#we love you tragic relationships
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"let me hear your wish, sis."
LUCREZIA & JUAN BORGIA the borgias — 2x02
#i'm literally unwell ?!?!??!#the way she's putting her delicate hands on his arm so tenderly...do these two know i'm crazy...#i also loved how he was acting tsundere-ish with her trying to make her laugh about the two of them being a vision among the roman populace#we love you tragic relationships#the borgias#juan borgia#lucrezia borgia#juan x lucrezia#tvedit#cinemapix#tvarchive#perioddramaedit#by jen
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what is the theory that ivan manipulated the event where till and mizi met the wagyein?
It's not a theory, actually! It's confirmed that Ivan orchestrated the whole event. The true reason as to why however is still unknown. The information provides more context to this scene, though:
During the earlier times of ALNST the most rational explanation for this scene was that Till ran after a flower crown (presumably Mizi's) and Ivan followed him in out of curiosity. Now we know that Ivan was conveniently just standing there because he was waiting.
Side note, I find it heartbreaking (and maybe a little funny, sorry) that Till most likely didn't notice Ivan in this scene. That's just like him, isn't it. Always too busy running after Mizi while Ivan trails behind, an ever-present shadow.
I'm not sure how Ivan manipulated the circumstances for both of them to end up there, but it is confirmed that everything was intentional. What strikes me most is how they describe this particular scene:
I can't copy down what they said word-for-word (Patreon info), but they described Ivan watching "creepily" as Till and Mizi are faced with danger. We know that Ivan was familiar with the Cerberus wagyein beforehand, enough to touch its teeth and even to rest himself inside its maw. To Ivan, the wagyein is not dangerous, but to Till and Mizi, it could be. Ivan prepared the wagyein, led them there, and watched "creepily" from afar as Till fell on his knees, seemingly injured.
The closest I can get to making sense of Ivan's "scheme" is that he wanted to see how other children would react in a dangerous situation. Ivan's always been an observer, after all, and he's learned to survive by copying the more "normal" behaviors of his peers. This situation occured when Ivan was still young and had not yet developed his more charming mask, so perhaps he staged this encounter to study a situational response, to learn and mimic the emotion of fear. And what better subjects for the experiment than two of the most expressive and reactive humans of their batch? It helps that he was already fixated on Till beforehand, too. I think Ivan became irreversibly obssessed after this incident, especially since it's framed as a turning point in Ivan's life, comparing Till to the stars.
This is just my attempt at an interpretation, though. It could very well be for another reason. He most likely chose Till and Mizi specifically for personal reasons, not just for reaction. I'm still not sure on the purpose behind the whole thing.
The team wanted to capture Ivan's "dark emotions" through the shot of his stalking, which could relate to his more sinister intentions. His gaze can be read in a few different ways, though. Curiosity, interest, fear, etc. Maybe that's why they decided to redraw the shot in ROUND 6.
I think this better sells the feeling they were trying to convey.
#ivan u fucked up little guy.#also okay i just wanna clear this up#i know i make a lot of posts about ivans darker side and his more problematic traits#but this isn't me trying to villainize him or reduce him down to “toxic yaoi”#I HOPE YOU GUYS KNOW ALL MY TOXIC YAOI POSTS ARE LIGHTHEARTED.#i just want to clarify that ivan was always intended to be a darker and complicated character. even since his debut in round 3#the way i refer to ivan (“twisted” “creepy” “obssessive” etc) are literally the direct words used by q and v themselves to describe him#but despite that id like to emphasize that i don't see ivan as a villain or a completely bad person. hes complicated#there is no normalcy in this world they are living in. none of the characters know what being truly normal is#this isn't me condoning his actions#but it has to be acknowledged that alnst is fucked up in nature. we can't expect perfect relationships from people who are born to die#plus ivan has a lot more layers past the “dark” parts. he's constantly battling himself and his desires#especially at the end of round 6 where he performs a myriad of conflicting actions (kiss strangle peck smile)#thanks to the r6 production notes we now know that ivan was going through a rapid internal conflict#“sure and unsure at the same time”#there is sooo much to ivan. his low self-esteem. his desire and possessiveness despite knowing till will never love him#his VEHEMENT insistence that till will never love him vs his desperate persistence in trying anyway#uh i need to shut up i think#anyways sorry. just wanted to clarify my thoughts on him in case people think im. yk.#in short. hes a fucked up little freak and he fascinates me. this poor tragic child. i love him.#SORRY I GOT CARRIED AWAY#alnst#alien stage#alien stage ivan#alnst ivan#asks
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following on from this. not to always bring marc into everything (sorry marc) but if assen 2015 had happened against jorge, valentino would have very likely pulled something similar again imo. rather than what he actually did, which is approach marc almost immediately for a nice normal friendly handshake and backing off during the podium celebrations. should be noted that during laguna seca '08, valentino was very much committed to yapping at casey on the podium with the world's biggest smuggest grin on his face
