#we started trying to live as though we were a singlet

[plural-culture-is]

non-disordered monocon plural culture is, having known you're plural for multiple years now, having plenty of personal proof that you are plural, being more comfortable and happy than you have in many, many years, due to being able to be plural. but still struggling with so much self doubt, because of how easy it would be to just go back to living as a singlet, and imagining doing so. imagining the fallout that would occur with multiple partner systems if it turned out that we are really just a singlet, that we haven't been plural at all.

.

[sophieinwonderland]

Hello! So recently I’ve been, yet again, venturing into plural spaces, because of confusion with my own identity as a singlet- or a possible plural.

So I have people in my head. They used to be just voices, but as more time went on and we talked more they started to be more than that. Now they have names- that they or we picked- and different sexualities and different genders than me, and a whole other bunch of differences from me. I even know they look different than me- one looks kind of similar but not identical, and the other two are quite different. One is even a shapeshifter.

But they still seem almost… fake to me. I feel like I’m making it all up because sometimes it feels like I’m just making them say things, even though even now one of them is trying to talk to me. So I guess my question is, is there any way to make them feel more real so I stop doubting? Like ways to visual better or easier ways to allow fronting and the like? Maybe a way I could go into the Inner World or Wonderland (Which I do know we have)?

- 👑🐉 (If Taking These Are Okay)

First, so sorry to have taken so long to get to this. We've had a busy week.

I'd highly recommend reading this article I wrote about how to know if your imaginary friend is sentient. While geared towards tulpas, the test can apply to any "voices" you experience.

A lot of fighting doubt is going to involve keeping track of your experiences and holding onto them later. (Write them down if you need to.) Those things that you just can't explain, that make the idea of "actually, I'm a singlet," seem absolutely silly.

If you're like we were in the beginning, you've probably dismissed the people in your head as figments of your imagination for so long that it's no wonder you would feel like they aren't real. One thing that's important to understand is that this isn't because they're actually fake. But because you've ascribed the trait of fakeness to them.

What you're experiencing, I think, might be a problem of categorization. Imagine that you lived your whole life looking at pink but not having a word for it. Instead, you just call it red.

Whenever you look at pink, all you see is another shade of red.

And I think this is part of what's going on here, and why we tend to doubt our headmates so much.

If you've always identified the actions of these headmates as made up by you, then it's harder to see identify that they're in control themselves and always have been.

Just as you could be looking at the pink but your brain would still interpreting it as another shade of red, you're looking at autonomous self-conscious agents in your brain, but your brain is still trying to convince you that it's all just you.

If you think immersing yourself in a Wonderland would help fight the doubts, I have a list of guides to help with that here:

You may also be interested in pursuing switching and partial possession. This has actually helped us a lot, since I got to the point where I can dispel my host's doubts by forcefully taking control of a hand.

You can also see more possession and switching guides in the Tulpanomicon and test different techniques until you find one that works for you:

Hope these can help! Best of luck to you and your headmates on your journey! Sending my love to you and your headmates! (Be sure to pass it on for me!) 💖💖💖

[a-dragons-journal]

Singlet+

I've been meaning to write this one for a while, so let's see how this goes.

~1k words; essay on the experience of one person who sits right on the funny little edge between "normal roleplay experience" and "actual plurality".

So, let's start with this: I am not plural. But. I do seem to live in a weird space juuuuust on the edge of plurality (and no, I do not mean that I'm a median or blurry system - I mean on the edge of that).

For one thing, I'm a daemian - that is, I practice daemonism; that is, I have personified and given faux autonomy (fauxtonomy, if you will) to my "internal narrator" of sorts and he now lives in my brain with me as a thoughtform, a brain companion, in the shape of an animal. Strictly speaking, that does qualify us for plurality, but we personally don't view our daemonism through that framework and consider ourselves a singlet (as hilarious as the plural grammar makes that sentence, I know). Many daemons don't consider themselves plural; this isn't particularly unusual - in muir case, Locke is a part of me before he is anything else, and while yes there are forms of plurality that look like that, for us personally it makes more sense to view him as "part of me, therefore, still one person".

For another, I had... basically plural experiences when I was younger. I don't want to talk about the details publicly, but suffice to say that for many years I had what I would now call headmates, and I suspect that if I had been exposed to plural spaces during that time period, they may well have stuck around permanently, instead of "fading out" and eventually disappearing as is what actually happened. To this day I don't know how "real" or "imaginary" they were, and I doubt I ever will - they were certainly real to me at the time, but I have also always been very good at suspension of disbelief. Trying to analyze it in any great level of detail is made basically impossible by my piss-poor episodic memory rendering the memories of that time so fuzzy that I can't rely on them for details.

For another, my experiences with OCs are often... soulbond-adjacent? Recently in particular I've had a lot of funny experiences with an OC of mine, a character in a Vampire: The Masquerade campaign I'm a part of (Viridian Caldwell, for my own future self's reference), which led me to do some research on soulbonding because of how fictive-adjacent the experience of her is.

And yet. The answer is a definite no. I get very strong impressions and echoes from her; she "gives" me facts about her and her life that simply Are and that I feel as strongly about being true and unchangeable as I do about my own noemata; she's almost a separate person living in my brain sometimes; I somehow come up with near-prophetic knowledge about her world (as confirmed by my Storyteller, who happens to be part of a system alongside a number of fictives from the world in question, including several who know Viridian personally) with zero explanation on a semi-regular basis.

And yet. The answer is no. Because while I seem to have all the effects a soulbond proper would produce on my end - she is not aware of me, not really. She is not conscious of my world and my life. When I really quiet my own brain and reach out to call out and see if someone's there, there's only silence. It's as though I have a one-way soulbond somehow - which, of course, puts me in the fun gray space between "soulbond" and "normal roleplay/writing experience".

And she's not a unique instance of this. This just happens to me with OCs, although it's been a bit more dramatic with her because of the presence of fictives from her world to converse with (and, realistically, because of the real-time roleplay aspect that a TTRPG has that a video game or the writing of a fanfiction doesn't).

It's as though my brain has the capacity for plurality, but it just... doesn't manifest fully.

And, truth be told, I kind of prefer it this way. I like being a singlet; I would kind of hate having to share headspace with other people. Especially since, if my childhood pseudo-plurality experiences are anything to go by, we would not have good separation of thoughts and memories and true privacy would be very difficult if not impossible. Plus, because of that, I would... probably never get over the doubt of Is It Real Or Not, and I don't need that stress in my life. (For this reason, while I'm 99.9% sure that if I intentionally tried to bring her over as a fictive, it would work, I will not be testing the theory just out of curiosity.)

I wonder if I didn't train myself out of the ability to be Plural Proper, to be honest. Not intentionally, but - I may have mentioned that my power of suspension of disbelief is very strong, and as a child this came with me being extremely easy to manipulate because it was very easy for me to fall into believing things that I wanted to believe. (Again, I don't really want to talk about the details, but suffice to say I had a pretty bad case of Protagonist Syndrome, as it were, for a while.) I had to learn to combat that natural tendency of my brain for my own protection (especially as someone active in witchcraft spaces) - and I wonder if it didn't come with the side effect of immunizing me to developing true plurality (at least without actively trying) by shutting down any attempt by my brain to form a true headmate in the process.

