#we just can't save all of them
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my heart goes to any american kid who is being affected by this election and doesn't have anyone with them. to every kid who saw the news and couldn't cry because they are in an unsafe environment. to every kid who wants to kill themself and doesn't have anyone to convince them to stay. to any kid who is scared and hopeless. to any kid that won't even try and figure out who they are in these four years because the pain of not knowing yourself might be better than death itself. to every kid who is isolated and doesn't have a lot of information but knows what this means to them. to any kid without a community, even an online one.
we can't save all of them, unfortunately we just can't
so to all of them, even if they can't read this. i love you, and if your path finishes early, i hope death is kinder to you than humankind was. we will miss you.
#us politics#election 2024#this is mostly about queer people BUT NOT ONLY ABOUT THEM#this also goes to all of the poc or immigrant kids out there#and to any other kid in a minority#i am so close to crying while writing this#we just can't save all of them#we can't#poc#inmigration#lgbtqia#trans#queer
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#letting time pass
Loki S2 (2023) // Good Omens S2 (2023)
#mobius#loki#lokius#aziraphale#crowley#good omens#mcuedit#goodomensedit#lokiedit#marveledit#loki spoilers#owen wilson#tom hiddleston#michael sheen#david tennant#did NOT expect to come out of these seasons with mobius and crowley vs. loki and aziraphale parallels but i have and they've ended me 😭#honestly just wanted to gif the middle shots but y'all know i can't resist quality angst so suffer with me please#picturing mobius and crowley coping together because their boyfriends are in superheaven and a tree...#unbelievable that we live this way someone save all of them PLEASE#dianagifs#owenwilsonedit#marvel#loki s2 spoilers
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soft (and some bittersweet)
#trigun stampede#trigun#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#i think they both spent majority of their lives in solitude and ofc vash went town to town and made friendships promises and etc along the w#way + he had his home and whatnot in the long years he's been alive but he still just seemed so lonely.#in prior versions of trimax he had friends at home at least and maybe he mightv made some but luida and brad are basically just his#guardians in this adaption. like brad used to be a homie.... vash watched that little dude grow up.... and jessica too.... but he doesn't#have that in this adaption. nor a town like july where he had grown close to the townspeople and shaped that tragedy to be closer to his#heart. and wolfwood spent years fighting under the eom and doing shit under their jurisdiction when we saw him so adamantly try to reject#and fight back against that fate. i dont think he had a second at all to get familiar with townspeople or even care to#so its just these two lonely ass souls and vash immediately seeing the good in ww and points it out#ww who is under orders again to be involved in vash's business but he's also SO touchy about it bc vash is so careless and lack that self#regard and also just is not seeing the world that ww is seeing. but then vash helps him and saves him by sharing a piece of what /he/ sees#and it fucking. rescrambled ww's brain for a sec. HE GAVE HIM HOPE!!! he gave him hope!!!! and in turn ww gave vash hope too and its#all done in like 3-4 eps. there's so much fervent attachment in what they managed to give each other in such a short time#but theyre limited to the contract to the inevitable confrontation with knives - so while theyd want to give into that chance to love this#person who managed to give them smth special they just can't at all#ruporas art
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I know that it's common fanon belief to see Starlo as the younger sibling between him and Orion, but I actually like the idea of Starlo being the older brother and what it means for his family dynamic. Generally, the older sibling is expected to be the more responsible and mature sibling in the family. There's this expectation that the older sibling sets an example for the younger sibling(s) and that they'll look after the family/business once the parents get too old to do so themselves. So, what does it mean when the older sibling sorta betrays those familial expectations by behaving immaturely and ditching the family to do their own thing?
I'm trying to figure out how to put this into words in a clear and concise way, but I feel like if it's a case of Starlo being the younger brother, then there's this sorta "Ah, that's just the younger brother acting like a kid, y'know how it is. He'll grow out of it" dynamic, whereas if Starlo is the older brother, then it's more of a "Okay, he should've grown out of this by now, why's he still acting like this? Even Orion is more mature than him; what is going on?" sorta deal. (This frustration would be especially felt by Orion, who has to pick up Starlo's slack in his stead because his older brother isn't mature enough to work like he's supposed to!!!)
These are just personal musings, don't take my word as gospel! You can still do tons of interesting things with the Sunnyside family while having Starlo be the younger brother and Orion the older one. I just find myself gravitating more towards seeing Starlo as the older sibling.
#idk how much grounds i have to speak on this because I'm the youngest sibling in my family and I'm not all that close with my older sibling#(nothing crazy going on there. we just grew into different people and we don't interact much in our daily lives)#but like. with older siblings there's generally all these heavier expectations around you. you're supposed to be what your#younger sibling looks up to. you're supposed to set the bar that the rest of your siblings get measured against.#so what does it mean when--from the family's perspective--you set the bar pretty low by running off from your family/responsibilities#and dedicate your life to LARPing as a cowboy?#obviously Starlo's family loves him. but they don't seem all too supportive. Orion is annoyed by his brother's antics.#Crestina expects him to grow out of it. Solomon is the most positive about it but that's bc he thinks that Starlo did it to#indirectly save the family business.#they only seem to come around post true-pacifist when Starlo opens up to them more and they sell corn in the W.E.#there's something that's lingering on the tip of my tongue about this but i can't articulate it.#something something age =/= maturity and all that? i guess?
