#we got existential crises

[iliterallydecepticanteven]

I love Sari Sumdac I really do. Unfortunately, it is time for her to experience the horrors of being a teenage girl

[nenoname]

hunting down a specific image but finding miscellaneous storyboards/some cut panels from the stan comic story instead

[dykeseinfeld]

ohmygofd your thing about loss of patriotism ohmygod that’s exactly what i’ve been feeling too i believe in the highest ideals of this country and after the election i kept listening to the battle hymn of the republic yknow that glory glory hallelujah cus it was written by an abolitionist woman in the 1840s(?) and because the fight song for the union army as they sought to defeat the confederacy and keep the union .. THAT is the america i believe in. the nation of frederick douglass and the first amendment and the 14th amendment and brown v board. and idk sorry this is long and rambly i just wanted to say i feeel the exact same way you do. and i still want to believe in these things! and i still am going to do my fuxking best to support civil service and the things we find precious in american jurisprudence idk sorry i just mean i feel the exact same way sorry this is so long lol

yeah….i love reading political biographies and for six months i’ve been working through one on lincoln but i had to put it down because. well. because it was just making me sad

[jedi-starbird]

Time Travel is my favourite trope and I think we need more fics where both Obi-Wan AND Qui-Gon time travel together because no matter when they get sent it's chaos. They're saving the galaxy and being physic flash-bangs to everyone around them.

like before Bandomeer?

The entire council is baffled to watch as Qui-Gon 'never taking a padawan again' Jinn has suddenly cut off his post-Xanatos depression tour to return to the temple and beeline to the creche with a frantic energy. His wild eyes immediately single out a fluffy, red-haired initiate.

"You." he exhales with a pointed finger, slightly ominous as he towers over the child. Said child starts vibrating with delight. "Me." he agrees, launching himself at the man. Qui-Gon drops to his knees with a thud that cannot be healthy. Obi-Wan's attempts to clamber into Qui-Gon's robes and maybe onto his shoulders is thwarted by the fact that Qui-Gon's massive hands are cupping Obi-Wan's tiny squishy cheeks. He stares at the initiate for a few minutes with an intensity that is starting to worry people.

Finally, "You're so small." Qui-Gon sounds like he might cry.

'What the fuck?' Plo Koon projects at Mace.

"I'm 9! That tends to be the case!" the child chirps back.

"You're nine." Oh. Ah. Qui-Gon's eyes are distinctively misty. He squishes the boy in a hug so hard he squeaks. Mace makes a series of gestures that imply the need for a head-scan. Depa obligingly drifts off towards the halls. Qui-Gon scoops the child up onto his hip and claims him as his padawan on the spot. The assorted council members and creche-masters burst into noise. Mace tells Depa to bring some space ibuprofen as well.

after Naboo?

Anakin is a little apprehensive of his place in both the order and Obi-Wan's life, but then one day Obi-Wan wakes up and is suddenly a lot less sad in the force?? In fact, if Anakin didn't know better he'd say he was almost giddy, but he's watched Obi-Wan try to pretend his world hasn't fallen apart for the past few months so it can't be that, right? And um, Miss Bant? He knows grief is a funny thing that affects people differently but he's pretty sure 'massive mood swing' and 'having full conversations with invisible people' is not...great? and you said to tell you if Obi-Wan got really weird in any way.

Anyway after a lot of medical exams, intense consultation with the archives, and a couple exorcisms, Anakin ends up being raised by his 'real' master and his ghost master. He is far more well adjusted emotionally and far less well adjusted for what counts as normal people behavior(not talking to thin air). When questioned on this, all he ever says is that he's talking to Qui-Gon. Isn't he...dead? Well, yes. Wait, he's a ghost? Ghosts are real? ...Well this ghost is real.

This starts a great number of existential crises among non-force sensitives and incredibly heated theological arguments amongst the Jedi. Whenever Obi-Wan is questioned on this, all he ever says is some variation of "the force got to know him for 5 seconds and kicked him back out." Mace backs him up on this even though that reasoning is technically blasphemous. Qui-Gon is having the time of his un-life. He's ascended to his final form, his sheer existence is a heresy, this is truly all he has ever aspired towards.

the Clone Wars?

The minute they get dropped back Qui-Gon immediately goes and haunts the shit out of Dooku. They have a signed terms of surrender and promise of info on the Sith Lord within the year. Only half of it is because Qui-Gon's giving Dooku complexes that are only perceptible to shrimp, the other half is because they now have a ghost spy that is not bound by the laws of physics nor spacetime.

Obi-Wan only nominally pays attention to this as he immediately goes and implements his 19 step seduction plan with Cody (he had to focus on something on Tatooine to pass the time). It fails. Spectacularly. Publicly. Ah right. Tatooine was not exactly the height of his sanity. Everyone in the GAR and temple is now riveted by High General and Councilor Obi-Wan Kenobi's attempts to go on a date with his Commander, who bats him away him like a particularly annoying stray and seems one bouquet of cactus away from committing mutiny. Anakin is worrying if it means his master knows about his secret marriage and this is some sort of really weird power play. (It is, but not in the way he thinks)

The next time Dooku goes after Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon spends a good few months appearing tear-stained at the edge of Dooku's perception and only communicating in terrible wails and discordant mutterings of 'padawan. my padawan. my little one.' 24/7.

"Wait, you're annoying Dooku into surrendering?"

"Oh no Anakin, we're crushing his psyche like a bug. :)"

[spirngakawening]

Many, many things

[soberpluto]

Examining Neptune's Spell

Apologies for not being here after so much time, but now I'm back and very thrilled to share this with you all! I'm hopeful many can find this helpful.

Unnecesary context aside, just recently I was having a long and deep conversation with a friend of mine about my semi-recurring mini existential crises. After hearing me patiently, with the dear intention of making me realize I was drowning in my tiny glass of water, he simply (and brilliantly) replied:

"I think you're problem is that you have unrealistic expectations about yourself."

Any attempt to blurt out in self-defense ceased instantly because of how deep these words sunk in my mind. I stared into the wall before for me and felt how the missing puzzle piece finally dropped into the perfect spot. Obviously, the thought of having my sun in Cancer and Neptune in almost exact opposition popped inside, and it took a WHOLE new dimmension. How could this statement not be true?! OF COURSE he was right! It's not that I wasn't told that before or haven't read about it multiple times in my astrology studies, but the truth is, (a very Neptunian thing now that I think about it) I didn't believe it quite applied to me. Because I don't like to feel mediocre and because I think of myself as a spiritual and highly self-aware woman, I was convinced that holding myself to "unrealistic standards" was definitely NOT the reason that triggered me to want fleed to a desert islands at times when reality felt like too much. It was bitterly humorous when I realized I evidently missed the fact that Neptune was making a hell of a job doing what he does best: casting its spells of illusion and glittery distorted beliefs about how things were "supposed to be" in a surprisingly unadverted way into my life. I was truly relieved to actually understand (or accept, better said) why trying to have a simple and happy life seemed too tricky at times. It all made sense.

