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kikimurphys · 3 months ago

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Behind Closed Doors (part 16)

Pairing: Cillian x Y/N

Cillian drove you back to your apartment to gather more clothes for your stay with him. As you sat on the edge of your bed, folding clothes and carefully packing them into a small suitcase, he moved around the room, helping wherever he could.

“Can you grab some of the baby’s clothes from the bottom drawer?” you asked.

He leaned down and opened the drawer, finding a few tiny onesies, hats, and socks. The sight of those little garments brought a soft smile to his face. He gathered them and handed them to you, watching as you carefully folded each item.

“Thanks,” you said, smiling up at him. “Livvy gave me this set,” you added, holding up a matching hat and pants.

Cillian’s smile widened, his eyes never leaving you. There was something so natural, so right, about you preparing for your baby. You looked beautiful with his child growing inside you, and he felt a deep sense of pride and affection swelling in his chest.

You placed the baby clothes beside your own belongings and then leaned down to open the drawer again. Alongside the rest of the baby’s clothes was a small, pale blue blanket and a soft rabbit plush toy with a rattle.

“This was mine when I was a baby,” you said softly as you resumed folding.

“You’ve kept it all this time?” Cillian asked, his voice laced with admiration. He found it endearing that you’d saved these cherished items, imagining your baby holding onto something that once belonged to you.

“Yeah,” you admitted quietly. “I’ve actually got a box full of my old baby clothes. I think it’s back home somewhere.”

“Why? Did you always know you wanted to be a mum?” he asked, curious. He’d never met anyone who’d saved their old belongings for their future children, and it struck him how deeply maternal you were, even back then.

“I’ve always wanted to have kids. I love children,” you sighed, your eyes dropping to the clothes in your lap as you tried to focus on your task. “I… uh, I actually always wanted to be a teacher. I’ve just always loved being around kids.”

Cillian hesitated for a moment, not wanting to push you but unable to hold back his curiosity. “What happened?”

“I just never got to it. My family and friends always made sure to remind me I was too dumb, so I ended up doing what all the ‘dumb’ girls did,” you said with a small, self-deprecating laugh.

“You’re not dumb, Y/N. I can’t imagine that,” Cillian replied, his tone firm yet gentle.

“I know that now,” you said, your voice softer. “But at the time, I really believed I wasn’t capable of doing anything but being pretty and focusing on ‘girl’ things. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, and I was always drawn to fashion and the film industry, but it’s always been my dream to work with children or have my own.”

Cillian nodded in understanding, offering silent support. He never liked throwing out comforting words just for the sake of it; he preferred to listen, to be there. And you appreciated that about him. You never liked being vulnerable in front of others because you hated the empty reassurances. But with Cillian, it felt different—he got it, and that was enough.

“What about you?” you asked, glancing up at him. “Did you always want to be an actor?”

Cillian paused, leaning against the dresser as he considered your question. “Not really,” he began, his gaze distant as he looked back on his past. “I was actually more into music when I was younger. I thought I’d end up being a musician, maybe in a band.”

You looked up at him, surprised. “Really? What changed?”

He chuckled softly, a hint of nostalgia in his voice. “Well, I did have a band for a while, and we even got a record deal offer. But I was young, reckless, and a bit too wild for my own good. I ended up turning it down, thinking I’d have plenty of time to figure things out.”

Cillian’s eyes met yours, and he gave a small shrug. “Life doesn’t always go the way you plan, though. I ended up going to university and studied law for a bit, but it just wasn’t for me. I was miserable.”

You nodded, listening intently, feeling a deeper connection as he opened up about his past.

“One day, I went to see a play,” he continued. “And something just clicked. I don’t know how to explain it, but watching those actors up there, I realized that was what I wanted to do. So I dropped out of university, much to my parents’ dismay, and threw myself into acting.”

He paused, a small smile playing on his lips as he remembered those early days. “It was tough, you know? Starting out, taking on small roles, doing theatre… But I loved it. Every moment, every character, every story—it felt like I was finally doing something that mattered to me.”

You smiled softly, understanding the passion behind his words. “And now you’re here,” you said quietly, admiring how far he had come.

“Yeah,” he nodded, his voice tinged with gratitude. “Now I’m here. But it’s funny… no matter how far I’ve come, how many roles I’ve played, I still think back to those early days when I was just a kid with a guitar, dreaming of a different life.”

You reached out and took his hand, squeezing it gently. “You’re amazing, Cillian. What you’ve accomplished—it’s incredible.”

He looked down at your intertwined hands, then back up at you, his eyes softening. “Thanks, love. But honestly, I think what you’re doing is even more incredible. You’re bringing a new life into this world, and you’re going to be the best mother.”

Your heart warmed at his words, and you couldn’t help but smile. “Maybe… but it’s still scary. I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it. It's scary.”

“You will be,” he said firmly, his hand tightening around yours. “You’ve got so much love to give, Y/N. Our baby’s lucky to have you.”

For a moment, the room was filled with a comfortable silence, both of you lost in your thoughts. Cillian’s thumb traced small circles on the back of your hand, a soothing gesture that made you feel safe, like everything would be alright as long as he was there with you.

Finally, you broke the silence, your voice soft. “I’m really glad you’re here, Cillian. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

He smiled, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to your forehead. “You’ll never have to find out, Y/N. I’m not going anywhere.”

After settling down in his apartment, you were curled up on the couch with a blanket and a pregnancy book. Even though you were naturally maternal, you didn’t know much about babies, so your sister had sent you some books on pregnancy, childbirth, and the first few months of your baby’s life.

“Here you go,” Cillian said, approaching you with a cup of tea.

“Thanks,” you replied, taking a sip as he sat down next to you and turned on a movie.

The two of you sat in comfortable silence for a while—Cillian watching TV while you read your book. The warmth of the tea and the coziness of the blanket made you feel relaxed, but your mind was still full of thoughts and questions.

After some time, you broke the silence. “And Max? Do you only have him on weekends?”

“Yeah,” Cillian nodded, his gaze still on the screen. “Just until he can move in with me this summer. so I can have half of the custody.”

You smiled at that, imagining how happy Max must be to spend more time with his dad. “He wants to meet you, you know,” Cillian added after a moment, his voice soft.

Your heart skipped a beat at his words, and you looked up from your book. “Really? Did you tell him about me?”

“Course I did. You’re giving him a baby sister,” he replied, patting your thigh affectionately.

You sat up, a mix of surprise and concern flooding your expression. “You told him I was pregnant?”

Cillian nodded, sensing your worry. “I did. I wanted him to know, to prepare him. He’s a smart kid; he’ll understand.”

You bit your lip, anxiety creeping in. “What if he doesn’t like me? Or what if he thinks I’m trying to take his place?”

Cillian moved closer, his hand resting on your back. “He’s not going to think that. Max has always wanted a sibling, and he’s been curious about you for a while now. He’s going to love you, Y/N.”

“Okay,” you replied, biting the inside of your cheek. The thought of meeting Max scared you. He was a kid, and while you knew he’d likely be well-behaved, given who his father was, there was another layer to your anxiety—Siobhán. Cillian had told you they were on good terms, but when it came to their child, women could be fiercely protective. The idea of stepping into that dynamic made you nervous.

Cillian tried to reassure you, mentioning that Max would be coming over this weekend. You tried to mentally prepare yourself, but the anxiety lingered.

After spending more time reading, you decided to make yourself useful and headed to Cillian's guest room to unpack your bag. The room was spacious, and as you looked around, you thought to yourself that it could make a great nursery. But then you glanced at your suitcase and cursed under your breath. “Fuck!” You remembered Dr. Nelly’s instructions—no heavy lifting.

“Cill! Can you help me with my suitcase?” you called out, feeling a bit frustrated with yourself.

Cillian quickly stood up and came to your aid. You hated bothering him, especially knowing how tiring the week had been for him. Being in his apartment felt a bit awkward for you, and though you knew it was for your baby’s health, you couldn’t help but feel a bit useless.

He lifted the suitcase with ease and placed it on the bed, unzipping it. “I’m sorry. Thank you,” you said, feeling a bit guilty.

“No bother,” he replied with a kind smile, shaking his head. He was always so gentle and understanding with you.

“Let me help you,” he murmured, starting to unpack your belongings.

“No, it’s okay,” you argued, not wanting to be a burden.

“Please, Y/N,” he insisted, his tone gentle but firm. “The doctor said no unnecessary effort.”

“Fine,” you sighed, giving in as you sat on the bed and leaned against the pillows, watching him work.

As Cillian took out two ziplock bags with baby outfits, he paused, curious. “Why did you bring the baby’s clothes?”

“Well, if anything happens, we have to be prepared. I don’t think I got enough stuff anyway if she was born now,” you said with a small, nervous laugh.

“Yeah, about that. We should start buying things, like a cot and a pram.”

“Yes, I suppose,” you replied, your gaze drifting off as you stared into space. He was right, but the realization that you didn’t even know what you needed began to weigh on you.

“Are you alright?” he asked, noticing your sudden quietness.

“Yeah, sorry. I’m just… tired. Do you mind if I take a bath?” you asked softly, feeling the day’s events catching up with you.

“Of course, go ahead,” Cillian replied, his concern evident as he watched you. “I’ll run the bath.”

“Thank you,” you responded with a grateful smile, touched by his attentiveness.

You spent half an hour soaking in the hot water, finally finding some peace after the stressful week you'd had. With one hand, you cradled your belly, while the other held the pregnancy book you were reading. A small kick against your palm made you smile, reassuring you that your baby was going to be just fine.

After drying off and greasing your stretching belly, you padded to the living room to grab your phone, which was ringing. Cillian was seated on the couch as you picked it up.

“Hello?” you answered, pacing slightly as you spoke.

Cillian shifted his gaze from the TV to you, his eyes following your every move. You were wrapped in a simple white robe and your hair in a messy bun, your outfit making your growing bump even more noticeable. He couldn't help but feel a stir of desire at the sight of you. The way your breasts bounced slightly inside the robe with each step gave him a tantalizing glimpse, and he felt his body react.

“Ash called,” you said as you took a seat on the kitchen stool, brushing your hair absentmindedly. “She just wanted to check on me, see how I was holding up.”

Cillian glanced over at you, noticing how often you mentioned your sister. “You’re very close with her, I see,” he observed.

“Yeah, we are,” you replied with a soft smile. “She’s the only one in my family who understands me. Or, well, tries to.”

“Why? Are they not supportive of you?” he asked, genuinely curious.

“They are, it’s just… I can be very complicated sometimes,” you shrugged, trying to downplay it.

Cillian let out a small chuckle at your response. “How come?”

“Oh, you don’t wanna know,” you warned him playfully.

“I do!” he insisted, turning around to face you. He leaned on the counter, crossing his arms, the sleeves of his shirt cuffed at the elbows, revealing his toned forearms. The sight of his veined, muscled arms and the light layer of hair covering them made your mouth water.

“Well…” you looked around the room, trying to think of an example. “For instance, what are you making?”

“Chicken curry with rice,” he replied.

“Okay, so I’ll eat this because I’m pregnant, and she’ll just make me eat anything,” you laughed, “but normally, I wouldn’t like it.”

“Okay, I see where they’re coming from,” he said with a smirk, understanding your point.

“And it’s the same with so much more. I’m a pain in the ass!” you declared with a proud smile.

“No, you’re not,” Cillian reassured you, his tone warm and teasing.

“Are you close with your sister?” you asked as you stood up to get a glass of water.

“Yeah, with all of them, but especially with my brother Paidi,” he said, a fondness in his voice when mentioning his family.

Just then, the doorbell rang, catching both of you off guard.

“Are you expecting someone?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.

Cillian shook his head, looking puzzled. He walked over to answer the door, and as soon as it opened, a lively voice called out, “How is it going brother?”

“Orla?” Cillian exclaimed, his eyes widening in surprise.

tags:

@mamawiggers1980 @xsweetcatastrophe @galactict3a @thistheivyseason @cillianmurphyvevo @sweetcheesecakesblog

#cillian fic #cillian murphy #cillian x fem!reader #cillian x reader #cillian murphy x y/n #cillian murphy x you #cillian murphy x reader #cillian murphy imagine #peaky blinders #peaky blinder fanfic

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sohkrates · 2 months ago

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It Drinks Light: The Origins of the Xenomorph and LoadingReadyRun's Heat Death

In previous drafts of this essay I spent paragraphs outlining my love of the Alien films, defending Alien 3 and Resurrection, and using that to lead into why you would enjoy an Alien RPG actual play series called Heat Death. But I just spent a lot of money on a tattoo that I think will speak to my bona fides:

I like the Alien franchise. I like Geiger’s xenomorph, I like the clunky cassette futurism imagined in those 80’s movies. It feels increasingly like a much needed antidote to modern digital interfaces, and the maddeningly undefiled aesthetics of the corporate digital age.

But after I saw Prometheus and then Covenant it became very apparent to me that Ridley Scott isn’t interested in the parts of the universe that I am interested in. Or at least, his answers to those questions aren’t particularly satisfying.

There are some good things in those movies, don’t get me wrong. The moment when the two Michael Fassbenders have flute lessons is some of the gayest shit in the series, right alongside Ripley and Call having come good ol’ fashioned knife play in Resurrection.

The prequels also continue the theme established in the first few movies that the whims of the rich and powerful will doom us all in general, and the people who work for them specifically. Their corporations are shown time and again to be fundamentally opposed to human flourishing. True as it ever was.

But that’s kinda it for me.

The question at the heart of these prequels is “Where did the xenomorph come from?” to which they answer:

Some sort of chemical weapon or tool synthesized by tall aliens called engineers for ambiguous purposes. Millenia later this was discovered and hijacked by a singular android of human design, flawed in all the ways its creator was flawed. Some iterations and experiments later we get the xenomorphs we recognize.

Admittedly there may be more nuance than that. But as far as I can tell any further details are all muddled in cut content and unskilled storytelling.

Ultimately, according to the prequels thus far, the xenomorph is something we did to ourselves.

That is not a particularly engaging answer to me. I don’t really care about how the titular alien came to be. I don’t need to see the engineers, or the origins of the space jockey. I liked it when it felt like that tall alien was merged with the cockpit, when it looked like one organism, a new and novel form of life from another evolutionary path completely unlike our own.

And if you feel the same, I have something to recommend to you.

Heat Death is an actual play series made by the Canadian comedy/streaming troupe LoadingReadyRun in 2020 as part of their Dice Friends series. They did 6 episodes where Cameron, the GM, leads 4 players through their own scenario in the official Alien RPG.

And it’s one of the best Alien stories I’ve ever seen.

Cameron provides much more interesting answers to the questions Ridley Scott keeps asking, and in a method that compliments the familiar set up of Alien films. A typical day in the life of spacers is interrupted by a combination of corporate malfeasance and/or the existence of the xenomorph.

The setup of Heat Death is thus: The crew of the research vessel Ludomia, our PC’s and NPC’s for the series, wake up on a strange and grandiose space station called New Eden. Their vessel is missing, the rest of their crew is missing, and they have no idea where they are. They seek answers, they seek escape, and they try to figure out what was happening here hidden in the shadows of space.

And in typical Alien fashion, it all goes to hell.

Part of the reason the series works so well for me is because the GM has a background in the sciences. This helps when the characters are confronted with the truly alien things they find. I am an amateur appreciator of things like biology and astronomy ,and so there is just enough detail to make me feel like I know what’s happening, but also enough unfamiliar jargon that I feel an appropriate sense of awe and dread. Cameron doesn’t talk down to his audience or his players, he describes the world in ways that would make sense to the character’s point of view, and offers explanations and details when prompted.

The xenomorph’s biology is described as being reminiscent of Teflon, an immediately startling non sequitur.

The primordial black goo from the prequels is described as incredibly hazardous to human beings through exacting technical terminology. It makes it seem real and dangerous. In the prequels it always felt flat and… out of place.

I like Heat Death because Cameron and the players are actively investigating the question of the origins of the xenomorph without limiting the possibility space. It’s not a closed loop that begins and ends at LV-426 with the space jockey and its ship. Instead we see a possible answer to what is waiting for us in the stars, a galactic ecology that we have stumbled into and are ill-equipped to handle. It makes the machinations of Weyland-Yutani seem even more feeble and doomed.

It also works so well because the players are all in on it. They lean into the themes of the franchise, of roughnecks who shoot first, of commanders in over their head, and corporate representatives quietly manipulating things to their own end. There’s no power gaming or looking to get the upper hand or finding an optimal path to survival. They see the awfulness coming and they don’t look away.

There’s more that I could recommend about this series, but I run the risk of giving away too much. There’s the poetic introductions to each episode that give breadth to the fiction. The investigations of different bits of lore and tech, from faster than light travel to how synthetics work. But I guess I’ll end by going over all the players and their characters.

First there’s Commander Roman Moritaka, played by Ian, who I think more than anyone leans into the doomed nature of the storytelling. Ian is always ready to make the obvious mistake and try to do the most reasonable thing in an unreasonable situation. One of my favourite moments in the game comes from Roman making telemetry calculations. How many AP’s do you know that bother with the drama of rocket science?

Then there’s Clinton Barker played by Alex, a colonial marine who thinks in equipment and utility, and has no time for metaphor or theory. Alex is also obviously an Alien fan and someone who knows military tech and lingo, which lets him launch into interesting asides and funny anecdotes that punctuate the story.

There’s Gregory Sinclair Jr., the corporate liaison played by Cori. He is a perfect mix of uselessness and cold corporate comfort. Cori plays him relentlessly, a perfectly willing pawn right into the final moments of the final episode, and a constant needle in everyone’s side.

And then there’s Harris Schafer, played by Adam. Harris is a laid back academic and scientist, which makes them a great foil for the other characters and the perfect POV character to let us know just how bad things are, much like Adam himself. Adam is a great addition to the table, always willing to ask the basic questions and react in relatable ways.

I’ve already mentioned Cameron, and as GM he plays all the NPC’s with depth, and deftly cuts between scenes, heightening moments of tension and underlining moments of impending dread. His obvious writing ability is on full display. It feels like he loves this stuff. And in a way that Ridley Scott kinda doesn’t. Not in the same way. There’s curiosity and time and thought on display here, and I really appreciate that.

And that’s it. You should watch it, especially if you like the alien series and the art of actual play. It’s good. It’s on Youtube and it’s on podcasts. Check it out. Let me know what you think. Recommend me some other Alien fanfiction.

And if you would have liked to have read this earlier, or would like more essays and stuff like this, kick me a couple of bucks on Patreon. If folks like this sort of thing, I may do more essays. Heck, I'll probably do them if you hate it.

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lucy90712 · 1 year ago

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Pedri- Messy

WC: 2.2k

I thought moving in with Pedri would be great we spent so much time together that it just made sense to officially move in together. I was always at his during the day and barely even slept at my place so it felt stupid paying the rent to only be there for a few hours a week. I thought it would be a simple transition as I thought I knew pretty much everything there is to know about Pedri but I was wrong. Turns out Pedri has been hiding the fact that he's actually a complete mess most of the time. He must have actually bothered to put things away or tidy when I was just visiting but now I've moved in he's stopped that and the place is a constant mess.

Everyday I come home from work and spend at least an hour washing dishes or picking up Pedri's training kit that he's just leaves all over the place. Today is my day off and usually I would do things I like to do such as go to the gym, read a book or catch up on my favourite shows but today I had to clean. I've been doing loads of overtime this week as I had a big deadline so I haven't been able to do the tidying I would do each day and now the whole house is a mess to the point that I can't stand to look at it any longer. It was hard to know where to even begin but after walking around to get ready I decided the best way forward was to start with all of my things and then work through each room.

