#we just can't save all of them
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my heart goes to any american kid who is being affected by this election and doesn't have anyone with them. to every kid who saw the news and couldn't cry because they are in an unsafe environment. to every kid who wants to kill themself and doesn't have anyone to convince them to stay. to any kid who is scared and hopeless. to any kid that won't even try and figure out who they are in these four years because the pain of not knowing yourself might be better than death itself. to every kid who is isolated and doesn't have a lot of information but knows what this means to them. to any kid without a community, even an online one.
we can't save all of them, unfortunately we just can't
so to all of them, even if they can't read this. i love you, and if your path finishes early, i hope death is kinder to you than humankind was. we will miss you.
#us politics#election 2024#this is mostly about queer people BUT NOT ONLY ABOUT THEM#this also goes to all of the poc or immigrant kids out there#and to any other kid in a minority#i am so close to crying while writing this#we just can't save all of them#we can't#poc#inmigration#lgbtqia#trans#queer
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#letting time pass
Loki S2 (2023) // Good Omens S2 (2023)
#mobius#loki#lokius#aziraphale#crowley#good omens#mcuedit#goodomensedit#lokiedit#marveledit#loki spoilers#owen wilson#tom hiddleston#michael sheen#david tennant#did NOT expect to come out of these seasons with mobius and crowley vs. loki and aziraphale parallels but i have and they've ended me 😭#honestly just wanted to gif the middle shots but y'all know i can't resist quality angst so suffer with me please#picturing mobius and crowley coping together because their boyfriends are in superheaven and a tree...#unbelievable that we live this way someone save all of them PLEASE#dianagifs#owenwilsonedit#marvel#loki s2 spoilers
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soft (and some bittersweet)
#trigun stampede#trigun#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#i think they both spent majority of their lives in solitude and ofc vash went town to town and made friendships promises and etc along the w#way + he had his home and whatnot in the long years he's been alive but he still just seemed so lonely.#in prior versions of trimax he had friends at home at least and maybe he mightv made some but luida and brad are basically just his#guardians in this adaption. like brad used to be a homie.... vash watched that little dude grow up.... and jessica too.... but he doesn't#have that in this adaption. nor a town like july where he had grown close to the townspeople and shaped that tragedy to be closer to his#heart. and wolfwood spent years fighting under the eom and doing shit under their jurisdiction when we saw him so adamantly try to reject#and fight back against that fate. i dont think he had a second at all to get familiar with townspeople or even care to#so its just these two lonely ass souls and vash immediately seeing the good in ww and points it out#ww who is under orders again to be involved in vash's business but he's also SO touchy about it bc vash is so careless and lack that self#regard and also just is not seeing the world that ww is seeing. but then vash helps him and saves him by sharing a piece of what /he/ sees#and it fucking. rescrambled ww's brain for a sec. HE GAVE HIM HOPE!!! he gave him hope!!!! and in turn ww gave vash hope too and its#all done in like 3-4 eps. there's so much fervent attachment in what they managed to give each other in such a short time#but theyre limited to the contract to the inevitable confrontation with knives - so while theyd want to give into that chance to love this#person who managed to give them smth special they just can't at all#ruporas art
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If Chuuya doesn't meet Adam in Europe what even is the point of sending him there
#'to save Dazai-' no one cares abt that roach#I need Adam to come pick them up from the prison#I need Chuuya to jump into Adam's arms and Dazai to laugh and follow behind him#I need Adam to look at them fondly bcz these boys were once 16. he fought by their side when they were 16. look at them all grown up now#I also need shirase to make a cameo and not remember dazai at all#like he knows who he is yk he just can't remember the name#and dazai to be PISSED as hell#bcz how DARE shirase doesn’t remember his name when dazai spent months wishing torment and suffering upon him#I NEED SIGMA TO MEET ADAM#'you... look pretty normal' 'we androids are designed to perform in ways that would be considered normal by humans' 'what'#icb i went on a rant in the tags again#it's missing Adam hours tonight
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insurance makes sense on a conceptual level but in reality insurance companies turn decently huge profits by a) relying on things not happening, which they mostly don't b) ensuring things mostly don't happen by exluding anything that might make "things happening" more likely and stacking it in their favour and then c) finding any excuse and loophole possible to not cover you if anything ever does happen
like. insurance would be good if it wasn't managed by insurance companies
#insurance is quite literally a bet#the company is betting that nothing will happen to you (or your house/car/stuff/pet)#except it's a very one-sided bet because you give them money either way and they're cheating about it#not having insurance is ALSO a bet#except YOU'RE betting nothing will happen to you#on the basis that (by keeping money in savings instead) you could reasonaby afford it if it did#rather than give that money to someone else and trusting that the thing which might happen IS something they will have to pay for#and can't wriggle out of#(obv american health insurance is an outlier and should not be counted you will always need medical care of some kind and all of it is so#expensive you guys are just so fucked i'm sorry)#insurance companies would still ultimately profit even if they paid out without whining and even if they covered the slightly more likely#bc the chance of it NOT happening is still greater than it happening & across all their clients Not Being Giant Cunts wouldnt bankrupt them#but here we are#something something capitalism
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WAIT WAIT WAIT HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE
So normally we only get fullblown, extended and dedicated flashbacks for heroic characters in One Piece, the characters who we're meant to root for. The literal only TRUE exception we've had to this rule was Big Mom's flashback. Even fucking Doflamingo's flashback was tied to Law and Rosinante's
So the fact that we haven't gotten a single fucking GLIMPSE at Crocodile's backstory is?!?
