's request ^^
listening to Toxy while posting this and ironically enough, I think the lyrics are kind of fitting LOL
to clarify if it doesn't become clear, this fic plays into the theory that haku's ability is time-travel-related! I definitely encourage reading that post bc its interesting and will give some perspective, but it's not necessary! :D also inspired by this and this tweets
pairing: haku kusanagi x reader
rating: G
prompt: “do you think we’ll be together in every lifetime?”
tags: established relationship, angst, time loop theory
Previous // part 3 of the “in every lifetime” series! // Next
“Do you think we’ll be together in every life?”
It’s only hours of practiced nonchalance that keeps him from coughing as he drinks his tea. As it is, the tightening of his fingers around the cup is enough of a slip in his control. He carefully measures each emotion he allows himself to give for others to see, and yet somehow, against all of his experience and expectations, you always manage to catch him off guard.
A part of him finds it beautiful. After all this time, he knows that you will always be just as charming as when he first met you. A breath of fresh air in the monotony of his days, making sure he’s never as bored as he could be. On the other hand, this is the one part of you he can never predict as well as he wishes he could. You make his life eternally difficult without even trying, hardly lifting a finger to break down his facades time and time again.
The worst part is that he knows you truly aren’t trying. To you, this is a simple question with an equally straightforward answer. A romantic indulgence at most. You don’t mean to send his mind scrambling for answers. You aren’t carefully dissecting him for his responses, knowingly carving away until you can cut into the part of his heart that you know will hurt the most. To you, this is love.
The worst part is that to you, this is love.
If it wasn’t love, it wouldn’t hurt. If it wasn’t love, he wouldn’t even be standing here. If it wasn’t love, the touch of your hand in his wouldn't justify everything he’s done up until now and then some as worth it. He wouldn’t feel like crying at such an innocuous question, wouldn’t clench his jaw and plaster on an easy smile with an indulgent head tilt to sweeten the deal. The princess that rolls off his tongue wouldn’t feel like a match lit in his mouth.
“Where’s this coming from, princess?”
(When you raise your brow at his response, he wonders how long it takes for the lies he lives to become truths. When will it finally become enough?)
You shrug. “Rui and I were talking about it earlier. With how things are looking for me nowadays… I thought it would be a nice thought, y’know? To be soulmates. We wouldn’t have to worry about sad goodbyes or anything.”
You don’t know what he’ll do for you. You’ll never know. You can never know. You can’t know.
He hums.
“That would be nice,” he muses with a soft smile on his face, and it’s a relief when your expression of budding suspicion falls in the face of love. No matter how many lies he may tell, his love for you will never be one of them. The rest are nothing you need to further stress yourself over, no matter how difficult it gets to predict your doubts. “Knowing the trouble you attract, I’m sure our next meeting will be just as interesting as this one was.”
You bristle lightheartedly at the teasing, and he can’t help but let out a real, genuine laugh at it. The brightness of the smile he gets in return makes it worth it.
This is what it’s all for. Everything for this.
One day neither of you will have to worry about soulmates, lifetimes, or goodbyes. He won’t have to lie to you as easily as he breathes, and this burden will no longer be his to carry. But until that day comes, he can take solace in the sound of your laughter and the knowledge that with each failure, your peace comes in a next life of love.
This time, he won’t fail.
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Being interested in taboo subjects comes a sense of understanding that you will be seen as weird or even sometimes “wrong”. We enjoy fetish content from a pov of deep fascination and utter obsession, though these very topics can be a source of discomfort for others, it’s important this is understood and respected. If anything knowing you will not always be liked helps in being less afraid. Learn to read a room, don’t bring up certain subjects which may shift a mood if brought up around the wrong person. Make sure you’re somebody that others feel fine saying no to, or than they’re uncomfortable. In all this though remind yourself so long as you are not taking part in something harmful to others you are justified in your interest. Everyone should have space to exist and exist so loudly and boldly as they can. Don’t cross boundaries, but don’t apologize for existing either.
