#we r having a jolly good time

[veronicaphoenix]

IKIGAI — ADDITIONAL CHAPTER

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Lia Parker

Summary: Lia tells Noah she had sex for the first time, and the news doesn't sit right with him. She doesn't feel very thrilled about it either.

Word count: 2.7k | Reading time: 10mins aprox | Series masterpost ✨

Tags & trigger warnings: best friends to lovers trope, lia has a boyfriend, talks about sex, about lia's first time, disappointment, lia being infatuated with noah, mentions of noah having had sexual encounters before but still being a virgin, sexual innuendos, noah feeling jealous and confused.

This chapter takes place between chapter 13 and chapter 14 of Ikigai (part one of The Inevitability of Love at Second Sight Series). Lia and Noah are 21/22.

The moment his phone started ringing and the screen lit up with Lia’s name, Noah paused mid-typing, slipped off his headphones, and answered. Her hurried voice hit his ears before he could say anything.

“Noah, are you home? Is anyone else there?”

Noah frowned, taken aback by her urgency. 

“Hello to you, too, Gremlin. Yeah, I’m home. Why?”

“Are the boys around? Jolly, Jesse?”

“No, I’m alone. What’s up?”

“Good. I’m coming over.”

Noah’s eyebrows shot up. The way she spoke—it almost sounded like she was asking for permission to come back to her own home. 

“Lia, what’s going on?”

“I’ll tell you when I get there.”

Lia disconected the call. Noah remained frozen in place, still perched on his studio chair, staring at his iPhone as if expecting the screen to offer some explanation. 

It didn’t. 

This was Lia’s house, too. They’d been living together since she’d turned eighteen, so why was she acting like a stranger? She hadn’t been home last night, though. She’d gone out with friends, said she’d stay over at Emery’s. Now it was barely eleven in the morning, and this call felt... strange. Something was off, and the knot of unease tightening in Noah’s stomach told him whatever it was, he wouldn’t like it.

Twenty minutes later, the front door burst open. Lia stormed in, her backpack slung over one shoulder, her hair tied in a very messy bun, her face set in agitation—not fear, not hurt, just stress. As soon as her eyes landed on Noah, standing in sweats and a t-shirt in the middle of the living room, her expression shifted to disappointment.

He raised his arms, wordlessly asking what the hell is happening? She didn’t answer right away. Instead, she dropped her bag and rushed to him, wrapping her arms around his chest with a sigh, melting against him as though she’d been holding her breath for hours.

“Lia, are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

It took her a moment before she spoke. 

“I slept with Leon last night.”

Noah’s blood ran cold. He pulled back, grabbing her shoulders, but she clung to his shirt, refusing to let go.

“Lia,” he said, his voice strained. “You...” His head shook. He blinked rapidly. “You had your first time with Leon?”

She nodded, avoiding his eyes now.

His mind reeled, thoguhts scrambling in every direction. 

“Lia—We said we’d do it together. That we’d have our first time at the same time.”

Lia sighed, already anticipating his reaction. It wasn’t like she hadn’t thought about it, too—their weird, half-serious pact, made when they were younger, with all the naivety and awkwardness of two people trying to make sense of their feelings. But now, standing here, it felt like a relic of something neither of them could hold onto. How could that have ever worked, anyway?

She took one step back to look him in the eyes, trying to be practical.

“Noah, how did you think that would go? You in one room with some random chick and me on the other side of the wall?”

“No, but—” He ran a hand through his hair, pacing. He hadn’t been expecting his quiet Sunday morning to turn into this; whatever this was. “Fuck, Lia.”

It hurt. It hurt a lot. But why? Was it just because she’d had sex? Because she did it before him? Or because she’d done it with someone who wasn’t him?

Lia sighed again and walked to the open kitchen, reaching for the kettle. She hadn’t eaten breakfast and was starving. The subtle ache between her legs didn’t help her mood, either. She reached for the kettle, filling it with water. Behind her, she could hear Noah collapse onto the couch.

“I’m sorry,” she muttered, fingers drumming on the counter as she waited for the water to boil.

Noah stared blankly ahead, his thoughts a mess. The idea that Lia wasn’t a virgin anymore—it didn’t sit right. It felt like a puzzle piece has been shoved into the wrong place, forced, stuck forever. His jealousy, or whatever it was, mixed with confusion. But then, an uneasy thought surfaced, shifting everything inside him. 

He stood up abruplty, the sudden clarity jolting him.

“Shit. Lia, did he hurt you?”

She whipped around, startled by the sudden sharpness in his voice, kettle in hand, steam rising.  

“No,” she said flatly. “He didn’t hurt me.”

Noah studied her face, unsure if he believed her. Whether or not she was telling the truth, one thing was certain—he would have never let that happen. He would’ve made sure she felt safe, cared for. Even if they were both inexperienced, they would’ve figured it out together. They always trusted each other like that, in ways that seemed to run deeper than words.

“Then what?” he asked, his voice softer now but still loaded with confusion. “Why do you look like this?”

She turned back to the kettle, her movements robotic, avoiding his gaze. 

“He just... finished, and that was it.” she said, pouring the water into a mug, her tone hollow. “I’m not hurt. I’m disappointed. I didn’t know it would be like that. I thought it’d be more... exciting. There was some thrill at first, but then it just... faded into nothing. And...” She bit her lips, her cheeks flushed a little. She was glad Noah couldn’t see. “I didn’t come,” she added quietly.

Noah stood frozen a few feet away, his mind scrambling to process what she was saying.

“He didn’t notice. Or maybe he didn’t care.” Her voice cracked with frustration. “He just thought it was over.”

Before he could react, she crossed the room, collapsing against him again, her forehead resting against his chest. Her arms hung limp at her sides.

“Oh, God. Noah, it was so disappointing,” she said. “You wouldn’t let a girl feel like that, would you?”

Noah stiffened. He wasn’t sure how to answer.

“I know you wouldn’t,” Lia murmured softly, her voice thick with a mix of frustration and resignation.

“Lia, I...” Noah began, but the words faltered. He had no idea what to say. He wasn’t much more experienced than she was. Sure, he’d gone down on a few girls, fumbled with his fingers and his mouth. Some cheeky girls had touched him, but that was it.

“You don’t have to be experienced for that,” she interrupted, looking up at him with a spark of hope in her big brown eyes. Noah felt a familiar weight press against his chest. Lia had always seen something in him, something pure, as if he were some kind of angel or hero, when in reality, he was full of flaws, just like anyone else. If she was so infatuated with him because of how he treated her, she should know by now—that kind of treatment was reserved for her.

“You just need to be considerate,” she continued. “You are considerate.”

“Lia,” he said, his voice firm as he gently grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back again, creating a bit of distance. She frowned at his authoritative tone.

“Promise me,” she blurted, before he could say more.

“Promise you what?”

“That you’ll be considerate. That you’ll make her come—whoever she is. Any girl. Every time. Always.”

“Jesus Christ, Lia,” Noah groaned, turning away and heading back to the couch, rubbing his forehead in frustration. 

Lia trailed after him, relentless as she picked up her cup of tea and sat next to him on the couch, close enough that their legs touched.

“You can’t just ask me that,” he muttered, snatching the cup from her without asking and taking a sip. The hot liquid burned his tongue, but he didn’t care.

“Why not?” she pressed. “It’s advice. It’ll be good for you.”

“Maybe I don’t need advice,” he snapped, a bit sharper than he intended.

Lia raised an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed. 

“Your ego is showing, Sebastian.”

Noah rolled his eyes and handed back the cup. 

“It’s not about ego. I’m just saying maybe it’ll go fine without us having to talk about it like this.”

Lia sighed, slumping slightly against the cushions, conceding the point, though she wasn’t fully convinced.

“Maybe,” she mumbled, her voice quieter.

She hadn’t expected him to feel uncomfortable discussing this—especially with her. But his attitude suggested otherwise. She bit her lip, a twinge of regret flickering across her face.

“I just needed to talk to you,” she said a bit ashamed, and the tenderness in her voice caught him off guard.

Without thinking, he placed a hand on her knee, squeezing lightly through the fabric of her black leggings. His head lolled back against the sofa, eyes locking on hers. Once again, it hit him—how beautiful she had always been. As a kid, she’d been cute and full of energy. Now, as an adult, she was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen.

“I know,” he said, voice low. “I know.”

“I just got worried. I don’t want other girls to go through that disappointment. I know, sometimes, it’s part of the experience, of growing up, learning, but...” She hesitated, searching for the right words. “I don’t want it to happen when they’re with you. You can’t be a disappointment, Noah.”

“You’re setting the bar really high, Lia. I don’t know if I’ll ever reach it.”

“You’d never let me leave the room like that, would you?”

Noah let out a heavy huff, shaking his head.

“Lia, I’ve already warned you. Don’t make this weird, please.” 

“It’s only a question. You can just answer it. Or don’t. I know the answer. You wouldn’t leave me unfinished.”

He gave her an exasperated look, but there was a hint of amusement in his eyes.

“You’re so much trouble, Lia Parker.”

"I’m not, I promise. I’m just a girl asking for equality,” she replied, a playful smirk tugging at her lips. “But if you have your doubts, I could give you more... detailed advice, if you want.”

“No. Absolutely not.”

“All right, your loss,” she concluded, raising a hand in mock surrender.

Noah couldn’t help but laugh, rolling his eyes. He gave her knee a light pat. 

“You’re so dramatic. You know that?”

“I’m not. I’m just... unsatisfied,” she admitted, shaking her head at the memory of how disappointment last night had been. “I need release,” she uttered before she could stop herself. 

His eyes widened as he processed her words. She wasn’t playing around—this wasn’t some offhand joke or a ploy to shock him. She was genuinely frustrated, still reeling from the lack of fulfillment the night before. For a brief moment, a flood of inappropriate thoughts ran through his mind—ways he could help her, ways he could get involved. But he quickly pushed them aside.

“I’m breaking up with him,” she declared, her voice decisive as she lifted the cup of tea to her lips and taking a slow sip. “I don’t care if he thinks I just wanted him for sex. I definitely don’t want him for sex after that.”

Noah could have told her it was only her first time, that things could get better with practice. She could talk to Leon, communicate, learn together like couples were supposed to. They’d only been together for a few months, after all. But deep down, Noah felt a sense of relief. He didn’t want to give her advice on how to fix things with her boyfriend. He was content with her decision, and he wasn’t going to argue with it.

It might’ve been selfish, but single Lia meant more of her at home, more of her for him. Leon could learn how to get a woman to orgasm with someone else.

“Can we spend the day watching movies and eating junk food?” Lia asked, her big puppy-dog eyes making it impossible to say no. She was the queen of that look, and she knew exactly how to use it on him.

Of course they could. He would never deny her anything. But where was the fun in giving in so easily? He leaned back, a smirk curling at the edge of his lips.

“Didn’t you say you needed... release? Don’t you wanna go to your bedroom first?”

“Oh, Noah!” she gasped, giving him a playful punch on the shoulder, her laughter tangling with his. “You’ll never know when I’m doing it. I’m very quiet.”

She was, indeed. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t strained his ears a few times, hoping to catch something from her bedroom at night.

“Really? So, when you get wet, you don’t go full Gremlin mode?”

“I swear, Sebastian, if you don’t shut up, I’m spilling this tea all over you.”

“I’m already hot enough, thanks.”

She narrowed her eyes at him.

“You’re pushing it.”

“Says the one who barged in talking about sex and orgasms.”

“Ugh, you might be right, but—”

“I am right.”

“All right, fine.” She paused, then leveled him with a serious look. “You have to promise me, though, that you’ll think about them—not just yourself—when it happens.”

“Ooookay.” He lifted his pinky finger toward her, the smirk still lingering. “I promise.”

She laced her pinky with his, sealing the deal. 

“Happy now?” He asked. 

“Not really. It’s still weird thinking about you with other girls, but yeah, better than I was thirty minutes ago.”

Noah narrowed his eyes, studying her face, trying to read her thoughts. There was something unspoken between them, an invisible thread that always seemed to pull tighter the closer they got. 

He let out a breath, feeling the subtle shift between them. It wasn’t the tension that was there earlier; it was something softer, more familiar. With Lia, things never stayed too heavy for long. It was one of the things he loved about her—things could be strange, awkward, but they never broke.

Lia settled next to him, nudging her shoulder against his as Noah turned on the TV. He suggested they play some video games instead of watching a movie, and she agreed, completely unaware of the storm brewing in his mind. Inappropriate images flashed through his thoughts—images of them together, naked, her soft commands in his ear as he obeyed, eager to make her feel as good as she deserved. He wondered what it would be like if she said the words, if she let him, if they crossed that line. How much would he give to her? Everything, if she asked.

Not long after that day, Noah lost his virginity. It was with a girl he’d met at a friend’s house—a black-haired girl who had sparked some fleeting interest in him. He hadn’t thought much of the girl at first, but when they started dancing together, he felt… attraction. 

The night they had sex, they had all been out at a club, Noah, Lia, Matt, Jolly, and their usual group of friends. 

Lia had seen them on the dancefloor—caught a glimpse of the girl kissing Noah’s neck, her lips lingering too long. Something twisted inside her, an unwelcome feeling she didn’t quite understand. She told herself to get a grip and finished her beer in one quick gulp. When Noah and his new girlfriend passed by her on their way out, Lia winked at him, already tipsy, her face flushed from the alcohol.

Noah hesitated. He wanted to stay, to make sure Lia got home safely like he always did, but the girl tugged on his arm, pulling him away. He found himself torn between the pull of his present and the weight of his responsibility to Lia. But for the first time, he didn’t stay.

Later that night, with the black-haired girl in his bed, all Noah could think of was Lia. He tried to focus, to be in the moment, but her presence was a ghost in the room. Every girl after that night would carry the same haunting thread—because every time he had sex, Lia was there. Her promise, her words, lingered in his mind.

He had sworn to her that he’d be considerate, that he’d make every girl feel special, and he did. But what Lia didn’t know was that every girl he touched, every one he pleased, was just a stand-in. No matter whose legs he was between, no matter who whispered his name, his thoughts always circled back to her. Lia was always in his head. The promise he’d made to her—it was her name, her face, her pleasure, that guided every move.

And that secret was one he’d carry with him, long after the girls were gone.

🔖 The Inevitability of Love at Second Sight taglist:

@somebodyels3 | @respectfulrebel | @thecoyotescry | @bluestdai | @lma1986

@sweetwombatpizza | @missduffsblog | @shilohrosechicken | @jilliemiw86 | @alwaysfightforwhoyouare

[thefallennightmare]

Just Pretend-ten

*gif created by me. feel free to use, simply give credit*

Parings: Noah Sebastian x Musician! Reader

Warnings/Tropes: language, angst, fluff, smut, star-crossed lovers, right person/wrong time, cheating, talks of mental abuse.

Summary: “I can wait for years, heaven knows I’m not getting over you.” A story about two star-crossed lovers, that always find their way back because their souls are entwined. The universe desperately attempts to bring them together, no matter what the cost.

Authors Note: I don't think you guys understand how broken this gif made us. Fuck, creating it killed me! Also, during the hotel scene, listen to snuff by slipknot. It's on the playlist! Some eggs from other songs on the playlist throughout the chapter as well! Enjoy my loves!

Collaborating With: @thescarlettvvitch(better give her all the love as well)

Tags: @thescarlettvvitch @ozwriterchick @waake-meee-up @notingridslurkaccount @niicoleleigh @sammyjoeee @xxrainstorm @dominuslunae @notmaddihealy @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @iknownothingpeople @writethrough @thebadchic @blackveilomens Claudia on Tumblr @tobe-written @blacksoul-27 @loeytuan98 @loverofagoodbeard @comfortcharactercraze @lma1986 @plutonikchaos1 @spicywhenspeaking @lyschko666 @somewhere-diamond @hi-fancy-seeing-you-here

NICK R.

My heart raced as Jolly and I met each other in the dimly lit hotel hallway, sleep still heavy in our eyes and bones. When he called me a few minutes ago, I rushed out of bed where I was crashing in Matt’s room and knew that it could have been about one thing.

Noah.

“What happened?” I asked.

Jolly ran a hand over his exhausted face. “I don’t know. I haven’t walked inside yet and I’m afraid of what I’m going to see.”

“Y/N. He kicked me out earlier tonight because she was coming by,” I said, remembering suddenly.

“Shit,” Jolly cursed before nodding behind me towards Folio. “No matter what we walk into, we don’t judge him. Whatever happened fucked him up enough that he needs to write a song at three in the morning.”

Folio agreed. “How bad is he?”

I shrugged. “I guess we’ll see.”

Jolly turned towards the door and knocked gently.

“Yeah.”

The voice that called back was not Noah; this voice sounded broken, and distant, with the single word that was uttered.

“It’s me,” Jolly spoke through the door.

Realizing that Noah was most likely not in a state to answer the door, I handed Jolly my room key and we all sucked in a breath when the light on the lock turned green; us walking into the room one at a time. There was music playing, soft beats echoing off the wall, and I hoped no one would complain to the front desk about the noise.

My bed was still as I left it but Noah’s bed was disheveled with a pair of underwear that clearly weren’t his and a small piece of what I expected was a condom wrapper. Noah’s original clothes from earlier that evening were on the floor at the edge of the bed.

Shit.

Noah was on the floor leaning against the wall with a bottle of Hennessy in hand, more than half gone, and his hair was in a disarray of braids.

“Noah,” Jolly said quietly while bending down in front of him.

He waved a hand in front of his face as his head bobbed slowly. “I’m good, man. I just wanted to get this beat down. It’s in my head.”

“She wouldn’t stay, would she?” I questioned while motioning towards the bed.

“Didn’t need to. Jus’ friends. ‘S’all it’s come to. She didn’t need to and I don’t really fucking care. I don’t. No sweat off ma back,” he finished the rest of the bottle before letting it slip from his fingers. “I’m fine. F.I.N.E.”

The three of us shared a painful wince as he spelled out the word two more times.

As if whoever was watching over us from above, just then that specific song by Too Close To Touch came blasting through the small portable speaker Noah always brought with.

“See?” Noah pointed to the air around him. “Even fucking Keaton is telling you guys I’m fine.”

But then, he slammed his head against the wall behind him as his bottom lip trembled, his chest caving in at hearing his best friend's voice play throughout the room. Noah was only rubbing more salt in his wounds and fuck, they burned.

“Why the fuck aren’t you here, man?” he choked out. “You knew her better than us. What did I do? Why’d she leave?”

Keaton’s name felt like ice in our hearts and I knew it was a stabbing pain through Noah’s chest.