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If the theme for AvA Season 3 is really "Your actions have consequences"...
I am genuinely curious to see what the consequences for Victim's actions will be.
Both Alan and Chosen are reaping the consequences of their actions. How is Victim going to reap his own?
How is all of this going to backfire on him?
And at what point will he realize he's gone too far, that he's made a mistake? That he's become someone he never wanted to become?
#*Pointing at 'The King'* I WANT THAT YOUR HONOR BUT CRANKED UP TO A HUNDRED#*sssniperthief voice* Oh well if it isn't the consequences of my own actions!#Jokes aside: I have a huge feeling that things WILL go sour for Victim in ways he can't control or didn't expect#Where he will be forced to confront his own terrible actions just as much as TCO and Alan will be forced to face theirs#And I believe that Victim will feel regret when he realizes he was wrong because AvA11 showed us he wasn't really a terrible person#I believe that Victim is still redeemable and I won't give up hope on that#Also a reminder that AvA Season 3 is supposed to go to Episode 15 so we have FOUR MORE EPISODES FOR SHIT TO HIT THE FAN#Also still holding out hope that Alan saves Victim in some way#Preferably in a way that is detrimental/harmful to Alan himself#Because that would be an amazing way to show - CLEARLY - just how much Alan has changed#and how much he's come to care for his stick figures - ALL of them. Victim included.#Just the idea of the Cursor vehemently protecting Victim; aflame with rage and viscous in its movement is such a delicious image in my brai#ava#animator vs animation#alan becker#Illmoraine Theorizes#ava victim
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the particular bad guy of this episode, a little apprehensively: the audience wants to see me die?
nate, with more sincerity than anything he's said to anyone in her presence before: like you wouldn't believe
#and he's not wrong#leverage#my favorite#tv shows#watching the stork job and the way that parker instantly goes 'we have to bail' after seeing the kids has me Feeling a Certain Way#bc i think it's partially like. i think she knows the feeling of 'the known sucks but at least it's the known'#how many times was she let down? was her hope that things would get better left to die?#i know she goes to save them all later but maybe at the time she was just thinking... 'don't give them false hope'#her insistent use of the phrase 'we can't save them' is just. augh. parker bb no#and eliot saying to sophie 'he's right' re nate's sticking to the plan of saving one vs trying to save all of them on the fly is smarter...#just ouch. reminds me of the fishing job where eliot's goal is 'GET HARDISON OUT' and the very clear reluctance with which he tells hardiso#'yeah. i have an idea what they're gonna do. it's gonna be bad. are people gonna die? probably'#bc he doesn't want that! he doesn't want to leave people in the lurch! but GET HARDISON OUT takes precedent for him#and he's doing the same thing here. GET LUKA OUT is taking precedent. he doesn't like it any more than sophie does#i just. ghenghnehganf. i have a lot of Thoughts and Feelings about eliot's priorities and how they intersect with his job as the hitter#he's the physical guy. he has to be not just realistic he has to be the pessimist bc if he doesn't plan well enough? he friggin dies man#eliot's always thinking of 'what can a human being survive' bc AS THE HITTER that's HIS weakest point#GHENFGHENFGGHGHEWLAFHGGLRHGI#i have normal feelings of normal intensity about eliot spencer#and parker for that matter! very normal#eliot spencer#parker#you pierce my soul#personal#abbie needs a twitter
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say what u will about barry allen but no other superhero has had a worse time. you come in, take up another heros mantle, be a hero for however many years, DIE!!! actually die not comic death but die to the point you are functionally irrelevant for 20 years you completely cease to be that character and the vast majority of people grew up with a different flash, get resurrected you're back now (yay?), writers don't know what to do with you because there's already another flash and there has been for the past two decades so the entire universe kinda hems and haws about what to do with you until they take you out of your main comics and just have you chill in the justice league, then you lose your powers and are once again no longer the flash.
