#we drive each other batty

[perpetualexistence]

We Drive Each Other Batty

Alenoah Week Day 4: Royalty/Vampire AU

Alejandro Burromuerto is an absolute menace to the kingdom of Wawanakwa. He comes from a legacy of vampires that strive to control as much land as possible. He's only recently set his sights on Wawanakwa, and within a year he's enthralled three towns into being his local blood bank. Life is pretty good for him.

He's so confident in his abilities that he decides to go directly for the castle itself.

Aaaand almost immediately finds himself caught by King Chris's personal bodyguard, Chef, who knocks him unconscious with a pan before he can enthrall Chris.

The smart thing to do would be to kill Alejandro. But Chris is a petty man who prefers humiliating people.

Who better to ask how to do that than his personal court-wizard-in-training who Chris specifically because he's snarky and petty?

Noah gets dragged into this and comes up with an idea. If he likes mind controlling people so much, then let Alejandro be on the other side of things. Tinker with a familiar bonding spell to turn Alejandro into a familiar. He'll be forced to listen to someone else's orders, and can't harm anyone except in defense of his wizard. Plus, if done right, it can have the added benefit of making him 'fun size' thanks to having to categorize Alejandro as a bat to make this work. That way his vampire strength and speed won't be as much of an issue.

There's two problems with this plan.

One, the bond can only be created with a wizard who doesn't have a familiar yet. Most adult wizards do. It's even a requirement to bond with a familiar at some point in a good amount of magic schools.

And two, the bond is usually done with two consenting parties. Since Alejandro would be fighting it the whole time, keeping the familiar bond would be an active effort on the wizard's end. It's possible if you find a wizard with enough power, but good luck trying to convince a wizard to be a spell battery.

"Say, kid. You don't have a familiar yet."

"Mclean. Don't you dare."

"Think of it as a new part of your job description!"

"I'm not going to deal with a psychotic vampire for your sick amusement!"

"Sure you are! Do a good enough job and you might get a better holiday bonus this year!"

Thus Noah has accidentally sealed his fate to being stuck with a 4 inch vampire who is absolutely livid at this humiliation.

They both hate this situation so much. Alejandro can't mind control Noah because that's the first thing Noah ordered him not to do the second Alejandro woke up tiny, confused, and pissed.

Noah can't just leave Alejandro alone in a cage in his room all day because the longer and further he stays away from Alejandro, the weaker the bond and the more likely Alejandro will break free from it.

Alejandro keeps trying to persuade Noah that he's learned his lesson the non-magical way. And Noah shuts him right down because he knows that's a lie.

If Alejandro's really being difficult, Noah has no issues with throwing him into a bird cage and ordering him to shut up for a while. Noah really wishes he could just order him to shut up forever, but Alejandro starts fighting against the bond even worse when he can't speak, which usually ends up giving Noah a headache. Temporary relief is the best he can manage.

That and taking him to Chris to see what humiliation Chris and Chef have decided to put Alejandro through for the day. That usually brighten's Noah's day.

Alejandro still gets his own little revenges in. He looks for every loophole under the sun within Noah's orders. He banters at every given opportunity.

He'd love to give backhanded compliments to Noah in front of people that aren't Chris and Chef. However, no one else is allowed to know that Alejandro is still alive.

Letting a vampire live is a big no-no, even if Chris approved of it. Vampires still need generous amounts of blood to survive. Animal blood works somewhat, but it's more like living off rations. Vampires can only get full nutritional value from a human. Which doesn't really endear humans to vampires. (Part of Noah's job is to let Alejandro feed from his as well. It feels more like four little needles than a serious bite, and thanks to Alejandro's new size he doesn't feel that woozy when Alejandro has had his fill. Noah doesn't mind it nearly as much as he pretends to.)

Plus, Alejandro did get some of his hooks outside of the castle, so there's a decent chance someone could recognize him and decide to take advantage of the fact he's easily killable. So when around others, he takes full bat form and pretends to be a regular familiar. He's lucky he can at least talk with Noah telepathically so he doesn't have to be completely mute.

Still, it's not all bad. Now that Alejandro is, magically speaking, a bat, he can actually experience sunlight. He'd always used the metaphor 'you're as radiant as the sun' when charming others. It's a different thing entirely to actually feel its warmth.

Noah takes notice the first time when Alejandro is completely silent for once. He sees Alejandro staring directly at the sun in awe. He actually looks kind of cute sweet like that.

Except Alejandro is staring directly at the sun, and so Noah has to snap Alejandro out of it. He isn't just going to someone blind themselves, even if it is Alejandro. It's almost a shame to see the mask fall back on his face. (Too bad he didn't notice the flicker of shock at someone showing concern for Alejandro's wellbeing.)

With forced proximity, the two start to learn more about each other.

Alejandro learns about Noah first since he can't help but observe the fact that Noah is reading textbooks, but he hasn't seen Noah attend school once. When Noah isn't reading, he's catering to Chris and Chef's whims.

Noah still seems to be doing just fine, though. He knows Noah is advanced for his age based on what he's reading and how much he gloats about it. Still, if he was advanced than Alejandro would expect a tutor to be guiding Noah along to suit his level. The only adults he's seen consistently during his stay with Noah is Chris and Chef.

Alejandro points this out to Noah, and receives a long rant from Noah in return.

See, Noah's completely self taught. Before Chris, his family couldn't afford to get him a tutor. This isn't inherently a problem. Some wizards will take on apprentices for their service rather than for payment if they see potential in a particular student.

The problem is no one wants to teach a child who wants to learn dark magic. Nobody that Noah would ever want to meet, at least.

Noah could lie about not wanting to learn forbidden magic. But he'd always risk getting caught by whoever's training him. Not to mention the risk of getting himself killed because he was performing something dangerous without anyone to save him.

Plus, he considers it incredibly stupid that dark magic is a taboo subject to learn. The reason why creatures like Alejandro get away undetected for so long is because everyone else is more than happy to stick their heads in the sand. Their solution to combat evil is to simply not talk about it. As if that's just going to make it magically go away.

The only real way to learn how to counter it is to study it. It's like how making an antidote for a poison requires a bit of the poison itself so your body knows what to fight against.

Hell, it could even be used for good! Even something like Alejandro's hypnotism. It can lull a growing angry mob to not be stupid. It can force a different evil bastard to do something good.

But no, people like Alejandro screw it over for everyone else, and now any time he tries to make these arguments he's 'the bad guy' or 'should be barred from magic for everyone's good'.

Noah got lucky. Chef found him when he was insulting yet another wizard who shot down his chance at apprenticeship. He might have forgotten angering someone who can throw fireballs isn't the best way to guarantee your own safety.

Chef dragged him away and attempted to yell some sense into him. When it was clear that Noah was still just as defiant, he dragged him directly to Chris. Who ended up liking his spite and sarcasm, and offered him the job of court-wizard in training. It was hard for Chris to find any wizard willing to stay with him too long. And he's got plenty of dark magic crap that he has stored away. Both of them get what they want!

Noah wouldn't learn how demanding Chris was and how he'd make people put a lot of effort into stupid tasks that drive less patient people mad until later.

He took the deal because it was the best he was going to get. He knows he's being underpaid compared to what a regular court magician would be making. But for as much as Chris is a pain of a boss, he's given Noah exactly what he's wanted. He'd dare to say that Chris and Chef cared about him. Though Noah will refuse to say if he feels the same way about them.

Alejandro can't help but admire Noah for that. Deep down past that apathetic, snarky exterior, there is someone who's capable of ambition. Or at least capable of using spite as a motivator.

Alejandro's mask slips as he ends up sharing how he can relate. He gives off the airs of a vampire who's been around for at least a century or two. Truth be told, he's only a couple of months older than Noah. He's aging as a human would, for now.

He, and his lineage, are born vampires rather than bitten. Hence how he can have multiple thralls at once and transform into mist or a variety of animals. Bitten vampires are lucky to be able to hypnotize one person, and are typically limited to the advanced strength and speed.

So he can certainly one up the average vampire...but not other born vampires. Or vampires who have actually lived for centuries. He's still considered nothing more than an insolent child not to be taken seriously.

He does have the expectation on him to expand the Burromuerto influence. But he's constantly being compared to other relatives and their accomplishments. Particularly that of his brother José who has a couple of decades over Alejandro's head.

Alejandro has been working hard to close the power gap. He's been training to be as strong and fast as possible. His hypnosis works so well because he put in the work to learn how to actually charm people. The magic is to make sure the feeling stays for longer than it would naturally. But getting people to do what he wants? All him.

And it's still not enough for anyone else. So he decided to get a headstart on the family tradition. He was supposed to wait until he came of age, but he was already strong and confident in himself. Going off and succeeding early would prove everyone else wrong.

He'd been doing so well, too. He hadn't even needed to kill anybody. Unlike most of his family, he doesn't particularly care for it. Not because he cares that much about humans. But because he sees it as a waste of a resource. Sure, you can inspire fear into others with a death. But that fear can easily turn into outrage, and rebellion. It will be harder to control a population that is actively working to fight against you. Much easier to charm them and have them not even realize anything is wrong. Everyone is alive, and there is nothing to worry about. They just have to give a bit of blood every once in a while. And for that, Alejandro would make sure nothing else would dare to touch them.

That last part of the story concerns Noah. A lot. But it's...nice? That Alejandro cares? Enough to value a human life. Considering the rest of his family, it's a miracle Alejandro's got anything resembling compassion.

And at least he's finally being honest about something for once. Noah prefers honest but callous to kind but insincere. This part of Alejandro's still concerning...but he likes it more.

It's the start of these two doing more than just argue with each other. Alejandro's still not happy about being small. He complains about it just as constantly. But it's no longer lashing out at Noah. Noah doesn't really throw him into the time out cage anymore. Alejandro is gentler when he bites into Noah's neck to feast. Noah is less tense when it happens. He leans into it more. They bicker still, but they're actually willing to work with each other.

It's how they figure out a loophole. Neither can't really use their own magics to their full potential anymore....but they do now have access to each other's magic. They just have to be willing to train each other in it.

On Noah's side, Alejandro is trying to teach him how to hypnotize others through charming them. It doesn't go well. Noah's terrible at giving compliments. Changing his wardrobe to accentuate Noah's looks doesn't help when he doesn't flaunt them. That shopping trip to get Noah a new outfit definitely didn't awaken anything in Alejandro. Except it does. Noah is indulging him in one of his favorite activities. He looks cute in some outfits, hot in others. Noah mocks, Noah teases, Noah banters. It's just Noah, actually. Noah's cute, and he's also hot. Oh no. Alejandro's got himself a crush. ...MOVING ON FROM THAT-

Eventually, it clicks. This isn't working because Alejandro is teaching Noah how to be a Burromuerto. Which Noah certainly isn't. To charm someone, you have to work with what you naturally have and exaggerate it. Noah has snark. Use that to insult people that his victims would hate, not the victim themselves. Nobody likes being insulted, but everyone has something that they love gossiping about. That's Noah's in to get others to open up.

Then, there's the actual ask. Noah can't directly say what he wants all the time. Sometimes that may work, but sometimes what he wants is directly opposite to what someone else wants. He can find out when it's safe to be direct or not through gossiping. Then, if it's not safe? Make them feel safe. People underestimate Noah because of his age and figure. Use that.

