#we might have watched a bit of it in a latin class once actually but i don’t remember

[selfcarecap]

This is probably a stupid question but is gladiator (1/the original) actually good/entertaining? Asking for a tik-tok-brained friend who is not me!

[zeevoidlight]

Why didn't he protected them

Is actually difficult for me to discern because Vegeta and Bulma went from getting close to each other and starting to trust each other enough to be intimate, even if it was just for the sex, to Vegeta not caring if she and baby Trunks died at all, and Bulma being very distant from Vegeta while still being in a relationship. And I don't believe the thing some say that he didn't actually cared for her or didn't actually noticed her in a deeper way until much later (basically the idea that Vegeta was just Trunks sperm donor and only was with Bulma for the sex), nah. diss's moch complcated, i swear (nah not really, I just want an excuse to talk more about my obsession). (Note that I watched the latin version so my interpretation of the characters and context might be different from the English version).

I'll talk about these event and about saiyan culture regarding babies, Vegeta and Bulma's relationship during the Cell saga, and how Vegeta might have felt towards Baby Trunks and Future Trunks.

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Saiyans, family and culture

The popular idea is that yes, he was a major jerk by letting Bulma and Baby Trunks almost die at the start of the Android saga, and yeah, he actually was. But one thing that people often forget is that he is not human, he is a saiyan, and that kind of behavior wasn't that abnormal for his culture/species. Is actually expected.

I mean, Saiyan's used to send their babies (the weak ones) in capsules to other planets to pop out of the ship, project an artificial moon into the sky and start making havoc for months until everyone was dead. If the baby survives they will later go to the planet for him eventually to claim the planet and sell it, and I guess later reintegrate the little saiyan into their society again. Like a rite of passage just to acquire the right to live, otherwise they just die unceremoniously.

Even Bardock was like that (pre retcon because i will use the saiyan lore of the era to explain something of the same time period of it's creation). While the others were like "hey! You got a baby kid! Aren't you going to go to planet Vegeta to check on him? How about a celebration or something", and Bardock is like "NO. Who would want to visit a low class soldier like that, I'm not r-[redacted]" (man... DBZ Bardock was a different animal entirely, i freaking loved him). (I have the theory that Raditz was actually in the lower end of high class soldiers. maybe will talk about it in another post).

Anyway, yeah, that's basically the way of thinking of saiyans. A little bit like Piccolo's tough love type of survival training with Gohan but even more savage and detached because if they died and it was their kid it was gonna suck really bad and hurt a lot their pride but what had to happen happened since they cannot get involved in those first years and cannot go save them, end of story, make another baby, maybe the next one will be stronger. They just had babies to send them off, and they have a blood relation with each other but they didn't had the concept of a family, not exactly, like humans would have, usually though, because once again the royal family did had those kinds of bonds to precisely preserve their lineage and secure their babies would born powerful above everyone else.

Of course we all know Bardock was still worried about Kakarott and he wanted to appear tougher with his teammates, he was worried the same way every other saiyan does it in a very distant manner to not get their feelings get in the way of their job as warriors (I mean, he did passed by the nursery in his hurry and stopped to check on Goku while he was there after all). Much like King Vegeta himself who said that he didn't care about what happened to his son, Vegeta, after some saiyan royal adviser (or knight, idk) asks him if it's true that he will have to give his son to Frieza because Vegeta was going to be real in danger if he did in the flashback in the Frieza saga. He wasn't going to say "yes i do feel terrible for my son and it hurts me deeply" even if he was absolutely devastated, he says that he doesn't care because he cannot appear weak, and because it was also true what he said about being more angered by how Frieza had them under his thumb, in that moment he was decided to confront Frieza so he couldn't let himself feel.

And later Vegeta himself said he didn't cared about his race or his father to Dodoria when he was revealing the truth about their planet's destruction while at the same time is true that he was angered about being lied to and about being kept in their control since childhood . The thing is Vegeta doesn't care about the actual people of his race but more about what they represent and are supposed to be, only those who are saiyan in blood and meaning are worthy of calling themselves saiyan, that's why he doesn't revive them but he does care deeply and is proud of it, just in another level. And regarding his father we know he was lying because every time he remembers him in the series he does it fondly and with a lot of pride, like when he's outright telling Goku to avenge their parents, or when remembering him to give himself confidence that he will be able to become Ssj. Is not like they don't "care", but they have to be intelligent about what to reveal so it cannot be taken against them later and to a degree convince themselves on getting detached from many things to keep their fighting instincts up front and take decisions with their heads cold whatever had to happen. Just like we hear him say all terrified in Namek when Krillin got impaled by Frieza "What an idot!...That's what happened to him for paying attention to that Namekuseijin! (Dende)", and then after Gohan looses his mind and knocks Frieza down momentarily Vegeta tells Gohan "Don't loose your time worrying about him! [Krillin]. Do you think Frieza was going to die with that?!". Is what they don't say and try to hide (as we see explicitly with Vegeta when confronting Frieza he purposefully hid the existence of Goku from him and lied, making Frieza believe that Vegeta himself was the only saiyan survivor left but in his thoughts we hear him say "and Kakarott...").

Vegeta's priorities

Same can be said of Vegeta with baby Trunks, i would believe. Their children are their legacy in a way after all, and like an extension of themselves and their own ego. But what made Vegeta forget the feelings and pride he might have had with Bulma and Trunks to not even being a thing that was important is literally everything else going on around him at the same time in those years. It was a very conflicting era for him in several fronts, specially related to his place in the world, his newfound freedom from Frieza's hand since he was a child, him getting used to a new life in another culture, another planet, other type of people, his love relationship, his place as a saiyan in relation to the other few of his species, his title as prince among the low class saiyans that had surpassed him by this point and not by little, his twice stolen destiny to be the the legendary super saiyan that now that he became one as well he had to demonstrate he was the better Ssj among them, the news of him getting killed in the near future in another timeline by just some rando earthling androids that somehow were stronger than Frieza and that the android he defeated (19) alongside the other one (Gero) weren't the right ones, he was really pissed about it and starting to get worried, they couldn't sense the androids by their chi (ki), it was becoming a mess, and he absolutely HAD to be the one that would kill all the androids all on his own to go back to his rightful place in the power scale. Is quite the heavy burden.

So, family? his son? Bulma? ultimately they were at the end of the list of his priorities. And that is very clear thorough this entire first part, even when he was officially in his relationship with Bulma.

Bulma

That's partially why Bulma was attracted to him in the first place though, because he was extremely determined in his ambitions, she respects that, and saw how deeply it was hurting him when he had that training accident and was subconsciously talking in his sleep. She was going to carry that responsibility for him so he could focus on himself. That's why she doesn't reclaim him anything or judges him on things related to that other than jokingly. She knew what she was getting into and has always known. Unfortunately she isn't that responsible of a person herself though. That's why she herself puts her own life and Baby Trunks life in danger, because she is just as determined and obstinate, and Vegeta knows that as well, that's why he doesn't "care", because he respects her decisions as well (and ultimately can't do much about it either). If she wants to put their own lives in danger because she thinks she's up to their game is her responsibility then, not his, and he cannot get involved because he has a job to do regarding himself and his own battles, he had to be detached. Also he was annoyed and fed up with Bulma's stubbornness since he already told her not to be a stupid and do stupid things like put herself in danger way before when Frieza went to Earth, and now she's doing it again (the first time he thought it was hot though (it was so funny that he looks back at her and then talks to himself all thoughtful like "Not only she's vulgar but she's aggressive/daring too", translation -> 'I might like this chick'), but this time is a not cute at all). I don't think it was something personal, not even the "[..] foolish woman and her blasted child" thing, like he says in the english dub, he had more important things he had to worry about. What he says to Trunks in the latin dub is "What stupidities are you saying. I don't care in the slightest, you idiot" (i wish I could have found the japanese one but it is what it is and is the closest I have to it) so he doesn't say mean things to Bulma or Trunks specifically. The interesting part here is to think if Vegeta was saying "I don't care" because he actually didn't care, or "I don't care" not because he didn't but because he couldn't. Vegeta is terrified of feeling and has always been. And yes, I say he was absolutely right because what saiyans try to avoid by giving too information and care is exactly what happened and Gero used her as a distraction, blasted the place and with it Bulma's ship and escaped thinking that they were going to be too busy saving her to notice where he ran to. Still a dick move but I cannot blame him too much. So yeah, it is very much in the tone of if Bulma thinks she can be in the middle of the battle field then so be it, if they survive they'll prove themselves not to be to useless after all, if they die it will suck but it had to be for being idiots.

Being a warrior

Vegeta is a warrior first and foremost. And him being a warrior is why later he is excited to see Cell's perfect form, just like Goku (being a pure blooded saiyan) he cannot contain himself from seeing what immense power looks like, and dares Future Trunks to attack him if Trunks had the balls to do it in order to stop him. Like "bro, are you really gonna to go against your pops? prove it. That's why Future Trunks cannot comprehend him, because Trunks is part earthling and cannot fathom someone getting excited about fighting for the sake of fighting itself and proving one's self where power is the only thing that matters. And why Vegeta cannot stand Future Trunks either, because F Trunks fights for justice and peace.

Baby Trunks

About Baby Trunks, we can only speculate of course but I would assume baby Trunks was conceived right after Vegeta became super saiyan (?) because later in the Buu saga kid Trunks was able to become Ssj without any effort just like Goten (who was definitely conceived during that week Goku was in Ssj the whole time), while present/future Gohan and Future Trunks had to get the transformation the OG hard way like their fathers. I guess future Trunks did accidentally change the time where he would be conceived in the present timeline by just a bit since we do see that Vegeta becomes Ssj in future timeline, probably after Goku dies (he was present with the others in Goku's house when he died and Bulma already had Baby Future Trunks with her) and before the androids appear in the future timeline as we see him transformed to fight, though that's still my speculation.

I think even though Trunks was still a baby maybe there was a way for Vegeta to sense his initial power level (? I'm just assuming some things here). And I don't remember exactly when did saiyan babies were packed and sent to planets to conquer them (maybe a few months old and expected to destroy the people in the planet in around 6 months from arrival having Goku and Earth as an example in the Bardock special) but Baby Trunks definitely doesn't look powerful or very strong regardless, not compared to Vegeta himself as a baby. And Vegeta knew that the mix between saiyans with earthlings produced a stronger breed but just look at this little guy, he looks more earthling than saiyan without much promises, might as well not have much saiyan blood in him, he didn't had his black/dark hair, he wasn't even born with a tail. And also was being treated... well like a baby but an earthling one.

He probably was conflicted about the whole baby thing, specially by how he was taught on his saiyan side despite being from the royal family (since the royal family is one of the few that can actually have familial ties similar to humans), and how being now on Earth his perfectly normal for a saiyan actions were taken from an earthling perspective as not being adequate, but he couldn't entertain the thought for too long since the androids were gonna kill everyone if the warning was true anyways.

Vegeta didn't really considered Baby Trunks to be someone he should put any attention to. Although deep down he cared to a degree as in being an extension of his pride and how Trunks was ultimately "representing him" as his son. How that affected his relationship with Bulma too in this time period is important. Like, he seems angry that Bulma tells him that his presence made Trunks cry after his fight 19, and that is quite mean for her to say that to him, but he can't reply anything to her and just tch's and looks away all annoyed but doesn't say anything or fights her on it, so i can imagine he was feeling conflicted about how to act or respond on top of everything that he had to think about.

Pride on Future Trunks and school of hard knocks

Only when he discovered that the mysterious badass warrior from the future was his own son, the one that he was dismissing, then he started to quietly and secretly take pride on who he would become and started to pay attention to both F Trunks (in his own saiyan way) and much later to Baby Trunks because babies are not viewed as important in saiyan culture, still focusing on the battle first. Much like Bardock when he started to have his visions of Goku right at the very end of his life he started to view grown up F Trunks as more of an equal rather than competition, and seeing him grown up made it easier for him to bond. And so Vegs is like ".... Fuck yeah".

"Look at my son, Cell. He's not as cool as me but he's damn close" lol

He of course was also very prideful and wouldn't bother with any family related stuff the way Bulma (and F Trunks) were pressuring him to be, and she kinda was ridiculing him about it (jokingly though, never seriously) just to evidence him and kinda "hit him over the head" for his behavior. And his natural reaction is of course to appear tough in front of everyone else, like Bardock, like King Vegeta, and like his usual self, and throw all that family nonsense out the window. He still was very prideful and had to keep a face, but that is what would come bite him in the ass hard later on. (look at Krillin's face though. In the latin version Bulma yells here and tells Vegeta "What are you trying to do Vegeta! If you get close with that 'few friends' face Trunks will start crying again like before!", and Krillin looks at Vegeta with a face that says -Dude, she hits you back at home, doesn't she- (that's not funny... but it's kinda funny))

Trunks took the wrong way Vegeta's actions. He wasn't purposefully ignoring him, he didn't had time to bond or make him understand his methods, or teach him spelling everything out for him, at least the way he knew how to do it which is by the saiyan way, which was never going to work the way he remembered it because Trunks is half earthling, and that's something Goku also partially fumbled up with Gohan and his Rage form, but Vegeta was actually trying to teach Trunks the hard way. Vegeta was trying to actually come up with strategies, occupied on bringing solutions to the table that Trunks couldn't come up with for years in just the few days they had. Goku definitely knew it. Trunks is all "my dad has been on that rock for 3 days and he doesn't even look at me or train me" and Goku is like "shit! Vegeta is a Genius! He's trying to find a way to surpass the super saiyan", and Trunks can't understand what's happening while the two pure blood adult saiyans are talking. Like, remember the scene where F Trunks attacked Vegeta? Vegeta was actually trying to parent as a saiyan there, and feeling proud of Trunks before and after Trunks attacked him because he actually did it. He called him stupid and all but it was always accompanied with a lesson he wanted Trunks to learn, even if it was only to make him learn respect Vegeta's place as his father (and Trunks eventually came to respect him despite his shortcomings).

Vegeta and Bulma

Anyway... regarding Vegeta and Bulma though, I love how Vegeta talks to Bulma with such familiarity during the Cell saga (i just wished... the time skips didn't happen so quickly because it would have been excellent for character development outside of battle with small everyday stuff and hijinks...), and it does feel like he recognizes Bulma's intelligence and respects that aspect of her, he calls her by her name (which after 3 years I would hope he does but last time we just hear him call her "woman" so it was nice to hear him call her by her name), but then when Bulma starts to spit toxicity towards him or starts to act like she has her ego through the roof (which funnily enough is very similar to Vegeta himself when he feels confident and with his ego higher than the sky), he just looks like he's thinking "well you just can't find the off button, do you" (lol, it reminds me of home).

It actually reminds me a little bit of how Bulma and Yamcha's relationship was, on and off of Bulma being angry and with Yamcha and re-conciliating again, just this time is with Vegeta, but in Yamcha's relationship he was the one that just got all the (maybe undeserved) anger from Bulma and he didn't really had the balls to confront her because he's Yamcha and he's a nice guy but he doesn't have spice (like he used to as a bandit), while on the other hand with Vegeta is a constant battle for power in the relationship. They both act mean with each other, and even if it's not actually meant to seriously cause harm they can get get hurt and often do simply by the nature of how they relate to each other and communicate, with insults, sarcasm, back handed comments, ironic remarks, double meaning, either is to twist the knife where it hurts or even to be playful and flirt in a friendly manner, is almost never straight forward and i really can't picture them, specially Vegeta, saying that they love each other directly and explicitly but they don't have to. That's just how they are, is their game, because neither of them is willing to back out, they are both asses, though Vegeta is the one that normally does back out in the end in favor of keeping peace because he is the one that has more to loose even if it's by convenience and to keep his access to Capsule Corp and all the commodities at this point, and because he respects and admires Bulma too, he does love her in his own saiyan way and doesn't want to loose that bond he's made with her as the only other person he managed to trust and be open with (the other being Goku). (this scene is priceless and i just wanted to put it here. Is filler but i just don't care, it officially exists and is part of the collective that is DB and is good).

Bulma was ok with Vegeta not being present in their lives and only focusing on her baby, encouraging little Trunks in small ways to start developing some strength. She's always been her own woman after all, independent, confident, intelligent all on her own, always being in the middle of the conflicts since time immemorial to be part of the team too against whatever is menacing Earth. While at the same time is clear that Bulma is proud that her baby is Vegeta's because is a symbol of their deeper connection (and love if you will at this point), aaaaand because of the potential he has as a fighter and the status he gives her among the ones that know who Vegeta is (bragging rights, lol), and also brag about his perfect very cool and handsome son's genes. She was like "yeah Yayirobe, drop the child if you want, but be ware that that child is Vegeta's". (I swear that sometimes I wonder if Vegeta is the one in an abusive relationship full of toxicity, lol, the answer is they both are but flawed as it was it's what they both needed and what worked for them). (and i love this bit where Trunks falls to the ground trying to learn to walk and Bulma looks at him like "i'm not gonna do anything about it, get up on your own". Some of Vegeta is rubbing off on her, hehe).

Trunks was an accident?

About the baby, in a way Bulma and Vegeta, ever since they decided to engage sexually, were aware of the possibility of a child being born from both of them but had already accepted whatever outcome destiny had in it's plans regarding a possible offspring (when before Vegeta was very clearly against it for the fear of having a child that could be stronger than him to usurp his title and place). And to that i want to add that Trunks wasn't really planned by Vegeta in particular (I'm more sure that Bulma might have desired a baby from him after a certain point because she always fantasized with Goku once she saw him all grown up but "lost her chance" as she puts it, and now Vegeta represented another chance to have a badass baby), but that doesn't mean Trunks wasn't expected like many people believe (that Trunks was an accident). Vegeta had agreed with the consequences long before he knew they were pregnant, so no, i don't believe he was an accident as if they didn't thought having a baby wasn't going to eventually happen simply because they were having sex and a baby is to be an expected high chance result, but neither planned exactly. He just naturally happened and that was ok.

They are fine (Trunks is not fine)

Like, both Vegeta and Bulma seem actually pretty ok with the whole thing of being kinda distant kinda separate and on their own at that point while still being together as an official couple. Vegeta concentrating on his own things and not letting anything get in his way, being very saiyan about not letting himself feel (because otherwise his obvious parental instincts when Trunks gets killed and him later accepting his love for Bulma wouldn't make much sense if he actually didn't ultimately cared). Bulma seems pretty ok with putting herself and her child in danger while knowing she still has a job to do to help save the Earth just like Vegeta was doing in a way. Like, during the saga they are actually both working together, Vegeta asking her info on Dr Gero and her looking into her investigation about him in her memory, him asking if she brought the armors he requested for the z fighters and Bulma actually did made them and brought them with her. They are actually working together when it comes to the war against the androds and Vegeta is 100% concentratd on that and his issues while Bulma is enduring and helping as well, growing up from the brat she was into someone more mature but both still with things they need to work on.

The only one that cannot comprehend the dynamic here is Future Trunks. No one else feels it out of place or out of logic because it's Vegeta and it's Bulma. But like, Future Trunks gives too much credit to Vegeta for putting his Baby Trunks self in danger when it's very much Bulma's fault in this particular case. But that is because F Trunks made some high assumptions and probably fantasized with who his father might have been and was hit with the reality that he was not the way he imagined him, so he's putting a lot of expectations on Vegeta that when not met he gets angry but Vegeta is just like "dude i don't have time for this bs". And on the other hand Trunks also didn't knew how his mother was before she had to grow into someone more careful and responsible, so he cannot see his mother's faults because his love for her is blinding him from her wrong doings. (funny thing is that when she had the plane accident no one went to save Bulma either, lol). He has to learn to know his parents because he doesn't know them. Poor Trunks though XD.

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Ultimately Vegeta changes his attitude during the end of the saga for the sake of both of them, and after having been smacked full force in the face with the realization that he did messed up in multiple ways during the saga after all, with the androids, with Cell, with Trunks too because of his cultural baggage. At the end he's much closer to Bulma and Baby Trunks, having accepted his role as father, not only the type of father Vegeta wanted to be but the father Trunks needed him to be, which still had a lot of room for improvement but it was a start, and he did changed quite a lot. Even caving in with some earthling behaviors for the better. Unnggh! is so beautiful!

