#we stay paranoid
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guys i did a silly
#marzi speaks#my mom and i watched a horror movie together#n bc she likes weird horror i introduced her to the mandela catalogue#and uh. we binged the whole thing#it is now 11:40#one of my biggest childhood fears was home intrusion#we stay paranoid
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Marty McFly VS The Doc-pocalypse or smth like that idk
I put way too much effort into what was supposed to be a stupid doodle so uh. Have this Tumblr. I really don’t have a better explanation for this other than I got two more Doc Pop! Figures today, which leaves me with a growing army of 3 Docs and one singular Marty, and I keep laughing every time I look at them in my display case so here we have Marty dealing with multiple Docs from different times that have all somehow ended up in the garage in 1986. Four dimensional thinking has never been his strong suit, and trying to figure this out is not helping. He’s got two hours of sleep, a bajillion positive encouraging post-it notes from the Doc of the present telling him to sleep, hot chocolate, and four very enthusiastic Emmetts crowding the lab. Send help. And caffeine. And maybe Clara cause he’s not so sure he can keep them from blowing something up for much longer.
Picture of the inspiration under the cut :)
Behold, my growing Doc army and my one single Marty McFly left to deal with them
At least Marty has his tunes. That might help him stay a little sane
#just cause I have to say this- DO NOT TAG AS SHIP HOLY FUCK#STAY BACK 🤺🤺🤺#okay now that that’s out of the way#Marty needs sleep#and a hug (which he’s already gotten multiple of because no matter the decade Doc is his best friend)#from left to right we’ve got:#confused 2015 Doc#paranoid 1955 Doc#one (1) very tired Marty who is actively ignoring the million sticky notes telling him to sleep#far too laid back (also due to lack of sleep) present Doc#and very excited to talk about science with someone who gets it 1931 Doc from the games#WHO IS A GINGER THATS CANON LOOK IT UP#i have no idea how this would happen or what would cause it but it seemed too funny not to doodle#then the doodle became a flat color#and here we are#high key could probably play with this idea if ppl showed interest#Oops All Docs AU#Docpocalypse AU#now for the obligatory tags#back to the future#back to the future the musical#back to the future the game#bttf#bttf musical#back to the future fanart#bttf fanart#until we meet again!
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the epitome of being an adult is just,,, its always something
#c shut up#i fell on the stairs :( and landed right on my foot just straight up crushed it#babies seem fine and i called my dr to see if they'd want me to go in for monitoring but she seemed unconcerned in that when i said#i had no bleeding or cramping and theyre moving#she said chances are nothing happened to them#still paranoid but!!#my foot is so swollen#we almost thought i wouldnt be able to walk tonight but mr c ran out and got me a foot brace#and i was able to get up the stairs to stay upstairs for the rest of the night :')#this pregnancy has been far too eventful for my liking
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this is gonna be me braving going outside during a tornado watch to smoke cigarettes tonight
#you can tell a native-born midwesterner by the level of concern we have for tornadoes. out of towners get spooked over drills. interstate#migrants from the east or the west get paranoid over watches. i check my notifs then but the only time i stay hunkered down in the basement#for hrs at a time w supplies is during a warning. i've known ppl who go out in the rain in lawnchairs to watch distant twisters 💀 i'm not#THAT insane but i am a touch blasé after living here my entire life. also this house has a basement so it's not like we have to drive to a#shelter anymore. it doesn't take longer than a min to find shelter when a watch becomes a warning. i do get my pets down when it starts to#turn ugly during a watch bc getting 5 animals into the basement quickly if they declare a warning sounds like a nightmare#all that said: i'm gonna get SO coated in ash and rain. my cig going out is the only thing that might make me go in#len speaks
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I have so many thoughts about jesse freaking out and instantly going to his parents' house but I cannot put them into coherent words
#finally got to watch ep 4 lets gooooooo#but yeah no hes like 24 and he went home to his parents after a bad trip like nothing happened between them#and its just like wow you really have no support system do you? you get scared and go home like a little kid because who else do you have?#your friends who thought it was stupid you didnt wanna do meth because it was makinh you paranoid#your chemistry teacher who never wants to see you again?#he freaked out and went home and slept in his childhood bedroom and its just like god hes still practically a kid#and he didnt like ask for help or anything he just went there and stayed there until they kicked him out again for having weed like fuck ma#also the fact that his little brother is a super smart overachiever like wow that family dynamic i hope we get to see more of that#🧪💎