Noah's just a pathetic, cute scrungly little guy who doesn't do much. What's the harm in letting him take a dangerously powerful grimoire off your hands? He's not going to do much with it. He's just curious.

Noah grins with pride the day he's able to hypnotize a guard who constantly abuses their power into humiliating himself.

On Alejandro's side, Noah's willing to teach him shadow magic. He wants to start with teaching Alejandro how to change their shape, and then move on up to making them solid.

There is also teleporting through shadow, but Noah's not teaching him that. That would give Alejandro the ability to leave Noah. Which would be bad for the whole 'keep Alejandro in check thing'. For no other reason. Noah wouldn't miss him. Not one bit. They just have to stay together for practicality. That's all. Let's get back to talking about shadows.

Alejandro assumes this should be a piece of cake. It's just another form of manipulating, just with a thing rather than a person.

He's terrible at it.

He coaxes, he begs, he pleads with the shadow to just move, and it refuses him. He's cursing in Spanish at an inanimate object.

Noah laughs at him for this. This earns Noah some curse words.

Noah tells him to stop treating magic like it's a person to be charmed. It's not. It's a thing. It follows orders so far as you figure out the right language. You tell it what you want, and then it gives it to you. No convincing, no tricking. Just asking.

Alejandro can't ask for one thing when he means another. That just confuses the magic and makes things not work. He needs to be direct for once in his life. Trust in his own ability to make something happen. Not in his ability to trick someone else into making something happen.

It takes Alejandro a while to just ask the magic to do what he wants.

I can't figure out how it'd work on Alejandro's side yet. Probably because I haven't yet defined the kind of magic he can do. 'Standard wizard fair' isn't going to cut it if this is coming from a personal bond/something that's intrinsic to Noah that would simply take a different form with Alejandro. It'd definitely have something to do with tying into how Alejandro doesn't actually NEED to charm people/force them to like him to get what he wants. His problem would definitely be that he's trying to force the magic to go exactly how he wants it to go. But magic's not something that likes being tamed like that. So Alejandros's got to learn to effectively say what he wants and just trust in his own abilities enough to make it happen.

When he does?

Alejandro shows off with a little shadow puppet show. He orchestrates puppets no bigger than him from atop Noah's bookshelf. It's endearing, it's sincere, and Noah is screwed because he is in love with this little vampire.

The more they teach each other, the stronger they grow. Neither realize it, but the bond is no longer draining each other.

They learn about this when someone attempts to mug Noah when he's running one of Chris's errands. The mugger grabs an Alejandro in bat form and slams him against stone to stop Noah from using magic. Alejandro is alive, but in a daze. Noah immediately makes tendrils of shadows to fling the mugger into the nearest wall, then hold them aloft in the air. He's running for Alejandro who's mumbling, asking if Noah is alright.

Noah doesn't know healing magic, but he's putting all of his focus into figuring out something to help Alejandro. It's working somewhat. Alejandro's head is clearer, though his body is still damaged. Noah puts more effort into making sure all of Alejandro is better. So much so that he doesn't notice a second mugger coming to check on their partner, who is now sneaking up on Noah. Noah is grappled before he can react, and is dragged away kicking and shouting.

Alejandro acts before he can think twice about it. The next thing he knows, he's standing at eye level with both of his newest victims. He hisses, his fangs bared, ordering them silent before they can scream about his presence. They are to release Noah and grovel.

The muggers do so without hesitation, their eyes glazed over. Alejandro wraps his arms around Noah in a hug. His grip is tight. He is at his full strength and could crush whoever he desired. He is gentle with his querido and plants a kiss on his forehead.

Alejandro wants so badly to drain them dry, but Noah takes priority. The muggers are to leave, turn themselves in, and forget the type of magic Noah and Alejandro used, and their faces.

The muggers leave, and the two are left to look each other in the eyes for the first time.

They stare for a while. Neither of them quite sure of what the other wants to do right now. Noah's the one who breaks the silence first.

"This late growth spurt's a bit much, wouldn't you say?"

Alejandro snorts at the absurdity.

They agree to keep the familiar bond as it is. It still lets them communicate with each other telepathically, and lets them use the other's magic.

They'll have to hide the fact that Alejandro is at his full strength, of course. Particularly from Chris and Chef. Alejandro tries and finds out that he can shrink at will now. Truth be told, he doesn't mind it anymore. (He's touch-starved, and rather enjoys being held and pampered by Noah.)

Alejandro also promises not to go enthralling everyone.

"Just five thralls will suffice."

"No."

"Two?"

"No!"

"One? I'll even make it Justin. Just imagine the things we could have him do."

"...No."

"You hesitated!"

"Stop tempting me!"

"Is it really tempting if you were already thinking it?"

"I hate you."

"You love me."

"That's not the point!"

The two stop when they realize that bombshell just got dropped.

They finally have proper confessions and decide to start dating. Alejandro immediately offers to turn Noah into a vampire so they can live together. Noah immediately shuts him down. Alejandro's sad until Noah explains.

One, that's a huge commitment when they've literally just started dating. And two, if Noah did that now then he'd have to be a teenager forever. He hates being a teenager NOW. An eternity of that? Hell no. In the future though? They can come back to this, and Noah'll let him know if he changes his mind.

Alejandro is more than happy to wait.

Fun little side note: Alejandro's got a bat form, and I already know exactly which species he is!

Meet the vampyrum spectrum! Also known as the spectral bat, or the great false vampire bat. They're carnivorous little guys who eat birds, rodents, and uniquely, other kinds of bats! Part of their natural habitat covers Peru, and they're also fun in that while most other bat species are polygynous where it's just one male with multiple females, these guys are mostly monogamous! Perfect for Alejandro!

[tkwrites]

Okay I'm done now and heading to bed, one last question.

Can you name a favourite fic for each of the boys?

Hi my Lovely,

There are quite a few of your asks I haven't answered, but please know I'm not ignoring them. They'll just take a little more time to respond to.

I can tell you my favorite fics, though:

Matthew Tkachuk - Back To You because it's such a complete story. I love the way he and Jessie meet, lose each other, and then are thrown together by fate again. I also feel like I really captured that sassy side of Matthew's personality in this fic, which I was really worried about at the time I was writing it. This is also the story that I think would be easiest to flesh out into a full length novel.

Nico Hischier - I love all the parts of his story for different reasons, but I think It Doesn't Matter Part II is my favorite. I had actually written the whole sequence of nude sketches for another character, but ended up scrapping the whole story because I couldn't find any real conflict for them to resolve. When I realized I could use it for Nico and Lena if she was an artist, I was thrilled and got to work rewriting it for them. In the end, the only things that stayed the same were 5 of the 6 poses. Getting into and out of them changed, as did the characters relating to each other during them. I love all the longing and awkward tension between them in this piece, as well as how they finally end up confessing their love for each other. Finally, the culmination of all of their longing into the final sex scene? Chefs kiss.

Quinn Hughes - This one is so hard. I've written so much about Quinn and Sarah and I love all of the pieces for one reason or another. If I had to pick three favorites, they would be:

1). Five Days of Joy because I'm so proud of this fic. It took SO long to write, but I love the way it turned out. I love that we go through so many consecutive days and such a gamut of emotions with Sarah and Quinn.

2). The Second Time is Better because I love the portrayal of a more real first time. One of the things that drives me batty about romance novels is how the characters get together and always seem to have this instantly amazing sexual connection. No room for human failing or first time jitters. In reality, it takes time to build sexual chemistry and connection, and I went into this piece wanting to show at least some of that.

and 3). Second Nature because I think it has the prettiest prose. I still think this passage is some of the best writing I've ever done:

This was ultimate flirting in Quinn’s book. Something he knew he could do. When someone wanted to talk about music, or art or classic cars, he was a fish out of water. But talking hockey? He could do that all day long. Convincing someone to like the sport he loved so much? There wasn't a more ideal situation. 

“Oh, good,” she said, leaning forward to kiss him. 

This was a perfect evening. Casual and comfortable. Cooking for someone he - liked, and kissing her whenever he wanted, taking no worry of who might be watching. 

Letting himself get swept up in the kiss, he slid his hands over her hips and tried to commit her scent to memory. No matter what happened - though he was pretty sure nothing bad was ever going to happen with Sarah - he wanted to remember this. She smelled like a dream he’d had as a boy. Like vanilla and warm skin and fireside, summer nights. It was an outlandish notion, but he couldn’t shake it. 

All her life, Sarah had read stories about star-crossed, fated lovers thrown together by chance and circumstance and serendipity. But those were all just stories. Even when her grandpa talked about meeting her grandma - like they were always meant to be together, and just had to find each other to make it happen - it seemed like folklore. A tall tale he spun to make their love story seem more epic. 

After writing all this out, I realized perhaps you meant favorite writing from other authors. Let me know if that's something you'd like me to answer.

[lilydalexf]

Here are some very good fics that involve the X-Files episode "En Ami." Enjoy!

Animus Possidendi by Aloysia_Virgata (@aloysiavirgata) “It looks good on you,” he said flatly. “It looks incredible, actually. But I still hate it. Get rid of it.”

As Friends by @heartbash Post-episode En Ami (715). Mulder and Scully have a hard conversation about the Smoking Man's manipulation of Scully and the nature of their evolving relationship.

As We Forgive Those by haphazardmethod Mulder was so angry in En Ami. What happened to reconcile him to Scully's actions? Barbara tells me most people said "sex." This is not that story. "The fact that forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us isn't honored more--I blame that on writers. Because the easy story to tell is the vengeance story, and it's known to satisfy. This guy shot my brother. How's the story gonna wind up? And what does a reader think? OK, that's settled. So it's just the easiest of all stories to tell. So it in fact encourages, makes reputable vengeance." -- Kurt Vonnegut. This is not that story, either.

By All Accounts, Today Was A Disaster and The Art of Breaking by @rationalcashew Post-En Ami. We know Mulder’s pissed, but so is Scully. Angst. MSR.

The Choices We Make by a_steady_wish “You need to see a doctor,” he insisted, hand on the small of her back, more forceful than usual; the tips of his fingers pressed into her flesh enough that although she knew she wouldn’t be bruised, there would likely be red marks for a little while afterwards; he was marking that curve as his own.

Coming Clean by @starwalker42 "Loving Mulder is as natural as breathing. It’s not lost on her that she’s currently underwater." Mulder and Scully deal with the fallout from the events of En Ami.

The Course of True Love by ML (No summary provided)

The Darker Side of Love by fragilevixen (@fragilevixenfic) Mulder does not want to talk but he does not want Scully to leave, either. “Betrayal stings in a bitter way but regret leaves an even bigger hole in a heart.” – Unknown

Devoured, cleansed by @frangipanidownunder Set post En Ami.

Divide and Conquer by @mldrgrl A post-En Ami drabble.

False Front by cecily_sass (@cecilysass) Scully comes home from her road trip with the Smoking Man. Mulder’s been waiting and worrying. No one likes to feel fooled. Missing scenes from the end of En Ami.

Haptics by Pam Gamble Another interpretation of the En Ami aftermath. Haptics: Information conveyed through the sense of touch.

Iconoclasm by Diana Battis Variations on a theme of truth.

In Milford by DarlaBlack (@sigritandtheelves) This time she leaves

Let Bygones Be Bygones by @mldrgrl Post En Ami/Chimera smut. Mulder's still just a wee bit mad about Scully running off and Scully's just angry that he can't let it go.