partly that disparity is because jorge not marc was the direct title rival, partly it's because valentino was treating marc with kid gloves right until the second that he wasn't, which marc was seemingly entirely oblivious to. if anyone other than marc had said what he said in that presser, had then continued on with similar rhetoric during sachsenring, valentino would quite likely have gone nuclear. he's done it over less than that. his fondness for marc made him continue to exhibit uncharacteristic restraint... except that fondness unfortunately is what left valentino feeling so very betrayed when (to his eyes) marc could not leave well enough alone
#it's so delightfully tragic isn't it. a lot of 2015 played out the way it did because valentino genuinely wasn't looking for beef#but then felt backed into a corner and decided he had no other option than to blow this shit up#if casey says 'what I think is that we won the race' valentino would've torn him a new one then and there like...#if sete had called assen his best race of the season valentino would've reached for the chalk and incense even sooner#though fwiw I do think the relationship was basically doomed from that point. something would have happened sooner or later#2015 is so funny conceptually because there was already something *off* about it most of the way through. you have the familiar beats#but they shouldn't be HAPPENING with marc. they should be happening with the actual title rival - who vale never properly fought all season#assen 2015 should've been laguna should've been catalunya hell it should've been assen 2004 but it couldn't be#valentino kept accidentally inflicting the psychological blows on the wrong guy because jorge just refused to end up in a straight fight#assen SHOULD have been a pivotal race. but of course it couldn't be because what psychological blow was jorge lorenzo being dealt?#btw the unwillingness to beef doesn't just extend to marc. valentino makes a concerted effort to be uncharacteristically friendly to jorge#still think he would've rubbed assen in his face but. overall! he was trying! which again. very ironic#funhouse mirror ass season i love it dearly#//#brr brr#slowly dipping my toes into dropping 2015 hot takes on tumblr dot com... for so long these have been between me god and my google doc#i love jorge i think he's been involved in a lot of iconic battles i think it's funny not a single one of them happened in 2015#minus kinda phillip island but even there it did feel like the other three were Doing More than him#also just a different vibe to a proper one-on-one. a WEIRD title run where the third man that whole year walks away with the trophy#idol tag
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thinking about their friendship so hard
#camp camp#cc#David#jasper#fanart#DUDEEE nobody gets them like i do theyre so good#theyre so tragic.. they never truly got to know each other. the last time they ever seen each other they were angry with the other :(#but there’s so much regret that comes with it too. they never got to talk it out. be on good terms#they could see each other at any moment but they other doesn’t know#they call each other best friends yet we never really see them being best friends.. but maybe they get each other like no one else does#their personalities did a complete swap with each other - they understand how the other is thinking and feeling.#David hated the camp but after one good thing he loves it. viseversa with jasper#when they last saw each other they were clouded with their views and didn’t try to understand things from their lens#yet even if they didn’t - they still understood each other. if you get what I mean#theyre foils. but so is max and david and that’s what makes both relationships compelling for me. theyre so similar to each other#no wonder david is so attached to max. he sees himself in him and he sees jasper in him too#i know jaspers just a character to show how bad the camp is. but there’s so much depth to him too#he has a lot of missed potential.. i hope he’s in season 5 at least. id like to see him again#srry for the character analysis im insane#jaspvid
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Honestly I think crocodile/dragon and crocodile/Doflamingo are only interesting when treated as failed relationships spinning off into increasingly petty grudges and instigations. Become a warlord to piss off one ex by working with his hated father only for the OTHER ex to ALSO become a warlord to drive you insane. Etc.
I am now going to take his as an opportunity to rant about Dragodile because I unironically think it's an interesting ship if Crocodad Real and I don't think I'm ever going to find a better excuse to rant about it unprompted lmao SO HERE WE GO
But yes like. Dragodile is so fucking interesting to me
A marine and a pirate falling in love with each other is already some starcrossed lovers kinda BS. But then it's like, a FORMER marine and pirate who is WORKING FOR THE GOVERNMENT. That's EXTRA JUICY, it adds layers to the starcrossed lovers shit, and I am not immune to it, it's FACINATING, like what was the dynamic here
But also we don't even know when Dragon left the marines and when he and Crocodile first met, so for all we know it could've been some real enemies-to-lovers-to-enemies shit AND THAT'S SO INTERESTING
(Also the mere concept that Dragon could've been chasing Crocodile around kinda like Smoker tried to chase Luffy, only for Crocodile to become a Shichibukai and Dragon having to give up because they're on the same side now (kinda). Like. That is so fucking funny. And then he leaves the Marines to start a revolution. Or just out of spite dshgjdgs)
Then there's the absolutely hysterical part where Crocodile is the meanest, most intimidating, standoff-ish asshole around. So the idea Dragon was fucking into that is INCREDIBLE. THIS MAN LIKES BEING BULLIED DFSHFKGHFGJHDS (It's possible Young Croc might've been less mean but it's funnier if he wasn't)
And yeah. Somehow. In complete secret. A romance blooms.
