#we need to start with compassion

[jaidethalagorra]

I know I don’t normally post about stuff like this and I probably won’t again, but I’ve been here for a couple weeks now and I feel like I need to say my piece.

I know that there’s always so much hate on us, from both outside and inside the community. And I know that all of it hurts. And it kills. And it feels like the only thing we can do is fight back. But it’s so, so important to remember that aside from the genuine grifters who are feeding them this information, everyone here thinks they’re in the right. They think they’re doing the right thing.

Religious conservatives who send their kids to conversion therapy are so scared that their children are going to eternal damnation that they’re willing to put their kid through hell on earth so they aren’t tortured forever. TERFs genuinely think that we’re a danger to their feminism and that with our presence all that they’ve worked for will crumble and women will go back to not being people. Pick-mes and exclusionaries have been so scared by the system and the hate around them that they feel the only way they can protect themselves is to take others down. Transphobic queers are also scared, scared that our existence means that what they’ve worked for will be undone. People who say we’re influencing their kids are genuinely worried for their kids.

And I’ll never defend their actions and their words. Those words kill, and hurt in ways both physical and mental. There is no excuse for transphobia. But it’s also so important to remember where this is coming from. Why they’re doing this. It’s the system of grifters, accelerationists, and power-hungry maniacs who have fed these lies to people and made them so scared that they do this to others. Their aim has always been to divide us, and right now it’s working. Are the things that these people saying ok? No. But we can never forget that their actions come out of fear that was already taught to them.

So I want to remind everyone, as hard as it is to start with compassion. Not forgiveness, not acceptance, but compassion. These people are scared and angry and vulnerable just like we are. They want to do right. And we’ve all heard the stories of people who changed. Family members who changed their views on trans people after seeing how much happier their trans family was after coming out. Ex flat-earthers who had someone try to talk to them with compassion instead of yelling (I know it’s not the same thing, but my point stands.) compassion can change people, so much more than yelling can. Telling people that they’re wrong and how they’re hurting others isn’t gonna change anything. Ever. It’s starting with what we have in common and working our way up that changes people. Start with community. Start with compassion. It’s not easy, I know. It’s hard to find common ground with some of these people. But without them we will fail. We’re spending so much energy fighting each other and fighting other marginalized groups that we forget where this comes from. We say it every pride: love wins. Spread love not hate. Well it’s time to put that into action.

We tell it to them and we need to say it to ourselves: tearing others down isn’t going to build the movement up.

I wanna reiterate. I’m not saying that their words should be ignored and they should be instantly forgiven. I’m saying that we always need to start with compassion. Start with knowing they’re just as scared and angry and hurt as we are. We won’t win by tearing each other down.

[cogcltrcorn]

thinking about "what if kendall went to stewy after the carcrash" but specifically because I KNOW that stewy would immediately get into his gone girl era, not because he wants to keep kendall out of prison (he does) but because his first and most pressing thought would be "IF THIS COMES OUT THE BEAR HUG IS FUCKED"

[autumnrory]

i rmr when all the initial meta around endgame was coming out people were talking about steve being depressed and whatnot and it's like well yeah but he's BEEN depressed, like he woke up alone in this century and he kept going, now i can understand it being worse this time after finding a family and getting bucky back and losing them all except of course that's not why endgame steve was on about so like......the people writing meta were trying to connect these things that of course weren't really there on screen because that simply wasn't our steve

but i think it really could've been SO interesting to see this is the thing that finally makes steve stay down like he's lost so much and he just CAN'T keep fighting like i get some people think that's what they were going for but considering the ending......it's really not. and so i'm just thinking about a version after iw, maybe he gets some of the thor treatment except not turning his depression into a dumb fatphobic joke lol and maybe nat and others are trying to get through to him and it just doesn't work and then we get some flashbacks (which you could have done for all the original avengers actually which would be particularly important for bruce and nat and clint who did not have their own trilogies) including his mom telling him "you always stand up" and THAT being the thing to finally get him moving like it would've been such a perfect way to finally show sarah rogers some respect and ACTUALLY show steve really struggling instead of whatever they tried to do with him in that movie

[sanyu-thewitch05]

At some point I wonder if Black people get tired of consistently having egg on their face. Y’all love to defend other groups, but they rarely ever do the same for us as Black people.

Black people like to defend Latinos and they get a bunch of lightskinned and mixed Latinos saying the Ni**er to their faces because of their general ignorance of race vs ethnicity.

Black people like to defend indigenous people and they those same indigenous peoples(this really only applies to the ones in the south like the Cherokee, Seminole, Creek, and Chickasaw, and Choctaw) rarely ever acknowledge the fact they were oppressors to Black people. Or when’s someone brings it up, it’s “but they were kinder than the white people!” Like please-

Black people defend Asians, especially South East Asians, and we get them calling us slurs in their own language, extreme colorism, extreme texturism, and generational prejudice and biases about black people.

