#Princess Bride AU | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bleedingcoffee42 · 3 months ago

Text

Speirton Princess Bride AU

Wrote it to get it out of my head, as always. Just a Speirton Drabble. Lip and Ron on work-cation in Scotland and a weekend of child custody for Sparky.

“Carwood, it’s Ron.”

“Ron, it's midnight, everything okay?” Carwood was working on some engineering schematics and the call so late at night was never a good thing.

“Yeah, since when do you actually sleep? You are always up. That ‘life is fun’ philosophy. Three hours.”

“I wasn't asleep, just concerned about getting a phone call this late. Typically it means you are in trouble.” Carwood didn’t need to add that they were in Scotland and nobody was calling them anyway.

“No, nothing like that. I need a favor.”

“Did you kill someone?” Lip asks flatly.

“No.”

“Okay shoot.” Lip says and sighs. Wrong choice of words with that man.

There was a snort of amusement and then, “My son can't sleep. Can you tell him a quick story? He says my stories suck, well in British so it sounds more polite, after camping with you and the boys he insists your stories are better “

“Since when do you tell stories?“ Carwood asks,

“I told him about the Mercedes in Austria. And about Sergeant Smith. And…”

“Yeah, put him on the phone.” Carwood says and pinches his nose. He should have known Ron ‘I’ll inspire you by telling you you’re already dead’ Speirs would not be equipped with child friendly stories.

“Hi Uncle Carwood.”

“Hey Bobby, can't sleep huh? That have anything to do with your Dad’s stories?”

“You tell them better. He said you held the men together in the Bois Jacques.”

Lip rolls his eyes and sits down to think of a more appropriate story for a five year old. Stories come easy to him and it’s actually a welcome relief from staring at schematics of an old glass factory. “Well, your Dad will never tell you this but he’s a hero. Saved me and the rest of the guys from Prince HumperDike.”

“Hump or die?”

“No, HumperDike. Foxhole Norman. The incompetent Prince of the City of York II.”

“Like the story about putting your finger in a hole to stop the water…”

Lip pinches his nose. Nobody would believe him that this kid took after his father who was a chatterbox when drunk or friendly.

“Can you just come over and read it to me?”

Lip shook his head. Just like his father, perceptive as hell. He heard Ron in the background, cursing up a storm in Scottish and just decided if his son already figured out they were on vacation together then it was best just to tell the kid a story in person. “Give me a few minutes to get there, make some tea for me okay?”

“Yay!!!”

And the receiver was slammed down and presumably a five year old British child was now wide awake at the prospect of making tea properly for his father and ‘friend’ in anticipation of story time. Ron was going to be ready to explode when he got there.

Xxxxx

The door opened and little Robert Speirs was there with a cup of tea and Ron Speirs was behind him holding the door looking like he had just been informed he was being court martialed for fraternizing. Carwood took the tea, ruffled up Bobby’s head of hair he definitely inherited from his Dad, and gave Ron’s shoulder a firm squeeze.

‘What does he know?’ Ron mouthed silently.

‘He’s five. He knows you’re happy around me. Do not interrogate the child.’

Ron gives him a frown and Bobby is already wandering around the living room chattering about what he thinks Prince HumperDike is going to do and calling him a slew of insults from ‘numpty’ to ‘wanker’.

The door to the English flat Ron is renting closes and Carwood immediately snaps his fingers and points to the boy’s bedroom. “This is a bedtime story, you need to be in bed young man.”

Bobby defates a little, Uncle Carwood is bossy. Dad lets him get away with everything on account of him only seeing him once or twice a year. “Yes, sir.”

“Thank you for the tea, Bobby.” Carwood says and the boy lights up. “Did I ever tell you I used to sell it as a kid? Door to door?”

“How does that even work?” Ron asks. A door to door tea salesman? In West Virginia?

“I lived in town, Ronald, not the mountains.” Carwood reminds him, seeing his face.

“Is it so you could throw it in the harbour?” Bobby asks. “Your American tea is bitter and weak.”

“He is definitely your son.” Carwood mumbles to Ron and points to the bedroom. “Bed. Don’t think I can’t see what you’re trying to do.”

“Yes, sir.”

And off goes young Speirs, leaving Carwood to give Ron a look that says ‘your poor mother, this child is a replica of you’.

“I was her favorite.” Ron whispers, answering his silent statement. “Still am.”

“Mmm.” Lip hums and Ron gives him a grin.

“Thank you for coming.”

“He’s five. You’re his Dad. You’re his hero. He is just looking for reasons to explain why you’re not with his Mom anymore.” Carwood explains.

“We explained…” Ron begins and Carwood puts a finger on his lips to stop him.

“He’s five.” Carwood repeats. “He doesn’t understand any of that, just that you let him get away with everything. You spoil him. You have fun. He’s trying to understand why you live a world away and kids are perceptive as hell. Especially yours. Relax.”

Ron does, because Carwood always manages to be his calming influence. “Prince HumperDike, huh?”

“Get the tea, come tuck your son in and let me tell my story.” Carwood says and leaves it at that.

