#bc the chance of it NOT happening is still greater than it happening & across all their clients Not Being Giant Cunts wouldnt bankrupt them

[somecunttookmyurl]

insurance makes sense on a conceptual level but in reality insurance companies turn decently huge profits by a) relying on things not happening, which they mostly don't b) ensuring things mostly don't happen by exluding anything that might make "things happening" more likely and stacking it in their favour and then c) finding any excuse and loophole possible to not cover you if anything ever does happen

like. insurance would be good if it wasn't managed by insurance companies

[princesseevee06]

hi eevee!! the recent news on ytr Shins execution has me Devastated. (esp bc Kannas death is my favorite and im very normal about greenblings LMAOO) but that got me thinking about the other executions in ytr! if you'd like to, what are some of the other executions/deaths?? don't gotta reveal all of em yet, just wanted to ask haha :) take care!

HI BREAD i am so sorry about the shin execution thing. i saw the opportunity to do the funniest (most agonizing) thing ever and i had to.

the thing that really gets me about it is like. in ytr shin never gets his collar off at that last moment, he has no chance of really escaping, but he’s still trying to run WHILE HIS BODY IS BEING ROOTED TO THE GROUND and he still manages to even set up the sara ai. he still doesnt accept his fate right up until the very end. And That Makes Me So Sad

buuuuut you probably wanna hear about some of the other devastating deaths! which i am also happy to provide deets on ^^

(WARNING: LONG LONG POST BELOW i am so sorry)

ok im gonna be honest i havent focused super hard on the deaths themselves because it’s always more interesting to me to focus on the aftermath i think…but there are some ive thought about more than others so i’ll go over those!

• nao

this one is Hectic. I wanted it to be kind of a mix of mishima’s death and nao’s canon death, so her collar device is sort of like…magnetic? basically, it pulls her to the wall and starts crushing her neck. i feel like this adds a greater sense of panic to the scene, because unlike mishima’s collar which they can’t touch when it burns, in ytr both kugie and mishima are trying to help nao :,) (spoiler alert they cannot)

• sara

oh this one makes me So sad….it’s fundamentally the same premise as joe’s execution with the wrigglers, but the difference is that ryoko is actually fast enough with the clicker to get them off (it’s always so funny to me that one of the canon things we know about ryoko is she’s good at arcade games. so i imagine she has fast fingers 💀). but at that point it’s already too late because sara has lost too much blood, so she just ends up bleeding out in ryoko’s arms instead. fun fact: because of that, ryoko’s hallucination of sara always comes out of the ground in a pool of blood :,)

• sei

ok i haven’t SUPER worked out the specifics of this one but i do know the general vibes for it so i’m putting it anyways. basically, when sei gets voted for, much like what happened in the assassin game in canon they ask kai to kill them. because they don’t want to be alone as they die and also it’d be a big middle finger to asunaro. kai has the kitchen knife. he could do it. but he literally just can’t bring himself to. if it was himself he could do it, but he can’t bring himself to hurt sei. so instead he just has to watch them die without doing a thing and it ends up haunting him. (i have this vivid image of kai literally having to be dragged away from sei’s corpse :((((((((( )

• sou

ok here’s the big one. sou is my fave bleeby blorbo so you KNOW i’ve put a shit-ton of thought into this one. the funniest thing about this to me is that. sou put his collar on himself at the beginning of the death game. and so when hayasaka is like “sorry :( we’ll have to execute you” sou is like “nuh uh” and literally just takes it back off. THERE IS JUST THIS MOMENT OF. AWKWARD SILENCE ACROSS THE ENTIRE ROOM. hayasaka is like “holy shit what do i do now” but he doesn’t have to do any work because sou ends up dooming himself 👍

he figures. okay well i have to do something quick or people from the upper floors are actually gonna come start trying to kill me. unlike shin, he doesn’t really have any intention of ‘escaping,’ at least not in a direct manner, but what he does try to do is get to the fifth floor where his lab is to see if he can deactivate the collars. because essentially, that’ll take the target off his back at least temporarily— what’s one guy running around without a collar to SEVEN people running around without a collar? asunaro cant execute everyone if they want the death game to continue, right? he knows the facility, so he’s actually able to dodge/avoid the ‘weapons’ really well. atp the other participants are running after him watching him bolt across the third floor and straight up rooting for him. he gets really close to the winner’s stairs (and if he can get there, he’s home free because they connect to all the other floors) and because of that he gets a little tooooooo cocky.

if he can actually accomplish what he’s trying to do, asunaro could literally fall apart from the inside out. if they don’t have control over the participants w/ the collars, the main cast could quite literally stage a mini uprising. sou could finally have the chance to be free from asunaro, to be free from his mother, to live his life how *he* wants to— he’s so close.

so anyways, sou looks back at shin. because of course he does.

and what is he rewarded with? impalement! ^_^ no seriously, at the last moment he steps on a trap that impales him. YES i wanted to harken back to the fake death alice caused in actual yttd. so yeah he uh. does not make it out of that one alive. sorry sou!

(i could talk about how this firmly cements in shin that his mindset of the strong persevering over the weak is correct, because he was the one to pass the role of ‘shin tsukimi’ over to sou, to pass the role of being ‘weak’ to him, and in sou’s last moments that weakness (in this case, caring too deeply for shin) ends up being his undoing. but we’ll save that for another day!)

• mishima

so mishima’s is actually relatively the same as q-taro’s canon death, because tbh i couldn’t figure out a way to make it any different without completely screwing up the banquet. sorry mimimishima :((

the thing that really gets me about this one is the REVEAL though. atp kugie and mishima have built up a strong relationship throughout the death game, and so the fact that mishima’s sacrifice essentially ends up saving kugie’s life is weirdly poetic to me. it is NOT poetic to kugie though. she is so upset that people keep sacrificing themselves for her sake (since yknow. she experienced this first with kanna) when she’s been trying to protect others this whole time. it’s just. agh. really sad.

i haven’t really thought as much about maple’s hinako’s and ranmaru’s sorry,,,, again i thought more of the surrounding circumstances for those ones (other people’s reactions to their deaths so. yknow yknow) but i’ll try to think more on em in the meantime!

I am SO sorry for this post it was SUPER long and SUPER sad. like *I* am sad now and I’m the one who decided what happens. Sorry bread 😭

[nonuggetshere]

So they didn't become void, they were "born" that way

In FaaF there are different species and kinds of higher beings (still a MASSIVE work in progress tbh, trying to figure out how these cunts work, but for now I'm thinking they're extremely rare species with far greater abilities and lifespans than a normal bug's that have a chance to ascend to true godhood (but even if they don't ascend that doesn't stop mortals from worshipping them as they're already very god-like from a normal bug's perspective)), "pale beings" being one of these kinds/mutations.

Well, there was also a different kind once, "void beings", but they all went extinct a very long time ago by the beginning of the story. Shade Lord was one, and last, of them and it lost its life in a fight with Radiance - the same fight that drove her to make her permanent residence in the dream realm out of her new-found fear of death (which backfired spectacularly ngl). Its body was buried in the Abyss, where it broke apart and decayed, or decayed as much as a non-living thing can, before it was unearthed many ages later by the pale wyrm.

Not much is known about them since they've been gone for so long, and the vessels are the only void beings remaining, but since they're not "pure" void beings it'd be foolish of anyone to assume that the ancient extinct species behaved the same way as these ones do. But they were generally greatly feared thanks to the void's freaky, dangerous properties, which partly lead to their extinction as some of the other higher beings purposefully attacked and killed them whenever they stumbled across one out of fear. Now the only thing remaining of them are the rare void sources, where their former bodies still refuse to fully die.

Shade Lord does get accidentally resurrected in the story bc of all the tomfoolery happening with its body before almost immediately getting killed again by Ghost who inherits its title and reign. Don't ask me how that works, haven't figured that out yet. Magic god shit or something idk LMAO

[gayferrari]

ykw I'll do this off anon lol (this is my favourite bit of f1 and I don't talk about it enough which is why you're getting this, apologies)

I absolutely agree with you that f1 drivers have more influence over their sport than other athletes. the fact that they even have the gpda is incredible. there's a lot of history there that I can definitely get into but, I don't think it's unfair to say, motorsports is one of the more/most risky sports, esp with the way it has developed and developed so fast.

they do need a union and they do need to be able to act in the way that they have in the past. (and yeah, they need to start acting again bc qatar was too fucking dangerous)

historically, actions have been taken as a result of major incidents and/or driver fatalities (gpda reformed in 1994 after imola, spa was boycotted bc of the death of Piers Courage at Zandvoort in 1970 (1), strike threatened at Germany after tyre blowouts at Silverstone 2013 (2)). for there to be anything to happen to the current state of the sport, there would need to be major incident.

individual driver action has not had an impact (Lewis (+ Fernando) wanting to boycott jeddah 2022 due to missile strikes did not go anywhere(3)). or has not had the impact necessary to make any difference. (Niki Lauda asking drivers to not race at the Nurburgring 1976 because there was a 'one hundred percent death chance' if they were to crash (4)).

also your point about the drivers having more sway now than they used to is a great one! the current dts/grill the grid/etc type things make the drivers more accessible (not quite the word but ykw i mean) to fans. if smth were to happen to a driver, I would expect a greater outcry due to genuine care for the person driving the car. not to say that they didn't care about the drivers historically but I think the care they had was different. f1 is a performance, the drivers doing pr stuff/dts is another way for them to perform. it shows them as people as well as drivers and sometimes it's easier to sympathise with them when you take them like that, rather than as athletes at unattainable heights. (the state of the dash after qatar last year was insane eg.)

yknow I thought I was done, I have another idea. f1 is pretty misogynistic I would say. a lot of the fans still are male and were male. all the current drivers are male. there's a narrative pushed of 'manliness' and being able to cope with things that 'regular people' can't because they are drivers (Mark's whole Aussie Grit thing). I think this effect is a lot less nowadays because both the fanbase has changed and the narrative has changed. this doesn't, however, mean it's not still a thing (Lewis saying the sport shouldn't become 'too soft' about Qatar (despite him doing half a lap or smth but that's not my point rn) (5))

I think @/vro0m said smth about people around them not saying no for them and that's absolutely a point to be made: the pressure on these atheletes (across all sport) to perform is not only self-inflicted or inflicted by the fans. they experience this pressure for their entire lives (that post about oscar posting 3 times about competing with injuries for ex.). it's difficult to change this.

things are changing (valtteri admitting to having an ED) but not fast enough (the weight limit for drivers still being only 80kg). it's all a bit shit when you think about it properly. I would say the drivers need to act more unified to get things changed but it's difficult for that to happen in the first place.

f1 has never been safer, sure, but that definitely doesn't mean it's perfect (Ecclestone saying the drivers 'didn't have the courage to take risks' and race in Spa 2021 (6))

anyway, hi, I'm doing a whole ass project on safety and its development and impact on f1 so this is really my thing :D

(1) https://www.motorsportmagazine.com/articles/single-seaters/f1/f1-history-1969-belgian-grand-prix-never-happened/ (2) https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/formula1/23190671 (3) https://www.independent.co.uk/f1/saudi-arabian-grand-prix-lewis-hamilton-b2044667.html (4) https://www.autoweek.com/racing/formula-1/a34313295/1976-german-grand-prix-changed-fate-nurburgring-nordschleife/ (5) https://www.skysports.com/f1/news/12433/12987823/lewis-hamilton-mercedes-driver-backs-f1-to-race-in-extreme-heat-after-qatar-grand-prix-controversy (6) https://www.telegraph.co.uk/formula-1/2021/08/30/bernie-ecclestone-belgian-grand-prix-not-called-off/ (I promise I have sources that aren't just news articles)

prev ask. Please don't apologise I'm loving these essays <3 Thank you for the sources because EYE am going to delve into them. I don't have many smart thoughts to add except tag rants but I will say that I appreciated Valtteri so much for sharing his struggles considering how F1 fans can be

[angel-anoetic]

halllooo 🐌 anon here! i know i havent requested anything for a while but thats just bc i didnt have any ideas and ive been kinda busy but im back and ive come with another c!ponk request! okay so reader (gn or he/him) works with las nevadas but ponk doesnt know that but one day they get curious and follow reader to las nevadas and hes pretty surprised and i dont really have any idea of what happens next so u can decide! it can also be fluff or angst or whatever u feel fits best! anyways make sure ur eating and drinking enough and getting enough sleep and taking ur meds if u take any and byeeeeee

hi 🐌! no worries i'm glad to have you back! i chose to use he/him and make this kind of angsty, if that's okay. stay safe and healthy anon!

Don't forget to like to save and reblog to share!

c!Ponk x [he/him] Reader - Truth

genre: /rom, c!ponk, angst with happy ending, las nevadas!Reader

warning: none! (let me know if i missed something)

masterlist <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun was starting to rise, the morning dew shined on the grass outside the window. As much as you hated it, you knew sooner or later you would have to pull away from Ponk and make the trip back to Las Nevadas.

You sighed and looked over to him, sleeping so peacefully, quiet and calm breaths escaping their mouth. You smiled and began to roll out of the bed. You were almost out of the bed before an arm wrapped around your waist.

"No...don't leave me, stay here all day." Ponk groaned, half asleep.

"Ponk I've gotta go to work love."

"Nope, no work." You laughed, falling against him slightly. You placed a hand on his cheek, stroking your thumb against his cheekbone.

"I've really got to go. I promise I'll be back soon." You kissed his cheek, removed his arm from your waist, and got up, grabbing your jacket before closing the bedroom door.

You walked through the greater SMP, admiring the new pop-up buildings, and reminiscing on the old.

You didn't even notice a still half asleep Ponk following behind you. For as much noise as he was making you couldn't seem to notice. You were lost in your own thoughts. For the last few months, you had to keep your place of work a secret. You weren't sure how people would react to you working at Las Nevadas, and further, for Quackity. The only people who knew at this point were Quackity and the others who were beginning their transition to the new faction.

Ponk had struggled after the Red Banquet to forgive Quackity, even though it was Q who had technically freed her from the Egg's grasp, something not even you could do. But Ant had lost a life, and Ponk wasn't sure if they could forgive Puffy for that or Quackity for allowing it.

You waltzed into the Needle, Quackitys headquarters and took the elevator to the very top. Ponk hadn't risked getting spotted by anyone and stayed at the ground level, waiting, watching.

The elevator doors opened up, and you walked over to the railing, Quackity standing, looking over some papers.

"What can I help you with today Big Q? And we gotta make this quick, I have a lot to do today."

The man snorted, "Yeah, right. Now would I be where I am right now if I let people who work for me tell me about how much time they have? No, I wouldn't. Take a seat."

You sighed, quickly pulling out your message to send Ponk a text about how you would be late. Q sat across from you, going on and on about how the business you were chosen to help him start was lacking, as were you with your progress getting to Las Nevadas.

"I can't have slackers, but I really don't like the idea of anyone else having you working for them, so I'm torn. I could give you a second chance, make a new deal...or I'll just have to convince you another way to not go working for someone like Tubbo or Jack. Not even Techno."

You let out a sigh. "All right, just get to the point."

"Well, it's simple. Either you get settled down here completely in the next 3 days, or I'm going to convince you to."

You rolled your eyes. He couldn't force you to do anything. How could he?

"How's Ponk doing?" This caused your breath to get caught in your throat.

"Oh please, you think I don't know? I know everything about you y/n. Your history, your alliances, friends...partners. And I need to in order to keep you under me."

"He doesn't even know about this. They don't even know I work here. You have no reason to hurt them other than to hurt me."

"And if I have to I will." He checked his communicator, and the message catching his eye. "Sam and I have some business to attend to. Consider what I've told you, and come back to me with either an answer or through action. Have a good day, you're dismissed."

