#we got such choice hits as:
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this is my first rainy reason in SoCal and there are Weird mushrooms here, I love it
#mushroom#mushrooms#earth clouds#we got such choice hits as:#Wrinklestalks#and#Two Grapes#no i don’t know what these mushrooms are actually called#i might try to id the wrinkly one though i love it
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↠ Tim & Lucy ↳ 2x01 - Impact
#jesuis-assez edits: chenford#jesuis-assez edits: chenford scenes 2x01#🤣Love it. Look at him staring her down.#Sir... That's your future wife.#2x01 hits different now that we have some more insight into Tim's past.#To see him so pressed here because she didn't report him.#He's seeing himself in her choice to not report him. His past self.#He's got the emotional walls back up and she's only going to tear them down again.#Darting his eyes back and forth with hers and that .. JAW CLENCH 💖I love those jaw clenches. Is this affecting you Tim? 🤭#In more ways than one. Her being kind to him in light of him knowing this#Catapulting his mind back to the person 'he used to be' and how hard he has tried to shake that choice he made all those years ago.#How hard he has tried to redeem all of that for it to come crashing back in the form of his rookie who was trying to protect him.#Because she's supposed to be different from him. She's supposed to be better. And he's mad at her for making the same choice.#But he's also mad at himself. Because he's supposed to be better and he's supposed to be different now.#Even though he isn't all that different. He was falsifying reports to protect Isabel.#He's supposed to be training her to be better and she made the same choice he made.#So his course of action is to rev up the training some more. Maybe he was too soft and lenient with her towards the end of s1#and he lost sight of his training methods and how rules matter.#but he also lowered his walls and was vulnerable with her. He let her in.#And he's going to keep letting her in despite how much he tries to resist.#with every act of kindness she shows him... the walls break down and soften a little#until all that remains is Tim's unwavering tenderness for Lucy.#that only seems to grow more in her presence and influence.
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Finished veilguard, I finally will go on the tag as a treat because those last 4 hours put me through so much....
#dragon age#datv#dragon age veilguard#veilguard spoilers#datv spoilers#im about to talk in the tags this is your last chance to look away#i am holding the Davrin romancers by the hand because my gOD if you pick that decision (WHICH I DID)#because story wise it made the most sense#BUT MY GOD it makes everything in the final quest hit so much harder#shout out to my rook who was fully going off fumes for that last bit#what was that line they said? 'i can collapse on my own later'#anyway if you want my thoughts or reactions hit me up because my god#i have ideas for my rook post game if i keep that Choice™ as their canon choice or if i reload#im probably gonna keep it but we shall see#yes im sad about the romance cutscenes everyone else got#i hAd sad times alone#i can keep on going about this i have Thoughts#i shouldve romanced the damn crow#gestures at the sketches i have in procreate . what am i supposed to do with this
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Total $hit$how: The Tables Turn
in which Joy sorta gets asked out
cw: adult/crude language, manipulative leader
previous // Masterlist // next
×~×~×
Joy was probably driving way too fast.
She couldn't help it. Knowing that Kaius was out there, stuck who-knew-where---and Vic wasn't gonna let them help---really lit a fire under her ass. If the other two noticed the high speeds, they didn't comment on it. Jericho was staring out the window, and Benji was squeezed beside her, chewing on his thumbnail.
“I remember where we turned,” he mumbled as they entered the city limits and the truck began to slow down. “We had to go on foot for a ways, but I should be able to pick out the spot they got him.”
It was dark. Joy didn't even know what day of the week it was at this point, but it didn't look like many of the shops were open, save a bar or two.
“Then what?” she asked. “How do we find him?”
“We…” Benji trailed off, shaking his head.
“We trigger the alarm again,” Jericho answered, eyes still locked on the window. “One of us can act as bait while the other two hang back. Tail whoever comes to take them.”
“And if it's Finley?”
“Then we should've been careful what we wished for,” Joy muttered. An irrational part of her wondered if this was all part of Vic's plan. Get one of them kidnapped to teach the others a lesson about pushing back against his decrees. Well… maybe it wasn't that irrational.
“I'll play the bait,” Benji said.
Joy gave him a sidelong glance. “You sure?”
“Yeah. I mean, they already saw me. Maybe it'll be fun?” He didn't sound convinced.
“Okay,” Jer said. “We'll have our eyes on you. Promise.”
Benji nodded, hands folding in his lap. “Fuck, I hope we find him before Vic catches us.”
Joy'd had similar thoughts the whole ride down. Her optimistic side wanted to believe their handler would be impressed with a successful rescue, but a much bigger part of her doubted it. Was it even possible for them to pull this off without Vic knowing? It'd be real hard to convince him Manak came back on his own, especially if the three of them were cut up from a scuffle.