“Whatever,” Noah grumbled, wiping angrily at his face. “Her decision; bad decision. Fuck her. I need to write.”

“Noah, come on, don’t say shit you’re gonna regret,” Folio spoke. “You can’t write when you’re drunk. You know that.”

“M’not. She jus’ my good friend. I fucking knew I wasn’t enough for her.”

He was far gone, not even realizing that Folio and I stood behind Jolly, our own somber expressions weighing heavily on our faces.

Finally, his eyes opened and when he saw all three of us, Noah groaned.

“Oh, great ya called them?” He pointed towards us. “I don wanna hear I told you so, erm stubborn. Yadayadsa.”

His words slurred together, stumbling over his tongue.

Folio peered around the room, counting the empty bottles. “I’m counting two.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Apparently he’s been sitting here awhile.”

“You know I can’t stay; you deserve better than me,” Noah chuckled, imitating Y/N’s voice.

Jolly peered over his shoulder at us and his lips were pulled in a tight line, all of us thinking the same thing.

“Noah” I sighed with my hands on my hips.

His head snapped up, eyes red with tears so close to falling but they wouldn’t. Noah was always in control of his emotions; he refused to cry in front of us.

“She told me what I felt, she told me what I wanted and what I didn’t. Didn’t give me a fucking say about anything before she walked the fuck out. Left. Gone,” he rambled on.

“She’s going through-,” Folio started.

“Fuck that,” Noah seethed with clenched fists in his lap. “I don’-don’t care right now, in this moment. She fucking stole my heart and took it with ‘er. Jus’ friends.”

The last two words sounded bitter on his tongue, like acid.

While we let him wallow in the pain, I motioned for Jolly and Folio to walk to the other side of the room, out of earshot from Noah.

“Should we ask Malcom or Chase what the fuck happened?” Jolly asked.

“Do you think she told them?” Folio wondered.

I shrugged while crossing my arms over my chest. “I don’t doubt that. She likes him, we know she does. It’s clear.”

“Then why did she leave?” Jolly questioned, his own pain for Noah making his jaw clench. “What the fuck happened to make her leave?”

I gazed over to Noah, my heart falling into my stomach at the broken sight of my brother. “He jumped. He jumped but Y/N wasn’t there yet.”

The three of us made a quick plan of action before Jolly and Folio went to help Noah up off the floor, his limp body dragging on the floor.

“Noah let’s get into bed,” Folio suggested.

“No. I need to finish this beat, and these fuckin’ lyrics in my head,” he pushed himself away from them, standing on two shaky feet but standing. He smacked his forehead over and over.

Jolly nodded. “We will, but first you need to get some sleep.”

He glared at the bed in front of him, a mess of the decision they made together.

“…the pillow.. she was on that one,” Noah pointed. “It smells like that fucking perfume, I don-wanna inhale that shit right now.”

There was so much venom in his voice when he spoke about Y/N and there was a part of me that hoped this wouldn’t last long. He had every right to be upset with her; he gave her his heart, and she walked away.

“Alright, then let’s get you some sleep in mine,” I said.

He licked his lips, an unreadable look flashing in bloodshot eyes. “I still fucking taste her. It’s a poison that I should have fucking avoided.”

“Can’t help you with that, brother,” Folio tried to joke.

No one laughed

“No. I need to finish this-,” Noah stumbled over to his suitcase to snatch a piece of paper and pen, something he always kept on him.

I stepped in front of him to hold him steady, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. It was as if it was trying to break free to chase after Y/N; just for her to stomp on it again.

No, I shook my head, you can’t let your own anger deter you from trying to fix Noah. You can be angry about the situation but not her. It’s no one's fault.

“You don’t like to write when you’re not home,” I tried to take the pen and paper away from him.

“I don’ care nicKLas.” He pushed past me to fall onto his bed, ass first on the pillow. “I have to, right now.”

Sensing the sudden thick tension, not knowing what the next thing would be that would set him off, Jolly gave a slow nod toward Noah.

“Alright. Let it go, man. Let us hear it.”

Even though they weren’t written down, Noah still burned his gaze into the empty page in front of him. Through the slurred words, the ache that poured out of him brought chills to my bones.

“How quick it gets lonely here at the top. Her skin feels unholy but I’m still drawn. The morals I’m holding, you know they’re gone.”

Fuck, that was good.

Noah’s eyes snapped over to us. “Why aren’t you helping me get down this beat?”

I held my arms out to the empty room. “We don’t have our stuff here Noah, this isn’t usually how we do this.”

“Fuck,” he ran a shaky hand over his chin. “Ok well then here! Voice clip it.”

While he tossed his phone to Jolly, who barely caught it in time, I gave Folio a look of luck before slipping out of the room, almost running into Matt who stood at the open doorway.

“Who the fuck is blasting Snuff by Slipknot at four in the morning?” He asked with fury.

No doubt someone called the front desk and complained who in turn complained to Matt.

“Woah, what the fuck is going on right now?” Matt took a tentative step into the room, eyeing the situation.

“Didn’t you hear, fucker?” Noah whipped his head towards us so fast, that the braids smacked around his face. “She ran away, she’s the fuckin same.”

He hiccuped a sob. “Angels lie to keep control.”

“Fuck's sake,” Jolly pinched his nose with a sigh.

I gave Matt’s shoulder a squeeze. “Just keep an eye on Noah, he’s not in a good place right now.”

“Fuck, don’t tell me-,” he stuffed his hands into the pocket of his sweater.

“Just- let me handle it man,” I slipped past him out of the room and quick steps took me to the elevator.

I bounced on the soles of my feet as I repeatedly pushed the down floor button and cursed when the doors finally opened. Blackness took over as I let the images of Noah sitting there broken carry me to the room, hand pounding on the door.

Time be damned. I couldn't care less if she was asleep right now. How could she be asleep while my best friend, my brother, was fucking dying on the inside?

Not again. I refused to let him sink for another.

“Nick?” Chase squinted with the sudden light blasting in from the hallway. “Everything alright?”

“Where is she?”

He continued to stare at me with narrowed eyes. “Who? Y/N?”

“Yes,” I nodded. “Is she here?”

I tried to peer past him but only saw someone with auburn curls walk behind Chase, leaving a gentle hand on his back. “What’s going on?”

“Nick’s looking for Y/N,” Chase informed Malcolm.

He stared at me confused. “Last I heard she was going to hang out with Noah. Did something happen?”

“What the fuck do you think?” I snapped but then let out a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be an asshole but she left. Noah’s a fucking wreck. It seemed like they had a great time- so what’s the deal? I thought she cared for him. Why, why would she hurt my friend?”

I was the middle child, great at negotiating, great at being the middle man. The one who would try to settle things. I was on Noah’s side with this one, she’s my friend, but he’s my brother. Even I didn’t see this coming. I tried to remain neutral when I asked them and tried not to look annoyed.

“Dude- she does, she cares for him a lot,” Malcolm spoke while tying up his curls. “Noah makes her so happy. We haven’t seen her glow like that in years, I just- I don’t know. We don’t know why she would leave. Unless…”

Chase quickly pushed Malcolm back into the room slightly. “Dude, no. That’s not our business to tell. She has to be the one to decide.”

“What?!” I asked.

They knew something, and I needed to know; right now.

“That’s her business, not ours,” Chase said, rubbing his head.

“What?,” I scoffed. “Is she fucking dying or something? Is she okay?”

“No, no, she’s fine. All I’ll say is she does things in her life that can require extra attention. But like I said, that’s not for us to discuss, even with you man, sorry,” he pauses and says again. “Is he- is Noah alright?”

“Honestly? No. He isn’t, he’s drunk and writing right now. He’s gonna feel like hell when we have to leave for the airport in a few hours.”

Malcolm sighed. “I’m sorry dude. When Y/N comes back, we’re going to have to have a long talk. We know she cares for your friend, Nick. Her heart is in the right place- we just don’t know where the hell her mind is. We’ll figure it out.”

I nod and smile slightly, in agreement. My eyes want to convey a lot more. Y/N’s a good person, but she broke my friend's heart tonight. This is why I was so hesitant about this relationship with him and Y/N. I warned Noah not to jump yet, but he did.

All I could do right now until she came back was nod a quick thanks to them and hope that Y/N would confide in them. I wanted to fix my friend's broken soul so often, and so often I tried and succeeded. I wasn’t sure I could with this one- I needed to let them go through this on their own. But I’ll be damned if I let my friend suffer.

“Alright well, let me know what you find out, please.”

“Absolutely, anytime man. We’ll talk,” Chase reassured with a nod, Malcolm bumping fists with mine.

When I made it back to Noah’s room, I noticed the guys huddled around Noah’s slumped body in the bed, clutching the pillow Y/N laid on close to his chest, snoring loudly, and another empty bottle of Hennessy next to him.

“Shit,” I breathed. “Another one?”

Matt sighed defeated. “We tried, man. But his strength when he’s drunk and angry is something not to mess with. You know that.”

I nodded because I knew that. All too well.

“He only fell asleep about five minutes ago. I don’t know how we’re going to get him up in two hours so we can make our flights,” Folio wondered.

“We’ll figure it out,” I assured them. “Did he finish writing?”

“Yeah,” Matt slowly went towards the end of the bed, gently pulling the book from under Noah’s arm; pen falling from his hands.

“What does it say?” My brows raised as I took the paper in my hands; my brothers' broken words staring back at me.

Bitter ends to the nights. I’m along for the ride. Out of breath, out of time. Everything has a price. You can be all I got, what’s the difference? Hennessy and a lot of bad decisions. All I know, all I know is bad, bad decisions.

“Gotta admit, it’s fucking good,” Jolly said while he read the lyrics over my shoulder.

I bit my lip. “Yeah.”

Folio yawned loudly while stretching, exhausted body falling onto my bed. “Get ready boys because once we’re home, we won’t have a moment of peace. We’re writing a new record.”

NICK R.

You could cut the tension with a knife in this boarding gate right now.

The sun barely broke through the thick glass of the windows as Bad Omens and Hollow Souls sat on other ends of the gate, waiting for our flights to be called. With tired but intent eyes, I watched Noah as he kept his eyes cast down to his hands, fingers intertwining with each other as he picked away the black nail polish. It was as though it was his subconscious way of chipping pieces of Y/N away, the way he washed his hands in the restroom earlier, scrubbing her off him.

His nails were surely, going to bleed if he kept picking at them, I wanted to intervene, say stop that. I needed him to process his feelings. I so badly wanted to scream in this airport, wake the fuck up, to them both. But I kept my reservations.

And just like him, Y/N looked rough. It was clear neither of them, or well any of us got any sleep last night.

Where the fuck did they go so wrong together?

Noah had been a fan of hers ever since that night on my pull-out couch but the first time they met each other almost 2 months ago, their eyes were bright with a vibrant gaze. Almost like searchlights attempting to find something. The lights found it, but they were almost too intense, almost like bystanders. Through all the confusion, I knew deep within me it wouldn’t be long until the searchlights were searching again, just a matter of when.

Us?

We weren’t allowed to see what was being found. We should have looked away, and avoided the crash. But to see them now, those same eyes swollen, discolored and raw red, the blood vessels wanting to leave their faces made it harder to look away.

Noah ran a hand through his hair, now out of the braids and cascading around his shoulder, and let his eyes graze over towards Y/N, who was resting her head against Chase's shoulder. It was brief, the look of agony in them, but he looked away before she could catch him.

The airline called out for Vegas first; Chase and Y/N’s flight. Then our flight back home to LA was called out seconds later.

Those two sets of eyes, continue to gaze and plead and beg until their shoulders are tapped, Jolly to Noah and Chase to Y/N. As he stood, Noah adjusted the bag on his shoulder and waved his fingers in a peace sign toward the three members of Hollow Souls. This wasn’t how we wanted our new friendships and tour to end.

He wants to be in her life. He still does, otherwise, he wouldn’t have done that. I thought to myself as I noticed Y/N gave her one peace sign to all of us.

She’s sorry, she wants him in her life and regrets it.

I could fucking see it. This was going to be a long ride with these two.

As we all stood with our carry-on bags, ready to walk towards our gate, I gave Chase a knowing nod who immediately pulled out his phone, avoiding the eyes of Y/N, to send me a message.

I’ll tell you everything

Noah slept the entire flight, not speaking a word or even opening his eyes. Now, as we pulled up to the house he said with Jolly, Orie, Michael, and Jesse, Noah still had yet to say one word. Folio offered to stay with but we knew he had someone to meet back home in Virginia so we told him we had it from here.

“You sure?” Folio asked before we boarded the plane.

I nodded. “Yeah, go back to Virgina. Tell her we said hey.”

I, on the other hand, was a different story.

“I’m not going home right now,” I told Noah as I set my bags down in their living room. They had little extra space, but I didn’t care. I’d sleep on the couch as long as I was near my brother. “I won’t leave you in this state, Noah.”

“Nick, I’m a grown man. I’ll be alright,” he sighed while popping open the bottle of aspirin, and swallowing two pills dry.

For the hangover.

“I know you are,” I nodded. “Just let me be there for you, okay?”

NOAH

If it wasn’t terrible enough that not only did my fucking love life shut down, but the world had to as well?

Two months. It’s been almost two months since the tour ended and this pandemic took over the world, forcing us to stay stuck inside. While the rest of the guys went stir-crazy after the first few weeks, I spent the solace writing, drinking, and trying to forget about her.

The latter lasted only a few minutes once we returned home; her scent being stained into my skin, her touch engraved deep into my bones it made it hard to get out of bed. I see her in all my mirrors. Her reflection was haunting me relentlessly like a ghost.

Hennessy and Jack have become my friends in the last few weeks at home. I knew the guys were worried; I didn’t need them to worry. I was fine.

Y/N and I are friends.

Right, then how come you haven’t texted her in weeks?

Because she’s been busy with the move, I retorted back to my own thoughts.

Malcolm texted our Hollow Omens group chat to let us know that Y/N was settling in nicely in their new apartment in Los Angeles. We can come by anytime for a housewarming party but immediately I ignored that. Wouldn’t it be fucking awkward?

Trey wasn’t home when she and Chase showed up to pack her things so they could leave without incident.

Even with her cat Salem.

Chase sent a few pictures of the cat in the group chat, long black fur lying on his chest. I never responded, simply liking the messages before setting my phone on silent the rest of the night. I noticed that Y/N rarely ever responded in the chat as well, only when Chase or Malcolm would ask her something but she would only reply with emojis or a short ‘ok.’

The pandemic was only getting started and I could feel the suffocation kick in. I felt alone; utterly alone. I put all my heart into this one woman, a woman I yearned for, for a long time.

The loud ringing of the doorbell pulled me from my melancholy thoughts and I sighed, almost forgetting I ordered food an hour ago. I was in such a trance I hadn’t realized the noise of the loud bell eased me out of my rocking back and forth on the couch.

I didn’t even notice I did that.

I took a massive swig of my jack and clenched my teeth as it burned all the way down my throat, heart racing a mile a minute.

Calm down, calm down.

Time slowed, or passed by in a blaze? I wasn’t sure the longer I sat in the somewhat dark living room, open but untouched food container on the table in front of me as the chicken scratch of my handwriting teased back at me.

Why’s this always gotta happen to me? I should have known. I never fail to never learn from mistakes, still throwing stones. Blood signed, we made it a pact. Yours dried out; you took it back.

The alcohol was like battery acid as I took another large swing of Jack but it wasn’t kicking in strong enough. I kept swinging until the burn covered up my pain.

Harper’s soft whines from her perch next to me on the couch pulled at my heartstrings so knowing Orie wasn’t here, I fed her a few pieces of my cold dinner.

The front door opened, voices carrying from the entryway into the living room and my heart hammered with the panic of them seeing me like this. I hid the bottle under the pillow and tossed the small bag into the garbage from my food.

“Shit, Noah. Why are you sitting in the dark?” Jolly asked while turning on the lamp next to the sofa I was sitting on.

“Hi,” My voice was soft because now with the bright lights, the room was spinning.

“You working on another song?” He eyed the bottle that stuck out from behind the pillow, irritation in his eyes.

They matched my own.

I chewed roughly on my bottom lip. “Yes, man, what do you think?”

“Don’t be hostile, go eat and let me look over it,” Jolly motioned to my food while he reached for the pad of paper.

“You can’t just tell me what to do,” I snapped while reaching for it before he could.

“Noah, you gotta eat so you don’t get hungover. Let me look at the song,” he took the pad of paper and walked over to the other side of the room. Once he fell into the chair in the corner of the room, Jolly nodded up at me. “Fucking eat, Noah”

I sighed and grabbed my food to chew slowly, “Okay Dad”

Jesse stalked into the living room a few moments later while stuffing his phone into his pocket. “Nick said there might be news of the ban lifting completely by the end of the month. Which means we can get a change of scenery. Might be good for us.”

Holy Hades, this is one of those times I wished I lived alone.

Shortly after getting back home, the pandemic started and Nick ended up getting stuck with us in LA. He didn’t mind, more time for us to hang and chill, but now that procedures were lifting slowly at a time, he took the first opportunity to fly back to Virginia to get things settled there.

“Hey,” Jesse sat on the arm of Jolly’s chair. “Is this another song?”

Even though my head was throbbing with the ongoing hangover, I leaned back into the couch while nodding and Harper now rested her whole body in my lap. “It’s the third one.”

“Oh? Nice! Let me see” He began flipping through the pages.

Normally, I’d jump and take the book from his hands, but right now this room was in spirals. I was sick to my knees. All I wanted to do was call her, and have her tell me it’ll be fine. But I wasn’t ready to talk to her yet, and she wasn’t ready to talk to me either.

Clearly.

Malcolm texted me the other day, outside of the Hollow Omens group chat to tell me that Y/N wasn’t doing okay and she missed me. She wanted to talk to me and wanted us over one night when the bans were lifted. But if that was the truth, then how come the last text I had on my phone from her was right before she came to my hotel room that night?

Her unholy skin tasted like the forbidden fruit, all the morals we held that night gone. No gods, no religion. Just our bad decisions. Memories of the way she looked while on top of me burned into my brain and I couldn’t forget the way she felt coming undone.

It paralyzed me so much so that I left Malcolm on read for two days.

Thanks man, glad it worked out. Be in touch.

Snapping out of my drunken thoughts, I noticed Jesse was still reading the pages, not giving a damn I’m leaving my heart out on the table in front of him, bleeding all over while he was reading it.

“Bad Decisions. Nice,” Jesse nodded before flipping back to the new song I was working on. “Nowhere to go? Angsty. I like it.”