I need a "where are they now" but for Barry Allen flash. dead for Twenty Real Life Years. come back to life. reset the universe. just to lose your powers and be booted again from the superhero title. God himself hates this man
"Oh wally got erased from existence" "well x happens to Batman" it's not even about what happens in the narrative it's like. you're the only mainstream superhero ever that stopped existing for two decades and when they do decide to bring the character back they have no idea what to do with you so you're eventually forever relegated to the sidelines And also you're not the strongest or the most skilled or the fastest flash and they keep retconning all the special stuff You did in specific and refuse to let your narrative exist beyond Dead Mom. bartholomew baby I'm so sorry
#:v#Barry Allen#DC comics#the flash#It's just like. idk I really like Wally and I grew up with him in the cartoon#wally is what made me love the flash!#but why can't there be space for both of them. there's like 80 different batmen.#and Barry is so different from all the other speedsters you know? hes methodical and stops to think twice and is cautious#everyone else is silly and hot headed and impulsive#not to say Barry isn't silly or impulsive but he's not like. Hal you know?#he's level headed and his jokes are more like Dad puns then anything#idk I just really like Barry and I feel like the comics Don't#Also I forerv have beef with new 52 ENOUGH WITH REBOOTS#new 52 is why we got those dogshit movies idc idc 🙄#Also I'm fine with superheroes going through shit constantly I think especially with like peter parker and barry allen#the appeal there for a lot of people is they're regular nerdy guys who get beat up a lot and constantly fall down#but they always get back up#it's why making Peter a ceo in the comcis didn't work#That's not really what his character is ya know?#he's not a tony he's the down on his luck guy who can't afford eggs this week but he will still save new york#anyway I wish they could just do what marvel did and let there be two spidermen. why not ya know?#im sure the appeal is there. give us them both Please
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If Chuuya doesn't meet Adam in Europe what even is the point of sending him there
#'to save Dazai-' no one cares abt that roach#I need Adam to come pick them up from the prison#I need Chuuya to jump into Adam's arms and Dazai to laugh and follow behind him#I need Adam to look at them fondly bcz these boys were once 16. he fought by their side when they were 16. look at them all grown up now#I also need shirase to make a cameo and not remember dazai at all#like he knows who he is yk he just can't remember the name#and dazai to be PISSED as hell#bcz how DARE shirase doesn’t remember his name when dazai spent months wishing torment and suffering upon him#I NEED SIGMA TO MEET ADAM#'you... look pretty normal' 'we androids are designed to perform in ways that would be considered normal by humans' 'what'#icb i went on a rant in the tags again#it's missing Adam hours tonight
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insurance makes sense on a conceptual level but in reality insurance companies turn decently huge profits by a) relying on things not happening, which they mostly don't b) ensuring things mostly don't happen by exluding anything that might make "things happening" more likely and stacking it in their favour and then c) finding any excuse and loophole possible to not cover you if anything ever does happen
like. insurance would be good if it wasn't managed by insurance companies
#insurance is quite literally a bet#the company is betting that nothing will happen to you (or your house/car/stuff/pet)#except it's a very one-sided bet because you give them money either way and they're cheating about it#not having insurance is ALSO a bet#except YOU'RE betting nothing will happen to you#on the basis that (by keeping money in savings instead) you could reasonaby afford it if it did#rather than give that money to someone else and trusting that the thing which might happen IS something they will have to pay for#and can't wriggle out of#(obv american health insurance is an outlier and should not be counted you will always need medical care of some kind and all of it is so#expensive you guys are just so fucked i'm sorry)#insurance companies would still ultimately profit even if they paid out without whining and even if they covered the slightly more likely#bc the chance of it NOT happening is still greater than it happening & across all their clients Not Being Giant Cunts wouldnt bankrupt them#but here we are#something something capitalism
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WAIT WAIT WAIT HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE
So normally we only get fullblown, extended and dedicated flashbacks for heroic characters in One Piece, the characters who we're meant to root for. The literal only TRUE exception we've had to this rule was Big Mom's flashback. Even fucking Doflamingo's flashback was tied to Law and Rosinante's
So the fact that we haven't gotten a single fucking GLIMPSE at Crocodile's backstory is?!?
Like sure, we haven't gotten like a Moria flashback, but you know, he literally told us all we needed to know himself, AND we got to see glimpses of him in the Wano flashbacks. Arlong didn't get a flashback of his own, but he did get to cameo in Fisher Tiger's flashback. And Rob Fucking Lucci got a flashback that was 6 whooping panels long
BUT CROCODILE?? Not only do we know almost Fuck All about his story, but also have never gotten as much as a glimpse at it? But his backstory has been HINTED and TEASED at multiple times??
GUYS. FELLAS
Like. I am SURE the "Full Backstories for Heroes Only" rule is going to get broken again, but with Imu and Blackbeard already there just BEGGING to have their beans spilled, can we even be sure Sir Fucking Crocodile is somehow going to become A Villain So Dangerous To The Narrative that he ALSO should also recieve a Full Fucking Backstory?? For his Nefarious Schemes?? AT THIS POINT??