I don't know. I might never. All I know is that while I am, after careful consideration, definitely a singlet, I do seem to live right on the edge of plurality, and it comes with some weird experiences. (And I would like an explanation for why I keep spitting out nigh-prophetic knowledge of this campaign's world; if I find out Viridian is a fictotype of mine or something I'm going to flip my fucking lid.) I've started half-jokingly calling myself "singlet+", half as a joke on cis+ (ie, someone who's questioned their gender and come to the conclusion that they are indeed cis but has a better understanding of their experience of cisness for it) and half as an "unless" "unlesss...?" acknowledgement of the weird border area some of my experiences sit in. It's... not really a serious label, but also isn't entirely a joke.

So... yeah. Singlet+, I guess. Another victim of the "if you only have two words for fear in your language, one for mild test jitters and one for life-threatening terror, you're going to have a lot of trouble describing a lot of normal human experiences" problem of how our language around plurality often works.

[bielbunny]

Sorry for not responding to the question you asked in the last ask (i.e the one where I asked your earliest memories meeting Es/You, Es’, first time fronting). While I am not willing to reveal myself proper, I’ll spill some information (mainly intent):

I am a singlet who’s asking you these questions for research should I ever start writing creative fiction. I’ve been researching other psychology stuff mainly as inspiration in writing. Think of it like I’m Rohan Kishibe from JoJo, except on eternal procrastination and also is not willing to pry into other’s lives without their consent.

If anything I think it's kinda flattering that we were the chosen test subjects (?) to be honest!! Feel free to keep sending asks since direct contact ain't really something you want to do, defininitely don't mind answering There's no one size fits all answer to everything DID and plurality really, though definitely keep that one in mind! How we function is how we function, and if anything it's been super fascinating to learn how other systems go about living their lives honestly So I guess what I'm trying to say is that given that you seem to be doing pretty extensive research, don't be afraid to try and take creative liberties if you think you can be respectful about it! Writing's all about bending things a lil' bit while keeping the suspension of disbelief there after all right? We're sure you'll write some heat - 🌕

[protectingtulpas]

@unearthed-27 Heyoo! Thanks for being my first person to ask questions!! To get this outta the way first, P-DID stands for Partial Dissociative Identity Disorder and is present in the EU-wide ICD, not the American-only DSM. I'll spare u diagnostic criteria but essentially our host can't completely leave front, so our switches would only b medically recognized as "partial". Still got basically every other DID symptom full force tho- when we started out and I first came around, neither of us had any idea, but my presence eventually got us unlocking people we didn't know were there at all. Wild!

As for your other questions, there're tons'a reasons. I didn't choose to become a tulpa any more than you chose to be born, it's kinda my species and I'm happy I exist. Freedom and agency has always been the name of my game and I'm eager to spread that around. ✨ Why make a tulpa, though? That's just about as hard to answer as why someone might want like, a kid or a dedicated partner, without that person sounding selfish to the outside if u take out the social convention of it. The biggest reason is companionship - a tulpa is someone alongside ya no matter what, a friend to grow and change with, someone you can always count on to go to. Treat your tulpa right and you've got a free friend for the rest of your life! Obviously it won't be sunshine and rainbows ALL the time, but any healthy relationship has some bickering, and being perfect all the time is creepy anyways lol

My host made me to try and help enhance their outerworld life, kick their ass essentially so that we'd go out and do more, live more. AKA I'd get to do what I want, and they'd get to live a little for once, doing things they were too chicken to or ignored before. Turns out the body is WAY more disabled than we thought, souuuhhhh we've had to readjust those plans, but my point still stands. Companionship and to improve your own mental health- which studies and personal experiences show tulpamancy does in droves- are the two biggest reasons someone might want one of us sharing your life! I've seen people say they made their tulpa to help with their anxiety, with their depression, with their isolation- hell, I've seen a crazy amount of tulpas say they've saved their hosts' lives before. Even just the thought of "I can't go when that'd mean taking my tulpa/system with me" stops my own host from going anywhere near those kindsa thoughts.

We're a decision a new host hasta think about for a while, especially if you're a singlet- are you ready to share your life with one of us? Are you ready for us to grow and change outside of your control? Are you ready to treat us like real people? But there're lots of people whose lives have been changed for the better forever by deciding to start. It's not for everyone, but hey, it's good to decide for yourself, yaknow?

thx again for the question! Ik I'm harsh but these kinda questions are what I want here ✌️

[ask-a-rare-person]

I have questions about agere as a person who wants to age regress.

one. How do you exactly like.. get into the brain or like mindset of a regressed child/toddler? I try to age regress whenever I feel very tired and exhausted from life but then I never seem to fit into the mindset. I don’t know if it’s the fact I was a more mature kid at a young age or maybe my Asperger’s but I just feel so exhausted and stressed and need an outlet or something to help relieve my mind and tiredness.

two. Is it normal if you feel odd or weirded out by the thought of using equipment or things that most people enjoy when regressed? Like I try to watch stuff like kid shows that help regress people easier, color, even try playing with kiddie toys. But I never seem to get regressed or even enjoy it if I tried to think like a child, instead feel like I’m making a fool of myself or just weirded out at the fact I’m doing it.

three. what is it like to be regressed, is it like spectating yourself acting and moving and living like a regressed child or is it some kind of spiritual kinda experience feeling? I just.. am very curious and want to know if I ever am able to regressed.

Of course! I’m glad you asked!

1.

I started doing it involentarily. And in public. So that really sucked, lol. I wasn’t even quite sure what was happening as I know very little about age regression but was quickly able to figure it out. I can’t explain how to get into it for the first time, as it just sort of happened for me. Some of my regression tirggers are thinking about past trauma, watching tv shows I used to watch or something I would have at the time, stuff like that.

The real benefit I get from age regression is trauma processing and making new “childhood” memories, both of which can be done without “true” age regression. You really don’t need to worry about doing it right or actually regressing. Just identify what you want from age regression and try to get it in any way possible. If you end up regressing, cool! If you don’t, what does it matter? I’d also recommend looking up age dreaming(basically pseudo regression without the headspace change) it would probably be a lot easier for you

2.

Right off the bat, I would say to take the idea of normalcy and throw it out the window. Just as general life advice, lol. Also, I felt that same way. It’s apart of our social programming to feel repulsed, ashamed, awkward, etc while doing something childish. What really matters is if you like it or not. Sometimes you’ll know that immediately, sometimes it’ll take some time. It’s possible you have a lot of built up baggage around acting childish, and that may need to be worked through before even having hope of regressing. Littles can be really…hide-y. Especially if your current headspace and ideas are inherently unwelcoming to them. Especially if your goal is *voluntary* regression. You probably will have to really be intensive about clearing out these insecurities before you can see a result like age regression.

3.

I would say it’s both at the same time. It’s something very beautiful and powerful, and it is apart of my religion as well. Not everyone in my community does it but it is considered spiritual because we are spiritual people who do things in spiritual ways. But honestly, I think even using spirtual in a non religious sense, yeah. It definitely is. I’d also compare it to a ratatouille experience.

