#we had 9 offers so even if worst comes to worst…

[rowanthestrange]

(well, might have just sold the house! i don’t breathe til we actually are inside the one we want to move to, but…!)

[souliebird]

[[and then I met you || ch. 15]]

Series: Daredevil || Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader || Rating: Explicit

Summary:

A one-night stand years ago gave you a daughter and you are now able to put a name to her father – Matthew Murdock. Everything is about to change again as you navigate trying to integrate your life with that of the handsome and charming blind lawyer’s and Matt realizes he needs to not only protect his new family from Hell's Kitchen, but from the world.

pt: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14

Words: 8.1k

ao3 link

banner thanks to the wonderful @theradioactivespidergwen

The first thing you process as you begin to come to is a slow, rhythmic beeping. It is dull and low and it almost carries you right back into the nothingness. You slip in and out of the fog a few times before your mind is able to catch a hold of conciseness. Even then, it feels like everything crawls by until your thoughts go from incoherent images to actual awareness. 

You feel awful - like you've been hit by a massive truck, who then backed up over you only to run you over again. Everything aches, but the worst of it is centered on the left side of your head, going down to your neck. It throbs and feels so stiff. You don't think you could move your head if you tried.

The second worst thing is how dry your mouth feels. It is as if someone stuffed you full of cotton to remove all the moisture from your body, then to make sure you were drained, dried you out under a heat lamp. It hurts to even try to swallow the little saliva your mouth is producing.

You need something to drink. 

Like some sort of miracle, something cold and wet is pressed to your lips. It startles you, but you react quickly. You force your lips to part and an ice chip is slipped between them. You suck on it desperately and it only takes a second for it to melt away, but almost instantly you are given another one. This happens two more times before your mouth finally doesn't feel like a desert. 

Your eyes are hard to open. They feel crusted shut and you don't know if you have the energy to try and pull them apart, but you try. It takes multiple attempts, but finally they open. Everything is far too bright and blurry.

Matt comes into focus above you, face wracked with concern. His hair is a mess and it looks like he hasn't slept in ages. His eyes, while sightless, are puffy and bloodshot and you wonder if he has been crying. Your brow knits in confusion and you try to reach for his cheeks to offer some sort of comfort. Your hand doesn't make it far off whatever you are laying on, but it doesn't matter because as soon as it is in the air, he's clasping his around yours. 

He breathes out your name just as you croak out his. 

Above you, he lets out the smallest breath of a laugh, like he is relieved, before moving even closer to you. He presses his forehead to yours and you let your eyes fall shut again - you're too tired to keep them open and you don't think he will mind the lack of eye contact.

“You scared me,” he whispers against you, before you feel his lips brush your cheek. 

You manage a confused noise, not understanding what is going on. Your throat burns as you attempt to talk, “what happened…?”

“You've got a pretty bad ear infection,” he tells you and you think that sounds about right. Everything hurts so much and you are far too warm. The cotton feeling in your mouth is also in your left ear, making it feel like half your head is dunked under water.

He is so close, his breath warms your still cool lips as he talks, “It hit you hard and fast - your fever got up to 104 and you wouldn't wake up. We had to bring you to the hospital, but you'll be okay now. Your fever has gone down a lot.”

The words float through you and it takes you a few seconds to grasp onto them and make them make sense. “We…?” You question because you don't know who ‘we’ could be. 

“Foggy and I,” he confirms. The hand not clutching your own cups your jaw and feels so cool and nice that you can't help but lean into it. He gives you another kiss, this time to the forehead, with his scruff lightly scratching against you. It tickles. 

You realize a name is missing and your heart starts to race. Matt hasn't mentioned your daughter and you start to panic. 

Where is she? Where's your baby?

“Minnie?” You ask, but to your non-stuffy ear, it sounds more like a whine.

He quickly starts to shush you, his thumb gently rubbing over your cheek, “it's okay, she's okay. She's safe. Foggy took her to go get some breakfast. She's okay. She's okay.”

His words do calm you, but your heart still pounds in your chest. You know Matt trusts Foggy, so to an extent, you do as well, but you want your daughter. You want to hold her and make sure she is truly alright. She must be so scared. 

You get another kiss to the forehead and it pulls you from your worried yet sluggish thoughts. You decide you like the feeling of Matt's beard against your skin. It's not something you're used to, and even if it is a little scratchy, it feels nice. It makes you feel warm but not like your supposed fever is making you feel warm. It's a good warm that wraps around your heart. It helps to soothe you - Matt would never allow your little one to be in any danger. 

“Try to get some rest, sweetheart. I'm not going anywhere - I'll be right here when you wake up, again. I swear,” he whispers into your hairline and you find yourself nodding into his palm. 

Sleep sounds good - you're tired and achy. Your eyes are so heavy you couldn't possibly open them again. You are slumping back down into your pillow before you know it, thoughts slowly buzzing back into nothing. 

The darkness takes you easily and you drift off without realizing Matt is practically clinging to you.

----

When you wake again, things make a little more sense. The hazy heavy fog is no longer covering your brain and you are more aware of what is happening around you before you open your eyes.

You can hear people walking around and talking outside your little room and everything smells disgustingly sterile. You can feel where IVs have been placed into your arm and the different monitors attached to your chest. You also know Matt is still clutching your hand and that motivates you to actually look around. 

Your head is tilted to the right, stretching out the stiffness on the other side, and centered in your view is Matt. He's asleep, head tilted down with his chin nearly to his collarbone. He looks so peaceful with his chest slowly rising and falling and someone has draped a thin blanket around his shoulders, only adding to his gentleness. You can't see it, but you're sure his knees must be bumping against the bed with how close he is to you. 

Your heart flutters in your chest. Had he stayed there this entire time? Has he let go of your hand at all? 

You remember when you were in the hospital to give birth. You had been so lonely - no one had been there to hold your hand or keep watch over you. No one had visited you - though you had received flowers from your work friends. 

Is this what it will be like now? 

You want that desperately - to feel like you matter to someone, for someone to care about you and your well-being, to feel like you aren't always alone. 

You squeeze his hand, and even though you feel absolutely horrible - hot and sweaty and like your head wants to fall off - you find yourself smiling at the sweet, handsome, lawyer who fathered your child. 

You are so happy you forced yourself to tell him the truth. 

You don't hear anything to your left but your heart rate monitor beeping, but your ear is also so clogged up not a lot of noise is getting through and you know it's throwing off your spatial awareness. It hurts to roll your head, but it eases your nerves to find you are alone with Matt in the exam room. However, you can't help the worry that bubbles in your stomach over the lack of your daughter. 

You know she must be with Foggy. The hospital is probably an incredibly unpleasant place for her - you hate being here because of the smells and atmosphere and that must be amplified for her. You can't imagine all the awful things she might hear here - the sick and dying and the surgeries. You are grateful for Matt's best friend. You will have to find a way to thank him properly. 

You force your gaze back to Matt and begin to slowly rub your thumb over his knuckles. He has so many scars there and you don't possibly know how he could have collected them all. He's told you before he practices boxing, but you don't think it is the bare knuckle kind. Maybe the punching bag can split skin - you have no idea about any of it beyond what you've seen in short viral videos. 

You have toyed with the idea of asking about going to the gym with him. You think it would be a fun experience for Minnie and you're curious how fit you actually are. Your workouts consist of chasing a toddler around - star jumps, push ups, and weights are no longer in your repertoire and you haven't properly gone on a run since high school. Plus, Minnie has recently learned what a cartwheel is and you are sure she will want to learn to do one and a gym is a safe place for that. 

You fall into a daydream about Matt teaching you and Mouse how to tumble, closing your eyes again as you do. You picture buying cute little leotards and watching your daughter perform a routine until there's movement under your hand. 

Matt squeezes your fingers, and you open your eyes just in time to see him blink awake. 

He gives you a sleepy smile, then with his free hand pulls his glasses out from somewhere under his blanket and puts them on. You watch him, taking in his crows feet before they disappear. 

“How are you feeling?” He asks as he shrugs the blanket off his shoulders.

You take a moment to consider the answer. You honestly feel horrible, but you don't feel as horrible as you previously did. There are aches and pains but you feel human again, as opposed to the concept of one. So you squeeze his hand and respond, “Better. I didn't…I didn't think I was that sick.” 

Matt hums and somehow scoots closer to the bed, then lifts your hand up to kiss the back of your hand. You feel your face heat up and your heart rate monitor beeps a little faster. “I'm glad, you gave us a good scare,” he says, keeping your hand against his lips. 

You have to remind yourself he's a very touchy person to keep your heart rate from increasing even more. To help with that, you drop your gaze to his chest - he's wearing a Columbia sweatshirt that is far too big on him and hides his lean frame. 

“What time is it?” His question throws you off at first, but then you realize there is a clock above the curtain entrance to the room. 

It takes you a second to process, which you blame on the illness and not the fact you haven't used an analog clock in ages, “Almost 1:30. I'm…guessing that it is PM. I can't really tell.”

Matt nods and you guess he can tell whether it is day or night. You hope it is day - you'd feel so guilty if you'd been in the hospital longer than a few hours.

Behind your hand, a small smile appears on his face, “Minnie and Foggy are on their way back up. I think she heard - oh. Okay, yes, she heard you talking. She says she has a present for you.”

Your heart pangs for your daughter. You don't want her to see you like this, but you desperately need her in your arms. You try to push yourself up, but you don't know if you have the energy to keep yourself sitting.

“Do you know how the bed works?” You ask and Matt shakes his head. He reaches out and feels along the railings, but by his frown, you guess he can't figure it out. You doubt any of the button labels are in Braille.

“Let me get the nurse.” 

He squeezes your hand once more before letting go. You tell yourself to ignore the strange feeling that envelopes you as he disappears behind the curtain separating you from everyone else. 

You don't want to be alone again. 

But you aren't - Matt is gone for barely thirty seconds before he's slipping back into the room, followed by a tired looking nurse. The woman comes up to your right side and you finally notice a little stand computer tucked by the bed. As she swipes her card key to unlock it, she looks at you, “How are you feeling?”

You decide to go with the same answer you gave Matt, “Better, ma’am.”

“Good, good,” she says as she types something. You go through the quick song and dance of confirming your name and birthdate, before she starts her questions, “Your pain on a scale of one to ten?” 

You have to think about that - your head hurts but not nearly as much as it did last night and your body feels sore and groggy. You bite your lip before estimating, “About a four..?” 

She adds that to your chart, “how about your ear? It should feel a bit clearer, you had a lot of fluid that drained out.”

That surprises you because you definitely do not remember that. You touch your ear and it feels far too warm and sensitive. You had no idea it was the problem, so you feel like you can't compare. 

“I don't know. Full? It…hurts. Like it's…sore on the inside?” you feel like an idiot trying to explain, but you have no idea about ear anatomy. 

The nurse hums, then turns to you, pulling a stethoscope out of her pocket, “I'm going to listen to your lungs. Take a deep breath.” 

You do as you are told as she places the device on your back to listen. You repeat this a few times with her until she's satisfied and she goes to enter her findings in the computer. 

“The doctor will be in shortly,” she tells you before leaning down to adjust your bed, so it can help you sit. You go from laying down to being propped up, “He will go over your discharge instructions.”

You're being discharged? You just woke up and haven't talked to anyone at all. The fact they are sending you away confuses you, “I'm being discharged?”

The nurse nods, not even looking at you as she locks the computer, “Yes. Do you feel you shouldn't be?”

You flush at the question and duck your head in shame. You know better than to question a doctor - if they think you should be discharged, you are fine. You force yourself to shrug and apologize, “No, I'm sorry, I just didn't expect it.”

The nurse simply gives you another hum before leaving to probably go tend to a patient that actually needs her. Almost instantly, Matt is back by your side, taking your hand. He kisses the meat of your thumb as he sits back in his chair.

“If you need to stay, you can stay,” he quietly advises.

You quickly shake your head, “No, it will be fine.” You huff a sad laugh, “It's not like I can afford this anyways.” You don't want to imagine the bill you are going to receive - being brought into the emergency room and given all kinds of medicine. You’ll have no more savings. 

“Don't worry about it,” he quickly tells you, a frown clear on his face. “Focus on getting better. Taking care of yourself. We can tackle the bill later - there's plenty of work arounds.”

Guilt pools in your belly - you don't need Matt worrying about your money problems. You force yourself to nod at his words, simply so he'll not try to comfort you over this issue. You think he must be on to what you are doing because he squeezes your hand and starts to say something, but quickly cuts himself off. You don't understand why until a few moments later - the curtain closing off your room is pushed aside and Minnie barrels in, closely followed by Foggy. 

You barely look at the blonde, instead pulling away from Matt to throw open your arms for your baby. The speed in which she manages to scale Matt and jump to you is impressive and you hug her to you like you're trying to absorb her. Your arm screams at you due to the fact you're trying to bend where your IVs are, but you don't care - and you don't care if your little angel is nearly strangling you with how tight she's hugging you. 

“Don't ever get sick again!” She whines into your neck and you nod against her. You'll never get sick again - what you put her through for being sick will forever live in your mind.

“I'm sorry, baby, I'm sorry, I didn't know I was sick.” 

“It was scary!” 

That absolutely breaks your heart and tears start to fall. 

“I'm so sorry, Minnie,” you choke out as you try to hold her impossibly closer. The guilt you had regarding money transforms into guilt over being sick at all. How dare you put Minnie through this? You should have realized something was wrong. You repeatedly apologize into her hair, trying to keep yourself from sobbing while she clings to you.

You feel the bed dip and then Matt is pulling you both against his chest and pressing his lips to your crown, “Shhh, it's okay. It's okay.”

You try to shake your head because none of this is okay. You scared and upset your daughter and you've got a stupid ear infection that is going to bankrupt you. Nothing is okay. 

“Do you want to show your Mommy what you got her to make her feel better?” Foggy asks Minnie after a minute of you being hysterical and shame courses through you as you are reminded someone else is there, watching you breakdown. 

You are such a fucking mess. 

However, Minnie pulls away from being squashed between you and Matt and jumps off the bed to go to the blonde. You finally notice, through teary tired eyes, that he has a decently sized gift bag. He sets it down on the ground and Mouse has to pick it up by its sides because it's too tall for her to hold by the handles. 

As she tries to figure out how to get back on the bed, you realize Matt is still wrapped around you and you decide you are too tired to fight with your anxiety and guilt any longer. You want his comfort - so you lean more into his arms and he responds by nuzzling you. He begins running his hands over your arms and somehow, it begins to soothe away your upset.

You miss whatever exchange your daughter and Foggy have, but he lifts her up and places her and the gift bag on the bed and she hauls it over to you. 

“We got you a present to get better,” she tells you and you know whatever it is, you'll cherish it. 

There's no tissue blocking your view and you see something pink and white checkered that looks very soft. Before you can move to pull it out, Matt intervenes. He takes your wrist and gently stretches out your arm that has the IV in it, humming against you, “You have to keep your arm straight.” 

You flush at the reminder, feeling like a complete idiot, and use only one hand to pull out the gift. 

It is a massive blanket and it is so so soft. You want to bury yourself in it.

“Oh, Mouse, this will make me feel better. Thank you so so much,” you say as you reach out with your good arm to hug her again. She wastes no time tucking herself back between you and Matt.