Y'all
I think it's more likely Oda's been saving up Croc's backstory because it might just completely recontextualize his entire character
#CROCODAD REAL?!#UNIRONICALLY#Sir Crocodile#Crocodad#Crocomom#OP Meta#Moon posting#Sleep Deprivation opened my third fucking eye I can see the fucking Matrix#Unironically this is the thing that has pushed me back into actually believing in Crocodad despite the timeline#Because I genuinely can not imagine how else Crocodile could be turned into an (anti) hero if it's not Crocodad#And I can not imagine his villanous schemes needing a backstory to explain them at this point- not over BB and Imu#And I mean sure maybe we could get three whole Extended Villian Backstories for Imu Blackbeard and Croc#But I just feel like it'd be so unnececary#Because there is no fucking way Crocodile is going to become The Ultimate Villian of the Story again#Not without some Darth Vader bullshit happening#But since he's supposed to be based on Wagnas from Romancing SaGa 2 and Wagnas wanted to SAVE the world#Look I have a whole different post about that waiting in my drafts I'll post it later#Point is!! I can't imagine him becoming The Final Villian!! Not at all!!#Also yes there are characters like Mihawk who have like histories etc that I'm sure many people would love to learn about#The only difference is that we've never gotten as much as a hint at what kind of a backstory Mihawk might have#Meanwhile Crocodile Having A History is something that's been hinted at every arc he's appeared in pre-timeskip#Like we KNOW he has a story we just don't know what it is
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Kinktober speedrun time! Used the Mirror prompt on this list. Thank you for the inspo! Further details below the cut so that the above the cut stays safe for anyone who is just scrolling through!
18+ Content MDNI || Dom!Reader x Leander
PROMPT/KINK(S): Dom!Reader, Mirror Use. Edging/Orgasm Denial + Light Degradation & Name calling (Leander being referred to as a dog but he’s really into it, promise) + Power Exchange & Sub/Dom Dynamics
OTHER INFO: Leander has a dick, anatomy of Reader/POV Character remains unspecified; "they" pronouns used.
Leander has the straight backed posture of a man who was given etiquette lessons. His mannerisms speak of wealth and class, yet they can’t help but observe that he looks completely comfortable while down on his knees.
His back muscles flex as he works himself, sweat slipping down his spine, pooling in the dimples just above his ass. He’s strung tight, the veins in his arms straining as he strokes a quick, even rhythm. His dick is flushed a painful red, copious amounts of pre-cum dripping down his wrist and splattering onto his thick thighs, some of it even dirtying the floor below when his strokes become too enthusiastic.
(They wonder how best to make him clean it later–he does so love to be ordered to lick up his own mess–but this floor is probably just as filthy as anywhere else in the Wick, despite appearances–and they don’t think they can find it in themself to make use of his mouth again after watching that.)
The full length mirror hanging in front of Leander is a new addition to the room. Something they’d wheedled out of him with nothing but an easy promise, whispered into his ear down at the bar. It was theirs not a full day later: a polished brass antique with a priceless clear finish.
His back is to them, but they can see everything they need to by gazing at his reflection.
His strokes stutter, faltering, and they watch as his abdominals jump rapidly. His hand makes a few more shaky attempts before he stops himself with a shudder, breathing hard and squeezing his cock at the base to cut off his own orgasm. They give a little hum of approval, waiting.
“Count.” They prompt, when he fails to remember on his own.
They watch his throat bob with effort as he swallows, his jaw trembling around his answer. “Five.”
“Good boy,” they say, their voice flat and unrewarding. Dismissive. "Guess that Hightown education really paid off for you, huh?" He whines at that, his palms slicking along his thighs, awaiting their instruction. He glances at them in the mirror, eyes hopeful. “Again,” they prompt, “and keep your eyes on yourself until I tell you. During, too. You were closing them a lot. It's just you and the mirror until you've earned otherwise.”
Bites his lip, beginning to stroke himself again.
The next edge comes more quickly.
His eyebrows draw up, mouth falling open, back arching. His cock jumps and this time he falls back onto his hands to keep from giving into temptation. His eyes travel the length of the mirror, his neck taught with tension as he pants. They notice his gaze darting along their form for a moment, greedily stealing along their silhouette in the looking glass. A quick glance of the place where their legs are splayed open as they lounge on the bed behind him, toying with themself idly.
He’s back to form so seamlessly, he probably thinks they didn’t even notice. The next number falls out of his mouth without prompting, as if to cover for his earlier sleight.
"..."
“Baby,” he whines, fidgeting without further instruction. His fingers return to his dick when they don't reply, ghosting over his wet, swollen cockhead. He knows they hate the way that epithet sounds in his voice, the condescending lilt he manages to wrap around the syllables. “Sweetheart. Please, may I–”
“Bad dog,” they admonish. They don't elaborate–let him figure out for himself which breach of protocol they're scolding him for.
“Again. And if you can’t behave, I’ll have to put you outside.”
18+ Master List | SFW Master List ✦Kinktober Speedrun on Ao3
Consider: this type of power play with yandere!Leander...you watching him when he's usually the one watching you...