Over the course of the day I went round and tidied then deep cleaned each room as the place was very much in need of it. It took me all day I was at it from when Pedri left for training to when he came back after meetings and other filming he had to do. By the time I was done my back and arms were hurting from the constant bending down and scrubbing. As much as it was hard work it felt so good to have it done and see all my hard work pay off as the house was truly spotless for probably the first time since Pedri moved in.

Just as I finished putting away all my cleaning supplies the door opened and Pedri came in and put his bag on the floor to come and give me a hug and a few kisses which were much appreciated. After greeting me he headed upstairs to change taking his bag with him but leaving his shoes and his boots in the middle of the entrance which any other day might not bother me but today annoyed me a bit. I put them where they are supposed to be and then headed upstairs myself to go and change as I had got a bit sweaty from cleaning. When I got to our bedroom I almost had a heart attack as yet again Pedri's stuff was everywhere and he had messed up everything I had organised neatly on his side of the room. Although it really wasn't that big of a deal it physically hurt to see everything that I had done all day be ruined in a matter of minutes. I could feel anger bubbling up inside of me as not only did Pedri not acknowledge that I had even cleaned the place he just went and made it a mess again expecting me to clean it up at some point like I'm some sort of maid and not his girlfriend.

"Baby can you put this stuff away please?" I asked him as nicely as I could as I entered the room

He completely ignored me and kept looking through his draws for something specific. The longer he ignored me the angrier I got but I didn't want to start an argument so I turned away to try and calm myself down until he actually spoke.

"Why do you always do this where the fuck have you put everything" he yelled

"Woah don't yell at me what are you looking for?" I asked angrily

"It doesn't even matter why are you so obsessed with putting everything in a certain place I hate it just leave my stuff where it is" he continued to yell

"But the place is a constant mess Pedri I can't live like that I cleaned this entire place today and all you do is come home and mess it up" I argued

"Well if you didn't hide all my stuff then the place wouldn't be such a mess" he retorted

"But it would be I'm the only one who ever picks anything up don't tell me you haven't noticed the state of the place this week when I've been too busy to clean I have turned into your maid Pedri not your girlfriend" I said

"I never asked you to do it so don't complain to me about it" he said

We were only going to keep fighting and getting angrier until we both said things we would regret so I decided to just walk out. On my way out I grabbed my phone and keys before just sitting in my car trying to decide where to go while thinking about everything that just happened. In the end I decided to go to Gavi's place as the two of us are really close plus he should be home. Along the way I calmed down so I wasn't so angry anymore instead my anger turned into sadness as I felt tears brimming in my eyes. Pedri and I never argue so when we do it always feels awful and now we have moved in together I worry about us drifting apart and eventually splitting up.

By the time I actually made it to Gavi's the tears had started falling even though it's only a short journey. Before actually going to the door I tried to wipe the ears from my face and hide the redness as I know Gavi will worry if I turn up crying but it didn't really work. When I actually knocked on the door I started to hope Gavi wasn't in. I mean why did I choose to to go to Pedri's best friends place after an argument we might be close but there's no way he'd take my side and even if he did I don't want to ruin their friendship. Before I could turn around and get back in my car the door opened and Gavi looked at me for a second before pulling me straight into a hug. When he pulled away he led me inside and sat down next to me on the sofa in silence for a few moments before starting to speak.

"What did he do?" Gavi asked

"Nothing we just had an argument and I needed to go somewhere before it went too far" I lied

"Now I know that's a lie you wouldn't be so upset if it was just an argument" he said

"Fine since we moved in together I noticed that Pedri never cleans up anything and usually I do it but this week I've been so busy with work that it all built up so today I deep cleaned everything and then when Pedri came home he just made a complete mess of everything I just feel like he doesn't appreciate me making an effort to keep the place clean" I ranted

"So he's being an asshole just like I expected" Gavi joked

"Yeah I guess so" I replied

"Look Pedri can be annoying but trust me he loves and appreciates you he is just very set in his ways and clearly having the place be a mess is one of them over time he will change I promise but in the meantime you have to get used to messy Pedri" he explained

"Thanks Gavi hearing that makes me feel better" I said

Pedri's POV

I was arguing with y/n when it just went quiet so I stopped what I was doing to find her as she never usually just walks away without saying anything. Just as I was about to head downstairs to see if she was down there I heard the front door shut which meant she had really just left in the middle of a fight. It made me more angry that she would just leave and not try and work through this as we never fight but when we do she always makes sure we don't stay angry at each other. As I thought about it more instead of staying angry I felt really bad especially when I went back into the bedroom and saw how much of a mess it was.

Y/n has spent her day off cleaning instead of doing what she wants and I can't even keep it tidy for more than 5 minutes. I know I'm not the tidiest person in the world and I always just leave things places but I always know where everything is but y/n has always been very neat and likes things to have their place. Before we moved in together I used to actually clean a bit more as I wanted to make her feel comfortable staying with me but since she has officially moved in I stopped trying and went back to my old ways. I have noticed that each day when I come home the place is cleaner than when I left which doesn't happen magically so y/n spends her free time doing that even though I know cleaning isn't her favourite thing to do.

Of course I had to go and start an argument just because I was in a bad mood and couldn't find what I wanted. I just feel awful that I shouted at her for something that's really my own fault after she put in all that work all day. All I wanted was to tell her how sorry I was but she left for a reason so I know I need to give her some time to calm down before I either wait for her to come home or go and find her. To really show her how sorry I am instead of just saying it I decided that I would actually tidy my things and organise them so that I can put them away and still know where they are to make the both of us happy.

It took a while but eventually everything was put away so I ran downstairs to head out and find y/n to apologise. I would wait for her to come home but I can't wait any longer before I apologise and make things better. It didn't take long for me to work out where she had gone as out of everywhere she could go when she's upset she would go to a friends and one of her closest friends is Gavi. Just to be sure I text Gavi to ask him if y/n was there before I headed there to see her.

Your POV

Gavi and I played video games together as that was he was doing before I arrived until someone knocked on his door so he got up to answer it. I didn't look over until I heard a familiar voice and I knew exactly who it was but I still turned around to check and of course it was Pedri. He looked at me before coming over and sitting next to me; he tried to put his arm around me but I moved away not wanting him to touch me until we talked things through. There was silence for a few minutes as we sat alone after Gavi left us to talk.

"I'm really sorry love" Pedri said breaking the silence

"Do you understand why I was even mad in the first place?" I asked

"I do and I'm really sorry I shouldn't leave you to clean everything and I should've appreciated everything you have done today on your day off" he said

"I'm just really used to living on my own and being able to leave things where I want that I didn't think about changing that when you moved in and I'm sorry from now on I promise I will try and be tidier and we will share out the chores so it's not just you doing them" he added

"Thank you babe I appreciate that I just wanted you to understand that I don't want to do everything only for it to be a mess the next day" I explained

"I understand that now as soon as you left I felt awful and I cleaned everything up and organised my things so I know where they all are so the place will be tidier from now on" he said

We made up and decided to move on from the argument and just both do better at communicating from now on. He went to pull me in and this time I allowed it so he hugged me tightly and gave me a few kisses before picking me up so we could go back home. I tried to tell him that I took my car but he just said that we would worry about it tomorrow so I gave up trying to tell him and just let him bring me home. We both said goodbye to Gavi before Pedri drove us home where Pedri made dinner and we watched my favourite show which usually Pedri hates for the rest of the evening. He also made an effort to keep things tidy throughout the evening which made me happy that he finally understood that the place isn't just his anymore.

#pedri gonzalez imagine #pedri imagines #pedri gonzalez imagines #pedri imagine

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notadryseatinthehouse · 1 year ago

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So we finally got around to watching Lady Chatterley’s Lover on Netflix recently and for a number of reasons I low-key haven’t stopped thinking about it since. I haven’t read the book, although I own it and it’s sitting on my table waiting for me to pick it up.

One of the key scenes that sticks out in my mind is their first sex scene. After reading some reviews of the movie, as well as comments on Reddit and elsewhere about it, I have been made to understand that this is the worst sex scene in the film, and even that I might be a bad person for liking it.

This is not to denigrate the reasons people don’t like it or even find it problematic: she’s just had a panic attack after a deeply uncomfortable dinner party with her husband and his shitty guests, so it could be argued that he is taking advantage of her while she’s in a less-than-ideal mental state. Additionally, the actual act itself is quite…abrupt. There’s no foreplay really, they just kind of start having sex on the floor of his little birding cabin. It’s not the most romantic setting and, of course, female bodies don’t work that way.

But I’d like to speak in defense of this kind of sex: what I like to call “oh, so we’re doing this?” sex.

You’ve been flirting with someone for a while. Maybe it’s very casual flirting, maybe it’s shy on both sides, perhaps you aren’t even sure if the other person is actually flirting with you or if they’re just being polite. Still, every time you see them you get butterflies in your stomach but you also feel like you can be yourself, and they seem to give you a lot of attention and eye contact, so it doesn’t feel like an unrequited crush or anything.

And then, after weeks or months of this, you experience a real moment of real feelings, very big feelings that may have nothing to do with this other person, but they’re there, and they take care of you, they get you someplace warm, and you feel like you should be embarrassed but for some reason you’re not - not even a little. And they are caring for you in a way you’ve never felt cared for in your life, or at least in a very long time. And then all that flirting, those furtive glances, those coy looks, those happy smiles, those secret jokes, suddenly build up like water at a dam, begging to burst through. You know instantly what you want, and you look at them and you know that they want it too, and you know you could get caught at any moment, but then suddenly…

“Oh, so we’re doing this?”

“Yes, let’s do this.”

There’s a romance to this desperation, to this need that arises after a long time of putting your own desires on a shelf for safe-keeping. Isn’t it lovely to be able to take it down and hold it in your hands for a brief, stolen moment, maybe with the “very wrong” (but entirely right) person who will hold it with you and add their own? Would you waste a single moment on foreplay, when you have been ready for this and quietly wishing for this for weeks?

So I guess that’s my defense of the first love scene between Connie and Oliver. The film did a lot to show you how stifled and unfulfilled she had become in her marriage, and how easy and free she felt around Oliver. The scene gives us that release, even if it’s awkward and stunted and brief and uncomfortable to watch. Sometimes that’s what sex is; but between two eager and consenting adults, it can still be really good sex. I personally appreciated it, because all sex can’t be slow, gentle, lying in a meadow sex. (Although that was fun too.)

#lady chatterley's lover #romance #romance books

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quillkiller · 2 months ago

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my unpopular opinions:

i really don’t care about evan at all and never had an idea of him and except for saint’s characterization of him i don’t really like him

not really unpopular but the first time i watched the hp movies my fav character was bella and growing up i kind of felt bad bc everyone would talk about how she’s a horrible person i always love her and well now in this little fucked up space in the internet i can go back to my roots and appreciate her!!!! (also we have the same hair like!!!!)

also not unpopular on quillkiller.com but i just hate most jegulus like can we stop doing twink x jock like pleaseeee i swear it’s nothing new go read yaoi you would love it there (maybe im also a hater, i don’t like men)

nothing against people who like marlene but like, idk i don’t see it (well except for lily i just prefer the older girls like the black sisters, sybill, rita)

and i think that’s all for now, hope you’re not too bored!!

this entire ask swept me off my feet lets run away together…..

honestly….. ive been struggling so much with evan too to the point where i just had to accept that the evan i like is the evan my mutuals have come up with.. like i just COULDNT get a grasp on him at all. however since i stumbled into the rosier twincest/bartyrosiers i have FINALLY !! started to get ahold of his character myself <- however that’s not to say he isn’t very much inspired by my mutuals. my rosier twins are 1 year older than barty and reg, so for one year (be that at hogwarts or some other modern au school) they only ever have each other, he’s quiet and disturbing and prefers it if pandora does the talking for him because she’s more curious about like. the outside world than he is/cares more about other people. he’d prefer to stay in his room with pandora and his books and scalpels and disturbing thought experiments, while pandora is the one who is curious about other people and how they work and what they do and why and she drags evan with her to whatever it is that she wants to do, and obviously he goes with her because it’s not like he’s going to be without her. i think they befriend barty and regulus either because pandora is drawn to reg, or because barty looks at the twins and is like yea somethings up with them we need to befriend them

and agree on bellatrix obviously…… i was so obsessed with her when i read the books AND when i watched the films. she could do no wrong to me i fear……

and finally, the jeggy one, which you already know i agree with word for word…… this is the opinion that swept me off mt feet and the wording made me laugh… you are SO correct and im nodding along frantically at you….. 🤍

and LOWKEY i kind of agree with the marlene thing.. but i think im just annoyed that people will make her (and only her! token dyke vibes…. to me….) tomboyish but are too scared to make her actually masc or butch………. so that’s probably on me. it’s just TIRING !!!! people hate butch women and love femme twinks what else is new :/

#sorry this was late i fell ASLEEP #mwah thank you for playing hugs n kisses 🤍🤍🤍#asks

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peace-coast-island · 5 months ago

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Diary of a Junebug

Making emotional support teddy bears, because why not?

Never underestimate the power of having an emotional support companion by your side when you need a little lift. Life can get rough and sometimes we have a lot weighing on our minds, so why not turn to something that can provide you comfort to help you get through the day?

This crafting session turned out to be perfect timing for the visitors who dropped by the camp before heading home after meeting up to address some heavy issues. I wasn’t at that meeting, but I am aware of the situation, and so I really hope things turn out okay in the end. It’s never easy dealing with shit that really isn’t in anyone’s control - life can be cruel like that.

Daisy Jane and I came up with the idea of making teddy bears after seeing a bunch of videos of people making emotional support chickens. I don’t know, something about emotional support chickens just caught everyone’s attention, like the kind of thing we never thought we needed and now we’re intrigued. I enjoyed watching other people film their process on making it, which turned out to be therapeutic for them too, probably because they’re trying something new and different. Plus, you’re making a cute little friend and watching them slowly come to life - how is that not amazing?

It’s a knitting pattern, which was how we came across it, though I’m honestly still on the fence on actually making one for myself. First of all, I don’t have the right yarn for it - I mean, I could make it a scrappy project like a lot of people have done, but I don’t know if I have enough and whether or not it’ll look cohesive. Don’t wanna play yarn chicken while making a chicken - haha.

Also, and probably the biggest obstacle for me, is that I’ve never made anything like this before, so I really have no idea how it’s gonna turn out. The only experience I had with making a knit animal was a fish from a long time ago, and that just involves simple increases and decreases - two pieces knit the exact same way and then seaming them together. But a chicken’s gonna be more complex than that from what it looks like, and given my experience with crochet amigurimi, I’m gonna really struggle with my stitch counts.

(I’m still haunted by my wonky six tentacled octopus…)

Anyway, instead of an emotional support chicken, we’re sewing up emotional support teddy bears. We have kits from a while ago that I’ve been meaning to use for an event…only to completely forget about them. Finally did some long overdue cleaning and found them hidden under a pile of stuff that I really need to sort through - but that’s for another time.

The kits contain everything you need, as well as detailed instructions, so it’s beginner friendly. I’m kinda rusty when it comes to making plushies, which I usually use a sewing machine for anyway, and most of the group have little to no experience with sewing in general aside from basic mending skills.

The instructions are written to cater to novices and those who are more experienced, which is why there’s a lot of pages despite it being straightforward. A little annoying to flip through, I gotta admit, but I really appreciate the detail - it’s just the format that really bothers me. They really should’ve split it into three booklets for the three levels, beginner, intermediate, and advanced so it’s easier to read. Highlighting definitely helps, or else you’d end up reading the wrong set of instructions.

Joining us in this event is quite a group - Ambrosia, Latte, Aymn, Connie, Olive, Della, Hongxia, Sadiki, and Madeleine. As for why they’re all together, it’s because they’re concerned about Safiyya. The situation in the Lunar Rainforest cannot go on much longer - Safiyya can stall all she wants, but patience is running thin on both sides. While they have managed to avoid a full on conflict, that doesn’t change the fact that there are many longstanding problems that should’ve been dealt with swiftly and decisively in the first place.

While that is a pressing issue, that’s not what this meeting really is about. To put it simply, Safiyya is not meant to be a leader. That doesn’t make her less of a person - it’s just that most people aren’t suited for that kind of position. Like personality traits - some are more emotional while others are more rational, some can work under pressure while others will crack. Safiyya does have some qualities of a capable leader, but in the words of her friends and colleagues, some of her greatest strengths are also her greatest weaknesses.

Being a leader is tough, and it’s not something I’d personally strive for. Having the option to choose to become a leader is considered a luxury to some. For people like Safiyya, Della, Hongxia, and Madeleine, they didn’t choose to become leaders, they were pretty much handed that role because they have obligations to fulfill. Of course, they’ll do their utmost to do their job, but often at the expense of their own well being.

That’s why we’re all worried about Safiyya. It’s bad enough that the Lunar Rainforest affairs are a huge source of stress for her, and now her personal life seems to be falling apart too. Ambrosia and Olive suspected that something had come between Aymn and Safiyya as they have grown distant over the past year. Shutting those close to you out and shouldering the burden only for yourself is never a good sign. Aymn tried his best to reach out to her, but I think this is just one of those things where it’s not entirely anyone’s fault, just a bunch of complicated circumstances tangled up together to create a situation where everyone loses out.

Could things have been handled differently? Yes, I believe so - to some extent. There’s really no way of knowing, so I won’t go down that route. That’s not to say that they didn’t try - I think they handled things as best as they can. It could be worse, should be better - again, there’s no use going back and forth on the past. What matters now is the present and what we can do about it.

I think Madeleine, Della, and Hongxia understand Safiyya’s struggles with being in a position that they never really wanted or felt like they deserved. It’s bad enough dealing with a lot of pressure from all around, it’s even worse when you don’t have the option to step away. I mean, you can, but then everyone will hate you for letting everyone down because your existence is basically tied to your ability to fulfill a specific role, which I know is not a good thing.

People aren’t tools, weapons, or pawns, they’re just people. Sure, some end up with more burdens and responsibilities than others due to birthright or whatever, but it’s not right to define them as their purpose and nothing else. I can’t imagine what it’s like being told since you were born that you have to be x, y, and z, and if you fail, you’re a disappointment because so many people depend on you. Even if someone can handle the pressure, it shouldn’t be something you expect from someone all the time. No one is invincible, after all. We are all prone to fail or fall short of expectations.

Hongxia and Della didn’t have much of a choice because of their families despite the fact that they have proven that they’re not meant to be leaders. Both of them actually developed severe mental health issues from running themselves to the ground - psychosomatic paralysis and substance abuse, to name a few. Like, that’s fucking serious and absolutely not acceptable. A stressful life like that can and will kill you, which was why Della’s mother finally had enough and intervened.

Safiyya may be immortal, but she is not invincible. Hongxia was able to recognize the signs of chronic overwork because Meiying hammered it on to him when he showed the exact same signs. He said he never realized how terrifying it was for those around him to see someone running themselves to the ground until finally seeing it for himself with Safiyya. The others have seen it far too many times than they’d like to admit, but it’s the kind of thing that often gets swept under the rug for various reasons.

In other words, if Della and Hongxia hadn’t fought hard to break away from their leadership positions, they will eventually work themselves to death. Della said her mother recently confessed to her that over the past year she had premonitions of her dying, which is naturally a parent’s worst nightmare. Not just from overwork or illness, murder or assassination’s another thing to worry about, especially if you’re high up there in terms of influence and politics. With one foot already in a grave, unless there’s an intervention, it won’t be long before they fall.

