#we havent been a person in. a while
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honestly hilarious that we've been blurry for this long. brain forgot what being an individual is and just made the front more crowded
#sigh. its hard#we havent been a person in. a while#i dont know why nothings connecting#stop as soon as o said that someone pushed into the front.#fuck offfffffff just switched HELLO#hi my name is chai. ahat were we saying#this is so weird. im. ok maybe im not chai?#maybe im. someone else. that is similar to chai#ohhhhhh fuck. ok. hm. ok maybe i am chai.#confluence.txt#chai.txt#<- MAYBE#kofu.txt
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There's a disabled angel in good omens 🥺
#listen im only in episode two and i know there's some drama going down but im focusing on this lol#i love that not only do they show the angel using a wheelchair and being ambulatory#but they also visibly show them miracling innaccessibility issues so that they Can still use the chair#instead of just getting rid of the disability#part of my is conflicted bc im like... there's disabilities in heaven? and that makes Me sad bc my disability is hell and painful as fuck#But getting rid of disability in fantasy is eugenist crap and showing that god made a disabled angel is a net good thing#while it personally makes me sad to think if there was a heaven i could still be in pain all the time#not all disabilites are bad and need to be cured we're a wide spectrum and we've been fighting for disabled rep esp in fantasy for ages#it's objectively good my personal feelings about my own disability aside#part of me thinks it's cliche to say 'you were made perfect' bc they're an angel But it's not we literally havent had this type of rep lol#anyways it made me happy to see#and im so glad it's a power chair user that's ambulatory it's important for abled ppl to see that#anyways y'all keep your drama and spoilers off my post im not far in and im only talking about this shoo#oh also!! love the fantasy hover chair they use in heaven specifically too i wish we had that it kicks ass#p
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Summon Night: Swordcraft Story (ATLUS, 2003)
#my actual posts lol#haha what if i made a daily diary post thing like nico#..i was just thinking#today was a good day#and i thought of this song#ive been playing summon night swordcraft story a lot as of late.. though none today actually#its still on my mind though#i considered using dweller empty path's song flying through a stary sky instead.. but this is what i thought of first#i think it fits best to use it#i actually had to jump through some hoops to upload music!#cus my tumblr app is kinda old.. i cant properly upload music. i could only put a link#which isnt exactly ideal#so i tried in my web browser.. but maybe its cus i havent updated it in a while or maybe just cus its tor.. it didnt work#so i downloaded firefox and did it on there lol#now im editing it in my drafts back on the app#dont ask why im not just doing it on my computer... shes having some technical difficulties. we're working on it#but not today#...#today was pretty eventful.. even if not very productive. but ive never been a very productive person#we went and saw some light festival thing! it was rly nice.. a little simple at times but it was fun#we went and got some yummy snacks earlier too! tho ive already eaten them all hehe#and i started up animal crossing new leaf. i hadnt played it in ages! its startling how much better it is than new horizions.. imo at least#only problem is i couldnt make it the same as my island.. and i didnt remember why i named my last town#we searched for a while for some reference or somfin to name it after.. but we ended up just going with ''faraway''#cus i liked the idea of being asked where im going.. and just saying far far away#and as beth said it has a kinda fairytail vibe!#...only after i named it did i realize i accidentally named it after the town in omori. oops!#...im about to hit the tag limit. so whoevers still listening i just want u to know..#i love you. ok?#goodnight
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That feeling when he can't stand to see you that way, no matter what you do, no matter what you say😩😭💔
#scott pilgrims precious little life#scott pilgrim vs the world#spvtw#spto#scott pilgrim#wallace wells#lisa miller#scollace#kim pine#natalie adams#envy adams#don't rlly know if I like how this turned out but oh well;;;#hope its obvious that this is based on the song “Scott Pilgrim” which the creation the comics were inspired from#the lyrics always make me think of Wallace and Lisa's feelings for Scott every time I hear it#ofc you could also relate it to Kim especially since the singers voice kind of reminds me of her#but overall the lyrics fit these two much better since Scott never truly “saw them that way” despite how long they've liked him#and they always seem happier to see him compared to Kim#Im surprised tho that I havent yet seen anyone draw these two together now that their dialogue parallels have been acknowledged more lately#also tho I wish more people pointed out that they both got cucked by red heads LOL#and Kim and Envy actually do look really similar when scott first meets them#makes me wonder if Scott subconsciously went for Envy since