#we know he feels VERY strongly

[mukimokai]

hey you!!!

wanna hear one of my fic ideas for a canon rewrite that will absolutely shatter your heart????

yeah...

you've been warned..

.

TW!!!

dr//g ab*se, attempted su!c!de

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alhaitham attempted to overdose after the argument with kaveh over their thesis.

.

they basically screamed each others throats off that day; they've argued over their differing ideals before but it was never this bad, and the fight eventually got a bit physical, and there was a lot of hairpulling, scratching, pulling each other up by the collar, because they weren't just arguing about the thesis anymore, they were mad at each other. until alhaitham pointed out kaveh's fatal flaw, how his altruism is going to fail him one day, and kaveh, who can't handle the truth, yanks at alhaithams hair again, telling him to fuck off, that he wishes he never met him, all through pained, angry tears. and then, he lets go and leaves, bolting out the front door and not even bothering to close it.

it was one of the first times in alhaitham's life that he had ever let his emotions get the better of him, and he watched kaveh run out of the door, panting and shaking, tears prickling the corners of his eyes out of pure, unadulterated frustration. and alhaitham realizes at this moment that he'd lost someone. again.

oh yes, alhaitham's all alone again!! no one cares about him anymore!! he'd just lost the last person in the world who gave a damn!! silly alhaitham!! all because you're you. because you had to open your mouth again. because you had to say something. all you wanted was to help, but nobody understands that. nobody ever will. to them, you're just a cold, calculated, arrogant, cocky, bastard. and look what you've done now.

the thought breaks him, and he crumbles to the ground in what can only be described as a meltdown, a very violent one. vases are shattered, kitchen wear chucked across the room, books thrown around carelessly, all while he screams curses into the air, directed at no one, maybe at Kusanali, maybe at Celestia, who knows, but he screams anyway, bordering on babbles as he stumbles to his room, dizzy and distressed and grabs the bottle of prescription drugs (working on what kind of drug currently). It's not full, it's almost empty actually, only about 10 tablets at the bottom, but alhaitham, hands shaking, laughs incredulously at himself, and eats all of them.

or at least: tries to...

the commotion he'd made upset his neighbours. initially, they were storming over to his house with the Matra beside them to have him taken care of but upon arrival, they were horrified. The matra with them practically tackled alhaitham, making him spit out the 3 pills he had in his mouth when they found him in his room; he had already taken 5. they dragged him to the bimarstan as fast as he could, the neighbours following in terror and worry.

alhaitham was saved that day and the memory still haunts him. he was so clouded with emotion he'd lost all sense of what he was doing and just felt, and it scared him how his own feelings took control of him. At that point, alhaitham only closed up even further, basically forcing on his poker face and shoving down his feelings because he never wanted to feel so vulnerable again. he doesn't want to feel. it hurts to feel. strong feelings only bring pain. more pain than alhaitham could bear.

so alhaitham chose to hide this story, he never told anyone about it, not even a single detail. but kaveh, who moved back in eventually and now lived with alhaitham for about a year since their argument, was tidying up when he found a bottle of pills under alhaitham's bed, it was practically empty, only 2 pills remained.

concerned, he questions alhaitham about it later and it was the first time he'd seen alhaitham genuinely look scared. when kaveh explained he'd found it under his bed, alhaitham snatched away the bottle and disposed of it in the trash, cursing himself for not having found it last year when the incident happened and couldn't believe it had been there the whole time.

kaveh isn't an idiot, he pieced it together the moment he saw alhaitham's reaction. he just stands there, completely speechless and horrified. all he can say is "when..?"

and alhaitham, for the first time since their school years, responds in a shaky, miserable voice, "a year ago."

and kaveh is stunned, just staring at alhaitham, who seemed so unreachable when he moved in, suddenly looking so heartbreakingly vulnerable.

he doesn't say anything.

kaveh just hugs him, buries alhaitham's face into his shoulder and hugs him. and he swears he can hear soft, weak sounds coming from the scribe, and he swears the fabric over his shoulders became damp, but he doesn't say anything.

he just holds him.

i'm sorry. come at my throat all you'd like.

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[sciderman]

SCI SCI SCI...The Fantastic Four movie is fucked already, RDJ got revealed to play Doctor Doom...like out of all the possible choices, where they could've given us a europesn actor for Doom too...they brought back HIM....i hate it here, i am going back to comics, fuck movies.