Now, let me introduce Neptune, if you happen to be unacquainted.

Neptune in astrology is like the ultimate dream weaver, spinning a web of intuition, imagination, and mystery. It’s the planet of all things ethereal, where reality gets a little blurry, and you’re invited to dive into the deep end of fantasy, spirituality, and idealism. Neptune whispers, "What if?" and suddenly, we're seeing the world through a kaleidoscope of possibilities, but a "little" foggy on the details. We're all influenced by Neptune one way or another, but when it touches personal planets or points in our charts, it’s like life hands us a pair of customized rose-colored glasses, but the prescription is way off. Suddenly, everything feels a bit magical, like we're starring in your own fairytale, except the castle is made of mist, the prince might just be a mirage, and that enchanted forest? It’s actually a parking lot.

But why bother making us feel loony? On a more serious note, our master illusionist possesses the higher purpose of awakening our connection to something greater than the everyday grind. It gently pulls us out of the rigid boundaries of reality and whispers, "There’s more to life than meets the eye." It invites us to explore the depths of our imagination, spirituality, and compassion, blurring the lines between self and universe. The illusions it creates are really a nudge to dissolve our ego’s grip, helping us see beyond the material and embrace a higher sense of love, creativity, and unity with the cosmos.

As inspiring and touching as it sounds, the catch is that fulfilling Neptune’s mission can feel like chasing fog—just when we think we’ve got a handle on it, it slips through our fingers. Neptune wants us to transcend reality and connect with the divine, but let’s be real: that’s not exactly a day-to-day, grocery-list-friendly goal. For someone with heavy Neptune influence, this pursuit of higher meaning can be disorienting, leaving them feeling lost in a sea of "what ifs" and "maybes." And thanks to its grandeur idealism, it can push people to be hypersensitive, highly fearful of failure and completely inaccurate with what they may achieve in a day, let alone a lifetime!

For a Neptunian, the intuitive desire to be flawless and sufficient does not come from wordly expectations, but from a place of soulful calling that more often unconsciously than consciously tells them they're limitless beings living in a limited reality. And this is exactly the greatest challenge of all: to accept that the truth must be known while respecting the illusion, just as a spiritual teacher Michael Mirdad states.

That said, you can imagine what happens when mystical and whimsical Neptune gets cozy with your personal planets. Let's see in detail how it sprinkles its glitter them:

Sun

Soft Aspects: With soft aspects, your Sun is shining brighter than ever! Neptune sprinkles fairy dust on your creativity and confidence, making you feel like a superstar in your own musical. It’s all about embracing your spiritual side and believing that you can conquer the world—cape optional!

Hard Aspects: You’re the artist of your own identity, but the canvas keeps shifting. One day you’re an astronaut, the next day you’re a poet, and by the end of the week, you’re contemplating becoming a full-time mystic. Neptune tells you, "Be everything," but sometimes that just leaves you wondering, "Who am I, really?"

Moon

Soft Aspects: Your emotions flow like a gentle river, and you’re tuned in to everyone’s feelings like a super empath (you could be a cool wizard/witch or clairvoyant!). Neptune wraps you in a cozy blanket of intuition, making heartfelt connections feel like a warm hug from the universe. Cue the happy tears!

Hard Aspects: Enter the emotional whirlpool! Neptune can stir up your feelings like a cosmic blender, leading to mood swings and a general sense of overwhelm. You might find yourself daydreaming your way through real-life emotions, and good luck figuring out what you actually feel!

Mercury

Soft Aspects: With Neptune’s gentle nudge, your thoughts become a beautiful symphony! Communication flows like honey, and you’re bursting with creative ideas. It’s a fantastic time for writing, brainstorming, or chatting about all things magical and dreamy! You could be a music lover, a great singer or a romantic poet.

Hard Aspects: But when Neptune goes rogue, it’s like trying to read a recipe in a funhouse—everything’s upside down! Your thoughts get scattered, and communication feels like a game of telephone gone wrong. Get ready for misunderstandings and the occasional “Wait, what did you just say?” This aspect looks very similar to a Piscean or Sagittarian Mercury, a common link to ADHD.

Venus

Soft Aspects: Love is in the air! Neptune turns your romantic life into a whimsical fairy tale, where everything feels enchanting. Your heart opens wide, and connections deepen, making even the smallest moments feel like a scene from a rom-com.

Hard Aspects: But hold on! Neptune might have you wearing those rose-colored glasses a bit too tightly. You might find yourself idealizing partners or being swept away by fantasies, only to crash back to reality when things don’t match your dreamy expectations. Ouch!

Mars

Soft Aspects: With Neptune in your corner, your drive becomes a creative spark! You’re ready to take action with a burst of inspiration, making you feel like a superhero on a mission. Time to tackle those goals with flair and imagination!

Hard Aspects: When Neptune throws in a twist, it’s like trying to run through quicksand. Your motivation might wane, leaving you confused about where to focus your energy. It’s a cosmic case of “I had a plan… what was it again?”

To wrap it up after such long post, living with Neptune’s influence means you’ve got a backstage pass to the land of dreams, creativity, and big feelings. But it also means you might find yourself getting tangled up in illusions, setting sky-high standards that real life simply can’t meet. So when Neptune touches your personal planets, just remember: it's okay to dream big, but keep a little reality check in your back pocket. You can chase those rainbows, but don’t forget to pack an umbrella for when they dissolve into rain.

Thanks so much for reading, love you! 🥰

Written by @soberpluto

[energeticwarrior]

okay it's been a long ass time since i put together a dnp-related rant on tumblr but today is worthy of it jesus christ

Phil has seen every single version of Dan starting with when he was 18 ;__; If we are reduced to tears for the bits and pieces of Dan we’ve had the privilege of seeing, imagine the emotions for someone who has truly seen it all. He’s been w Dan literally thru every stage; before/during/after law school, depression, working together, moving 3x w one another, etc. I can’t imagine how emotional it would be to watch someone’s ups + downs for 13 years and then come out triumphant with a beautiful stage show. Like.. Phil is really someone who has seen Dan through his entire adult life. The beginning of it, the present, right up until the end.

We get emotional making comparisons of WAD to 'Hello Internet' because it's really unique to have your development as a person just pasted all over the internet. But all we have ever known is Dan's internet persona. Sure, we get pieces of his personality and we have a gist of what he's like, but we don't know him the way Phil does. Their connection is unfathomable and Phil knows him in a way no one ever will. We've heard of Dan's perspective going through challenges, struggling with existential crises, dealing with depression, seeking therapy, etc. We've heard those anecdotes after they happened; Phil lived it with him. Which is why I think today is just that important to Phil.