[lieutenantselnia]

One of my favourite 2D Doof scenes just because I like listening to him (or actually both Doofs) rambling over stuff, here in the German version! <3

A few words on this; when I imagine scenarios with him in my head I'm actually never quite sure if I imagine him talking in German or English, in my mind it just kind of all blurs together since I'm so used to using both languages in my everyday life at this point. However, I think for the most part I imagine him with the sound of his German voice and his pronunciation, probably also because I'm more used to it (for PnF I always kinda preferred the German dub, I don't know why exactly, it really can't be nostalgia since I didn't watch it as a kid, but maybe just for the childhood show vibes). I like the original as well though (and sometimes kind of mix them up in my mind), I feel like Dan voiced the two Doofs with a bit more nuance, making 2D Doof speak a bit slower and maybe a tiny little bit deeper, to give him a bit more of an intimidating aura.

Another detail about his accent that might be interesting especially for non German speakers: In the original, Heinz' home country Drusselstein is a parody mostly on Germany/German-speaking countries, and on a few occasions, characters are heard speaking some German words. Doofenshmirtz himself is supposed to have a sort-of German accent as well. In the German dub, this was mostly replaced with Russian, for example that once scene where little Heinz is dressed as a lawn gnome and his father yells at him "Bewegen Sie nicht!", which is a grammatically incorrect way of saying "Don't move!" (correct ways would for example be "Beweg dich nicht!" or "Nicht bewegen!"), while in the German dub he yells in Russian "Не шевелиться!" - in latin letters something like "Nje shevelitsja!" - (which I believe is also grammatically incorrect lol).

Doof's accent seems also inspired by what the (stereo-)typical Russian (or generally Slavic) accent sounds to German people. However it doesn't lean very strongly into it, the most notable thing is that he rolls his Rs quite a bit stronger than it's common for German speakers, otherwise he speaks pretty much standard German. For example his pronunciation of the "ch" sound isn't really emphasised at all, which often tends to be associated with a Russian accent.

Also another small note about accents in general, I don't know how common it still is nowadays for people to think that German speakers all speak with a strongly rolled R, but we actually don't. Of course it may depend on the region or specific dialects, some people also just happen to naturally speak with a more rolled R due to their individual mouth/throat anatomy, but in the standard way of speaking in both Germany and Austria at least, it's not really a thing. We roll our R differently than English speakers, but it's also not that very "full" rolled R that you may hear in languages like Spanish. I myself, despite being Austrian and growing up speaking the Austrian variant of German, am physically struggling to roll my Rs because my tongue frenulum is literally too short to do it properly. The R pronunciation was always my biggest challenge in my Spanish and Russian classes (luckily my teachers weren't strict with it as long as you tried). But yeah, I just wanted to clarify that Doofenshmirtz' way of speaking isn't what the average German speaker would sound like, also I just find languages a fascinating topic to ramble about :D

[capricorn-0mnikorn]

Unpacking all my Aspec micro-labels

(I did kinda, sorta, half-promise to do this a bit ago. I was planning on doing this in time for Asexual Awareness Week. But there was too much to unpack).

Note: I didn’t even know any of theses orientations existed until I was 52 years old, six years ago. This here unpacking is all about me looking back over my life, and saying: “Oh!” very quietly to myself. Included are sample example experiences from my life that have led me to believe these labels fit, with the finer details sanded off.

Aromantic & Apothiromantic: Not feeling romantic attraction, & Repulsed by the idea anyone else being romantically attracted to me.

 I might have ended up romantic neutral (or even demiromantic)  if it weren’t for one particular summer camp session where I was romantically harassed by a boy in the cabin next to mine. I was 12, he was 13. And he would not leave me alone. All the camp counselors thought it was cute.

Until the last day of the session when I finally agreed to kiss him. I went in for a peck. He went in for a French kiss. I slapped him as hard as I could (pretty hard).

This experience did not “make” me aromantic, but I think it is the reason I have the urge to “nope” out at the first hint of romantic overtures (think Roadrunner in a Chuck Jones cartoon).

I’m not repulsed by the idea of anyone else in a romantic relationship, though. If it makes you happy, I’m happy for you.

Aegosexual: Enjoying sexual fantasy & daydreams with imaginary people, while leaving yourself out of the action (the double prefix “a” and “ego” means “Without self”).

I think this is the biggest single reason it took me so long to realize I wasn’t actually straight. I grew up in a culture that told me, as a visibly physically disabled person, imaginary sex was always going to be my only option. So I never stopped to consider that it was actually preferred option.

I will note, though: In all my made-up scenarios, in made-up places, with made-up people, sexual attraction between individuals is never the motivating reason for the action.

Demisexual: Only feeling sexual attraction after a strong emotional bond is formed.

This happened to me once, when I was 15, toward a fellow student that was in all of my classes, and the only other student in my Latin class. I think I did the math at one point, and figured that, during that year, I spent more waking hours with him than with any other single human being. I never told him of my crush.

Alterous: Defined as an attraction “halfway between romantic platonic.”

I think of it as a combined, intense, emotional and intellectual attraction (I’d use “queerplatonic,” since I don’t want any romance -- see above -- but as I understand it, queerplatonic is reserved for describing a type of relationship, not a flavor of attraction).

Until a relatively short time ago, when I learned there was more to “falling in love” than the Romantic/Sexual forms of love validated in our culture, I thought that was an experience I’ve never had. I thought I’d skated through my teenage years unscathed by the right of passage called “first love”. But looking back:

When I was sixteen or seventeen, as an alternative to summer camp, my mother suggested that I invite one of my good friends from high school -- a couple years ahead of me; as I recall, that was the year she graduated -- to stay over for a couple of weeks (also, looking back, I can’t help but wonder if this other girl’s mother was also in on it, as an alternative for both of us). We’d stay up ‘til 2 or 3 in the morning, talking philosophy, and mythology, and storytelling. We’d spend our days painting watercolors, and writing stories, and watching insects in the grass, and taking naps together on the living room rug.

We remained  pen pals for several weeks after that. And then, one day, I got a letter from her that had none of her usual art in the margins, or between the lines. Instead of her usual graceful handwriting, it was written in dense, cramped pencil. And in that letter, she admitted that she was going through a mental and spiritual breakdown, and that she was scared.

Her letter affected me so deeply, it prompted me to leave the religion I was raised in.

Looking back, I think that counts as alterous/queerplatonic: a friendship far deeper than an “ordinary” platonic relationship. I really think that was the first time I was in love, even though I didn’t recognize it.  It wasn’t the last, through the years. But I didn’t recognize those other relationships as full-fledged love, either, until the people were no longer in my life.

Once I did recognize those relationships as “being in love,” I also realized that I was:

Pan- (prefix to all the rest): Potential attraction to anyone, regardless of gender expression (my own definition).

I consider Bi- and Pan- to be almost synonyms, in the same way that “butter” and “goldenrod” are both adjectives for Yellow. Both prefixes mean “attraction to your own and any other gender.”

But in my head, “Bi-” refers to an attraction where a person’s gender expression (Note: this is completely independent of “what’s in their pants”) plays a large part in what makes them attractive. And “Pan-” refers to an attraction where the role of gender expression plays little or no part.     

I’m an AFAB cis woman. But I hardly give a moment’s thought to my own gender expression, much less anyone else’s. I recognize that some people are *chef’s kiss* artistes when it comes to expressing their gender, whatever that may be. But chances are, that’s not going to be what makes me want to be in their circle.

Polyamorous: Relating to relationships with more than one partner, with the knowledge and consent of all the people involved.

I realize this is somewhat rich, considering I’ve never been in an acknowledged, requited, relationship with even one person, much less many. But any time I contemplate my ideal relationship, there’s always a bunch of us in the kitchen.

Also, my favorite scenes in Rom-Com movies are the “Coming home to meet the Wacky Family™,” and being welcomed in to the wider circle.

I also wonder if this is related to my Apothiromantic orientation, and being wary of being the sole focus of a single person’s amorous/emotional attention. I wouldn’t be surprised.

Whew! I think that’s the lot. Am I a Micro-Label Master?  Did I catch them all? 😏

[kyberphilosopher]

Dᴏꜱᴄᴇɴᴅᴏ Dɪꜱᴄɪᴍᴜꜱ

The reader tries to paint the Colossal Titan from memory, and Bertholdt seems to know more than most people. 

Requested: no.

Word Count: 2092

Docendo Discimus is a Latin proverb meaning "by teaching, we learn." It is perhaps derived from Seneca the Younger, who says in his Letters to Lucilius: Homines dum docent discunt., meaning "Men learn when they teach”.

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

The human body is home to somewhere between six hundred and eight hundred muscles. There are two hundred and six bones, seventy-eight organs, one hundred thousand miles of veins, and roughly ten pints of blood. Every individual cell has a purpose, important and needed for the body to continue to function. 

Assuming the anatomy of a titan was the same to that of the average person’s, the Colossal Titan should be easier to render than this. You’d sketched the face of muscle and teeth over a hundred times by this point, and each one of them seemed to draw further away from realism than you liked. 

Sure, it was arguable that the Colossal just didn’t have the same anatomy in his face as the average human. But then there should’ve been more factors in his face that shouldn’t have worked. 

For example, the monster didn’t possess a muscle called the orbicularis. You could remember that specifically from the time you and your fellow cadets had gotten a bit too close for comfort. But based on the lack of orbicularis, he shouldn’t have been able to blink. And yet, he had. There was also a strange muscle in his temporal region with horizontal fibers, that couldn’t have simply been his temporal. It doesn't seem to have any particular function, either. 

God damn it. It’s appearance should’ve been the one thing about this bastard to make sense, but instead it had confused you just as much as the rest of it. Never mind how smart you were. If you couldn’t solve this simple turned complex mystery, why hold out hope for studying anatomy when the world would return to normalcy?

In your frustration, you slam the paintbrush back into your cup of water. A stain of red clouds erupts in the liquid at once, angry from how direct the solid hits the surface. In front of you, the canvas shines with the new layer of red paint. Beside it is a coat of salmon, also fresh and lined with the titan’s muscles. 

“So stupid,” you hiss, half to yourself. You grab your cadet corps jacket, shrugging it on swiftly before crossing your arms and stepping back. 

It was supposed to be a gift for Eren. He knew you were something of a painter and had once jokingly asked you to make a dart board for him. The moment you conceived this idea, you knew it had to be a stroke of genius. But you wanted to get it right, and for that, the artist and realist inside of you seemed to be punished for it.

Was it something with the eyes? No, it was definitely the anatomy of the titan overall. “For fucks sake,” you wave off finally, turning on your heel to walk away for a while. But when you turn around, you’re face to chest with one so broad you nearly stumble back. 

The figure tenses up immediately. You tilt your head up to see who it is, recognizing the nervous, kaleidoscope eyes of your comrade. Bertholdt, you’re sure his name is. You haven’t talked too many times, but you’ve seen him in your circle of friends. There’s a memory in your brain of asking your bunkmate, Annie, about why Bertholdt would hang around someone so upstanding and obnoxious as Reiner, but you can’t recall her specific answer. 

“O-oh, Y/N!” Bertholdt nearly wheezes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to stand so close.”

“It’s fine,” you mutter, rubbing the side of your head as you step away. “What are you doing here?”

Yes, what was he doing here? A little closeted off room by the girl barracks? And aside from that, how does someone as tall as he even sneak his way inside? It’s suspicious, to say the least. 

“I was just-” Bertholdt stares down at you, sweat already beginning to form on his face. Oh, goddess. How is he to get out of this one? If Reiner was with him, he could just lie his way out of it. But now, looking down at your apathetic, borderline tired, frustrated face, he knows he’s never had much luck with girls. Especially not pretty girls like you. 

His gaze shifts to behind you. There, on a perfectly square parchment of thick paper, is a rough sketch of a long face without any skin. It seems to be all muscle, labeled and detailed. Half the sheet is colored in with pinks, browns, and scarlets, with the other half marked with insane little scribbled patterns that remind him of words. 

You’re still waiting for an answer. He sees your steady, patient eyes and your balled fists by your hips, and Bertholdt wonders if you already know. “I saw you bring in those cans of paint, and I guess I got curious.”

“Oh,” you reply flatly. “Yeah. That.”

“It’s um...” Compliment her. Compliment her painting. “It’s a nice painting. What’s it supposed to be of?”

“The Colossal Titan,” you tell him as you rub the back of your neck. Then you turn on your side so you can view your art, immediately narrowing your eyes in disgust at it. “It’s not my best.”

Bertholdt’s words come out a bit louder than he intended. “Actually, I think it’s really, really great, Y/N!”

You turn back to meet Bertholdt’s nervous, almost quivering eyes. You certainly wouldn’t call yourself an expert on the male gender, but this tall bastard was exactly the stereotype of someone who wasn’t an expert on the female gender. It was almost funny. No, it was almost ironic. 

“I just mean that... it’s really good. It’s easy to see that you have heaps of talent,” the brunette reiterates, seemingly calmer this time.

What a nice thing to say to someone. 

“That’s not really my point though,” you borderline sigh. “The point is that no matter what I seem to do to him, it doesn’t seem realistic does it?”

“What do you mean by that?” Bertholdt questions, his eyebrows furrowing. That’s right, he wouldn’t be able to squint without his orbicularis. Something your art model was currently lacking. 

Do you even bother to explain it to him? It’s not like either of you are close, or like he’d exactly understand what you were saying to him anyway. But where was the harm, really?

You walk back towards the parchment, with Bertholdt just a few steps behind. 

“See this area?” you ask, gesturing to the Colossal Titan’s eye area. “There's a muscle here that’s supposed to let people close their eyes. But the colossal titan doesn’t have that.”

“W-why is that?”

You shrug. “Damned if I know. But doesn’t it look wrong on him?”

Bertholdt observes the painting. He sees all the details, all the time you’ve put into it. While you are right about the image and the titan’s strange features, it’s now that Bertholdt realizes just how intelligent you really are. Unlike other people, you actually knew things. If he were an enemy, he might be starting to feel threatened right about now. Ironic indeed. 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” the boy says shyly. “Why does it have to be perfect, though?”

Good question. 

“No real reason,” you tell him, trying to hide the hint of smile. “I guess it’s just how it is. Eren is the one who asked for this.”

“O-oh... you mean like a...”

Your eyes flit back to Bertholdt. “Like a what?”

Bertholdt can feel the sullen wave of anxiety wash over him. He hadn’t meant to let the stray thoughts fall from his lips, but now he can’t take it back. Now what does he say? “I just mean, is it a gift or something like that?”

“Sure.”

Were you and Eren...?

“I might be able to help you with it,” Bertholdt stutters, again, louder than he’d intended. He’s lucky at least one of you is level headed during this interaction. 

“How so? Do you paint?” 

“No, but I think I might know some things about the Colossal that you don’t,” Bertholdt offers. His right arm reaches behind to rub at his sweaty neck. In that instant, you can see that the boy has an almost identical structure to that of your subject. You’d have to note that the tall boy would make a brilliant model for something like this.

“Like what?” you question. “Could you give me some feedback on my piece then?”

Shit. Shit. Shit. You were going to find out. 

Bertholdt pretends to be in deep thought for a minute, knitting his dark eyebrows together. His green, blue eyes sweep over the picture, watching the slick settle. “Well, you’re right about the muscle around the eye. I’d take that out, but maybe place the shadow of it?”

“The shadow?”

“The outline. And maybe make his eyes more glossy than this. Titan’s have a second set of eyelids.”

You don’t have time to question him further. Bertholdt continues the onslaught of information. 

“I think you should also make some of these areas here a bit lighter,” he says, pointing to the side of the Colossal’s face. “From the steam and the high body temperature, it would get a bit smoky.”

“Yeah,” you begin slowly, watching the shine in Bertholdt’s previously nervous eyes. “I hadn’t considered that.”

The lanky male in front of you lets his lips curl into a sheepish smile, closing his eyes as his fingers thread themselves between his hair. “I doubt most people do, so you’re not really in the wrong.”

“How do you know so much?” you ask. “You’ve been quiet with everyone up until now. Do the higher ups even know all this?”

“I mean, they’d have to right? I guess I just took a lot of notes in class.”

You hadn’t remembered your professor mentioning most of these things during your Titan Studies period. But maybe it wasn’t really worth questioning him over. Maybe Bertholdt was just more observant than you had ever really considered. It wouldn’t have been the first time. 

Your eyes are fixated on him. Bertholdt was kind of cute, actually. His eyes are both big and slim, with pale green orbs. His skin was always a bit illuminated with a nervous sweat, and he was incredibly mild mannered. But maybe that was actually a good thing compared to all the boys in camp who seemed to lack any conception of manners. Pouty, chapped lips, a gentle smile, messy dark hair. He seems like someone reliable. Kind. Trustworthy.

“Yeah,” you say again, breaking eye contact. “So, are there any other suggestions you have for me?”

Bertholdt is still for a moment, thinking it over. “No, other than don’t think so hard about it, probably.”

“You two sort of have a similar face,” you say, staring at the muscled beast you’d attempted to replicate. “Maybe you should pose for me sometime.”

Bertholdt tenses. 

“I’m only joking,” you assure. Bertholdt’s broad shoulders fall as he relaxes, and a soft exhale leaves from between his lips. “But I would like it if you’d let me model after you.”

“Me?” Bertholdt stutters, shocked. “You mean you’d want to really paint me?”

“‘Course,” you say, nonchalant as always. “You’ve got one of those faces.”

Bertholdt smiles naturally. Soft, but noticeable. You return it after a few seconds, feeling your previous frustration and anger at the piece begin to wander away. 

“I should get back to work,” you say as you turn around. Bertholdt watches you unclip the parchment from your sturdy easel, place it on the stone floor, and grab another paper from a pile. 

“Y-you’re starting again?”

“Of course,” you say. Your dominant hand laces around a piece of charcoal, preparing to drag it across the page. In one swift and scratchy motion, an onyx line appears at the top of the paper. 

Bertholdt’s cheeks dust pink from behind you. He’s about to offer if you want him to pose for you so you can memorize what’s underneath his shy skin, but he stays quiet. Instead, Bertholdt is happy that he even got to speak to you in the first place. He wanders out of the room with butterflies in his stomach, and guilt in his heart. 

And you, with your eyes narrow, basing the monster that ruined your life off the boy who had just helped you. 

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

I didn’t proof read this. I feel like I’ve just been cranking stuff out lately. someone remind me to go back and edit thank you

[mammonsvulva]

Hi there! I just discovered your page and i loved the bachata headcannon!

On that same line, can you do a female latina headcannon? Like, more specifically, Colombian, you know, an MC that's like normally fluent in english but when mad she just burst on angry spanish screaming session with latin curses and a strong accent and also just getting really mad if deemed as Mexican by default? I'd love that! Thank youuuu (also feel free to ignored this if it's not of your fancy)

I hope you have a great day!

Of course! I really hope you like it! :)

(I tried to incorporate things some of my relatives say as Colombians please don’t hate me🥲)

The Brothers + Datables and a Latina MC with Colombian Habits

Lucifer❤️

Lucifer has always been amused by the boldness MC portrayed, that is until Mammon pissed her off

MC actually f*cking explodes, calling Mammon “culicagao” (like a bratty kid) and a bunch of profanities out of rage

Actually leaves Lucifer surprised, who could she hate so much that she’d put a curse on them?

Is actually kind of scared to speak up after she went silent, kinda just stares at her like “what the fuck do I do”

“I’ve told Mammon A THOUSAND TIMES. IM NOT F*CKING MEXICAN”

(Oooohh Mammons gonna get his ASS WHOOPED)

“MAAAAAAMMMMOOOOONNN????”