#kinktober 2024#citrus fiending tag#tckinktober#18+ MDNI#see above tags for the tags you'll wanna blacklist if u don't wanna see me trying to speedrun this week lol#not pictured: POV character telling Leander that his ego is big enough that he should be able to get off without sneaking a peek at them :)#similarly not pictured: “we can use the blindfold if you *really* can't behave on your own.”#once I'm done speed running I'll maybe post a Kinktober 2024 Masterlist to the main tag but I'll prolly post in chara tags only for a bit..#leander x reader#leander touchstarved#touchstarved fanfic#something real nasty for those who partake <3#feels too awkward to tag someone in this out of the blue but SHOUT OUT IF U SEE THIS ty for the list!#Consider: this type of power game with yandere!Leander#you watching him when he's usually the one watching you#save me yandere leander#take me away from this life; i no longer desire to participate in capitalism#/joking i was joking omg did u hear that did it just get cold all of the sudde..........#touchstarved x reader#Touchstarved leander
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I feel that during the first coffee date walk through the market, rye has a fraction of a millisecond's kneejerk trauma freakout of '...wait. wait. am I really catching feelings for a rich boy again. with how that went down last time. am I truly that stupid' (once derogatorily referred to quite openly at a party as 'young master anaxas' pet mortalitasi' to which the young master anaxas only grinned and shrugged and STILL you don't break up with his smug controlling ass for good for six more months because you have a desperate bottomless yearning pit where your self respect should go, twice shy lol). and then he actually looks at lucanis standing next to him getting harding spearmint to help with bad dreams and generally being so quietly thoughtful and sweet through the prosaic yet necessary medium of grocery shopping it makes me feel a little unwell to truly contemplate. and rye is like '*the softest fondest eyes anyone has ever turned on anything* ...you know what. I suspect we don't have to worry about that repeating, I think we're probably safe. I am comfortable being this level of stupid. (slowly dawning marital intent even at this stage)'.
(part of the reason rye buys NONE of illario's bullshit at all right from the beginning is that he's basically vaccinated against this exact type of dude after that relationship lol. charming suave guy who in the beginning pays you a lot of lavish attention and takes pains to make you feel special every time you're in a room with him -- but shallowly and mostly, it slowly dawns on you, when there's something he wants from you (and he's often doing it at the expense of someone else, raising you up to put someone else down and you won't believe this... it can turn into a seesaw at a whim. yay). and beneath that there's just a seething pit of resentment and inferiority complexes and bitterness left to fester until he can make it everyone else's problem and that IS going to start to bubble up between the cracks with you too if you stick around for long enough. no thank you been there done that wasted my youth and potential on it and all I got was this lousy shiny set of new emotional intimacy issues haunting me for life! trust me illario I HAVE, as it were, chosen the wrong dellamorte before, which is exactly how I know I didn't this time. go get him lucanis I've got your coffee
hilarious mental image: rye and illario sitting quietly together while everyone else is busy milling about during a cursed dellamorte family dinner (the vibes are so bad. you know the vibes are bad. sitting as still as you can and hoping for calm skies is your best bet without lucanis or teia favourite child privileges to work with) and rye out of the blue gazing thoughtfully into nothing over the edge of his glass with half-lidded eyes to go 'you know. you remind me a lot of my ex. not in a good way' and illario with absolutely no shame and hilariously also something that's the closest he ever gets to real sympathy going 'yeah, I get that a lot'. best talk those two ever had, unironically. their bond leveled up to its final form that day. *soulsborne boss defeated text* MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING REACHED)
#idly trying to decide what nevarran great house rye's shitheel early twenties boyfriend was part of#(possibly as one of the piddliest side branches of that house too b/c between that and the youngest son thing..... bad news)#there would be something especially delicious about him being a van markham of course. adds some Layers#to the baron van markham situation. but maybe that's TOO neat. nobles can just suck as a Class (as they do). I must Contemplate#I do really love the idea I'm going with here that it could be the youngest son of the duke of cumberland (so an anaxas)#(perhaps grandchild? slightly unclear how the numbers work out there we have too little information to go on I think)#who made so much trouble back home in cumberland they basically sent him off to the capital to raise hell over there lol#the classic 'god idk send him off to an aunt and she'll either straighten him out or they'll kill each other#either way he won't be my problem for the duration' move. oh the tribulations of an afterthought of a son no one really needed#(funny headcanon to make that the pentaghasts can't come up with a solid direct heir to king marcus to save his at least#seven-fold resurrected ass. while the duke of cumberland has heirs. maker help him but does he have heirs the house is full of them#where are they all coming from. his wife staring directly into the camera like she's on the office)#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#Lucanis Dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#illario dellamorte#doing coffee with the crows after the city choice adds quite a bit here lol. among other things it opens the distinct possiblity#that rook has overheard lucanis talk about wyverns in banter and the dagger is a more purposefully chosen thing#much like lucanis' cake choice is dependent on rook's beverage preferences later on. their freaks match#gifts to give your special person to tell them you've done deep research on them but like not in a stalker way#this post went off to places I hadn't expected. but love the rye and illario stuff that turned up here lmao like yeah that feels about righ
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Howwwww did you angst the world tour?? 🎀
this question made me giggle so much oh i'm glad you asked :3c there was so much yummy grian angst in the hc world tour!
it's all about grian and his penchant for destruction. he doesn't even mean to! he's not trying to be pesky; quite the opposite. he's curious but restrained, trying to be good, trying to follow instructions. he's not malicious at all! he's just there to see what people were up to, open and friendly and curious, eager to look and learn and praise. not a bad intention in sight... and yet things seem to break wherever he goes. everything he touches goes wrong.