Momentum by @dreamingofscully The choices Scully makes in En Ami cause some unintended consequences for herself and her relationship with Mulder.

Nature's Dark Gift by bluesamutra Daylight is coming and the shadows are gone

No Quarter Given 3: Surrender by Mish It can only end in mutual surrender. (No Quarter Given part 1, part 2, and part 4 - part 4 is unfinished)

A Poison Tree by @rationalcashew Post-En Ami. Mulder and Scully are pissed at each other over the events of En Ami. There do be smut here.

Shadow of the Sword by Dreamshaper 'She had been used before. She would be used again. Spender Sr. might not have realized that she had finally allowed herself to love Mulder, but he had known all along that his deceptive promises would drive a wedge between them, and he probably considered that a perfect reward for his efforts...'

Shadows of Ashes by VivWiley Is the price of betrayal calculable?

Those Who Wait by OnlyTheInevitable (@gaycrouton) Punctuality seemed to be written into Scully's bones, yet when it came to Mulder, she never quite seemed to get the timing right.

Three Times - Overture, Overture Mirrored, and Restart by Joann Humby Scully's missing, having left home with CSM. When she returns, emotions are running high. / After a sexual misadventure in the aftermath of En Ami - Mulder and Scully still haven't talked about what happened. Mulder returns from his trip to England to find Scully considering fate.

Untitled by @mldrgrl Consider this a post-epish piece for En Ami

What Partnership is About by Anna Greenway A post episode story for En Ami. Mulder and Scully play Monopoly.

Wing and Prayer by Revely (No summary provided)

Yo Creo and The Payment by Elanor G Tensions run high between Mulder and Scully after the events of En Ami. A new lead on Cobra threatens to lead them further into darkness. / After En Ami, a conversation. And payment for services rendered.

[autisticlancemcclain]

Keith is well and completely aware that his boyfriend is, objectively, a bad bitch.

He’s seen him shoot through the crook of someone’s arm to disable an entire warship. He’s seen him wink and brush by seasoned Blade and send them stumbling. He’s seen him choke someone out with his legs alone. (He’s been choked out by Lance legs. Several times. He’s even instigated that happening.)

But one thing Lance is before anything else; before he is a paladin, before he is a friend, before he is a badass, before he is anything, he is a complainer.

“You never take me anywhere,” he is fond of whining, as if they are not on a floating hunk of metal and polymer in dead space at all times. Or getting shot at. They are in the equivalent of the cross-Atlantic highway at three in the morning in a century old car that breaks down every two hundred miles like clockwork, and also sometimes they just get bombed out of nowhere. That is their life.

We never do anything, he says. Bah. Sometimes he thinks he is going to scoop his boyfriend up and — throw him at something.

But he knows that would never. Not really. As much as Lance drives him batty (and he does drive him fucking batty — he’s been huffy at Keith for a week because Keith didn’t listen to him on a mission, in a dream, and died. He has had an attitude for six days), he really and truly loves Lance more than anything. He loves the way Lance snorts when he laughs and trips over his own two feet more often than not and talks in his sleep and forgets English words and shrugs about it. He loves the magnitude of Lance’s smile and the endless brown of his eyes and the way he always kisses Keith’s clavicle before bed and doesn’t know he does it. He loves the way Lance leans into him without thinking when they sit next to each other and holds his hand when they walk. He loves how Lance fights for a way to meet his eyes when missions go to shit and asks him what to do next just to help Keith focus on something. He loves the way that his jacket was mysteriously fixed the time the old thing wore a hole along the seams and Lance played dumb about it like it could have been anyone else. He loves the way Lance coos over every animal they stumble across, no matter how horrifying, the way he cries his eyes out at every single movie and smacks anyone who looks at him. He loves the way Lance’s entire person always just seems to bubble out of him, like he’s holding his bleeding heart with open fingers.

Keith loves him in a way he didn’t think he deserved. And so it bugs him, really, that he can’t take Lance places, can’t buy him every ugly flower he wants or take him to hole-in-the-wall clubs to dance like Keith knows he wants to or even just go to the space mall with him.

Floating junkmobile in space or not, Keith is going to treat him or die trying. He is.

“So we’re not even close to something with gravity?” Keith clarifies, perhaps a touch desperate.

“Farther than your brain can conceptualise to even an asteroid,” Coran confirms, with no subtle amount of amusement.

Keith purses his lips. “Could we, like…travel there?”

Coran holds his gaze for a moment, eyebrow raised, then returns to the medical supplies he was sorting through.

“I’m afraid not, dear.”

“Why not?”

“I’m quite fond of not getting ambushed.”

“What if you just dropped me off? Then you can go back to not getting ambushed.”

“No.”

“I’ll keep my comm on! For real this time! Just a couple vargas.”

“Unfortunately not, Number Three.”

“Please?”

Keith does his best to widen his eyes the way Lance does it when he’s trying and succeeding at getting his way. He somehow dilates his pupils on command, which Keith doesn’t know how to do, but he figures he can most certainly try. Coran likes him, anyway. He said so.

“Child.” Look of amusement still slotted firmly on his face, and also somehow sporting a piece of wizened reading glasses that he was not wearing three seconds ago, Coran carefully sets down the equipment he’s holding, standing to walk over to Keith. He places a hand on Keith’s shoulder and leans in. “I am not dropping off one of the leaders of Voltron alone on a swap moon for a ‘couple vargas’. You understand why.”

Keith sighs petulantly. “I would get super murdered.”

Coran hums. “You would get super murdered, yes.”

He claps Keith’s back heartily, nearly sending Keith sprawling, then turns back to his sorting. Keith waits til his back is turned to silently and dramatically fall to his knees and mime screaming like Troy Bolton in the third High School Musical Movie (Shiro has too much of an influence on him). He had really hoped Coran would magically have a solution.

“Although,” Coran says, making Keith jump and scramble to his feet (thank every deity to ever exist that Coran keeps his back turned or Keith would crumble to humiliated dust), “if you’re looking for a change of scenery for whatever reason, there are lots of secluded places in the castle.”

Keith flushes red. He knows that’s not how Coran means it — only Hunk knows about them, having magically been able to keep his mouth shut after the whole found-your-lion debacle — but he can’t help where his mind goes, and he’s standing in front of someone who is for all intents and purposes his father, basically, or at least one of them, and it’s horrible and embarrassing and the worst. Imagining that in front of Coran, who once cried and told him he’s just so proud of the man he’s becoming, is just — no. He can’t handle having a father figure again. He’s going back to being a sad orphan.

Well. No.

Whatever.

“Okay bye Coran,” he says loudly and tellingly, practically sprinting out of the room in mortification. He considers ducking into his room to see if Lance is there, but he knows Lance will ask what’s up, and the idea of explaining to him and then hearing him laugh himself to tears adds a beautifully shiny cherry to his sundae of suffering and he decides otherwise.

He ducks instead into the kitchen, hoping it’ll be empty at this time so he can eat his feelings away, but of course that’s not the case. Hunk stands with his hands on his hips at a counter, knife clenched in his right hand, glaring at what Keith hopes is a vegetable of some kind.

“Hey, Keith,” Hunk calls, slowly moving his knife so as to not startle the vegetable.

The vegetable twitches. Keith pretends it doesn’t, choosing to ignore its existence and hoisting himself up to sit on the counter while Hunk is too distracted to stop him.

“I have a dilemma,” he whines when Hunk fails to ask further questions.

“You and Lance are slowly morphing into the same person,” Hunk comments idly. “I have to deal with two of you now. It’s exhausting. Go back to hating each other.”

Keith smiles. “No.”

“Ugh.” He makes a sudden move towards the nightmare vegetable and it panics, throwing itself off the counter in sad vegetable suicide and splatters on the floor. Hunk sighs for a very long time, then reaches for a rag. “Tell me about your dilemma then, catboy. I am looking forward to clowning you.”

“I need to take Lance on a date,” Keith says. “An amazing one.” He tries to be cool and normal for three seconds before remembering that Hunk caught them making out on a moon when they still pretended to hate each other and knows there is no worse shame. “One that is worthy of him, you know? I want him to feel treasured.”

Hunk raises his eyebrows. “Take him to the space mall to commit crimes again. He loves doing that.”

“Coran said no.”

“Observation deck?”

“Makes him sad.”

“Pool?”

Keith tilts his head to the side, considering. “Well, maybe. But we do that all the time. Plus anyone could just walk in on us.”

Hunk groans loudly, chucking the dirty rag at Keith’s face. Keith manages to dodge but only barely.

“You two and your stupid sneaky shit. Do you have any idea how annoying it is to cover for you two so you can giggle about your secrets?”

Keith grins guiltily. “Love you, Hunk.”

“Shut up. I hate you. When everyone finds out I’m going to point and laugh. I don’t even understand why you bother.”

Keith shrugs, twisting the rag sound his fingers. “It’s not…” He sighs. Hunk must sense the shift in the air, because he stops what he’s doing and hoists himself up next to Keith, even though he hates it when people sit on the counter, and leans against him. Keith shoots him a small, grateful smile.

“There’s something special when it’s just the two of us, I guess. Like being in our own little blanket fort. The lighting’s low and every sound feels muffled and it’s hard to breathe and everything else fades, for a bit.”

Keith doesn’t know how else to describe it. His Pa used to build him blanket forts, when he was really little, and he would stay in there until it collapsed on top of him. The same safe feeling settles in his chest when he lies in bed with Lance, when they stand back to back in battle, when they’re as closely pressed together as they can be. Like he’s wrapped in blankets and floating on air.

“Do that, then,” Hunk says softly. He grabs Keith’s hand and squeezes it softly. “Lance loves you, dude. He just wants to spend time with you. He complains because of who he is as a person, but he doesn’t…he swoons about you, man. It’s honestly kind of embarrassing.”

“It is, isn’t it.”

For all of his poking and whining, Lance was the one to move his stuff into Keith’s room. It was Lance who pulled him in with a smirk when Keith knocked on that door, asking what they were next. Lance who pulls him back under the covers in the morning and peppers kisses to his skin, Lance to whisper their first I-love-you, fast and near silent like a gasping inhale, Lance who thought Keith was asleep when he whispered you make me happy like no one else into his hair.

Lance wants him. Plain and simple. In whatever way they have, floating piece of junk or not.

“You got something?” Hunk murmurs.

“Yeah,” Keith says softly. He smiles at his friend, eyes crinkling when he grins right back. “Yeah, I got something.”

He thinks about blanket forts and low lighting and feeling like floating. He thinks about the first time they were ever a team on the castle. He thinks about all the picnic dates in all the romcoms Lance makes him watch.

Suddenly he can’t sit still for another moment. His blood feels like it’s buzzing, and his fingers twitch. He has an idea and if he doesn’t implement it immediately he’s gonna die.

“Get out of here,” Hunk says tiredly, shaking his head in amusement. “You stress me out. Go bother Lance.”

Keith presses a smacking kiss on his cheek because he is, at the core of him, annoying. The action startles a laugh out of him, because at the core of him, Hunk is not nearly as much of hater as he pretends to be.

“Bye Hunk! Love you!”

He runs out of the room to Hunk’s rolled eyes and his own wide grin, heading straight for the pool — he’s got some prep to do.

———

He’s shifty the whole day and he knows it. Lance knows it too, based on the narrowed, judgemental eyes, long, considering glare, and the way he flicks Keith on the forehead mid-spar and says “You’re being shifty, weirdo.”

