#we really can't have shit huh?
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
guys I felt genuine fear in my stomach while reading this tweet...
#this can't be happening... please ...#we really can't have anything good now... huh... everything will be tainted by greed... shit adaptations are incoming#horrid sequels etc... I am so sad that larian doesn't even own the fucking characters they made! fml#I haven't been interested in any of my hobbies in the past decade... bg3 helped me regain some of that joy#but this will be also screwed soon... it's already happening... how great#I understand why they are moving away from bg3... and I didn't expect any new content or dlc or anything like that#but I didn't expect that the characters will be handed over to WOTC ... that is horrible#my post#my posts#bg3 mine#larian studios#current events#giving me doomsday feelings ... but I already had doomsday feelings from the war getting worse nearby...#I guess if russia kills us all I won't have to feel sad about how all my favourite stories are ruined... oh well#apparently my mom is stocking up on food as if a bag of rice could save her if they drop an atomic lol#negativity posting#baldur's gate 3#bg3#wizards of the coast#twitter
83 notes
·
View notes
Text
hold on i need to get a thought and emotions out. so with Welcome Home, there seems to be a before and an after. obviously, we're in the after. the website is the after. and if it turns out that the story we see, the one where shit hits the fan and the show is practically erased, then... that already happened. whatever horrors we see, we'll know that there is no saving them. there is no happy ending - it happened, and it's tragic. the show is doomed to end and be scrubbed away. if any of the characters are revealed to be dead/gone by the website, then when/if we see them at an earlier point, we'll Know
and there's a special kind of dread and horror in that for us, the audience.
#im not articulating this the way i want to...#it's like going to see a tragic play. like romeo and juliet for instance.#we go into it knowing the end. they die. no matter what they die. every step they take leads to That End#every happy moment is undercut by the knowledge that it won't last#thinking about this makes me think that at some point learning more about the story/characters is gonna feel like digging up a grave#AGH I LOVE IT THOUGH I LOVE IT. IT HURTS SO MUCH BUT I LOVE IT#its a special feeling of dread/nostalgia/bittersweetness/resignation#and that is sensation in the chest that doesnt feel good but it also does somehow? it hurts but just enough to not be unbearable?#welcome home#welcome home speculation#welcome home puppet show#man i am so so so so scared for the puppets lmfao#i have some theories on the ways shit might go down. like little things. souring relationships and such#i also have a feeling that the story is really gonna hit home (ha) for me in Big Ways#like as soon as i saw clown say that it's kinda about 'when does a home become a house' and stuff#OOF. YIKES. WHEN DOES IT INDEED. i mean i know. ive lived it. im Living it.#this is gonna get unintentionally personal Real Fast in Several Fun And Festive Ways for me huh#i wonder if the story is gonna be uncovered linearly or not...#chewing on it chewing on it chewing on it#i can't wait to Understand the world/characters so that i can write fanfic. i want to so badly. i want to Explore#i want to hop into that grave and keep digging
154 notes
·
View notes
Note
Cats
What's not to love about these lovely creatures? Honestly, growing up I was always a dog person (even despite the fact that I was attacked by one when I was young). But then I realized I wouldn't be able to take care of a dog for, well, a buncha reasons, thought about how it would be to have a cat, and thought, yeah, it would be nice to have one. For so many reasons. The eternally lethargic me could never take care of a dog properly. A cat, though? I probably could.
#the void asks back#I physically still can't bring myself not to freeze up or get away when a dog is nearby#despite the fact that I still love them#my first thought when one is nearby is always “what if it decides to attack me?”#obviously the answer is that it won't but childhood trauma does shit to you lol#that's the first time I've ever called it trauma but now that I mention it it really is huh#still remember sobbing afterwards about the wounds on my back#shame I never got any scars#the least I could get for going through that#fun fact: The next house we moved to after that incident had a dog that was chained that I played with#one of my strongest memories with the dog was of accidentally hurting it because of how sad and guilty it made me#like damn I really liked that dog#despite the fact that I still couldn't get too close given the whole recently formed trauma thing#I do also remember getting chased by a crocodile with my aunt back in the same home the dog attack took place in#or was it an alligator#but honestly I have trouble believing that memory wasn't a dream#even though that's the only memory of that time I'm unsure is a dream or not#one day I should ask my aunt if it was a dream#also we were in the house's compound so we were able to run inside and be fine#but somehow I doubt that that really happened#oops there I go rambling in the tags again
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
as a bona fide vaxleth lover i am more confused than ever about how they are portrayed on the animated series i'm not gonna lie 😭
#not that different is bad like it doesn't affect or 'ruin' the actual source material#i just legitimately do not understand some of their choices here#there's stuff i really like ofc but u know. i've written multiple long analyses about conflict in their relationship#and in previous seasons it seemed to me like they were just smoothing out those sharp edges which bummed me out ngl#(for one there was a line at the end of s1 where kiki directly contradicted her campaign self in favor of No Conflict that i was feeling#unsatisfied with. and s2 didn't contend with rq as a sticking point for keyleth really at all)#and like to be honest my distaste for that is biased by like fandom drama of years past and people shitting on them for that exact stuff#so for me it kinda felt like an updated and palatable version that appealed to the group of people that made me feel bad for liking them#which is again like a strong personal bias lol but u know it also is just. a really important story to me that i love#but this season it's like they went no no. they do actually need to fight that was a big thing. hmmmm what about#AH YES. let's reverse their povs about their relationship completely.#have not finished ep3 yet but 10 min in i'm just like HUH?#again this doesn't rly matter and the show remains an enjoyable adaptation it's just truly bizzare to me 😭 how did this choice get made#it speaks#lovm spoilers#sorry I'm not done yet actually because the specific conflict about happiness in the present being or not being worth sorrow later#is the VERY CORE OF BOTH OF THOSE CHARACTERS and to switch which one feels which is way more than weird for the romance it's weird for like#what each of their whole individual deal is. that's why i'm so ??????????????#gah. i truly don't want to complain too badly#(and tbh the eps simply don't have enough runtime for vax to be as completely-falling-apart as he actually was and the role of#depression and trauma and self-loathing in that vs like. a more easily telegraphed supernatural boogeyman#-which if they slowed the pace down more might fit in but the scale of the story is so grand that they can't so like i begrudingly get it.#but still absolutely wild for the solution to be: do away with their actual arguments about divinity or keyleth's insecurity about#outliving all of vox machina. oh btw we are giving the vision she had of that to vax as a gift from rq or whatever#so he can be inscure about it instead. because he's fate touched or smthn. and that's too abstract for us to explore here so let's just#give him ominous visions.)#the more i have typed the saltier i have gotten i'm sorry it's just WILD TO MEEEE
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
everybody who went to a private catholic school name the craziest personal belief an instructor lectured the class on.