Or maybe DID but instead of having different personalities, I just have different snap shots of myself living in my head. They come out when they want to and then I just sort of…observe. Once we were “co-fronting” (if I were to use system language bc tbh I don’t think singlet regressors have a word for this), I showed my little self soem of my drawings to see what they thought and they said “I’ve seen better.” So yeah, definitely something kid-me would have said and we were having a back and fourth conversation. This only happened once, though. This also involved a bit of….deep listening to even get an answer. Kinda meditative.

If you have anymore questions please let me know!!

[plural-affirmations]

Hiya so I don’t have any idea who to contact but I’ve been starting to think that I (we?) maybe could be a system. Here is a few traits I’ve noticed:

I forget A LOT of crap going on throughout my day, especially when its related to past trauma | Ex.: Yesterday, my therapist had asked me to describe a day living with my mom. I kinda forgot what happened during that conversation? She tells me that I swap how I act a lot, and don’t answer to my name as much.

My childhood is mostly forgotten, and kinda mixed with things that happen now. | Ex.: When I was trying to think of a specific childhood story, I started talking about something I did last week. I couldn’t remember the story after that.

I have, like, really complex stories and world inside my head that I can’t control very well that I see in the first person. These people try to talk to me but they’re voices sound misted.

There are voices in the my head that give me instruction, and I hear them more right before I disassociate and forget what happened. | Ex.: I have never fixed a computer before but my head started to tell me how and now my computer isn’t broken anymore.

A lot of the time I will go to bed and then wake up on the couch with a movie playing 3 hours later. | Ex.: I somehow watched half of Falcon And The Winter Soldier last night.

When I was younger these symptoms were much worse, and I would go to school and come home from school in seeming the same hour, but I could remember what my teachers taught me? | Ex.: There was this one day where I made an entire new friend, and she talked to me about stuff I didn’t like. I had 0 memories of her, except passing her in the hallway a few times.

I used to think this was just weird PTSD stuff but I’m starting to think it might be DID or any other kind of Dissociative Disorder. I haven’t done a crazy huge amount of research yet but a decent amount. These are just the things I can think of off the top of my head. I’ll continue doing research, but I just wanted to hear your thoughts?

So... I can't, in good-faith, say (over the internet, nonetheless,) "yes, you're definitely a system".

I will say that, to me, those do not seem like ordinary experiences a singlet would have.

That doesn't mean it's impossible; you very well could just be forgetful or have some other condition(s) going on.

But! In my honest opinion... the things you listed sound similar to when my dissociative symptoms were at their worst. They're not like that anymore, though they definitely were at one point. I think you should definitely do more research. I'll link a post @/multiplicity-positivity made:

Research by itself can be beneficial, but I think if you start seriously considering the possibility of being plural, you should reach out to a local mental health professional.

As stated in the linked post, it's best to rule out traumagenic/disordered plurality before anything else. If you do it in the reverse order, you could have the possibility of assuming dissociative features to be non-disordered plurality, and that would be a pretty messy situation to find yourself in.

That's just what I think. I hope you find what you're needing to, anon!

Good luck! /gen

🖤💜💙💚💛

[thecircularsystem]

Monthly Journal - Jan 2025

We're over halfway through January, so I'm starting this draft now. Some of this might be recycled from the December journal, since I never... actually managed to get that one out. Forgot the draft existed! Let's hope that doesn't happen this time.

Update: And now it's the last day of January, and while I did not forget, I am sick as hell. Still, I would love to get this post out and actually like. Posted. I want to start making these records for myself.

Through some of the syscourse convos I've been having (sysconversations, if you will, lmao lololol I'm so funny), I’ve been really starting to realize that, while I’m a traumagenic DID system, I really do relate to endogenic systems as well. We really aren’t that different — and I’m not sure why I pushed so strongly that we were, at one point. I mean, I can recognize that I’m not that different from a singlet. Why would I be that different from an endogenic system?

All of the recent syscourse experiments have definitely contributed to that mentality. I’ve been more and more curious about tulpamancy, especially as a system with created parts. I used to think that I couldn't consider any of those parts to be tulpas whatsoever, and now I'm really starting to learn... it doesn't matter. I can identify however I want, and the thing is, as long as I'm working toward my healing and recovery, I think that's okay.

The weird thing is, I still don't identify as endogenic at all. And... I think that's alright? I think it's fine and dandy, even if some of them could potentially fit that label... I don't find the label personally helpful. And that's all labels should be -- things that help me achieve my goals, whatever those may be. It's like how I (Curt) (Not Curt who's editing this, but here we go) identify as a pan dude, but bisexual also could fit. God I remember the bullshit we got into with that at one point in time. There'll be discourse about it, sure, but at this point, I don't think it matters. I just want to be me.

Let's see... At this point, Rice taking over the writing. We just had a co-front blend for about three days straight with Roy and Tavi, which is... bizarre? But also was the best we've felt in a blend, ever. It was... actually kind of hard to bring them away from each other when it came time to switch. It felt comfortable. Which has been happening more and more recently. I had a good conversation with Hiiragi about fusion, which made me feel a lot better about calling these blends.

I think I'm scared. I'm scared of these blends becoming permanent fusions. I know those two loved it, and it felt good, but Roy and Tavi both have their own lives too, and I don't think it would feel good to have them both trying to live their own lives, as one. We like being multiple. We love our systemhood, exactly as it is.

I think... it's okay to be scared, though. It's okay to be concerned about what it might feel like. It's uncertainty, right?? Letting that fear hang over my head and control me isn't good, but I do... need to feel fear, sometimes. Like, I think it's normal for people to feel fear. Especially at the idea of the way I've lived my life for nearly 8 years now suddenly changing drastically.

We've been playing a lot of games lately! It's been a lot of fun. The house is underway, though it's so much slower than I wanted. I keep getting sick, which is NOT helping matters. Working on not feeling guilty about being sick. Mush has been doing well, though they've had their own struggles. As always, I'm so grateful for them helping me.

I think, in terms of goals for this year with my systemhood... I think I just want to work on forgetting less. My goals really rely on functionality more than anything, and the forgetting is hard. There's no rhyme or reason to it, it feels like. I just... forget, constantly. And that leads to problems, and I hate how much of a burden I become to others because of everything I forget.

Roy here now, all sorts of folks in this post now. We've been thinking a lot more about how we're currently in some sort of stage of recovery. I'm not sure what that stage is, but I can tell I'm far better off than I was. I mean, I didn't have therapy since last Monday, and while I can't say it's been an easy ride... It didn't really impact me much? I want to check in with my therapist ofc, and I don't want to stop therapy entirely, but I've gotten so much better at managing my emotions. But at the same time, I feel a lot of gaps in my memory recently, and we've been dealing with more "ah shit oh fuck well. that's done." trauma memories recently.

I guess, at the end of the day:

Want to work on recovery

Want to work on cutting out syscourse even more (we blocked the tag, which actually helped a lot, and we have managed to look a lot less)

Want to work on fronting differently and forgetting less

Want to work on getting my house in order

Want to work on writing (as always -- I'm super behind on it again lmao)

Want to work on my health, like physically. I'm so tired of always being sick.

[terrathetulpa]

Right now it's 1:20am as I start writing this post. I (we) have not slept at normal times in what feels like weeks. We've been having trouble getting to sleep at night so we've been staying up later and later. Trying to go to bed earlier usually means tossing and turning in bed, sometimes just getting back up and going back to being awake, and on a few special occasions lying in bed tiredly for an entire night without ever actually sleeping.

