#we could legit do this in the discord

[wilde-shit-posting]

We should hold a trial to convict @justastrugglinghotchocolate for crimes against Lord Henry.

[tellmeallaboutit]

knock knock (Raphael x F!Player)

Chapter 2, In Which You Meet A Tall Dark Stranger 

Chapter 1

SUMMARY: Careful which mods you install for BG3. Did you read the terms and conditions carefully?

TAGS: meta romance, psychological horror, smut, the character is the player, Raphael is after you, you wanted him, you invited him to our world, he accepted your invitation

RATING: explicit

AO3

Chapter 2

The next day, during your lunch break, you made another attempt to persuade Raphael to take his clothes off. The clock struck noon; your private laptop was on the right side of your desk, while your work laptop was on the left, Teams open and your mouse ready to show signs of activity from time to time.

The sun was shining through the wide open window, children playing outside. Idyllic. Nothing sinister could be happening in broad daylight with those happy sounds in the background. The horror movies told you so. Except for Midsommar.

Well, screw Midsommar, then. This isn’t Sweden.

"All right, I'm going to set some ground rules here," you said to the loading screen. "I can be as creepy as I want to be to you, because you're just a bunch of pixels, but you can't do anything creepy to me, because I'm a human being. Got that? Good."

The sound of your voice made you feel braver.

As you heard the familiar sinister 'you-let-the-villain-win-bad-player' music in the background, you covered your eyes with your hands and peered through splayed fingers.

Then he appeared. Just as you had wished. Perfectly naked, with a stereotypical video game six-pack and just the right amount of body hair. The orange lighting made his skin glow, and his flaccid penis, like that of the game's generic male model, vanished from sight as he strode closer.

Your ears pricked up to listen to the scripted monologue you knew by heart, watching (waiting?) for any hiccups or new animations, the YouTube app on your phone playing the identical scene for comparison.

Everything happened exactly as it should, word for word, save for the speaker’s nudity.

All good. You breathed a sigh of relief and spread your fingers wider to admire Raphael a little better. 

Same as always. Handsome and charming and completely imaginary, which, now that you thought about it, was the biggest part of his charm. 

"Ta-ta... for now," Raphael's signature line echoed through the room.

"Bravo, Raphael," you praised the screen. "You've done nothing creepy. You have earned your title of Archdevil Supreme."

After waiting for a response that never came, you laughed off your silliness and shook your head. Your laptop was overheating, giving off a slight synthetic smell. Should have upgraded a long time ago. Just need to put enough money aside.

"OK, screenshots," you said. "I wanted to take some screenshots. Do you mind, Raphael? Can I have your consent? They’ll help recruit more followers for you, my liege."

Your phone vibrated. The FaceID gave you a preview of the Discord messages from Queen-of-the-Bored, one of the few Raphaelites you'd actually spoken to directly and felt like you kinda sorta knew.

queen-of-the-bored: ngl that was some really funny joke, we spent the whole night trying to recreate it :-D queen-of-the-bored: you sounded legit worried over that voice message tho haha you: it was legit. check the reddit thread queen-of-the-bored: which thread

Ok, let me google that for you. You typed in the same search words as yesterday, "Raphael naked mod April prank," clicked on the thread from yesterday, and skimmed through the comments.

“nah not joking there is this naked mod for teenage mutant ninja""

“all dongs appeared MASSIVE on April’s first”

Scrolling further, you realized that was not the correct Raphael - it's Raphael the Turtle, not Raphael the Devil. Why was there so much NSFW content about him? What did people see in turtles?

You quickly corrected your search to "Raphael BG3 naked mod April prank," but it didn’t bring back any relevant results. So, you changed it to "last twenty four hours" just to be thorough.

Didn’t help. Nothing. You were the only to be called a naughty little mouse. The special one.

queen-of-the-bored: which thread dude??? you: my bad it was the turtle queen-of-the-bored: ??? queen-of-the-bored: I am slowly getting worried about you haha

Next step? Contact the mod developer directly? What if they have no idea what you're talking about?

Then what? What were the alternative theories? You've been hacked and doxxed to madness for that one Twitter post that got people waving pitchforks at you? 

There you go, you were scared again. Daytime, sun shining and children playing outside, but there you were, alone in your flat, scared again.

You took a deep breath and looked at the screen. "All right, I understand, Mr Archdevil Supreme. No screenshots. I'll uninstall the mod and I apologise for my disrespectful behaviour."

You couldn't bear to see Raphael's face on the screen again so you hit ctrl alt delete instead of Escape and stared blankly at the Task Manager.

Next, you uninstalled the mod that had caused all this trouble. Then you went to Tumblr and removed the reblog of Raphael in a cat playsuit with the tag "my poor miau miau". Then you deleted your bookmarks on AO3. Your Twitter account was beyond repair, so you deleted it altogether.

None of these actions made you feel any better. You grabbed a quick cup of shrimp noodles, but eating it only made you feel worse. As you tasted the sodium on your tongue, you came to a realisation: what you needed was to go the fuck outside.

You had been stuck in your flat and home office since the start of the pandemic, chronically online. Online work, online colleagues, online friends, who was the last real person you saw, talked to and hugged?

Your mum, probably. 

Oh yes, no wonder you were going mad. You need to get out there and meet some real people. You opened Discord, quickly scrolled past the sketch of Tav giving Raphael head, and typed a message: you needed to touch grass.

queen-of-the-bored: well there is Comic-Con this weekend  you: this is NOT touching grass, this is burning it queen-of-the-bored: true you: besides not going alone queen-of-the-bored: maybe Raph will keep you company 😈 

What? Such a strange thing to say. Or was it? Who the hell was that behind the screen anyway? Apparently someone called Sammy from Ohio. Supposedly. Wasn’t she the one who recommended this mod?

She was.

Come on, you're just letting your paranoia get the best of you.

queen-of-the-bored: oh BTW I found THE hottest Raph smut  queen-of-the-bored: mind the tags it's so hot but soooooo fucked up queen-of-the-bored: just read it trust me thank me later

Who the hell were you, Sammy from Ohio, Korilla? You put the phone down and started pacing around your small flat. It was not much to pace around, only forty-two square meters. 

At least you rent a flat in a building with other people and not some house at the edge of the forest. Strangers live below you, above you and on either side of you. They don't know you and you don't know them... but they were there, just in case...

Just in case.

"You know what?" you said to your computer. "I need a break. I need to focus on my mental health. Self-care, Raphael. I'm not playing with you. For now".

The moment you finished speaking, your phone lit up again with another notification. This time it was an email. You made a mental note to start managing your notifications better.

Did you enjoy your Devil Dick © - Natural Red experience? We know you will be back for more 😈 Check out the new...

What the fuck? Oh no, no, click away and make a mental note to never order from Bad Dragon again with customer satisfaction emails like this. It's borderline harassment. You ordered from them ONCE, as a joke, just to see what ridges might feel like.

Not as good as the smut had promised you,

Private. Private stuff. Between you and your bed drawer. Between you and your browser. God, how much stuff you have in your browser history. You should have used incognito mode more often.

Would that have helped? 

"That was low, Raphael," you muttered. "Or is it Haarlep today?"

You glanced around your room before angling your computer screen towards the wall, then retrieved the Devil Dick © from its hideaway in your bedside drawer. Your fingers grazed over the silicon ridges as you swiftly stashed it away in a box beneath the bed.

"If you must know, it was too big for me. Flattered?"

Crawling out from under the dusty bed, you looked up and realized for the first time that anyone in the building could easily peep into the flat if they tried hard enough or cared enough to do so.

Enough is enough.

You need to hydrate, you need to eat some vegetables, you need to start jogging again and you definitely... you definitely need to go out and talk to some real people. Maybe it's time to get back on Bumble and try your luck again. Who knows, it might actually work this time.

He wouldn't like that.

Where did that thought just come from? He wouldn't like it, who the hell cares what some imaginary devil thinks.

Standing up straight, you pointed a finger at the screen in front of you.

"Raphael, just so we are clear, you and I: I really like you. I do PR for you every day for free. You don't have to scare me to get my attention. You should appreciate me and be nice to me. I'm the best agent you'll ever have.”

Having made your point, you put on your running shoes and AirPods. It brought back memories of all the times you had jogged through the nearby park. Afterwards you'd sit on the bench and eat an ice-cream, watching couples, happy and glowing, watching families with children, happy and stressed, watching people living their lives in a reality parallel to yours, and then you'd come home and go into a reality parallel to theirs.

The AirPods picked up right where they left off last time.

I want to hold you close, soft breasts, beating heart, as I whisper in your ear

I wanna fucking tear you apart

You removed the AirPods from your earlobes and exhaled. This wasn’t Raphael's fault. This is She Wants Revenge, you have listened to it a thousand times. You knew the lyrics, they hadn't changed. 

You can't even listen to music anymore. Pull yourself together. 

Get some vitamins from the pharmacy.

Touch some goddamn grass.

***

You stuck to your digital and physical diet until the weekend, and as a reward, nothing happened. No oddly timed emails, no strange messages, no random phone calls. Maybe it was your pitch talk or the vitamins you started taking, but either way, Raphael was on his best behavior, and so were you. 

No Tumblr, no AO3. Didn't even touch Steam. Got into a highbrow podcast about the Roman Empire.

You set a new personal record for days without 'self-indulgence', as Raphael would put it, although that wasn't really the intention. Something always seemed to interrupt - whether it was the loud hum of the fridge (which was always obnoxious) or the flickering light in the hallway (which had been broken for over a week). 

By Friday, you had finally finished the work projects you had been putting off for months. The job wasn't too bad, but it hadn't been any fun for years, if it ever had been. You did the bare minimum to get the paycheck and keep the job, and your employer kept the paycheck at the bare minimum to keep you. If there was anything else you could do, you would do something else.

Still, this was probably the most productive week you had in years. You scrubbed your flat from top to bottom twice and cleared your wardrobe of clothes that no longer fit.

You were proud of yourself.

Gradually your sense of security began to return. You tried not to dwell too much on the incident with the naughty little mouse; if you didn't think about it, it almost felt like it hadn't happened.

On Friday, you plucked up the courage to play BG3 again, wandered through Baldur's Gate, avoiding the House of Hope for the time being, had a few fights, played the graveyard scene with Astarion (daring, but a small part of you hoped it would make Raphael jealous enough to come out again), and shut it down. 

Nothing out of the ordinary.

You hadn't planned to go to Comic-Con. For one thing, it was on the other side of the city, in the business district of the convention centre, so it would take at least an hour to get there. Secondly, going alone just felt... weird.

It was not until Friday night that a little voice in your head started to whisper, "Why not? Maybe you'll meet some like-minded people”. Make some friends you can actually touch (not in a creepy way). 

It's a better chance than endlessly swiping on Bumble.

Maybe you'll meet...

Neil Newbon. If you can get past the hordes of fangirls. Andrew Wincott. No, Andrew Wincott wouldn't be there; you'd checked beforehand. To be honest, hearing his voice might have been too much for your psyche at that moment.

So you decided to go. You went, and it was as fun as you had imagined it would be - that is, hardly any. The convention hall was huge and crowded, rows and rows of stalls, crowds and crowds of people. Live panel discussions, cosplayers, flashing lights, bright colors, chatter, laughter, very loud, very lively.