i'll go first: mentally disabled people are free of original sin, just like animals, so they get a free pass to heaven
#bonus points if the lecture was not-so-subtly referencing you specifically#ye i was the only super obviously autistic kid in my class since we did not have special ed classes or accommodations of any kind#and yes this teacher did seem to believe that i fell into the category of 'mentally disabled people who are like animals'#oddly enough this kind of made me her favorite student#she was really big on infantilizing ppl who were a certain level of mentally disabled#and yeah i guess dehumanizing too#except like how people says 'all doggos are good boys'#and even if a dog bites someone you can't like claim that dogs know the difference between good or evil#so it's not like...a fucking sin or something#so yeah she did openly express this stuff in class#i can't remember her explanation for mentally disabled ppl being free of original sin#but it was like tied in with the whole 'tree of knowledge' thing#and how not having that knowledge/sin is what makes us like innocent and dumb#got compared to a dog and also a lamb. not directly. like she did not call me out by name#but the entire class was super uncomfy because it was really obvious she was indirectly talking about me#at the time i was also like 'huh that explains some of her behavior around me'#and also thought it was hilarious that i got a free pass to heaven in her mind#also thought it was funny that she thought i was mentally disabled#because at this point i just thought i was a deeply weird person being mistaken for a mentally disabled person#but uh nope. i was like. really autistic. like lots of classic negative shit too like biting other kids and self-harmful stims and stuff
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
"i thought you said you'd make an effort" MOTHERFUCKER THIS IS ONLY COMPLAINT #1 OUT OF A VERY LONG LIST JUST BE GRATEFUL I CAN WAIT UNTIL THE GUESTS ARE GONE TO SNAP
#YEAH I MAKE AN EFFORT THATS WHY I ONLY COMPLAIN ABOUT THE STUFF I REALLY CANNOT DEAL WITH LONGTERM#god#it's just#incredibly annoying how my mom just goes OUT OF HER WAY to shrink the scope again when i just explained to her what would work#''so you can't speak up and if we do nothing it doesn't work'' yeah no shit then speak up YOU then. like i just said you probably should#i mean. you did say you don't control what guests bring. BUT YES YOU DO#yes you can speak to them about it#you can discuss and make it less systematic#you can express your thoughts#so you actually just lie to sympathize with me but you don't give a shit#and yet you still act like you tried everything like you just don't know what else could be done#i told you what was my problem i told you what would make it better#say you have other priorities#say you expect me to make an effort and not to be the fucking freak i was my whole childhood#that you were kind enough to tolerate most of the time#even though i was sooooo fucking weird when you knew i had problems but couldn't categorize them so why would i need to do things different#say you don't understand why i hurts me if i can ''try to make an effort''#sorry the only kind of family reunion we have is food-based and i can't try and have good relationships w my family if i dont can it#and eat whatever's in front of me so that they can be happy i'm finally normal and grown up#god jesus christ#yeah it IS your house and i don't get to veto or force anything#dont act surprised when your smart plan for dealing with difficult things is expect your kid to shut the fuck up about any problem they hav#and then huh. weird. your kid isn't happy.#i try to foster a good relationship holy shit#i try to go past the things i don't like and compromise and engage w them#how is that not doing my best#i'm sorry i don't feel great when difficult things happen and also i can't control any of it#when you can and you've also shown me many time i can't expect actually meaningful support from you#broadcasting my misery#vent
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
me rn having the biggest hots for leon kennedy and astarion sorry LMFAOOO <3
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#^___^ me smiling innocently#bg3 is on the MIND !!! i dearly want it so badly. turns out my dad played 1/2 (not sure which) a looong time ago#but he never got too far i think bcs he's busy... :P but hey i love him. wow. it's really cool he knows it too (ofc he does lmfao)#me and him (handshake emoji) also never getting far in da origins yet bcs we have it on xbox bcs of him getting it a long time ago#but there's that bug in the mage tower... :( funny we both went thru it LMFAO <//3 anyway i got it on steam so i've been playing#again but not recently anymore since 1. ffxiv took over my life last days of summer again 2. summer is over back school so rip#anyway can u tell i love fantasy :)) da and bg babeyyy !!! my type is going to make you guys cry i'm so obvious#zevran... fenris... astarion... i have a thing for ppl w blond/white hair :P idk my fav in inquisition yet and idk anything abt bg1&2 yet#but Yeah. GHBSHJGBSHJG..... da origins is kinda funny (lack of better word) to me btw bcs i like all four main romance options#but it's hard to explain (i have a story behind stuff i want to share but it's tiring and annoying of me /hj !!!!!)