“Blankies make everything better,” she advises wisely, “Froggy said so.” 

You can't help but smile at that and hold your daughter even closer. You turn your attention to Foggy, who has just been an absolute saint for watching over your daughter, “Thank you so much, Foggy. For everything. I can't thank you enough.”

He scoffs and waves his hand, “it is my pleasure. This wasn't my first late night Murdock call, it won't be my last, and she is at least a pleasure to be around at three in the morning.”

You want to ask how they even knew you were sick, but you also don't want to know the details. You can only guess Minnie somehow called Matt and you aren't in a place to hear that conversation. The guilt and emotions would overwhelm you even more than you already are and you are so so tired of crying. So you hug your daughter even closer, so she's in your lap, and mumble another thank you. 

Foggy takes a seat in one of the visitor chairs and asks, “has the doctor come yet to talk to you?” You very much appreciate his concern, but most importantly, his tact. You don't feel like he's judging or lying to you. He seems genuinely concerned.

You try to not shake your head at his question, since Matt is still holding you and it would just hurt your head more, and reply “Just the nurse. She said I'm getting discharged.” 

The blonde huffs, leaning back in his seat to cross his arms, “Wow, they really do just turn and burn. Last time I was here, they pushed me through, too. American health care, right?” You hum in agreement - the health care system in America is very bad. 

Foggy dives into a story about being in the hospital when he was a kid. It quickly catches Minnie’s attention and you realize this may be more for her benefit than anyone else's. You try to listen, but instead find yourself resting your head on Matt's shoulder and closing your eyes again. 

You’ll just stay like this, your daughter in your lap and her father holding you against him, until the doctor comes. 

If he takes his time getting to you, you don't think anyone is going to complain. 

---

It takes another three hours for you to be fully discharged. You have to fill out a mass of paperwork before the doctor even speaks to you, but after he does, no time is wasted to clear you out of the needed exam room. 

Any concerns you have about getting home are moot, as Foggy has everything covered. He has borrowed his girlfriend's car and procured a child's seat from his parents - who apparently have multiple due to their ‘hoard of grandchildren’. Minnie doesn't fuss at all, focused on being the best helper she can be by carrying your purse, which had apparently been brought in with you. Matt is insistent on helping you walk, which you are grateful for - standing makes you very dizzy and you have to focus to not stumble. 

To your great surprise, Karen is waiting outside your building as Foggy pulls the car up. She's carrying a few shopping bags, and beside her is a grumpy looking man you vaguely recognize holding a very old fashion looking crockpot. It has an orange vintage flower pattern and you kind of want it. 

No one says anything as you all climb out of the vehicle. Matt quickly gets himself under your shoulder and his arm around your waist while Minnie latches herself to your hand. You don't know if she thinks she's helping or if she's obeying your rule of hand-holding when outside. 

You all awkwardly stand on the sidewalk and you watch as Foggy and the new man have a staring contest. You have no idea what is going on and kind of don't care, as you want to get up to your apartment. After a full minute, Foggy points to the man and declares, “you aren't coming to Thanksgiving,” before marching towards the door to the building. Matt, and thus you, follows after him and as you pass Karen, she snorts with laughter. She and the man fall in line behind you as you make your way to the stairs. 

You just know that if you allowed him, Matt would pick you up and carry you up the three flights of stairs, but you refuse to let it happen. You are dizzy and far too warm, but also very stubborn and you determinedly take each step at a time, refusing to stop until you're on your floor. Only then do you resume leaning into his hold. 

Foggy unlocks your door then ushers you all inside. Minnie lets go of your hand almost instantly, drops your purse, and runs to the bedroom. You guess she is going to grab Pig and Scooby to update them on everything. You make your way to your couch as Karen sets the groceries on the table and her grumpy friend finds a spot on the counter to plug in the crockpot. 

As she unpacks, Karen narrates, “Okay, so I got you all the essentials - Gatorade, tea, saltines, ibuprofen, a compress, and I got you life savers to suck on because that helps when you want something to sweet but don't want to eat anything. I picked up your medicine, it's just ear drops. And of course, the most important thing,” you turn on the couch just in time to see her motion towards your kitchen, “Nelson Family Chicken Soup.”

You stare at the blonde with wide eyes and you feel like you are going to start crying again. No one has ever done this much for you before - not even your ex-boyfriends. Your last one wouldn't even pick up tampons for you, but Karen has clearly gone out of her way and you've only met her a handful of times. You have no idea how to thank her and Foggy for everything they have done for you. You are going to have to bake them a cake or something. As for Matt, you know you are never going to be able to repay him for the comfort and care he has given you in the last few hours.

You are so overwhelmed with love for this little group of friends who are letting you into their life. 

“Thank you so much,” you say, meaning it with all of your heart, “you didn't have to do all of that. Thank you.”

Karen gives you a warm smile before waving you off, “Don't mention it. You'd do the same for any of us.”

You happily would and plan to take notes of what Karen bought, just in case. However, the soup is something that confuses you. Did Matt's best friend bring Minnie to his house to cook? You turn to Foggy, who is examining Minnie’s toy chest, and ask, “You made soup?”

The blonde man looks up with a laugh, “God, no, you don't want me cooking. That was all my mom. Her soup is a cure all.”

“It is,” Matt vouches from beside you. “It can cure almost anything. It got rid of my flu last year.”

“It saved countless Christmases,” Foggy adds.

“It also stops cramps,” Karen confirms. 

You look to the man in the kitchen for his approval and he just shrugs, “Haven't had it, but it smells good.”

You have to cover your face at that point because it is all too much. Foggy's mother made you soup? How did she even know you were sick? Why did she do this for you - someone she's never met? Someone she has no connection to at all? 

An arm wraps around your shoulder and you are pulled to lean against Matt. He nuzzles against you and whispers, “you aren't alone anymore. We're all here for you.” 

You hide yourself against him and he starts to rub your back in a comforting manner. This is far too much for you. You don't know how to process all of it.

Luckily, a distraction from your patheticness comes in the form of your daughter. 

You hear her come back into the living room and boldly ask the strange man in your kitchen, “Who are you?”

You try to listen since you are curious and you can feel that Matt has turned his head to pay attention to his daughter. You stay tucked against his shoulder, wishing you had your new big blanket to wrap yourself in.

“My name's Frank, what's yours, little lady?” The man says and you try to commit the name to memory. You wonder if he is Karen's boyfriend or something - you don't think he's been mentioned before. 

“Minnie!” She declares, then, “This is Pig and Scooby. They like soup, too!” You guess she's held up her toys for him to see. She must be less nervous of the man since he is in your home.

There's a round of chuckles before Frank speaks again, “That right? How about we leave it to your Daddy to get you and your friends some soup and we let your Mommy get some rest?”

There's a few beats of silence before you hear Minnie again, “Okay. Bye-bye, Mister Frank.” 

The man barks with laughter, which barely covers the pitter-patter of feet coming towards you, “Daddy, can we have soup for dinner, I'm hungry.” 

“Of course, princess, I'll make you a bowl.” 

The others must take that as a cue, because when you lift your head up, the three other adults are making their way back to your front door. 

Karen lightly calls out your name to get your attention, and when she sees you looking at her, offers a soft smile, “Feel better soon, and let us know if you need anything.”

“Anything at all,” Foggy adds, “I'm more than happy to play babysitter. Parks are my specialty if the squirt needs to get out all that Murdock energy.”

“I'm not a squirt!” Mouse huffs and you can picture her puffing up her cheeks. 

“I don't know, kid, you look like a squirt to me,” Frank tells her and she lets out a long ‘nooooo’ in response. 

You smile against Matt at the little exchange - you can tell your daughter is extremely fond of Foggy and that makes your heart rest easy. She's never been so vocal around other adults before. 

“Thank you, so much. I really, really mean it,” you tell the people who have come to your rescue. 

“It is really not a problem, you're family, now,” Foggy tells you before directing himself towards Minnie, “Okay, squirt, can I get a high five?” The sound of a toddler running followed by a slap tells you she just did that. “Good girl! Now, help your Dad take care of your Mom and call me if he gives you any trouble, got it?”

“Got it, Froggy!” 

Goodbyes are exchanged then it is just your little family left in your apartment. You finally allow yourself to pull away from Matt.

“You don't need to stay.”

His response is to raise his eyebrows at you, “You think I'm going to leave you alone while you're sick? You need to rest. I’ll take care of everything else. Minnie can finally show me her Scooby movie.”

You want to tell him ‘no’, that you have it handled and he should go get his own rest, but you know it's fruitless. You're learning Matt is committed to his role of being a father and there will be no way to convince him to go. He's a lawyer - he probably already has fifteen arguments ready for why he should stay. 

So you give in and give a small nod, “Okay…” 

He breaks into a big grin, like he expected you to push back and is happy you didn't, “Good. Are you feeling up to some soup?” 

Your stomach turns at the idea of eating anything. You’d been given IV fluids at the hospital and managed a cup of water, but you do not want to eat. There is nothing actually wrong with your stomach - everything is centered on your ear - but that doesn't change the fact you'll probably not be able to keep anything down. 

“No,” you tell him after a moment, then add, “I think I'm going to shower and go to bed.”

“Okay,” he hums, reaching up and oh so gently petting your cheek with the back of his fingers and making a shiver run up your spine, “Let me know if you need anything. You don't need to get up, if you just say anything, I'll hear it, okay?”

You don't like the idea of him being able to hear your sick gross body, but there is nothing you can do about it. You slowly push yourself up, careful to not get too dizzy, then start towards your bedroom. Behind you, Matt starts talking about soup and Scooby with Minnie. 

Once you are alone in your room with the door closed, you break down. You sit on your bed, hide your face in a pillow, and just let out all of your tears. All your frustration, your shame, your guilt, your confusion, your tiredness, and your pain pours out of you. Your shoulders shake as you bite into the pillow to try and hide your sobs and you pray Matt realizes you need to be alone right now and distracts Minnie. You just need to get all of this out of you. 

Your body is so exhausted you can only cry for a few minutes before you are completely drained. You feel slightly better emotionally, but your head is throbbing even more. 

You desperately want to get clean and curl up now. You weakly toss your pillow back on the bed and force yourself up to gather something clean to change into. You place the new garments of the dresser, before going to the closet and pulling out a new sheet for your bed. You know you don't have the energy to strip it, but you don't want to sleep on your own filth. So, you push your blanket off, then lay the clean sheet over the dirty one. 

Satisfied with your meager attempt, you grab your clothes, open the bedroom door, and shuffle to the bathroom. 

You look like absolute shit and don't need your mirror to tell you that, so you try to not look at it. To help, you grab a towel and maneuver it to hang over your medicine box, then strip out of your soiled clothing. 

You let your body go on autopilot to start the shower and as you wait for it to heat up, you wash your face and brush your teeth. That alone makes you feel cleaner. You take your hair out of its ponytail - you washed it on Saturday, so you aren't going to rewash it, but you'd like to wet your skull to remove some sweat. 

You kick your dirty clothes into a corner, then check the spray. It feels nice and hot, but not scalding, and you step in. 

Almost immediately, your vision goes spotty and it feels like your brain is floating in ice water. You have to reach out with both hands and lean on the wall so you don't tumble over and you shuffle to it to press your forehead to the cool tile. 

Maybe a shower wasn't such a good idea after all, but you feel so sweaty and sticky and gross. If you just stand and let the water wash over you, maybe it will help and you won't have to let go of the wall. Or you can just sit on the floor, but with how you are feeling that runs the risk of you not being able to get back up. 

A knock on the door startles you and you have to push more against the tile to keep yourself upright. 

You close your eyes tightly. 

You think it must be Minnie. She's come to go potty when you've been in the shower before and you don't think she went before you left the hospital. You take a deep breath and center yourself before calling out, “Come in.”

The door opens and closes and the voice that speaks isn't Minnie.

“Are you okay?”

You shake your head because you are very much not okay in any sense of the word. You don't know how to put that into words or even if you want to. You don't want to go on the emotional rollercoaster again - you're so tired. You just want to get clean and go back to sleep.

You don't mean to space out, but you do. There's just so much going on and your body decides to only focus on remaining upright. So when hands smooth over your waist, you nearly scream. You know it's Matt, but it still scares you. 

Why is he in the shower with you? 

You try to turn around to question him, but his hands tighten around you, keeping you in place. 

“Let me help you.”

The words shake your core. Your heart begins to pound in your chest and you know, if you had any tears left in you, they would be falling. Why is he doing this? Why is he here, asking to help you? Why is he pushing for it?

You feel him step even closer to you and his chest brushes against your back. He breathes your name into your ear, then repeats, “Let me help you, please.”

You try to shake your head and choke out, “You should be with Minnie.” Minnie needs him, she needs his help, not you. He is here to help watch over her, he even said so himself.

His nose bumps against your ear and you feel like your knees are going to give out. Why is he doing this?

“She's trying to give soup to her toys and watching her shows. She doesn't need me right now. You do. Let me help you.”

You push your hands firmer against the tile to keep your balance. 

Matt has been with you all day, holding your hand and keeping you upright until you left his arms to go take a shower. You haven't asked this of him - he's been with you of his own free will. He's been so gentle with you, so caring, so comforting. 

His hands move from your waist around to your stomach and slowly up to your sternum and very gently pulls you flush against his chest. He feels so firm, so steady, holding you up. 

Do you really want to push him away? Do you really want to send him back to watch Minnie? 

You can barely keep yourself standing. You're so dizzy. It feels like at any moment your body is going to give out and you'll collapse.

It feels nice to be held. 

It feels nice that he is here for you, for whatever motivation he has. 

You think of your daughter. How scary this must be for her and how terrifying it would be for her if you fainted in the shower after everything that has happened. 

That must be why Matt is here with you. He's far more in tune with your body and you know that means Minnie is too.

He's trying to keep her safe by keeping you safe. 

You need to think of Minnie, not yourself.

Matt whispers your name again and you drop your hand from the tile and place it over Matt's.

“Okay…” you whisper. “Okay.”

Lips brush your shoulder and his hands move to be at your ribs and there's a gentle pressure, silently asking you to turn. You take a steadying breath and start to rotate, slow as can be. 

You can't look at him in the face. Despite everything, shame burns deep inside of you. You've always been able to do things yourself - you've always had to. Even if it feels good to have the help, to know Matt is going to catch you if you fall, the voice that lives inside you hisses that you're being weak. Pathetic. 

You force your eyes open and the first thing you see are the scars going across his chest. 

He has been through so much you don't even know about, just like you have been through things you haven't told him about, and to make this work, to make raising your daughter work, you have to trust each other. You have to trust Matt and he needs to trust you. 

You slowly reach up and place your hand half over the scar on his right pec, then, to prove to yourself that you mean the beliefs in your head, you lean in and press your lips to the other side of the scar. 

He inhales sharply and you feel like, for some reason, you made the right move. 

Neither of you move for a minute, then Matt gently presses against you and guides you back into the spray of the shower. 

It feels so good against your hot sticky skin and you find yourself letting yourself lean more into Matt and you give in to your desires and let your head fall against his shoulder, closing your eyes as you do.

You feel him reach behind you to the shower caddy and you are happy you have been using bar soap, so you don't have to explain what is what to Matt. He lathers up his hands, then begins to wash you. He starts with your back and you decide to just zone out. You can't debate anymore, you can't let your mind go crazy - you're too tired, too sick to deal with much more. 