I shrugged and stopped mid-chew. “Yeah, I know. It’s what I do, Jesse.”

Arrogant? No, it was smart; I had to channel this shit somewhere. I knew this, no matter what, I’ll always write a fucking song. I wanted to panic, and I did, but the liquor was doing its job.

Jolly went to grab the guitar while Jesse moved to the couch, Harper now lying in his lap.

Traitor.

As I reached for the bottle of Jack this time, Jolly hastily ripped it from my hands and to exhausted to fight, I let him.

“No. Let’s add a chorus to Nowhere To Go, yeah?”

“Sure, yeah, I got something in mind.” I took the notebook back to jot some more words down.

After a few moments, I read the entire thing a few times, making sure it was perfect before I gave it to him.

“Start with this?” He asked.

I nodded then soon, my thoughts became words into the air.

“Hear me out, I’m sorry, but I’m a little less than sold. I’ve been around, heard all the stories you said you never told. You’re used to speaking in tongues to feel like you’re in control. Now you’ve got nowhere to run, now you’ve got nowhere to go. Tell me what’s mine and tell me what’s yours. Why I never got a say, never got a choice? Tell me what’s mine and tell me what’s yours. Why I never got a say, never got a choice?”

“Fuck, that sounds amazing, Noah. Let’s finish this.” Jolly mused,

That night, we finished Bad Decisions and Nowhere to Go.

Folio

Noah began smoking weed again, on top of all the alcohol he’d been consuming the last few weeks, he was on a downward spiral. It was only in small doses but that’s how the drinking started; he took up this faux savior persona.

“I can save myself,” he’d say after one of us would bring up how worried we were about him.

It was a load of shit. Any of us could tell you that.

This was the first time I’d seen him since the tour ended, all those months ago, but time away did nothing to help his mental state. Noah was breaking, piece by piece, and now that the ban lifted, we could visit again. Hence Nick and I were hanging out in their living room, a soft beat of music playing on the speakers.

Noah came bounding down the stairs, smelling of whiskey and weed, eyes glassy, rosy, and filled with rage. His hands were full of ink as he’d been writing nonstop, with everlasting consistency.

As he cascaded, his stomps were harsh, and if he realized it, Noah didn’t give a shit. When he reached into the kitchen and slammed the cupboard door wide open, he grabbed a bag of pita chips with tight force, breaking a few chips no doubt.

“Why are these almost gone? I just fucking bought them?” He snapped with a smart-ass attitude.

All of us eyed each other wearily, unsure how or even if we should respond but it was Orie who muttered under his breath. “We had some with the hummus we bought earlier. Chill the fuck out, Noah. It’s not that deep.”

Noah tossed the bag onto the counter. “It is that deep when it's something of mine. Fucking ass if you want it. Why is it so hard for people to communicate?”

Michael, who usually was the quiet, almost forgotten one, finally snapped. “We’re being patient with you. But we’re not your fucking punching bag.”

Jolly’s head snapped over to Michael from his spot on the floor in front of the couch with wide eyes full of heat, I was sure vanilla ice cream would melt. Jolly was the one who let all of us know to take it easy on Noah; it was a hard time in his life, and the last thing he needed was one of us fighting with him.

Noah hadn’t spoken to Y/N in weeks and we could physically see the imaginary soul ties that bound them together withering away, even though they were within miles of each other now that she lived here. Miles apart but still couldn’t gain the fucking courage to grow up and speak to each other.

Michael sighed his apology while running a hand over his face. “We’re here for you, man. We’re being patient. But you can’t keep going on like this.”

“You’re drowning right now and the painful to watch, you haven’t been this bad in years. Let us help you,” Nick spoke with a shaky breath.

Out of all of us, it hurt him the most to see Noah like this because he’d seen it before; only this time it was worse.

“You can’t help me, nothing to help me with. I’m fine,” Noah shrugged before reaching for another beer.

“You’re in denial and it’s ridiculous,” I said, tired of seeing and hearing the same bullshit. “Noah, I think you should see someone.”

“A shrink? Seriously?” He snorted.

“I think it can help you, besides the way music does,” I offered.

“I don’t need you to help me, I just want the racing to stop. The racing in my mind going miles a minute,” He slammed a finger to the side of his head repeatedly. “We have so much shit to do, and I can’t see anything but what happened right now. It’s a fuckin loop in my brain. Everything just keeps glitching.”

Noah then paced the length of the kitchen, red sweater pulled tightly against his chest and hood over his eyes.

“I’m- I’m sorry man, I’m sorry I just- fuck” he spat, a tear fell out of his eye but was quick to wipe it away.

Vulnerability be damned

“We’re your friends, we love you. We were stuck in this fucking house together for months. We can’t go anywhere and you don’t want us to worry? Well, too fucking bad because we do,” Orie explained with a tense-looking Harper in his lap.

She didn’t like the sudden noise but didn’t want to leave her dad.

Noah’s glossy eyes took in all our faces one by one, lingering a few seconds longer than the last.

“I just need time, I don’t know how to handle this, it’s- it’s weird for me. I’m uncomfortable. I don’t think I’ve fallen this hard, this fast,” he admitted while swallowing the lump in his throat.

That much was true. He’s had exes, one-night stands; hell, he’s been in love before- but I’ve never seen it develop this way. We’ve never seen him fall from such a high altitude this quickly. His guards are usually pointed like sharp knives, but it was so easy for him to dull them down for her.

I only hoped Y/N knew that. This was a big deal. I watched my friend crumble and crack like glass.

Time would only tell when they would repair the damage done here. I only hoped it would soon because we hated to see him bruise so easily. He’s right on the edge I fear, one more thing, one more thing and he’ll fall completely into a darkness we wouldn’t be able to pull him from.

“All I do is drink to numb the pain because all the good days we had together got taken away when my head turned on. I keep asking myself ‘why am I not good enough for her?’ How the fuck can I be good enough for her when I don’t even know what good enough is?”

None of us had an answer for him; the only one that did, he was purposely ignoring.

With a lone tear falling from his eyes, Noah wiped it away with the back of his hand, sniffles echoing in the kitchen.

“It’s so hard to watch myself win when a loser's all I've been.”

NOAH

I lay in my bed, neon glows emanating from behind my bed soaking the walls, as I stared up at the ceiling. My mind was racing so face in pace with my heart and I tried so hard to just breathe; fucking breathe to ease it. This pain was like a burning coal I was walking but within a second, all the pain was gone. I couldn’t take it anymore, the drinking, smoking, and not eating affected my health. I was skin on bones at this point.

Keaton's voice rang in my ears. “You’re a shell, Noah. Holding in these shattered nerves. A skeleton that's lost its skin and desperately wants back in.”

Tattooed hands covered my face as I blew a shaky breath into them.

“I need a sign from you, man. Give me something to know I haven’t messed it up yet,” I cried.

A second later, my phone buzzed from the spot on my bed, and through cloudy tears, I sucked in a breath when I saw Chase’s name appear with a new text.

Chase: Hey man, I haven’t heard from you the last few days, I wanted to check in with you. I know this may seem out of nowhere, but we’re worried about you and just hope you’re doing alright.

I stared up at the ceiling again, my heart relaxing its frenzied beat for a moment. “Thank you.”

Hey, all good. Sorry for the late reply. Appreciate it, doing just fine.

Chase: that’s great, but I’ve been hearing other things, so I don’t buy that. Look, again, this isn’t my place but I know Y/N hurt you that night. I can’t sit here and apologize on her behalf, but, I can at least tell you this: she isn’t doing well either; and as someone with two fucking eyes; I can see how much you mean to each other. Some birdies have been telling me you’re drinking yourself into a coma and acting a fool. I apologize for the harshness, but let me ask you this, do you think Y/N wants another Trey? You’re fucking better than that, aren’t you? Do you want to end up as another deadbeat musician with nothing to show for it but a bottle? No, I don’t know you that well but I can see you’re not that guy.

Do yourself a favor and do fucking better. Because she deserves better and so do you. So y’all can sort this soap opera shit out. Talk to you soon, I fucking hope. ✌️

With my phone clattering to the floor, the message left on read, I continued to lie in my bed; the pillow suffocating my mouth and nose.

“I’m not Trey. I’m fucking better than him,” I sat up quickly in bed, my hangover still raging inside my head.

Music is all I have, it’s all lived for-that was until I met her.

With the small get-together happening downstairs still, I ran to the bathroom across the hall to throw up any contents of lingering alcohol and pita chips. I washed my face and brushed my hair out, for the first time in weeks looking somewhat presentable.

“Get it together, you fucking dick.” I pointed a firm finger at my reflection in the mirror, thankful I didn’t see the ghost of Y/N staring back at me. “Do it for the band, do it for your music. Do it for her.”

To some, my shaky words might not have a strong belief but they did to me. It left me with the belief that miracles, no matter how inexplicable or unbelievable, are real and can occur without regard to the natural order of things. Keaton’s sign proved that.

“Just come back to me,” I whispered with trembling lips.

[denaliwrites]

f i c m a s t e r l i s t

p o l i c i e s (please read before making requests!)

b a d s a m a r i t a n The Best of You, Honey, Belongs to Me Blackthorn Cover Myself in the Ashes of You Dumb Ways To Die Enough of You to Dull the Pain (18+) Hellbent Looking For A Godsend Hit Me With Your Best Shot I Got This Feeling On A Summer Day (18+) I'm Gooey in the Middle Baby Let Me Bake In His Eyes A Flaming Glow Intrigued and Afraid Keep You Like An Oath (18+) Killing Me Softly My Baby Shot Me Down (18+) Not Much Between Despair and Ecstasy (18+) Only Touch That Gets Me Melting (18+) Run Rabbit Run (18+) Say My Name Send a Thousand Kings Away Shia Surprise Something Good to Celebrate Stop, Look and Listen, It's Halloween! Taste of a Poison Paradise Trust in Me, Just in Me With Your Scars and Your Lonely Heart Your Body's a Secret Girl and You're About to Spill It (18+)

t h e b o y s Watch That Butcher Burn

b r o a d c h u r c h Always Leave Me With a Hungry Heart Am I Doing This Right? An Art to Life's Distractions Beating Like A Kick Drum Girls Like Girls Like Boys Do It's Been a Long, Long Time Love's Perfect Ache Now and Again We Try to Just Stay Alive Regale You With A Gourd-geous Tale Say You'll Remember Me Say You'll Remember Me (Denali's Version) Tell Me It's A Nightmare What My Heart Was Worth

d o c t o r w h o Cuddle, Meet Puddle Cute Things Don't Blink (Part 1) Don't Turn Your Back (Part 2) Don't Look Away (Part 3) Dreams See Us Through (Part 4) Hate the Feeling of Falling Have a Holly Jolly Christmas Horrible Things Isn't That Wizard It's How I'm Made Let Me Come Home Little Creepy House Love Letters On the Brave Shit The Origin of (Love Bug) Species What Beautiful Things I'll Wear When the Crypt Doors Creak You Know That I Would Jump Too

d u c k t a l e s Tales of Daring

g o o d o m e n s All I Want For Christmas Aziraphale's Favorite Author Dance on a Tightrope of Weird Free as My Hair His Love is All in Me How the Wine Plays Tricks on My Tongue Lockdown Blues Making Biscuits My Heart's a Stereo Naked in That Garden (18+) Out There Making DuckTales Pickin' Up the Pieces of the Mess You Made Road to Hell Something Meaty For The Main Course Step Too Far Tongue Tied Your Love is Holy (18+)

f a l l o f t h e h o u s e o f u s h e r Tomorrow I Shall Be Fetterless (18+)

f r i g h t n i g h t Emptiness to Melody Everybody Scream in Our Town of Halloween Fixed Up to the Nines Howl Like an Animal in the Darkness I'm So Hot I'd Fuck Myself (18+) I'm Starvin', Darlin', Let Me Put My Lips to Somethin' Late Night Devil Put Your Hands On Me (18+) Make Me Glow Night of Long Fangs (18+) Parade of Dancing Skeletons Talk So Pretty (18+) Who Are You Supposed To Be, Criss Angel? (18+)

h a u n t i n g o f b l y m a n o r ???

j u r a s s i c p a r k / w o r l d Best Behavior The Future Ex Mrs. Malcolm

p r o d i g a l s o n But Then My Stupid Phone Beeps Never Fallen From Quite This High Office Supplies Rude Boy They are the Hunters, We are the Foxes Trigger Happy With a Sense of Poise (18+)

s l o w h o r s e s Imposing Figure Inappropriate

[p4nishers]

vimes realizing he's in love with vetinari. now that. hmm. listen. how long it took for him to ACTUALLY fall in love with sybil? oh he liked her, he loved her SO much, but he wasn't IN love with her till jingo. he just thought he was in love. (that doesn't mean he loved her any less or that their love is any less, it means he didn't know her, didn't really have the time for her till he made it so. till he wanted it. really, truly wanted it.) but what would it take for vimes to realizes he's in love with vetinari? well, to be honest with you, not one damn fucking thing. like vetinari's is quite literally the thing he's the MOST stubborn about. he only starts to begrudgingly like him in fucking THUD! that's the SEVENTH book in the watch series. like my man is NOT here to play about his feelings (or, what he'd like to think, the lack thereof) for vetinari. so, what would it TAKE??

another attempt on vetinari's life? this time a SERIOUS one? or vetinari ACTIVELY saving someone sam loves? like young sam? would that. would that ever happen and how would vimes feel about it?? or would it be bc of some kind of jealousy?? or or or OR WHAT

like this is driving me insane i cant fucking figure it out bc there's no universe for me where sam vimes isn't freakishly in love with his boss but how the actual FUCK does that happen and how do i get it thru his thick skull that it's happening??? HOW

what if they like go on ambassador shit together like idk to lancre (bc this is me we're talking abt what did u expect of COURSE imma bring the old women into this) (listen. yes vetinari wouldn't ever go bc why tf would he that's why he has fucking ambassadors and VIMES but. just give me this one thing please and thank you) and sybil outright refuses to go bc sam i have Things to Take Care Of and and you can jolly well run along and do your job and and and. right. yup. go on (she wants them to spent time together for fuck's sake what will it TAKE for them to stop this bloody silly dance already she is so so so tired of toxic yaoi. give her a break) and so they go and sam is perpetually angry bc his Emotional Support Wife basically kicked him out of the house and now he has to endure this bloody fucking trip with his boss who he has Feelings that he would rather not think about and vetinari keeps bloody smiling and being bloody cheerful and bloody handsome in the sunlight and– nope. Not Gonna Go There.

so anyway they arrive whatever it's fine but obviously there was some misunderstanding some (willful) spelling error on vetinari's part and turns out everyone thinks the patriarch and his HUSBAND came to the princess's wedding which is. fine. totally and utterly fine. everyone is suupper normal about it. especially since esme is marrying A Girl. wild, right? so you can imagine how vimes is feeling. how many walls has he punched? who knows we can never know (none bc vetinari Raised His Eyebrows and he had to settle for kicking a few trees and almost rolling down the mountain. Gracefully, of course).

obviously there's the There Was Only One Bed trope. obviously there's victorian woman having gay thoughts for the first time yearning (repressed). of course there's the beast (repressed. for now). of course there's a moonlight conversation which inevitably leads to the Slight Softening of Sam Vimes's Heart and the next day which turns out to be Sam Vimes's Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day. it's the evening before the wedding. a party. with nobs. and idiotic clothes and vetinari and stares and nosy witches and vetinari and awkward conversations and vetinari and vetinari asking (ordering) him to dance and oh shit oh fuck oh what the bloody shit is this why is the bastard SO GOOD+??!!??! does he practice has he practiced will he practice and want a partner– no. no. No. NOO not happening vimes is perfectly sane and Will Not Fucking GO THERE!!!

anyway of course shit happens. of course it ends with vimes and vetinari trudging thru the forest, drenched in rain and mud and fuck knows what else and both of them have fuck all idea about mountains and vimes is fucking Pissed bc his lordship shouldn't be here i dont need his lordship here this is bloody fucking daft. sir. and he gets nothing but that infuriating fucking smile in return and a "ah, but your grace, i am simply enjoying a brisk walk. i wasn't aware that was crime" and he's fucking COVERED in mud and his clothes are sticking to him and vimes had never actually seen him WET before and there's mud on his CHEEK and his hair is mussed and. vimes walks into a tree. gets tangled up in a few tree branches, perhaps. trips and falls flat on his ass, even. vetinari laughs at him in that way of his where he's not laughing but you can tell, deep down, he IS. and vimes is still pissed. and suddenly vetinari is helping him up and looking at him from up close with that expression of his that suggests he has inside jokes with himself and he. kisses him.

what the FUCK, right? well. surprise element and all that. vimes' first instinct obviously is to fucking fight him. then he's like. oh wait oh what the fuck. THEN he's like. vetinari is actually a good kisser and im gonna fucking faint. Actually. then vetinari pulls away and goes on business as usual like not a thing happened. if vimes wasn't so fucking dazed and tingling throughout his whole body he'd bash his skull in but well. he just stumbles after him and tries to not have a heart attack.

unfortunately he doesn't have time to think about it bc fucking CENTAURS attack them. yeah. it's not a pretty fight. by the time they get back to the castle vimes is angry and tired and his whole body feels like a bruise and he's STILL fucking thinking about that kiss but he's so tired he actively cannot fucking speak so instead of punching vetinari's perfect fucking face like he planned to he falls headfirst into their bed and goes the fuck to sleep. of course when he wakes up the bed is empty next to him and he remembers last nights events and he just looks and looks and looks at vetinari's side of the bed and has this horrible sick feeling like Uh Oh. i would do anything to see how he looks like asleep. how he looks like minutes after he wakes up. the weight of his body. vimes has the weird thought that he's actually JEALOUS of a fucking bed for feeling vetinari's weight and has to go walk around the castle 5 times. while in his drawers. it's...he could've been more diplomatic about it, is all.

so he spends the whole day in this out of body shock and avoids the fuck out of vetinari and instead goes to do literally anything he can. he talks to shawn. he talks to hodgesargh. he talks to the princess about love and freaks the absolute fuck out. he tears out every root in the entire back garden in a burst of mania. he walks up and down the mountains. he eventually ends up talking to nanny and she implements her bottomless wisdom on him ('fine lad you got there, your graciousness, wanna share 'im? oh, come on i'm just having laugh no need to be like that. you wanna lock it down, if you ask me, that whole fruit basket is RIPE wink wink') which makes him reevaluate his entire life and walk up and down more fucking mountains.

this leads him. nowhere. he hasn't figured out SHIT. he doesn't even know WHAT he's supposed to be figuring out but it sure as shit something and he has this insistent urge to see vetinari but also he WILL punch a wall if he sees him with his entire Unaffected Self so he goes and roams the halls of the castle and he's going room from room searching for something he doesn't even know about until he comes across quiet voices talking and he looks inside and it's bloody fucking vetinari comforting esme's fiancee, nina, and he just. watches. he never knew vetinari could be so gentle. and it's bc he doesn't have to pretend with nina. she doesn't know who he is just that he saw her struggling with some sewing and he helped and they got to talking and she opened up about her fears for being a queen someday and he was just SO kind. and as sam watches this he quietly, quietly realizes that he's in love. and it doesn't hurt him, not like he thought it would. maybe it will, eventually, but this, seeing vetinari like this, doesn't hurt. it can't.

he walks away before he can be seen (though, no doubt, vetinari already sensed him) and just. goes and has a cigarette and tries very hard not to make a big deal out of it. but it is a big deal. and he cant tell anyone.

so its the night of the wedding, ceremony blah blah blah its all a blur until vetinari intertwines their fingers as they walk down the aisle as guests of honor and vimes' whole world narrows down to that one point of contact until vetinari drops it again as they sit down and blah blah blah its the reception the brides are flushed and dancing and happy and happy and vimes is watching them and thinking of his own wedding and also vetinari vetinari vetinari and then of course vetinari stands next to him and he's more scared than he's ever been in his life and vetinari takes his hand again and it is So Over for vimes. they fucking hold hands while saying nothing and it kills vimes but also it's the most alive he's ever felt and maybe there wont ever be more than this but if he has this he'll be fine. and he is. and they are. the end.

so what i'm saying with this is. maybe vimes just needs a few quiet moments where he can see glimpses of vetinari he hadn't let himself see before and also he needs to be hit over the head with feelings otherwise it wont work. vetinari NEEDS to make the first move bc our dear duke will never. ever ever. he doesn't even let himself THINK he wants it he won't do it unless vetinari Plagues him with the Images.

