cliban

[cliban]

HEHEHEHHEEE hi its me the friend that streamed all the Ultrakill to you. Open invitation to anyone reading to pick up ultrakill, it's well worth it! The gameplay itself is very engaging, and I really like the story and lore. look at what ive done to luna up there :]

anyway yippee ^_^ good rant

fraud tomorrow!

Okay now for what I really came onto tumblr for: rambling about ULTRAKILL

Okay so backstory, my first exposure to ULTRAKILL was just my friend being like hey heehoo I'm gonna stream some cybergrind while we're in VC cause why not. I wasn't really that interested. Looked like randm shooting thing. Spooky scary, not my cup of tea. I'll have it on the side while I do something else.

Now, I don't remember if our other friend immediately got curious and started playing or if it took a while, but I do remember him streaming the levels and eventually I got really interested. The level designs, the different guns, the not actually scary but just sort of Left 4 Dead sort of spook, they drew me in. Eventually, I found the ULTRAKILL demo and was like yeah I'll give it a shot.

(First off, no autoaim really messed with me. I was doing all the jumping and ground slamming but my GOD was I bad at aiming. I got better, but getting the autoaim in the actual game was a godsend.)

Anyway, I played through the demo and both had fun and died a lot lol. It made me put the game on my wishlist and be like "sometime when I have the money". (Which was not then and is not now, lol, because job searching is hell rn </3)

I was not expecting to be able to play the game for a while, maybe not til Christmas when I could ask for it as a present. But then that friend that streamed the levels and got super into the game? He fucking Zelled me the money to get it out of nowhere one day. (Amazing guy I'm gonna ping him and the other friend at the end of the post I love them and you should check out my friend's blog if you want some gorgeous artwork.)

So I started playing, immediately putting autoaim at 7% (my friend's starting amount, tho I thiiiiiink he said he's got it down to 3% now?) I was kinda sad not to start with all the cool weapons, but getting them along the way was cool too. Anyway, I played the first time on Standard and, after many deaths and learning curves, finally beat Benjamin I mean Earthmover TH1000. I don't remember how long that all took, maybe 3 or 4 days? (Interspersed with artfight. In that I actually had to hold the game up like a prize I won after working on artfight for a while.)

Besides the boss fights, I had the hardest time with Violence, which makes sense, given it's the latest in the game. But the fucking Guttermen SUCK everyone hate Guttermen they won't let me P-Rank Light up the Night </3 And of the boss fights, I consistently have the most difficulty with V2 (except fucking. Gabriel 2 on Brutal my god he will NOT let me win) because it's so speedy and it likes to spin around you when it's up close and bounce around when it's not. Dramatic little fucker (affectionate) (derogatory). Thank goodness there's a way to drain the water in Wake of Podeidon, tho, because my anxiety spikes so high when I have to go underwater in a video game like this.

Anyway, since then I have:

Found all secrets (sometimes with help)

Completed all Secret Levels except Something Wicked (absolutely too spooky for me, my friend will be doing that whenever he next comes over to hang out)

Completed the majority of the challenges (except ones like kill a mindflayer with acid or hit Gabriel into the ceiling)

Gotten a high score of Wave 21 on the Cybergrind (Standard)

P-Ranked everything up through 7-1 on Lenient

Completed (but not P-ranked) P-1 and P-2 on Lenient

Completed (with a couple incidental P-ranks here and there) the game on Violent

Completed (with 1 P-rank somehow???) up to (but not including) 6-2 on Brutal

Pitted so so so many enemies against each other in the Sandbox

Put all enemies in a giant block of acid to see how long they'd last

Pit enemies against non-sandbox bosses (Corpse of King Minos and Leviathan) via cheats

Watched Gianni's Gabriel plays Ultrakill video (very funny, everyone should watch it)

Become obsessed with Gabv1el

I mean, what? I'm totally not on ao3 reading every good Gabv1el fic I can find where they become regular sparring partners and sometimes kiss. Don't look at my browsing history.

ANYWAY. ULTRAKILL good and I've become consumed by it. Today I will finally beat Gabriel 2 on Brutal (this is a hope and not a promise don't hold me to it)

Everyone blame (read: thank) @tenebrous2099 for getting me and @cliban into ULTRAKILL and go look at Cliban's gorgeous art.

And join us in chanting FRAUD TOMORROW!

[cliban]

[cliban]

THiNGS YOU NEED BEFORE YOU DO BDSM:

first aid kit

tourniquet

narcan

at least 8gb ram

childhood photo album

acetone

thirty decoy safewords (zero real ones)

headlamp

updated wills for all participants (preferably notarized)

getaway vehicle

a pack of cigs and a few beers

PSAT score of at least 90th percentile or higher

spare tire

working knowledge of microsoft excel and powerpoint

small bills, for the tip

an up-to-date road atlas

a drive to succeed and innovate in a fast-paced, forward-thinking environment

noise-cancelling headphones (one pair per participant)

bolt cutters

at least C1 knowledge of standard chinese

gamefaqs guide

permission slip signed by a parent or guardian

spare penis

[cliban]

it/its pronouns are the coolest thing ever btw and you should give anybody who uses them $1,700 immediately

[cliban]

Nothing but hatred in her heart

[cliban]

First thing you see after you zoom in is how you die

How you dying 👀

[cliban]

absolutely insane how small tumblr is

[cliban]

a scene must be included PRIOR to sex where the characters READ their birth certificates OUT LOUD so the reader will know they were born on the SAME DATE to avoid any disgusting AGE GAPS

[cliban]

Call me whatever names you wish, but I think this is a much better (and healthier) attitude than “anyone under 18 should never be allowed to see any sexual imagery ever”

(For reference: this was at the Tom of Finland exhibition, containing actual, queer, kinky af pornography. There were definitely some young people there, perhaps in their late teens. There was even a parent with their baby who was probably too young to understand anything at all. And guess what, all those people are probably going to be fine.)

[ID: a sign saying “Please note: there is no age limit, but the exhibition is not recommended for children due to the explicit sexual imagery it contains. Parental or guardian discretion is advised.”]

[cliban]

That one extremely neutered "Kinktober" event including a rule that any CNC-related works have to have a mandatory aftercare scene for the submissive party but not for the dominant... it really just spells it all out, doesn't it?

[cliban]

Nothing brings more joy than elections 🗳️

👉Watch the full Game Changer episode on @dropoutdottv:

[cliban]

homestuck if it was written by vivziepop

[cliban]

[cliban]

idk im really tired of 15-17 year olds who have never interacted with the gay community irl and spend too much time on tiktok trying to act like the authority on all that is lgbt+ 

[cliban]

'Oh wow, I wonder who gave me all these notes?'

The faithful mutual:

[cliban]

i said yesterday i got a "little bit into ultrakill" that was perhaps a lie