Phil got to see 'Hello Internet' before it was even posted onto YouTube for the first time. Fuck, he gave Dan advice and encouraged him to post for the first time. He supported Dan from the start. He has seen everything that we haven't, and now that WAD has come to a close and it's on YouTube forever, it's all come full circle. From helping Dan with his first YouTube video to sitting with Dan to watch this beautiful stage show on that same channel, Phil has been there with and for him since the beginning.

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

i've been rewatching wwdits in order (i can't let go yet, okay!) and am currently in season three, and it got me thinking about how i think the end of s6 is such a rewarding happy ending for nandor that really resonates with the rest of the series. i know that in the finale, the characters are making the argument that nothing ever changes and the ending's not significant, but i think what we actually see with nandor, especially in his relationship to guillermo, is really the opposite.

disclaimer: i would have loved overt canon nandermo, so i definitely understand the pain of us not getting that. however, this post just focuses on what actually happened in the last few eps rather than what wwdits could have done instead!

some thoughts on why i love this ending for mr. de laurentis so much--

so, from the start of the show, we sort of have the two "couples" in the house with laszlo/nadja and nandor/guillermo. we can see that nandor has an unusual attachment to guillermo as a familiar even from the start, because laszlo and nadja go through familiars like kleenex, whereas nandor and guillermo have their funny little bickering marrieds thing going. however, nandor can't admit how much he cares about guillermo or how much his companionship means, because guillermo is his familiar and that's humiliating!

we also see nandor struggle a lot with a sense of purposelessness (especially after colin breaks his world view in 3.04!) and we see him missing his warlord life constantly even though it's been centuries since that was his reality.

and he usually decides he's going to fix his guillermo crises and his existential crises by going all in on some new love interest!!!!!!

then the guide gives him the talk where she points out his pattern, and even though he ostensibly wasn't listening, maybe it managed to permeate his single brain cell on some level, because his commitment to guillermo at the end of 6.10 isn't about the chase, it's about a long-term commitment. "an unbreakable alliance." (and then they seal it with a hand clasp that really just smacks of ~victory~ to me as a gesture!)

charmaine's advice (telling nandor to tell his crush who he has new feelings for how he feels) doesn't work out with the guide ... but it does work out when he ✨proposes✨ his plan to guillermo and tells guillermo he's the thing that nandor holds in the highest esteem possible: a warrior. (and this after guillermo told nandor that nandor made him never feel good enough. nandor does not like to listen when his patterns are pointed out to him -- see aforementioned scene with the guide -- but he did this time, and tried to make up for it quickly!)

nandor also manages to find a middle ground where he and guillermo can meet: fighting bad guys together. and we see from "nandor's army" that he still has epic warlord skills, just like guillermo has epic slaying skills, and this gives them the space to both be thriving in a shared purpose, after having purpose-related existential crises all season!

guillermo is skeptical that nandor's really going to commit and change, as expressed in the shared talking head in 6.11, and he figures he'll be saddled with all the work, but we find out at the end that nandor has committed so hard that -- in addition to all his drawings and diagrams and his silly costume shopping -- he somehow managed to make that two-person coffin elevator into a secret underground lair a reality?!?!?! (i like to think maybe guillermo will be more into the idea of their partnership in a post-"omg the coffin elevator actually exists" world.)

"you can call me nandor." that is all. <3

nandor's also, ultimately, willing to let guillermo go after a season that was full of pain over letting guillermo go, and he does it calmly and simply and without flinging any guilt-tripping guillermo's way. it is a peak "if you love something, let it go, and it will come back to you" moment. and then, of course, guillermo comes back like immediately. :) and is welcomed into the coffin, and the future adventures that the camera won't be there to catch!

anyway! this is all just a bunch of nonsense rambling, but my point is, i think the recurring loneliness and dissatisfaction that we see nandor grapple with throughout the series is something that is finally over once he commits proudly to a life with guillermo fighting the good fight (whatever shape that might take in the future, since who knows how long the superheroes thing will be the vibe). he needed to overtly acknowledge what guillermo meant to him, to himself and to guillermo and to everyone else, because pushing it down was part of what was keeping him consistently miserable, and once he's done that, he doesn't have to go looking for purpose in a cliche romantic happily ever after (and indeed, he seems totally checked out when the gang talk to him about being in love with the guide toward the start of 6.11). he has it in his unbreakable alliance, wherever that may go! 💘

[robiniswriting]

donna noble consulting at unit is hilarious to me considering she’s got the doctor living in the tardis in her backyard and he’s actively trying to temporarily retire from the whole “saving humanity from the current existential alien threat” business.

the doctor asking about how her day went and donna just staring him down trying to decide whether or not she should let on that there’s some kind of invasion happening.

the doctor and donna having staring contests where they both know that he wants to go do something about the problem but donna is absolutely not going to let him.

rose comes home after school to find the doctor and donna sitting on the couch opposite each other forcefully drinking tea and engaging in the most intense version of small talk that has ever existed because they both know that if donna relents he will absolutely get involved in whatever unit-fuckery is going down on any given day.

but he’s committed to living life the slow way round (for the most part at least) and donna’s his best friend so she’s gonna help him goddammit, even if it means forcing him to sit on sylvia’s floral-patterned couch while he’s mentally bouncing off the walls with the desire to be useful.

poor rose, shaun, sylvia, and wilf are forced to bear witness to this battle of wills for the next ten to fifteen years before donna’s point — which is that we can manage without you sometimes, you idiot, you’re not the center of the universe and things don’t necessarily always fall apart just because you weren’t directly involved — finally sinks in and the doctor manages to find some semblance of chill.

(donna absolutely never admits to him how many of those crises were averted by other versions of him. she doesn’t want his ego to reinflate. they’ve been doing so well getting it to go down.)

[evervalence]

ok but the fact that the hollow left off at the perfect point to continue before it got cancelled :(

like, they're in their "homes" so it's the perfect way to delve into their backstories (ahem Kai parental issues and Vanessa's too) and more about what happened between Adam and Reeve

they know they're digital clones so they'll start to have existential crises as they try to pretend like their lives are normal

and the fact that the game's fantasy elements are still there???

we were so ROBBED it's homophobic

[azrielsshadows42]

Rhysand: So tell me again why we need to go buy a fire extinguisher?

Azriel: Well, it started this morning, I was having my usual cup of coffee with existential crises

Azriel: Then I heard Cassian and Feyre giggling about something

Rhys: About what?

Az: Don't know, the shadows won't tell me. Apparently, they're in on it

Rhysand: Better get 2

Azriel: *raises brow*

Rhys: Yeah, you're right, we'll need at least 5

Azriel: I've got Tarquin on speed dial

[whokilledjared]

the sluttiest thing a man can do is be himself. (& takes on social media)

Hi.

I'm lonely.