Mammon💛

Could learn a thing or two from MC, had some strong clap backs

Is counting his money when OUT OF NOWHERE MC just starts incanting a literal curse

Literally has his quaking in his boots dude, like he’s genuinely terrified

He can’t keep up with anything she’s saying and feels like his time to die has come

Doesn’t say A WORD when she calms down, jumps when she starts apologizing for reacting like that

“W-w-what happened? ( ⚆ _ ⚆ )”

“I LOST 10 GRAND IN BLACK JACK! ITS FUCKING RIGGED!”

Is genuinely more cautious for a while, kind of traumatized him

Mammon thought it’d be a great Idea to take her to meet one of his witches, MC already didn’t like her but listen to this

First thing the witch said was “Aren’t you that Mexican transfer student or whatever?”

(‘Oooh Ms. Girl you fucked up’)

Leviathan💙

Wishes he could have MCs confidence, ‘how does she respond like that 0•0’

He’s reading Manga while MC just lost on the same level for the 5th time

Accidentally shifts to his demon for he got so scared

Has to whip his tail up and grab the controller before she could slam it, genuinely terrified for his well being

Once she calms down she goes to give him a hug, to help with her frustration

*PANICS* “I-I can h-help you with that level, if y-you want..”

MC watches as he beats it with ease and heaves a sigh of relief, literally such a stupid game

Gets just as offended as MC when somebody said “I went to Mexico on vacation once, what was it like growing up there?”

Will let her handle it and he’ll be her Moral Support <3

Satan💚

Loved that MC was always ready, he was like that too being the Avatar of Wrath

Is genuinely amused when MC burst out swearing because she got a bad grade, he actually thought it was hilarious

Thinks of like a game to keep up with everything she’s shouting, makes her more upset

“What the fuck are you laughing at juemadre de la-“

“You’re Hot when you’re mad, Did you know that?”

Makes her go silent immediately, why is he like this, making people wanna act up on DIAVOLO

When they’re BOTH mad at something it’s like a f*cking BOMB RAID bro

They both just keep adding more, even when Satans speaking a Demon Dialect and MC is speaking Spanish LMAOO

When an arrogant soul decides to purposely mislabel MC as Mexican, the fool needs to count his seconds with MC and Satan both getting on his ass

Asmodeus💞

Has always liked the spunk MC had, it entertained him to watch her bicker with his brothers

Surprised, but not happy AT ALL with the fact that MC could blow up like that

Gets on MC for lashing out, “MC! THIS IS TERRIBLE FOR YOUR SKIN, DO YOU WANT WRINKLES?”

Gets MC to tell him what made her loose her cool like that

“That stupid b*tch from class posted saying “That Mexican transfer student isn’t pretty enough to be this annoying”

Almost explodes as bad as MC did

“MS. GIRL SHE SAID WHAT? Lemme hop on Devilgram and end her career real quick💖”

Devilgram post- Asmodeus 19:34: “Aw sweetie, Not everybody can be as gorgeous as MC and muah, but don’t go trying to drag her in the dirt with you. Filthy🥱”

No mercy on the haters💔

Beelzebub🧡

Like Asmo, found it entertaining to see MC bicker with his brothers every now and then

MC just couldn’t keep calm anymore when she messed up the recipe she was working on AGAIN

Beel becomes more concerned than scared, ‘Is she ok? :(‘

Gets up to hug MC, hoping it’ll help calm her down a bit

She explains that she kept ruining the dessert no matter how hard she tried

“MC, it’s ok to do it wrong, because it helps you learn how to do it right :)”

She’s tried again, except this time with Beel to help her :)

Gets upset when someone defaults MC as Mexican, knowing how much she hates it

He may be a teddy bear but man don’t f*ck with his Chef

Belphegor💜

Thought MC was amusing with the way she made sure everyone knew she wouldn’t take any BS

MC just happened to stub her toe while Belphie was sleeping, and now he’s awake, and heated

“What the f*ck happened?”

Is actually more concerned than upset, she wouldn’t lash out like that for no reason

When MC explains that a picture of her in the RAD Catalog still ended up being there even though she made it clear she was against it

“Oh, MC- you look good in every photo, I wouldn’t be upset about it”

Assures her it’s not a big deal and then invites her to come take a nap with him

Will mean mug the f*ck out of anyone who assumes MC is Mexican, because he finds extremely disrespectful (as it is)

Might commit homicide if they keep saying Mexican but I ain’t no snitch

+

Diavolo♥️

At first took MC as disrespectful, but learned it was only when she felt she was being disrespected (then by all means, go off)

Surprisingly, Diavolo speaks Spanish, but he still kind of struggles to keep up

He’s just laughing the whole time too, like MC isn’t furious

Later, MC calmly explains just some random student pissed her off again

“Who is this student you say? Do I need to have a chat with them as the Demon Lord of The Devildom? :)?”

Dia actually admires how passionate MC is about her home country, agrees that it’s disrespectful to mislabel someone

Because he can, Dia starts to learn about Colombian culture and throwing parties just for MC

Starts saying shit like “politas pa la rumba!” (I’ll buy beers for everyone¿) just to sound cool to MC

Barbatos💟

Barb doesn’t understand how someone could be so beautiful but so hostile sometimes, overall doesn’t really mind though

Is surprised that such things could conde from MC, kind of chuckles thinking about it

He figured he should try and step in to calm the situation

“Is there anything I can do to ease you, MC?”

It ended up being that Diavolo was completely ignoring her and brushing her aside when he never did that with Solomon

Asks if she’d like him to talk to Dia about it, since he may approach it better than she will

Barb will quietly correct anybody who believes her to be Mexican, just so MC won’t have to deal with their arrogance herself

Takes his free time and makes dishes from Colombia, or Colombian themed cookies or cupcakes to make MC happy :)

Simeon🤍

Is trying to teach MC better ways to respond to idiots, more Angelic ways

When MC blows up for the first time in front of him, the literal shock she sent him into omfg

*GASP* “MC?! WHY ARE YOU SAYING SUCH VILE THINGS?”

Like, HELLOOO? SHE DARES TO SAY SUCH THINGS IN AN ANGELS PRESENCE?

Helps to calm her down after showing distaste for her words

“You’re lips are to beautiful to speak such sinful things”

Will go on to give MC a long but kind lecture about why exploding like that is bad for her Aura and whatever

Will politely make it known that someone was wrong for assuming MC is Mexican, does get a bit irritated though

He now goes up to MC when she’s getting upset, to remind her to breathe and comfort her with a deep hug :)

“See? It’s ok MC~ just breathe in and out for me, ok? :)”

Solomon⚛️

Will piss MC off on purpose just to see her pop off, he LOVES it

Literally her #1 cheerleader when she blows up, adding on to what she’s upset about

“Period MC” “No way she said that! What a fugly b*tch” “Right, she’s just a hater”

Hypes her up all the time, even when she’s obviously in the wrong

Sol needs ALL the tea, pulls up like “who we talking shit about?”

Will get on someone’s ass just because, now think about when someone mislabels MC😳💥

Gives MC a sense of pride hearing him say “Cagué” when he messes up a potion, he obviously picked that up from her

Luke⛅️

Gets kinda (really) scared when MC becomes a little aggressive

Actually bursts out crying because he was scared MC was mas at him

MC traumatized this kid so bad, he ran to Simeon like he was getting chased be some demons

“M-m-mom is really m-mad and *sobs* I’m s-scared *sobs more*”

MC IMMEDIATELY feels super bad because she scared away his soul

Simeon, having talked to her about it already, mouthed “Apologize now.” In a very not polite manner, kinda scaring MC too🚫🧢

Has MC apologizing PROFUSELY, trying to explain it wasn’t Luke’s fault

Once he calms down, they go to bake cookies like usual, except this time he’s sniffing the whole time :( 💔

I really hope this fit what you asked for :( </3

[chvrliesapcet]

ever since olivia rodrigo released her debut album, SOUR, i have been listening to it on repeat (totally not kidding). so, after seeing a girl on tiktok do something like this, but with the avengers, i was inspired to make this post. there you go:

the poets as olivia rodrigo’s songs.

trigger warning: mention of su*c*de and mental health issues.

brutal: all of them. they’re teenagers, insecure sometimes, trying their best, but sadly not living the teenage dream (what is it, that fucking teenage dream, anyway?). “if someone tells me one more time "enjoy your youth, " i’m gonna cry” and they can’t quit what they’re doing, because their parents would most likely be hurt. “and they'd all be so disappointed 'cause who am if, if not exploited?” they once recited the lyrics of this song as a poem, during one of their meetings, and they were all laughing their asses off. life at hell-ton is brutal, what can i say?

traitor: knox, of course. “god i wish that you had thought this through, before i went and fell in love with you” or “guess you didn’t cheat, but you’re still a traitor” just hit different for him. he thinks about chris when he listens to this song, that’s for sure..! we can’t really blame chris for knox falling in love with her though,, sorry buddy.

drivers license: knox, again. poor boy listens to this song while riding his bike, crying his eyes out. “but today i drove through the suburbs, crying 'cause you weren't around” chris isn’t with that blonde girl, she is that blonde girl. knox has never felt this way for no one, and it’s hard for him to imagine that chris is, well, doing okay without him. he thinks and talks about her all the time. “and all my friends are tired of hearing how much i miss you, but i kinda feel sorry for them 'cause they'll never know you the way that i do”

1 step forward, 3 steps back: todd. like many people (including me!) when he listens to this song, he doesn’t necessarily think of a past relationship (mostly because he has never dated anyone before neil). he thinks of his mental health struggles, such as his anxiety, instead. it’s hard, sometimes. he thinks he’s getting better, but then realizes he isn’t.. “got me fucked up in the head, boy. never doubted myself so much. like am i pretty, am i fun boy? i hate that i gave you power over that kinda stuff” need i say more? this song is as soft, but as sad, as he is.

deja vu: keating. this is.. kind of a joke, but only because i didn’t know who to pair this song with. john was an original member of the dead poets society, and knowing that now, other teenage boys are taking turns reading poetry, in the old indian cave, reminds him of his teenage years. “so when you gonna tell her that we did that, too? she thinks it's special, but it's all reused. that was our place, i found it first” olivia’s music isn’t the type of music he normally listens to, but after hearing students (the poets) talk about her album, during his class, he decided he’d give it a try. he likes it. he loves the lyrics, mostly.

good 4 u: CHARLIE. he loves screaming the lyrics to this song. especially the bridge and the last chorus. “LIKE A DAMN SOCIOPATH!” cameron has to beg him to turn the volume down,, he doesn’t listen to him, obviously, and instead turns the volume up. his argument? ‘this song is meant to be played loud!’ to which cameron responds ‘but not that loud! i’m trying to study!’ he thinks looking at his roommate directly in the eye when singing “baby, what the fuck is up with that?” exactly the way olivia does is funny. cameron just rolls his eyes every time, but it’s hard for him to hide the smile taking place on his lips.

enough for you: pitts. although he and stev/phen are both super, super smart, i think meeks is the ‘genius’ of the group. and that, can, sometimes, make pitts feel like he might not be good enough for his boyfriend, whom he loves very much. “and i knew how you took your coffee, and your favorite songs by heart. i read all of your self-help books so you'd think that i was smart” whenever he doubts himself, meeks is the first to reassure him and tell him he’s more than enough, but still.. “'cause all i ever wanted was to be enough for you” he listens to this song with his earphones, always, so no one knows he listens to it on repeat.

happier: meeks. ever since charlie got expelled, he can’t stop listening to this song. these two were pretty close, (“he flatters me, that’s why i help him with latin”) and stev/phen doesn’t like thinking about his friend being in a new school, and spending time with other people. “so find someone great but don't find no one better. i hope you're happy, but don't be happier” he wishes charlie would still be with them, at welton, even if he hated it. “your friends aren't mine, you know, i know. you’ve moved on, found someone new” or “does she mean you forgot about me?” he’s being a bit overdramatic, considering charlie comes to see the poets at least once a week, and still attends the dps meetings.. but anyway.

jealousy, jealousy: cameron, because, yes, he’s smart and everything, but he’s still jealous of other people, and wishes he were different. he thinks he should be like the other guys. “all i see, is what i should be, happier, prettier, jealousy, jealousy” he also thinks that, maybe then, people would like him more </3. he knows no one really hates him, but feels like no one really likes him, either. and in his opinion, it’s because he’s.. him. “I'm so sick of myself, i’d rather be, rather be, anyone, anyone else” just like mr. k, this type of music isn’t what he usually listens to, but he relates to this song so much, he can’t help but listen to it at least once a day.

favorite crime: neil. just like todd, he doesn’t associate this song with a relationship he had in the past. actually, he thinks of his father (and his mom, a bit, too) and all of the things his dad forces him to do, even if it upsets him. “those things i did, just so i could call you mine. the things you did, well, i hope i was your favorite crime” i know we don’t usually talk about the canon ending, but i have to. mr. perry didn’t want his son to pursue his dreams, and planned neil’s life for him, which made him feel so miserable, he sadly committed su*c*de.. but then, his dad wasn’t blamed for it, to preserve his reputation. “and i watched as you fled the scene, doe-eyed as you buried me, one heart broke, four hands bloody” todd knows this was neil’s favorite song. he listens to it once in a while, in their room, alone, and cries.

hope ur ok: all of them. do they know how proud i am they were created? after all they’ve been through, especially their family problems, i’m glad they found each other. “she was tired 'cause she was brought into a world where family was merely blood” and even when life throws bad things at them, they always stay strong, and support each other through everything. they’re very brave. “well, i hope you know how proud i am you were created, with the courage to unlearn all of their hatred” i love them, my beautiful poets <33

[acesydneysage]

A Sydney and Eddie retrospective

@vablappreciationweek Favorite familial relationship: The Melrose Twins

Part 1, Books 1-3: The Nice, Cute Trilogy Where a Friendship Blooms and Nothing Bad Happens

Part 2

In Bloodlines, Sydney and Eddie are still getting to know each other. Eddie seems to find Sydney's awkwardness endearing, and they have a certain camaraderie as The Responsible Ones. I think the first time he calls her sis is really cute, even if they don't actually think of each other as siblings yet:

I guess I shouldn’t say everything that comes to mind,” I murmured to Eddie. I was used to being direct in social situations, but it occurred to me that simply saying “Yeah, totally!” would’ve probably been the correct response. I’d had few friends my own age and was out of practice. Eddie grinned at me. “I don’t know, sis. You’re pretty entertaining as you are. Keep it up."

There's a lot of cuteness. Eddie insists on teaching Sydney how to throw a puch, to keep his promise to Clarence. And there's this adorable little fist bump too:

I returned to my desk and received an approving fist bump from Eddie. “Nice work. You don’t have to take a real class. Of course, if she’s got you reading Latin, maybe it’ll be worse than a real class.” “I like Latin,” I said with absolute seriousness. “It’s fun.” Eddie shook his head and said in a very, very low voice: “I can’t believe you think we’re the strange ones.”

That last line brings me to the conflict. Even if the power dynamics for it to be oppression aren't there (and Eddie can't exactly claim his society treats humans amazingly well in my opinion), having someone think that you're an evil, unnatural creature cannot be fun. They mostly don't let it get too far because they're both very professional, so what you get is a thoughtless comment from Sydney and answering jab from Eddie.

“Even a dhampir like you should know that.” He smiled ruefully. ‘“Even a dhampir like me?’” I supposed I’d been a little insulting, but it couldn’t be helped. [...] That wry smile returned. “Everything’s black and white with you Alchemists, isn’t it? Do you think you can really stop her from doing anything? You should know better. Even your childhood couldn’t have been that abnormal.” With that slap in the face, Eddie stalked off, leaving me aghast.

The more explicit conflict they have surrounds Jill's dating life, and the taboo of vampire/human relationships, and that's how we get Lee. The mini-golf family outing is very cute, the twins actually talk in sync at one point, Eddie steps up when he thinks Adrian is making Sydney unconfortable, and he claims that the Dracula statue incident is the first time he heard her laugh. But of course it leads to trouble in the form of Jill's escapade with Lee.

When Sydney explodes about feeling like their mom afterwards (I love that speech), Eddie is included for not scaring off Micah. He's honestly regretful about not pulling his weight, even though she says he's not as bad as the others. I think their relationship is pretty smooth from then on. After that talk they seem to understand each other better.

“Spirit users can take antidepressants, can’t they? If he’s worried about it becoming a problem, then he needs to step up and take charge. He has a choice. He’s not helpless. There are no victims here.” Eddie studied me for several seconds. “And I thought I had a harsh view on life.” “You have a harsh life,” I corrected. “But yours is built around the idea that you always have to take care of other people. I was raised to believe that’s necessary sometimes but that everyone still needs to try to take care of themselves.” “And yet here you are.”

The similarities between Sydney and Eddie's worldviews should be taken as a sign that Guardian ideology is about as messed up as Alchemist ideology, to be honest. But other than her hang-ups about vampires she always thought pretty highly of him:

Eddie was the one who finally spoke, his words soothing and kind. He so often gave off the impression of a do-or-die warrior that it was surprising to realize he was actually very compassionate.

Once Adrian tells her about Mason, she has more insight into the tragic past he hides behind his easygoing nature. I'm keeping this the happy post,more on Eddie's tragic past on the next one. By the end of the book, they've spent a more significant amount of time together, and even though Sydney is not great a reading people and Guardians are probably very good at hiding their feelings, she's the one who notices his feelings for Jill, because she's the one who's paying attention to him.

In The Golden Lily, Sydney is already pretty fond of the whole gang (and feeling pretty conflicted about it), and they clearly like her a lot, too. She spends only a weekend away and she already misses all of them. Eddie is so relieved she's back in town to save him from the crazy. There's more talk about their similarities, "Like me, he understood duty", and they continue to have Mom Friend and Dad Friend solidarity:

Jeans, khakis, a few solid colored T-shirts. They were very practical, very much something a no-nonsense guy like Eddie would pick out. I approved. “The size actually looks right. Good eye. We’ll have to send you out shopping more often.” “If that’s what I have to do,” he said, face serious. I couldn’t help but laugh in surprise. “I was joking.” I put the shirts back in the bag. “I know that couldn’t have been fun.” Eddie’s face gave nothing away. “Oh, come on. It’s okay. You don’t have to play stoic with me. I know you didn’t enjoy it.” “I’m here to do a job. Doesn’t matter if I enjoy it or not.” I started to protest but then thought better of it. After all, wasn’t that my philosophy too? Sacrificing my own wants for higher goals? Eddie was intensely dedicated to this mission. He never backed down. I expected nothing less from him than single-minded focus. [...] “Sydney,” he said gently. “You’re the most responsible person I know, but this isn’t what you’re here to do. You don’t have to take care of everything and everyone.” “I don’t mind,” I said automatically. “It is what I’m here for.” But even as I said it, I wondered if that was true. A bit of the anxiety from the bunker returned, making me question if what I did was truly Alchemist responsibility or the desire to help those who—against protocol—had become my friends. “See? Now you sound just like I did earlier.” He stood up and flashed me a grin. “You want to come with me to Adrian’s? Be responsible together?”

Of course by this point Sydney is unconfortable with her image as the hyper responsible one who's all about duty and never has fun. With Sydney encouraging Eddie in his feelings for Jill, and Eddie thinking Sydney going out on a date isn't a bad idea, thoughout TGL they're telling each other that it's okay to have feelings and relax a little, and not be completely focused on duty all of the time. "I'm not gonna do it, but you totally should."

Sydney explicitly thinks of Eddie and the gang as her friends at this point. I don't have anything to say about this, it's just cute banter, I'm gonna claim that it shows that they already have a more relaxed, friendly dynamic:

Eddie and I exchanged glances. So much for avoiding her indiscretions. “Improving how exactly?” I asked. “In combat, in following the dress code, or in keeping her hands to herself?” “Or in turning off caps-lock?” added Eddie. “You noticed that too?” I asked. “Hard not to,” he said.

Eddie just happens to be hanging around her dorm at the time her date comes to pick her up for reasons, very good ones I'm sure (“And I was here to, um…”). He seems to spend a signicant amount of time discussing Sydney's love life with the gang.