“Yes, sir.” Ron says and Lip gives him an admonishing look for how he said it.

Xxxx

Carwood sits in an antique chair and opens up a book of horribly traumatizing fairy tales and pretends to read from it. Little Robert Speirs is in bed and staring, another trait picked up from his Dad. “Where were we?”

“Dad saved you from Prince HumperDike.”

“Ah yes, the Frozen Forest of Foy.” Carwood says and pretends to read from the book but Bobby is more than aware he’s making it up. Ron is seated on the foot of the bed, eyes fixed on him, not unlike his son. “Understand names have been changed for classified army reasons.”

“My lips are sealed.” Bobby says.

Carwood nods, also like his father who could keep a secret to his grave unless the right person came along and then he was a flood of information like a dam broke. Carwood feels a small smirk pull at his lips and knows Ron catches it. But he continues, “Sergeant ButterBars was looking at the town of Foy with a pair of binoculars gifted to him from an officer he greatly admired. A legend– The Dread Paratrooper Sparky.”

Ron snorted and got a look from both the kid and the storyteller. Okay, so now he was going to get reprimanded. “Sorry.”

“These binoculars were special, they were loot captured on one of his many trips across the dangerous land between the forest and the town. A snow blanketed farm field, where it would rain iron and lead. It was this field, Sergeant ButterBars was now looking at, worried for the men he would try to cross it with.

“The problem was that they had lost a great leader and had yet to find his replacement. King Richard of Lancaster still watched over them, but due to his position was unable to lead his people into war again. His queen, the Queen of Scotch, much like in chess, was able to move for him, shuffling pieces on the board so when the inept Prince HumperDike failed there would be a hero to save his people. ButterBars did not know the details, and went to see the King late at night to express his concern for the people of Toccoa.”

Ron chuckled again and this time it was his son staring daggers at him. “Sorry.”

“Prince HumperDike was well connected, chosen to fill the void of a man accidentally attacked by his own men for not knowing the secret password. HumperDike was from the city where the Queen was born, and went to the same school, so ButterBars concerns were already on the minds of the royal couple. But you can’t just remove a Prince from his command, can you?”

“No.” Bobby said. “Got to kill him.”

Just like his father. Lip shakes his head to say that is not the right answer. Bobby frowns. Just like his damned father. “So ButterBars looked across that frozen tundra of death and thought about tales of old, war stories of men marching across open fields and being killed by artillery a mile away. And they had already lost so many good men to the exploding trees of the Forest. He felt that maybe, just maybe, he could encourage the Prince to come out of his hiding spot and just move across the field fast. Move from mound of hay to mound of hay, just give the orders to let the people do the job they knew how to do. It wasn’t going to be the case though, HumperDike froze like so many of the men in the forest. He froze out of fear though, and the attack came to a halt.”

“Oh no.” Bobby said.

“It was brutal, but the Queen was prepared. The King was fretting, thinking about running out and saving his people but he could not abandon the rest of his kingdom. The Dogs and the Foxes still needed him to be their King or they would suffer the same fate as his men in those fields. He turned and there was the Dread Paratrooper Sparky, ready to save the day.”

“Where did he come from?” Bobby asks.

“Sparky was once a pawn but he had crossed the board and now was eligible for promotion just like in chess. So Queen Jersey had made him a Queen piece to enable him to go anywhere he wanted, or was needed.”

“What piece was Butterbars?” Bobby asks and glances at the chess board on his desk, his Dad was trying to teach him how to play.

“Butterbars was a knight, limited range but tactical in moves and thinking.” Carwood explains.

“Why was the Dread Paratrooper a pawn then?” Bobby’s eyes return to his, staring intensely and needing answers.

“He built a reputation around being the toughest and meanest man from Toccoa. In battle he was always willing to sacrifice himself. Everyone noticed. Nobody considered him a pawn in the derogatory sense, but a man who was the first to start an attack, and could go anywhere. He was an aggressive pawn, always looking forward and capturing pieces. He had already established himself as someone who was going to cross the board and take a larger role, but chose to lurk in the outer edges and wait for his time. Now, he was there for us, the men of Toccoa. And he was running out to knock over the piece HumperDike represented and take over the board.” Carwood explains and Bobby is clearly taking mental notes.

“Are you, I mean, is Butterbars his king?”

Both he and Ron gave the kid a look for his slip up and Bobby just smiled at them sweetly.

Ron answers this time, “The King is a piece of the board that is the reason the other pieces move, but is unable to move far. His capture ends the game, without the King the empire crumbles. The King appears to be shackled to its role, but represents leadership, power and protection. It is his subjects who must act, who are inspired by his presence and power, who will gladly sacrifice themselves for his safety. The pawn is a representative of the soldier, the frontline defense of those who are so valuable to winning the game. To emerge from the trenches as an officer, as a royal piece, well that is quite the feat. But to earn the seat beside a King, it’s a show they have earned the role through their strategy and versatility. That the hands moving the pieces have seen them worthy of a board of their own. And that is what King Richard and his brilliant Queen saw that day–two individuals worthy of taking over their old kingdom.”