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RUBY FRANKE AND JODI HILDEBRANDT SENTENCED TO 4 TO 60 YEARS IN PRISON LETS GOOOOO
#Ruby pled guilty to the charges#She'll likely stay about 30 since that's the current limit legally in Utah for consecutive sentences#But that's only if she's sentenced to the maximum sentence possible#15 years for each case of child abuse#for a total of 4 cases and 60 years#her adult children aren't considered methinks#similar to how a therapist can't tell authorities you're being abused after u turn 18 without your consent#idk how much she'll get seeing as they're in Utah#so there's a lot of ppl that genuinely believe she has a right to do anything to her kids short of killing them#if it means they stick with the religion for as long as they live#some do believe killing ur kids should be allowed tho if it saves their soul or whatever#I disagree with both obviously I think you should be hit with hammers if you treat your kids anywhere near like this#but Jodi better get got those aren't even her fuckin kids got damn#I hope they both get the maximum sentence but especially Jodi cause she absolutely exhasterbated this paranoid mom's shit#Ruby isn't innocent in the slightest she was fucked before Jodi ever showed up#but I fully believe Jodi pushed her closer to this extremen#extreme*#and I hope we start to chip away at the religious exemptions we still have in the US when it comes to child abuse#'spare the rod' spare ur fucking breath if you hit a child I'm gonna hit you with hammers#ex christian#religious trauma#child abuse
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ChatGPT has essentially removed critical thinking skills from the smart kids in my biology class so it falls to stupid brainless idiot donkeys like me to understand the material to make sure we don't all die due to global warming I GUESS 😒
#boomer take but atp i dont even care#professor Layton (the real life one) looked real distraught when no one could figure out the fuckin questions he was giving us#and i thought like 'well in my case its cus im fuckin stupid idk why y'all are struggling so much tho'#then i realized like hey isn't there a magic 'answer all your questions' machine going around that people are using to study#the one i don't use because tech companies are predatory and i'm paranoid#sheesh. no wonder y'all keep getting 2.0s y'all can't think for yourselves.#it's kinda hilarious how stacked against us the cards are thanks to big corporations but we stay silly#why? because I have a savior's complex.
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Thing about small italian villages is that the didnt really have roads up until the 70's which of course leads to a massive amount of cousin marriage and inbreeding and while yes my particular own has its issues regarding that (3 major families (one of whom i am part of!!! Yay!!!) that all of the other families are related to, everyone there has bone/joint problems or some sort of schizofrenia) the neighboring one is worse as in they have one major family and the rest of the inhabitants are ppl who immigrated to have a quiet life in the mountain slopes and that by itself could be an extremely interesting study bcs everyone there kinda looks the same-ish and has a frankly insane amount of people with developmental disabilities for a population this small
#ok now that i have typed it out i realized it sounds mean and i want to earnestly say that i am not mocking them i just suck at tone#i do not think its something to be laughed at i just think the whole thing is uh. i wouldnt say tragic but really no one's fault#bcs again. if you live in the mountains where the main city is hard to reach bcs of poor road conditions#which leads to isolation and also extreme stigma against the village folk *of course* the village#will become more secluded and incestuous marriages will happen (aside from the obv economical factor#that a pre industrial reality would entrail)#its just. fascinating on a sociological and genetical level. esp since by when the roads were functional#and the village folk stigma had already gone away the whole 'we stay here we stay together we are better than anyone bcs they are envious#of us and we will continue inbreeding and any kids with severe disabilities born from it are actually Blessed because they are born from us#has already taken so much root it is now unlikely to be eradicated . the nature of italian villages is that every once in a while#someone reinvents blood purity and eugenetics lmao#anyways this whole incest thing is also the reason why i get frustrated about those books that have#the main characters go into small bigoted villages and either finding peace there or be horrified by its conservatives ideas#while never digging on the *why*. like yeah all this 'what happens in the village stays in the village and everyone else is an enemy'#but they never dig into why that mentality was born to begin with and how incest there#actively helps this mentality to continue on like you legit still have grandmas telling you to marry ur cousin#anw. i dont know what i was going for w this rant. it originated from knowing that my aunt turned local saint#was actually schizophrenic and was prone to paranoid attacks and mental breakdowns similar to mine#fun stuff!