And what happened if he did catch them? Would he kick them off the mission? This was probably the best test for pushing boundaries they were gonna get. At least it served the bigger picture. If they could pull this off, maybe there were other rules to be bent. Avenues for doing it their way instead of Vic’s.
“Up ahead,” Benji said, pointing at a brick building. “There's an alley just past there. That's where it is.”
Joy slowed to a roll, eyeing the spot as they passed it. “It's embedded in the wall?”
“Yeah, behind a… a fake brick plating or something.”
Neat. The plating was probably wired into the building itself to get the signal out; either that, or the receiver was pretty close by. Was it inlaid in the building's plans? Or maybe whoever’d built it just snuck out night after night, chipping away a secret compartment. Ballsy of them, if that was the—
“Uh, we might be a bit far?”
“Shit, sorry.” Joy hit the brakes. Probably a little too hard. The other two lurched forward in their seats.
“Okay,” Jericho said, rubbing his neck. “Benji, you can hop out here. We'll swing the truck around and keep a lookout.”
Benji gave several quick nods, but didn't say anything. Or move as Jericho unbuckled and hopped out.
“Hey, you ready?”
He shrugged. “I don't know,” he said, a nervous laugh following the words out. “I guess… easier said than done, playing bait. I mean, I've done it before, but that just means I know it's really fucking scary.”
Joy hit the release on her own seatbelt. “Then I'll do it.”
“Huh? No, you don't have to. I just need to get my nerve up—”
“I'll do it,” she repeated. “Jer, take the wheel.”
“I'm sorry,” Benji said. “I know I'm a coward, I just—”
“Benji.” She clapped his shoulder. “It's cool. Just watch my back, okay?” She was curious about the alarm system anyway.
The truck pulled away as she made her way toward the alley, cursing the dim light and her neglect to ask exactly where on the wall the panel was. Oh well, too late now. She ran her fingers along the bricks, feeling for any difference in structure with her nails. A few areas gave her a false positive, yielding nothing when she tried to pry them backwards.
When she reached the definitely more obvious panel, she felt a little dumb for trying the others. Joy popped it off, a grin crossing her face as a little green light inside began to flash.
Mission accomplished, now for that side quest. She lined her face up with the compartment, squinting inside. Transmitter, motion sensor… ah, looked like it had light shift detection too, maybe as a backup. The wires disappeared into the wall of the compartment.
Wired into the building itself. First guess. Joy grinned. She almost didn't hear the hum of an engine getting closer.
Right. The other half of the mission. Eh, she was supposed to get grabbed anyway, Joy thought, not bothering to drop her focus from the little hidden setup. The receiver was small, and who she assumed were its creators had gotten here really quick, so their hideout had to be nearby. Either that or the transmitter was running on a mega power source. Though it could also be a combination—
Someone cleared their throat behind her, and Joy turned to see a tall man with a spiky purple faux-hawk, hair shining neon against the headlights of a van.
“Ah. Hi,” she said. Weird. She figured she'd be grabbed by now.
“Whatcha doin’ there then?” the man asked.
“Checking out your system,” Joy said. “The hidey hole is neat, and I was curious.” Mission. “Guy named Vic told me about this spot,” she added, hoping that was enough to get the ball rolling.
“Right.” The man shrugged. “I was afraid of that.” He seized the handle of the van’s sliding door and jerked it open, inclining his head towards it. “Alright. Ah, you can just hop in.”
Joy stared at him. If this was how they fucking got Kaius…
“Ah, shit. Wait, my bad. Manak said you'd be good with it. You're on his team, yeah? Finley just wants to chat.”
Well well. How the tables turned. Joy simply gave the man a shrug and climbed inside.
“Oh, we'll grab your friends too,” he said as he climbed into the passenger seat. “The more the merrier.”
×~×~×
“Thought there was five of you?” The driver, a woman who'd introduced herself as Duckie, said.
“There are.” Jericho had adapted to the sort-of-being-kidnapped thing really quickly. Maybe it was just a skill that you got once you became a parent. “The fifth person… well, it's just us tonight.”
Yeah, because no way would Harbor stick out his neck for this. Joy didn't even want to try to ask after their last proposed rescue.
“Well, Finley will be glad to talk to any of you.”
“Didn't Kaius tell her enough?” Benji asked, still hunched in a nervous pose. He took the kidnapping a lot worse than Jer.
“It isn't about what you know,” the third passenger, a man who hadn't bothered to toss out a name, put in. “It's what we know.”
Ominous, but she liked the sound of that. She was already dying to know more about any of the mission details. If Finley could offer that, willingly, Joy was ready for it. She could only hope the new information was more of a blessing than a curse. But then... Look at their luck so far.