Hongxia said it was similar with his mother, and Meiying, Aiwen, and his sister in law, all of them putting it bluntly that he was going to wind up dead in a few years if he kept trying to shoulder all the responsibility on himself. While his brother means well and appointed him as the Xuelin for a reason, it’s just not something he wants out of life, which is why he’s been in kind of a weird position in terms of his status within the pavilion. Now that Hongxia’s on medical leave for an indefinite amount of time, that will make the rift between him and the others much more wider.

He’s got a lot to deal with too when he has to go back home, but right now his physical and mental health takes priority. Leaving home was the right choice for him as he’s no longer in a stressful environment, though that doesn’t change the fact that there are still a lot of things that need to still be addressed. Now he’s even more determined to not succeed his brother, which is a whole ‘nother issue that makes his whole situation even more complicated.

Well, the best Hongxia and everyone else can do is take it one day at a time. I don’t think it’s a good idea for him to go back anytime soon. He said so himself that he’s afraid that the second he gets home, his headaches and paralysis will return, and he’s probably right. I can’t comment on Qiangshou’s politics, but surely, they can work something out? I’m sure Hongxia’s not the only one who feels out of place in the Senlin Pavilion, though he’s probably one of the very few who not only actively fights back, but also has supporters by his side who care about his wellbeing over status and obligation.

Madeleine and Della were lucky in the sense that they were freed from the shackles that bound them for most of their lives. Della had aspirations to become an Eagle Stellaron, only to become disillusioned when she realized that the organization as a whole was corrupt. To make matters worse, her own parents were complicit, and so she was in a difficult position. There was also that whole thing with her friend being murdered by a captain who apparently had a habit of silencing those who didn’t see eye to eye with the Stellarons. If she wasn’t already so distrustful of most of her colleagues, she could have become one of his victims too.

Basically, it was a toxic environment where the people around her were actively driving her to her grave. And she was far from the only one who was a victim - there were a lot more like her who were not as fortunate. At least because of her mother’s status, Della had some sort of immunity, as in, most of her tormenters knew exactly how far to push her around without angering their superior. Sadly, most of the other Stellarons weren’t so lucky to be born to such families, and a good number of them ended up quitting or wound up dead in a matter of years.

For Della, cutting ties with the Eagle Stellarons and having a hand in their downfall was the right choice. She knew what she was doing by throwing herself into the crossfire, that she was never liked by her colleagues anyway, so being branded as a traitor is nothing compared to what they put her through. Although things have quieted down, she still has to be on her guard. Nothing too serious has happened, but she’s had some close calls with former acquaintances who failed to get a rise out of her. That’s just something she’ll have to deal with for possibly the rest of her life. The way she sees it, that’s a small price to pay for her freedom.

Madeleine was essentially created as a pawn and yet she willingly let herself be used that way because of her strong sense of justice. While she has no regrets for many of her actions, she does resent her loss of freedom and autonomy over the past few centuries, which really took a toll on her. If Connie and Fontaine hadn’t intervened with fate and essentially pushed things along, she’d probably lose herself completely with all the deception she had to put up with.

Just because she was willing to get blood on her hands doesn’t mean she’s okay with it, but sometimes you have to take an impartial and somewhat cold stance in order to get shit done, even if it makes you an enemy to some. As much as she wishes she could be an idealist like Safiyya, to try to find a way to work things out so everyone wins and no one ever gets hurt, Madeleine knows that it’s just simply impossible. Not everyone is willing to make sacrifices for the greater good.

Sometimes you have to be the bad guy, the cynic, the traitor, or whatever. Sometimes you have to play dirty, burn a few bridges along the way, manipulate the general public so they see things in your favor. I’m not saying that I necessarily approve of that, but there are times when you have to do the hard thing if you want to see certain results.

Most of the time, it’s not personal, it’s just someone doing their job, so I think when personal feelings gets involved, that muddies everything up. That’s probably why Safiyya and Madeleine felt the need to isolate themselves to avoid dealing with complicated feelings. I get why they feel the need to distance themselves and shoulder their burdens alone, but that doesn’t mean they should, not if they keep sacrificing themselves for the greater good.

It’s understandable why Madeleine doesn’t want Safiyya to go down the same road she did. Like her, Safiyya was created for a purpose and ended up with a lot more burdens than she bargained before thanks to unseen circumstances such as her predecessor’s death. However, unlike Madeleine and Nahla - who came to her position in a similar way - Safiyya was completely unprepared, which probably explains her hesitancy and avoidance for any sort of conflict.

Between the three, Nahla has proven to be a capable leader after successfully regaining control of Dharma when it fell to the wayside. The events of Adrikha were somewhat similar to the first rebellion in the Lunar Rainforest, the obvious differences being that Nahla’s faction succeeded where Safiyya’s failed in their approach not only to restore order but also maintain peace. Another major difference is that Nahla was more ambitious and driven, not by power, but because of her sense of duty and obligation driven by the fact that no one but her can do the job that was rightfully hers.

While it might seem like the best option, having Safiyya step down will create even more problems. Aymn’s probably the best choice as her successor but he considers himself an ill fit for such a role for various reasons - one being that he’s a mortal human. Although he’s well respected among his peers, there’s many who still see him as an outsider since that’s what he is to those whose families lived in the Lunar Rainforest for generations. There’s also the complicated on and off relationship between them, which most of them had already suspected, though that’s an entirely different issue.

So, it’s a lot to deal with and no one has any answers. At least they’re getting it all out in the open, hoping that their personal experiences will shed some much needed insight.

Not surprisingly, making emotional support teddy bears was therapeutic for everyone. Since we had a lot of kits, we made extras as gifts. I made one for my sister, Hongxia made three for his niece and nephews, Sadiki for Amina, Connie for Pai, as well as the rest of the Epiphany and Harmonious Cafe crew.

While working on the teddy bears and pondering about Safiyya’s situation, I remember a conversation between Madeleine and Fontaine not too long ago. He was one of those friends who took her by the shoulders and told her flat out that he couldn’t bear to watch her drive herself to her grave. It wasn’t until she got involved with the discussions regarding Safiyya when she finally understood why Fontaine was so upset with her while she merely brushed off her near death experience like it was nothing.

How terrible it is for someone to look down on themselves so much, to see themselves as only a means to end that that they’re totally okay with sacrificing themselves over and over again like they’re disposable and insignificant. Fontaine had to watch someone close to him subject herself like that for centuries, which was why he finally snapped, so to say. Like, he literally grabbed Madeleine by the shoulders - not in an aggressive way, more like clinging to someone so they’d stay because you’re afraid of them leaving you - and made her promise to live a long, uncomplicated, and happy life.

Such a seemingly simple thing, yet at times it’s almost like asking for the impossible as there are no guarantees. She found it a bit naive, but nevertheless, she gave him her word. Maybe, she believes, if Aymn confronted her like that, being all open, and vulnerable, and honest, he’ll finally get through to her. It’ll be a difficult conversation, but a very necessary one.

For now, there’s really nothing they can do aside from trying to get through to Safiyya. Aymn feels bad for doing this behind her back, but I think he’s doing the right thing because he’s worried about her. Madeleine and Connie know from experience that having friends who are willing to intervene means that there is hope, that there is a way to work things out no matter how difficult it gets. It’s not easy, but sometimes you have to give someone a good shake before they end up self destructing and it’s too late to help them. I really hope they can get through to her.

Read on AO3

#animal crossing pocket camp #animal crossing #headcanon ramble #diary of a junebug

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ordinaryschmuck · 2 years ago

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Pixar from Worst to Best: #15 Turning Red

Turning Red fascinates me. Not because it's a good movie, though. Don't get me wrong, it is a fun and goofy time that will leave kids pleased and maybe even a few adults. What fascinates me is that something so harmless and silly sparked so much unnecessary hatred from people online.

"IT MADE MY CHILDREN REALIZE THAT PERIODS WERE A THING!"

"THE ART STYLE IS AWFUL, AND IT RUINED PIXAR!"

"IT DIDN'T ACKNOWLEDGE 9/11!"

These were real criticisms brought up by real people, and it's not worth it. Don't get me wrong, the Mom's a big b-word, and the energy is...not for everyone, but nothing justifies getting mad at this. Do you not like that there are references to menstruation? Well, your kids would find out about it anyway, and this IS a PG-rated movie. You can't say that teaching them something that’s natural isn't going too far. Do you not like the art style? Well, tough. That kind of thing is objective, and I personally love that the animation team tried so hard to make Turning Red a 2D movie in CGI clothing. Do you not like that this goofy comedy about a girl from Canada turning into a giant panda didn't reference a terrorist attack on America that spoils the tone the writers were going for? Hm, where do I begin...That's the dumbest thing I have ever heard, and the fact that the person in charge of this movie was the exact same age and in the exact same time and place as the main character disputes any ground that criticism has.

It honestly feels weird to defend Turning Red like this, as if it's this underrated gem that more people should appreciate more, but the truth is that...I don't love it. Don't get me wrong, I liked it fine and had a great time watching Turning Red. But I wouldn't go so far as to say it's one of Pixar's best, and I can absolutely see why people dislike it. You're allowed to dislike something. Just don't be stupid about it.

With that said, I still wouldn't consider Turning Red bad. Hell, I wouldn't claim it's some of Pixar's worst. And that's because Turning Red has one thing that even the worst Pixar movies lack: Passion. With every frame of animation, line delivery, and story beat, I can tell that everybody involved in this film was passionate about it from beginning to end. I don't doubt that people work hard on every Pixar movie, even the “bad” ones. They did their best to make each film as good as it could be, but they did it because it was a job. Something they needed to do. With Turning Red, I can tell it was something everyone wanted to do. And for that reason, I can't hate it. I'd rather have an imperfect film that people had fun making than a decent movie that lacked any joy whatsoever. If you don't like it, fine. But if you can look me in the eye and say that Turning Red is actually worse than the entire Cars trilogy...you need to check your priorities.

#turning red #pixar #pixar worst to best #what i thought about

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honeyquinns · 2 years ago

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Heyy, can I request a Joseph Quinn fluff? Something kind of like when he’s sick and he’s very needy? :))

of course!! i just got off work so i could have time to think and write lmfao ��

NEEDY

joseph quinn x reader

*sneezes* “love, could you grab me another box of tissues please?” you hear Joseph say from the kitchen. he’s been sick for the past couple of weeks and let’s just say he’s been a big baby. honestly it’s pretty cute when he pouts for you to rub his back to help with the pain from coughing so much and the little voice he makes when he doesn’t want to bother you but needs something. but boys can be dramatic sometimes. Joseph was recently in Toronto filming for a new movie and it was pretty cold there and coming back home with all the weather change, he got a cold. you didn’t mind taking care of him since you work from home. you were making him chicken soup from scratch, along with some ginger tea to sooth his throat. you also add a little eucalyptus which helps with nasal congestion.

you add everything onto the tray, including a new box of tissues and head to your guest bedroom. Joseph wanted to be super precautious not to get you sick, which you found sweet. “here you go, darlin’” you set the tray of everything he needed over his legs and helping him sit up straight. he gives you a half smile then frowns “what’s wrong?” you ask. the answer is pretty obvious but with Joe you never know. he sighs “nothing. thank you y/n. if i could give you a kiss i would” he starts drinking his tea while you sit down at the edge of the bed, watching ‘Peaky Blinders’ one of his favorite shows.

you hear him start eating and hear him huff heavily, making you turn around. “what’s wronnng?” you say again with a flat face, you knew by his tone it was something more. “well it’s just i hate being sick. my throat is really sore, my nose is running uncontrollably, my eyes are itchy. i could have pink eye, do i have pink eye?” he rambles on and on leaning closer to you and you laugh “babe, you are so dramatic. you don’t have pink eye, your eyes are fine. drink your tea, it’ll help your throat” he pouts which you find cute and sips his tea again “do you think you could grab me some halls, please?” he says in a low, sweet raspy voice. you mumbled a mhm in a peppy way and made your way into the kitchen to grab some and you hear, yet again, Joseph calling for you. “y/nnnn” you leaned back, looking at him on the bed. “yes my lovely sick little man” you say. “could you turn the AC down please? i’m a bit hot” you nod your head and turn it down to 70°f. you walk back into the room and set the halls drops by the nightstand.

you turn to walk away when Joseph grabs onto your arm “i just want you to know that i appreciate everything you’ve done for me the past couple of weeks-“ you turn to look back at him “i know i’ve been a bit of a nag but i just love the way you care for me” you smile warmly at his words. even though he can be dramatic, you love that he knows how much you care for him. “a bit???” you both laugh. “thank you my love and i do care for you a lot. i’ll always take care of you but sometimmmes” you make a face raising your brows which causes him to laugh uncontrollably and cough. “i love you. and i promise when you’re sick, i’ll give you a bell and you can ring it until it falls off.” he says smiling. you lean in, giving him the biggest kiss on his forehead. “i love you more. just please hurry up and get better because i miss you in the bed with me.” he goes back, picking up his food, “i would eat 5 bowls of this if it helps me get back in bed with you” and with that he starts eating but quickly spits it out “a bit cold” he said and you laugh taking it, popping it in the microwave and giving it back for him to eat. you couldn’t help but smile over how much you love him and walked out of the room to shower and rest yourself.

a/n: hi!! this was actually lowkey fun to write and now i’m simping🤧

#joseph quinn imagine #joseph quinn blurb #joseph quinn x y/n #joseph quinn x reader #joseph quinn masterlist #joseph quinn fanfiction #joseph quinn #joseph quinn edit #eddie munson #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson masterlist #joe quinn

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wizkiddx · 3 years ago

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3 hearts broken

I did an angst thing again oops also not proof read double oops

summary: an argument between you and tom, except it takes him hurting someone else for you to loose it

warnings: alot of swearing (im British sorry not sorry) idk anything else except commitment issues?

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It was an argument you and your boyfriend regularly had. In fact, it was the only argument the two of you ever had. And especially recently, one that Tom seemed to want to have every day. It didn’t matter where you were on set; in the rental home; out for dinner. Or like now… in the airport lounge.

You were sitting across from each other in a semi-private booth. Tom in his joggers and a burgundy hoodie, you in your black leggings and an oversized tee that actually belonged to your boyfriend. The rest of the place was almost deserted, given the late-night time of the flight. It was probably why Tom felt so comfortable bringing up this touchy subject in a public place.

You were both way past overtired too, owing to the end of a gruelling shoot. All you wanted was to get back to London and get into your own bed. Without an unnecessary fight with Tom.

Unfortunately for you, when you had naively said those exact words, Tom’s overtired brain skipped straight to it being a personal attack.

“I don’t see why you can’t commit to moving in Y/n! We practically live together for filming anyway so-“

“I love you Tom, more than I could ever express. I just… I can’t do this yet. I need… more-“

“More time, I know.” He grumbled, already standing and slinging his duffel bag over his shoulder - as the flight’s gate was announced by the intercom. Had he not already turned his back and started heading along the hallway, you would’ve tried to protest and calm him down. But thanks to his urgency to get away from you… all you could do was sigh. Slumping back against the seat before hauling yourself up and grabbing the bags - that he had helped you with on the way in.

No doubt this would be a long flight.

That it was. Tom had been maturely giving you the silent treatment at the gate, as you were boarding, and finding you seats. You were both in first class, so you had adjacent little pods with a little partition in the middle. It’s standard position was to be lowered however, before you’d even been able to settle into your window seat, Tom had already switched to button to have it slowly slide up.

Real fucking mature.

Thinking he just needed some time to cool off, you rolled your eyes but let him be. Even though you were such a frequent flier, you were terrible at getting any sleep on them. Tom knew this, knew how much you disliked the idea of being hurtling through the air in a tin can. Usually, he’d be holding your hand, entertaining you by watching a movie and providing a shit commentary over the top. Sometimes, when you were both as exhausted as right now, he’d even slide into your chair, having you perch on top of him so you could fall asleep listening to his heartbeat in his chest. Now though? He refused to acknowledge your existence.

Tom never had such issues flying, he was like a switch that could just choose to fall asleep at any and every point. Which is perhaps why it shocked you to see him still wide awake, staring angrily at the corner of his pod when you went to the loo, hours later. Thinking it was time for a peace offering, on the return to your seat you made eye contact and began to smile softly at him. However, that plan lasted for all of two seconds, since as soon as he realised you had seen him staring, Tom instantly shut his eyes - playing asleep.

He really was being particularly stubborn tonight.

By the time the plane landed, he’d still refused to say anything - and it was starting to really piss you off too. You’d tried to be mature, tried to offer the metaphorical olive branch and he had quite literally thrown it back in your face. So by the time you were being escorted off the plane (first because you were first class), you hung back from your boyfriend, wanting to have your own space.

Which was exactly why you didn’t want to give up your own apartment yet!

The two of you walked across the bridge into the terminal with a good 8 metres between each other. Tom didn’t bother to turn round and check on you, taking purposeful steps as though he wanted to get away.

Thankfully the terminal was quiet, probably due to the ungodly hour in the morning you’d landed at. The halls echoed only with your and Toms footsteps, the echo exaggerating just how far away you felt from him at this point. Still, Tom hadn’t acknowledged your existence, or anyone elses for that matter - the pair of you almost got to baggage reclaim before seeing any other humans.

And that is where it all went wrong.

It was typical, an otherwise empty airport except for you, Tom and a family with 2 girls. 2 teenage girls. 2 teen girls whose eyes widened to almost comical levels at the sight of your boyfriend. You’d seen them from a mile away, but from Tom’s reaction to them - he clearly hadn’t.

In fact, you were such a distance away you couldn’t exactly hear the exchange. But what you saw, had your heart in your mouth.

The girls ran over from the seats their whole family were sitting in, squealing at Tom with that overcited little jump you’d seen so often. Instead of Tom turning to them and entertaining them with small talk and a photo or two - he did the opposite. If anything, he quickened his cadence, looked as though he waved the girls off without muttering two words.

And maybe there was a reason. Maybe they had shouted something really rude at him - but fuck, the chances were slim. One looked ten, and one looked a couple of years older - as you approached, you saw the dejected and shocked faces melt into ones of intense disappointment. The eldest turned and hugged the younger, whose chest appeared to be shaking in a way that meant only one thing. Tom had made her cry.

Just as both the mother and father stood up to rush to the girls, you matched their hurried steps - getting their first.

“Hi, excuse me… “

You felt really awkward but knew you had to do something for these poor girls. And quite possibly for Toms career too. “Are you guys okay?” It took a second or two, but the girls clearly both recognised you too (thank god), throwing nervous looks at each other.

“Are yo-you Y/n?” The younger one asked, bright eyes glazed in tears which broke your heart to see.

“Yeh-yeh I am, what are your names?” You knelt, smiling warmly at the girls, who seemed to chirp up a bit.

“I’m Tima” The eldest spoke first before nudging the other to speak. You waited patiently till the little girl had wiped her eyes before replying.

“I’m Azara.”

“Wow, you’ve both got very beautiful names. Where are you both headin-“

“Can I ask you a question!?” Litte Azara burst out, interrupting you, but in the cutest and sweetest way. You just laughed and said of course, as she twiddled with her thumbs nervously.

“How big is the biggest T-rex?” Her little eyes were so curious and you had to suppress a giggle, seeing how serious it was.

Of course, the T-Rexs in Jurassic world (one of your movies) were all CGI. But Azara didn’t have to know that.

“Oh, they are bigger thanthan the tallest trees you’ve ever seen!”