I’m not going to say a word about the MCU anymore because i simply do not want to expend the energy anymore

[fisherrprince]

anon had a much different message I’ll try to get back to But it spiraled off in my brain and I think like, a character note about the twins especially in the beginning is that they’re very uncomfortable with (if not with most loud emotions) crying. exactly like my brother and I tbr alisaie is not comfortable with it even if it sometimes happens to her without her consent, so she stuffs it behind being snappy so it’ll stop. as the story goes on she doesn’t necessarily get more comfortable with it, she just gets around people who make her feel more okay about it. alphy just seemed unused to it in general - nothing in his life has ever caused emotion like that to overwhelm either reason or ego or logic, and so it just never happened, and even when he was upset he always always distanced how he felt about things from what his role was in the real world. like as a ten year old they were doing this. after hw it kind of starts happening to him wether he wills it or no, mostly around bittersweet or moments of stress release. which rly leads me to believe in the space between arr and hw was a lot more unmentioned (or obliquely mentioned, they kinda leave it to you) awful attempts at feeling really harsh emotions by someone who’s just genuinely never done it before than we hear about directly. he’s just never cried since he was tiny, and it probably sucked. anyways alisaie understands the emotional weight of events instantly and gets to react to them even if she dislikes it later and becomes determined to fix, while alphy still retains the habit of quickly separating himself from an event until it’s like, done with and either fixed or nothing we can do, and then falls apart. they both kinda try to hide it anyways

[moe-broey]

@hulloitsdani I HAD TO. ROTATE THIS. IN MY MIND. SO MUCH. CAUSE HERE'S THE THING I think on the surface it COULD make sense and has SO much potential writing-wise and I have hardly thought about that before -- but!!!!

While I have been goofing on Ratatoskr and how she's just a poor little thang, upon meeting she DID tell Alfonse this:

Which gives you SO much information actually. Like. She knows a lot more than she lets on -- not because she's lying outright or even putting up a front, but because she's just. So overwhelmed and emotional and sensitive (LOUDLY so) that may be the only thing you notice, maybe even underestimating her. But I feel Alfonse took this information and did the opposite -- it's an odd position to be in, to be known presumably very well by someone who's a stranger to you. But I think he takes this in, and takes his first impression of her and her personality, motives, the conflict within her, and decides to put his faith in her.

I think ALSO he could be viewing her as a valuable ally, acknowledging:

I think, he sees she has potential, if he can win her over and have her fight on his side. I THINK. Primarily his motivation is practical. Making a quick judgement of her, coming to the conclusion she could be a valuable asset and could help the Heroes even more (going back to, him saying "She can even tell them I asked her to get us more information on the assassination plot" and "If our enemy thinks like I do... they'll see a similar opportunity in front of them.")

AUGH INTERRUPTING THAT THOUGHT THOUGH!!!!!! I FEEL LIKE!!!!!! PART OF THE GAMBIT IS "She would be a valuable ally" AND on the flipside "She could pose a considerable threat if she changed her mind and strengthened her resolve in the opposite direction (to kill me)" so winning her over is part of defusing the threat. AND it's an extra win to have all that information if she does choose the Heroes. AND it's an extra LOSS if she does leave, since she takes all that information with her AND has the advantage while the Order is left scrambling in the dark. Plus also!!!!!! Her having that intimate knowledge of his routines!!!!!! If he loses Ratatoskr, he Knows he's gonna suffer severe consequences.

ALSO. ALSO!!!!!!!! I FEEL LIKE!!!!!!!!!! That is WHY him letting her go and EMPHASIZING she can do whatever she deems necessary, EVEN giving her sisters inside knowledge on the Heroes. I FEEL LIKE. THIS IS ACTUALLY. VERY MUCH (on a much smaller scale!!!!) another Letizia moment. HEAR ME OUT

Right before The Moment, he's judging Letizia's character, what he knows to be true about her, her PERSONALITY and the way she thinks. Which leads him to go sicko mode on her (because! That Was the course of action to take with her!!!!)

THIS TIME. He's met with a very emotional, very distressed and conflicted assassin who seems to have a moral compass and is conflicted about what she's been ordered to do. In one way, she's almost like a bomb that has to be defused -- she Does pose a threat, and the threat needs to be addressed before it goes off/is out of his hands. And in this case, appealing to her emotions IS the answer!

AND. I THINK. PART of that appeal WAS to place That Much trust in her. ESPECIALLY communicating to her, she's not Required to remain loyal to the Heroes. Giving her a choice, between them and her sisters. He's heavily relying on Ratatoskr's internal conflict and also (surely it hasn't been missed on him) her attachment to him, or at very least her respect for him as a person she's come to admire. It's an extreme chance to take, but I think he knows if Ratatoskr can 1) Feel like she made the choice herself, and 2) He can catch her on another emotionally driven motivation (When she requests a favor in return, which is for the Heroes to Save her Sisters) -- I think he's fully confident he can win her over without forcing her to do anything.