As she'd assumed, it wasn't a long ride before the van was pulling into some oversized garage.
The three of them were ushered out of the van, through an open bay area, and into some side office while Jazz went and got Finley. The place was far from homey, covered in dust, and full of junk. Probably not their usual hideout.
Despite the gentle kidnapping, Joy still let out a sigh of relief when they found an intact Kaius in the other side of the office door, reading a dusty manual for what looked like a hydraulic press, a half-empty plastic water bottle on the desk beside him.
The guy was a bit of an arrogant ass, but it hadn't taken Joy long to accept him as their arrogant ass.
“Thank fuck you're okay!”
Kaius was stiff as a board as Benji’s arms wrapped around him, but under the irritated look, Joy could almost swear she saw the hint of a smile.
“A congratulatory handshake would have sufficed.”
“Ah, right, sorry.”
“So,” Joy said, taking a seat in a rusting foldout chair. “Where are we sitting on a scale from ‘hostage’ to ‘secretly in charge’?”
“A good distance from the latter,” Kaius replied. “But we'll be free to go once Finley gives you her spiel.”
“Oh?”
“Allegedly.”
“Then why are you still here?” Jericho asked, leaning on the desk.
“Wasn't convinced he wouldn't just yap to Vic.”
Joy's head swiveled towards the doorway, where a lean woman with a highlighter-yellow mullet was standing.
Kaius seemed unsurprised by her entrance. "Speak of the devil."
The woman shrugged. "Speak of the yapper."
“What was your plan?” Joy asked, folding her arms to match Finley's stance. “Keep him here forever?”
“He was on the verge of convincing me otherwise when the alarm hit.” She cocked her head. “Now I just have more people to share the good news with.”
In the corner of the room, Benji looked like he was trying to make himself smaller. “So is it actual good news? Because the way you said it…”
“No, you're right. I lied. It's shitty news, but it's the truth, and that's better than anything Vic’s feeding you.”
“What do you want for it?” Joy asked, raising an eyebrow. She'd dealt with this type before; friendly strangers with something slippery about them, always swore they had something you wanted, but it always came with a price.
“Only your undivided attention.”
Ah yes, the one thing she had a hard time giving. Joy glanced back at Jericho, then Kaius, who gave a single nod. The gesture seemed to be enough of an invitation for Finley.
“I was Vic’s first pick,” she said, stuffing her hands in her pockets and throwing a grin into the room.
Vic's first… he knew her? Was that why..? Joy bit the inside of her cheek, trying not to let any surprise cross her face. Shock and awe seemed to be exactly what the woman wanted, and Joy didn't want to give her that satisfaction. Not yet.
“I used to work for Rotorworx covertly,” Finley continued. “Ferried supplies back and forth for their batshit science projects. And I guess somewhere along the line, things got a little too batshit. The government took notice and didn't like what they saw. Now,” she swatted her bangs out of her eyes. “That was where it got complicated. See, the DoD has a contract with Rotorworx. Uses them for weapons advancements and aircraft shit. It's not a relationship they wanna fuck up, but they can't let RW keep playing with fire the way they have been. Because it's bigger than a little fire, a little lab disaster. They're…” She snapped her fingers a few times. “well, they're—”
“Fingerfucking reality?” Benji offered, and Finley pointed at him with a smirk.
“They sure are. And as you can imagine, the Department of Energy had something to say about that.”
“Then why didn't they just shut them down?” Jericho asked, shifting in place.
“Oh y’know. Privatized company, partnerships with various three-letter-agencies, high value assets, billionaires,” Finley replied, counting off each on a finger. “It gets really convoluted really fast. The DoE tried to have a chat, but their CEO wasn't having it. So they figured, why ruin a perfectly good relationship when they could just hire someone to break their new toy?”
“So they hired Vic,” Joy finished.
“Bingo. And Vic tried to hire me. He wanted to build a specialized team and needed my expertise, or so he said. I mean, can't blame him. I'm probably the best pick for an op like this.” Finley shrugged. “But I did my own digging. Poked around, listened in on a few closed-door conversations, found out that yeah, they want the Reality Cage destroyed, but they also want someone to pin the crime on.” She leaned into the doorframe, fixing each of them with a look before continuing. “And that's where you come in, sweethearts.”
It took a moment for the words to settle, split-seconds of denials and excuses and justifications flashing through Joy’s head like a firing squad. Vic needed them, they had specialized skills, he'd made a deal that benefited everyone, why trick them like that?
But Finley was right, wasn't she? As much as Joy wanted to tell herself that no, she was inclined to believe this stranger over Vic because she was biased, because Vic was a cold bastard who clearly didn't give a damn about them, it was enough.