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i lowkey hate the schizophrenia subreddit
#the adas speak#it's just 'call the police on this unwell person!' and 'you need to go to a doctor and get medicated!'#which. yeah schizophrenia is very serious right. i know i have a mild case or i just don't know how bad i have it#but. it sucks to see mentally ill people vouching for what is likely to lead to the harm of others like them#even when a person is actually dangerous i still don't think my first thing would be the cops. when you know they're schizophrenic#you can do emergency plans. for if/when things get really bad#like. my therapist is probably about to try to force me to get medicated. same therapist that hasn't noticed i was schizophrenic#same therapist that knows how my parents treat me and my disabilities#it's just. there's such a strong stigma and fear of schizophrenia when it's just. a thing?#and we really need to be teaching people how to handle us. like systemically and also as individuals when we can#instead of advocating for medication and cops as the only solutions. those can very well cause more problems than they solve#like. sending the cops after a paranoid person is just logically kinda dumb. sending a paranoid person to the psych ward#where they'll be forced to take medication or stay in solitary confinement is just. it's fucked up. and it probably makes it worse#like the schizophrenia itself probably gets worse if every time you experience psychosis you get treated like shit by the worst people ever#there is proof that if people are less negative/more positive about it the symptoms are less negative#so it's just wild that instead of looking at what those cultures where schizophrenia isn't this awful thing for the people who have it#we continue to talk like our society is the only option.#ig with the schizophrenic symptoms it's hard to really enact change or find the motivation for it. but idk
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huh i just realised. we don't get imposter syndrome anymore nowadays when posting about our system
#back when we had just newly discovered ourselves#(or rather; discovered ourselves to be plural; stayed in the closet abt it for a year and a half; experienced An Event;#went through a full system overhaul; the new guys made a new blog to post system stuff)#but anyway back when we had just started posting about ourselves (and kind of even up to the third cycle with Ro and the others)#we felt like. wrong. posting abt it. like we'd get chased out of the community#now we're a bit older and more experienced#and we know so much more about ourselves and about systems#we actually put in the effort to learn and it *stuck*#and now we feel totally comfortable posting as a collective#i mean we're still paranoid about like. leaving this safe little bubble of nice people I've found on the internet#but I've gotten a bit more confident and am more able to reach out to people where i was almost completely unable to send asks before#like we actually split a girl specifically made for sending anon asks bc it was so stressful 😭😭😭😭#now we sometimes even have the courage to ask stuff off anon which makes us feel proud we've made so much progress :)#it might not look like much but for us it's a huge step that makes the rest of the journey so much easier#maybe we'll be able to start talking to people regularly again :)
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Besides see, what else can Tom’s gogles do?
Tom is a Lieutenant General in the RA, but his real title is actually Army Director, which of course, is kept secret and only known to Tord.
Being RL’s spouse means Tom has to be prepared for the possibility that his husband could die at any time, leaving the army without its leader. As Army Director, he has access to everything that Tord has access to, his goggles is something of his own personal computer database besides being visual aid.
With the goggles, Tom is able to keep track of all their military bases, cameras at any RA base, the comms systems, remote weaponry, their defense systems, information of registered soldiers and threats, launch codes and others related, as well as general information that can be found online.