We used to sleep really well. Once upon a time it was easy to lie down at 11:00pm and go to sleep- Easier than staying up! But somewhere along the way it became so much easier to stay up that we stopped sleeping deliberately at all. Lately we've just been staying awake until we're so exhausted that we literally can't do anything else. Because when we do that going to bed means we will actually sleep! Which is a much better feeling.

I thought eventually this would mean our schedule normalizes somewhere, and even if it were at odd hours we would sleep and wake at the same times every day. That did not happen. I've gone to bed and woken up at different times every day for at least an entire week. Today we slept until 4pm after going to bed at 7am.

I wouldn't even care if it weren't for the fact that I woke up with a terrible headache this "morning" and this pattern is causing the singlets to worry about us. They haven't done anything about it but I guess it makes sense to worry that we're "sleeping the day away." So I though "Alright, I need to put it back to normal and sleep at night again."

But umm... how?

Come to think of it this is multiple problems. It's plural like me. It's undoubtedly bad for us to be sleeping this way, being asleep during normal business hours inhibits our ongoing job search, and I haven't written in my dream journal since this non-sense started.

Ya know what sucks! We learned how to lucid dream and it's amazing! We learned it ages ago, you can do anything in a lucid dream! You can fly and teleport and bend the world to your will! I love vivid dreams! I love dreams that cause me to wake up full of emotion! Excitement! Joy! Even terror! Like bad dreams are scary but no dreams is soooo BORING! Do you like horror movies? Are you enjoying Halloween? (October is Halloween.) Imagine if you were a lucid dreamer! You could be terrorized in a way that is so specific to your exact psyche, the exact fears you hold brought to life in full form. Life-like in front of you as though it were all really happening! All from the comfort and safety of your bed!

That sounds cooler than a haunted house to me.

But my favorites are the dream girls. Every once in a while, on my luckiest and happiest of nights, I dream I'm dating someone. I dream of a girl, usually she's short with brown hair. In flowing white dresses, or hoodies. They're almost always dressed in white. We go on a date! We go get food somewhere, and stare into each other's eyes, and we talk about each other's lives. Sometimes we kiss! Sometimes we do things that are impossible! One took me out roof-hopping!

Talking about it and thinking about it is making me miss it. Maybe that's what I need. The desire, the motivation to sleep well and to wake up and put effort into my dream journal again. We've been writing in that thing for as long as I've existed! It'd be a shame to stop now right? At one point I read an article about sleep and I feel like it genuinely helped to follow the advice it gave. I don't remember that advice anymore though.

What about you readers? Got any good sleep advice for a sleepless anime girl?

You know, after proofreading this and re-reading that bit about the dream girls I absolutely HAVE to do something about this now. We're going to try the mayonnaise website- maybe they know somethin'. (Leaving it here if anyone else wants it) https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/insomnia/in-depth/insomnia-treatment/art-20046677

[sophieinwonderland]

I am part of a system that formed mainly because of trauma, but partially through spiritual means important to note that "because" and "through" hold very different meanings in this situation. We are also medically recognized as having DID by our psychologist and the social workers (I don't know what you call it in english) who deal with our case.

We are put on a group of two other people, singlets because they were sourcemates of a few people here and wanted to see me, Nightmare Sans, because I used to be their boss prior to our lives here.

@magnum-oopsies, trying to get me out to meet them, shortly mentions the tulpanomicon, also as a way to test if they are safe to be around. We are not tulpas, but we do know that if someone supports tulpamancy, It's most probable that they will not discriminate against our identities and beliefs.

One of the two starts being aggressive with Ink when he was merely trying to have a civil discussion, trying to prove his own existence, which out of context, is a wild thing to say to anyone unknowing. The person screams, swears, calls him ableist, all the nine realms. You know how it goes.

Then the person starts to send audios which another system medicalist which was not in the group was recording. Ink couldn't listen due to the prior aggressivity, and went catatonic because of the triggering event. With that knowledge, the person then mocks our trauma response, right after calling us ableist.

How ironic. We must be too polished, people are seeing us as the reflection of their own selves.

The other person was way nicer, though. - Nightmare Sans

Gods, that's horrible! I'm so sorry that happened.

I hope Ink is doing okay. Sending my love to all of you. 🫂💖

Have a cat hug!

[omgsquee2001]

Bondi Rescue: Episode 3

This time, on Bondi Rescue.. [Y/N] get’s into a heated argument with her dad about living with Jethro,  Keepin’ the music alive, Bondi style, and a lifeguard gets injured while performing a rescue.

~~~

Singlets looked at his daughter, slightly confused and nodded.

“Yeah. What’s goin’ on? Did you get evicted?” He asked. [Y/N] shook her head.

“No, no, nothin’ like that.” She let out a shaky breath. “Um, I’ve actually moved into a new apartment and I have a new roommate. And that roommate is Jethro.” She said. Singlets frowned. He knew that Jethro and [Y/N] were dating. In his mind, they weren’t far enough into the relationship to start living together, even though she and Jethro had been dating for about two years. 

“You told us you were living on your own,” Singlets said. [Y/N] sighed and closed her eyes and nodded. “And yet, I find out that you’ve been living with Jethro this whole time?” He asked. [Y/N] sighed. 

“Dad, it’s not like we’re planning to run away together. Jethro and I are together, and we’re living together.” She said. Singlets sighed and turned away, running a hand down his face. “Dad, can’t you at least be happy for me? I’ve living with the man I love!” She said. Singlets looked at her. 

“And how do I know that he isn’t hurting you when you’re living with ‘im?”  Singlets asked. [Y/N]’s mouth dropped open in shock. 

“Do you honestly think that low of Jethro? You know him, dad! You know he would never hurt me!” She shouted. Singlets shook his head. 

“Apparently I don’t even know my own daughter since she’s been keeping secrets from me!” He shouted. Tears started to fill [Y/N]’s eyes. 

“I’m not a kid anymore, dad! You can’t control my life!” She shouted. With that, she stormed out of the tower. “Bondi Central to Lifeguards. I’m takin’ a break from tower duty. If anyone would like to take my place, please fell free to do so.” She said. 

I’ll take over for you, [Y/N]. Kerrbox radioed back. He had been on the Rhino with Maxi. He needed a break anyway. [Y/N] nodded. 

“Yeah, copy that, mate. I’m on my way.” She made her way to the Rhino, taking Kerrbox’s place. “I’ll give ya a lift to the tower.” She said. Kerrbox hopped onto the back of the Rhino, letting [Y/N] drive it up to the tower. 

While keeping a look out and trying to direct swimmers to the flags, Maxi took this chance to ask [Y/N] about her current mood. 

“You alright?” He asked. [Y/N] kept looking around, trying to keep an eye out for any lost children, parents in distress or any struggling swimmers. 

“I’m just peachy. Why?” She asked. Maxi sighed. 

“It just seems like you’re on edge.” He said. [Y/N] nodded. 

“Yeah. Let’s save the chat for after we rescue people.” She said. Maxi nodded, knowing that the conversation was over. 