Vic didn't give a shit about them. Finley didn't stand to gain anything from telling them, at least as far as Joy could figure. And worst of all, this was the final puzzle piece to make it all make sense. Why else would Vic hire a bunch of random criminals he had no reason to trust? Why else would he put them through weeks of training to do what he and Sahota could've done in one night?
It was all a con, and she should've known better. Of course they weren't being set loose after the mission. It had seemed legit enough when the offer was first made, but had that just been her desperation talking? At the time, the choices she'd been presented with were to take Vic’s offer or land her happy ass in prison. Guess either option had always ended at the same destination.
“We appreciate the warning,” Jericho said, his expression nothing short of troubled. Jer… he had a lot more stake in this than any of them. All he wanted was to see his kid again, but Vic, that son of a bitch…
“Why did you tell us?” Joy said. “Why not let us take the fall?”
“Good old fashioned chivalry ain’t dead yet,” Finley said. “And I wanted to let you suckers know you're off the hook.”
Benji's eyes widened. “What do you mean?”
“I pulled a few strings and got my guys signed on as a contingency team. If Vic fails, the DoE is sending us out. Only difference is, we're not playing scapegoat.”
“And they're letting you?”
“The prison scheme was Vic’s plan,” Finley answered. “Five nobodies with criminal history, caught breaking into Rotorworx with intent to steal and pawn and break things. The poor Reality Cage was caught in the crossfire, bringing a year of sketchy-ass progress to a close. So sad.”
“Then why would he bother with us? He could be in and out without a trace.”
“Does Vic really seem like the type to neglect covering his ass? He's not gonna risk it.”
“And you are?”
“Sweetheart, I am all about risk.” Her teeth flashed in a fresh grin, and Joy forgot her next point. Fuck.
“The sum of it is, we're free to go,” Kaius said.
“Exactly. No guilt, no betrayal from old man Shepard, no cops. Pick up where you left off and don't look back.”
“What about Sahota?”
Finley raised an eyebrow, squinting at Jericho. “Who?”
“Sahota,” Jer repeated. “Vic’s partner?”
She shrugged. “I didn't know Vic had a partner. Everything I dredged up pinned him as a solo operator.”
Joy exchanged a look with the others. “Does… do you know anyone who would know about him? If he's in on this?”
“Vic’s a shadowy bastard. There's a lot about him no one knows. Including what company he keeps.”
Was Sahota in on this? She didn't want to believe he could be, but he was just as secretive as Vic. He'd given them the chance to win a chat with Finley, which could've blown the whole lie wide open, but had he known it was a losing game from the start? Even after Jericho came out on top, Vic hadn't honored the bet.
Maybe he did know. But maybe he didn't get a say. Vic called the shots in their partnership; in their relationship.
“Is that all then?” Joy asked, slouching in her seat. Free to go or not, there was a big fucking mess in their wake, and she didn't know if they should do something about it. She didn't know if they could.
“That's all. Run away, or go back to Vic. I did my moral duty. It's in your hands now.”
This was it then. They could just leave. Fuck off and slip back into the lives they'd left. Would it be safe? Probably not, but none of them had really been safe from the start.
“What do you think Vic will do?” Benji asked as Finley left the room, closing the door between them. “If we leave, I mean.”
“We just have to get far enough away that he won't find us,” Joy answered, uncertain even as she said the words. What would Vic do? What would Sahota do?
“What about Harbor?” Jericho said, and Joy cursed under her breath.
“Harbor has a hard-on for Vic,” she muttered. “I'm sure he'll be fine.”
Jericho didn't look convinced. “You want to leave him there?”
Ah fuck, she couldn't handle the disappointed dad look. Jer was a master of it. “I didn't… I mean, no, I don't want Harbor to take the fall or anything. But he's cozy with Vic, isn't he?”
Jericho grimaced. “He… I think there'll be trouble for him if he stays.”
“Because of Sahota?” Honestly, if their trainer wanted to kick his ass again, Harbor had it coming.
“Because of Vic.” Jer sighed, rubbing his face. “It's been a long night. I… I talked to Harbor. Just before Benji came in. Vic was there when he hurt Sahota. I think… I think Vic made him do it.”
Fuck. Joy bit her lip. Fuck. What was one more thing she didn't want to believe? From the start, she'd known their relationship went deeper than business partners. They loved together for fuck's sake. Sahota had been there for twelve years. Why would Vic encourage that?
As much as she didn't want to, it was just one more thing that was easy to believe.
“We need to go back for him," Jer said. "Maybe we can convince Sahota to come too.”
“You think he would?” Kaius piped up, brows creasing.