Eddie is now more open and vulnerable with Sydney, talking to her about his feelings for Jill and how hard it is to touch her during sparring lessons, and about how unconfortable he is with Angeline's unwanted advences. He sees her as an ally in that area:

“There’s a Halloween Dance?” Eddie dragged himself from his misery to give me a surprised look. “How do you not know? There are signs everywhere.” I stirred around my steamed vegetables. “They must not be anywhere I’ve been.” Eddie gestured with his fork to something behind me. [...] “How can you memorize entire books but miss something like that?” asked Angeline. “Because Sydney’s brain only records ‘useful’ information,” Eddie said with a smile. I didn’t deny it. “Don’t you think Eddie should go?” pushed Angeline. “He needs to watch out for Jill. And if he goes, we might as well go together.” Eddie shot me a desperate look, and I tried to find him a way out of this.

They already know each other better at this point, and what to expect. Also, this little passage just screams SIBLINGS to me:

“You’re going to this one, aren’t you?” asked Eddie. “With Brody?” “Brayden. And I don’t know. We haven’t even had our second date. I don’t want things to move too fast.” “Right,” Eddie said. “Because there’s no bigger sign of commitment than a Halloween dance.” I was about to get him back by suggesting maybe he and Angeline should go together after all when Jill and Micah joined us.

It really pains Sydney to see Eddie hurting, and she feels like his insistance in staying away from Jill and encouraging her relationship with Micah is masochistic. And she talks him up to Jill when she shows interest.

In the end, Eddie goes along with the plan to keep Sydney out of the loop when they raid the Warrior's compound. He has a whisper fight with Adrian where I assume he convinced him to let it go, and he's the one to put a tracking device in Sydney's purse. Sydney considered the whole thing a pretty big betrayal of all of them, her vampire friends and Alchemists alike.

When the raid goes down, Eddie can't get to Sydney, and she motions at him to go without her. According to Adrian, when Eddie came out without Sydney he was "babbling" about how she'd gone out some random door. He was obviously pretty worried about her:

“Sydney!” he exclaimed. He immediately released Angeline’s hand and hurried over to me, astonishing me with a hug. “Thank God you’re okay. I hated having to leave you there. That wasn’t part of the plan. I was supposed to have gotten you out with Sonya.” “Yeah, well, maybe next time, someone can fill me in on the plan,” I said pointedly. Eddie grimaced. “I’m sorry about that. I really am. We just…” “I know, I know. Didn’t think I’d go along with it, were afraid something would go wrong, etc., etc.” “I’m sorry.” I didn’t entirely forgive him, but I was too tired to push the matter much further. “Just tell me this,” I said, lowering my voice. “Were you just holding hands with Angeline?” He blushed, which seemed ludicrous after the fierceness I’d seen him pull off back at the compound.

Sydney still didn't fully forgive any of the Palm Springs gang for this, but it also drove a rift between her and the Alchemists, which helped do away with the conflict she felt about liking them.

On to The Indigo Spell, Eddie's the only person Sydney trusts with her car which is a high honor.

I took my car keys out of my bag and reluctantly handed them over to Eddie. He was the only one I trusted to drive my car, and I always let him borrow it when I left town, in case he needed to run errands for our group. “Here you go. I better get it back in one piece. Do not let Angeline near the driver’s seat.” He grinned. “Do I look suicidal? I probably won’t even use it. Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you to the airport later?”

When Marcus gives sydney a black eye, she feels like Eddie might want to hunt down her assailant, which I feel goes a bit beyond the immediate protection he'd give just anyone who needed it. When Sydney starts going on super secret meetings with rebel alchemists she decides the Eddie is the man to call for protection:

I’d been a little hesitant to let Eddie in on Marcus. Eddie certainly wasn’t going to turn Marcus or me in to the Alchemists for sideline plotting. That being said, I also didn’t want Eddie to think the Alchemists were involved in nefarious schemes against the Moroi. That might very well be something Eddie would relay back to his own people, which could in turn cause all sorts of diplomatic problems. Even this hint of the Alchemists potentially being in contact with the Warriors was dangerous. I decided that having Eddie as protection was worth the risk of him hearing something he shouldn’t. He was my friend, and I trusted him.

When Eddie hears that there might be a connection between the Alchemists and the Warriors, and that the later might be after Jill, he trusts Sydney to find out what's going on and help him keep Jill safe, which is pretty much the most important thing in the world to him:

“It’s all circumstantial,” argued the scientist in me. “Sydney,” said Eddie. I turned to him and saw something in his eyes I’d never expected to see: pleading. He didn’t care about Alchemist conspiracies or Marcus’s Merry Men. What he cared about was Jill, and he’d heard something that made him think she was in danger. That was unacceptable in his world. He would do anything in his power to keep her safe, but even he knew stealing information from the Alchemists was out of his league. It was pretty much out of mine too, but he didn’t know that. He believed in me, and he was silently begging me to help.

So they both really trust each other at this point. It's Eddie's pleading and her own worry for Jill that convince Sydney to take the pretty big risk of stealing Alchemist files.

I had to stop myself from adding a bunch of instances of Eddie blushing that aren'tactually that relevant to their relationship, so I have to agree with Sydney that blushing Eddie is adorable:

Eddie still looked way too serious for this discussion. “Maybe Eddie would volunteer,” I suggested. “I bet guardian posture would be great on the catwalk.” He blushed, which even I had to admit was adorable.

Eddie talks pretty openly to Sydney about his relationship with Angeline throuhgout the book, and then when that implodes spectacularly he agrees to talk to Sydney about it. They meet at a cafe and when the scene starts Sydney claims they had been there for almost an hour. Eddie Castile spent AN HOUR talking about his feelings with Sydney Sage, I just love that. The serious, dedicated Guardian allowing himself to be vulnerable and to be conforted. Then we get this beautiful, beautiful little exchange:

“Thanks for the moral support,” Eddie told me. “Sometimes it feels like you really are a sister—” That was when my car exploded. Sort of.

Interrupted by an exploding car because I can't have nice things. During that conversation Sydney was feeling pretty terrible herself, and she can't talk about her fight with Adrian. But that makes her wish that at least Eddie could be happy even more.

At this point I consider them to absolutely be ACTUAL TWINS, but I'm gonna have to leave the second half of the series, where Sydney and Eddie prove their love for each other in the most painful way possible, for a part 2.

[friendoftheelves]

People, what is somethings you wish writers knew about your culture, I'll start (I'm English):

If you say British-English I will riot. It's standard English, American English is just the most commonly spoken version of English, being the dominant culture

Nobody cares about sports at Secondary school, I didn't realise my school had sports teams until like year 11 when I saw them leaving and it was just a casual observation

Also Primary school = reception to year 6 or ages 4 to 11, Secondary school = years 7 to 11 or ages 11 to 16, Sixth Form (attached to a secondary school) and college (independent from a secondary school but otherwise same thing) = 16 to 18. Primary school to Secondary school is compulsory, after that you have to attend some form of further education whether that be an apprenticeship or sixth form/college is up to you. It is common to have a compulsory uniform for secondary school and less common for both primary school and sixth form/college. Primary school and sixth form/college uniforms are noteworthy whereas a lack of compulsory uniform in secondary school is noteworthy

American culture is the dominant one, we have watched and read a lot of American media

If you're poor, you live in a council flat and probably have free school meals, "trailer trash" isn't really a thing because trailers just aren't a common occurrence, the only group I can think of that commonly lives in "trailers" is 'gypsy' who are their own community and live in motorhomes. Discrimination against them is common but not in your face, which I will explain in a bit because that is its own point

People care a lot about both rugby and football and if you call it soccer and act all superior about you will make a lot of people mad because British football officially came first and a lot of languages call it something that sounds very close to football in their language and American football is closer to rugby in how it looks to us so it is a very sore point

Also, in case you haven't gathered, Britain is subtly anti-American we had an empire and we are bitter we lost it so seeing America get to where we were is something Britain does not react well to

British culture is all about pretending everything so normal and subduing, ignoring and otherwise refusing to acknowledge what strays from that "normal" so unless we are forced to openly acknowledge it we will not and then we will passive aggressively snipe at it. American culture is all about being in your face, British culture is all about pretending we don't see what's wrong. We refuse to acknowledge we even had an empire

Class is a big deal. The elites in our culture have historically been their own one and this is still seen today. Class divide is what defines us. We have things like the house of commons and the house of lords. Rather than the rich ending up in positions of power due to society falling to prevent their privilege, British culture and actively encourages elite power. There is still discrimination but because of the importance of class divide and the British refusal to acknowledge our own faults, it presents differently. Race is seen as it's own class below working class and there is discrimination between the white classes. The working class are seen as beneath the rich and the rich are seen as 'upperclass tw**s'. The middle class are then seen as traitors and having abandoned the working class because the elite government has purposefully drafted policies to ensure that happens

Also,all of the above applies to English culture. There are three countries in Great Britain and 4 countries in the UK. England, Wales, Scotland and North Ireland and the divide between these countries is clear. Scotland actively hates England, Wales passive aggressively hates us and Ireland is a mess we created (I would suggest waiting for someone who is Irish to explain that because I don't know enough about it and it is an incredibly complicated topic which plays a significant role in politics)

Also we dislike the French, Britain and France are rivals because we have been fighting on and off for centuries but the French are still seen as equals. We dislike them but we will fight alongside them if if comes to it

Also accents are important, because of the class divide, if you have a working class accent you are being discriminated against, if you have a posh accent you will be hated but people will respect your 'authority', no matter how much they hate

Oxbridge is elitist but there are so many other great Unis across the UK

To American media specifically, stop romanticising British culture, I have never seen the academia aesthetic you are portraying and it irritates, we are not just the rich upper class, look at our history people you portray and because of the class divide it hurts to see that as our only representation

Also London is its own thing, Britain does not recognise London as representative of Britain and London does not like everywhere that is London, it is the most diverse and the biggest city in the entirety of England by a large margin, it does not feel like the rest of Britain

On that point, there are many, many other cities and other towns outside of London, please acknowledge them (having never been to a lot of cities I can't explain them to you)

London does have divides within it such as the divide between North and South of the river, the South does not want to be part of London and the North refuses to acknowledge it. The Northern edge of London is also up for debate, for me it is the edge of Zone 3 (on a tube map) and the other side of the North circular by car but for others it might be further in or out so be aware of that. There is also divide between the post codes for example Wood Green and Tottenham, both have the same council (Haringey) but there is a clear divide between them only further emphasises by Haringey having two MPs one for Tottenham (David Lammey) and one for Wood Green and Hornsey. Both Wood Green and Tottenham have bad reps but the Wood Green half of Haringey starts drifting into middle class at its edges with Hornsey being solidly middle class so be aware of the variation in boroughs

And, London has no centre. It is a city that grew with its country and absorbed the surrounding towns. So if you say the centre of London people will assume you mean a specific part in zone 1 but will not know which part you are talking about and will assume you are talking in a generalisation. If they are traveling with you though, they will expect further clarification, don't say the centre and expect me to know where

Also, there is no space between houses in England, they are mostly semi-detached. I once watched an episode of escape to the country where someone tried to find a detached house and just struggled massively. You either have to pay loads of money or be in the middle of nowhere before your house is fully detached and it will still be only the same distance away from another house as the average American house is. We have one of the highest populations in Europe but a small land mass

Going on from that, Britain is definitely European and has a lot of shared culture whilst still obviously being it's own thing (like every single other country) but Britain acts like and will get mad at the suggestion that they are European like any other European country because 'we are entirely seperate and on an island and how can we not have become our own thing' the actual variation is because Rome (contrary to what the school system will teach you) had very little impact on Britain so we aren't as similar to the other Latin speaking countries as is expected, the main reason we are still similar is because of the impact of Norman conquest. Also everyone underestimated the effect of Scandinavian and Germanic culture on Britain because we act like all they did was pillage when in fact they settled down and where embraced by Briton (unlike Rome which did actually pillage and subjugate Britain without being widely accepted) so that's why there is variation. We are very European but not in the way people expect so Britain refuses to acknowledge it

Honestly British culture is a lesson in tolerance versus acceptance. But there is still active discrimination as people of colour and the LGBTQ+ can attest

Also Christianity is baked into Britain to the point that even atheists follow Christian customs without questioning it but significantly less extreme than France which just stops on Sundays (but is acknowledged as a Christian country so you know) and 'pagan' - so, in this case, Celtic, anglosaxon and Norse - culture has effected us being carried down in fairy tales and witchcraft

Some of this will be upsetting to many people as it should be because British culture hurts, it discriminates without acknowledging it and I want people to know that. I want people to see that when they write about it because the alternative is writing about Britain as if it has faults and that would be so much worse. So writers, please bear all of this in mind when talking about Britain, even and especially, the ugly parts

This has been a white, middle class, Londoners, perspective on Britain and no I will not call myself English because the divide between England and London means that being a Londoner rather than just English matters in this context

I would recommend listening to the perspective of Brits from other groups, such as England, Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland, working class, upper class, Brit of colour, non-passing queer folk, Muslim, Hindu, Indian (the largest immigrant group is actually Indian and that's just immigrated in their lifetime rather than born British and Indian), Jewish (especially Jewish I can talk about that on another post but let's just say the Jewish have never been accepted but always been part of Europe) and so on, to get a more comprehensive view of Britain

[d-criss-news]

Royalties Soundtrack Listening Event | Darren Criss Chat (July 7th, 2020)

Darren Criss 18:02:04

wait ha

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Darren Criss 18:02:08

sorry yall

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Darren Criss 18:02:12

this is confusing me of course

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Darren Criss 18:02:29

this is new for me too friends

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Darren Criss 18:02:45

well i'm here but I can't hear shit so gimme a sec

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Darren Criss 18:04:00

well I'll just keep typing here guys

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Darren Criss 18:04:04

bro

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Darren Criss 18:04:07

wilma

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Darren Criss 18:04:15

i'm tryin

Darren Criss 18:04:57

21kxuv372ubcprrbpiefadt6i

What was your favorite song to write for the show?

They each were really fun so that's hard to say but Hate That I Need You surprised the hell outta me

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Darren Criss 18:05:30

bettic72

darren non capisco un cazzo

anchio pero sti cazzi siamo qui

Darren Criss 18:05:49

genevievephillips

point and laugh at darren

yes let's laugh at him

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Darren Criss 18:06:18

2162bkuccm7xje6yfgmuzrnyq

You inspired me to write my own songs 🥺👉🏼👈🏼

thanks for writing the first positive thing I've seen on this. That's wonderful! I hope to hear them!

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Darren Criss 18:06:43

clo :)

i love that we are all grandparents when it comes to this

thank you for using the appropriate WE pronouns ha yeah this shit is confusing

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Darren Criss 18:08:44

zcvmtsgee5mom80oxeesa4v11

Darren how do you deal with stage fright .... i’ve been preforming in front of people for a while and i i still get scared . Does it ever go away ?

i guess it depends on how big the crowd is. everybody's different but I will say any kind of fright means you care, which is a good thing! Also the thing people forget about performing, for the most part, is you can't SEE the audience, most of the time they're in the dark. That's why performing for friends or in a small space where you can see everyone is much more nerve-racking

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Darren Criss 18:08:57

Dana

Darren can we have a royalties tour once rona is over???

wouldn't that be fun!

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Darren Criss 18:09:15

emilybutcher30

darren can you start streaming on twitch please haha i love you

ha can't compete with King Urie man

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Darren Criss 18:10:06

jake2000w

Darren, I know it’s all weird right now, but do you have any idea when we might see Nerdy Prudes Must Die?

what a good question. I have no idea but I've been wanting to see that show for almost as long as I've wanted to make Royalties. The boys have been talking about that one for a while now.

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Darren Criss 18:10:16

jesiqseigle56

Can you like respond .

like yeah

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Darren Criss 18:10:27

abbyforsmark

has Darren even said anything on this?

nope nothing

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Darren Criss 18:12:39

u6iczx4gua0att2g4kd2vdzwe

Did you write each of the songs with the performers in mind or did you cast them afterwards?

great question. Except for "Also You," which was written with Jackie Tohn for Jackie Tohn, we had no idea who would sing each song. I did the demos for almost all of them and then we had to pitch actors/artists to see if they'd be interested... which wasn't as hard (luckily) as seeing if they were AVAILABLE... which many weren't given the short time we had to make the show. Hopefully we can get some of those folks on for the next season IF THEY'LL LET US HAVE ONE!

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Darren Criss 18:13:52

delfi

darren royalties is so good i'm fucking proud of you

thanks for watching it, truly. I know the Quibi thing is strange for people so I appreciate you giving it all a chance : )

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Darren Criss 18:14:04

Caitlyn A :)

if you see this kick your shoes off

I would but no shoes

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Darren Criss 18:14:27

t59glm18dkw84n64l72jcuvpc

come to the uk challenge

god i wish.

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Darren Criss 18:15:39

damn someone said "travel to UK challenge" and I meant to respond "find a vaccine challenge"

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Darren Criss 18:17:08

i can't hear any of these songs but I"m just gonna start saying random shit about them

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Darren Criss 18:17:16

first off, i really wanted a theme song

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Darren Criss 18:17:23

that was a whole thing

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Darren Criss 18:19:18

Had to cut through a lot of red tape to make sure we had that silly song in there. We were already in the middle of post production when I finally got it approved, but it had to be under 15 seconds. I wrote 3 diff versions. So glad it ended up working. Theme songs accomplish so much in such a short period of time. Establishes tone. Gives the audience an almost Pavlovian response to the familiarity of the characters... I'm happy with it

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Darren Criss 18:20:12

also the "doo doo doo" lyrics are meant to sound like "scratch vocals" when songwriters record vocals with temporary gibberish lyrics with the intent of filling them in with real ones later

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Darren Criss 18:22:29

Just That Good was a concept that started the entire 1st season, and it was one of those instant-songs where Nick and Matt told me the title and I immediately had the hook just from those words. That only happens every once in a while and I was so happy it did for that song. The tricky part was writing the rest of it, but the back half of the song with the chorus repeating that one refrain over and over- that was the melody from the get go

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Darren Criss 18:23:08

I'll get back to Break it In, kick your shoes/let your hair, and kong later... i'll just go off on this one

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Darren Criss 18:23:48

so I wanted to nod to the grandeur of everyone's favorite vampire elf, Jared Leto

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Darren Criss 18:24:05

not HIM specifically, but 30 seconds to mars' very BIG music videos

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Darren Criss 18:24:29

i dont jared is a buncha self centered nutcases like our guys in SWITCHBACK JACKET

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Darren Criss 18:24:37

* i don't think Jared... 

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Darren Criss 18:25:38

anyway yeah "so much better..." comes from a lot of the 90s alt rock that I grew up on, and the mix of that sound with a bit of electronic production was an effort to contemportize it as much as possible

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Darren Criss 18:26:26

but the rhythm guitar, lots of power chords and high octaves were all harkening to my fave bands like Lit and Eve 6... but put through a strange bizzaro nickleback/creed performance filter

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Darren Criss 18:26:55

"make you come true" is obviously a very salacious play on words

—

Darren Criss 18:28:27

so the only way to make it feel earnest is if we made the track itself sexy as possible. A lot of the songs, even without being written, leant themselves to a certain genre just by the title, and this one was kind of a no-brainer. Sexy mid tempo r&b. And I didn't even know we'd get Jordan Fisher to do it- who SMASHED the vocal.

—

Darren Criss 18:29:42

lauraacampbell-12

DARREN CHORDS OR LYRICS FIRST WHEN WRITING A SONG?

it's different every time but for this show specifically it's always title/idea first, and then the song comes from there. But that's because we're writing a show, so we have the luxury of getting to write from a specific place. It's much harder to do that in your own life when you just want to pull a title/idea from your own experience of life. I commend people that do that all the time.

—

Darren Criss 18:30:06

what's NUTS about prizefighter is...