Carwood smiled, knowing the way he was looking at Ron was not in any way lost in the impressionable young Speirs.

“Or so I think, but this isn’t my story.” Ron says and shrugs.

Carwood licks his lips and clears his throat to crush down a laugh. “So now Dread Paratrooper Sparky is running across the fields, dodging fire eruptions from the earth and iron from the sky. No fear, unflinching. He arrives with the King’s decree, HumperDike is relieved of duty and he’s taking over!”

“Oh.” Bobby says disappointed. “That’s it? That’s all of the story?”

“Oh no. He was just getting started.” Carwood sits back in the chair and Bobby looks thrilled that the story isn’t close to ending. “Sparky takes over and immediately starts issuing instructions. ‘Take out that house, halt that flanking attack, let’s go..follow me.’ ButterBars is momentarily stunned, not just by this turn of events, but because Sparky keeps touching his arm.”

“What does that mean?” Bobby asked. “Is this some American thing? Are they going to kiss? Is this one of those kissing books?”

Carwood smirks and looks at Ron. “Well, it turns out the Dread Paratrooper Sparky was not the meanest, heartless man he wanted everyone to believe he was. It turns out he was just looking for the right kingdom to call his after traveling through the lands of ParaDice. He had not been appreciated by Charlie Horses, or Dogs or even the Airborne Council of Elders. Well, when the sun rose that day his destiny was revealed to him. You see, Dread Paratrooper Sparky had been marked with the Sacred Scar. Right on the butt, like God himself spanked him for being an idiot who liked to swim across the dangerous river at night.”

“Your arse!?!” Bobby exclaimed and looked at his father. “You have the mark!”

“How does the kid know that?” Carwood asks.

“He asked if I ever got shot in the war.” Ron shrugged.

“Yes, your father is marked. Destined to be a leader of the finest bunch of men that ever was assembled.” Carwood answers and Bobby’s eyes are glowing with admiration. “Just like Dread Paratrooper Sparky. Who toppled HumperDike’s chess piece and didn’t stop there. The whole company was moving forward now and the occupants of Foy were starting to withdraw. Communication was poor and there were some men who didn’t know they had support. So, to tell them Sparky ran out in front of the enemy, through their lines and right over to where those men were trapped on the other side of the wall.”

“No way.”

“And..” Carwood says, “As if that wasn’t the most insane thing ButterBars had ever seen, Sparky jumped over that wall and ran back through the lines to return to those men he just saved from HumperDike’s incompetence. The enemy was prepared this time, firing on him, trying to move a tank to get to him, but they weren’t prepared for how fast Sparky could run. He had earned a medal from his home kingdom of Masshole for his speed and agility, prior to the great war. And so he returned, inspiring the men and turning the tides of the battle. Earning his place among the men he so desperately wanted to join from the beginning.”

Bobby smiled.

Carwood closed the book. “And that is the end of that chapter, you need to go to bed.”

“Awwww….”

“Nope.’ Carwood says. “If you want to hear the rest of it, you go to bed and I’ll come back tomorrow to tell you about the royal proposal, ButterBars sickness and how Sparky found the healing potion. The story does not end there.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.” Carwood says and ruffles the kid’s hair again and puts the book down and turns out the light. “But it is way past your bedtime.”

“Yes, sir. Thank you for coming Uncle Carwood.” Bobby says as he lays down and his Dad tucks him in. “You should stay and drink your tea, it’s late and you shouldn’t have to drive home because of me.”

“Thank you, for thinking of my safety.” Carwood says dryly and leaves the room, “Goodnight, Bobby.”

Ron kisses the kid on the forehead and whispers, “You’re not subtle.”

“Neither are you.”

With that he rolls his eyes and says “Goodnight” as he closes the door. Carwood is ready to start laughing and he carries his cup of tea into the kitchen and sips from it. “You might as well stay the night. Clearly I’m doing a shit job of convincing a five year old I’m not here on vacation with you.”

“He’s playing you. Trying to force your hand.” Carwood says and a hand goes to his lower back and he turns and says, “You can go one weekend without me in your bed.”

“He’s not the only one who can’t sleep.” Ron says, a whisper in Carwood’s ear and he gets an admonishing look.

“You’ll live.” Carwood strikes him down. “He’s too young for you to understand this and way too young to be burdened by that kind of secret. Just plan on dinner tomorrow. I do have work to get done while we are here.”

Ron frowns but understands, gives Lip a pat on the ass and sits down to drink his tea. “Fine. I’ll see you tomorrow. Thank you for coming over.”

“Go to bed, Ron.” Lip can’t resist running his hand through his hair once before he leaves. “Sweet dreams.”

“Mmm.” Ron says as that hand runs down his face, along his jaw, and a thumb rolls over his lips. Before he can suck it, Lip takes it away, leaving only a frown on his lips. “Tease.”

“I’ll make it up to you, always do.”

#speirton #winnix mention #band of brothers #ronald speirs #carwood lipton #fic #princess bride au

19 notes · View notes