#anyway i like blond elves if it wasn't obvious. yes i also like link and zelda from loz. yes i like legolas. yes i like#...anyway! so where does re fit in this? uh. u see i'm a coward actually i'm too scared to play re LMFAOOO#BTU I ADORE THE LORE and the characters and the game franchise and shit ^_^ just. i shld really watch it sometime#instead of reading wikis all the time and just soaking up all the knowledge but i'm. a Coward. okay#i can't even play bloodborne despite how nerdy i am over it... it's so scary to poor little me... i'm a coward (it's the harsh truth).....#anwyay i'll conquer my fears one day but that day is NOT SOON !!! i wna get into re properly tho aside from just being a nerd#so i'm too scared to play but i'll watch playthroughs sometime (and admire leon) <3 yeah. another blond. i know. shut up.#is this my life rn am i just infatuated w blonds and white haired guys. it's gna be hell if i continue nier replicant rn too huh#uh. goodnight!
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hahahahhahaha what if I gave up on the one thing I've been working for the past 4 years, Bc I might never be able to develop my art skills and become worthy of being called an "artist"?? Hahahahhahahahahahahhahahhaa
#Delete later#I'M TOTALLY FINE#I'm not actually in my art regression era and want to die#WDYM??#Also I want to rant cos i can't stand this feeling#a friend laughed at my art and kept giving me 'tips' when I said I really liked it#Like I didn't ask for advice from a non-artist?? What do YOU know about art??#Okay I know that my art is lowkey ass but Im trying I SWEAR#Its hard like REALLY hard#And it doesn't help when Ive been going through art envy over every art piece I see and wish that i had Half of their skills#Which I know that these AMAZING artists worked hard for these skills I know that but I just wish I was a fast learner and actually focused#Instead of my stupid attention span#FUCK THIS SHIT#Also she told me that my chibi drawing looked funny and kept laughing and when i said what was so funny about it??#She went 'lemme laugh. Can't I laugh? 🤨'#So I responded saying that I was just asking and didn't understand her?? And she said 'yeah honestly I'm laughing at how it looks'#THEN SHE HAD THE FUCKING NERVE TO BLAME IT ON UNI AND HOW THAT PRESSURE IS MAKING HER LAUGH AT EVERYTHING#Like do I not have feelings??? Huh??#Oh yeah then I went 'I feel like ur laughing at me? Cos there's nothing funny about it??'#She went on a rampage going 'yeah it is and why are turning my laughing into a srs convo??'#And then weirdly kept saying how she wished that I was with her so we can fight over it and how it would be fun to have a fight and that-#She hadn't fought with anyone for a while and that she needs to have a fight with me????#WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK#This is so weird for her#I actually dont even wanna talk to her anymore#Literally left her on read cos I literally can't deal with her bs rn#It's 3am bitch what the fuck is wrong with you????#Who has the energy to fight??#Literally made me cry. I hate this sm. I'm not THAT sensitive. But it hurts me a lot to hear that from someone I cared for.#kai talks
1 note
·
View note
Text
hmmm i want railings on my bed like a hospital bed but most Bed Railings they sell have to be placed under the mattress to stay in place and i have an adjustable base that means my mattress gets folded frequently and cannot keep the rail in place
#i want to be Enclosed i need a little Nest#i want my extra pillows to not fall off my bed when I'm trying to swap them out#bc i need like. four or five different types of pillow depending on the day#so i just. keep them stacked up on the other side of my bed#this is also why i can't use a twin size bed most of my bed is Storage tbh#i prefer a full size king is large enough that i get Nervous lying in it by myself#when i had a king size flattress (it was. so damn thin) on the floor i ended up just piling shit in the corner#just to take up space bc i got very nervous without at least two walls very close to me#i like corners and i hate large rooms! i am the opposite of claustrophobic !#which i was once told was agoraphobic#but from context I've gathered most people use agoraphobia to mean an intense fear of crowds or just other people in general?#which i do have to some degree. but it's really just the super wide open spaces with no wall to my back that gets me#huh super deeply buried memory unlocked. maybe this has to do with how my elementary school would like. as a punishment at recess#have kids stand with their face to the building wall and they're not allowed to talk to anyone#and other kids who were playing at recess would just. throw things at the kids in detention or time out or whatever#and the teachers. wouldn't stop them???#and it wasn't just little pebbles or mulch it was footballs and large rocks#and if we moved out of the way we'd get time added to our wall time bc we weren't supposed to move at all either???????#god that school was a hellhole for the mentally abnormal
0 notes
Text
woke up just feeling so sad about old times
#best of times and the worst of times etc etc#had a dream about my best friend in middle school#miss them#there were issues with them and that relationship but dang we really did just have so much fucking fun like holy shit#and i miss my dad#i think im pretty good at looking and moving forward#and in many ways things just get better and better#but dang#you really can't ever go back huh
1 note
·
View note
Text
having feelings and emotions is hell idk who thought this was a good idea I WANT A LOBOTOMY!!!!!!!