You carried on your little chat with the girls for five or so minutes, laughing with them and exchanging soft nods with their parents too - who seemed appreciative of your time. Eventually, though, it was the dad who pulled time on the exchange, signalling that the girls had taken up enough of your time. As you stood up, Tima spoke up - after being relatively withdrawn from the conversation.

“You’re friends with Tom Holland right?” You nodded, subconsciously biting your lip to see what she would say. “Can you tell him sorry for bothering him, it’s just Azara was excited, we only wanted to say hi.”

Yeh, there was absolutely no way these incredibly sweet girls did anything to Tom. He was just being a knob.

“Hey, it’s not your fault at all. We’ve just had a really, really long flight, and he’s in a bit of a mood at me - I’m so sorry that he let it out on you.”

That explanation seemed to satisfy Tima with a nod, and with some final hugs you bid the girls both farewell. By this point, the rest of your plane had caught up along the corridors, so it was busier, and you had to fight against the small crowd to get through the airport as quickly as possible. Because you were seething with rage for Tom and could not wait to tell him exactly what those poor girls thought of him.

Unsurprisingly Tom had chosen not to wait for you in the airport at all, instead already hiding inside the blacked-out windows of the 4x4 waiting at the collection point. You marched up to that car angry to the point you thought the whole airport would notice. Yanking the door so hard you were surprised you did no damage to it, you threw your bags in - momentarily ignoring the sight of Tom huddled into a corner, staring at his phone with AirPods in.

But once you slammed the door shut and the driver started the car, you let yourself go.

“Who the fuck do you think you are!”

“Y/n can we just leave it for- “

“You made 2 girls cry!!! You were so self-absorbed in your temper tantrum that you made 2 teenage girls cry. You proud of yourself?”

This time he did look at you, eyes wide and confused - clearly not understanding. So you continued - laying it out for him.

“Those two girls you waved off because you were so busy running away from me? Well the youngest one cried and then the eldest didn’t speak and when she did it was only to ask me to apologise to you. You’re a fucking dickhead!”

“I didn’t mean-“

“Oh god, that makes it all better. You didn’t mean to make them cry on purpose, so it’s fine! God if you’d only said I’d-“

“Fuck off Y/n you’re not being fair, cut the sarcasm.”

“I’m not being fair?!? Because I’m the bad person in this situation, right? I just saved you from a very, very bad headline tomorrow morning because you were too busy giving me the silent treatment.”

“Yeah, well, your the one who doesn’t seem to give a damn about me!”

You scoffed hard at his words, air trapped in your throat that now felt completely stuck. How could he say that? How could he even think that?

As much as you hated showing it, you felt your eyes well up with tears. Because who the fuck did he think he was.

“Now that, that is so unfair. You know exactly my history and why I don’t want to move in yet AND you know just how much I fucking love you. So don’t you dare.”

“You're not convincing anyone.” He spoke quieter, but the venom behind his tone was still there. As the first tear escaped over your bottom lashes, you knocked on the partition to the driver and asked him, in no uncertain terms, to pull over.

“Congrats Tom. That’s three women you’ve broken the hearts of in 20 minutes. Must be some sort of a record.”

And with that you slammed the door shut, abandoned on the side of the road somewhere within Heathrow.

?a part 2? idk where id go from here aha

tagging: @lovehollandy12 @hollandlover19 @thefernandasantana @hunnybunimdun @hallecarey1@cedricdiggorysimpp @msmimimerton @hollandfanficlove @pandaxnienke @crossyourpeter @thegirlwiththeimpala

#tom x reader #tom holland fic #tomholland #tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #tom holland angst #famous!reader #tom holland x famous!reader #tom holland x actress!reader

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cocained · 9 months ago

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for mason it was anything but easy to make promises. mostly because when he made them, he would never break it and he didn't know what was ahead. however, he did know himself. there was a constant current that he felt in most of his relationships, where it was either his uncontrollable pull or his defensive push that made out his actions. they were entering foreign territory and he had no idea what was going to happen as they continued down this path. all he knew was that he could only tell dante the truth. "no promises — but i don’t think so though, no." mason was the person, in contrast to the other, to always see obstacles on the road and he wished he had ever been wrong before at least once to disprove his point. he hoped this time would be different, but he knew better than to count on it. although, he did know for sure it would have nothing to do with the way he felt about dante. a feeling he wasn't quite sure to put into words yet. it was familiar and it shouldn't be because it was not the same as the attraction he had for anyone before. mason remembered the crazy things he had done in order to have someone look at him the way dante did. to be seen and heard. for it to matter when he smiled or frowned. for someone to notice when he stayed quiet because that was what he was used to doing, yet not what he wanted to do. "would be nice, yeah." not that the thought of dante wasn't already the highlight of his showers. the idea of being filmed while having sex would certainly bring an extra layer of awareness as well as more motivation to perform. he was sure the other would be able to put on a good show. that was what dante was known for after all. he was glad that they were leaving the bar behind because no matter how nice the vodka was that went down his throat like water, it didn't even come close to the taste of dante's lips on his, now that it was just them. "there's a very fine line between those two those two kinds of mad. you'll just have to figure it out." a line that even mason hadn't perfected. he couldn't tell dante what and what not to do if he wanted to get spanked and deepthroated as a form of punishment. or most importantly, what not to do to actually make him mad. nevertheless, he saw that dante was trying to test the waters. to see what buttons he could push and what would happen if he did. it was obvious in the bar, arguable not only to mason, but regardless he appreciated the discipline the other had to respect his boundaries. "we'll go to a club one day, dante. and we'll dance together. — but next weekend, i have a game and if we win, the team is definitely celebrating. you can come to the party if you want." celebrations with the toledo tigers were honestly better than any other party he had been to, but it was the sort of environment where they couldn't be intimate. out of respect for his ex, even though mason would probably have to watch the man kiss another, but mostly because of the way he still didn't feel completely comfortable with his sexuality in an environment that was that masculine. "you can be any kind of person you want to be dante." he knew that the people that raised the beauvais children didn't qualify for role models, but he saw something genuine and good in dante. he saw someone who had been through a lot, but knew how to smile through the pain. a drink helped with that, sure — but their conversations weren't based on just drunk talk. "i don't think you understand. i had a relatively good childhood. i've never missed a day of school or skipped a meal. my parents have never scolded me or hurt me. and yeah, it wasn't — perfect and i've had to work hard to be where i am today, but who hasn't? my whole team has done that." his gaze was forced back to the warm eyes in front of him as mason's chin was lifted and he wasn't quite sure how to express himself at this point. the feeling of a gentle, yet calloused hand against this cheek didn't necessarily make it easier to think, as nice as it felt.

"i don't understand how you think i'm strong when i cave, every fucking time you speak to me." this was the moment where he got to scoff because the admiration dante spoke about was undeserved. disbelief settled on his face at the words that followed, but in a way that was still subtle enough not to make the other feel ridiculous. "i don't want you to think that i'm someone i'm not. i'm not — good, just because i have discipline and care about what you have to say. that doesn't make me a good person." he wished he could explain all the ways he was fucked up, but a lot of it he didn't understand himself. a lot of it was what he had heard from others. like being short-tempered, childish and not knowing what he wanted. his many questionable attempts to bring out a reaction in people whether it was good or bad, worth it to him because he preferred that over quietness. "it's not a pretty sight." the hockey player warned dante as the conversation moved to the lighter topic of exercising. finding it relatively more difficult to switch his emotions that rapidly, but at least there was a softness on mason's face as he spoke. the two of them working out was the last thing he wanted to be thinking of right now, so the way their bodies collided was an easy way for him to move on from that. the last time they had kissed wasn't even that long ago but felt like an eternity now that he was filled up with the warmth of the other, which he had missed. the world around them didn't exist for a good matter of seconds when the smile appeared on dante's face. that was the realization hit him that for that sight — mason would go to the end of the earth and back. "i like hearing you babble though." the sparkle in mason's eyes had to be noticeable, although he hesitated about the way he wanted to follow up on his comment. "it's not so easy for me to talk about it. to stop thinking so much and — stop worrying about whether i'm saying something wrong or if should say it at all." this had to be the most vulnerable he had opened himself up to dante and the words left his mouth his point was proven by the way he was clearly calculating his sentences in his head before he spoke them. then again mason was really trying. "it's not me hiding, though. i've got nothing to hide." it sounded like a promise and it was, because he didn't want dante to feel like he was doing it on purpose. "does it not make you happy?" as the question left mason, something clicked inside. in the short moment that his focus shifted away from the conversation, he thought about how it was the same for him. hockey was his life, that was what he had always told everyone and what it felt like, but it was never something he actually chose. it was all just a hopeless attempt to bring the family together, not something he did because it made him happy. "you're allowed to complain. you don't have to have figured it all out yet." mindless digits travelled along the fabric on dante's chest and he barely even felt the cold bite of the breeze of wind passing them. "i'm proud, but every game i still look in the audience hoping that one day —" he swallowed the sudden lump that appeared in his throat and stared at the wall behind dante to be able to admit this to even himself. "that one day i'll see my parents in the stands and see them proud." a hollow chuckle passed his lips at how ridiculous it sounded and mason now focused on the ground below him. "it's stupid after all this time — and disappointing, but i can't shut it off." with a shake of his head he finally looked at dante again, wondering if that had ever been on his mind too. "what i want? i wish i had an answer. maybe i wanna travel one day. or just leave everything behind and start over. but that's only after i retire from the league. and if — i don't have a reason to stay." there was a reason now and mason was looking at it, although there was no guarantee it would last that long.

that there even was a them at this point because, besides the hours of having sex that weekend in the cabin and their many deep conversations, they were technically friends. a hum rumbled out from deep inside of him when dante challenged his ability to make him scream. it wasn't the first time he saw those glistening eyes and it had the corners of mason's mouth slightly lifted upwards. "if you're not ready to be fucked like a dirty, screaming slut then just say, love. — we can take it slow." with the emphasis on the part that mattered, his own gaze darkened as they went from dante's lips back to honeyed hues. two could play that game. their hands holding each other out in public felt like somewhat of a risk, although it was worth it. mason didn't see the excitement in the other, but he could sure feel it. then again, having the car door close behind him was like somewhat of a relief. with a smile aimed at dante, he listened and reacted to each sentence with only the slightest facial expressions. the pillow of his thumb gently stroking along the back of dante's. "only a little bit." despite the uber driver being in the back of his head, mason planted a short kiss straight onto dante's lips regardless and looked at him reassuringly. he really didn't mind the babbling. "we're going to your place. and i promise, as long as it has a bed or a couch or something — it'll do."

a mix of confusion and excitement surges through his chest at mason's words, "does that mean you're not gonna do what you've been doing again?" his mouth curls into an excited smile, wishing nothing more than feeling like he could reach out to touch mason in public right now, wishing that they were already so much closer than they actually were. dante had this habit of wishing for things he knew he couldn't have, always envisioning himself being able to accomplish more than he could, or faster than he could - this was seeming to be no different, overly ambitious about how quickly he could get to the next stage of their relationship, but he couldn't stop the tug in his chest that pulled him to mason (no matter how much he also wanted to run the opposite direction). he wasn't sure when he had started to fall for mason; now that they were clearly accepting that a line had been crossed, he had started to wonder if it had slowly been happening the entire time he thought he had been building a friendship. and now? he felt like he was in so deep that he was drowning, pulled deeper in each time that mason's mouth opened and they teased each other, each time mason told him something new about himself, "nah, not a prude," teeth press into his bottom lip, pointedly dragging his gaze down to his lips, his voice dropping even lower, growing thicker with each passing second, "just imagining how nice it would be to have a video." his eyebrows raise at the warning, his innate curiosity piqued. he hadn't ever seen mason angry; honestly, he hadn't really thought about it past a few passing comments he had made about wanting to see mason fight on the ice, "i think i do wanna see that. maybe not mad at me? unless its like, the fun kinda mad where you're gonna put me over your knee and spank me." his face softened for a moment, the words rushed out, "i don't want to actually make you mad." eyes roll and he sighs, "yes, i know we did, but you said that here wasn't the environment. what about next weekend? you can take me out to an actual club, even though i hate them, so we can dance. compromise, right?" the cool air outside helped to calm him even though it was a topic he would typically run from, even from his own thoughts, "i don't know. i should be able to, right? but it seems like i still always do the same shit they do. its like a fuckin' curse." the thought crossed his mind that even this - allowing himself to fall so quickly and so hard for mason was the same thing that his father had allowed to happen, that had resulted in his downfall (at least from dante's perspective). and despite the fact that he was falling, hard and fast, he still found himself feeling like he needed to run away - to abandon, just like his mother had. it took everything in him to give in to the desire he had to cling to mason, to fight against all of the contradictory feelings mason brought out in him. dante could easily dispense compliment after compliment to mason, but he had started to catch on that each time, mason seemed uncomfortable. this time was no different, hesitation in the acceptance, eyes dropping away from dante's. dante places a hand under mason's chin, tipping it back up until their eyes meet again, "its the truth, mase. do you not think you are?" one eyebrow raises, his head shaking back and forth, "its not about me - i was complimenting you." his hand moves from under his chin to rest gently on his cheek, fingertips pressing into his cheekbone, "you're one of the strongest people i know, mase. i admire you so much - i..," its his turn to hesitate, eyes anxiously shifting between mason's, "i think you're too good for me - i'm gonna mess you up, but i don't care - and i'm sorry about that." he hates that he's confessing so much to mason so easily, but it was the curse of their relationship having been built on friendship - dante knew he had so much more to lose, he trusted mason already and it made it near impossible to keep his mouth shut, something he already struggled with, without the trust.

his heart practically soars at how easily they're able to switch back into playfulness that instead of bringing an uncomfortable feeling to his chest, made him feel like he was floating on top of the world, "oh, absolutely. i don't know what a split jump is, but everything you do is so sexy that i'd fuckin' pay to watch you." and when mason's eyes close for a second, it happens again - feeling like he's floating over the clouds. he genuinely didn't understand how he had managed to convince someone like mason that he was worth their time, but he was more and more grateful each day that their relationship progressed that he had - even if there was a voice (no matter how quiet) in the back of his head reminding him that at any point, he could lose all of this - all of the good that came with mason, all of the stability. so yes, it was that bad that he couldn't stop himself from confessing things that he hadn't even dared to admit to himself yet, but mason always had the right things to say - just like now. that he could listen to him talk for hours. the simple gesture meant so much more than he knew how to verbalize. again making him feel like he was soaring, but at the same time, it only increased the fear that was growing inside of him. the possibility that mason felt as strongly as he did was terrifying and electrifying all at the same time. the electrifying feeling in his chest winning out this time, a bright smile appearing on his face, despite fear being the reason that his heart was pounding in his chest as he pushed onto his toes to shove his lips against mason's in a quick, almost playful kiss, "i could talk to you for hours, as long as you talk back. i feel like i'm always babbling and you're just... letting me." a sigh shoves through his lips, shoulders shrugging, "yeah, i'm proud of it." it wasn't that he wasn't proud of all the things that he had accomplished, "but what if that wasn't ever what i wanted to do? i don't really... know? if that makes sense. just kinda... stumbled into it." he was more than well aware of the level of talent that he possessed - a lot of it had come naturally, but just as much of it had been his hard work and determination to pull himself out of the life he had grown up in, "but i can't really complain, you know? i know how fuckin' lucky i am to live the life i do." eyebrows raise, "so why aren't you glowing with pride? you know how many people would kill to be able to do what you do?" the things that mason could do with his body never failed to amaze dante - watching him skate was like nothing he had ever seen, now that he had finally been to a game, finally watched him do what he had practiced so hard to do. dante's head tilts as he adds on that he used to think it was all he wanted, "what do you want now, if not only hockey?" mason was constantly surprising him, the shock clear on his face as his lips dropped open, "well, shit, mase." not one to be at a loss for words and somehow - mason had accomplished it twice in one night - no, twice in less than two hours, "don't think you could make me scream. moan? yes. whine? yes. ain't ever gonna get a scream out of me, though." were the words only meant to goad mason into making him scream? possibly? but he wanted to see if mason could actually make him scream, do something that no one had ever been able to accomplish before. his fingers grip onto mason's hand, thankful that he had the grip to be able to keep himself grounded through the teasing words. he was thankful for a moment that mason couldn't see the way his face lit up when he didn't let go of his hand and for the same moment - he let himself be happy in the delusion that they were together, officially and publicly. still distracted as mason tugged him towards the car, he was barely processing anything, too focused on the fact that mason was still holding onto his hand and pressing in next to him in the car, instead of sitting on the opposite side.

his eyes were still glued to their fingers, laced together and gripping onto one another, when mason brought up that he would be able to finally see his apartment. it was the only reason that his eyes were able to pull up from their hands, settling on mason's face, wide and anxious, "oh, right. you... might not like my place. compared to yours." a hand rubbed over the back of his neck, "maybe we should go back to yours instead? its not that i don't want you to see it? i don't want you to think that. i'm just... i'm babbling again. i'm sorry."

#littlcfreaks #⟨ �� | mason de graeff — dialogues ⟩#⟨ ♦ | to say that we're in love is dangerous — mason + dante ⟩#this is normal right?#totally not too long?

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vendettaparker · 3 years ago

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Reckless [T.H]

Summary: In a fit of jealousy, Tom embarrasses you in front of your new friend and the entire pub, leaving you heartbroken at his reckless actions.

Word Count: 4.1k

Warnings: Swearing, angst, slut-shaming

a/n: hi! sorry this took so so so long for me to get out! i got super busy with other works, but i’m super happy with how this turned out :) i hope you enjoy this, and don’t worry, i know how scary those warnings look ^ but this ends happy, i promise! as always, comments and reblogs are appreciated <3

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Tom was an idiot. He was an actual fucking idiot. He now realizes that as he watches you run out of the pub with hot tears streaming down your face. He watches as Harry runs after you, your bag in his hand, probably to make sure you make it back home safe since there was no way you’d return to the crowded bar, where Harrison and Sam were giving Tom death glares, the same little pub where Tom had made a complete fool out of you.

The few months Tom came home to London were always the setting of your most cherished memories. Sometimes it seemed like when he left so did the whole group of friends you surround yourself with.

There was no doubt in your mind that Tom was the life of the party. He had a certain aura about him that caused some of the most fucked up, but amazing situations to occur. That was probably one of the reasons you loved him so much.

When he was in town, his brothers, Harrison, and Tuwaine all joined together to make the next few months memorable before he had to leave again, and you were always included, but when he was gone, Harry usually went with him, Harrison focused on work for himself, and Sam focused on his restaurant. The world slowed down after Tom left, and so many times, you were left to wait for his return; alone.

Tom hated leaving you behind every time he went back to the states, but you had such deep roots in London, he didn’t want to pry you from your family for months on end. He loved you too much to constantly subject you to his hectic lifestyle. He spent as much time with you as he could when he saw you, but the second he had to go, it was all tearful goodbyes in a crowded airport.

You and Tom had been best friends for decades at this point. You supported him no matter what it was that he wanted to accomplish. He’s even said in interviews that he credits a huge bulk of his success to his friend back home, then he’d give a wink to the camera, and you always knew it was for you.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

When Tom came home after filming Spider-Man: No Way Home, you practically tackled him to the ground in a hug.

“You div,” You mumbled into his neck, “you forgot to let me FaceTime with Zendaya.”

“Oh, shit!” Tom gasped, finally remembering your request to talk to your favorite actress, “my bad.”

You looked at Tom incredulously, “I don’t think I can be friends with you anymore.” You feigned hurt, clutching your hand to your chest, “it just hurts too much.”

“That’s a damn shame,” Tom frowned, “I mean, I could just FaceTime Zendaya now, but if that’s how you—”

“I changed my mind,” You smiled sweetly, cutting him off, “love you, bestie.”