—

Darren Criss 18:30:24

it was originally a song called LONG RANGER that BONNIE MCKEE sang, who I wrote the song with

—

Darren Criss 18:30:38

and in the video we had CHRISSY TIEGEN lipsynching

—

Darren Criss 18:30:44

it was bananas

—

Darren Criss 18:31:26

we ultimately couldn't use the song because of some complicated writers shit- not too dissimilar from the things we explore in our own show, which is just totally ironic.

—

Darren Criss 18:32:56

we were so bummed that we couldn't use the song but I'm actually really really happy with PRIZEFIGHTER. I love the song, and I love how it turned out production wise. I love how much of a massive influence latin x rhythms have had across the entire spectrum of mainstream music, so I wanted try my own hand at nodding to it!

—

Darren Criss 18:33:08

Lara :)!

Ahhhhh so was that the pilot song you were talking about last week?

that's the one

—

Darren Criss 18:33:45

hbz3jctrg5rwwma640hahffvt

You have inspired me to learn piano I already know how to play teanage dream now

you can thank Bonnie Mckee aka Kimmy Kelly for writing that song!

—

Darren Criss 18:34:01

ok then there's the k pop song

—

Darren Criss 18:34:08

honestly i had no idea where I was gonna start on this one

—

Darren Criss 18:34:22

full props to the brilliant CJ Baran who I wrote this song with

—

Darren Criss 18:34:39

we were just toying around with very industrial-sounding samples

—

Darren Criss 18:35:21

and I started singing Edvard Grieg's "in the hall of the mountain king"

—

Darren Criss 18:35:33

and he was the guy that was like YEAH JUST PUT IT IN THERE

—

Darren Criss 18:35:46

and i realized, oh yeah, that song is public domain

—

Darren Criss 18:35:59

and kinda ties perfectly to the nature of Elia Peck and his songwriting... huh.

—

Darren Criss 18:36:05

So we went for it from there.

—

Darren Criss 18:36:17

based the lyrics off of what the Neals say in the room.

—

Darren Criss 18:36:34

and then just wrote a bunch of ALMOST nonense lyrics about things that you could HATE that you NEED

—

Darren Criss 18:36:40

things like available wifi...

—

Darren Criss 18:37:01

artistinal mai-tais.... yeah I guess if you really really liked those you could HATE that you NEED them...

—

Darren Criss 18:37:04

etc etc

—

Darren Criss18:38:16

but the idea was to have Mariam Hale's character hardly do ANYTHING on the track, since she, as the audience sees, doesn't really have much to offer... so we just built it around this huge track with crazy lyrics that just tees up a tag for her to say without even having to sing: I HATE THAT I NEED YOU

—

Darren Criss18:38:43

2235n5s2qk5hjsujbhk5ilpva

I have classes in 10 minutes, and I'm not leaving until you dedicate a Royalties song to me.

looks like you're gonna miss calss

—

Darren Criss 18:39:09

"calss" ha. which is like "class" but like... different.

—

Darren Criss 18:39:32

alrighty PERFECT SONG

—

Darren Criss 18:39:38

i really love this song as well

—

Darren Criss 18:40:02

the reveal of this song is that they keep talking about this "perfect song" they've written

—

Darren Criss 18:40:26

in other words we're teeing up a pretty big expectation of what a perfect song could possibly sound like

—

Darren Criss 18:40:36

the reveal of course is that the song itself is in fact just called "perfect song"

—

Darren Criss 18:40:43

which is ABOUT a perfect song

—

Darren Criss 18:41:07

and about TRYING TO WRITE a perfect song, and how that's not necessary when you have someone that IS the perfect song

—

Darren Criss 18:41:20

when we wrapped our heads around that idea, I really loved it 

—

Darren Criss 18:42:10

you'll notice we reference a lot of incredible songs, almost citing them as perfect songs themselves

—

Darren Criss 18:42:14

ain't no mountain high enough

—

Darren Criss 18:42:55

of course leonard cohen's seminal Hallelujah

—

Darren Criss 18:44:05

and of course Britney's Oops I Did It Again ha ;)

—

Darren Criss 18:45:00

the Oops being a layered joke of being annoyed with oneself that they AGAIN unwittingly wrote a lyric for already massive song, but in doing so citing yet ANOTHER already massive song... if that makes any sense

—

Darren Criss 18:45:27

sorry for the typos yall i'm moving fast, i'd never let this shit slide if it wasn't a casual chatroom vibe

—

Darren Criss 18:46:37

emzlolly1234

Did you know you wanted there to be a romantic thing between pierce and Sara?? :))))

yes that was actually our original "pilot presentation" episode. the one with the song LONE RANGER and Chrissy Tiegen. It was a longer version of what would become episode 7. We THINK it's a romantic thing but you realize that Sara is just playing Pierce to get the song she needs. That was always the premise yes.

—

Darren Criss 18:46:51

luzmargotramos

if you reply with a single dot I'd probably die

then I better steer clear of any dots

—

Darren Criss 18:47:04

ALSO YOU was an amazing lightning in a bottle moment

—

Darren Criss 18:47:09

FULL CREDIT TO JACKIE TOHN

—

Darren Criss 18:47:22

i always enjoy giving credit where credit is due

—

Darren Criss 18:48:24

and I came in pretty hot for most of the songs- concepts, chords, style... but this one literally was a simple as Jackie Sitting down and just playing "It's you I love but also you and also you and also you."

—

Darren Criss 18:48:37

we all just looked at each other going, welp, yup, that's it, jackie you fuckin rule

—

Darren Criss 18:49:28

the song would have ended up very differently if she hadn't brought that to the table. the original episode and song was "one true loves" which isn't nearly as good of a gag/title as "also you"

—

Darren Criss 18:49:50

i ended up squeezing "one true loves" into the bridge, but of course, kept ALSO YOU as the main event

—

Darren Criss 18:50:02

i will say I was also trying to spoof my brother's old band, FREELANCE WHALES a little bit

—

Darren Criss 18:50:26

if you guys know the song "generator first floor" where they sing ay ay ay ay ay a lot...

—

Darren Criss 18:50:35

... as a lot of bands and songs had featured at the time...

—

Darren Criss 18:51:00

i wanted to put them all in one joke. where a band sang not only hey hey hey but ay and EE and AYE and OH and basically all the vowels

—

Darren Criss 18:51:10

which was where the joke of,

—

Darren Criss 18:51:20

a, e, i, o, and also u

—

Darren Criss 18:51:21

came from

—

Darren Criss 18:51:32

which i'm particularly proud of

—

Darren Criss 18:51:56

ok let's talk about BREAK IT IN

—

Darren Criss 18:54:16

lxucxthxrxnx_

I’m a musician myself (not that great lol) what was it like coming up with the melodic side did you play any instruments for the songs?

i played instruments on all the songs except Break It In and I Hate That I Need You, since those were all electronic. That's not to say i played EVERY instrument but I definitely played AN instrument of some kind for the others.

—

Darren Criss 18:55:34

as for break it in... anyway... yeah that was a blast. Nick Lang and I collaborated with my buddy Kendo who goes by the artist name KingJet.

—

Darren Criss 18:56:54

Kendo has worked on a lot of legit songs in the hip hop space. For each song I wanted to make sure there was a level of authenticity to what we were doing. I didn't wanna SPOOF the songs. I wanted the songs to sound rock solid and that it would be the LYRICAL CONCEPTS that would be the source of satire. So Kendo was a great guiding light to keep the track as authentic as possible.

—

Darren Criss 18:59:47

We explained to Kendo the whole joke concept of the song, which is basically just turning the idea of toxic masculinity on its head, and he was on top of it immediately- when we told him that there's this guy that's really concerned that people think he "fucks too soft" he immediately started spitting out lyrics like the hilariously defiant "I'm the KING OF THE HARD FUCK"

—

Darren Criss 19:00:35

which just killed me and Nick. It was just so juvenile that it was adorable to me

—

Darren Criss 19:00:57

emzlolly1234

Darren you’ve been here for an hour? That’s the length of royalties man xxx

yeah aint it great

Darren Criss 19:02:21

sophie :)

i personally think you should try your hand at writing a drill song, a british genre of rap that centres around rapping unrelated lyrics in front of chicken shops, personally think it has the right tone for the show for a season two

drill would be siq. I mean, opening the incredible pandora's box of UK based hip hop in general is its own magical wormhole of nuance and history and regional culture. it's amazing. i'd really have to do some homework if I wanted to pull that off!

—

Darren Criss 19:02:49

cd2gu4ceqx4am9otf9hzwzivs

he’s talking again guys be worried he might write another essay

ok sorry i'll stop

—

Darren Criss 19:02:51

:)

—

Darren Criss 19:03:03

cd2gu4ceqx4am9otf9hzwzivs

he’s talking again guys be worried he might write another essay

kidding!

—

Darren Criss 19:03:39

fsheldens

when darren actually cares about us 🥺

awww i always do! I just wasn't built for internet stuff.

—

Darren Criss 19:04:20

alpermehdi

speaking of nick how was it to work with nick??

the best. Nick is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

—

Darren Criss 19:04:51

chloe :)!

what would be ur karaoke song choice from the show?

mighty as kong

—

Darren Criss 19:07:32

isa.kowo

How much music theory goes into your songwriting? And did you learn all of it from playing the violin? In what way does it go into your songs?

all GREAT questions. I mean, music theory isn't something you CONSCIOUSLY employ when writing something, it's just that it really helps to know the rules or music when shaping it and trying to maximize its production. And as a matter of fact, yeah, I DID learn most of it playing violin. But when I was playing violin I was ingesting music from the perspective of a student ingesting information, not as a proactive creator putting anything of my own out into the world.

—

Darren Criss 19:08:07

Honestly I really didn't start UNDERSTANDING music theory until I started writing music for other people, and noticing certain things and chords and shapes had names and that they could be manipulated to accomplish certain things

—

Darren Criss 19:08:35

so most of my academic musical knowledge came in my 20s when I tried to start doing it professionally

—

Darren Criss 19:08:52

Nick

first instrument you ever learnt?

violin

—

Darren Criss 19:09:07

andyruiz080

I'm castin' my love net wide And fillin' every hole in my schedule

ha love that line

—

Darren Criss 19:09:29

missweggy

Darren are you a big queen fan ( the band lol ) 😂

is the pope catholic

—

Darren Criss 19:12:00

ChloeOmelia

Now its available, would you change anything?

jesus so much. but such is the nature of creating stuff. there's a great Hayao Miyazaki quote about always having to make new stuff to escape the woe of all the mistakes you made in your last thing... I mean, that's a bit extreme, I feel like we did the best we could given the circumstance but I totally get where Miyazaki is coming from. And in many ways that's everything we do in life. Do your best, know what you coulda done better and carry on

—

Darren Criss 19:12:36

dj._.quackers

who or what was your biggest inspiration growing up

the beatles. the uk. the 60s.

—

Darren Criss 19:13:02

Astriddd

Your first original song was "Not Alone". I'm right?

no it was actually a song i wrote in the third grade when I got a guitar for Christmas called "Save The Whales"

—

Darren Criss 19:14:29

hiiqsbo9358wvfkcjcsgsu4lb

Darren I need an answer it’s been annoying me for days. So was everyone fucking everyone in Pierces old band or was she just fucking everyone seperately??

ha that's a really great question. I figured she was just fucking everyone individually, which is why the band was so contentious but then again I'd rather let your imagination run wild...

—

Darren Criss 19:15:29

jphxxk5wjnaqnhuv806wmohdt

Darren, I love your taste in music. You should share your personal playlists ... bc everybody needs to know phantom planet 😉

if i actually shared my tastes in music, or actually shared the amount of stuff in my brain at the rate that I want to share, I would never work on or create anything because i would constantly be on the internet and you'd all be over me if you weren't already

—

Darren Criss 19:16:01

But yes, thank you for saying that, I love me my phantom planet oh so very much :)

—

Darren Criss 19:16:18

juli.nuttini

could you please answer me I don't speak English and I'm putting ALL my effort into asking you questions I'm going to cry

wow your english is actually pretty great

—

Darren Criss 19:17:08

I'd like to write a song with Howard Ashman

—

Darren Criss 19:17:23

dancebaby218

Was kick your shoes off inspired by your Hedwig shoes?

nah cuz that shit was actually comfy

—

Darren Criss 19:17:55

12169199549

i skipped my clarinet class because of you for the third time :) what can i say to my teacher?

that Darren says you should have gone to clarinet class!!!

—

Darren Criss 19:18:34

qalektvmexab6gfwibfihwu6b

Could you please answer me. We’ve supported you for years from the uk and we’re staying up for this but it’s totally worth it because you’re amazing!! Molly x

I wish so bad I could go to the UK!

—

Darren Criss 19:20:01

FUCK someone asked about Sam Farrar and I wanted to answer it but it disappeared... Sam is a homie. one of my very first songwriting sessions was with him and a very famous member of the pop universe... who if I get a season two, I'm putting in the show.

—

Darren Criss 19:22:00

9nc1yow3iwnp9p3fs4gcvdnsf

what other instruments would you like to learn in the future?

i just need to spend time trying to get better at the ones I've plateaued with. I feel like I got as good as I'd ever get on the guitar when i was like 19. So I've been trying to get better during the Quarantine. Picked up my violin and dusted off that Vivaldi, started doing drum rudiments on my drum pad, and started learning new licks and scales for guitar. Stuff I never got round to doing.

—

Darren Criss 19:22:27

harefraz

mr. criss sir, what is your top quarantine activity?

playing music

—

Darren Criss 19:23:26

actually lies. top quarantine activity is learning Japanese. 30 minutes a day. And it's been several months. Almost got Hiragana down, still got a few characters I'm questionable with but with any luck I'll start up on Katakana in the next few weeks.

—

Darren Criss 19:23:40

224abi6avvottcsacto7vx46a

What about working with Mark hamill ? Insane right

you said it

—

Darren Criss 19:23:54

t7sxis7855cd329gaa6iyty8v

Any updates on American Buffalo? 🥺👉🏼👈🏼

it's opening next year!

—

Darren Criss 19:24:09

for the record this is really fun I'm enjoying this guys

—

Darren Criss 19:26:26

Rachael

How different is it doing a show like Royalties where you're heavily involved in the creative process compared to other projects you've done in the past?

i'd say night and day but that's an understatement. When I did Glee all I had to do was act in scenes, record songs, and go to dance rehearsal. With Royalties, it's that AND casting, doing pre production, post production, notes, meetings, notes, writing and producing songs, location scouting, blah blah blah lots of the stuff that you don't have to worry about if you're not a creator. But make no mistake I absolutely love it.

—

Darren Criss 19:27:41

Aisha

learn spanish

I'll get there. I already speak a bit of Italian so I wanted the challenge of learning something that didn't use a writing system I already understood.

—

Darren Criss 19:28:23

rosieellenxx_

I take Music Technology as a subject at school and we have to make a whole song with the sole sample of glass breaking...

sounds fun. loads of things you can do with that.

—

Darren Criss 19:28:48

21ynx6niidf2amx5nzilihsga

What are your goals for once quarantine is lifted?

hopefully to feel like I used this very strange time well.

—

Darren Criss 19:29:14

Ok I should probabl get outta here right?

—

Darren Criss 19:29:41

I've talked a lot about mighty as kong in other places

—

Darren Criss 19:30:00

so I'll just leave you with a story about "Let Your Hair Down"

—

Darren Criss 19:30:14

which was the very FIRST song we wrote for the show

—

Darren Criss 19:30:37

I had a meeting with an artist at a dive bar in the middle of the afternoon

—

Darren Criss 19:31:10

let's just say I showed up to that very first writer's session very late

—

Darren Criss 19:31:17

and sober ENOUGH

—

Darren Criss 19:31:41

wktusw4mcjn910r3eq91zg4k5

darren did you watch hamilton??????

duh last night. so fun.

—

Darren Criss 19:32:17

anyway I was so relieved that we left with that song at the end of the day. The intent was always to write two songs with the exact same concepts just with different titles

—

Darren Criss 19:32:50

the chords are the same, just slightly different voicings played on slightly different instruments

—

Darren Criss 19:33:29

and the idea was that whichever song was funnier, or at least whichever song would be more fun to see in a music video... would be the one that Pierce & Sara write

—

Darren Criss 19:34:08

"Kick Your Shoes Off" ended up feeling more like a full music video than "Let Your Hair Down" but I LOVE that first song, and hopefully people get to hear the whole thing on Spotify since you don't get to hear the whole song in the episode

—

Darren Criss 19:34:51

with lines I love like "see my cheekbones, show off my clavicle, I bet you've never seen a ponytail to magical..."

—

Darren Criss 19:35:39

emilybutcher30

i love that u spelled it sara not sarah

thank you. if you don't already know it, check out Ben Folds' "Zak and Sara"

—

Darren Criss 19:36:01

OK i gotta get going

—

Darren Criss 19:36:12

but thanks to everyone from all over the world for joining

—

Darren Criss 19:36:17

i see you and i say hi to you!

—

Darren Criss 19:36:23

happy birthday to all the bday kids!

—

Darren Criss 19:36:33

thank you for spending a little bit of your bday with me

—

Darren Criss 19:36:39

thanks for checking out Royalties

—

Darren Criss 19:36:46

hope you enjoy the music

—

Darren Criss 19:36:53

and hope there gets to be a season 2!!!

—

Darren Criss 19:37:08

xo to all of you. stay safe, stay inspired. - Darren

[ship-trek]

I would like to know everything about your ships with Spock, Uhura and Bones please!!! KJFEWHKJFW if there's lore or fic I wanna read it and if there's art I wanna see it those three are VERY GOOD (I have a lot of love for TOS) @goldenworldsabound

@goldenworldsabound

!!!! I! Thank you for this lovely ask!! I also have a lot of love for TOS, it was the first Trek I watched and it's always going to have a special place in my heart!!

If you really want to know everything, we're going to be here for a while, so this is going under a cut for length. I should never have been enabled like this. None of them have any fics yet and I can't really draw all that well, so there's no art either, but I'm always happy to ramble about them and call it lore, so here we go!

Ok, as I'm writing down the lore for my ship with Spock, it's becoming a lot longer than I thought it would be - as in it's over 1000 words and we *just* got to Starfleet Academy. I'm going to trim it down a bit to try and get a shorter version and I'll probably turn the rest into a fic. Even with the cuts, though, this is really long. You've been warned.

Once I finish my WIPs with Nerys, I have some plans for some TOS fics, so hopefully my lovely friends will get their fair share of fics soon! I can tag you in any TOS fics I write if you'd like, but of course there's no pressure!

Bones:

I selfship with Bones in the way I do to cope with some specific issues, so lore-wise it's a bit different than my other ships. I don't really have an s/i, it's just me here in our world. He's off on the Enterprise doing all those fun space things, but I can call him whenever I like and he always tries to get back to me as soon as possible if he misses the call at the time. He doesn't miss them often, though - he and I set up a system so I can mark calls as high, mid, or low priority and he'll interrupt almost anything to take a high priority call. I hardly ever use it, but it's nice to know I can reach him if I really need to. And he's amazing to talk to! He's really supportive and always willing to listen to me, and he gives the best hugs :)

I'm actually really excited because he's due back on Earth soon, and he promised to come visit! He can't visit often so every time he does he goes out of his way to make our time together special. It's one of the little ways he shows he really cares about me.

This is a fairly new ship for me, so I still haven't figured out what I'm going to do about Joanna. I'm unlikely to add her as a familial f/o, but we might end up as friends or I might just ignore her entirely. It's my canon now :)

Uhura:

So! I am a massive language nerd. I've been teaching myself both Vulcan and Klingon in addition to studying Latin, Japanese, and Spanish in school at various points. (Yes, Swahili is next on my list. Yes, this is because of Uhura.)

