#i swear this was supposed to just be a comedic au

[perpetualexistence]

We Drive Each Other Batty

Alenoah Week Day 4: Royalty/Vampire AU

Alejandro Burromuerto is an absolute menace to the kingdom of Wawanakwa. He comes from a legacy of vampires that strive to control as much land as possible. He's only recently set his sights on Wawanakwa, and within a year he's enthralled three towns into being his local blood bank. Life is pretty good for him.

He's so confident in his abilities that he decides to go directly for the castle itself.

Aaaand almost immediately finds himself caught by King Chris's personal bodyguard, Chef, who knocks him unconscious with a pan before he can enthrall Chris.

The smart thing to do would be to kill Alejandro. But Chris is a petty man who prefers humiliating people.

Who better to ask how to do that than his personal court-wizard-in-training who Chris specifically because he's snarky and petty?

Noah gets dragged into this and comes up with an idea. If he likes mind controlling people so much, then let Alejandro be on the other side of things. Tinker with a familiar bonding spell to turn Alejandro into a familiar. He'll be forced to listen to someone else's orders, and can't harm anyone except in defense of his wizard. Plus, if done right, it can have the added benefit of making him 'fun size' thanks to having to categorize Alejandro as a bat to make this work. That way his vampire strength and speed won't be as much of an issue.

There's two problems with this plan.

One, the bond can only be created with a wizard who doesn't have a familiar yet. Most adult wizards do. It's even a requirement to bond with a familiar at some point in a good amount of magic schools.

And two, the bond is usually done with two consenting parties. Since Alejandro would be fighting it the whole time, keeping the familiar bond would be an active effort on the wizard's end. It's possible if you find a wizard with enough power, but good luck trying to convince a wizard to be a spell battery.

"Say, kid. You don't have a familiar yet."

"Mclean. Don't you dare."

"Think of it as a new part of your job description!"

"I'm not going to deal with a psychotic vampire for your sick amusement!"

"Sure you are! Do a good enough job and you might get a better holiday bonus this year!"

Thus Noah has accidentally sealed his fate to being stuck with a 4 inch vampire who is absolutely livid at this humiliation.

They both hate this situation so much. Alejandro can't mind control Noah because that's the first thing Noah ordered him not to do the second Alejandro woke up tiny, confused, and pissed.

Noah can't just leave Alejandro alone in a cage in his room all day because the longer and further he stays away from Alejandro, the weaker the bond and the more likely Alejandro will break free from it.

Alejandro keeps trying to persuade Noah that he's learned his lesson the non-magical way. And Noah shuts him right down because he knows that's a lie.

If Alejandro's really being difficult, Noah has no issues with throwing him into a bird cage and ordering him to shut up for a while. Noah really wishes he could just order him to shut up forever, but Alejandro starts fighting against the bond even worse when he can't speak, which usually ends up giving Noah a headache. Temporary relief is the best he can manage.

That and taking him to Chris to see what humiliation Chris and Chef have decided to put Alejandro through for the day. That usually brighten's Noah's day.

Alejandro still gets his own little revenges in. He looks for every loophole under the sun within Noah's orders. He banters at every given opportunity.

He'd love to give backhanded compliments to Noah in front of people that aren't Chris and Chef. However, no one else is allowed to know that Alejandro is still alive.

Letting a vampire live is a big no-no, even if Chris approved of it. Vampires still need generous amounts of blood to survive. Animal blood works somewhat, but it's more like living off rations. Vampires can only get full nutritional value from a human. Which doesn't really endear humans to vampires. (Part of Noah's job is to let Alejandro feed from his as well. It feels more like four little needles than a serious bite, and thanks to Alejandro's new size he doesn't feel that woozy when Alejandro has had his fill. Noah doesn't mind it nearly as much as he pretends to.)

Plus, Alejandro did get some of his hooks outside of the castle, so there's a decent chance someone could recognize him and decide to take advantage of the fact he's easily killable. So when around others, he takes full bat form and pretends to be a regular familiar. He's lucky he can at least talk with Noah telepathically so he doesn't have to be completely mute.

Still, it's not all bad. Now that Alejandro is, magically speaking, a bat, he can actually experience sunlight. He'd always used the metaphor 'you're as radiant as the sun' when charming others. It's a different thing entirely to actually feel its warmth.

Noah takes notice the first time when Alejandro is completely silent for once. He sees Alejandro staring directly at the sun in awe. He actually looks kind of cute sweet like that.

Except Alejandro is staring directly at the sun, and so Noah has to snap Alejandro out of it. He isn't just going to someone blind themselves, even if it is Alejandro. It's almost a shame to see the mask fall back on his face. (Too bad he didn't notice the flicker of shock at someone showing concern for Alejandro's wellbeing.)

With forced proximity, the two start to learn more about each other.

Alejandro learns about Noah first since he can't help but observe the fact that Noah is reading textbooks, but he hasn't seen Noah attend school once. When Noah isn't reading, he's catering to Chris and Chef's whims.

Noah still seems to be doing just fine, though. He knows Noah is advanced for his age based on what he's reading and how much he gloats about it. Still, if he was advanced than Alejandro would expect a tutor to be guiding Noah along to suit his level. The only adults he's seen consistently during his stay with Noah is Chris and Chef.

Alejandro points this out to Noah, and receives a long rant from Noah in return.

See, Noah's completely self taught. Before Chris, his family couldn't afford to get him a tutor. This isn't inherently a problem. Some wizards will take on apprentices for their service rather than for payment if they see potential in a particular student.

The problem is no one wants to teach a child who wants to learn dark magic. Nobody that Noah would ever want to meet, at least.

Noah could lie about not wanting to learn forbidden magic. But he'd always risk getting caught by whoever's training him. Not to mention the risk of getting himself killed because he was performing something dangerous without anyone to save him.

Plus, he considers it incredibly stupid that dark magic is a taboo subject to learn. The reason why creatures like Alejandro get away undetected for so long is because everyone else is more than happy to stick their heads in the sand. Their solution to combat evil is to simply not talk about it. As if that's just going to make it magically go away.

The only real way to learn how to counter it is to study it. It's like how making an antidote for a poison requires a bit of the poison itself so your body knows what to fight against.

Hell, it could even be used for good! Even something like Alejandro's hypnotism. It can lull a growing angry mob to not be stupid. It can force a different evil bastard to do something good.

But no, people like Alejandro screw it over for everyone else, and now any time he tries to make these arguments he's 'the bad guy' or 'should be barred from magic for everyone's good'.

Noah got lucky. Chef found him when he was insulting yet another wizard who shot down his chance at apprenticeship. He might have forgotten angering someone who can throw fireballs isn't the best way to guarantee your own safety.

Chef dragged him away and attempted to yell some sense into him. When it was clear that Noah was still just as defiant, he dragged him directly to Chris. Who ended up liking his spite and sarcasm, and offered him the job of court-wizard in training. It was hard for Chris to find any wizard willing to stay with him too long. And he's got plenty of dark magic crap that he has stored away. Both of them get what they want!

Noah wouldn't learn how demanding Chris was and how he'd make people put a lot of effort into stupid tasks that drive less patient people mad until later.

He took the deal because it was the best he was going to get. He knows he's being underpaid compared to what a regular court magician would be making. But for as much as Chris is a pain of a boss, he's given Noah exactly what he's wanted. He'd dare to say that Chris and Chef cared about him. Though Noah will refuse to say if he feels the same way about them.

Alejandro can't help but admire Noah for that. Deep down past that apathetic, snarky exterior, there is someone who's capable of ambition. Or at least capable of using spite as a motivator.

Alejandro's mask slips as he ends up sharing how he can relate. He gives off the airs of a vampire who's been around for at least a century or two. Truth be told, he's only a couple of months older than Noah. He's aging as a human would, for now.

He, and his lineage, are born vampires rather than bitten. Hence how he can have multiple thralls at once and transform into mist or a variety of animals. Bitten vampires are lucky to be able to hypnotize one person, and are typically limited to the advanced strength and speed.

So he can certainly one up the average vampire...but not other born vampires. Or vampires who have actually lived for centuries. He's still considered nothing more than an insolent child not to be taken seriously.

He does have the expectation on him to expand the Burromuerto influence. But he's constantly being compared to other relatives and their accomplishments. Particularly that of his brother José who has a couple of decades over Alejandro's head.

Alejandro has been working hard to close the power gap. He's been training to be as strong and fast as possible. His hypnosis works so well because he put in the work to learn how to actually charm people. The magic is to make sure the feeling stays for longer than it would naturally. But getting people to do what he wants? All him.

And it's still not enough for anyone else. So he decided to get a headstart on the family tradition. He was supposed to wait until he came of age, but he was already strong and confident in himself. Going off and succeeding early would prove everyone else wrong.

He'd been doing so well, too. He hadn't even needed to kill anybody. Unlike most of his family, he doesn't particularly care for it. Not because he cares that much about humans. But because he sees it as a waste of a resource. Sure, you can inspire fear into others with a death. But that fear can easily turn into outrage, and rebellion. It will be harder to control a population that is actively working to fight against you. Much easier to charm them and have them not even realize anything is wrong. Everyone is alive, and there is nothing to worry about. They just have to give a bit of blood every once in a while. And for that, Alejandro would make sure nothing else would dare to touch them.

That last part of the story concerns Noah. A lot. But it's...nice? That Alejandro cares? Enough to value a human life. Considering the rest of his family, it's a miracle Alejandro's got anything resembling compassion.

And at least he's finally being honest about something for once. Noah prefers honest but callous to kind but insincere. This part of Alejandro's still concerning...but he likes it more.

It's the start of these two doing more than just argue with each other. Alejandro's still not happy about being small. He complains about it just as constantly. But it's no longer lashing out at Noah. Noah doesn't really throw him into the time out cage anymore. Alejandro is gentler when he bites into Noah's neck to feast. Noah is less tense when it happens. He leans into it more. They bicker still, but they're actually willing to work with each other.

It's how they figure out a loophole. Neither can't really use their own magics to their full potential anymore....but they do now have access to each other's magic. They just have to be willing to train each other in it.

On Noah's side, Alejandro is trying to teach him how to hypnotize others through charming them. It doesn't go well. Noah's terrible at giving compliments. Changing his wardrobe to accentuate Noah's looks doesn't help when he doesn't flaunt them. That shopping trip to get Noah a new outfit definitely didn't awaken anything in Alejandro. Except it does. Noah is indulging him in one of his favorite activities. He looks cute in some outfits, hot in others. Noah mocks, Noah teases, Noah banters. It's just Noah, actually. Noah's cute, and he's also hot. Oh no. Alejandro's got himself a crush. ...MOVING ON FROM THAT-

Eventually, it clicks. This isn't working because Alejandro is teaching Noah how to be a Burromuerto. Which Noah certainly isn't. To charm someone, you have to work with what you naturally have and exaggerate it. Noah has snark. Use that to insult people that his victims would hate, not the victim themselves. Nobody likes being insulted, but everyone has something that they love gossiping about. That's Noah's in to get others to open up.

Then, there's the actual ask. Noah can't directly say what he wants all the time. Sometimes that may work, but sometimes what he wants is directly opposite to what someone else wants. He can find out when it's safe to be direct or not through gossiping. Then, if it's not safe? Make them feel safe. People underestimate Noah because of his age and figure. Use that.

Noah's just a pathetic, cute scrungly little guy who doesn't do much. What's the harm in letting him take a dangerously powerful grimoire off your hands? He's not going to do much with it. He's just curious.

Noah grins with pride the day he's able to hypnotize a guard who constantly abuses their power into humiliating himself.

On Alejandro's side, Noah's willing to teach him shadow magic. He wants to start with teaching Alejandro how to change their shape, and then move on up to making them solid.

There is also teleporting through shadow, but Noah's not teaching him that. That would give Alejandro the ability to leave Noah. Which would be bad for the whole 'keep Alejandro in check thing'. For no other reason. Noah wouldn't miss him. Not one bit. They just have to stay together for practicality. That's all. Let's get back to talking about shadows.

Alejandro assumes this should be a piece of cake. It's just another form of manipulating, just with a thing rather than a person.

He's terrible at it.

He coaxes, he begs, he pleads with the shadow to just move, and it refuses him. He's cursing in Spanish at an inanimate object.

Noah laughs at him for this. This earns Noah some curse words.

Noah tells him to stop treating magic like it's a person to be charmed. It's not. It's a thing. It follows orders so far as you figure out the right language. You tell it what you want, and then it gives it to you. No convincing, no tricking. Just asking.

Alejandro can't ask for one thing when he means another. That just confuses the magic and makes things not work. He needs to be direct for once in his life. Trust in his own ability to make something happen. Not in his ability to trick someone else into making something happen.

It takes Alejandro a while to just ask the magic to do what he wants.

I can't figure out how it'd work on Alejandro's side yet. Probably because I haven't yet defined the kind of magic he can do. 'Standard wizard fair' isn't going to cut it if this is coming from a personal bond/something that's intrinsic to Noah that would simply take a different form with Alejandro. It'd definitely have something to do with tying into how Alejandro doesn't actually NEED to charm people/force them to like him to get what he wants. His problem would definitely be that he's trying to force the magic to go exactly how he wants it to go. But magic's not something that likes being tamed like that. So Alejandros's got to learn to effectively say what he wants and just trust in his own abilities enough to make it happen.