The moment I got "two weeks off school" in sophomore year, life went to 4x speed & I can't turn it off no matter how hard I try.

Maybe COVID-19 adolescence did numbers on me. Somewhere between the iPhone 5c and ChatGPT, 14-hour screen times have live-streamed to me a steady, homogenous death of culture.

Nothing is cool anymore. Nothing is sacred. Every movement is a trend, and every cult classic a sequel.

The value we place on things being beautiful, on being "cool," and our gatekept appreciation of how hard these things were to find: it's been co-opted, or perhaps stolen. It's been stolen by the new merchant class. "Disruptors" and "innovators" turning our lives into a burgeoning black mirror prequel. Soon, we'll graduate too, and we'll wring every morsel of value in each others' lives dry for cash.

Plain and simple, I think we're being manipulated.

Your dates are an algorithm. Your music is a social signal. And Zuck knows when you sleep.*

God. What the fuck are we doing???

“Individuation is becoming the thing which is not the ego, and that is very strange.” — Carl Jung

Recently, I deleted Instagram. My first impulse was to post a story or something, announcing my departure. But then, I thought that would be lame.

I got rid of my account, too. Kinda. Over 1 year, over 800 followers removed, and what remains of me is a little grey icon, and "JM_0000000010" where my name and face used to be.

yay.

There were many people I wish I could have been friends with, but I wonder, too, why I find myself so drawn to the validation of others. Does social media affect me worse, or do we all just choose to ignore it, languishing in private?

At any rate, this last year has almost felt like re-learning how to be a human being.

Personally, I think one of the biggest markers for maturity is when you become willing to disappoint the people you know in favor of what feels right to you, when you start to unravel the stories you’ve told yourself (or been told) about who you are and what you should be. In short, the sluttiest thing a man can do is be himself.

And sometimes, I think about every college student that has ever lived. My grandmother, my dad, and so on. Just consider for a moment all kids who graduated before 2010:

What was it like for the ones in 1940? To walk around, before a campus had computers? In 2006: To meet someone pretty, but forget their number? In 1999: To cram into dorms, and watch Seinfeld live on-air?

Would I, like my dad in 1988, have braved cold night, brisk wind, & landline phone-call just to knock and see if my friends were too busy to hang?

What stories could I tell if there was even the slightest chance of getting lost on the way home from a party?

Humans are social creatures. We crave our friends like water. To me, the clearest difference between Dasani and Instagram is that one of them comes in a bottle.

Yet despite these distractions and comforts we have in 2024, somehow, we still have engineering students. People who carve out time in their day to sit down, look at paper, and solve differential equations. But then, that's not so hard, is it? It just takes time. Precious, fucking, time.

At Meta, leagues and leagues of these engineers power behavioral scientists, who are competing for the highest salary. Their benchmarks? Your FOMO. Guilt. Anxiety. Obsession. The worse you feel, the more you engage with their content. The more you engage with their content, well, you're starting to get the point.

Try something for me: Open up Instagram, but don't tap anything. What happens? How many little animations? How many tiny nudges prompting you to get lost? Our home-pages are billion-dollar diving boards, hoisting us over engineered catacombs of subconscious quicksand.

My homepage is my FOMO, my envy, and my crushes. The pain and struggle of trying to be someone who I am not. My little existential crises, bundled-up, packaged, and shipped with a like button.

To abandon your social networks entirely, however, requires a safety net of close friends. After all, your friends are online, and you'd be miserable without them.

This is the problem with our monkey brains. Millennia of sociological natural-selection have made us quite great at feeling terrible. We're damn good at making tribal status games to play with, too.

Seeking refuge in quirked up septum piercings and boygenius listeners, my time in counter-cultural, alternative "scenes" between St. Louis and Tampa has shown me that even the weirdest of folks and the most removed can accidentally find themselves reduced to nothing more than high-school popularity contests. Even if I love them. Even if they're amazing people. We're human.

We can't "quit social media" as much as we can't "quit bottled water" Sure, we can, but it's inconvenient. And even without a bottle, we're still drinking water.

So I lost touch with my friends. I got no new updates on their lives. I forced myself into the inconvenience of not having a phone to reach for in fleeting moments of boredom. Suddenly, I was out of the loop. Suddenly, I was bored. And suddenly, nobody missed me. My only friends were the ones I had the time to text. Everyone else ... does not exist.

Weekends have become more valuable than ever. Without the empty social calories of seeing my friends' pictures, I find myself planning hangouts as often as my schedule allows. I have more lunches, more study sessions, and more is done in the company of less.

And I have the time to breathe.

And in this calm, I think I found my answer: it's my misplaced ambition. These fears of anxiety and people I thought I would miss, they seem represent something I want to see more of within myself. Something I want to develop, lean into more deeply, as an individual. And I think that's quite normal; to look out into the world and feel attracted to things we want to see more of. This is, I think, how everyone develops their own definition of beauty — and of coolness. It's largely the intersection of what we find most interesting, and what we want to see more of in the world. Because beauty and coolness, by definition, are rare and hard to find. If they were everywhere, nothing be beautiful, nor would anything be cool.

When we all turn into wrinkles and cataracts, bad backs and heart attacks, for a brief, glorious moment, our lives are going to flash before our eyes. In this moment, you'll see your story. The ultimate progression of you.

How much of that will be skibidi toilet and reaction clips? How much of that will be arguing on the internet? Can you tell me, just how much of your life will you have skipped over to pacify your intentionally-lowered attention span?

That girl whose number you couldn't find Those passing questions over coffee that you couldn't search on Google The boredom of a subway ride

Those are not inconveniences, they're what the older generations refer to as "life."

* (oh, but if you can't sleep, consider this aside: Google knows the angle you walk at, how fast you're walking, and they've got crowdsourced pictures of everywhere around you at all times of the day. fun bedtime thoughts <3)

[lookninjas]

Inspired by that jackwad.

Anyway, pick a song from a bad description! You do not have to recognize any of the songs from the descriptions. Just go with whatever description appeals to you. Maybe you love a good stankface moment. Maybe you're in a crisis and need some pop for that. Maybe you just want to hear a kickass funk breakdown. Whatever it is, pick one, vote, and reblog the post on.

At the end of a week, I will make a playlist out of the results, from the song with the least amount of votes to the song with the highest amount of votes. If you would like to hear the playlist, leave a comment or put it in your reblog somewhere (in the tags or wherever), and I will tag you when the playlist is up.

And we can all have something nice to listen to while we drink, cry, and pray for our country.

That's all. Let's have a good week and see who that orange idiot decides to insult next, shall we?

[sepublic]

Anyhow I think the reason why a lot of people gravitate towards stuff like kids cartoons and look forward to deeper more mature storytelling is because they just. Look nice. They’re colorful and charming with nice artstyles that look cool. Breaking Bad is a great show but it’s also about grubby humans in a grubby world. And yes you can find beauty in the aesthetic flaws and imperfections of our world but also be real here.