Nyota and I met at Starfleet Academy (more details on how I got there in Spock's lore as both ships use the same s/i) during one of our xenolingustics classes. She seemed super cool, but she had a friend group already, so I ended up being too scared to approach her. I haven't always been the best student, so I got into the habit of taking any extra credit opportunities that came my way. Our xenolinguistics teacher offered extra credit if we went to a presentation being hosted by the xenolingustics club, and I figured I had nothing to lose, so I showed up. Nyota saw me there, recognized me from class, and encouraged me to join the club. She seemed nice and I was free, so I said I'd try it out. I came to a few meetings and we ended up becoming friends!

I was never close with her friend group (we didn't have a lot in common and i just didn't fit their vibe) but she worked hard to make sure we still had time to hang out, and I never felt like she liked me any more or any less than the rest of her friends. How she balanced it all, I don't know. I still think she might be superhuman.

She was a year ahead of me and we ended up falling out of contact a little bit when she graduated. Between her (and later my) assignments, there was just never enough time, and as some of you may know (Sorry!!) my ability to stay in touch with people online is atrocious. We didn't stop talking entirely or stop being friends, but it wasn't until we were both assigned to the Enterprise that we were able to reconnect, and we're even better friends now than we were back then. I didn't exactly figure out who I was, but I grew more comfortable with the process of growing as a person and not having all the answers, and as a result I ended up way more confident in myself and with a lot less self loathing. Turns out, that makes you a lot more fun to be around! I still have a lot of work to do in that area, but I'm a lot better than I was back at the academy.

She and I hang out a lot on the Enterprise, sometimes with Spock or Nurse Chapel and sometimes just the two of us. We sing together, play games, talk in half a dozen languages (just because I don't know them yet doesn't mean my s/i can't!) and just do all those normal fun friend things. Sometimes we even teach or help each other learn new languages (I'm learning a new dialect of Klingon and she's learning Latin). One thing I've always really appreciated about her is the way she handles spontaneity with me - when she wants to hang out or change plans on short notice, she always gives me a really good sense of what she's suggesting we do and gives me the chance to raise any concerns or questions about it before we have to make a decision.

Interesting quirk of our friendship: I can usually be flexible about what we do but really need to know in advance who is going to be there, and she can usually be flexible about who's going to be there as long as she has a good sense of what we're going to do. It took us a little while to figure that out and start warning each other appropriately, but once we did things got a lot better!

It's really a crime that the writers didn't give us more Uhura-centric episodes because there are just so many things I want to know about her! This is also a new-ish ship for me, so the lore isn't quite as finalized as I'd like. If you see me changing things about our ship later, that's why!

Spock:

Ok, important warnings time. My selfship with Spock fills a very particular emotional role for me that causes me to be unusually protective of him and our relationship. I'm aware that this isn't exactly emotionally healthy, and that's something I'm actively working on. Part of the benefit of my ship with him is that he can fill this role rather than me putting it on a real person, which, yeah, wouldn't be great. A lot of this has to do with him putting me first.

To be clear, I view my ship with him as happening in one of many similar but distinct universes (there's a TNG ep I'm thinking of here) that's separate from both canon and other people's ships with him. That's why I say that our s/is probably can't be friends (unless we have some universe crossover stuff going on). I would never want to get in the way of another person's ship with him! And this is the division of things that makes it easiest for me to wholeheartedly support others' ships with him, which is something I very much want to be able to do. (What I'm trying to communicate, badly, is that I want to be clear that I don't view the way he thinks about me as being true anywhere outside of my ship with him.)

I do refer to him as my best friend, the platonic other half of my soul, and other similarly intense terms, which he reciprocates. We also have a minor telepathic bond (I have Headcanons about Vulcan telepathy and no one can stop me from using them). Our relationship really is strictly platonic, but if that's going to make you uncomfortable, the time to stop reading is now! I'm also always happy to work out more detailed tags if needed.

Now! On to the actual ship stuff. I've changed around the lore a little bit recently to be a little truer to the way I've been shipping with him for the past 6-7 years, so hopefully this is the final(ish) lore. There are several moments where if canon says otherwise I simply do not see it. I am looking away. My canon now :)

It's late, later than I should have been out, but I'm too young to know better and too excited to care. My cousins are playing in the sand out ahead of me, but I've had enough of the noise and the people for right now, so I'm doing what I do best: wandering off when I shouldn't. The beach is busy but the nearby hills are quiet, so I start to climb. Even at that age, I hate sand, and the stone staircase is a welcome relief.

I was so focused on the climb to see him and by the time I reach the top, I'm too exhausted to do anything but flop on the ground. As soon as I do that my eyes turn skyward and then I'm too focused on the stars to do much of anything else. Even with the lights around, it's a dazzling display. Most call it science, but to my untrained eyes there's a much simpler word: magic.

Between the exhaustion and the stars, it takes me several minutes to realize I'm not alone. A Vulcan boy I don't recognize is sitting on a bench a few feet away from me, staring at something in his lap and staying very still. I watch him for a while and when he still hasn't moved, I walk closer. He twitches - clearly, he knows I'm here - but keeps his eyes fixed firmly on his PADD. If I were older, I would have gone down the hill and this would have been the end of it.

But I wasn't older. I was young, and dumb, and perhaps most dangerously of all, I was curious. I didn't go down the hill. Instead, I walked up, pulled myself up to sit on the far end of the bench, and asked the question that would end up shaping the rest of our lives:

"Have you ever looked up?"

And he did.

I rambled about the stars and asked about his logic homework, and he watched the stars and patiently answered my questions. By the time we parted ways, I was smiling with his contact information tucked safely into a pocket and he watched my go with the corners of his lips pulled up into that classic Vulcan not-quite-smile.

My mom recognized his name and description as the son of Amanda Grayson, a friend of a friend, and she let me use her PADD to keep in touch with Spock until I was old enough for my own. He turned out to be a few years older than me and a lot of fun to be around with a subtle sense of humor that never failed to make me laugh. We'd hang out in person whenever I went to Vulcan or he came to Earth and we talked almost every day online when we were apart. He was (and is) my best friend, and we saw each other through the highs and lows of growing up. Even when his bullies got really bad and when my school social life went down the drain, we always had each other, and somehow that was enough.

Because of something something Vulcan brain development, the eligible age to apply to Starfleet is 20 rather than 16. (ooc this is my headcanon and I need it for our backstory to work, so shh.) I was certain he would apply for Starfleet Academy the moment he was eligible, and I think his decision to wait for a year shocked everyone. I asked him about it, wondering if there was something wrong. We'd talked for ages about how much he wanted to escape Vulcan, so why wasn't he now that he finally had the chance?

His response? "Not all humans treat me as you do. The bullying is unlikely to change, only its source. If I am to be bullied no matter my path, I will choose the one in which we are together."

I have never felt more honored in my life.

We applied for Starfleet together the next year. His father was devastated displeased that he did not choose the Vulcan Science Academy, my parents were upset that I was moving out so young, and we rolled up to Starfleet Academy as the resident pair of family disappointments. Good times.

The academy was a blast, though. We got to see each other! In person! Every day! I was there to stand up to the people who teased him, he was there to encourage me to make good choices, and we both were there to remind each other that sleep is a necessary biological function not to be ignored. We were both studying science, but he focused on the astrophysics side and I focused more on the biology side, so we didn't share too many classes, but we'd hang out all the time in between classes and we tried to take the same electives when we could. Having similar interests helped a lot on that front.

I was a weird child that had by now grown into a weird teenager, so I didn't have a ton of friends at first. Even when it started directly affecting his social life, Spock was never embarrassed to be seen with me, and though he claims that he would be treated the same without me... I doubt it. Still, though, it helped a lot to have him there, and he's never held it against me.

I did convince him to do a show with me once. He tries to hold that one against me but he had fun and we both know it. Besides, it's my job to drag him into illogical things sometimes :)

We graduated together but like so many close friends are, we were posted to different ships. It was a weird time for us. I was doing great, honestly. I was medicated for my chronic illness (finally!), in therapy (finally!), and I loved my ship and fellow officers. My job was interesting and engaging and I was having a blast. Spock, on the other hand, started to struggle a little bit. Though he always treated me like an equal, I think there was a part of his mind that always thought he was a little bit better than me, and seeing me succeed seemingly effortlessly where he was struggling was hard for him. We got through it, though, and he got some better accommodations (and later a transfer to a ship that fit him better) which made everything a lot better. I even ended up taking some engineering classes and wound up getting a degree in engineering too, just for fun.

Before we knew it, he was the first and science officer of the Enterprise and I was a lieutenant commander working for him. (I say working for him, but really it's a lot more like working alongside him. Most people in the science department assume that if you tell something to one of us and don't specifically say not to tell the other, we will, so you can basically report things to either of us.) I do some work for Scotty too, and Kirk likes to joke that I'm an honorary member of the bridge crew at this point. It was a funny joke right up until I started getting invited to briefings, but hey, who am I to complain?

Serving together is a lot of fun. I'm one of the only people on board who doesn't constantly pressure him to show his emotions, with the result that he is a lot more emotional with me. He knows that I don't view his moments of emotion as a reflection of how Vulcan he is or isn't, so he has nothing to gain by hiding them. Mostly, I don't comment on them, which is his preference.

While we're both happy to offer each other emotional support when needed, most of the time we end up just sitting with each other and letting them process it on their own. Between my emotional regulation issues and his I Am A Vulcan mentality, it's been a great way for us to show each other the support we crave without worrying about finding the perfect words.

Speaking of words, I'm one of very few people on the ship who speaks Vulcan. I actually learned it years ago because of him so we've been speaking it to each other for a while, and we take the Vulcan tendency to drop words to a truly ridiculous extent. Uhura tends to joke that we created our own language somewhere along the line, but it's a fun way to annoy Bones when he really gets on our nerves. He can't even complain about it because as it turns out having the ability to converse in a way no one else understands is very, very useful when a mission goes south. You can't really complain about something that's saved your life, now can you?

The telepathic bond (again, very minor and strictly platonic) came about when he had to meld with me on one such mission gone wrong. It wasn't planned, though we'd talked about it in the past and neither of us was upset by it. Bones tried to joke that our minds were so compatible that we were probably going to start dating now and immediately found himself on the receiving end of two death glares. Credit to him, he never made that joke again. We view each other like family anyway, so yeah. No.

But I like the bond we have! It's nice to know when he's uncomfortable but not saying anything and it's easier for me to tell when he's protesting for effect and really does want to go along with my bizarre illogical scheme and when he'd rather not. As someone with no real sense of social cues or sarcasm, it's a lifesaver. Besides, he's been a lot more comfortable with causal touch between us since it formed, which is great for me.

We also play a lot of D&D together. It's something I got him into but which he took to like a fish to water, and the lengths we go to to avoid scheduling conflicts for our weekly game night are probably a bit excessive, shall we say, but it helps that all the friends we'd normally have conflicts with end up getting invited too. He very rarely DMs, but when he does, you better hope someone in your party has a decent intelligence stat because his puzzles are amazing. Seriously, I don't think you've really played a puzzle based game of D&D until you've played one of his. Works of art, I tell you.

I could go on about him for hours, but I'll wrap it up here for time and length's sake. If you have any more specific questions, I think I've already effectively demonstrated that I'm incapable of shutting up about him!

[kirishwima]

Sorry I sent you the same ask earlier but I'd rather it be anon! How about RFA + Saeran headcanons with a professional dancer MC? Like dancing that's a bit more "close" like tango. How do they feel about her career and do they ever get jealous? Or do they just see it as her job? How do they feel about her dancing partner? (Assuming her dance partner is just a really cool standup guy who respects his partner's relationship)

so, quick funny story: i signed up for a dance class last semester as an EC, thinking it’d be fun workout dances like zumba...turns out no,  me and my other 3 friends signed up for a classical dance class where each girl had signed up with her boyfriend, so people just assumed we were 2 lesbian couples for the whole semester lmaoanyway that’s just to say-i got u covered with this headcanon lmao

YOOSUNG:

* When MC told him about their profession he was really excited! He immediatly went to youtube to watch some of MC’s competition videos, ready to whole-heartedly support her work

* Even though MC told him she focused more on latin and classical dances, and that she had a dance partner, Yoosung didn’t really put two and two together until he clicked on a video of her performing a waltz with her dance partner

* Seeing her so close to him, his leg nearly slipping between her thighs as he held her close by the waist and whirled her around the stage...Yoosung couldn’t help the jealousy churning in his gut, but more than that, he couldn’t help but compare himself to MC’s dance partner-imagining how different it’d be if he were the one dancing with her, his guilty jealousy mixing with his insecurities into a sticky concoction that made his chest heavy.

* He wouldn’t upright tell MC he was angry or jealous-but MC’s no fool. If she came home to Yoosung giving her the cold shoulder, she’d understand where that’s coming from and sit down with him to talk.

* Honestly, all Yoosung needs to hear is that she and her dance partner are simply good friends and colleagues, and that she’s in love with Yoosung, no one else.

* Having Yoosung meet her dance partner would also help-and whilst Yoosung’s jealousy may never fully go away, it’ll mellow out, and he’ll simply be glad to see MC enjoying her work, and you can be dang sure he’ll be there for her 100%, supporting her in each competition and recital.

ZEN:

* Whilst he’s a very, VERY jealous guy, he’s also a professional, so he’s actually quite calm when MC explains her profession and how she has a dance partner.

* Zen would insist on meeting this guy, wanting to be certain he has no ulterior motives dancing with MC-he’d never be rude to the guy, but he’d be a little stiff at first.

* Once he understands that he’s a standup guy that simply views MC as a friend and colleague, Zen will be more than satisfied. After all it’d be ironic for him to make a fuss when MC never fusses over him having romantic scenes with other actors, now wouldn’t it?

* He’s very supportive, and actually helps MC practice some dance moves whilst at home!

* He doesn’t really know much about classical dances, but he’s had some lessons before so he knows the basics at least, and if it comes to alternative dances or latin ones, he’s definitely good at them

* Besides...he’ll never pass up on an opprotunity to hold MC close to him, sliding his hands onto her hips as they sway together along to the music *wink wonk* 

* Just a supportive boyfriend really, plus, he’d totally gush about his fantastic dancer girlfriend on his social media lol~

JAEHEE:

* She’s honestly probably the only one to not be jealous...at all

* She finds MC’s profession wonderful, and is super supportive-as much as she is with Zen’s carreer!! Will never miss a competition or show if she can help it, and will even help MC practice at home as much as she can-even though when MC gets super close to her to practice some moves she’ll get really flustered about it lol

* The only thing that might bother her is that MC seems so graceful thanks to her years of dance training, that Jaehee wonders if MC feels that she’s too ungraceful. When she brings that up to MC though and MC furiously denies it, saying she loves Jaehee as she is and that she’s wonderful, then even that worry completely disissipates, and all that’s left is genuine excitement and support.

* She does want to meet MC’s dance partner eventually, if only to also congratulate him on their successful career; and if she finds out he’s a nice and kind guy she’ll be happy he’s MC’s friends (and hopefully hers too!)

* Honestly though...just imagine a lazy afternoon with Jaehee, the sun’s lower in the sky but still peeking through the curtains, illumianting dust particles in the air, Jaehee’s brewing coffee as MC chooses a dance track to play on her phone connected to a speaker, and as the music starts she sneakily comes up behind Jaehee, wrapping her hands around Jaehee’s waist, swaying them both to the beat. Jaehee laughs, her cheeks red as she turns around to kiss the corner of MC’s lips, when MC finds the opprotunity to take Jaehee by the waist and swirl her around, dancing with her in the living room, only instead of proper dance steps they just sway each other around, giggling every time they step over one another.

* im sORRY im a useless bisexual that dreams of having a girlfriend to do this with ok, let me live T-T

JUMIN:

* He’s actually a very posessive guy, and has been fully trained in classical dances, so when MC tells him about her profession and her dance partner, he sits there with his arms crossed over his chest, a frown on his lips.

* “And this dance partner of yours...how did you meet him? How long do you know each other? Is he in a romantic relationship? Has he ever expressed interest in you that goes beyond friendship?”

* It’ll take a while for MC to calm him down and will require yet another discussion about boundaries and posessiveness-while it can be cute to be jealous sometimes, obsessing over the other person isn’t, and Jumin never wants MC to feel that he’s pressuring her or being over-protective; so he’ll apologize, but ask to meet this dance partner, if only to ease his worries.

* Turns out the guy is not only a really respectful dude, but he also has no romantic interest in MC, and clearly says so to Jumin-mainly bc the poor guy’s terrified of the cold stare Jumin pins him with lmao

* Other than that, Jumin is fully supportive, and will never miss a show MC puts up for anything in the world-though sometimes he’ll bring Elizabeth the 3d with him so she too can experience the grace of dance lol

* He’ll oftentimes ask MC to dance with him, be it in buisness parties or simply during lazy mornings at home, happy for any excuse that lets him hold MC this close to him. 

* He’s actually an amazing dance partner, and MC will ask him to help her practice new steps from time to time when he’s at home

SEVEN/SAEYOUNG/LUCIEL:

* Of course he already knew about her profession since he did a background check and all, and he knew about her dance partner too-he even did a background check on him, back when he was trying to figure out who the hacker is, in case he might be the guy they’re looking for.

* He finds MC to be so, so graceful, and seiing her dance up close is a blessing; he really thinks she looks weightless in those moments, even more beautiful than usual as she seems to genially enjoy her time dancing

* He’s not of much help, but he loves grabbing MC and twirling her around when music plays, and even with no music playing, he’ll hum a tune himself, relishing in MC’s giggles as he holds her close to him

* They’re that adorable silly couple that dances around in their pyjamas whilst making breakfast, ending the little dance session with a kiss and the sound of laughter echoing across the house. 

* He can’t always make it to MC’s shows due to his job, but he’ll hack into the cameras of the theatre later on to make a DVD out of her preformance to watch at home later on-sometimes MC will join him in watching so she can take note of things she’d like to change or improve.

* When it comes to jelaousy, it’s true that Saeyoung does feel a pang of it when he sees the chemistry she and her dance partner have when they dance; but it’s not hard to notice when Saeyoung feels this way, and a kiss to his cheek followed by an ‘I love you’ can melt the negative feeling straight off of his body.

V/JIHYUN:

* He too finds MC being a dancer amazing, and is absoloutely supportive-he honestly not once even felt a tange of jealousy at her closeness to her dance partner, he was simply and whole-heartedly supportive and excited for her carreer. 

* He’d shyly ask if he could observe some of her practices to draw some sketches-it’s the best chance to study things like the line of action, and how a motion sketch can then be transferred into a full proper painting.

* Even though he’s pretty much given up on photography and switched to painting instead, he’d love to sneak some photographs of MC when she’s practicing her steps around the house; if MC notices him and asks him to join her in dancing he’ll turn bright red, insisting he can’t possibly match her, a professional dancer, when it came to dancing

* And yet he’d be yet again underestimating himself; he’s had dance lessons ever since he was a kid up until his late teens, so sure, he’s not a professional or anything, but he’s no novice either, and with some effort he can absoloutely keep up with MC

* This leads to frequent impromptu dance sessions around the house-Jihyun hates silence so there’s always music playing across the house, and MC will never waste an opprotunity to take a hold of Jihyun’s hands, prodding him to move forward and dance with her; she’ll have to guide his hands to her hips as he’d be too shy to do it himself at first, but once she gets him into it he’ll let himself relax, holding her close as they move to the beat, smiling as he leans his head to the crook of her neck.

* Just picture this: It’s early morning, Jihyun’s wearing his hair in a low ponytail as he’s setting down cups of coffee on the kitchen table, when a song MC loves comes up on the radio. He turns to her with a sheepish smile, knowing exactly what she’ll do-still in their pyjamas, MC runs around the table to Jihyun with an excited grin, grabbing his wrists as he lets her take the lead, letting her pace their first steps before he gets the hang of it and starts leading the dance instead; his movements are smooth and effortless, and he even dips MC down at the end, his hand on the small of her back, his one leg between her thighs as he supports her weight with one hand. He’ll smile, big and toothy and so unlike the usual poised Jihyun, giving MC a quick kiss before laughing and getting back up to give her her mug of coffee, taking a long sip from his to hide his blush in the bitter flavor.