Matt's hands slowly work over your back and sides. They dip down to your bottom and even though he's touching somewhere intimate, it doesn't feel lewd. 

After your back has been washed, he tilts his head just slightly and his nose brushes the shell of your ear and he breathes into it, “turn around so I can get your front.” 

It takes a few moments, but you do as you are told, and then you are leaning back against Matt's chest, head once again resting on his shoulder, just the opposite one this time. Your nose is a hair's breadth away from his jaw. 

He relathers his hands, then starts on your stomach. He's so methodical about it and it feels almost hedonistic. You're not going to deny it feels good, but you know it's not in any way sexual or wanting. You just haven't been touched in so long, so anything will feel good. 

He avoids your nipples when he runs his hands over and under your breasts and he doesn't linger, moving up to your shoulders, then down your arms. When he gets to your hands, he laces your fingers together. 

“Do you want your hair done?” He quietly asks and you just barely shake your head.

“Just want to get it wet,” you mumble into his throat. 

He hums in response and squeezes your hands, “‘m gonna need to turn you around again to do that and to get your legs.” 

He keeps your hands in his and, to your great surprise, turns you slowly around like you are dancing, one arm over your head and another around your back. When you're facing the right way again, you open your eyes to see Matt smiling at you with the softest look. 

In your chest, your heart clenches. 

No one has ever looked at you like that before. No one. No one has ever treated you the way he has. 

You don't think you care if it is because you are the mother of his child. Matt is a truly good and loving person and you want to bask in it, at least for now. 

You let go of one of his hands and cup his jaw. He presses into it, closing his eyes and it's like you can feel any tension he might have in him melt away. You stay like that for a few seconds before he turns his head just slightly to nuzzle into your palm, then he lets go of you to drag his fingers through your hair. He makes sure to get your roots wet, but doesn't soak your hair. His nails dig slightly into your scalp and you try to not moan at how nice it feels.

“Hold onto my shoulders,”  he directs you and you do as you are told. Only when you have a secure hold on him does he kneel down and begin to run his hands over your legs. He starts high on one thigh and works his way down to your foot, then repeats the process on the opposite leg. 

You can't help but look down at him, watching as he delicately washes you. There's this deep urge in your belly, right above your core, to tangle your hands into his hair. A memory from your night together, all those years ago, flashes through your mind. 

He had backed you against a wall and gotten on his knees to push your dress up and your panties down. Your thigh had been draped over his shoulder and he had eaten you out like a starving man before taking you to bed and making you cum two more times on his tongue. 

You quickly banish the thoughts because not only do you know it's not the time for that, but that it was a one night stand between strangers. You don't want to make things any more awkward by Matt realizing he's having such an effect on your body, even if you don't intend for it. 

You tell yourself to think of the pajamas you've picked out to wear instead - a nice, soft, baggy shirt and your favorite biker shorts. You picture the amazing blanket your daughter got you and how nice it will be to curl up in it and sleep. 

You want that more than anything right now. You want to just sleep. 

You focus on that until Matt is back in front of you and turning off the water. 

“All done,” he whispers and you repeat the words back to him. 

He helps you out of the shower and gets you wrapped in a towel before starting to dry himself off. You don't allow yourself to admire his body and focus on getting the water droplets off of your body and out of your hair. 

Once you are no longer dripping, you bundle your hair back into a ponytail and pull on your clean clothes. 

The little change makes you feel so much better.  You always forget how just being clean can change your mood so drastically. 

“Thank you,” you whisper once you are dressed. “Thank you so much, Matt.” 

You turn to finally look at him, and he has redressed in just his boxers and oversized sweater. He steps towards you and cups your jaw, smoothing his thumb over your cheeks, “You don't have to thank me. I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you. You just have to let me in, okay? Please let me in.”

You close your eyes at his words and nod. 

You can't promise you will let him in fully, but after everything he's shown you in such a short time, you think you can try. You can try to let Matt in. 

“Okay.” 

He lets you go with a small, sweet, and soft smile then cocks his head slightly to the right, “Let's get you to bed, I think someone has decided they want to join you for a nap.”

Joy swells in your heart and belly at the idea of cuddling with your daughter. You want to wrap her up and hold her and let her feel loved and protected. You know now how nice it is and words tumble from your lips without you meaning them to, “you should come too.”

His eyes go wide at the offer before that small sweet smile morphs into a boyish grin, “I would like that. I would like that a lot.”

--

a/n: Matt would not stop smooching. I could not hold him back from smooching.

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[mandarinmoons]

could you write spencer x reader, where reader is pregnant and they’re having like the worst argument ever, and too much stress causes yn going into labor. thanks🫶🏻

You were 9 months along and extremely pregnant. If it weren’t for Spencer helping you every time you needed to get up on your feet, you didn’t think you would’ve made it halfway through your term. Your feet were swollen, your back was aching and with the baby kicking more regularly, you were exhausted and couldn’t wait for it to be all over.

Spencer had been caught up with work for the past few days and wasn’t able to be there for you as much he needed to. By now your mood was pretty stable as you managed to get used to the hormones caused by the pregnancy, but this time around they had full control and with Spencer not being around to dote on you it was a recipe for disaster.

It was 11 o’clock at night, with not being able to sleep comfortably due to the size of your stomach you decided to stay up late until Spencer got home and watch whatever reruns the TV channel you had settled to watch had to offer.

While clicking through the channels the front door opened and closed and you heard a familiar sigh, Spencer finally got home. As he shuffled out of his shoes he slowly made his way to the couch, he pressed a kiss to your head and sat down next to you. Leaning over he caressed your stomach and pressed a few kisses on it too.

“How’s she doing?” Spencer’s voice was quiet and even in the dark you could make out that his under eyes were darker than usual.

“She’s been kicking a lot today, too bad you weren’t here to feel it,” the tone of your voice was almost snarky and even though Spencer wasn’t the best at social cues his eyebrows furrowed together as he caught on to your annoyance.

“Is there something wrong?”

You sigh and sit up a bit, “Spencer, I know your work has been hectic recently, but I can barely stand up by myself and not having someone here to help is really difficult.”

Spencer’s jaw lightly clenched and you saw a vein pop out on the side of his forehead, it was clear that your words were upsetting him.

“Sweetheart I’m sorry that I can’t always be here, but you need to understand that sometimes I just can’t.”

“Can’t you take some time off until I give birth?”

Spencer sighs and sits up as he rubs his hands over his face, “I can’t, we need the money. Having a family is expensive,” Spencer’s voice was agitated, you knew you should back off but you couldn’t, you were the one who was taking on the majority of the burden of bringing this child to life and you weren’t about to be shut down.

“Can’t you show a little compassion?”

“A little? Y/N I rub your back and feet every night, even after I get home from work, even if I chase down an unsub for how long, I always make time for you!” Spencer’s voice was getting louder and his fists clenched, meanwhile your blood was boiling and tears were threatening to spill from your eyes. 

“Screw this,” you managed to stand up and waddled your way to the bedroom while Spencer looked to the side and took a deep breath. He loved you but sometimes your stubbornness got a bit much for him.

You slammed the door shut and a moment later you felt a sharp pain in your abdomen which led you to gripping onto the nearby dresser. A groan left your lips and a moment later you felt water trickle down your legs, this was it.

“Spencer!” you yelled and he was by your side a second later, crouching down to look at your face.

“She’s coming, the baby’s coming.”

Spencer’s eyes went wide and he quickly grabbed you a jacket and a pair of shoes, which he helped put on, and gently guided you to the car.

One extremely careful yet quick car ride later you were taken into a hospital room and  nurses surrounded you as they helped you get through the pain, all while Spencer was right by your side squeezing your hand in his and giving it a sweet kiss every now and then.

“You’re doing so well sweetheart.”

You looked over at Spencer and winced as another contraction racked your body and whimpered, “I’m sorry Spencer.”

“Shh no no, it’s okay, don’t worry about that now. Let’s just focus on getting our girl here, yeah?”

You nodded and squeezed Spencer’s hand as another contraction took over.

Hours later cries were finally heard in the room and the little miracle that you and Spencer had made was put in your arms. You looked down at the now sleeping baby and ran your finger over her cheek. You looked at Spencer and saw tears flooding his eyes, that was his little girl.

“Do you wanna hold her?”

Spencer nodded eagerly and gently took the infant in his arms as he took in the sight in front of him, you had just given him one of the greatest gifts he could ask for.

“What should we name her?”

Spencer took a moment as he was still mesmerized by the presence of his own child.

“What about… Bailey?”

“I like that, Bailey Reid.”

Spencer chuckled and sat down on the hospital bed next to you. You inched a bit closer and admired how Spencer held Bailey. You rested your head on Spencer’s shoulder and he made sure to press a sweet kiss to your head.

“I love you so much.”

“I love you too, so much, and now also her.”

“Me too, so much.”

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[cherriesformatt]

9 months || matt sturniolo part 3

matt x fem!reader

summary: just how you and matt figured out life during your pregnancy

warings: pregnancy, suggestive, being sick

word count: 2,2k

a/n: guys thanks so much for all the notes 🥹 means a world to me and 100 followers wtf 🍒ily im not that proud of this one. Let me know if I should still keep going with the next part. Didn’t proofread yet!

The doctor said I couldn’t fly till my second trimester. I was really sick and pregnancy wasn’t easy on me. So we decided that we will wait to tell our families because we really wanted to tell them in person. Chris and Nick were great with keeping the secret. No one besides 4 of us knew. Even Laura and my boss didn’t know. I worked from home so I was able to do my job even when I wasn’t in my best form.

I had basically 3 babysitters now. Matt, Chris and Nick treated me like glass and to be honest sometimes I liked it (mostly when I was rotting on the couch and needed a snack) but most of the time I just yelled at them that I really could do everything without them staring at my soul.

When I was so sick all the time Matt decided that I should just stay with them for now. But the next thing I see is him moving my entire apartment here. I was pretty minimalistic so I didn’t have too much stuff. I just didn’t extend my rental and decided that would be for the best now.

My doctor said I was clear to fly when I was 16 weeks pregnant. So we organized trip to Boston. Sooner than later because I was starting to show and also because I already felt better. I gave up and started taking meds to stop being so nauseous. Every time I would try to gave them up everything would just make me sick.

Justin picked four of us from the airport and I took a passenger seat in the van. The flight was pretty good. I was just tired. The car had an air freshener and it’s smell just make my stomach flip.

“Oh no” I said and released I did not take my meds in the plane because I was sleeping. And also I couldn’t find them in my bag.

“Justin pull over …please” I kept my hand on my mouth.

He looked at me and when he saw me he momentarily did pull over to the side and I just jumped out of the car and threw up. I felt my hair being hold and a gentle hand rubbed my back.

“It’s okay baby… just let it all out” Matt said with his voice being worried.

When I was done I rinsed my mouth with water that Matt gave me and looked at him.

“This air freshener gotta go” I said quietly but he did take it out before I got back in.

“What are you pregnant or something, kid?” Justin looked at me jokingly but I only smiled at him awkwardly.

That’s how he found out.

MaryLou, Jimmy and boys grandma found out because Chris couldn’t keep his shit together.

“No she doesn’t drink” Chris said after their dad offered me my favorite wine. I was the only one who would usually share a glass or two with them and Justin. I was also over 21.

“How come? That’s your favorite” Jimmy said but I just looked at Matt.

“O fuck I’m so sorry” Chris said realizing but it just made it worst. We had to tell them now and then.

“So we came here… not only because we missed you but also to share some news with you all” Matt said really calmly.

“We’re having a baby” He aded looking at his parents and I just gripped his hand really hard.

“Oh my…” MaryLou said and she stood up and came to us and just gave us both a hug.

“You won’t believe this… but what I told Jimmy when you went to drop your bags upstairs. I said something is different… and you honey.. you’re glowing” She looked at me and honestly I couldn’t see that but I heard that a lot lately.

“What can I say…. I didn’t expect that so soon but congratulations kids” Jimmy came up to us as well and gave Matt a reassuring shoulder squeeze and I got a big smile.

“Oh Matty… I always knew you’re going to be the first one to give me great grandchildren” Their grandma smiled at us and Matt just went to her and gave her a big hug.

Rest of the night we spend watching their old videos and baby photos and I just cried so many times. Because I realized I couldn’t wait to have the baby here with us.

They took the news so well and I was really stressed about it because at first I was always worried about being older than Matt and now I’m also older and pregnant.

But they just always made me feel like home here and the rest of the trip just went so well. Talking to someone with so much experience gave me just more power to get through it all.

Then we did my family after coming back from Boston. I didn’t want to put myself out for such a long flight. Since my family was back in Europe. So we did what I dreamed about since I saw that commercial back when I was in middle school.

“Everyone…I want you to meet someone” I said while we were on a family group chat FaceTime.

I stood up and Matt readjusted the screen so it was on my belly. Which I swear was just bigger everyday. I felt like weight was lifted off my body, because not telling my mom and siblings about that was hard. Everyone freak out and I needed to answered 100 questions but luckily my mom didn’t make us say we will get married before the baby comes.

Half way through we were just getting really excited and everyone knew. Everyone except the whole Internet. But honestly that wasn’t to hard to keep from. We always did keep our relationships private and I wasn’t that much on social media so it was alright.

Also that was the time when I just couldn’t resist Matt. I honestly felt like jumping his bones 24h and I’m not even kidding. That was his favorite part of me being pregnant.

We also did decide that we rent a house that went in the market in the same neighborhood that the triples lived now. And we got the house so we started to renovate it like we wanted it. Boys were happy that it’s literally next doors but also it’s our own space that we would need to learn to have.

Nick was filming and photographing all weeks of my pregnancy. At first I didn’t like it because I was camera shy. I usually worked behind it. And now when I’m looking at Polaroids he made me take every week. They made me so happy.

“I love the name Noah” Matt said while his head was on my boobs and his hand on my belly.

I smiled. We didn’t want to know the gender till birth so while we talked to the baby we just called it “peanut”.

“I actually love it too… and we could do N O A H for a boy and N O A” I said and he looked at me so happy that I liked his idea.

Me and Madi would go shopping sometimes and all we did was just buying baby stuff. Most of the stuff I got were the ones I’ve learned from birth classes. I was obsessed with reading all the books about newborns and every now and then I’ll see Matt reading them too when he was not working.

One afternoon Chris came back from his meeting and he was so excited. He handed me w bag and I opened it.

“Chris are you kidding me? I’m going to cry” I put two mini sets of fresh love on the table. One was blue and one was pink.

“That’s the cutest thing that I have ever seen” I hugged him tightly.

“That’s from your favorite uncle kid your first outfit” He said looking at my belly and I froze because I felt a movement inside. First time ever so hard.

“Oh fuck… that was so weird” I said.

“What happened?” Chris stepped away from me.

“The baby is moving and I can feel it so well! Oh my gosh it did it again!!”

“Can I feel it?” Chris asked clearly exited.

“Yes..give me your hand” I said and I put his hand where I last felt it. And when the baby did it again I looked at him.

“Did you feel it?” I asked and he just looked at me with his eyes wide open .

“I did… a little.. that’s so weird… bro you’re a hero” he said.