“I think he should have the option. Look, you all can run. You should run. I'll go back to the compound, talk to them both about this—”
“No,” Kaius said. “They will know we were gone by the time we return. If it's only you, I'm not certain Vic will give you another opportunity to leave. He still needs his scapegoat.”
“He knows it was Finley who got you,” Joy cut him off. “Either way, he'll be suspicious.”
“So we'll lie,” Kaius said, getting to his feet. “Tell him it was Finley, but we don’t believe a word she said.”
“It won't work. He'll see through it.”
“He only needs to buy it for one day,” Kaius said. “Once night falls, we'll be gone. For good. If Harbor has any sense, he'll be with us.”
“And if he doesn't?”
“He's a free man. It's his funeral to plan.”
Jericho stepped in closer, closing the circle they'd unconsciously formed. “It's worth a try, but I'm not the best liar.”
“Ruebin is,” Kaius said, and Benji perked up beside him. “I'm sure he can convince Vic long enough to give us time.”
“One last mission,” Joy said wryly, and Jericho cracked a smile.
“Guess we should hit the road.”
Joy hopped up, pushing the door open. Finley was still outside, slouching against a shipping container like a freckled scarecrow.
“I guess I did tell you you could go back to Vic,” she said, eyes glittering as she fixed them on Joy. “Didn't think you'd reach that conclusion so soon, but props for the heroism.”
Joy raised an eyebrow. “Another closed-door conversation?”
“It's a bad habit.” Her arm swept out, gesturing for the warehouse exit. “I won't stand in your way. Best of luck tricking that sly bastard.”
Joy sighed. “I guess… thanks. You saved our asses.”
“Only for you to jump back into the frying pan, but I did try.” Her smile faded for a moment, eyes holding the tiniest bit of seriousness as she looked at Joy. “Well hey, I can't blame you either. I'd do the same for any of my idiots.” She reached out her hand, pressing a piece of paper against her hand. Joy closed her fingers around it, looking to Finley for an explanation.
“If said sly bastard gives you too much trouble, give me a call," she said in answer. "I'll see what I can do. And if he doesn't, and you wanna get dinner sometime…” She winked. “It's a versatile offer.”
Joy tried to keep herself from flushing as she gave a quick nod, squeezing the paper in her fist. “Yeah. Yup. Uh, thanks. Again.”
Dinner, huh? She hadn't given much thought to after, and they still had a long and bumpy road ahead, but… she could do dinner. Probably. She had questions about that alarm system of theirs anyway.
The hard part was behind them. Now time for the harder part. The Harbor part. The guy was a dickhead, but if Jer’s assumptions were true, he didn't deserve to be left in the dust. They could get him out of Vic’s clutches and part ways, easy peasy. If they could get him out of Vic's clutches.
What if they couldn't convince him? What if he just ran off to snitch the first chance he got? They'd have to be ready for a quick exit. And Sahota…
She didn't know how they'd convince Sahota. It was a dangerous bridge to cross. If he knew, if he'd been lying to them all this time, the game would be up. The end. But if he was in the dark too, didn't he deserve to know? Didn't he deserve the chance to quit a job that would probably get him killed one of these days? To leave behind a partner who would let that happen?
The four of them squeezed into the truck’s cab and Joy started her up. They'd walk that line when they came to it, and damned if she wouldn't give it her all, but right now, they had an hour to get their story straight, an hour to prepare to face Vic. No sleep, plenty of new, exciting, dooming information.
The shitshow was about to begin. She just hoped they were all ready for it.
×~×~×
tag list:
@theonewithallthefixations , @violets-whumperflies ,
@whump-me , @pirefyrelight , @soheavyaburden , @snakebites-and-ink , @whumpsday ,
@kixngiggles , @echo-goes-aaa , @whumpcateyes , @clickerflight ,
@sodacreampuff , @starfields08000 , @neverthelass , @melpomenelamusa
#im in my 'fuck it we ball' era#this story does not pass the bechdel test /j#also this has me thinking about an au where they don't make the choice they make here :) and what would happen to hunter after :)#even better if he went with his other option in his last chapter and didn't snitch to vic#with the intent of telling them he kept their secret when they came back#only they don't come back :)#total$hit$how#writing#calico writes#“you sly dog you got me monologuing”#new crack ship is joy x the alarm system tbh
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my personal weatherman + improvisations.