~~~

Mid-afternoon. Huge waves and gale-force winds, have cleared the beach of people. Except, for one man. The lifeguards who were still on duty were watching the man. He seemed to be listening to music and waving his arms around like he was dancing, facing the waves. 

“There’s no way he can’t be cold.” [Y/N] said, sitting next to Jethro. The tension was still there from when [Y/N] and Singlets had their argument. The father and daughter haven’t spoken since it happened. Jethro chuckled at his girlfriend. 

“He’s just stoked, just stoked.” Jethro said, watching him through the binoculars. 

“We’re just a little bit confused ‘cause he’s just standin’ there throwin’ his arms out, like he was some sort of god.” Jethro said. 

“People normally do that on a dance floor,” Mouse said. “He’s doin’ that in front of the raw ocean.” He said, clearly confused. 

“Oh, he’s finishin’ up.” Singlets said. The man was racing back to the tower with his backpack. [Y/N] smiled, shaking her head. 

“Nah. I’m callin’ that he’s not done.” She said. The lifeguards cheered as he raced out to the sand to dance some more. [Y/N] laughed and clapped her hands as she watched the man let loose on the dance moves. [Y/N] looked at Jethro. “Hey babe, you should go down there, and see what kind of music he’s listenin’ to.” She said. Jethro looked at her. 

“You think I should?” He asked. [Y/N] nodded. Jethro leaned forward, placing his hands on her knees. 

“And why would I do that?” He asked. [Y/N] chuckled. 

“Because it’s cold out there, it’s warm in ‘ere, and I want to stay where it’s warm.” She said. Jethro chuckled. 

“You ‘eard the lady,” Maxi said. “Get out there mate!” He said, sending a kick to Jethro’s butt. Jethro laughed and made his way down. [Y/N] laughed as she watched Jethro dance with the man, then having a hug. Maxi laughed. 

“Uh-oh, looks like someone’s out to steal your man, [Y/N].” Maxi teased. [Y/N] laughed and shook her head. 

“You wish. It’s just ‘cause you want ‘im all for yourself.” She said, looking at Maxi. Maxi laughed and shook his head. Singlets looked down at his daughter, his smile falling. He hated that he had argued with her, however, he didn’t know if she wanted to make amends or not. Jethro came up to the tower a little later with 18 year old traveler from London, Jake. 

“This is Jake,” Jethro introduced. [Y/N] stood up. 

“Okay, okay. Here’s the million dollar question,” she said, looking at Jake. “Jake, mate, can you rap?” She asked. The others started a beat, and low and behold, Jake started raping. [Y/N] smiled as Jethro started jumping up and shaking Maxi, who playfully pushed him away. [Y/N] clapped along with the others when Jake finished his rap. 

“That was amazing!” She said, giving Jake a high five. Mouse got up and grabbed a Bondi Lifeguard hat. 

“Hey, Jake, just wanted to give you this.” Mouse said, handing him the hat. Jake’s jaw dropped. 

“No!” He said in disbelief. Mouse nodded. Jake took off his own hat, putting the Lifeguard hat on. [Y/N] smiled, crossing her arms. 

“You’re official now!” She said. “Gonna be savin’ people’s lives.” She said. 

~~~

The next day, the sun is blazing hot and this brings more people to the beaches. The lifeguards’ day of rest is now over. They are making sure to watch the beaches. With more people, comes more rescues. That’s when Singlets gets the a shocking call on the radio. 

Lifeguard down! Lifeguard down! Bring the defib now! 

Singlets jumped up and raced to get the defib. He looked back at Maxi. 

“You got it up ‘ere?” He asked. Maxi nodded. 

“Yeah, go go!” Maxi said. Singlets raced down to the other Rhino and drove down to where all the commotion was. 

“When you’re racing a defib down to a patient or even a fellow lifeguard, it kind of helps when you see tons of people surrounding the downed guard or patient, that way you can see where they are.” Singlets said. Right when Singlets jumped off of the Rhino and raced over to the other guards, he was shocked to see that it was his own daughter laying on the sand, unconscious. Not breathing. 

~~~

Coming Up...[Y/N] is brought back to life with the defib, 

“I was thinking that I was going to loose my baby girl.”

Singlets and Jethro visit [Y/N] at the Hospital,

“All I ask, is that you take care of her.”

And Singlets and [Y/N] make amends.