In the end people want it both ways. They want their stories to be more powerful but they also genuinely want them to look nice. People want darkness and angst but they also love whimsy and color. We need both of these things in our life. I think of Everything Everywhere All At Once and it’s such a compelling narrative about existential crises and what we do with our lives but also Racacoonie. I love Peele’s Nope and how it’s about the grisly ways the entertainment industry exploits humans and animals and objectifies them both but also Akira bike slide.

I think of how Sonic the Hedgehog is a popular franchise because the designs walk the fine line between being colorful and whimsy but also being edgy and hardcore enough. And there’s the classic variations if you want it. People love Maria getting gunned down not because they hate little girls as fandom usually does but because it symbolizes the story letting itself get more mature and elevating itself in its seriousness.

Sonic the Hedgehog is a funny blue cartoon taking on stuff like death mechs with bleeding eyes born from the follies of an arrogant civilization. All the while the hardest rock you’ve ever heard plays in the background, I’m talking 2000’s edge. And it’s sincere about it, it doesn’t stop to laugh about how dissonant it is. It loves these things in full.

Sometimes I think of that one webcomic where it combines characters like Bugs Bunny or Scooby Doo or Squidward and treats it entirely seriously without batting an eye. I think of how kids and teens are also clamoring for these things, how I did the exact same! We’re not dumb and we don’t want to be condescended, and we take that desire into adulthood. Maybe some of us are looking for the shows we never got to have as kids. In the end we can handle it. No wonder shonen and anime are so popular. Or superhero comics.

Like in the end I get where some people are coming from in expecting more mature stories from other genres but sometimes I want stories that also look nice and make room for whimsy too. If I wanted a specific type of mech story then I don’t think recommending a magical girl anime is going to help.

[writingtraumaforever]

Uncontrolled Chaos: Chapter 38

Notes: I want to apologize for the long wait. I have struggled lately to sit down and write since I've been so busy-- my brain is a bit of everywhere. I will be taking a trip starting this upcoming week, and will be gone for a week and a half! So I likely won't update until about two weeks from today. Hopefully this will hold everyone off until then! Thank you all for your patience!<3

Summary: The gangs finally connect.

UC Masterpost!

Link to My AO3!

Start:

“Okay! Here goes nothing, everyone!”

Tails’ flips on the radio’s switch, immediately being met with static.

“Well, it’s working, at least,” the kit chuckles awkwardly.

“Are we able to connect to them properly??” Shadow asks, his ears perked up high over his head in an optimistic point at the sound of the static. Listening carefully for any sort of voice or pause in the constant fuzz of sound.

“Let me see,” the kid genius leans forward again, taking a nozzle in hand and beginning to slowly turn it. 

Everyone is quiet. Amy has her hands clamped together in front of her hopefully as she stands beside the worktable, Sonic standing with both hands pressed against the same workbench to lean against it. And Shadow with his arms crossed and a determined little furrow to his brow..

The only sound being the static and the light tapping of Sonic’s impatient foot on the concrete floor of the garage.

This goes on for a few minutes. 

Sonic’s eyes flicker up to look at Shadow, seeing the building tension and nervousness on his face as each moment passes with no signal. His hope beginning to be replaced by frustration. He feels helpless. Sure, he’s managed to help retrieve some chaos emeralds, but other than that, he’s done nothing. That feeling of failing as a hero, being useless, that he’s become all too familiar with begins to creep its way back into his mind.

This is why he can never slow down. The second he does, he starts having existential crises and questioning his existence and validity– nope. He’d just rather not. Rather stay busy and stay running and not deal with any of it. If this adventure required more badnik smashing, he’d be doing way better.

Amy sighs after a few minutes of waiting, moving around the table to stand next to Shadow and gently place an arm on his back. She rubs up and down it slowly as though she’s trying to comfort him, Sonic’s eyes following the movement. His gaze then shifts back up to Shadow who just knits his brows a bit, frustration turning into something sadder now that he’s being given comfort.

Sonic’s heart twists..

“Maybe they just aren’t home right now–” “Hello?? Hello, this is Miles ‘Ta-”

Everyone’s eyes grow huge, Tails immediately freezing in his current position he had been turning the nozzle.

“..Was that-” Amy starts but she’s quickly interrupted by Shadow who is practically jumping forward against the table.

“Turn it back! Get them back!”

“I’m trying!”

“Calm down, you’re gonna make him break it!” Sonic immediately chimes in, just managing to steady the workbench the radio is sitting on before it toppled over. Amy grabbing Shadow’s arm a bit tighter and pulling him back to chill him the heck out.

Sonic hadn’t been here earlier when Shadow had gotten the message from his world. He hadn’t got to see firsthand the absolute relief and joy he had felt when he heard the alternate world’s Team Sonic speaking to him, assuring him they’re alright. That they’d get him back. He didn’t doubt the guy was thrilled to hear this, but he hadn’t expected this sort of nervous energy from him. It was still so odd.. seeing anything being expressed from Shadow other than grumpiness or annoyance.

“Sorry,” Shadow huffs, closing his eyes as he seemingly tries to gather himself, “Sorry. I just–..” He sighs again, rubbing a gloved hand back through his quills. Sonic watches him with a small knit in his brow, Tails continuing to try and regain the connection. “It’s fine, dude,” the blue hero assures with a small smile, “Just relax. Tails has got this.”

“I know,” the dark hedgehog nods in return, offering his own nervous little smile gratefully to Sonic, “I know..”

And sure as chaos, the voices on the radio start back up.

“Ayo, MC Sonic up in the hizouse!”

“It’s not a toy, Sonic..”

“I know that. Just got tired of you repeating your name over and over, bro.”

Shadow’s ears immediately perk up again, eyes widening and smile stretching wide having heard his version of Sonic speaking. 

Sonic doesn’t think he’s ever seen Shadow smile so big..

Didn’t think it was even physically possible, honestly.

Instead of jumping at the radio this time, he waits patiently for Tails to lock in a bit better onto their signal, the static remaining but dimming until it was only a low buzz. 

“..I think I’ve got ‘em,” the red blinking light on the radio turning a consistent green now, his accomplished blue eyes raising to look at Sonic’s own proud ones.

“Way to go, buddy!” Sonic grins, ruffling the kit’s bangs and causing the fox to giggle with a little blush at the praise.

“You’re amazing, Tails!” Amy adds with a grin, Shadow too focused on the radio to chime in on the appreciation currently.

“Aw, it was nothing. The instructions sent from the other world made it pretty easy–” “Can I talk to them??” Shadow interrupts without meaning to, scarlet eyes hopeful as they look at the fox for permission.

“Uh.. yes, hopefully. Let’s give it a try, huh??”