You sat shocked for a moment before you stood and stomped off the balcony. By the time the elevator stopped the tears had rolled down your cheeks as you thought over the choice you'd have to make.

The thoughts ran around your mind as you walked outside of Las Nevada's borders and into Snowchesters, a weight lifted off your shoulders.

You took a seat on the soft ground, not too worried about the cool air. You needed to think.

"Y/n?" His voice. His lovely, sweet voice. You turned and found Ponk standing there, rubbing his arms to keep warm.

"Hello love, what are you doing here?" Quickly removing your jacket you handed it over to her.

"I, um, I followed you from the house. I figured...well I wanted to see where you go when you leave me."

"Oh gosh, I'm so sorry Ponk. I-I should've told you sooner, I was planning to but I didn't know how you'd react."

He smiled, resting a soft hand on your cheek. You relished in the touch.

"Don't worry about it. I don't care for you working with Quackity, as long as you're happy and safe. Speaking of...I heard what he told you."

"You did...?"

He nodded, a smile resting on his calm face. "Yeah, but I'm not worried. I'll always be there with you, by your side. And we're gonna get through this, together."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[carminite-wyrm]

A Genshin Impact Hermitcraft AU Idea, God Help Me

Last year, on September 28, a particular gacha rpg game was released and I, occasionally regrettably, fell straight into playing it. In honour of the fact that this will mean I have lasted nearly a whole year (I got the game a week after bc uni) determinedly not spending any money on Genshin whilst also trying to roll good characters…here’s a bunch of Hermitcraft Genshin AU ideas that I initially came up with at roughly 2.40 am.

The general idea of this AU is that the Hermits end up in a new world that has Genshin-esque mechanics, on top of the usual Minecraft shenanigans. So, Visions and stuff. Also, we’re gonna just…briefly ignore the actual Genshin lore in regards to how Visions and Gnosises (Gnoses?) come about, for this one.

Post-S8, the Hermits are travelling to a new world, ready for another season.

The moment they arrive, it is clear to them all that…something is different. Something is vastly different with this world, for all that it appears much like the previous servers that they have lived in and travelled to. There is something of a…presence to it, in a sense.

When the Something Different doesn’t appear immediately, being the demigods/almost-deities that they are, they go about their days, setting up starter bases, gathering the basic resources and tools, the usual beginnings.

Things change when Doc wakes up one morning after a hard day at work building a new redstone machine, to find a small glowing chess piece lying next to his head, crackling with an ethereal purple light

Upon picking it up, he feels a burst of energy, almost like that one time in the previous world where he and Ren built a lightning-summoning tower

However, the changes it has wrought become apparent later that day when Scar comes out of nowhere with the recording of a creeper’s tell-tale hiss and explosion, and Doc sends him flying backwards with a startled blast of lightning

At first, they chalk it up to ‘Something Funky With Doc’s Current Project’, but after some tests, some experimentation to confirm if it was a one-off reaction…they end up confirming that they may have found out what the Weird Thing about this season’s world is

The duo go to Xisuma with their findings, and, to their collective surprise, X can’t find anything blatantly broken in the server’s code, but he does find a few interesting lines within.

By all appearances, this is not a glitch, but simply an intended feature of the server

Seven lucky hermits, designated as Archons in the server code, will receive a Gnosis, an artefact of elemental power that the server can assign, given to the ‘player who best suits the element’

The server notes speak of how the power granted (and represented through the chess-piece-shaped item) will grant the receiver the capability to shape the land around them

By random chance, other players on the server will also be gifted a Vision, a somewhat lesser artefact that will still grant them a form of elemental power

Given that the Hermits are practically gods in their own right, considering they are already capable of shaping the worlds they arrive in as they see fit…are more curious than worried, at this point

They agree to keep an eye out, to see how chaotic the sudden acquisition of elemental powers will turn out

The next person to receive a Gnosis is Grian, who delights in the bursts of wind he can use to buffer his flight, gliding across the server with naught but the turquoise magic the server has seen fit to grant him

After that, most of the Hermits soon receives some sort of Elemental power from the server

A Summary of Who Gets What (That I can think of so far):

Doc: [Electro Archon]

Can summon lightning, without need for a trident, a thunderstorm, or a machine that can generate an ongoing thunderstorm for as long as its activated

Can also generate an Electro shield, though it does require his active concentration to maintain for longer than a few seconds. This shield appears like a charged creeper’s aura, except purple

Capable of generating a thunderstorm at will, but rarely does it on account of mob spawning dangers

Has found that by channelling a low level of Electro energy, he can in fact power redstone machines just by tapping them/being in close proximity to them

This has proven to both be a blessing and a curse, considering that on occasion, when startled, he has short-circuited some of his machines

Grian: [Anemo Archon]

Generally, uses his powers as a free rocket boost for flying around the server

Upon finding out that he can use the Anemo energy to create pockets of energy that can boost flight, he takes to leaving them all over the server, in convenient locations to make flight that much more efficient

Yes, he absolutely sets up a fancy elytra course that makes use of his flight-boosters to send players rocketing around a course at breakneck paces (poor Scar experiences many instances of kinetic energy)

Bdubs: [Geo Archon]

Suddenly, making mountains and other works of major terraforming is a lot easier

Certainly, he still prefers to sculpt them and detail them by hand, but bringing the basic shape of the mountain forth by brandishing the power of Geo is something that he can do with ease, in this world

A new shop pops up in the shopping district rather quickly after this realisation: Bdub’s Landshaping Service, Now offering quick terraforming at a budget price! (it is, in fact, a service that makes him quite the amount of money)

And when he wants to sleep, without the other hermits breaking his bed? A glowing shield of steadfast golden magic takes care of that.

Gem: [Dendro Archon]

The patch of the server that Gem has claimed for herself quickly springs to life as plants of all varieties grow to surprising proportions, energised by the power that she now can radiate

The effect is most notable in and around her home, of course, but wherever she travels, the plants grow more vibrantly for days afterwards

Adding a forest of birch around her house takes little more than a thought, a fact she uses to prank some of her friends, those who in the last world were rather vocal about their dislike of non-stripped birch

Another power Gem finds herself with is the ability to summon vines even without a surface for them to initially grow upon, and thus it is not uncommon to see Gem building or resting in a hammock of woven vines

Cub: [Cryo] (cannot make up my mind if I think he’d be Archon material or not)

Gathering powdered snow has never been easier, as instead of waiting for a storm to form and last longer than it takes a Hermit to get into the nearest bed, he can simply clap his hands together and a lump of snow shoots out from just above his shoulder.

It does hurt, getting hit by the sudden snow barrage that Cub is now capable of, but except for the occasional snowball fight, his newfound snow-creation ability is used for making increasingly more insane mob farms and snowy building decoration

False: [Pyro]

The magic her Pyro Vision grants her doesn’t become apparent, not for a while, until she visits the Nether for the first time in this world

A mis-swing in a bastion, and suddenly a horde of piglins and hoglins are chasing after her, and there isn’t enough time to pillar away.

She readies her sword and shield, ready to fight, and suddenly her blade crackles to life with bright flames, unlike the fire aspect enchantment in that it actually is on fire.

Every attack she lands, whilst her sword is alight, seems to invigorate her, return strength and stamina that was lost when she had first tried to flee the enraged inhabitants of the bastion

Xisuma:

The admin is one of the few to not receive a Vision or a Gnosis

Quietly, he does admit to being relieved, considering his powers as an admin are already much greater than that of the other Hermits, for all that they are still his equals

And then, one day, whilst X is placing his diamonds to sign up to one of Grian’s newest competitions, he feels a rush of foreign magic, so unlike the familiar ordered pulses of server code

The blast of wind that comes with a swing of his sword, much later whilst he is mob-farming, is greatly surprising, if not unexpected.

The funny thing about all these new powers, granted by the server itself in the form of artefacts that can easily sit in one’s palm, is that for all they are miraculous on their own, the natural capabilities of the Hermits are already enough to rival them

In the hands of an ordinary person, an ordinary player, the powers from this world would bring them close to the near-omnipotence of Creative, could even be the driving force of server-wide conflict.

Powers such as these, while they can build great things, can so easily be used to destroy, to cause war and destruction, and in other realities, they have.

Perhaps whatever trick of fate that caused the server to be capable of granting these powers hoped to create that conflict, to see what would happen when only a few of their number were gifted such strengths.

Later, when the initial surprise and rush to test out the limits of the server’s granted magics dies down, Zedaph approaches Xisuma, one of the few to not possess an artefact of elemental magic, with an observation

Zedaph notes that, from his studies of the Hermits’ new powers, almost all of them are oriented vastly towards combat, whether they be summonable blades of frost, elemental shields, or even the ability to soothe aches and hurts

And even though the Hermits have all found ways to make those powers work in the ways that they wish them to, it does not take away from the fact that the likeliest original purpose of this server’s magic was for fighting

Any other server, any other group, Zedaph quietly says, and there would more than likely have been bloodshed, given the inequality in the range of power granted

At the end of the day however, unexpected gifts of power or not, the Hermits, at their core, are a group that creates and innovates, a band of friends that shape entire worlds with naught but their own ideas and willpower, and regardless of what powers they now possess in this particular realm, that will not change.

[iamanartichoke]

I started typing this in the tags of this post, and it got too long, and then I was going to just reblog the post with this as an addition but that got too long too, and I've been meaning to make a post addressing free will vs. predestination since the premiere anyway, so - here we go. Spoilers, obviously.

Cut for length and spoilers. Please blacklist #loki tv series spoilers, #loki series spoilers, and #loki spoilers.

This is kinda rough and I'm not sure it actually makes any sense but I'm posting it anyway.

I realize that the post is a joke, obviously (and it is hilarious) but I started thinking about the implications and couldn't stop because it's honestly a goldmine of existential reflection and an inevitable crisis or three.

Let's look at a scenario.

Say you're late to work for reasons totally beyond your control: your neighbor stopped you to ask a question on your way out the door; you swung through the drive-thru for a quick coffee but the person in front of you is ordering a full continental breakfast ffs (this happened to me this morning); there was an explosion and then the Winter Soldier randomly dropped from the sky and landed on the hood of your car. Whatever. Shit happens.

So you're late, but on this particular day, your lateness somehow has consequences that lead to and create a nexus event and the next thing you know, you're being arrested, tried, convicted of time crimes and ultimately (a version of you is) erased from existence.

And this is if it's not even your fault you're late.

Now say that you're late and it is your fault. You took a new route on a whim and drove a little more slowly because you passed a particularly pretty meadow; you hit the brakes at a yellow light instead of speeding through bc you wanted the quick chance to check your email; you sat in your car for a few extra minutes in the parking lot, because maybe your job sucks and you really needed those extra minutes today to psyche yourself up into getting out of the car and going inside and clocking in.

These little choices are you exercising your free will. Because to me, free will is all or nothing - it doesn't just apply to the big decisions.

On the other hand, predestination means that regardless of the choices you make or if it's a big decision or not, everything you do is ultimately going to lead you to a set point or position or place (your destiny).

And I can kind of look at it like a GPS - that is, there are a number of "insignificant" choices you could make and they will still lead you to where you're predestined to go. Like how a GPS will reconfigure your route if you miss your exit on the highway. It doesn't matter if you took Route A or Route B, you're still going to end up at your destination.

But say sometimes the route does matter. Say that there are certain scenarios in which there's only one road (for example, 14 million losses vs 1 win) and you can only get on it by following a specific series of events and what determines the ultimate outcome is whether or not you're late to work that day.

If you decide to wait those extra five minutes in the parking lot, that means that you weren't in your cubicle at 9:03 when Stanley from Accounting wandered by with his giant stack of papers, and when Mary Sue said hello to him, he got distracted and tried to wave and ended up dropping those papers. Had you been at your cubicle, you'd have swooped down to help him but since you weren't there, Stanley is crouched on the floor alone and doesn't notice Joe coming at him with a paper trolley so when he stands up, he and Joe collide and Stanley loses his balance and goes face-first toward the trolley and breaks his nose when he hits the metal handle on his way down.

Now Stanley has to go to the hospital to get his nose set because you wanted to sit in your car and spend five extra minutes hating your life that morning.

If the sacred timeline says that Stanley is supposed to be in that ER at that specific time on that specific day, and no other set of circumstances would get him there, because this will ultimately take Stanley down the road to whatever greater journey he's supposed to go on, then it has to happen. But say you exercise your free will and decide not to wait those five minutes, because the free will applies to every choice you make, even the tiny, insignificant ones. You chose to put on your big person pants and took a deep breath and just head inside - and because you chose to do that and because you were at your cubicle to help Stanley with his papers, Stanley never ends up in the ER and the timeline that's supposed to happen is suddenly at risk and the TVA has to get involved (I assume).

So having free will introduces way, way too many variables into a fixed timeline to ever keep track, because you're taking these tiny, seemingly insignificant choices that people are making every minute of every day, and you're multiplying them by trillions of sentient beings in the universe, and you're saying the fate of the timeline and reality itself depends on all of these beings either always making the choice they're supposed to make or constantly sending the TVA out whenever they don't.

It's fair to conclude, then, that both free will and a fixed, single timeline can't exist at the same time. Either you adhere to the fixed timeline and everyone does exactly what they're supposed to do every second of every minute of existence, or you have free will and autonomy over all of your decisions, no matter how big or small, and those decisions can result in a number of outcomes, ultimately leading you to one of several possible destinations.

Case in point: Tony didn't have to snap his fingers in Endgame. He chose to. Had he not, Thanos would have won. It doesn't matter if there was one way to victory or 14 million ways to failure; the timeline could ultimately only go one of two ways and the choice Tony willingly made determined that Thanos lost. It wasn't predetermined because if Tony had not chosen to snap his fingers, the timeline would have gone the other way.

My personal belief - and this isn't necessarily for the MCU, but in general - is that we do possess free will and the future is ever shifting and changing because nothing is written in stone. It holds up against most, if not all, of the world's belief systems. For example, if you believe that people have guardian angels, the rule is generally that your guardian angels can help you but you have to ask them; they can't decide to intervene without your permission because to do so would infringe upon your free will.

Similarly, you can go on etsy and pay $5 for a funsies psychic reading or pay a lot more money for an in-depth, specific tarot reading and both will tell you that the outcomes may change depending on the paths you take, and that their ultimate advice is for you to keep your focus on your goals and your own self so that you can be subconsciously manifesting the best possible future for yourself. (Not that I know this from experience. It was one time. It was a few times. My point stands, and also stop judging me.)

To get back to the MCU, though - if you determine that both a single, fixed timeline and free will can't simultaneously exist, and your ultimate purpose is upholding said timeline and not letting anyone fuck it up, lest it break off into lots of different branches, then it poses a pretty serious moral and/or ethical question of - who decides what choices we make and what paths we're destined for? The time lizards? Who gave them that authority? Did anyone, or did they just manifest themselves into existence one day, create the universe, and then decide all of the rules (and, if so, where does that leave the norns and the gods and other super powerful beings who are generally thought to be in charge of things)?

If free will doesn't exist and everyone is acting based on what has been predetermined for them by some higher being (or, in this case, time lizards), it takes away our autonomy, and if everything we do and every single tiny step we take is decided for us, what makes us any different than cogs in a machine just following orders? What separates us from robots?

Speaking of robots, it's interesting to me that the TVA's screening process (if you can call it that) has a failsafe against robots specifically. Any robot that might come through is destroyed immediately and in this case, “not a robot” is defined, more or less, as a sentient being that possesses a soul. What does the TVA have against robots if their ultimate goal is ensuring that the robotic machinations of the time lizards are consistently carried out to protect the sacred timeline?

A soul makes you human; the energy of the soul is what you, at the core, are. It can be assumed that having a soul also means that you have some sort of moral and ethical code by which you live your life but, if you don't also have free will, then what is the point of possessing a soul and a moral and ethical code?