the guilt churns, acidic and overwhelming, and grian's miserable. why is he like this? he's trying so hard, why is this the only way he can ever be? why can't it stop?
spoilers for grian's world tour video below <3
plantie pointed out to me how, during the tour of scar's train, when grian got rid of scar's arrows—the glitched ones that doc put there—he was so desperate to point it out after scar just glossed over it. as if he wanted to show that he can do something good. he can be helpful, he can fix things instead of just breaking everything.
but then we have all the other things, right? grian can't escape it.
when he was with etho and the mushroom farm exploded, he sums it up in a wretched if confused apology: "i'm so sorry. the two times i tried to use it, i broke it :( and created a water source floating— which i don't know how it happened— and flung the TNT, which i really don't understand—"
they move on, but it's so clear it lingers.
etho isn't blaming him. he's amused and brushes it off and moves along, unbothered, but grian himself can't wrap his head around it. about that propensity to breaking things, even unintentionally. the way nothing is safe around him.
he tells etho: "i can't stop thinking about your mushroom farm. why does everything i touch break, in new and unexpected ways?"
(not to mention when etho's showing him frogger and grian plays, almost instantly etho goes: "uh-oh, the game's broken", with a little huff of laugh. it wasn't exactly tied to anything grian did, but still something i wanted to point out, since grian was there for it <3)
and then grian goes to zedaph, right?
the very first game zedaph shows him. the very first. grian plays the way he was told to, the way he was meant to, and— he breaks it.
zedaph just laughs and moves them on.
(just sprinkling in a side note that zedaph's furnace minigame also didn't seem to work the way it should've—)
by the time grian gets to pearl's, it's starting to be a pattern that's so clearly eating away at him, making him anxious. he doesn't want it to happen again!
and yet.
pearl invites him to play her wordle game, and grian mindlessly goes and pushes the wrong button trying to start it... instantly stepping away with a quiet groan of a dread-filled "...oh-" followed by: "i just— ruined it already."
there's something about the mood switch. the way he seems more restrained and tame, silently upset with himself, trying so hard not to mess things up further. questioning why this is happening again. why he can't stop making it happen.
he walks over to the reset game button and asks, carefully: "can i press reset? is it gonna hurt? 🥺👉👈"
pearl reassures him he can, with a sigh noting that it'll just take a while.
there's an almost hysteric laugh from grian, followed by an exasperated, upset scream. "everything i touch breaks! when i went to e— i broke etho's thing when i went to— not frogger, his— his mushroom farm i— it blew up."
"you blew up his mushroom farm?? how? what did you do?!"
"yeah, i— i broke zed's game, instantly, pretty much, it's—"
"oh my gosh :("
"sorry 🥺"
pearl is quick to reassure him, though. "well, luckily for you, this is— you doing that (pushing the wrong button) does not break the game. it's just, you now have to wait for it to reset."
she makes sure grian knows that he didn't mess up anything terribly here. he didn't break pearl's game. it's okay! it's fine!
and then grian right clicks to open the book, and instead makes bonemeal pop out of a composter.
i think at this point pearl is a little bit taken aback by how wrong everything really seems to be going around grian. she makes sure to say, "it's fine," again, just so grian won't start worrying about it all again. "you're clicking on everything that people do not usually click on today. but it's okay. it's still not broken! it's not broken, it's alright, it's okay— i've got failsaves for people like you."
it's so sweet how she really tries to soothe him— and yet she can't help but let out that last remark.
people like you.
those few words surely lodge in more than all the reassurances. they're like splinter, proving grian right.
eventually, he gets to skizz.
during the tour of skizz's base, skizz shows him a horse statue and starts talking about how he lost his first horse at an event that grian was also a part of. and grian's stomach instantly sinks.
he asks hushedly, a bit confused, trying to remember: "was i there?"
skizz laughs. "you were absolutely there, dude."
which leads grian to ask, uneasily: "did i do it?"
skizz waves his hands, quick to easily reassure that no! that's not it, grian didn't do it!
grian lets out an oh with such palpable relief, and goes on to explain about how, "i remember witnessing it, but sometimes it's hard to disentangle whether i did it or not. coz i tell you what, on this tour i've broken everyone's stuff."
nobody was upset with grian when things broke, but here he is, several hermits down, still unable to leave it to rest. because it's him. it's him who did all of that, somehow, and he didn't mean to, but it doesn't matter. it happened anyway.
and now he can't even tell what is and what isn't his fault anymore.
the guilt is deep rooted, leaving anxious assumptions and dark, jagged precipices. how much did he destroy? what else should he be feeling guilty about? how far does this go?
he keeps breaking things, and it's such a blur that he can no longer tell what is and what isn't his fault.
the tour continues, and he delves into skizz's pyramid. and it's just— it's just a tunnel to swim through. nothing to mess up, besides potentially dying to suffocation, right?
and yet you can hear skizz shrilly exclaim: "oh he's going to end up breaking something!!"