“Please,” Shadow breathes with a nod, moving to sit where Tails had been in the chair once the fox has moved for him.

Tails remains leaned over the table, showing Shadow all the controls.

“This here switch is the power. This knob is for the signal if it starts to get fuzzy. This one is volume. And to speak into the mic, you need to hold down this button..” “Got it,” Shadow nods, finger hovering over the mic button. He pauses. Sonic sees the moment of hesitation. The nervous energy feeding into his expression as he shuts his eyes and swallows thick in his throat. He’s scared.. Scared it won’t work, scared it will and what he may find when it does..

“Hey,” Sonic says quietly, Shadow’s eyes opening and looking up to his with a knit to his brow. Sonic winks and gives a thumbs up, “You got this.” Shadow’s expression softens at this, a tiny smile forming on his mouth before he nods and looks back to the radio.

Here goes nothing.

Pressing his finger down on the mic button, he leans in to speak, “Tails?? Tails, do you copy?? It’s Shadow..”

Releases the button. Waiting..

“Krrch We read you loud and clear, Shadow–”

The team erupts into cheering, Amy hugging Tails and jumping up and down with him while Sonic claps Shadow on the back with a wide grin.

“Told you!” Shadow just laughs, his eyes looking almost misty as his smile is so stretched it almost hurts his cheeks. He leans back in to speak again, “Thank chaos–” “Shadow!?? Shadow, can you hear me!?”

It’s the other Sonic’s voice now, having lost its unserious playfulness they had heard moments ago and now instead being far more excited and hopeful.

Sonic.. Doesn’t know what to think of that.

“Yes! Yes, it’s me, I’m here!” “Oh Gaia, Shadow!” is he crying??? “Oh my chaos– you have no idea how good it is to hear your voice! Are you okay????”

“I’m perfectly fine, Sonic,” Shadow chuckles breathily, his own voice sounding a bit choked up now, “They’ve been taking care of me over here.” “Good! I’d have to whoop some alternate ass if not!”Shadow chuckles at hearing this, rolling his eyes and shaking his head affectionately.

“How are you? Are you okay??” “How’s our Shadow??” Sonic finds himself adding without hesitation, his mind racing on where the other might be.. He’s done a really good job at not showing his worry throughout all of this, but now that they’re so close??.. It would just be really nice to be assured he’s okay or hasn’t tried to take on all this mess on his own.

His answer comes in the form of a gruff voice speaking on the other end of the signal.

“Sonic??”

“Shadow!” Sonic beams, leaning in closer to the alternate Shadow now to be next to the mic, “Dude, you’re alive!” “Of course I’m alive, you idiot, why wouldn’t I be??”

Sonic snorts, rolling his eyes and chuckling at that all to familiar grouchiness, “Aw man, it’s so nice to hear an insult from you again.”

“Hmph,” is all he gets in response, but Sonic knows that’s an amused huff. It makes him smile more. “We’re all good over here,” the alternate Sonic’s voice comes again, “Shadow is being taken care of, and we’re slow and steadily gathering the chaos emeralds.”

“Same here,” Shadow responds, leaning his elbow against the table as he speaks, “We currently have four. Still working on the other three.” “We’ve gotten our hands on five,” Alt. Sonic replies all smug as if it’s a competition and yeah.. Yeah, sounds like the alternate Sonic is just as juvenile as Sonic himself.

Shocker.

“Ask where they found theirs. Maybe it’ll give us some ideas for our own??” Tails offers with a cock of his brow.

“Where’d you–” “I heard him,” Alt. Sonic chimes in, Shadow smirking at his lover’s impatience, “Heya Alternate Tails, by the way!”“Hello!” Tails laughs, finding all of this honestly incredible. 

“Thanks for hooking me and my ‘lovuh’ up,” the alternate Sonic jokes, and the entire room suddenly goes quiet.

Shadow tenses up a bit, eyes widening slightly as he stares at the mic and very much not at Sonic who he can feel staring holes into the side of his head.

Sonic’s eyes were indeed boring into Shadow’s face. Waiting on him to correct the alternate version of him. Scold him for being so stupid. For calling them ‘lovers’. It never comes..

Maybe he misheard it! Maybe that’s not what his alternate version said at all! Maybe he said something completely different. Something innocent and more teasing. Or perhaps he was only playfully flirting like Sonic does with everyone, and it didn’t actually mean anything at all!

One good look at Shadow’s own deer in headlights expression told him that wasn’t true.

“...hello? Tails, I think we lost them-”“No! Nope, we’re uh.. We’re still here,” Shadow speaks into the mic, actively avoiding looking at anyone else in the room in that moment.

“Oh! It just got real quiet, so I thought-”“Nope! We’re here! All good..” Amy’s eyes shift from the back of Shadow’s head to Sonic, her hands then shooting up to cover her mouth, snorting into her palms.

Sonic blinks at this, eyes looking at her and–

She knew!?

“Okay good! So let’s talk emeralds, huh?? We got one from GUN, one in the forest outside Green Hills with the Tornado, Amy just arrived with a green one she got from Seaside. Uh.. Shadow and I got one from Eggman, and Rouge pawned one off someone in Casino Zone.”

“Perfect,” Shadow replies, though his brain barely processed any of that information. Frankly he’s a bit too tied up in the very sudden and unignorable tension in the garage, “We haven’t tried Casino Zone or Seaside Island yet, so maybe we could–” “What do you mean ‘lovuh’!?” Sonic interrupts quite suddenly, causing Shadow to flinch before sighing and rubbing a palm down his face.

Oh great.. This conversation is going to go swimmingly.

“I meant ‘lover’, but I was saying it all cool,” Alternate Sonic says after a little pause, an awkward chuckle coming through the radio, “You… you.. Did tell them we were together, didn’t you, Shads??”

Shadow groans a bit, rubbing his hand down his face and then back up into his quills, “I hadn’t exactly gotten around to it yet..” “We’re together!?” Sonic croaks, eyes wide as saucers and cheeks glowing a bright red along with the tips of his ears. Amy just giggles more, trying to keep quiet because this wasn’t funny but Sonic’s reaction was kinda hilarious?

Tails just looks extremely uncomfortable and tired. He’s worked his ass off to get this thing working and for what?? So these idiots can straighten out their relationship statuses???

“We’re not together,” Shadow corrects, gesturing his finger at himself and Sonic, before then gesturing to himself and the radio, “We’re together.” “Like– you and alternate me!?” “Yes,” Shadow sighs again, clearly not wanting for Sonic to find out like this. “You didn’t tell them??” Alt. Sonic questions through the speaker of the radio, sounding a bit confused and maybe even a little hostile, “Why didn’t you tell them!?”“I didn’t think it was exactly essential information–” “O-ho! So I’m not essential information!??”“What!? No- that’s not–” “Were you keeping me a secret so you could seduce the other me!?”