WHICH. ALSO. HELPS WIN HER OVER BC her MAIN conflict she's struggling with is Being Forced To Do Something She Doesn't Want To. By NOT being forceful with her, by EMPHASIZING she can take any action she deems fit, he's set up a situation WHERE the Order of Heroes is the preferable option. He leaves her with the impression that her feelings matter, that she has agency, and ultimately it's up to her.

I FEEL LIKE........ I am talking in circles LMFAOOO BUT. I think Another thing (before thought interruption) was Alfonse's lines saying, "It's a gamble on our part, but if our enemy thinks like I do... they will see a similar opportunity in front of them." ESPECIALLY into:

WHICH stood out to me SO much because I think it really captures how practically motivated he IS here. He is using her. He's acknowledging, that if their enemy is Like Him, they're using her, too. He's creating a situation with a desired outcome, making the Order of Heroes the more desirable option to align with, giving her the feeling that she Can choose -- and, this is true! He's entirely put the choice in her hands. But in DOING that, it strengthens the possibility of her seeing the Heroes AS the desirable option. Which is the goal. Which is what he wants. He Is prepared, most likely, for the event this backfires, but also he's fully confident Ratatoskr Will choose them. (Also, as I say he was "most likely prepared for backfire"..... honestly that may not even be the case. Alfonse bluffs and bullshits his way around and out of things so much it would make Phoenix Wright blush).

WHICH ALSO LIKE..... AAAUGHGHHHH rotating him in my mind forever. You can See his traits and tendencies, see how he uses them for the benefit of his allies and those he cares about, but also SO clearly you can see. How A Lot of That is deeply rooted in his own moral compass (which is good!) and his own perspective (which is limited and sometimes flawed) and you can see. EXACTLY how these things can twist and turn and get really ugly LMFAOO

And man I haven't even gotten to Alear yet but I have THOUGHTS about his interactions w her too I need to make a separate post about LMFAOO 😅 (hit image limit and also feels like another topic entirely 🫡)

[parme-san]

"squidbob dynamic is when one is nice and one is a tsundere" you can't even begin to understand how insane squidbob is

[dewgongs]

ughh why do i have to have njghtmares about them

[toestalucia]

Vania: Mommy… You're watching, right? Are you happy too? Choice: She is, no doubt.

critical damage. but the fate ep parent hell didnt end there, i am so sorry for reading petras so late cuz hellooo?!?!?

Petra: (If the true Andras is somewhere in the Abyssal Forest, then that's also where Mother's journey would have ended. Will she be there? What would I even say to her? Should I ask her why she abandoned me? Or should I… No, I can't think about that now. I have to concentrate on stopping Andras.)

Karla: I have regrets. There are many things that I still want to do. That I was not able to be a mother to Petra hurts most of all. More than anything else, I wanted to be there to see her grow up…

Petra: It's not fair… Saying goodbye like this… How am I supposed to stay angry at you?

the (captain) io petra club of parents who left them to do something rly cool(save ppl). the added fact that with vanias situation where gran doesnt have any memory of their mother & what walfrid shared was very vauge and doesn't know either if their mom is dead or alive (rising hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha). also last years holiday seasonal with yaia & her mother.......like i truly think that its a dialogue option that becomes a lot more personal from captain, because even if gran has no knowledge about their mom & thus mentions her a lot less / doesn't have the same type of loneliness about her as they do with their dad, it's still pretty clear that they were curious as a kid & wondered what was up with their family. so i feel its very..............im sure she's watching, because thats what im hoping for my mom too. yknow.

as for petra that section felt terrible cuz. like i KNEW it was there, i knew about petras lore. i knew she was in a similar situation as captain & io. but having her voice it like this..........'should i ask her why she abandoned me' LIKEEEEEEEEEE....that epic scene in no rain no rainbow that they reused for and you (i think it was????) with captain crying & being comforted by vyrn with very similar questions. the anime s2 too. ugh.....u better keep dad alive. makes act3 such a heartache too since they fell to the edgelands as dad left, found out estalucias real name, found out repti had known dad & that? the last thing anyone has seen of dad is very likely him standing in front of the omnipotent(s clone) ?????? which makes me so damn dizzy in consideration of dad arriving at zinkenstill alone with captain & mom (&dads) position with bahamut. going to estalucia.....dad........ yeah my dad is at this fabled island oh no he met a being whose radiance blinded repti & even seeing it from the mask hurt hailaks eyes is he ok we dont know we can just push forward oh no the sky is broken. LIKEEEEEE ???? not to mention seed of redemption (which IS set after/around edgelnads right........i heard water lecias fate eps reference some stuff......which EVEN MORE makes sense of captains reaction of running away like they JUST missed their own dad & met mika&shitori who dad was telling stories to and whatnot + finding out either before or after whats actually up with their family. like the emotions are in SHAMBLES during that. adding on borrowing/using the omnipotents power during heart of the sun like. can i. can we. ???????????? do u get me. desperately holding onto anything that lets them be closer to their dad, even if it the logic doesnt make sense.