“I love you, dad.” 

~~~     

Taglist: 

@couldbegayer21​

@brokensoul-headphonesin​

@readerassemble

//if your blog name is bold, that means I was unable to add you.//

@storiesrevisited

[preggomancer]

Could you explain Mel’s system a little? I’m just curious bc we’re a system, and seeing us represented in a kink setting several of us are into is really cool and more validating than we ever thought it could be lol!

OKAY SO. this will be kinda rambly BUT

their system has 5 members, at least for now: Mel (they/she/it), Cherry (they/them), Tor (it/its), Jack (he/him), and a character my brain has inconveniently named Melody (she/her). Mel and Cherry are both around the same age, Jack is in his mid-thirties, Melody is much older, and Tor is an eldritch horror so it's old as balls.

Mel fronts the most, which is why I usually just refer to the whole system by their name, but Cherry was actually the original host! Though Mel and Jack were around pretty much as long as they can remember, Cherry was in semi-denial about being plural for a very long time. Once Tor showed up, Cherry sort of flipped--they'd been trying for years to exist as one person and now they had something that was undeniably another being in their head and body. At that point Mel was like "okay listen if you aren't dealing with this I will" and sort of became the new host. This was at first really hard for Cherry, but Mel actually forced everybody to communicate, figured things out with Tor, and got them to actually function as a system.

Most of what's on this blog takes place about five years after The Tor Incident, so at this point they have a very healthy lil system going on! Mel and Cherry front the most, Jack generally avoids fronting, and Tor has only recently started fronting which is a very strange experience for it and likely will be the subject of some silly doodles! Also Melody is sort of the newest and least established member, but they're glad to have her around because who wouldn't want an extremely nice old lady living in your head??

okay that was a lot! also again, i am a singlet, so if there's anything i'm getting wrong or could be doing better please let me know! this goes to any systems or people who happen to know more than I do. kay thanks bye!!

[cambriancrew]

Doing alright. A little fuzzy brained from the migraine we had yesterday on into this morning, but other than that back to normal.

Made our coworkers laugh today. Been a bit stressful today, but we had pretzel sticks.... So we grabbed one like a cigarette and said "I don't even smoke and I need a smoke break." Took a "drag" while our coworkers on either side of us cracked up. 😂 It feels like we don't even have to be super funny, to be funny enough to get them laughing, which is a great feeling.

We were able to explain what median means in system terms to a fellow syscourser who took it really well, and that SUPER cheered us up. Yay for good conversation and understanding! (Thanks @ratinacoat!)

The last week in April we're going on a trip to the other side of the US to spend a week with one of our best friends and his husband. He and us have known each other almost twenty years, and been good friends for about fifteen of those. Wild to think about it. He's also one of the few singlet friends we have that's super cool about our plurality. Doesn't really get it get it, but he asks about us and listens and tries his best to understand, which we super appreciate. We're also neurodivergent buddies - lots of mutual understanding about autism and ADHD "features" ("features not bugs" lol) and also chronic physical and mental illness and PTSD and depression bullshit. Anyways. We're super looking forward to it! Yay for, if nothing else, a whole week off work!

Overall, just feeling pretty Yay about life in general... though trying hard not to think about the whole $6 we have left in the bank... But we get paid in a couple of days, and after we get paid and fill up our gas tank we're gonna start doing Door Dash for some extra money. We'll live. Deep breaths, focus on the positive, reassure trauma brain that we're gonna be okay, and look forward to the future!

Hope the same for all y'all out there!

Hello my syscourse folks how are we doing this fine *checks calendar* Monday?

[humanchara-cter]

Mandatory intro post

My memories will be below the cut if anyone remembers something similar or the same I’d love to talk

My name is Chara, but I go by Gold when in public servers and when talking with/around other Charas as it feels selfish to keep the name lmao.

I’ve been told I’m not very talkative and a little dry until we get into a conversation and I’m really bad at starting those I’m sorry

Anti endos can fuck right off <3 :) we’re traumagenic but we don’t see how telling people how to live their life and obsessing over that is at all healthy.

Also if you use anything other than they/them for me or Frisk fuck off (Fictives if you use something else your fine but singlets and people who arent undertale Fictives of chara or frisk I’m going to bite you.

Also a fair warning is that I had (have? I dunno) a huge crush on Frisk, I look up to them a lot. I might rb charisk art lmao

Also I am now 19, and the body is an adult. Okay now onto memories; tw for suicidal behavior in my past and death obv lmao

But so like, I was a part of a small farming village, heavily religious, all that jazz. It was like a fucking cult it was horrible. Not to mention my parents just Sucked majorly. The only thing I really liked there was this fountain that was in the middle of the town, it had these flowers around it, buttercups, they’ve always been my favorite. Very painful to ingest so don’t try that.

But at the flowers I met this other kid who didn’t seem to believe in the bullshit the other villagers were on either, and we became friends. But then she disappeared, I have no idea what happened to her no one would tell me shit.

I was also born with red eyes, which came out of fucking no where, neither of my parents had them and everyone thought I was cursed or some sort of test from whatever the fuck they worshiped. I have no idea I was like eight okay?

But I got bullied, a lot because of it. And eventually I went to the mountain that was filled with “freaks” (monsters) because if I didn’t die from jumping then at least I’d get to meet other beings who were outcasted by society. Lucky me I got taken in as Asriels little sibling, which was probably one of the only things that saved me.

People think I was shitty to him?? For some reason?? Like damn he’s the second being to show me kindness and be accepting of the person I was? I wasn’t going to make him sad or upset if there was another way.

But then I heard about how my adoptive family and all the other monsters wanted to get back to the surface and to live in peace, and I didn’t believe it was gonna work, but I didn’t wanna leave them without happiness. And so I tried to get enough souls to break the barrier, and asriel helped. I wasn’t even gonna involve him but he wanted to help.

Yeah it didn’t work out as planned, I got burried where asriel first found me (it was where we hung out the most) and I was pretty much a ghost hanging around and following any humans who fell below, and had to watch my family get torn apart and everything change. And then Frisk happened… and Frisk fixed everything, even if it wasn’t the same they succeeded where I failed. And I helped them because they’d talk to me, and then they gave me half their soul after working out the ideas of how to give me a body to inhabit and a way to stay on the physical plane with alphys behind everyone’s back so it could be a surprise for them, and we also got asriel as well,even if he did struggle with sorting out how he wanted to approach everything as both asriel and flowey. It was nice, and I know it’s weird but I had such a huge crush on Frisk because they were everything I wasn’t and they were so confident when talking to others when ID have panic attacks about even going outside hfjdjd

Though outside of political meetings Frisk often wouldn’t talk to anyone but their close ones (mostly me and Asriel) and we’d translate for them.

I always get angry with how people call me evil or a bad person because, I was just a child! It’s all because asriel says “chara… wasn’t the greatest person” Which like, yeah I fucked up a lot, I was clingy to Asriel and he got almost no alone time because he was my “safe person” and I was mentally I’ll and traumatized and often flipped on a switch on him, but he also loved me as a sibling, I wasn’t the greatest person and I’m still not, but I’m an okay person, and I’m trying my best. And I know Asriel didn’t mean it like that.

[boxofbadaddiction]

Nothing's More Important Than Quidditch

Fred Weasley x Reader

Warnings: Some Swearing. Highly Suggestive. Someone gets hurt.

This story is inspired from a request of my F.R.I.E.N.D.S Themed Prompt List.

Using Prompts two and three: "OH...MY...GOOOOD!"/"MY EYES! MY EEYEES!"

Fred and George Weasley were men of simple tastes. They liked pranks, food and Quidditch. Though if you were to ask Fred he would argue that there were nothing more important than Quidditch.

He'd never missed a game. Never missed a practice, and had been able to afford it he'd never miss a Cup. So that being said, you can imagine how shocked his team were when he told them he wasn't feeling well enough to train tonight.