#we think it’s easy to be kind while into anything#creating a hostile space will only let in people with nefarious intentions#people who also don’t respect boundaries#it’s important you not align yourself with those people
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listen there really was just something about how in the book, snow’s 3-page descent from hesitant lover boy to deluded mfer happens entirely in his mind. lucy gray gives him no indication whatsoever that she suspects him, that she’s going to leave or betray him. he’s just sitting quietly in the cabin waiting for her to return when that seed of calculated suspicion, which he has needed to survive the capitol, takes a hold of him and chokes the life out of any goodness left inside him. it really drives home your terror as a reader that “oh my god did he kill her? did she escape? what happened to her? why would he even think that?” in a way that when the movie had to adjust for visualization it lost some of that holy shit this guy has lost it emphasis.
#seeing some discourse and im not saying lucy grey didnt know#im saying she never dropped the kind of hints that she knew like she did in the movie#or if she did snow isnt worried about them until he very suddenly is consumed by them#snow is not concerned about whether or not she believed him. of course she did! hes snow!#but then shes gone…. for a while……#and its the sudden immediate drastic unravelling that comes across so clearly in the book#that i knew wouldn’t translate to screen yet still cant help but miss#the hunger games#coriolanus snow#tbosas#lucy gray baird#not a crime or anything just a note that i cannot stop thinking about#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#this is all from memory of reading it quite a while ago. so maybe 3 pages is an exaggeration#but i remember it happening VERY quickly and without much external cause#like we as the reader have no indication as to whether shes nearby or not.#snow has no idea either. he just SUSPECTS. and his suspicion breeds the hatred that has been bubbling inside him all this time#he hates how she undoes him. he hates that he WOULD run away with her if shed let him keep his secrets#and he HATES more than anything that she makes him WANT to tell his secrets#he wants to be vulnerable and reveal the ugly nasty parts about himself and still be loved#but he does not let himself and it is everyone’s downfall#he chooses cruelty bc it is easy and familiar and makes him feel more powerful than the vulnerable give and take that real love requires
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Okay but what if (Patreon)
#Doodles#TSP#Stanley#Me while reading: Now don't make a papercraft okay? Don't make a papercraft don't make a papercraft don't make a-#Predictably lol#It's the kind of structure that invites speculation! Who would you choose and what would their name be and how would they adapt#And The Stanley Parable wasn't even out at the time!! FJkldsafdf#Me when anything: I want to#Stanley would be so fun to play as ♪ Small but close-knit cast and since it's an institute it should have accommodations for his mutism#And he's no stranger to painful and confusing situations haha#You can see my indecision on which sign language Stanley knows haha#He never speaks so we don't know what accent Stanley would have but we know the Narrator is British! So#But I also don't know any British Sign Language and I know it's different than ASL òuò;#Granted my knowledge of ASL is far far far from fluent but I do know some at least so if /I/ was the one playing as him-#Anyway moot point since languages are directly translated anyway :P Though I wonder about sign language#I assume there were some nonverbal patients I just haven't seen any myself :0#I have also made a Narrator card to match Stanley 😔#Actually - hehe - I had a lot of fun picking their ''real'' names ♪#The Narrator's was pretty easy honestly I knew I had to give him the first name Kevan and then I wanted to keep his last initial#So I went with ''Baker'' since it's a common name :) Very cute!#And then for Stanley since I headcanon him as being Greek/Latino - heavier on the Greek side - I gave him a Greek name!#Again same first initial - couple letters even for that ''St-'' sound :) - and scanned through some Greek last names#And liked the sound of Psomas with Stefano - but ♪ You'll never guess ♫#It's a similarly common name for a reason - ''Psomas'' translates to ''bread maker''#Kevan and Stefano Baker they're husbands fr your honour#Hghhghh I just think it's so cute!! And I didn't do it on purpose it was just a happy accident!! I love them <3
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Apparently I can meet my goal of roughly 400,000 words in 6 months if I just somehow write at least 2,200 words a day ghbjh... Almost 2,500 today... huzzah...