And then there's a baby.
And Crocodile transes his gender.
And there's a divorce.
And 17 years later Crocodile has commited dozens of unforgivable warcrimes that are almost exactly the kind of things Dragon wanted to stop the government from doing to begin with.
Mind you, I don't actually think there's coming back from that, this relationship was burned to the ground and the ashes blown away by wind, there is nothing left
But could you imagine if despite the anger and the hurt and the warcrimes they still somehow loved each other
I would just
#Moon posting#Crocodad#Sir Crocodile#Monkey D Dragon#Dragodile#OP Meta#I keep on mentioning Dragodile Divorce but to be fair we don't even know if they had been married#All we do have is the fact that Crocodile Very Specifically doesn't wear a ring on his ring finger (in the manga)#(First half of Alabasta it's his middle finger but from the second half onwards it's consistently been his ring finger)#And there's that SBS where a person asked if the Shichibukai were gonna remain single etc and if they had any kids#And Oda was like ''hMmM I wOnDeR iF aNy oF tHeM hAvE bEeN mArRiEd... Anyway I imagine their kids would be like this''#And then very very specifically he only did Doflamingo Mihawk and **Crocodile**#So like. If Crocodad Real. The two could've been married briefly (in secret). Probably just engaged in my personal opinion#Also like. Like we all know Iva's Magic HRT is POWERFUL STUFF right#There is something so deeply tragic to me about the just the mental image#Of Crocodile trying to put on his engagement ring post-HRT only to realize it doesn't fit his massive man hand#Like a horrible premonition of how this relationship was going to end#Even if he was the same on the inside he no longer literally fit the mere concept of the woman Dragon had fallen in love with#Can you imagine the series of emotions Crocodile would've gone through realizing that#Or who knows maybe he realized it all much earlier-- when and however the fuck he decided to get HRT from Iva-chan#There is much to be said about One Piece's running theme of loneliness and the loneliness queer people experience#God Oda please I need this man's backstory#I need to know what the fuck happened#I NEED TO KNOW HOW THE DIVORCE HAPPENED#NGL there's a part of me that almost hopes Dragon was Objectively Horrible (in a heated moment that he really regrets)#Just so Crocodile could be at least a little justified in being at resentful towards Dragon#I dunno it would not sit too well with me if the Cishet Man Dragon was 100% In The Right And Never Did Anything Wrong#And then it's the transgender man who does all the morally questionable horrible shit because he's an evil queer#(There's more than plenty of positive queer rep in OP to balance out one (1) evil trans character don't get me wrong)#(But it would be sad if Crocodile was An Evil Queer especially because he's the one who has transitioned)
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you know, i always find it really funny when dudebros complain about syndicate and odyssey being too "jokey" or not "taking its characters seriously" or whatever…
like, did y'all collectively sleep through "it's-a me, mario!", "i meant besides vaginas", ezio inventing the latte, bartolomeo's... just... *gestures vaguely* entire character, etc?
like, it's fine to have preferences of course, i myself prefer a more serious and grounded tone, but these are usually the same people who tout the ezio trilogy as "peak assassin's creed", call ac1 a glorified tech demo and hate on connor for being "too serious and boring", like? make it make sense!
#asscreed#ac syndicate#ac odyssey#dont get me wrong#i do have problems with syndicate and even more so with odyssey#but it's not the tone lol#honestly i think kassandra is the protagonist that's the most similar to ezio if you really think about it#but bc she's a woman she's suddenly 'overpowered' and 'unrealistic'#yall don't remember the insane things that ezio survives in revelations do you#speaking of which#been replaying the ezio games lately#and i have something to confess...... i really don't think ac2 is good#ac brotherhood was a BIG improvement#in terms of story pacing for one (none of those insane unmotivated time jumps... well aside from the strange montage at the end)#and the characters are a lot more fleshed out (probably bc there aren't like 20 of them)#and the handling of female characters is MUCH less egregious#maybe bc there's only really claudia and caterina left LOL#lucrezia is a little annoying i guess... but she gets a pass bc she's cesare's sister and really they're the same kind of crazy lol#and hey we actually get to see how dangerous sex work can be and how it's not just a way for sexy nuns to give inner peace to men#even cristina gets fleshed out!#and i like that we get so see ezio being a little bit of a selfish prick in her missions#and making bad decisions in interpersonal relationships#at least i THINK that's what we're supposed to take away from it... but who knows maybe it's just supposed to be a tragic love story...#i hope not.... i hope the player IS supposed to think that ezio's treatment of her is bad. otherwise.... :/#sorry for rambling#guess im just kinda surprised by how much i enjoyed brotherhood#it had been a long time since i last played it#also the modern day is really good!#that you can talk so much to everyone and also being able to read their emails and the mundane banter... idk i just think its neat :)
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mr spices and mr wines. also mr candles and mr veils.