Black people defend biracials and their “blackness” and instead we get them replacing and erasing us in our own shows, other media, and praising the white features that they inherited from their white parent. Meanwhile, darkskinned women from Africa are called Eurocentric because they’re beautiful and have different features(despite black people saying we come in all shades and colors and features. Black people don’t like it when those different features aren’t on a mixed or biracial girl)

Black people defend the lgbt community and we get their community members saying we as black women aren’t women because of white supremacy.

Like are we not tired! Are you not tired of constantly being laughed at and being made the joke of the world?! Are you not tired your people are considered the front line warriors who will defend everyone if they don’t deserve it?! Would it kill the black community, especially the black girls and women, to focus on ourselves and our image that’s slowly disappearing. When will we learn to say it’s not our fight.

[subconsciousmysteries]

Men are absolutely losing it because women are seeing through their bullshit and I'm here to watch their collective narcissistic meltdown

[savebylou]

I'm looking for to the day the press, podcasts and youtube channels stop talking about Liam. I don't want to see or here anything they want to say about him and my heart skips a bit everytime I see a video on youtube on the thumbnail or hear them mention his name on a podcast.

[izzyspussy]

why are they laughing at him as he gets straight up killed??? he doesn't deserve this! he's a sweet kid at heart! he literally just needs one (1) real friend!!

[gaypornluvr420]

and are these child slave quinoa vegans in the room with us right now

[anaalnathrakhs]

it's rlly fun how my parents just straight up. do not care. about the disordered eating. we had all this talk back when i went through a big suicidal crisis a couple months ago, i explained what was really difficult for me, eating socially, restaurants, not choosing my food, etc, and now it's like. okay it didn't exist actually.

mother i am not going to order you around, either you accept that i'm gonna have difficulty dealing with "normal people behavior" or whatnot and you stop looking at me like :/ anytime i am anything but ecstatic at the idea of eating anything anytime anyhow, or you adapt your behavior to avoid the results you don't like to see. i'm only doing my best to handle things from my side, and i am certainly not going to try measuring for you how important family social eating occurences are to you.

[majoringinsarcasm]

The thing about TERFs is that they’ll talk about the issues women face and how things are unfair or not designed with women in mind and how society was shaped around men and how it still is like that in many many places.

But instead of seeing that as a system that needs to be changed, they take all of that as Inherent and Biological when that’s not the case. And in fact is just adhering to what the system has been from the start.

More rambling underneath idk I’ve just been thinking about stuff lately

“Men are born hating women. They are born with this instinct to harass and assault and it’s only a matter of time before they do. You cannot transition into a women because you are not socialized the same was a them. You didn’t suffer what they suffered. You don’t know all the True Ways of being a women so anything you do is a mockery.”

And I just have to wonder. Who taught you about women hood? I don’t mean what did society tell you or show you. Who taught you as an individual why being a woman meant To Them.

Because there are a lot of women in this world who wake up and are so happy to be women. Who feel pride in not just their body but their mind and goals and ideals and dreams. Who see womanhood as something to strive towards. Not one thing to earn by doing the right things but panting to gain For The Self. The way they carry themselves and treat others, the way they see and want to shape the world.

I am not cis, but not because I was scared or felt that I was failing at being a girl. I didn’t feel like one. All of that Inherent and Biological stuff I was meant to feel as a girl and future women wasn’t clicking. All the talking points that TERFs and transphobes make about this or that. It wasn’t clicking. I was a Girl no doubt, because I wasn’t a boy and those were my only options. And it was fine for me because I wasn’t taught to hate it. I was surrounded by women who enjoyed being women. I don’t reject my upbringing bc it’s the only one I had. It was fine because My Life more or less wasn’t filled with that kind of suffering.

I do not define my identity by suffering. I tried to once and that almost killed me. I was taught by other queer people that I had to hate my body or I wasn’t really trans. I’ve never been assaulted for being queer but I’m not out at work. I don’t feel safe and I know I don’t look any different. It took me ages to just be okay with My Body being a trans body I’m not sure when I’ll be ready to take that next step. But I’ll make it in my on time if I ever do.

But I’m trans bc I LACK the euphoria of being a woman. There is no joy or pride. I was a Weird Girl bc no other word existed for me back then. I was a human but a girl. I was a person but a girl. And when I discovered there were other words I felt happy. I didn’t need to be a Different from the rest girl or a Late Blooming girl. Nonbinary came along. Trans came along. Agender came along. I had new words to try out and they fit me in the way Weird Girl no longer needed to act as a placeholder.

I say All of this just to reiterate how stupid those biological talking points are. On both sides mind you because the queer community from what I’ve seen is not kind to AMAB people and that upsetting. Because there is no inherent evil of birth sex or body. There is no way to tell who is Good and Safe and who is Harmful other than their actions. This is not me ignoring society structure. This is me saying that

“You don’t know my pain so you’re not a real X”

Sounds a lot like

“If all you need to be X is the desire and genuine euphoria with identifying as such to the point of choosing a scary series of events and possible hatred from others, all because you will be happy at the end of the road, then My suffering doesn’t mean I’m worthy of this title. I am just someone who suffered.”