#Definitely not going to be able to stick with it just due to like... being realistic about my energy levels and etc. ESPECIALLY as we#enter the Evil Summer and it becomes hot all the time. But... one can attempt.. at least...#I'm also a very slow writer since I tend to re-read and edit while I write. and only move onto the next section once what I'm writing#seems okay. Which is easy for visual novel type stuff. since ''sections'' of a conversation are more clearly marked (like if you#have a menu option with 5 different dialogue choices. finish the character's response for choice 1 before moving onto 2. etc.)#Especially since when I'm done with a whole quest I always follow it up by playing through it and picking every option and making sure it#actually all works okay and etc. So I am already going to see it all a second time. Then I can go back and reorder a few words or remove#certain sentences that don't sound natural when I read them out loud (I always read it all outloud to myself since it is... just peple#talking.. it should sound like natural dialogue in their voice. etc). But my ''first draft'' is kind of not as first drafty since I pause t#edit a lot as I go along. So it also takes longer probably than it would take other people who I think treat a first draft as more#of a loose guideline or something. AANYWAY...#80F in my bedroom right now again... huzzah... I did end up finishing and recording that sims build video before the heat wave (or is#it really a heat wave if it's just summer..?? lol) came in.. but now... augh.. the editing... plus the costume photos and all else... Much#to do as always.. Often such a long todo list.. a giant scroll hung upon the walls of the evil hermit wizard tower..#Anyhow.. I hope I can finish getting ready for bed early in time to reward myself with a game of tripeaks solitaire whilst I snack on#cheddar cheese and some of those preserved artichokes in a jar. hrgm... I actually have nasturtiums (ultimate best flower) on the#deck again this year but I had to move them all into a corner today because the leaves were getting burnt by the sun lol.. Also am now more#cautiously weaving through social media to ignore all dragon age news. NOT bc of spoilers (I actually love spoilers/literally never play#any game until there's full guides on it I can read to plan my entire playthrough based on knowing exactly what I want to happen lol + mods#and etc.) but just because I'm so busy with my ownprojects I simply do not have the brainspace to dedicate... Yes I love to think#about elves and fictional universe lore. but no.. I pretend I do not see it. Does not exist to me actually. ghgj.. OHH also took som#cool pictures of flowers in the garden section of a store and I wanted to do like.. character designs based on the colors of the flowers o#something. but that might just be another unnecessary project to add to the pile.. I want to commit to the daunting task of dyeing my#hair again some time.. hrm.. this is all of the updates I can think of. As if a bunch of random tags make up for never posting anything for#weeks on end lol.. alas.. too warm to think properly I suppose.. .. I neeeeeed a long lost relative to leave me some million dollar#estate in their will so I can have the resources to move to a colder climate or something ..augh#.. but for now.. I shall toil away in my little wizard tower trying to write 2000 something words a day whilst sweating and such ghbj
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y’all I’m ngl the arfid has become so bad this week that I am genuinely clinging to water like it’s the best thing ever
#tw for like. tags that devolve into straight up venting vvv#I love you glass of water my best friend glass of water#I wish glass of water could be Dinner. but alas#I have to. fucking. taste things. and feel things in my mouth. BLEGH#to be real for a minute tho it really has been.. a shitty fuckin week as far as eating goes#it’s really fucking hard sometimes and this is the worst it’s been in a while#and like. we have this Italy trip literally starting tomorrow#(kind of)#that I have been so so excited for SPECIFICALLY!! to eat food!!!!#and now I’m just thinking what if I go to Italy and I can’t even fucking enjoy anything#I just wanna eat I just want eating to be easy and good and fun :((((#tw ed#gem don’t look
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bro just beat totk. goddamn.