Keith grabs his hand and kisses it just to make Lance smile on reflex and then scowl about smiling when he’s trying to be mad. It’s all very predictable and amusing.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he says lightly. He even pitches his voice to sound more innocent and everything, just like Adam taught him.

“Ugh,” Lance responds.

They go back to sparring, and Keith can’t keep the smile off his face for the life of him. He’s just — so excited. He can’t wait. (And, also, his refusal to answer Lance’s questions is visibly pissing him off, and that’s always fun.) He makes an excuse after a couple hours, kissing Lance loudly and obnoxiously on the cheek before running off, leaving him in the training room and circling the castle three times to make sure he’s not being followed before ducking into the kitchen. As Hunk had promised yesterday when Keith had explained his plan, there are dozens of supplies laid out on the counter and a detailed instruction manual. Keith makes a mental note to clean Hunk’s tools until they are shining in thanks.

Keith, says a pink post-it note on the manual, you’re a whipped loser. Love, Hunk.

Keith grins, folding up the note and tucking it in his pocket. He takes inventory of the supplies, making a special note of the weirdo lump shaped fruit that Keith knows taste like strawberries, that Lance is obsessed with and Hunk often has to literally claw out of his hands when they’re on ship so that Lance doesn’t eat them all. (Actually, now he just puts a lock on the fridge. It’s a problem. Lance loves those strawberries more than Keith, probably.)

Confident that Hunk will keep Lance distracted and praying that no one comes into the kitchen and asks him what the hell he’s doing, Keith gets started. He chops up vegetables, whisks up batters, cuts sandwiches into cool shapes (a sword, Mothman, and an elaborate brachiosaurus) for three straight hours, tucking everything away into a basket and then into the very back corner of the fridge and hiding it behind a case of soda that no one but Keith likes. He barely manages to finish cleaning up the kitchen by the time Shiro and Pidge stroll into the room to get dinner, and both of them eye him suspiciously.

“You’re early,” Pidge says, eyebrows raised.

“You’re never early,” Shiro adds. “I usually have to go send someone to drag you.”

“I’m hungry,” Keith says primly. He’s not, really, since he’s been snacking on stuff as he’s been cooking, but he marches over to the goo machine and squirts himself a bowl anyway. He’ll pull a Lance and feed half of it to the mice, it’ll be fine.

The rest of the team files in a few minutes later; Allura with her hair stuck up in a million places and her nose nearly pressed to her tablet, Coran guiding her by the shoulders so she doesn’t walk right into the counter (again); Hunk and Lance side by side, Lance aggressively swinging their joined hands.

“Hello!” he announces loudly to the room, and it says something about him that every single one of them smiles on reflex, saying hi back.

Lance takes his usual spot next to Keith, Shiro on his other side, Hunk across from them. Under the table, Keith links their ankles together, because no one will look for it and every time it makes a pleased flush grow on the back of Lance’s neck.

“Guess what,” Lance says twenty seconds into a comfortable silence because nothing makes Lance squirm like not talking for ten seconds.

Allura sets her tablet down because she is nosey. “What?”

“I beat Keith at sparring today. Twice,” Lance brags.

Keith scowls at his goo. That’s true, but only because he fought dirty. Keith had him pinned and Lance kissed him, and what was Keith supposed to do, shrug that off? Unlikely. And unrealistic. It’s not like Lance is going to be doing that to fight enemies.

Well. He better not.

“Because you cheated,” Keith mutters.

“Nope, nuh uh, didn’t happen. You are just old and grey and losing your abilities.”

“I’m barely one year older than you!” Keith cries.

Lance smirks. “Elderly, basically. Geriatric. I went easy on you today because I was worried about your knees.”

“Oh, you fucking —”

“Boys,” Shiro interrupts sharply.

They both jump.

“One meal,” the Black Paladin sighs, hand sliding down his face. “Just — one fucking meal, where you two don’t fight.”

“I don’t get it,” Pidge comments, irritated furrow to her brows. “You guys hang out, like, all the time. You’d think you’d be able to talk without jabbing at each other.”

“I think they’re just weirdos,” Hunk says flatly looking at them with a very pointed expression. “I think they just enjoy going at each other. Like weirdos.”

Beside him, Lance averts his eyes, biting his lip to hold back laughter. Keith looks away so he doesn’t have to do the same.

“Sorry, Shiro,” Keith says, working hard to keep his tone neutral. “I’ll do my best to not rise to Lance’s bait.”

“And I’ll try really hard to be okay with stinky mullet’s presence as a whole,” Lance promises.

Shiro only shakes his head and sighs harder. Keith reaches over and pinches his boyfriend’s thigh in revenge.

After dinner, and an aggravated pinching contest that ends with them straight up brawling beside the table and the team looking like they wanted to pelt food good at them, they wait for everyone else to head out to the common room before making their way down to their rooms.

“We’re not joining everyone else?” Lance questions, looking pointedly at their joined hands, blatant as they are in the hallway.

Keith hums, lifting their joined hands and looping around Lance’s shoulders, pulling him closer. Lance stumbles into him, laughing as Keith manages to catch him and keep them both upright.

“Nope,” Keith says, smiling into his hair. He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively — God, he really is becoming Lance. “They’re all tired of us, I think. Perfect opportunity for us to have some time without any interruptions, I was thinking.”

Lance grins. “Sounds good to me.”

The stumble into their room giggling.

———

Hours later, Lance is half asleep on his chest, and Keith traces lazy shapes onto his back. The hallways are quiet, even if he strains his ears. The only thing he can hear is Lance’s even breathing, and the steady thud of his heartbeat. He checks his watch — ten thirty. Everyone else is asleep or close to it.

It’s time, he thinks.

“Sweetheart,” he murmurs, lips pressed to Lance’s hair. “Wake up.”

“‘M not asleep.”

“Good.” Keith shifts slightly, forcing Lance’s head to move, which earns him a sharp smack on the arm. He grabs Lance’s wrists and holds it there, rubbing a thumb on the palm of his hands. “Up you get.”

“No.”

“C’mon, Lance.”

Lance groans loudly. “I am comfortable,” he laments. “Your tiddies are comfortable. I’m not moving, Pillow. Lie down in silence and be grateful you have the honour of sleeping with me. I’m a delight.”

Keith snorts, but doesn’t back down. “Get up or I tip you over.”

“Yeah, right.” Lance settles right back in, confident in the knowledge that Keith would do nothing of the sort.

Well, he’s wrong.

Careful to tuck his hand over the back of Lance’s head and neck, Keith flips them over at whip speeds, sending them sprawling over the side of the bed and onto the floor in a heap of skewed blankets and flailing limbs.

“You’re such a butthead!” Lance shrieks, smacking him repeatedly on the chest. Keith once again grabs both his wrists and holds tight, pinning him to the floor with his own body weight. He knows Lance isn’t really mad because he hardly puts up a struggle.

“I love you,” Keith says in response, leaning over to peck his boyfriend smack between the eyes. Lance huffs, grinning. “Come on. We’re going somewhere.”

“Ugh,” Lance groans again, but he grabs the hand Keith offers and pulls himself up anyway. He mutters derisively the entire time he gets dressed, but Keith wisely decides not to push it. “Let’s go, dingus. You better be bringing me to a five-star restaurant and then hotel.”

Keith bites back a grin. He knows his line.

“And where the fresh hell am I meant to find that, bastard?” he responds dutifully, wrapping his arm around Lance’s waist and tucking a hand into his back pocket as they walk.

Lance smiles coyly, leaning into him. “That sounds like a you problem.”

Keith rolls his eyes, smiling. “C’mon. We gotta stop in the kitchen first.”

Ignoring Lance’s pestering questions, which is one of his favourite hobbies, Keith steers them towards the fridge and grabs the basket he prepared, tucking it under his arm before Lance can steal it to look.

“If you peek I’m tossing it in the incinerator,” Keith warns.

Lance pouts. “That’s biphobic.”

“You’ll live.”

“Nope. I just found out the love of my life doesn’t accept me for who I am. I’ll try to choke it down, try to get over it, but it’ll eat me alive. Every night after you fall asleep I’ll cry until I pass out. Resentment will build. Eventually I’ll start turning away every time you kiss me. And then we’ll fight, and I will be too heartbroken to defend our relationship, and then all will crumble and we’ll be bitter exes until we die. I see it all now.”

“There are actual playwrights that are less dramatic than you,” Keith observes, looking at Lance’s gesturing in amusement. “I’m pretty sure most of them would beg for lessons.”

“They would be lucky as hell to have me.”

“They would be, baby.” He’d aimed for mocking, but his voice comes out fond and gooey and whipped and he knows it. Lance knows it too, judging by the shy little smile he sports, the pleased flush on his cheeks.

“Where are we even going?” he asks, a clear change of subject. “We’ve been walking the halls for ninety years.”

Keith scoffs. “We have not. And we’re going to the pool.”

Lance stops them mid-step, groaning. “Aw, come on! It’s nearly eleven, Keith!”

“And?” Keith asks, tugging him forward. He goes, but not without whining.

“You are the worst pool partner. You never just want to chill and float. Oh, no, it’s gotta be laps, you fuckin’ jock. Fuckin’ — olympic tryhard ass.”

Keith doesn’t even try to hold back his laughter, and through all his groaning Lance is laughing, too, and even when he’s complaining and being ridiculous and mocking Keith, Keith loves him. There’s not a second of the day when Keith doesn’t.

“Just come on,” he says, finally pulling them into the pool. “You’ll like it. I promise.” He holds his hands up to Lance’s eyes, raising a brow in question, then laying his palms over the top of Lance’s face when he isn’t told to stop.

Lance sighs, but he lets himself get manhandled, let’s Keith guide him up the walls like Coran showed them until they’re finally settled at the edge of the pool. Keith sets down the basket, takes a deep breath, and removes his hands from Lance’s face.

“Happy everyday,” he says quietly.

It takes Lance a moment to register the set up in front of him — the giant blow up kiddie pool floating on the real pool, layered in pillows and blankets. The projector on the wall, queueing Lance’s favourite movie — 10 Things I Hate About You, even though Keith can’t stand that movie and never lets it get picked during family movie nights. The soft lighting sending waves of dappled light reflecting all over the room, making the browns of Lance’s eyes shine gold. The scent of chocolate covered strawberries coming from the now-open picnic basket in Keith’s hands.

Lance m, predictably, bursts into tears.

“You — you jerk,” he cries, flinging himself onto Keith, who barely manages to catch him with an oof. “You are — the worst person alive. I despise you.”

Keith grins, setting down to basket to hold Lance in his arms properly, squeezing him as tight has he can, trying to — say, what he feels, with his body alone. Because there aren’t words for it, he doesn’t think, the way Lance is the first person he seeks out in any room he’s in, the way one touch from Lance has the tension melting from his body in bad days. How even when they’re at their worst and screaming in each other’s faces, there’s a voice in Keith’s head three times louder than anger that booms, don’t you dare hurt him. How he hasn’t felt this kind of safe with a person since his Pa; since he was tiny and young and not afraid of the world yet.

“I take it I win this dating thing?” Keith teases, face tucked into the crook of Lance’s neck.

Lance laughs wetly, breath still shuddering and tears still leaking out of his eyes, and turns his head to kiss him slowly, hands pressed to either side of his face.

“You’re a dickhead and I love you more than air,” he says, smile wide and breathtaking. Keith has to bite back to urge to do something insane like ask him to marry him. God. He’s so — hngh. How is Keith supposed to explain. What he is to him.