Like sure, we haven't gotten like a Moria flashback, but you know, he literally told us all we needed to know himself, AND we got to see glimpses of him in the Wano flashbacks. Arlong didn't get a flashback of his own, but he did get to cameo in Fisher Tiger's flashback. And Rob Fucking Lucci got a flashback that was 6 whooping panels long
BUT CROCODILE?? Not only do we know almost Fuck All about his story, but also have never gotten as much as a glimpse at it? But his backstory has been HINTED and TEASED at multiple times??
GUYS. FELLAS
Like. I am SURE the "Full Backstories for Heroes Only" rule is going to get broken again, but with Imu and Blackbeard already there just BEGGING to have their beans spilled, can we even be sure Sir Fucking Crocodile is somehow going to become A Villain So Dangerous To The Narrative that he ALSO should also recieve a Full Fucking Backstory?? For his Nefarious Schemes?? AT THIS POINT??
Y'all
I think it's more likely Oda's been saving up Croc's backstory because it might just completely recontextualize his entire character
#CROCODAD REAL?!#UNIRONICALLY#Sir Crocodile#Crocodad#Crocomom#OP Meta#Moon posting#Sleep Deprivation opened my third fucking eye I can see the fucking Matrix#Unironically this is the thing that has pushed me back into actually believing in Crocodad despite the timeline#Because I genuinely can not imagine how else Crocodile could be turned into an (anti) hero if it's not Crocodad#And I can not imagine his villanous schemes needing a backstory to explain them at this point- not over BB and Imu#And I mean sure maybe we could get three whole Extended Villian Backstories for Imu Blackbeard and Croc#But I just feel like it'd be so unnececary#Because there is no fucking way Crocodile is going to become The Ultimate Villian of the Story again#Not without some Darth Vader bullshit happening#But since he's supposed to be based on Wagnas from Romancing SaGa 2 and Wagnas wanted to SAVE the world#Look I have a whole different post about that waiting in my drafts I'll post it later#Point is!! I can't imagine him becoming The Final Villian!! Not at all!!#Also yes there are characters like Mihawk who have like histories etc that I'm sure many people would love to learn about#The only difference is that we've never gotten as much as a hint at what kind of a backstory Mihawk might have#Meanwhile Crocodile Having A History is something that's been hinted at every arc he's appeared in pre-timeskip#Like we KNOW he has a story we just don't know what it is
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I don't know what I love more, the fact that as rook you can make a statement in NO uncertain terms that you are NOT responsible one way or the other for the theological implications of the shit you're discovering in the 'regrets of the dread wolf' memories. not my jurisdiction. quite simply none of my business. not my chantry circus not my chantry monkeys. irrelevant to the matter at hand here we'll kill that god if we get to him he can get in line. or if the best thing about it is seeing the lone little 'lucanis approves' that pops up right after choosing it. corvid with a knife about to commit deicide keeping it real and sensibly, pragmatically, wilfully agnostic with me here in this magical lighthouse today
#we do not see it. we cannot read all of a sudden.#rye having war flashbacks to watcher conferences and firmly going 'we are *not* getting derailed by the metaphysics here folks'#rare stern moderator/dad hat moment from ingellvar lol. he's Seen Some Shit in his time (debates that raged over the multiple#and not always concurrent life times of the participants involved. ain't no academic rivalry like watcher academic rivalry#because watcher academic rivalry doesn't stop even when everyone involved is dead. and the rest of us have to live with it)#I. do not think the way I'm getting this quest is how it's meant to be experienced so I'm a bit at a loss as to how to pace it out#I've been an annoying little completionist so I have ALL the statues and could just marathon it out#but that does not feel like the best way for the story and upcoming reveals to work. hm. how to do this#I'm supposed to go fail to save weisshaupt right around now I can't be having study group with all of you rn as much of a delight as it is#rye is nominally an andrastian as mainstream nevarrans generally are but as I gather is the case with many of the watchers#what he *actually* believes in is the grand necropolis itself haha#(and the philosophy of