Raphael wouldn't last a minute in that chaos.

"Hell is other people," you thought to yourself, quoting Sartre. If you ever met Raphael, you'd quote Sartre to him too. He must know that you read intelligent books and not just fanfiction. 

Some people might be comfortable going to events and eating alone in restaurants, but not you. It's even worse being the odd one out in a group of odd ones. How come all the others had someone to take along? Where did they find all those people in this godforsaken city?

You talked to a few people and a few people talked to you. Nothing really took off. Your mind was elsewhere, to be fair. You were looking for something in the crowd. 

Someone.

It was absurd, yes, but so was what happened this week with the mod. You had met a few Raphael cosplayers, three at least, but they were...

Well, of course they weren't him. But they did a great job with the clothes and the hair and the make-up, and one had really great prosthetic horns, and you touched them and admired them and praised that particular Raphael for all his hard work in creating them.

They were real people, not video game characters that had come to life, and neither were you. You looked down at your jeans, at your thighs, and thought you should start jogging again, and felt even less comfortable in your own skin. 

Then Neil Newbon came along and things quickly became too chaotic for you.

You decided to take a break and walked down the street until you came across a cosy café - none of that generic chain stuff, but something that tried hard to be authentic with pretty flowers in the windows.

Sitting alone at a table for two, you looked down at your phone and opened the Discord chat because you came here to talk to some real people.

In the main chat, there was a heated debate about whether devils are allowed to torture mortals into signing contracts. Both sides presented arguments based on lore, edition contradictions, past precedents and personal conviction. 

A man's voice interrupted you as you typed your own very elaborated opinion of hellish law. "Excuse me, may I?" he asked, his words slightly muffled by the AirPods.

"Sure," you replied with practiced friendliness, not even looking up. That was always your default answer. It's not like you can say no to this kind of request anyway. 

People ask and do a lot of things out of politeness. That was precisely why you took the AirPods out of your ears.

The moment you lifted your eyes to meet the man's, you learned the true meaning of the word 'jumpscare'. Your body jerked upwards, the table shook and the coffee cup tumbled - narrowly missing Raphael.

Raphael. 

Not a man who looked like Raphael, not a man who was dressed like him - Raphael. 

You weren't sure if you made any sound or uttered any words. You probably yelped.

What you did do for sure was gawk.

His skin tone identical; hair slicked back just right; eyes uncannily accurate in hue and shape - down to every wrinkle. A perfectly realistic rendering. Not the uncanny valley type, no, perfectly believable. This is exactly what he would look like if he were real and swapped his fantasy clothes for a business suit.

So this is what it feels like to go completely insane.

Very banal, actually. You are having a psychotic breakdown and no one is even looking at you, except for an imaginary devil.

"Oh my, my apologies," Raphael said as he quickly grabbed napkins to mop up the spreading lake of coffee on the table. "I did not mean to scare you."

Oh, but he did, very much. You could not breathe, your chest encased in an iron brace of fear. It's you who needs to apologise, and apologise fast, and apologise a lot, and beg for mercy. Especially for liking the Twitter art of him being spit-roasted between Yurgir and Haarlep. 

If you only knew... you would never have clicked on it... absolutely never... all those posts you wrote... 

"Raphael?" you managed to squeak out. “I didn’t mean it, I swear.”

This must be how a deer feels in the headlights of an oncoming truck.

He looked at you, very sincere confusion etched across his handsome face. "Excuse me?"

You drew in a shaky breath, your nostrils flaring as you tried to catch a whiff of cherries under the aroma of fresh coffee, not caring how absurd you appeared. Yes? No? Or was that strawberry jam on his croissant? Have your senses gone haywire? Your mind certainly has.

"You're... you're here to cosplay Raphael?" 

The thought tumbled out of your mouth before it had time to fully form in your head. It was the only explanation that made sense... It didn't, but it made more sense than all the others put together.

Raphael moved closer, pulled up a chair and asked, amused: "I beg your pardon, I'm here to do what to whom?"

The voice. The voice was the same. Andrew Wincott's voice. The man had simply stolen his voice. Or had the man stolen it from him? The movements, the mannerisms, the facial expressions. This man could not be Raphael because...

Well, because this man was real. As real as you were. 

"Raphael," you explained. "From the video game. Are you here to cosplay... to play... Raphael?"

The man gave you a look as if questioning your sanity, and rightfully so. You were also sweating bullets - could he see the damp patches under your hoodie? You pressed your arms against your sides; wouldn't want him noticing.

"I'm hardly an actor," Raphael replied with a polite smile, "although there was a time in my youth when I entertained such ambitions."

He chuckled lightly and took a leisurely sip of his coffee. 

"I'm here to enjoy my espresso, nothing more. I... have never been particularly fond of..." he added with the disdain of a typical middle-aged man, "... video games.”

You had no response for that because Raphael wouldn't be into video games either; that much was believable.

"My office is across the street," he said, pointing towards the office complex opposite you. "Precisely there."

The golden sign on the building across from you, d'Avergni & Partners, told you nothing, except that Raphael had an office job and an office space and a desk and all the things that the devil shouldn’t have because the devil invented them to torture the others.

Raphael was dressed like he had just stepped out of a board meeting. A three-piece slate gray tailored suit, white shirt peeking out from underneath, silk tie and matching pocket square. Of all the modern Raphael AUs, you preferred the Professor one, you voted for it, you had Sucharide’s fic bookmarked. The Professor was more, ugh...

Safe.

As for you, you were wearing a hoodie with your university on it. A clean hoodie, but a hoodie nonetheless. What the hell else would you be wearing to Comic Con? You didn't do your hair. Well, putting it in a ponytail is not doing your hair. Why did you not do your hair? 

"I know, I know, you must be wondering why anyone would toil on a weekend," Raphael continued. That was the last thing you were wondering. "Alas, no rest for the wicked."

"Wicked?" you echoed. You looked at the people in the cafe, sure they were staring at the both of you, but they weren't.

"Oh," he chuckled lightly, "it's just an expression – 'No rest for the wicked.' You've never heard it before?"

"Of course I have," you said, momentarily embarrassed. "Never mind...sorry."

"You have nothing to apologise for," Raphael raised his eyebrows. "In fact, I should be the one to apologise for startling you. May I offer you another cup of... ah, what was that... cappuccino? After twelve? Tsk-tsk, young lady".

Not a single modern man could ever manage to say the words "tsk-tsk, young lady" as charmingly. That was Raphael.

"No bother, I can get one myself," you said quickly, about to stand up. 

He raised his hand slightly and put it down to halt your movement, and for a second you thought he was going to touch you, and if he had, if you had felt the skin of his skin, he would have felt more real and you would have died on the spot from a bursting heart.

"I have no doubt about that. But may I treat you? It would be my absolute pleasure”.

Pleasure. The way he said the word was straight obscene. You couldn't handle the word 'pleasure' coming from a man who had been responsible for more than half your orgasms in the last few months.

So in your daze, you mumbled: "Yeah. Yeah, sure."

Raphael stood up and walked over to the barista. She acknowledged him, so that's one point for him being real and you not hallucinating. Not only did she acknowledge him but she flashed him a goofy grin - clearly smitten.

Of course she is.

You have to take a picture of him. How do you take a picture of someone without their consent without being a total creep?

You don't. It's in the fucking definition; you can't. But you should. Maybe you'll open your camera roll and see someone completely different, and then you'll know it's time to call for mental health services.

Your phone was buzzing with messages, which you quickly swiped away and went straight to the camera. You took a picture of him from behind while he ordered you a coffee. The barista gave you a “fucking weirdo” look. 

Fuck you, you thought, you have no idea what I am going through right now. Then you switched to the camera roll and checked to see if the photo reflected what you saw.

A broad, fit back of a very attractive middle-aged man with lush brown hair, paying for coffee with cash.

You couldn't decide whether this made you feel better or worse.

When Raphael returned with your cup, you had something for him too. "This is the character I was talking about," you said, a screenshot of virtual Raphael ready on your screen.

Anyone who saw the screenshot would say, "Who motion-captured me?" 

Not Raphael. He barely glanced before shrugging and handing your phone back. "Hmm, I see some resemblance, I guess."

Resemblance? What fucking resemblance? There was no resemblance; he WAS Raphael! You were about to argue but he beat you to it: "Why? Were you hoping to meet this...Raphael?" 

His voice dropped an octave and he looked at you intently. He was flirting - openly, unashamedly.

"I...I was," you stammered out. "He's my favourite character."

Brilliant, brilliant line. Dear diary, today I wanted to meet Raphael, my favourite character from my favourite game. So much for quoting Sartre.

"Well now, I'm flattered," Raphael purred, causing you to wriggle uncomfortably in your seat. "I do bear some physical likeness."

That was a massive understatement. 

The man had a disarmingly charming smile. You tried to remember if Raphael had ever smiled like that in the game. It was mostly scowls and grins and smirks, but this kind of smile? You didn't think so. You caught a glimpse of yourself in his hazel eyes, and that was not Tav; that was you. Just you.

Not that you were unattractive or anything. Average. Maybe even a little pretty on a good day. You didn't like yourself very much. Then again, most people don't. That's how the beauty industry makes its money. 

You got your share of attention, some, nothing to brag about. Had two boyfriends, it didn't work out, you used to care, now you don't. Certainly never got any attention from men who looked like him.

Why should this man be interested in you, why? Ah, yes. Your soul. He probably wants your soul. Is it worth much at all? Is it worth coming all the way to Earth? You wanted to apologize to him for going through all this trouble just for you.

"So this event in the convention hall down the street..." he snapped his fingers as if trying to recall a forgotten name.

"Comic-Con 2024," you supplied. "It's huge in fandom culture. TV shows, video games, that sort of stuff.”

"Ah. Not my kind of entertainment - or my kind of audience, for that matter," Raphael said with a slightly raised eyebrow, eyeing the “Astarion approves” badge on your backpack.  "It does remind me of a deal I signed recently."

"Deal?" you asked in a weak voice. He nodded. "What deal? With who?"

"With who? No, I meant the Microsoft-Blizzard acquisition". 

Ah, that kind of deal. The words felt so reassuring, so real, the acquisition. Raphael would have no idea about these words. Raphael wouldn't say "Microsoft". You mean the real Raphael. What the hell is a 'real' Raphael again?

For the first time, you let go of a little tension. You took a first sip of your coffee and leaned back slightly in your chair. 

"Actually, I think these acquisitions are really harmful for the industry," you said. 

Why did you have to be so confrontational? You didn't have anything clever to say about such things, so you spoke the truth instead. Bad idea.

"How candid of you to say that. Well, I’ll be just as candid with you: I am indeed a villain." Raphael grinned. "I hope you can forgive me." 

There went your short-lived relaxation, which lasted less than a minute.  Raphael had just looked at you and said "I am a villain". Challenge him. Tell him it's him because, well, it's him. It can only be him. Tell him you know it's him, and then...

And then what?

"Everybody's got a job to do, I guess", you managed to utter the most generic phrase in existence.

"Isn't that so..." Raphael replied, pausing for a moment before finishing the sentence with your name.

You did not introduce yourself to him. You were sure of it. Absolutely sure. 