have you ever seen that one tumblr post that's like. "i don't ship these characters i just think they belong in couples therapy together". yeah. that's pretty much my stance on most spacebat ships
#the hearts on the veils/candles bingo are broken bc. well. yknow#ask#i do have slightly different outlooks on both of them#spwines is basically just canon to me in a divorced way. like. i dont think they're romantic. but i Do think they're infinitely divorced#the spwines divorce is extremely real#soulmates that will find each other in every universe type shit. except the soulmates is being Exes™ in every universe#their constant bickering is amusing and im delighted everytime they show up together bc without fail they argue. and it's enrichment for me#i just know the scoundrel is involving herself in the spwines divorce war on the side of mr wines#(she really needs better things to do with her time)#fallen london#veils/candles on the other hand i dont really actively ship? i think it's an intriguing prospect#i like seeing interpretations of their dynamic#but i dont think they necessarily ever had a relationship like that. and if they ever did. well. it's a bit fucked up now isnt it#the tragedy of candles is definitely a lot more tragic if you interpret him and veils as being Close. but i think of it as extra spice#on top of an already delicious dish#yknow?#that being said. they're kind of on the same Extreme Divorced wavelength as spwines. albeit obviously in a VERY different way#i think the most karmically fitting fate for veils is being tormented by its sins (particularly towards candles) for all eternity#and like. that's a ship. in a way. of a sort.#veils alone with the corpse it lovingly handcrafted and left to rot at the bottom of a well#it's the classic disney villain ending where the antagonist gets literally dragged away and punished by their victims#which is all to say#that one bag a legend text where veils is speaking to someone you cant see and it's Afraid. that's delicious#i love it being tormented like that and we all should hold candles over its head forever and ever
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[deep breath] not me suddenly getting hit by tcw feelings in this year 2024 but like. truly ough i love likening ahsoka and anakin and obi-wan's entire dynamic as tragic siblings because that's the closest approximation we have to it but also just like. there's tragic siblings because they're the ones you're supposed to joke with and play with and look up to when it seems like everything is falling apart.
and then there's the whole tragic student-teacher element to all of it and maybe it's just like. i look up to you i owe you so much i know you've only ever tried and wanted to make me better i know you saw something in me worth cultivating and keeping you exasperate me sometimes because why the hell do i need to know this kind of stuff why the hell are you nitpicking this kind of stuff why do you care so much about why i succeed or not you're not my parent and i don't want you to be my parent but also you helped me learn more about myself and the world than i've ever realized. can i ask for your opinion about this later. can i still ask you for help on this problem.
and then the whole flip side of that is like. you were someone who mentored me and taught me and now you're a monster i barely know or recognize and how could you do this how could you say that how could you hurt me like this i know you think you're doing the right thing and you're so much older and wiser and i'm still waiting at the door like a little kid but also i don't think being taught lessons is meant to feel like this and i can't tell if i'm still acting childish or if maybe, more horrifyingly, everyone who warned me about you was right and you really are a monster and you've taught me how to be a monster and what do i do now and i guess i just have to grapple with the fact that you molded me and shaped me and if you broke off one of my arms while doing that, then who am i to tell
#caroline talks#tcw#listen to me yes i love u sibling relationships yes i love u sibling relationships#and of course siblings can mentor and teach their siblings too#but i also think about like. okay if we also remember the whole master-padawan dynamic too.#it's the whole. yeah that's literally your mentor who's going to guide you and make sure you're going to survive out there.#anyways. i love u screwed up siblings and tragic siblings#and kind of related to that. i love u screwed up mentorships.#like. where's that one suits quote.#the one that's like 'he's my mentor. it's a difficult relationship to explain'#and it's just like. yup! sure can! your mentor can be like your family. they can be family at some point#but also it's like. 'well they started off as my teacher. they started off as my mentor. to guide me and help me grow'#and it's just like. OUGh.
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i love the EVIL part of EVILIVE btw. i find fucked up, unnameable unobtainable obsessive life-ending love extremely romantic and delicious. it’s the way things are in the evilive world! things are messy! and bad! and i love it! i (at least currently!!!) do not plan on writing anything pure fluff happiness because that is not something that i wish to extract from this show.. it isn’t there! i have no interest in erasing these harsh realities of evilive in my fics. happy lalala is not fun for me to write, and i won’t do it without a heavy underlying feeling of uneasiness and uncertainty and dread and despair and inevitable death. i like pain :/ and half of this couple is one of the most greedy selfish motherfuckers i have ever come to know and he’s oh so beautiful. so i am sorry if you finished evilive and wanted some kind of fix-it happy gays but i am NOTTTTTTTT the guy for that.