'how am i supposed to stay angry at you' petra im gonna be ill. i love you so much. desperately need a 'left behind by our parents' login story. ill read the lvl100 fate tmrw i cant deal with this rn<//3

in grans case especially & how i write them i think the 'i understand that my parents are likely doing something very very important' and 'i wish they werent/i wish they choose me instead' are sooooo messy..............lov things like that. love petras dialogue. love how gran can understand her wholeheartedly in that moment, even if she doesnt speak of it.

[psikind]

hey so. childhood friend of mine commited suicide late july and his dad’s trying to fund the money for his funeral service - if people have the money to donate please do the service is in 3 days (august 5th) and he’s very close to the goal but otherwise it’d mean a lot if people spread the link around -> https://gofund.me/f04d9bf0

[cerealmonster15]

i dont think i ever felt more annoyed at commercials than when those mean girls walmart ads were playing a few months ago or whenever that was

[tariah23]

Well, I’m still glad that Gojo was always a character who was growing and learning at least. He’s literally one of my favorite characters of all time now. Like, he’s never been as perfect as how the fans would make him out to be despite canonically being viewed as an absolute nuisance to everyone around him (I don’t think his peers necessarily hate him but a lot of them probably hate to see him coming and the ones who’ve dealt with him long enough to consider him a friend, tolerate him and groan whenever he opens his mouth, too 😭… out of love. He’s extremely childish so there is only sm the other adults around him can take and to an extent, his students. I think the only characters in canon who adore him and their eye’s sparkle whenever he’s around, and being a silly teacher was Yuuji and Miwa (she asked him for his autograph (he’s the most famous sorcerer in the jjk world) and when she was alone, she did a little dance in the empty hallway 🥺…) from what we’ve seen even though the others still care about him, too. They just find him rather annoying, which he most definitely is. And he does it on purpose. He plays too much.)

[acourtofwhatthefuck]

I think you’re secretly sarah j maas 🤨🤨

I don’t know why you think this but I couldn’t POSSIBLY be her because I would never, ever commit the cardinal sin that is “And Lorcan did.” You would be getting whole ass pages of filthy Lorcan smut, detailing exactly what Lorcan “did” (I’m really gonna have to start writing that because I need it in my life) 💅🏻

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

analyzing hermes, emet-selch, the ancients and ascians, how they're written, and the fandom's reaction to them be like hm. emet-selch's role in this fuckery is compounded by the fact that his backstory as a genocide survivor is incongruous with his ruling a huge genocidal colonialist world power in the present da [ANTISEMITISM BLAST]

[ningningkittie]

im in love w him not only bc of who he is as a person nd how drawn i am to his personality, but also bc i feel like he's the only one who has ever wanted to see me. who i am, like deep down. he's the only one who i feel like i've ever connected with, in an easy nd genuine way. the only one who i feel has ever gotten me. he's the only one who's ever made me feel like we actually have a connection we're both in on, bc i havent had to pretend or put up a fake front for him bc he wanted the real image of me.

[jpg-of-dorian-slay]

hits different is so very jesper at wylan

[sadaveniren]

Sometimes the homophobia inside the house is so much stronger than outside. And that's just... I don't know what to say.

Oh, and if you ask why I'm saying this, well. The community kind of made me stay in the closet, because I was not a gay or a lesbian and therefore not welcome into the community. And of course not that welcome to the outside world for that matter. Yeah

For sureeeee. I'm so sorry the community is for everyone and some people truly don't understand how excluding groups of queer people from their own community is so damaging ❤️ The infighting within our own community is so damaging and harmful to queer people who don't fit into what some perceive as "acceptable" and "family friendly" BUT it is also not welcoming to people who aren't in the LG(sometimes B and maybe just maybe T) area and this isn't even beginning to touch on people who don't fall under the label of "white" within the community and how they identify/present themselves.

[labetalol]

girl . i really want this 41 yo man