“C’mon,” Keith says instead of any of that, voice kind of hoarse. He wraps their hands together and pulls them closer to the edge of the pool, kneeling down and reaching out to steady the floatie and holding it as Lance crawls in. He hands him the basket and tumbles in after him, falling onto his chest, and he feels it shame as Lance laughs, quiet and fond, and he knows he won’t be able to move away. So he settles into him and Lance’s hands come up automatically to rest in his hair, and Keith fumbles for the remote and plays the movie and hands him strawberries and watches Kat and Patrick fall in love and thanks anyone who is out there, from every atom in his body, for getting Lance’s dumb ass tied to a tree and having Keith the only one available to save him. And for the magnetism, between them, and the way Keith has never been able to hide himself from him.

“I love you,” Lance whispers as Kat reads her poem, fingers tangled around locks of Keith’s hair. “I mean it. I do.”

Keith turns his head slightly to kiss the inside of his knee, eyes closed, breaths heavy. “I know.” He lets himself bask in it, Lance’s love, and smiles. “I love you, too.”

———

first part

based off this video

[inblackwoods]

Isidor and Simon, Daniil and Artemy

There’s one line that Daniil says to Yulia that has been driving me absolutely batty. Yulia says:

“You can call these demons what you want… you may refer to the Hair Eater as ‘time’ if this will make you any happier. I am comfortable with a more juvenile vernacular. It is what I am used to.”

And Bachelor replies: “You are repeating something that Isidor had once told me, almost word for word…”

When did this conversation happen? We don't have many letters between Daniil and Isidor to know how well they knew each other or how often they spoke. How did they meet? Why? How close were they? It’s hard to say, but Daniil refers to Isidor as “[m]y gentle associate, my selfless advisor.” Assuming he’s not being sarcastic, this is high praise. It also makes me think that Daniil took Isidor’s words to heart- deeply. That means that this idea, that people can be using different words to talk about the same things, is one that Daniil is more comfortable with than he’s always given credit for. Bachelor might be more open to setting aside semantic/linguistic differences for the sake of finding middle ground to agree on.

In the introductory healers cutscene, Daniil says, “it seems unlikely that we will ever get along well,” and then a few moments later he amends that statement to, “no… We won’t ever get along.”

That sounds sad. He seems almost like he had hope that the other two immediately dashed to pieces. Before, it was "unlikely" that they would get along "well," not impossible that they could get along at all. Now it is simply "we won't ever get along." He seems uncertain, perhaps because it is against his hard logic to completely bar any possibilities without confirmation. And he is usually adherent to standard social etiquette/ideas about politeness. It is possible that certain ideologies can find overlap and find a means of coexistence. But unlikely. Termites and Utopians don't often share tables. 

But Isidor tried to teach him that they could, and Daniil tried to remember that.

[mixelation]

I would enjoy hearing your rant about how a/b/o reproductive/mating systems drive you batty if you're willing! As someone who is not well studied in that subject omegaverse has still made me furrow my brow and wonder how society has not collapsed

i got this a while ago and debated answering, but i do like rambling and have time tonight. i will not go into specifics because i do not intentionally seek out omegaverse content; my experiences with it are from being in fandom and spec bio spaces where someone just starts talking about it, or every once in a while i read it by accident (i am not actually good about reading tags). i am aware that not everyone follows the same rules and i don't need anyone coming into my askbox to explain how their personal version doesn't do the following things i'm about to say. one reason i know more about omegaverse than i want to is the strange phenomenon of people thinking that a person can be "converted" if only they understood it more....! so: yes, i support any hypothetical fans on my blog writing and enjoying whatever version of omegaverse they want, but no, i do not want you explaining it to me.

anyway, i guess we should first talk about the biological definitions of sex and gender.

sex can be defined multiple ways by biologists depending on what they're trying to study. the one i use for animals & plants is the evolutionary definition, which is based on gametes-- basically, are you set up to make small gametes (male) or big gametes (female)? this is called anisogamy (two different sized gametes within a species) and it's shockingly universal in plants and animals, which is why it's my preferred definition. (although note that gametes size and morphology can vary a ton between species and even between individuals-- the only constant is that within a species, sperm are smaller than ova.) the resulting traits that go along with sex (physical traits, chromosomes, etc) are NOT universal, but i'll talk about some patterns.

note that there ARE isogamous organisms-- such as fungi or algae-- which do not have differently sized gametes. usually instead of sorting them by "sex," they're sorted by "mating type"

also important to know-- lots and lots of plants and animals make both types of gametes. the technical biological term for this is hermaphroditism, but if you're reading this for spec bio reasons i highly urge you NOT to use this term for humans/near-humans. that is because it's unfortunately also a pejorative/dehumanizing term for intersex people (and biologically inaccurate to them). i've seen people use "dualsex" but another scientific term would be "monoecious" (although i have never seen this used outside of plant scientists lmao). technically "bisexual" also works but you can imagine this could be confusing and someone who's never read an old scientific paper might yell at you

okay. so now we've defined sex. what is gender? i am by no means an expert in this, but most people will define it as some sort of social role. for some people it is very personal and definitions are individual. i am only including this paragraph because there was briefly a trend amongst biologists to define "animal gender" as social roles animals play when interacting with each other. i don't personally like this because it often ends up tying the concept of gender to genetics or underlying biological traits. i prefer the more historical term alternative reproductive tactics (ARTs), which refers to when there's multiple strategies/phenotypes/"genders" within a single sex of a species. for example, side-blotched lizards have three different male phenotypes which all exhibit different behaviors with different advantages/disadvantages in terms of procreation.

so, biologically, omegaverse is a mating system where both sexes (that's male/female) experience ARTs (that's the alpha/omega/beta), and mating occurs in a disassortative way. Disassortative mating means that individuals are more likely to mate with (and are perhaps are more likely to successfully produce offspring with) other individuals that are "different" from them in some way. for example, white throated sparrows have two morphs per sex. both "tan" males and females invest energy into parental care, and "white" males and females invest energy into acquiring multiple mates, which white females even using brood parasitism (leaving eggs in a nest that's not hers). tan males mate with white females, and tan females mate with white males (i know there's been studies where two of the same mate with each other and the outcome is less good, but i forget what it is just now lol).

one puzzling part of the omegaverse is that by the definitions i see most often (where humans are born male/female and then develop "secondary dynamics" later), alpha males/omega males shouldn't be able to have children. Sperm do not have enough physical "stuff" to make a baby, even if you ignore genetic imprinting and other mechanisms that prevent people's own gametes from fusing. I don't like mpreg on the grounds that i just don't like stories about pregnancy in general, but I get confused when people go in depth about the biological set ups of their AU and then just don't go into what sex even is? Like, if it were just magic or completely handwaved, sure, fine. But why delve into biology and then get basic things wrong? Like, does your world just have mating types? Are some people dualsex? Are your males actually not males? If any of these things, why are the genital configurations they way they are? I will accept "because I think it's hot/fun/whatever" as an answer, but please be honest that that IS the answer. A lot of time people try harder and harder to explain biology and just get nonsensical. Which, again, that's fine for having fun, there's nothing wrong with it or enjoying reading it-- but it will bother me.

im sure someone is already opening their bookmarks to send me an example where one of my suggestions happens. don't do that. i know different people do different things and probably there's examples of at least a few of the above. i know this because people keep sending me things i don't want to see, and often times they're still wrong. don't be that guy

my biggest gripe re:biology in omegaverse, like many people, is with the bioessentialism in sex/ARTs/"gender" that omegaverse aus tend to hang on their invented mating system. like, obviously, the aspects where heats/ruts/whatever make people so horny they have to fuck or end up in extreme pain is already dubcon because it's basically just rebranded sex pollen, and it gets worse when writers choose to also include biological mechanisms where one individual can "force" or compel another one, especially when it occurs along sex-specific lines. and like, don't get me wrong-- i like some dubcon tropes. i do not have an issue with people enjoying what they enjoy in fictional scenarios. what bothers me is the shocking frequency with which i will run into people preaching their "moral omegaverse" and then they literally just describe slightly more complicated dubcon. this isn't just an omegaverse fan issue-- people do this with all sort of other tropes and AUs too-- but it is a pattern and it's annoying.

and! here's the thing that extra gets my goat. a reason why a lot of people (not everyone ofc) like sex pollen and other biology-compulsion based dubcon tropes is that the fact that it's "biology" feels like it should free the involved characters of responsibility for their actions. but this is not how human behavior works, and it's literally not how biology works. animals have coercive sex all the time, but evolution does not actually favor this. it is not evolutionarily advantageous to be at the whim of your alpha a male. female mate choice is incredibly important to evolution, and if coercive sex is happening, then something is simultaneously also evolving to re-establish mate choice. that's how you get things like weird shaped penises to match weird shaped vaginas, or females being able to selectively kick out sperm.

also the world is filled with interesting mating strategies and it makes me sad that people want to "explore" it and then just stick to made-up quasi-wolf dynamics. :( where are the anglerfish dynamics. the whiptail lizard dynamics. the dynamics based on whatever that frog is that can only mate with a different species of frog. why aren't so many people at least googling how seahorses work, and also why do so many people spend so long describing alt biology for how they're getting (insert man here) pregnant only to get the very definition of sex wrong. even if i were into omegaverse, i think i would leave the most unhinged mean comments............

[lostloveletters]

Hi Battie! I just read your Woody/Brady fics and I loved them! Do you think the Bradys and the Egans get together after the war? Are there family vacations? Would love to know any HCs you have for the two families. Thanks!

Thank you so much Jess!! I’m so glad you like them, that means a lot to me🖤 

I absolutely love this question! Woody and Holly stay super close after the war and run up their respective phone bills while they get used to not seeing each other pretty much every day after going on nearly 4 years of it. So if they have any say in it, the Bradys and Egans definitely get together at least once a year, besides reunions the 100th has.

Woody doesn’t mind driving, and the interstate makes it a hell of a lot easier to go on roadtrips than before. Usually the Bradys make their way down to the DMV since the Egans’ house is pretty big, and there’s a lot to do with the kids in DC. I can see it being a spring break trip because summer there can be brutal. However, Upstate New York is gorgeous during the summer, so the Egans head up to visit the Bradys for a week or so. Maybe they rent a big house near the Finger Lakes together. Of course there’s managing moods and tantrums and nap times during these trips, but they’ve dealt with worse😅

I can see Holly’s and Woody’s oldest daughters, Cindy and Sam, actually being friends and not just “we hang out because our parents are friends.” They probably write to each other!

🦇 Battie

[will-continue-livinglikeimtrying]

When we meet each other for the first time... again.