#been stuck in sensory overload since i got back and it's bpd splitting hours again which is not that dramatic since i'm the repression queen#so actually yeah it's so fun and enjoyable and not exhausting and miserable AT ALL#at least the ppl in question aren't around anymore but still. i'm so tired#and technically nothing is stopping me from going to bed early but also that means it'll be tomorrow faster#and i have to do shit tomorrow and i don't want to <3 what i actually want to do is well. the usual.#but we could downgrade to just never interact with another human being ever again i think#maybe i can stay alive if it's Far away from everyone else since apparently i can't even manage it when things go well#like even after all that. my conclusion is still that i'm not made to be a social animal but idk. smth worse#anyway. everything sucks nobody cares but that's my own choice#like everything actually. like EVERYTHING is my responsibility and the consequences of my own behavior i know that#but complaining about it while doing absolutely nothing to make my situation even a little bit better is my alternative to suicide#and i still have roach instincts. ie random spikes of 'oh fuck i don't want to die actually'#but girl what else is there to do. sadly you're really good at that whole not dying thing huh
0 notes
Text
the downside of subscribing to a substack telling me about US trans news: i now know about US trans news
#and i know about one guy who has a real high chance of being elected in my area if he gets past the republican primary#when have we ever not elected a republican? it's all up to who republican voters decide they want to run#serious post#us stuff#would tag this for trans stuff too but I'm hoping this doesn't end up in tags for anything#venting about it in detail would dox me I guess but.#the 'upside' of not having gotten my shit together enough to start hrt or anything: can go back into the closet pretty easily#is it stupid that i'd chose shaving my face and going back into the closet over potentially having to leave my cat?#he's such a sensitive little dude idk if he'd be able to keep food down if I moved him to a totally new environment. he'd be too stressed#not enough money to get a loan for a house and can't rent a place with all the cats so i'd have to just go by myself if i went#they'd be fine here with just mom but. idk man. i guess we'll see what my options end up being#even if we could magically get a house with a really low loan mom wouldn't have a job#and i've found the least miserable job i'm ever going to be qualified for i think. might be stupid to not want to leave it#just so I don't have to go back into retail#but I don't want to leave the job either. not going to find anything better#so I guess I'll stay even if it would be smarter to go#proud to be an american huh? fuck.
1 note
·
View note
Text
i watched My Neighbor Totoro for the first time, here's my chronological viewing experience:
woo-hoo! dusty old japanese house with japanese architectural details aplenty
these kids got some ENERGY my goodness
family dynamic's adorable. peak quality dad humor
kids: our house is haunted. parents: that's so cool!
hell yeah, wrinkled old lady rep. we need more friendly old women with potato faces and warts like storybook witches. the backbone of society, these ladies
Plot Summary: Small Child Bothers Local Wildlife
sacred tree sacred tree sacred tree
Introducing Totoro! nobody said this fucker's got TEETH???
Uh-Oh! Inadequate Parental Supervision Detected
(you misplaced your four year old! you're not supposed to do that)
4-year-old: i met a magic forest spirit. dad: oh shit fr?
4-year-old: *angrily hugs sister* missed u bitch
this small child has a smile like a toad. like a really really cute toad. like the cutest toad in all existence. i love her she's perfection please just let this child be happy
rice paddies are so pretty....so back breaking....rice is such a prissy crop
*my crush is stranded in a rainstorm* takethisumbrellait'syoursnowBYE *runs away in panic im so good at flirting*
Giant Chinchilla Learns To Hold Umbrella, Is Fucking Delighted By Experience
take this, it will help you on your quest! *hands u trail mix wrapped in a leaf*
LO-FI HIP HOP STUDY LIST!
crouching down to peer at dirt--A++ top notch foundational childhood experience
mom has a big ass forehead
honey! the chinchillas are performing Rituals in the backyard again
help yeah let's jack and the bean stalk this shit
huh so we're all just climbing aboard the giant chinchilla's tiddies now ok
class trip!
the pure adrenaline of Vegetable Gardening
no! the small child is crying! she is bawling her eyes out. no no no. i can't cope with this. emotionally i cannot cope 🥺🥺🥺
i've only had Mei one hour but if anything happens to her i will raze this earth and everyone on it
please someone make this small child smile again
oh no the tall child is crying too
i can't take this. my heart can't take this.
i need a drink
small child running determined to deliver magic veggies to the hospital. this kid is my hero
she is also unsupervised. so, so unsupervised
babe you are FOUR
godDAMMIT ghibli, you cannot give me watercolor sunsets while a small child is missing. u are killing me. my heart is giving out. this is me, experiencing heart failure.