[pumpkinsy0]

can't get papercut celebrating the holidays out of my head because of you so can we get more hc's of curly celebrating with the curtis fam + gang?

I LOVE GETTING JOLLY IN THE MIDDLE OF JUNE!!!

•im starting this off by saying when pony invited curly over, curly IMMEDIATELY went “ion wanna hang w ya weird ass friends🤨”

•curlys having an ugly sweater of w SOMEONE and it HAS to be dally or soda, i can feel it in my bones, they go all out for it too

•they can fight all they want, soda is rlly good t making hot cocoa and curlys great at topping it off w whip cream, marshmallows and that whole shebang

•YES, im mentioning those haitian fanals again because theu look COOL, and SO pretty, they WILL make them

•i was watching aqua teen hunger force and there was this christmas scene and this one character went “unwrap it up u lil creep” and thats TOTALLY darry w curly when theyre opening gifts

•curly is just actively pulling pony under the mistletoe and EVERYONE hates that bs, cause at some point its not even just kissing, y r u making out in the doorway my nigga, MOVE

•johnnys the one taking pics of everyone, wether they suspect it or not, he likes the memories

•idk if u goys know what im talking about specifically when it comes to cold christmas’, but thats the kind of christmas vibes pony and curly r bringin to the function

•two bit prolly had darry make a fruit cake and darry KNEW nobody was gonna like it bc he actually had it before, and he tried telling everyone he wasnt doing that bc but they kept peatering, he made it, and what do u know when time came to eat it, that shit was ass

•soda prolly made colorful mac and cheese and mashed potatoes and everyone but curly was used to it so curly thought these mfs were CRAZY, bc “WHY is my mac and cheese neon red, nigga fix this shit right now🙎🏿‍♂️”

•the ONLY movie pony puts on that curly can actually sit through is the nightmare before christmas

•johnny loves decorating the gingerbreads but earlier curly WAS tasked w helping to decorate em to help but he drew a dick on some of em so that stopped as quickly as it started

•steve was just chillin honestly, wasnt much he could do

•all the pics johnny took r now in a lil scrapbook :D

[aurorafables]

From the Grey, Chapter 13.

Hi everyone! So here is a little spicy chapter to start the week well ;) Enjoy!

“Nick, look at me for a bit, please,” he begged softly, and his voice sent shivers through me. I slowly opened my eyes and blinked at him. He was so close…he leaned over me, his breath fluttering my eyelashes and his lips parted slightly. Those beautiful lips…

Pairing: Noah Sebastian X Nicholas Ruffilo

Warnings: 18+, Explicit, Angst, Past character death, Suicidal thoughts

Tags: M/M, M/F, Slow burn, Childhood friends, Friends to lovers, Family drama, Band fic, Masturbation, Accidental Voyeurism, P in v sex, Hand Jobs

Word Count: 4.7k

Cross-posted: AO3

13.

At the airport I was greeted by a huge crowd a few days before Christmas. I got into a taxi, but when we put my things in the trunk, I was a little unsure. A large and a small suitcase and a backpack. I've been preparing for weeks, but what if something goes wrong and the atmosphere between us becomes unpleasant? I wonder what Noah will say when he sees me with the packages? He moved in with me twelve years ago with roughly half of this amount of stuff. I tried to push these thoughts into the background and deal with something else instead. When I took my place in the back of the car, I took out my phone and wrote Jolly a message:

I'm already at the airport in LA. You didn't tell him anything, did you?

I didn't. We discussed that this would be a surprise ;) - he answered almost immediately. Call me when you're here and I'll let you in.

I was excited as we crossed half the city. I don't know if it was a good idea to come here unannounced, but it would have been unnecessary to think about it. I got out in front of the two-story, white house, and after the air-conditioned taxi, I was almost slapped in the face by the warm December weather of Los Angeles. I quickly put my hair in a messy bun and unzipped my jacket. The driver unloaded my bags on the sidewalk and after I tipped him, he wished me a nice day and drove off. I rang Jolly's number, and after two minutes he ran down the stone steps to let me in. He was better prepared for the heat, wearing only a T-shirt with thinner sweatpants.

"Hello, Nick," he grinned and pulled me into a quick hug as soon as I entered the gate. “Long time no see.”

“You almost missed me, didn't you?” I asked, laughing.

"Almost, yes," he replied with a little mischief in his brown eyes. “But the one who missed you even more is inside.”

Jolly grabbed the largest suitcase from my hands and carried it up the stairs while I struggled with the backpack and the smaller bag. We packed everything into the living room, then Jolly nodded towards the door of a further room.

“Noah is in the studio. Jesse went shopping with his girlfriend, Orie is probably sleeping. He worked all night,” he outlined, and that explained why I hadn't met the others.

“Thank you for your help,” I told him gratefully.

"It's okay, you know I love you," he grinned, then turned his back and started towards the stairs leading to the bedrooms. “I'm going to go for a run, but I'll be back for dinner. Until then, settle here, with us.”

I nodded, then waited until he disappeared down the stairs. After that I took a deep breath and headed for the studio door. I don't even know what I was afraid of. Maybe from having a guest like in a hotel? Or because maybe he won't be happy for me? Jolly would have told about the first one, and about the second... Noah has been trying to talk with me in the past few weeks, and I've always been a bit dismissive of him. Not too much, but he must have sensed that I couldn't deal with his attempts to approach me. We slipped back to the level of when he was still together with Karin, and we drifted apart. I hoped that I could still make things right, because I absolutely did not want to push him away from me. I knocked on the door and when nothing happened I opened it cautiously. Harper, Orie's dog, was laying on the couch, but when she saw me, she excitedly raised her head and climbed down to come to me with her tail wagging. I took her smart head in both hands and caressed her thoroughly. Then I heard Noah's voice. He was sitting at the computer humming a tune softly with headphones on. He was lost in his little world, he didn't even notice I was there. His hair was already long enough to be tied in a small bun on the top of his head, and the late afternoon sunlight shining through the window dyed his locks reddish. Wearing comfortable clothes, he pulled one long leg up on the chair, leaned forward and rested his chin on his knee as he continued to hum so high that his voice trailed off a bit. I laughed to myself and heard him chuckle to himself. I no longer understood what I was afraid of. He was exactly the Noah I knew like the back of my hand. I stepped behind him and hugged him carefully, as much as I could because of the back of the chair. Noah froze for a moment, then took off his headphones and turned his head to the side. In the light I could see his freckles, the tiny birthmark under his eye as he slowly smiled, and I felt my heart fill with love. 

“Hello,” I told him softly and didn't let him go. I inhaled his scent deeply and brushed one hand over his tattooed arm.

"Hello," he said, and buried his head in my chest. “Is this a dream now? Did I work too long in the studio and fall asleep? Could it be that I actually fell on the keyboard and completely passed out?” he mumbled the questions into my T-shirt. I laughed and he laughed with me. I was wrong when I thought that we had drifted apart again, because it was so easy to find him again, as if the last few months had only been a few days. I think it was just a small step that I had to take, since I asked for time, and now that we're over it, everything will be a lot easier. At least that's what I hoped. I didn't make plans in advance about when I would sit down to talk with him. I didn't even know exactly how to bring up the topic. But none of that mattered, because as we hugged each other, I was sure we were going to make it. I wanted nothing more than to be near him.

“How do you get here?” he asked as I let go of him and stepped back a bit.

“Danni got bored of my company.”  I answered jokingly.

“Did she say that?” 

“No. But she hinted that she was going to a party and wanted to bring someone home,” I said.

“So… you boycotted her dates?” Noah raised his eyebrows, then got up from the chair and stretched out. I forgot my look on his stomach for a moment when his shirt was riled up, so I turned to Harper instead and knelt down on the floor next to her so I could give her a big hug too.

“I would never do that,” I mumbled, turning to the dog, while scratching the base of her ear. “Maybe I'm a little judgmental of the men who get close to my sister, but that's it. I trust she can decide what is good for her.”

“So, you're here because you have nowhere to go?” Noah asked further.

I rolled my eyes, then looked up at him.

“You know I have a place to go, as well as why I am actually here.”

Noah looked at me thoughtfully, and if I was being honest with myself, I understood. I wouldn't have been able to articulate it exactly either. But I was sure of one thing. I'm not going to walk on eggshells or deny that I missed him. 

“I want to spend some time with you before the tour starts.”

Noah smiled, seeming to like that answer much more. 

“That's good news. I'm writing a song and I need your help. Will you pick up one of the guitars?” he gestured towards the corner, where three guitars were lined up. Noah sat back in the chair, but I could see that he was watching me petting the dog with a faint smile from the corner of his eye.

I sighed dramatically and looked into Harper's big brown eyes.

“Can you imagine that, Harper? I only arrived five minutes ago and I already have to work.”

We spent nearly two hours in the studio, and even though I was tired, it didn't seem like more than half an hour. Jolly came to tell us about eight in the evening, dinner arrived, and only then did I realize that I was very hungry. Noah saved the projects, while I followed Jolly and my nose to the kitchen, where the hamburgers were already waiting. I was just stuffing a couple of fries into my mouth when Orie and Jesse walked down the stairs.

“So where has Noah been hiding you so far?” Orie asked, after a quick hug. “Jolly said you've been here since the afternoon.”

“He hid me in the same place as your dog. We were in the studio,” I answered, greeting Jesse as well.

“It's good to see you again,” Jesse patted my shoulder and sat down at the counter with a burger on his plate.

Noah led Harper out of the studio and the dog immediately ran into the kitchen when she heard her master's voice. Noah joined us and leaned against the counter next to me as he packed his plate. 

“How long are you staying, Nick?" Orie asked from the bar stool, and in the meantime I saw him handing a small piece of meat to Harper, who was waiting next to him with her tail wagging. “Will you still be here when we get back?”

He and Jolly wanted to leave the next day, and wouldn't be back until after Christmas.

“Um... I don't know. We didn't actually discuss how long I'd be staying,” I said sideways, towards Noah, with a large glass of Coke in my hand.

“Do you want to go home to your parents for Christmas?” he asked me. And here we come to the tricky part... Noah has spent many holidays alone in recent years. Too many times. I was usually with my girlfriend or family, Jolly also went home to Sweden to his parents, and Orie and Jesse usually spent Christmas with their loved ones. Noah always assured us that it was perfectly fine with him, the holiday just didn't mean anything to him, but somehow every single time a piece of my heart stayed with him, unable to accept that I would leave him alone on the holiday of love.

"I'd like to stay, if that's not a problem," I admitted, turning to Noah. Now that Maya is gone and I've been able to spend a lot of time at home with the family, I didn't see anything stopping me from staying with my best friend for at least a week.

Noah flashed his smile at me again, and that alone made it worth it for me to be there with him. As we continued to talk and eat, his arm kept touching mine, and there was a moment when I wondered if the others might notice that something had changed. I looked around and saw that no one was paying much attention to us, and of course realized that there was no change between us. We've always been like people who have grown together, now I'm the only one who feels the whole situation is different. Because the way his skin touched mine, causing minor discharges beneath the surface, existed only in my head. 

After we finished dinner and put the dishes in the sink, Jolly, Noah, and I decided to play some video games.

“Are you sleepy?” Noah asked after a while, when my reaction time slowed down so much that the enemy cut off before I could even fire a single bullet at them.

“I could fall asleep,” I answered with a yawn. I put the controller down on the coffee table and held out my arm. We were sitting on the carpet in front of the couch, Harper between us, and except for the TV screen, only a small LED light was on.

“It's almost 11 and I have to leave early in the morning,” Jolly got up from the ground. “I won't be back until two weeks later, so I'll say goodbye.”

I stood up as well, and Jolly pulled me into a reserved but affectionate hug of his own.

"I'm glad you came," he told me, then hugged Noah too. “Take care of yourselves. Not to set the house on fire and stuff like that!” he added jokingly, then headed upstairs to the bathroom.

The two of us stayed in the living room as a sweetly sleeping Harper. We looked at each other, Noah was waiting with his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants, and I nervously stroked my arm. 

“I'd like to smoke a cigarette before we go up. Will you go out with me?” I asked him.

“Of course,” he answered.

We didn't talk much as we stood outside on the dark terrace. It was all like the calm before the storm that surrounded me, and it was as threatening as it was exciting and expectant. Noah was leaning against the wall with his hands still in his pockets, his head tilted slightly to the side. The tiny hairs on the back of my neck stood up as I paced up and down, looking at the dark garden. When I smoked a cigarette, we started without saying a word.

“Is it okay if you sleep in my room? There will be more room tomorrow…,” he asked while picking up my bag.

“That is perfectly fine for me,” I answered him honestly as we started up the stairs with the luggages. "Not that it's that unusual," I added. Noah turned back for a moment and smiled faintly.

“Then I don't think it's a problem to have only one bed. I didn't expect you to come,” he said when I closed the door to his room behind us.

“Somehow we'll fit.”

I tried to be optimistic, but inside I panicked a little. I couldn't even imagine that I would be so close to him for a long time, if even the way our bare arms touched in the kitchen turned me on a little.

We unpacked our things, and first I went to shower because I definitely wanted to wash off the dust from the road, then Noah. At the end, we brushed our teeth together, smiling at each other in the mirror with white foamy mouths. 

I was already in bed on the pillow covered in the newly clean sheets under the extra blanket when Noah appeared with a bottle of water and began undressing in the orange neon light. I tried to focus on the article I was reading on my phone, but I realized I was reading the same sentence for the third time as I glared at Noah over the frames of my glasses. He stood half with his back to me and first he got out of his socks, then he got rid of his t-shirt, his sweatshirt and his underwear. I've seen him without clothes countless times and I couldn't understand how his tattoos and muscles could be more prominent now, and why I went crazy when he bent down and his vertebrae were visible from under his skin as he pulled a pair of comfortable boxers over his perfect butt. I swallowed hard and tried to focus on my phone, but it was all just a distraction. Only then could I breathe a little when he hid under the covers. At least I thought everything would be easier from there, but I couldn't have been more wrong. The natural scent of Noah's skin mixed with the shower gel, and if I could smell it faintly in his bed, when he was next to me, it was all that much stronger. Stronger and more seductive. 

Noah turned on the small reading light, pulled out a psychology book from his nightstand drawer, and began to read. Everything was the same as before, and yet so different. He pulled his legs up and his knees fell to the side, right on top of my thigh that was sticking out from under the covers. I inhaled and waited. My heart rate went up in about three seconds, although there was nothing unusual about it. He was just making himself comfortable, he had been doing this all the time. I also tried to continue reading, and it worked for a few minutes. I managed to convince myself that we were in our old bed, I just got home from the tattoo studio, and Noah from band rehearsal. But then he moved his legs again and his knees slowly slid up my thighs, burrowing under my covers. I didn't dare to move, although I don't know what I was afraid of. Maybe it's because it's procrastinating? Or by noticing what all this brings out of me? But I sure was glad to be somewhat covered up because my cock came to life as soon as his bare skin touched me. The whole thing was hell and heaven at the same time. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him bite his lip, and I was so distracted by it that I didn't even notice that one of his hands slipped under the covers and ran his palm over my thigh. I don't even know how I managed to suppress the small sound of surprise, or rather a whimper, that tried to escape from my throat. His fingers were already tracing my curve at the junction of my groin and thigh, and were getting closer and closer to my erection. I squeezed my eyes shut, and slowly and silently lowered my head back onto the pillow. Noah's hot hand disappeared from my leg, but I started to panic a little, because the next moment I felt him carefully take off my glasses. I probably failed. Probably now comes the part when he tells me in utter embarrassment and regret that I misunderstood the whole situation...

“Nick, look at me for a bit, please,” he begged softly, and his voice sent shivers through me. I slowly opened my eyes and blinked at him. He was so close…he leaned over me, his breath fluttering my eyelashes and his lips parted slightly. Those beautiful lips… Without thinking, I slid my fingers into his hair and pulled his head down to kiss him by the nape of his neck. Before he completely closes off from me, I need to feel him a little. When his lips touched mine and not long after our tongues met in his mouth, I was sure we wouldn't be able to be just friends again. We can't undo it, and I won't be able to forget that feeling, that taste in this life. We tasted each other as impatiently and excitedly as two teenagers, with the difference that we were both more experienced. Noah moaned into my mouth as I pulled him closer by the waist with my other hand that wasn't massaging his scalp. Our first kiss was completely devoid of careful groping, perhaps because we knew each other well enough. Or because we've wanted it for a long time. And then I began to hope that maybe he didn't see me as a simple friend either. Even through the blanket, I could feel how much he wanted me, and that and his teeth, which pulled my lower lip a little, completely blew my mind. I tried to pull the blanket between the two of us so I could feel it even more, I didn't care if I tore it in two, but Noah grabbed my arm and foiled my plan.