When he does?

Alejandro shows off with a little shadow puppet show. He orchestrates puppets no bigger than him from atop Noah's bookshelf. It's endearing, it's sincere, and Noah is screwed because he is in love with this little vampire.

The more they teach each other, the stronger they grow. Neither realize it, but the bond is no longer draining each other.

They learn about this when someone attempts to mug Noah when he's running one of Chris's errands. The mugger grabs an Alejandro in bat form and slams him against stone to stop Noah from using magic. Alejandro is alive, but in a daze. Noah immediately makes tendrils of shadows to fling the mugger into the nearest wall, then hold them aloft in the air. He's running for Alejandro who's mumbling, asking if Noah is alright.

Noah doesn't know healing magic, but he's putting all of his focus into figuring out something to help Alejandro. It's working somewhat. Alejandro's head is clearer, though his body is still damaged. Noah puts more effort into making sure all of Alejandro is better. So much so that he doesn't notice a second mugger coming to check on their partner, who is now sneaking up on Noah. Noah is grappled before he can react, and is dragged away kicking and shouting.

Alejandro acts before he can think twice about it. The next thing he knows, he's standing at eye level with both of his newest victims. He hisses, his fangs bared, ordering them silent before they can scream about his presence. They are to release Noah and grovel.

The muggers do so without hesitation, their eyes glazed over. Alejandro wraps his arms around Noah in a hug. His grip is tight. He is at his full strength and could crush whoever he desired. He is gentle with his querido and plants a kiss on his forehead.

Alejandro wants so badly to drain them dry, but Noah takes priority. The muggers are to leave, turn themselves in, and forget the type of magic Noah and Alejandro used, and their faces.

The muggers leave, and the two are left to look each other in the eyes for the first time.

They stare for a while. Neither of them quite sure of what the other wants to do right now. Noah's the one who breaks the silence first.

"This late growth spurt's a bit much, wouldn't you say?"

Alejandro snorts at the absurdity.

They agree to keep the familiar bond as it is. It still lets them communicate with each other telepathically, and lets them use the other's magic.

They'll have to hide the fact that Alejandro is at his full strength, of course. Particularly from Chris and Chef. Alejandro tries and finds out that he can shrink at will now. Truth be told, he doesn't mind it anymore. (He's touch-starved, and rather enjoys being held and pampered by Noah.)

Alejandro also promises not to go enthralling everyone.

"Just five thralls will suffice."

"No."

"Two?"

"No!"

"One? I'll even make it Justin. Just imagine the things we could have him do."

"...No."

"You hesitated!"

"Stop tempting me!"

"Is it really tempting if you were already thinking it?"

"I hate you."

"You love me."

"That's not the point!"

The two stop when they realize that bombshell just got dropped.

They finally have proper confessions and decide to start dating. Alejandro immediately offers to turn Noah into a vampire so they can live together. Noah immediately shuts him down. Alejandro's sad until Noah explains.

One, that's a huge commitment when they've literally just started dating. And two, if Noah did that now then he'd have to be a teenager forever. He hates being a teenager NOW. An eternity of that? Hell no. In the future though? They can come back to this, and Noah'll let him know if he changes his mind.

Alejandro is more than happy to wait.

Fun little side note: Alejandro's got a bat form, and I already know exactly which species he is!

Meet the vampyrum spectrum! Also known as the spectral bat, or the great false vampire bat. They're carnivorous little guys who eat birds, rodents, and uniquely, other kinds of bats! Part of their natural habitat covers Peru, and they're also fun in that while most other bat species are polygynous where it's just one male with multiple females, these guys are mostly monogamous! Perfect for Alejandro!

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

I'm in love with your drawing of Wally and Howdy fighting over the arm. I love how mad Poppy is. Her saying "is2g" gave me the idea that she starts cussing more the longer she has to deal with this bs. And I'm also imagining Frank leaning against Eddie's hat saying "oh Eddie we're really in it now"

10 out of 10 artwork. Good job. No notes.

it has been Well Received it seems! i'm very pleased, i was hoping i wouldn't be the only one who found it funny ahaha

and i couldn't resist:

[loves4ge]

celebrity!au cw: swearing, gojo is disgustingly in love

gojo satoru is thoroughly and utterly fucked. there are only ten minutes left until he has to go live for an interview—promotional material for his new movie. the only problem is you, his sweet costar; you had him wrapped around your finger.

despite being each other's on-screen love interests, your schedules hadn't matched until now to do an interview together. and gojo fucking satoru, one of the biggest celebrities to ever set foot in the hall of fame, is nervous. because he knows when gets out there, you'll be waiting for him. you've always been early to places (not really, he's just late).

it's not just the thought of you that has his stomach twisting in knots, it's his obsessive—and frankly, scary—fangirls who hang onto his every look, every glance, every word. even if no one finds out about his itsy bitsy crush, they will. and they will ruin you.

and he can't do that to you! this is your big break after slaving away in minor roles with a no-name cast. you're in the spotlight too much after only have seen the light being shone on other people, there's already too much pressure on you. the sudden onslaught of fans can be overwhelming, but the critics? they're so much harsher than what you expected.

"gojo, get out." it's his manager. deep breaths, he advises himself as he lifts out of the chair and to the set. where you are. god.

"so, i hear the set can get pretty crazy?" the interviewer smiles as he says it. he has that mall santa vibe; a little bit jolly and just slightly discomfort inducing.

your laugh slips out and gojo swears he almost died there. but he makes a conscious effort to not look at your lips. he sneaks a glance anyway.

"that's right! you should see the mess this man makes," you say, nodding your head towards the white-blond man. he should've worn his sunglasses, at least that way he could've stared at you in peace.

"hey! i'm not at fault here," gojo defends himself, guffawed. he crosses his arms as if he was trying to protect his chastity. or defend his honor, i suppose.

"mm, that's what they all say." your playful tone has him weak in the knees and he's thanking the gods that he's sitting down otherwise he would've folded right then and there.

"so geto suguru was here earlier and he mentioned that there was some steam in the movie, eh?"

stay professional, stay professional, stay professional.

"oh yeah. there are a couple of scenes for sure. it wouldn't have turned out as well as they did if it wasn't for satoru. i've never done an intimate scene before and he was just so comforting and really, a strong source of support for me."

fuck.

gojo breaks into a grin, his hand platonically (he hopes) pats your shoulder.

"it actually wouldn't have gone so well if it wasn't for our earth shattering chemistry. and our intimacy coordinator. yep, you heard it here first guys. bridgerton isn't the only show that gets one!" he's not entirely sure if the comedic route was the one to take after your heartfelt confession but he can't seem to respond as sincerely as he wants on television.

your giggle makes up for it though. and the light slap against his thigh. god. he has to resist the urge to ask you to do it again.

---

10 MINUTE COMPILATION OF GOJO BEING DOWN BAD FOR HIS COSTAR (ft. geto)

[simp-ly-writes]

Gentle-Fellow's

─────── · · A Smosh Fanfic

Pairing: Spencer Agnew x gn!Reader

─ · · SUMMARY: You, Spencer and your fellow cast mates Angela and Shayne all star in yet another Don't Win Mario Party, Gentlemen addition!

─ · · TAGS: gender-neutral pronouns, part social media au, use of dated terms as comedy, swearing, smoking, fluff, attempt at humour, cute.

─ · · MASTERLIST | TAGLIST REQUEST | WORDCOUNT: 1,463

─ · · A/N: thank you so much for the ask, anon! sorry it took so long, had to brainstorm some jokes and scenarios but it was a load of fun! 😄

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"Oi! 'ello Chaps, I'm here with my fellow gentle-lads and t'day we'll be playing some good old fashion mario party, just how I like my liquor-" you began to intro to the camera before Spencer was slapping you gently on the shoulder, his body acting out more impact than you actually received but you still fell off the couch for comedic benefit as he put his shoes up on your supposed 'corpse' in good taste.

"Well enough with what that fellow was going on about, I must say we shall play. This game is better suited for a trio rather than a quartet- the same philosophy can also be said for working in the navy. Was much better to night-watch with a trio-"

"Ah yes, I do believe three-and-some is an adequate amount. I have yet to try four but it sounds you would not recommend?" Shayne leans forwards on the couch to fully face Spencer who adjusts his tophat while looking down at you, silently asking if you were okay while laying down off camera. You shot him a smile upwards, rolling over and returning back to the couch.

"Yes, I would not recommend such activities. Too many men with not enough places to go and scope out. Much better to have three, did you not serve to learn this?" Spencer asks with a tilt to his head, his top hat already falling off again as you hold back a chuckle to his playful glare in your direction.

"I in fact did serve! I was a leader, and I good one at that too. Took my whole group to one of the colonies, we had to strip ourselves of layers from how humid the climate was," Shayne clarified, pretending to light his cigar as Spencer lit his own, passing his lighter towards you.

"Thank you, gentleman," you responded, lighting your two cigarettes, wearing them like vampire fangs that had Angela near tears at the end of the couch. "I do remember being down to my undergarments at multiple points with my men, I'll have you know we were all in position within the ama-zone. Quite the discoveries we made there, so uncivilized."

"AYE!" Angela corrected, pointing a finger, her moustache slipping down her face, "I'll have you know my third mistress is from those parts, and she is the best. You mustn't make such hastily claims gentlemen, it is unbecoming of you!"

You nod your head, "yes, yes, very unbecoming. What are we? Boys like our sons? I can't remember the last time I had ashes in my lungs with that child's work," you continue as Angela agrees with a huff, the game seemingly long forgotten as you all carry through conversation, trying your darnedest not to break character.

"Ah yes, I think I have a son or two, I can't quite remember. I think to name them all William, a strong English name," Shanye comments once you all get... gently reminded to play the game you intro-ed over half an hour ago, you hoped that the editors would be able to find something distinguishable in these files.

─────── · ·

"I do believe it is your turn, gentleman," Spencer comments, casting you a wink. "My, I have seen to misplaced that powered-device. Does anyone see it?" Everyone starts to feel around the dips in the couch, Spencer was the first to stand, walking closer to the cameras from where you rolled to during the introduction bit and comes back with your controller, dipping it towards you with a bow.

"Thank you, my, you must be quite the bachelor, charming a fellow like me, oh my," you add with heated cheeks as Spencer returns to your side, his leg nocking against your own as you shout out in disbelief to obtaining a star you DID NOT want. "This is outrageous, I demand a re-play of my turn! I did not intend-"

"We must play by the rules," Shayne cuts you off, tilting his hat down as you stick out your tongue. Angela is focused on not winning the next mini game as you and Shayne continue your staring contest in the following two rounds before you claim victory. "Haha! I have trained with only the best, you can read a lot about another man through his eyes. Have you been hunting before? I love that wild look." Spencer jumps to respond.

"Yes, I must say, you really can tell a lot..." and in that moment you both look at one another. Shayne and Angela are both screaming over something on the screen but you both sound it out, lost in this little moment before realizing your both won... or well lost.

"It appear we have lost," Spencer says, emitting a sigh. "No, I would say we have won," you tease loving the way his cheeks heat up to his ears before you both return to the game more driven then ever to not win.

─────── · ·

Jokes have you all toppling the couch at some point from your rambunctious laughter, Angela is struggling to breathe through her sentence much similar to you over just how funny Spencer manages to be wearing sweatpants and a cheap half tux.

Spencer immediately went to protect your head with his arm as you all fell backwards with a large crash, the crew all gasped out in shock before your laughter only grew more boisterous. "I think I hear a little man again," Shayne comments, forcing himself upright to look over the couch as stars begun to be distributed.

Like snipers at position you all kneeled, your eyes only visible from the turned over couch. Top hats giving away your cover and you had placed second, falling back to the ground in fake shock and relief. Spencer teased mouth to mouth that had you pressing a hand to his mouth and narrowed your eyes at his large ones filled with glee and adoration.

─────── · ·

Angela had lost in the end in first place. you second place. Shayne in third and Spencer being the ultimate winner in fourth.

"FUCK!" and the video ended abruptly to quickly cute to her wearing a dog cone while trying to light a cigarette, only for them to keep collecting down by her neck.

"Thank you all for viewing our game time today, I have had the most splendid time today with you chaps, as I hope you all have ventured the same?" Shayne asks the now upright couch and cast.

"Yes, I was quite filled with delight," you replied, nodding your head and tipping your hat to everyone on the sofa.

"I do agree with my fellow gentleman, here" Spencer replies, clapping you on the wrist this time, very much close to holding your hand, your fingers interlacing while watching Angelas 'winning' speech.

"I hate you all-"

"Why that id not very gentlemanly of you, do you wish to handle these matters outside in more space for our thoughts?" Shayne rebuttles.

"Yes, I rather have a few thoughts to show you," Angela challenged, brow raised as she begins to roll up her sleeves, Shayne doing the same. Alex closes the video by panning upwards and the screen fades to black.

─────── · ·

🔔 Smosh Games just posted! watch now?

─────── · ·

Gentleman's Rules: Don't Win Mario Party (Again!)