“What’s that screaming all about?” My boyfriend joined us in the kitchen.

“I just made your baby kick!” Chris said.

“Oh my goodness are you just gonna claim it on yourself?” I laughed.

“What?” Matt came up to me and put his hands on my belly.

I readjusted them and looked at his eyes.

“Now…she did it again” I said and his eyes widened.

“That’s… wow” he said.

“I know” I whispered.

“You also just called Peanut a “she”” Matt smiled.

He knew I was having dreams about us having a daughter. That was another thing since I was pregnant. I had so many vivid dreams.

“Oh that was an accident…” I said.

After my 32nd week we had everything ready in our house and we started to sleep there and hang out. I worked there too. I had my little office. But I started to be really tired so I took my time off. Matt was really happy about it. Because we had more time to spend together, just two of us before there was a three people in the pack.

He was just perfect. He would rubbed my feet when they were swollen and give me a massage every night. He talked to my belly so much and just loved us both to the moon and back. All this time it was really hard for us but he made it so easy in the same time.

When I was freaking out the day my waters broke. He just packed a car and kept his cool. He was beside me every second. His brothers and our moms outside the delivery room.

“That’s a nice one if I’m going to have my baby to this song I might actually name it skies” I said in between taking my deep breaths. I let everyone be part of my delivery day playlist. Lil Skies was currently playing for the 7th time.

“Oh please baby” Matt laughed and rubbed my back as I rolled myself on the ball trying to get through my constructions.

When it came to actual pushing I thought I’m gonna kill everyone in the room. I decided that I wanted to give birth in water. So when I was ready we moved to the pool that nurses got ready.

Matt was siting behind me telling me sweet nothings while I was screaming and holding his hands so hard that I’m pretty sure blood couldn’t get to them.

While I heard crying in the room that wasn’t mine. Everything just went away. All the pain. They put the baby on my chest and I hold it.

“It’s a girl…” One of the nurses said and I kissed her temple. She was so little.

“We have a daughter…” Matt whispered as he hold as both. Both of us crying at this point and just couldn’t believe it.

“She is perfect” I whispered and touched her little nose.

“You both are, you’re a hero” Matt kissed my head.

When they took her for check up. Nurses helped me to get myself together while Matt went to take a shower. Took him 5 minutes because he was scared to miss the moment they will bring her back. I actually couldn’t keep my eyes open after they gave me pain meds I just passed out.

When I woke up there were flowers, balloons and gift bags everywhere. And I saw Matt at the corner of the room with little Noa on his bare chest.

“Matty…” I whispered.

He looked at me and stood up holding her. He was so natural about it.

“Look mama is up” He gently placed her in my open arms and I looked at her. I could just stare at her forever.

“Is everything okay? What’s all of this?” I asked quietly.

“Both of you are great, you slept some time, you deserved it, I send everyone home after they saw Noa for a little bit. That’s all form the favorite uncles apparently” He said with a big smile.

“They’re crazy…come here on the bed” I said and moved a little. He did as I said and I rested my head on his shoulder.

“Thank you…she’s so perfect” Matt said and kissed my cheek.

“Well we did it together I just had more work” I laughed.

He did too and Noa opened her eyes and looked at us. But didn’t cry. She really was perfect. Well she was a Sturniolo after all.

That’s all I needed. My little family.

[stealingyourbones]

*offers a (sanitized) owl pellet* Here, it’s got at least half a small rodent skeleton.

I was thinking… for DPxDC… Have we ever put Danny in Gotham as a garbage man? NOW HEAR ME OUT!

He could START as a trash collector in a relatively low-chaos part of the city, neither Diamond District nor Crime Alley. Then… he starts volunteering for Dock Dumpster Duty™️ because the middle-class neighborhoods are “too bland.” (This kid is from a city somehow more chaotic than Gotham, he gets paranoid if he goes a full shift without trouble.)

His supervisor is baffled by this. DDD is the single most dreaded assignment for every other worker in the area. They don’t want to put Danny on it, ‘cause he’s a good employee! But nobody else wants to… and the kid’s been both anxious and bored the past few weeks… a few daytime DDD shifts should be fine, right?

Eight. Danny gets almost-mugged eight times on three days of DDD. The worst part? His supervisor doesn’t hear about it until the third day, because Mugger 9 gets a slash on Danny’s arm and manages to nab his (atrocious) earbuds. The boy just calls the office to say,

“Hey, the latest mugger got a lucky shot so I gotta head home for the day- No, no, nothing serious, it’s a small cut… Yeah he got my earbuds, which, I’ll be impressed if he can actually sell ‘em… No way, cops wouldn’t care about this, it’s fine! … Thanks, I’ll let you know if I’m able to come in tomorrow bye!”

The supervisor and the secretary stare at the phone in disbelief. He wants to come in tomorrow?!

Just… give me Danny as a guy with an “undesirable” job, and taking on the tasks that even his coworkers don’t want to do. Everyone is both in awe and a little afraid of him, and not even for ghostly reasons.

oh i absolutely adore this. He's had to pick up the wildest shit near the docs where various rogues dump their stuff, but he doesn't even blink loading a dumpster full of biohazard bags into his truck. He learns that he can't wear headphones because they are for sure going to be taken if they're anywhere above absolute shit quality. Using a speaker would alert more people to him and THAT would be stolen as well. Gotham is a tad sucky but god damn does his job pay a decent salary and his coworkers are pretty fun to talk to. He's having the time of his life.

[petitelepus]

The Demon Gift: Choosing Hantengu, Part 1

Demon!Slave!Hantengu X Fem!Reader

Summary: It's your birthday and your adoptive father who is filthy rich and corrupted, takes you out to get you a brand new present, a Demon slave and you get to pick one! Only you pick the worst there is, Hantengu, and suffer for it.

Warnings: Abuse, Violence, Domestication, Implied Domestic Abuse, Hantengu Is Abused, Reader's Father Is A-Grade Asshole, But Things Get Better

A/N: Demon Slave AU, Domesticated Demons, Reader Insert, Fem!Reader, Hantengu, Master/Slave

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12

EXTRA: Originally this was a Demon Pet!AU, but I wanted to travel to the depths of Demon Slave!AU and I think I can do more with slaves than pets. Please, sorry, and thank you for understanding!

You were on your family's limousine, on your way to God knew where. One moment you were in your room and the next moment the servant had come to fetch you, telling you that your father wanted to see you. Why, you had no clue.

The dark windows didn't offer you much to see, so you had no idea where you were at. You glanced at the man sitting across from you, scrolling through his phone and not even sparing a glance at you.

"Dad-!" You were saying but the man shot you a quick glare, "What was that?"

"I mean father." You quickly corrected yourself. "Where are we heading?"

"You're an adult woman already, Starfish."

God, you hated that nickname. You used to love it as a kid, but as you grew and learned what responsibilities, and burdens came with the nickname you started to hate it.

"So you deserve some responsibility." This man who had married your mom and taken you as his own when you were just a toddler, said and you tried your hardest not to frown, visibly at least. He always had something in his mind, and most of the time it was not your well-being.

"Father, I-!"

"Hush, we are here now!"

The limousine came to a halt and the servants rushed to open and hold the doors for you and your father.

"Happy birthday, Starfish!" Your father smiled and you followed him out of the car and looked at the huge warehouse before you. You blinked, confused and completely unaware of your surroundings or place. This place was secure and far out from any civilization, just what was here that he wanted you to see?

"Father, this is…?" You left the sentence unfinished, giving your father a chance to fill you in.

"It's a Demon Market!" The man smiled as he stepped forward and one of the servants closed the car's door behind him and you. You looked at the place and frowned, "Is this place even legal?"

"Why, does it matter?" Your father asked and you wanted to frown and object, tell him how cruel and horrible these places were, but you saw the look in the older man's eyes and you knew to keep your mouth shut.

"I guess, not…" You murmured and your father nodded as the two of you walked up to the warehouse's door and knocked in a quick rhythm. The doors slid open and the smell of blood and rotten meat struck you like lightning. You coughed a little, trying to hide the gagging as you followed your father inside the dark building.

You looked around in horror, seeing Demons in cages on top of cages, running from one side of the warehouse to another, stacked on top of one another. Despite the smell and the darkness, it looked like the Demons were in fairly good shape but you could never tell unless you got closer to inspect them.

"Mister Sliver!" A man, a human walked up to you and you were momentarily taken aback by how huge the man was. He was tall and pure muscle, but maybe it was needed when handling Demons.

"Barney, I'm happy to see you!" Your father laughed as they hugged and you almost gawked. You had never seen your father hug anyone, even your mother before, so this man Barney must have been important.

"And is this beautiful woman your wife?" The muscly man asked and you almost gagged again. Your father laughed, "No, no, this is my beloved daughter!"

"My bad!" Barney laughed, "Nice to meet you, young Lady."

"Good afternoon." You nodded back but you didn't return the smile. Not that it seemed to make any difference.

"So Slick-!" Barney started and you assumed Slick was your father's nickname, "You said you are looking for a Demon for a special someone?"

"Yes, that would be my daughter!" Your father laughed and you almost felt your heart drop down your stomach.

"Da- Father!" You gasped, "A Demon? For me?"

"Why not? Your siblings also got their Demons from here!"

Same siblings who made your life living Hell and once they matured they turned their abuse to those poor Demons they had chosen? No, you weren't like that and you didn't want to turn into something like that!

"Father, as nice as the thought is, I doubt I want-!"

"Nonsense! Pick any Demon you want and I will buy it for you!" He said, "What you do with it is up to you!"

"I…" You swallowed, "I'm not sure I'm cut out for it…"

"Picking your first slave can be challenging, but you are my daughter!" He laughed as he patted you on the shoulder with a little too much force, "I'll be waiting outside. Oh, I can hardly wait to see what you pick up! I expect nothing but perfection from you!"

Yeah, nice, lay on the pressure.

"Take care of her Barney and send me the bill! Remember, nothing but the best!"

You weren't sure if your father meant the rest of his sentence to you or this master, and you honestly didn't care. You watched him leave the warehouse and you felt sick as you looked around almost as helplessly as a baby chick.

"So?" Barney grinned and you noticed he was missing one of his front teeth, "What kind of Demon are you looking for?"

"I… I don't know yet." You replied honestly and he nodded, "Nice. Just look around and whistle if you find something that catches your eye!"

"Sure…" You nodded as you stepped away from the muscle man and started to go through the cages filled with Demons. They were all very different and no one was similar to one before them. Despite their awful living spaces, they were all pretty well taken care of.

How should you be able to choose one and what would you do with them? Maybe make them help around the house? That would require either muscles or grace so maybe a strong Demon or a woman perhaps?

"Yaaah!" A sudden blood-freezing screech almost made you jump out of your skin and you turned before heading towards the source of the scream.

It was just around the corner, in a more lit area of the factory which confused you since Demons preferred darker surroundings. What you saw shocked you to the core.

A muscular man, thinner than Barney but pretty damn muscly also, was roughhousing a Demon dressed in nothing but rags, showing off his boney body. He was such an ugly feeble and old-looking Demon, but the most notable thing in him was the large bump on the top of his head, just above his horns.

"Please…! Please stop! It hurts…!" The Demon cried, big fat tears running down from his red eyes as he covered in fear.

"Shut the fuck up you worthless piece of shit!" The man, another master shouted as he reeled his hand back and smacked the Demon on the cheek so hard that the force of the slap almost sent him flying. The Demon landed on the floor with a loud thud and let out an even louder cry of pain, moving quickly to huddle into a corner and curl into a defensive ball.

"Get back here you ugly son of a whore!" The man shouted as he started to undo his belt and you froze as memories flashed through your mind. The belt, the swoosh, the burning pain when it made contact.

Suddenly it was harder to breathe in the stuffy blood-smelling warehouse. Time felt like it froze around you and everything stilled. You would have been trapped in the trance if it wasn't for the sound of the belt moving through the air and hitting the Demon, making him cry out in pain.

"Little shits like you don't deserve to-!"

"S- stop that!" You don't know where the courage to go between the man and Demon came from, but you stood there, arms wide and protecting the Demon, "Stop that at once!"

"Who the fuck are you!?" The man shouted and raised the belt over his hand, about to hit you also, but you stood your ground and-

"Charlie lay off!"

You and the man turned to look and saw a very mad-looking Barney walking at the three of you, "That's Slick's daughter!"

"Shit." This master, Charlie cursed as he looped the belt back around his pants just as Barney made it to you guys, "Everything okay?"

"What the Hell?" You hissed like a furious cat and Barney looked at you, "Charlie didn't hit you, did he?"

"No, but he was hitting this Demon!" You pointed at the poor Demon shivering and crying behind you.

"That one?" Barney laughed, "That's Punchy!"

"Punchy?" You repeated, highly doubting that it was this Demon's name and if it was, it was either a horrible name or had a darker meaning.

"Yeah, he is our little friend, aren't you Punchy?" Charlie laughed as he stepped past you and nudged the Demon with the heel of his shoe, making the poor thing whimper in fear.

The master laughed, "Don't worry girlie, Demons can take a lot of beating! As long as you feed them, they heal. As far as I'm aware, Punchy has always been an ugly piece of shit. Haven't you?"

"P- Please…!" The Demon cried as he furiously rubbed his tear-filled eyes, "Don't hurt me…!"

"Go look for a slave you like. Charlie will take Punchy to another room and you can focus on some prime Demons!" Barney said and his friend Charlie grabbed the Demon's upper arm and was about to yank the poor man up… But before Charlie could do so, you snapped your hand around his wrist and squeezed as hard as you physically could.

"What the-!" He looked at you and you glared at him, "I'm buying him."

"What?" Both Charlie and Barney were shocked and honestly, so were you. Did you really want this old Demon as your first one, no, as your only one when there were much younger, prettier, and stronger Demons?

…But something in this one pulled your heartstrings. You wanted to save him and that's what you were going to do.

"That?" The masters could barely believe what they were hearing so they replied with laughter and mockery. You frowned as you listened to them badmouth poor the Demon while he was right there. Had they no shame?

"You have a good humor kid!" Barney laughed as he reached for you, no doubt going to escort you away to look at some other Demons, "Let's just go there and-!"

You were damned if you would let this barbarian touch you! You slapped his hand away and he looked stunned as you frowned and stood by the poor Demon's side, "I'm picking him. No buts or ifs, I want to buy him."

Barney and Charlie shared looks before they both burst out laughing.

"Chick is crazy!" They laughed as they walked away and you growled but stopped when you heard the Demon behind you whimper in fear. He was so pathetic when you looked at him, trying to press so hard against the wall as if he wished it would swallow him. You tried to show sympathy to the frail being so you kneeled down to his level to make yourself less scary.

"Can you stand up?" You asked, voice hushed and gentle as you offered your hand to him. The Demon shivered and sobbed as he looked at you and your hand like he was expecting this to be a mockery and for you to smack or do something much worse to him.

But you were patient with him and finally, he nodded and shakily raised his bony hand and placed it on your awaiting palm. You smiled a little as you helped him up to his feet, but as soon as you got him standing you noticed that he didn't straighten his back.

No, he was crouching as he got behind you and grabbed your upper arm with both hands, making you winch a little. Despite looking frail, he was rather strong.

"Easy, not so hard please?" You whispered and the Demon shivered as he looked at you, and slowly he nodded and loosened his grip a little so it wasn't painful anymore.