history memory death and relationship (as well as responsibility) between the past and the present#and indeed the future that it represents. we have a duty. to what has been to what is and to what will come after us. good shit)#the nevarran/mortalitasi element just makes their lack of care or respect for chantry orthodoxy *mwha* that extra bit special#the nevarran lack of concern bordering on quiet condescending disdain for official chantry doctrine and policy my beloved#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#poor harding really is living through the most relentless 'if this is the maker testing my faith he sure be testing me' gauntlet of all tim#good news: god might be real! bad news: god might not even be a real thing but more like a magical accident or vibration or something#honestly tho. if we could get full lovecraftian incomprehensible to human conception the maker -- He is a particle and a wave style --#that's the only way I'd be cool with him or them actually answering the question of his existence. that'd be kind of sick#'yes. but no. but maybe. depends on how you define god. and exist. and he. and does.' *ingellvar sets of the METAPHYSICS!! klaxon#that's a time out folks good game but easy on the jargon and navel-gazing definition of terms next round#rye and lucanis have some slightly differing views about at what exact stage of a problem murder becomes a valid solution#('well you just kill them and then I'm the one who has to deal with the next much longer part')#but they're surprisingly kind of vibing on a lot of other stuff lol. good for them <3#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar
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so obsessed with how your cherik is old married couple raising 15 children (which is basically what they are tbh)
i always tell myself i draw what i observe and what im observin is two on-and-off divorced old men trading custody agreements like a diabolical game of ping pong
#snap chats#and i love them ?? i love them. wait im throwing up im thinking of tha tufckinnn post again#the fuckin 'why we can't save our marriage' 'we're saving our marriage' ITS SO FUNNY AND SO TRUE THATS THEEEEEEEM#i love old married peopel ...... holy hell guys .......#no wait you know what like. my Top Five magneto moments is its that bit from magneto was right#where he goes out to get holiday shit for the kids and he comes back in all 'i got literally. NOTHING nutritious for you guys'#thats literally my grandpa max he got them cookies for days i just know it im gonna be fucking sick he's soooo peepaw ......#IN ANY CASE. thank you my dear anon i will continue to draw them as sometimes-married old men with a Literal Schools Worth of kids
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Kinktober speedrun time! Used the Mirror prompt on this list. Thank you for the inspo! Further details below the cut so that the above the cut stays safe for anyone who is just scrolling through!
18+ Content MDNI || Dom!Reader x Leander
PROMPT/KINK(S): Dom!Reader, Mirror Use. Edging/Orgasm Denial + Light Degradation & Name calling (Leander being referred to as a dog but he’s really into it, promise) + Power Exchange & Sub/Dom Dynamics
OTHER INFO: Leander has a dick, anatomy of Reader/POV Character remains unspecified; "they" pronouns used.
Leander has the straight backed posture of a man who was given etiquette lessons. His mannerisms speak of wealth and class, yet they can’t help but observe that he looks completely comfortable while down on his knees.
His back muscles flex as he works himself, sweat slipping down his spine, pooling in the dimples just above his ass. He’s strung tight, the veins in his arms straining as he strokes a quick, even rhythm. His dick is flushed a painful red, copious amounts of pre-cum dripping down his wrist and splattering onto his thick thighs, some of it even dirtying the floor below when his strokes become too enthusiastic.
(They wonder how best to make him clean it later–he does so love to be ordered to lick up his own mess–but this floor is probably just as filthy as anywhere else in the Wick, despite appearances–and they don’t think they can find it in themself to make use of his mouth again after watching that.)
The full length mirror hanging in front of Leander is a new addition to the room. Something they’d wheedled out of him with nothing but an easy promise, whispered into his ear down at the bar. It was theirs not a full day later: a polished brass antique with a priceless clear finish.