Smosh Games ✓ [Subscribed] 👍 67k | 👎 7.78M subscribers 300k views 1 week ago only the politest of games... click to read more

1,110 Comments

username01 (name) and Spencer out here being the cutest even while cosplaying as colonizers, iconic behaviour you two!

username88 09:45 "Ah yes, I do believe three-and-some is an adequate amount" - Shayne Topp 2024

↳ username70 OMG why did I not catch this earlier LMAO 🤣 ↳ username91 or what about 20:01 " What are we? Boys like our sons? I can't remember the last time I had ashes in my lungs with that child's work..." - (name) was UNREAL for sayin' this XD ↳ username70 OMG YES! 🙌😂

username22 I don't know about you but I'm feeling like I'm ready for a whole series of just this cast and just this game. I have had this video and repeat since it's come out! Please. Make. More. 🙏

username14 Literally so in love with how gentle Spencer was being with (name), dropping the persona to held them find their controller and even making sure they didn't fall hard?? 😭

↳ username91 and did anyone notice those little winks? UGH 😩

username40 this is not good material to be eating to, almost choked from laughing so hard, would not recommend.

userame66 That little exchange about seeing into one another's eyes was so poetic, like that bit did not need to go that hard 💗

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─ · · SPENCER AGNEW TAGLIST: @lisiliely @missflufffanfics @little-stitious-studios @thejourneyneverendsx @sibsteria @lizzylynch1 @babble2 @delaneyburghardt @thevintagefangirl @uniquely-haunting @maricarorp

[3cosmicfrogs]

for the ask game: naybe an AU where LXC is not on the stairs at thaf JGY/NMJ confrontatiom but baxia Got Attached so she refuses to be like. Slammed down?? And nieyao js now awkwarsly staring at each other, because whay is happening

hmmmmm you propose an interesting scenario.... i guess this could fit into the More Sentient Baxia AU that Woob and i have fever-dreamed up? in that case, five headcanons of what would happen if baxia got Attached:

baxia does not want to kill the Searching-Wanting-Waiting-Watching Human. she likes him, he gives nice skritches. and he always surrounds himself with a delicious aura of almost-evil that she just itches to sink her teeth into and rip away from him... Plus, her master clearly likes him too, he just needs her to show him!

baxia has seen into her human's heart and decided that he needs to get laid, immediately. She will take the necessary steps to make this happen, because she is a Good Sabre! now that she's saved the Searching-Wanting-Waiting-Watching Human, she only needs to find a way to make her intentions clear to the Floating-Calming-Softly-Quietly Human... her best course of action is clearly to start hovering in his peripheral vision from what she is sure is her most seductive angle.

Misunderstandings! Misunderstandings everywhere! naturally, because they are grown adults, mingjue and meng yao cannot possibly have a conversation about this. they will continue to Agonise separately and entirely unproductively while Xichen looks on and sighs. All the while everyone is being terrorised by baxia. Eventually someone breaks (my bet is on xichen) and demands to know exactly what is going on?! and if you think the resulting argument anything is but a sarcastic word-duel you'd be wrong! again, because nieyao are mature, grown-ass adults about this who can totally handle their feelings.

"are you upset you couldn't follow through, da-ge?" "I swear this has never happened before! I usually perform just fine!" "that's alright, mingjue-xiong, maybe you were just stressed?" "yes, there's no reason to be embarassed, da-ge." "a-yao is right, i'm sure this sort of thing happens all the time...?" "well did it ever happen to either of you?!" "...no." "whatever! let's try again then, i'm sure i'll manage this time!" <- this conversation will be overheard by an outside character of your choosing (nhs perhaps?) to Maximum Comedic Effect.

When the Issues Are Being Resolved, mingjue is faced with the absolutely mortifying ordeal of explaining to his increasingly incredulous sworn brothers that yes, nie sabres do in fact sometimes talk to their masters, of course this is normal what are you talking about, and also his magical bloodthirsty weapon has decided that he really really needs a romantic relationship and picked xichen and meng yao. yes she's been tormenting him. they can try a relationship he supposes, just to satisfy the Magical Bloodthirsty Weapon of course, no feelings will arise surely, and if nothing comes of it she will back off. this is entirely unaided by huaisang, who keeps orchestrating bed shortages and feeding the three of them aphrodisiacs because he is convinced that his brother is suffering from erectile dysfunction.

I'm not very good at making coherent plots or headcanons as you can see, but i thrive in crack treated seriously, and so this is what this will be.

[hirokari]

give 'em back, please?

wc: 0.8k words | g: fluff, christmas!!!. college!au, gn!reader | w: none! | a/n: nyehehehehehe it's christmas time its fluffy fluffy donghyuck time heeheheheheh this one is for sunny's little christmas loving butt

Lee Donghyuck is many things to you. Another student attending literature lectures at 9 in the morning— though, he doesn’t seem to indulge in it as much as you like to—, the boy who you’d mouth answers to when he’s asked to recite something back to the lecturer, the boy who’d stolen your pens just for the sole purpose of lending a pen to you when you’d asked for it, the silly, silly boy who’d “accidentally” stepped on your shoes, sticking his tongue out as he gives you a half-assed apology and snickering when you attempt to get back at him.

Though, today, he’s a missing student.

You’re a little disappointed, you must admit. He’d been an extra ray of sunshine in the morning, and you’d considered you’d especially needed it this morning, because it’s finals week. You figured you’d see him today since he’s supposed to join this exam, but you conclude the opposite with a small frown.

Bottom lip caught in between the gnawing of your teeth, you can’t help but feel a little spiritless as you start the exam. A pen twirls in between your fingers as you read the first question, scribbling an answer against the hard surface with your pen.

Ten minutes pass. ‘It’s fine,’ You think. ‘This isn’t too hard.’ You’re not about to rely your grade point average on some sunshine boy.

You’re about to scribble another answer to your paper when you jump at the sudden sound of a thump against the glass to your right. Your fellow classmates had been taken aback by it too, attention casted to the window.

Stupid Lee Donghyuck holds a paper against the glass of the window that reads ‘YOU GOT THIS, Y/N!!!’ in a bright red ink– which you recognize to be the very color of the pen you’d coincidentally lost a week earlier. You’ll make sure to talk to him about that.

Cheeks dusting red, you raise a little in your seat, struggling to stifle the laugh bubbling in your throat when Donghyuck does a little dance when he meets eyes with you, knees bouncing up and down in a childish manner.

“I- don’t. Know him. I swear.” You say in response to the curious glances your classmates give you.

The lecturer hurries outside in a rush after his attempts at shooing the boy away from inside the hall had failed, and you watch as Donghyuck bickers with the adult in a comedic behavior, obviously putting effort into amusing you. It worked.

“I’m terribly sorry, sir,” You mumble meekly when he returns, though he doesn’t acknowledge your apology, holding a slight grudge against your disturbance.

The chilly winter air creeps under the thick layers of your clothes and still manages to bite and nip at your skin, eliciting a yelp and goosebumps from you. Your nose had grown red– you don’t know if it’s from the scratchy crappy Christmas scarf Donghyuck had gotten you earlier that month or if it was the winter, but you don’t like it either way.

“Lee Donghyuck,” You grumble once you spot the boy rushing up to you. “Hi!” He greets you, cheeks rosy as he grabs your hands with his own gloved ones. He notices your undressed hands almost immediately, acting quick to slide his gloves off his own hands and fitting your hands into them instead.

You couldn’t help but freeze. The feeling of his cold, slender fingers touching the skin of yours as the warmth of his gloves welcome your hands had quite literally numbed your brain.

“How’d you do? How was the exam?”

It’s cruel, you think, that he expects you to give a genuine, well articulated answer after what he’d done.

“Ah- uh, it went… well. Though, it’d probably have gone better if we didn’t have a little bear banging at our windows.”

“I wasn’t banging on them!”

“Hey, I knew you wrote on that paper with my pen. Please, I beg you, return it. It’s Christmas.”

Donghyuck lets out a scoff, “Are you really pulling the Christmas card right now?” You roll your eyes, pulling his bare hands into your gloved ones and shoving them into his pockets, “Obviously. Give ‘em back, please?”

You’re convinced it’s the cold that causes Donghyuck’s skin to bloom redder as he presses his body closer against yours, grinning. “Well, only since you asked so nicely,” He gushes, brushing his nose against yours, mouth tickling against the scarf he’d gotten you.

“Are these hand warmers?”

“Mhm.”

“You don’t need my gloves! Give ‘em back, please?”

You can’t help but blush when he repeats what you’d said in a similar tone. “Nu-uh! I’m keeping these.” Though, Donghyuck doesn’t seem to mind that you want his stuff. A stupid lovesick grin plasters on his stupid face as he stupidly laughs into your scarf, “Okay. Keep it.”

© hirokari, 2022

[scattered-winter]

wait hang on who are the hot gay boys in that gif set you reblogged

HGLHSIERGLSJDGALKSHGLK i was gonna put the [do you have any idea how little that narrows it down] meme but im pretty sure u mean this one <3 and in any case i will always be down to ramble about the Sillies(tm)

ok so those guys in particular are from the fox procedural called 9-1-1 Lone Star, which is a spinoff of the original 9-1-1 (which just got moved to abc after some Drama that went down so my tag for it is 911 (not fox) lmaoo). but both shows are about first responders (firefighters, paramedics, dispatchers, police) with a particular focus on firefighters. 9-1-1 (the og) is set in LA, and primarily focuses on the 118 firehouse and the firefighters/paramedics there with some other characters in the main cast who work as dispatchers/police officers (the police storylines are more often than not FULL of copaganda which sucks but the main focus is on the firefighters so i'm able to enjoy the rest of the show). 9-1-1 Lone Star is pretty much the same except it's set in austin texas, and is about the 126 firehouse. there are onscreen queer characters in both (in the og there's a married lesbian couple raising a kid, and in lone star there's the aforementioned hot gay boys [one of whom is unfortunately a cop but i swear to GOD i will get him out of there. one day.] and in lone star there's also a trans man and wlw woman in the main cast.) and my favorite thing about these shows is the found family !!! like these are the shows that have endeared firefighter aus to me because they live together and eat meals together and just. the familial/platonic love is So Powerful and it legiterally makes me cry to watch. like there's romance ofc but genuinely it's one of my favorite found family medias to ever exist. its So.

of the two the og is my favorite for a LOT of reasons, but they're both pretty enjoyable !! lone star definitely has more of a comedic tone than og (theyre BOTH funny but lone star doesn't have as many somber intense moments as og does, and they're much more spread out so there's a lot more room for goofy shenanigans. but og still definitely has plenty of those) and the team dynamics in them both are just...ughhh <3333

HOWEVER. lone star has ..... Him...(derogatory)...he's the fire captain and (despite lone star SUPPOSEDLY being an ensemble show with no Main Character) is in fact. the Main Character. and he's the blandest most obnoxious crustiest white man to ever LIVE. he gets most of the storylines and he's constantly propped up by the writing as The Coolest Guy Ever when he's just . not . i hate him so much it's unreal it's soo so unreal (<- biting the bars of my cage) BUT the rest of the team ??? absolutely love them. like i DO love lone star a lot its a great show with great characters and dynamics but it just has. the most annoying guy to ever live front and center when ITS SUPPOSED TO BE AN ENSEMBLE SHOW FEATURING EVERYONE EQUALLY. grr. anyway. og does a much better job of being an ensemble show, and i could not choose a favorite character of the main cast if you held me at gunpoint. angela bassett is there. i am gay. jennifer love hewitt is there. i am very gay. etcetera.

AND SINCE YOU ASKED SPECIFICALLY ABOUT THE LONE STAR GAYS ILL TELL YOU A BIT ABOUT THEM

so one of them is tk strand (firefighter/paramedic, also the son of the Main Character (derogatory). i have many many many thoughts about that. i would probably get gunned down in this fandom if i ever said them aloud.) and the other one is carlos reyes (a private detective TO MEEEEEEEEEEEE but unfortunately fox is full of cowards who refuse to see the truth. they wanna have a gay cop in their show sooo bad </3) and they're kind of the main romance of the show (there Are others ofc but theyre like. The Focus. which is fine ig but i do wish there was more focus on other relationships because in general lone star isnt as good as the ensemble thing as og. but i already complained about that so i digress.)

now they're a fun pair because one of them has been shot, frozen almost to death, and otherwise put into a coma on MULTIPLE occasions. and it's not the guy whose entire job is to get shot at. (the whump in both of these shows.....................absolutely effervescent. im thriving here.) and they have a very fascinating relationship because their personalities fit together really well but they have different ways of coping with shit that kind of tear each other apart a little bit. which is of course terrible for them but incredible for me. and the writing is at times ridiculous. soap opera-esque, even. they're ridiculous. i adore them. they cannot catch a god damn break and i love that for them even more. <3

[kirchefuchs]

Yoo Ceres!! Since the last ask, I've been thinking more about your AU (or perhaps headcanon? idk) where The Narrator was given false memories of having created The Stanley Parable. Of course, as per usual, I went "well, s__t. time to f__k around and find out, I suppose" (/p)

(also is using swear words allowed in asks? genuine question btw)

SO! here are some questions that I carefully handpicked out of the chaos that is my brain <3

(also!! u don't have to answer all of them, okay? just label the questions u answered through their assigned letters. you can choose questions to answer so dw :D)

a) Not sure if this was answered already, but who gave The Narrator all those fake memories?

- Did they just appear one day?

- Did he accidentally give the memories to himself?

- Did the actual Developers decide to give it to him for the Ultra Deluxe revamp?