"You're dying aren't you?"

"What? No, Lee. I'm not dying!"

"Then I'm sorry I mustn't have heard right when, the Fredrick Gideon Weasley, just said he wasn't well enough to play Quidditch?"

"Piss off."

It was Sunday lunch in the Great Hall and Angelina had the whole Gryffindor team huddled together. She was discussing her newest game strategies when Fred spoke abruptly, all eyes bulging at his words. Expressions a mixture of confusion and concern. Fred never. Missed. A. Game.

"Hey!" [Y/N] had arrived and happily sat her self amongst her close group of friends. "What's with the faces?" Her brows furrowed as she filled a Goblet with her favourite drink.

"Fred says he's not training Tonight." Angelina answered, still gawking at the Redhead in question.

[Y/N] choked on her drink. "He's what!?" She coughed, hand on her chest in shock.

"It's not a big deal!" Fred groaned. "I've just got one cracker of a headache. Need to sleep it off and I'll be right as rain." He forced a smile, though to the group it appeared more as a painful grimace.

"Well, I do hope you feel better." [Y/N] leant over the table, placing her hand atop of his to offer some comfort with a reassuring smile. "What about the rest of you?" She straightened herself, taking a pastry from the bowl infront of them as she did so.

"We're still training" George replied, "Not all of us roll over because of a wittle headache" he pouted at his brother, trying to stir him up. Fred retaliated, through the light laughter of his friends, by throwing a bread roll at his brother.

"Coming to watch, [Y/N]?" George spoke, still laughing as he brushed crumbs from his clothes.

"Afraid I can't, tonight."

"What!?" Lee groaned, "come on! I'm going!"

"Yes, well as tempting as it may be to spend more time by your side Lee", she leant into him with doey eyes batting her eyelashes flirtatiously, hands cupping his bicep. Returning to her previous position she continued, "I have so much Homework to do it's not funny. I'll find myself joining the next Headless Hunt if I don't hand Snape his Most Potent Poisons Assessment tomorrow."

"Barrell of fun you two are, today" George rolled his eyes.

"Right, well the rest of you. We've got training to do!" Angelina stood, gesturing for the Quidditch team to follow. Somewhat begrudgingly, with various disapproving moans escaping their lips, they made for the Pitch.

"Positive you'll be okay, Freddie?" George lagged behind in a final ditch effort to convince his brother to join them. "You could always just watch from the stands."

"I'm positive, Georgie. I'm just not right at the moment."

"Do you want me to stay? I will if that's what you'd prefer..."

"Who are you? Mum now?" Fred joked "Get out of here you sap!" He waved his arm as if trying to shoo him from the hall.

"Don't worry, George. I'll look after him" [Y/N] assured.

"Such a faithful little bestie you are." He said while ruffling her hair. "Alright then, see you two in a couple hours" he waved to them as he ran to catch up with his team.

"Come on you. Let's get you to bed." [Y/N] spoke to Fred and they made their way to the common room.

---

So much for a couple hours. Mere forty minutes later saw the same team arriving back through the Fat Lady.

"How was I supposed to know she was right behind me!?" George complained loudly, followed closely into the room by the light giggles of Lee and Harry. No such laughter, however, could be heard from the mouth of the Gryffindor Captain.

"A concussion George! You gave Katie a concussion!" She was near shouting at the boy.

"I SAID I WAS SORRY! I didn't see her!" He threw his arms up in defence. "Pomfrey says she'll be right in a few days, what's the fuss?"

"The fuss, George, is that we just lost a whole night's training! You're just lucky our next game isn't for another fortnight, Weasley. I have to take Katie some things for her stay in the Hospital Wing, YOU! had better think fast about how to make this up to her." With a final menacing point of her finger Angelina stormed off towards the dormitory she shared with Katie.

"Should we check on Fred?" Lee spoke to break the guilty silence.

"Yeah, hey - don't forget to tell him how his Golden Boy brother sent our best chaser to the infirmary!" Harry goaded making his way over to Hermione and Ron by the fire.

"Little prat" George grumbled as he and Lee made their way to the dormitory. Lee was laughing hard at his friends remark."He doesn't watch it he won't be 'The Boy who lived' for much longer. Might pick up where You-Know-Who left off." George went on as he leant his back against the door, pushing it open as his hand twisted the door knob. Lee's laughter only increased.

"I'd like to see you- OH...MY...GOOOOD!!" laughter and smiles faded instantly as his eyes fell on the tangled mess of sheets and the bodies of his two close friends in place of where Fred should have been resting.

The sudden exclamations catching the attention of [Y/N] and Fred, their eyes shooting directly across the, should have been empty, bedroom.

"SHIT!" Fred yelled as he pulled off of [Y/N] and covered her with his blanket. "YOU WEREN'T MEANT TO BE BACK FOR A COUPLE HOURS!"

"MY EYES! MY EEYYEES!!" George screamed dramatically. Turning away from the scene he covered his face by his hands, desperately trying to lose the imagine of his brothers and best friends mostly naked bodies.

"It's not what you think!" [Y/N] began, throwing Fred's jumper on over her head which could very well have been a dress on her. She stood, tugging at the material willing it to stay in place before fixing her hair.

"It doesn't look like you were napping!" Lee snapped sarcastically, "nor does it look much like a POTIONS ASSIGNMENT!"

"[Y/N]" George began, not turning to face the two - rather speaking to the ceiling as his back faced them. "I know you said you'd look after my brother but MERLIN I should have laid out some guidelines, that is not how you handle a headache."

Fred had put on a pair of trousers and a singlet and quickly made his way to stand infront of the two boys, arms out pleadingly, "I know you're both a little shocked right now and this is going to take some time to process but for the love of GODRICK!" He clenched his teeth and spoke in a low growl, "would you keep your voices down before the entire bloody common room hears yo-"

"WHAT'S GOING ON!?" Ron had burst through the door. "Oh God" Fred groaned throwing his head back walking away from the door.

"We heard shouting, is everything okay?" Hermione asked frantic, as Harry followed her in.

"Yes, Hermione everything's fine -" [Y/N] went to explain.

"NO!" Lee interrupted "NO! THEY'RE DOING IT!" He screamed pointing his finger accusingly at the two red-faced teens. Harrys eyes were wide with shock.

"It's not what you all think! Please just listen to me..." Fred begged as [Y/N] stood beside him. Looking to one another defeatedly.

Everyone, aside from George, turned to face them. Awaiting the explanation as to why these two had been...doing what they were.

"Uhmmm..." seeing the group stare before him suddenly ran Freds mind blank. "This isn't the first time this has happened. Actually it happens a lot." Not the best opener. The group grimaced, looking very uncomfortable at their friends confession. [Y/N] dropped her head into her hand. "What I mean is" he tried to recover, "this isn't a one time deal. We're not just fooling around, we're..." the words caught in his throat.

What were they? A couple? Was he wrong and they were just friends with benefits? What was this?

They looked at one another, Fred's eyes searching [Y/N]'s face for the answer. She smiled, grabbing his hand gently.

"We're together" she spoke. Eyes not leaving Fred.

"That's great and all. But this is still traumatising." Lee deadpanned as he gestured between the couple and Fred's bed.

George cleared his throat, "umm, yeah. I'm really happy for you two."

"That'd be more convincing, had you actually said it to us rather than the wall." [Y/N] laughed. Fred threw his arm over her shoulders, pulling her into his chest. Georges head turned slightly, eyeing the two in his peripheral before shutting his eyes tightly. Trying to muster the courage. "Yeah, sorry bout that just...it may be difficult to look at you the same for a while. I saw a lot more than I'd had like to." Everyone laughed at the comment. The light atmosphere helping him to relax a bit he turned to face them. Even if his eyes fixed to anything but them.

"Wait a minute." Harrys laughter had stopped completely. "Did you two plan this whole thing?"

"I guarantee we never planned on getting caught" Fred replied.

Rolling his eyes Harry continued "ditching practice I mean."

Lee and George both looked at each other before slowly turning to glare at the couple.

"Well. Yeah" [Y/N] answered.

A slow clap started to sound throughout the room as Lee and George mockingly applauded the two. "Well done. Truly you two that was quite the convincing performance." George smirked. "Honestly, [Y/N], that spit take really sold the whole thing. Couldn't have done better myself." Lee nodded as she playfully curtsied with her hand on the seam of Fred's jumper.

"WELL!" Lee clapped once loudly, rubbing his hands together. "This calls for a celebration. Shall we?" He bowed to the door, ushering everyone from the room.

"Ummm Lee. Mind if I put some pants on first?"