Tom rolled his eyes and pulled you into another hug, “Missed you, bestie.”��

“Um,” Sam, Paddy, and Harrison stood behind you, clearing their throats.

“Missed you guys too,” Tom sighed, and he rushed over and gave his brothers and friend a hug.

You gave Harry a hug while Tom chatted with his brothers, quickly catching up with him.

“What’s the plan for tonight, guys?” You spoke up.

Every night after Tom got back, he’d go back to his flat and take a nap before a night out on the town. Usually, you’d bar hop a bit before going to a club, so tonight wasn’t likely to be any different.

“I was thinking we could get dinner at Lorenzo’s,” Harry said, “then maybe hit the pub on Ashford?”

You and the others nodded in agreement as you made your way out of the airport.

“Can I invite my friend Avery?” You asked.

Tom nodded, “Sure, I didn’t even know you had any other friends, (Y/N),” he joked.

“Haha,” You laughed sarcastically, “gee that was a good one, Tom. You really got me.”

“What can I say?” He smirked, “I’m a comedian.”

“Is that the guy you met in your philosophy lecture?” Harrison butt in.

“Yeah,” You nodded, “he’s really sweet, so be on your best behavior guys, and maybe don’t be yourselves, just this once?” you suggested with a slightly teasing tone.

“Are you trying to impress him or something?” Tom inquired.

“No,” You scoffed, “I’m just trying to not throw him to the wolves.”

Tom laughed along, but it was strained. He wasn’t too keen on the idea of adding a new member to your friend group, and the little glint in your eye when you talked about Avery made his heart tighten.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

“Okay,” You smiled as you set the last of Tom’s luggage in his living room, “I’ll let you get some sleep then.”

You gave him one last hug and a kiss on the cheek, “see you later.”

Tom reciprocated and inhaled the sweet smell of lavender in your locks of hair, “mhm,” he sighed, “see ya.”

Harrison was about to walk out after you when Tom grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him back, “Mate, what the fuck.” he grumbled as he stumbled over his feet, “I thought you wanted to take a nap?”

“I slept on the plane,” Tom explained quickly, “you’ve been here the whole time, right?” Harrison nodded, “so you know this Avery guy, yeah?”

Harrison shook his head, “I haven’t talked to (Y/N) much this past month, but he’s probably on her Instagram.”

Harrison pulled out his phone and looked at posts you’d been tagged in, “Ah, here.” He handed the phone to Tom and pointed to the tall blonde guy in a group photo with you and some other friends, “He’s the tall blonde.”

Tom studied the picture with a small frown, “They’re not dating though, right?”

“She said he was her friend,” Harrison shrugged.

“You know what I mean,” Tom rolled his eyes, “do they look really chummy to you?”

“His hand’s kind of close to her butt, but other than that I don’t know.” Harrison pointed it out, causing Tom’s heart to momentarily stop.

“Ok, new plan,” Tom announced, “I’m going to ask (Y/N) out tonight.”

Harrison scoffed and rolled his eyes. “What?” Tom wondered.

“You’ve said that almost every single time you’ve been home and you always chicken out.”

“No, I don’t!” Tom gasped in offense, “It’s just hard to find the right time.”

“You’ve literally had hundreds of opportunities to tell her how you feel, Mate.”

“It has to be perfect.” Tom insisted, “I can’t just ask her out of the blue, I have to butter her up first.”

“That’s dumb.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Tom groaned, “get out, I changed my mind, I’m going to sleep.”

Harrison rolled his eyes and chuckled before giving Tom a pat on the back and leaving. Tom waved goodbye as Harrison drove away, and then rushed to his phone.

“FaceTime Zendaya,” he instructed Siri. The call went through and soon Tom was met with Zendaya's tired eyes in a dark room.

“Hey, Z!” Tom said cheerfully, “best friend, bestest pal in the world. The person that never wants to see me fail ever, my greatest companion—“

“Tom,” Zendaya groggily cut him off, “what the fuck do you want, I’m sleeping.”

“How do you ask a girl out?”

Zendaya sat up a little more and turned on her bedside lamp, “What? You don’t know how to ask a girl out?”

“Well I do,” Tom backtracked, “but I want it to be special. I’ve been in love with this girl for nearly two years now and every time I go to ask her out, I chicken out.”

“I don’t know, what does she like?”

“Well one time she told me her favorite animal was a sea otter, should I get her one?” Tom pondered, hand resting in his chin in thought.

“Um, no, what the fuck?” Zendaya squinted her eyes at Tom, “have you gotten any sleep yet?”

Tom shook his head, “This is important, Z, now help me!”

Zendaya rolled her eyes, “I’ll text you some ideas, but for now just go get some sleep. With how tired you are now you’d probably call her the wrong name or something.”

Tom rolled his eyes, but the action caused his eyelids to droop even more, “Fine, fine,” he conceded, “I’ll let you know how it goes.”

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

“Okay,” Tom announced at the restaurant before you arrived, “I’m going to ask (Y/N) out tonight so I need you all to shut up and not distract me or make me nervous.”

Harrison, Harry, and Sam just stared at Tom. Tuwaine, for some unknown reason, started clapping.

“Tom,” Harrison began, “no offense, but—“

“Ah ah ah,” Tom stopped him, “is what you’re about to say going to bruise my ego?” Harrison thought about it for a moment before slowly nodding, “okay, then shut the fuck up, respectfully. I don’t need any bad juju tonight.”

“Well, I’m happy for you, Mate,” Tuwaine nodded. He was the closest to you after Tom and he knew all about your crush on the brown-haired Brit. You might’ve let it slip once when you were drunk, and since you didn’t willingly tell Tuwaine, he was sworn to secrecy. “I’m positive she’ll say yes.”

“Thank you,” Tom smiled at him, sending a slight glare to the others for their lack of faith in him. “As for the rest of you, I can’t wait to prove you wrong.”

You walked into the restaurant with Avery hunched over from laughing so hard. Tom smiled in your direction and waved you over, “Hey, (Y/N/N)! Over here!”

“Wow,” You chuckled, “must’ve been a good nap. Little energetic there, huh?”

Tom went in to give you a tight hug, holding you close, “Just missed you,” he mumbled into your hair.

“I just saw you a few hours ago?”

Avery stood by you awkwardly, waiting for Tom to release you. Tom reluctantly let you go and pulled a chair out for you, next to him.

“Thanks,” you smiled at him, motioning for Avery to sit next to you, “hey, everyone,” you smiled at the group of boys that were properly about to piss themselves at Tom’s over-the-top behavior, “this is Avery.”

“Hi,” He waved at the group as a small chorus of ‘hellos’ rang across the table. He turned to Tom to shake his hand, “I’m a big fan, Mate. Love your work.”

Tom smiled and patted him on the shoulder, “Thanks, it means a lot.” smiled politely, shaking Avery's hand.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Dinner went off without a hitch, at least in your opinion. Avery was melding well with your friends and he was cracking jokes like he’d know the group for years.

The boys seemed to enjoy his sense of humor and what he added to the conversation. Sam and him even found that they shared an interest in cooking, which led to them having a slightly heated discussion about how real Gordon Ramsey’s cooking skills are; which ended in laughs.

However, Tom was probably having one of the worst nights of his life. Every time Avery playfully shoved you while you two laughed he wanted to wring his neck. It also didn’t help that he couldn’t find the perfect time to ask you out. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to ask you out with all of his mates around.

Tom smiled and laughed along with the jokes, but once you looked away he was back to frowning.

“Tom,” Harry nudged his brother, “wipe that scowl off your face.”

“I’m not scowling,” Tom grumbled, “this is my normal face.”

Harry rolled his eyes and kicked his older brother under the table, “You need to ask her soon. I think Avery is trying to make some moves on her.” Harry noticed, seeing how Avery casually had his arm around your chair.

Tom rolled his eyes, “As if I can't see that for myself,” he scoffed. “I don’t want to ask her with all of you watching. What if she says no?”

“We can leave you alone for a bit when we go to the pub, but I’m not sure if Avery will go with us.” Harry shrugged, “you could always ask her out tomorrow.” Harry suggested.

“No!” Tom exclaimed, causing everyone to look at him and Harry, “Sorry, I—um, I just don’t really like that shirt on you Harry; it makes my eyes hurt.”

Harry looked down at his shirt for a moment and then frowned, sending a light smack to Tom, “You bought me this shirt you div.”

Everyone went back to their own conversations so Tom leaned in to talk to Harry some more, “I can’t wait for tomorrow. What if I chicken out again?”

“Then you’re an idiot.” Harry deadpanned with a shrug.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

The pub was way more packed than anyone expected. The new addition of live music to the outside patio definitely livened up the place and more customers went to see what local band would be playing next.

The pub had a classic English pub feel, with the wood flooring and the yellow-tinted walls, but it also had a modern twist with a back patio and outdoor seating with fairy lights, and the lights that illuminate under the bar itself.

“I’m gonna go check out the band,” Harry announced after he came back with your drinks, “you guys should all come with me.” He said with a slight side-eye to Sam, Tuwaine, and Harrison.

“Eh, I’m not really into—” Sam began, but Harry sent him a quick kick under the table. “Ow! I mean, I love music.” Sam smiled enthusiastically.

“I’m gonna stay back and finish this beer,” Tom said, holding up the large pint of beer he was already a quarter of the way through, “(Y/N), wanna race to see who can finish first?” He suggested trying to get you to stay behind.

“Oh you’re totally on,” You smirked, “but I am going to take a quick peek at the band. We can race after I get back.” You got up from your seat and began walking away with Harry and the boys. Tom pouted at how horribly that plan worked. Harry looked back at Tom apologetically as he held the door open for you.

“Wow,” Avery smiled beside Tom, scaring him, “she really is something.”

“Holy shit, Mate,” Tom held a hand to his heart, “you almost gave me a heart attack. I thought you went with them?”

“Nah,” Avery shook his head, “I’m not really into music,” he shrugged.

“Oh, okay,” Tom nodded. “What were you just saying?”

“(Y/N),” Avery looked towards the back patio exit dreamily, “she’s amazing. I mean I would definitely ask her out, but probably not at a pub surrounded by her mates, y’know?”

“Mhm, yeah,” Tom said quietly, his heart already beginning to shatter into millions of inconsolable pieces. “I mean, she’s alright.” He said with a forced laugh, trying to fend Avery away from you, “she definitely isn’t really your type, though.”

“What do you mean?” Avery asked, taking a sip from his beer, “she’s perfect, mate.”

“I mean,” Tom racked his brain for an excuse big enough to make Avery not want you, “you don’t think it’s a little weird she’s in a friend group with all boys?”

“No,” Avery said slowly, skeptically looking back at the exit, “she just clicks with boys, I guess. Girls and guys can just be friends.”

“Not her,” Tom scoffed, “I mean, it’s just a little obvious, y’know?”

You and the rest of the boys were heading back in, seeing as the back patio was completely overcrowded with patrons.

“What’s obvious?” Avery asked, raising his voice slightly due to the volume in the bar.

“(Y/N)’s only friends are guys!” Tom nearly yelled over the volume of chatter, not realizing that the surrounding customers could hear him, “makes me wonder how many she’s slept with! I mean, that’s not a coincidence to me!”

The surrounding customers halted their conversations, leaving only Tom’s voice filtering through the air and into your ears.

“That’s crazy,” Avery chuckled awkwardly, “I don’t think she’s like that.” He shook his head, annoying Tom. In a final last-ditch effort to get Avery off your back, he said the worst thing he could, loudly, into a quieting pub.

“Well, she hits on me all the time,” Tom shrugged, “she’s just a bit whorish, I guess.”

“Tom,” Tuwaine cleared his throat, interrupting their conversation, “what the fuck, mate?”

Tom looked at all the boys next to Tuwaine, and behind them was you, teary-eyed with harsh sobs racking through your body.

You whispered something to Harry, and then all but ran out the front door. Harry walked over to where Tom was sitting and picked up your purse.

“Harry I—” Tom tried.

“Shut the fuck up, Tom.” Harry snapped, “You're an idiot and an asshole, just leave things be.”

Harry ran out the pub entrance, following you to give you a ride home.

Tuwaine, Sam, and Harrison shook their heads once the shock ebbed away. One by one they all left Tom sitting in shock and agony at the bar. Avery, not knowing any of the group, barely knew what was going on or if Tom’s accusations were correct, left the pub and went home without another word.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

“Harry,” Tom whined into the phone, “please tell me how to fix this, please I’m begging you.”

Harry sighed, now properly regretting lifting his silent treatment from Tom, “Tom, there is absolutely nothing I can do to help you, and even if there was, I wouldn’t. You called her a whore in front of a crowded pub—”

“I know!” Tom yelled, “And I’ve been living with that guilt for three weeks now! Please, Harry. I-I messed up so bad.” Tom’s voice cracked, “I tried calling and texting, a-and my texts started turning green. She blocked me,” Tom sobbed, “I’m in love with her, and I never got to tell her. I ruined our relationship before it even began.”

“Yeah,” Harry agreed, “you did.”

“Harry, I just want to apologize properly, please.” Tom begged, “I tried going to her house, but her roommate threw a drink at me and told me she went out of town. Where is she?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“Harry,” Tom sighed, “I’m trying so hard here, I don’t care where she is, I’ll go anywhere for her. Please, I just can’t keep waiting in the dark for her to talk to me.”

Harry sighed, rubbing his forehead, “Okay, fine, but don’t tell her I told you where she was. And if you get your face clawed off, just know that you deserve it.”

“Okay, okay, now tell me.”

“She’s been staying with Tuwaine and his girlfriend.”

“Okay, thanks, love you, bye!” Tom said through the phone, already grabbing his keys.

Harry sighed and began texting Tuwaine,

Harry: Tom’s coming over, don’t snap him in half, he just wants to talk to her.

Tuwaine: I’m not home right now, but I'd be more worried about her snapping him in half…

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Tom pulled up the Tuwaine’s flat and pounded at the door. He didn’t see Tuwaine’s car in the driveway but he saw yours parked on the street so he knew you were in there.

“(Y/N)!” He desperately called, “Come on, I know you’re in there!”, his pleas were met with silence and he rang the doorbell on repeat, “(Y/N), please! I just want to talk!”

The door opened to show you standing there with your messy hair and stained sweats, still looking overwhelmingly perfect in Tom’s eyes. He noticed the dark circles and the dried tears and his heart broke, even more, knowing he caused this. He loved you so much and he caused you some of the worst pain imaginable. All he wanted to do was hold you and kiss your puffy cheeks, desperately whispering praises into your ear. You were perfect in every sense of the word, and he let you believe you were anything less. He was an idiot—the biggest idiot in the world—for making you cry.

“What do you want?” You snapped with a sniffle, pulling him back to reality as you rubbed your red eyes.

“I just want to talk,” Tom gave you a small smile, “please.”

“I don’t have anything to say to you.” You scowled, “You need to leave.”

“No, (Y/N), please.” Tom begged, “I’m sorry. I’m so so so fucking sorry. I was being an idiot and—please, (Y/N), you’re my best friend. I don’t wanna lose you.” Tom’s voice cracked, but you remained stoic in the doorway.

“I’m your best friend? Really?” You scoffed, “I thought I was just some whore you let hang around you?”

Tom winced at his words being thrown back into his face, “I didn’t mean it, I swear,” he promised, tears glistening in his eyes, “I don’t even know why I said that. I was being so fucking stupid—”

“No,” You interrupted his rambling, “you don’t get to say that. You don’t get to say that it was just you “being stupid”. Who the hell says that about their supposed best friend? Why would you even think that? You don’t just get to call me those things in public, and then say that you don’t know why you did it. You can’t even give me a reason—”

“I’m in love with you,” Tom blurted out, blowing out a puff of air in stress, “I’ve been in love with you for the longest time, (Y/N). And Avery was saying how he wanted to ask you out, and I couldn’t lose you. I didn’t want to lose you. I had so many plans for us, and I wanted to be with you—to be yours—more than anything, and I let my jealousy get in the way. I’m sorry because if I deserved you I wouldn’t have done that.”

You stood in the doorway of the flat, arms crossed over your chest. “I can’t believe you’d be so reckless.” You said after a moment of silence, “I would’ve been yours if you had just asked me.”

“I’m sorry,” Tom cried, reaching out to hold your hand, but you backed away ever so slightly, “please, I would do anything to fix it if I could.”

“You don’t understand anything, Tom.” You frowned.

“Help me understand.” He begged.

You pondered it for a moment and then released a sigh, coupled with a few tears, “I loved you,” you admitted. Tom’s heart did a leap, but then he realized that you were talking past tense as if his chance with you was gone.

“And I would spend months and months just waiting for you to come home so I could spend time with you. I was so lonely when you and Harry left; I always am. Avery offered to spend some time with me after class one day and I agreed because I don’t have anybody else when you leave. And it was fun, but he wasn’t you. He’ll never compare to the place you had in my heart, but at least I wasn’t alone anymore.” You sighed and began closing the door again, “Now, because of you, I have no one again.”

The door was about to slam back in Tom’s face, but he shoved his foot in the threshold, “(Y/N), wait,” he pleaded, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how important Avery was to you. I can never undo what I did, but please let me make it up to you. I just need you to understand how sorry I am.”

You opened the door again and looked at Tom’s sad eyes, boring into you, “I do understand how sorry you are, but I don’t know how I can trust you again. You said awful things about me without even batting an eye or taking a breath—”

“I know,” Tom sighed, “I know and I’d give anything to take it back. I just want you back (Y/N). Even if you don’t want to be my girlfriend, I can’t leave knowing I’ve lost my best friend.”

“As much as it hurts,” You caved, moving from the doorway to let Tom in, “I still love you, and I don’t want to lose you either.”

Tom smiled and walked into the flat, immediately pulling you into a hug, “I’m so sorry, (Y/N),” You hugged back and sniffled into his hoodie, before pulling away with a sigh.

“I know,” You nodded, “I forgive you. But next time, just be honest with me and tell me how you’re feeling. I’d give you the world if you asked for it.”

Tom smiled and stroked your tear-stained cheek, “I’ll just settle on your heart for now, if that’s okay?”

“That’s so fucking cheesy.” You giggled, wiping the tears from your eyes, “I love it.”

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

✧tags & moots✧ @ptersmj @princessofguineapigs @peterbenjiparker @cherrytholland @itsapeterthing @justapurrcat @thirstiestpotato @kelieah @iovebug @waitimcomingtoo @rosyparkers @parkers-gal @allegra-writes @starktonyx @celestialholland @hollandcrush @londonspidey @blissfulparker @spidernerdsblog @spidey-sophie @spideyspeaches @peterparkers-bad-youtube-apology @andilovetowrite @sinisterspidey @asonofpeter @westcoastcigar @arlo-sanders @love-peterparker @boiolay @letssee2468 @white-wolf1940 @fandom-life-12 @hollandsdream @annathesillyfriend @lovelybarnes @miseryholland @wierdteenagenerd @duskholland @hollandprkr @lauras-collection @arvinsescape @hollandsrecs

#tom holland #tom holland fluff #tom holland x reader #tom holland smut #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #tom holland fanfic #tom holland oneshot #tom holland angst #tom holland peter parker #peter parker #spiderman #peter parker smut #requested

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waitimcomingtoo · 4 years ago

Text

Kiwi

Pairing: Peter Parker x film enthusiast!reader

Synopsis: Peter is skeptical of your new guy friend

Masterlist

You were a bit of a film nerd.