#ilml#idk.#lol.#sorry feeling a little defensive this sunday evening!#reqs are open indefinitely and if you need some kind of fix all you have to do is ask :]#but i will not write anyone from this show (intentionally) OOC because i respect them too much as human beings from my TV show.#from my little kdrama that takes up a huge portion of my brain.#my reason for writing at all for evilive is to explore aspects of it that we didn’t get to see on screen#anyways whatever sorry please be gentle with me ❤️#i am just a serious and passionate guy writing about a crime noir#it’s a tragic lovestory and i am not inclined to turn it into a kissing loving understanding relationship#like srsly han dongsoo? u know him yes? he wouldn’t be down for all that#he’s hetmarried in case we forgot#SORRY im so 😵💫. but please god be gentle with me. i am baring my soul to you through my writing and i need it to be handled with care#if you wish that evilive was nice and happy you could make it that way! but i will not!#maybe someone else already has/will!#but ILML (me!) is into evilness. i like weird evil lawyers who are evil and bad. and i have no desire to turn evil lawyers nonevil#and i have no desire to take away the joys of violence and power from the other half either#and idk how many of my readers are weird/offputting queer men who have been helplessly in love with a straight guy#but it is no easy event… it is no simple doing… it can perhaps even be an EVIL thing…#STRAIGHT UP RAMBLING AT THIS POINT. APOLOGIES!#<- guy who might be a little sensitive and need your understanding
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haha xbox wings [reads the description] hey what the fuck
#personal stuff#delete later#hyv continuing to hide Lore in limited time wind gliders. classic.#first alice [a couple times i think] now khaenri'ah.#man. man.....#why the hell did our sibling not wake us up earlier.... wdym they [we??] ruled over an entire world.#also confirmation that we've been searching for our home this whole time...#vedrfolnir was blinded in both eyes after giving a prophecy. fontaine's? or one for khaenri'ah?#dainsleif was on his way to rescue him when the cataclysm happened oh my goddd.......#you cannot do this to me. tragic siblings x2 combo attack.#also yeah dain and the abyss twin's Lack of a relationship being reinforced in this one. they were traveling partners and not much more#we kinda knew from that animation we saw but mann. the difference between them and our journey w paimon as a loving companion...#and speaking of the abyss twin. they were used as a Vessel for abyssal power?? hey what the fuck??#what the fuck does that Mean. How. how could that happen. also why did irmin specifically think this was a good idea#anyway anyone wanna bet our abyss cleansing powers might become plot relevant regarding that in particular.#just man. MAN.
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I gotta give black sails it's flowers for having multiple bisexual poly relationships, mmf AND ffm at that lol
The first was such a delightful and unexpected twist that really puts a new light onto the entire thesis of the show, and then the second was literally one of my fav dynamics in the entire series, they were my favs and all got together??? Usually this only happens in indulgent fic, but not this time!!
(also something high-key funny (in a sad way) that it kinda starts as 'I'm so co-dependant I need you to hold my hand while I hook up with someone else that I was dubiously cheating on u with 🥺' and then they became a power throuple)
#i liked that there were multiple sapphic relationships but low-key wish there was more than one mlm relationship...#specifically just bc by the nature of the show it has a lot of sort of meditations on masculinity that i think would have been served by#having an active achillean relationship in the current narrative and also it's pirates come on#i guess it's fine that Jack was only REALLY in love w one woman and kind of had this complex relationship w another woman in the mix#I've said before i really like this shows take on him and Anne bonney I'm a pirate fan from way back#and Anne Bonney is an early obsession while i didn't ever give a fuck about calico Jack before specifically this version of him#but i get a strong genderqueer 4 genderqueer vibe from both of them and truly think they're bi4bi#bc you can't tell me that Jack wasn't in love w Charles Vane (and imo Charles knew and cared for him in a way but was tragically straight)#anyway this is for no one i gotta stop bc i don't even want to get started rambling and trying to organize my myriad thoughts about them lol#my original point was that i think it would have been interesting to explore more queerness in the show but what we got was compelling#and sometimes i think they had to reel in certain types of fan and making their cool manly lead bi was honestly brave#but then they have to send Charles on some toxic masculinity side quest every season to lean into the power fantasy of ruthless piracy#which i think they also had some interesting points about him unlearning some things but ugh i digress I'll start rambling bye#text posts
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"Mandy deserved better" "lip was so ungrateful" the rape scene guys. guys. the rape scene. she literally rapes him guys. he says no and stop repeatedly and he tries to push her off. and then hides in the bathroom for 45 minutes after. guys.
#:v#tw rape#tw sa mention#guys. guys did we watch the same show 😭#lip gallagher#shameless#LISTEN POOKIE I LOVE MANDY AS A CHARACTER TOO! I THINK SHES GREAT#super compelling very tragic#weird possessive and controlling too what more could you want in a woman#but you can not look at that relationship and be like#😭😭 omg she disabled a woman for him and then raped him 😞😞 why do men never appreciate what women do for them#sometimes the characters we like. Suck. and that's okay ☺️#love Mandy im a certified Mandy lover#she's the worst. love that
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"The Arkenstone is the Heart of the Mountain; it is also the heart of Thorin..."