His back is to them, but they can see everything they need to by gazing at his reflection.
His strokes stutter, faltering, and they watch as his abdominals jump rapidly. His hand makes a few more shaky attempts before he stops himself with a shudder, breathing hard and squeezing his cock at the base to cut off his own orgasm. They give a little hum of approval, waiting.
“Count.” They prompt, when he fails to remember on his own.
They watch his throat bob with effort as he swallows, his jaw trembling around his answer. “Five.”
“Good boy,” they say, their voice flat and unrewarding. Dismissive. "Guess that Hightown education really paid off for you, huh?" He whines at that, his palms slicking along his thighs, awaiting their instruction. He glances at them in the mirror, eyes hopeful. “Again,” they prompt, “and keep your eyes on yourself until I tell you. During, too. You were closing them a lot. It's just you and the mirror until you've earned otherwise.”
Bites his lip, beginning to stroke himself again.
The next edge comes more quickly.
His eyebrows draw up, mouth falling open, back arching. His cock jumps and this time he falls back onto his hands to keep from giving into temptation. His eyes travel the length of the mirror, his neck taught with tension as he pants. They notice his gaze darting along their form for a moment, greedily stealing along their silhouette in the looking glass. A quick glance of the place where their legs are splayed open as they lounge on the bed behind him, toying with themself idly.
He’s back to form so seamlessly, he probably thinks they didn’t even notice. The next number falls out of his mouth without prompting, as if to cover for his earlier sleight.
"..."
“Baby,” he whines, fidgeting without further instruction. His fingers return to his dick when they don't reply, ghosting over his wet, swollen cockhead. He knows they hate the way that epithet sounds in his voice, the condescending lilt he manages to wrap around the syllables. “Sweetheart. Please, may I–”
“Bad dog,” they admonish. They don't elaborate–let him figure out for himself which breach of protocol they're scolding him for.
“Again. And if you can’t behave, I’ll have to put you outside.”
18+ Master List | SFW Master List ✦Kinktober Speedrun on Ao3
Consider: this type of power play with yandere!Leander...you watching him when he's usually the one watching you...
#kinktober 2024#citrus fiending tag#tckinktober#18+ MDNI#see above tags for the tags you'll wanna blacklist if u don't wanna see me trying to speedrun this week lol#not pictured: POV character telling Leander that his ego is big enough that he should be able to get off without sneaking a peek at them :)#similarly not pictured: “we can use the blindfold if you *really* can't behave on your own.”#once I'm done speed running I'll maybe post a Kinktober 2024 Masterlist to the main tag but I'll prolly post in chara tags only for a bit..#leander x reader#leander touchstarved#touchstarved fanfic#something real nasty for those who partake <3#feels too awkward to tag someone in this out of the blue but SHOUT OUT IF U SEE THIS ty for the list!#Consider: this type of power game with yandere!Leander#you watching him when he's usually the one watching you#save me yandere leander#take me away from this life; i no longer desire to participate in capitalism#/joking i was joking omg did u hear that did it just get cold all of the sudde..........#touchstarved x reader#Touchstarved leander
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so apparently pocket camp is shutting down and they're replacing it with an offline version you just pay for once and then have forever and man maybe this is wishful thinking but if in the new one you can access all the limited time & paid items with just bells or something then I'll probably get back into pocket camp. I wouldn't pay full game price for it probably, but I'd pay up to like $45. I'd pay 3DS game prices.
#the way the announcement is worded. we are 'developing' an offline version#like it might just be you transfer your save data and that's that you just play with whatever you have#but if I can get NEW stuff that was previously pay walled or time locked?#events could be rerun by putting them on a preset schedule instead of having to be online#I know it's like 7 years of events so they probably can't do all of them every year#but I'm sure they could find a way for them to rotate out based on calendar date just like the mainline games#nintendo you have a chance to get one more cash grab out of the people who refused to interact with your microtransactions
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Curious that in the wake of Süleiman's first campaign, both Hürrem and Hatice are scared of forever losing the people they've come to love and have latched onto in order to keep going and find new meaning for themselves after their seemingly dealbreaking past and recent losses, all the while Hafsa reveals her intention to marry both of them off all in the same episode, thus reinforcing the alienation they would feel in Süleiman and Ibrahim's absences and threatening to fully cement it, cutting them off from their actual loves and bringing misery to them both.