You always had something to say about a film. Whether it was random trivia about the actors or the original version of the script, you knew it and you had to share. Every time Peter heard you say, “did you know…”, during a movie, he knew he was in for something great. You seemed to know everything about every movie, and it brought Peter a great deal of amusement. His favorite thing, however, was when you showed him your favorite movies. You’d stay silent during these, always so enchanted by them. But when your favorite scene was coming, you’d let Peter know by giving his hand an anxious squeeze. That’s when he knew he had to stop looking at you and pay attention.

“Okay.” You turned the movie off and looked at Peter. “Be honest. What did you think?”

“I liked it.” Peter lied. He had barely paid attention. He couldn’t keep his eyes off the soft smile that rested on your lips throughout the film.

“That’s all?” You whined. “Did you know it took seven years to animate that dinner scene? Seven years for a three minute sequence. Isn’t that amazing?”

“It is.” Peter chuckled. “I was very impressed.”

“Me too.” You gushed. “It gets better every time.

“I bet. So how was your day today?” Peter asked as you laid your head down on his lap.

“I had a great day, actually.” You smiled up at him.

“Yeah?” Peter grinned as he stroked your hair. “What happened?”

“I was talking about The Babadook in theater today and this guy chimed in and told me it was his favorite horror film. Other than Midsommer, obviously.” You began. “Apparently he loves movies just as much as I do. Can you believe that?”

“Wow.” Peter nodded. “What’s his name?”

“Kevin.” You answered. “We’ve been texting all day. He’s making a list of his favorite movies and I’m making him a list of mine. God, I love when you meet someone and instantly click.”

“Yeah. Me too.” Peter said a little flatly. He didn’t love that you’d been texting this guy all day, especially when Peter didn’t know him. What he loved even less was how much you had in common with this guy.

As the weeks went on, Peter heard at least one mention of Kevin a day. Whether he was sending you a funny Tik tok or asking you for movie recommendations, Peter always saw his name on your phone. He checked out Kevin’s Instagram to see what he was like and saw a picture of the two of you with your arms around each other. Whenever Peter checked Kevin’s story on Snapchat, you were usually in in the background. It bothered Peter more than he liked, but he didn’t want to tell you he was jealous. He didn’t want you to think that he didn’t trust you, but he wasn’t so sure he trusted Kevin.

“Whats so funny?” Peter asked when he heard a giggle escape your lips. You were sitting on Peter’s bed, staring at your phone while he did his homework.

“It’s Kevin.” You chuckled as you typed something back. “I thought everyone in that class was uptight but he’s hilarious. I can’t believe we never spoke before this month. He’s like the funniest guy I know.”

“Wow. Good for you.” He smiled softly. “I’m glad you made a friend.”

“Me too. But enough about him. I want to hear about my lovely boyfriend.” You left your phone on the bed and went to Peter’s desk to sit with him. You sat down on his lap and wrapped your arms around him, bringing him into a long kiss.

“Your lovely boyfriend is very stressed about his annotated bibliography.” Peter sighed when he pulled away.

“Aw.” You cooed. “What’s it on?”

“Residential segregation in urban areas.” Peter told you.

“Hm.” You frowned. “I don’t know too much about that. But I could tell you five films that deal with it.”

“I’d love to hear them.” Peter smiled before leaning in for another kiss. Your kiss was cut short by the sound of your phone ringing.

“Hang on.” You sighed. “Sorry.”

“Who is it?” Peter asked as you went back to your phone.

“Kevin.” You answered before picking up. Peter frowned, feeling insecurity settle in his tummy.

“Hello?” You laughed softly. “I’m good. Yeah. It was Moonrise Kingdom. You’re welcome. Bye.”

“Sorry.” You said as you tossed your phone back on the bed. “He couldn’t remember the title of the movie I told him to watch.”

“Hm.” Peter nodded, not trusting himself to say anything helpful.

“Is everything okay?” You asked as you sat back down on his lap.

“Yeah.” He lied. “Everything is okay.”

A few weeks later, Peter was walking down the hallway when he spotted Kevin by the water fountain. He was too busy talking to some boy to notice Peter. Peter was thankful for this, since he was supposed to meet you between classes and he didn’t want Kevin to interrupt.

“There you are.” You came down the hallway and threw your arms around Peter. “Hi baby.”

“Hey princess.” Peter smiled before pulling you into a long kiss. He opened his eyes and flicked them up to see if Kevin was still there, which he was. He closed his eyes and deepened the kiss out of spite.

“Woah.” You pulled away breathlessly after a minute. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Just wanted to show you some love. Since I love you so much.” Peter shrugged before kissing you again.

“I love you too.” You giggled between kisses.

“Do you want to come over after class today? I have a lot more love I want to show you.” Peter mumbled against your lips. He flicked his eyes to the side again and this time, Kevin was watching. He was too far to hear your conversation, but he could clearly see how affectionate Peter was.

“Yes, please.” You bit your bottom lip. “But I can’t come until after four. Kiwi and I-“

“Kiwi?” Peter wondered.

“Sorry, Kevin. Kiwi is my nickname for him.” You explained as Peter’s smile fell. “He and I were gonna get coffee after class.”

“Alone?” Peter pulled away a little with a pour. “Like on a date?”

“No.” You laughed. “Peter, Kevin is-“

“Can we not talk about Kevin?” He cut you off and pulled you back into his arms. “I want to hear about your day. How was class?”

“Good. It’s just so long. I can’t sit through it all without zoning out. That’s usually when I start thinking about you.” You smirked as you rubbed your nose against his.

“Thinking about little old me?” Peter touched a hand to his chest before pulled you into another kiss. He slid his hand down your body and gave your butt a squeeze, making sure he was extra affectionate in front of Kevin.

“Whew.” You pulled away in surprises for laughed. “We are in the hallway, mister. Save that for later.”

“I will.” He smacked your butt for good measure. “I’ll see you after four.”

“See you.” You blew him a kiss as you walked away. Peter smirked and leaned against the wall, pleased with himself for his little public display of affection.

Since Kevin was so very fond of posting you on his social media, Peter made sure to put a picture of you sleeping on his story. He added the caption “when she sleeps in your bed more than her own” just so everyone knew what was going on.

A few weeks later, you went to Peter’s dorm after a long day of classes in need of some cuddles. You opened Peter’s door and found him laying in his bed.

“Hey, princess.” He sat up a little in his bed. “You had a midterm today right?”

“Yeah. I didn’t do too well though.” You sighed. “There was an essay at the end that I didn’t really know how to answer.”

“I’m sorry.” He frowned and opened his arms to you. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay.” You mumbled as you climbed into his arms. “I was kinda bummed but then Kevin and I went to Dunkin so I feel better. It’s just a test.”

Peter quieted down when you mentioned Kevin, feeling that familiar sense of jealousy in his stomach.

“Is something wrong?” You noticed his mood change.

“Why are you and Kevin always together?” He asked quietly.

“I don’t know.” You shrugged. “We just like spending time together.”

“Do you hang out in a group or just you and him?” Peter wondered.

“Usually just me and him.” You told him, which is exactly what he didn’t want to hear. Peter pouted and tilted his chin up, not wanting you to see that he was upset.

“What’s wrong?” You asked, sitting up a little to stroke his face.

“He knows everything about movies. He’s the funniest guy you know.” Peter repeated the words you used. “And he takes up all your time. I don’t know, I’m a little worried.”

“About what? Kevin is just a friend.”

“But is that all he wants to be?” Peter asked. “Think about it, princess. You have the same passion as him and you’re drop dead gorgeous. There’s no way he’s not into you.”

“I promise you, he’s not.” You chuckled softly. “And he knows I have a boyfriend. I talk about you all the time.”

“You talk about him all the time too.” Peter said quietly.

“Hey, Petey.” You rolled on top of him and cupped his face. “You have no reason to be worried or jealous. I love you, okay? No one could take your place.”

“Okay.” Peter nodded, satisfied with what you said. “I believe you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m glad you told me how you were feeling.” You smiled softly. “I’ll stop talking about him as much if it bothers you.”

You kept your word and stopped bringing Kevin up, which Peter appreciated. What Peter didn’t know was he’d still have you watch you laugh at Kevin’s texts and see the two of you in the hallways.

A few weeks later, Peter surprised you outside of your economics class during his free period.

“Hey, princess.” He came up behind you and pulled you into a hug.

“Peter!” You lit up. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Really?” Peter asked hopefully.

“Yeah. Kevin is about to get out of class. You can finally meet him.” You told him, and his smile fell. Of course your excitement was Kevin related. Before Peter could respond, Kevin walked out of a classroom and went up to you.

“There’s my girl.” He squeezed your hand. “How was economics?”

“Boring but he wore those pants again.” You laughed a little. Kevin seemed to know exactly what you were talking about, but Peter didn't.

“Did you take a picture?” Kevin’s eyes widened in excitement.

“I couldn’t.” You whined. “He was always facing us.”

“Ugh. Next time.” Kevin laughed. Peter looked between the two of you and cleared his throat, signaling that he was there.

“Oh, right.” You giggled. “Kevin, this is Peter.”

“It’s about time.” Kevin reached out to shake Peter’s hand. “Y/n told me all about you, Mr. Biochemistry and engineering major.”

“Nice to meet you.” Peter said stiffly as he draped an arm over your shoulders.

“You too.” Kevin smiled. “I gotta say, you’re the luckiest man in the world to be dating Y/n. I’m ready to marry her and I’ve only known her two months.”

“Yeah, well.” Peter smiled tightly and pulled you closer. “She’s taken.”

“I know.” Kevin sighed wistfully. “She never lets me forget it.”

“Haha.” Peter faked a laugh and hugged you even tighter. “I won’t either.”

“Aw.” Kevin smiled at the two of you. “Well, I wish I could stay but I have class in five minutes. It was great to meet you, Peter. We should all hang out soon.”

“Yeah.” Peter nodded. “Sure.”

“Bye Kiwi.” You called after him once he w no as walked away. You turned to Peter to see his reaction and noticed the displeased look on his face.

“What’s wrong?” You asked.

“Did he seriously just say he wanted to marry you? In front of me?” Peter asked angrily.

“He was kidding.” You assured him. “He would never marry me.”

“He didn’t take his eyes off you the entire time we were talking.” He grumbled.

“Hey.” You put a hand on Peter’s chest to calm him down. “You have nothing to worry about. Kevin is harmless. He likes me as a friend. He would never see me as something more.”

“I don’t know, princess.” Peter sighed and put his hand over yours. “He seems to really like you. I don’t think I’m comfortable with you guys hanging out alone all the time.”

“I understand what you’re saying.” You nodded. “But I promise, I wouldn’t be hanging out with this guy if I had any impression that he liked me.”

“Maybe he’s just good at hiding it around you.” Peter shrugged.

“He and I were gonna watch Eternal Sunshine this Friday. Would it make you feel better if you came too?” You suggested. “I’ve been meaning to show you that movie anyway.”

“Okay.” Peter nodded, feeling a little better. His frown didn’t let up, so you pinched his cheek.

“I love you.” You teased him.

“I love you too.” He broke into a smile finally.

Come Friday, you, Peter and Kevin were sitting in your dorm in front of a white sheet. Peter and Kevin sat in awkward silence as you fumbled with the projector.

“Okay, I think I got it.” You said finally, and the image appeared on the white sheet. You went to sit between Kevin and Peter, but Peter had other plans.

“You can sit with me, princess. Right here.” Peter loudly patted his lap. You laughed a little and took a seat between his legs, letting him pull you into his body. He wrapped his arms securely around your waist and pressed loud kisses to your cheek.

“You guys are so cute.” Kevin commented as he grabbed some popcorn.

“Thanks.” Peter said through an evil smile. He kissed your cheek again and snuggled you closer.

As the movie went on, Peter became progressively more affectionate. Usually you wouldn’t mind, but you didn’t want to make Kevin uncomfortable.

“Baby, not now.” You whispered to Peter as he kissed your neck. He had already left a hickey right where Kevin could see it.

“Sorry. I just can’t resist you.” Peter whispered back. Instead of kissing you, he slid his hands up your shirt and cupped your boobs. You craned your neck to raise an eyebrow at him, but he played dumb.

“What?” He asked innocently. “My hands were cold.”

“Sure.” You chuckled and let him keep his hands there the rest of the movie.

The following week, Peter walked through the halls feeling better about the whole Kevin situation. You spent the weekend in Peter’s dorm, only ever leaving for the bathroom or food. Peter made sure he posted pictures of you together throughout the day for Kevin to see. He could tell his jealousy was getting a little out of control, but he couldn’t help it. As long as Kevin was around, he had to keep his guard up.

Peter spotted your backpack in the crowded hallway and began to make his way to you. You usually walked back to the dorms together on Mondays since your classes ended at the same time. Peter stopped walking when he saw Kevin come out of a classroom and go over to you. He kept his back against the wall as he watched you and Kevin talk, feeling insecure once again. You were laughing loudly at whatever Kevin was saying, which made Peter roll his eyes.

“See you tomorrow, okay?” Kevin asked, brushing your cheek lightly with his thumb. You smiled excitedly and put your hand over his to keep it in place. Peter felt a white hot jealousy shot through his body when he saw this, a jealousy that quickly turned or anger. It was made even worse when Kevin pulled you into a hug. Peter had seen enough at that point and walked over to you and Kevin with heavy footsteps.

“Hey.” Peter said, shooting daggers at Kevin as he put a protective hand on your shoulder.

“Hey Petey.” You smiled and leaned into him.

“Hey, Peter.” Kevin waved. “Your girlfriend is a saint, by the way. I would not have made it through this semester without her.”

“Aw.” You gushed. “Stop.”

“I wouldn’t have.” He insisted. “I wish I could stay but I better run. Austin is waiting for me.”

“Ooo la la.” You teased. “See you at rehearsal.”

“See you.” He waved goodbye to the both of you and Peter was finally able to let out the breath he’d been holding in.

“Are you ready to walk home?” You asked as you turned to Peter.

“What the hell was that?” Peter jumped in right away, surprising you with his tone.

“What do you mean?” You blinked in confusion.

“You and Kevin.” He said. “Why was he touching you like that? And why were you touching him back?”

“Kiwi was just-“

“Enough of this Kiwi shit.” Peter cut you off. “How are you going to tell me I have nothing to worry about and then let him touch and you like that?”

“He was only touching me because-“

“Because he likes you? Like I said he did?” Peter didn’t let you finish. “You guys are together all the time, you’re always talking about him, and now you’re openly affectionate right in front of me? If you’re going to cheat on me, you could be a little more subtle.”

“Cheat on you?” Your eyes widened. “I am not cheating on you. I thought we cleared this up.”

“I thought so too. But apparently not.” Peter snapped. “Apparently you and your new boyfriend just can’t keep your hands off each other.”

“Kevin is not my boyfriend. You are.” You said quietly. “But you’re really hurting my feelings, Peter. How could you accuse me of something like that?”

“How could I not? It’s not like you’re trying to hide it.” He scoffed. “If I wasn’t standing right there, he probably would have kissed you.”

“I can promise you he wouldn’t.” You said as you looked at the ground.

“I can’t believe you’re still denying it after what I saw.” Peter said, getting emotional now. “How can you throw away everything we had for a guy you just met?”

“I didn’t throw anything away.” You looked up with tears in your eyes. “You’re the one ruining things with this stupid fight. How many times do I have to tell you that there’s nothing going on between me and Kevin? And how could you accuse me of cheating? Do you really think that little of me?”

“Now that you’ve shown me who you really are, I do.” Peter shot back. You sucked in a sharp breath and took a step back from him.

“You can walk home yourself.” You said through tears. “I don’t want to talk to you ever again.”

“Fine by me.” Peter shrugged, but he was already starting to regret everything. Before he could apologize for making you cry, you walked away. He decided to give you some space instead of running after you right away. Instead, he walked in the opposite direction and began to wander around campus. And sure enough, he ran in to...

“Hey Peter.” Kevin greeted with a smile. “I thought you were walking home with Y/n?”

“She left without me.” Peter grumbled without looking up. Kevin was the very last person he wanted to talk to right now.

“Is everything okay?” Kevin asked when he noticed Peters angry demeanor.

“It’s not really any of your business.” Peter narrowed his eyes at him.

“Okay.” Kevin backed off. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine, Kevin.” Peter rolled his eyes.

“Ugh. I hate the name Kevin.” Kevin tried to lighten the mood.

“Why?” Peter took the bait.

“It’s so masculine.” He grimaced. “It’s like, ‘hey, I’m Kevin. Wanna hear how loud my car engine is?’ Please. It’s so not me.”

“Is that why Y/n calls you Kiwi?” Peter asked, genuinely curious.

“Yeah.” Kevin smiled. “Cause I’m little fruity.”

“Fruity?” Peter wondered.

“Sorry.” Kevin chuckled. “I mean gay.”

“You’re gay?” Peter’s eyes widened. “Like, gay gay?”

“Yes sir.” Kevin replied. “But I haven’t come out to everyone yet. Only Y/n and my boyfriend Austin know. I asked them not to tell anyone. I don’t need anything else for people to target me for, you know?”

Peter stared at him for a moment, feeling a panic run down his spine. He had just accused you of cheating on him with your gay best friend.

“I didn’t realize you had a boyfriend.” Peter mumbled, feeling himself begin to sweat. You endured all of Peter’s accusations to keep Kevin’s secret, and now Peter felt awful.

“Damn.” Kevin said. “Does Y/n not talk about me? I tell Austin all about her.”

“She tries. I never let her.” Peter said sadly, angry with himself now.

“Why not?”

“Because I was stupid and super jealous.” Peter sighed and rubbed his face. “I was jealous even when she told me not to be.”

“Jealous of me?” Kevin laughed. “I don’t even like girls.”

“I didn’t know that. All I knew was you could talk to her about films and movies and I couldn’t.” Peter shrugged sadly. “I kept thinking you could make her happier than I could, so I got jealous. I’m such an idiot. You know I yelled at her today because of this?”

“What do you mean?”

“I saw you touching her face in the hallway and nearly lost my mind. I completely took it out on her.” Peter stressfully tugged at his hair.

“Oh, that.” Kevin laughed. “I’m the male lead in Y/n’s film project. My character is straight and I was having trouble portraying an accurate straight guy. She was teaching me some mannerisms that you do so I could use them on my scene partner. That thing in the hallway was just me joking around and showing her that I had been practicing. I never would’ve gotten through this theater class without her.”

“Oh my God.” Peter covered his mouth with his hand. “I made her cry over that? I thought you guys were sleeping together or something. I didn’t know she was helping you.”

“Yikes.” Kevin grimaced. “That’s not really fair. It’s not like she was the one touching me. Why would you yell at her over that?”

“Because I’m an idiot.” Peter said lamely. “And I don’t listen. She told me so many times that I had nothing to worry about. She said you didn’t like her like that, said you’d never marry her. She told me you weren’t a threat in every possible way without telling me your secret. And I just didn’t listen.”

“Peter, Y/n loves you. She would never cheat on you.” Kevin said like it was obvious. “She deserves a better apology than “I’m an idiot.” If my boyfriend tried to apologize to me like that, I’d tell him he was right and dump him.”

“Do you think she’s gonna break up with me?” Peter worried.

“Well how did you end things with her?”

“She told me to never speak to her again and walked away crying.” Peter recanted.

“Oh.” Kevin said quietly.

“What?” Petwr panicked.

“The good news is she’s not gonna break up with you.” Kevin began. “The bad news is she already did.”

“What?” Peter worried. “That was her breaking up with me?”

Before Kevin could answer, his phone buzzed with a text from you. He looked at it and cringed before looking at Peter.