"Wait… wait a minute," he begged out of breath as he rested his forehead against mine.

"We've waited enough," I answered without thinking, because I felt just like a wanderer in the desert who finally sees the oasis, feels the life-giving water on his parched lips, the shadow above his head, and then the next moment he comes to himself and it turns out that it's all just an illusion. I licked my lips and I could still taste Noah. His locks glided softly between my fingers and I felt the movement of his back muscles under my other palm as he breathed deeply. Please let this be reality!

Noah giggled softly and slowly ran the tip of his nose over my nose and cheek, then lifted his head slightly so we could look into each other's eyes.

“We must be sure that this is what we both want. I'm afraid I'll mess something up. There's too much at stake and…”

I lifted my hips to silence him and to make sure he was going crazy with his proximity if he hadn't already noticed. Noah's eyes widened as my cock pressed against his belly, and as he swallowed, his adam's apple twitched violently under his tattooed skin. 

“Nick…”

I looked at him motionless when he said my name because I wanted the decision to be his too. One last chance to stop and decline for any reason. When his gaze slid from my eyes to my mouth, I already knew I had a winning case. Noah didn't stop me, in fact, this time he kissed me with such fervor that our teeth chattered, which made us laugh, but we didn't leave each other for a moment. His fingers brushed over my ribs, and mine were somewhere near his shoulder blade. Each touch caused a small electric shock and my whole body turned into a tingling mass. With a combined effort, I managed to first pull off my t-shirt, then remove the blanket from between the two of us, and I froze momentarily as his hard penis pressed against mine. I think that was the first point where the realization hit me that I was with another guy and I was fucking enjoying it. Noah noticed that my initial resolve wavered a bit, but I never thought for a second that I wanted to stop him. It was all too good, almost unbelievably perfect.

“Is everything okay?” he asked, showered my lips with kisses, while his eyes watched every little change of my face.

“Hmmm.” I mumbled into the silence of the room.

“We can stop anytime if it's too much.”

I shook my head violently, but Noah lifted his hips and sat on my thighs. I surprised myself with the desperate whimper that left my lips when I judged that there was too little physical contact between the two of us. I grabbed his legs, then tried to pull him closer by the waist, but Noah grabbed my hands, intertwined our fingers, and put my arms on the bed beside my head.

“I would like to give you pleasure," he explained, leaning over me. His eyes were staring at me darkly, his hair was falling forward, and his lips were shining brightly from our kisses. I nodded as Noah let go of my hands and straightened up. “Can I see you?” he asked in a raspy voice, hooking his fingers into the hem of my bottom. I nodded again and waited a little feverishly for him to undress. We had seen each other naked so many times, yet it was so different. I must have already soaked a small part of the material of my underwear, and compared to the fact that we were just kissing, I couldn't have been harder. I let out a shaky breath as he slowly began to pull my bottom down, and as he lifted off of me I raised my hips so that he could completely free me. Noah bit his lip and shamelessly stared at my crotch. I let out a confused, hoarse laugh because I was both embarrassed and blushing even more at the fact that he was watching, and the way he was staring at me with his head cocked to the side was so damn cute.

“So… are you going to do something with it or just watch?” I asked impudently.

Noah looked up and grinned. 

“Do you want my mouth or my hand?” he asked defiantly.

My breath stopped for a moment, and an image more erotic than a thousand erotic images ran through my mind. I didn't think that these little teasing would work so well between the two of us in this case, and it gave me a lot of confidence. I reached for Noah's hand and pulled it to my crotch.

“I don't think I could last more than half a minute in your mouth,” I confessed. Noah looked at me like a predator as his long, tattooed fingers closed around my cock. The sight was enough to make another dose of precum drip onto my stomach. I gasped as he began to move his hand, using the wetness as a lubricant. “The thing is... ahh... I'm not sure I'll last much longer anyway… fuck…” I muttered, turning towards the ceiling.

In the process, Noah realized that he could still occupy his mouth perfectly, and after digging his nose into my neck, his lips slid down to my collarbone. He alternated between kissing and biting, his hand continued to move up and down, sometimes stroking my glans, sometimes holding my balls in his grip.

"You smell divine," he whispered against my skin. "You're so fucking perfect…" he said in a broken voice, as he started rubbing my thighs. 

I felt that I didn't need much anymore. My cock wanted to explode, my legs were shaking, all my senses were filled with Noah's scent, the sound of his soft moans, the heat of his skin, it was too much, and yet... it was like I was standing on a rock, longing for the long-awaited flight, but I'd be a coward to jump too. As if something hidden in the back of my mind was preventing me from receiving satisfaction. I clung to Noah's shoulder, who was just covering my chest with kisses, and I moaned in pain. He reacted immediately, glancing at my face, then fixed his gaze on mine.

"I'm here," he said in a soft voice, and his hot breath caressed my mouth. His hands continued to pamper me at a perfect pace, paying more and more attention to the sensitive spot under the glans. “I feel how close you are. Do you like my hands on your body? Huh?”

As we looked at each other gasping for breath, the tingling got stronger and stronger starting at the bottom of my waist. His voice did wonders for me. The next moment I couldn't keep my eyes open, but at the same time my lips parted and my back arched. Noah latched on to my mouth, and I was immensely grateful for that, because that way I might not have woken the others. My moans were lost between his lips and he silently endured as my fingers dug into his back, searching for some kind of grip. The orgasm was overwhelming. My heart wanted to burst out of my ribs, and for several minutes it was as if I was floating weightlessly above the bed. Noah buried his face in my hair, then rolled down next to me, and I could feel him gently wiping my stomach with something. 

Then the pink mist slowly lifted and I lay back on the bed, feeling the heaviness of my limbs and how warm I was. What did we do? What happens next? I had so many things going through my mind. The thoughts came back to me and I tried unsuccessfully to put them in their place. But I was absolutely sure of one thing: I didn't regret a single moment of the past half hour.

[hippiegoth97]

Last Christmas: An Eddie Munson x Reader Holiday Story Pt. 2

Description: You and the gang play White Elephant, opening and stealing one another's gifts. You end up with a present you least expect, and share a dance with friends. When you and Eddie take a turn on the dance floor, things get a little too close for comfort. Can you and Eddie salvage your relationship, or are you too far gone?

Warnings: swearing, female reader, drug use, alcohol use, angst, heartbreak, crying, light smut mention, fluff

Last Christmas Pt. 2

A crowded room, friends with tired eyes...

Eddie's POV

You watch silently as Y/N walks towards the rear of Harrington's humble home with Robin and Argyle to have a little smoke session. Usually you'd join them, since you're quite the stoner yourself. But you can see you're far from welcome, she wants absolutely nothing to do with you. Her words earlier, no feelings at all, ring in your head over and over. "You good, Munson?" Steve asks once the trio slide the glass door shut behind them.

"Not really. But that doesn't really matter, does it?" You say bitterly, taking a swig of your eggnog. Usually you hate the stuff, but you've been steadily consuming it to keep yourself in one piece. Seeing Y/N again feels just as awful as the day she left and never came back.

"Don't say that, man. Of course it does." Jonathan pipes up, flashing you an apologetic look. You just shrug in response, unsure of what else to say. You really wish you weren't having this conversation at all. Clearly you have no chance of getting Y/N back, so what's the point of rehashing the same old shit?

"Even so, do you guys really wanna hear about my extinct love life for the millionth time? It's Christmas, there's supposed to be music and presents and all that holly jolly crap. Maybe I should go, I don't wanna bring you guys down all night." You start getting up to leave, but everyone quickly protests. You sigh, plopping back down into your chair. You know for a fact they'd sooner tie you down than let you walk out that door. There's more of them than there are of you, and Steve is ridiculously strong. "Fine! I'll stay! But can we drop it? Please? I'm hangin' on by a thread as it is." You sniffle, exhaling sharply as tears prick your tired eyes.

"Eddie, we really think you need to have a talk with Y/N." Dustin says, looking away from the claymation elves singing about making toys to speak to you seriously.

You just shake your head, the thought of that alone makes you want to off yourself. "Nah, man. She wants nothin' to do with me. And I don't blame her." Your voice trembles slightly. Goddammit, here come the waterworks.

"I wouldn't be too sure about that, dude. Robin told me Y/N still sleeps in your old t-shirt. She used to sniff it for the scent of you when she thought Robin wasn't looking. She cried for hours when it didn't smell like you anymore. And she hums your guys' song all the time without realizing it, "Beast of Burden", right?" Your eyes widen at Steve telling you this. The possibility that Y/N doesn't completely hate you blows your mind. Since the day she walked out the door, she's never contacted you again. She had Robin pick up any of her stuff still at your place, exchanging it for the things you left with her. The only thing missing was that beat-up Mötley Crüe t-shirt, you figured you'd lost it while you were drunk or something.

"Either way, I don't think she's in the mood to talk. I don't wanna hurt her again." You really don't get why everyone seems to have planned this ambush tonight. No doubt Robin and Argyle are working their mojo on Y/N to convince her to speak with you. You'd love it if she did, but you can see it now. She's letting them have an earful, telling them to mind their own fucking business. She's so damn stubborn, it's one of the million things you love about her. Loved, you mentally correct yourself.

"But you're both sitting here like goddamn ticking time bombs. Any minute, you're bound to explode. Unless you resolve this. We're not saying you'd necessarily get back together, but it would be good for both of you to work towards being able to tolerate sitting in the same room." Nancy takes her turn now, and you just roll your eyes.

"You guys really can't let this go, can you? Why do you care so much about mine and Y/N's relationship anyways?" You finish the rest of your drink, setting the empty glass on the floor. You cross your arms in frustration, waiting for this stupid talk to be over.

"No, we can't let it go. Because you and Y/N are our friends, and we love you. And we've had to sit and watch you both be in pain for months. And none of us can make that hurt go away, only you guys can do that." Mike says, hoping you understand how hard it's been for everyone to watch you and Y/N suffer.

You sigh, dragging your palms down your face. Partially in aggravation, and partially to wipe your tears away. "Fuck! Fine! But I'm not gonna force it. If she won't talk, I'm gonna let her be. Fair enough?"

The group nods in agreement, murmuring various 'yes's and 'okay's as they finally drop the subject. "I'm gonna go get the others from outside. I'd say now's as good a time as ever to start the game." Max says, standing up from her cozying up to Lucas. She walks to the door, sliding it open before shouting into the cold. "Hey, potheads! Hurry up, it's time for presents!"

Y/N POV

"Alright, who wants to pick the first gift?" Jonathan asks, taking on the task of supervising this little game. Nobody volunteers, when Robin speaks up.

"How about we have Y/N go first?" She smiles at you, trying to get you in the spirit of things. You roll your eyes, she's incorrigible sometimes.

"Uh, sure. Step on up, Y/N." Jonathan says awkwardly. You take a deep breath, standing up slowly as the weed has finally decided to kick in. You walk over to the tree, looking over the plentiful pile of presents wrapped in shiny paper. You pick up a smaller one, leaving the larger gifts for the others. You return to your seat to open it, tearing the paper to reveal a jar of soaking salts.

"Ooh! These'll make bathtime very relaxing!" You say cheerily, showing everyone what you got. You actually really like this present, long hot baths are one of your favorite ways to relieve stress. Everyone murmurs in agreement, and Robin goes next. She gets a matching hat and glove set, which looks very cozy. Next is Argyle, who opens up a box of fancy chocolates.

"Sweet! I've got major munchies, man!" Argyle says, opening the box and taking one of the sweets out of its wrapper before popping it into his mouth.

"Well, safe to say that gift is out of play now." Jonathan shakes his head, his poor friend clearly doesn't understand the rules. Nobody seems to mind though, it's just chocolate. Next to pick a present is Nancy, who decides to steal your bath salts. You stand up to open another present, which turns out to be a Magic 8 Ball. You're less enthused about this item, but you figure one of the kiddos will take it off your hands at some point.

"Okay, my turn!" Steve says while rubbing his hands together. He picks up a gift bag, pulling a pack of warm socks from under the tissue paper. "Wow, just what I wanted." He says sarcastically, wondering if his parents secretly put a gift of their own in the bunch before leaving town.

"I will happily take those off your hands, Stevie." Eddie says, holding out his hands for Steve to toss him the socks. He catches them with ease, placing them in his lap. Your eyes meet again, and he instinctively gives you a small smile. You return it out of reflex, before realizing who you're looking at. You quickly frown instead, turning away to see what Steve reveals this time. It's a D&D starter set.

"Dammit." Steve mutters, cursing his inability to pick one of the better presents. Next up is Will, taking a chance with a larger box. He tears the paper away, revealing a portable radio.

"Nice!" Will says, very pleased with this find. Jonathan and the rest of the kids take their turns, most opting to open a brand new gift as opposed to stealing someone else's. The next six gifts are a Stephen King novel, the Star Wars trilogy on VHS, a Santa Claus mug with hot cocoa mix, a sketchbook, a knitted blanket, and a Walkman. Max steals the D&D set from Steve, deciding to give the game a try since the boys love it so much. Steve gets to pick for a third time, and he ends up with a thick, cozy scarf.

"Now this I can live with." Steve says, smirking as he’s got something he actually wants. Erica is last, taking your 8 Ball for herself. She claims she'll use it to make any and all further decisions for the foreseeable future. This leaves you empty handed once again, and there's only one gift left beneath the tree. Jonathan hands it to you, and everyone watches in anticipation to see what's inside.

You tear open the paper, pulling the lid off the flimsy box beneath. And inside, is a Santa hat. With devil horns glued onto it. Just like Eddie's. Leave it to you to end up with the gift that your ex-boyfriend brought. The room goes completely silent, and you don't know what to say. Your eyes dart across the room to him again, and he tries his hardest to silently apologize. You can feel the others watching you two, waiting to see what happens next. You look away, inspecting the hat for a moment. You rub your fingers over the fuzzy material, smiling slightly at the hand-stitched letters that spell 'SATAN' on the white brim. "You can trade with me if you want, Y/N." Robin offers, extending her gift to you.

"No, it's fine! It's a cute hat, cheeky." You giggle genuinely, it really plays into the sense of humor you and Eddie used to share. You wanna be a good sport, and not hurt his feelings. You pick up the hat, settling it on top of your head with a big smile on your face. It's very warm, but comfortable. You imagine you look a little silly, but you don't mind it one bit.

"Alright then, looks like the game is over. Anyone need a refill?" Jonathan asks, and every adult's hand goes up into the air. You may have graciously accepted your present, but the tension in the room has only gotten worse. You and Eddie keep looking at each other curiously, but avert your gaze when either of you get caught staring. "Yeah, sounds about right." Jonathan sighs, gathering everyone's glasses to head into the kitchen.

"You really don't mind it?" Eddie asks as the others move on to other activities. The kiddos open Max's D&D box, showing her how to build a character and how the game works. Nancy gets up to put on some music, picking out a Rolling Stones album from Steve's extensive collection. Some Girls, to be exact.

"Not at all, Eds. You know I love shit like this." You reply, realizing you just used his nickname. Maybe you don't need that refill after all. His eyes widen when he realizes what you said, hoping this means you'll talk to him...and maybe take him back. "Don't get any ideas, Munson. I'll get back together with you when hell freezes over." You quip, not meaning it in a hurtful way whatsoever.

"Well, we are in Hawkins in the middle of winter. I'd say that's pretty close." He retorts, making you laugh. It's been so long since he's done that, and you can't help missing it. Jonathan returns with the drinks, and you decide to throw caution to the wind and keep drinking. You're feeling warm and fuzzy inside, despite the perfect storm brewing between you and Eddie. You put it aside for the time being, focusing on enjoying the night with your friends. All your friends.

For the first time in what feels like forever, the group as a whole is able to fall back into the familiar groove you used to share. There's no more worried glances, awkward silences, or talks about your past relationship. Everyone's joking, laughing, and having a great fuckin' time. You have a dance with a few members of your little band of misfits. Steve, Robin, even Dustin. You can't stop smiling, downing a steady stream of eggnog the whole way to keep yourself merry and bright.

You're having a rather uncoordinated turn with Argyle, when the record begins to play a tune you haven't heard in an eternity. "Beast of Burden", the song you and Eddie once claimed as yours. You stop moving, noticing him walking over to you. He's taking his shot, hoping this is enough. "Mind if I cut in?" You look at him, finding his impossibly large brown eyes gazing at you expectantly. He gives you a kind smile, holding out his ringed hand.

"Fuck it! I'm pretty wasted. And everyone else has had a turn. Why not?" You reply with a hiccuping giggle. You take his hand, letting him pull you into his space. He clasps your fingers together, his other hand going to the small of your back. You put yours on his shoulder, sharing an awkward look as Mick Jagger begins to sing.

I'll never be your beast of burden. My back is broad, but it's a-hurtin'. All I want is for you to make love to me. The opening lines remind you of the first time you heard this song with Eddie. It was late one night, in the fall if you recall it correctly. You'd gone on a long drive all over town, not caring about the final destination as there wasn't really one in mind. The radio played real low, and you smoked cigarette after cigarette while staring out the window at the full moon while Eddie drove. Conversation was light, the two of you in comfortable bliss. And then the opening riff spilled forth from the worn stereo speakers in his van, prompting him to turn the volume up. "Shit, this is one of my favorites." You remember him saying, smiling at you to see if you also recognized it. You hadn't heard it before, but you listened closely to the words.

I'll never be your beast of burden. I've walked for miles, my feet are hurtin'. All I want is for you to make love to me. Eddie sang along with Mick, in perfect key at that. It was far from the first time you'd heard his deep, sultry tone. He is in a metal band, after all. But nevertheless, he enchanted you time and time again. And this particular evening from the recesses of your memory was no different. You watched his lips open and close in various shapes to form the lyrics, his face dimly lit by every passing street lamp. This dashboard performance in particular felt different from the others. He was tenderly asking you for something. To love him forever, to have him as yours the same as he wanted to keep you for his own.

You gladly granted the request, your heart soaring across the universe at the thought of never letting Eddie go. When the song was reaching its end, you had ended up at the edge of Lover's Lake. The maddening man in the sky reflected upon the still, black waters. Stars twinkled overhead, it was the most beautiful night. Eddie killed the ignition, inviting you to the back of the van like he'd done so many times before. You followed him like a moth to a flame, letting him lay you down on the mismatched blankets splayed about the floor. You made the sweetest love you'd ever had, sealing your promise that you thought would never be broken.