"How do you know my name?" you asked, half rising from your chair, raising your voice and quickly lowering it again. "I didn't tell you my name. How do you know it?"

Raphael gestured to your phone, which lay on the table screen between the two of you. Your work ID card was tucked away in its transparent case - something you hadn't needed for a while.

It had your first and last name on it.

"I saw it right before my eyes," he explained. "I thought it was a hint."

"It wasn't," you said.

"Oh, another faux pas on my part then," he said. "At this rate, I owe you something to make up for all my many transgressions. Perhaps dinner?"

You let out a nervous chuckle. One of your popular Tumblr posts had been an impassioned rant about how Raphael had promised a similar in-game offer but failed to deliver despite the many times you gave him the Crown.

"I seem to have absolutely terrified you, and that was not my intention. I insist on making it up to you. If you allow me, of course. I don't want to impose. Would you allow me to?"

He looked at you with the intensity of a man admiring a beautiful woman, his shoulders back and chin slightly up, trying to present himself from his best angle - something you've seen men do before, but rarely (if ever) to you. It was as if he could hang on every word that came out of your mouth, simply because he enjoyed watching your lips move. Raphael looked like he was in love, for Christ's sake.

Your cheeks grew warm. 

"Yes," you replied.

He kept silent for a bit, savouring your answer. 

"Splendid. Where might I collect you?"

It took you a moment to realise that he was asking for your address. Your personal address. Shouldn't he know it already, if he was Raphael? You replied as nonchalantly as possible:

"Why don't I give you my number and we can arrange to meet at the center?"

His expression darkened slightly; you've seen this look in the game before.

No, you shouldn't have said that. You wanted him to like you. 

Desperately.

"You don't trust me?" Raphael's voice dropped an octave or two, playful and just a little threatening.

You felt his breath on your face (cherries?) and the next second you stopped feeling your legs. The attraction that had been simmering inside you for months started boiling over.

Breathe. Pretend it's not Raphael. A man came up to you in a coffee shop and asked you if you trusted him in that kind of tone, leaning in like that. You know what the sensible thing to do would be - get up and walk away. And if it really was Raphael, get up and run away. 

You remained seated and stayed. 

"Just, ugh..." was all you managed to get out of the jumbled thoughts in your head; two coherent sentences so far into the conversation, and both of them made you sound like an absolute madwoman. 

Raphael laughed.

"Of course you don't trust me, that's only prudent, and you seem to be quite an intelligent young lady. But just so we are clear, you and I: you have nothing to fear from me. What is that number of yours?"

Quite an intelligent young lady, the words echoed in your mind and you remembered your naughty anonymous Tumblr confession: I would suck every last drop of cum out of him as long as he kept praising me.

God, everything you've read with him in the main role. Double penetration, double vaginal penetration, pet play... you weren't even into half of it. You hoped Raphael didn’t think you actually wanted him to do all of the things you read with you.

You just liked clicking on random links.

"Do you need something to write it down or...?" you asked hesitantly.

"I will remember," he said curtly. “I do not forget things easily”.

You realised that there was something far more frightening than anything that had happened before: that he wouldn't remember, that he would never call you, and that this conversation and this meeting would end there. 

So you carefully enunciated each number, then took a pen from your pocket and wrote it down on a napkin: it seemed romantic in the movies, but your handwriting and the coffee stain made it look like a secret message from the madhouse.

He grinned and tucked the napkin into the pocket of his suit.

He took the last sip of coffee and then took your hand in his. He touched you. His skin was warm and real and soft and everything you had ever imagined, his touch surprisingly tender. 

Your whole body responded to that tiny crumb of affection, viscerally. You hadn't realized how famished you were for a touch until that moment.

He lifted your hand to his lips and pressed them against yours. His lips were soft too, slightly damp from the coffee.

"I am looking forward to our rendezvous," Raphael murmured against your palm. "Ver much so."

Rendezvous.

In any other situation, a middle-aged man kissing your hand would be downright creepy. But this... this was a fever dream, an illusion, anything but reality. Because there was no way this madness could actually be happening to you.

Was it a bad thing? Was reality ever... this? So unpredictable? So exciting? 

You only snapped out of it when the door closed behind him, but you snapped out hard. You practically threw yourself at the next table, where a group of guys were sitting, their appearance screaming video games - backpacks and scruffy beards, Warhammer-emblazoned T-shirts. 

You grabbed one by the shoulder and hissed urgently: "Guys-guys-guys-guys." Your words came like rapid fire. "Tell me that guy doesn't look exactly like Raphael from Baldur's Gate? That one? On the street behind the window?" 

Damn, you sounded desperate.

"Ah, sorry, never played it," came the nonchalant reply before he turned back to his friends' conversation.

"Baldur's Gate," chimed in another, his face lighting up. "Amazing game. Looks like who?"

"Raphael," you said. "The devil."

The guy laughed, but didn't even look where you were pointing.

"Ah, the two-pump chump?"

You shot a quick glance at Raphael. His eyes met yours through the glass window, and they were cold now; his smile was gone. 

I didn't say that, you pleaded with him in your thoughts. That guy said that. That guy over there. I would never say that.

Your defence of his bed skills stretched from Reddit to Tumblr threads, you argued that Haarlep was slandering him, that Raphael was the best fuck there ever was and you personally vouched for that because you fucked him a thousand times in your head.

"Don't call him that, please," you whispered to the guy. He gave you a confused look when you pointed at Raphael again: "Look at him. The one staring at us. Does he look like him?

Is he real? Do you see him too?

"Ah yes," he admitted with a grin on his face, raising the cup of coffee to his lips, "he sort of does. Yes, he does! Well, I hope he doesn't...oh shit! FUCK!".

The guy's face contorted in pain as he clutched his mouth, jumping, cursing, tears streaming down his face. You could see the skin on his lips reddening and blistering.

"What the fuck?! It's fucking boiling! FUCK! "

The barista rushed over to him, spewing apologies as she tried to handle the situation. You took a step back and glanced at Raphael whose lips were moving subtly - two syllables that matched rhythmically: 'bye-bye' or maybe 'ciao-ciao'. 

It didn't have to be 'ta-ta'. He waved nonchalantly at you.

You waved back.

NEXT: Chapter 3, In Which Larian Introduces The Raphael Romance

[oceangirl24]

I'll admit i was very angry and hurt that i was on your block list until i read your user profile. sorry you got bullied and harassed by this person. now i'm kinda of nervous of who she is because i don't think i could take 16 months of bullying.

I debated overnight if I should answer this. I am going to respond so that my readers understand what's been going on.

This ask is very typical of the type of thing the person who harassed me, and plagiarized Autumn in Philadelphia does. Since she found out about the link to the report, she has sent readers and has impersonated readers to get the link to that report which details not just the plagiarism but also her harassment.

I have had mutual readers gain my trust, participate in my BMW discord server, and pretend to be supportive through this ordeal all while relaying information to her.

She has also used her readers from other fandoms to try to do the same.

This is why I preemptively block readers who gush over her or indicate that they are in private communication with her (all of this is public information on her stories that I found while compiling my report).

Why is this ask typical of her methods to gain access to me and the report?

There is no indication to which user profile this information is on as those of you who follow me know I post on three sites.

I would think if this ask was by a legit reader and not by her or one of her friends (she is blocked on every single site I know we share as are any associates of hers that I'm aware of) I would think the reader would want me to know who they are so I can directly address them and the site they are on.

Which I would do privately.

The fact that immediate concern is about who she is also bothers me. I would assume once I named the person, they would want proof in the form of the link to the report.

That will not happen.

If this ask is from a legitimate reader or follower, then I really am sorry you've been caught in this.

To be clear: I am not upset with anyone who follows her or interacts with her works. This issue should have stayed between us but she chose to bring others into it and use them.

Even if you have been a part of this with her, I'm honestly not upset with you. I know how manipulative she is. I'm sure you thought you were helping a very sweet loving Christian writer obssessed with Jon and Shawn (aren't most of us obssessed?).

I fell for it myself. Hard.

I care about all of my readers very much, but it has come to the point where I have to protect myself.

If this is not a legitimate ask and you are doing this on her behalf or she's gotten another account, then we now stand close to 20 months of harassment.

To my readers, you know where to find me and how to interact with me that is not AO3.

I thank you for sticking with me through all of this and for supporting AiP, whether you comment or simply just read as I post.

I appreciate you more than I can say.

Aria

[jayenator565]

My Tanthamore Comfort Fics

We were talking about comfort fics in the Tanthamore discord and I realized I have too many for a normal sized reply, so here's a tumblr post instead. In no particular order i've reread these fics...maybe too many times.

I'm just gonna list em by author cause that's easier. Keep in mind we may have different definitions of the word comfort.

@commanderbuffy

650 ft2 - Ok so like envision these girls have been best friends for forever and they've been secretly pining for ages, no sense of personal space, they can read eachother like books AND they were roommates!

The Tanthamore Affair - This fic has everything, one bed, fake dating, celeb au, the fic that changed the meaning of a certain emoji and all the tropes you could want really

@badlance

We've got to find other ways to make it together - this one line says all you need to know

"It is the greatest irony of Jade Claymore’s life to be a certified genius who is nevertheless in love with an idiot."

@spybrarian

More Than Just Survival - as far as 5+1 fics go this one has me in a CHOKEHOLD

I scream at your chest for as long as I must

one night at the start of the end of the world

@ilovemyships (i think you need an AO3 account to read these gems)

you won't believe it (they think we're lovers)

don't wanna pressure (but friends don't kiss friends)

@acre-of-wheat - Acre's way with words should be studied

Network Connectivity Issues - I have never related to a character more than I relate to this Jade

The Dark

The Bite

@jlmichigan

Out of the Cuirass - one of the first tanthamore fics I ever read actually and I still come back to it every so often

@stbot

lay down your armor (come lie bare with me) - saintbot has a catalogue lemme tell ya but this one for tanthamore is just so heartwarming

@overkill-max

Escaping Fate - the Kit runs away fic that everyone needs

Dil3mma (idk their tumblr right now sorry)

A Sword And A Shield (And Everything In Between)

Deja-Brew - the loveliest coffee shop one shot

Jad3dEt3rnal (idk if they have a tumblr either)

This Daydream is Dangerous - cuddly vampire Jade, need I say more?

ana_chronistic (idk if they have a tumblr either x3)

Oops. I proposed. - fake dating x 100, fake proposal it's like fake dating to the next level and I love the growth of communication and pacing in this.

@barmaid-anon

do what you feel now

you want a good girl that does bad things (to you)

fulfill (an obligation) or keep (an arrangement)

we simply don't have time to unpack why these are comfort fics, we're just going to accept it and keep going.

@thecsquirrel

Sword and Shield - I love this look at what post S1 life could have been like for the gang, revisiting Nockmaar, seeing Galladoorn, getting into the evil Elora storyline with Graydon, spending more time with the Nelwyn and in the Wildwood it's just everything

@wigster07

What a pleasant surprise - a fic of one of my other comfort fics, I know it's like fic-ception in the best way possible. If you liked Tanthamore Affair I have an inkling this will be right up your alley

@isabrella @jade-claymore @allthefakepeople @resurrecho

those rumors they have big teeth - BAND AU need I say more? I don't need to but i'm going to, this fic has everything Kit and Jade in a band, Kit's leather pants, gay-ifying songs, MAMA MIA, totally gay best friends who have basically been dating for years but won't admit to it, Jade gets to be a bit problematic as a treat, inner band fighting, what more can you want?