And it’s fucked up the way we live now. And there is no blank slate. And we STILL act as a group on these issues. But it doesn’t need to stay that way. We as individuals can make that change day by day until we don’t need to fear or resent each other to feel safe. Where we won’t have to fight over scraps. But we won’t get there by listening to people who wish us harm or who make up criteria that even other cis people don’t meet.

[helianskies]

block button lookin so fine rn

[asterdeer]

told the therapist about how shitty it makes me feel being inundated with this new approach to mental illness being "at some point if you're still depressed it's because you're not trying to be not-depressed hard enough, you have to go talk a walk and do hobbies and talk to people or else you're making other people uncomfortable" and she basically said "yeah that works for some people. but also you don't have mild depression so that's not going to work for you in isolation. you're severely depressed you dumb bitch [affectionate]." and my kneejerk reaction was huh? no i'm not. i'm just a weak cowardly piece of shit looking for excuses to be miserable. which is probably exactly what a severely depressed person would say

[thebiballerina]

I mostly concur with the above reblogger, but I wanted to add one thing:

I wouldn't say that anything you do will have zero impact. There are SOME things you can do that will have an impact, if you choose to put your time and energy into this issue. (Which you are not obligated to do, to be clear, unless you have some sort of role or job which implies that sort of responsibility.)

You aren't necessarily helpless. But subscribing to OP's mindset is a really good way to make yourself helpless.

I've seen that mindset, repeatedly. I had that mindset, at one point in time. You know what changed that, more than anything else? Becoming an actual activist.

The activists who hold on to the mindset that a mental health break is selfish? The ones that can't or won't emotionally distance themselves? The ones that don't acknowledge their right to care for themselves because someone, somewhere is suffering worse than them? They don't last, and they don't help.

The good ending for that road is to burn out, and then not be able to help anymore. The bad ending is to fall heavily into compassion fatigue, and then be so desensitized and unable to care that you cause real harm. Or there's the other bad ending, which is that you neglect yourself so thoroughly that you end up hurt, sick, or dead (and maybe hurt others while you are at it). You might even manage to do all three of these things.

If you want to make a real impact on more than a minuscule scale, you not only need to allow yourself mental health breaks (which, yes, sometimes include disengaging completely), you need to accept that they aren't selfish at all. They are sometimes the only way you'll be able to preserve your ability to help. Feeling personally affected by an issue is valid, and sometimes unavoidable, but it doesn't correlate to how much of a difference you make.

Hurting yourself doesn't automatically help others. Many of us have heard metaphor which references the airplane safety instruction to put on your oxygen mask before helping others do so. It's a good metaphor. A suffocating person isn't going to thank you for the valiant gesture of suffocating yourself alongside them, when you had the option to save the both of you.

I believe in sacrifice, in some cases. I believe in acknowledging my privilege. But sacrifice generally implies that you are giving something up to help someone else. If you are just giving something up… it's more suffering in the world, not less.

Do you want to actually help? I bet you there are activism campaigns that would love to have you, in a variety of forms and levels of commitment. Including entirely remote efforts, if you aren't in a position or location to engage in in-person efforts. That goes for any cause, not just this one.

And you'll make a lot more difference in that sphere if you prioritize your impact, instead of your devotion to the issue.

i think anyone who is genuinely worried about their mental health bc of the situation in gaza probably needs to reformat their way of thinking about it. the answer is not to take a “mental health break” where you pretend whats happening in gaza doesnt exist and stop being vocal and refuse to hear people around you who are vocal. the way to do that “mental health break” much more effectively and not selfishly would be to remove yourself from constant streams of idiotic and/or murderously evil people. stop watching tiktok debates. stop reading genocidal reddit comments and news articles from sources you KNOW want palestine dead. stop putting the focus on the murderers and keep your attention on sympathy and love for the murdered, on hope and optimism (even if naive) and activism to do your part in making things better. dont get me wrong the murderers still need to be dealt with but if you as an individual feel like you’re getting too overwhelmed with despair to be helpful, the answer is to shift your focus away from those causing the despair, not to ignore and abandon those who have to actually live through it.

[lailashaqoura]

Dear Friends,

My name is Laila, and I am writing to you from a place of deep despair. The conflict in Gaza has forced us from our home, and we now find ourselves in Khan Younis, struggling to survive. My mother is pregnant, and her life is in grave danger.

I feel utterly helpless and overwhelmed by our situation. There are moments when I wish for my own suffering to end, but my only hope now is to save my mother. I have started a campaign to raise funds for her evacuation and medical care.

Please, I beg you to share our campaign on your social media platforms. Your help can make a difference and give my mother a chance to live.

Thank you for your compassion and support.❤️🙏🏼

Sincerely,

"this fundraiser is vetted by nabulsi, fallahifag, el-shab-hussein, ibtisams, sayruq"

[d010flwr]

inexplicable sense of frenzied guilt is STILL haunting me

[princessmyriad]

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