- Does this have anything to do with Stanley? Perhaps the Timekeeper?

b) What's the Timekeeper's main role in your AU/headcanon?

- What do they do?

- Did they exist before in the Original version of the game?

- If so, do they remember the original game? How different are the two versions of Timekeeper personality and/or programming-wise (Original vs Ultra Deluxe)?

c) What about Stanley?

- Does he remember anything related to the original version of the game?

- Is he aware of The Narrator's false memories? If he is, has he done anything in relation to the information? How did he found out, if he did?

- If he remembers the loops/resets in your AU, has he ever noticed how inconsistent the information given by The Narrator is? Has he ever tried to question/call him out for it? If he did, how did the scene play out? Did the Timekeeper have to step in?

d) Does The Narrator remember any resets/loops?

- If yes, how so? As in, does he 100% remember them or are certain parts of each ending cut out or jumbled up in his memories?

- If he doesn't, then do certain keywords give him a sense of deja vu? Does every reset/loop slowly start to fade away, as if the previous ending were just a dream (would also explain the Confusion Ending)? What about muscle memory? Does forgetting the different endings do anything to affect his instincts and/or reflexes? If yes, how so? Explain it as thoroughly as you wanna; I'd love to read your answer/s!

e) Do you have any additional information that you've [always] wanted to share about your AU/headcanon?

- Anything about The Narrator that you never had the chance to share?

- What about Stanley?

- Anything interesting about the Timekeeper?

- Or perhaps a secret 4th option? Do tell!! I absolutely love the lore of your Narrator/Pollux, and I really wanna try to provide some of my headcanons/thoughts, if you don't mind :D

Toodles! Hope you have a fantastic day! <33 /p Sorry if these questions are a bit much, haha–

— 🅰️non || 05/14/2023

Sweetie you have no idea how long I've been waiting to talk about my headcanons/lore/au/whatever you wanna call it, so I am so glad you asked!!!! 👀👀👀

(Swear words are fine, I'm not a huge stickler on them, but I prefer to keep them a minimum to none thing. I totally get it if you wanna use them, especially for comedic effect)

And! Bold of you to assume I don't wanna answer all your questions and more!!!! I am vibrating in excitement!!!! Okay, since this is going to be so long I'm putting it all under the cut.

A) I talked about this a little bit before, but I can try to explain it a little more clearly here.

There were 2 instances of false memories that the Narrator had. The first happened on its own in the Demo. The Developers/Research Team/Jim and his people who were working on the simulation had no idea what caused the Narrator to develop those fake memories. Their best guess the Narrator’s mind was trying to fill in the void and create a reason to explain why he didn't like The Stanley Parable anymore, just feeling that way wasn't enough for the AI, he needed a reason so his coding created a reason. That being fake memories.

Obviously, this is bad for the team's experiment here, so Jim wiped the Narrator’s memory and he gave the Narrator the new memories before putting him into the main game/simulation (the second instance of fake memories). Making the Narrator think he created the Parable and everything inside it, in order to help ease the transition between the Demo and The Stanley Parable.

As for if this has anything to do with Stanley, no, since him and Mariella are basically just test subjects trying to help Narry and Curie develop personhood (thats the point of the Parable in my au. Jim and his team are trying to create artificial life) from within the Parable. TK? Yes. They were on Jim's team before they got trapped inside the Parable so they had a hand in the Demo and the 2013 Parable, so thusly were involved in the Narrator's fake memories fiasco.

B) I just mentioned this but TK used to be a member on Jim's team. They were one of the developers of the Parable. No they didn’t enter the Parable until Ultra Deluxe, but due to literally helping make the game they know more about the game than just about anyone else in the Parable (except for one, but I'll talk about that later).

Before we get into how TK got trapped inside the Parable it is important to me personally that I inform you that TK and Jim are very in love and were in a lovely queer platonic relationship before everything went to crap with Ultra Deluxe.

Anyways, how TK got stuck. Well after the team created Ultra Deluxe (they made it to help keep Stanley from going crazy and also just to update some things a bit) but a bit before they moved the two humans and two AIs into it they wanted to see if they could make it so they could control and keep tabs on the Parable from within the simulation. TK volunteered themself to test out the new feature and it worked out great for a while! For a while. Things went south when a tragedy befell the rest of the team while TK was inside the Parable. Since there was then no one to take them out of the game they kinda became trapped inside the coding void of the game.

So TK, since they are within the code of the game, they can manipulate the Parable in specific aspects. Though with how the feature was supposed to work, they can't talk directly to the other 4 in the Parable. They can only communicate to the rest them as text on the various computer screens in the Parable. When they show up on a screen it kinda looks like one of those command prompt windows. But for the most part they kinda act as a silent observer, waiting for Stanley and the Narrator to trigger the true Escape Pod Ending and free them all from the simulation.

C) Yes, I do believe Stanley remembers everything. Well as much as he can, he's still a human and will forget a couple things. Though, his mind has probably blocked out most of what happened in the 2011 version of the game, it was not a fun version.

Does Stanley know about the false memories? Kinda? Not really? It's weird. He's a test subject so he was only ever told what was strictly necessary, so he doesn't know a whole lot about what's going on. Guy is just trying to annoy the Narrator into becoming a person.

Yes he does remember resets. Yes he noticed all the inconsistencies in the Narrator's dialogue, so he takes the dialogue in the game with a grain of salt. The moments when the Narrator speaks without the script he is much more inclined to listen to and believe, though he can tell something's up. After all, he knows the Narrator is an AI.

I'm sure Stanley has tried to bring up the inconsistencies but the Narrator just becomes very defensive and deflects any questions with something along the lines of "You know I'm just reading a script, it's all part of the story Stanley."

Eventually Stanley and the Narrator do confront TK about the nature of the Parable and Narry's memories, and they deliver. It kinda shatters Narry's entire worldview in the process, but they do find out how to escape the Parable so it balances out I guess.

D) I honestly haven't thought about this a whole ton, but I imagine he remembers most of most of the resets. Its really hard to tell sometimes because some of his dialogue sounds too genuine to just be scripted but maybe Narry is just that good at his job. Who knows?

Maybe early on his memory was infallible and he remembered every reset in perfect detail, but as time went on and he grew and developed to be more and more human-like his memory changed too. Maybe as time goes on his own memory starts acting like a human memory would and he forgets little aspects of some endings. I don't know, I'm just speculating, throwing darts at the board to see what sticks.

I genuinely belive he doesn't remember the Skip Button ending though. Like, he probably remembered having gone to the memory zone but he doesn't remember the Steam reviews. I haven't quite figured out why he doesn't remember, but I know he doesn't remember it. Perhaps since it messes with the Parables timeline so much the game just wipes his memory of it for the sake of maintaining itself. Maybe TK wipes his memory of it each time. Idk.

I wish I could give more solid answers on this one, but I will have to think about it more. :/

E) Oh boy do I?!?!?!?!

Okay, for the Narrator, I guess I just really like talking about this eye thing cuz it's really cool. Basically the short of it is in the original 2011 version of the game he had use of both his eyes (his right eye is green his left eye grey) but after he began to gain a personality and emotions some of his coding got all tangled together and his left eye became permanently closed and started to bleed whenever he got overwhelmed with emotion. Trying to "fix" the eye thing, while being able to open his left eye and stop the bleeding, it would also make him unable to feel most emotions and he'd lose a lot of memories in the process. This is the basis of the angst fanfic I'm writing :)))

Stanley? He'll he's just your average guy isn't he? The main things of note for my Stanley would probably be that he's Irish and speaks with a heavy accent (he's selectively mute, so he can talk when he feels like it), also he knows both BSL and ISL. The Narrator only knows BSL though so Stanley uses it more often, but sometimes he will use ISL just to annoy Narry or when he really wants to say something but doesn't want the Narrator to know what he's saying (like professing his undying love for Narry pre-relationship).

Okay Timekeeper time! As I said before TK was on the development team for the Parable with Jim but got trapped inside the Parable after an accident occurred to the rest of the team while they were inside. I explained a lot already about TK, so i kinda wanna talk some more about Jim and his involvement with everything.

Jim basically acts as the player most of the time (sometimes TK would fill in that role as well) but also he's the creator of the Parable. This is why the name button says his name. Anyways, Jim made the Parable to see if he could create artificial life, so he put two AIs (Narry and Curie) into a simulation with two humans (Stanley and Mariella). Stan and Mari are basically in a sort of stasis pod or whatever while their consciousness are put into the game and they can control their avatars (kinda like the movie Avatar if I remember correctly how that worked). So time passes and stuff happens, new versions of the game are made, eventually we make it to Untra Deluxe. They've been doing TSPUD for a while, everything's going great, and then while TK is checking some things from within the game and Jim is monitoring while the rest of the team is on lunch break or smth, Jim hears an alarm for a toxin leak. Unfortunately for him, there is no way for him to get out in time so he does the only thing he can think of to not die. He puts himself into the Parable.

This plan wasn't the wisest, but it was the only option. In the rush he just transfers his conscious into the first avatar he finds. This turns out to be the Adventure Line™ because it was at the top of the list (alphabetical order and all). So without anyone to release the now 4 humans and 2 AI stuck within the Parable, all they can do is wait for Stanley and the Narrator to trigger the true Escape Pod Ending which would release them all and put both AI into their own bodies in the real world.

I'm thinking the whole getting bodies for Narry and Curie to inhabit thing will be similar to how Vision was created in the Marvel movies. Basically 3d printing humans. The "3d printers" are set to kick into life when the true Escape Pod Ending is triggered, and they print out two bodies based on DNA gathered previously and construction files and stuff so they will look similar to their in-game models, but still human. Is this more complicated than just making them robots? Yes. Do I care? No. They are humans now.

Anyways, you'd think TK and Jim would try to speed up this process right? Well they sure would love to, but Jim is an effing line and cannot talk, and TK can only communicate if someone happens to be looking at a computer screen and they're able to get a message through. So it's a lot harder than they might like. The poor guys just gotta bide their time till they can actually get Stanley and Narry's attention long enough to tell them how to free everyone.

So yeah, this was definitely my longest post. There is a lot to say about my headcanons my gosh. Um, yeah. But if you have any thoughts, more questions, or what have you, feel free to share. I am open for suggestions to help flesh everything out a bit more. So ye :)

[motorboo]

and curating my greatest brainrot, bear steve and bunny bucky, into one post:

supersoldier serum makes stevebucky animal hybrids. bear steve and bunny bucky

bunny hybrid bucky getting annoyed because he’s supposed to be the winter soldier!!! a deadly assassin!!! but sudden noises often scare him, his nose is always twitching and he stomps his feet when he’s angry. everybody just thinks he’s cute

thinking about bunny hybrid bucky adopting alpine but still getting scared by her on a regular basis because he is a bunny and she is a cat

alpine keeps trying to play with him but bucky keeps squeaking and running away making alpine act even more playfully

the idea of bunny bucky came about due to the comedic potential of the winter soldier jumping like he’s in super mario bros

bear steve and bunny bucky go out for dinner. steve devours multiple steaks while bucky nibbles on a salad. they share dessert (honeycomb cheesecake as per steve’s request)

bunny bucky had to wear a mask as the winter soldier because his nose was constantly twitching in battle and it made him look extremely non-threatening

new bunny bucky lore: bunny bucky is an unwilling nymphomaniac due to rabbits fucking… like rabbits. the shield medical team work overtime to find a way to suppress it bc theres only so many times you can walk in on steve and bucky doing the dirty before it gets frustrating

back on my bear steve bunny bucky hybrid supersoldiers au thinking about how if they had kids, steve would probably hear thumping upstairs and go to tell the kids off for jumping on their beds, only to find bucky joining in with them 😭😭

bunny bucky is obsessed with chamomile tea and gets upset when restaurants/coffee shops don’t serve it. bear steve, predictably, is happy with any tea as long as it is served with honey

bear steve bunny bucky au but bucky still gets alpine even though he is slightly scared by her because… he’s a rabbit and she’s a cat. steve often finds alpine chasing bucky around the house

bear steve’s honey addition is becoming a problem on missions in the countryside. multiple times, the team has lost comms with steve, only to track him down, hours later, eating honey by the handful straight from a beehive

the avengers sometimes give bear steve asgardian mead mixed with honey and set him loose in the kitchen. they get to witness an extremely entertaining captain bearmerica mukbang

i love bunny bucky because imagine some tiny dude with huge bunny ears shooting a sniper rifle and swearing like a sailor

[hello-im-not-a-possum]

11. Wait

Patience is a virtue, which demons, especially little mischievous imps, do not have at all. …Not that Joey was ever a patient man before losing his physical humanity. (Set in an AU where by yeeting Joey into the ink machine before going through the portal-door in the kitchen, Henry is accompanied by a chatty, useless, and overall insufferable little imp.)

“I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’D JUST DO THAT TO ME!” ‘Bendy’ yelled at Henry in a voice that sounded like his human self’s voice. If the former director had been a child and had inhaled a bunch of helium beforehand. The little imp was simply impossible to take seriously when his voice was cracking up worse than a weak shelled egg. “I CAN’T… HOW DID YOU EVEN MANAGE TO BREAK SCRIPT?! YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO MOVE DURING CUTSCENES! LET ALONE DO… THIS TO ME!”