@swashbucklery

meet you where the spirit meets the bones (tanthamore 90s werewolf au) - its a SERIES of these repressed gay DORKS and they're werewolves, there's such a charming way to how this author writes them I legit can't even with these two gays

@onlyshestandsthere

these walls come tumbling down - look, we don't have time to unpack why there's so many were-related supernatural esque fics on my comfort list and I know this is only 2 chapters in but I can already feel the comfort in all the hurt ok I dont even have to wait I already know i'm gonna be rereading this like monthly

I'm gonna have to stop there even though I know i'm still missing some! If someone asked me what my favorites are we'd be here all day XD

[fallenclan]

sending this as an ask but also putting it in the discord (if you can find a way to put this under a cut so that it doesn't become a scrolling hazard i would love that, but if not possible then this can remain a discord list!)

so considering fallenclan is definitely entering a new era with ravenstar, i decided to make a list of who i think his supporters will be. i believe most of the cats who become his lackeys are going to be those that are young and impressionable. i believe cats like crowflame, evie, willowsplash, etc. who remember life under goldenstar's leadership are actually going to vehemently be in opposition to ravenstar. exiling elders theory is actually pretty legit! (in my clangen files, when i don't want to exile a cat bc i'll lose track of them, i keep them in the clan but add something to their name or desc to note that they're "exiled" or a part of a resistance or something if the leader is evil). these are all just theories and my own ideas about the characters ofc

anyway here's the list:

levi---this one is a given. we don't know much about him other than that he's bloodthirsty and was taken into the clan by ravenstar.

flamefall---ravenstar's first and only (at this point) apprentice. has the nervous trait so i'm assuming he finds ravenstar to be quite intimidating. he was the cat to remind cherrystar about feathersight's omen, which led to her making ravenstar deputy. i don't flamefall is inherently malicious, but i do believe he could be coerced or threatened into doing ravenstar's bidding.

sleepydawn---a cat who's sick of living in his dead father's shadow, wanting to make a name for himself... by being a part of ravenstar's inner circle. has the bloodthirsty trait as well. i think sleepydawn is a very jaded and bitter cat and ravenstar will play into that quite a bit. he had the insecure trait as an apprentice so i feel he desperately wants approval. ravenstar gives him this approval.

patchback---a bit uncertain on this one. she was exiled from her previous clan and probably feels beholden to fallenclan for taking her in. perhaps she will follow ravenstar more closely out of fear of being exiled again. she has the fierce trait which makes me think she can be quite intimidating/fiery when provoked.

frecklefox---i view him as being rowdy and chaotic but not particularly cruel. i think he'd start out more as a lowkey follower who antagonizes cats who "don't support" ravenstar and slowly becomes more devote.

hazelthorn---she's charismatic and an unusually strong fighter. i see her as being someone who listens and observes all amongst the clan and then reports back to ravenstar (warning him about potential "traitors").

toadbelly---a chill guy. or is he?

marshpaw & bearpaw---putting these two together because they're both righteous. ravenstar did promise to "look after" them, after all.

sootstep---her apprentice trait was ambitious and her current trait is loyal. gives the impression of someone who seeks to move up in the clan's ranks and scorns cats she finds disloyal to ravenstar.

i honestly can't see a lot of the characters that have been already well established as being in support of ravenstar but uh. here's my list

-🐉

ohhh dragon i love this !!! especially your analysis of sleepydawn and hazelthorn! and i will say that at least Some of your predictions are true... :3

[athene-owl]

Dream Video Followup

OK, I know I said I was done but, after a sleep and some more thinking about the video, there are a few things I really want to add before I can never talk about this guy or his fanbase ever again.

This is the one thing I'm kicking myself for not pointing out - the Pastebin stuff. So, in the description, Dream has 3 links to Pastebin posts. The first is a statement allegedly from Jamie, the second is a statement allegedly from an anonymous person in one of the burner account screenshots, and the third is for some reason a statement by an employee behind the whole Dream USB armband thing????

OK so I'm gonna go into the third statement first before getting into the other 2 more serious posts - this statement about the baby photo discourse is quite literally a short statement from a random employee of Dream's merch company saying he doesn't believe the allegations because he doesn't think there's enough facts. He doesn't even mention the baby photos which I don't think people even really cared about. I have no idea why this of all things was included but also cannot take any stock in this because this guy 1. Would have no insight into Dream's private behavior and 2. Would financially be VERY inclined to back up Dream. While researching for this I found out there's rumors of Dream's company being unethical or something? I am not getting into that can of worms my god. Here, I'll put the entire quote below to show you how ridiculous this is, yes this is the entire thing.

As for the other 2 statements, I'm just gonna say this - as far as I can tell, there is no evidence these statements are legit. In the prelude to the 'Jamie' statement, Dream tries to address this and explains that 'Jamie' wants privacy and how in private he can verify their identity. If you wanna give him the benefit of the doubt, this makes sense to me personally given my current knowledge on the situation. BUT I won't say I'm inclined the do so esp given his history and the stakes of the situation. It'll be enough for stans and will probs make him look respectful and noble for 'protecting' her but it just flat out is not convincing evidence to me. This statement is not the slam dunk people are treating it as, if it is genuine then I am sorry for Jamie for being dragged into all of this and that's all I'll say. This is speculative but I need to mention it - even if this is Jamie, this is not 100% conclusive. If she's afraid of public backlash, if she's afraid of Dream, if she never wanted this revealed, then I think she would understandably just want to say nothing happened and for people to leave her alone. We don't have a clear way of knowing. Given how much Dream bemoans fake evidence in his video, given how much he lambasts people for not fact-checking, this is a huge issue with his evidence and I am not convinced by this personally. This is also all true for the second statement from the anonymous Discord user too.

A lot of the things Dream seemingly proves don't actually matter. With the photo at the police station, Dream got his team of lawyers to use this single photo to find out the exact station so they could contact them. They seemingly succeeded at this and found absolutely no records of Dream being reported for anything. I get the feeling this is the piece of evidence Dream is proudest of and that is impressing a lot of people. Doesn't it look really convincing and impressive that Dream's lawyers went through all this trouble, sent emails, made calls - all to find no report against him? It is impressive, but it doesn't prove as much as people are acting like it does. If anything, the photo being connected to a real station proves that Amanda did at least go to the police, since this wasn't a stock photo or anything. And while I'm no legal expert and am happy for someone to correct me, you absolutely can go to the police, talk to them about something, but choose not to report it. I don't think its impossible that Amanda went to a police station, consulted them on the situation without dropping names or wanting to file a report, and then left. This evidence proves no one has reported Dream and his records are clear NOT that he did nothing. He offers 2 answers - 1. That she was lying about intending to report him which he then leads into 'why wouldn't she be lying about everything' (lots of issues with this reasoning but whatever) and 2. She told the police her story but it didn't meet the standard of proof AKA it wasn't even seen as worth filing a report on by the police. But there's a third option - she backed out due to one of the countless reasons these crimes go unreported. I'm seeing so many people treat this as conclusive evidence, proudly supporting the idea that a woman not reporting her abuse makes her a liar. As if its unreasonable for a woman to plan to report, go to the police, but then change her mind. Really disgusting ideas are being spread and popularized by this video and men online are eating it up.

He also tells Amanda to check her mailbox - he has identified her, found her address and sent something to her, I'm guessing some sort of legal notice. This makes me incredibly uneasy. All I'll say is this - if I was groomed by someone like Dream, with his resources and stans and success, I wouldn't report it.

Small thing but at 1:14:35 he mentions how people thought he admitted to the moaning audio being him because he called it "essentially unsubstantiated "revenge porn"" - people thought him calling it 'revenge porn' was him admitting to it being real while he insists he meant it was fake but being passed around like it was him. And I just need to say that he really should've just flat out denied it was him, just say 'that audio is not me' and this whole confusion could've been avoided.

At 1:17:42, when Dream is discussing 'false allegations' he specifically mentions that it is a current 'trend' in the Minecraft community but assures the audience it will grow and spread to other communities. Really hate how that's gonna be cited as proof of victims being fake from now on, I really must ask why Dream had to speak beyond his own situation and make wider claims about this shit because I am fucking fed up. I need random internet men to STOP positioning themselves as experts of complex issues of rape culture right now. I also have seen a lot of big Youtuber men take Dream's side in this and support this message and yeah this will make things moving forward a fucking nightmare. I want people to at least consider how hypothetical hidden abusers in an online community would react to Dream's insistence on 'false allegations' being a popular trend OK? Again, women are statistically far, far, far more likely to face sexual violence from men then men are to EVER be falsely accused so please keep this in mind and do not let your guard down because I guarantee this will have wide reaching consequences!!!! Remember how many celebrity men started suing their abuse victims after what that shithead did to Amber Heard? Yeah.

I never watched the DSMP, Dream's content, any of his Minecraft friends' content, nothing, so I have no context for the bits where he talks about those topics. I've seen people saying there's a ton to that whole side of things, a lot of complex and interpersonal drama so I wanted to mention that he does briefly talk about it if you're interested.

Even from an outside, casual perspective as someone who doesn't follow the Dream stuff closely, my friends and I know of some controversies he didn't mention and I just wanted to point that out. I'm not even saying these things are true/damning for Dream BUT these are all well-known things that he really should've addressed in a video that took over a year to make (this is not a comprehensive list, I'm sure there's more because this man is in drama every week). And before you say that he wanted to focus on the 'serious stuff' - he decided to address the speedrunning stuff, an AI video of him sucking his own dick, 10 minutes on Nick Cantu, and interviews with both his mother and an Uber driver he met once where they both wholesomely recount how funny and honorable Dream is. Anyway, here are the points:

His whole image/persona was taken from Cryaotic, a sexual predator

Him apparently supporting Trump

The drama he had with his SMP - he does briefly mention the QSMP thing but even I know there was a lot more to say on this

People in the DSMP being bigots, Dream was in charge of the whole thing and should've explained why he allowed this

Dream making sexual jokes and comments about underage friends of his (there's a whole Youtube compilation of this and it's weird as fuck)

The whole Pride month donation debacle

Dream's own bigotry towards various marginalized groups

His fans mass doxxing of multiple people - the most infamous being of Twitter user @/faerieluv, a black person who had a welfare check called on them by Dream stans for criticising him? Where they live, 'welfare checks' had resulted in black people being murdered by police before, their ADHD medication was questioned - their life was in danger due to his stans and as far as I can tell Dream has never acknowledged this. Unfortunately, it seems they have left Twitter but I don't have an account so its hard to verify. Also, I previously said they were a woman but that's not clear now so I apologize.

[scorchieart]

Understaffed

Genre: Comedy

Wordcount: 1326

Prompt: In A Flash CCC hosted by @flash-exchange - October 2023: Magic Apprenticeship

A/N: My first entry for the In A Flash CCC! This one was inspired by the folks over on Discord, you guys rock for helping me finish a fic after so long! I will try my best to write some more as the challenge continues. For this fic, it's been split up as 2 separate parts, the first part being mainly from Jin's perspective and the second continuing from Yves and Nokto's. Many thanks to @lorei-writes for the feedback and suggestions. Enjoy!