#spoilers incoming#!!!!#anyone who doesn’t want to be spoiled gone?? yall are gone? yeah?? ok good. don’t continue. spoilers.#ok so. the final battles were kind of super fucking easy 😭😭😭#and ngl i’m a little disappointed that it didn’t include like. anything from the zonai. we could barely use the sages.#the arm was useless aside from bettering weapons#aside from that tho beautiful fight the animations and visuals were gorgeous#the story was sick as hell#while it definitely could’ve been more effective in some ways it was still great overall#tulin dropping in and being like ‘you don’t have to fight alone’ I LOVE YOU LITTLE GUY#don’t mind that the final battle was literally just Link and then Link using Zelda to get leverage on dragon ganon 🏃♂️💨#still a wonderful game tho. wish the sky was involved more and that the depths were advertised more#bc. so much of the game is in the depths lmaoo#and the zonai research team felt underutilized 😭 for how often you ran into them they did very little#aside from the one quest with Paya and Tauro#idk. wish they had more. like they could’ve been the one investigating caves and such and that how you came across murals like the ones—#—under the castle which could’ve been the memories instead of the glyphs which were difficult to get in order#‘uh they told you how to get them in order—‘ not everyone immediately went to the forgotten temple 💀#sonia dying was the second glyph i saw bc i went out and explored thinking ‘oh it’s a non linear game!! surly the memories will match that.’#plus the grave glyph was very obvious#the memories and the sky are rlly my biggest gripes w the game i think. they’re good but idk they could’ve been a lot better#loved the depths tho i was all up in the depths#i couldn’t get enough. still can’t tbh#love that shit#it’s so cool#the shrines were super fun as well#loved the mario kart one#and the clothes were all super fun to find!!#why are lynels still harder to beat than ganon for me 💀#uhhhh good game. rlly good. link is so fucking pretty and so is riju and i love tulin what a cutie pie
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annual reminder to ask yourself am I a badass feminist who doesn’t believe in gender roles and is that why I feel so angsty when I’m around these traditional people, or is it gender dysphoria? because one of them says that they’re wrong for being so traditional and I have to open up their eyes to what liberation looks like and the other is just like. well they can do what they like but it’s simply not for me
#gender#lgbtqia#gender dysphoria#feminism#okay story time I was in this bible study group at my old church that was womens only#and while I know they would never force anyone to present like that they were all very feminine#like traditionally down to clothes and all the young ones were having babies etc#and teachers and speechies and sahm’s and other more traditionally feminine jobs most of them#and idk but as an athlete and a woman in stem#it’s easy to feel a kind of rage and self righteousness#but they’re allowed to be who they are and I hope I didn’t say anything to contradict it. I don’t think I did. but I’m allowed to be Not#not like that. and we can all coexist and I don’t need to feel pressured by their existence yknow
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As a child who often walked around with a snails on my face so my mom wouldn’t throw them and a kid- and the kid who often looked for the most out of place stuffed animals as my mom quotes “because no one else would want them if I don’t take them”
I think being inherently kind and inherently selfish are misunderstood.
I think how I interpreted humans are inherently selfish is like how most creatures as children are selfish as a need to survive. I think being selfish in a way isn’t inherently bad because you are still thinking about yourself. But if you are also just kind, compassionate and empathetic too I think the pair can balance the other out. So you are destructive on either ends. Most people mistake base selfishness as destructive privilege (which is what we are taught selfishness is and not you just wanting to ensure you are taken care of aka self care, treating yourself, not wanting to share food) but you are also not so destructively kind you have no ability to take care of yourself because everyone else matters.
To expect to be fed and cared for by adults is a selfish and natural want in kids. But in the same breath kids are inherently kind and social. Kids want to make friends, kids want things to be happy because they are happy or they believe they have the ability to do so. A kid who wants Pokémon cards so bad they will throw a tantrum can also turn around and just as easily give the cards to a friend they want to make. They can just as easily meet a small or large creature and want to pet it as much as they would want to keep it. One because they want it but also because their house is warm and the animal will be fed - the kid can also pet them whenever!