But use of this feature is timed and limited, if Tom uses it for too long it could cause mental stress and internal bleeding, he’s only able to access at maximum 2 command screens (e.g. He’ll take a look at cameras while running soldier info in the back.) And he never uses it much anyway unless Tord needs some help.
More often than not, he uses the comm system command for daily announcements and reminders at RA HQ.
Idk if yall caught it but in some RL Tord asks in the past, there would be a tag saying smth like: ‘Reminder/Message from the Office of the Red Leader: Please do not report to HQ if you took part in the most recent rebellion ^^ Goodbye, traitor.’ - Thats Tom. He uses a voice mod to hide his identity when he does this announcement, but most everyone in RA knows that whoever is making this announcement is RL’s rumored failsafe in case of his demise.
And that’s scary, cause that voice is associated with all their remote weaponry.
Of course, this feature wasn’t added until after Tord realized how serious he was about Tom and married him. At the start, it was mostly just visual aid and comm systems.
Plus, this was also for his safety, if ever there came a time the army would turn on them, or worse, on Tom alone due to Tord’s death, he can use it to defend himself with the full might of RA’s resources if need be. Same goes if their enemies decide to take advantage of Tord's untimely absence, Tom gets full control of the RA and its resources.
#asks#blueprintfish#ew Stay AU#husbands who rule the world together my beloved <3#Tord being a paranoid bastard about his husband’s safety: Hey my love? What if I made you a one man army???#Tom; perfectly happy to go along with this: Sick when do we start??#Also needless to say Tom is basically the second RA leader#nobody except his hubby knows that tho lmao
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I am now thinking so much about dynamic changes that could happen now. Pre-Megatron but Megatron having to deal with the aftermath when he gets on about the rogue mnemosurgeon in the locked medbay room. Which makes me think that setup ends differently with Drift returning more quickly (Pre-Megatron?).
So this is their last journey before they arrive for Dark Cybertron that builds in the background only to explode post-Tyrest with the Lost Light Ratchet leading going after Drift because Ratchet ran off. The Tyrest Incident accelerates it and leads to more explosions of tension.
Maybe even a cryptic comment from Pharma about Ratchet not noticing what had been done to him.
Other contenders for change:
Sunstreaker having nightmares and having memories of his brother, Ironhide, and Bob get fuzzy and is convinced someone broke into his berthroom. Something proven when Bob gets a chunk of the mech and becomes growling and protective and Sunstreaker does NOT take kindly to someone else messing with his brain after what has happened to him. He is extra furious because the image of what happened is blurred, and like in TCaTC, Chromedome isn't using traditional entry points. He is an early proponent of the cospiracy that something is happening.
Rodimus is only attacked once and has nightmares of Nyon, and reacts instinctively and burns Chromedome. It leads him to being in a bit of a negative loop.
Rung is atrempted, and it knocks memories loose instead, and now he is dreaming about four siblings and is strangely standing out.
Ambulon, interestingly, doesn't remember Pharma, who wasn't close to him but promoted and treated him mostly fairly and until the rather ridiculous last hour frame attempt was his best boss who recognized his skills and reacted accordingly. This ironically saves his life and leads to Pharma inspecting them and laughing because Ratchet didnt notice. He is a little gleeful as he sees this as proof. First Aid doesn't kill him so Pharma is in the brig and it takes everyone a long time to approach him and find out Pharma has mostly reverted to a newbuild because Ratchet was such an important part of his life the only memories left were Tarn and suffering so he only has vague memories of being born, learning, some of Delphi which are again fractured and unclear more a vague idea of patients and surgeries and knowing who Ambulon/First Aid is, and a boogeyman of Tarn and his voice and now being "safe" on the Lost Light. He doesn't remember the Red Rust because Ratchet was too tied to the resolution so itvwas deleted in an attempted defrag
Pharma basically thinks his life is birth -> training -> assignment to Delphi which conflats his early residency and Delphi memories so he doesn't know he was in charge and has concluded Ambulon was -> The DJD attacking (?) -> Tarn = Suffering -> a disease (?) -> being "rescued" (mixes Tyrest and his arrest) -> staying in the brig and a sharp pain
He assumes he is isolated due to a disease quarantine and is generally calm and friendly and eager to impress. His brain may have suppressed/deleted a bit more than intended defensively.