“Oh no.” Peter gulped. “What did she say?”

“She said she just broke up with you and needs a coffee pick me up.”

“Okay.” Peter nodded.

“She also says she hates you and you broke her heart.” Kevin continued.

“Fuck.” Peter sighed. “I really messed up.”

“Yes. You did.” Kevin nodded. “And I’m sorry, but have no sympathy for you. She told you I wasn’t a threat and she was right. We both know Y/n, and you know her even better than I do. So we both know she’s not a cheater or a liar. She’s just a film nerd who likes to talk about her passions.”

“I know. I really fucked up.” Peter mumbled. “You’re her best friend. How can I win her back?”

“Why would you ask a gay man how to win a girl back?” Kevin asked. “Fuck if I know.”

“Right. Sorry.” Peter stammered. “Did she say anything else?”

“She said she’s meeting me at Dunkin in five minutes. And then she wants to watch Pride and Prejudice. Jesus, Peter. Pride and Prejudice? How bad did you hurt her?”

“Really bad.” He feared.

“Well now I have to go clean up your mess.” Kevin sighed. “And just so you know, I will be telling her the best way to get over you is to get under someone else. It’s always been my dream to say that.”

“Please don’t do that.” Peter begged. “Don’t tell her to sleep with anyone else.”

“If you’re under him, you ain’t getting over him.” Kevin shrugged as he sent you a text.

“What?” Peter asked. “What does that mean?”

“I’m sorry, Peter. But I’m on Y/n’s side with this. I can’t help you anymore. So don’t show up, don’t come out, and definitely don’t start caring about her now.”

“Are you speaking in riddles?” Peter whispered.

“Walk away.” Kevin nodded. “You know how.”

With that, Kevin walked away and left Peter all alone.

Peter trudged back to his dorm alone and sent you a long apology. You texted him back a day later and told him you needed some space, which he understood. He let two weeks go by before knocking on your door.

“What are you doing here?” You asked when you opened the door for Peter. He could tell you had been crying and could hear a movie playing in the background.

“Apologizing to my beautiful girlfriend who’s feelings I hurt.” He said sheepishly as he held out the ice coffee he had brought you.

“I’m not your girlfriend.” You stated, eyes flicking to the ice coffee. Peter held it out further and you took it from him, grabbing a reusable straw off your dresser.

“Yes.” Peter agreed. “But for the small price of letting me in the door, you could be again.”

“Fuck off.” You scoffed and tried to close the door.

“Here me out.”Peter pleaded and stuck his foot in the door. “What if I fuck in so we can talk? Please? I really miss you.”

“I don’t miss you.” You said without missing a beat.

“You posted the lyrics to All Too Well three times this week. You have to miss me a little.” Peter reasoned.

“What are you doing here?” You sighed, knowing he was right. “I thought I told you not to talk to me.”

Peter frowned and looked around for anyone who might be listening.

“I didn’t know Kevin was gay.” He said quietly.

“He isn’t out yet.”

“I know.” Peter nodded. “He told me.”

“You talked to him?” You raised an eyebrow at him as you sipped your drink.

“Yeah. He’s a cool guy.” Peter smiled shyly. “I see why you hang out with him.”

“Yeah. He is a cool guy. He trusts me when I ask him to and doesn’t misplace his anger.” You said through a tight smile as you walked into your room. Peter followed and shut the door behind him. He saw that you were playing Little Women on your projector and had tissues strewn all around the room.

“I fucked up.” He told you. “I never should have accused you of cheating. And I shouldn’t have yelled at you. You didn’t deserve that.”

“How many times did I tell you Kevin wasn’t a threat?” You set down your drink and folded your arms. “You said he made you uncomfortable so I stopped talking about him. You said you didn’t want us to be alone all the time so I invited you to hang out with us. I did everything I could to make you feel more comfortable without outing my friend and it still wasn’t enough for you. You just don’t trust me.”

“I do trust you.” He promised. “But I was insecure and jealous, even when you told me I didn’t need to be. I couldn’t help but feel like he could be a better boyfriend to you. He can talk to you about your passions in ways I can’t. That’s why I got so mad. I felt like I couldn’t measure up.”

“No one asked you to.” You shrugged. “I never expected you to know random shit about movies. It’s just something I like. I was happy with you just the way you were.”

“And I was too blinded by my jealousy to see that.” He sighed. “I’m sorry. You told me to trust you and I didn’t. I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”

“I don’t care.” You told him. “I just want you to leave.”

“I’m scared that if I walk out, we won’t fix things.” Peter said softly.

“Good.” You said flatly. “So get out.”

Peter opened his mouth to speak, but realized he had nothing productive to add. His eyes shifted to your projector, where Little Women was still playing.

“Did you know the costume designer made the same article of clothing for Saoirse and Timothee so it could look like Jo and Laurie shared clothing?” Peter asked quietly.

“Yeah, I did know that.” You nodded. “How did you?”

“I’ve been doing research on films you like to impress you.” Peter admitted. “Did you know they used Angelina Jolie’s real daughter in Maleficent because all the other children were scared?”

“I knew that too.” You cracked the faintest hint of a smile.

“Well did you know that Psycho-“

“Was the first film to feature a toilet flushing.” You finished his sentence for him. “Yeah, I know. You googling top ten crazy movie facts isn’t gonna fix this.”

“I know.” Peter agreed. “But I hope it shows you how badly I want to try.”

You stared at Peter for a long time, unsure of what to do. You chewed your bottom lip as you mulled over your options. You knew he was sorry, but you didn’t know if you were ready to forgive him.

“You asked me to leave. I’ll listen this time. I’m sorry about everything.” Peter gave you a soft smile before turning to leave.

“Peter, wait.” You said, and he internally rejoiced.

“Yes?” He asked innocently as he turned back around.

“I made more popcorn than I can eat.” You said timidly. “You should stay and finish the movie with me so I don’t waste it.”

“Okay.” Peter smiled in relief and took a seat on your floor. You sat down next to him and handed him the bowl of popcorn.

“But just so the popcorn doesn’t go to waste.” You reminded him and he took a handful.

“No, of course.” Peter nodded, not wanting to push his luck. You stared at him for a minute as he fought back a smile, losing his battle in no time. You rolled your eyes at him before resting your head on his shoulder.

“I’m only doing this for neck support.” You told him.

“I believe you.” He answered as he wrapped an arm around you. “I love you, princess.”

“Yeah, yeah.” You smiled a little as you put some popcorn in your mouth. “Whatever.”

Tag list 🏷

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#peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker fluff #peter parker x you #peter parker angst #peter parker jealous #Peter Parker x artsy!reader #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #spiderman

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tuttle-did-it · 2 years ago

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The two are not mutually exclusive. You can have a hero of the past who still causes collateral damage that eventually poisons an entire species. You can still have a fandom that appreciates the past and the inside joke, and the references. And you can have a criticism as well. Both things can be true.

That said, to me it’s very clear: nostalgia is based on what you think something was, not what it really is. Nostalgia is very often just a collection of repeated memes (live long and prosper, 🖖🏼, red shirts, William Shatner impressions) that degrade the original product over time (live log and proper).

How many times have people mis-quoted Trek, and insisted they had it perfectly accurate? Even something as simple as ‘beam me up, Scotty’- those words have never been said in that exact order. Never appeared in the TV show. The original film series has the wording "Scotty, beam me up" in Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home and "Beam them out of there, Scotty" in Star Trek Generations. But never ‘beam me up, Scotty.’ And yet, how many fans (or general public who know of Trek but don’t know it intimately) misquote this?

The fact that the poison on the planet is ultimately caused something people feel nostalgic about is actually pretty brilliant to me. The planet of ‘fans’ had wildly misinterpreted everything that had happened that 100 years ago, and in their worship of the TOS crew, completely missed the point. Much like many Trek fans who complain about ‘woke’ storylines, anti-racist, LGTBQIA+ or union-positive storylines completely miss the point of the entire concept of ‘infinite diversity in infinite combinations.’

Further, as to your point with the overlay at the end. The only reason they had to dress up the ship to make it look more like the original was because the ‘fans’ were not educated/intelligent enough to understand something new. In 100 years, they never moved on. No developments of their own. No theatre of their own. No culture of their own. Just repeated, distorted memes. No tech developments of their own, just broken tech that is poisoning their land. Just worship of someone that has been dead a long time, and a culture that they neither understand nor recognise because their version is so distorted.

In a hundred years, the culture had not evolved past that original interface. They had to create an overlay of nostalgia just to get the people to function. That, to me, is anti-nostalgia. It is saying ‘you cannot recognise the new constructs, and we have to put a patina of nostalgia on this just to get you to accept it.’

Now, I will say, I think Prodigy does engage with nostalgia. Janeway and her coffee cup. Bun of steel vs bob. A search for Chakotay. Bringing in other characters like Jellicoe and Okana. Holodeck-goes-wrong episodes. But I feel that’s actually mostly for the benefit of previous Voyager fans- kids wouldn’t have cared if Janeway were even in it. I think they just used Janeway and the occasional Trek easter egg as a way to engage with Trek adults-- for the same reason they had Bones and Sarek and Scotty and Spock on TNG, and the same reason they had TNG characters appear on DS9 (as well as TOS Klingons), and DS9 characters on Voyager. In short- an overlay of nostalgia seems to be required to get Trek fans to consider something new and authentic. There has to be a passing of the baton of sorts, an acknowledgement that yes, this is ‘real’ Star Trek, even if it looks different.

We’ve seen this very thing just recently with Star Trek: Picard. Picard had a new crew, a new ship, new adventures. But no one was recognising it as Trek, and no one was appreciating it for trying to do something new. So they brought in Q and Guinan for most of season 2. That made the fans happy. Because nostalgia. So they brought back every main TNG character for season 3- completely rewriting the new ship (literally), the new crew, the new adventure. In doing so, everything about Picard was poisoned with toxic nostalgia. Everyone was completely displaced in favour of the nostalgic overlay of TNG, because FANS in almost 40 years, HAVE NOT MOVED ON.

In fact, not only have they not moved on, but they had to retro-fit Picard season 3 to fit back into the parameters of the 80s/90s mentality- suddenly the Queers are dropped from sight and barely recognised - and certainly aren’t allowed in a room together alone. Suddenly the women go back to being wallpaper and having nothing to do but talk about men and encourage the men. The girlfriend of Picard is ditched and barely mentioned. Another woman is written off completely, barely even acknowledged. Suddenly the Queer woman has to accept being dead-named without argument and take constant abuse from a white man in power. She loses all the ability to fight back, and just stands there and takes it. Suddenly the woman of colour is told by men that she has anger issues and needs to control herself. Thought we left that behind with B’Elanna in the ‘00s, but guess not. Oh, and they fridged Ro Laren after one single episode- and made that one single episode all about how SHE hurt Picard's feelings, not how he disappointed her.

By having the ‘fans’ require an overlay of nostalgia on the bridge just to recognise it as authentic, Prodigy is calling out that referencing, calling out that need for nostalgia, and that fake patina of familiarity just to be recognised as authentic. And by authentic, I mean what appeals to cis-het-middle-aged, middle-class white men. TOS and TNG are definitely the most cis-het-middle-class middle aged-white men- appeal. DS9 has too many queers and even now struggles to be accepted as ‘authentic’ Trek.

Much like the people on this planet, who have not moved on for 100 years, Trek fans have not moved on. Some of them haven’t moved on since TOS, some haven’t moved on from TNG. And to get these fans to take anything new seriously, an overlay of the familiar has to be put in place just to be considered as ‘real’ Star Trek.

It was a brilliant move to make the Galileo the poison. The over-reliance on the nostalgia, the refusal to move on and create or accept anything new, the worship of the nostalgic element? well, it’s poisoned the planet, and it’s poisoning the fandom, too.

Star Trek: Picard- Nostalgia is the only thing that matters. Specifically, cis-het white middle class middle age nostalgia.

Star Trek: Prodigy- Nostalgia degrades over time, and is almost always inaccurate. Nostalgia can literally poison a fandom.

THEY FUCKING LANDED ON A PLANET WHERE PEOPLE TALK LIKE WILLIAM SHATNER AND WORSHIP THE FEDERATION - BUT THEY GET EVERYTHING JUST A LITTLE WRONG BECAUSE NOSTALGIA IS BASED ON WHAT YOU THINK SOMETHING WAS NOT WHAT IT REALLY IS

NOSTALGIA IS LITERALLY POISONING THE PLANET AND KILLING OFF ALL THE 'FANS' OF THE ENTERPRISE

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kingexpl0sionmurder · 4 years ago

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Body Electric - Kaminari Denki - Smut

Author: @kingexpl0sionmurder Pairing: Kaminari Denki/F!Reader Rating: 18+ (contains smut) Words: 5,491 Warnings: Sex work (Cam boy/girl), Quirkless AU, Aged-up Adult characters (someone is in grad school! wow!), mentions of masturbation (both male and female), mentions of casual ShinKami, established KiriBaku, Idk they are all just really sexually liberated and don’t care about watching each other cum. Is that voyeurism? I’m bad at tagging things. Title taken from a Lana Del Rey song. AN: Another BNHarem collab piece! The theme was sex work, and I have wanted to do a camboy Denki for a long time so here we go. This was really smutty in my head but Denki makes me soft and it turned out really cute in the end, I’m sorry? He’s such a dork I feel like any sexual encounter with him would just turn out like this in some way, idk. Thanks to @unbreakablekiribaku and @sailorsero as usual for being supportive of me. Happy birthday to @lady-bakuhoe and @burnedbyshoto 🎂🎂 There is no one else I would rather be birthday triplets with!

Please check out the Collab Masterlist: HERE Look 👀 at My Masterlist: HERE Buy me a Kofi if you’re scared of clowns too: HERE

---

Sighing, you sat up on your elbows, squinting at the chat on the screen, willing your heart to stop pounding and your breath to even out. The donations were pouring in, the chat moving so fast you couldn’t even read it. “Alright, lovelies, I hope you enjoyed that. Be right back and we’ll chat a little bit, okay?”

Donations popped up, the chat slowing a little as the clients who only came to jerk off to you left, leaving those who considered themselves true fans. You stood and made your way to the bathroom to pee, rinsing your toy off in the sink and washing your hands. You went back to your room, pulling on a hoodie and settling in front of the screen again.

“Alright, I’m back! I have some time for a few questions and then I have to go for the night. Let me see what we got!” You scanned the chat, ignoring the normal inappropriate questions. Mindfucker: Do you know who Chargebolt is? Cause I heard he watches your stream.

Your heart, which had finally slowed to a normal rhythm, picked up again. You most definitely knew who Chargebolt was. You gave him a good amount of money from your donations when you watched his cam shows yourself. “I do actually, he’s pretty popular on here, isn’t he?” You sat back a little, furrowing your brows. “How do you know he watches me?”

RedDaddy: He did a Q&A and mentioned your channel! Told everyone to check you out.

You recognized the names of the viewers and knew they were also regulars on Chargebolt’s streams as well, so you believed them. Chargebolt was gorgeous and funny, just your type. The knowledge that he was interested in you enough to watch you get off on camera was flattering. You hoped your blush wasn’t showing on your face.

“I’m surprised he knows who I am!” You had missed the last Q&A he’d done, since it hadn’t been on his normal streaming day, and you’d been stuck at work late. Leaning forward again, you bit your lip, looking into the camera from under your lashes. “Can I tell you guys a secret? I watch him, too. Why do you think I never do shows on Thursdays? That’s Chargebolt day.” With a wink you sat back, trying to will the blush from your cheeks. Mindfucker: I knew it! I bet he’s watching right now. You smiled, shrugging. “I hope he enjoyed the show, then!” You tried to hold it together, suppressing the urge to burst into a fit of giggles at the thought, answering a few more silly questions from your regulars, before signing off for the night, promising to be back again the following week.

You let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding, leaning your head back and groaning. It was wild that the guy whose cam shows you watched on the regular, the one who had inspired you to start your own, who you thought of half the time when you were filming yourself getting off on camera for strangers, knew who you were and was one of your viewers.

It brought you down a whole rabbit hole for a second, wondering if he got off on you getting off. Why else would he watch? Did he ever donate? You assumed he had a secondary account so you wouldn’t know it was him even if you tried to look at your past viewers, just like you had a secret account so you could watch him as well.

Cracking your eyes open, you clicked to view the donation tallies for the evening. You’d made enough to pay the rent on your apartment for the month in just one night. Sometimes you wondered how you ever managed to survive before you started doing this. It was meant to be a temporary side job, but you’d been running this cam channel under the screen name Neko for over six months, and you had clawed your way out of debt in such a short time, it didn’t make sense for you to stop.

You viewed a few more visitor stats with interest, before logging off the computer and shutting the laptop. You had to get to sleep for your real job in the morning, so you figured it was time for bed, pushing thoughts of Chargebolt to the back of your mind for now.

It wasn’t until later when you were lying down to sleep, that you thought of him again. Your eyes closed as you ran through a scenario in your head, wondering if he would mention you on Thursday, and what would come of all this? You had noticed your viewer numbers had spiked that day, so it was definitely beneficial that you’d caught his eye. You just weren’t sure what would happen next.

Denki was grinning into the camera, wiping the cum off of his abs with the towel he kept beside him, his chest and cheeks flushed pink. He adjusted in his chair, tugging the toy out of his hole and chucking it to the side, pulling his boxers back up over his softening cock. “I hope it was as good for you as it was for me, babes.”

He chuckled at the comments flooding the chat as he reached for his water and took a sip.

Tapeman: As always, you never disappoint me, Chargebolt.

“Hey thanks, Tapeman! I appreciate you always coming to hang out...get it? Coming?”

Mindfucker: Ridiculous.

“Aw, you love me, Mindfucker.” He winked at the camera. “So, did you guys enjoy my Q&A the other day?”

The chat filled with praise, making him grin. He loved to talk to his fans, and sometimes they had some great questions for him. He knew a lot of people just watched him as a way to get off, but he liked to give a little piece of himself to them because he knew that most of the people who watched were probably lonely, and he wanted to help with that in some way. He kept things laid back, joking and laughing with his viewers before and after the show, taking requests and doing his best to remember some of the regulars. Some of the few who had been with him from the beginning he’d made into moderators to help with keeping things somewhat orderly in the chat. Some of them he actually knew in real life, like his roommate Hitoshi, who used the alias Mindfucker.

Mindfucker: So are we going to talk about Neko? Denki’s eyebrows rose. “Oh, you mean the stream the other day? It was…” He made the appropriate motion as he said it. “Chef’s kiss, immaculate. She’s so beautiful…” Trailing off, he let himself think back to the way your chest heaved and the face you made when you came. “I would do anything for her, man.”

RedDaddy: Dude, I agree! She’s also super sweet, like, the total package.

Sighing, he leaned his elbow on the desk, his cheek resting on his palm. “I am a simp, my guy.” He sat up, squinting at the chat. “She said she watches, right? Is she here right now?” He scanned the names of the viewers, frowning. “She probably has a second account. Well, if you’re here, Neko, you should hit me up. I read all of my DM’s okay?” He grinned, winking again. “Alright, I have to go feed the cats so I’m outie 5000, thanks for hanging out and I’ll see you guys next week!”

He said his goodbyes, ending the stream and sighing. He wiped off his toy with the towel and clicked through his stats for the day, smiling at some of the comments that came with the donations. Hitoshi came into his room a few minutes later, holding one of the cats, an orange tabby named Miso, in his arms. “I fed them, you don’t have to.”