* I have Big V Feels I’m Sorry :’)

SAERAN/RAY/UNKNOWN:

* He too knew all about MC and her profession from his background check before he brought her to Mint Eye; he didn’t think much of her dance partner at first, but as he started to develop feelings for her this jealousy grew and grew in him.

* While at Mint Eye he’d constantly ask MC questions about her dance partner, if they were close, if she liked him e.t.c.

* But everytime MC told him she likes Ray/Saeran, the jealousy would melt away, replaced by a deep infatuation instead

* After the whole Mint Eye ordeal and during his recovery, he’d love to watch videos of MC’s past competitions, and would never miss the chance to watch her dance up close; he’d never ask himself, but if she invited him to come to any of her practices he’d be more than thrilled, quietly observing her movements with an excited interest.

* It’d take a LOT of courage from him, but he’d eventually come up to MC, his cheeks red as he looked down and away from her. “I um-I’ve never-I never learnt to dance. And seeing you look so graceful I-”

* “Of course I’ll teach you Saeran!” she’d giddily agree before he could continue, and he’d be so shocked but happy-he genially wants to learn!

* She’d teach him some of the basics at first, but then during off season she’d bring him with her to practices so that her dance partner can teach her some things too since the steps are different for men and women in classical dances.

* He’d furiously blush everytime he danced with MC, biting his lip when she’d tell him to move closer to her.

* “Saeran you chest has to be as close to mine as possible-no, closer than this. Closer!” she instructed as she held his hands in hers, her chest flush to his as he slowly backed away embarassed.

* As he got bolder though....

* “Saeran, come closer than this.” 

* Well MC, if you insist...he took a hold of her hands, tugging her forward to him-before she could tumble over he slid a leg between hers, letting her head fall onto his chest, and before she could look up and speak, he’d lean down to kiss her.

* “Is this close enough?” he asks with a smirk and at that moment MC knew. She knew she’s created a Monster

* But she wouldn’t have it any other way ;)

-send me mystic messenger headcanons for character reactions!-

-masterpost-

[selfcareparker]

okay fghsgdj yes you can say girl ! my pronouns are she/her :) okay but fr pause, i read this like 3 minutes after you posted it (or at least my notif said 3mins lmao) bUT IM IN BED AND I USUALLY HAVE MY COMPUTER OPEN WITH YOUR RESPONSE SO I MAKE SURE I ADDRESS EVERYTHING AND THEN SEND IN THE ASK ON MY PHONE HDGSJSH anyway, time to get my ass up 😔 but wait i find you so funny like honestly, reading that cracked me all the way up. and i feel the “lol” thing so hard!!!! idk why i do it all the time (i’m tryna stop) but i’ll say something with lol at the beginning and lol at the end... it might be a defense mechanism at this point lol (😔) AND (i need to stop with the uppercase too it’s not funny anymore) I DONT KNOW WHY I LAUGHED SO HARD JDHSK WHEN YOU SAID ALSO AGAIN HAHAHAH LIKE UR HAHHAH also my sleep schedule is not pretty either lmao but i’m homeschooled so i never have to get up for anything? hhdhsis idk but i’m glad you slept!! you need sleep!!

also (pls no i cannot) why did i not know what ykwim meant until i reread this?? like it makes so much sense- anyway! i think it’s so cool that you’re excited for university! idk why but i do lol like you’re getting ready for the future (masters degree and all that) & you’re (maybe) going to england anyway so that’s cool haha (hopefully when you go you can see your relatives 🤞🏾)

the fact that you get happy seeing my asks i- 💓💓

you make me wanna go to London & England so bad urghhhh like i’ve only been out of the country once (to Canada for a family reunion) but it sounds so prettyyyyy & i’m so sorry that cov*d is messing everything up and i hope you can see your relatives soon :(

now to address the whole english speaking/writing: I FIND THAT SO WEIRD DUHSKSJ i don’t know how an english speaking person could say that if you don’t write it 100% grammatically correct.... that it’s wrong? when literally, over here at least, WE’RE SO GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT HAHHAAH in both the way we talk and write!! and lol you’re welcome,, AND THE PARAGRAPH DID MAKE SENSE HDHSJSH & your rant is fine because... that is actually a bit ??? bc no one writes with 100% grammar lol

OH MY GOSH (see this uppercase thing is addictive) YOU STUDIED LATIN FOR 6 YEARS??? that’s really cool 🥺 the way that you know/speak 3+ languages i- NOT EVEN 3+ LIKE 6+ (german, english, latin, french, serbian, italian, and everything that comes with latin lmao) even if it’s just a tiny bit like wowee. it is really fascinating!!! i had the opportunity to take latin and i... didnt. i took art instead BUT ONLY CUZ MY FRIENDS WERE IN THAT CLASS AND ART LOOKED FUN IM SORRY

PLEASE WHY DO YOU KNOW EVERYONE?? that sounds so fricking cool tell your mom (mum or mama it’s really fine lol) that she sounds awesome. i think Jamaica would be fun either way!! i mean it looks pretty from pictures? i was a baby so i honestly have no recollection hahaha

LMAOO NOT U SAYING THIS IS LONGER THAN SOME OF MY FICS- PLEASE GIRL IM TELLING YOU I VERBALLY LAUGHED HAHAHAHAHAH but yea you really don’t need to apologize i like reading everything you say 🥺 HDKSHS AND UR FINE WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT ME BEFORE uhhh hmm uhh lemme think i, well, i saw chaos walking yesterday (big tom holland fan over here) and it was alright.. my mom acted a fool at all the jump scares LMAO but it was funny... since i’m talking about movies (this is hella random i know) but i like shark movies HDKJSSJ my favorite is the meg (it’s so good ohmigosh) and the 47 meters down movies aren’t bad either... i have two younger brothers... iiiii AM IN LOVE WITH MUSIC PHEW anddd i’m homeschooled (i think i mentioned that lol) i think that’s a good amount ahahaha AND IM HUNGRY RN JDHSJ

now. please. let me address the edit. i just want you to know that.. when i talk about your fics and i finish them and everything i’m not looking for more? like obviously if you’re writing i’m gonna read it but you don’t need to feel pressured or anything (idk if you do) to put more fics out lol like they’re great and i’m just sending the praise bc i love the ones that are there :’) but i’m so happy you’re working through your writers block!!! yay so so happy for you!!! and PUHLEASE anything you write is fantastic, i feel the exact same way when i write but girl. you’re fine. it’s gonna be great. (idk if this made any sense but... okay)

(and my cousin calls her mom mama so it’s really okay hahah i even call my mom mama sometimes) (and where you got the number “16 sentences” beats me but i still cracked up) (is this me pretending i had tags? maybe) HAHAHAHA OK BYE ❤️❤️ why did this take me so long to send i have no clue, AND WHY AM I OVERTHINKING EVERYTHING I SAID SHAJSHSJ ANYWAY BYE btw i love us too... like iconic // lovely anon 💓

me reading this:

also the dedication you put into sending me stuff— like with the laptop and phone and ahsksk 🥺🥺🥺

i’ll update you when i’ve started uni btw, i’m getting more and more excited every single day haha but i still have 3 weeks until it starts and even then I’ll obviously have to get used to it and everything, but you’re making me even more excited about it sksjshsg

yeah i wanna go to england too dkshsh let’s be sad together over the fact the we can’t travel eksjsh😔😭 but hopefully the wait will make it even better in the end <33 also i talk to loads of relatives over the phone at least once a week so it’s not too bad for me! but i miss their house 😭lmao

and i knowww snshsh so many native english speakers just make so many mistakes— and obviously i get that some things are slang but some things are simply wrong ajsh, the thing is no one has ever told me that my english is bad (i know it’s not bad anyway, but i’m still insecure) or no one has ever pointed out any mistakes, but yeah it’s mostly just insecurity dkshsg but yes thanks for saying what you said (previously as well as in this ask)😌🥰

Okay now for latin— girlll i don’t blame u for choosing art over latin esp. when all of your friends are doing art as well!! I’d choose art over latin as well lol skshsg but in year 6 we had to choose between latin and french, and at the time i didn’t like french? which was dumb of me and now i wanna learn french ekdhs but i don’t regret choosing latin at all bc if i properly learn french one day then i’ll already know understand loads of stuff (or at least some stuff lol) just thanks to latin 😌😌 but still, art>>>latin skskshshgs

I wanna watch chaos walking too!!! But i don’t get when/where/how it’s out lmao, cinemas are still closed here so i’ll either have to wait or find it somewhere online... il*egally 🥰 i don’t have high expectations at all btw but i like daisy and tom and the dog🥺 so i think i’ll enjoy it

GIRL SHARK FILMS SHARK FOLMS SKSJSHSHS okay so there are a few classics i haven’t watched yet, and also a few new ones that i haven’t seen yet BUT I LOVE SHARK FILMS SO MUCH SKSHSGSGSKK the first like proper shark film i ever watched was the shallows (which i like but my brain is still too small to comprehend what happened at the end (i mean i get it but i just can’t imagine it— idek if you’ve seen the film but skshhs)) and after watching it three times it does get a bit boring (but now whenever i see pictures or videos of big waves i’m just waiting for a shark to show up like come ON SKSJSG

^^^that pic/scene really traumatised me sksjsh but i still like the film

I only watched jaws like a few months ago, and i get that it’s a classic and also that it’s old and they just didn’t have the best.. equipment or special effects or whatever but i mean... look at meg and then look at jaws.... no disrespect to jaws at ALL but the meg is so much cooler. (That one scene on the boat where the shark just JUMPS OUT OF THE WATER AND SKSJSHHSUSJHA i get such a shock every time it’s so good (and the dog aww aksjshssli 🥺🥺🥰 and the boy with the ice cream lmao he’s iconic)

47 metres down, wow, i liked that film too. (i’ve only watched the original/first one i think) i mean that is such a fucking nightmare scenario like ALSJDHSNEMSKDJSHSJSKWBALSODUEWBSLDKHDJSNSKSKSHSGEBWKAISGSHEKEKSKLDJDJDHDHSHAGGA (that’s the best way i can express my feelings about that scenario lmao)

oh and i’ve recently been watching more horror films but i don’t know if they’re for me... I like the thrill and whatever but i just end up being scared for my life when i have to go to the bathroom at night or when i’m trying to sleep bc suddenly my mind is flooded with all the scary shit from the films 💀💀💀

and music i mean... you know those people who just don’t listen to music? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM???? i honestly like all genres especially in the last year, i am IN LOVE with Nicki Minaj + Megan andddd Stormzy and i like Harry Styles but i prefer his first solo album (and obviously one direction has bangers i have a throwback 1D session at least once a month), I also love MGK especially his new stuff and otherwise i mostly listen to german artists lmao. So who do you like?💖 (WHY DO I FEEL LIKE YOURE GONNA SAY SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SKAHAGUS IF YOU LISTEN TO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT MUSIC DONT JUDGE ME AJSHDJS) (i know you’re not gonna judge me but)

++ @ the thing you said about writing, don’t worry, i don’t feel pressured at all!!! (not by you and not by anybody else.. except myself sometimes lol) and i’m just very happy that you liked my fics 🥰🥰🥰 and if i start telling people that i’m writing a fic then sometimes it puts a bit of (healthy) pressure on me. like yes sometimes it really is writer’s block, but sometimes i really am just lazy ddkshhd so now that i’ve told you i’m writing a fic i might get my ass up quicker than i would if i hadn’t told anyone 😌😌😌

[tired-college-student-writing]

If you're into Black Butler, maybe something with that and Miraculous ladybug? Or Black Butler with Demon Bim? I just think you'd do a good job with the Black Butler characters.

Oh boy! I just finished rewatching Black Butler actually! I had forgotten how much I loved the show. So here’s a bit of Miraculous Ladybug/Black Butler :D

ASK BOX IS OPEN SEND ME PROMPTS

________________________________________________

Marinette was different. 

Her family tried to keep her oddities to themselves when they could as the few that found out had branded their daughter as a freak, making the usually sweet girl’s icy glare freeze their very souls before they would leave and never talk to her again. 

When she was born her parents were shocked to see she not only had a sapphire blue eye, but her right was a transfixing purple as well. The doctors had said they should fade into more usual shades as she aged but they never did. Heterochromia they called it, when the eyes were different colors due to a mutation in how the melanin concentration in the eyes, but it was nothing to worry about and about 1% of the population had heterochromia in one form or another.  It didn’t stop Marinette from showing a clear disdain for anyone looking at her purple eye.

By two she was speaking in full English sentences which would have just been advanced for her age if they ever spoke anything, but French and Mandarin around her. But it wasn’t just English no, she could perfectly speak French, Latin, and German with little effort on her part. Never truly understanding why people would look at her strangely when such a small girl would be able to use five-syllable English words in normal conversation. 

When she was five her parents saw the first major mood shift. Chloe Bourgeois, the little terror, had been placed in the same class as Marinette. The girls were at odds from day one, but three months into the school year Chloe had tripped little Nino and almost landed him right into traffic. The sunny little girl had flipped in an instance, ripping into the other girl with the ferocity of a black mamba, controlled strikes verbally reducing the bully into shocked and fearful tears as she tore into everything from the girls clothes and hairs to her parents failing marriage and her father’s inability to fulfill his the campaign promises. She had then turned to Nino who was watching with wide shocked eyes and melted back to the soft caring girl she normally was, fussing over him and basically ordering him to come to her house so her mom could check over his scraped knee. It was months before Chloe said anything negative in front of Marinette for fear of the same attack, only it didn’t come, just earning a scowl and the usual banter that the blonde had come to expect from the baker’s daughter. It seemed there was a line for how far Marinette was willing to let Chloe go, and the blonde was careful never to toe that line. 

When she turned six her hatred of others seeing her right eye had reached its peak as she continued to make makeshift eyepatches out of anything she could get her hands on. Finally, her mother had taken her to the ophthalmologist to get colored contacts, to hide the purple hue. The ophthalmologist hadn’t wanted to give her contacts until her face had faded from the bright smile into a blank mask and she ran through the care and instructions that she had already known on contacts. The doctor decided to just hand them over after that. A blue contact for one eye and a clear one for the other with the prescription that fixed her lacking depth prediction. A single icy glare that nearly bordered on the one she gave Chloe many moons ago stopped any of the students in her class from commenting on her now same colored eyes.

At eight her parents noticed her new ‘friend’. A raven that seemed to have made a nest on her balcony, well maybe not a raven if the blood-red eyes had anything to do with it, but the lack of white tips on its wings ruled out anything else other than a hybrid.  They decided it better not to ask why this raven had roosted there as Marinette grew oddly attached to it quickly, though it was an odd bond they shared. Marinette could often be heard talking to the raven in English as if conversing with it, but gone was her normally cheerful demeanor, instead she would snark and ridicule the raven as if it was an unruly child. In turn, the raven would caw, peck at her and swat her with its wings. At the same time, however, they undeniably cared for each other. Marinette always made sure that the nest was warm and dry, though she never offered food to it, simply taunting the pastries in front of it with a remark about how they tasted so much better than ash.   

 The raven took great care to bring trinkets back to the girl, expensive items it had no way of getting, jewelry, sets of high-end buttons, the finest threads, rich untouched chocolates, once they even found an entire bolt of new fabric on the balcony. If it wasn’t for the cameras they had installed after that event they would have feared someone was visiting their little girl, but the raven was the only visitor to the balcony. Marinette was smart however, knowing where the holes in the camera's view were before they had been there for two months. She had been offended that they thought she would accept presents from strange humans. They relented that they trusted her and that she was a bright young girl but kept the cameras up. 

They asked her about her comments of ash and she didn’t remember ever saying anything like that. 

They asked her the raven’s name and she got a far off look in her eyes before she came back and said she doesn’t remember. 

Tikki appeared when she was thirteen and the little goddess almost recoiled in horror at the dark twisted magic radiating off of the girl chosen to be her holder. Demonic energy, nauseating to see this close around a soul so pure.  The book being swung at her and high pitched screech was the only thing that convinced Tikki there hadn’t been a mistake. The magic was too intertwined with her soul for it to be a new development, for her to have sold her soul in this lifetime.  No this was a deal that never got sealed, never allowed for the demon to consume her soul. It didn’t take her long to locate the raven on the balcony. They came to an agreement of mutual distance, realizing they were both here for the same reason to be here, to keep Marinette safe. 

During the Akuma battles where the heroes’ win is a close call, and her miraculous cure is stretched to the limits from bringing back countless lives, there was often a flash of red in the corner of her eye, simply waiting off in the distance to see if she could pull off the save once more.  Sometimes it would be replaced by a silent black figure or a golden blur, but they were always there. Simply waiting, watching. The raven always seemed more ruffled on the days the red was around. 

It wasn’t until near her 14th birthday did an Akuma come along with the power of fire, did something change. The Akuma was tall and black as night, swift and dancing like the flames they created, willing to kill and burn all of Paris down with them. Cheated on, backstabbed and burned, the woman wanted all of Paris to feel the pain her ex-girlfriend had made her feel. Each human that burned turned into its own flame beast, with the single-minded 

They had been chasing the victim through the streets when they rounded the corner. The bakery was engulfed in flames, inky black smoke billowing from the windows. She felt her heart leap into her throat. Her head screamed at her to run, they were coming for him, how her parents were dead, he wasn’t safe. Why was he out of the manor on her own anyway? He needed to get back, the servants would keep him safe. He needed to find-

Her mind snapped back into place as she realized the implications of her thoughts. Of his memories. 

“Are you alright?” The voice in front of her made her register the black figure in front of her, Chat Noir. Her knight. It seems as if she has one every lifetime. 

“Yes,” She said firmly, pulling away, “But I think it’s about time we got some assistance.” 

“Need to go get a miraculous?” He asked, knocking some advancing flame beasts back with his staff. 

She shook her head taking a step back as he kept her safe and tossed her yoyo as high as she could, no miraculous would help now. This victim was nothing short of a demon, and to fight a demon…

“Lucky Charm!” She shouted, catching the item and began pulling out her contact before she even looked down at the red and black contact case, filled with contact solution. 

“M’lady?” 

“Chaton,” She said with firm determination, turning her two-toned eyes to him, “I’m going to do something that will seem very strange and might scare you but please trust me.” 

His eyes were wide and tail lashing, but he didn’t hesitate to nod his head, never faltering in keeping the beasts away, “Of course, Bugaboo.” 

“Don’t call me that,” She snapped, voice slipping into English, before turning her eyes to the burning remains of her rooftop, “Sebastian, get down here you bloody mongrel. Don’t make me order you.” 

A large black blur flew from the nest she couldn’t make out anymore due to smoke, swooping high into the air before shifting in and gliding down, the once raven now kneeling in front of her, a cunning smirk pulling on the man’s lips, “Sorry for the wait mistress.” 

He was exactly as he was before, silky black hair falling elegantly around his face, framing the burgundy eyes that burned into her as they did the day they had made the contract. The only thing that changed was his clothes, gone was the tailcoat, polished silver pocket watch and crisp white gloves of a victorian butler, replaced by a sleek black suit and white button-down, black nails on display along with the sealing mark on the back of his hand. 

“Best to keep it, my lady, while I’m transformed. You couldn’t tell me the truth before, because…” She trailed off in question, eyebrow quirked. 

“Memory restoration requires a strong emotional response that plays on memories of your first life, my lady,” the demon gave her an innocent look as he rose, “I didn’t think you would appreciate me burning down the bakery before Miss Tikki could repair it.” 

“Sebastian,” 

They turned to look at the cat who had frozen beside them, noting the thinness of his pupil. 

“Chat,” Ladybug said slowly, “This is Sebastian, an old… friend of mine. He can help us.” 

“I-” Chat suddenly leaped forward, staff striking out between Sebastian and Marinette to knock away the beast that had appeared there, darting between them to continue fighting. 

His footwork had changed, becoming lighter than before as the ferocity grew. 

“Of course,” He spat, accented English spilling out of his lips, “Of course Sebastian was never human! I should have guessed,” 

“What?” 