The two of you sway to the music, slowly rotating in a cautious waltz. You do your best to loosen up, bringing yourself a bit closer. Eddie's had a considerable amount to drink too, playfully crooning the lyrics of the song to you. Just like the old days. "Am I hard enough? Am I rough enough? Am I rich enough? I'm not too blind to see." Your smile grows wider at him singing for you, you used to love it when he did this. His voice is gorgeous, and he made you feel like the most special person in the world when he'd serenade you with your favorite songs.

The others pretend not to stare as they make their own pairings to dance. You ignore their approving glances and nods. It's like everyone else disappears, leaving only you and Eddie in the room anymore. Your movements are more fluid now, facilitated by the weed and alcohol. You let Eddie lean down to softly sing the repeating 'pretty, pretty girl' part of the song in your ear. His chest is flush against yours, and it's almost as if you've never been apart. You want so badly to just smash the walls down, and let him back in. Nostalgia and longing wash over you, tempting you to take what you've been wanting since the day you walked away.

He pulls back a moment, meeting your hazy eyes. You can see loud and clear that he still loves you, and he can tell you're mirroring the sentiment back at him. You can feel his heart pounding in his chest, the pace staying in sync with yours. Your mouths are dangerously close together, and your breath fans in each other's faces. The sickly sweet scent of rum and sugar cookies wafts between you. He tries to make a move to kiss you, and you almost lean into it. But when you really look at him, you can't help remembering how you two ended in the first place.

You drop his hand and push him away, a single tear falling from your eye. "I-I can't." You choke out the words, frantically looking at everyone staring at you.

"Y/N-" Eddie takes a step forward, reaching for your arm.

"Don't!" You back up again while shaking your head, turning away to leave the room. You push past Nancy and Jonathan, and you begin to sob uncontrollably. You make a break for the stairs, your heels thumping as you bound up each step.

"Go after her, you idiot!" Steve yells to Eddie, and you try to find a place to hide. It's too much, you can't just pretend he didn't break your heart into a million pieces. You can't act like everything's okay now, because it isn't. You hear another set of shoes coming up from the ground floor, just as you run into Steve's parents' room. You slam the door and click the lock, leaning against the wood while your chest heaves.

"Y/N?" You hear Eddie's voice from the other side. Why can't he just leave you alone?

"Go away, Eddie. I can't do this." You say through your tears, pulling the Santa hat from your head. You don't want to wear it anymore. You toss it across the room, refusing to look at it again. You slide down to the floor, your knees tented in front of you. Your head falls in your hands, tears and saliva soaking through your dress.

"Y/N, please? I just wanna talk." You can hear the pain in his voice, and you fucking hate it. You hear him shuffling to sit on the other side of the door, his own stifled cries spilling out. His hand brushes the finished wood, wishing he could feel you through it. "Baby, please. I-" He begs.

"Don't call me that! You lost the right to use that name a long time ago." You shout, turning around to face the solid barrier between you.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. Just...I don't wanna be like this anymore." His voice trembles, he's just as shaken to the core as you are.

"I don't either, Eddie. But what else is there? You ended us, when I thought you'd never do that."

"I know. And I'm a fucking idiot." Eddie replies through clenched teeth, he's so frustrated with himself for making such a dumb decision.

"Well, at least you admit it." You can't help cracking this small joke, making both of you laugh on either side of the door. Even though you can't see each other, you know exactly how the other's face and body language looks with every passing word.

"Steve said you still sleep in my shirt. Is that true?" He asks, unable to rein in his curiosity. You gasp at the question, Robin must've said something to him.

"Yes." You say softly, not wanting to admit it. "But only because it's comfortable." You try to make up an excuse, but you already know he doesn't believe you. "Robin said you were really messed up after I left. Is that true too?" You figure you might as well get some confirmation of your own while you're trapped in here.

"Shit, yeah. I don't think I had a sober moment for at least two weeks after you left. It was awful. But I couldn't stand to keep being reminded of you at every turn." Eddie recalls how those drunken, drug-addled days played out. He woke up late, head pounding from the night before. He'd crack open another beer, and smoke a blunt or two before breakfast. All he could manage to eat during that time was Honeycomb cereal and Poptarts. Not to say those stayed in his stomach long, far from it.

By lunchtime he'd be face-first in the porcelain throne, rejecting every last bit of sugary snacks and booze. And the cycle would continue. More alcohol, toss some cocaine in the mix, another joint, or a few. Reefer Rick even threatened to cut off his supply if he didn't stop consuming all the product. He had to work twice as hard to recoup the cost of the illicit substances. And all that did was further remind him of how he lost you.

"Jesus, Eddie. I'm sorry." You can't help feeling bad when you hear the words from his own lips. A secondhand story doesn't have nearly the same impact.

"Not your fault. I did this, remember?" This is absolutely killing you, you can't stand the sullen tone in his voice. It makes you want to unlock the door, to allow him back where he clearly belongs. But that's not enough. You can't put the past behind you and give it a second try so easily. Especially when he could just as easily break your heart again, deeming himself unworthy of you. Just like last time.

"Why did you? We had a good thing, didn't we?" You really want to understand why he made that decision all those months ago. He technically gave you a reason, but was that really enough to end a relationship?

"Of course we did, Y/N. It was the best thing I've ever had in my entire life." Eddie says, complete and total regret working its way through his body. It cuts like a knife, deep and jagged. More tears spring from his eyes, tapping wetly as they land on the hardwood floor below him. His heart aches for you more than he ever thought possible. You're so close, and yet you're a million miles away. If he wanted to act selfishly, he'd smash this damn door to pieces and scoop you into his arms. But he won't, because it's not what you want. And that's the only thing that has ever mattered to him.

"Then why?" You hoarsely croak out the words. You're fighting to swallow a wedge in your throat, it's grating and bitter. Like a lump of coal scraping your esophagus. You press your hand against the door, laying your head beside it. You want to be closer to him in this silly, small way.

"Well, it's like I said before. I didn't feel like I was enough for you. You were starting college soon, and I know you're gonna be something great." Eddie smiles slightly at that thought. You have big dreams of saving the world, changing it for the better. He'd listen to you talk for hours about cleaning up the oceans or regulating big corporations that over-pollute. Seeing your eyes light up when you cared about something made him even more helplessly in love with you. "Whereas, I'm gonna be stuck flipping burgers or fixing cars my whole life. Would you really wanna spend your days with someone like that?"

"I told you before, I didn't care about that. I just wanted to be with you. What you did for a job or how much money you had was always a non-factor for me. People do those things their whole lives, and there's nothing wrong with that." You reassure him, speaking sincerely. Just because others may look down upon those who work in 'unskilled' jobs, that doesn't make them worthless.

"But how could I provide for you when I make shit pay like that? You deserve someone who can take care of you, Y/N." You really have no idea why Eddie insists on this idea that he has to be the big spender in the relationship. It's oddly old-fashioned for someone like him.

"Eddie, did I ever say I wanted you to be the 'provider' in our relationship? You know better than anyone I don't subscribe to medieval ideals like that." You don't mean to come off so harsh, but it's a bit annoying that he seems to ignore this rather fundamental thing about you. "Plus, you provided plenty. You were kind, sweet, and loving. You comforted me in my weakest moments, and we made so many meaningful memories together."

"I know, you're right. The more I say it out loud, the stupider it sounds." He chuckles dryly, shaking his head. But there's something else, something he's kept close to the chest this whole time. You can sense the hesitation in his voice, the little hitch in his breath when he forces his tongue to hold back.

"What is it, Eddie? Please, tell me." You ask quietly, wanting to know what he's been hiding.

"I was afraid you'd outgrow me. You'd slowly earn your degree, make new friends. Then you'd no doubt go wherever the planet needs you, and where would that leave me? You'd see how big and beautiful the world is, and being with me would pale in comparison. And then you'd leave, finding a foxy marine biologist instead or something. Then you'd win some kinda Nobel Prize or some shit, and I'd still be here in Hawkins. With nothing to show for it." He realizes how silly he sounds now, how he's spent so long fantasizing about you leaving him behind.

"Thought about that a lot, did you?" You ask, unable to hide the smirk in your voice. You understand his fears, you'd probably have them too if the roles were reversed.

"Every goddamn day, Y/N." He chuckles again, but he sounds far from happy about it. Your face falls, there must be a way for him to see that his anxieties held no water.

"You do realize I would've taken you with me, right? If your hypotheticals ever came to be, I mean." You speak matter-of-factly.

"Really?" Eddie still doesn't understand, does he? Just as he claims to love you to the ends of the earth and back, you feel just as strongly. If not moreso.

"Yes, you big idiot!" You exclaim, grabbing his attention. "I would've had you by my side every step of the way. We would've moved in together while I went to school. Then after graduation you'd come with me to wherever I was interning at, until I’d eventually lead the charge in some world-saving research. And then you'd be right there in the audience while I accept my 'Nobel Prize or some shit', dressed in a cute tux and everything. And then we'd go home to our house, and our pets or plants or whatever." Eddie's eyes widen at your words, he never imagined that you would actually want to spend the rest of your life with him. Him, the metalhead, freak, loser, asshole that deals drugs.

"Thought about that a lot, did you?" He parrots your previous statement at you, drawing light laughs from both of your mouths.

"Every goddamn day, Eds." Another copied comment, and another slip of his nickname. You're headed for trouble if you don't knock it off.

"Fuck, I wish more than anything I could take it back, Y/N." Eddie says, desperately wanting this conversation to end in reconciliation. He wants you, no, needs you in his life. You're like the sun in the sky, the air in his lungs, the ground beneath his feet, the blood in his veins. You are everything to him.

"So do I." You reply simply, the tears have been steadily pouring from your eyes this whole time. As is the case with Eddie, you suspect.

"Would it be so terrible to try again? I miss you so much, it's killing me." There it is. That oh, so dangerous question. You've been simultaneously dreading it and wishing for it all night. How easy it would be to accept him back into your heart, to reignite the burning flame of love you used to share.

"I miss you too, more than you know. But I don't want to get hurt again. I can't go through the hell you put me in a second time." You sniffle, unable to stop yourself from remembering the endless sob-fest you had at Robin's for the first few days after your breakup.

"I promise, I will never let you go again. I'll never be so fucking stupid." He pleads, yanking at your heartstrings.

"But how do I know for sure, Eddie? I was under the impression that the first time would never come, and it did. Who's to say you won't break us to pieces again when things get tough?" As much as you'd love to be together again, you have valid reservations about the prospect.

He doesn't say anything else for a minute, carefully considering what you've said. He feels so fucking awful for hurting you, and he wants to prove himself worthy of a second chance. "What if we move in together?" He blurts out, as it's the first step in your little fantasy about the future.

You scoff, he can't be serious. "Eddie, you don't have to jump the gun like that."

"I'm serious. I wanna be with you, commit to a life with you. What better way to do that than to get a place together? We could look after New Year's if you want. I think there's a place by-" His tone is frantic now, eager to sell you on the idea.

"Eddie, slow down!" You shout, interrupting his babbling. He shuts his trap, his teeth clacking at the force. "Look, it's really sweet of you to offer. But I think we would need time to get reacquainted first, to see if this would even work again." He perks up at your words, hoping this means you're saying yes to him.

"I'm sorry, you're right. But, does that mean we can give this another shot?" He asks expectantly, crossing his fingers and praying to whatever God is up there that you'll take him back.

You sigh, shaking your head as you giggle at the thought. "I can't believe I'm actually saying this. But yes, we can try again, Eds." You say as you stand up, clicking the lock to open the door. Eddie falls forward into the room, almost smacking his head on the floor. You shriek in surprise, and he bounces back up in no time. He scrambles to his feet, his eyes meeting yours for the first time in what feels like hours. He laughs awkwardly, blushing hard as he rubs the back of his neck. You giggle in reply, rolling your eyes at his clumsiness.

You move closer to him, wrapping your arms around his neck while his go around your waist. You're standing in the threshold of the room, looking up to see some mistletoe hanging right above your heads. "Well, would ya look at that? Seems like the Harringtons have the right idea." Eddie says, returning his gaze to yours. The air between you is different now. It's no longer somber and heartbroken, but filled with unbridled joy and a dash of booze-fueled lust.

"That they do." You reply, just barely above a whisper. You can't stop staring at each other's lips, the familiar scent of Christmas treats dizzying your heads in your proximity. Eddie's just about to bring his lips to yours, when-

To be continued...

[sapionic]

Famous Travelers In History(NUMEROLOGY ANALYSIS)

Let's look into some famous travelers and link some simple points to Numerology. Basic Numerology. Right away, let's note that people with 3 and 9 energy are definitely people that travel and/or move around a lot!

1st person: Fridtjof Nansen(The first man to cross Greenland’s ice cap and sailed farther north in the Arctic Ocean than any man before him) - focusing on the first name more than the surname, we can see that this person has an I and R(18) in his name which is 9. This is enough to make someone a traveler.

F - 6 is connected to discpline, detail, and routine. Being able to be detailed oriented gives someone enough focus to carry out their ideal.

R-9(18) expansion and travel, but with a purpose with that 8 energy. That adds the deep determination and how serious it was for him to complete his mission. The 8 allows someone to succeed with somethign tedious and time-consuming, especially with the support of the 6 energy.

I - 9 adventurous, explorative and spontaneous energy

D - 4 discpline, caution, patience, stability, organizational along with 6 energy as well.

T - 20/2 Very compassionate person with good work ethic and comfort with self. Stable demeanor and likely prefers stability in their life. Can manage tasks efficiently, especially when the influence of 6 is here as well.

J - 10/1 Think of Capricorn characteristics. 10/1 energy in someone makes them responsible and able to succeed. This is another supportive energy with the 6 and 2 for someone who has a goal they want to carry out. This imprint could be why it was a plan successfully carried out causing the notoriety.

O - 6(15) his personal desire(1) and urge to travel was supported by his confidence to do do. He didn't give up. He fought to reach his goal(5). 5 also is creativity which he more than likely incorporated into his practice.

F - Another 6 influence just like the first F.

HE HAS 3 NUMBER 6'S IN HIS NAME 666=18/9 PLUS THE ACTUAL 9 INFLUENCE ALREADY IN HIS NAME.

His 6 influence is what allowed him to stick with his initial plan and carry it out no matter how long it took and what it took. His 9 influence is the self-made motivation that worked as a personal push with none really sought after from others as he had it in him.

2nd person: Christopher Colombus but let's focus mainly on the first name and not the surname. We have more than likely heard of this name before and we know that this name is quite popular and common as well. You guys can already see that this name carries 3 and 9 energy so even if every Christopher isn't an actual traveler, they may likely still travel in some way. Example: Christopher Brown(Breezy)

C=3 H=8 R=9(18) I=9 S=1(19) T=2(20) O=6(15) P=7(16) H=8 E=5 R=9

C has an energy center around creative expression, easy, and the ability to be social or collaborative. This can give someone a jolly or light vibe.

H is in this name twice represented by the number 8 so when you add the two 8's up, you end up with 7(16). The 8 provides pressure so the 7 supports the easing of ones doubts and negative thoughts. This takes me to the next letter.

P=7(16) which allows someone the capability of being compassionate and more open-minded. This is useful for someone with double 8 influence as they likely deal or have dealt with a lot of heavy and traumatic experiences. They know how to be peaceful and they seek peace.

The triple 9 influence 999=9(27) which makes sense for a traveler in this case. They know how to carry out their plans through real work ethic and time 9(18). This increases ones ambition and desire to meet goals and succeed.

[shegoesbyjoy]

Okay I need to blab about my thoughts on Good Omens S2 because ASKFJFHSJKSK I LOVED IT. Spoilers ahead of course, you've been warned!

Crowley was undoubtedly the MVP of this season for me. I was kicking my feet and giggling repeatedly every time I saw him in A Situation

Not David Tennant wearing a red fez in the same episode where they mention Doctor Who by name lmao. And then there's the "bigger on the inside" comment. And the fact that the actor for the Fifth Doctor showed up.

ALSO David getting the chance to revert to his normal accent and be EXTREMELY SCOTTISH was an absolute delight

WHOOPS STILL ON CROWLEY I LOVE HIM OKAY but him drinking poison and his body going all Alice in Wonderland was very amusing (not to mention Crowley calling out the issue of morality and the choices we make as it relates to wealth disparity??? Absolute king.)

GABRIEL AND BEELZEBUB?! 🥺🥺 They were so cute together?!?! Oh my goodness that entire montage and them running off together was so precious it really was

Speaking of romantic-ass scenes I cannot believe we got to see Crowley dance not once but TWICE for Aziraphale. Azi taking Crowley's hand to lead him out to the dance floor......my heart 💞

While we're here, I gotta talk about the confession. I was afraid he wasn't gonna be able to go through with it—it's such a fucking trope that whenever someone starts to confess and they are interrupted by the other person, the confession ends up not happening. Crowley did it anyway, and I once again have to commend David Tennant for his performance bc gosh the emotion in that scene... I cry

"I forgive you" yeah well I don't forgive YOU Aziraphale what kind of a response was that!!!! 😡😡

From Crowley and Azi's earlier "I don't think your 'not exactly' and my 'not exactly' are the same" conversation, to the two of them interpreting the phrase "nothing lasts forever" in entirely different ways in the finale hahahaha just end me 🥲

The rain symbolism. Idk just the raining of space matter in the beginning calling back to a similar moment when a wing provided protection from rain last season, the rain being conjured to bring Maggie & Nina together and having it ultimately fail.... idk I have nothing clever to say about this I'm just here like... *grips your shoulders* R A I N

Anyways season 2 was a jolly good time and I cannot wait to see where this story goes next!!!

[ateezivy]

learn the alphabet with ivy (updated)

warning! jokes about drugs and killing (this is how she copes with her trauma😭)

A is for…

‘ass shakin on a tuesday?’

‘ask hongjoong if we can get mcdonald’s for dinner’

‘as a mingi enthusiast, i can confirm’

B is for…

‘but did i die?’

‘bonita’

‘boxing was fun until i almost broke my wrist-‘

C is for…

‘cause i said so’

‘cute is overrated, i like looking like i just killed someone-‘

‘call me when i actually care, wooyoung’

D is for…

‘don’t follow me, i won’t be running away. i’m going to the store…’

‘driving is easy, these losers are just lazy. AINT THAT RIGHT YUNHO???’

‘did someone say le sserafim?’

E is for…

‘eggplant emoji? boy what-‘

‘extra ice please’ ‘but seonghwa hyung asked for light-‘ ‘i said extra’

‘even if i die, keep performing’ ‘ivy no-‘

F is for…

‘frogs are innocent beings.’

‘for the LOVE OF GOD SAN SHUT UP’

‘felix said otherwise.’