“What!?”

“You know what??? Whatever. None of this is essential anyway, so I’m just gonna go do essential things. Here’s Tails.”

“No! Sonic, wait–!”

There’s a long pause, some muffled movements through the radio and then a loud BOOM followed by silence.

More muffled movement, the mic being picked up on the other end,

“Well, that went well..,” it’s the alternate Tails’ voice again, sounding tired and annoyed. “Very,” Tails agrees with his alternate version, sounding equally as exasperated. “Why didn’t you tell me??” Sonic’s voice comes quietly, ears flattening slightly as he looks at Shadow. Shadow who looks very overwhelmed and in shock at how terribly that just went. Sonic seems angry. Confused. “You should’ve told me! I deserve to know that sort of thing!”

Amy is concerned now, no longer finding any of this amusing..

“..Sonic, maybe we should–” “No, he-.. He has the right to be upset,” Shadow interrupts her, moving from the chair to allow Tails to take his place sitting in it again, “See if you and my Tails can work something out on how to get me back.” “On it,” Tails says simply, nodding as he plops himself down in the chair to begin plotting with his alternate version.

“You,” Shadow turns to Sonic, nodding his head towards the garage’s exit, “...You and me are gonna go have a chat.”

[pinkroseblooms]

Birthday Wishes

Summary: Uramichi may not like birthdays, but he might like you. 2.5k A/N: Official art from Gaku Kaze; Uramichi Omota/F!Reader, lots of fluff and some humor. TW: Mentions of depression and self esteem issues (kinda a given considering it's Uramichi, but still) Enjoy!

Working on Together with Maman was one of the most thankless, tedious jobs you’ve ever been underpaid to do. While the director got to lord over the staff and the actors got some praise and respect, you were just one of the many unsung heroes behind the scenes. Editing out Uramichi Omota’s regular mental breakdowns and existential crises from the show’s footage was a full time job in and of itself, but you did it every week without fail for the past three years. At this point you could practically do it in your sleep; sometimes Uramichi’s strained, desperate attempts to keep a cheerful expression on his face made regular appearances in your dreams. You suspected the void that was his stare would haunt your mind long after the time came for you to leave Together with Maman .

You did feel a bit guilty at the twinge of resentment you had toward the cast when they got the lion’s share of the glory. After all, they all had their good points: to start, Kumitani was fairly considerate of the staff, particularly those on the lowest rungs of the workplace hierarchy. Speaking of hidden kindness, despite Utano’s complaints, she was a devoted and thoughtful girlfriend. Iketeru’s childish wonder and joy was infectious; he hardly ever complained and was very appreciative. Even Usahara with his bad habit of putting his foot in his mouth, was still committed to a certain level of professionalism and was quick to amend for his mistakes. When everything was said and done, you had a fondness for them all.

Last but not least, there was Uramichi. One works with many different types in the entertainment industry and you were no stranger to washed up, jaded, regularly drinking their weight in booze performers putting on a show off and on camera but Uramichi was the worst.

Needless to say, you were crazy about the man.

Today was Uramichi’s 32nd birthday and though he no doubt would prefer to ignore such a day all together, you couldn’t help yourself. This was the perfect time to do something to show your appreciation for Uramichi and not just as a gymnast oniisan. With any luck, he might not hate it. In fact, you were certain he was going to love what you chose to do.

After making up an excuse to get his attention, Uramichi dutifully trailed after you, grim faced and changed out of his costume. You intercepted him just as Usahara and a somewhat less enthusiastic Kumatani were going to usher their colleague to a bar for a night of begrudging celebration. As unlikely as it was that Uramichi would rather spend any evening doing more work, you thought he seemed a bit relieved to be taken away. 

“Sorry, this won’t take long.”

“It’s fine.” Uramichi assured you in the most unconvincing attempt you ever heard. “Your job is editing, right? What do you need me for?”

“I wanted to get your approval on a few things. I wanted to work in some parts of what you were saying to the kids before.”

“From the segment about labeling?” 

That particular sketch was meant to teach the children about putting their names on their school things. Doing this would help them keep track of their positions, as well as teach them about personal responsibility. It could even be a good chance to allow children to practice their spelling and penmanship. It all went about as well as it could have.

“The bit where you warned the children about adhering to the labels others will try to assign to you and how the pressures of society are designed to slowly crush any trace of individuality that doesn’t help them go with the flow was a bit long winded, but I think we can keep in bits and pieces.”

“You…want to keep it in?”

“I mean, it’s not a bad message.” You type in the passcode to the staff room. “The script is good, but you have a way of talking to kids so they can understand without talking down to them. Not everyone learns at the same pace; it helps when adults can get on a kid’s level. Most are too proud.”

“You,” Uramichi followed you into the room. ��Are you saying I lack pride as an adult?”

“What? No.”

As you pull out a seat for Uramichi to use, his face says he doesn’t believe you. Seeing how despondent he is makes you want to call the whole thing off, but then you would have to come up with an excuse as to why you requested his presence in the first place. 

Anyone would be justified in feeling insulted at Uramichi’s knee jerk reaction to assume the worst; it’s hardly charming, but you get it. How much of Uramichi’s attitude is natural or something he uses like a shield is anyone’s guess. 

“I guess it makes sense. It’s not like we know each other that well. Besides, this is our first time speaking one on one and I had to lie to you.” 

Uramichi was glancing around the room; there wasn’t any projector or cameras or a computer. 

“Wait, so you don’t think I have any pride?”

“Hey, are you even listening to me?” You stare in disbelief. “I meant about looking over the footage. Hold on, I need to-”

“So then…was all that other stuff you said just to get me to come here?”

“No, it wasn’t. I’ve already got someone editing that segment anyway.” 

In the corner is an easel, like one of the props they use for presentations in the show. Instead of a whiteboard or a display of cartoon images, there’s a sheet covering up the project you’ve been working on just for today. 

“That’s good.”

“Huh?”

“I thought you were going to lecture me about being more professional so you didn’t have such a heavy workload. I’m sure most of your time is taken up erasing the evidence of my family unfriendly fits of despair. My bad.”

“Even hearing you apologize is bumming me out.” You sigh. “Listen, it’s not that much trouble. Besides, it’s really not my place to scold you or the other cast members.”

“Why not? You have to make up for our screw ups. Don’t tell me it can’t be stressful. You look tired just being here.”

“That’s not really something you should say to a woman. Well, anyone really.”

The blank stare widens as Uramichi realizes what he implied, but you cut him off. Things have gotten awkward enough without dragging on this conversation. Besides, you brought him here to cheer him up, if that’s even possible.

“I hope you like this. I made it for your birthday. Well, I put it together. The kids made it.”

You unveil the display with a smile, hoping you had this right and Uramichi wasn’t going to walk out. Or worse, put on his fake smile to spare your feelings. You prefer an honest reaction to your efforts.