Loki is a villain and he's told by Mobius, the TVA, Odin, and pretty much everyone who ever meets him that the only thing he's good for - the only reason he exists - is to cause pain and suffering and death. This has been predetermined for him; this is not his fault and he did not choose it. And every single choice he makes has either already been destined as the choice he was supposed to make, or will be pruned so it won't grow into the wrong timeline. Ultimately Loki can change neither his final destination, nor the purpose and meaning of his existence.

Which leads me to the theory that the several Loki variants that the TVA keeps coming across are the result of Loki consistently resisting against his predetermined path; he's trying to find the timeline where he is able to latch onto and keep his own free will in defiance of the timekeepers but, so far, he hasn't been successful. This could segue into why the current Variant is now going scorched earth and just obliterating the main timeline completely - because if there is no sacred timeline, there's nothing dictating who or what Loki can be, and free will is regained. If there's a multiverse that branches and branches beyond anyone's control, then there must be a branch in there, somewhere, where Loki can exist on his own terms and decide how his own story goes.

This also might be a theory for why Loki is already setting his sights on taking over the TVA (assuming that's not just something he told the variant for reasons). But my original point in delving into all this is to ask: if Loki is predestined to always be a villain whose story plays out exactly the same way because that's what's supposed to happen, then how can anyone ever hold his misdeeds against him? He's literally just existing as the timekeepers decided he would exist and everyone is blaming him for it.

And this leads me to ask, as well, if one's soul is generally good, and one possesses more good traits than bad, what is the logic in making them exist only for pain and destruction? If it's for a greater good, then it stands to reason Loki is not the only one predestined for misery, and what greater good could come from all that suffering?

Conclusion: the existence of the TVA as an organization means that there is one fixed, sacred timeline but the existence of said timeline is immoral and unethical because it means no one actually has any free will at all in the MCU. The very notion of heroes and villains is pointless because it has nothing to do with your own qualities or morality, it's literally the luck of the draw. In order to have free will, the sacred timeline has to be destroyed, and so my prediction is that the Big Bad of the Loki series is not the TVA and not the time keepers but the actual timeline itself, and the entire fate of the MCU rests on whether or not Loki can ultimately succeed.

Also, don't be late for work.

[sup-hoes-its-me]

Amnesia (Levi x Reader)

A/N: so my boyfriend and i just watched attack on titan again in prep for season 4 in a few months. We both fell in love with levi all over again so i had to write a little story for our little captain. Definitely angst, and probably ooc bc levi is not the romantic type. enjoy.

word count: 5530

Although he appeared stoic, fearless and unattached in almost all ways, Levi Ackerman had a heart burdened with layers of  scalding emotion constantly burning painful holes in his heart. The loss of a childhood to violence, found-family killed in front of his eyes, comrades falling victim to this unfair world over and over again. He was a hardened man drowning in regret. 

Yet, he could never find himself regretting Y/N. She was a woman of talent and skill, grace flowing through her every movement, despite being a skilled soldier. Her voice, when he first heard it, the words she summoned from deep in mind; he found himself hanging on her every word, watching her every step. He often found himself wondering if she would make a mistake and let down some sort of facade, yet she never broke character. 

To some, she could be seen as ignorant, perhaps too trusting or even a bit self-righteous. She was far from perfect, but to him, for the first time in his life, he couldn’t find a flaw in what he saw. It seemed that he would do anything for her, even when no one knew why. 

And as he lay in his cold bed alone at night, rewinds of old memories played time and time again, each and every night. They ruined his life just a little more each time, driving him near mad.

This night was no different.

_________________________________________

  “Y/N-san, oh my god. Wake up, shit,” Reiner begged the woman who he held in his arms. One second his squad leader was flying through the trees, slicing the neck of a 13 meter, the next she was tossed into a tree, rolling through the branches to the hard ground with a thud, blood seeping into the grass from her head. 

Sasha noticed Reiner hunched over a body on the ground, not having seen her leader fall victim to a titan. Her eyes widened at the blood and quickly went to his side. She nearly passed out at the sight of the woman she grew to know as a family. Reiner was frantic, pressing against the back of her head with her cloak, trying to stop the bleeding.

Tears gathered in Sasha’s eyes, despite having seen death before. “She has to be okay.” The young girl whispered, choking back sobs in her throat. She said it mostly to comfort herself, witnessing deaths time and time before just like this one. Hope just seemed so useless nowadays, just mourning.

He held his hand over her nose and felt soft breaths of air. Relief  flooded through him for just a moment as he gathered her close to him. Her crumbling body was limp, and he felt her arm move in an awkward way, definitely broken. He made sure to support that arm, placing it across her stomach.

“She’s dying, we have to get her to the medics, fuck,” Reiner cried, lifting her delicate body carefully in his strong arms. He hugged her head to his chest, and as he did so, it seemed like pints of blood seeped into his clothes and stuck to his skin. He shot off into the air, but Sasha couldn’t move from where she knelt, body almost limp. 

What if she died? What would they do then? Sasha was pretty sure Y/N was the only reason Levi maintained his temper at times. She was the person Hanji ran to tell about her experiments and the commander's only surviving childhood friend in the corps. Sure, Sasha would be hurt losing a leader she grew to trust, but what about the veteran soldiers. It had been years and years since they met, and they got attached. That’s what happens when everyone else dies and it seems like you just have one another to latch onto.

Dread filled her heart as they returned to the carts and gave Y/N over to one of the medics, who pressed something to her head and popped in one of her dislocated limbs. He was so casual, she thought. Anyone would turn that way working with dozens of injured soldiers every mission. The casualty of it all made it all the more depressing, even disturbing. 

“Will-will she be okay?”

“Hell if I know,” the boy confessed. “But we all better hope so.” Even though he failed to explain, both the cadets knew why.

Soldiers began pouring out of the forest on their gear or horses. Some carried the dead, while some carried pride for what they had done. No one paid mind to that particular medic cart. The medic opened her eyes and observed her condition, but that only made Sasha’s heart sink further. She was unresponsive to touch, just a limp body, nearly dead.

Heads turned at the distinct sound of blades falling to the ground. Levi landed beside the cart after seeing the mop of h/c hair lying in the cart. His eyes flashed to Reiner and Sasha for a moment, seeing the blood soaked clothes and tear-stained cheeks. 

For the first time in years, Levi felt his blood run cold in his veins and his heart to stop beating in his chest. Pain stabbed him in the stomach, feelings of throwing up his breakfast arose. He opened his mouth to say something, but his words got caught in his throat. He gasped for air before muttering hopelessly, maybe to himself or the cadets or even the woman herself lying half dead in the carriage.

“Y-Y/N?”

“Captain-”

His voice was weak, full of pain and fear. “Shut up.” No malintent, just a desperate need for silence among the horses trotting along and soldiers rejoicing the fact they made it out alive. He walked over to the cart and climbed in, his normally firm and strong hands shakily hovering over the woman’s cheeks, gently wiping the blood  from her lips and eyes.

For the first time, the cadets witnessed complete and utter fear and helplessness overtake their captain, the emotions of a broken man leaking past his wall of bravery. 

In that moment, Sasha realized that Y/N wasn’t hers to grieve. 

“Y/N, please…” he whimpered, running his fingers down her wet, bloody hair. ‘“M-my princess, please. I need you, please.” 

“Captain, she’s not dead. We just need to get her back to the wall and-”

“Will she live?”

“I’d stake my life on it, Captain Levi. Don’t you worry,” the medic, one who had only really heard of Levi by mouth, lied through his teeth. He was just a trainee. He had no idea what would happen to this woman, but one thing he did know was that in times of need people need comfort, and sometimes white lies can ease the pain.

_________________________________________

Levi and Erwin stood outside the doctor’s office as Y/N sat inside being tended to by a nurse. The doctor shut the door quietly, and joined the two men in the hall. His eyes were solemn and regretful, not wanting to look up at the two incredibly powerful military forces before him. 

“Why was she acting like that? I thought you said she would be healed by now,” Levi grunted, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“The blow to her head severely damaged her limbic system. I’m truly sorry to tell you, but she’s suffering from retrograde amnesia.”

Levi bit back an indecent curse, as Erwin spoke. “So, she can’t remember anything?”

“She still can function normally, but her memories are gone.”

“Everything?” Levi asked shortly, trying to stay calm. He hadn’t expected this after they’d heard of her waking from her coma. He thought that one month without her was long enough, but now it seemed the situation was much, much worse than any of them anticipated. 

“Unfortunately. She does remember a vague sense of the titans and the walls though.”

“What about people? Friends? Family?” Levi anxiously questioned, almost pleading with the doctor to say that she remembered him. Erwin placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and sighed.  The doctor shook his head, and it only buried Levi deeper in his misery. How could she forget everything? 

How was it right that she could forget the years they spent together but he had to live with the memories, all the emotions unreciprocated? It was cruel for fate to do this to him.

Erwin asked finally, “Is there any chance of her regaining her memories?”

“Perhaps. Amnesia, anything involving the brain really, is a tricky matter. My guess is not likely, but there is always a chance.” He sighed and pushed up his glasses. “Would either of you like to sit and talk with her? Being around familiar things can boost memory in patients.”

They walked into the room calmly, and the woman peered up at them, a small smile gracing her lips. Levi felt his heart jump to his throat, and he had to swallow down his feelings. She was rightfully so the most beautiful human being to ever walk within the walls. Her smile, seeing it for the first time in so long, it made him so happy. If only this was a happy scene, though.

"Ah! Finally some visitors. All I've seen is nurses and doctors for the past what? Five hours?"

“”Hello, miss Y/N. I am Erwin Smith, the commander of the Survey Corps as well as your long time friend.”

“Really? How did I manage to be friends with someone so distinguished?” she laughed, but in all seriousness, she didn’t know. “They told me I was a great soldier, is that true? If anyone would know, it’d be you.”

“Great soldier, but might I say, greater friend.”

Her cheeks turned just the slightest bit of pink at the compliment. She smiled at her blankets. “Thanks. Hopefully I get to meet more of my old friends soon. Seems to me like I was quite popular.” Erwin nodded, moving to sit down in the chair beside her bed, revealing Levi behind him. The man was quiet, his eyes dancing around the room without meeting her gaze. “I’m guessing you’re a friend too-”

“Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

“Levi-” Erwin started, but Y/n cut him off.

“They told me about you, Levi! Humanity’s strongest soldier, even better than me,” she laughed, sending him a playful wink. He winced at the sight of her smiling at him, her cheeks just a bit red from happiness. When she winked, he thought he might drop dead right there. Her beautiful eyes, the sparkle that they always held; he wanted them to be his again. “The nurse said you would visit me every morning and night while I was in the coma.”

“Yeah. Do...do you remember anything else about me?”

“Not right now, but the doc says I can get them back at any time.” Always so positive. If only he could think like that too.

The shorter man took a seat at the edge of her bed, staring down at the ring around his finger, twisting it back and forth. The gold was dull by now, he hadn’t polished it in a few months. Her eyes caught sight of the ring and she held back her questions about it.

“So, your name is Levi…”

“Ackerman.”

“Hmm, I see. And we were good friends?”

“Partners.”

She raised a brow, turning her head to Erwin, who nodded to assure she was assuming the right thing. He was certainly a handsome man, but she couldn’t see how someone so bubbly as her could be with someone so serious and quiet. He didn’t even want to make eye contact with her.

Y/N leaned over the edge of the bed to grab a small drawstring bag. “The doctor put all my belongings in this bag. Let me just..” Her swift fingers rummaged around for a few seconds before they enclosed a small, smooth piece of metal. “I’m guessing this is from you, huh?” she asked, pulling the sparkly ring from the bag. 

They had her look through her bag earlier to see if it would spark any memories, to no avail. Yet, she remained curious about the ring. 

“It’s very beautiful, thank you for giving it to me. Do you want it back while I’m-”

“No. Please,” he paused, taking a deep breath. He found himself pleading a lot more than usual these days. It was just sad. “Can you just wear it?”

She slipped the ring on her finger without hesitation. “Of course. I’m sure I loved you very much before the accident, Levi.”

Loved. That’s right. She didn’t love him anymore. She didn’t even know him. 

“Were we married?”

“Practically, but there’s no time for a wedding with our work schedules.”

“I see. Well, it’s nice to meet you again. Hopefully we can become close again soon.”

He frowned, nodding towards the ground. How could fate be this cruel to him? He stood up from the bed and left the room before anyone could stop him. This whole thing, seeing her, it was too much for him. He didn’t want to see her the way she was, and it broke his heart.

That day marked the single worst moment for Levi, above all else. Losing the love of his life.

___________________________________________

Five months later, and a lot of shit happened. But of course, Y/N still couldn't remember anything. He couldn’t do a thing but sit around bitterly, knowing that his lover was lost to him. Others tried to tell him to build their relationship again, but what was the point in that? Their love was built on circumstance: on the wall breaking, on the missions they protected each other, on the nights they spent talking about everything and nothing by the stables.They could never get that back, the same love she once had for him was gone.

He spoke to her, but he didn’t go out of his way to find her, to speak to her. He would rather keep to himself, and if that made him come across as harsh and cruel, then so be it.

He still felt the urge to protect her, the need to maintain what they once had, how he felt for her. He still protected her as if his life depended on it, and he would walk to the ends of the Earth before he saw her die. Yet, he couldn’t be sociable and comfortable like before.

That morning he woke up as usual, got dressed, went about his day, headed to the dining hall for dinner, and ate in silence if not for curses under his breath as he watched the love of his life talk it up with Erwin and Hanji, laughing and smiling as if he wasn’t right there. He knew Hanji could sense his eyes trailing to them with every sip of his tea, and she sent him a sympathetic look. 

The woman felt for her friend and comrade. For 6 years, she witnessed the pair fall in love despite trauma and differences they had. She was there countless times to see Levi lay his life on the line for her, and Y/N do the same for him. There was a change in Levi from the moment those two became friends to the very last day they had together. It made her sad. Love didn’t feel real without these two being there for each other.

Erwin wasn’t as adept, but he saw the pain in humanity’s greatest soldier. He loved Y/N, having known her since they attended training together. He was amazed she lived this long as well, having lost so many soldiers and friends along the way. She was different now. Lost in her own mind half the time, and unreliable on missions. 

But they had to keep waiting. Doctors, the best the walls had to offer, told them the chance of her memories coming back to her were close to zero, but not quite. If there was even a chance their friend would remember them some day, it wasn’t worth abandoning hope.

“Y/N, I totally forgot to tell you. You and Levi need to go check the horses. I think I left the stable door open, I’m not sure, haha,” Hanji rushed to say, wiggling her brows at Levi. She pushed Y/N out of her seat and stacked her plates for her to take to the dishwashers. “Sorry, but it’s just got to be checked.”

“Why does Levi have to-”

“Because you shouldn’t go out at night alone, obviously,” she explained, but stupidly. A soldier couldn’t go out on their own base alone. Y/N nodded obediently, but she really didn’t want to go, especially with him. She twisted the ring on her finger absentmindedly as her friend rushed her to exit the dining hall. Levi followed, but not without sending a twisted glare at the squad leader.

Y/N kept ahead of him, walking briskly as to get the job done quickly. Levi already knew she wasn’t happy going with him and that she generally disliked him. 

It wasn’t until they got to the stables and saw that the gates were in fact closed, locked up, and all the horses were as they should be. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me? She sent us out here for what? Her own amusement?” Y/N said, her voice raising just a bit. She was angry, just enough to put a lump in Levi’s stomach. Before the accident, she never got angry with him, or anyone else. She was just happy to contribute to the cause and help anyone she could, even if the task was as trivial as checking the stables. Y/N would have been happy to take a walk outside at night with Levi. 