Jin Grandet was not a warlock. At least, not officially.

It wasn’t because he had a late start. Most children couldn’t even read spells from the rudimentary tomes at age six, let alone pronounce them. And it wasn’t as if he was without talent. It was common knowledge throughout the kingdoms that the sorcerer’s gene manifested strongest within royal bloodlines. No, the true reason Jin failed his Warlock Mastery Examination was far less magical than he’d like to admit. 

But that’s a story for another time. And even if the minimum age to apply was fifteen, it didn’t mean he was barred from trying again another year. Heck, most applicants didn’t even make an attempt until they were double that! But of course, Chevalier came of age the next year, and while the exam was merely a formality for the prodigy, barely anyone bothered to register for that round. Fueled by fiery rivalry, Clavis was hot on Chevalier’s heels the year after that, and Jin was too preoccupied with helping him train to even consider enrolling himself. And just a few weeks prior, Leon passed his exam with flying colors. A feat Jin attributes to his apt sideline encouragement and diligent inspections of Leon’s daily meat intake. 

So what if he didn’t pass? Jin could still perform magic as well as any warlock. He just didn’t have a staff to show for it. Instead, he could boast that the never-before-seen-three-year-streak of fifteen-year old graduates were his students.

“For the last time, we are not your students,” Yves declared.

“And why wouldn’t you want to be?” Jin asked. He waved a hand and the curtain of low-hanging branches before him parted, revealing a narrow dirt path ahead. “I have a one-hundred percent success rate. And you’re my next conquest, Yves.”

“Yeah, Evie. Why don’t you take him up on his offer?” Nokto said, following Licht as they climbed down after Jin. “Then you can tell us if he’s legit or not.”

“Oh, he’s the real deal,” Leon said. He took a steady stance beside a cherry oak and swung his newly acquired staff overhead, making all the barren trees in the vicinity shake and shoot their branches upward like spikes. Nokto watched in awe as Leon calmed the trees down and flashed him a toothy grin. “Can’t recommend the big guy enough.”

“No, no, no, my brothers. You mustn’t let the opinions of others sway your decision making!” Clavis said, pushing past Leon. “Ask yourselves this: do I want to be taught by a syrupy dropout, or by the youngest, most renowned warlock of our age?” He struck the ground with his own staff and the dirt rumbled. Moments later, roots and tubers erupted from the earth like the undead, making Yves screech and trip on an upright rose stem. Clavis laughed maniacally as the plants continued to grow, until Leon whacked him on the head and the vegetary scene immediately reverted underground as if it never happened. 

“I’m younger than you, remember?” Leon countered.

“And I was younger than you both when I passed,” Chevalier added, his pace leisurely as he joined them.

“Yes, yes, you don’t have to remind us again how your test happened three days after your birthday,” Clavis said, rubbing his bruised forehead. “It is insufferably pedantic of you.

“Shall I remind everyone instead of how you only passed because the examiner happened to sneeze when you flubbed the fire retardancy enchantment on your trousers?”

“Like I said, little ones. Follow what Jin says, and you’ll do just fine,” Clavis said.

“If you’re done sharing my many virtues, hurry on over!” Jin called. The group exchanged speculative glances before filing through the unanimated greenery towards his excited voice.

Flummoxed by their seniors’ effortless display of magical prowess, Yves and Nokto insisted they take the lead, bewitching wayward wood knots and saplings from the path. Once or twice they glanced back, hopeful to receive praise for their successful spells, only to find the trio engrossed in their own conversation. 

“Maybe he wants to take us all on at once? Six against one?” Leon suggested.

“Please,” Clavis yawned, stretching his arms above his head and waving his staff teasingly. “He could squash the kiddos, no problem. But he won’t get much farther than that unarmed.”

“He brought his sword. Or is your staff so far up your rear that you did not notice?” Chevalier said, swatting Clavis’s staff away from his face. 

Yves and Nokto whirled their heads towards the track ahead, struggling to keep their attention back on moving the plants. Is that what this was all about? Despite Jin’s domineering stature, they had never once seen their brother in a fight. But Jin also was the most knowledgeable about the contents of the exam, even if he did fail his. Was this the type of error-correcting that guaranteed Chevalier, Clavis, and Leon’s successes?

The path eventually fed into a wide clearing as large as one of the training arenas at the palace. Even in peak autumn, thick shrubs still flanked all sides like a fence except for one; a cavernous cliff plummeted behind where Jin stood, his arms folded and mouth stretched in an expectant grin.

“Are we really gonna fight?” Nokto said nervously, reaching for his sword.

“Alright! Loser gets thrown off the cliff!” Clavis whooped. “Chevalier, fight me!”

“Slow down, we’re learning defensive tactics today,” Jin said. “Magic has limitless potential to attack, right? So it stands to reason that the same should be true in defense. Far too often does a warlock fall into the assumption that one trumps the other in combat.”

“Spoken nearly verbatim from Elemental Charms and Combat,” Chevalier said unamused.

“That means he knows his stuff,” said Leon. “But then why’d ya bring us here too, Jin?”

“No, Chevalier’s right. There’s only so much you can learn from theory alone. We need experience to connect the dots. And I sure as sugar wouldn’t hurt a hair on the little guys’ heads, so that’s where you lot come in.” Jin crouched beside Yves and Nokto and patted their shoulders. “Yves, you’ll spar with Chevalier. And Nokto, you get Clavis.”

Yves froze on the spot.  

“Oh, goodie…” Nokto mumbled. 

“Just remember the basics, and you’ll be fine,” Jin said, then he turned to the warlocks. “And don’t you go blasting infernos at them. We’re out here to prevent unnecessary bystander injuries. But remember, this is still a highly flammable area.” He glared at Clavis, who seemed to get a chill and wrapped his cloak firmly around himself.

“Wait. Where’s my partner?” Leon asked. A quick lookover of the clearing proved Licht was nowhere to be seen. 

“Maybe Leon’s branches pulled him up to the sky?” Nokto suggested.

“Or Clavis’s roots dragged him down below!” Yves gasped.

“Both,” Chevalier said, pointing over the cliff. Halfway down, Licht hung suspended and looking below, his shirt caught on a thorny branch tangled with crisscrossing roots. 

“Licht!” Yves and Nokto cried.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Clavis called down to him.

“Something tells me the branch will snap if he so much as breathes wrong,” Leon said. Licht answered with a shaky thumbs up.

“Everyone, change of plans!” Jin bellowed. “Today we’re doing rescue training. And not a word of this gets to Sariel, got it? Okay, let’s go!” He drew his sword and leaped over the edge, jamming it into the cliffside as he descended.

Shocked, and slightly relieved, Yves and Nokto followed Jin’s lead, the scraping sounds of their blades cutting rock disappearing with them.

“Moron,” Chevalier huffed. The air around him began to crackle as he inhaled deeply and swung his staff in a circular motion. “He didn’t even evaluate the situation for a full minute. And they still wonder why he didn’t pass—”

“You heard the boss!” Clavis and Leon yelled. Together they seized each of Chevalier’s arms and hurled themselves over the cliff, leaving their staves behind.

Listen, it is liberating to write Chevalier, Clavis, and Leon as comic relief side characters. Trust me.

Tagging: @queengiuliettafirstlady @violettduchess @venulus @thewitchofbooks @leonscape @rhodolitesrose @venti-tangents @dear-sciaphilia @ikesenwritings @myonlyjknight @ladyofcrowsx @otomefoxystar @my-day6

If you would like to be added or removed from my tag list, please send me an ask or a message.

[genericpuff]

Hii hope im not bothering you but i saw that post you made about rs never intending for the rape subplot because she initially didn't put a trigger warning. I don't really agree with that reasoning tho because i don't think it's really a proof for that, authors often times forget to put triggers but that doesn't mean they don't recognize it for what it was. There's a horror webtoon i read where in one chapter someone gets assaulted and it's clearly shown like assault but the first version also never had a tw until people complained about it. Years ago when LO began there was less awareness for the necessity of tws so i think it was just rs not realizing she needed to put one? ofc it could rlly be retcon but i don't think her not initially putting a tw is proof of that..

Oh okay, so here's the thing, if it were just Rachel forgetting to put the trigger warning, then no, I wouldn't be so hard on her about it. I mean, I'd still be hard on her because that's a pretty bad thing to forget to do, but I wouldn't be assuming it was because she didn't know it was assault.

But it wasn't her just "forgetting" to put the trigger warning. Granted, I wasn't there personally, but according to the readers who were there at the time, she literally had her Discord explain to her why there needed to be a trigger warning for the assault episode. Not "there needs to be a trigger warning for the sake of your audience's comfort and safety" type explanation, I mean full on "there needs to be a trigger warning because that scene is assault, not just bad sex" explanation.

And honestly, the narrative that follows that scene tends to support this. From Persephone inviting Apollo into her room to try and reason with him, to the fact that she still hasn't personally addressed the assault outside of that initial Eros conversation and the one therapy episode despite that scene happening 5 years ago (but god knows we get plenty of takes from her friends who feel affected by what Apollo did, not the actual victim though) to Apollo flip-flopping between being a genuinely abusive and manipulative narcissist who does it intentionally and a flat out airheaded idiot who just doesn't have a clue. It really just feels like despite Rachel confirming it as an SA in the Eros episode back in S1, she's still treating it as a "one night stand gone sour" situation.

And we've seen her apply this same type of flippant "haha they just don't get along!" mindset to other characters who have been abusive to each other, such as Hades and Demeter (I'm still looking for the screenshot but there IS one out there of a fan in the FB group who theorized that Hades and Demeter had a romantic past only for Rachel to respond that they're "like coworkers at the staff party who can't get along", and yes, this was recent enough for us to be aware of what Hades actually did to Demeter) and also Hades and Minthe who we DO have a screenshot for:

(that top one aged like milk, oof)

Rachel has a bad habit of not putting trigger warnings even today, and it doesn't seem to be out of simple "forgetting", she legit just doesn't seem to understand why people ask for the trigger warnings that they do in the first place. She can't seem to conceptualize these types of topics outside of her own extremely limited perceptions. Sometimes she fixes it like with the Demeter "intervention" episode (Episode 230) other times she just leaves it as is despite it DESPERATELY needing a trigger warning like the Hera and Kronos flashback sequence in Episode 233.

This is the same person who didn't think sexism was "that bad" until she saw how her audience treated characters like Demeter... but she's literally the one instigating that behavior by constantly making her female characters the butt of abuse and mockery.

"I feel like female characters in general, people will be a little harsher on them and sometimes way harsher on them, and I used to be like.. before I started writing the story and like making a story I was like yeah, sexism is not that bad, and [now] I was like oh it's bad. It's quite bad [laughs], so like, I don't know, I feel like the female characters in the story don't get so much of a pass. But this isn't consistent across the board, it's not all the time"

It wouldn't be right of me to outright say that Rachel hasn't experienced any hardship in her life, but the fact that she seems this blind to violence towards women in any capacity definitely says a lot.

Anyways, that got really off topic so I'm hoping that answered your question. My belief in Rachel not knowing it was assault goes a lot further than just a forgotten trigger warning amounting to a brief "oopsie". And while I get the point of what you're saying about awareness around trigger warnings, I disagree that the awareness wasn't there, this was 2018 and trigger warnings aren't a new concept in media, they just went by another name until recently - viewer discretion is advised.