#yes i am Insane what about it. and i feel we have way many more improvs yet to come so imma update this as and when.#god. these are ACTORS who are soooooo ... just. COMMITED. they looooove their characters they KNOW their characters.#and they KNOW at what point in the story the choices they would make and how RIGHT itd feel to do it.#each improvisation thus far has HIT me like a tonne of bricks.#whether its open your mouth more ... OFC segasaki would Demand that. and kouhei GOT it.#whether its yoh touching segasaki bc it just FELT RIGHT for yoh to do that after insinuating that he WANTS to have sex with segasaki#all the time. or segasaki pulling yoh beside him BC OFC HE WOULD. OFC HE WOULD.#despite being sad and hurt by yoh in that moment OFC segasaki would still prioritise yoh!!!!!!!#GODDDDD HEAD IN HANDS.#my personal weatherman#faiza talks
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Authors making literary choices about their characters that add an edge that could be hard for the audience to sit with is, in fact, a good thing
#and it’s not even that hard because Eowyn never really suffers for the choices she made in the sense that: Edoras is fine#Sauron’s forces from the eastern front are stopped before they hit Rohan#but it could have gone very differently then she would have to be like: glad I had glory on Pelenore but all my people were#massacred and are dead and my home city which is also the capital of our country is sacked#it could have been different!!#we read her actions from knowing the outcome of the books#but the characters in the books don’t know this is going to be the outcome!#writing#lit#drives me nuts#let! Eowyn! have! flaws!#Eowyn#lotr#lord of the rings#I honestly hope she got flack for it#eomer: I'm glad you’re alive and healthy and beat the witch king#Eomer: but never leave a capital city undefended ever again because you’re feeling sad about missing out on the war
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thinking to myself *we love public transit we love public transit we love public transit* to convince myself after each terrible train experience…
#today i actually thought i was going to get shot or assaulted#my heart is still beating so fast an hour after 😅#but like. its the only choice so we gotta be super propublic transit to convince myself to take it everywhere at all times of day😶#i do love it. but i also would like to not be screamed at so loudly my ears were ringing on my ride home yknow#not sure where this weighs against my previous worse time of getting food thrown at me or getting hit on in a full bus w nowhere to go👍🏼#the food time was funny in retrospect. not in the moment. but the fact i had to dodge a pack of crackers when i finally got off
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okay so my college got evicted and they didnt tell us until today by putting a notice on the door 💀 so my cosmo license is on hold until they figure their shit out
#i just hit 500 hours.............ive spent more time there than i have playing project diva#well if they do close down they better give me my money back. idk how many of my hours would be transferrable but hey#if i can get some money back before we plan to move then I'm chillin#im already chillin tho bc i didnt even hear about it(through a friend who sent me a pic her friend sent of the notice on the door)#until this afternoon while i was high as fuck enjoying my dim sum and youtube videos. so hey i dont have to do a haircut tonight#AND i get more time to enjoy my food and weed. this is awesome#plus my fiance is coming over tonight since im not at school lets gooooooooooooo#im hyped bc I havent had a real day off that i havent had to plan for since june i think#since i work friday-tuesday and have school tuesday-saturday. and ive got the next three days off from work to go to medieval times#this is ultimately a major W for me because i have no choice but to take the night off
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so i've counted at least 3 new blocks of student housing that have gone up in my city over the last couple years right. but people looking at affordable housing are waiting an average of NINE years. i am so normal about this actually.
(even with "silver priority", which is awarded for Literal Homelessness. it takes 3 years. i am so fucking normal about this)
#.txt#housing stuff#i don't post about this much because i try not to think about it much because the absolute despair it causes in my soul is. bad.#i can't rent privately bc 35% of my income doesn't even cover half of the rent in this city#and you get declined automatically if you don't hit that 35% (where rent shouldn't be more than 35% of your income)#i should be getting like. stuff for being disabled. but the Only service to provides those reports#is only seeing Critical (life threatening) cases due to High Demand and has been like that since 2023.#so like whatever i guess.#i don't know man. i don't-#i'd be 34 before i got the Opportunity to get a house. an APARTMENT EVEN. TO RENT.#like. just.#i'm not okay about this. but i also have ✨ literally no choice ✨#so. i guess we ball? (despair edition)
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I think some people do need to experience life upending trauma actually I think it would make them act like adults and not do stupid shit
#this is about two members of my extended family if not more#mainly an 18 year old who needs to learn to know better#and a 27 year old who should fucking know better by now#it’s absolutely enraging that they can’t make good choices in their fucking lives#the 18 year old gets grace I know what it was like to be 18 and stupid#but twenty seven#you gotta know better#between the oops babies (two in about a year give or take)#and the abusive basically live in mother in law who’s got dementia and is allegedly abusive#I’m not being mean they’re known liars and we don’t have solid proof#and naming her kids after tv characters#including a certain radio demon from#you know what fucking show#and the fact the big one hits the little one and doesn’t know gentle yet#little is 4 months big is 2ish do the math and yes they’re oh no breastfeeding isn’t birth control twins#it’s gonna take trauma to fix her shit at this point I’ll be real#not wishing bad things on her or the werewolf baby or little Al. but. something is going to happen to her and she’s gonna be full time#at her moms house or in the hospital#for context: I’m nearly 25 and know better! I’d dump his ass if he didn’t sent gam gam to the fucking home and I name my pets better than#she names her human children#one is after a baby cartoon werewolf and the other we call Al. guess who he’s named for!#anyway the rage will resume on November the whatever the fuck I hope to god she doesn’t get knocked up again with another#oh no if only there were ways to control birth baby
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on a social level i like my current choir more than the previous one. im actually getting to know people and enjoy talking and going to social events outside of choir which i havent done since my first choir. but also i definitely miss the music taste my last director had
current choir has a focus on north american composers. obviously theres baller stuff in that selection pool. but listen. listen i wanna sing bulgarian folk music again.