Totoro to the rescue!
no wait CATBUS to the rescue!
i admit i initially thought the cat was a creep. alice in wonderland prejudiced me. i have revised my notions of smiling cats
i've decided the cat is a metaphor for the magic of a robust public transport system
MEI'S OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and so is mom. she's a lovely lady im sorry for what i said about her forehead. it's a noble forehead.
happy ending YES bitch!!!!!!
ok. ok ok ok. that was magical.
(as a first-time adult viewer i was worried i wouldn't be able to Access the Magic. but i could and i did and it was incredible. that was culture. that was ART. joy distilled into animated form. holy rites of childhood. i understand now. how glorious, this world we grow out of. how full of marvels. i'm going outside to smell grass and sun and get dirt under my fingernails. miraculous.)
#mr ghibli please you cannot do this to my heart#totoro#my neighbor totoro#spoilers#?#initially i misspelled Totoro as Tortoro throughout the entire post#i fixed it but dear heavens i was tempted to leave it in. you're WELCOME
12K notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm kinda glad I can keep my opinions to myself but man
#miranda talking shit#Heard an story of... “I had my first strong love feeling like a woman. We met only a few times irl#But then suddenly she moved away and broke all contact for a year. I waited for her and tried to contact her. She sent an message 6 month#Ago about how she did it bc of anxiety and not bc of me. Then it's just been silence again. But I'm still waiting for her and I'd drop#Everything if she contacted me again“ me: what.... Wh.... Huh?!#Like I get it... First love? That shits intense but also like... Do you hear? Yourself? This isn't good for you... You've been waiting for#Someone for like two years who have not held contract with you like at all. As someone who struggles with bad anxiety and depression... Yea#Like if I really loved or cared for someone I'd try more than just give an excuse and then stop answering again#Everyone is different and we all have our past but... That sounds so... Yeah not good.#Heard this story and I was like wow... You're.. Over 30 and you... Don't respect yourself enough to break things off and move on?#First love makes us stupid but like... They weren't even officially dating it was more an “it could go somewhere” type of situation.#Maybe I've... Had practice but. Actions does speak louder than words. If I don't feel that return of care I'll tire and go to those I know#Will. I wanted to shake this man and scream this at him but... No one asks for my opinion and I understand when to not share it#It just sounds so sad to me. To wait for years for someone who can't even bother texting you? Still you're hoping they'll contact you#Hope is an wonderful thing and it's what keeps us alive but... Hope placed on people who has shown they do not care... Yeah#Maybe I'm harsh but I do believe in the idea if someone really does care. Texting and calling even just some isn't impossible. Inaction#Speaks for itself... No answer is also an answer.#Me sitting there sadly: you deserve better king... Love and respect yourself....
0 notes
Text
Thinking a LOT about Lucifer in the latest Hazbin episode. Idk what I was expecting but not this??
As I was watching my immediate thought was just "huh... Lucifer is kinda of weird..." but as the episode went on I realized the issue
the dude is off the chain depressed, like he says it as a joke but holy cow it is SO BAD
He's manically just creating rubber ducks cuz his daughter really like it that one time but it's empty, it's never good enough but he keeps doing it, maybe cuz he doesn't know how to pass the time otherwise.
like I get the feeling he HAS better things he SHOULD be doing than making rubber duck after rubber duck. At first I was like, "Bruh why isn't the king of hell doing anything?" aaaaand then it became clear...
The dude is disassociating so bad he can barely hold a conversation let alone remember information. He clearly WANTS to, he wants to be involved with his daughter so bad, he wants to care about the things she's doing so bad, but his depression keeps interfering. It's like he can only hear every other word and he grasps onto the ones he does hear semi-out of context. Like you can see every time he catches something that he hadn't before and he just "well shit I didn't catch that part"
and that's why he reacts so weird when people talk to him. He is struggling so bad to engage with the conversation he's only getting 50% of it
does that look like the face of a man who knows what the hell the conversation is even about??? he is STRUGGLING
like Charlie spent so long telling him about the hotel, and he STILL didn't understand what she wanted. Yeah it comes off as ditzy but literally I've been in that position where your brain just "nope, not doing this right now" and nerfs your conversation comprehension. So as someone who's BEEN in that position, to me it feels exactly like what he's dealing with. He's sorta engaged with the conversation, but only as much as his brain will allow
For example, when I'm dealing with this, this is what someone talking to me feels like this where the crossed out parts are what I missed and bold is what I catch, "Hey! You know I was thinking for dinner we could either make some chicken with rice? But if you don't feel like cooking, pasta is super easy and you love that right? What do you want to do?" you can kinda get that someone is trying to talk to you about dinner, and towards the end you get the impression that they asked something that needs your input so you can decently put 2 and 2 together and try and pass off, but crucial bits were left out, I would have no idea that either chicken or pasta is in the conversation only having heard "rice". When someone is just talking at me, I can decently pass off as being engaged but the second I'm required to participate in the conversation I'm screwed. Seem familiar? At which point I have 2 options, try to give a bullshit answer, or admit that I missed what they were saying and ask them to repeat
Lucifer, unfortunately, is trying so damn hard to hide that he's dealing with like 24/7 dissociation, so he can't admit that he's missing entire chunks of the conversation, hence his really weird replies. He does eventually get the full picture and then he and Charlie start having the real conversation