He gestured at his body as Henry’s mouth twitched as the old animator fought back the urge to smile, he knew the action would quickly turn into him laughing and crying on the floor so hard that it would hurt his ribs.

“Well, I’m afraid I can’t answer your questions.” Henry whipped out the seeing tool and began to scan the room for new messages. They never changed as long as he could remember, but it never hurt to look. “But maybe some of our old friends downstairs can help. I know Sammy’s been deeply invested in the occult and dark arts ever since his ‘enlightenment’, and Susie seems to know a thing or two about how and why humans turn into ink creatures. I’m sure they’ll be happy to help us.”

Joey audibly gulped, his eyes widened in fear, and he fidgeted with the collar of his pajama top that was now far too big for him while chasing Henry, who was seemingly physically on autopilot as he was going through the top floor of the studio.

“H-hey H-Henry C’mon! We still have time to turn back-”

“No we don’t.” He deadpanned as the pair passed by the dead Boris. “The door always locks behind me when I enter.”

“I- uh- Okay, so you’re right… but we don’t have to start the story! We’ll just keep the machine off and we’ll just live on the top floor of this studio for the rest of our possibly endless lives!”

“Okay.”

“I know it’s not the most- Wait, what, really?”

“Yep, sounds like a plan.”

Henry walked down to the breakroom with Joey following on his heels (occasionally tripping on his own pants/bathrobe), grabbed The Illusion Of Living, sat down on a couch, opened the book and began to read.

The newly minted Imp was both relieved and confused, while he liked the idea of not having to face the horrors he created, he thought that Henry would fight back a bit more than this.

“...You’re not even going to argue?”

“Joey, I’m too tired to argue right now and honestly, it’s nice being able to just... slow down and not be rushed by invisible puppet strings to go through the same hopeless horror story over and over again.” The man adjusted himself on the couch into a more comfortable position and stuck the book into his face, ending the conversation. “It’s also nice to finally get to wait and have a damn break to myself where I’m not unconscious or imprisoned against my will.” He added under his breath.

The imp nodded and left Henry to his reading, sensing the hostile tension in the room.

It took roughly fifteen minutes for Joey to realize that living in the safe, monsterless, top floor of the studio was boring.

He couldn’t draw for self-entertainment as in addition to the issue of his new four-fingered hands, his art skills had been “Comedically” diminished to being no better than a kindergartner's, and it hurt him to look at his new works when seconds ago he was a master of the art form.

The reels upon reels of cartoons in the storage? The man already knew them all by heart, no need to waste time by setting them up in the projector.

Read the books? Pretty much all the books on this floor were in the breakroom. …So not while Henry was very obviously still mad with him.

Darts? Same issue as the books.

He tried stacking as many soup cans as he could find but that got boring quickly as well.

For the longest, most agonizing two and a half minutes, he just laid down on the floor and stared at the ceiling waiting for something to happen.

Okay, he couldn’t live like this. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but he was just itching to do SOMETHING productive. And why should he be stuck as an imp in the studio anyway? He knew the path back to his own world like the back of his hand! (both as a human and an imp.) It wouldn’t be TOO difficult to just accompany Henry through the usual romp of the set story and have everything go back to normal afterwards.

The toon made up his mind and started setting up the ritual, plugging in the ink machine, and realized he still needed Henry, the ink, and the book. Luckily for Joey, the tension in the air seemed to be lifted when he went back inside the break room.

“Henry, I changed my mind, we can’t live here.”

“Figured you’d say that.”

“Oh thank goodness...”

The two stayed there in silence for an uncomfortable amount of time as Henry read his book.

“...Well?”

“Just wait until I finish this book, it’s getting interesting.”

Curious, Joey peeked at the cover, something that Henry noticed.

“So about Kyle…”

“OH MY GOD!” Joey tried to snatch the book out of Henry’s hands, but the old man was faster and now much taller than him. The animator simply stood up and held it above his head. “GIVE IT BACK!”

“Nope.” Henry grinned. “You have to wait until I finish it before I hand it over.”

“YOU MONSTER!” Joey shouted, his face was a bright red, and tears of embarrassment were prickling in his eyes, which if you brought them up to him he would swear were just from the stress of losing his humanity and all that jazz. “I BET YOU WERE JUST WAITING TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS ALL ALONG!”

“Nope, I just saw the opportunity and took it. Now sit down and wait until I finish the book and we can talk later. I’m sure if you continue looking, you’ll find something to entertain yourself with, something much more interesting than a forgettable old man like me.”

The imp balled his fists, let out a wordless frustrated scream, and stomped off to sulk somewhere.

[vegalocity]

The Story (red groom AU)

I wasn't gonna make you guys suffer too long with the Bad End Alternate end lol, here have a more comedic part of the Princess Bride AU, picks up directly after the last part

--

“Grandpaaaaa you said you'd skip over the kissing stuff!”

“Sheesh! Complain complain! You know one day you're gonna WANT to start kissin' people and parts like this 'll be WAY more interesting to you!”

“Gross!”

“Fine fine! To tell the truth, the big romantic gesture of the Prince reuniting with his love Qi Xiaotian was rather short lived, you'll remember Prince Red Son had quite the temper and though his true rage had been quelled by the realization that Xiaotian had been alive this whole time, the prince had plenty more to be angry with him over-”

–

“WHY! DID! YOU! NEVER! SEND! WORD!” every word was punctuated by a smack to Xiaotian's shoulder as the two of them began to venture through the forest, in attempts to shake Red Son's likely murderous fiance while at the same time make their way to safety. “I! THOUGHT! YOU! DEAD! I! MOURNED! YOU! FOR! TWO! WHOLE! YEARS!”

Xiaotian was taking the assault with good humor, Red Son's anger was second to none, but his body was still weak from his attempt attack him earlier and with little strength in his limbs from burn wounds abound Xiaotian was carrying him through the forest, so his blows were barely inspiring feeling let alone pain.

“And I'll be apologizing for that in everything I do for another ten.” He agreed as Red Son paused for breath, turning his head to nudge Red Son's cheek with his nose. “and for every tear you've shed over it I swear to make you laugh ten times more.”

The Prince turned as red as his hair at such a declaration before stiffly reaching upward to pull a thin branch out of the way of hitting either of them as they continued on their path.

“...Why are you taking the Monkey King's title? Was the whole story they told back home a lie?”

“...Well it wasn't entirely a lie- oh thank you.”

“I did meet the Monkey King, he was just as great as the stories say.” the sun glistened in Xiaotian's eyes as he began the story.

“But I'd kindaaaa been kidnapped by some bandits at the time and was next on the menu when they'd ran into Sun Wukong's caravan. Eating ME was set aside at the opportunity to eat Tang Sanzang instead, but like, what, was I gonna let a bunch of jerks EAT the Golden Cicada? So I helped him escape just as Sun Wukong broke down the doors to their stronghold to rescue his master.

“This is the part that was truthful, since Sun Wukong thought I was another bandit and was gearing up to take care of me too, I pleaded my case, said 'please' to him and got his curiosity. I don't think he belived me, but his master took then to speak up and insist I was honest, as I'd helped free him.

“He still didn't trust me, but since I had nowhere else to go I ended up traveling with them for a small bit of time. With his true sight Sun Wukong knew I was human, but that didn't mean he knew if I was a threat or not, which... you know... fair... But I helped them a couple more times for when their master was stolen by other demon lords looking to make a meal out of him- and hoo boy aren't we lucky that your dad is smarter than to pick a fight with the Monkey King because seeing him fight up close is... wow...”

“Don't underestimate my father Noodle Boy.” Red Son responded reflexively.

“Haha, sorry. But anyway, one day Sun Wukong pulls me aside, still in view of his brothers and master so I don't think he's gonna kill me or anything, but... like... yeah I'm expecting him to tell me I'd overstayed my welcome with their traveling party and it was time for me to get lost.” He set Red Son down on the side of a massive tree trunk to hop the short distance to the ground and lifting him back up. “So imagine my surprise when the first thing out of his mouth is 'How would you like to be the Great Sage Equaling Heaven?'”

Red Son's expression dropped, surprise raising his brow. Xiaotian chuckled. “Yeah that was my reaction too. But he says that he'd been keeping an eye on me, and he could tell I was someone 'reliable' which... you know if he'd ever spoken to my father that would be a short lived assessment, but I digress. He tells me that right now he's just really focused on getting his master where he needs to go, and he's constantly getting kidnapped and making his job harder, but even harder still it gets when people recognize him and from his reputation tailor their kidnappings just to aggravate him in specific. How at this juncture, no matter how much it pleased him to know his name still brought fear into his enemies, it was doing him more harm than good.”

“So he gave me this and taught me to use it.” he nods to the staff “Honestly it's just a really well made fake, enchanted to still grow and shrink at will, but he needs his staff to protect his master, so it has to do.”

“B-But! What about the village? If The Monke- if Sun Wukong is on the pilgrimmage still then where did that story come from?”

“Oh that village was long abandoned: plague... but an excellent background for theatrics! And to test out my acting chops! Here check this out!”he placed Red Son down again, this time he had the strength (barely) to remain on his feet if leaned against a tree trunk.

Xiaotian cleared his throat “Okay, so Sun Wukong had shapeshifted into a bug, and he was hiding in Tang Sanzang's cassock, he was standing about- there...” he gestured toward Red Son before hopping up atop a felled tree trunk. “And I was here, but like, on top of a burning house because I can't summon the cloud, which is a shame because that would have been so much more visually striking. Anyway, I was in that form I was in earlier, oh uh- Change!” a puff of smoke and he looked the part of a dark furred macaque again. “and-” he cleared his throat again, puffed out his chest, and leaned into that persona that had made him so unrecognizable to Red Son hours ago.

Now he found himself a fool because he couldn't miss the excited gleam in Xiaotian's eye showing how eager he was to pretend for a time to be his hero that revealed the truth with an ease so clear it was almost staggering.

“You great bunch of fools! Did you really think I'd remain loyal upon the removal of that wretched circlet?! Did you really think that the Great Sage Equal to Heaven would ever fall into anyone's lines but his own?! Truly monk you are the greatest fool of them all! I shall spare your lives for no matter how delightful slaughtering you all would be I'd rather be rid of you fools far sooner than that would allow! But Know this Monk! Every drop of blood spilled by my hand could have been avoided if you were less of a trusting fool!” He cackled and slammed his false-staff into the ground, flipping into the air once. “-except I did that off the roof and vanished into the trees. I think I made quite the exit.”

“... So it was all a ruse?”

“Well, I've been the Monkey King ever since. The Heavenly court know what happened so nobody's been giving me any trouble upstairs so long as I don't go power crazy and go on a rampage or something which... yeah probably not...” he chuckled and returned back to Red Son's side.

“So you think 'the Great Sage Equal to Heaven' is a fancy enough title for your parents to approve of a courtship? Sun Wukong used to be allies with your family, might ease things a bit.”

Red Son couldn't fight off the smile. “My parents will likely know you're not the 'original' Monkey King. You're gonna have to explain it to them.”

“My love I'll sit through hours of cross examinations to get to ask for your hand in the proper way.” Xiaotian took Red Son's least damaged hand in one of his own and pressed a kiss to the knuckles there. Red Son pushed away from him and began to take a few shaky steps forward.

“I'm still plenty angry at you for letting me think you dead... But I suppose I understand the safety issue that would have arisen if a letter containing that information was intercepted.”

He was very pointedly NOT looking at the big grin Xiaotian was sending him, as if he did he would be overwhelmed again by joy at his love being with him again, and he would like to cling to his frustration a bit longer, as then he wouldn't be a useless giddy mess who desired nothing but to press kiss after kiss to that face and listen to every story from every single day he'd missed.

There was time for that later, when they were safe. They'd have all the time in the world for all the stories there were to tell and all the affections there were to share.

But they weren't safe yet.

As evidenced by the shaking step forward Red Son took that immediately gave way beneath him, and he fell into a sinkhole.

[hueseok]

[!] series preview — lost stars

⤷ update: the first part has been posted !! click here to read (:

synopsis: › the last person you’d expect to be there for you is your roommate, jeongguk, on the night you break up with your cheating boyfriend; because as far as you’re concerned, the both of you aren’t exactly friends, and he definitely shouldn’t be running to get you upon hearing you sob via phone call.

so when he does, you begin thinking that maybe you’ve just been hard on him over the years, or perhaps he just liked pretending to be an annoying shit most of the time. either way, it becomes the beginning of finally being chummy with your roomie.

pairing: jeongguk x reader

teaser word count: 1k

rating: NC-17 just bc of a lot of swearing okay shsjshjs

content: fluff | angst | roommates au | enemies to lovers au | slow burn | college au | this has a comedic nature to it | ft. bassist!jk / slight bad boy!jk lmao | fic is written in first pov !!

warning/s: lots of swearing + some vulgar speech that are meant to be funny in context | mentions of infidelity

I see Jeongguk climbing off of his motorbike from outside the convenience store and I scowl. Who knows how he found me—I’m not even sure if I’m pleased to see him or annoyed that he’s actually here right now, walking towards the entrance with his glare focused on me.

The bell chimes when he enters, and he’s striding towards the spot I’m sitting on with this obvious pissed off expression that I’m seeing clearer now thanks to better lighting. Guess I’m not the only one unhappy to see the other. Though it does give me great wonder why he even went here still despite what I just did.