[hwasang]

Love those renchanting designs, they look great in your style! You guys have any fun headcanons about them you wanna share? I'd love to hear em!

thank you!! what i love about this ask is that you know my gf and i feed each others brainrot over this. anyways, we got a few

i think martyn is fox coded but lexi says he is more cat coded but also will go with fox coded.

i need to do a fucking line up but there are so many people thats so many people to draw TAT but really martyn isnt Small, hes 5'8", its just that ren is Massive

ren loves to bite, which was already drawn out by this person, but we also believe that martyn is Into it, and also has gotten to a point where, unless its the neck, he doesnt really gaf.

we both like to make them gnc but martyn is more obviously so. ren paints his claws, and likes to wear long skirts if the weather calls for it while martyn is a lot more creative with his expression

i consider ren more of a shifter than a werewolf, but i still like calling him a werewolf. mandatory moon shifts are still fun. hes also horse sized doggo. he likes to flop onto people he loves, in or out of wolf form. again martyn has gotten used to this.

i usually don't use the name dogwarts for a couple of reasons, one of them being how i headcanon the red army as a pack, like a proper one and everything. AND OH BOY THAT REQUIRES ITS OWN POST HONESTLY

I AM UNWELL ABOUT RED ARMY

i have many many thoughts abt how ren, martyn, skizz, etho and bigb interact with each other, how its changed their relationships fundamentally with those closest in their lives. ren had false and doc, but now hes got four others who he needs to have close at all times because he wants to take care of them and thats impossible bcus three of them are not on hermitcraft server, theyre not /home/ with him, and it drives him a bit batty and makes it easy to take advantage of him. doc, etho and false can only do so much.

and of course ren and martyn are proper soulmates, not whatever was going on in double life. no wonder bigb thought ren was cheating on him

OH AND I HAVE A WHOLE LIST OF THOUGHTS ABOUT MARTYN AND THE EVO KIDS

[crackinglamb]

I've got some for you: - Common fandom complaint you are sick of hearing. - There should be more of this type of fic/art - That one thing you see in fics all the time

😈

Common complaint I'm tired of is answered here.

More of this type of fic/art

PLATONIC LOVE!!!!!!!

[deep breath]

Seriously, wtf, fandom? Why must everything be so shippy (sexual)? I don't know if it's my aro showing or what, but I desperately wish there was more actual, real friendship depicted in fics and art.

Even in romantic pairings, it's like...do they even like each other? Would they take care of each other while they're sick? Pick up their mail? Feed their cat? Go grocery shopping together? Sit in companionable silence? Do they even know what 'companionable' means?

I've made a real effort in my own writing to not just depict my couples being horny for each other, but also having things in common. Or not! Sometimes they disagree! And it's not the end of the world! How bout that?

That one thing I see in fic all the time

Okay, this one was answered in the other ask too (and be warned it's NSFW for those heading over there to read it), but don't worry. I have MOAR.

Homonym misuse.

Some of it is English as not the primary language. These writers get a huge pass and an extra kudo for effort, because I would never even attempt to write something in a language I wasn't fluent in. My salt here is not directed at anyone writing in English when they're native in something else. Hell, I get it. English is a terrible language, and I AM a native speaker.

Some of this happens because there are entirely too many people who've sampled the 'fanfic is cringe' koolaid, so they take no pride in it, nor put forth any particular effort. And you know what? Fine, that's valid. Whatever. This is a hobby we do for free. But don't come crying to me when your sloppy, unedited, full of typos and bad formatting fic gets no attention. You can't spout out one side of your mouth that you don't care and whine about lack of validation out the other.

Because you know how easy it is to clear up half those typos? Spellcheck. And even better, a grammar check. And guess what? AO3, which is where I do all of my reading, has a spellcheck function when you're in editing mode. So does tumblr, right now. It's currently telling me that 'tumblr' is spelled wrong. There is absolutely no excuse.

Now, grammar, on the other hand, is a little tougher, I'll admit. But googledocs has it. My gmail has it. I would assume commonly used apps like Scrivner have it.

A sampling of the more egregious ones I see:

Taught is the past tense of teach. The word you're looking for is taut. To pull tight.

A ball is a spherical object. To bawl is to cry loudly.

They're, their, there. 1 - contraction of 'they are/were', 2 - possessive voice, 3 - location.

You're, your. Again, the first one is a contraction of 'you are/were', the second is possessive voice. C'mon people.

Bare is naked/uncovered. Bear is carry (or a living thing).

Slight is small or a little bit. Sleight is a form of slide. It's the one you want for prestidigitation (ie sleight of hand).

Faint is dim, or a state of unconsciousness. Feint is a parry or block.

And this one is entirely petty and I know it. But it drives me batty. Cum is Latin for 'with'. Come is...you get it. 🤣🤣🤣

Thanks for the asks. 💕 From this list.

[perpetualexistence]

Perp's Alenoah Week 2024 Masterpost

To make all of our lives mainly mine easier, I'm going to put all the links to my Alenoah Week AUs/Fics here!

For anyone reading this in the future, know that they all have sfw giant/tiny in them! Because I made it my personal goal to do so, and I satisfied that goal, and am thus happy.

Day 1, First Date: A Small Matter of Planning

Day 2, First Meeting: An Eel's Plea

Day 3, Role Swap: Coils and Toils

Day 4, Vampire AU: We Drive Each Other Batty

Day 5, Gender Swap: Betwixt a Sea of Hair

Day 6, Amusement Park: Through a Funhouse Mirror

Day 7, Free Day (Demon AU): Slumbering Pride

[tiredassmage]

more bg blorbo posting!

longer time blog friends may recall something of rhyst as my jedi knight from swtor, but he also has an older sister, rhiannon! and true to form, trying to get their looks right in bg3 was a hell i spent like three hours slogging through for each of them because despite how long i've had them as ocs, they're probably one of the bigger mysteries to me as far as appearance. [which i think, case in point, rhyst has gone ginger since the last time i've posted about him. dyed ginger at least as far as swtor edition is concerned, but ginger nonetheless!]

i've been back and forth on the details of these siblings... pretty much since i decided that they were siblings. and rhyst always gives me interesting conundrums because he's technically cut out of the same cloth as tyr is and a lot of that, thematically, still likes to show up and leave me feeling like a wet dog in flooding road pothole during a storm. that also meant for a while that him and tyr shared some similarities in appearance, too, and while i've decided my brain might explode if i tried to address that in the galaxy far, far away, i thought i could have a bit more fun with complicating everything in their fantasy land adventures, lol!

so! rhyst i have made as an oath of ancients paladin, and in my heart a paladin of tyr [i'll address that in two seconds, i promise, lol]. i've been lazy on downloading the deities mod i'm pretty sure exists for paladins bc i'm not ready to get into his playthrough for real yet [or rather, the latest one. considering he has seen. a few attempts already in bg. i swear, this man and not knowing what he really looks like driving me absolutely batty], but i might yet. anyway, that's not particularly important. he's the younger of the siblings by a year or two and is generally like a really, really happy to see you labrador. rhyst is kind of a burning idealist and kind-hearted. he's ready to look for the best in just about anyone, or at least acknowledge that, if circumstances had been different, people he winds up crossing blades with may have seen differently. he's fond of stories of heroes and i'd say he's... the kind of still young enough where he hasn't had his ideals and drives of "why can't we all just get along" thoroughly tested yet; the world hasn't had a chance to jade him.

rhiannon is a light domain cleric of kelemvor and sometimes the one that's a little bit more ready to start swingin' of the siblings. [though if you put them both in the same room, they can mutually come to a conclusion that bashing things is the correct way to resolve a problem, and will do so with gusto.] while both of them can hold fairly rigid to their sense of right and wrong, i think rhiannon has had a teensy bit more practical world experience and was the bolder traveler of the two of them.

and with harper heritage, both of them firmly stand by doing what needs to be done.

both are born and raised in baldur's gate, primarily by their mother, a city druid. what they know of their father is mostly stories, but rhiannon might've met him once or twice.

so, the reason i mentioned tyr [the oc] in all of this, lol, is bc i keep making bg-edition of his family group bigger, lol.

the man, the myth, the legend, etc etc. tyr who i've realized i should probably start calling oliver in baldur's gate to steal a leaf out of one of his covers bc for all the 'finding new paths in life' after spending his first couple of decades working as an assassin, going by the name of the in-universe god of justice is maybe a bit more sacrilegious than i'd diagnose him with. not that the man is particularly faithful to authority and the divine, exactly, but he's also not looking to pick a fight with the god of justice. a few others, maybe more so, but that's getting ahead of ourselves.

so before oliver sort of settled down for good and moved out of the city, he did spend a little time with the harpers, and that kids, is how i met your mother. [badumtsh!] (whom i still have to name. rip)

it's a relatively short relationship i imagine, compared to the fact that oliver's now married with two other daughters (one biological and one adopted), but also pretty amicably ended. i think rhyst and rhiannon's mother wasn't quite interested in keeping up with the likes of the harpers anymore and was a bit more ready to settle in, where oliver still saw work to do [and involvements to atone for, which is perhaps deserving of a post of it's own because gods know him and alucren have. (gestures) Things going on between them].

so, ~unfortunately for dear mum, rhiannon and rhyst sort of inherited the harper's bug, and a nose that wouldn't leave a layman's "well enough" alone. rhiannon seeks to lay to rest the undead i think partly inspired by dear old dad's previous connections as an assassin, and rhyst pursued the path of a paladin inspired by heroic tales and talk of honor and following codes and oaths taken.

undecided just how involved in the plot i'll get them, but i do think it'd be a lil fun to at least have one version of events where there's a kinda silly family reunion to the tune the likes of "of course you'd be in the middle of all of this. how can we help?" [oliver and jaheira shaking hands and sighing over wrangling strong-willed kids]

[soumaizumip]

My Soccerwife Might Be Dead and I Am Going to Have to Learn to Be OK With That (But For Now I Am Very Annoyed)

god ok 204, let me down one last time (overreaction) (still waiting to actually see him if we even get to but the implications are driving me batty)

at this point i can’t even say if i think they’ll actually ever bring the old kunigami back. they seem just fine letting this be the way he is now

i Really wanted him to be punished in this game. if he was going to change this would have been it. this should have been it

at the very least i wanted him to get knocked down a peg. he had one goal which he basically stole from isagi which seemed to have already been going in without his intervention

i wanted him to get a lower bid this time

and yet

and it’s basically just the same thing. he hasn’t changed from when he first came back “he’s big and we trained him to be an asshole, and the people love that” 

everything points to him being successful right now, that this is what works and this is what he should be doing

hell his bid doubled even though he BARELY played a part in this game WHICH HE SHOULD HAVE PLAYED MORE OF BECAUSE IT’S AGAINST CHIGIRI AND IT SHOULD HAVE MEANT A LOT TO HIM NARRATIVELY AS MUCH AS IT DOES TO ME, A RELENTLESS FUJOSHI WITH A FIRE BURNING IN HER HEART OK I’M SORRY I’LL MOVE ON

we are being told he will not change, that nothing so far has driven him to change, whether it’s being outshone by isagi, ignored by his team, or... chigiri, at all

they really got my damn hopes up with their reunion, and their reactions on the field... when in the end it did not matter at all

this game was not about them, it was not about kunigami

when, no fujo, i think it really should have been. that’s how it was quite literally set up to be so i don’t think that’s unreasonable to think

What was all this for then. truly. did they forget they wrote this 8 months ago

if this is not what is going to get him to change then what fucking is how much more grandeur do you need because any opponent they face from now on does not know the old kunigami and does not give a shit about him (we are ignoring that on paper no one in blue lock gives a shit about each other you know what i mean)

i’m not gonna act like i know better than the author but literally what was the point of this game then. it dragged on for eight months. 204 has isagi recapping what he ‘learned’ which is learning to use his eyes for the 80th time

the game ended up having the most development for yukki? (or maybe that's just all i remember bc it took 8 fucking months) which is fine. but that didn’t need to result in their win

this win just felt like it has no point for isagi (he’d still have his revelations but who he was facing was irrelevant) and germany when a loss would’ve meant a lot for kunigami. hell even with them winning the writer just seems to not care about seeing any kind of story line for him through. and that makes me sad

maybe im jumping the gun maybe we’ll get meaningful reactions from the 2 of them after this but... i am not expecting anything anymore for this round

because honestly what can chigiri even say after this. what a kick in the face

he doesn’t really have a leg to stand on anymore to wake him up. chigiri lost, kunigami won, and he’s more successful than he’s ever been. they keep hinting at a “pride before the fall” for nagi but i doubt they’ll go through those motions for kunigami

also chigiri should’ve had a way higher bid but i didn’t know where to say that. he is the goddamn speed star