Also, the Alastor/Lucifer rivalry was hilarious but also really indicative of more of what Lucifer is dealing with
Alastor is, unfortunately, really good at picking up people's insecurities, and thanks to Charlie's description earlier and watching Lucifer clearly trying to overcompensate, he immediately picks up on the fact that Lucifer KNOWS he struggles to be a good dad (we know cuz it's cuz of the depression, hard to be engaged when your brain keeps turning off) and decides to rub salt in the wound by pretending he's been acting as a surrogate father to Charlie. Now why Alastor decided to pick a fight with the king of hell is beyond me, I do not understand Alastor (and I LIKE IT) (maybe it's cuz Alastor thinks he's hot shit and was expecting Lucifer to at least have heard of him but Lucifer just treats him like a nobody? who knows)(why would Lucifer listen to radio anyways when he can't even pay attention to a conversation it'd just be white noise)
But yeah I just was expecting someone who oozed either charisma or presence and instead I got a depressed dad who's dissociating so bad he can barely function and be present in his life. The only thing it seems he CAN do is make rubber ducks cuz his daughter really liked it that one time
Idk Lucifer is tragic to me. Whatever the full details of what heavan did to him absolutely broke him and he can't deal with it. He's aware of it, and he doesn't know how to fix it, so he tries to over compensate and sorta makes an ass out of himself but no one says or does anything cuz this guy is supposed to be THE king of hell
Suddenly it's making a lot more sense why he just rolls over and lets heaven do what it wants and even told Charlie to go in his place the start of the show. He's not in any headspace to hold a basic conversation let alone negotiate! He didn't even know who Alastor was, he's been so out of touch
idk I like him, he seems sweet, I hope Charlie brings some light back into his life. He really needs to get out of that rubber duck room
#hazbin spoilers#hazbin hotel#lucifer#lucifer morningstar#analysis#dissociation#look idk what to tell you all#I watched the episode and everything makes so much more sense#when you realize he's only intaking like 50-60% of the conversations#he's not bad at listening his brain is literally preventing him from getting everything#literally I've been there#the difference between him and me tho#is that he can't show it#he's the king of hell#he has to bluff his way through conversations#but yeah literally rewatch the episode with this in mind#and watch him reply to the things he DID catch#anyways#NEW BLORBO????#who'd've thought I would go into Hazbin Hotel#and come out with freaking LUCIFER as my favorite character#I love him#he's so sad
14K notes
·
View notes
Text
us and the stars — csc
summary: sitting under the stars on the hood of seungcheol’s car puts a lot of things into perspective
tags: smut (minors dni!), fluff warnings: explicit unprotected sex, outdoor sex wc: 2.3k an: i wrote the first part of this at rehearsal when i should have been doing work LOL
part of @sunnylovespickles september candy land collab!
occhiolism - to be aware of how insignificant and small you are compared to the universe
You can feel the bags weighing down your under eyes as you unlock the door to your apartment. You don’t bother being tidy as you throw your bag onto the ground and kick your shoes off. Your back hurts, your head has been throbbing since lunch, and on top of that you can’t get the nauseous feeling out of your stomach.
Today was utter shit.
None of it would nearly have been that bad, if it wasn’t for your last meeting. It started off so well, until your boss called on you to do your report for the week. You were proud of your work but as soon as you started to give off the data to your boss, he automatically shut you down, telling you you wasted your week doing everything wrong. Then your least favorite co-worker had to make snide comments about how he’ll have to spend all of next week fixing your mistakes. You spent the rest of your day trying to keep your tears at bay as you avoided eye contact with anyone who walked past you.
Then right when you thought you were going to be able to go home, your boss pulled you aside for a long talk about your quality of work. The whole conversation made your poor mood even worse and as soon as you got into your car you finally let yourself cry, sitting in the parking lot way after hours just to let it all out.
“Love? Is that you? You’re home late.” All you can manage is a grunt as you hear Seungcheol pads out of the bedroom. He sees you slumped down on the couch and automatically moves over to you, pushing you around a bit so you slump down against him instead.
“Hi,” you mumble, no energy in your voice.
“Hi baby. Bad day?” Seungcheol drops a soft kiss to your temple.
You nod. “I’m terrible at my job. It was so embarrassing, Cheol.”
“I’m sure it’s not nearly as bad as you think.”
“My boss called me out in front of everyone!” You shout, finally finding some energy to sit up and face your boyfriend. “Then went on about how I’m putting up behind schedule and now he’ll never trust me to do anything again.”
“Well that’s not right of him…but I’m sure that this will all blow over next week. Everyone knows how hard of a worker you are, this is just one mistake, it’s not the end of the world.”
“It is for me!”
Seungcheol chuckles slightly and you can tell he thinks you’re ridiculous but you don’t feel ridiculous right now. You feel awful. This job was supposed to be your big break and now you’re messing it all up.
“C’mon.” Seungcheol stands up and offers his hand to you.
You stare at him a bit exhausted but he’s unwavering and you finally relent. Seungcheol pulls you up onto your feet and pushes you towards the bedroom.
“Change into something comfortable. If you’re not out in ten minutes I’m coming in and dragging you out.” With that Seungcheol shuts the door, leaving you alone once again.
You’re half tempted to just lock the door and crawl into bed, but a part of you is curious to see what your boyfriend has planned. You strip off your work clothes and change into a t-shirt and an old pair of sleep shorts before shuffling back out to the living room where Seungcheol is waiting with his car keys.