Exactlyyyy (does this mean Optimus doesn't drag a mnemosurgeon to somewhat threaten Megatron into fessing up memories "for evidence", or does this mean he drags in someone else?)
I feel like just the idea of having a rogue mnemosurgeon on the ship definitely freaks Megs out, especially considering how confined to the ship he is and how strict the conditions of his time there are. Honestly I'm surprised we don't get MORE angst regarding Megatron and Chromedome doing his mnemosurgery thing, PTSD is a bitch like that.
Ohhoh yes just imagine him stepping on the LL and one of the first people he meets is Deadlock Drift.
Yessss yess this is a far more extended process than the other Events, and Pharma totally gets to call that out (probably because those two probably did have good memories at some point, and well we know what happens to good memories here. But also because the personality changes)
Tyrest typically tends to not help situations yeeaaahhhh
Plus like in The Cop And The Cryptid, not using the traditional entry points has a chance of ~effects~ on the doctor as well as the victim patient.
dAMN RODDIE W, okay that makes perfect sense considering Rodimus's outlier ability and based on what I know of Rodimus... He's already hiding so much heavy shit under a smile and perky attitude.
Interesting result there on Rung, as Chromedome's attempt to shadowplay him actually leads to him remembering more rather than less (though from what I remember of Rung these new vague memories are liable to start fucking with him.)
Oh wow yes that's interesting because it also demonstrates how different Pharma was before shit started going sideways regarding the deal with Tarn and the t-cogs from only the thoroughly damned weren't enough. Super fucking interesting how this changes how Ratty, Aid, and Ambi INTERACT with Pharma and how their side of the Tyrest incident is affected.
So Pharma is basically starting from scratch, hmm. Took all of them but one person a long time to approach him, it seems. Chromedome's attacks are messy, and it's really showing with Pharma. He's rather confused, and I think this says a lot about what the situation on Delphi was like pre Red Rust too as again that was merely the straw that broke the camel's back as the noose that was his deal with Tarn grew tighter. And the fact that because he's missing some of the pieces so he's attaching the ones he does have to the wrong places? Yes. Exactly.
This is why shadowplay scares me so much. This had to have been such a left turn for the rest of the LL crew as far as Pharma is concerned and there will be so many consequences.
#maccadam#transformers#whole lot of guys#but especially#mtmte chromedome#Chromedome is moving damn fast#i can imagine megatron being more paranoid in the beginning of his stay in this timeline because the rogue mnemosurgeon thing#because even though CD is locked in the medbay Megs is seeing the results of shadowplay right in front of him and better safe than sorry#and like we know Megatron's attempted shadowplay still affected him neurologically even if it didn't wipe all of the intended memories#that's another thing i think about is the physical neurological effects of mnemosurgery like we see in TCaTC#it's fucked uppppp#lose all your senses au
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girl it is 20 o clock it is too late to be. uh. idk what i'm doing honestlyee <3 slayyyyyyyy!!!!!!