He throws a helmet at me which miraculously lands on my lap. “Wear it.”

“You didn’t have to go here.”

“I know. You’re hogging the time I should be spending by myself by doing this stupid shit, ____. So, just wear the damn helmet, will you?”

I grit my teeth. “I don’t want to ride your bike.”

“Oh, do you have a problem now with Rocky too?”

I almost laugh at the dumb name he gave his motorbike.

“It’s not that.”

He stares at me. “Are you scared?”

“No.”

“I’m not a reckless driver, you know.”

“Wow. That reassures me a lot.”

He pushes his tongue inside his cheek as he continues to stare at me, kinda looking like he’s contemplating hard. “I’ll drive slow,” he finally says. “It’s not like we’re partaking in a drag race.”

I fiddle with the straps. “You’ll drive slow?”

“Sure, yeah.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“I know, and I don’t care. I just need you to make up your mind quickly.”

“I’m going to push you off the bike myself if you go too fast.”

“Okay, do whatever you want.”

I purse my lips, gazing at him and slowly standing up. “Okay...”

“Great. Let me just buy my beer first.” 

Jeongguk surprisingly didn’t ask for money to buy his beloved beers, even if he did just call me earlier to bug me about it. I had to wait for a few minutes outside the store, staring at ‘Rocky’ and dreading the second I’m supposed to hop on it. This might be the first time even I’m about to ride something with only two wheels on it. I never learned how to ride a regular bike when I was young.

“Hey, bunny,” he calls and I turn to him, seeing him eat a popsicle stick, an eco bag filled with beers I assume on his other hand, “want ice cream?”

“I want to go home.”

He snorts, biting onto his popsicle.

“Did you just bite your ice cream?”

He loops the bag on the handlebar. “I did.”

“You’re weird.”

“Do you want it or not?”

I gaze at him as he gets a popsicle bar from the bag, presenting it to me and I gingerly take it. “Thanks.”

“Thanks? That must be a first.”

I take off the wrapper before putting it in my mouth.

Silence follows after that. He’s leaning on his motorbike while I’m leaning against the front railings of the convenience store. He starts getting busy with his phone after a while too as he continues to finish his popsicle, not saying a word as I try to finish mine as well, my eyes tracing the inked illustrations on his hand and forearm that travels up to his bicep.

“How did you find me?” I ask finally.

Jeongguk locks his phone and crosses his arms. “Asked Hoseok where Hojoon lived. They’re friends.”

“And did you just drive around the area to look for me?”

“Basically. It wasn’t that hard though.”

“Why?”

He stops looking at the ground and instead flickers his eyes at me. “What do you mean, why?”

“Why did you still come get me even if I was a bitch?”

That makes Jeongguk laugh, grin wide and little dimples on the side of his cheeks appearing. “When are you not though?”

I roll my eyes. “I thought you weren’t even going to be home.”

“Me too. Gig got cancelled though.”

“Ah.”

I feel him staring at me but when I decide to stare back, he looks away, scrunching his nose a little and then clearing his throat. “Go finish that quick. I wanna go back and rest,” he says instead, standing up properly and throwing his popsicle stick on the near trash bin.

I nod. “Okay.”

When I’m done with the dessert, Jeongguk hands me back the helmet and I look at it before placing it on my head. It only covered half of my face, unlike his that completed his whole biker guy look, and upon seeing me hesitate and stare at his, he sighs and suddenly grabs the helmet already in my head, replacing it with his own.

“Ugh,” I say when he swipes the face shield up, “it smells like you here.”

“It’s going to protect your head more though so bear with it. Besides, it’s not like I smell bad.”

I raise an eyebrow.

“I don’t.”

I huff. “Why do we even need to switch helmets? I thought you were going to go slow.”

“I am. Just want you to not freak out more.” He knocks on the helmet hardly, causing me to wince in annoyance before he goes ahead, wears his, and hops on the motorbike.

I frown, not knowing where to put my hands for support in following him and he gives me an incredulous look, scoffing then grasping one of my hands and letting me use his as leverage as I throw my leg to the other side and finally sit down behind him, Jeongguk placing the hand he’s holding his shoulder which automatically makes me hold onto the other one too.

“Hold tight,” he says and I awkwardly squeeze his shoulders which makes him glance at me. “You can hold onto my waist, bunny.”

“I don’t want to.”

He chuckles. “Alright. Suit yourself.”

He starts the ignition and makes a show of letting the engine purr loudly for a few seconds, until he continues to pull the throttle and then we’re moving forward.

Jeongguk didn’t go slow. Or maybe his definition of slow and mine are completely different. Anyways, I embarrassingly found myself holding onto his torso tightly eventually, my eyes closed tight as the wind whips past my arms and legs, my mind still however on Hojoon who blames me for not being better again and again.

note. um, i think i perhaps gave too much but meh, this isn’t really tHAt mAJOr compared to what i have prepared sjdksjkd. please do look out for this !! support would always mean so much to me 🥺💖

[dreamsmp-au-ideas]

How is it that the normal time travel au has become less angsty than the “good timeline” time travel au??

Short answer: I sneezed and then angst appeared before my eyes. It was supposed to be comedic and fluffy I swear.

Long answer: In the normal Time Travel au, everything is already going to shit. It's expected. Everyone has fought at least one war and has at least one enemy. Everyone is who they expect to be, Dream being manipulative, Schlatt being a businesss man, Techno being a bit bloodthirsty, Sapnap being an arsonist, everything.

In the “Good Timeline” though, all of that information is basically burned in front of them. Everyone is acting all nice and causes only mildly inconveniencing problems.

The trio aren't used to the peace, they expect something bad happening every few days. So they're always waiting for something to happen and it is always going to give them a bigger sense of dread when something doesn't happen.

You know that scene in Steven Universe where Connie's mom said that Steven basically had so much life-or-death situations that his brain just goes into a mode where it reacts to stress all the time like that? That's the trio.

They fought in so many wars and battles that they can't adjust fast to a world where there is basically none. With the original au, after the smoke has cleared, it would be a gradual process getting off from that and into a healthy way to react to regular stress.

In the Good Timeline, they are thrown into an environment where the biggest stress is usually losing all of your stuff and forgetting to set your spawn point. They aren't used to that, they're used to fighting to the death and they don't have anyone to tell it to besides each other because no one knows about the time travel.

So they instead prepare like crazy because something is going to happen and if they let their guard down then their friends are going to get hurt. And then that's on them. They could have stopped that but they didn't because they relaxed.

tldr; The Trio are so used to war that they don't know what to do if they're is none all of a sudden. They need therapy and hugs

[spideyyroos]

are you kidding me? - peter parker (soulmate!au) - part 3

pairing: peter parker x stark!female!reader

summary: during your everlasting rivalry against peter parker, you’re unlucky enough to find out that not only is he spider-man (your dad’s new kid), but he is also your soulmate. god help us all. (soulmate au where you have a mark of where your soulmate first touches you)

word count: 2511

requested: yes!

warnings: language, slight angst, stab wound

a/n: GUESS WHOSE BACK BACK BACK BACK AGAIN!!! hey guys! sorry i’ve been mia recently, school has really been piling up on me and i pushed off this part for so long! tbh i think this is gonna be slightly slow burn?? i don’t want to rush anything oof. hope you guys like it :)) 

THE NEXT DAY

As both Peter and Y/N made their way to school, they communicated to one another on how they should act and when they should tell their individual friends about the whole soulmate ordeal. For the time being, they decided to still hate each other at school--which, technically, they still hadn’t been too fond of each other ever since the previous day. Y/N, being the more stubborn of the two, couldn’t push aside the decade-long rivalry between her and Peter. She was still in denial that he was her soulmate, the one who she would spend the rest of her life with. 

Chewing on her lip, Y/N thought about her future with Peter in it. She always knew that he would stick around in her life but never where. After the almost-kiss that they shared last night, she muted her thoughts from him, not wanting to distract while fighting crime. As she did so, she wondered why she cared about the well-being of the boy, not just in academics.

-at Midtown-

As Peter and Y/N made their way to their first period, they cautiously stood at different places from one another when passing through the hallway. Thankfully enough, Ned found Peter and they weaved their way into their history class. Y/N found herself in the class moments after, taking a seat in the back corner to ensure that she could take a nap for the period.

Y/N had always prepared ahead of time for the classes she decided to take naps in. Her phone was programmed to pick up what the teacher was saying during the lecture; later, Y/N would listen and add extra information to her notes (a/n: i suggest this highly; it works super well! :)).

When the lecture started, Y/N was out like a light. She got plenty of sleep the night before, but still preferred to be asleep. Peter, who sat across the room, tried to focus on his notes, but felt the strong urge to stare at her. Similar to Y/N, Peter felt hesitant to feel affections toward his usual enemy. Ever since yesterday, he cringed at how the two treated each other. 

Needless to say, these circumstances were more than overwhelming.

-lunch-

After their fifth period Spanish class, Y/N and Peter walked side by side in the hallway. Before they knew it, Flash called out at Peter.

“Hey Penis Parker! What are you doing, flying out of your league?” 

“And what would you know, Flash? Last time I checked, your homecoming date left you in the dust to go and grind with some other egotistical prick.”

Flash’s jaw dropped at Y/N’s words and Peter covered his mouth to stifle his laughter. Y/N turned around to face Flash, deadpan--clearly unamused by his ever so endearing nickname for Peter. Then, as if in some world-turning moment, she realized that she had just defended her rival.

Nobody knew that they were soulmates just yet.

She couldn’t let that happen--not now at least.

However, before she could make an excuse for standing up for Peter, Flash suddenly changed his target of ridicule.

“Aw, I’m sorry babe. Do you have a personal score to settle with Lindsey? Or, better yet, come over tonight and we can,” Flash continued to advance towards her and corner Y/N onto a locker, “make up for lost time.” Flash was face-to-face with Y/N, expelling his hot breath over her face. Although Flash was yet another person who knew how to make Y/N’s skin crawl, she decided to swallow the vomit coming up her throat and let herself be “enchanted” with the king of douches.

“Umm...you sure have a way with words, handsome,” Y/N’s mind was screaming at her to kick him in the nuts, but her pride didn’t allow her to let up and run to her only safe space--Peter. She feigned a gleaming smile, letting it hit her eyes. Flash only smirked at his supposed “power” over women, though it repulsed anything that walked--no, breathed--on this very earth. Y/N continued to keep this act up by biting her lip and forcing herself to eye his lips, misshapen and topped with peach fuzz for a mustache. It sent her back to last night with Peter, and she mentally sunk into thoughts of the blessed day when she’d put her guard down and allow herself to love him--woah, wait...what the fuck?

Just as she was about to dwell on her absurd thought, she felt the disgustingly warm body heat in front of her being ripped away and an angry Peter now in front of her. His back was facing her and he held his death grip on Flash, who now looked scared as all hell, was panting from the sudden movement and wide-eyed.

“How about we don’t do that?” Peter threatened, gritting his teeth and shooting daggers at Flash. Y/N walked directly behind Peter and performed the trick as old as time: playing with the angry boy’s hair to calm him down. As she laced her fingers through his wavy hair, Peter fell victim to the affection. He let go of Flash, freeing him to run away from the previously seething Peter--not sparing to look back at the nerd who once could never have the heart to kill a fly. 

Y/N grabbed onto Peter’s shoulder and turned him around, hand still interlocked within his curls. Peter’s expression showed pure relaxation, contradicting the near-death that he could have caused. They looked into each other’s eyes, once again letting the rest of the world slip away. Thank God that everyone else had cleared the hallway and went their own ways to the cafeteria. The young Stark filed her hand through his exceptionally soft hair--what conditioner do you use? They chuckled, knowing that only these two could see into her comedic genius. Peter’s eyes wandered her face, taking in her features and mentally noting small details that he would’ve never noticed beforehand. He suddenly cupped her face with his hands and went to lean in, only for Y/N to abruptly rip her contact from him.

“Peter--”

“I’m sorry--”

“Can we just give...give whatever this is--a moment to breathe? Jesus, it’s been a day and now I have to make sure that no one ever hits on me because God forbid Spider-Man’s soulma--” Peter’s hand clamped over Y/N’s mouth, eyes wide and desperate for her to shut up.

“I’m sorry, ok? Now will you stop talking before someone hears?” Y/N shoved his hand off her mouth and made a beeline towards the exit, not dealing with anymore of this bullshit.

Y/N, frustrated and fed up, went home to the complex--this, and she swears by it, was by far the worst week of her life. She wished that she wasn’t so difficult, that she could have been dealt a different soulmate, that she could start over, that she could be anywhere else but here. She made an effort to ignore his thoughts and mute her own. She didn’t want to be burned again. She has always pined after the well-deserved love and freely gave her heart to the people who gave her half-assed compliments--believing that each time would be different. Yet time and time again she would be let down, until she had enough. She sealed her walls with super-glue and rejected any form of genuine interest in her well-being. 

-at Avengers complex-

4:56

Peter tried to busy himself with expanding his patrol area, patrol hours, and homework--anything to avoid facing the obvious. He may as well be dead to her, right?

God, no! Don’t ever say that. Just--give me time, alright? This is just...a lot.

Look--we’re adjusting right now. Us even talking is already some sort of sign that we can try to get along. I know you’d prefer to stay at the very least 6 feet apart but--fuck, I’ll be honest--ever since we…connected I’ve been able to see you in a different light--

--pretty sure that’s called being horny--

--will you just...you know what? No. You don’t get to find out what I was going to say. Are you happy now?