Was it weird that his roommate watched him fuck himself on toys and jerk off on the internet on a weekly basis? Nope. Denki had forgone all sense of modesty when it came to sex a long time ago, and Hitoshi was the same. It helped that they fucked around on occasion, best friends who got lonely and lived together sometimes did that, he guessed. Or maybe they were weird. It was whatever, he didn’t like to think about it too much.

“What would I do without you, Toshi?”

“Kill the cats, probably.” He deadpanned, leaning in the doorway. “Burn all the toast you try to make, buy the wrong peanut butter, eat Cheese-Itz for breakfast every day, forget to pay the cable bill.” He raised his eyebrows. “I can keep going.”

“Fuck off, I got the all-natural peanut butter once, it was an accident!” Denki threw his soiled towel into the laundry basket by the closet and picked up the toy he’d used, waving it around a bit. “Did you enjoy the stream?”

Hitoshi snorted, eyeing the dildo warily. “I didn’t really watch, I had my eye on the chat. I was looking for Neko.”

“Man, I can’t believe she’s a fan!” He waved the dildo some more, watching as it jiggled. “I would let her do unspeakable things to me.”

“Look out, your sub is showing, Denki.” Hitoshi teased. “But I agree, she’s pretty great. I wonder if she’ll ever do private shows.” Pausing to scritch Miso behind the ears, he continued. “I’m sure they’d be in high demand.”

Denki stood, pointing at Hitoshi with the dildo. He really needed to put it down somewhere and stop brandishing it around like a sword. “Don’t even, I’d spend all my money on that girl.”

“I know you would.” He chuckled. “I did try to go through the usernames and see if I could find out who she could be, but I didn’t have any luck.”

“It’s okay! I’m leaving it up to fate now, man. If the universe wants us to know each other, we will.” He stuck his thumb towards the ensuite. “I’m going to wash my ass and then we can play Among Us if you want.”

Hitoshi, completely unphased as usual, nodded. “I’ll get a team together. Check the discord when you get out.”

Humming, Denki made his way to the bathroom, picking up his phone on the way. It buzzed as he closed the door, and he glanced down to see he had a message from his other moderator and friend, Eijirou, aka RedDaddy. Tossing the dildo in the sink, he looked down at the screen and opened the message.

Eiji: No luck on finding Neko on the stream, but she said she never misses a Thursday, so I bet she was there.

Denki: Thanks for keeping an eye out, man. I appreciate you. Among us in 30?

Eiji: Bet. I’ll ask Kats to play too.

Your next stream day had you feeling nervous. Chargebolt had talked directly at you on his last stream, asking you to slide into his DMs, and you had yet to take him up on it. You didn’t know what you were so scared of, Chargebolt was a nice guy. You chalked it up to the fear of the unknown. If you sent him a message, what would you even say? ‘Hey dude, nice cock?’ It was bound to be a disaster.

Pushing your nerves back down, you made sure you were ready for your stream, excited for the news you were about to drop on your viewers. You were needing a little extra cash due to some unfortunate car trouble, and you’d figured out a way to make up what you needed in record time.

“Hey everyone, welcome!” You smiled at the camera, waving your fingers. “Thanks for coming! I see a lot of familiar names here tonight. Hi Mindfucker, Dynamight, RedDaddy, Tapeman, LightningMcQueen!”

LightningMcQueen: Hey, beautiful! I’ve been looking forward to this all week.

Dynamight: Chill out, McQueen, you look desperate.

RedDaddy: Be nice, Dynamight. Hi, Neko!

Dynamight: Fuck off, Shittyhair.

Mindfucker: How’s your cat, Neko?

“Be good, Dynamight. You’re lucky I know you don’t mean that!” You giggled at the antics of your regulars, smiling at the question about your cat. “Ichigo is doing good, Mindfucker, thanks for asking! I’ll bring her on camera after the show if you want to say hi!”

Minfucker just sent a cat emoji and you laughed, shaking your head. “I’m beginning to think that you’re just here for Ichigo and not me.”

The chat went crazy with people denying it, telling you how much they loved watching you every week. You lit up, feeling more excited about your news.

“So I have something I want to discuss before we get started today. I’ve decided I want to try out doing some private shows, so I’m going to be offering up a few spots. I’m going to give some of my longest and most frequent supporters a shot first, and if all goes well, then I’ll open them up to the rest of you! I’ll be adding a signup link at the bottom of my page after tonight’s stream, so if you’re interested you can apply and I’ll pick a few of you and we’ll work out a schedule! How does that sound?”

Dynamight: McQueen already has his credit card ready I bet.

“Aw, you don’t want to play with me, Dynamight?” You teased, giving the camera your best pout.

Dynamight: You couldn’t handle me, Princess.

LightningMcQueen: Hush. You’re a bottom, Dyna.

Dynamight: Die you fucking extra.

LightningMcQueen: Love you too, blasty.

“I was going to let you pick the toy today, Dynamight, but if you can’t behave then I’m just going to have to let someone else have a turn.” You gave the camera a disapproving look, frowning. You’d picked up that these guys were friends, so you knew they were just messing with each other.

A donation popped up from Dynamight with a comment attached.

Let McQueen choose this time, babe.

“It looks like Dynamight is going to let you choose, McQueen. Which one?” You pulled over the box you kept your toys in and showed it to the camera. “Pick a color.”

LightningMcQueen: Yellow

You pulled the yellow silicone out of the box and showed it to the chat, smirking. “I call this one Chargebolt because it’s the same color as his hair. Are you sure this is the one you want me to use?”

When your stream ended, Denki leaned back in his chair, taking a deep breath. The fact that he’d watched you fuck yourself with a dildo that you’d named after him was the hottest thing he could have imagined. He was jealous of that piece of bright yellow silicone more than he should be. He’d still enjoyed it, if the mess across his abs and chest were any indication.

He cleaned himself up and pulled on a shirt, clicking on the link for the private show signup. It was pretty straightforward, listing the price and how long the show would be, and asking for his username and what he would be interested in doing or seeing and what day would work best.

Staring at the form for a moment, he contemplated his options. He could sign up with his LightningMcQueen account, and he might have a chance. He was the first one out of his friends to find your channel one night when he was bored and horny. Then he’d shown it to Hitoshi and then shared your info with Eijirou, Katsuki, and Hanta. He would be considered one of the longest and loyal viewers like you had said.

However, if you got a request from Chargebolt? What would you do? Would you ignore it?

“Toshi!” He called out, knowing his roommate would hear him without him having to get up. “I’m having a crisis!”

The door opened, and the purple-haired man stood in the doorway. “I am not prepared to handle your bi panic right now, Denki.”

“Are you going to put in for a private show from Neko?” Denki pushed on, ignoring his friend’s exasperation.

“I spoke that into existence last week, you know. You’re welcome.”

Flopping back in his chair, Denki closed his eyes. “Should I send in the request with this account or with the Chargebolt one?”

Hitoshi shrugged, watching their cat Sashimi wander into the room. “You’ve wanted to talk to her for ages, man. You could have messaged her forever ago and you wouldn’t be playing this game with her. Sign up with your actual account.”

“I mean, she must think I’m cute, right? Otherwise, she wouldn’t watch.” He sat up, logging out of his secondary account and into his main one. He had a few unread DM’s, so he clicked, his breath catching in his throat. “Dude, look.”

There was a message from you, short but sweet.

Hi, Chargebolt. I don’t know if you saw the stream today, but you should check it out if you haven’t. I left it up for you.”

“She wants you to see her use that dildo she named after you.” Hitoshi patted his shoulder, and then bent down to pick up Sashimi. “I signed up but I told her I just wanted to have a date with her cat. She probably won’t pick me.”

“She will, she loves cats.” Denki clicked on your page and scrolled down to the bottom where the signup was again, letting it populate his main account in the information, and writing ‘any day except Thursday’ in the section for the time that worked for him. “I’m going to get this girl to date me, just you watch.”

Snorting, his roommate closed the door behind him as he left. “I believe in you, Pikachu.”

Once his request was submitted, he went back to his DM’s and sent you a message back.

“I was there, Neko. I never miss a stream. I submitted for a private show, so I hope you’ll pick me. I’ve been one of your viewers since the beginning, you know.”

---

In your head, you tried to plan what you would say once you were face to face (via camera) with the one and only Chargebolt. Everything your brain seemed to come up with fell short. What did you say to this guy, who you’d been simping over for over 9 months, who lit up your screen every Thursday with terrible puns and panty-dropping smiles? You knew exactly what he looked like and sounded like when he came. It was a strange thing to think that you knew that but you’d never actually spoken to him before.

It made you feel a little better when you realized he knew just as much about you. That he watched you fuck yourself on a dildo you’d named after him, and then spent the rest of the stream showing off your fluffy white cat Ichigo.

It was time to put on your big girl panties. You could do this.

Chargebolt had been one of the few that you’d chosen to do these shows with. He was also the last one. You’d met with 4 others, the ones who were the most active in your chat, the ones you assumed were actually friends.

Your first one was with Tapeman, who asked you to call him Sero. He was cute, with the widest, prettiest smile you’d ever seen. He made you laugh, and called you beautiful, and spoke to you in Spanish. You didn’t feel uncomfortable once with him, and the experience gave you hope that the rest would be just as nice.

Mindfucker was next, whose name was Shinsou and lowkey your favorite one. He didn’t want anything sexual at all, which surprised you. You sat with him and drank tea and you got to meet his two fur children, Miso and Sashimi, while he told you about his roommate. You let him admire Ichigo, and talked about music. He was sarcastic, but not in a mean way, and you were pretty sure he was going to be your new best friend.

RedDaddy and Dynamight had asked to do theirs together since they were dating. You wanted to question why they both watched your stream but RedDaddy, who was actually named Kirishima, answered it for you.

“We’re both bi, and we think you’re cute!”

“Yeah, plus McQueen has a thing for you so we like to be in the chat to help him out.” Dynamite, aka Bakugou, added in his gruff voice, folding his arms across his chest.

“Aw, that’s sweet!” You smiled at them. “He didn’t request a private show though, so I guess he doesn’t like me that much.”

Bakugou coughed and Kirishima grinned. “Maybe he was nervous! I’m sure you’ll meet him in one of these someday!”

“Enough about that dumbass.” Bakugou leaned forward, his hand on Kirishima’s knee. “Give us a show and we’ll give you one in return. Use that orange and green one for me, Princess.”

And give you a show they did. You got lost in how they looked at each other while they jerked each other off, and you were pretty sure they forgot you were even there at some point. When it was over, you suggested that they start their own channel.

Bakugou scoffed, but you could tell he was blushing a bit.

“I don’t know, Neko. I don’t think I could share him with anyone else. Except you, you’re the exception.” Kirishima grinned, winking at you.

But now it was Chargebolt’s turn. You made sure you had everything you needed, making sure Ichigo was out of the room, and then signed into your account.

Chargebolt was online, so you made the private room and sent him the request. You felt like you were shaking, and you checked yourself in the camera to make sure you didn’t look like a wreck.

You barely had time to breathe before he entered the chat, his camera screen coming to life and showing you his smiling face. You melted a bit, biting your lip, gazing at how attractive he was.

“Hey, Neko!” Chargebolt was as vibrant as ever, tucking his hair behind his ears, the black lightning bolt in his hair dark against the bright yellow of the rest of it.

“It’s nice to see you, Chargebolt.” You tried to relax, rolling your shoulders back. “It’s kind of weird knowing you can see me too.”

He laughed, leaning back in his chair. You tried not to stare at his arms in the tank top he was wearing. Chargebolt had a small frame, but his muscles were defined. You’d seen him plow through an entire bag of chips on stream once, without pausing to breathe, so you assumed he must be one of those people with amazing metabolism that you envied. “You can call me Denki if you want, kitten.”

You choked on air at the nickname, trying to compose yourself. “Kitten?”

“Well, Neko means cat, doesn’t it?” He raised an eyebrow. “I won’t call you that if you don’t like it.”

“No!” You practically shouted. “No, I mean, it’s fine. I like it.”

“Sweet.” He grinned. “Man, I’ve wanted to get you alone like this for so long, and now I’m just feeling really nervous.”

“You’re nervous?” You were surprised. The always cool but super dorky Chargebolt was nervous because of you? “So am I.”

Chargebolt- sorry, Denki, rested his elbow on the desk, propping his head in his hand. “Well, glad to know I’m not the only disaster here. I’ve been trying to get the courage to talk to you for months, and then finally Hitoshi got me to talk about you on stream a few weeks ago, and now here we are.”

“Who’s Hitoshi? One of your regulars?” Knowing that you weren’t the only one who was sweating bullets had you relaxing a bit.

“Oh yeah, Mindfucker! You know him right? He did a thing with you the other day, didn’t he?”

Eyes wide, you stared at him. “Shinsou?”

“Yeah, that’s my best friend and my roommate. He said he showed you the cats.” He shrugged. “You picked all my friends for your private shows. Sero, Kiri, Bakugou, Shinsou.” He paused, smirking. “I forgot that you don’t know that I’m LightningMcQueen.”

“That’s you? I was wondering why they didn’t send me a request, but it all makes sense now.”

Denki shot you finger guns and winked. “Kachow!”

“Oh god, stop it.” You rolled your eyes.

He chuckled, grinning at you. “So, did Shinsou talk about me?”

You giggled, remembering back. “He told me a story about how his roommate mistook a fuzzball for a spider and spent the afternoon sitting on a table waiting for him to come home and kill it.”

“It looked like one of those freaky poisonous ones from where I was sitting. I was afraid to let it out of my sight in case it got away and then multiplied and killed me in my sleep or something.” He took a deep breath. “Spiders are terrifying.”

This man was amazing. “You are everything I always thought you’d be, you know that?”

“I’m going to take that as a compliment.” He sighed. “You have to have some kind of embarrassing story to tell me so I don’t feel like a fool. You’ve got to make it even.”

“One year my dad hired a clown to come to my birthday party. He walked in the front door and I jetted out the back door and hid in the garden until he left. Clowns are just as terrifying as spiders.”

Chargebolt laughed, and the sound made your stomach do a somersault. It was just as bright and happy as he was. “That is the cutest shit I’ve ever heard!”

“I’m glad my childhood trauma is amusing you.” You deadpanned, trying to keep the smile off your face.

“Aw, don’t be like that kitten! I’m glad we can bond over our irrational fears like this, you know?” He

You shivered happily. “Okay, okay.” You cleared your throat. “So, you didn’t write anything down here for what you wanted out of our chat today.”

“Oh, okay, down to business then.” He sat up straight. “Well, I wanted to tell you myself instead of submitting it on the form.”

Intrigued, you raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t want to give me a chance to back out?”

Snorting, and shook his head. “Nah, I think you’ll like it, kitten.” He folded his hands behind his head. “I want you to tell me what to do. I’m at your mercy.”

Swallowing thickly, you blinked at him. That was...really hot. “You like being told what to do?”

“I would love nothing more for you to pull my hair and peg me within an inch of my life while calling me your little cock slut.” He stared at you with an eyebrow raised, looking pleased with himself when he saw your expression.

Your thighs clenched together involuntarily. “Fuck.”

“Yeah, right? I mean, I’m a switch, I’d do the same to you if you asked. But we can save that for next time.” He smirked. “So, you down?”

Next time? This man was going to kill you. “Take off your shirt, Denki.”

“Fuck yes.” He groaned, reaching behind him and tugging the garment over his head.

His chest and abs came into view, and you let your eyes linger on the barbells through his nipples. “Pants too.”

He pushed his chair away from his desk and shimmied out of his shorts, kicking them to the side. You gazed at him in his blue boxer briefs, eyes lingering on his thin waist, strong thighs, and the outline of his cock. He was a sight to behold, honestly.

You held the fangirling back, leaning forward to get a better look at him. “Do you have any toys, Denki?”

“Of course, Kitten.” He moved out of view for a moment, coming back with a box.

“Let me see.” He tilted the box towards the camera, your eyes flitting over the different colors and shapes inside. “The pink one.”

“Okay, hang on, let me-” He cut off, standing up and throwing the pink toy on the bed. He picked up the laptop and moved it, laying down beside it and angling the camera so you could see what he was doing.

“Did you stretch yourself, baby?”

He made a noise that sounded like a whine in the back of his throat at the pet name, obviously pleased by it. “Yeah, of course I did.” He glanced at the screen. “You should, uh, take your shirt off too.”

“I thought you wanted me to tell you what to do, not the other way around.” Teasing him, you crossed your arms over your chest.

He pouted slightly. “I’ve been good so far though, right?”

“All you’ve done is take off two items of clothing and move to the bed. You’re gonna have to work harder than that!”

Huffing, he lifted his ass off the bed and tugged his underwear down his legs, kicking them off, his hand already moving to wrap around his already hard cock.

“Did I say you could touch yourself, Denki?” It was getting hard to keep up the stern act you were putting on, but you knew it was what he wanted. You wanted to watch him touch himself, watch the way his eyes fluttered closed when his thumb brushed over the leaking head of his cock, and the way he would bite his lip when he moved his wrist a certain way.

You could be patient though, so you continued.

“If I was there right now, what would you want me to do first?”

He stilled, blinking at you a few times. “I would want your mouth first, I think.”

Humming, you sat back, pulling your shirt over your head, letting him admire the lacey purple bra covering your chest. “You’d want my mouth on your cock? Trace my tongue along that vein along the underside and suck on the head a little?”

Denki groaned, closing his eyes, his grip visibly tightening around his shaft. He looked like he was trying not to get worked up too fast. You were amazed at how your words were affecting him, so you pressed on.

“I’d take you all the way down until I was choking on it, and I’d let you hold onto my hair and fuck my face. God, you don’t know how many times I've dreamed about doing that for you. What would you say to that?”

The blush spreading down his neck and chest made him look so pretty. “Ugh, fuck kitten, you’re killing me.” He swallowed hard, opening his eyes to look at you again. “I’d tell you how good you made me feel, but I wouldn’t let you finish me off that way.”

“Oh no? Tell me what else you’d do.” You took the opportunity to move to the bed yourself, pulling off your leggings and panties all at once.

Eyes glued to you while you unclipped your bra and threw it across the room, he continued. “Fuck, um, I would...god, you’re beautiful.”

Flushing at the compliment, you looked down shyly, breaking character. “I’ve heard you say that before and I still don’t believe it.”

Denki scoffed. “If you need a daily reminder, I’d be happy to be the one to tell you, kitten.” You could hear the sincerity in his voice, and it made your heart do a little flip. “I might seem like a dumbass but I’m using this camboy money to pay off my student loans for my masters in English lit so I can quote you entire sonnets from Shakespeare without hesitation if that will help you believe me.”

Your eyebrows shot up, impressed. Realizing you’d ruined the moment, you sighed, covering your eyes with your hand. “I’m sorry, I’m crap at this. I really just want to watch you cum.”

Chuckling, you heard him shifting on the bed. “Okay, how about this? Forget the toys. Just close your eyes and listen to me.”

“Okay.”

“If you were here with me right now, just like that, I’d spend so much time exploring every inch of you with my tongue. I’d start with your lips, your jaw, your neck. Collarbones, shoulders, your chest, those cute nipples-”

“How are nipples cute?” You interrupted with a snort.

You could hear him trying not to laugh, his voice pitched a bit higher. “Shh, don’t ruin it.”

“I think you just did when you said ‘cute nipples’.” You’d never had this much fun with someone in a situation like this. “If I had a dick, my boner would have just died.”

Denki wheezed, and you opened your eyes to look over at him. He was gazing back at you, his eyes bright as he laughed into his palm. “God, I like you so much, kitten.”

Your grin softened, your heart pounding at his words. “Me too, Denki.”

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