#i made a textpost#8 pm and we stay silly but also we should probobally go to bed bc i feel like. weird. like on a spiritual level i've drank expired soda#not physically but like something in my energy is not right#think its the late night setting in. YOU CAN'T TAKE MY SILLY#trying to make me paranoid smh. not late enough for that u gotta wait at least one more hour#but yeah. eppy time#right now i'm still happy and peppy i'm just a little fucky wucking weirddd <3#but soon i will becomes. infested with horrors#so eepy time it is <3
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ough the way my friend in my house was insisting that it's best to go to a beach in another city along the coast (to celebrate another friend's birthday) but five of us could go in her car and one would have to take the (expensive, long) train alone (with beach stuff), instead of just going to the smaller but closer beach that we can all get to on the bus together. she stood there and said 'we'll get to the beach quicker in my car than all on the bus' ok five of us will. and the other will not. but that doesn't matter to her
#so they're at this beach now because i said i'll stay home and let everyone else take the spaces in the car#i didn't want to go anyway and i think i might look like a bit of an asshole#the way she looked at me last night and said. we still need to decide who's taking the train there.#right first off you did not tell me someone was going to have to take the train#and maybe i'm being paranoid but yeah in what world wouldn't you want that to be me#she doesn't give a shit fr#the way i get ignored until i'm talking to her about something she wants to listen to.......#i know she's not as close to me as she is with the other two friends going to the beach#and her and one friend have partners who would be in the car with them#leaving one spare seat between me and my other friend#who didn't even know of the train problem until i told her#its not a big deal but u look directly in my eyes and say we need to decide who's not travelling with us. who will have to take the bus to#the city centre then pay for a train ticket then get from the station to the beach then all the way back again.#we need to decide this because *i* don't want to take the bus to the alternative beach even if it means we all get to travel together.#she's my friend but to be blunt she's inconsiderate and self-centred#and too neurotypical to communicate clearly#so much of what she wants to say is implied#like unplugging the tumblr dryer and tightly folding up the cord behind it when she wants us to stop using it to save money#LMAO just talk to us. please#and if you want me to tag behind you on a train#just say that and i'll know
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Kicks legs and whinesss
Waaaaaa i have to. Wear plastic wrap on my arm because we have no bandages this is hell on earth. It is COLD. COLD PLASTIC !!!!!
Im wearintg a jacket cause inneed to sleep soon and keep it on while i do so but i dont wwnnnaaaa its gonna get so messsyyyyy its gonna be hell on earrtttthhhh
#dry skin issues strike again#but this time with additional#medical issues#because life hates me.#we lathered my arm up like sunscreen in summer and put plastic wrap on it to help it stay moistured. now i have to go see a doctor#agony#pain#suffering#i hateee that its not secure. i could pull the whole thing off right now super easily. its making me paranoid (hence the jacket)#but its my favorite jacket so if use it for this i cant wear it tomorrow because itll be in the wash....#what will i do without the trusty comfort jacket.....
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so I had a book (?) on wattpad which was really old and that I made when I was much younger that wattpad just randomly removed about like 2-3 weeks ago without me knowing. I only found out just now because on a whim I decided to check my Wattpad account.
honestly, I’m not even that mad. It was an old book and I didn’t really care much about it anyways but like…I’m just more confused than anything. Looking through their “What We Remove” section, i don’t remember anything in the book aligning with the stuff they remove and they didn’t even give me a reason themselves as to why they took down the book.
I was already contemplating leaving wattpad for ao3 (only reason I hadn’t was just because ao3 seemed too complicated for me lol) but this is kinda pushing me even more to just leave wattpad and take my fanfics over to tumblr and ao3.
edit: ok so I’ve added myself to the…list I guess? on ao3 to make an account. It seems i won’t actually get invited for a bit so I’ll be cautiously using wattpad. But to be extra sure that if I incur that wrath of the wattpad gods again I don’t lose the actual book I care about I’m going to writing the draft of the chapters in Google docs so I don’t lose my progress if that book gets taken down lol.
#talk away ⌞🍵🍋 ⌝#like idc if wattpad wanted to take down my book#I think that’s fine#what I’m confused and frustrated about is that I’m not told a reason#I’m just told#“hey we took down your book because it doesn’t align with our guidelines but we’re not gonna tell you why lmao”#:/#ao3#wattpad#fanfiction#and if wattpad’s gonna delete a book of mine that was able to stay up YEARS on the site#with not even the flimsiest reason why#idk maybe I’m being paranoid#but I’m kinda worried about my other book now that I actually am working on#Speaking of fanfics#I need to get back to writing for those requests I straight up ghosted#I am so sorry guys lol#I am not and will never be used to getting requests
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