In fact, they stood in the same spot they would hang out at night under the stars time and time again. He stared at her now, and wished to god that he could go back in time to when she would cuddle and kiss him under the moon and the stars here. He wanted her to tell him silly stories about her day, and then lean over and pepper kisses to his neck and his cheeks and his nose and call him her baby.

But instead, she hated him for everything he was worth.

“Y/N, Hanji didn’t-”

“Oh, would you just shut up?” she rolled her eyes over to him, her fists clenched at her sides. “You’re literally my only problem right now, You, my supposed lover. Everyone tells me stories about how you loved me, how we fell in love even, yet you treat me like absolute horse shit.”

“Would you just-”

“Would I just what? Continue to pretend you’re not an absolute asshole? You ignore me, you avoid me, you tell people that you miss me, yet you won’t even bother to make an effort? How can someone who loved me so much act this way?” the woman yelled furiously, glaring at him. The sparkle in her eyes vanished the longer she spoke, the longer she was with him.

He grit his teeth for a second trying to keep himself under control, but he couldn’t stand it anymore. “You are the one that’s ruined my life, don’t even try to act like your life is so hard.”

“How dare-”

“In case you didn’t know, you are the only thing I have left. I’ve lost my family, seen hundreds of people die around me. I found you, my sweet and kind princess, the woman I would kill and be killed over. I opened myself up to you, to the idea of loving you, despite what little time we all have left, despite the risks that come with caring about someone.”

“I’m still the same person-”

“No, you’re not. You just fell in love with me, I didn't need to try this hard. It was natural that we come together after everything we had been through. When I thought about the day I would lose you, I expected you to die and for us to bury your body and for it all to be over. I could move on knowing I did everything I could to protect you and love you,” he gasped for air, so angry he forgot to breathe. His eyes burned into hers which were slowly widening, lips just agape. He took a deep breath and continued, “Do you know how much it hurts to see you walking around, talking to people, knowing that you are right there for me to touch and love, yet you will never love me again, not the way it was? Do you really, Y/N?”

“Levi...I’m sorry.”

He rubbed his face with his hand, covering his eyes in shame. He didn’t mean to be so emotional, to make a pathetic attempt at forcing the blame on her. “Sorry for what? You didn’t do anything for it to be this way. You’re just living like anyone else, I’m the one wallowing in my own misery. I’m the one that should be sorry.”

“I know. I-I want more than anything to remember everything. I want to remember you and how much you loved me like everyone says, like you say. I just...I don’t know how. Levi, I’m so sorry.”

He let his arms fall to his sides limply, not having anything else left to say really. “Even though you’re right in front of me, I miss you,” he whispered. “I just miss you.”

Y/N stepped forward, wrapping her arms around his waist and pulling him into a gentle hug. He tensed for a moment before falling into the hug, wrapping his arms around her shoulder and neck, pulling her form as close to him as possible. He missed her touch, her warm hugs by the stables. He would never say he missed the little intimacies, that was too much for him. Yet, these moments fueled him to wait for her, as long as she needed.

“Maybe it will never be the same. I’m sorry for that, Levi. I want to be friends with you. I long to know what the old me saw in you for so long. I wish I remembered what happened to spark something between us. I know it’s all still there somewhere, whether we have that history or not.” Silence from him, just faint breaths against her shoulder. “But it will be okay.”

It’ll be okay.

________________________________________________

Six months after she lost her memory, six months of feeling like a burden to the corps, Y/N stood outside the castle with a few of the cadets and Hanji, watching as she tried more experiments on Eren. She leaned back against a tree and shut her eyes, taking in a breath of the fresh air. So much had happened over the past months that she nearly forgot she lost her memories all those months ago. Wall Rose was sealed, the titan shifters had left for the time being. It seemed like everything was at peace, or that time was just standing still.

In the middle of the peace, the sunlight shining down on her and her friends through leaves in the trees, through the warmth of the summer sun. her mind seemed to piece itself together, if only parts. Her world shifted together once again.

Flashbacks played over in her mind, one after the other, hundreds of memories flooding in so quickly. She stumbled forward a few steps, pressing a hand to her lips to hold back her gasp. Hanji hadn’t noticed as she was too focused on Eren, but Jean gave her a particularly strange look after noticing her.

“Y/N-san, you good?” the boy called to her.

Thankfully, no one noticed except him, and she just waved him off. “It’s nothing. Just have to go to the bathroom.” As she walked away, more and more memories flooded into her head, not everything. She felt millions of tiny pieces of her story were missing here and there, but she could remember enough.

Memories of her mother and her father in her childhood house. Memories of school, cadet training. Erwin, Eren, Hanji, her squad, the titans, the expeditions, her favorite foods and stories and books. 

But most of all, she remembered Levi.

_______________________________

The night was soldiering on, yet Y/N could not sleep. Her stomach churned every few moments and she felt a headache coming up at the same time. Something had been bothering her for the past week, actually, make that the past few months. She was a seasoned soldier, yet she was letting emotions cloud her mind. Her exercises were coming up short and clumsy, and she had a hard time focusing on paperwork or the commander’s orders. 

The only thing on her mind was a man, particularly short with a sharp tongue and the abilities of a godly warrior. It had been two years since she met him, two long years of fighting and struggling to live amongst the chaos ensuing. He was her only source of hope and light in this cruel world.

Slowly, she rolled out of her bed and wrapped herself in her blanket, leaving the room and shutting the door silently. She didn’t want to wake anyone else for them to ask what she was up to long after midnight. She stepped down the hall carefully, keeping her head hung just a bit. In hindsight, she shouldn’t have been scared at all. She knew just as well as he did what they were meant to be. It was obvious to everyone. 

Yet there were always variables. Death was inevitable, no one lived to die of old age anymore. They were busy beyond belief, always rushing around to get things done, fight titans, protect the people of the walls. It was high stress, which didn’t leave much thought for anything else. She had the mind to think about everything but her priorities, unfortunately.

She walked across the yard in the cold night to the men’s barracks, definitely not where she was supposed to be. She could probably be in a bit of trouble with Erwin if someone snitched on her, but her consequences wouldn’t be dire.

And as she approached the room, her body tensed. It was so quiet in the night that she could almost hear the sound of her heart beating ferociously in her chest. Softly, with the tips of her fingers, she knocked on his door. When he didn’t answer, she could only laugh to herself, of course he couldn’t hear her weak knocks. 

She was just so scared. Maybe if he didn’t answer the door, then she could forget all about this and never confess what she was thinking. 

Gathering some of that Survey Corps courage, she knocked a little harder on the door. Rustling sound from in the room, and the woman cringed, shutting her eyes and taking a few quick breaths. It would be fine, she assured herself. It’s not that big of a deal.

When the door opened and Levi looked into her eyes, rightfully confused, she lost all her thoughts. The hours she had spent rehearsing what she wanted to say were thrown out the window.

“Y/N? What the hell are you doing here?” he whispered, his eyes sliding to check down the hall left and right for anyone watching. 

Her mouth opened, lips opening and closing like fish. He took her wrist and yanked her into his room, shutting the door behind them. 

“Is something wrong?” he asked, still holding her wrist in his iron tight grip. Y/N shook her head and sighed, turning to look at the wall instead of him. “Don’t tell me you had a nightmare or something-”

“Levi, I love you. I-I don’t know how else to tell you, and Hanji said outright was the best way and...well, I don’t know.”

“Love?”

“Yeah.”

“Stay with me tonight?”

Her face turned to stare at him incredulously, her cheeks turning an all-telling pink. “What?”

“I anticipated this, to be honest. You’re very emotional.” He crossed his arms, trying his best not to lose his cool composure like she had. He’d gone to the same evil scientist for love advice about Y/N a month before. His heart felt like it would explode, and his cheeks were threatening to turn red and his palms to sweat. But he would remain cool. Y/N was always the one to be open with her more embarrassing emotions. Coolly, he replied, “Hanji told me you would do this, and then she told me to tell you to stay the night with me.”

“Hanji...that double-crossing bastard.”

He rubbed a hand over his eyes, feelings of drowsiness still running through his head after just waking up. “Listen, I just want to hold you and fall asleep so stay with me.”

It only took a second to think it over before Y/N nodded. He walked over to his bed, scooting over to the side against the wall so she would have room. They had tiny beds, almost cots, but thankfully being a captain warranted a slightly bigger one. She sunk down into his bed and rolled over to face him. His sheets and pillows smelt so clean and new, just like his clothes did every day. It was comforting, and she felt the smell lulling her to sleep.

“So, the feelings are mutual?” she finally asked, although her answer was already quite clear.

Levi just sighed, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close to his chest. “Always so stupid.”

__________________________________________

“Levi?” Y/N asked as she entered the man’s office without even knocking. She was practically bouncing with each step, energy bound up inside.

He didn’t bother peeking up from his desk, just checking more things off his paperwork. “Yes, Y/N?”

She didn’t really know what to say, truthfully. She could only stand there for moment, and think herself so stupid for not remembering him. Looking back on how she acted while she was recovering, how she acted like a stranger to him for so long, and now that seemed ridiculous. They had history. Thousands of moments that she forgot. 

Without thinking much else, she bluntly said the only thing on her mind, “Stay the night with me.”

He lifted his eyes from his paperwork, narrowing his brows. “Excuse me?” 

“You said that the first time I told you I loved you. You-You were too nervous to actually tell me you loved me so you said that instead,” Y/N rushed to say. “I remembered.”

As Levi looked up at the woman he loved, the one he never stopped loving this whole time, he noticed the sparkle in her eyes had returned. Her cheeks were dusted pink and she looked out of breath from excitement. He didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t expected this, and honestly he never thought he would hear her recall those times again.

“I remember you. Not everything yet, but I remember being in love with you. I remember how you loved me.”

He stood from his desk to walk over to the woman who was overflowing with so many words and thoughts and emotions that he thought she might burst. He rested his hands on her cheeks, bringing her eyes up to meet his. He could see, for the first time in forever, the way her eyes shone with love and affection for only him. She brought her hands up to rest on his, heat rising up to turn her ears red. 

Even though they were practically married before, she felt anxious and embarrassed being so close to him and touching him again. It was like she had just fallen in love again, a giddy young woman with so much ahead of her. Levi touching her, it made her feel something again. His warmth radiating onto her chilled skin; it was all she needed to go crazy.

God, did she miss having these feelings. The feeling of being in love is one of the most pleasant mankind has ever felt.

“Levi, I’m back.”

“God, I missed you. I really fucking missed you.”

And as she wrapped her arms around him once again, feeling his heart beating against her ear, she remembered what it felt like to be Y/N. A woman who was loved and important, someone with a history of good deeds and hard work. It was worth waiting six months, just to feel this bliss once again.

They would be together as long as they had left, and every minute would be cherished. War would come. Deaths would surface. But at least they had the present.

[finalfrontierpioneer]

2020 Fic Recs

Okay, I did a fic rec list last year for 2019, and nobody asked for this, but you know what, I’m gonna do another one. Really the only thing I wanna look back on about 2020 is the fic- bc damn there were some good ones!

Same as last year, these are fics that were completed in 2020. (So no in-progress fics here)

So here goes, 20 fic recs for 2020, in no particular order! And full disclosure, these are all totally different ratings/pairings/whatever.

I tried to tag all the authors who had tumblrs, but i probably missed some, and some of them aren’t actually working but hey! the username is there!

Some stucky bc of course

Sharpened Claws by tragicama (Explicit)

Steve Rogers has a unique talent of getting himself into danger. As one of New York City’s best homicide detectives, it isn’t easy to ignore the constant call of trouble and gore. At least, that’s what he tries to tell his overprotective and brooding boyfriend, Bucky Barnes, even if he knows it might be a lie.

Bucky is dangerous, gorgeous. . .and a werewolf. As the Alpha of New York City, he is easily considered the most powerful being in the world. But when Bucky begins to lose his control over his shift, he slowly becomes aware of a bond that sends him reeling, and one he’d never thought possible.

But everything is not as it seems. After a homicide case unleashes a sequence of events that neither Steve nor Bucky are prepared for, they soon find themselves entangled with a danger that threatens to rip them apart. With the help of Steve’s partner and best friend, Sam, Bucky and Steve navigate a dark web of pack politics, masquerade balls, and a crash course in what it means to be a pack, even as a greater danger looms. And one that might succeed in ripping them apart.

These Happy Gilded Years by crinklefries @spacerenegades, nalonzoo (Teen)

Steve Rogers, handsome, clever, and rich, with a comfortable home and mostly happy disposition, had lived twenty-three years in the world with very little to distress or vex him.

( Steve is wealthy and and charming, with good humor and good temper, doted upon by his mother and the highest of New York Society, with no one to ever criticize or say the word no to him. Well, other than Bucky. But he doesn't count.

He is also warm and friendly and has a talent for matchmaking. Or so he thinks. Actually, he's kind of terrible at it.

Importantly, Steve will definitely never fall in love or marry, himself. He tells everyone this, repeatedly. Well anyway, we'll see about that. )

Jane Austen's Emma, but a little gayer, set in 1890s Gilded Era New York City

Demon Seed by SucculentHyena (Mature)

[Transcript 00:11:48]

MS: You were with him the most throughout the course of events, both before and after. Your account could shed light on something we may have missed.

JB: What difference will that make?

MS: It could make all the difference. Captain Rogers’ case is unprecedented, he’s the most intact victim we’ve ever recovered-

JB: [laughing] You call that intact?

A Noble Steed by alby_mangroves @albymangroves or @artgroves, leveragehunters (Teen)

"You say the Warhorse showed up last night," Sam said in tones of profound doubt.

"Yeah," Steve replied.

"The Warhorse. The Warhorse of legend. Daelland's Warhorse."

"The same as the one on the back of the transit card, yes."

"And he appeared in your living room?"

Steve eyed the Warhorse, very large and very black and giving him a dubious look out of his strange grey eyes. "He's standing in it right now."

"Uh huh," Sam said.

"Hey, I'm not any happier about it than you are."

* * *

Steve's mom had left Daelland long before he was born, following her heart to New York, but she'd raised him on stories of its famous Warhorse. Before she died, he'd promised he'd go back and learn the country she'd come from.

That was why he was in Daelland. Not so Daelland's legendary Warhorse could appear in his living room. But planned or not that's what had happened—now Steve had to figure out what to do about it.

a hat, a horse (a Hyundai), and the will to ride by elkane @elkane, synonym4life @synonym-for-life (Explicit)

After Steve and Bucky rescue their pals from the Raft prison, they decide to dig deeper into Zemo’s involvement in the UN headquarters’ bombing which sends them on a backpacking trip across select European countries. Steve and Bucky believe this is a story about their mission. Scott Lang and Sam Wilson, who join them halfway through, believe it’s a story about their Eurotrip (and they’re probably right). This writer, however, has been waiting to tell you that the fic’s true mission is Steve and Bucky missioning towards missionary.

Follow them on their journey across Europe in tiny cars, packed subway trains and even on skis as they tumble down the Swiss Alps (in a fun way this time!), all the while reigniting untold feelings of the past through inappropriate sexual encounters and terrible communication skills.

someday at christmas (there’ll be no wars) by stevebuckiest @stevebuckyinc (not rated)

A mission on Christmas. Not even on Christmas, technically. A mission after Christmas which means he and Steve and the Howlies will be trekking through the tundra towards possible death on what used to be Bucky’s favorite day of the year. Jesus Christ.