#im so mad we never got to sing kafal sviri in my previous choir because covid hit#i wanted that recorded so fucking bad#also in general id like to sing more latin pieces#i'll be riding the high of singing imant raminsh's missa brevis gloria until the day i die#its not that i dislike her music choices she picks some cool stuff like#we're singing jesus christ the apple tree which absolutely slaps. always happy to sing that again.#and children go where i send thee!!#but also we're doing a veterans day concert and its really boring shit i wanna get to christmas already#because thats where the good music is at#faeloops
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Got a new desk. Mixed feelings
#keri rambles#its good bc it seems to have cons and i got it as a gift (6th dec) so its nice#but also we were diacussing about it and 1 i was supposed to go and buy it together so thay i could decide whcih one i want#2 its a different one than the one that was my first choice from what weve watchd before#so im kind of upset i had no choice in this in the end bc they thought this one is better#like. i logically understand why and see their reasoning and also know it had to be a surprise to br a gift#but emotionally i was hit with a sudden unexpected change i had littlr say in that eas implemented whilr i was gonr and its#its just a lot. and overwhelming snf weirdly upsetting. ill have to get used to this now#just wish i had a choice in this idk. im grateful but also not#so yeah. mix#ed feelings
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you know they were about to go so hard on emmy's personal quest. they didnt. but at least someone in that writing room wanted to give us that good good
#dav spoilers#it really does feel like two different teams of writers were on this game#and like. for his quest#the good team got most of it and the bad team did full damage control at the end T_T#i mean HELLO THE CEREMONY? WHERE THEY WALK OUT WITH HIS BLOOD AND ORGANS#THE ANIMATIONS WHICH WERE OBVIOUSLY HIGH PRIORITY AND FINISHED EARLIER IN DEVELOPMENT#THEE#FUCKINGGGGGG#the armor dude. that showcases his hollow chest. he's literally been hollowed out#nothing will change my mind that some writers wanted there to be actual meat to that mission/choice#im so madge. we could've had our tragic necromancer romance#and we kinda did honestly#but now the tragedy is that rook and emmerich are stuck in some horror simulation where no one is allowed to feel the full severity of thei#actions#now the tragedy is that he does this to himself and the only options are to clap/cheer/crack a joke/say 'yay :)'#AND HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO MOURN EITHER WAY#WE HAVE A FUCKING SJKDFHLJKFDHLJKSDHF MOURNWATCHER#LET US WATCH HIM MOURN PLEASE#he should either grieve manfred or his life's dream. we need to see how that choice affects his ability to express grief#FUCK#someone hit me im so mad#i'll never be normal about this bioware wtf did you do to me#see when i say this to brian it's a compliment but when i say it to bioware it's a curse#YOU GAVE ME THE PERFECT HUSBANDO AND THEN LOBOTOMIZED HIS HEART#fuck it. whatever. still replaying his romance. if you even care.#emmyposting
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One time when i was in high school we got assigned these fake realistic babies to care for and i got stupidly attached to mine and paid $70 to buy it from the school and these girls stole him and my girlfriend and i had to go to war to get him back. This is a true story.
#his name was ritz walrus and he ended up falling apart so i had to throw him away. :( i had him for about 2 years after i left high school.#i knew it was TRUE love when she went to war to get me him back.#he was like our child. :( ritz i miss you so so much.#i think he was the spirit of that one abortion i had. or maybe the miscarriage i don't fucking know.#he also got hit by a snow plow once this was WHILE we were being graded on him.#we actually failed the assignment but we made such precious memories out of it.#if you DON'T know the ritz walrus lore I don't even know what to tell you.#i might have no choice 🙅 but to pin this post on my blog.