G is for…

‘god would want me to’

‘going to the gym is so much work, but i’m forced to’

‘guys, i think i started my period…’ *cue panic*

H is for…

‘hongjoongie-oppa says i’m brilliant’ ‘he told you that so you would shut u-‘ ‘san no one asked for your input’

‘how did you manage to make jongho cry bruh-‘

‘how big is his-‘ ‘olivia!’ ‘-house…’

I is for…

‘i’m fearless’ *after getting scared by yunho*

‘i feel bonita’

‘if i have to dance to this song on more time-‘

J is for…

‘just say you hate me already’

‘jongho is my best friend, sometimes’

‘jimin would be my friend.’

K is for…

‘killing people is only okay sometimes’

‘kites still exist??’

‘KITTIES’

L is for…

‘lost me at the word running’

‘look at me’ *slaps san*

‘living is breathing.’

M is for…

‘mingi my dearest’

‘my type? mingi.’

‘my mom told me not to do it, but my mom is also a drug addict so-‘

N is for…

‘no money’

‘no ice cream for you mr. park’

‘nayeon-unnie is cooler than you’

O is for…

‘oh jolly pirate’

‘oh brother, this fool again’ *san walks in*

‘oh, i like yeosang more’

P is for…

‘people think im innocent. that’s cute’

‘pipe down’

‘poop doopy’

Q is for…

‘quit looking at me like that, you’re gonna make me vomit’

‘quiet, i think i hear god’

‘quit talking, i’m trying to listen to itzy!!!’

R is for…

‘right, and i’m beyoncé.’

‘right hand man, jongho. not you’ *cut to wooyoung frowning’

‘rings. blings. and all that’

S is for…

‘silence, who died?’

‘snow snow snow snow snow snow sno-‘ *yeosang throws a snowball at her*

‘sweet. can we go home now?’

T is for…

‘tomorrow is a new day, a new slay’

‘teen beach movie has one of the best soundtracks’

‘they see me rollin, they hatin-‘

U is for…

‘uvula shot’ *shows camera yunhos uvula*

‘under the seaaa. under the seeeaaa. darling is betTA down where it weTTA’

‘uhm, be so fucking for real right now…’

V is for…

‘very good morning my loves’

‘van… gogh’ *van starts moving*

‘valid point, too bad i don’t care’

W is for…

‘wow, and here i thought i was the idiot’

‘where is my food servants’ *acting a scene for a show*

‘why am i here. i need to go home. i, i need to go.’

X is for…

‘xoxo, go piss girl’

‘x-rays helped see the shape of dna’ ‘it’s 2 am. go to bed.’

x’s and the o o o’s they HAUNT me’

Y is for…

‘you have no idea what you’re talking about do you?’

‘yo, chill out brother’

‘yes, i do love my members. yes, i do hate my members. family.’

Z is for…

‘zoom zoom, hop in hotties’

‘zebras. are the white with black stripes. or black with white stripes’

‘zooweemama am i right?’

taglist: @atolua @skzfairies @itzy-eve @cixrosie @stopeatread @alixnsuperstxr @smh-anon

[miumura]

what do ur moots remind you of?! (ex. places, color, song, etc)

ooo another moot game ! tysm anon :) <3 ill only do a few cause im on a brainrot rn 😭😭

@flwoie — bad by wave to earth

bc u literally make my day 100% better. i always look forward to talking to you!! like you’re someone i can talk about anything with bc you wouldn’t judge me 🙁 like im prob on disc most of the time talking to u or waiting for a dm back. but yeah, i could never be bored when talking to you 🤗 love u lots pooks 🤍🤍🤍

@wvnkoi — one and only by enhypen

i was truly lucky to have you in my inbox (or for me to being in yours) 🙁🫶 like u acc put up with my bs and im so glad for that </3 U R MY ONE AND ONLY FR !!!! like who does it like u tbh … im always looking forward to our convos whether u think otherwise 🤍 but yes please be more active bc i cant be missing one of my ramyeonz 😊

@haknom — jolly ranchers but green apple

this is SOOOO random but HEAR ME OUT i love love LOVE jolly ranchers, just like how much i love you (ohhhh was that smooth 😍😍😍) which is a lot LMFAO. but i love green apple sm u dont understand…its pretty unexplainable why ure so fun to be with but us 08z r js like that!! UNBREAKABLE BOND!!!! #jolly-ranchers-w-soph-foreva #just-like-sola (soph + kayla .. get it)

@yeokii — nail polish 😊

listen hana ure prob like … erm What the freak!!! but just hear me out. nail polish isnt good for u (js like how ure not good w/ me /j) to smell but its addicting. thats like u and me cause ure addicting to talk to u (or make fun of) AND ITS GETTING OUT OF HAND!!! but its like a guilty pleasure soooo be glad i only had good things to say. love ya official 08z goofball !!!

@yenqa — strawberries

u just do 🤨🤨 like idk strawberries taste vary depending on the harvest / kind u get .. like sometimes u can be vv sweet and super kind 🙁 and then we have the sour kinds where u used to (and still do) hate on me and fight me 🤬 at least ure not bad like hana ALL JOKES but strawberries r a superior fruit so ure superior in my book 🤗🤗🤗

@yswon — hi-chew candies

hi-chews r too good n need to be talked abt more!!! js like ur blog (it deserves all the love) idk how to explain it, but u remind me of the candy in a way…like could be sweet if u pick the right ones 🙏 and u cant tell me hi-chews dont fit ur blog rn!!!! like its a comfort candy + super soft = amazing type of candy i tell u. nobody does hi-chew like this which makes u awesome n unique 😍 … what am i even saying urm but u get it (hopefully)

@soov — beaches

beaches r really pretty (just like you) and i really like how calming they can be. but sometimes, they can get violent as the waves of the ocean crash and could nearly drown u (js like how u could kill me w/ ur pics ohhhh) LMFAO but i really do love them!!! and i just get that beachy vibe from your blog too :)

guys i swear i was gonna do more than this but i really cannot think rn 😭 sorry i may have not tired my brain out writing (soph cb???) so its hard to come up w/ reasons why i think ure this etc etc. i could prob edit this post or js say in the comments what u remind me of if u do wanna know ^^ <3!

[expensive-rainbows]

cw: SA, intrusive thoughts

ok so i know ive told yall some of this but idk how much ive told yall. so bassically three years ago there was this man who would hold the door for my bus since we always got there late so we would get locked out. keep in mind i know i shouldnt feel obligated to share what i was wearing but i cant help but feel that might be part of the reason why he targeted me. my favorite shirt was a sheer blue shirt that you could see my bra through if you looked close enough. this was during winter and i took my coat off on the bus since i didnt want to deal with it at school. he would ask me if i was a Eskimo (im mexican) and i would tell him no and keep walking. he had jolly ranchers and would give everyone some, but he gave me more than everyone else. he would give me double sometimes triple what everyone else got. i found it creepy so i never ate them, i just put them in my backpack and threw them out at the end of the year. everyday, when he held the door for me, and i watched how he treated everyone else and it was only me, he would take up more and more of the doorway everyday. like the first day he would take up a little, the next he would take up a little more, until he got to the point where he wasnt touching me (since im pretty sure its illegal) but that i knew he could if he wanted to. at the same time he would wait outside my fifth hour while we all waited in a line since my teacher went to the bathroom before class. he started by standing in the center of the hallway, and didnt leave until i made eye contact with him. everyday he got closer, until again he didnt touch me, but he was less than a foot away, and he had me cornered. i knew he could do whatever he wanted and no one would see. this lasted about two weeks and ended on december 16, 2023. I remember because it was a thursday and i was so happy the next day when he disappeared. idk if it was just this or something else that ive blocked out, but im terrified of men. like just in general. its been three years and i cant look my band teacher in the eye. ive had him for three years. i couldnt hug my dad for the first three months. my dad is one of the nicest people ive ever met. i know he would never knowingly take advantage of someone. i cant talk to my english teacher alone, i need my friend to go with me to ask to go to the bathroom. but dont worry this is a happy story. so sorry but im gonna give yall even more context. so my school take all the music kids of my grade to a like smaller amusement park, which isnt near us, its a good drive to get there. its kind of a big deal. plus we have one in our town, but its a lot smaller than the one we went to. so anyway the trip was today, and the band group took a picture together. i was in the back row, and idk if the guys in front of me knew i was there or how close i was to them but i was pretty close. like i could see the creases on the back of one of their necks. i could smell him. (he had some sort of cologne on, not axe body spray but close) but i didnt freak out or anything. like i noticed, but i didnt go home and have a panic attack or anything, i wasnt convinced that he was gonna r@pe me, nothing. i was fine. do you have any idea how long its been since i could say that. since i could say that i was fine and mean it. i didnt have a panic attack, didnt hurt myself (i did break my streak a little big ago, but thats because since were at the end of the school year im very sleep deprived and i have exams and i started working plus taekwondo so im busy and tired. and when im tired i take everything personally) its been three years since i could say i was fine and truly mean it. i still get a little weird around guys/men, but its getting better. now its only physical proximity, i can look them in the face! i know this probably sounds sad but im honestly happy. also quick question.

[omishu]

tell me about your tumblr crushes! Tell me a favorite memory. Tell me a confession 👀 (you can do that privately on discord if u want) tell me your opinion on vegetables. And tell me how you’re still a dog person after owning a super adorable kitty boy 😤

So many questions, my inquisitive friend!

I do have one, and they are usually my 'biggest fan' haha it seems like we always reblog everything from each like an endless loop, but unfortunately they live across the planet, so I'll probably never get to meet them irl

Hm favorite memory? Uuhhh I really enjoyed horseback riding in the rain on a Hawaiian beach with a rainbow behind me. Or the time when I cantered bareback and spread my arms out like wings; when I closed my eyes, it felt like I was flying in slow motion. Yes, both my favorite memories involved horses haha

A confession ... I've been skipping church a lot lately because I'm constantly exhausted from working 3 jobs without making any progress towards paying off my parents to escape them and frequently fantasize about faking my death, fleeing the country, and never speaking to them again, which makes me feel like a terrible person because I'm supposed to care for them but I don't

FUCKING LOVE PLANT FOODS H O W E V E R VEGETABLES ARE A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT they're literally not a thing like it's so amorphous and has no real meaning to me. Edible plant parts categorized at vegetables include fruits, roots, leaves, flowers, etc. Hell, even mushrooms are considered vegetables, and they're not even gd plants!

I work with dogs and they(the ones with which I work)'re all wonderful (yes, even the trouble ones at the shelter). While I love my darling, beloved, precious Sir Lewis vonFluffybum, whom I treasure and adore, he's got nothing on the actual literal (not really, not even close, not even a little bit) fruit of my womb, my childhood west highland terrier, Holly Jolly Christmas. My family also fostered guide puppies, so I have always been around lots of dogs; there's even a documentary about us in that field (there are a few different documentaries about my family. Idk why, we're not even that interesting imo). We had cats when I was growing up too. But there was drama when we got rid of my cuddly favorite but kept the asshole hissy jerk who peed everywhere and scratched/bit. Ofc not all cats are like that, but ... not all dogs are like their worst representatives. In either case, there are a variety of factors that contribute to acting out. They both provide benefits and do things the other can't do. Dogs have so many applications with all the various working breeds. Cats are mostly good for hunting independently if you have a pest problem and obviously snuggling if they're into that

[herbalsingularitea]

Holly Jolly (Chapter 11)

Summary - “Bernard is complicating it somehow, Honeybun. He’s either denying his own feelings still, embarrassed of the person he’s infatuated with, or has been rejected by them already. I’m not yet sure which it is.”

“Ohhhh…”

Bernard groaned.

Pairing - Bernard x Female OC

Word Count - 4236

Check my pinned masterpost for ‘Bernard x Reader’ and Male OC versions!

Previous Chapter -- Next Chapter

Chapter 11 - The Plans That We Made

(February 14th, morning)

“I just don’t understand it! The names are all there now. The gears are turning smoothly. So why do they keep fading?” Curtis exclaimed, his short arms waving above his head in utter exasperation. 

He and Quintin had spent quite a lot of time together the last couple days. The short elf’s general expertise on all things mechanical had indeed helped to get the naughty/nice machine back into working order. 

Well, almost. 

While all the names were now being printed, they were fading shortly afterwards to a dull gray color. 

Quintin’s initial idea was to have this machine do more than just print the names. After all, the elves already had the ability to do that, and had been doing it for hundreds of years. Granted, usually Santa was there to help curate the list, since technically he was the one who knew exactly who should be on it. But with more children believing as the years went on, the list had grown to be more than just Santa’s duty. 

The elves were the ones who primarily wrote up the list, leaving Santa open to add any names that might have been missed or strike out names that no longer belonged on it. And also to do the most difficult part of all—marking who was naughty or nice. 

But Quintin had hoped, with an absent Santa, his machine may also take over some of that work as well. It was supposed to print the list in green and red. Names of children who had been naughty, according to their Elf on the Shelf, would have their names printed in red. Names for nice children would be printed in green. It wasn’t necessarily foolproof, Santa would still need to check it—twice, of course, but it would at least give Core Productions a good idea of which children they should be fine to start toy production for and which children’s requests were low priority since they’d probably not be receiving presents that year anyways. 

Every year, they had an excess of toys put in storage, having made them just in case children weren’t naughty. This machine was supposed to help lighten their load so they wouldn’t spend part of the year making toys that no one would receive. 

But the names were all gray. 

“Quite the conundrum, innit? But I’m sure we’ll figure it out eventually!”

Quintin wasn’t easily discouraged. 

He was such a chipper and charming elf, his jolly face and posh manner unexpectedly and irresistibly endearing to Curtis. He found himself unable to help the surge of red in his cheeks as Quintin gave the shorter elf a reassuring squeeze on his shoulder. They stood together in front of the R&D Head’s chalkboard, looking over equations for anything they may be missing. They’d both agreed that with the Valentines party later that evening, neither one wanted to get too dirty with hands on work that day. They’d been brainstorming for the past hour, though, and no real progress had been made. 

Curtis still had rounds to get to. He’d need to leave R&D soon to do his actual job, but he was remiss to leave the taller elf and his infectious optimism. 

He sighed as he checked his pocket watch, shuffling over to the stack of folders he’d set aside on Quintin’s desk that morning when he’d first arrived. 

“Well, if there is a solution, I’m not seeing it right now. I have to get to work anyways, so-”

“Oh, are you leaving already then?”

“Yeah, uh, sorry, I just need to do rounds. The Head Elf needs me to take over more duties since he’s dealing with that human.”

“He’s an admirable elf, that’s for sure!”

Curtis felt a nasty emotion bubble up at that, but couldn’t quite put a name to it. He pushed it down, after all, he agreed with the sentiment. 

“He is! Bernard is an amazing Head Elf. I hope I can get to his level one day.”

“Well, I’ve no doubt of that.” Quintin cleared his throat and tucked his arms behind his back, lifting his chin as he took a breath. But then he paused, looking unsure. Curtis blinked at the uncharacteristic hesitation from the taller elf. After a moment, Quintin seemed to find his words and faced Curtis with an open, hopeful expression. 

“I have a question for you, before you go. If you’ve the time, that is. I don’t want to keep you.”

“No, no, go ahead! What is it?”

“I had wondered if you might like to meet up with me at the party later.”

Curtis stopped breathing. His face felt a bit tingly and that buzzing sensation soon spread to the tips of his ears as well. 

“Um, wow,” he stuttered, “yes!” He gasped at hearing his own voice echo through the room, but the elves working around them paid it no mind, his shout ultimately drowned out by the ambient roar of the always busy, always chaotic R&D Department. “I mean, um. Yes. That sounds like fun.”

Quintin’s eyes were sparkling in joy, his shoulders shimmying in excitement. “Excellent! I’m so looking forward to it.”

“Me too,” Curtis’ heart felt as though it were trying to start up a symphony, his entire chest filling with warm buzzing, “I’ll see you then.”

“Til then.” Quintin nodded, turning back to his board. 

Curtis turned on his heel and walked dazedly out into the main hallway. A blue figure was leaned up against the wall a few paces down, watching the elves scurry past with their bits and bobbles. 

“Hello, Jack.” Curtis said with a slight smile, his eyes half lidded and unfocused. 

“Hey there, little guy. What’s with the dopey smile?”

“Hm?” Curtis stopped in his tracks, shaking his head a little to clear it. “Oh, it’s nothing, um. I’ve just been trying to solve this naughty/nice data compiling machine issue with Quintin lately. We’re kind of stuck at the moment.”

“Ah, I see! Well, that Quintin will figure it out, I’m sure. He’s a pretty smart guy, don’t you think?”

“Uh, yeah, sure. He is,” Curtis’ face twisted into a frown. “Y’know, that machine wasn’t even printing all the names before I started working on it.”

“Right, right. But that Quintin! He built the whole thing, didn’t he? Quite impressive.”

“I mean, yeah,” Curtis mumbled, “it is. He is.”

“I’ve even heard Ol’ Bernie say how much he values Quintin. I think he might be considering giving him another promotion!”

Curtis gaped at the winter spirit. “But there isn’t anything more to promote him to! The only other positions above a Department Head are the Head Elf himself, the Core Productions Assistant, and the Number Two Elf…” 

“That’s interesting, then, isn’t it? Bernie probably isn’t gonna just let Quintin have his own job, that’d be silly. And of course, you’re the Core Productions Assistant, right? But then—” Jack cut himself off with an exaggerated gasp, “that would mean…“ His expression took on a look of pity as he looked at the blonde elf standing stiffly before him. 

“Why would he make Quintin his Number Two? I’m the one who’s been working my sugar plums off to keep Core Productions on track here!”

“Well, maybe you just aren’t quite up to snuff, as they say. You really could have shined before with that whole reindeer fiasco, but you hesitated, didn’t you? Not exactly Number Two level leadership. Honestly, I don’t blame Bernie for preferring Quintin and that human…”

Curtis’ head hung low, but his ears perked at the mention of the human. “He doesn’t prefer the human. He has to babysit her so she stays out of trouble.”

“Well, that’s not what it looked like to me.”

“What? What did what look like?”

“Their little date, of course! It was only a few days ago, remember? You were dealing with all those pesky supply inspections and all the while, our Head Elf was making a five star meal for his new human sweetheart.” Jack gestured wildly to punctuate his words, full dramatic persona on display. 

Curtis blinked, brows dropping in disbelief. “Huh? No, that’s not true. You must be mistaken. Bernard practically lives in the Workshop.”

“Maybe before, sure. But these days he’s spending an awful lot of his time with her, isn’t he? Surely an adult woman doesn’t need so much handling.” Jack replied, head tilting with shrugged shoulders to emphasize his point. 