I was listening to this cello cover and started drawing the Hobbit Comic adaptation things again <3
#tfw a dwarf hires you to be his burglar but then you steal his heart :/#the hobbit comic#bagginshield#the hobbit#ok people clown on the 2012 hobbit fandom#but honestly...we collectively hallucinated a series of good movies that didn't exist#it was just like gonacharov#its not in the movies or book really#the agonized tragic gay relationship between bilbo and thorin....#the whole 'bilbo as the unreliable narrator' thing#the way they're narrative foils! with parallel arcs! 'important' people struggling to cope with the loss of their home! gay#i love collectively hallucinating it#anywAY im doing thesis stuff so i dont know if ill have time to update the comic soon#(if anyones still around?)#but yeE!#I still go back and reread comments on it whenever i need seratonin#<33333#I really appreciate anyone who engages with my stuff so much#you're all....so nice ;__:#but yeah maybe ill set up a separate tumblr sideblog for it or something? so its easier to find things in one place#but yee ! social mediaing#secretmellowart#my art
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one super important detail about carver's 'pro-templar' stance is that he openly admits that he never saw magic as a threat before kirkwall. he can be petty and constantly annoyed by his siblings being all magical and special but he never thought of them as abominations who need to be locked up for everyone's safety. kirkwall is the reason he starts to express doubts and we know how fucked up the veil here is.
if he joins the order, he does that out of necessity but i'd say he's also that rare templar who's motivated not by fear for himself but by fear for the people he cares about and at least one of them is a mage. this city is full of demons and abominations and blood magic, situation here is a lot more complicated than in ferelden and there's also his not-so-almighty mage sibling who doesn't seem to be concerned about this. even though they can be killed by one of these things. even though they can become one of them.
also he desperately needs purpose and if he was never taken to the expedition he finds one and does so by his own choice. and for the moment he thinks it's the right thing to do but the order never helps him resolve his doubts. he's never proven wrong because there are still demons and abominations threating the city. he's never proven right because some things templars do are completely unjustifiable and straight up cruel. this is not the purpose he wanted. this is not the reason worth deeping the rift between him and his sibling even more than it already was but it's too late to quit just like that. it's not like he despised the templars. it's not like he didn't understand them completely. but the way he bitterly says "you don't understand this life. i didn't" to sebastian summarises how complicated his time in the order was all along
#honestly i wouldn't say that carver is a good templar. he's loyal to whoever he serves but that's just. his way of things#good templar fucking hates mages. it's not like i'm exaggerating tho. almost all templar characters who got major promotions in the games#were traumatized by some magic accident first and then were allowed to work with mages. while they were dreaming of massacring them#or they were just. willing to kill and torture people with no traumatizing background or whatever. even better#carver is just not like that. he thinks this is a respected promising job. he can see a point of it#and then we have these cut lines where cullen mentions templar!carver was threating anyone who dared to mention hawke. well#is he that pro-templar tho. or was he just raised among mages for all his life and was taught to believe that magic is a normal thing#but then got exposed to the whole city where mages were causing problems. a lot. and started to wonder if his family was just an exception#(yeah yeah mages were not in fact the root of a problem but we're talking about character's point of view here#and carver is a lot more concerned about his place in said family and the world and his relationships with his sibling#than the veil and stuff)#as a result we get a story about distancing yourself from the people you love for a cause that was not worth it#a cause you chose and regretted but some things cannot be undone and you have to live with it now#i don't usually go for this route but it is so tragic actually. hits almost as hard as warden bethany#carver hawke#dragon age
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I think i'm accidentally torturing my bestie.
On his last fly back he watched Saltburn cause I "recommend it" (I didn't. I was just freshly obsessed and told him that 'I really like the movie, idk if you're gonna like it but... if you watch it let me know' and so he watched it).
Previous to that, I asked him he wanted to come with me to a screening of Cuándo acecha la maldad" (When devil lurks), an argentinian horror movie. I know he doesn't like horror so I told him that I was going and if he felt up to come with me he was invited. he did came.
This year I talked about Killing of a Sacred Deer cause I rewatched it. Yesterday he sent me a text asking if he should watch it, i'm like "dude idk?? I love Yorgos but idk if I can recommend it to be honest. If you want to then... 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻".
And I love we talk about movies and share our different tastes and preferences but i'm starting to worry every time I talk about a movie with him, cause he's favorite genre is like, golden era of musicals?? like 50's I think?? and i'm into psychological horror and wired vibes. My guy, you don't have to watch this, we can watch other movies 😭✋🏻
We watched Pearl the other day and idk, I didn't really like it, he was kind of ambivalent about it, and i'm like... we can watch Holiday Inn again, I loved it... hell, put Singing in the Rain again. We can watch other stuff, I loved Phantom Thread but we can watch The Princess Bride, dude, plz stop watching the movies I like, you don't like that shit and it's okay 😭
#i don't even watch crazy movies#but i love slow and wierd and uncomfortable and especially i LOVE unhealthy relationships#i love wierd and tragic stories#and one of my favorite movies as a kid was fantasia 2000 and he also hated that movie#we have very different taste but we made it work#we found a common ground#idk#maybe he wants to try new things??#last month he tells me “a friend of a friend told me to watch 'Annette' that i might like it”#what a boring movie my god#we laugh the whole way through#and im like#this looks like something i would try to watch#why are you watching this kind of movies??