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i’m so excited for my next opportunity to abuse substances
#in the meantime i have to stick with caffeine as my drug of choice#which. caffeine my beloved but also i want to become Inebriated#thinking back to that pool party i went to a few weeks ago where i got so crossfaded that when i got home i had to take a bath bc i couldn’t#trust myself to stand in the shower and not fall and hit my head and die#and i ended up laying in the bath feeling like a mannequin for Forever. it was so great#man. good times#it’ll still be a few weeks before i can get Fucked up again which is sad#but once i do get that chance. i’m going on a bender bruh omfg i’m so excited#my birthday is on the last day of class for the quarter and then we have a 3 day weekend AND I GOT MY TIME OFF REQUEST APPROVED FOR WORK#so i can literally just go fucking ham for three straight days with zero worries i’m so beyond excited#it’s gonna be like noche blanca again bitch
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so in juniper's campaign we've just found ourselves in a high-stakes situation that I as a player do frankly find stressful and am anxious about, but hey hi also the DM was like 'okay here are the exact mechanics of how this is going to work because I don't want to surprise you with serious repercussions, also here are all the options you will have to try to do something about the situation-- [affected player] what do you think? honest feedback, I don't want it to feel unfair, I want to be clear that I am not just trying to kill your character, and if it ends up being badly balanced we can revisit it down the road' and oh my god I could COLLAPSE and WEEP with gratitude
#[tears in my fucking eyes] WHAT IF DND WAS GOOD!! WHAT IF A DM THAT'S GOOD!!!#LIKE I've said actually MOST of my DMs are good but because of the way this situation was presented specifically#where-- as NOT the affected player-- it does feel like the way it came up was a little unfair and I AM worried about the stakes--#I REALLY SPENT SO MUCH OF THAT ABOVE-TABLE TALK GOING OH WOW I FEEL LIKE OUR FRIEND ACTUALLY LOVES US AND WANTS THIS TO BE FUN!!#I DON'T KNOW THAT I AGREE WITH WHAT HE'S DOING HERE BUT I TRUST MY FRIEND AND IT'S SAFE FOR US TO TALK ABOUT THINGS LIKE THIS PLAYER TO DM!!#WOWIE THAT FEELS RELEVANT TO MY DND EXPERIENCE RIGHT NOW LMAO!!!#'I've looked at your stats and inventories to try to make this serious but balanced but if it doesn't work we can retool it'#'I want to be extremely clear that this situation could kill destal so I want to be extremely sure that you're comfortable with that--#-- and with how the mechanics are designed around it'#I am fucking. on my KNEES WEEPING. at the contrast with how punishing and DEEPLY unfun felix campaign has relentlessly been the whole time#and how little of a fuck it feels like THAT DM gives when he's like 'this random rolltable encounter was deadly :)'#'you guys didn't get hit last time and got all your spells back right?' uhhh wrong and wrong and we TALKED about that last time#are you gonna revisit the balance on your fifth in a row 'if you fail you'll TPK' scenario? no? yeah I figured lol#christ knows HE'S never invited feedback on his DMing. you KNOW I don't feel safe to say 'hey this doesn't feel fair or fun' with him#AND LIKE!! WITH A DM I TRUST I FEEL SAFE ENOUGH TO REALLY PLAY WITH SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENING!! YAY YIPPEE STAKES AND PATHOS!!!#I don't just want nothing bad to happen ever! but I don't want it to feel careless or heartless or just... Not Fun#anyway. grasping william's hands so tightly. my beloved friend. my wonderful friend. what a relief to have a DM that's good#after the shit we've been through in our now most-frequently-run campaign#the thing I'm mad about is that destal has been making a mystery saving throw every night-- but this was imperceptible to the characters#so we weren't acting on it#and now that he's failed it three times the situation is 'okay NOW you will be maming a con save every night and accumulating exhaustion'#'which can't be removed by sleeping' [six levels of exhaustion Kill You]#so like!! well okay I wish we had had ANY way of knowing how urgent this was before we got to 'now there's a deadly countdown' BUT OKAY#but like I said. he clearly put a lot of thought into the math for the mechanics#he made sure that we DO actually have ANYTHING we can do to mitigate the condition and outlined several options specifically and clearly#he checked in with justin about whether that seemed fair and opened it for future retooling if necessary#so I'm just at 'that was kind of a rugpull dude :/' instead of DESPAIRING lmao#this is a level of Oh Shit that's juicy! this is a level of Oh Shit that might force dramatic character choices out of desperation!#THIS IS AN OH SHIT WHERE WE STILL GET TO PLAY DND ABOUT IT AND HAVE ANY AGENCY WHATSOEVER. WHAT A CONCEPT.#ANYWAY!!! GOOD DND SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!
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