“It’s,” the elf paused, looking uncertain, “it’s, no, that can’t be right. This is Bernard we’re talking about, here. He wouldn’t be neglecting his duties just to get all gooey with some human.”

“Hey, I saw what I saw,” Jack cried, arms raised in mock surrender. “And they looked pretty cozy with their little picnic up on a snowy mountain peak. Looking at stars and holding hands. It was such an adorable little scene, really. They even skied down the mountain together at the end. I must say, they certainly make a cute couple.”

The blonde was baffled as he listened to his icy companion spew his sickly sweet tale. But Bernard just wasn’t the type to do something like this. Jack might as well have told him the Head Elf had danced naked in the Village square with fireworks and nipple tassels. He just couldn’t believe it. 

“You’re mistaken, Jack. I’m not sure what you saw, but there’s probably a perfectly reasonable explanation for this.” Curtis stepped back, straightening his jacket as he shot a cool look at the blue figure still leaned against the wall. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s much to do before the party tonight.” 

With a final curt nod, the little elf took off at a brisk pace towards the main Workshop floor. 

As Jack watched, though, Curtis’ shoulders started winding up tighter and tighter until they were level with his pointed ears. 

A sharp smile split his face at the sight. 

—

This was sort of an odd place for the Valentine’s Day party. 

For some reason, Judy had insisted on having it set up in the old district of Stellaris, near a big frozen lake. Santa’s Village, or Elfsburg as it was coming to be known as, was huge really. It had several districts and was still growing. The open cave where everything was hidden made for decent cover, the magical barrier taking care of the rest, but Stellaris was actually more toward the north side of the Village, where the cave opened up into the flatlands. Snow didn’t often fall in Downtown Nord since it was so far back into the caves, but here snowflakes floated gently on the breeze. 

Curtis could see the cute little brick and stone houses that dotted the path leading back to the heart of Santa’s Village, Bernard’s own cottage set quite a ways away from the others. The last house on SC Lane. If it were Curtis, he’d get lonely out there by himself, but then again Bernard did always seem like an elf who enjoyed his privacy. 

A lush green pine forest hid the path from the frozen lake to the rest of the Village, the snowflakes blowing in from the tundra giving their tops a dusting of sparkling snow. It was lovely out here. Remote. 

Okay, maybe he sort of understood why Judy wanted the party here. 

Elves weren’t exactly shy about relationships, physical or otherwise. Religion created a strangely prudish culture in the human world, but elves didn’t have that issue. Love was love and it was often celebrated for the magical gift it was. 

Still, who wouldn’t want to sneak off with a sweetheart for some extra cozy alone time? 

Between the pine forest, the many comfortable kotatsu pits Judy had set up around the party site, and the reserved cottages for rent near the Old Workshop, there were plenty of places for couples to sneak away to. 

A flash of blonde curls and a jolly smile passed through his mind, and he gulped. He wondered if Quintin would want to go somewhere more private as well. 

They were supposed to meet up at the party, but they rarely got to engage in quiet conversation with just the two of them. R&D had a very frenzied vibe that just wasn’t conducive to that sort of thing. It might be nice to settle in to a warm kotatsu and pick the taller elf’s mind in a more leisurely way. 

People were starting to arrive now in pairs or sometimes throuples or groups, gawking at the extravagant gold and red decorations. The spread of sweets and pastries on the long table was conspicuously missing red icing, but everyone knew why that was. 

And there was the reason now. 

Noel was working alongside a team of 4 other elves who had been attending Judy’s drink making classes, including her assistant Abby. They were busy perfecting the presentation for their drinks bar, mix ins for the cider on one side and hot cocoa toppings on the other. Each Spirit elf pupil was setting up their poster with their signature recipe behind the bar. They were just suggestions, but some of them were quite imaginative and sounded absolutely delicious. 

Noel’s own recipe was an interesting twist on a cinnamon hot cocoa: double choco pump, one vanilla pod, and goat’s cream with Vietnamese cinnamon sprinkled on top. Curtis found himself eager to try it. 

“I’m not so sure about the goat’s cream, but I’ll try anything once!”

He started at the loud proclamation coming from just behind him. He whirled around and there was the object of his earlier musings. 

Quintin was dressed up in a bright red petticoat with gold buttons and dark slacks. His head was bare for once, his usual pointed hat left at home. Curtis blinked in wonder at the loose blonde curls that tumbled over the taller elf’s shoulders and down his back. 

He tugged at his own green gákti, straightening the golden adornments on his high collar. He had his luhkka draped over his arm, not yet cold enough to justify having it on. It was his most special outfit, preserved from his home village. But admittedly, it was an odd ensemble for a Valentines party, especially for those who don’t know what it is. 

But elves here at the North Pole came from all over, their ideas of traditional formal wear varying greatly from one another. Still, he couldn’t help but feel a bit uncomfortable with the taller elf looking so polished and put together before him. But Quintin seemed to be very impressed with his outfit actually, giving Curtis a long slow look up and down with half lidded eyes and his signature jolly grin. Curtis tugged at his collar once again, feeling heated. 

“My, but you do look spiffing this evening, my dear. Quite handsome.”

Curtis felt his mouth drop at the bold compliment and even bolder endearment. His mind went fuzzy for a moment and the next thing he knew, he was being led over to the lake, Quintin babbling about skating some before grabbing some cocoa later and settling down at a kotatsu and didn’t that sound nice, Curtis? They hardly ever got to speak privately like this, didn’t they?

He could hardly think. But one thought was echoing in his mind quite clearly. 

Once Quintin paused in his speech, Curtis blurted out, “You look nice too, Quintin. Very handsome, yourself.”

Quintin shot a cheeky grin back at the shorter elf, his hand still clutched around Curtis’ as they reached the skating hut. 

—

Betty felt a swell of pride fill her chest as people flocked to Noel’s poster, taking careful note of the directions to assemble his recipe. Noel himself was standing with the other students presenting their recipes a little ways from the bar, Judy giving them all a quick word of congratulations for a job well done. 

He was positively glowing. 

Betty knew how hard he’d been working lately to focus his Christmas spirit on more productive ventures. It certainly wasn’t easy for someone like Noel. Focusing simply wasn’t in his nature. 

Judy had been paramount to Noel’s new direction in life. She was kind and patient and completely delighted by Noel’s antics. 

Betty could tell how happy this all made her sweetheart. And she in turn was happy for him. 

“He should be proud. The bar’s a real hit.” Bernard remarked from her side. 

“He is,” she smiled, “and I am, too. I know he felt so lost before working in that ice cream shop. It’s an amazing new opportunity to get to work in the Spirit Department, but Judy herself taking him under her wing? It’s a dream come true.” 

Bernard hummed, a content smile on his face as they both watched Judy warmly pat Noel on the arm. Judy stepped back, clapping her hands once before stretching her arms out wide by her sides and bowing forward slightly. The students broke out of their still stances, each one smiling wide before taking off in different directions. Noel came running over to Betty and Bernard, giving the latter a quick grin before wrapping the former in a big hug and spinning around. Betty laughed, her arms coming up to circle Noel’s neck. 

Bernard’s eyes rolled in his head at their antics, his lips twitching up in amusement. He turned away from the amorous couple to continue watching Judy direct Spirit elves with a pensive expression. 

“What’s with him?” He heard Noel whisper. 

“He’s melancholy because he’s infatuated with someone.”

“But that’s a good thing, isn’t it, Jellybean?”

“Bernard is complicating it somehow, Honeybun. He’s either denying his own feelings still, embarrassed of the person he’s infatuated with, or has been rejected by them already. I’m not yet sure which it is.” 

“Ohhhh…”

Bernard groaned.

“Betty, what did I say about my love life?”

“I’m staying out of it, as discussed. I’m just bringing Noel up to speed.”

He groaned again, his hand coming up to rub at his eyes. “Okay, well, I’d really appreciate it if this all stayed between us, alright? Don’t tell anyone else.”

“It’s just Noel, I tell him everything anyways. But of course, I won’t tell anyone else.”

Noel’s loud chirp of “I won’t say anything about your secret lover either, promise!” rang out across the bar.  Several elves paused in their drink creation to stare up at the trio. 

Bernard’s head dropped into his hands with another groan, muffled and extremely exasperated. 

—

Curtis and Quintin had skated circles around each other for over an hour, twin smiles glimmering in the moonlight. The party floodlights had begun to dim, the candles Judy had strategically placed around the area giving everything a warm and cozy glow. The only illumination on the ice, however, were the moon and stars shining in through the magical barrier. 

Many elf couples were lazily skating along the lake, their hands locked and a quiet buzz of chatter hanging over their heads. 

The two blonde elves had grasped hands many times now, coming together and skating apart in a complicated dance that clearly broadcast their feelings. Curtis was still trying to wrap his head around it. Quintin—gorgeous, smart, always chipper Quintin—had called him handsome. Had called him ‘my dear’. Had very obviously been flirting with him for days now, maybe weeks. He supposed he had been flirting back, really. 

But Curtis had never done this before. He’d never been in love with someone, and he didn’t think Quintin had either. So maybe they would figure this out together, then? 

Oh, this was all so very new and exciting! 

They slid off the ice and removed their skates, returning them to the hut before heading to the drinks bar. Once they had their cocoas, hot and steaming, they found a kotatsu situated on a thick woven rug in a snow divot near the pine forest. Lots of elves were walking past on their way to and from the party, but they paid the couple no mind as they settled down to enjoy their chocolatey beverages. 

“Mm! Well! I must say,” Quintin began, a white mustache hanging on his lip, “goat’s cream isn’t half bad with chocolate. It adds a sort of funky-fruity twist, don’t you think?”

Curtis giggled and, feeling bold himself, reached up to swipe the cream from Quintin’s lip with his thumb. His palm lingered on the other elf’s cheek and they shared a tender look with each other. He let his hand drop after a moment, turning back towards the table and burying his free hand under the table while the other gripped his mug. 

“I have to agree! Noel’s got some good instincts for this sort of thing.” 

A distant shout caught their attention. 

Curtis watched as Judy ran around, staying on top of the bar refills and coordinating with her team to start offering carriage rides to the rental cottages. She was a machine. 

Bernard was standing next to her, his teeth worrying his lip as he murmured something to the Spirit Head. She whispered something back, her hands gripping the Head Elf’s shoulders briefly. 

Bernard nodded and stood back up straight, his feet shuffling in the snow and his eyes darting around nervously. Judy gave him a reassuring smile before waving her hand at him dismissively and going to talk to the carriage driver. 

Bernard watched her go, then turned towards the lake and started walking around it. 

“I wonder what that’s about,” he mused aloud. 

Quintin sipped his cocoa and followed his gaze, watching the Head Elf circle around the large frozen lake and start heading towards his house at the end of the lane. 

Curtis blinked. “He’s going home already?”

“Oh, is that his house?”

Curtis nodded. 

“Suppose he’s had enough of all this mushy gushy stuff, then,” Quintin offered. 

“Yeah, I guess.” Bernard was soon too far away to keep track of, the light snow making the house in the distance hazy. “I can’t believe he didn’t bring someone, honestly. I know there’s plenty of elves who are interested.”

“I hope you aren’t speaking of yourself.” Quintin cut his eyes over at his companion, taking another sip to make his question seem more casual. 

“Of course not! Bernard’s good looking, but he’s not my type at all,” he scoffed. “He’s more like a brother or a weird uncle.”

“…or your boss?”

Curtis’ cheeks dusted pink at the reminder that Bernard really was just his boss. 

“Well, yes. But I don’t know. I look up to him, is all. He can be a tyrant, but you have to admit he’s got some impressive skills.”

“Of course. He’s the most powerful elf in Elfsburg, possibly the world. He’s quite admirable, indeed.” 

Now it was Curtis who was watching his counterpart suspiciously, his mouth downturned and brow slightly furrowed. “You’re not—“

“No, of course not, you silly thing.” Quintin’s fingers tangled in Curtis’ own under the futon, a twinkle in his eye. “It’s as you say—not my type.” 

They giggled and shuffled closer, heads coming together as they settled in. Quiet conversation clouded the air as they cuddled up, unaware of the winter spirit looming just past the tree line sending a swirl of icy frost out into the night. 

—

Bernard pushed the back door of his house open and leaped outside. He’d changed out of his work clothes into a more dressy tunic and a different hat. He hadn’t worn either in hundreds of years, but they still fit perfectly and cut his figure rather handsomely, he thought. 

He wanted tonight to be perfect. 

His snowmobile was ready and waiting for him, hidden from anyone at the lake who may see past the hazy white snow, which he had to admit was unlikely. It was fortunate weather really. Just enough cover to smuggle Holly in, but not so heavy that he’d worry about having her out in these conditions. He had to remind himself often that humans were fragile. 

Not as fragile as he expected, though; Holly kept up with him extremely well actually. But still, he didn’t want to push it. The thought of her getting hurt, especially on his watch, squeezed his heart uncomfortably. 

He told her to stay up late tonight so they could sneak in once Judy had hauled most of the elves to the rentals. He was supposed to bring Holly back here to his house, then wait while Judy supervised any remaining partygoers. She would let them know when the coast was clear. 

Poor Holly was probably chugging coffee to keep awake. Hopefully she wouldn’t be too tired to enjoy the evening. 

A silly smile crossed his face as he thought of the dramatic little human and the complaints he would surely be subjected to about the late hour. She didn’t really mind. He knew that. And she knew he knew that. But the playful teasing they shared was the bread and butter of their relationship, a comfortable dance they’d begun all those weeks ago when they’d first met at her temp camp after that snowstorm. 

He started up the snowmobile and headed out towards the barrier into the tundra. Holly would be so disappointed that he wasn’t bringing Dancer, but he needed to keep a low profile tonight. She’d understand. 

She was definitely going to give him a hard time about it, though. 

He couldn’t wait.

[invisibleraven]

Phantom Carols

For the @jatp-adventevent prompt: How would their tree look?

Day Eighteen: Where The Love Light Gleams <-AO3!

As the holidays started to approach, Reggie noticed that the Molina household wasn’t very jolly. School was a bit crazy for Julie and Carlos, and work was even more hectic for Ray. So he decided that he would help by decorating the house while they were gone.

The attic was a maze of boxes, but eventually he located all the ones labelled Christmas and pooped them down to the living room.

Alex and Willie agreed to do the outside lights given Alex didn’t trust him not to electrocute himself (not after he fixed his amp in the rain) and Willie could manipulate electricity.

Luke wanted to stay out of it, given his history with the holiday, but he also wanted to do something nice for Julie so he offered to bake some of his mom’s sugar cookies. Reggie remembered those cookies fondly, and since it was one thing he knew that Luke could bake, he shoved him towards the kitchen.

Reggie traipsed through the house leaving boughs of holly behind him, snow globes on various tables and mantles. He set the Nativity out gently, though he had no clue which figurine went where. He’ll get Alex to fix it later, and he moved on to the most daunting task.

The tree.

Thankfully Julie’s family had an artificial tree, because even Reggie didn’t trust himself with an axe. However the tree presents its own mess of problems. All the branches have to be sorted and fluffed and inserted into the trunk, and Reggie is positive he’s going to get ghost tetanus from the amount of cuts he’s getting.

Finally the tree is up, looking semi-respectable, though he can’t get the top to fluff in the right way, but he figures it’s good enough. Look, this is his first time doing this okay? Cut him some slack.

But if Reggie thought the tree was a nightmare, it’s nothing compared to the lights. The strands are a tangled mess that he’s sure he spends the better part of an hour untangling. Then when he plugs them in, finds one strand doesn’t work at all, and another has lights missing throughout. He tosses those back in the box and makes due with what he has. So what if the tree is sparsely lit? It looks better than nothing. He skips the tinsel, and the garland, not wanting to waste yet another hour on them when school will be out in half that time. Instead he dug into the ornaments.

Each one has a little thing hook, or a string, which makes it easier, so Reggie starts putting them up at random, not sure if they have a specific place or not. Some are glass, so he’s super careful with those. Others are obviously handmade by Julie and Carlos from childhood, and he snickers over the adorable artwork.

He does try to do the sides and back, but there’s only so many decorations, and Reggie doesn’t want the front to have big empty spaces. Then the only thing left is the star.

It’s times like this that he wishes he knew how to float, or hang from the ceiling like a real ghost. And he doesn’t trust himself to poof up and back fast enough not to fall into the tree. So he gets a step stool, thankful the tree isn’t much taller than him.

He struggles and strains, getting up on his tip toes and finally the star is in place; a little crooked, but there. It’s the thought that counts right?

He’d just taken a step back to admire his work when he heard the door open. “Papi?” Julie calls. “Good job on the lights, but I thought you were waiting until tio Ernesto was here to do them?” She then inhales deeply. “And were you baking? I thought we talked about that!”

Come to think of it, Reggie hadn’t heard from Luke since the last time the oven beeped, and figured he was off song writing while he waited for the cookies to cool. He knew Alex and Willie had a date planned, so he guessed they were gone if the lights were done.

It’s then that Julie enters the living room and stops. Reggie grins and makes a little ‘tada!’ gesture towards the tree.

“R-reggie… what did you do?” Julie asks, biting her lip as to hold back her laughter.

“I decorated for Christmas?” he replies. “I tried my best anyway. I’ve never really done it before.”

“Never?” Julie asks, turning towards him.

“Jewish,” he says with a shrug. “But I know you guys are all so busy, and I wanted to do something nice. Help you out.”

“It’s lovely Reggie, thank you so much,” Julie says, coming over and planting a tiny kiss on his cheek. Reggie blushes, and then Julie points up to where he had hung some weird plant or another along with the strands of holly. “Mistletoe.”

Later that night, when Reggie poofs back into the house, the tree looks a lot more respectable, and there, sitting on the kitchen table, is a menorah, Julie and her family grinning around it. “It’s the first night of Channukah tonight… so we figured we’d do something nice for you too Reggie,” she says.

Reggie sniffles as he subtly wipes away a tear, and grins, taking the candle from Julie’s hands, (he lets Ray light it, he’s not good with fire) and starts saying the blessing, and totally doesn’t trip over the Hebrew as Julie slides her hand into his.

And later, when she pulls him under the mistletoe once more? Her kiss is more delicious than the gelt she and Carlos had been sharing.

"Merry Christmas Julie," he whispers, nuzzling their noses, loving how the lights from the tree reflect in her eyes.

"Happy Channukah Reggie," she whispers back, and they twirl around in the glow of the tree and the dim lights from the menorah, humming quietly so they have music to dance to, and that's more than enough for them.