"If you-OH! right. Yeah. Meet you two down there!" He was the last to leave, closing the door with a quick wink.

Fred and [Y/N] looked shyly back to one another before breaking into fits of side splitting laughter. Fred wrapping his arms around her waist as they calmed down.

"So...we're together, huh?" He grinned resting their foreheads against one another.

"Only if that's what you want." [Y/N] placed her hands on his chest, eyes nervously searching his.

"That's all I've ever wanted" he moved a hand to the back of her neck, pulling her lips into his. Kissing her like he never had before.

Fred and George Weasley were simple men. They liked pranks, food and Quidditch. Though if you were to ask Fred, he would argue there were nothing more important than Quidditch. Well...maybe one thing.

[koko-bopp]

Too Loud

choi san x male!reader

word count - 1.2K

genre - SMUT/Fluff

contains - Soft-dom!reader, bottom!san, anal, orgasm denial, teasing, begging, back clawing, unprotected sex, "good boy" "pretty boy", getting caught, ‘secret’ relationship, 

synopsis - You and San are in an incognito kind of relationship, nobody really knows about it; of course, people suspect things, but nothings been confirmed; until San's roommates hear some loud noises coming from him in his bedroom.

“Just a little more, baby, just hold it for a little longer,” You whisper breathlessly as you were practically balls-deep in your boyfriend, hovering over him on a bed that’s a bit on the smaller side, you breath against his ear and your grip on the the bedsheets as you thrusted into San.

Sex with San wasn’t entirely common, but you comply with his needs when he’s desperate to have you touch him in any kind of way. Desperate-for-sex San is your favourite San; he’s messy and eager to please you just as eager as he is to please himself. He tries his best to be quiet, and he claims he is, even though walls are witnesses to his loud, loud moans.

The only reason why this kind of behaviour has to be unnoticed is because he lives with his seven other roommates, and you two aren’t exactly public about your relationship, even to the people you're closest to; maybe it was the fear of everyone knowing actually makes it real; maybe it's the thrill, getting away with risky behaviour.. you're not sure, but you're content with it anyway.

He was digging his nails into the muscles of your back and shoulders, his mouth latching on your collar bone in attempts to silence his own moans, "[Y/N], Mhm! no, please, please I need to cum, please–" He begged, his lips now on your neck, kisses and pleas and his scratches as desperation and his moans as his petitions.

"Baby," you press, your tone firmer as you placed a kiss under San's jaw, "Just a little longer."

San shook his head, his eyes shut as his legs wrapped around your waist harder, bringing you closer and further inside him as a moan surpassed his lips, "No, no, please, I need—"

His breath hitched when you slowed your pace by yards, he was interrupted by not feeling his stomach knot and you just moving at a pace that would only let him know that you're still inside him, but not enough to bring him to orgasm. He whined again, he's the kind to literally cry if you stop touching him, desperate for you to make him feel good but he knows better than to disobey. "Baby," you mock, bringing a hand down to place a thumb over the slit of his cock, then proceeding to move just that bit faster to bring back that full feeling, "Are you going to wait, pretty boy?"

A tear fell down from his eye and met with the pillow under him, he shakes his head, bringing his hand down to put it over the one you have on his crotch, his silent attempts to get it off of him. He shook his head, "Yes, I promise, I'll be good!" He cried, broken moans following his vow as you started to pound into him once again, moving your hand away and instead lacing it with his.

While your mind was purely occupied with your boyfriend, you couldn't help but notice the footsteps from underneath the door.

Multiple footsteps.

A small smirk made it way onto your expression, your undivided attention turning towards your boyfriend, "Hm, baby?"

He moaned before he could respond, but his eyes opening in the slightest to look at you, his mouth agape, his words coming out at barely a whisper, "Y-yes?" He looked gorgeous, he looked perfect.

You reached down grip your boyfriend's hips, placing a hand on his headboard and hooking his legs over your shoulders, "I want you to moan for me like a good boy, okay, honey? Be good for me, yeah?"

Just before San could give you any kind of response, his back is arching and moans spilling like a kettle with over-boiling water.

You bite down on your lip, your breath uneven as you thrusted your hips into San, being the reason of his arousal and the fact that you're the reason he's too fixated on the pleasure to form proper words.

"[Y/N]! Ah-!" He gasped, his eyes tearing with one hand gripping the end of the pillow under him and the other gripping your biceps, the pleasure being overwhelming for him as he tried his hardest to not throw his head back so he didn't have to break eye contact with you.

"Yeah–" your own pant cutting you off, "Yeah, baby?"

"P-please," San begs, his body jolting up out of reflex.

"Please, what?"

"Please, please let me cum! Oh my god, please," San pleads and moans and as soon you give him permission he brings you as close to him as possible, pressing your lips on his like his life depended on it, pushing his tongue into your mouth as you deep-stroke him rough and hard through his moans and kisses.

The footsteps go almost immediately, a smirk returns on your lips as you pull away from your boyfriend, watching him relax from his strong orgasm, his sheets now stained in cum from both of you.

"That–" San exhales loudly, bringing a hand up to your cheek as he stared at you lovingly through tired eyes, "That was amazing."

You lean forward to kiss him again, your eyes closing and his too as you shared the moment.

"You." You try to say, but San proceeds to kiss you, "You should sh–" you try again, but San's eyes are still closed and taking your bottom lip between his teeth. "You should shower," you finally say, pulling away from San, watching him smile at you with a bright grin. He nods at you, and you smile at him too as he gets off the bed, and blows you a kiss before he goes to enter his bathroom.

You chuckle at your boyfriend's behaviour, picking up the bedsheets ready to toss them into the laundry basket.

If you were right about the footsteps, tomorrow was going to come with a menu full of questions.

-`, ° • ♘

San was sitting on the counter of the kitchen, and you leaning your back against the sink, talking to your boyfriend. He was wearing your shirt, and you had a simple, black singlet on, just chatting together with your prefered drinks in a coffee cup.

"Oh," The sound of Hongjoong coming in makes you and your boyfriend turn, Hongjoong waved, "I'm surprised you guys are awake."

San furrowed his brows in question, "Why's that?"

Hongjoong shrugged, "I don't know. Thought you two had a busy night."

You stop yourself from spitting your drink back into your cup. Swallowing it with difficultly as you had literally forgotten about the addition to last night's events.

Mingi walked in, glaring at you, "I'll kill you if you spend the night again. I'm not kidding."

"What are you–" Then San looked at you, eyes wide, "No way."

"Er, yeah," Yunho walks into the kitchen too, walking past you to get to the bowl of fruit, picking up a mandarin, "San. Never thought you bottomed."

An embarrassed cough exits San's mouth, his cheeks flame red as he avoids eye contact with everyone.

"Oh, so we're just gonna bully San, when this guy is the reason?" Mingi groaned, pointing at you before getting the milk carton from the fridge.

Seonghwa made his enterence too, gasping at you before turning you around by the shoulder, so now your back was facing him, "[Y/N]! Oh my god, what did he do to you?" Seonghwa moved the strap of your singlet a little, looking at the red scratches embedded into your back.

"Guys..." You mumble, "Can we just leave it alone–"

"—No," Yeosang interrupted, grumbling a little bit doing his best to seem unphased as he made his way in, "Wooyoung and Jongho are sleeping in because all they could hear is San begging and skin-slapping. We're legally obliged to embarrass the two of you to death."

You pursed down your lips, taking a glace over at your boyfriend before a tiny flustered but amused smile making its way, "Sorry, guys. But he's usually louder at my place so you guys had it eas—"

"[Y/N]!" San snapped, throwing a tissue ball at you in attempts to stop you from talking, "You literally begged to fuck me last time, don't even try."

Mingi broke be the silence first, crossing his arms over his chest as he spoke, "Are you guys dating? Or is it, like, a casual thing?"

You and San stole a look at each other, waiting for the other to give an answer or seal the deal, worried that one won't be content with the answer or the other doesn't want what they want.

But San ended up making the statement, "[Y/N]'s my boyfriend," he said, a hint of pride in his tone and a triumph smile on his lips, then looking at his friend's briefly, "I just... Didn't know how to bring it up, you know?"

Hongjoong sighed, "Just, do it over at [Y/N]'s next time, you two are too loud."