(alternatively: bucky and steve try to make the best of a shitty situation)

the cabin by natalie_nebula (Explicit)

It felt like he… It felt like they were always so close. Everything seemed like it was under control. He remembers hearing Wanda’s voice, seeing a flash of red out of the corner of his eye. He remembers yelling something back at her, telling her to stop, to not come any closer. He remembers a bright flash, then a boom, and ringing in his ears. He remembers a black blur, and hands on his back, around his waist, then—darkness…

After the explosion in Lagos, Steve wakes up in a cabin in the middle of nowhere, and all he knows is that Bucky's the one who brought him there. While Sam, Nat, and the other Avengers try to figure out what happened to their friend, Steve takes the time away to heal—both his relationship with Bucky, and with himself. My cozy, romantic, and introspective Civil War rewrite.

Every Feeling by Nestri (Explicit)

Steve completely surprises Bucky with a visit, scent thick with heat. The Alpha keeps his hands to himself until Steve makes it clear he doesn't want him to.

Halbarry!

A Speedster and a Space Cop get into a Car by ChocolateTeapots @chocolateteapotsvis (Teen)

Hal and Barry embark on their most perilous mission yet: picking Wally up from the airport.

For Halbarry Week, Day 3: First Times “And you just called me Barry, genius”

Crosswind by Cinderstrato (Explicit)

Hal had collected plenty of regrets over the years. What was the weight of one more?

Just A Mark by the_butler @the-butler-fanstuff (Mature)

“What a nerd.”

Barry had been haunted by these words all his life, seeing as they were his soulmate’s mark. It came out during puberty, just like everyone else’s, but by then he was already well on the way to being a ‘nerd’ so to speak. He wasn’t just some guy claiming to be nerd because he was into Dungeons and Dragons or anime, oh no. He was a bona fide science nerd- went to interstate science fairs and competitions even.

—————(Originally a one-shot, now continued)——————

Barry Allen was working at the forensics lab of Central City PD when it waltzes the new transfer from Coast City, Detective Hal Jordan, not just into the lab but also into his life. There’s the matter of them being soulmates- but Barry is unconvinced. Science tells him there’s a likely chance that they’re just platonic soulmates, so Hal suggests an experiment of sorts: they go on three dates, and then decide whether or not they’re just platonic, or something more.

Tired by ceelolights @ceeloilights (Gen)

Hal comes home to Barry still working late into the night.

Last but most certainly not least, Jeronica:

The long way round to heaven by Bearfacedcheek (Mature)

“This could screw everything up. Jesus why couldn’t you just, fucking not?”

“I did just fucking not Jughead,” she retorts hotly. “I’ve been not for months. No one was ever supposed to know, least of all you. So, don’t blame me for what you saw when you invaded a private moment.”

“Oh, my bad Veronica,” sarcasm, his most comfortable armour, wraps itself around his words. “Did my near-death experience compromised your privacy? I’m sorry that my spirit took an astral fucking walk out of my almost corpse and y-”

“Don’t,” she gasps. Her hand flies to her mouth and it trembles visibly as she draws it away. “Don’t say that. Jesus Jughead we almost lost you.”

sadder, badder, cooler by thefudge @thefudge (Teen)

AU. Just who is Veronica's mysterious new husband? (based on season 5 spoilers)

all i’ll ever need is you by whatacoolkid @whatacoolkid (Teen)

jughead and veronica but make it ✨christmas✨

destined to be forgotten by bothromeoandjuliet @kindnessinpain2000 (Teen)

There are plenty of broken things in Riverdale - broken families, broken trust, broken hearts - but in the middle stands the two most broken things of all, Veronica Lodge and Forsythe 'Jughead' Jones.

(Jughead and Veronica learn about the Barchie kiss - this is the aftermath)

I Really (Don’t) Know What I Want by Bella_Dahlia @bella-dahlia (Mature)

There were many potential disasters to befall an average weirdo high school student; when one had an active imagination and a love for John Hughes films, as Jughead Jones did, you sort of assumed you had foresaw the possibilities. Plus, after solving a sordid murder and joining a gang, he really thought he gone through his fair share of teenaged trauma.

Having to fake a relationship to save his best friend from dedicating his life to a mafia and getting punched repeatedly in the process definitely had not crossed his mind before now.

——————————————

Or, Jughead and Veronica don’t really know what they’ve gotten themselves into.

all the lovers with no time for me by Krewlak (Mature)

jeroncia goes to stonewall. that's it. that's the fic.

call it what you want to by an_expensive_imagination (Teen)

“First things first,” Veronica says, reaching up to slide the ever-present gray beanie off his head, “no beanies in college.”

And here’s a one off random spideypool:

Shooting For Your Heart by X_Gon_Give_It (Teen)

“In my defense, I didn’t expect you to get hurt.”

“And I didn’t expect to be run out of town, yet here we are.”

He went suddenly stiff, “Wait...you were run out of town?”

“As if you didn’t know,” Peter grumbled, but when he looked up he did a double-take at Wade's confused expression. “Almighty, you really don’t know, do you?” he snapped the drawer shut, “Well, after that little fiasco by Two-Stone Canyon, a little rumor spread that me and you were in cahoots. The rumor got some ground and it turned the whole town against me. I was run out before I could defend my case. Why'dya think I was out there the other night to begin with?”

<><><><><><>

When Peter Parker, a deputy known as Webslinger, gets accused of working with the West's deadliest outlaw he finds himself on the run from the people he once trusted. In an effort to prove his innocence, he finds himself captured by the very outlaw tarnishing his name.

[advernia]

What do you think would happen if Alice had fallen into Cradle with her child? I’m particularly curious about Sirius and Luka OwO

in general i’d say the presence of the mother-child combination in cradle would (rather, should) raise the tension higher because two people from the land of reason = two people who can repel magic, yeehaw. i think that gives the magic tower more incentive to be aggressive point blank bc 1) two magic repellers = greater chances of world domination plans being thwarted, 2) on the other hand they will make excellent test subjects, 3) them being blood-related + different ages (and possibly genders) opens more avenues for varied forms of experimentation, and 4) more ways to enter the land of reason, hella rad.

there’s probably more but morbid thoughts aside... here’s some general scenarios!

sirius:

he grew up having lotsa siblings + if you count the black army as the whole he’s raised a lot of brats lmao, so alice having a kid doesn’t faze him the slightest!

in the prologue where ray ends up catching alice, sirius ends up catching her kid instead. thinks the kid’s five years old or something. sirius is about to ask the child some basic questions, but the kid suddenly points to a running blanc so whoops. before the strange pair go rushing after blanc, kid says a thank you, mister! and that earns immediate brownie points because the! kid! called! me! mister! and sirius proceeds to make that veeeery clear to ray lol. maybe to fenrir and seth too, later.

so after all the prologue drama, alice & the kid formally introduce themselves as mother & child to the black army. there’s a few murmurs of reallys and awwws because tbh alice looked rather young to be a mother but oh well. it doesn’t change sirius’ welcoming and accommodating approach, though he keeps more tabs on the child because honestly...

a young child in the barracks... where there’s a stocked armory + shiny magic crystals... ridiculous brats - ehem, grown men prone to showing off + creating trouble... yeah. though it’s really not a hassle on sirius’ part to somewhat act like a babysitter, he gets to suffer being teased about nonsense like paternal instincts coming to life in full force lol!

though seriously speaking, he’s very careful not to ask / bring up the biggest subject of them all: alice’s husband (if there’s even one to speak of, ooh). on the kiddo’s side of course, it’s already hard enough that someone so young suddenly ends up in a strange place + gets their mother and themselves threatened by a whole goddamn army (sirius, to lancelot: i stg what are u doing???) + has to live out a whole month in a new environment all of a sudden, so he believes the least that he & the black army can do is keep the child comfortable enough so that the feeling of fear would be lessened, get a sense of comfort going on. sirius definitely can’t blame the kiddo if they start crying out for their father/home though - though he knows it’s not his fault + can’t do anything much, he’ll feel bad about the fact that he can’t do much for the child’s homesickness.

he’s not going to broach the topic on alice either - if alice wanted to talk, then he’d do his best to listen. if she didn’t then he wouldn’t dare ask, it’s a very personal topic after all. who was he to pry into her personal matters when she + her child would be leaving in a month???

so picture this: he did say he’ll help watching over the kid, but there’s not much to do bc her child is good enough. what a little angel, polite and curious and quiet. maybe a little too quiet, withdrawn??? hmmm. either way, the child didn’t seem too (pro)active. or was playful the term sirius was looking for?

like sure, there’s the loud laughs for stupid antics, answers when talked to, smiles and walks around the barracks on their own but... more often than not, the child keeps close to alice or is just around her general line of sight. separation anxiety, maybe??? that’s natural, so okay. or maybe it’s alice who’s always hovering around her child??? either way, there’s nothing odd about that, but upon longer observation...

the kid is just... really responsible / really loves their mom??? alice watering the plants??? quickly looks for another watering can / gets a bucket of water to refill the can with. general cleaning or laundry??? puts a hold on whatever they were doing, rolls up sleeves, gets ready to do some work. prep work for dinner??? peeling’s a bit wonky, but they’re doing their best while trying not to cut themselves...

this strikes off as a bit funny to sirius, because wow, they really are related. where alice is quick to offer her help on all sorts of tasks in the barracks, her child is just a step behind her, little hands willing to do some work. on some tasks, alice does tell her kid that she’ll be alright doing it on her own, but her kid insists doing it alongside her anyway. and that there, that’s a very alice thing to do, too. sirius - heck, maybe the black army would know that by now as well, lol, considering how alice flutters around the barracks looking for something to do if she’s not having some alone time + private time with her child.

though, as much as the help was appreciated... it doesn’t sit well with sirius that the mother & child are spending most of their hours working rather than enjoying themselves in cradle. he thinks it’s a shame, especially for the kid. back when sirius was younger, he would...... then he’d go to....... and then sometimes he’d.............

.... right. if the guests wouldn’t relax themselves, then sirius would take it upon himself to show them a good time. it doesn’t have to be through big events, it doesn’t have to be everyday, it doesn’t need to be through fancy or expensive gifts either...... if only just to see both of them smile more often, then it’s definitely worth the time thinking about.

more bonus points if he’d get to see alice’s kid start acting like... well, a child! while there’s nothing wrong with being responsible or wanting to help, a kid should definitely experience all sorts of things, explore what they can, and most of all, enjoy themselves.

that’s what it means to be young, and alice should do the same as well... being in cradle is their adventure, after all! they’re not completely unrelated to the war but..... if anything else, sirius wants to fulfill the black army’s promise of precting them until the full moon comes around, and when that day comes.... he hopes the two have made a ton of good memories of their stay in cradle.

......... funny that this guy’s thinking about how make the two relax when he can’t even stop and do that for himself lmaooooo 

luka:

lol he starts off the same as he’s always been in most routes: shying away + nothing much to say to the parent/child combo now suddenly under their wing.

though, he does keep watch of their eating habits on the first days of their stay: alice eats anything + everything so that’s a relief, she’s adjusting. now if only he can say the same for her child....

imagine alice’s kid still being uncomfortable & cranky a few days in cradle + black army company, refuses to eat much even though his mom’s urging him to. breaks into a tantrum one day, saying that i wanna eat mama’s cooking instead! or something similar for everyone in the dining room to hear before storming out. ooh. there’s a brief silence - most stares land on luka, who isn’t really offended.

..... well, okay, so maybe it did sting a little bit. alice apologizes to luka before going away to calm her kid down. fenrir + ray tell him not to worry about it, seth + sirius muse about the kid feeling all homesick / sensitive. cue other soldiers saying something about puberty (whut lol). or y’know, kids being kids.

luka tries thinking about the kid’s situation for a bit. away from home, living in a whole new environment, surrounded by a whole lot of other people with attitudes and faces way different from those around at home... huh. that kinda sounds like himself in a way, except that the away from home bit on luka’s part was a voluntary choice.

having realized that, luka has a better guess of what the kid might be feeling. overwhelmed, definitely. from a very hostile welcome with handcuffs + the red army carrying the threat of death, suddenly being surrounded by the kindness of the black army is a total 360. must feel unreal, suspicious, even. the sight of real weapons around, the existence of magic and all that, unknowingly having a power so strong the whole country fears it. sounds like too much too process for a child.

..... alright, but looking at alice’s kid being unfriendly + clingy to alice 24/7 + being such a crybaby also reminds luka of... uh, himself, when he was younger. not to his own mother, but to... well, jonah, ugh. it’s not an easy pill to swallow (it takes grudging acceptance), but at least luka gets to know why he always felt some pang of irritation looking at the child.

so the next time the kid starts crying over something/causes trouble for alice, luka surprises everyone in the room by taking the initiative to scold the kid for acting so selfish. tough call, by the way - the child is wow, stubborn as hell + likes to keep the waterworks going while screaming; luka’s got a pretty good idea of what he wants to say but is having trouble getting it across properly and in a less menancing manner, so in short its a mess. witnesses ray blackwell + fenrir godspeed find the whole scene sorta funny though, much support lol.

alice wants to cut in, but sirius + seth tell her to leave it to luka, who seems to be winning since her kid’s running out of energy from crying & shouting at the same time. luka seems to be calming down too, because his tone + volume + facial expression is getting less stern. this seemed like a good time to mosey out of the scene so sirius ushers the audience to go away lmao, even the worried mother (who, decides to eavesdrop instead. no one has the heart to pull her away... so they hover around the doorway with her too.)

not arguing with luka anymore, the upset kid starts to babble of nightmares about the scary men in red with their sharp swords, not wanting to sleep because maybe when they close their eyes mama might suddenly be gone and they’re all alone, the scary feeling of losing mama to strangers, and the list goes on and on. its a collection of fears + worries of a child, and luka’s patient enough to listen. in fact, he smiles wryly when there’s mentions of monsters under the bed: it’s embarrasing, but luka used to cry over that too.

... seeing the kid bawl their eyes out like this, luka really is reminded of his younger self. the clinginess, sudden outbursts, the fear of maybe one day, they’ll be left behind and will be all alone. luka might be speculating the kid’s feelings, but more than anyone else, luka would be the closest one who could relate to what the kid was going through because.......... he acted that way towards jonah, back when they were younger.

he wonders if they’ve mentioned any of this to alice, even if just the smallest of their fears. he wonders how long they’ve been bothered over those fears, if they’ve been sleeping well at night. with all those questions in his mind, luka’s not so sure what to say; how to comfort the child.

he still tries though, even if his words come out a bit clumsy, even if the kid’s still sniffling all the way through the process. it’s a quiet moment, one that lasts till the child has cried themselves to sleep. they just stay that way for awhile, the kid resting their head on luka’s arm, until luka decides to carry the child back to their room........ alice must be worried.

..... she is, actually. when she and luka talk, she keeps quiet of her eavesdropping. luka doesn’t tell her everything either, because he believed that some of the things they talked about are better said by the kid themselves rather than him relaying the message to alice.

there’s nothing much to say after that, so luka goes on his way. alice says a very sincere thank you before he goes. she... has a lot of other things to say other than just that, but.... maybe another time. maybe when she’s plucked up the courage.

anyway, after all that alice’s kid seems to have gotten off their... spoiled phase, lol. still a little clingy to alice, but is getting less prickly + talking to others now. most notable development though, is if the child isn’t around their mother......... they could be seen hanging around luka.