“These are all the drawings kids have sent in for the past year. I got the idea to save them up and make a collage.”

The board is covered in crayon doodles, rough sketches, and messy paintings. There’s some postcards and pages ripped from coloring books. Almost all of them are of Uramichi-oniisan in various costumes, mainly his tracksuit: in some he’s frolicking with Kumao-kun or Usao-kun or holding hands with Utano and Iketeru. Some illustrations are of Uramichi surrounded by children or animals or just random scribbles. There’s also a decent amount featuring Kotori-san but you try not to think about that too hard. 

“I thought maybe we could show the board in a show, but I wanted you to see it first. We could keep it safe in the studio, if you don’t have room for it in your place. It’s your birthday present.” 

Uramichi stands up to get a closer look; he doesn’t look appalled and you choose to take this as a good sign. You step to the side, trying not to seem too nervous when he stands by your side; after a minute, Uramichi still hasn’t said anything. Even so, you’re feeling more worried by the second.

“Do you like it?”

“Yes.”

“Oh. Good.” You smile, but don’t feel too relieved. “You’re not just saying that, right? It’s okay, you can be honest. Is it too cheesy? Maybe I should have left out the ones with Kotori-san.”

“No.”

“No?”

“I hate that demon, but the kid’s probably worked hard to draw it. I don't mind so much. You said this took a year?”

“More or less. Uramichi, whatever you think, you’re appreciated. The kids see you do your best. It’s more than a lot of people bother to do. I figured you wouldn’t want a staff party, but everyone here sees it too. We’re glad to have you as our gymnast oniisan.”

Uramichi was still looking over the pictures. “You work a lot harder than I do.”

“I wouldn’t say that. Our jobs are just different.”

“But no one gives the behind the scenes crew much credit. I’ve never been especially considerate to your job before, but you spent a year making me a present?”

“I only collected the drawings. It only took a couple hours to actually put it together.” You replied. “Is this too much?”

“Yeah. I don’t deserve this.” Uramichi told you bluntly. “I don’t get it. Why did you do this?”

For a long time now, you’ve watched Uramichi drag himself through the day; as much as he professes going through the motions, you know that’s not exactly true. 

“The thing is, I wish I could do more. I want you to have a nice birthday.”

“I don’t like celebrating my birthday. It just reminds me that I’m a year older and I’ve wasted more time. Which is strange, since I don’t even know why I feel that way. I can’t even imagine what else I would be doing if I wasn’t an oniisan, so why do I feel like I’m wasting time at all? I can’t do this forever. I’m already 32, but I don’t have anything planned for when I get too old for Together with Maman. ’’

“You could probably still find work on another show. It doesn’t have to be physical. Unless you want to leave the industry for something else entirely. I bet you could do something with your physical education degree; you’ve had experience with children, then maybe you could work that into whatever you go for next.” 

“That…sounds like a lot to think about.”

You can’t help laughing a little at how defeated Uramichi looks just from the prospect of having to start over. It’s oddly cute, like a sad puppy being told they have to go to the vet.

“It is, but if you do it one step at a time, it won’t be so daunting. That’s why I like birthdays: I see them as a chance to, well,” You scratch your head. “It’s like, yes, I made it another year! It wasn’t easy, but I’m here and that’s enough. It’s something to celebrate.”

“Hey, you should be more careful with how you phrase things.”

“What did I say wrong?”

“You’re going to make me think you have feelings for me or something.” Uramichi chuckles dryly, turning his back on you to head toward the door. “If I was Usahara, I would take this as a proposal. But anyway, thanks. I can’t remember when someone tried so hard. I guess I should return the favor. I’m being emotionally blackmailed into going out tonight: if you want, you can join. Or not. Do you drink?”

“Yes, to both.”

“Both?”

“I wanted to tell you this now, before I start taking classes full time next month. Uramichi, I like you. I do, so,” You clear your throat. “Happy birthday. I hope you’ll still accept the poster. It’s more from the kids than me anyhow. I was going to bake you something, but I wasn’t even sure if you liked cake or-”

“You talk a lot. Hold on, I need a minute.”

Uramichi has his head in his hands; he looks pale and visibly disturbed. It seems like your confession wasn’t appreciated, but you could have guessed as much. Maybe you’re too different or maybe Uramichi just isn’t interested in dating.

You can respect that, no matter how much it hurts you. In hindsight, it would have been better to keep quiet or just wait until your time was done at the studio, but you naively assumed Uramichi might like hearing someone cared. Not everything comes with conditions or ulterior motives; sometimes the pay off is as straightforward as making someone else’s day a little easier to get through. 

“I’m sorry. I should go.” You make your way past him to the door. “I hope you enjoy your night!”

“Wa-wait don’t just leave! You can’t drop a bomb like that and just breeze past like-like-!” Uramichi stumbles to get to you before you rush outside. “You’re serious? Did Usahara put you up to this?”

“No.”

“Well, are you, like, sure? You didn’t mistake me for someone else?”

“You’re Uramichi Omota?”

“Yeah.”

“If this makes you uncomfortable, you really don’t have to worry, I never said anything to anyone else.”

“It’s not that. I’m just…processing. Do you really?”

“You know, maybe the next segment we do should be on active listening skills.” You cross your arms. “Uramichi, this isn’t rocket science. If you’re not interested, okay. I’ll live. I don’t mind being single, but I wouldn’t be bothering you with this if I wasn’t serious.”

Uramichi seems calmer, but no less baffled; it’s probably the most emotion you’ve ever seen him emote at once that wasn’t irritation or exhaustion. Surely he has had other girls confess to him before; you heard he was pretty popular in school. You don’t see why he’s having a hard time handling this one. 

“When I was drunk, I said I thought you were cute. I wouldn’t put it past that damn bunny to try to rope you into one of his pranks.”

You grin. “You did? When?”

“Come on, I’m embarrassed enough. I’m too old for this.”

“For what?”

“To act this way.” Uramichi sighs and drags a hand over his face. “I hate it. It’s like I’m back in high school or something. It’s awkward and I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Don’t you already feel that way?”

“That doesn’t help.”

“So then?” You shrug your shoulders. “Am I cute enough to date?”

To your surprise, Uramichi’s cheeks flush slightly; you wonder if your own nervousness is showing. Truly, adults pretend as much as kids do. 

“Is that offer for a drink still valid? Unless you don’t want me flirting with you in front of everyone.”

“No way.” Uramichi objects. “I don’t want to deal with that headache. Let’s not say anything until after you’re done working here.”

“Oh, now who’s making big plans for the future?” You can't resist a little more teasing. "I thought looking that far ahead was too much to handle?"

“That was when I didn’t have something to look forward to.”

Uramichi might not have meant it to sound like a line; he said it with the same bland, borderline monotone that he usually spoke with, but you feel butterflies all the same.