she reminded him of Kim (which would be fitting given that you could argue that#Envy dated Scott because he reminded her of Todd. Since he and Scott are confirmed to be meant to be seen as similar to one another#so much so that even their first and last names rhyme#last thing I'll add tho is that while Wallace and Lisa are very similar even personality wise#the one big difference is that despite that whole conclusion on vol4 of Scott not cheating on Ramona with Lisa because he loves her#the writers apparently think it would be “organically correct” for him to have an affair with wallace LMAO#but I guess we shouldn't be surprised since Wallace and Ramona are both in the front of the official valentines art which is clearly#a deptiction of Scotts wet dream or smth (oh and you could also argue that Wallace and Lisa parallel on that art since they're both#shirtless with white socks.. which could be a reference to how lisa wears skimpy clothes for Scott and Wallace often only wears boxers#to like sexually frustrate Scott for fun or smth
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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this nemesis ambition started out a little slow but I am getting closer to finding that bastard who killed my wife, and I’ll not rest a minute now that im far closer to on his trail
sorry got in character for a second
Anyways fun ambition so far very fucked up though
congratulations on joining the murder club anon!!!! depending on who you ask the name refers to either people who have murdered or people who have witnessed murder. usually both. actually extremely often both. it's a swell time you'll feel right at home (don't mind our collective skyglass knife collection in the back)
#im still not far into nemesis personally but im very much enjoying it#honestly in a weird way it feels like it's moving faster than HD did. which. is funny bc nemesis is like The gated behind item grinds quest#idk. HD was a fun slowburn where we adventured around gathering our rogues gallery before the action kicked in#nemesis on the other hand feels like im picking up halfway through a batman serial#fallen london#ask#it's WAY more fucked up right off the bat than HD was. honestly ive thought abt red honey for ages. that's so fucked up#and we LEAD with that?? Okay#definitely a horrors-filled ambition befitting caeru (the guy who's constantly going through horrors)#it really encourages you to get fucked up and freaky and in ur character's headspace at basically every step along the way#i only have HD to compare it too but HD was like. a lot more interpretative in comparison? at least to me. that's what it felt like#and i adore HD for that dont get me wrong here#HD just also waited until like. halfway through before it asked what the scoundrel actually Wanted out of its heart's desire#nemesis in comparison is right off the bat who died? who are you mourning? anguish. justice. there must be vengeance.#it's a delightfully different vibe!! i like it!!!#oh god sorry anon im doing the classic yin talking way too much in the tags thing again#i havent had much excuse to talk abt nemesis and what i think of it so far and of course its rp effects on caeru#but i do have a handful of thoughts on it#it's good. im liking it so far. it's starting very strong if nothing else. and i have no spoiler knowledge of what happens in the future#beyond the choice between rewards at the very end#and im SO curious how we'll get to that point. what horrors will we adventure through next? off we go to find out!#it's biggest glaring weakness so far is how horrendously grindy it is. and like. ive been warned and done my research ahead of time#im doing it on the same account im seeking. i knew what i was getting into. but also gots damn.#in comparison HD's 5-card lodgings and dreamgate feel like footnotes#anyway while im already way too deep into rambling did you know the honey trip gives you fate?? insane. why does it do that. hilarious even
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GOOD MORNING EVERYONE HAPPY MONDAY!! First monday of the new year!! I hope you all have a good day lets get this new year off to a great start!!
#nina rambles~✦#havent done one of these in a while!#fun fact my coworker drew this exact pic for me and left it on my computer as a surprise#i can take a pic if anyones interested#okay ramble time#this week is my boyfriends birthay and we are going on a trip from wednesday to saturday so not too much writing on my end#but i do have things in the works#you will see the specifics in a wip game i was tagged in that im posting later#but today is just going to be a tumblr catchup day for me!#im going to be responding to things that have been sent on my posts#and doing any tag games i was tagged in#and answering any asks that i can#but yeah !!!#hopefully i can get uploading as soon as tomorrow!#yesterday my writing juices were kickstarted because i did a trade in my server#and wrote an oc fic for a dear friend of mine#so im ready to get writing!!#i will finish ficmas trust and believe#not gonna leave yall hanging#by the time ficmas is done i believe ima hit another milestone#and i will do soemthing for that too#maybe a raffle of sorts#so i can write yall personalized fics#eh ill figure out the details later#but yeah!!#have a good day guys!