Walking outside with him was a little more challenging with him clinging on to you, but you made it. Sun was setting so there wasn't so much light that would burn him, but what sunlight there was must have stung him as he sobbed and clung to you tighter.

Your father was leaning against the limousine, smoking a cigarette, but when he saw you step outside the factory he flicked the cancer stick aside and smiled… But that smile died when he saw the Demon clinging to you.

"Barney, what the fuck!?" Your father snapped as he looked at his friend, "What the fuck are you playing at!? What is this ugly piece of shit!?"

"Relax Slick, your daughter picked him!" Barney laughed as he pointed at you with his thumb. You realized that you might have made a huge mistake choosing this Demon, as you hadn't even stopped to think how your father would react.

"Take it back and choose something else!" Your father shouted, his loud voice scaring the Demon behind you. You frowned as you stood your ground, "I want this one."

"Take it back or else-!" He left the thread hanging, and despite fearing him, you stuck to your decision, "You told me to pick a slave I wanted and I want this one."

"Your girl sure is funny Slick!" Barney laughed, not helping at all and he just made your father angrier. Seeing that there was no way for him to win this argument, he scowled as he turned around and the servants opened the car door for him.

"Get in the car." He snapped and you swallowed nervously as you followed him, your Demon clinging close to you. As the servants got in with you guys, the limousine took off.

The Demon was on his knees, hugging your legs like he was too scared to let go of you and what would happen if he did so. You couldn't help but notice that his nails were long and chipped, not being taken care of at all. You glanced at the servants and even they were looking at Demon of your choice with disgust.

Your father was on his phone again, but he was frowning and that alone was a scary sight. Suddenly you weren't feeling as brave as you felt back at the warehouse. The whole drive back to the civilization was quiet save for the Demon's sobbing but finally, your father broke the silence.

"You made a fool of me today." He stated and you swallowed nervously, "Father-!"

"I have never been this humiliated!" He shouted suddenly and pointed at your Demon who let out a small shriek of fear as he hugged your legs tighter, "You got the weakest, ugliest thing there was!"

"I'm sorry-!" You were trying to apologize but the limousine came to a halt. A servant stepped out and opened the door for you, but you looked out and saw that you weren't back home but by some hotel. You blinked in confusion and turned to look at your father who didn't even spare a glance at you.

"As far as I'm aware, I have one daughter less." The man grunted and your eyes widened in shock. Was he really going to disown you for this? How petty could a man be?

"Father, I-!"

"Here," He snapped his fingers and a servant offered you a briefcase.

"What is this?" You blinked in confusion as you accepted the heavy case and your father grumbled, "Take that as your inheritance."

"My what?"

"I'm buying you out of the family. You get all that money and you stay away from me, your mother, and your siblings."

"Y- You can't just-!" You tried to protest but he shot you a glare that made you quiet down immediately.

"I can, and I will!"

"What about my stuff at home?"

"I'll have a servant bring them to you when you find your own place." Your father glared at you, "Now get the fuck out of my car you no good brat, and take that ugly thing with you!"

You bit your lip, trying to hold in your tears as you got up and out of the car, your new Demon slave following close behind you. As soon as you were out, the limousine door was slammed shut and the car left quicker than you could blink.

You sighed as you looked at the hotel and then at your Demon who was shivering and sobbing. At least he didn't appear to be in any pain thanks to the sun setting down and nighttime coming while you were in the car.

"Let's get a room for the night, okay?" You said and the Demon whimpered as he nodded shakily and followed you inside the hotel. You got yourselves a room meant especially for customers with slaves with them.

The briefcase you had gotten from your father was full of money, like, lots of money. He appeared to be pretty generous when he wanted stuff or people gone from his life.

"Okay, this will be our place for a while until I find us a proper place to live in." You said as you opened the door to the hotel room and you let your feeble Demon step inside, who immediately went to cover in the corner of the room.

Seeing that he was pretty shy, you decided to give him a moment alone. After you locked the door, you set the briefcase down by the bed and collapsed on the soft mattress. What a heck of a day you had.

"I- I'm sorry…!" You heard the Demon suddenly whimper, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry…!"

You blinked as you pushed yourself upright and looked to see the poor thing crying and apologizing like it was his mantra. Frowning, you got up and walked to the Demon, but he flinched as soon as he noticed you and froze like he was expecting you to lash out at him.

"Hey hey, it's okay…" You said quietly as you kneeled by the Demon's side and gently rubbed his upper back in a comforting manner.

"What's your name? Do you have one or are you really Punchy?"

"…H- Hantengu…" He replied quietly and you smiled a little, feeling like you were making progress with him.

"Hantengu, none of this was your fault." You were lying, but honestly, maybe this was a blessing in disguise, being kicked out of your own horrible family and getting money from it also. It wouldn't be easy, but you could start again now with a fresh start.

"First thing first, are you hungry Hantengu?" You asked and the poor thing was absolutely shivering as he nodded shakily and you nodded also, "Okay, I'm gonna order you some meat to eat. You like meat, don't you?"

It was a pointless question as Demons were almost completely carnivores, but you wanted to be polite. He nodded and you smiled as you got up to order him something to eat from the hotel's kitchen.

Once the morning would come, you would head out to find you and Hantengu an apartment where you could live and some proper clothes for him instead of the rags he was in. Despite the rocky start, you had a good feeling about this.

[v3lv3tsin]

my oh my: sim jaeyun

| pairing: sim jaeyun x reader

| genre: enemies to lovers

| warnings: angst, minors dni

| word count: 1.2k

| stefy's note: this is a collaboration between me and @chericherilvr , we found this fanfic writing site and well decided to have some fun, so enjoy :)

[ BACK TO MASTERLIST ]

You never liked working so that's when you decided to apply for a more risque job that hired people with no experience. Perfect job, right?

Well it seems to be perfect until you met Jake, your worst nightmare. He barely showed up to work and was always bullying you. It's like he hated you, but you barely knew each other. Maybe it was the wat you smiled at him or his annoying grin. You couldn't figure it out and when you actualluy thought you did, you didn't.

One day, your boss decided to make you do the unwanted, pairing you up with Jake. Why him? You thought to yourself. All he did was care about his work and ignore the other colleagues. It was infuriating you to say the least, but you had to do it. Even if you wouldn't want to be anywhere near him. He was trouble and not the kind of trouble you wanted to be involved with.

Time couldn't go slower, maybe this was Crono's way of making you suffer after not getting his name right on last night's trivia game. Spinning a pencil around, staring at your project partner, counting to ten over and over again to not punch Jake in the face. His stupid, smiling, beautiful face.

"You don't get paid to stare at me, sweetheart." The pencil almost snaps when he decides to smirk, "but i mean, if you go out with me i'll do both of our jobs." Jake winks at you, his smirk only growing and licking his lower lip once he sees your glaring eyes. It's the moment when you have to remind yourself about professionalism.

4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10...

"Thank you, but i'll have to reject the kind of offer." Your voice dipped with poison and sarcasm behind your smile. "How instead you stop calling me that."

He shakes his hand, leaning forward closer to your desk. "Okay, how about, darling?"

1, 2, 3, 4...

"No? Okay, how about..." He pauses for a brief moment, leaning a bit away before holding his head between his hands.

5, 6, 7, 8...

"Babe? My love? My world? Princess? Honey?"

9, 10, 1, 2...

"Stop!" Your hands point towards all of Jake. "Flirting, stop this, whatever it is."

The motherfucker Jake decides to chuckle at your cringing face. "Sorry, babe, old habits die hard." 3, 4, 5, 6. You stop counting when you hear the pencil finally snap in between your fingers. "I don't know what you're trying to do here, but whatever it is, it needs to stop." You say annoyed, being fed up with all his flirty comments.

"Haven't you heard of magic, darling?" His voice dripping with sarcasm. "If you think going out with me will end up in me being a serial killer, don't worry. I'm not interested in killing you anytime soon, only with my charm." The moment you heard his flirty voice, you lost it. All the counting from your head starting again just so you could focus on what you're actually supposed to do.

"Let's focus now on the actual work, which is actually about magical rituals." Both of you looked at the document in front of you, filled with several photos of corpses that have been mutilated or decomposed. This sent chills down your spine. "There's a killer on the loose. Name. Yang Jungwon. Burned down his orphanage, killed his classmates and roommate." You say, giving him more information about the several murders and the killer. "And he has a temper." You whisper to Jake's ear, almost in a mocking way, knowing that when it comes to people that don't deal greatly with anger.

"I can handle him, sweetheart. You won't escape me if that's what you wish for." He says in a cheeky grin, pushing his body closer to yours. He was close. Too close. The only thing between the two of you was the desk, which he could easily move with his hands. Those hands that drove you crazy even if you hated him, you couldn't deny that he was attractive.

Suddenly you hear you boss voice. "What about Y/n and Jake?" Both of you turned your head around, forgetting about the trivia game for a second.

You sit back down on your chair, fixing your hair. Nothing's going on, everything's ok. You nod to yourself. Jake decides to answer for both of you, smiling at your silence. "Orphanages and magic rituals? Is he trying to summon something?" You mumble trying to not roll your eyes.

"Yes, a dick you can suck on." Your boss nods at Jakes words and starts giving hypothesis while talking with the rest of the teams. Lost in thought looking at the files, you don't catch Jake leaning over the desk and whispering in your ear. "Sure you won't like it to be that? Or better, him summoning my hands seeing as you have a big liking towards them?"

You flinch at his voice, a shiver running down your back at the thought. "We don't even know if he's summoning something." You try to bite back and move away from him.

"Do we now, darling?" Jake's words linger on your mind for the reat of the day. The last words, you swear to yourself, not the hand thoughts. Music plays softly and wind comes in through your car window while driving. "Wait! I haven't opened a window?" You shift to look at your left, where the air is coming from, and slam the breaks once you see someone sitting next to you.

Everything stops for a couple of seconds, adrenaline melting in your body mixed with the relief of stopping in an empty road. Your hands fumble with the seat belt after regaining conciusness. There was no one next to you when you left driving for work 13 minutes ago. Just ignore the chuckle and run for your life. But after opening the door your body is pushed back against your car.

"Sweetheart, why would you run away from me?" Your eyes widen at his words, at his voice. Bracing yourself to look at him, where you expected to find Jake's brown eyes and a scar stare back at you.

"Oh, sorry." The man you knew as the killer you're hunting down transforms his body into the same person that's working with you to end him. Jake smiles at you, and traces your face. "Surprise." He cheers , before chuckling at your confused face. He runs his hands down to rub your arm, soothing your trembling body. "I wished you would've found another way, but I couldn't risk your pretty brain to catch me out first." He laughs, almost giggling.

"What...What is.." Your voice barely a whisper.

"It's ok, babe. I won't harm you." He tries to flash a comforting smile, showing his sharp teeth in the process. Fuck, this now made sense, he wasn't trying to summon anything. He wanted blood. He needed blood. Because he is a vampire and now you're his next prey, one way or another.

Your morals were all wrong when you felt his lips on yours. He tasted sweet. Bloody sweet. All the bodies that you found drained out of blood. It was him. He was intoxicating. Jake wanted to do this ever since he saw you walk in the office, with that damn short skirt, that was too short for you. He imagined himself between your legs. Without thinking, he wrapped his veiny hand around you neck, holding you in place. You were his now. His to love. His to corrupt.

© V3LV3TSIN ⎯ do not translate, plagiarise or claim any of my works as your own.

[doudouneverte]

Next stop... Manchester

a/n: I had to rewrite it but it's okay. Feedback is really appreciated by the way

*Not my PIC*

Pairing: Chloe Kelly x Léon!Reader; Mapi Léon x sister!reader; Ella Toone + Georgia Stanway x Female!Reader (besties)

Summary:

Type: Fluff

Warning: nothing

words count: 3334

--------

London - Manchester. Manchester - London. Whatever the direction, it became a usual trip for you during those recent years. Well, dating a Citizen player while you played for Chelsea, and let's not talk about the fact that you played for Spain and her England, meant you had to make compromises sometimes. 

You came to the WSL in the 2017-18 season; you played for Everton after some good seasons at Athletico Madrid. There you met Chloe; everything was new for you, so she helped you install yourself in the country. She showed you a lot of places, and you met a lot of people who'd become part of the England squad. At the end of the 19/20 season, you moved from Liverpool to London, where you signed a contract with the Blues.

At Chelsea, everything was good except when you had to play in the Champions League finals against your sister and her team. Unfortunately for the London club, you got injured in the semifinal. Without  one of their best defenders in their squad, the Blues lost against FC Barcelona. Except that the other worst moments was when you played against your girlfriend; you know how good she is, and it's really difficult for anyone to defend against her (except McCabe, but she's not really defending).

After three years in the capital's club, you received some interesting offers from different clubs: Bayern, Wolfsburg, Real Madrid, and even Lyon, but you decided to join another club in blue, well, sky blue. But your girlfriend is totally unaware of that, like almost everyone else, because you wanted to surprise her.

~~~

Today was a particular day; the Lionesses should take a flight to Australia the next day, and your girlfriend decided to spend her free time with you. It was still early in the morning when your phone started buzzing next to you. It was disturbing, but you didn't want to wake up yet until the woman next to you groaned.

"Y/n, I swear if you don't tell whoever texted you to shut up, I'll throw your phone through the window." Chloe said with her head pressed harder against the pillow.

"Calmate hermosa; I'll check that." You said before grabbing your phone to see a lot of messages from more people than you expected. 

Maps[yesterday]:

¿Vienes a casa para vacaciones?(Are you coming home for vacation?)

Leila[8:30 a.m]:

The girls know

Ella[8:40 a.m]:

Please tell me you don't join the wrong side

Lauren[8:42 a.m]:

are you really coming?

I need to tell Chloe

Niamh[8:43 a.m]:

Sam and Guro are still pouting

Mama P[8:44 a.m]:

Jessie is still crying you need to do something

Mama M[8:44 a.m]:

Don't forget your sunscreen

Mama P[now]:

Magda reminds you to not forget your sunscreen

"Who are they?" The blonde was a little more awake than earlier.

"Just Magda and Pernille...and Niamh and Mapi." You replied before quickly texting, 'don't tell anything to Chloe; it's not official' to Ella and Lauren.

"Okay, now come back to sleep with me." The winger said, but you reluctantly declined the proposition.

"I really want that, but the girls are coming for lunch and I need to cook something," the Mancunian groaned and grabbed her phone.

"It's only 9 a.m."

"Yeah, I know, but I also have to call my sister and make our breakfast." You informed her and kissed her forehead before leaving the bedroom.

Chloe wanted to go back to sleep, but she couldn't without you, so she just checked her notifications and saw a text from Lauren.

Lauren[8:43 a.m]:

I have a big surprise for you

Chloe [8:57 a.m]:

???

Lauren[now]:

I heard someone say that we will pair together for the world cup

Chloe[now]:

Like always🙄

Your girlfriend knew there was something that her friend didn't tell her, but she didn't want to push her. When the winger finally came to the kitchen, she saw you cook with one of her Manchester City training kits. She approached you carefully, wrapped her arms around your waist, and landed her head on your shoulder.

"How can I help you?" She asked you.

"Just sit and look pretty." You commanded.

A few minutes later, Chole was sitting on the kitchen counter scrolling through TikTok while you were cooking. Everything was good until she found a tik-tok talking about the departure of Ona. It was not surprising at first, but the video caught her attention when the person behind it started to speculate about your possible departure to join Barcelona too. Of course, some fans had theories about you coming back to Spain after a lot of years in England.

You were too focused to not burn your breakfast and texted your sister that you hadn't noticed your girlfriend looking at you suspiciously; honestly, some theories started to gain her attention. She knew that last season you denied the offer of a Spanish team that wanted you, justifying it by the fact that you wanted to finish your contract with the Blues, but now what is keeping you in England?

"Babe? What do you think about going to Barcelona?" The winger asked you.

You took a moment to think about it. "Uh, I don't know; we need to schedule for the next season and wait until you come back from Australia, hopefully with a trophy, and I also need to ask Maps if it's good for her to let us stay in her apartment." You explained, totally unaware of the true meaning behind this simple question.

"Oh, okay." There was a little silence; she continued to scroll on her phone until you finished your episode. You turned your eyes off your phone and made your way to the blonde, leaving some kisses on her face, making the English girl giggle. "What are you doing?"

"I'm hungry." You replied.

"But you're cooking."

"Yes, and I finished it, so let's do something together." You finished your sentence with a trail of kisses from her lips to her neck.

"Babe, the girls are coming in 2 hours." She stopped you.

"I know."

"And you just cook the breakfast."

"I think I can do something in a little more than an hour, so let's have a little time for us." You said lifting her from the chair made her yelp and almost let her phone slip.

"Twenty minutes." She whispered firmly, just a few centimeters away from your lips.

"Twenty minutes." You agreed before leading her to the bedroom.