.......... cue comments on how heartwarming it is to see a young child tottering around luka like a little duckling. luka does not appreciate the teasing. especially when it comes from seth + fenrir because why are their grins so big??????? but he doesn’t say anything against the kid following him around lol.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #467

“oh, mary, mary, ain’t this fun?  /  mary, mary, i’ve got a gun”

If the last person you kissed asked you to marry them, what would you do? Pray to god it wasn't in public and tell him it's waaaay too soon for that one. Does your favorite uncle have any children? Yeah, a son and daughter. Name all the members (first, middle and last names) from your favorite band. Ha, it's funny how once upon a time, I could do this. All I've got now is John Michael Osbourne. Have you ever heard a young child swear? Maybe? Have you ever seen someone get a piercing/tattoo?: Yes to both. Has a taste of something ever made you smile? Boy meet me at The Cheesecake Factory and see what my face does lmaooo As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? I wanted to be a paleontologist sooo badly. I wanted to discover new dinosaurs, put a shitload of work into unearthing fossils and being so proud to see the final results... Even now as an adult, if I could handle the heat, traveling, and hardcore school, I'd still love to do that. Would you cuss the person you hate the most out to their face? No. My hatred for her is unjustified and I'd rather just not say anything to her. Have you ever spent more than two weeks in a wheelchair? No. Where do you see your closest friend in ten years? As one of the strongest people around. I imagine her with a job in medical coding, while also pursuing the hobbies of ball python breeding and writing. I'm sure she'll have loads of pets to love, too! Do you like Florence + The Machine? I've never listened to them. Did you watch the presidential debates? No. Do you ever watch Dr. Phil? No. Are you typically unattracted to people outside of your race? No; I can be attracted to any race. Have you ever ridden any animal other than a horse? No. Do you brush your hair when it’s wet? Yes. Do you eat the crusts of your bread? Yeah, I always have. Have you ever flown a kite? Yeah! At my childhood home, there was a tobacco field directly across the street, and when they weren't in season so the field was flat, Dad would help us with getting kites set up and in the air. Those are good memories. How are you for money? I don't make any money. Mom is struggling. Do you think you are more intelligent than the average person? Ha, no. Do you ever think about why we are here? Does it matter? We're here, so make the most of it. Do you like cherries? I fucking hate cherries. Name a celebrity that you admire that nobody would expect you to: Jeffree Star, probs. Can you use a yoyo? Not well, but yeah. Do you think Jenna Marbles’ videos are funny? I've actually never watched her. Do you like folk music? NOOOOOOOOO Ever had a crush on somebody of the same sex? Yes. Do you know any lesbians? Yep. Favourite member of your favourite band: I'm unfamiliar with all but Ozzy himself. And Ozzy is rad. Who’s your favourite female rapper? I don't have one. When you were younger, were you ever in a relationship with someone you now realize was way too old for you? No. Have you ever had a seizure? No. I sometimes have very, very quick spasms when I'm falling asleep that feel like what I assume a seizure would, but they barely last a second. They seriously jerk me awake, though, and are very startling. What’s the oldest man-made object you own? I dunno. Is there anything you feel like you need a break from? Not really, no. What do you hate to hear people joke about? I will actually and remorselessly deck you in the jaw if you make a joke about rape. There are other things that are absolutely forbidden joking matters for me, too. What’s the largest animal you’ve seen in the wild? Hmmm... Nothing that big, really. Maybe a whitetail deer buck? Do any of your friends or family members have strange occupations? Not to my knowledge. Have you ever been in weather so severe that you feared for your safety? Oh yeah. We've had some savage thunderstorms. What political issues are the most important to you personally? LGBTQ+ rights and just equality in general, the pro-choice movement, environmental conservation, gun control, the abolishment of poverty and homelessness... There is honestly a lot. I could keep going. Do you know anyone who doesn’t know how to cook even just simple recipes? ... Me. :x Especially now that I'm in a relationship, I really want to make a greater effort to learn. I want to prove to him I give a damn about the success of our relationship and that I'm capable of being an adult that can take part in general adult responsibilities. ^What’s stopping them from learning this basic life skill? Laziness. Forgetfulness. The fear of getting burned. What small thing makes you automatically distrust someone? I can pick up on sketchy body language from a mile away. I'm too paranoid not to. Of all the states/provinces in your country, which one is your favorite? At least from photographs I've seen, Utah appears BEAUTIFUL. That whole region of the U.S. in general. Are there any obscure foods you’ve eaten that most people have never tried? That's very unlikely. I'm far from explorative with food. When you travel to other countries, do you always try the local cuisine? I've never been outside the U.S. I would probably do that, though. I'd really want to experience the culture as thoroughly as I could. What did you do for your 19th birthday? Hell if I remember. What’s the kindest thing a total stranger has done for you? I remember as a young kid, my parents, two sisters, and I were getting food at McDonald's, and whoever was in front of us paid for our meals. Such a sweet gesture for a larger family. Have you ever used a meal kit delivery service? No, but there actually is one that I can't recall the name of that I'd like to try when I cook myself, especially getting started learning, but yeah, subscription fees. You see a lot of YouTubers get sponsored by them, if that rings a bell. Do you have any psychological issues rooted in events from your childhood? Possibly my fear of men, with my dad having been an alcoholic that had a 50/50 chance of being very angry when drunk. How organized are the files on your computer? Pretty organized, I'd say. I put stuff into folders. Would you date someone with braces? Yes? Do you ever rehearse conversations before you have them? Only always. Do you get angry at yourself or at others more often? Myself, for sure. When taking a cab, do you talk to the driver? I've never even taken a cab. Who or what greets you at the door every time you come home? Nobody, really. My cat is occasionally in the living room to see who's home, but not always because he's a lazy cat, ha ha. Do you ever chat about your favourite video games with your friends? Not really, no. I wish. Have you ever supported anyone’s Kickstarter? If so, what was it? No, bc I'm poor. Are you currently studying a language? If so, which one? No. Ever had a friend online for a long time without seeing a photo of them? Yeah. Do you carry pepper spray? No, but I want some 'cuz I'm paranoid as hell. Are you waiting on anything right now? No. Have you ever been described as shy? Is it true? Oh, always. It's absolutely true. Name something you’re a complete sucker for? Baby animals, to name one thing. Do you remember when you first went on the internet? Nope. What is one way someone could completely put you off on a first date? Arrogance/over-confidence. What about a way someone could make you like them more on a first date? Make me genuinely laugh a lot, to name one way. Are you in love right now? Not yet. I love him with our decade of history, but I need more experience as a couple before I've got the confidence to say that. Do you wanna get married anytime soon? It wouldn't be smart to. I want to be in a strong relationship for quite a few years before I want that. Have you ever kissed someone in a band? No. Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear? No but oh my fucking god I wish!!!!!! Did your mom or dad ever put soap in your mouth? No, but Mom would threaten to. What was the last fruit you ate? Well, I had strawberry yogurt earlier today. Who was the last person to make you laugh? Girt. He is very, very good at that. Have you ever dated someone with more piercings than you? No. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Hell yeah man. Is there one night of your life you wish had never happened? I wish it hadn't happened the way it did. Do you have a close relationship with your sibling(s)? No. What was the last thing that you shared? Some watermelon Sour Patch Kids with my mom. Do you think people talk behind your back? You couldn't get me to believe my mom doesn't at least sometimes to my sisters even if you tried your absolute damnedest. In real life do you laugh like ‘haha,’ 'hehe’ or something else? It depends on what I'm laughing at/at what intensity. Do you have any unusual skills? Nah. Who’s your favourite person? I don't have a sole favorite person. I love many people in different ways for varying reasons. Are there any chores you actually enjoy doing? No. When did you last have an "Oh, I get it now!" moment? Watching Attack on Titan yesterday w/ Girt. Have your parents ever suspected something untrue about you? My mom HAD to have suspected I was doing something FAR worse than innocent meerkat RP to have borderline fucking traumatized me invading my privacy and forcing shit out of me regarding what I was always doing on the computer so secretively. Like I get it, she was a concerned mother, but I was a fucking WRECK because I found it so embarrassing. It was insulting that she didn't trust her well-behaved daughter. What do you think about video games? They're great for both the creators and consumers. They're wonderful expressions of creativity, and so much fun to experience as a player, delving into a new world and getting engrossed in the story. I could go onnnn and onnnnn about what video games mean to me. I've gone my whole life as a loyal gamer. Are there any forms of Art you personally find pointless? I really, really don't get a lot of abstract art that's worth fucking thousands, BUT, I absolutely disagree that they are without purpose. The artist created what they did for SOME reason. As a distraction, a method of expressing emotion, to convey an idea... Are you tired right now? I have been SO ridiculously tired today. Like it's unreal. I've taken I wanna say three naps and I'm still sleepy. What’s something you do a lot? Drink something. I'm not talking about alcohol; just in general, I ALWAYS need some kind of drink by me, and I go through drinks pretty quickly. Are you currently on any other websites? Yeah, I'm watching YouTube. Are you good at using Photoshop? I'm decent, I guess. Have you ever been told you naturally tilt your head a certain way? Yes, actually, at least by my mom, and she's right. My head tends to tilt VERY slightly to the right, and I can tell by how easy it is to bend my head that way as opposed to left. I'll feel a biiiit more strain.

[gacy-lajla]

Kim Namjoon x nb!Reader || Partner In Crime

Genre: Angst-ish??, Fluff

Warnings: gender/body dysphoria bc the reader is non-binary but still has a female body, mentions of alcohol, I once again wrote this in one go I’m sorry if this thing doesn’t make any sense and has a lot of mistakes-

Word count: 2,347

Summary: You met up with the boys to have some fun together but one thing led to another and you suddenly felt very insecure about who ou were once again. Should you open up?

You looked down your body, or more like tried. Because most of it was covered by a mass you despised seeing every single time you looked down. You took a deep breath but it felt like the fabric on your body restricted you more than usual. Letting your gaze wander across the bathroom you tried ignoring the self hate towards your body. You hadn't have any say in what your genes would create but that didn't make you feel any better. Any more comfortable. And the people you grew up around only made it worse, really. Your mother always wanting you to wear something that'd show off your figure. The figure you didn't want anyone to see. Every time you tried explaining how you felt it was brushed off. People either ignored you or said you wanted to follow a 'trend'. Just remembering this made your eyes sting with tears but you refused letting them fall. You weren't around them any more. But you also didn't tell your new family of friends about how you felt, fearing rejection, the same fate as before. You wanted to tell them, you really did. After one year you thought you'd finally feel brace enough, but alas, here you are, alone in the bathroom of one of your closest friends, shaking.

“I can't do it. I can't tell them, it'll just be the same as back then... but does this really-”

A few sharp knocks on the door had you nearly jumping up from the toilet seat. Taking a deep breath you steeled yourself.

“Yeah, what is it?”, you asked, your voice more steady than you felt.

“I just wanted to check up on you. Is everything alright?”

Hearing Namjoon's deep voice through the door you suddenly felt really small. You really didn't want to lie to him but making him worry about you seemed like the greater evil to you right now.

“I'm good, I'll be out in a few, sorry for taking so long”, you replied a little shakily but it seemed like he didn't notice through the door because he shortly left after a hurried 'okay'. Listening for his retreating steps you let your head fall into your hands, a heavy sigh leaving your lips. You shouldn't make a scene out of nothing, so you decided to finally leave the bathroom. But as luck wanted you to suffer you were met with a body not much taller than you and it only took you a few heartbeats to realise something very wet was sticking to your upper body.

“Oh goodness, I am so sorry I really didn't mean to spill this on you!” Frantically waving his hands in front of his body in an apologetic manner Jimin you noticed his eyes were fixated on the wet spot and you grew more and more insecure by the second, immediately covering your chest and looking away, trying to ignore the strong smell of alcohol coming off of you now.

“It's fine, don't worry, I'll just ask Namjoon for a shirt or something”, you attempted to reassure him with a crooked smile to which he calmed down a little. He must've had a few drinks already, not having noticed your distress from before.

“A-ah, you don't have to ask him, we'll just go and fetch one for you right now, he won't mind, we've all borrowed clothes from each other by now!”

Without having the chance of uttering another word he grabbed you by the hand and pulled you with him towards the leaders room. You were too focussed on not tripping that you didn't notice that you entered it and the smallest member was looking through some of his tops.

“Would you like a shirt or a pullover- oh no, no! Never mind that, you'd look super adorable in one of his sweaters, let me just see- yeah, here you go, put it on!”

He handed you a piece of clothing, looking at you expectantly for some time before realisation washed over him and his face visibly turned redder than before. With a quiet sorry and an embarrassed giggle he left the room, shutting the door behind him. Sighing once more you eyed the dark purple material before shrugging and finally changing out of the soaked shirt you were wearing before. In the process you couldn't help but falter when you spotted your breasts once more – you were currently waiting on your binder to arrive. Swiftly grabbing the new piece of clothing you covered yourself up again, the sweater definitely too big and baggy for you, which actually made you feel more comfortable than before. Your curves got covered and even you couldn't say no to sweater paws. Taking the wet shirt you draped it over a chair in the room, hoping you wouldn't forget it later.

Leaving Namjoon's cave you were met with Jimin's beaming face who quickly enveloped you in a tight embrace, praising your cute looks and whatnot. Chuckling nervously you pushed his giggling form off of you, pointing towards the living room where the other's were at, implying to get back to them and he nodded before taking your hand once more and dragging you with him. He was more touchy than usual which was probably due to the alcohol in his blood.

“Guys, guys, look! Doesn't (y/n) look cute in Namjoon's clothes? She's so adorable, don't you think?”

You couldn't help but tense a little at the pronoun but you reminded yourself that you didn't tell any of them so they couldn't possibly know.

Suddenly very aware of the many sets of eyes on your body you shrunk a little and tugged at Jimin's arm, shielding yourself with his body. You were met with silence at first before you could hear cooing from Jin, Hobi and Taehyung, Yoongi and Jungkook seemed to respect you enough to notice that you were not comfortable with the situation and looked at Jimin with a questioning glance and Namjoon- he looked at you, eyes widened and cheeks aflame. Which probably was due to the alcohol. Nothing else.

“Are you trying to force a girlfriend and Joonie by giving her his clothes now?”, asked Jin, making not only himself but also the others around him burst out laughing. But you only froze, not knowing what to say. Not wanting to say anything because you were most likely going to make this situation escalate and you didn't want to ruin the mood.

“Mmnh, I wish I could say yes, but I accidentally spilled my drink on her – sorry again – and I was sure hyung wouldn't mind because he said he trusts (y/n) more than some of us and besides-”

Jimin was shut up by Namjoon covering his mouth before more could leave his conversation friendly tongue. You were amazed by the sheer speed he possessed, never having seen anything like it before.

“I think you've had enough to drink for tonight.”

You chuckled quietly at that, having the same thoughts about the smallest member. He wrestled the taller man's hand off of his mouth and sent him a playful glare while sitting down. You followed what he did, sitting down next to him. What you didn't expect was Namjoon sitting down next to you as well, leaning in closer than usual, but once again you blamed the alcohol. Nonetheless, combined with the prior comment of Jin you couldn't help but feel your face brighten up in a pinkish colour. The thought of being in a relationship was weird to you but if Namjoon wanted to you'd maybe agree on trying.

“By the way, the sweater looks really good on you. You can keep it, if you want.”

Surprised by the comment leaving his lips you turned to him, eyeing his face for a few seconds. When you finally settled on his eyes you smiled and shoved him playfully.

“Yeah, I'll keep it for the night and give it back after washing it-”

“No, I meant it as- like- you know, you can just, I don't know, have it if you want to- it's not like I can't buy myself a few new ones, I just think it suits you well and I'd like to see you wear it more often, maybe?”

“Joonie, how much did you drink?” You laughed at his dumbfound expression, lifting one of your sweater covered hands to mask your face a little.

“Just a- a few, am I that drunk already?”

“You're just rambling so much, it's cute but I also miss you being spot on with your words”, you answered, him nodding along as you did so. After that there were no more words exchanged between you two, instead you engaged in a group discussion on capitalism and communism which may or may not has been introduced by Yoongi.

“Okay, I thing it's time to wrap this up.”

You glanced around, noticing Jimin fast asleep and wrapped around a sleeping Hobi on the couch, Yoongi, Jin and Taehyung stopped their conversation and you and Jungkook looked over at Namjoon holding two slices of pizza up which were part of the eating competition you were having. Putting down yours you were about to stand up when you heard the boy next to you exclaim, the others joining in.