That said, if anyone who was there wants to speak up on the trigger warning incident, please, I'd welcome it. Bring me all the deets.

[sunflowersandink]

🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it

awww man. this is legit an impossible question for me to answer, there are SO many I love for so many different reasons.

I think if I had to pick one artist it would be @silk-scarlet-ribbons - the way they capture movement and character and expression is just absolutely unparalleled to me, every work of hers just slots into its own little spot in my brain that I didn’t realize was empty.

A lot of my favorite works of theirs are discord exclusives that won’t make a lot of sense without an entire AU’s worth of context, but here’s a great one that lives rent-free in my head - featuring Jason dressing up in his old Robin outfit at the request of de-aged/clone baby Dickiebin. The sharp affection in Jason’s face? The absolutely cherubic energy Dickiebin is exuding? The way Dick’s little hands wrap around Jason’s wrist? The pixie boots? Perfect. Showstopping. Incredible. NO one is doing it like Scar is.

I also think I have to include @ky-landfill in here - there’s absolutely no way I can pick one favorite piece (true for every one of these artists tbh), because everything they draw makes my heart ache in the very best of ways, but I have a ton of love for this piece

I’m just so attached to Jason and Cass getting to be siblings. I love how small she is beside him, I love the way his hair curls and the scars on his cheek, I love that he looks like a battered young man and looks so soft at the same time, with his arms held awkwardly like he’s not sure how to respond to being hugged. It’s just so. *ugh.* you know? I could stare at this for hours

And finally I’ve gotta shout out @amorkuku. this was the first work of theirs that I remember seeing, and oh my god I have not stopped cackling about it since

everything about it just catches me right in the funny bone. Kon’s stupid little delighted face and Tim’s entire everything as he gets dropped on his ass. Both of their •_• faces as the adults in their lives stare at them in disappointment. The way Clark looks so concerned and Bruce manages to look so tired with minimal facial expression. It’s a piece of comedic genius, and everything else this artist has ever done, especially a lot of their recent Dami and Jason comics has been an absolute goddamn delight. If I could buy a collection of their works in a physical book like I did with Wayne Family Adventures I would do it in a heartbeat

God there are SO many more works that spark joy but if I keep going we will literally be here all day <333

[wandringaesthetic]

Once again I must speak of humanity's highest art form, the Japanese Role-Playing Game

So Tales of Berseria ate my free time in a way that it's been a while since a video game did. I just beat it.

I'll get the easy stuff to talk about out of the way first.

Regarding gameplay. I played it on "normal." I should have played it on a higher difficulty, and you should too unless you are just remarkably bad at action RPGs. Starting from about the halfway point I got good enough at chaining combos together with Velvet that the difficulty became trivial. I ignored whole mechanics. I hardly ever bothered switching out characters.

Battles are the thing I like least about the Tales games I've played previously. They mostly translate the "action" part of "Action Role-Playing Game" as "pressing a lot of buttons" in a way that doesn't reward strategy OR skill very much. Berseria isn't an exception here. That said, there's probably a little more to it on a higher difficulty, and it feels a lot more "fair" than its direct predecessor (Tales of Zestiria) did, in that it does reward attacking enemy weaknesses and enemy attacks rarely feel totally unavoidable. The bell-like sound when you successfully KO, stun, etc an enemy and the combo counter going way up in the 50s does feel kinda satisfying in the way I imagine the lights and bells on a slot machine feel satisfying.

Overall visual presentation is uneven. In some ways, it feels like a game of an earlier generation. Like "we are doing as much as we can with these three tile sets, give us a break, let your imagination do some of the work." A few areas, windswept green hillsides and hazy, blooming marshes, are legit beautiful. Dungeons generally feel a little sparse. Towns are bright primary colors vaguely european anime world. Given that the world is being alternately overrun by daemons or under the iron grip of its government and church, the generally bright and sunny aesthetics feel a little discordant and I feel like this story could have benefited from the world backing up its themes and vibes a little better. Don't even necessarily veer away from the anime aesthetics much, just do something with the lighting. One of the moments where the aesthetic best backs up the plot and themes, IMO, comes late in the game. Your heroes are in an abandoned, far northern town. The sun is setting and there's a red glare on the snow....

SO ANYWAY NONE OF THAT IS WHY I WANT TO TALK ABOUT TALES OF BERSERIA.

From one point of view, this is a revenge story. From another point of view, this is a classic JRPG , you're awaking the elemental lords and preventing an ascent to godhood. From another point of view, you are the villain of the piece, on a mission to kill the guy who actually really did save the world, fucking up everything and everyone on your way. You consort with daemons, witches, pirates, and traitors. You eat people.

What is called reason... isn't. What is called selfishness... isn't. The people who are yelling about their feelings are maybe the most reasonable ones and the ones keeping it locked up are absolutely bridled by their emotions. What is luck? What is one's nature? What is free will?

(Why do birds fly?)

The writing, in terms of themes and motifs and meaningful echoes and variations on themes is really, really special. (At least if one understands that this IS a JRPG and this IS an anime and we ARE going to yell about our ideals.) Also the character dialogue (and there is so much dialogue, just SO MUCH both meaningful and unmeaningful this is also a feature of this series hope you enjoy listening to your six new wacky, grimdark anime friends for the next 60 hours) is very good.

Combs, apples, hair, swords, coins, flowers, compasses. Illness, grief, death, loyalty, faith, despair, perfection, children, hunger.

Maybe I'll walk this back when I'm not high on this game's fumes, but as a scholar of JRPGs, I think this is one of the top two or three best WRITTEN of them out there. I feel like I'd have to play it two or three more times to really highlight why, there is so much going on here. Like, if you accept that it is highly, highly character driven and the world's a little underbaked.

Anyway. Good and evil, order and chaos, darkness and light, reason and emotion, all that's illusions and if you must insist on dividing them, if they're not in an ourobourus yin yang, eating each other, keeping each other in check, shit gets fucked real quick.

[zylophie]

#SUPERSTAR — our esteemed guests ♡

✦ VIP — welcome, dearest friends~! you're probably wondering why superstar? That's because when the night creep in...the stars will shine brightly under the night sky and you, my friends are the stars of the show!

✦ NOTE — this is a list of people that we talk to on a few occasions, feel free to ask to be moots with us because we love interacting with other people ♡

✦ @nogenderbee — bee

💌 yue is typing...

♡ bee is one of my good friends here, honestly they can make any conversation so entertaining and not to mention THEIR WORKS ARE SO GOOD LIKE MWAH, so if you like genshin, hsr and pjsk as well, bee's blog is highly recommended! ( ⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝)

✦ @reikaoproducer — kiyo

💌 yue is typing...

♡ legit my first enstars friend that I could brainrot with!! I highly suggest checking kiyo's side blog because their writing was honestly so cute when I found them for the first time even the blog is so pretty like holy I could gush about it all day if I really want to (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ

✦ @leeniiyx — leni

💌 yue is typing...

♡ very cool person that I would love to talk with more! I was actually nervous to talk to leni at first but the more we talk on discord, I realized it was just me overreacting haha but honestly if you like genshin and you want to see more works of the girls, leni's blog is the right one for you, we approved for real ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧

✦ @lovely-showtimes — jellie

💌 x is typing...

♡ Jellie is one of the nicest and friendliest person I've met in this blog. I really enjoy interacting with them as we have a lot of favourite things in common, not to mention their fics are always so good !! I usually don't read for male characters but when it comes to Jellie's work, I would read everything !! (≧∇≦)

✦ @nian-7 — yugen

💌 yue is typing...

♡ yugen is one of the few people that I honestly didn't think I could vibes with so well, I was sweating nervously when I tried talking to them for the first time but now, it's just come naturally after getting to know how nice yugen is kdhdkbd I highly suggest checking yugen's blog out like please the fics there are so fun to read ( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡)

✦ @myunghology — jian

💌 yue is typing...

♡ listen...this isn't a threat or anything but if you love enstars as much as I do, what are you doing here and go check jian's blog out like please for my sake odgekdb I love jian's leo smau, it's so funny when I read them at night especially a certain character remind me of x...(๑´>᎑<)~*

✦ @seangelfish — sil

💌 yue is typing...

♡ my idol in the enstars fandom...used to stalk the blog before I got yeeted here hehe...but seriously, if you want to brainrot with someone about enstars that isn't me and get cute fics with good writing on top of that? what are you waiting for?! sil's blog is highly recommend for you! ( ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ഒ

✦ @chocochiamy — amiie

💌 yue is typing...

♡ conversations with amiie was so fun that I may or may not stay up on a few occasions... anyways amiie is also a writer if you're interested in her works! no worries, she won't bite because she is actually very welcoming, you will feel right at home with her ”ʚ(*´꒳`*)ɞ“

✦ @catelismo — catarina

💌 yue is typing...

♡ rina is a very fun and creative person that I ever met so far, she is one of the few smau writers that I enjoy reading their smau fics so far and let me tell you that is actually hard to achieve because I avoid smau fics like a plague haha so if her works got me interested then it's definitely good, right? please shower her with love and support because she is so underrated klshehbd (｡>\\<)

✦ @msith — miika

💌 x is typing...

♡ miika is one of my first few mutuals on this blog >< she's very silly and friendly !! She has one of the prettiest blog theme and one of my favourite writer for PJSK !!

✦ @starfilledsky2810 — star

💌 x is typing...

♡ I only recently met star but OMG, their drawings and artworks are always so edible !! Her drawing of rin is my favourite, very underrated artist !! :D

✦ @shiho-the-rock — shiho

💌 x is typing...

♡ Shiho is your go-to blog if you want to read for female characters !! Their works are an enjoyable read and they are super friendly !!

✦ @definitelynotafurinasimp — henry

💌 x is typing...

♡ henry is one of my oldest mutuals in my other blog. Although we don't talk much, his interactions with others are always funny and friendly !! His works for genshin are always TOP-NOTCHED !! Please check out his work if you haven't already :3

[eldrigeonsss]

I just made it back from Portland last night, and the post-con depression do be hittin a bit, but I got things to say, and people to say it to!!!!! So without further ado,

To my crew,

Thank you all so much for giving me legitimately the most fun convention I have ever been to, and the best birthday I’ve ever had. I could never have asked for a better crew and family. I’m sad we all have to return to our little corners of the world, but I am excited to see you all again. Because this is not goodbye, you’re stuck with me now. We’ll see each other again, be it in a year or whenever, it’s only a matter of time! I love you all dearly!!!

Ollie, ( @crypticcoffe )

To the small boy we keep on our ship (or rather in our hearts), thank you so much for being such a wonderful person. You are family, through and through, and I am so grateful that you made the decision to come to Kumo and hang out with us! It was so much fun, and I cherish every single memory we made together, and I look forward to the next year!! (Fingers crossed for the madoka magica cosplay group!) Thank you for making me feel wanted every single day, even with something as simple as a good morning and a good night. You don’t know just how much even that means to me. I want to repay that kindness someday, make sure you know just how important you are to all of us, no matter what. You’re family, and I keep saying it, but it’s just as true as the first time I said it. I’m so glad you accidentally joined the discord server, because it’s lead to probably the greatest group of people I could ever hope to know. It would never be the same without you, and I’m so glad you stuck around and hung o it with us. Love you, Ols! /p Can’t wait to keep making ridiculous memories with you!