[infizero]

one day i will make a beautiful full rewrite of sonic forces like ive always dreamed of doing since i was a 14 year old girl

(ok so um. i started writing stuff in the tags and it accidentally got so long i went far beyond the tag limit. whoops. so this is just an actual post now. read more for my insane sonic forces rewrite ramblings)

i want to so fucking bad. every time i think about the wasted potential that is forces it makes me so depressed ToT i cant help but love forces despite it being garbage. the soundtrack is banging, the character customization is fun, i LOVE infinite, it attempted a darker story like the good ol days..... its so fucking bad but there were so many cool ideas and it drives me insane

also its one of the few sonic games i've actually played firsthand. purely because it was free on like the playstation game pass thing or whatever its called. and i did genuinely have fun with it even if it was pretty easy. also for the longest time of me being a sonic fan, forces was the latest mainline game. that era is when i got into sonic so idk. i cant help but look fondly on it even though its writing choices drive me fucking batty

while thinking about all this i came up with an interesting idea. so. there's something so fucking cool to me about infinite and the avatar's dynamic like. the way that infinite, despite his powers... him being a mobian and that scene of him flying right beside you and stuff..... idk its like he feels more on your level then some like ancient god villain or whatever.

that flying side-by-side scene esp inspired this but ANYWAY. what if, to make him AND the avatar character more interesting.... they were like. childhood friends or something. or just knew each other in the past in general. that would add SO much depth to their interactions within the game of like. infinite calling them weak. flying side by side. infinite's whole classic "character trying to reinvent themself" thing.

like infinite is using the power of the phantom ruby, trying to become strong because shadow called him weak and everything <- which btw this motivation has gotta change/be expanded upon cause this shit is still so silly. shadow called him gay and that's infinite's whole motive. cmon now we can do better than that

ANYWAYS. but that desperation from infinite to become an entirely new person - changing his name, wearing the mask, etc etc. that could become even more interesting if you add someone into the mix who knew infinite BEFORE his transformation.

and i know i know the avatar is supposed to be able to be projected on and stuff whatever whatever. but like idk man. plenty of protagonists have pasts that are part of the story even tho they're customizable. and besides it wouldnt be like a full backstory for the avatar. just the fact that they knew infinite once upon a time. and maybe something happened that split them apart or something. idk. but whatever happened between then and the events of the game wouldn't be elaborated upon, so you'd still be able to come up with your own story for your character if you want to.

and then the avatar's presence in the story could present a conflict for infinite. maybe despite him trying to act like he doesnt care, he like. hesitates. or lets the avatar go at some point. or something. and that gets him in trouble with eggman <- on that note. MORE CONFLICT BETWEEN EGGMAN AND INFINITE. im a little fuzzy on that aspect of the game but from what i can remember that never really goes anywhere. i want infinite being fickle about eggman's orders to MEAN SOMETHING!!!!!

also. i guess infinite could still ambiguously die at the end. but he'd definitely survive and show up in a later game, a la shadow. i need him to. my special boy.

anyways but going back to the avatar and infinite. i rlly think this could make both of them far more interesting than they are now. infinite rlly doesnt have like. an arc over the course of the story? hes just kinda. there. we get his backstory but in the present he kinda just. fights you a few times and then he dies. the end. this would actually give him something to do during the story, even if it was just like. brooding over why he let the avatar go or something.

and like..... i feel like forces SHOULD focus a lot on infinite? at least more so than the actual game did. like it doesnt have to be a shadow sa2 situation where like the whole game is centered around his story but i honestly... wouldnt be opposed to that either. like the war stuff is not that interesting im gonna be real.

also btw OBVIOUSLY the whole "sonic being imprisoned and tortured for 6 months with zero consequences" thing would be changed. that shit is so stupid and pointless. idk for sure if i'd just get rid of it outright or alter it, but probably the latter. cause like it IS actually an interesting scenario: how would these characters react to sonic being presumably dead? (long-term. 06 does not count LOL)

like that genuinely is a fascinating scenario to explore but i think one of the main things is that it would have to take place soon after it happened. none of this 6 months later amy wistfully going "sometimes i still dream sonic is with us....." shit, that is so dumb. WHAT is the point!!!

i'd want the story to start like fairly soon after sonic gets captured. and it wouldnt just be "sonic characters act as war generals" simulator. if we're doing this we are going ALL in. full focus on the characters' emotions and mental states which fluctuate over time. at the beginning they're hopeful but as more time passes with no sign of sonic and them losing more and more land to eggman, things start to crack. that could genuinely be so interesting to watch as long as it was treated with the actual seriousness it deserves instead of the cop-out edginess with no repercussions that the actual game has.

speaking of this part. TAILSSSSSSSS tails in forces was the wasted opportunity of the century. im gonna be real after having so much time to think about it, i really dont think that tails cowering after sonic was defeated was THAT egregious. i definitely think it could've been handled better, considering he had both beat chaos before and thought sonic had died before, BUT. tails is, at the end of the day, still a little kid. no matter how much hes grown and everything, thinking his big brother is fucking dead is probably still gonna fuck him up big time!!!

i also think that the idea of tails out on his own is SO fucking interesting and i am so mad every day that they barely did anything with that. maybe tails DID stay with everyone else at first. maybe after enough time everyone else presumed sonic to be dead and tails got upset because he knows sonic can't be dead, he always comes back, he did last time this happened right? and he left one day without telling anyone, attempting to try and find sonic himself.

and then he comes across omega all trashed up, and him fixing him, oh, idk, ACTUALLY MATTERS? (crazy i know) omega gets fully restored (plus some upgrades, of course) and it becomes the two of them against the world. throwing in a little craziness here but what if omega sticks with tails bcuz tails (who is definitely um. a lil more fucked up from everything) promises that hes directly interfering with eggman here, and that he'll actually allow omega to full on KILL eggman if/when they get the opportunity to. (tails is not fucking around) i just really need these two working together to be a thing.

rouge and shadow could also be MIA. i dont know if i'd want them as part of the larger resistance, they'd probably just be trying to help stuff on their own, but maybe at some point they'd realize that shit is really fucked this time and the only way they'll be able to stop eggman's reign of terror is by joining forces (lol) with the larger group. power of friendship and teamwork and all that, as is forces' main theme.

anyways. this is kind of all ive got swirling in my brain right now. i dont know how i'd tackle sonic's imprisonment itself. i definitely dont want to be in a position like the canon story where sonic should 100% be traumatized by what happened. bcuz i feel like thats probably a bit much lol... so maybe keep him imprisoned that whole time but get rid of the torture. idk, if we want to really get crazy with it we could throw in a whole thing where its like hey eggman why arent you just killing him? isnt that what you've wanted to do this whole time? funny how you're... keeping him alive like that. isnt easy bringing yourself to kill this kid you've basically watched grow up huh? even if he is your biggest enemy. idk that could result in way too much going on. but it could give a reason for sonic being kept alive + a reason why his imprisonment wasnt too crazy bad. just spitballing here.

ANYWAYS ANYWAYS. for real thats it I NEED TO GO TO BED. good god. maybe i'll rb this post at some point with more ideas if i have them. hell maybe i'll even write this whole thing someday..... regardless. GOOD NIGHT NEW YORK CITY!!!!!!!!!!

[doctorstrangereview]

0096: Defenders #4

Cover Date: February 1973 On-Sale Date: November 21, 1972

The Defenders get a new member this issue which conveniently solves the issue of the screaming woman they rescued last issue. The Defenders face the Asgardian Enchantress and her on again/off again boyfriend the Executioner. We also get the reintroduction of the Valkyrie who appeared in a couple of previous comics with a different alternate identity. Lastly, Dane Whitman, the Black Knight, shows up to suffer a tragic, albeit temporary, fate.

After returning to Earth and the Silver Surfer flying off into the wild something yonder, Hulk is angry. He believes that Doc hurt Barbara. Doc tries to explain that he didn't know freeing Barbara from the Nameless One would drive her batty, but Hulk doesn't really care. He takes Barbara and jumps into the convenient castle nearby.

Doc asks Namor for advice, who wisely informs Doc that Hulk may unintentionally hurt Barbara and they need to follow him. Namor has mysteriously grown an earring that wasn't present in the last issue.

The pair enter the castle which appears deserted, but they find a burning brazier. As soon as they mention this the brazier flares up and the Executioner appears with a gang of medieval looking knights. It's an interesting mix of mythologies.

Namor and Doc banter about going into battle. After a few panels of this, they do. While Namor and the knights clobber each other. Namor complains about not having any armor and Doc is about to conjure up some when another sorcerer, dressed in an extremely clichéd costume appears from the surrounding mist.

The bold robs Doc of his power and he is beset by the knights. Sadly, this Doc doesn't show the physical prowess of the Doc appearing in Marvel Premiere and he is quickly overwhelmed. Namor is still able to take out most of the knights singlehandedly which irks the Executioner. He finds that he suddenly has strange new powers which he uses to blast Namor. The fish man is then taken out by one of the remaining knights.

Doc and Namor are thrown into a cell where they find that the jolly green giant is spending time as Bruce Banner and Barbara Norriss is still insane. Fortunately, they have neighbors they know. The Black Knight and the Enchantress are just across the hall.

We then get into a flashback to some old Avengers issues told by the the Knight. Enchantress and the Executioner, slyly described as her partner, were banished to another realm. The Executioner decided to try greener pastures and deserts the Enchantress for the realm's queen. Enchantress bounced around a bit, winding up a captive of Zeus, escaping and popping in to visit the Knight. She and the Knight get together and go back to that first realm mentioned above. Apparently she want's her man back. Enchantress winds up being no match for the Executioner's new squeeze. She and Knight are taken prisoner and we're back to the present.

Enchantress then explains her escape plan. Bruce Banner isn't totally impressed.

A pair of mystic bolts later and poor, insane Barbara is now The Valkyrie!

Valkyrie frees all the prisoners and word gets back to the royal pair. The guard's description of the situation is amusing.

Everyone goes into fightin' mode and wreck up the place. Doc's power returns and he takes a piece out of the gaudily garbed sorcerer. Enchantress joins in for the fun of it.

The Executioner starts to bulldoze through the other heroes, but Valkyrie gives him a bump on the noggin to remember. Hulk and Namor finish him off. Executioner's new squeeze gets all uppity and prepares to execute everyone. Valkyrie attacks her from behind but finds she can't hurt another woman. It doesn't matter. Valkyrie provided a distraction so Enchantress could take her out.

With the queen down, the Executioner switches sides again. Enchantress tells Black Knight she's just been stringing him along this whole time. Dane is naturally quite peeved about it. He's about to go all stabby, stabby on the Executioner when Enchantress decides to show the Knight some gratitude. She kisses him and he turns into a statue. What a sucker! Enchantress and the Executioner bolt. Doc tries to undo the spell, but can't. Valkyrie hopes that she some some her mistresses power. After a bit of a Women's Lib talk with Namor she tries and fails as well.