Before you can question him he’s tugging you out the door and to the car and taking off. Seungcheol ignores your questioning stare as he hums along to the radio. The sun is starting to set and you stare at the oranges of the sky as you try and pretend you’re not replaying your day over in your head.
When the car finally pulls to a stop, you look around to see you’re in the middle of nowhere. You frown at Seungcheol but he just grins at you and gets out of the car. You watch as he moves over the passenger side and opens your door for you.
As soon as you step out Seungcheol moves over to the hood of his car and slides on before patting next to him.
“You’re going to dent your car,” you tell him.
“Don’t be a party pooper. Get up here.”
You huff but still do as told. Seungcheol grins wide at you as he lays back and you follow suit. You look up at the sky and you suddenly realize why Seungcheol brought you out here. You finally allow yourself to take a deep breath. You release it slowly as you take in the sight above you. The sky is a deep blue, freckled with white glittering stars.
“Isn’t it beautiful?” Seungcheol asks you.
You nod slightly. “It really is…” You’re completely mesmerized, all of your worries finally ebbing away.
“Those stars are trillions of miles away,” Seungcheol says. “Isn’t it crazy how big the universe is?”
“Yeah…,” you mumble. “We’re so small compared to that.”
“Exactly! The world is so big, and we’re so small. Doesn’t that put everything into perspective?”
“In what way?”
“Everything’s just so…insignificant.”
Seungcheol’s words suddenly suck your peace away as you sit up quickly. “YOU’RE SAYING I’M INSIGNIFICANT?”
You thought your boyfriend brought you out here to make you feel better, but now you feel like complete shit. You already knew you were a giant fuck up, but now you’re a fuck up that’s insignificant as well. You go to move off the car, ready to make Seungcheol take you back home and make him sleep on the couch, but Seungcheol quickly grabs your arm.
“Baby no! No! I’m saying your mistake was insignificant. There is so much going on all around us and billions of lightyears away; in the grand scale of things your one single mistake means nothing.”
“Well in the grand scale of things I’m also insignificant.” You glare slightly at Seungcheol but he just leans forward and cups your face in his hands.
“How can you be insignificant when you're my whole world?”
Your breath catches in your throat. You struggle for a moment, unable to get any words out.
“Your mistake doesn’t matter. Fuck those guys for making you feel like this, because you are the most hard working person I know. You matter though. You matter so much. Everyday I live is a good one, because I get to spend it with you. So who cares if the grand scale we’re small and insignificant, because even if we are, you’re still my everything, and there’s no one else I would rather be insignificant with.”
You feel tears start to stream down your cheeks for a second time today, but this time it’s for a completely different reason. You finally let a small smile cross your lips. You lean forward and kiss Seungcheol, not caring that you’re getting your tears on him. When you pull back you lean your forehead against his.
“When did you get so sensible?” You ask him with a small laugh.
“I wouldn’t say sensible…just insightful.”
“Whatever it is…thank you,” you tell him. “You always know how to make me feel better. I’m sorry about how I was behaving earlier.”
“Don’t apologize, we all have bad days. I just want to make sure your bad day doesn’t turn into a bad night.”
“Well you definitely did just that.” You lean in once again to give Seungcheol another kiss, deepening it this time.
Seungcheol sits up a bit so he can hover over you, pressing you down into the hood of the car. He pulls back slightly before whispering, “You want me to make this an even better night?”
“Ch-cheol!” You gasp. “We’re outside…”
“So? No one’s here. Wouldn’t it be romantic? Fucking under the stars.”
You feel Seungcheol’s fingers trail up your sides, slightly pushing up your shirt and you whine. “F-fuck, just touch me Cheol.”
Seungcheol chuckles slightly and pushes his hands all the way up your shirt, groping your chest in his palms. You feel his thigh press down against your clit and you let out a soft moan.
You feel the tension escape your body as pleasure starts to take over. Seungcheol’s mouth trails over your neck, peppering kisses and nips all over your skin. You slide your fingers into his hair, holding his head to your neck.
“Need you,” you whine, desperate and pathetic. You didn’t realize how badly you need this but now that you have it, you can’t get enough.
“Already?”
“Fuck, yes, please,” you beg.
“Of course, pretty girl. Anything for you.” Seungcheol presses a final kiss to your neck before sliding off the hood. He stands at the front end of the car, pulling you towards him so your hips line up. Seungcheol pushes your shorts down your legs until they’re only hanging off one ankle before unzipping his pants and tugging his cock out.
He jerks his cock in his fist until it gets up to full mast before reaching out to brush his thumb over your clothed clit. You can hear him hum with satisfaction when he feels how wet you already are. You let out a soft whine to signal your impatience and luckily your boyfriend takes the hint and pushes your panties to the side. You feel his blunt tip rub up against your folds for a moment before he pushes all the way in.
You let out a content sigh at the familiar feeling of Seungcheol’s cock stretching you open. HIs cock fits into you snugly, like your pussy was molded just for him. Seungcheol pushes his hands back up your shirt, kneading at your tits as he starts to slowly thrust into you.
You wrap your legs around Seungcheol, pulling him into you deeper and preventing yourself from sliding off the car. As Seungcheol picks up his pace, fucking into you more rapidly, you throw your head back, marveling in the sight of the galaxies above you as your boyfriend fills you full of his cock. Seungcheol was right, it is pretty romantic.