and, (plantie's words: ) grian hearing that and just wondering, is that all i'm good for? is that all i'm known for? is that all i am?
there's no room for doubt; not really. that is what grian does, all the time, whether he wants to or not. he breaks stuff. he just— he doesn't mean to. and this tour is one big show of how powerless he is against it. (how everyone expects it from him anyway.)
despite it all, grian perseveres, trying out skizz's game, stubbornly dedicated and trying to win. (to pass; to have something to be proud of, at least—) and he gets to the powdered snow section.
there, he jumps across to a pathway that he was meant to circle to through the snow instead.
it's not breaking anything, not really. not even the rules. it's not cheating! he's just— he just did something skizz did not expect, but that was entirely possible within the game's design, even if not intended. he exploited it to his advantage; a risky, tricky shortcut.
and yet skizz remarks with a laugh: "this is what grian does! he breaks games!"
no matter what grian does... is that all he'll ever be?
is that all they'll see?
he fails getting through skizz's game, is thanked for play-testing, praises it all, they talk it all away, and...
and then grian goes to tour mumbo's base.
and fails to even die properly to his llama—
and then mumbo shows him his archive machine, and instantly panicks when grian gets curious about it, begging him not to touch anything. and grian says: "your stomach just fell through didn't it?" and after mumbo's immediate agreement, he adds: "and rightfully so. coz, almost everything i've touched on this tour has broken."
there's not a sliver of surprise to mumbo's anxious rushed: "yeah, yeah yeah! please stop now." because, of course things have broken. of course what grian touches is bound to go wrong. of course—
and then mumbo very carefully tells grian what to do with the machine.
grian does as he's told.
mumbo looks up and pauses, a frown crossing his face as he takes it in. he notes that grian probably did it too fast—
(something went wrong)
(something broke)
mumbo says: "i can't believe you come along and every single thing in my base starts [going wrong/breaking/malfunctioning]"
and then grian mysteriously ends up with an extra book from mumbo's machine, much to mumbo's dismay. grian's confused, cogs spinning as he tries to figure out what did he mess up this time to result in this.
it's clear mumbo wants grian away from his machine. it's not safe. (grian isn't safe.)
"maybe just give that to me and maybe just step away from the contraption. and then— maybe just leave me to—"
grian's upset and bewildered voice cuts in: "i didn't do anything wrong this time :(("
he's trying so hard.
he's trying so hard to be good and do things right and not mess anything up.
(it isn't working.)
(it's never bound to work, is it?)
mumbo ushers him away, and ends up showing him another cool invention—an elevator. except the second mumbo hits the button, a creeper shows up and explodes it. (it's midday.) (it wasn't even meant to be there.)
this one isn't grian's fault at all, but with everything that's happened— well, it's easy enough to link it to grian's presence. like a bad luck omen.
apprehensively, grian asks if the elevator broke, and mumbo—a bit bewildered by the reality of it—says that no, it seems to still work. "amazingly," he tacks on, disbelieving.
grian's relieved. "ohh, i thought we were in big trouble there!"
besides himself, mumbo anxiously agrees: "augh. i was like, if every single creation that i show breaks in some fashion, i'm just gonna quit."
because this isn't normal. none of this is, least of all everything at once. it simply doesn't happen.
(not when grian isn't there, anyway.)
mumbo notes that he needs to work on his lighting, and grian nods wisely saying it's a perpetual issue, but the anxiety is digging its talons in now, unrelenting. (what else is going to go bad in grian's presence? what else will he mess up? what else will he break? why is he like this?)
another remark that comes after this is mumbo's nervous: "i've actually just built up the automatic sorter which does this—which you're not gonna touch. we're banned from touching any redstone contraptions!"
and what can grian do but oblige? (but he can at least look, right?)
but does it ever change anything?
does it matter?
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at the end of the day, the others don't think too much about it.
they all say their part, pass their judgment, wave their hands, dismiss, move on. it doesn't keep them up at night.
... i think it might keep grian up at night.
a cacophonous collection of word snippets, aimed at him or woven around him, digging under his skin until it bleeds. a noose of inescapable fate, a tightening band around his chest that promises he can only ever be one thing:
a vessel for destruction.
it doesn't matter if he wants to be.
shackles and chains and a cosmic inevitability written into his skin, etched into his bones, tangled into his bloodstream. and an ever-rising guilt like stormy sea, far above his head now, drowning him.
(maybe he's not meant to be near other people and their things.)
(maybe he's not meant to touch games that were constructed with so much effort and love and passion poured into them.)
(maybe he shouldn't—)
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bonus screenshots from discord DMs (with extra sprinkles of hmtb mentions):
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bonus hmtb quotes because i kept thinking about it:
He always destroys the things he loves most, after all.
and:
He destroyed everything he touched, and when there was nothing left, he destroyed the only remaining thing: himself.