#they think the possible permanent losses would happen far away where they can't see it and can't do anything to stop it#they simply learn it's happened and have to forcibly suck it and move on#thus the cause is just outside forces they can't reach#and not that both of them won't experience stuff like that later (heey some Nenni Desem parallels!)#but now the people they know are the ones who'll challenge the comfort they lean on so much#it's happening right in front of them on their watch#of course there're also differences like it all happening more slowly for one and more suddenly for the other#and Hürrem striving to stop her marriage at any cost because if she doesn't save solidify her position she'll be done for#while Hatice not even thinking about opposing it as that would mean disappointing her closest#and standing against what she believes and should adhere to no matter how much it breaks her#there's also Hafsa wanting to marry Hatice off out of genuine yet misplaced care for her well-being and happiness#and Hafsa wanting to marry Hürrem in order to nullify the threat she represents and *pretends* to show care just to achieve that#(there we go - the first instances of people thinking they know what's best for Hatice while not knowing what Hatice herself thinks at all)#but you get the idea#magnificent century#muhteşem yüzyıl#muhtesem yuzyil#hurrem sultan#hatice sultan
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wait a minute
stop.
stop it.
#bnha#bnha manga spoilers#mha spoilers#mha 423#I didn't hate this chapter before that#but now I am#because this is just cruel level of REMEMBER THIS?????#yes. I do remember this. I rewatched and reread this arc VERY recently#so... he killed Kurogiri with a punch like the one he did in USJ and again to save Izuku#I don't care honestly.#I reread this chapter and I cried again bc I REALLY refused to believe that Kurogiri died then#but he did with a death words to Shirakumo's friends and recall of old chapters#even if people want Tenko alive I doubt that Kurogiri will ever materialize again#and I'm deadly serious when I say that this is the worst part of this chapter#I worried for Kurogiri's existence ever since it was revealed that Shirakumo is in there#but that literally took FIVE YEARS TO APPEAR AGAIN HAVING AN IMPORTANT ROLE#and he left while crumbling just like Tomura's body before Katsuki hit him#and the last thing he thought about was about protecting Tomura even though he was partly Shirakumo's dead corpse appearing more and more#even Mic now understood that it's really is him in a way ending his arc from back in Tartarus with Aizawa#and you know what's worse??? TOMURA KNOWS THIS#the way he used “...........” with Kurogiri's name while the page literally showed his black smoke disappearing was heartbreaking before#it's worse now#like... okay he's dying too and he doesn't even know if spinner is ALIVE or not and he saw Kurogiri disappear#all while protecting him from harm one last time#AND WE STILL HAVE NO FUCKING FLASHBACKS OF HIS TIME WITH TOMURA OUTSIDE OF WHAT WE HAD IN MANGA#I'm getting more and more furious by the minute HAHA#I need to find that one sketch I did way back in 2019 with them after spoilers of Kurogiri in Tartarus#I NEED SOMETHING LIKE THAT NOW AND I CAN'T DRAW#I want to just curl up and cry myself to sleep like a 13 y.o that found out the bird that she looked after died while she was sleeping#kurogiri
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reminder that if you're not watching Crayon Shin-chan then you are living a hollow and empty life. this is not edited. this ripped straight from the movie (Movie 8: Jungle That Invites the Storm, highly recommend for fellow Masaaki Yuasa lovers)
if you need further convincing: these monkeys run an animation sweatshop
#i've made this disclaimer on another post but will again since i've seen a lot more of the movies now#the movies are VERY good and very enjoyable but unfortunately the first handful are bogged down by transphobic/homophobic/okama stereotypes#they kind of vary in their severity. Movie 5 i think is the biggest catalyst because it features the stereotyped characters the most#prominently. Movie 3 doesnt really have caricatures per se but saves a very backhanded reveal for the end#Movies 1 and 4 are a bit more tolerable if my memory is correct. Movie 2 i think is kind of comparable to Movie 5 with its caricatures#in that the characters have similar roles in both movies#i admittedly can't remember what caricatures there were in Movie 6 or 7. 7 i think barely had anything#RAMBLE RAMBLE BASICALLY: these jokes are within the first 7 movies or so 5 being the zenith then reducing down and down. by movie 8 it's sa#e#i give these disclaimers because these movies are all very enjoyable and i would not recommend them if i didnt think there wasnt any merit#o them. they are all very much worth watching. Movie 5 still has a lot of very enjoyable stuff in it (there's a showdown in a supermarket!!