Seungcheol brushes his thumb over your nipple, flicking the bud and sending jolts through your body. You gasp, your eyes screwing shut. Your whole body feels like it’s buzzing as Seungcheol snaps his hips into yours, his cock slamming into your walls and driving you closer and closer to insanity.
You reach up blindly and grasp Seungcheol’s shirt, pulling him down to you. Your lips meld together with his as you put all your focus into kissing him. His body pressed down into yourself, pinning you down against the cool metal of the car. Your whole body is wrapped around him as you hold onto him to stable yourself.
Seungcheol’s soft grunts are probably the sexiest thing you’ve ever heard and despite him being fully pressed up against you, you pull him into you further, wrapping your lips around his bottom lip and sucking as hard as you can. Your boyfriend’s lips are already plump, but you have a bit of an obsession with trying to make them completely swollen. Seungcheol doesn’t mind though, in fact you know he finds immense pleasure from you sucking on his lip. The way his hips slam into you harder is also an indicator that you’re doing something right.
It’s a little embarrassing how quickly you can already feel your orgasm approaching but you blame it on your stressful day and your boyfriend��s determination to make you feel better. You drag your teeth over Seungcheol’s lip before letting it go only to press your lips to his ear.
"M'close Cheollie."
“Fuck baby, cum for me. Cream all over my cock,” Seungcheol tells you. His grip tightens on you as his thrusts become more pointed, pushing straight up against your g-spot.
You whimper as you finally release all of your pent up stress from the day, letting your orgasm wash over you. You hold onto Seungcheol tightly as you shake in his arms, your boyfriend pressing soft kisses to your jaw as you do so.
At some point you register Seungcheol pulling out of you and cumming on your stomach but you don’t fully regain consciousness until a few moments later. You don’t move as Seungcheol grabs a few napkins from his glove box to clean both of you off.
After you two are finally back in normal shape Seungcheol climbs back up onto the hood (which is definitely dented now) and pulls you into his side.
Nothing seems better than cuddling with your boyfriend and stargazing but your stomach has other plans and rumbles loudly, causing Seungcheol to laugh and you to groan.
“I haven’t had dinner yet,” you say. “You dragged me away too soon.”
“Okay baby, let’s go get dinner.” Seungcheol pecks a kiss to your lips before rolling off the hood of the car. You reluctantly do the same.
“We should do this again,” you tell your boyfriend as he starts the car. “Sometime we can actually stargaze for longer.”
“I’d like that. And I’ll be sure to pack some food to bring as well.”
This time as you two drive down the road you slip your hand into Seungcheol’s and hum along to the radio with him. You glance over at him, only to see him sneaking a glance back at you. He sends you a wink before grinning and looking back at the road, his hand squeezing yours. You can’t help but smile back.
As you settle back into your seat and glance out at the sky through the windshield, you find comfort in the fact that even if you are just a small part of the big universe, you and Seungcheol still found each other, and that’s something pretty special.
taglist: @ckline35 @toruro @jeanjacketjesus @namjoonbaby @n4mj00nvq @lovelyhan @ovai @scorpiobitch88 @im-gemmy @lllucere @tulipgarland4 @embrace-themagic @sulkygyu @leejihoonownsmyheart @synthetickitsune @yeosayang @miraclewoozi @d0nghyck @soonhoonietrash @violetvoo @yongi-lee @spilled-coffee-cup @morklee02 @17kwans @candidupped @ressonancee @m1nghaos @1-800-jeonwonwoo @anothershorthuman @chwecardcaptor @dinoissupreme @speaknowlwt @hyneyedfiz @aaniag @jwnghyuns @flwrshwa @valentxi @heavenly-mobo @pandorashbox @enhacolor @starlight-night0 @todorokiskitten @miriamxsworld @just-here-to-read-01 @sunnyteume @debsworld23 @seuomo @tinkerbell460 @feat-sun
join my taglist: here!
#choi seungcheol smut#seventeen smut#jj <3#i said jokingly when i bookmarked this that you wrote this for me#but#i just want you to know this might one of if not my favourite fics from you#shit's been not amazing lately lol not gonna trauma dump on you and in the tags#but reading this was so so comforting jj#it just felt like such a big hug#and you writing this with cheol of all people shoved me even more into my feelings ugh#“How can you be insignificant when you're my whole world?” - JJ. HOW DARE YOU. HE'S SO CHEESY WHY AM I BLUSHING I CAN'T DO THIS#“Your mistake doesn’t matter. Fuck those guys for making you feel like this#because you are the most hard working person I know.#You matter though. You matter so much. Everyday I live is a good one#because I get to spend it with you.#So who cares if the grand scale we’re small and insignificant#because even if we are#you’re still my everything#and there’s no one else I#would rather be insignificant with.”#- you really said fuck rj's feelings specifically huh#the emotion you wrote into those lines had me tearing up if I'm being honest#“Don’t apologize#we all have bad days. I just want to make sure your bad day doesn’t turn into a bad night.”#- at this point just imagine me sitting here with tears in my eyes and in stunned silence#truly the way you wrote this is so heartfelt and beautiful jj. i think I've found my jj comfort fic.#fics that have thousands and thousands of notes to me btw#q: painting with hyunjin
312 notes
·
View notes