Y/N didn’t respond. She just laid on her bed, aggressively staring at her window, hoping that he just might swing by.

It wasn’t long until she felt a searingly white hot pain on her left side. She screamed out in her room, trying to haphazardly relieve some of this unbearable punishment of having a superhero as a soulmate. Tears blurred her vision and she clutched her side, unable to move in fear that she would break her entire body. With as much effort she could put out, she reached for her suit tracking device--jesus christ, what the fuck happened to him?

Y/N saw the spider icon deep in the streets of Queens, at one of the many Mom and Pop restaurants. She saw an update on the suit condition:

OPENING ON LEFT SIDE - COULD BE KNIFE WOUND?

Peter, are you okay? Please get out of there as soon as you can! I’ll call the police right now--OW!

Y/N received a crisp punch to her right cheek, wincing and letting the new tears fall over her face. She tried to stay strong, despite everything hurting so much. She pressed “NOTIFY POLICE” on the device and curled into a ball, hoping the pain would stop soon. Just as she thought it was over, a square kick to the stomach almost caused an upheaval of her last meal. Stars taking over her vision, she fell unconscious onto her bedroom floor.

-meanwhile-

Peter has had his fair share of difficult and strong criminals, but damn! This group was one for the books. Not considering the soulmate tie between himself and Y/N, he fought the band of robbers and took each hit as a grain of salt.

Peter, are you okay? Please get out of there as soon as you can! I’ll call the police right now--OW!

“Oh shit--” Peter mumbled, allowing himself to get punched in the face by the one of the last men standing. Easily knocking him out with his special “pow, pow, POW” combo, as Peter liked to call it.

Unfortunately, before he could safely escape the scene, with the criminals webbed up against the wall, the final “stupidhead” (once again, as Peter liked to call it) attacked him with a swift kick to the stomach.

Shit.

Peter heard the sirens nearly a block away, so he opted to avoid any more conflict by webbing the kicker against the ceiling of the restaurant--stealing away into the city and on the way to the complex.

He remembered the backpack that was so secretly plastered next to the window of Y/N’s bedroom and was quick to change into his street clothes. Practically breaking into her bedroom, Peter was instantly at Y/N’s unconscious side--did her body show where he got hurt also?

Unsure if he was throwing away all of Aunt May’s well-taught respect and manners of “don’t put your hands on a girl unless she says you can and she wants you to,” Peter lifted her shirt to check if she was stabbed as well. Fortunately, either soulmate can have the sensation of pain--not the actual injury itself.

Y/N woke with a start, breaking her eyelids open to see Peter lifting her shirt to check the left side.

“What are you doing?” Y/N flinched away, tearing the material out of his hands.

“I’m sorry--I was checking if you were okay--”

“--people don’t check under other people’s shirts--wait. Am I stabbed?” Y/N went to check herself, only to double take at Peter’s blood stain growing larger by the second.

“Oh my god--stay right there, ok? I’ll go get a first aid kit--holy shit…”

Peter chuckled at her antics, but winced as he realized that...I got stabbed and it’s an open wound and now I’m laughing and oh my god--

“Ok, holyshitok--lay on my bed, please. Lay on your side, with the wound facing me. Also, please take off your shirt,” Y/N took a deep breath, preparing the sutures to properly address the injury. She concentrated, despite her hands shaking horribly. 

“This is going to feel even worse than when I start to sew but you can grab onto something if you need,” Y/N softly spoke, ready to clean, with alcohol, around where the knife had tore into his flesh. Peter nodded, unsure what he could grab onto without breaking her concentration. He opted for her bedsheets, which were slightly wrinkled and smelled like the expensive detergent that often surrounds Y/N--what? Why am I--

Y/N hummed in content and smiled to herself as she finished disinfecting and started to sew. Although Peter was used to his clumsy hands dangerously stitching together his deeper injuries, Y/N’s precision and patience to ensure the least amount of pain almost...put him at peace. She would glance over at him to reassure herself that he wasn’t passed out--though that would make the situation far less intimidating. Here he was, Peter Benjamin Parker, shirtless and occasionally bleeding (though it was far less than before), on Y/N M/N Stark’s bed. When she wasn’t looking at him, Peter would steal glances at the young Stark, appreciating her calm nature in such a scenario like this. On the other hand, when he wasn’t staring at her, Y/N would give a side eye to Peter--who was focusing on the small design on the bedsheets. He recognized the R2-D2 and C-3PO duo that continued across the dimensions of the mattress, tracing the dark outline of each character.

“Ok, I’m almost done. I just need to apply the gauze and the skin adhesive,” Y/N stated, quickly exiting the room to go fetch the proper dressings.

When she came back, Peter was still in the same position--but with stilled breathing and relaxed muscles.

Oh my God, he’s asleep. At least the hard part’s over--I think.

Y/N finished the full treatment for the wounds, briefly waking Peter up to tell him to get changed into some loungewear. He barely obliged, grumpy from having been woken up from his short nap. He pouted like a toddler, wanting to return to the “comfy bed with the nice blankets.” Y/N did her best to not laugh, admiring the adorable nature that came with him. He returned to the bed and Y/N made sure that he was comfortable enough without laying directly on top the wounds. She tried her best to be a better person and reluctantly played with his hair, hearing a small “thank you” in response. Peter fell asleep immediately, exhausted from a mentally and emotionally gruelling day.

Y/N watched as he finally relaxed into his sleep, thankful that she could at least help the superhero everyone loved.

Someday, I will love him. Just not now--not yet. I can’t let you in just yet.

taglist: @mega-bi @lordofblamo @sadstrudel @ispiderdudei @everythingsship @learning-howto-be-myselfx3 @annathesillyfriend @mybitchborky @randxmthxughts @dear-selena

[crystalirises]

The Final Answer (36 Questions AU 2/13)

Second part.

ONE THING

Dream froze, the door groaning against its hinges as it slowly creaked open. He took a step back, hastily placing his mask back on as the face of his husband peered up at him from within the shadows of the cabin. Fundy had his arms crossed in front of his chest, a frown etched upon his face as those eyes – the eyes that used to hold nothing but love for him – regarded him with disdain. Dream wondered what he looked like to Fundy right now. A shivering and desperate mess in the rain or did he look as he usually did?

“I’m only letting you in so you don’t get eaten alive.” Fundy tore his gaze away, heart beating painfully in his chest. He couldn’t look into those beady black eyes drawn upon Dream’s mask. His hand gripped the brass handle of the door, resisting the urge to slam it on his ex-husband’s face. An inkling of fear settled in him as he stepped back to let the man in. 

How did Dream even find him? He watched as Dream trudged into the room, clumps of wet sand and dirt scattering onto the polished wood floor.

“So… you’re saying that I won’t be eaten alive in the house?” Dream swallowed down the dry chuckle rising in his throat, the callous warmth of the house did nothing to assure himself of what he sought to accomplish. Fundy’s gaze turned towards the floor, irritation flashing across his face. Dream winced, feeling the bits of sands falling off his trousers. Well, this wasn’t the best way to start apologizing to your husband. Dream had until the storm ended, maybe this won’t end in disaster… He hoped it didn’t.

“Not by zombies.” There’s an underlying growl beneath Fundy’s words, an anger he thought he had quenched surfacing as he heard the liar speak. Fundy shook his head. No. No. No. Just happy thoughts. Drywaters Law #1: No Negative Shit. Fundy forced himself to look into those painted black eyes, the simple smile on that porcelain mask seemed eerie against the darkening land beyond the house. He gritted his teeth, a mockery of a smile. It would be rude of him to let the man die out in the rain, right?

“Please close the door behind you.” Fundy turned to walk further into the house, dragging his feet towards the living room. As much as he loathed his current and unexpected guest, he hoped he had a spare blanket to share. The man would catch a cold at this rate. Could Dream even get sick? Admins couldn’t  get sick right?

“Hi, Funds― and he’s walking away.” Dream sighed, catching a glimpse of Fundy’s tail disappearing into one of the rooms. He grasped the door handle, trying his best to gently close the door behind him, wincing as it let out a loud screech. 

This was good. They were together. In a house. With each other. Just the two of them. No one else. No L’Manburg. No Essempy. Just the two of them.  Dream just needed to get his husband to forgive him. Easier said than done. 

“He’s still mad, isn’t he? What can I do? Wait did I―”

“I can hear you!” Fundy scowled, gripping at the pitiful white sheet that he had found draped over the couch. It was a flimsy thing, thin and certainly not enough to block out the cold, but it would have to do. A squeak broke him from his annoyance, he looked up at the small bat hanging from the ceiling. 

“Sorry. Did we wake you? Don’t worry, he’ll be leaving soon… No. No. It’s okay. Just keep yourself warm up there, alright? Wouldn’t want to lose you too―”

“Who are you talking to?” Dream had made his way to the room, the low hush of a whisper drifting through the air. He stared pointedly at his husband who… was talking to the ceiling? Not that Dream was going to judge him. His husband had… his own strange ways to cope and he didn’t want to get kicked out of the house by commenting about this one. Fundy spun on his heel, the hint of a smile on his face, disappearing as soon as their gazes met.

“I’ll ask the questions, what are you doing here?” Fundy tossed the sheet at Dream – who caught it without fail – walking past the man to rummage through one of the few chests he had in his home. Niki insisted he place a fireplace in the cabin, oh he didn’t expect he’d be using it under such circumstances. His fingers curled around a familiar object, flashes of burning cloth racing through his mind as he pulled out his old trusty flint and steel. His ears began to twitch. No. No. No. No bad thoughts. Just good thoughts, Fundy.

“Fundy, you know why― Is that a bat?!” Dream looked up. The blanket in his hand nearly falling to the ground as he sawthe black blur on the ceiling.

“Dream!” Fundy’s head snapped towards his ex-husband, his teeth clenched together so tightly that he feared they might crack. He was tired. No. He was exhausted. New life? HA! Fundy should’ve known that the peace wouldn’t last forever. Not when he got married to the literal god of― “Dream, you… Why are you here? I thought leaving the ring would have been a good enough hint for you. Did you… Did you follow me here? Why?”

“I didn’t follow you here, Fundy… I was worried. You can’t just leave without a note. How was I to know where you were? It’s a bad time, Fundy. The entire server is after my head. They would do anything to get to me, including―” Dream’s attention turned towards the flint and steel. He tensed. Fundy and fire… wasn’t a good combination. He moved closer, the fox hybrid shuffling to move away from him. 

Dream paused, “Can you… put the flint and steel down? It’s very intimidating.”

“Wha― You know― You don’t― Like, do you actually know what you did – what you did to me – or have you lied to yourself so much you’ve developed selective memory?” Fundy shook his head, the word ‘memory’ a bitter taste against his tongue. He leaned against the cobblestone wall of the fireplace. The fire he had meant to start forgotten in favor of his ex-husband. He just wanted to get this over with. 

“Dream… I already have an amnesiac dad. I don’t need another angst fest in my life, okay?” Fundy hid his face in his hands, his ears erratically twitching on top of his head.  

“Fundy… I came here for you. Whatever I did… I can make up for it, I swear! Just… come home… please...” Dream wondered if Fundy could hear him, his voice barely a whisper. The fox hybrid’s ears were twitching so that had to mean something, right? 

“For me?”

“For you?!”

“No, no, no. That’s not what I meant!” Okay that was the wrong thing to say, oh no. Dream turned his attention back towards the ceiling, wringing his hands together as he thought of what he could say that wouldn’t get him tossed out the already broken windows. Small brown eyes met his gaze, a small squeak echoing through the room. A bat. A BAT! That was a good conversation to have, right? Fundy liked to talk about his pets… He loved to talk about his pets… 

“That’s… that’s a really cute bat.” Dream pursed his lips.

“Correct. Yes, they're the best bat in the world.” Fundy rolled his eyes, not missing the way Dream quickly changed the conversation. Coward.

“Where did they come from?” Dream held his breath, not missing the way Fundy spoke to him with such malice and hate. He messed up.

“I…” Fundy sighed, running his recently trimmed nails across the skin of his arms. He didn’t want to talk about this. Not with his ex-husband of all people. 

“Their name is Batry and they’re here because I found them in a cave and invited them back here. They love flowers and have incredible comedic timing, and kind of my only friend right now, which I’m sure sounds insane to you but― you know what? I don’t have to explain things seeing as how you refuse to explain even the most basic things to me, like… did you even care for me?”

“Fundy, of course I―”

“You only care about the discs, right? What was that about, Dream? The wars were over! But you―”

“Okay, wait―”

“Do you even actually need food or sleep to function? Are you some sort of immortal god? Because I―”

“I wasn’t judging! They seem like a really chill bat.” Dream’s voice wavered, his breath quickening at the sudden confrontation. This wasn’t how it was meant to be.

“Well, they are very chill!” Fundy screeched, his hair bristling in absolute anger. Anger at what? Fundy… Fundy didn’t know… He didn’t want to fight. Not here in his newly made country of happiness, anyway.

“If they’re helping you get through this stressful time Fundy, I’m all for it. Really! I only came out here to ask you to do one thing.” Dream took his chance. He edged closer, hesitated before he placed a hand on his husband’s shoulder.