#but i just want to make sure that is clear and established since transparency is good to have and i dont want anyone's viewing experience t#be ruined because they weren't given the proper warning#if it's any consolation it's my understanding that even the directors hated doing the jokes#iirc Keiichi Hara really didn't like doing the jokes and i think had a talk with the mangaka Yoshito Usui and was like 'uh dude this is#gonna age horribly can we maybe not'#ironically Hara's first film is Movie 5. which is again the biggest offender#BUT! that is my spiel. my understanding is that it's contained to those 6 or 7 first movies and i think is strictly just a movie thing#so please do give these films a watch but just be mindful at the same time#if anyone needs recommendations my favorites have been movies 4 and 9 but i genuinely really enjoyed every one that i have seen#i've seen the first 11 and a half movies (need to finish 12) and movie 22. the worst i've felt about one is 'oh that was pretty good!'#each film has its own merit and is very very very much worth watching#22 was the first Shin-chan anything i watched and all my Shin-chan expert friends say 4 is a good introductory piece#in case that influences anything/makes it easier to break in#so. thus concludes my spiel#csc#vid
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someone on the bodies production team you have to release more layout/bts pictures of charles whiteman's flat please. this is a great start but i need to know him better. particularly if it's got about as much mould as a second year uni house and if he owns as many chairs as it seems LOL
#ok the joke is at his expense but im already romanticising this shit#20-something loser karl weissman moves into the worst flat of all time and makes it a home#hangs a picture of his parents' wedding against the worst wallpaper you've ever seen#just buys what he likes and calls it decor#how else can you explain the fucking model boat next to the fucking telephone. AND YOU MAY TELL ME 'oh thats just random set stuff'#NOT TO ME!#and it stays until he's in his mid 30s. develops a habit of not cleaning up along the way#the shot where he seems to have taken off his shirt/tie/jacket and then dropped them off on various pieces of furniture. HE LIVES LIKE THIS#also entertaining the idea that its his parents' old stuff that he can't bring himself to throw out ..#i will created a fully fleshed out character using 8 episodes and fever dream visions if i have to#karl weissman#bodies netflix#edit: the original tags are above but since then i joined the discord and got to add these pictures LOL#saved this post as a draft bc i was like. i cant annoy people on the tag any more than i already have#doesnt matter. forcing this into the tag like a week after i made it anyway#im still so interested in the fact that it seems like there are more rooms that we never see#outside this bedroom and living space (and the bedroom isnt clear in the show either)#like. i rly need a 360 house tour NOW.#ALSO I FEEL LIKE A TOWN CRIER NO I DONT THINK HE HAS MOULD BUT IT WOULD BE FUNNY!!!!#the chair next to the liquor rly is something. hes MY babygirl
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ninjago seabound hurts. so much. what the fuck
#ninjago seabound#i think this might be the thing to get me drawing again#we shall see#also im very close to crying haha#she turned. into the sea. to save him#and like. the city and all their friends too but he was quite literally dying and the only answer was for her to become one with the sea an#and she#and he sees her after having the water taken out of his lungs. he sees her out the window and she sees him and they put their hands on#either side of the glass. and he doesn't yet know what she did. what it would cost#in the fight later. he sees her explode and takes on kalmaar with blind fury#and then she's back- as a dragon now- and she explodes again and comes back as a bigger dragon and#how can he think anything but good things? he knows what she did now but she's so strong. so invincible. ofc she'll overcome the odds#she'll keep herself together! she will. he has to believe that#and then she wins. and its all over. and everyone's saying they'll just have to get used to her watery body for now#until they find a way to turn her back.#she doesn't understand. she doesn't remember who she used to be. is actively losing the battle to retain her self#and they plead. all of her friends. her master. her Brother.#and him. Jay. her boyfriend.#and there's a moment. a single brief moment where she turns back.#she smiles and holds jay's hands. she caresses his cheek.#and just as quick as she came#she left. jay screaming her name as she dives back into the sea#and then the funeral. because what else do you call it but a funeral.#they call all of her friends and family. they pour seawater in an urn. they hold a service of sorts.#and i'd like to imagine each person feels responsible in some way. for not doing more. for not being as convincing to her.#some feel it more than others. Wu is- was her master. Kai her brother.#and Jay. Jay was her-#out of all of them Jay beat himself up the most. because what good is love if you can't convince them to stay?#woah sorry about that i was possessed by angst#also i feel like you could tie in Jay's abandonment issues with his birth parents here if that wasn't clear <3
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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