The green eyes were sharp as they turned to the stunned pair, “Are you going to help me, Sebastian? I’m guessing that’s why my lady called for you. I can’t believe I didn’t put it together before! No human could run the manor as you did, I heard stories of the impossible feats you pulled but never did I think, ugh I’m an idiot!” 

Marinette couldn’t help but gape and she could see her butler’s eyebrows disappear into his hairline from the corner of her eye as she sputtered out, “Lizzie?!?” 

The blond just glared at her as she batted another beast away, “Ceil, I love you dearly but we’re going to have a serious talk about keeping demonic secrets from your fiance. I don’t care if it was a lifetime or three ago, we’re going to talk once the fires are gone and Sabastian if you think for a second you’re getting out of it, you are strongly mistaken. Now let’s finish this.” 

“Right,” Ladybug spoke slowly in French, “Head in the game Chat, yell at me later.”  

He shook his head as if to clear it, before returning to their normal tongue, “Right, sorry Elizabeth’s memories hit me like a brick wall... It is nice to see you, Sebastian!” 

“Likewise,” The demon hummed, tossing a flaming demon away.

The victim was easy to seduce with Sebastian at their side, the purple butterfly mask flared early on into the fight leaving the victim terrified as if Hawkmoth knew what Ladybug’s purple eye meant and what the man at their side was. Ending the battle was short work. 

“Pound it!” The teens cheered only for Marinette to turn a sly eye at Sebastian, “You two, Sebastian.” 

The demon raised a challenging brow, “Really now? How childish.” 

“Exactly why I want you to do it,” The sugary sweet smile held a hint of cruelness in it, “You’ll feel like a fool doing it, now come here.” 

The demon’s eye twitched but he raised his fist either way, “You haven’t changed at all.” 

[thelittlestcheshire]

Is that HAILEY CHESHIRE “CHES” ELSWOOD? Wow, they do look a lot like KATHERINE MCNAMARA. I hear SHE is an EIGHTEEN year old FRESHMEN who is studying ENGLISH at Luxor University. Word is they are an ARISTOCRAT student. You should watch out because they can be IMPULSIVE and STUBBORN, but on the bright side they can also be ENERGETIC and LOYAL. Ultimately, you’ll get to see it all for yourself.

the basics //

Full Name: Hailey Cheshire “Ches” Elswood

Preferred Name: Ches Elswood

Age: 18

Birthday: July 19th

Zodiac: Cancer

Gender & Pronouns: Woman (She/Hers)

Sexuality: Bisexual

Occupation: Youtuber (two channels, a theme park history channel that uploads once a month (documentary style) and a DIY channel she shares with a friend she posts on the 2nd and 4th Mondays of each month)

Relationship Status: In a Relationship with Elliot Mills

Place of Birth: Paris, France

Hometown: Manhattan, New York, New York

Country of Citizenship: United States and France [dual citizenship]

Languages Spoken: French (first), English, Latin, Portuguese, and she’s learning Norwegian (she doesn’t think it’s enough to count yet) and she just started Russian

deeper dive //

Hobbies and Talents:

 ♡ Piano

 ♡ Archery

 ♡ Acting

 ♡ Singing (Voice Claim: Katherine McNamara (updated - spring 2021))

 ♡ Reading

 ♡ Forgeries

 ♡ Lockpicking

 ♡ DIYS (especially involving resin)

 ♡ Writing (not creatively though, essays, Defunctworld scripts)

 ♡ Video Creation

Favorites:

♡ Color: Pink (the watermelon paint color)

♡ Food: Cheap Chinese Food

♡ Animal: Tigers

♡ Drink: Cherry Cola

♡ Flower: Lilies

♡ Book: Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

♡ Holiday: Halloween (costumes) or Christmas (gift giving)

♡ Movie: The Shining

♡ Scent: Vanilla Bean

♡ Place: Her family's flat in Paris

♡ Quote:

“and though she be but little, she is fierce” - William Shakespeare

Bêtes Noires:

♡ Color: Dijon

♡ Food: Sushi (a lot of it has to do with that tuna allergy though)

♡ Animal: Domestic Cats, she can tolerate them but they’re one of the few animals she wouldn’t seek out.

♡ Drink: Coffee (it’s a key reason why she drinks it when she’s panicking, because who has time to panic when you’re too busy being offended by what you’re drinking? Not Ches.)

♡ Flower: Roses (she loathes them, dislike is an understatement)

♡ Book: The Hunchback of Notre Dame - Victor Hugo

♡ Holiday: Her birthday

♡ Movie: The Notebook

♡ Scent: Roses

♡ Place: Touristy Locations, she hates being around tourists ok

health //  

Conditions:

           ♡ Borderline Personality Disorder

           ♡ PTSD

Allergies: Severe Allergy to the Perciformes family of fish (tuna, mackrel, perch , and bass). Shellfish and salmoniformes (Salmon and Trout) are fine, but she won’t try any other kinds of fish just in case.

Sleeping Habits: Ches doesn’t sleep well at all, she has nightmares more often than not, and it’s rare for her to get more than a couple of hours of sleep.

Exercise Habits: While she occasionally skips leg day, Ches exercises daily because she needs to be in good shape for archery. Usually, she goes for boxing (with a dummy, not other people) but she likes hiking a lot as well.

Addictions: Alcohol, although Ches is currently in recovery

Drug Use: Occasional weed (edibles), but for the most part she avoids drugs

Alcohol Use: Ches used to drink multiple times of day daily, but now she doesn’t drink at all because she’s in recovery (attending NA and therapy) and has quit.

personality //  

MBTI: ENFP

Enneagram: 7w8 (The Enthusiast with The Challenger wing)

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral, occasionally bordering on Chaotic Good

Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw

Percy Jackson Parent: Aphrodite

Pokémon Type: Ghost

Pokémon Subtype: Electric

Winx: Light

appearance //

Height:  5′3 ½” (not at fc height)

Tattoos: One, Two, Three

Scars: None

Piercings: None

Hair:  Red (naturally). Ches dyes her hair from time to time so she has a current hair color thing in her sidebar (you may have to scroll).

Eyes: Green

Fashion:

♡ link to ches’s closet

♡ link to ches’s shoes

life at luxor //  

Major:

♡ English

Clubs and Activities:

♡ Archery Club

♡ Theater (Actress)

♡ Concert Band (Piano)

♡ National Honor Society

fun facts //  

♡ Ches is a former Carnifex student who came over to Luxor during the merge. You can see everything that she’s been up to during her time in the rp on her timeline page.

♡ Ches has a twin brother named Jonah who isn’t at Luxor.

♡ The Elswoods are rich. Top 25 Forbes list, 50+ Billion Networth levels of rich. In turn Ches really doesn’t think that much about money, and how much it actually means to other people.

♡ Valedictorian of Luxor Academy’s 2020 Class, she turned down Columbia’s English program to attend Luxor University.

♡ She doesn’t use her first name, ever. She doesn’t like it, and there’s a fairly high chance of her just not acknowledging you if you call her Hailey.

♡ She’s a bit of a closet nerd - if you look under her bed she has a chest of comic books, although she has NO idea how they got there if you ask her.  Do not question the R2-D2 shaped thing covered by a tarp in her closet. She also doesn’t know where that came from.

♡ Extremely restless, if you want her to sit still during a movie you better give her something to do simultaneously.

♡ Her purse is kinda like Mary Poppins bag, odds are she has what you’re looking for in it. She almost always has her multi-tool on her. She also tends to carry around a single shot nerf gun, don’t ask.

♡ She got her first tattoo while she was away from school, using a forged note of parental consent in New Jersey. (The not fragile one, the arrow was added later).

♡ She has way too many siblings, you can learn about them on her family page. (She has one more not listed, a still born half brother named Julien she learned about via her mother’s diaries. The rest of the children (excluding Emmett) are unaware.)

♡ Loves animals, a lot, sometimes to a reckless extent. She would try to feed piranhas, she does try to climb into enclosures with venomous snakes. She would steal a dog (as would her twin brother, so apparently they have more in common than they realize).

♡ If Ches makes a threat, take it with a grain of salt. Yes, she owns a blowtorch, no she won’t set you on fire even if she lights it in your direction. Your muse might not always know that - depending on how much time they’ve spent with her, but ooc just remember her bark is way worse than her bite.

♡ Ches has a Porsche that she got from her father for graduating at the top of her class. Although it’s currently not travelling with her because the cost of shipping a car is insane. Anytime she’s in Lake George though, this is her baby. (She also owns a Mercedes, which was her first car).

♡ I’m always willing to discuss my muses, so feel free to hit me up if you have any questions at any point.

a tl;dr history  //  

♡ Ches’s mother was murdered on her 8th birthday in front of her

♡ She was raised by her oldest brother, Logan, and is NOT close to her father really. She also helped raise her younger sisters and is very protective of them.

♡ The Elswood she is closest to is Emmett. He’s a big part of why she’s even here, as she’d followed him to Carnifex.

♡ Her first real love was James (an npc). They dated Freshman-Sophomore years. It wasn’t a healthy relationship, and it started Ches’s messy af relationship and fwbs pattern as she didn’t want to go through that again.

♡ Ches left Luxor in October of 2019 because her oldest brother (Logan), overdosed. He’s alive and doing well now, but she stayed in NYC until March 2020 in order to take care of things here.

♡ I strongly recommend skimming Ches’s timeline page before interacting with her. These are just the bare minimum basics, and there’s more things your muse may know on there.

wanted connections //  

♡ Exes (when Ches dates it’s not for long, but she’s definitely the type to be like “I’ll go out with you” if asked and then... dump you if she thinks she’s getting too attached. So her exes are either on good terms, neutral terms, or they probably dislike her a lot)

♡  Former friends with benefits (while Ches is no longer taking on new ones because of Elliot, I’m always willing to headcanon past things!)

♡  Friends (I am weak af for a good friendship plot, never be afraid to be like “hey can our muses be friends” the answer is legit always yes)

♡ Enemies (Ches can... be a lot so it’s not unlikely she’s pissed people off ok)

♡ NA Sponsor (I think it'd be beneficial for Ches to have a sponsor, someone she respects and trusts but not someone with a close emotional attachment. I'd prefer if the muse has been sober for two+ years, but we can probably find a middle ground.)

♡ Ex Friends (People used to be friends with but no longer is on good terms with, either as an aftermath of her addiction, the aftermath of her recovery when that starts, them just growing apart, etc etc)

[contextualstudieslorena]

IS BEING A PART OF THE LGBTQ+ COMMUNITY A TREND?

+Throughout the years’ many people are seen coming out as queer. And nowadays it is even more common to see queer characters in media as something that is becoming normalised. For example, in this early graph made by Gallup, (an American analytics and advisory company based in Washington, D.C.) we can see that the amount of people ‘coming out ‘ and identifying as a part of the LGBT community grows every year. Yet, it is seen to be more common in people who are born from 2002 to 1997, that being generation Z. After that, being Millenials, who are followed by generation X. Besides that, it can be seen that few traditionalists identify as LGBT, for a reason that I will be talking about in this essay.

We can also see in the graft that those numbers rise throughout the years. And why does this happen? Is it because Millennials and Gen Z started a new trend of being queer? Or is it because they feel more comfortable talking about issues that used to be hidden before.

Queer representation has indeed been growing a lot, if not in movies or magazines, Kids nowadays can spot a drag queen only looking through social media, or even Netflix, a Movie platform that has been seen adding a lot of queer characters to their movies and shows. If Netflix is doing a good job at bringing awareness and representation that is another conversation but compared to 10 years ago, it is noticeable that every day queer representation grows more and more.

Yet, the only place we can see this is in media, as there is not much of it in the regular history classes we have at school.

It is also important to note that kids can be very moldable. They spend more than 11 years of their life copying exactly everything they see, that being something positive or not. And that happens so often, that a boy died in Indonesia after trying to copy the fictional superhero Spider-Man. ‘Police are investigating if a five-year-old boy in Jakarta was trying to mimic Spider-Man after he jumped out a window to his death after being told he couldn’t watch the latest movie in the franchise.’. And as surprising as this can be, it shows kids and teenagers can be influenced by something so much, they will try to mimic it, which might be happening to all the Gen Z adults who grew up with media shoving down LGBT content down their throats. As well as that, they can also be following their friend’s choices to come out and can be even lying to their own selves for attention.

I could spend an enormous amount of time writing about how social media can affect peoples sexuality and gender but I’d rather do something more educating and look at the past. Where humans started coming together as tribes and living in a society, having to deal with the presence of each other and create romantic and social relationships.

When talking about same-gender relationships the queer community mentions how normal gay relationships are in nature. Petter Boeckman, Norweigan Zoologist would say that more than 1500 species of animals have been seen having some type of homosexual interaction, those not only being mammals but as Boeckman stated "We're talking about everything from mammals to crabs and worms. The actual number is of course much higher. Among some animals homosexual behaviour is rare, some having sex with the same gender only a part of their life, while other animals, such as the dwarf chimpanzee, homosexuality is practised throughout their lives." as well as that, he then compares chimpanzees to humans who identify as homosexual "If a female has sex with a male one time, but thousands of times with another female, is she bisexual or homosexual? This is the same way to have children is not unknown among homosexual people.". However, Petter wasn’t the only one who found homosexual interactions between animals, Kurt Kotrschal, a known biologist for researching these types of behaviours has confirmed that these ty pes of relationships are beneficial for the species.

I am mentioning animals not only to show that homosexuality is natural to other species but because they can be even more related to indigenous people.

Indigenous people are the ones who can be seen the most in contact with nature. They have decades of history of not having any contact with other human beings than the ones that were located in the same tribe as them, and as much as they would fight with other tribes and move around they still had their tribes, where they would create relationships in and settle their tents. They didn’t have any contact with books and science before the colonizers came in 1500 and even after that many tribes weren’t discovered by them in the middle of the Amazon forest, so many of them didn’t even get to be influenced by the Europeans and their racism and misogynistic views and homophobic religion.

The point I want to make is that indigenous people are the ones who are the closest to animals, and if they saw an animal do a homosexual interaction, they would probably see it as something that is intended to happen and not weird, as animals don’t have a perception of that is morally wrong or not. They are a part of nature, different from the Europeans who colonized them who were already influenced by the church and their extremist ideas. And as much as it would be wonderful to have indigenous people be so open-minded as they were, Colonization happened, and with that, so did a period where Europeans found the need to force their catholic beliefs on them, as well as bringing many diseases and suffering. Cieza de Leon, a chronicler of the conquest in Peru once said, and I quote ‘ Within a somewhat different framework. During the colonial years, indigenous morality changed, partly as a result of contact with the Europeans.’She also believes and argues that indigenous people had a spiritual justification for doing anal sex with their partners ( which is now seen as something Queer people are more familiar with), that being in a same-sex or straight relationship. This spiritual justification had to do with their religious beliefs. While Colonial Latin American societies would see anal sex within their own beliefs, Iberian societies would see sodomy as a way of showing male dominance.

There are not that many pieces of evidence of Queer indigenous people in history, as the colonizers would murder them and force them to stop being who they truly were. However, there’s an engraving that shows a little bit more about their experience as trans indigenous people in colonial times. In this engraving made by Theodor de Bry in 1594 as part of his Les Grands Voyages, we can see how this homophobia is well represented. In the art piece, 8 men are shown wearing noble clothes, and between them was Vasco Nunez de Balboa, a man known for being a Spanish nobleman who conquered Panama. But what is atrocious about this art piece is what is in front of them, 3 men being eaten alive by dogs after being demanded to do so by the nobleman, after being seen dressed as women. However, what is most ironic about this engraving is the way it’s presented, which plays when seeing the men standing above them. Who present themselves in a feminine way earring clothes that could nowadays be considered quite puffy and girly. This engraving is only the beginning of what queer indigenous people had to go through, of course not mentioning the amount of evidence of homophobia that was probably erased through the time. To summarize Brazil’s colonization process, the European view on lust, nudity, polygamy, cannibalism, sodomy and homosexuality which was normal to indigenous people, was considered to be against nature and gods will, and their job was to basically baptise as many natives as they wanted and shove catholic ideas down their throat.

Yves d’Evreux, a french capuchin priest delivered a highly dramatic letter, that presented his reaction on how he encountered an indigenous that could be considered a trans man. His trip to Northern Brasil (1613-1614) surprised him , as he reacted in a negative way towards them. As he wrote ‘There is, in Juniparan, in the Island, a hermaphrodite, in the exterior more man than a woman, since he has the face and the voice of woman, with fine, flexible and long hair, however [he] was married and had children (...). (d’Evreux, 1874, p. 90) he then mentions this man again, as he ran after him with the French to ‘purify his soul’ and kill him, he was then captured and chained under the fort of Sao Luis and was obliged to say the following ‘You will die for your crimes, we approve your death and I myself want to light the fuse for the Frenchmen to know and to see that we hate your evil deeds [...]: when Tupan sends someone to take your body, if you want to have in the Heaven the long hair and the body of a woman instead of that of a man, ask Tupan to give you the woman’s body and to be resurrected woman, and you will be in Heaven on the side of women and not of men. (d’Evreux, 1874, p. 232). This however is just a glimpse of what transgender people had to go through during colonial times and still to this day. The queer community is a community that is supposed to help everyone, but that doesn’t focus much on the history of indigenous people and how much they suffered.

In conclusion, as much as nowadays, people can be highly influenced by others, the LGBTQ community has been around for a rather long time and it is not something that the newest generation has made up. From the colonization times till nowadays, queer people have felt oppressed and the necessity to ‘stay in the closet’ and not be their true selves while being afraid of getting judged or even murdered by random people or even close ones. However, nowadays people have been talking more about important issues such as homophobia, sexism and racism, which is making queer people feel more comfortable Even though, they are still fighting for their rights, and they’re still in the long run, protesting for all the people who have died since Europeans somehow decided that god found their sexual choices to be unnatural and demoniac. Now, what is left for us to do is to create a healthy environment and show more representation in media every single day, so more queer people feel comfortable without having to spend their entire lives fighting and running away from who they are. Being queer is not a trend, but queer people have been being hidden from us our entire lives. They were always there, and they are always going to be there.

Bibliography:

Partal, Y., 2021. Are there gay animals in nature? Homosexuality in the animal world. [online] Zoo Portraits. Available at: <https://www.zooportraits.com/animal-homosexuality/> [Accessed 5 April 2021].

Sigal, P., 2003. Infamous desire. Chicago: The University of Chicago Press, p.2.

Fernandes, E. and Arisi, B., 2017. Gay Indians in Brazil. 1st ed. Springer.

News-Medical.net. 2021. 1,500 animal species practice homosexuality. [online] Available at: <https://www.news-medical.net/news/2006/10/23/1500-animal-species-practice-homosexuality.aspx> [Accessed 9 April 2021].

New York Post. 2021. 5-year-old boy dies ‘trying to be Spider-Man’. [online] Available at: <https://nypost.com/2014/05/04/5-year-old-boy-dies-trying-to-be-spider-man/> [Accessed 9 April 2021].

Jackson, A., Thomas, M. and Steffen, A., 2021. Homosexuality Is Natural. [online] Exposing The Truth. Available at: <https://www.exposingtruth.com/homosexuality-is-natural/> [Accessed 9 April 2021].

Buchholz, K., 2021. Infographic: 5.6 Percent of U.S. Adults Identify as LGBT. [online] Statista Infographics. Available at: <https://www.statista.com/chart/18228/share-of-americans-identifying-as-lgbt/> [Accessed 9 April 2021].

Pictures:

1475. Spanish Explorer Ordering Native Indians To Be Torn Pieces By Dogs Copper Engraving 16Th Century. [image] Available at: <http://www.latinamericanstudies.org/debry-atrocities.htm> [Accessed 9 April 2021].

n.d. Two indigenous women kissing at an LGBTQ+ pride parade. [image] Available at: <http://@indigenasLGBTQ> [Accessed 9 April 2021].

n.d. Trans (We’wha (Zuni) circa 1849-1896 Mexican Indigenous woman. [image].