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the zoloft experience
#i havent taken meds since i was atleast 14 and my friend had a bunch of leftover zoloft from when they were prescribed it#and its good till next year so i jus decided to see what happened#so far i feel like my frontal lobe is getting squeezed really hard like when ur squeezing water out a sponge#when i woke up i sat in bed and jus stared at either the wall or out the window for like half an hour#and i kept getting up to look out the window and everything felt really fucking slow#for some reason i couldnt move my eyes too fast they felt really heavy. as im typing this they still kinda are#but way better than in the morning#im feeling Neutral. though talkig with people feels weirdly airy and light#i had an exam today that i didnt properly prepare for but i felt no Incoming Dread at all. which is Good i think#idk the adjustment period is weird i havent felt like this in a while but if we run out and im fine ill see if i can go to a psychiatrist#ive been needing meds for a While i feel ... perfect opportunity#personal#my art
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had quite the night drive earlier this evening.
#just me rambling again#web weaving#(?)#uh. one of my friends who is out of town for college was visiting and i got to see him and our friends and the only core member of that#group of people missing was my ex girlfriend who you may also know of as my wonderful wife#who has I assume been very busy with their own life things but has also barely and very sparsely had any hint of communication with any of#us within the past few months which I've been realizing very recently sort of hurts my feelings because we used to be so close and#they had been saying that they would be constantly making sure we still were in each other's lives. but then very quickly have#seemingly dropped off the face of the earth#anyways. I was driving aforementioned friend who is in town back home (family home not college obv) and when i was finally going back#towards my house afterwards my Google maps finally lead me to an area that i was more familiar with driving and i got to an#intersection and it was telling me to take a right to go home but i knew that i knew the way perfectly from that intersection to my#ex girlfriend / best friend / wifes familys house from all of the times I've gone that direction through the past years and so#i turned off my directions and i took a left towards their house#not super sure why but my brain and body just knew it was something i needed to do and so i went and drove down their street and cried#a lot the whole time and then drove myself home from their house once again following a super familiar path#and idk im still feeling very emotional about it. the fact that halloween by noah kahan was the first song to play on Spotify#after i made that left turn im sure didnt help (knowing that i miss them so much and am going to be leaving this area myself#soon enough here and there's been an open offer for a while now that they are welcome to follow and live with me once they get their degree#(and also um. halloween is next week lol)#idk i just havent felt the full force of how badly i miss having them in my life until tonight. when i was around this person i could feel#our souls singing in harmony. i genuinely cannot describe the feelings of our relationship in words i feel like only vaguely abstract art#could communicate the connection that was forged between us and the level of understanding and knowing#something not dissimilar to looking into the sun directly or trying to describe a vivid color to someone who is completely blind#something about the way the entire universe breathes in unison and everything around us are all pieces of the same stars#sigh#i miss my wife tails i miss her a lot /ref
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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The Lost Hero and Son of Neptune is about putting a Cali boy out east and dropping a New Yorker back west, so that the two great houses of USA, California and New York, can learn to get along.
Mark of Athena is about how Texas then fucks everything up
Eventually, if Percy does decide to settle down in New Rome with Annabeth, he's gonna have to come to grips with the fact that he's now a west-coaster.