“The bed in the guest room is mine!”

“I'm sharing with him!”

“I'll take the couch in there!”

“I'll sleep in the bathtub!”

At the last one you all – except for the sleeping two, who to your surprise did not wake up by all the noise – looked at Taehyung. He just shrugged at your questioning gestures.

“Give me a few blankets and it's just as good as any bed. I also don't wanna sleep in hyungs bed, who knows what happened in there.”

Namjoon groaned at his words. “My bed is in perfectly fine shape, thank you very much. (y/n), you can sleep in it-”

“But what about you? Where will you sleep?”

He didn't answer, thinking. Every comfortable place was claimed as well as the bathtub, so he would have to settle for the floor. Taking his silence as exactly that conclusion you sighed over dramatically.

“I don't mind sharing, uh, your bed with you?”

The phrasing sounded weird and as expected there was a low whistle from right beside you. You poked at Jungkooks rips to which he quickly stood up and raced towards the guest room, out of your reach. Before anything else there was a chorus of 'good night's and you and Namjoon were left alone. Standing together awkwardly, swinging slightly from the drinks you pointed toward his room and you both made your way there. When he spoke up and tried to convince you that he'd sleep on the floor you just shushed him and told him that as long as you wouldn't do anything inappropriate you were totally fine sleeping in one bed with him.

Finally settling in his bed together you rolled your body up, facing away from the other person in the room who laid flat on his back, staring at the ceiling, seeming to question every decision he chose in his life. You didn't expect him to speak up, though, so when he did you flinched, your heart skipping a beat, but you quickly caught yourself again.

“I'm sorry about what Jimin said – the thing about you being my girlfriend I mean. Ah, wait no that was Jin- shit.”

You forced out a low chuckle, playing with your fingers as you thought about your next words, barricades down not that you two were alone and still in the afterglow of consuming unhealthy amounts of intoxicating beverages.

“s'okay, it's not like it'd be possible anyway, me being your girlfriend.”

You heard rustling behind your body, feeling the weight on the mattress shifting, indicating that Namjoon either turned toward you or away from you. His now seemingly closer voice confirmed the first speculation.

“What do you mean? Wouldn't you want to be? I mean, I understand if I'm not your type, I would've just really liked if- ugh... I mean, I really like you. I'd like to give it a try. Call you my girlfriend, if you're okay with that-”

You felt suddenly felt really bad, hearing the disappointed drop in his voice. He kind of sounded defeated which made your heart ache. You didn't want him to hurt.

“It's not that-”, you turned around facing him now, “that I dislike the thought of dating you or something. It's just...”

You exhaled deeply, closing your eyes in the process. You felt the anxiety build up in your stomach and chest. Namjoon didn't say a word, waiting patiently for you to continue, which you appreciated.

“I don't- my body. I don't like the way it is, I guess? The form, all the curves, I don't like them. They make me feel uncomfortable.”

“You aren't satisfied with your body? I love every little bit about you, if you were my girlfriend I'd remind you every single day; you're perfect just the way you are, no matter what other people may say-”

“No- no that's not what I meant. I don't like it being called- I don't feel like I'm in the right body. I don't feel like a- a girl? I mean, gender is just a construct by society and all but just as much as you say about yourself that you are a boy or man I'd like to say that I'm, I dunno, none? Non-binary in that case. I am neither a man or a woman. I just don't see either inside of me- both feel wrong, I guess?”

“Oh...”

You stared into each others eyes for a bit, you were unsure, unsure how he'd react, the little 'oh' confusing you and making you feel smaller than it should. Surprised when you felt a hand grab for yours you looked down at both your hands intertwine.

“In that case, would you like to be my partner in crime?”

At his words you couldn't help but smile.

[yoongisbars]

quest of omission | myg (2)

summary: The war between kingdoms was starting and being Freywind’s highest ranking Captain, you would always be there to defend your people from the treachery of Woodwind. There’s just one problem: their best killer, The Silence, and his insufferable ability to make your heart race with both loathing and yearning. And now, on the verge of death after an ambush gone wrong, you both have no choice but to keep each other alive. 

pairing: myg x reader genre: enemies to lovers au | knight!yoongi au | future angst? fluff? | drabble series word count: 2.1k parts: 2/_ | 1 cw: prolly shitty yet cruel depictions of death and aggressive encounters(no smut tho chill) note: so we gonna get a bit more of The Silence in this one, but also some non bts chars bc of depth: my walnut brain needed it for its original purpose and im not changing it       

      A sharp burning pain crept up from within your lungs. The need to cough, gag and vomit was what brought you back. You spewed nothing but the murky water that was surrounding you. After gathering your senses, you try to stand up, trying to recollect how did you even get here, but the memory of the reservoir bursting quickly made its way to your mind. You were soaked head to toe, and covered in mud here and there, and surely you almost drowned, but whatever entity decided you were worthy of living certainly gave you a fighting chance. All in all, you were alive and in one piece. You couldn’t say the same for the few bodies you stumbled across as you wandered the forest. It was dark and endless, congested by spruce, willow, and sequoia trees. Roots curled the surface, accompanied by shallow waters and mud holes. You were thankful of the full moon illuminating the nearly impossible ground you walked. Whenever you came across a body, you prayed it wasn’t Taehyung, Mare, or anyone of closeness. But these were the consequences of battle. You found the bodies of Woodwind men, as well as your own. Looting what was necessary in order to make do. It was a crude sentiment, but they didn’t need whatever they carried anymore. They were long dead. You happened to find a decent knife, like your personal one, which you had managed to keep safely tucked against your thigh.

         You wandered and wandered and wandered and all you ever came across was the occasional body or a small woodland animal of any sort. No matter which direction you headed, it always seemed like you were going deeper into the woods. You hoped to find a riverbank so that maybe you could try to find your way back to the ambush location and from there head back to Freywind, but not even that.           Time passed but for you it stilled. All you could do was walk aimlessly around the woods in cold weather while soaking wet, trying to at least find shelter of any sort, until your eyes set on a pair of bodies you were all too familiar with… Your beloved underlings. They were at your side moments before the flooding, but now their bodies laid sprawled over roots and mud. From where you stood you could see Atlas’ open eyes, gaze facing nowhere but beyond… His mouth slightly agape, his lasts breaths must have been painful. Eyes that would look to you for guidance and a mouth that would cheer you on, are far gone from this plane of existence. You didn’t know if what was dripping down your face were tears, or remnants of the water you escaped, practically unscathed. Your steps were careful and slow as you got closer. Next to him, was Aeron… His ragged breathing barely a whisper, eyes shut, and face pained. You kneeled beside him, and his name was a whisper escaping your lips. “Aeron?” Your eyes couldn’t help but give him a once over, and it wasn’t until you were in such proximity that you noticed what had him in agony. He winced as he opened his eyes, slightly turning his head over to face you. All color was drained from him, his lips were already turning to an ungodly shade of blue that you had never imagined to be faced with. Even if you knew war eventually led to death, you didn’t imagine death ever touching them, or the gruesome way that it did. “Captain… You’re okay…” His voice cracked and faded, came and went. Whatever strength he still had; he was using it all to speak. “I’m so glad.” Tears started to stream from his eyes as he forced a gentle smile, and you couldn’t help but mimic him. You denied looking down once more, to what came out of his torso, but the source of his slow suffering was impossible to neglect. A large, sharp, twisted root was stained in scarlet as blood continued to pool beneath him.

“Aeron, I’m so sorry. Atlas…” His cold body laid across you, his hand tightly grasped by Aeron’s. It would have been a mercy had they died at once, but one had to suffer while the other was a corpse next to him.

“He passed not long ago. The water… It threw him against those rocks, and I got… stuck here.” Aeron struggled to speak, not raising his gaze from his comrade. “Still, he tried to crawl his way here. He died moments after reaching me.” Their bond was one of the purest, unmatched by any, until the end. “Captain, would you do me the favor of closing his eyes?” Your nod was small, but genuine. A trembling hand neared Atlas’ cold face, placing it over his lids. You let it rest there for a moment as you let out a tiny sob.

“Thank you, thank you…” The grip of Aeron’s hand on Atlas’ tightened. As if giving him a final goodbye.“Have you found any live ones?” You didn’t notice when Aeron was facing you again.

“No. Not yet.” You wiped away at the residue coming out of your nostrils. “Has anyone been nearby?” The young boy softly shook his head. His free hand slowly went to reach your face, thumb wiping away at the tears that were still streaming.

“Captain, it’s okay. These situations are inevitable in war, you taught us so.” You shook your head as you gently squeezed his hand. Not like this, never like this. “It has been my greatest honor to train under you and fight alongside you. I’m sure Atlas would say the same.” His words were slow and ragged, but genuine. In his eyes, embers were fading, but one spark remained.

“Take my necklace. Make sure when you get out of here and return home, please give it to Sian, give her my regards, tell her what I never could… Tell her I love her dearly...” Regret and numbness welled in his eyes, the pain of not returning to the love of his life was greater than that of being impaled. Your hands made their way towards his neck, slowly removing his necklace, avoiding him any more pain. You placed it around yours and safely tucked it under your mucky clothes.

“I will. I’ll let her know you thought of her until the end.” You went for his hand and gave him a squeeze of reassurance, not letting go.“Thank you.”

         You stayed by Aeron’s side in silence, refusing to let go of his hand, focused on his ragged breathing and the cold night surrounding you. You couldn’t bare seeing him like this, but neither putting him out of his misery. Not like he wanted you to anyways, all he wanted was for you to be by his side until nature took its course, just like he was for Atlas. You felt the grip he had on your hand slowly loosen up, as his head slowly rolled to the side and against your shoulder until you heard it. It was faint, but you heard it. You would continue to hear it for the rest of your existence. The final sign of life escaped him when his breath did, and he was gone. It took time to get there, but he was gone in an instant.

          Sobs escaped from your inner core. Your underlings were dead beside you, their bodies would not be put to rest in a proper burial where their loved ones can have their final goodbyes. They would be left in a forest in God knows where, together at the very least. Alone, but together.

          With shivery legs, you got up and gently repositioned Atlas’ body in a more comfortable manner, placing both his hands over his chest. A grim expression grew on your face as, through tears, you tried removing Aeron’s body from the root. More sobs got stuck on your throat as more blood poured from his chest, no wonder his light armor couldn’t withstand such mighty root. Once his body mimicked Atlas’, you scouted the nearby area for flowers. Carefully plucking some delicate blue ones; you placed them in their hands. You sat in front of their bodies silently, accepting that they were gone, and you were alone. Alone, but together. It was a small comfort, they were only lifeless bodies with you, but at least they were with you, and you gave them both a small, decent send off to the beyond. Your goodbyes you kept to yourself. Your regrets as well.

           As you mourned your losses, the sound of a snapping twig broke you away from your sorrows. Wiping your tears away with one arm and drawing your small blade with the other as you stood, you surveyed your surroundings with caution. Breathing was close to nonexistent as you tried to be as silent as you could, if only to listen more carefully. Wary footsteps got closer in sound, but you couldn’t see anything or anyone yet. Not until they peered themselves into view from behind some trees, less guarded than you were.

“You…” When your eyes deciphered who it was, the anger inside you soon started to boil again. It was his fault, it was his unit, it was he who led the ambush.

“You.” He slowly retired the blade he was ready to draw back to its sheath once he realized it was only you. Still wet, shivering, covered in mud, blood, and tears. His eyes travelled to the bodies behind you, peacefully laid out, and then travelled back to you. He had never seen someone that looked so distraught completely shift into rage and fury.

“Don’t look at them, lowlife scum.” Low, harsh tones met his ears. “It’s your fucking fault I lost them. I’m going to kill you.” The last sentence was drawn out so slowly, he was almost taken aback when you lunged for his throat with your blade, ready to return the scar he left you with and take his life while you were at it. But he was quicker. Before you could land a single hit, his hands clasped around your wrists with more force than necessary. In a second, he forced your body around, kicking you behind your knees. You dropped to the ground in pain. 

“You really think I’ll quit?” Attempting, but failing, to stab him while throwing your arms back at him, he twisted your wrists above you until nearly snapping them, with an aching yelp, the blade fell out of your hands. He quickly let you go and pushed you forwards. You winced and seethed as you brought your semi injured wrists up to your chest. Using the lesser pained hand, your reached for the blade, but were quickly halted by the weight of his boot, causing another agonized bawl to escape your lips. 

“I suggest not.” He lifted his foot off your hand and kicked away the knife beneath it. Wincing and scowling, you crawled your way to the sanctuary of your dead comrades. It wasn’t fair. You were supposed to get revenge, if not for yourself, for them. What kind of a sorry Captain were you? Couldn’t protect your unit from an ambush, couldn’t secure them from the currents, and couldn’t even avenge them at the very least by hurting the one man who caused all this. Instead, he stood above you and you were rendered to nothing in mere seconds. His bored gaze loomed over you like a curse, and you understood why they called him Silence. He drew out a long breath as he averted his gaze elsewhere, wiping mud off his brow. He was just as much of dirty mess as you were. Puddles sloshed as he marched away.

“I’m finding a way out. You’re more than welcome to come along, if you keep your hands and blades to yourself.” A barked laugh escaped your throat.

“Why would I search for a way out with the likes of you?” You were already on your feet, pain from your knees and wrists subsiding. His sudden turn caught you off guard, but you refused to show it.

“Then meet a fate no better than your companions’.” He jutted his chin over to where Aeron and Atlas’ bodies laid. The calm, cool tone for such a vile string of words made you uneasy. Being this near him, under the moonlight, without the rush of battle or alcohol in your veins, you were able to see him better. He was not that much taller than you, and yet? He always made you feel so small, so vulnerable and rendered you utterly and completely defenseless…

“I’d rather take my chances with the woodland night.” You took a few steps backwards and plopped down on the muddy ground.

His fingers brushed the muddy, brown locks out of his face. Shrugging, he went on his way. “Alright, alone then.”

***************

my makeshift taglist:

@loveyoongles

@stoeq

​

i had to repost sorry

[peraltasames]

darkness will be rewritten into a work of fiction

in which almost going to jail in the finale sparks some fears in amy about their future as a family

for @fourdrinkamy bc emma requested some sweet hurt/comfort and she’s gonna crush all her exams like the badass Intellectual Woman she is (jake peralta believes in u and so do i) 💖💖💖

Amy’s familiar with most, if not all, of her husband’s facial expressions a year into their marriage.

She can tell when he’s pissed, when he’s disappointed, when he’s happy, when he’s nervous; more impressively, she can narrow it down to incredibly specific facial expressions like his I Just Solved a Case and I’m About to Brag About It All Day look and his Exhausted and Wanting To Cuddle On The Couch While We Watch Die Hard look.

It only takes her a few sideways glances in the cab ride home from the 86th precinct for her to identify his Something Is Definitely Up With You and We’re Gonna Talk About it When We Get Home face, which tends to make an appearance whenever something is bothering her (not unlike right now) - for all the credit she gives herself for knowing Jake inside and out, he knows her just as well.

His worry is even more thinly veiled than normal - sometimes he tries to coax it out of her gradually, but the moment they’ve stepped across the threshold and slipped off their shoes, he’s wrapping his arms around her from behind and murmuring in her ear: “What’s wrong, babe?”

She turns in his arms, letting his hands fall on her waist and reaching up to rest hers on his shoulders. Before she can process her thoughts enough to voice them, she needs just a moment to unwind from the stress of the day in the sanctuary of his arms.

“If this is about me not telling you the whole plan - I’m really sorry,” Jake adds before she gets the chance to speak, his brows furrowed. “Maybe I should have, but I was so worried about Holt finding out or the operation getting blown somehow and I just couldn’t risk it.”