~~~

Twenty minutes later, you were both in the bathroom taking a bath, and she was sitting in front of you with her back against your chest. You were playing with her hands and the water, trying to steal some kisses between her giggles.

"Did you finish packing your things?" You asked, and she hummed to reply. "Are you sure? Did you pack some tissues? Alana said it was really cold there during this period of the year."

"Yes, don't worry. I checked everything twice." She replied, you wanted to say something, but she cut you off. "No, I'll not unpack everything to let you check." She prevented you.

You sighed and landed your head on her shoulder. "I'm just worried, mi corazon. The last time you flew somewhere without me, you almost forgot your passport." You reminded her, and she chuckled.

"Yes, but don't worry, Lauren will not let it happen again." She joked, and you nodded.

"Okay, I love being here with you, but we will have a lot of hungry girls in one hour, and I need to start to cook." You said getting out of the bathtub.

"How can I help you now?" Chloe asked again.

You thought a moment before replying, "Nothing; just stay there and look good for me." You said and gave her a little on her forehead.

"There is someone who's really looking good right now." She replied with a flirtatious tone.

"Pervert!" You shot just before taking your towel and leaving the room.

~~~

An hour later, you were finishing a paella request by almost every girl while you were making conversation with the citizen until someone rang at the door. When Chloe opened the door, she was met with none less than ten girls chatting loudly. You smiled when you heard the noises coming from the living room. You didn't have time to go to the kitchen before hearing two voices enter the room.

"Y/n!!" Georgia called you very excited.

"Why do you always look surprised to see me, knowing I almost live here?" You asked and accepted her hug.

"I missed you." The midfielder said.

"Me too, pequeña soldadera (little warrior)." 

"You still use this Spanish nickname?" 

"Always." You said with a cocky smile before walking to the other girl in the room. "Hola, I didn't think you would come." You said to Leila, your national teammates, well, not anymore because you were one of 'The 15'.

"Where do you want me to be? I mean, I'll never say no to free food and cooking by the best Spanish cooker in Manchester, no, in England." The older defender said.

"You say it because Ona came back to Barça?" You asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Maybe." She replied, almost questioning herself; you gasped and playfuly slapped her arm.

"Don't worry, Y/n, you're still my favourite Spanish cooker." Georgia said while the three of you were joining the others in the kitchen.

"You say that because you don't have any Spanish teammates in Munich." You replied, and the girls laughed.

In the living room, there were more guests than you planned. There were Ella Toone, Alessia Russo, Maya Le Tissier, Katie Zelem, and Mary Earps, your Manchester's players friends—well, it was no longer valid for Alessia—and there were Chloe's City's teammates: Alana Kennedy, Lauren Hemp, Alex Greenwood, Laila Ouahabi, Laia Alexandri, and Esme Morgan. And some pluses: Keira Walsh and Lucy Bronze were here because they were ex-city players; McKenzie Arnold, who was brought by Alana (you always liked her, so why not); and of course your best friend Georgia Stanway, who brought Leah Williamson to complete their famous trio.

"Now that I see it from here, it's a lot of people." Laila said.

"You even invited some people who don't play for Manchester." Georgia commented, referring to McKenzie and Leah. You and the defender just looked at her before exchanging a confused look.

"A veces me pregunto cómo se hicieron mejores amigos. (Sometimes I'm really wondering how you two became best friends.)" The older woman said to you.

"¿Por qué? técnicamente no es falso. (Why? Technically, it's not false.)" You replied before a body crashed against you. "Wow, calmate Ella." You said laughing a little.

"Please tell me you'll choose the right Manchester." The offensive midfielder whispered to you with a big pout.

"Uh, yes? I mean, yeah, but why do you ask?"

"The girls find an article saying that since Ona made her comeback in Barcelona, you could leave too." Alessia informed you. In the corner of the couch, almost no one noticed, but Chloe tensed when she heard what Alessia said—almost no one because Laia wrapped an arm around the winger to ease her mind.

"Okay, I don't know what you're talking about, but let's eat because it'll get cold." You avoided the question, and that didn't go unnoticed by three players.

After eating in a very good atmosphere, you spent all your time cuddling Chloe and making jokes with Leah and Laila about the fact that you weren't selected for the World Cup. Some girls decided to watch a movie, and you happily agreed. You were in the kitchen making some snacks when you heard someone clearing their throats. Before hearing some footsteps, you turned around to see Ella, Georgia, and Laila exchanging looks.

"Are you alright, girls?" You asked a little confused.

"Y/n, can we talk?" The Red Devil asked a little shyly.

"Yeah, I just need to give this to the girls." You said referring to the plate of snacks in front of you.

"Yes, of course, we will wait." Georgia said you noticed something strange in her tone, but you didn't question it. Only two minutes later, you were back in the room with the three women.

You sat beside Ella in front of Georgia and Laila. "Is there something wrong?" You asked when none of them spoke.

"Y/n, we've known each other for a long time now, don't we?" Ella asked, and you nodded.

You clearly remember the day you met her for the first time and the time you became friends. It was during the season 17/18, you just left Athletico Madrid to try your luck in England at Everton. There you met Chloe for the first time, and it instantly clicked; it was love at first sight. For Tooney, you met her the first time you played against her, when she was playing for the other team in Manchester.

For Georgia, you met her in the street of the city before you saw her again on the pitch, but she was very kind with you, and for someone who had been in a new country for only a few months, you were very grateful. She helped you progress in English, and she even gave you some advice with your girlfriend when she was just your crush.

And for Laila, you met her for the first time while you visited your sister in Spain while she was playing for Barça. When you made your first step on the senior national team, she helped you (with your sister, Jeni, and Alexia, of course) with everything and every question, and you both play as defenders, so you trained together. When she came to Manchester, Mapi made a promise to take care of you, even if it was you who helped her the most when she was still installing.

"Yeah?" You replied, a little unsure of where it would end.

"So can you be honest with us? So about earlier, you know we will not be angry if you leave." Laila reassured you.

"Yeah, I know it's just that everything is complicated, and I don't want to leave Chloe." You said. Talking about her, your girlfriend was about to make her way in the kitchen, but she stopped when she heard her name. She knew it was very bad, but she couldn't help herself.

"Is it Barcelona?" Georgia asked, and you nodded, making the midfielder grumble, "Why do they want you when they already signed Ona?" 

"Because we didn't play at the same position." You said. "But they're not the only ones who made offers. There are also Wolfsburg and Paris Saint Germain." 

"Why don't you come with me to Bayern?" 

"No, if you need to leave, you should come to Manchester City."

"Or you can join me here."

"Okay girls, let's forget about it; they gave me until the end of the month to accept it or not. Now, let's just watch a movie and chill until you have to leave." You stopped their debate. Before you could see her, Chloe quickly came back on the couch beside Lauren, and you sat on her other side.

The rest of the day, your girlfriend seemed preoccupied by something, but she refused to tell you what.

The lunch was very cool; everybody was happy, and the girls didn't split anything. The next day, the girls had to leave, and you had a flight to Spain that you couldn't miss.

~~~

Your holidays were pretty good; you were just enjoying life with your sister, but somewhere you were missing your girlfriend. Because the World Cup was in New Zealand and Australia, you weren't awake at the same time.

On the other side of the world, Chloe was missing you, really missing you. She could handle every time you spent your holiday in Spain with your family, but now it wasn't a holiday for her, and you should be here with your national team. Unfortunately for her, every time she thought she couldn't miss you more, Lauren James, and Niamh were talking about you.

For you, after a week and a half in Spain, you had to fly back to England before going to Australia. You arrived in Australia between two matches of the Lionesses and, more importantly, just two days before the public training.

Knowing you would come to their training session, Lauren Hemp and Ella couldn't stop teasing Chloe about how much she missed you.

At the training, everyone was more focused knowing that it was public. You successfully found a place not so far from the ground as to not be immediately recognized. Chloe nailed it pretty well; she had only one thing on her mind: finish this and quickly come back to the hotel to call you.

When training finished, the citizen stayed behind to talk with fans and take pictures. She was not alone because Georgia and Ella were following her and, most importantly, looking for you. Stopping in front of a group of girls, the three started to do as usual until something caught Georgia's attention.

"Hey, look at that," she said to Ella, holding a Manchester City shirt someone gave her.

"It's the new one." Ella commented, and the Red Devil turned the shirt to find a big surprise. The two midfielders exchanged a confused look before looking at the crowd and finally seeing you.

"No way," Georgia whispered.

"It's a betrayal." You saw Ella mouthing Being too focused on you, they didn't see their teammates coming until the shirt slipped out of the Bayern player's hand.

"Where did you find that?" Chloe asked, but she didn't wait for answers before starting to sign it. It was just after she finished that she decided to look at the back. She paused for a moment. She thought it was a mistake or just a joke until she heard someone speak.

"I hope you like my surprise." You said this after you noticed she was too stunned to speak. Hearing your voice brought the winger back to reality; she looked at you, more surprised and happy than she ever was.

She didn't wait too long before she trapped you in a bone-crushing hug. You stayed like this for a few seconds until she pulled away, immediately closing the gap between you with a lovely kiss.

"I missed you too, mi corazon." You said after you pulled away when oxygen was needed.

"But what are you doing here, and most importantly, what is this?" She asked and showed you the shirt she just signed.

"Let's just say that I have a new team, and I wanted to announce it to you before you see it on the internet." You replied.

"So it's not a joke? We'll really play together next season?" She asked like it was the most unthinkable thing in the world.

"Yes, we will." You confirmed.

"But, Barcelona, and your sister?"

"Well, yeah, I'm really impatient to play with my sister again, but I think it can wait a little longer. And technically, I'm more related to Athletico Madrid than Barça."

"I don't know what to say. It's incredible; I would never believe that this day would come." She cupped your face and pressed her lips against yours just before being interrupted by her teammate.

"Traitor!" Ella yelled, making you laugh.

"Don't worry, I have another one for you." You said before throwing a shirt at her. She made a fake disgusting face, making you laugh again.

"I only keep it because you're my best friend." The United's players informed you.

"Yeah, yeah, but don't forget you also played for them."

"Sorry, I can't hear you." She said with her hands pressing against her ears.

"Okay, now I think you need to go, but don't worry, I'll come stay there to hopefully see you lift the trophy." You said to your girlfriend before giving her a last peck on the lips.

"I already miss you." The blonde striker said.

"I know; now go and win this for us." 

"I promise."

================

[thoughtfulchaos773]

Seven Fishes and The Timer Part Two

RECAP: The timer will be our guide in this chaotic episode. There's so much packed in and the alarm sounding off loudly is a marker of the important action or dialogue to watch and listen for- the timer is the beat of the screenplay Beats are action and dialogue that are emotional shfts- its what moves the story forward.

Back to it:

6. Merry Fuckin' Christmas, bro TIMER -We're back to Mikey and Carmy, and Carmy saying don't fuck with me right now- it's turning us to another pile-up in Carmy and Mikey's relationship.

CLAIREBEAR! TIMER serves as the anxiety Carmy feels, even when Clairebear is absent from the scenes.

8. Don't fucking touch me! TIME serves the rising anxiety, and this is the longest alarm we've heard thus far.

After this scene Camy walks away and we're given a break from the chaos.

The first time the alarm is absent as we're provided time to witness the connection between Tiffany and Richie.

For a while, we take time to watch the Berzatto's bond, and the timer becomes a background noise until

9."I'm so glad we had this time together." TIMER. Donna's 3rd breakdown - one where she's disorientated and in a panic, the timer tells us we're back in the groove of chaos, and Jimmy reminds us that we only have so much time together, and we enjoyed the small peaceful moments between the family.

A break in the beats- a connection and scene that establishes Mikey and Carmy's good moments together. What's bittersweet about this and Riches's scene is that he and Mikey are holding something back from their loved ones. Instead of being vulnerable, they still hold on to their pain, contributing to their relationships' demise. The timer being absent gives us a few moments to watch a real connection happen

10. Donna breaks a glass- Now we're back to the chaos, and the worst ringing- 3 alarms go off in a short amount of time and add to Donna's rage.

a second time when Natalie offers her help and Donna continues to have a meltdown, threatening to blow her brains out and declares no one would miss her. This is the first real tension we see between Natalie and Donna and it moves the story forward . TIME, it's a marker of what's to come at the dinner table.

12. The timer goes off when Donna calms down a bit. It's giving a break as we go to the hallway to watch Steve check on Natalie.

A break from the timer when there's A moment of connection between Natalie and Steve.

13. The Final Timer- We've heard this story a million times. is a shift to the rising tension between mikey and Uncle le. The timer plays as a bookmark on this strained relationship. Uncle Lee and Mikey are one of the catalyst to the demise of dinner later that evening. They reach a breaking point in their relationship by the end of the episode.

That's it for the timers, it's a guiding post and a bookmark for what's to happen at the dinner table later on.

Analyzing this episode, I'm really amazed at the direction, sound designs, and acting this episode and a background explanation into why timing is a factor Carmy's anxiety. For Marcus and Richie, there's a great relationship with time where it's a philosophy on how to live your purpose. But for carmy, it serves as antagonist of sorts. The only thing that stops his relationship with time is his connection with Sydney. Time is a theme of the show and conveys the different meanings. It's tension. It's a reminder to live life, and when you can forget it, if just for a moment is when time matters most.

I leave with this quote...