Fish, ( @aquaticgoblinking )

You are legit one of the funniest people I know, even when we first started interacting there was just something to you that screamed that you were the king of comedy. I’m still studying the Atlantean alphabet diligently, the world is not ready for the day that I can just write it without a guide. You are such an integral part of our crew, you breathe life into it and inspire others even when you don’t mean to. By the way, that book you made me is going to be something I cherish forever, I’m probably going to end up filling it up pretty quickly, but I’ll be figuring out ways to make it last! I’ll be sure to bring it to Kumo next year and if you end up coming I’ll show you all the silly stuff I drew :3. Btw, I’m so so so happy you came to Kumo, I know we weren’t sure if it was gonna happen, but I hope you had a good time! Excited to get our silly crew together again soon!! I love our family, every single silly part of it.

Syren ( @sisiren )

To my Jay Ferin, my silly brain-linked buddy. I really don’t know what qualifies someone as a best friend, but I do know you’re like number one in terms of friends in my books! To think we only met one year ago, by complete chance, and soon we’re gonna be able to hang out so much more often!! You’re such a kind, understanding person, it makes my heart hurt. On that same point, GOD, do you know how to break hearts with your writing. Literally, if anyone ever wants their fucking emotions torn out and scattered like dandelion seeds, just read literally anything this absolute demon of a person has come up with. It’s harrowing. That aside, I cannot imagine a life without you in it. I can barely imagine life before you were there, it’s so funny. I joke about you me and Ti being albatrio, but I truly think we’re just all meant to exist together. Something deep inside of me knows that I’m exactly where I’m meant to be. We’ve talked a lot about fate and destiny, and not to sound super sentimental or anything, but with the little bracelet you got us sitting on my wrist, I can’t help but think. I think you two are my destiny.

Idk, that’s probably cheesy as hell. Still, I can’t wait to go skydiving with you, and celebrate your birthday like it’s the end of the world, and drag you out to experience every single thing life has to offer. See you soon, Sy!!

Tigers, ( @tigers1o1 )

Not to be gay, buuuuut.

I miss you, so much. It’s been a day, and I already miss hearing your laugh and leaning up against you and being able to reach over and touch you and just know that you’re there. We can call, of course, but I am counting down the days until I can see you next. I’ve actually started using a calendar, since I’ve started talking to you in full, which is hilarious. If you were to tell me two months ago that I would be staying up every night falling asleep on call, counting days like an advent calendar I would probably call you crazy, because why would anyone ever spend that much time with another person, especially when they are so far away??

Yeah, I get it now. A lot of things make sense now. Like why people are made with an inherent sense of yearning, a need to find that other half, that missing piece. Why completionists exist, why someone would spend their entire lives searching just for an inkling of a feeling. Freight train, am I right?

You and Sy are people I feel like I’ve known my whole life, despite only really being aware of each other for such a short amount of time. I don’t feel like the small time period takes away from our closeness, though, which is funny. Like it wouldn’t matter if we’ve known each other years or months or days, as long as we know each other. That’s all that matters. All that matters is that we’re connected, by whatever force or coincidence.

If you end up moving to Portland, that’ll be so damn funny. I definitely won’t be bouncing off the walls and running victory laps or anything ahah. It’s weird, to be so aware of one’s own loneliness, but to also be fine with it, because I know it will be filled when I get to see you next. Because I made an oath, and I intend to keep it, extra forever.

Okokok that’s the end of my spiel. Well, also, to Ollie’s dad, and to Fish’s sibling thing, thank you so much for joining us for Kumo as well!! To Nick who officiated the fish and chips wedding, thanks a million! To my sister, who was eternally our biggest hater, keep it up, your hatred only fuels us (/aff). And to that random dude on the street who offered me and Ti his blanket to dry off a bench while waiting for a train, I hope your days are filled with warmth and your belly is always full. Also to the black ops larper who stopped me in a market to talk about the government, hope ur doing alright king.

NOW IM DONE!!! HERE, SOME PHOTOS

[mostautisticangel]

vent post about my shitty life and my shitty mom

so during the pandemic i discovered i was most likely adhd and autistic. since then I've just self-diagnosed. It explains a lot of things going on with me.

Most of such things are interactions with my mother. Specifically my mother. I think my dad might be autistic but i'm not sure. he's not as bad as mom but he's still a shitty parent.

So my mother is the absolute peak of Strict Republican Christian Homeschooling White Mom. Every stereotype you can think of, she has (except having like 6 kids, THANK GODDESS). And that means that I, a queer autistic creature, do not fit into her picture perfect little Good Christian Family.

Ever since I was little I was obviously neurodivergent. I was every single stereotype except the fact I was a girl. I went to public school for two years: preschool and kindergarten.

Turns out, I was """gifted""" wow! not like that phrase means anything to autistic people! So mom signed me up for this fancy hybrid private school. I went two days a week, wore the ugliest fucking uniform you've ever seen, and all the kids thought i was weird.

I don't remember much of it (thank goddess) except how much i hated it. I went there for two years. then mom found this homeschool community group thing and signed me up. I've been in it since 3rd grade. we buy the books, do the assigned work, and meet with the community once a week.

I forgot to mention my dad is in the military, so we moved a lot. a LOT. my current best friend i haven't even known for a year. i've never been friends with anyone for longer than 3 years. But military brat trauma is a separate post this is about my neurodivergence.

(I wont be naming specific states for privacy so bear with me) The first place we lived since joining this group was okay. I met some people, two of which i think were neurodivergent, the rest were typical Christian kid assholes.

I specifically remember this one girl who was my friend (well, what 9 year old me thought was a friend) who was really nice to me and seemed to like me but she always insulted my interests and called me weird.

There was this other boy, who i still know and is still an asshole. He would literally go through my backpack and take out my stuff and bully me for it. I used to take stuffed animals and my little pony fanfiction to school to show my one nice (probably neurodivergent) friend. What kind of person does that. what the fuck.

so we moved away from there and to a new place. this was at the end of 2019. we bought an rv, thinking we'd only be in this stae for 18 months, and we could travel! we could go up to canada!

i was already MASSIVLEY against the idea of the rv. when my mom made the announcement i BROKE INTO TEARS. i still remember it. i am very emotionally attached to my Things, and having lots of Things makes me happy. the thing about rv living is that you don't have Things.

I'm just now realizing this is like a trauma cocktail i have. we have queer kid trauma, autistic kid trauma, van life kid trauma, military brat trauma, going through tween years during covid trauma, christian kid trauma, living in The South trauma, you want it come get it folks.

anyways, i had to put all my shit in a storage unit and was never the same. i legit blacked out most of the time in the rv because of how fucking horrible it was. i just sat in my room on my goddamn kindle fire all day because mom wouldn't let me have a phone.

At this point in my life, i was a gacha kid. no no, don't panic, i was a normal one. i thank my lucky stars for that. so i decided, fuck it, secret youtube channel. here's the thing: we werent allowed youtube. at all. under any circumstances. still arent. technically we're not allowed any internet use besides like google or something. because everyone on the internet is a pedophile.

I also ended up getting discord. i had so much fun. i made so many friends and one of them invited me to join a queer server. this is where i got better.

being a Sheltered Homeschooled Kid, I didn't know much. i say much as opposed to anything because i watched she-ra and s1 of the owl house was out so yeah. i knew they existed. but not much.

so i learned lots of new terms and went "hey! i might be one of these!" idr my first label, I think it was pan. which was actually right. at the time i was %100 convinced i was cis. i even made jokes about it. then one day the egg cracked and i was like "oh im transmasc." i also adopted the aroace label by then.

one of my old friends from that old homeschool group reached out to me and asked if i knew about discord. she thought we would be able to play minecraft together over it. i said yes. i invited her to the server. she was really nice and respectful and found out some things about herself.

but her parents went through her phone, found out, and called my mom. cue the trauma.

i remember this so distinctly. that night, both of my parents yelled at me for """talking to strangers on the internet""" I'd lose all my devices for a month. which was insane because what else was I supposed to do? all my stuff was in the storage unit.

the next morning i got a yelling at because """gay people are bad"""" thank GODDESS they found out in that tiny window of time i identified as cis but asexual. if they thought i was trans or queer i'd be dead. (i am trans AND queer. i have no doubt that they wouldn't disown me if they knew.)

then she went through my yt channel and boy oh boy did i get lucky. she only watched a few videos. she watched the one of me making my intro. i used the song "honeypie" bc i thought it was vibey and funky. mom got mad because "you know this is a song about sex, right?" blew my little 12 year old mind. im autistic i'm so fucking bad at metaphors. so fucking bad. then she just told me to delete it. so i did.

and my main oc was supposed to be a boy but for some reason she didn't say anything? he wasn't even a femboy he was very masc looking with a masc name. so. weird. then again, my mom thought fucking Wriothesley from genshin impact was "trying to look like a girl" so who knows whats going on in that head of hers (fr tho?? WRIO?!?! HUH?? IS IT CAUSE OF THE EARRINGS??? IM SO CONFUSED LITERALLY HOW??? dont show her venti ig)

so i just gave up trying by then.

mom got much more aggressive in the rv. she yelled at us for almost every tiny little thing.

and my new class? hell. jail. hate them all. (except you caleb you were a sweetheart.) there was stereotypical racist sexist homophobic country boy who borderline sexually assaulted me so thats fun. (whats more fun is that he's coming to visit this summer! la-dee-fucking-da!!!) a weeb with concerning opinions on women, and just the most autistic fella you've ever met. that was caleb. ily caleb you were the only one keeping me sane. he liked to talk about his lizards and his goats and lord of the rings and i could listen for hours. i mightve been in love.

the teacher was nice though. she was the racist country boy's mom. i say "teacher" but she was just like the one in charge of making sure we all followed the curriculum. our own parents were our actual teachers. still, that class was a nightmare. for three years i had to endure it. AND WE WERE ONLY SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE RV FOR 18 MONTHS. FUCKING LIARS.

anyways we moved to my grandparents so my dad could find a non-military job and we could buy a house. i joined a local volunteer program and met my current best friends, @aubreymonobry and @tboymagnus i literally love you guys so much you don't know how much you saved meeeeee <3

we had fun. i moved away again once dad got a job and we got a house. i joined a new class. same program, new people. we had: peak annoying gen z boy, most basic white girl you've ever met (affectionate) girl with highly concerning views, and guy who i am literally in love with hnggg he is so silly and goofy RAHHHH and actually nice and respectful im gonna dieeee <3

so now i'm here. im not going back to that class. im doing %100 homeschooling next semester. BUT i dont have to learn latin anymore and i wont have to read a book a week so thats good. ive been learning how to mask better and i think its working. i got all my stuff back and have cluttered up my room to the max and i actually feel happy again. sure, mom might be worse than ever and the career path i'm studying for is absolute shit and the economy is in shambles and i might get murdered for literally existing and i live on the whims of my borderline alchoholic and emotionally abusive mother BUT WE STAY SILLY! I AM OKAY!!! I WILL MAKE IT!!!! I WILL MOVE OUT AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE SOON!!!! I HAVE MY FRIENDS! AND THE SILLY LITTLE GAY PEOPLE ON MY PUTER!!!

i might revisit this post a few years later and add on to it. for now, im just a silly teenager doing things that make me happy and doing my best to survive. i think that's the best i can do

if you read this far, wow thanks, friend. :3 hope you have a good day <3

[archivalofsins]

Oh, yeah- I've been offline for the most part and I probably won't be around much even when Mikoto's interrogation starts. Due to health issues. So, this is explaining that-

I spent most of December sick with covid and am still sick. I just found out it was covid maybe two days ago and was given something called paxlovid for it. My sleeping schedule is fucked monthly cycle is screwed and may just last more than it should. It's rather difficult to keep up with time. On top of that I have the beginnings of an ear infection and strep throat. My physical health is trash right now. When I haven't been passed out I've been messaging people on discord and playing video games through coughing fits.