#also i just love the idea of like jason having to come to terms with new york sized rats while percy's like ugh#why is everyone smiling all the time#pjo#percy jackson#jason grace#percy jackson and the olympians#hoo#heroes of olympus#tlh#the lost hero#son#son of neptune#jason deals with hypercaffeinated scowling new yorkers and percy deals with yoga minded hiking la-ers#i havent rlly been to la but ive been to georgia bruh the culture shock is real#when the first person called me sweetheart im like what#also their squirrels and general rodents are so small#in ny we have chunky beasts of all kinds#im talking huge rats squirrels raccoons
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oc doodles for the soul
#HI i havent posted art in a while bc i havent been feeling wiz lately#i dont think ive talked abt my necromancer rowan (left) but ambrose sent her to deal w grizzleheim instead of malistaire#(bc as we know he has issues w trusting necromancers)#she crosses paths w jordan years after their wizard city exploits when jordan is a very different person and rowan has to reconcile that#shes also tragic im just not quite sure how yet. all of my characters have a sort of misery to them i cant help it.#soup.art#jordan tag#rowan tag
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this site dead as fuck but i literally do not want to follow anyone new on here
#lowkey im sunsetting my time on this site#its been good often and ive made wonderful friends#but i havent like. done that in a while and it isnt a social space in the ways it once was#and also the acceptance of turbo transmisogyny is growing this place used to be a little better or at least easier to ignore w it#but honestly some popular bloggers are about one argument w the wrong person from calling us hysterical grooming autogynephiles these days#ive seen how even principled feminism from cis women is enough to get harassed off this site what the fuck hope will we ever have
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sry my beef eith that pastor is unending i fucking hate that guy like ugh . he soent maybe 5 minutes talking abt the actual ppl who actually died and then spent 2 hours just preaching and telling us we were all going to hell. is that how it is at all christian funerals. protestant i think if that means anything.
#like he tried to talk himself up abt how close he was eith alda mae and didnt even pronounce her fucking name righttt#and i remember talking with my papaw after granbys service and he was like I fucking hate that guy .#but its like her whole side of the family is buried in this one specific cemetery and her mom was at that funeral home and then a year later#alda mae went to that funeral home like. yk. its judt like The funeral home for that part of the family but god all of us fucking hate it#like nobody liked the service. even if the guy was aldas pastor maybe the extended family liked it better#but like. my immediate/immediate extended family (papaw cousins aunts uncles and then like. immediate) All of us were pissed w how grannys#funeral went. yk. UGH it made me so mad.#nd like. idk. idt thats what my granny would've wanted like . she was religious but i dont think she wouldve wanted the guy preaching to us#abt how we were going to hell. like i think she wouldve cussed him out DJFNFJNG. yk. my granny was not like. a good person . tbh.#tip if an older southern relative you rly rly rly love dies Donttt check their facebook bc yr sad and you miss them and just want to see#their face again. it will rly sour your opinion on them quite quickly. but yk. it did make me mad that service. bc i love my granny and that#service was justtt awful. but it was nice being in the cemetery yk. i cleaned up my great grand tombstone my aunt shae got to see her dad nd#everything. i still havent been able to actually see grannys proper tombstone outside of findagrave but i wanna try n visit this year . if#we get a car. you know. bc the picture is nice its a joint one for her and my papaw. who is not dead yet Obviously and hopefully wont be for#a longgg time hes young. i think hes like 60ish. so hes still got a while thank god. but mannn. wtvr.
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Sometimes if I’ve gotten done with a therapy appointment my dad will ask what we talked about and it’s like. Girl who do you think 🤨
#the klock keeps ticking#havent really done any therapy shit in a while cuz. yeah having a whole trust issues thing happening after bad experiences#but had to do a psychiatrist appointment today just cuz if i dont every once in a while i cant have meds#and yeah just makes me think how my dad has the audacity to ask that shit its like#first off even if we didnt talk about you like. why would you casually ask someone what they discussed in therapy alsjks#like this conversation can only be dark. unless he thinks idk my problems are just that stupid#also its like. personal? and every time ive been like uhhh dont ask me that i dont wanna talk about it he gets all pissy#saying that like i OWE him that information and he wants proof im trying to fix the things he deems as problems about me#which is stupid in every possible way like damn the entitlement#on the flip side my mom is really insecure shes like ���i know youre probably talking about how much you hate me in there 😩’#liiiike. dude. get a grip#so insecure soooo insecure over the idea of looking like a bad parent but refusing to ever admit youre wrong or that your behavior is bad#so yeah obviously i need to keep these people as far away as possible with this shit
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Jesus fucking Christ every time I think it can't get any worse something unimaginable happens. How many massacres do they have to endure? How many more babies have to die? The fuckers in power don't deserve to go on living with themselves for what they're doing to the Palestinian people. Their war crimes are on par or worse than anything the Nazis ever did. This country makes me want to puke
#on top of it all the american working class is poorer than we've ever been so what little help we can scrape together will never be enough#i havent been able to donate since january because im struggling to stay afloat#all the while familes are obliterated and the guilt eats away at me because there's nothing i can do.#feeling more sick today with this fucking country than ive ever been#Personal#Palestine
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