I give it to you not that you may remember time, but that you might forget it now and then for a moment and not spend all your breath trying to conquer it.-William Faulkner

[cinnamonest]

Don’t worry about replying to this in any capacity. Just wanted to say that I read your most recent post and it was extremely helpful and informative for me. I was just talking to my dad earlier about really struggling to understand how anyone could support Trump when he is just a complete bumbling fool of a man at best and a piece of shit bigot and sexist at worst. (Not to say that Harris is some beacon in the darkness, not a fan of her either.) But the perspective you offered was really enlightening so thank you for it. and I hope you are doing well enough, all things considered, and that regardless of what happens in the coming days that things get better for you and your community.

Thank you, that's very kind. I'm very glad it was helpful, I was worried I was coming across the wrong way or didn't word it very well or could be misinterpreted.

If it helps, I had some more thoughts I think would expand upon that, specifically for women — since I see a lot of posts essentially asking how women can possibly vote for the guy, and I think I can explain that too, as I've been thinking and talking a lot about that with women who I know intend to do so.

1) I think for the upper class, they tend to focus more on social issues, because economic issues don't affect them as strongly.

But for some of these people, especially moms, the increased cost of living is literally a matter of "how am I going to feed my children, how am I going to pay electric AND water," etc. So it becomes a priority, especially as many families have lots of kids, and some are single moms. They don't really think as much about social issues, whereas when I went to college, most of the kids cared only about social issues. The more financially secure someone is, the less preoccupied they are with economy.

But for a mom, the safety of and provision for their kids is paramount above all else, so economy and crime will take priority.

But since we only have 2 major parties, people often assume that whichever you vote for, you must agree with ALL of the party's official stances, which is often not the case. That's part of why our bipartisan system is so divisive and breeds hostility, because it creates an "us vs them" mentality.

2) women in the area I talked about don't really even think about abortion/reproductive rights. They're not militantly anti-choice (like some of the more suburban moms of kids I went to school with), it's more that no one ever really thinks about it at all. Many of them have kids very young and lots of them, it's just normal. They also don't have careers to focus on in the way higher-class women do, and many have no chance of ever going to college, so there's less reason to hold off on it.

People do what's normal per their class/local culture — so here, if a girl gets unexpectedly pregnant (which is... not uncommon), they don't freak out or think about how it will affect their future, how they'll afford it etc, they usually just... shrug, drop out of high school, marry the guy, have the kid.

When we were 16, one of my good friends got pregnant, and she too did exactly that. She was unironically overjoyed to find out too, rather than panicked or dismayed. Like, when she took the pregnancy test, I was there with her, sitting on the tile floor of the church bathroom at 9 pm with the test we scraped cash together to buy from the gas station-pharmacy hybrid shop down the road, and she, as a 16 year old high school junior, was actively hoping, fingers crossed and smiling and everything, that it would be positive. She's now 24 and is about to have baby #5.

And part of the reason she was fine with it was... because her mom had her at 15. It's a very cyclic thing. The possibility of abortion would not occur to them unless someone else brought it up.

3) Moreover, when women vote, they focus on what affects them specifically as a woman — and prioritize what's most "real" to us as an individual woman, the hypotheticals one can most realistically see happening to them. But what that most realistic thing is, varies a lot from woman to woman.

For a woman living in, say, Maine or northeast California or even a safer rural place like Idaho, I can see how abortion is probably the most "real" thing to them, that they can see themselves being in a position to affect them.

Whereas for me, having experienced harassment and aggression, reading about these statistics and headlines, violence is something I am much more afraid of happening to me. I'm very careful to avoid an area where I was harassed before.

But for someone in a low-crime place, that isn't something that's going to be a priority.

I personally now realize that a lot of the misunderstanding and clashing is a matter of the fact that women in many blue areas simply don't think about this, because they've never had a reason to, and that's perfectly understandable.

But a lot of women in areas like my home do not realize that. Many women at home strongly believe that "them uppity rich white women out in California or wherever the hell" (quoth my 90-something year old neighbor), are aware of, but simply don't care about, the consequences women here/poor women face. I used to think so too, when I was younger, because that's what I was told.

As a result, they view their blue vote as a very "let them eat cake" heartless-rich-person sort of thing, as selfish and/or classism, in the same way that women in blue areas likely view their red votes as female-class betrayal, religious brainwashing, believe their husbands must be controlling them, etc.

Now, with greater life experience, I not only understand that it isn't like that at all on either side, but I can also see why many blue-area women dismiss our experiences as "not really happening" or "right-wing propaganda," simply due to the fact that it's very difficult for them to fathom it, because it's so different from the reality they live in, it feels like it can't be real.

4) it *is* true that these women are often demonized and gaslit for talking about the rapes, job loss etc, so that has shifted even more moderate women very rightwards over the last few years, because they feel silenced/censored.

Donald is a sort of savior figure — he acknowledges the issue they otherwise feel censored on, and moreover, has essentially promised to take away the men that hurt them, their daughters, sisters etc. They want to feel safe again, they want their husbands to get their jobs back, feel like they have a secure future, etc, and his platform is literally "make America safe again, make America rich again, make America great again."

That line you may have seen all over the internet a few days ago, where Donald said something along the lines of "I'm going to protect the women if they like it or not"? And you know how it earned disgust from the mainstream population of women?

That line was received extremely positively by women at home. I've already seen them sharing it around with my mom/aunts/grandma on facebook, in a positive light, ecstatic. It makes them feel seen and heard in a culture that otherwise puts a hand over their mouth, and they cling to those words in hope of a better future.

Tldr: it's women who are vulnerable and afraid and desperate, going for the only option that has promised to address their needs. Much conflict comes from the limited human ability to grasp things outside of ourselves, our tendency for solipsism — an unfortunate part of the human condition that has plagued our species from the dawn of time.

[topazadine]

How to Build a Sustainable Writing Habit Through SCIENCE (Fuck Off, NaNoWriMo)

This is a lightly edited repost from a previous post on my mostly-defunct blog, topazadine.com. I feel like it's an excellent thing to highlight now that everyone's wondering what the hell do to after NaNoWriMo showed their ass as anti-creative idiots.

I have never liked NaNoWriMo and think, frankly, that it is a garbage tool for new writers. If you've done it and enjoyed it, that's great, but overall, it is not the best way to build motivation. At all.

But why is NaNoWriMo so bad? (Other than the current controversy.)

It encourages younger writers to think of writing as something they do during the months of October through November. Not something they do all year round, day in and day out. People will prep for weeks to do a whole novel in one month and hinge all their writerly hopes on that one singular month.

We won't even get into the fact that November is the absolute shittiest month to try to get a novel done because the holidays are coming up, and many working-class people are busting their asses off to get extra hours in before Christmas.

Writing is something you do all. the. time. It is not bound by a singular month. It is not limited to a certain time of year. And when you are working to complete a draft, it doesn't matter season it is. What matters is that you get it done.

So let me show you something better. But first, why should you listen to me? And why is my method an improvement over a shitty organization's AI-riddled contest?

I wrote the first draft of my novel, Poesy (104,323 words) in 39 days.

That’s an average of 2,647 words per day. It is also about twice as much as the typical person aims for during NaNoWriMo. I did not set out to get it done in any given time period, but I still completed way, way more than NaNoWriMo would require in just about the same amount of time (plus 9 days).

I didn't have a buddy group. I didn't have checkins. I just had me and my keyboard and my secret weapon, which I'll show you in a bit.

How is it possible to get so much more done without that external motivator?

Simple: I compete with myself.

You Need to Develop Intrinsic Motivation

What in the world is intrinsic motivation?

Intrinsic motivation is defined as the doing of an activity for its inherent satisfaction rather than for some separable consequence. When intrinsically motivated, a person is moved to act for the fun or challenge entailed rather than because of external products, pressures, or rewards. Frontiers in Neurobiotics

That is, in essence, what we do when we’re writing for fun; or, rather, it should be what we’re doing when we write for fun.

A lack of intrinsic motivation is why people who see novels as a get-rich-quick scheme tend to burn out when they realize that most writers make less than minimum wage. That's called extrinsic motivation, and it doesn't work well for things like writing, where there may not be any easily-defined goals or motivators. Most of us are not going to become rich from our writing.

Here's why extrinsic motivation is unhelpful:

Extrinsic motivation does not always work best; sometimes it can make us perform poorly at certain tasks. For instance, studies reveal that high stake rewards, like cash bonuses, can hinder cognitive capacity. This happens because they shift our focus away from the task and onto the outcome. We can become preoccupied with rewards and all the things that come with them, such as our social status, instead of just doing the work. Extrinsic rewards also tend to narrow our focus on a defined goal and reduce our ability to see other possibilities, hindering creativity. Studies find people perform worse on tasks requiring imagination and ingenuity when they are offered extrinsic rewards, such as higher pay. Nir and Far

And, well, note that "performing worse on tasks requiring imagination and ingenuity." Extrinsic motivation is literally the WORST motivator for writing specifically.

NaNoWriMo is extrinsic motivation, which is not anywhere near as powerful or sustaining as intrinsic motivation. You want to get the shiny achievement award, so you just bang out 50,000 words of slop because you want to say you did it.

You're not motivated by anything but the outcome. That does not a sustainable writing practice make.

But there’s something about intrinsic motivation I want to highlight, because it’s crucial to what I am about to show you: the challenge.

Sometimes writing is a total slog because we’re worrying about all the other things and not on the words themselves. We’re fussing about whether we will ever get published, if we’ve added enough tension in a certain part, if our mom is going to read our porn and realize what a freak they raised.

You cannot think about those things while actively writing.

Instead, you need to focus on the writing process itself. John Schinnerer, a psychologist and life coach, explains further:

Remember as you are in the process of achieving your goals that the enjoyment comes from the doing not the attaining. It is important to find contentment in the act of pursuing the goal while placing less weight on the actual fulfillment of the goal itself.  PsychCentral

So we know you need to find the challenge fun, and you need to focus on the act of putting the words on the page.

In other words, you need to make it a contest with yourself. Here’s how.

Use a Word Count Spreadsheet

Finally! We get to why I’m telling you this! It's free, it's easy, it can be done all year round.

A daily word count spreadsheet is an amazing way to stay motivated and to keep pushing yourself to write because you can literally see the wins rack up. Every day, the word count jumps significantly, which can be much more motivating than just “oh, I’m at 8,453 words.”

More importantly, you’ll start to want to beat your “high score” from the day before.

I’ve highlighted one of the cells so that you can see the simple formula that you need to set up: it’s just yesterday’s count minus today’s count.

Put that in one cell, then click and drag the bottom righthand corner of the cell, and it will populate the rest of the cells in that column with the adjusted formula (B4-B3, and so on).

This is very easy to create. All you have to do is copy-paste the wordcount from your document into your spreadsheet, make sure you have that super-simple formula, and you're done. I have severe dyscalculia and can still use it.

But you can see how much this really helped me:

Things started to really ramp up right at the end because I was getting so motivated by the word counts of the day previous. I wanted to beat yesterday’s high score and keep going.

At the beginning, I was writing maybe 1.9k words; by the end, I was an absolute demon, regularly breaking over 2.8k and then some. On the last day, when the rest of the family was in a post-Christmas hangover, my butt was glued to my chair, banging out those last few thousand words.

Psychologists and life coaches agree that self-competition, a type of intrinsic motivation, is one of the best ways to improve.

Michelle Gibbings, a workplace expert, explains:

When you compete with yourself, you don’t become fixated on what other people are doing; you set the direction and speed. You put yourself in the driver’s seat and control your progress, setting meaningful goals rather than focusing on the progress of others. Michelle Gibbings

Making a word count spreadsheet like this is the definition of setting your own speed and controlling your progress. You can decide on a threshold you always want to hit and then feel very satisfied when you go beyond that.

I set my threshold at 1.5k words every day so that I didn’t feel bummed out when I had an off day and couldn’t get a lot done, but I really wanted my average to be around 2k, so I’d periodically check how close I was to that. If I had a terrible day or was busy, then I’d want to make up for lost time and write more the next day so I kept my average.

Now, I live a life that is quite advantageous to consistent writing: I’m single, I’m childless, I work from home, and most of my hobbies are pretty low-key.

Your life doesn’t look like mine, and that’s totally okay.

There’s no need to match the speed I showed here.

What matters is that your schedule works for you, and that you are consistent.

If you’re a caretaker or have a strenuous job, then set your threshold at just 100 words and aim for an average of 500. However, you’ll be sad if your spreadsheet has a blank cell, so you’ll want to get down at least something, even if you only have 15 minutes to write.

Plus, it’s so encouraging to see the word count go up day by day: much more satisfying than just seeing it in tiny font at the bottom of a Word document or Google Doc.

Or getting some dumb t-shirt from an organization that is actively trying to murder creativity for commercial gain. (Oh, and they protected an actual pedophile from consequences for months on end while he continued to groom children. But that was last year's controversy.)

There’s another reason why this particular method works so well for writers, though.

Word Counts Banish the Urge to Edit

You know you shouldn’t, but you do it anyway. A single word here. A removed sentence there.

The first draft is just about getting everything out, not fixing everything that needs fixing. That part comes later during your five billion revisions where you tweak every single word.

Revising means you have less to work with, which means you have less development. You can get rid of anything that shouldn’t be there when you’ve gotten to that very satisfying “The End” page.

If you are motivated by the spreadsheet method, then you are screwing yourself over if you edit.

Your word count went down! It looks like you did less than you did! You’re losing! Best add more, and fast!

(I had to include my placeholder chapter names; it was obligatory.)

Use strikethrough! Now you know exactly what you’ll be getting rid of when you get to the end of your draft, but you’re not decimating your word count. I removed the entire beginning of the book; that scene is super cute, though, so I later turned it into its own one-shot on my AO3 page.

I prefer doing that because then, if you find that you actually wanted to keep that scene or move it elsewhere, all you have to do is copy-paste from the old version, remove the strikethrough, and you’re all good.

So that’s my tool. It’s really that simple.

But even though it’s so simple, it works wonders for your motivation and consistency, which are crucial for a good writer.

Are you going to give it a whirl? You may find it nervewracking at first, but I encourage you to sample this method, especially if you have a hard time getting motivated.

And if you enjoyed this article, maybe you'll consider purchasing my debut novel, 9 Years Yearning.

This is not the book I drafted last year; it is in fact a prequel of sorts to that first novel. However, it helps set the scene for Poesy (the sixth book in the Eirenic Verses) so that you'll be all prepped for the masterpiece.

9 Years Yearning is a coming of age romance that follows the life of two young soldiers as they go from sorta-enemies, to frenemies, to friends, and then finally to lovers. It is a short read; you can probably finish it in about 2 hours all the way through. Perfect for a weekend romp.

If you do read my book, please don't forget to leave a review!

Reviews are essential to success on Amazon as they boost visibility. (Yes, even bad ones.) Always leave reviews, no matter how short, to support indie authors!

[flora450]

So lowkey some mini spoilers involved in my long rant but I was thinking out of all the kings who would be husband material/father material (minus luci cause we don't know enough about his chracter so I won't include him in my little rant) also spoilers for chapter 5!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So first is our angry boy satan. I definitely know for a fact that he is father material and is a great dad figure. According to sitri, in one of our text chats with him. I've seen a spoiler in his bath card where he even interacts with one of the kids in ghenna, and he's offering words of encouragement to them. Now the man isn't all green flags, let's be honest, I feel like because he gets off to MC's anger it can be hard for him to take the Mc seriously or even hear them out properly so they may or may not be able to have proper talks when issues in the relationship occur, however I do belive that if worst came to worst and he truly did hurt the Mc's feelings he would definitely be quick to make things right and properly hear them out and apologize for his behavior while hugging them tightly. Also, gehenna is known to have romantic traditions, and they take marriages seriously, so of course, the king of that country would take it seriously too. If he had his own kids, i feel like he would be protective of his children, especially if he has a daughter. So he gets a 9/10 score for being hubby material.