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for months now i have had this little story idea bouncing around in my head for an AU of Jetpack Joyride where Barry is stuck inside a big expermental time loop conducted by Legitimate Research to create an army of randomly selected time-travelling soldiers. the idea is very much still rough and i dunno if and when i'll develop it into a bigger thing, but it's a pretty cool idea and it's a twist on the JJ game that i've never really seen much exploration on.
basically, it focuses on Barry, who is the sort of Patient Zero of an experimental concentrated time-fuckery technology LR is working on. every single day, at exactly the same time, Barry goes out to work his salesman job, discovers the jetpack, breaks into the laboratory, takes it for a joyride, eventually gets hit by an obstacle and dies. the next day, Barry goes out to work his salesman job, discovers the jetpack, breaks into the lab, takes it for a joyride and dies. and he does the same exact thing the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day... he's pretty much stuck in a loop of the exact same events happening repeatedly every single day, and he has absolutely no idea about it. that is, until there's a glitch in the system, and Barry progressively becomes a lot more suspicious and paranoid about the situation he's in. the rest of this post is gonna be REALLY spoilery (like i literally just explain big important chunks of the story for several paragraphs) if i ever make this into a full-fledged fanfic, so i'm gonna put it under a keep reading thingy. also it is... quite long and convoluted lol.
as the story goes on, it focuses more on the mental degredation of Barry as he starts uncovering all these weird clues, slowly trying to piece together what's going on and driving himself insane, because every time a reset occurs, his memory of the previous loop ever happening is completely wiped and everything he did that day goes all the way back to square one. since the malfunctioning of LR's technology though, Barry has been getting little nuggets of deja vu and half-remembered fragments of dying before a reset. this eventually becomes him repeating things to himself, little phrases and codes over and over and over in hopes that it will persist into the next reset. this eventually becomes symbols stuck up on the walls of his room and then progresses to entire rituals to help him remember and little behaviourisms like tics and stims to let him know he's in another loop. he becomes more and more panicked and unsettled, paranoid that someone - or something - is watching him closely. additionally, he keeps having disturbing dreams in the early hours of the morning before he gets up to go to work, ones that are symbolic and prophetic, as if they're trying to warn him about something. i've had concepts of him waking up on top of a pile of millions of mangled carcasses that all look exactly like Barry, and having on them them forcefully grab onto his leg and pull him down with the rest of them. it's kinda like the nightmare Woody has in Toy Story 2, but like, dead guys everywhere, lol.
the backstory of this whole thing is kinda insane. basically, Legitimate Research is a sketchy government funded facility that's doing secret time experiments to create the strongest beings for a purpose that's somewhat similar to Brains' Zomb Bomb plan from AOZ (i haven't fully decided yet). Barry is someone who has been randomly selected for their newest version of the concentrated time loop experiment, where patients will be put under looping tests to extract data about their strength, agility and performance and decide what they need to supplement them with in order to create the perfect soldier.
Barry was 22 years old when he was selected. he was actually a relatively normal local Fish N' Chips vendor living in New South Wales, but one day, when he recieved an exciting letter in the mail about a new ambitious job opportunity, he completely disappeared without a trace and seemed to have been entirely erased from the minds of everyone he had ever known. Barry had actually been kidnapped and ensnared into a mind-experiments facility of the laboratory, where they proceeded to wipe his mind, proof of his existence and his entire personhood up to this point, and replaced all of it with fake memories to fill in the gaps. he was then placed in stasis and to be injected with high doses of strength drugs as they crafted a new life for him behind the scenes. a new house, in a new state, all with new stories and memorabilia meant to be lived out by new person. now, he was Barry Steakfries in Queensland, a rough-around-the-edges guy with a passion for action movies and destruction. he was a revel with a thirst for chaos and freedom, but he just didn't have the means to achieve it yet. it was all according to plan.
a big part of the story i want to tell that involves him is that at some point, Barry tries to break free from the time loop by doing something different. this takes a lot of pre-planning, memory rituals and repeating details to himself, but after he wakes up from a reset and gets out of bed, he hesitates, choosing to go to a different place to sell his gramophones that day. he deliberately tries his best to avoid Legitimate Research's headquarters as much as he can, and while he doesn't completely remember why he's doing it, he has a deep gut feeling that he should stay away from them at all costs. so he does. and at first, it goes well. the day is different, his choices seem to actually matter and for once, the feeling of deja vu isn't tearing him apart... until a crazy freak accident happens that forces Barry to die and reset the time loop again, wiping away everything he had done that day. Legitimate Research is now forcefully trying to stop him from knowing what the hell is going on by forcing him to die with each now discovery he makes, and Barry has to figure out more and more creative solutions to averting their surveillance and trying to get the hell out of the loop.