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#ange answers#ribbon anon#grian angst#i might've gotten a bit rambly - this wasn't meant to be so long it just sort of kept snowballing the further i went. oops#anyway grian's such a good vessel for guilt#because he internalises it and holds on#even if nobody else holds a grudge#even if nobody else blames him#(and yet in all the little remarks - do they really not hold it against him? isn't there proof enough that clearly it matters to them too?)#(so how could he ever be absolved?)#for them these are just some random events#but for him it piles up and piles up and piles up#into an undeniable pattern that stains his hands like blood#and he can't wash his skin free of it#he can't escape it#no matter how hard he tries#(and yes it does tie beautifully into hmtb grian and his own perspective on things and struggles and how he deals with guilt)#(the keyword here is: badly) (he deals with the guilt badly)#i also went to think about other things like the tunnel bore incident and SL mumbo and WL zombie skizz and-#just so many instances of grian guilt you know?#it builds up until it's indisputable and inevitable#and grian is cornered by the reality of it (with nowhere to go)#think about it:#grian feels guilt over things he feels he has no control over (because it doesn't matter how hard he tries)#and we know grian thrives on having control#(just throwing that out there)#something about how grian keeps wretchedly confessing it to everyone - that he already broke many things#like tacking a warning sign on himself so they'd know to step away and save themselves#(and he's so scared it'll happen again. so scared that it'll keep happening. so scared that it'll never stop—)
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#ok but fr marking undergrad essays is such a rollercoaster#i gave two very high marks today and was genuinely impressed and then the next three i marked were practically incoherent#one just copy and pasted their intro instead of writing a conclusion. like it's verbatim the same paragraph#i dont mark down for minor grammar and syntax errors because there's a high rate of ESL students...#... but some of the papers from native english speakers have me more concerned about functional illiteracy than I've ever been#these are 19-20yos in a humanities field at a top university! even the highest scoring essay had basic basic grammar errors and vocab misuse#at least i could tell what the student was trying to say there but some of the others...#if your punctuation and spelling and syntax are all so bad that i literally cant tell what you're trying to say there is a serious problem#even setting aside how many errors like these there were there's the flip side of the issue: actually writing an essay#the last one i marked yesterday had no structure or thesis or secondary sources#everything between the intro and conclusion was the same claim phrased in different ways with some irrelevant non sequitur quotes thrown in#no analysis other than the words 'analysis of this shows' which is *gasp* not a substitute for analysis#OH AND OMG#one made a direct claim about a figure's political stance and attached a footnote. i went to see what the student's source was.#the footnote literally said something like 'i know i should have a source here but it's only context and i don't want to waste my word count#like what???? do you think claims about relevant context don't need evidence??? and the audacity to not give a citation...#... and claim it's because it would take too many words away from your main argument??#just providing the actual citation for the claim would have been 3-5 words max but the footnote about not having room was 30 words#kid do you think i can't tell that you dont have that citation? do you think anyone's buying that you didn't include it to save space?#it's the very first footnote and most of the others are full-length bibliography entries jammed into the footnotes (which we don't require)#so either you were 'worried about space' at the first footnote then changed your mind as you wasted 250 words on unnecessary formatting#or you were over the word limit and were like 'gotta cut something!' and the only footnote you 'simplified for space' was a short basic one#^assuming i believed you. which i dont. because why would you think that would fool anyone.#i still have half the essays left. im tired and so disappointed in how little we're told we should expect from them
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so obsessed with how your cherik is old married couple raising 15 children (which is basically what they are tbh)
i always tell myself i draw what i observe and what im observin is two on-and-off divorced old men trading custody agreements like a diabolical game of ping pong
#snap chats#and i love them ?? i love them. wait im throwing up im thinking of tha tufckinnn post again#the fuckin 'why we can't save our marriage' 'we're saving our marriage' ITS SO FUNNY AND SO TRUE THATS THEEEEEEEM#i love old married peopel ...... holy hell guys .......#no wait you know what like. my Top Five magneto moments is its that bit from magneto was right#where he goes out to get holiday shit for the kids and he comes back in all 'i got literally. NOTHING nutritious for you guys'#thats literally my grandpa max he got them cookies for days i just know it im gonna be fucking sick he's soooo peepaw ......#IN ANY CASE. thank you my dear anon i will continue to draw them as sometimes-married old men with a Literal Schools Worth of kids
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so apparently pocket camp is shutting down and they're replacing it with an offline version you just pay for once and then have forever and man maybe this is wishful thinking but if in the new one you can access all the limited time & paid items with just bells or something then I'll probably get back into pocket camp. I wouldn't pay full game price for it probably, but I'd pay up to like $45. I'd pay 3DS game prices.
#the way the announcement is worded. we are 'developing' an offline version#like it might just be you transfer your save data and that's that you just play with whatever you have#but if I can get NEW stuff that was previously pay walled or time locked?#events could be rerun by putting them on a preset schedule instead of having to be online#I know it's like 7 years of events so they probably can't do all of them every year#but I'm sure they could find a way for them to rotate out based on calendar date just like the mainline games#nintendo you have a chance to get one more cash grab out of the people who refused to interact with your microtransactions
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