Up next is Bell! I love this man sm and tbh I really feel like he would be a great father and husband, but due to his need to wander, that plays a huge role in how his score will be affected. He is super possessive of the Mc, and from what I've seen from his selfie card and bloodshed card, he wants them baddd. I feel like he would want to be by their side cause in his butt card dong-gyun calls beel out about how he cannot call the Mc "his" cause he isn't even by their side and there not even married or dating! Which is true, like if you like it, then you gotta put a ring on it, beel????? But beel has to wander cause in his bloodshed card. He states it's not safe to be around him, and he even states that in his selfie card. So let's say him and Mc do have a kid together he would definitely love his kid to bits, he would try to visit more often, but he would be very scared if his child was near him for longer periods of time cause he dosent want to put the kid in danger. I feel like beel would send mc presents while he's away to let them know he does think about them, and he would text the mc more often, trying to show that he does love them. plus, I see him as the jealous type if Mc gives the kid more attention than him, like if he came back to avios after a long journey and he comes visits mc while there with their kid, I imagine the mc coddling their child so much that they dont even notice beel is back and he gets all pouty and sad, it would make bael hysterically laugh at the site. For now, beel gets a 6/10 cause he doesn't want to be a dead beet dad, but he didn't marry the Mc and didn't make it official cause he wants to keep Mc safe.

Next up if levi! Idk if I see this man has husband or father material but i think he would try his best! He definitely is strict but as we seen in the event with orias, I firmly belive levi would treat his spouse and child like the way he treats orias (like how he doesn't hang orias or threaten him violently) idk I feel like levi would benefit from having a cheerful and bubbly spouse and imagine him having a kid like his spouse? Bro would definitely be smiling and denying he is smiling when his subordinates point it out. In his bloodshed card when the Mc displays a more outgoing side to them levi doesn't seem to hate it, idk that's just what I noticed from his bloodshed card in the first part of the story. Man does have a past that he needs to work on if he does become a father, so for now, I give him a 7/10 because he would provide for his spouse and kid and he would give his child the life he never had, he would be jealous of his child especially if Mc coddled them (so him and beel definitely are jelly types) but he wouldn't say anything and just take his annoyance out on his subjects. Who knows, I want to believe levi has a soft spot for kids like the way Satan does, but we don't yet so we will see as the story progresses.

Last but not least, another favorite of mines along with beel is mammon :D he would definitely be a great dad and spouse but then man does have his delusions and it can cloud his judgement and cause issues in certain matters. Idk y but I see all the kings as girl Dads don't @me but I like to imagine that Mc and the child would be attached to one another and he dosent think nothing much of it cause of Mc tends to be more present but the kid would be so greedy for mcs attention, mammon would feel so left out and get all pouty. I want to think that he sees his spouse and child as his greatest treasure, so he would spoil them a lot, but Mc needs to ground the kid to make sure their not THAT spoiled. I think if mammon had a kid, he would be afraid for their health since it is revealed in chapter 5 that he was a wee little sick boy growing up. He would be constantly montiroting the kids health and growth and EVERYTHING but you wouldn't be able to notice it cause he has a calm composure and it's hard to read him, so Mc as his spouse has to also GROUND HIM and let him know that their kid will be fine. (Damn I need more lore of mammon and his unbringing, I hope we see more in his L cards and future chapters) man's gets a 7/10 cause he tends to be delusional and spoils the kids a lot leaving Mc and his subjects with much work.

[art-o-gant]

puppetshade chronicles dashboard simulator

👽 gnarpgnarp3 Follow

guys why is there somebody on here pretending to be the demon from the rhazzi religion... that's super disrespectful and also not at all accurate

👾iheartmyship Follow

I don't think they're being super serious about it + aren't they like. also openly pretending to be a vampire? I don't think vampires even exist in the Rhazzi religion

👽 gnarpgnarp3 Follow

yeah that's the thing whoever it is they didn't do their research :/

🌍 genericalienusername Follow

well the rhazzis certainly don't seem to be saying anything so that guy may actually be the demon? also maybe they just didn't know about vampires idk guys we've not really had an input from the rhazzis so maybe you shouldn't be discussing it

🐛 zaszaaa Follow

Rhazzi priest here! We don't know who this guy is and I don't like him

233 notes

🧛‍♂️ stringless-spacevampire Follow

it's so over

679 notes

🍃 openingcreditsonthescreen Follow

i'm trying to prove a point

🤖 l3x Follow

everyone who votes yes block me right now

56 notes

🐛 zaszaaa Follow

First time on demon duty! I hope this doesn't go wrong

🐛 zaszaaa Follow

His temple is full of traps

570 notes

💻merchant063 - Sponsored

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👽 kratusoldier Follow

I really like the new recruits! I hope nothing bad happens and we won't have to relieve them of their duties or anything :)

👽 kratusoldier Follow

fuck

407 notes

👾iheartmyship Follow

this girl I just picked up just absolutely reeks of piss but she offered me lots of money so I have to power through

6 notes

👑fulltime-princess Follow

this spacer just picked me up i think she's fucking her ship

29 notes

🌟 prophettwin-2 Follow

i'm going to therapy :) maybe i will finally get better

🌟 prophettwin-2 Follow

what the fuck

4 notes

🎇whysomagictheskyler Follow

lol i just told this guy i'd bring him to therapy and dropped him off in the middle of nowhere. fucking loser

654 notes

🤖 l3x Follow

this static ain't shit

🤖 l3x Follow

i mjss killing people

723 notes

🌍 genericalienusername Follow

UM. GUYS

1.5k notes

kratuofficer-deactivated25010784

no way there is a wanderer headed Right Here

🤠whhdoffhejkfej Follow

dhjskshfuf[

w

9834943943hdjk

9

;

kratuofficer

i need to kill the new recruits

🎇whysomagictheskyler Follow

posts with 10k notes to me

208 notes

🐛 zaszaaa Follow

THW DEMON IS GONE

🐛 zaszaaa Follow

4 notes

🎇whysomagictheskyler Follow

i can't believe there's people out there still who deny the coming of the inevitable fall of all creation when i still clearly remember the night when my siblings and i first laid eyes upon this cosmos and didn't KNOW how terrible it would be like that's going to happen to all of you too sooner or later. and i will build a new future i'm going to end everything since you all hate the endless cycle of death and rebirth so much

👽 gnarpgnarp3 Follow

yknow sometimes i think i hang around the worst corners of spaceblr but op is from circles i didnt even know existed

8.8k notes

👾iheartmyship Follow

I just got paid in maggots can't have shit in this economy

87 notes

🧛‍♂️ stringless-spacevampire Follow

we are so back

5.1k notes

[darkurgetrash]

hi!! sorry for bothering you, but i was wondering if you have ever gotten stuck on a particular chapter of ‘lead me through the dark’, and how you got past it if so?

i’m writing a multi-chapter rolan x tav fic and skipped a week of an update bc i didn’t really know how to advance the plot in a fulfilling way, even though i technically know where i want the story to go.. i’d love some tips on writing plot for multi-chapter fic since yours is really well paced!

sorry for the long ask— i hope you have / had a nice day!

No bother at all, I love getting asks! (Certified yapper here.)

And YES, most definitely! 😭 I’ve gotten stuck on SO many chapters, especially all the ones since chapter 28 when the slow burn started burning, lol. Ah yes, the days where I used to update every other day… now those were the days…

I know exactly what you mean about the struggle to advance the plot in a fulfilling way :/ with me, I find the only way to overcome it is to just write anything down, even if you don’t think it will be good, because for me, 9 times out of 10, my creative brain ends up taking over once I get into the groove. Whenever I try to plan it out, I always end up changing what I’ve planned when I actually start writing it. 😂

Also, something important to consider is that you’re your own worst enemy when it comes to doubting if it’s satisfying. We writers are always so hypercritical of our own work and find problems where they don’t really exist, so the majority of the obstacle is overcoming our own self doubt and imposter syndrome. It’s really good to talk to friends about your ideas and don’t be afraid to ask for any tips from readers and reassurance. 🙏 Though ngl, easier said than done! This is something I struggle with constantly, lol.

Sorry for the yap and that I can’t give any better advice 😩✌️ I struggle with this a shit tonne also. I know it’s not super satisfying when the advice is “just write” lmao, but 99% time it’s the only solution. 😂

If any writers here can offer better advice in the comments, please do. 🥺🥺

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls-Season 3, Episode 12. "Lorelai Out Of Water" Part 1

Ladies, we have more filler. I can't complain. This episode was so easy that I watched it twice.

Lorelai has offered her garage as rehearsal space to Hep Alien. But first! They have to clean out said garage, which they haven't attempted to enter in years. Then they debate whether or not Lorelai ever remembered to call the Garage Cleaner Uppers that one time a few years ago. Thrilling stuff! It's been a while since we've last had a sexually tense Luke vs Taylor showdown.

Meow!

Gilmore Girls is bought to you by our sponsors, Office Depot, Circuit City, and Blockbuster Video. Hold on. I'm getting word that Office Depot still exists. Really?

Nothing to see here folks, just Rory comparing her mother to a woman famous for having sex with rockstars...then insinuating that she should sleep with Zach. I'm sorry Rory, this MILF only has eyes for one teenage boy. One who is a lot less talented than Zach.

This is weird, but hoo boy, it's about to get weirder.

Well well well. Who would have ever thunk that the deeply repressed Christian girl has a submssion kink? Soggy Rygalski is her Daddy ordering her around and reminding her that her drumming is inadequate. Lane personally requested that Dave verbally berate her in front of the other band members in order to...distract them? The plan is that if they see Dave treating Lane like a kicked dog, they won't realize they're crushing on each other? That's kinda messed up? This presumes that Dave and Lane are both confident that Brian and Zach will see Dave treating her like crap and have no thoughts about it except "I guess they're not smooching." Although we've yet to see if this plan, once put in motion, actually works. Anyway. Sure Lane's Dom Daddy is a lispy geek in a patterned sweater, but SaltyGilmores does not judge. It’s always the quiet ones am I right?

Seems like they’ve found a creative way to get off while staying in God's good graces. Have fun you kids.

"Rory, this is all I have" Thanks to Rory I can cross off the "cockblocking" square from my End of Episode Bingo Card.

Rory tries to come to Lane’s defense, but since it was all just part of Lane and Soggy’s sex games it wasn’t actually necessary.

Oh, we know why.

From the messed up mind of AmyShermanPalladino.

"Yes Daddy"

SAME. Oh. She's talking about the place. The place with all the coffee. Alex's kids are named Hilary and Jeff, 6 and 9.

Once again, Lorelai is no Miss Cleo.

Of course she said yes. Alex is totally worth waking up at 5 am for. Back in The Hollow, Lane is chipping away at Mama to obtain permission to go to the prom and hatching another harebrained scheme to bring Soggy Rygalski into Mama's good graces, it involves a Korean wedding and Rory is invited apparently. Whatever.

Well well well. Look who took the place of Stars Hollow Beauty Supply's worst (dead) employee. No respect for the dead, huh. Not even a little shrine or memorial plaque or photocopy of her obituary displayed on the counter. Tragic. #Honk

Where did Lane get 40 bucks? At the Inn, Lorelai is speaking to Sookie regarding her Fishing Date Regrets.

He sounds dreamy. Tell me more.

And the Mid Season Temporary Love Interests just keep on comin! Now we just have to wait for Lindsay. Oh dear God. I just remembered Max comes back in this season too. And maybe even soon. Help. While Lorelai seems to have terrific chemistry with her new temporary Luke substitute (Alex), Luke's Lorelai substitutes (Rachel, Nicole) have always fallen flat and seemed dreadfully boring to me. That's probably on purpose. We're stuck with her for a while. Whatever.

Hey look everyone. There's the baby. Where have you been, young man? I've hit my 30 screenshot maximum. Stay tuned for part 2. (As always, your comments, feedback, reblogs and tags make my day)

[embarrassinglastwords]

the results are in!

with 314 votes these were the top 10 stsg moments people can’t believe are canon (top 10 based off of the ones i listed lmao) this will be long but i did say i was gonna make a post of the results so -

10: in last place with only 1.9% - their names complimenting each other + Geto’s robes being called “gojo-gesa robes”

i included these together cause they are similar imo. both being based around the other.

9: “the only one i have”

the iconic quote with 3.2% that is so misquoted cause of that translation that i’m pretty sure people ignore that that’s actually what he says rather than “my one and only”💀 (myself included but for the sake of the poll i did the accurate translation)

8: the light novel in general

maybe i’m biased cause of my user but only getting 3.8% of votes surprised me lmao.

i mean i just think about “Even if everything was different now, there was still one thing- from that very moment it all started- that had never changed” as well as “Geto Suguru It was a name that the Jujutsu tech organization feared…but to Gojo Satoru, he was—“ all the time

i posted more quotes from it here

7: with 7.3% (nanami surprise appearance) we have their official songs stated by Gege.

Shame On Me being Gojo’s

and Come Back Home being Geto’s.

6: 8.9% of votes for this insane moment from the newer chapters after Gojo’s resurrection lmao

him and Kenny are fighting and Gojo offers to fight on Dec. 24th (Geto’s death anniversary) with Kenny replying “How romantic”

this legit made me scream when the chapter came out… anyways

5: i almost didn’t include this moment because i was sure it was gonna win because of how often it’s brought up but i’m glad to see i was wrong💀

but still in the top 5 with 9.6% is Gojo recognizing Geto by smell in JJK0… i have nothing to add to that cause like. what.

4: with 10.5% we have Gojo’s last words to Geto being “3 words” as stated by Gojo’s english va! (which i also mentioned in the post linked above)

(that being paired with the light quotes above and “such embarrassing words” and it being words they had “never said to each other before” … we all know what he said…🙄)

3: with 12.4%, the one that made me spiral and realize Gojo is probably done for, Gege himself saying “one cannot exist without the other” about Gojo and Geto…

so either Geto is miraculously gonna come back or they are sharing a death anniversary lmao

2: at 18.8%!

the infamous vol 0 quotes that are 100% parallels because the entire movie is.

Gojo, to Yuta in reference to Rika: “Love is the most twisted curse of them all” (idk why i said 'worst curse' in the poll lmao)

Geto as he dies: “At least curse me a little at the very end.”

bangs my head into a wall… okay and number 1!!

1: at 23.6% is the stsg moment. “My six eyes tell me you’re Suguru Geto but my soul knows otherwise! Hurry up and answer, who the hell are you?!”

not only was seeing Geto the reason for him getting sealed but he went against his own power, his own technique which makes him the strongest, to listen to his soul. and to quote Song of Achilles (which i made a joke the other day about stsg being modern day achilles and patroclus) “He is half of my soul, as the poets say.”

okay this was the first poll i’ve done like this besides some random funny ones on my other blog and i can’t believe it got 300+ votes. maybe i’ll do more in the future if i can think of some topics.