A human can be selfish and kind. A human is cool because they can be both of these things at the same time. They can be selfish and want things- but be empathetic enough to care about others too. Humans with the ability to be so many things at once is inherent. Humans are more then just one trait.
To be selfish is survival.
To be empathetic and kind is a gift we all share.
Sincerely the overly kind kid who was told wanting things and thinking for myself was selfish and bad who is now going to therapy so I can tell myself it is ok to ask for things.
the “humans are inherently selfish” fanclub can genuinely and in all honesty go to hell. i once came back from a school yard where the kids had heaped piles of leaves and cut wildflowers on a narrow strip of grass bc a bee had died. i actually want to cry.
#I think selfishness isn’t a bad trait#I think being selfish without empathy is#I think you can be both#bc of not then I am fucked am I right?#I think we twisted the word without our thinking about it in a logical way#to be selfish is to think about yourself first#to have self care and think about your own needs#BUT that doesn’t mean you can’t also think about others#you can still help anything that lives and breathes while being selfish#be able to take care of yourself so you can take care of others#humans want to survive but we are pack creatures too#so thinking about ourselves but also wanting to help the community is as easy as breathing as kids#I have seen kids easily go to games they want while also helping and being so kind to all the kids around them#kids happily bargaining to get the candy they want from another kid but making sure the kid wants the trade#kids grouping together to eat and helping eachother open their foods#holding hands with scared kids because they really want to jump in the pool but the kid in front of them is scared#kids not wanting to share with kids who were mean to them but will share with their friends#kids are very “I want’ but ‘I want to help’#they don’t have any other frame of reference but themselves#so they can be kind#because they want people to be kind to them too#which is beautiful and wonderful
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kinda scared of a friend of mine bc I swear everytime I run into her she's surrounded by 2-5 people and they're totally different people from the ones surrounding her last time
#i think shes just REALLY outgoing im crazy jealous tbh#from what ive seen i think shes just the type of person to remember people and want to catch up even if they didnt know each other well#which. tbh. goals#i wish i had the courage to do that#i have the remembers people and the wants to talk part down just not the actual talking#honestly im not close with her but i love being around her shes just so charismatic and easy to talk to#this is also the girl who told me i worry too much and get embarrassed before i even do anything in such a strangely kind way#that it just totally shocked my system for a min#up there with the guy who told me “dude we just hung out and have been hanging out for a while ofc we're cool with being friends”#just one of those things where its like. oh. it really is that simple isnt it?
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~ ~ ~
#why do I get the feeling that I’m not going to hear from you at all today#and I know you’ll say you’re just really busy so of course I want to be understanding#but then you’ll also tell me how you were watching something or reading something or doing something that is not related to your work#so it’s a subtle hint that you’re ignoring me and/or don’t really want to talk to me#I know it’s not always easy to think of things to talk about when you talk to someone every single day#there’s a reason I’m constantly trying to help carry the conversation and sending you so many things you could choose to respond to#because I know you won’t put that effort into our friendship so I have to be the one to do it instead#but at the same time when you care about someone you can talk to them forever and never have it be a problem#I can talk to my girlfriend every single day and it’s not a chore and we always have something to say to each other#one day I believe she’ll be my wife and then I’ll still be seeing her and talking to her every single day and it won’t be a problem#so it’s not the best argument to make about why you can’t always think of things to say to me or message me about#especially because you could say anything to me and I’d want to hear it and I’d find a way to answer you#I’ve always felt that way for you but clearly that’s never been mutual#I know I’m being petty but it’s just very difficult lately to move past these kinds of things#they’re so constant and they make me feel so shitty all the time#it seems like all I do is check my messages here waiting for you and I can’t live my life otherwise#it seems you’re still the thing around which all else revolves#and I don’t know how to make that stop without walking away and I’m not willing to do that yet#so I’ll just be bothered while I wait here for you and try to distract myself with other things so I don’t feel so bad#I just miss the person you used to be when you liked me#personal
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