He held his breath as he waited for the fox hybrid’s answer. Fundy’s gaze turned towards the hand on his shoulder, “…one thing.”

“Yeah… one thing―” A loud crash rang throughout the house, the floor shaking beneath their feet at the violent intrusion. Dream quickly reacted, his hand moving to grip the back of Fundy’s jacket, pulling him closer as he summoned his sword to his hand. Fundy’s hat pressed onto the blade’s hilt. 

“What was that?” Dream glared at the hall, expecting a zombie to emerge from the corner.

“That would be the sound of the shelf I just built, buckling under the weight of a hundred books.” No. Fundy did not appreciate being in his ex-husband’s protective embrace. Shut up.

“Oh.” Dream coughed, backing off immediately. His sword faded back into his inventory, and he placed Fundy’s hat on the sofa before he could accidentally rip it. Fundy would never forgive him if he destroyed it. Though Fundy did leave it out in the rain, what was up with that?

“You know this place…” Sucks. The word was on the tip of his tongue, but Fundy refused to say it. Why would he give his ex-husband the impression that he was clearly unhappy? The sharp crack of glass followed soon after, 

“And there goes my collection of Ghostbur’s blue.” Fundy sighed, his tail curling around his waist as if he was trying to console himself.

“I… I know I’m not supposed to be asking questions, but… your entire family is here in the Essempy… Couldn’t they have helped you do all this work on the house?” The house was a mess, and Dream didn’t mean that lightly. He glanced at the misshapen windows, the floor made from different pieces of wood…

“They don’t know.” Dream’s head snapped to look at Fundy.

“They don’t know you’re moving?” Fundy winced at the accusatory tone. Did it matter if he had told them? No one would have noticed anyway…

“Moving is such a strong word…” Fundy flailed his hands into the air, his own nervousness betraying him. The smell of smoke filled the air, Dream freezing in place as he looked at something behind Fundy. 

“Do you… Do you smell smoke?” Fundy sniffed at the air, wondering if he had accidentally left something on in the kitchen.

“Fundy.” Dream reached out once more, turning the fox hybrid to look at the small fire his flint and steel had caused. He nearly screamed when Fundy had flailed his hands, the flint and steel flying from his loose grip. 

“Ah, yeah… that’s fire. Just stay calm. Just a small little fire, can you hand me some water?” Dream didn’t look up from the growing flames, holding out a hand towards Fundy.

“Shit― Uh, sure.”

He felt the heat before he saw it. He looked down at the bucket of lava on his hands, frustration bubbling to the surface of his mind. He placed the bucket down, summoning his own bucket of water. The fire died just as quickly as it had been born. 

“Did you just hand me a bucket of lava?”

“What? Oh! Dammit I thought that was something else.” Fundy gripped the edges of his hair, groaning at the stupid mistake that might have destroyed everything he’s worked for. 

“Well, as you can see, you’re timing, as always, is impeccable. I’ve now broken the first law of Drywaters, thanks Dream.” Fundy threw his hands in the air, an exasperated sigh leaving his lips.

Dream tried to keep his composure, knowing that a sliver of his own annoyance would lead to nothing but heartbreak. He needed to fix this. Now. 

“One thing, Fundy. That’s all I’m asking for.” Dream tried to reach for Fundy’s hand, stopping as he realized he couldn’t.

“One thing…” Fundy sighed, falling onto the sofa, his head hidden in his hands. He couldn’t look at his ex-husband. Not if he wanted to keep his own resolve.

“I came out here for one thing… And that little bitty one thing…” He had tried so hard. He had stayed for a man who he thought loved him. He was wrong.

“…was to forget about you.” Fundy held back the sob in his throat. His fingers clung to the frayed edge of the couch, a momentary distraction from what was currently happening.

“But I guess I've learned something, that there's never really one thing.” The fox hybrid flung his head back, exhaustion taking its claim as he remembered… his tasks.

“'Cause pretty quickly one thing, evolves into two, or three, or more.” He didn’t realize running away from his responsibilities would mean… more responsibilities. This was unfair.

“For example… See the light in the hallway? It is always flickering. Ever since I installed it, it is always flickering.” Dream frowned. That wasn’t right. His star was an excellent inventor. There’s… there’s no way that one light bulb would be his great downfall.

Fundy couldn’t make anything… he didn’t have the motivation to.

“After three days here, it was unbearable. My list grew: Two, fix the light bulb, and one, forget about you…” Three days… Dream had only realized today… was that how long Fundy’ had been gone?

It had been a week since he left. Fundy would visit the house they shared in that week… hoping for a sign that he should stay.

“Went back home, stole a bulb. One of those new LEDs. Brought it home, put it in, but the redstones weren't connecting. Suddenly, they went on the fritz…” No… His star was a master with redstone…

Fundy couldn’t think straight in the past few days… not enough to make a simple light source light up.

“My list grew: Three, fix up the redstone. Two, fix the lightbulb, and one, forget about you…” Fundy wasn’t done. The long list flashing in his mind as he recalled every bad thing that had gone wrong.

“So, I went to the attic and to my utmost delight, there it is, red vines, killing me slowly each night... and I feel it's my duty to remove it…” Wait… red vines? Dream didn’t like the sound of that…

Fundy couldn't bring himself to take them down… he couldn't take them down.

“My list grew: Four, kill the red vines. Three, fix up the redstone. Two, fix the lightbulb, and one, forget about you―”

“Yeah, but my one thing is really just…” Did… Dream really just interrupt him?

“I'm not done.” Fundy raised a hand, gesturing out towards the hallway. 

“See the tarp in the hallway? That’s meant to be a gallery wall, lots of pictures, super classy. Glad I had to make the call, but in scouring for vines, I had to take the place apart…” Fundy had wanted to place his most cherished memories up on that wall, the pictures he had taken with Ranboo… the one with Niki… maybe even the one with his father. Of course, the world really told him ‘no’.

“Because sometimes to solve a problem…” Their eyes met, a sickening suggestion hanging in the air as Fundy spoke those words. 

“You follow it back to the start.”

Dream froze at the faint sound of creaking wood.

“Oh. Who's that?” Dream reached for the sword in his inventory.

“No one. It just does that when it rains!” Fundy hoped the house didn’t end up flooded by the end of the day. 

“When I tried to rebuild the wall that I'd taken down, I discovered two holes burrowed right into the ground, and I didn't have the heart to kill 'em… So my list grew― But then, the cement that I found to fill in the gaping holes wasn't good, it didn't stick. Apparently, cement can get old?! In trying to fix one thing, I made everything worse…” Fundy screamed into a pillow, his rambling getting longer with each second.

“My list grew: Nine, steal new cement. Eight, take care of this bat I found. Seven, clean out the pipes for the bathroom and the kitchen. Six, rebuild the wall. Five, keep out the pests. Four, kill the red vines. Three, fix up the redstone. Two, fix the lightbulb, and one, forget about you…”

Nine. Nine fucking things. And he knows – HE KNOWS – it’s going to get longer. FUCK HE SHOULD ADD A HUNDRED MORE TO THE LIST NOW THAT DREAM WAS HERE―

“I think it's lovely… to see you fix up this new house, because you want it to be… nice for your own country…” Dream didn’t care that Fundy was making his own country. He just wished he had been told. He knelt down in front of the couch, reaching out to place his hand on top of the hybrid’s. He was happy for his husband. He was! But not if it meant losing his sanity for it! 

“But I think maybe you're obsessing… over things you can control, hoping to control your feelings for…” 

“What?!” Fundy withdrew his hand, his ears pressed against the top of his head as he stood up from the coach. The nerve― The actual nerve― He began to pace the length of the room, sparing a single glance towards the man who hadn’t moved a single inch from the couch. Feelings? Feelings?! Oh, Fundy had feelings alright. Just not those types of feelings. No, what he wanted right now was to burn something. But not his house because he worked so hard on this stupid cabin. 

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no…”

“So… you came here, looking for one thing… and you're saying that one thing… was to forget about me?” It struck a chord in his heart. Dream picked at the frayed seams of the couch. He couldn’t bring himself to look into Fundy’s eyes. 

How did he mess this up so badly? Their differing politics were supposed to stay out of their personal life… It never got in the way before… Even when they met on the battlefield. 

“Well, all I am asking is for you to do the first thing, which could also be the last thing that you do with me.”

“These things needed to get done– okay, okay…” Fundy wrapped his arms around himself, tail curling onto around his right leg. He had so much to do, and with Niki and Ranboo off doing their own thing, he could at least try and― He froze, darting across the other side of the room as soon as he noticed Dream standing up to move towards him. Dream tried to follow him, but Fundy didn’t want to be near him right now. He held up a hand. 

“Just… just… just stop moving towards me. Just stay on your side of the room―”

“Okay? So, we can talk this out?” Dream held onto that. He could salvage this, couldn’t he? They could talk this out, make up, and Fundy could forget about the whole… running away thing he’s currently got going on. They’d go back to the way it was. Though what that was exactly, Dream couldn’t really say.

“Well, listen… well, listen… If my friends are gonna be so nice to have me out here and respect my need to be alone during this really insane, crazy, impossible time of my life…” And by friends, Fundy meant Niki and Ranboo. He doubted anyone else would have noticed his absence. No one would notice if he just up and left, right? Well, New L’Manburg certainly wouldn’t have lost anything of value. 

“The absolute least I can do is, you know, just… just go around and… and… and… and… and… destroy this house.”

Fundy was ripped away from his thoughts, a hand grazing the top of his shoulder. When did Dream get so close? Dream frowned, the expression hidden beneath the mask. Fundy’s eyes had glazed over, and Dream knew what that meant. In any other circumstance, he would have pulled the fox hybrid into his arms… but he couldn’t do that now. 

“After tonight, you'll never hear from me again. If that's what you want. All we need to fix our marriage is one decent conversation. I'm asking for one chance.”

Fundy’s piercing brown eyes glared up at that porcelain mask, he should say no. He really should. But he never was the type to say no to someone he loved, was he? 

“We'll do this one thing…”

“It is the first thing…” Dream needed to get this right.

“We're doing together…” Fundy wanted it to be over.

“Since…”

“You left without saying a word.” Dream never meant for it to go that far.

“I found out you are not who I thought you were.” Fundy never thought he’d ever feel this betrayed.

“We'll do this one thing…” Fundy wished it would be just this one.

“It could be the last thing.” Dream hoped it wouldn’t be the last.

----------------------------

prev / next

[cliban]

On Stitches: 3, 4, 8, 9, 25, 33, and 34!!

Love you Morgan 💙

Ily too luna <33333 

3 -  What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works? Well! Mainly I focus on action topics, and my humour style is called, get this, ‘comedic sociopathy’. It’s not as bad as it sounds I swear dfklgjfdg.

My writing has a lot of aesthetics, be it neon, vaporwave, or simple loneliness that lets the characters and settings stand out and be far more unique. Stitches is cyberpunk/dystopian, which is incredibly fun to write.

4 - Are there any writers that inspire you?

Luna, you inspire me a lot <3. Derek Landy does as well, he introduced me to my love of action-thriller genres, and a couple fic writers :)

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write?

So! With a complete 180 from 11-year-old-me, I find characters that switch pronouns a lot the easiest to write! It keeps things fresh and keeps me in focus, remembering to spin the gender wheel and switch up pronouns according to scenes. This mainly applies to Emlix, and sometimes Deace. [Fandom-wise, Eret mcyt]

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write?

In general ...Neurotypical + cishet coded characters. Ily’all but my brain works Very Differently. I have ADHD, which gives me the most trouble with writing, and also with characters who I don’t headcanon to be neurodivergent. And I am a non-binary lesbian so that gives me a good grasp on characters that are queer.

In Stitches, this has got to be Glinn, or possibly Lox. Those two are great don’t get me wrong, but they’re both on sides of the spectrum that I am not. 

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

Side adventures? All the time. I have a swap AU in the works, and there are plenty more groups that can be created with this concept. The story of how Narali and Mara met is a great side-story, and the gang is always doing something. The story focuses on Sahlia, but she goes with the main group a lot of the time, so Emlix and their buddies fall into the side-adventures category.

There’s also a spin-off of another group :)

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

Ooo interesting one! Sometimes I put my works into those websites that are supposed to turn copied words into something non-plagiarized just to see possible synonyms. 

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

!!!

Narali sat on the edge of the ship, dangling their legs over the side. “Hey Sahlia.” They began, and Sahlia tilted her head. “Yeah?” She asked, and Narali doffed their hat. “Are you still thinking about trying out Em’s new tech-y thing?” Sahlia shrugged half-heartedly. “Dunno. I think Deace would rather see me in one piece, so...” Narali laughed. “She definitely would.” They replied, shooting a smirking glance in the larger woman’s direction. 

Sahlia pulled her hair over her eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean, Lili?”  Narali went silent for a second in astonishment. “That’s captain to you!” They sniff, turning their nose in the air and folding their arms. They swung their legs and Sahlia shoved at them affectionately. “Whaaat, is that nickname reserved for Maraaaa?” She asked, amused, drawing out the vowels.  Narali whacked her with the hat. “Shut up.” “Only if you shut up about Deace.” “But I simply must be in touch with my crew!” “I don’t like you. So much.”

Narali flashed a heart symbol at Sahlia and sniggered. “You’re so impolite.”