“No, no, it’s not that,” she murmurs, hands running up and down his arms as a natural response to his rising concern. “I understand.”

Jake frowns and grabs her hand to lead her to the couch a few feet away, motioning for her to sit down next to him and lifting her legs over his lap so he can rub circles on her shin. He props his head up with his other arm on the back of the couch and tilts his head to face her, offering a small smile of encouragement for her to open up.

“Talk to me, babe.”

She sighs, avoiding his knowing gaze and playing with the hem of her sweater.

“I don’t blame you for not filling me in, but being in a jail cell - seeing you in a jail cell, going off to be interrogated again - that was-” She can already feel tears welling up in her eyes at the mere thought of him going to prison again, and she curses herself for her inability to not completely come undone whenever he talks to her like this, looks at her like that. “It was just a lot-”

He breathes out a soft “Ames,” and his voice is somehow infinitely softer than before. Of course his thoughts didn’t go to such a dark place - surely they would have, had it been a real possibility that he was going back to jail - and she can’t blame him for not considering the effects the plan may have on her emotions when he was so focused on making sure it went off without a hitch.

“I know it was all part of the plan, and you’re not actually going back to prison today-”

“Not ever,” Jake interjects, his eyes glistening with warmth and assurance. It’s not the first time he’s promised this - similar fears resurface in her nightmares and whenever someone brings up his and Rosa’s incarceration.

“Not ever,” she repeats, reaching to grab his hand. “But as long as we keep doing this…you know, fighting for the greater good and trying to be the good cops, we’re always gonna be crossing people. Bad people.”

“That doesn’t mean that more bad stuff is gonna happen to us.”

“What if it does?” she snaps back, squeezing his hand in silent apology after Jake winces. “What if we both get sent to prison? Or-or worse? What would happen to our-”

She doesn’t need to finish the sentence before his eyes flicker with understanding and more involuntary tears begin to pour down her face, ones that she doesn’t try to hide. It’s like they both realize what’s really bothering her in the same fraction of a second.

They decided to start trying for kids four days ago.

It was before the latest drama with Kelly began, before they assembled their own “suicide squad’, before any threats of going to jail or losing their jobs had arisen. During a normal Friday night in front of the TV and a pile of Thai takeout, Jake looked over at her and proudly proclaimed that he was ready.

(And maybe she thought he meant he was ready for sex and straddled him in the middle of Jeopardy while he struggled to pull away long enough to explain that he meant to have kids, but it was a good moment nonetheless.)

“C’mere, honey,” he mumbles, already pulling her into his lap and cradling her to his chest. Her face moves to the crook of his neck while she cries, finally releasing hours worth of pent-up anxiety. “It’s okay.”

He strokes her back and presses kisses to her hairline for a few minutes, each soft touch marginally regulating her heart rate and stopping her panicked tears from falling harder.

“Everything’s gonna be fine,” Jake whispers against her forehead. “We always figure it out, right? We caught Figgis, you guys busted Hawkins, now John Kelly’s gonna get fired. The good guys win, babe.”

He’s not wrong - there hasn’t yet been an obstacle that they haven’t found a way to overcome. Even when things seemed particularly dire, they managed to pull through. She doesn’t really have any reason to believe that that won’t continue to be the case.

“It’s still terrifying. We’re gonna be bringing another person into this world, Jake, and we literally see the worst of humanity every single day.”

“Exactly.” He brings her chin up to look at him and presses a quick peck to her nose, smiling softly as he pulls back. “We’ve been through all this and we still have enough hope and love to want to have a child together. Isn’t that kind of beautiful?”

She melts under his soft gaze, reaching up to gently play with the curls above his forehead and smiling fondly. His enthusiasm to have children together has increased substantially to match hers since their debate in the hospital, and it makes her heart swell with joy and excitement.

“Since when did you get so wise?”

“I’ve learned a lot against my will from all the NPR you listen to,” he teases, playfully poking at her ribs while she lets out a soft laugh.

It’s also kind of beautiful, she thinks, that her husband’s ability to make her laugh even at her worst moments as A) never wavered and B) been the number one thing she loves about him from their first date to their first anniversary of marriage.

“That’s my girl.” He gently, lovingly brushes the tears away from her cheeks with both thumbs. “Do you want me to go pick up some empanadas?”

The fact that he’s willing to drive to Queens right now to get her favourite comfort food from her favourite restaurant that doesn’t deliver almost makes her cry again, but she simply shakes her head and grabs his hand.

“Let’s just order pizza from somewhere close,” she suggests. “The sooner we eat, the sooner we can get back to-”

“Trying to procreate?”

“I was gonna say baby-making, you’ve really matured from all that NPR!”

She says it like a win, but he shakes his head and winces like a toddler being offered vegetables (or Jake being offered vegetables - she’s gonna have to work on her husband’s diet a little more before they have to deal with an actual child).

“I’m gonna have to make so many dumb sex jokes to make up for all that maturity.”

(He does not disappoint, in any manner, that evening.)

[scienceglitches]

How does your Shockwave perceive his relationships with say Megatron, Soundwave and Starscream??

Who’s asking---? 

Omg no, but aaaaaaaaahhhhhh

All three are vastly different ones, though admittedly I feel like I may be bare bones with Megatron because how the Prime animated series handled him was very....disheartening towards what Megatron could be. It felt like a disservice to his character? But maybe I’m also giving Megatron too much credit in combination with believing they tried to wrap up too much in a short amount of time, ahah. (But also I’ve only watched Prime, animated, and Cyberverse so my source material for Megatron is a poor library as is fjaosidfz)

Read more bc this got kinda....lengthy...Sorry if this more than what you were hoping for anon!!!? ;;;;; (It may not even be what you wanted at all LOL;;;;)

 With Megatron; Shockwave thought him someone to be respected at first. A scenario of “He a little confused, but he got the spirit”. And in some regard Shockwave still does respect the bot, but he “justifies” this that he saw Megatron fight a lot of battles in the pits. He patched Megatron up in a lot of positions, it would make sense for a bot to lose their sense of self or to go power hungry like Megatron seemed to do. To go from (minor?) to Gladiator to commanding your own army that’s strong enough to wage a war across Cybertron large scale is a large jump, especially for a society where caste systems were very strong and upheld. Even for someone who opposed that very caste system, you could become weak in other areas when given even a slim chance to oppose it on a large scale. 

 Never mind how obsessed Megatron became over Optimus Prime.

 It was at that point that Shockwave knew he was only entirely with the Decepticons for his own sake. To be able to freely experiment and expand the knowledge of where things can go. He tried to observe it as a thought that Optimus was what remained of that caste system, but Megatron showed his old ways. Old ways of treating everything like a Gladiator show, had to throw in dramatics, had to impress. Which isn’t something Shockwave can relate to. Impressing others is not why he does what he does. 

 He perceives his relationship with Megatron as something that could have been better, but ultimately only sided with him in the end as a means to properly exercise his genius to create and explore where other bots didn’t want to under the strict ‘right vs wrong’ caste system. Megatron disbanding the Decepticons because Only At That Moment he discovered suffering feels wrong to Shockwave, like maybe there’s something more? It wasn’t logical how the dissolve of Decepticons came to be, but he was never that loyal either so he’s not hard pressed to hunt him down and find out why. (Though if given half a chance he’d love to pry deeper into the reasoning, just out of curiosity.)  Ultimately it’s nothing, he’s not missing anything with Megatron’s absence. At most maybe Megatron still gave Shockwave what he wanted, as with the rebuild of Cybetron maybe the caste system won’t be so strict and he can experiment as he wants again. 

 With Starscream: I’m speaking with thinking of @soleresistar‘s Starscream in mind, of course. Since they’re kind of my Starlight and I only have this blog because of them! But I feel like their portrayal of Starscream is so fucking spot on I don’t think it’s canon divergent. I’ll mostly be playing off of what has already developed between the two in our threads and maybe some stuff that we have vaguely planned out for these two in the future! 

 Shockwave perceives his relationship with Starscream as something greater than what he had with Megatron, for sure. And as of right now they’re Partners, Starscream is definitely someone that Shockwave now has to trust despite the past three times Starscream has lied to and betrayed him. Shockwave feels like there’s more to observe of Starscream than with Megatron. And despite how eratic Starscream is on the outside Shockwave feels like there is one common thing within that makes him act like this; Which is fear. Something that Shockwave can piece together and understand, he does this or that because he’s afraid. Especially considering what has happened to Starscream in the past and all that he’s lost. Wanting to be validated also makes sense in all of this. 

 Having to trust Starscream so that he can survive (both of them) is something powerful, and Shockwave can even understand that. At this point it’s only logical that they would work together, but in Shockwave’s processor he definitely understands that Starscream could find one (1) thing that could cause him to decide to turn tail and leave Shockwave in his bulky, slower, and land bound self to defend for himself. Which was easy when he was the only one on Cybertron (sans the insectcons), but now there’s Autobots riding around causing a ruckus.

 Their relationship is...there. And in the past Shockwave has definitely used Starscream as a basis for how to act or emote. While moving his antenna’s is natural for him, they only do so much. Wings, however, he’s discovered convey so much more. And that’s something he’s interested in! Also the very concept of the hidden Seeker language is fascinating and something he’d like to learn just to learn. (Bc Shockwave’s just a beefy nerd)

 Starscream will become a bot that Shockwave ‘trusts’. Starscream is scientifically curious, and wants to find his place again that’s not living in fear if he so much as breathes in a disapproving way to Megatron. Shockwave is willing to give him this place.  

 Dratz and I have even discussed scenario (in deeper and longer depth) where if they did manage to find Megatron, and he decided to go back to his old ways of physically berating Starscream Shockwave would step in. Without the ranks of the Decepticons it is illogical to show your disapproval in this way, there is nothing to disapprove of. If you wish to be angry, than be angry, but take it out on a rock (or a bot more your size.) It’s just ridiculous. Though, other than finding Soundwave, Shockwave has no want or need to find this estranged warmonger really. 

 With Soundwave: OOOOOOOHHH, forgive any biased as WaveWave is my like....default ship for Shockwave. But I’m trying to explain this in a way that’s not totally biased and is just how I think they perceive each other. (Or Shockwave of Soundwave, anyways) And I say default ship in the sense of....Shockwave is without a doubt endeared to the other bot, and exists very comfortably with him. Where as normally Shockwave is constantly operating in a sort of rigid way of needing to figure literally everything out even about himself. 

 Their trust is impeccable. When Dark Mount was literally falling down around Shockwave, he calmly requested a groundbridge and just kinda waited for Soundwave to get that for him. While things were falling down around him, because he knew that Soundwave would get it for him in time. Or another time when Shockwave was still out retrieving Predacon bones himself, when Bumblebee and Smokescreen showed up and ganged up on him (and eventually Optimus too) Soundwave? Just showed up? Soundwave never leaves the Nemesis unless ordered. Another small thing would be when Cybertron was still livable and before Shockwave’s first accident Soundwave just like. Points for Starscream to go to Shockwave. Shockwave can say without a doubt he trusts one bot and that’s Soundwave.

 And in all honesty I feel like I would need to headcanon deeper with someone who muses Soundwave about what exactly happened during the Gladiator days. Also on the fact they share a name. They’re not regarded as brothers or twins like others in the series, so in some way I feel like their sparks are touched by each other. Maybe not deeply, maybe not subtly at all actually! This is stuff that I think about a lot and over the top but don’t really have the other half to muse or headcanon off with. (Because like. I get Soundwave, but I don’t get Soundwave. He’s not my muse.) 

 I also know that I headcanon Shockwave as permanently having a comm link opened up for Soundwave at all times, so when he got sent to the Shadowzone it was a very jarring and emptying moment for him. But there was also so much going on in that moment Shockwave didn’t have much of a chance to investigate it or do anything about it. And then it just became more and more difficult to do anything about it as things started really hitting the fan. 

 But Shockwave perceives his relationship with Soundwave as something absolute, it’s unavoidable. 

 Shockwave has also picked up cues from Soundwave, similar to how he has with Starscream. At first Shockwave, too, thought that Soundwave’s oath was ludicrous and pointless. But as Shockwave is learned from a couple different walks of life, there’s a certain expression in silent languages that spoken ones really can’t get across. (Which is weird for a scientist based entirely on logic.) 

 Just as a fun bonus here’s a dumb meme I made for @stiillness when we were talking one night ahah

[lameblake]

I wrote a Bellamy ficlet????!

I’m rusty as hell and this could probably do with a few thousand more edits, but I wrote a post-The Children of Gabriel ficlet on Bellamy’s thought process post-eclipse because I love angst and being sad (also Bellamy being SoftTM for Clarke Griffin). I skipped over the whole ‘Bellamy leaving Octavia behind’ thing bc I’m pressed.

Here goes:

Bellamy remembered all of it. It was fuzzy and only getting harder to recall, but memory persisted. The toxins had completely altered his state of mind and yet there he was, painfully aware of what he'd done during the eclipse. All Clarke and Murphy wanted to do was help and he'd nearly ended their lives.     It was frightening to be aware of one's own brush with psychosis. Bellamy fought until it took over completely and rage consumed him. The words he'd spewed at his friends were someone else's entirely, but in that moment, Bellamy was someone else--a monster who’d attempted to asphyxiate his friends.     He hated that this monster had made him put his hands to them in such a violent manner. It tore him up inside. Thankfully, they'd managed to fight him off long enough for Clarke to knock them all out with gas. He wished that it could have been accomplished before she stabbed him, but the act bought her necessary time and prevented him from doing anything worse. 

    When Abby woke him and Clarke, the eclipse was over. He was back to himself, though the monster had left behind a faint memory. (It was a rotten deal considering that he'd had no trace left of himself during the psychosis). There was no greater torment. Well, there wasn't until he saw the angry red marks across Clarke's neck and Murphy still unconscious despite Abby's best efforts to wake him. He didn't have time to process it all between Octavia's sudden arrival and the appearance of curious children, but at least Murphy had gotten revived in the end. 

     The heart for which Bellamy was so well-known felt like it was going to burst. Though Murphy forgave him, he wasn’t quite right since his near death experience (or actual death experience). His insults weren’t as biting and he drank the days away. Then there was his sister who he didn’t recognize anymore, but with whom he definitely should have been nicer. To top it all off, he had to be the one to tell Raven about Shaw and explain to her that no, Clarke hadn’t played a hand in his demise and had actually tried to save him. Seeing everyone he loved so out of sorts completely shattered him whether or not it was his fault.

     Breaking his heart in an entirely different way was Clarke, who acted like nothing was wrong despite the nasty bruises around her throat. She was too good at moving on from traumatic things. She had to be. Leaders couldn’t afford to get side-swept by emotion. That’s why he too acted like everything was fine--or tried to at least. Being the heart of the operation didn’t afford him the luxury of keeping it together at all times. For Clarke, though, it was more curse than comfort. It was as if she’d moved on completely. Bellamy almost wished she’d gotten pissed at him instead of immediately fretting over the shallow cut in his calf. It wouldn’t hurt as much as watching her pretend like nothing happened.

     He had to stop himself from reaching out a hand to caress the affected spot on her neck every time they were together. If they ever got any alone time, he wasn’t sure he could hold himself back. Perhaps it was good that he had ample time to come up with a somewhat competent apology. They would find themselves alone soon enough and he’d be ready to apologize both for what he said and what he did. Surely he wanted a similar moment with Murphy, but it felt as if something bigger was in order for his partner. He needed her, now more than ever. He was going to show her that.

     They were bigger than everything they’d been through, everything that had threatened to break them. The monster that the eclipse had turned Bellamy into was no match for their history. Their trust and constant forgiveness in one another kept everyone alive despite every evil they encountered. Bellamy knew that once he had the chance, he’d take Clarke in his arms and hold her until they both remembered what they were surviving for.