All get ready to head back to Earth. Valkyrie see's the Knight's winged horse, Aragorn, and says "He's not using it. I'll take it until they figure out how to unstatue him. Yeah. That."

The Defenders return to Earth. Doc seals the convenient Garret Castle and they head back to the USA. Doc asks if Valkyrie will continue to take care of Aragorn and she's like "Sure, we're both totally alone. Hey, do you think I could tag along with you?" Doc literally replies "With all due modesty, we are three of the most powerful people in the world. What could we possibly need you for?"

Yup. Doc can still be an arrogant jerk when the mood strikes him. We end with a close up of the timer that's been showing up the last few issues. We find out this is for the Omegatron that was reactivated when Doc cast a super-spell that compromised the one holding it at bay. Looks like they'll need Val after all!

Valkyrie has been a favorite character of mine. Here she's purposely underdeveloped because she's literally new. Bruce Banner calls her a false personality, but we eventually learn this isn't true. She is Brunnhilde, leader of the Choosers of the Slain. In a mere 104 issues, she'll be restored to her full Asgardian glory. This will come at the cost of Barbara Norriss' life.

The Black Knight is another favorite mainly because of the King Arthur connection. Sadly, his fate won't be resolved for about a decade. We will learn that Dane is inhabiting the body of an ancestor during the Crusades. He stone body in the present will get shattered, reassembled, possessed by a demon, shattered again and, when his ancestor's body dies, it puts itself back together turns into flesh again. His sword has a curse that gives him a bad attitude and he gives Doc a smackdown with a shovel. He'll get turned into a statue a few more times after that.

As for the story itself, it's a bit wacky. Probably because Doc is a central focus of the team their adventures lean more toward fantasy than science fiction like the Avengers shenanigans. There are clever moments incorporating plot threads dangling from older stories in other series that dovetail into the introduction of a new member. Both the Enchantress and the Executioner are rats, each fickle and willing to use whomever they need to get what they want. It almost reminds me of the end of the movie The Women when Norma Shearer takes back her cheating husband when his mistress, Joan Crawford, dumps him for what she thinks is a better deal. Enchantress and Executioner go back to shacking up again. There a some good guest stars and it's a prelude to greater things.

[mybookplacenet]

Tell us about yourself and your books.: Writing is my passion and reading is my true love. If I can’t be found in the ‘real world’ of Special Education teaching, search a cozy nook, a quiet green garden hideaway, or a closet lit by flashlight to find me. If the Zombie Apocalypse does ever happen, I’m holing up at the closest bookstore/cafe. Everything I need is there: coffee, scones, comfy chairs, and most of all, lots and lots of books. I've been in love with words since my earliest memory: the sound of them, the way they fit, stringing them together, and above all, how they tell stories to get lost in and discover whole new worlds. Just don't ask me about my spelling! I wrote my first 'book' when I was five years old and even drew crayon pictures. Teachers who assigned essays and stories were my favorites in school. As Mia Epsilon, I write the 'Weddings by C &C' and the 'The Parkers of Texas' series. Anna of 'Wedding Belle Blues' (Weddings by C &C Book 2' came to me first to whisper she had a story to tell me and the series took off from there! I do admit (looks around and makes sure he's not listening) Anna's brother Adam, from 'If You Want Me' (Weddings Book 3) drove me almost batty at times, changing everything I had carefully outlined for his story, including the heroine's name and certain scenes. He's the most stubborn character I've ever written. After that, I gave up the outlines and just let the characters tell me their stories. Which works. Most of the time. Right now, at the time I write this, Amy (Tom's sister from 'Take on Me') and John (Kirsten's brother from 'Take on Me') are driving each other (and me) crazy as they both deny what's so obvious to all the rest of us. A little surprise (well actually, eight of them) has also popped up... and I think we're all going to fall in love with them, too. Like many of the characters I write, I'm a lifelong resident of small towns here in my beloved North Carolina. I now live in the Western part of the state, in the ancient and gorgeous Blue Ridge Mountains, which suffered so greatly under a storm called Helene very recently. I was blessed not to lose my home but watched in growing terror and horror as my backyard flooded from a normally tiny, ankle-deep creek a bit over half a mile away that reached almost ten feet deep and destroyed my neighbors' homes and lives. The roads in all directions were flooded roof deep and entire towns (including many of my favorite places to visit and beloved places of my children's) were simply washed away. Having no 'modern' tech such as running clean water, water to bathe in, do laundry, flush toilets, etc. electricity, internet, or cell phone plus losing all the food in my refrigerator and freezer was more eye-opening to me of how fragile our lives are, and how we need to treasure every single moment of the time we have on this Earth. We also need to never, ever, forget Mother Nature is the most powerful force and is always the one in charge. Surviving a historic event for the second time in my life, in less than four years (the Covid 19 pandemic was the first) also had a bit of a silver lining for all of us who lived through Helene: We depended on each other, not the government, we banded together to watch over and help one another, we realized just how strong we are, and this is the way we should always live our lives: as part of a larger community. So expect to see more of this 'small town spirit' in future books. I'm a Mom of four of my body, three by marriage, three by foster, and dozens through over thirty years (yes, I'm older!) of teaching. I'm a Gram to one and hope maybe, one day, there will be more. I'm a widow who still, and always will, believe in True Love and SoulMates. I'd love to say I always eat healthy and exercise but umm...well...no. I binge-watch streaming shows, and like many of you, screamed in frustration when 'Bridgerton Season 3' ended on a massive cliffhanger and we had to wait weeks and weeks for the conclusion. I’m hopelessly, helplessly, addicted to coffee, chocolate, and books. I’ve been known to talk for hours about characters, book plots, and stories (my youngest son and I text for hours about plots twists, and such in our favorites). If the Tardis ever appears, and I have great faith one day it will, I’ve plenty of jammy dodgers, tea, and fish fingers & custard to set off on the Greatest Adventure with The Doctor. But if I'm ever offered a chance to see the StoryTeller, aka Loki, I will jump faster than Iron Man flies (yes, Loki is my fav Marvel character: he's just largely misunderstood, in my humble opinion, and has more than redeemed himself). Thank You for allowing me to share these awesome, vibrant, stubborn, loving, and amazing characters with you. I hope you grow to love them (even Adam!) as much as I do. "With faith, all things are possible." Do you have any unusual writing habits? I'm one of those where often if it's too quiet, I can't function. Odd, yes? I can write through the white noise of music or a streaming show but give me complete silence...and it drives me to just stare at the blank screen. This is also probably the reason I have several windchimes on my front porch, so there's always a bit of noise around me. This probably also harkens back to when my kids were younger, when I taught in a PreK classroom, and there was never a silent moment! The very first time all my children were away from home at the same time, I heard this odd ticking noise and searched the whole house until I realized it was the wall clock. I'd never heard it before because there was always some sort of sound (usually competing music from the siblings who blasted 'Pirates of the Caribbean' to drown out Pink and Green Day). We also had a trumpet, trombone, clarinet, and drum(!!!) player in the family in various stages of learning. What authors have influenced you? So many. This is like choosing a favorite child! I can't! The Grimm Brothers, Dr. Seuss, Richard Scarry, Eric Carle, Edgar Allen Poe, Nora Roberts, Shakespeare, JK Rowlings, Steven King, Tom Clancy, Agatha Christie, Author Conan Doyle, Julia Quinn, Samantha Holt, JD Robb, Charles Dickens, Jane Austen, Emily Dickinson, Earnest Hemmingway, Charlotte Bronte, Mark Twain, C.S. Lewis, Dante, Virgil, Homer, Dean Koontz, Clive Cussler, Mary Huggins Clark, and dozens more. Do you have any advice for new authors? Write what your characters are telling you and not just what you think people want to read. Read, read, read, and then read some more. I don't trust writers who say they don't read, and no one else should either! Check your spelling and don't trust spellcheck! Read your writing aloud-- this catches typos and words spellcheck doesn't ('there' instead of 'their' for instance). What is the best advice you have ever heard? "Write every day. Stick to a routine. Don't miss deadlines. Work by yourself. Use the three-draft method. Stop making excuses. Love what you do." (All by Nora Roberts) What are you reading now? I'm re-reading the 'In Death' series by JD Robb, which is up to sixty now! I've been a fan since it first started in the mid 1990s, and absolutely adore Eve and Roarke. I started re-reading these while I didn't have power and was saving my car battery to charge my cell phone so my iPad died. Lesson learned about electronic libraries. Also reading 'Earthshot: How to Save Our Planet'. What's your biggest weakness? I get distracted easily. Oh, look a butterfly...oooo shiny thing over there...and awww, look at that cute baby cow...oh! Another butterfly! What is your favorite book of all time? I have too many to name! I can't pick a favorite. What has inspired you and your writing style? My love of words has always inspired me to write and tell the stories in my head. The characters themselves inspire me every day, to tell their story, their way, in the best way I can. My Dad also loved to write, though he never did. He was, in my humble opinion, stunted in his budding writing career by living/growing up in a time that didn't value the written word of fiction as a career choice or appreciate the vividness and absolute necessity of putting your thoughts on paper. He used to read my stories, make suggestions, and longed for me to write the 'great detective' who lurked in his mind. Some day, I will. It's difficult for me now, since he has passed on, to see his notes and think of his joy in telling stories. I also hear real-life stories that inspire a scene or I see a picture that is so perfectly one of my characters, or their house, or town, or what they eat. I people-watch...and yeah. Real life is way stranger than anything I can ever write! What are you working on now? I'm working on Book 1 of 'The Parkers of Texas': 'The Write One'. This is Amy and John's story, both siblings to the hero and heroine in 'Take on Me,' Book 5 from 'Weddings by C &C'. Amy is a very strong, very sensual woman and John is hiding one massive big secret from his family-- and his campaign. Also having tons of ideas for the next 'Weddings by C&C'..and a surprise book that is just not letting go. What is your method for promoting your work? I really stink of self-promotion. I think many writers just want to write and have the books speak for themselves. In my fantasies, the readers who love my stories magically find every one and spread the word to others. I love sites like this one, where I can promote and they do an amazing job! I post covers and blurbs on social media (mainly X and Facebook) and also storyboards Pictures I have found and seen that inspire my scenes and scream at me, I AM AMY! I AM JOHN! and so on. What's next for you as a writer? Finishing Amy and John's story and probably giving in to this new surprise stand-alone that is knocking on the back of my brain. I also need to promote more. Sighs. How well do you work under pressure? I usually work well under pressure, taught by my children who announce at nine in the evening that they have a major project due the next day, aren't finished, and need help. I was also a Center Director for a large Head Start Center and there's tons of pressure and split-moment decisions there every day! How do you decide what tone to use with a particular piece of writing? I let the characters set the tone. For Anna and Robin ('Wedding Belle Blues'), they were best friends who wanted to stay best friends yet Robin knew she was making a huge mistake and wanted her to realize it on her own. And when she does...wow. That moment set the tone for how the rest of the book went. Author Websites and Profiles Mia Epsilon Website Mia Epsilon Amazon Profile Mia Epsilon Goodreads Profile Mia Epsilon's Social Media Links Facebook Profile Twitter Account Instagram Account Pinterest Account YouTube Account Read the full article