It's been wild as hell- Today I woke up to multiple paragraph text getting yelled at by my sister for getting covid. So, to be completely candid I'm zero patience from day one. Last year sucked and I'm not trying to repeat it. I was debating deleting my entire online presence and not doing a damn thing yesterday. However, ahn fuck it what else could go wrong. Also I really enjoy writing and discussing Milgram despite the trouble it can get me into.

So, this is really just a heads up like. I am not at one hundred percent I'm sick as hell. I got sick taking care of my father. So for reference he's eighty and he's fine it was like the flu for him he's good. I'm twenty-eight and unlucky as fuck this started with a headache that would not let up for weeks escalated into a over one hundred degree fever to the the shit at the start of this. When I do manage to hae the enrgy I'm cleaning and sorting out things with pets.

There's still stuff I want to do mostly finish the second part of the Amane post and also just talk about Milgram casually and better get to know others within the fandom. Since I'm pretty sure I may give off a rather standoffish impression. Other than that second half of that Amane post which has been in drafts far too long there are legit other asks that I wanted to get to and touch on that guitar thing again with Kazui. Since I needed something clipped with that before touching on it further.

Ah and since he was innocent there was this fic that I said I would post but again was meant to do that in december- and then got hit with life stuff then illness back to back. Today I'm going to try to get some thoughts out but they may be a bit disjointed considering well all this.

Other than that-

Happy new year! I hope we all put our best foot forward to make the sort of Milgram experience we can look back on with content instead of regret.

[yenqa]

10 QUESTIONS FOR U - enhablrinas edition get it bc tumblrina + enhablr

favorite color of themes?

moot with best theme?

you can send a love letter to anyone. fictional/idols/celebs. who?

which moot is most active? which moot do you barely ever run into but LOVE?

most rizzful mutual? do you flirt with ur moots?

favorite petnames/nicknames? giving or recieving?

have you ever had an online crush? (or on a moot GASP)

ever been involved in drama?

do u keep up with tumblr drama?

be honest. how many times have u swapped biases? no judgement here :D

were u here for the insaneness that was lockdown enhablr?

MIA moot u want to comeback?

ur fave fic or smau that gagged u when u read it? seungstarss BET was the end of the fucking world for me I WAS DISTRAUGHT oddeonu too grrrr the ptsd fuckkkk too there was someone m1ngh8o or smtg idk w this jungwon smau and it KILLLED MEEE he was yns roommate and always so fucking rude and his gf was legit cheating on him but he didn't leave her. gf made moves on his bff jake too who liked reader. slowburns where the main lead is an ass rlly annoy me but i also will them the shit up bc i luv angst and toxicity :DDD

are you close w ur moots? do u have any on socials?

what is ur biggest ick to see on tumblr?

words u find urself repeating too much? words u love using?

any enhablr inside jokes ur part of?

ever been featured in a moots fic?

have u ever dreamt of enhypen?

ur favorite enha pc u want rlly badly?

DRINK WATER + YOU ARE LOVED <3

thank you so much for sending an ask!! i love these weirdly specific questions! moots so sorry if youre tagged multiple times

1. i lovee pink or like neutral colored themes because i love when themes are super minimalistic !!

2. i love @okwonyo @byhees and @soov ‘s themes!! they always eat down and i use them for inspo sometimes ^_^

3. obviously, would send a love letter to my beautiful boyfriend park jongseong

4. okay idrk most active but i see @flwrstqr on my feed a bunch!! and i lovee talking to @boyfhee on the rare occasion we do talk T^T

5. guys this is all about mutuals but i literally have like two i talk to 😭 but most rizzful is @voikiraz my queen mari <3

6. my name “yen” is a nickname that just stuck with me for tumblr so probably that! but i love saying babe but i can only say that online

7. no 😭 i honestly dont think i could ever have an online crush

8. in real life no! on tumblr…

9. i want to but im so out of the loop 😭😭 @yeokii keeps me up to date though!

10. for enhypen,,, like three times… at first it was heeseung, then sunghoon, then jay!!

11. sadly no!! i joined in like summer of 2022 (happy two year anniversary!)

12. i actually am so bad at remembering my moots. like i have to interact with them to remember them so no so sorry 😭

13. OH MY GOD ODDEONUS SMAUS. but theres this one heeseung smau called “reality check!” i forgot the author, ALSO @amakumos go figure! OH MY GODD STUCK WITH ME FOREVER I DONT CARE ITS DISCONTINUED. also one more. “the language of flowers” by @soobnny GOD KILL ME NOW I LOVE THAT SMAU.

14. i am close with a couple of them!! i have @yeokii @wvnkoi and @jennaissantes on insta and a bunch of moots on discord!

15. people who dont reblog about gaza.. no matter the account size..

16. i use “LMFAO” a lot because its the only way i laugh ERMM and recently ive been calling people just “boy” or “girl” LMFAO

17. uh none! its okay though i am #antisocial girl

18. i have!! check out @yeokii ‘s upcoming smau “love glitch” guys (and upcoming maybe @soov smau *cough* tdwp *cough*🤫)

19. thank GOD i havent 🙏

20. JAY PEACH PC ONE DAY I WILL GET MY HANDS ON U. also sunghoon glasses pc in romance untold 😵‍💫😵‍💫

anyways… thank u so much for sending me these questions!!

[pokenimagines]

SFW | Volo | Fic

How would a... reunion of sorts go down with Volo and Reader post-story. Like there was something there before the whole Twist happened at the Temple, but there was never the chance to explore what that something was.

I don't even know what to say. I am so tired that I legit have no idea the what the words I just wrote were. Queenie is gonna have to work some magic. This is also a big angsty, but has a happy ending.

Rules | Discord Server (16+)

SFW Volo: Research Reunions

It had taken far longer than you anticipated to locate Volo after the...incident. He knew the wilds better than anyone else, so he wasn't exactly easy to track down. Thankfully, you managed to find him in a run down cottage hidden in a grotto.

"Volo..." You called attention to yourself as you hopped off Wyrdeer. You could see the blond man's eyes widen for a moment before narrowing. You could see him reaching for one of the balls on his hip, waiting for you to throw the first shot at him. You just put your hands up, showing you meant no harm.

"What are you here for?" Volo said, deciding you weren't about to be a threat to him. He still didn't want to see you, but at least he knew you weren't there to attack him. Not that he didn't deserve it after trying to actually kill you.

"Is it so wrong for me to want to see you again?" You said, getting closer to him. You could now see him clearly. He had bags under his eyes and his clothes were a bit messed up. His hair was back in its normal style, but you noticed it was a bit longer with a few tangles. "You look like shit..."

"Thanks, I appreciate that." Volo said with some bite to his voice, "Now what do you really want?"

"I just...wanted to see you again is all...really. I've missed you, y'know." You said. Volo looked at you like you grew a second head. He had tried to kill you and restart the world. He had sung about how much he hated your very existence. Now you wanted to...see him? You missed him?

"Why?" His voice was a bit softer now.

"Because...before all this, it's not like we hated one another, right?" You asked, hoping that your entire relationship wasn't built on lies. Before all this went down, you two were close. You'd even considered asking him out at some point; once everything happened, he disappeared. It had taken literal months to track him down. It might be naïve of you, but you wanted to cling onto the hope that he didn't hate you this entire time. That there really was something there.

"I've hated you since the moment I learned about who you were." Volo said, but there was something behind his eyes. You could tell it was a lie, he was telling to himself more than you. You took a step closer, taking his cheek in one of your hands, cupping his face gently. He stiffened up under your touch as you looked at him with pleading eyes.

"Is that really what you think, Volo?" You asked, desperation lacing your voice. You swore you heard your own voice crack near the end. When did these tears start falling from your eyes?

"I...I do." Volo said, pushing you off him, "You ruined everything, you know." He spat at you. You felt a shiver run down your spine at the hatred in his voice.

"If that's what saving you is, then I guess I did ruin everything." You said, getting agitated with the man. "At least I won't lie about what I did. Ya, I fought you, then I fought god himself. And I ruined everything you had worked for. Is that what you wanted to hear?" You asked, placing a hand on your chest.

"This world is disgusting, you know." he said, stepping towards you again.

"It holds beauty despite all the ugly of it." You said without missing a beat.

"How can you say that? Do you not remember when you were exiled from the village, over something you had no control over? You forgive things too easy." He said, looking down at you with pity.

"It's better to forgive then to hold onto all that hatred." You said, "It looks tiring...you look exhausted Volo."

"I'm fine." He said, though his fight was slowly leaving him.

"Like hell you are...I don't care if you hate me, Volo. I still love you, just like I did before all this happened." You said, finally admitting to the bottled up feelings in your chest.

"Then you're an idiot." Volo said and you scoffed.

"Says you..." You murmured, "Did you really never feel anything for me? It was a lie this entire time?"

"I..." Volo said before groaning, "I think what I hate most about you is how much I love you. It's disgusting and unneeded; it's distracting. If i hadn't let my feelings get in the way, I would've succeeded."

You were left speechless at the sudden confession before you let out a sigh and small smile, "Well, at least you're being honest now..." You said, walking over to him and grabbing his hand, "Can we start over, Volo? Before this whole thing started?"

Volo didn't move away from your hand, but he did take a moment to stare at it, "We can't go back." He said, his eyes looking pained, "What's done is done. There's no pretending like this never happened. If I ever tried going to one of the villages, they'd attack me on sight."

"Then let's move forward...you know you always did tell me all about the regions you had visited. They wouldn't know anything that happened." You murmured, playing with his hand. It was warm and felt right.

"You want to leave Jubilife and run off with me?" Volo asked, his voice just letting you know how ridiculous he thought the idea was. "That's the worst plan you've ever come up with."

"Then how about I just stay here with you, on the outskirts of the town. I don't really care about what happens. I've done all I can for Jubilife...the pokedex is complete. I've already done what I've set out to do." You said before looking up at him, "You know...we could always discuss things inside over a cup of tea...I brought some stuff with me."

Volo sighed before giving in, "Fine...you win this time. Come on." He said, already heading to his home with his hand in yours. This wasn't some magical, fairytale kind of love you had always hoped for, but it was the start of something special. You just knew it.

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅• Thank you for reading! Did you know we have a discord? It has everything from RPs, General Discussions, and even an 18+ area to go hog wild in! We even do announcements early for when the inbox is opening for requests, as well as other events! Come in and join us!