Craig will also be involved with the story too!! i'm not exactly sure what exactly the events leading up to Barry discovering and meeting him would be, but it'd be kinda halfway-late-ish into the story where Barry manages to cut off LR's surveillance of him, breaks into the laboratory and searches through its archives for anything relating to time. during this raid, he accidentally discovers the true Patient Zero to this time experiment: a broken, decrepit shell of a man who has been hooked up to a set of wires and locked away deep into the laboratory, never meant to be discovered by anyone, only known simply as #000 'Craig'. Craig was the very first human they used to run an early prototype of these experiments, but through malfunctions in the threads of LR's technology, he ended up knowing too much and tried to break free from his time loop, which resulted in him being dragged out of reality and becoming completely detached from his own time, stopping his aging process completely and practically allowing him to exist forever and persistently through every reset unaffected. LR relocated him and considered him a catastrophic failure, locking him away in a cell deep in the bowels of the laboratory before destroying and erasing every archive of him ever having existed in any point in time. and now, the same thing is about to happen to Barry if he doesn't figure out a way to stop what's happening quickly. Barry, outisde of LR, is the only one who is aware of Craig's existence in this timeline. Barry makes a vow to make sure that he will never ever forget Craig, no matter what happens to him, no matter how many times his timeline gets reset, because he is the only other person on the whole world who truly understands what he's going through.
at the very end of the story, when Barry finally escapes the time loop and is about to enter into a new reality where none of this ever happened, he reaches out a hand to Craig and offers he come with him to live. Craig, however, rejects the offer, sadly confessing to Barry that because of his disconect from the threads of time progression itself, Craig must stay behind and be erased along with everything inside this one and let Barry live his life. Barry protests, insisting that his life wouldn't be complete without him and that they've already gone through so much together, but Craig assures him that this is the best for the both of them, and that Barry must leave him soon before the window to escape closes. Barry gives Craig once last goodbye, holding him close and basking in his presence for the final time. he closes his eyes, presses his head against Craig's and whispers "I promise I'll never forget you." before he slowly lets him go, not breaking their locked gaze on each other for even a second as he steps into the portal and ventures into an entirely new reality, never to return.
i want there to be an epilogue part where Barry starts his new life and goes looking for a place to stay, and he comes across the place where LR used to be, which is instead occupied with a big square fence plot and a sign that says "UNDER CONSTRUCTION: NEW RESTAURANT TO BE BUILT". Barry stares at it for a moment and reflects on everything that has happened. all the hellish experiments that were once held inside this very plot of land, all the trauma he went through to get to this point, Craig's sacrifice, everything has lead up to him standing here, in the right place, at the right time, to finally live the life he should've had to begin with. eventually, he turns away, continuing to walk down the street. he should go check that place out sometime.
(insert "what a fucked up dream for a baby to have" ending from 'then what' here)
#barry steakfries#jetpack joyride#fanfic idea#alternate universe#this is really just an idea dump post. y'know just throwing eggs everywhere and hoping one sticks to something#also i like how every au idea i've had for jetpack joyride always involves a deep queer-coded relationship between barry and craig#the aoz total apocalypse au has them go through hell together and become closer bfs who would die for each other as a result#the timeloop au has barry and craig destined to find each other but are separated from each others' timelines and must eventually let go-#-of their bond with each other and have barry sacrifice the existence of craig so he can go on and live a normal life without him#the toni/revenge au is literally just barry and craig/toni having a messy breakup ffs lmaooo#every au i'm making for this game is so unequivocally gay and i love that#we got the 'i'd kill for u' gay. we got the tragic destiny love story gay. we got the bad blood by taylor swift gay. it's all here#now that i think about it the relationship that barry and craig have in timeloop kinda reminds me of kirk and spock always being destined-#-to find each other across space and time.....#i will make sure every au i make deliberately goes out of its way to have something so very gay in it and you can trust my word on that#i wanna draw all three of my au barrys at group therapy with each other sharing their traumas#and canon barry is just there looking at them like ''what the fuck happened to you people....'' lmaoo#toni/revenge au barry: my bf turned evil and broke up with me...#timeloop barry: my bf literally got erased from existence for me...#total apocalypse barry: .... my bf is a hardened professional zombie hunter. wtf is happening in your universes???#canon barry: *taking a slow sip of coffee with an extremely concerned look on his face*#anyway yeah. barry is stuck inside a timeloop and that's why jj always starts the same way after you die#not even kidding this whole au was spawned from me playing the game again in late 2022 and thinking ''hey isn't it interesting-#-how barry always dies at the end but then bursts through the wall again just fine when you start again? like a loop? hmmm''#i'm gonna sleep now. it is. 11 pm and i have been writing this for god knows how long. good night snoorrrkk mimimimj
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