#we can't really let it go
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do you ever think about that a stylist saw a yellow sweater, went "oh yeah, we could use it for Steve" and we just... lost our shit?
#don't get me wrong#i fucking love that yellow sweater#but like#you can clearly tell how much we all love it#it's everywhere#and even when it isn't we're like#yellow is steves color#we can't really let it go#steve harrington#and his goddamn yellow sweater
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do skully have pokemon?
Pumpkaboo is the obvious one, but y'know, sometimes the obvious one is the right one! (we'll say SUPER SIZE Pumpkaboo, just for fun. big pumpkin for big skeleton boy.) and another person actually also suggested Greavard, which I somehow hadn't considered, but feels so perfect that I feel like I should have. dangit.
(they can also have little Nightmare Suit costumes :D)
#art#twisted wonderland#pokemon#poketwst#twisted wonderland spoilers#lost in the book with nightmare before christmas#hajimari no halloween#(sorry for leaving anon off for a while! i've gotten a rash of spam and i'm gonna wait it out a couple days before turning it back on)#also apologies for the rest of this not really being pokemon related#i don't have anything right now for part 4 of the event so i'm gonna use this space to go off about it#because. oh man.#a sad lack of the scullsman but a FEAST of everyone else#gotta love malleus and leona uniting in the common goal of hunting trey down for trying to game their whiny pettiness#(trey doesn't know what to do with someone he can't easily distract with cake)#also further confirmation that malleus WILL kill a small child and leona WILL point and laugh the whole time#also sebek's plans revolving around what he knows he's good at: screaming extremely loudly and hoisting nerds#and let us not forget what i consider to be the crowning jewel#which is jamil figuring out IMMEDIATELY where scully has taken his prisoners#only for everyone else to just. literally refuse to do anything about it.#jamil just standing there and going 'WE KNOW WHERE THEY ARE! WE CAN JUST! GO GET THEM!!!! WHYYY AREN'T WE GOING'#visibly losing his entire mind and it's beautiful#top 10 twst event moments honestly#also some delightful character consistency from jade being all#'actually my dicking around is a sign of my immense trust in your abilities to get things done :)'#'but also consider: there are currently two housewardens chasing a child'#'alternately angrily screaming poetry and begging them not to sue'#'and if you will pardon my city of flowers...there is no fucking way i'm missing that'#lock shock and barrel did not sign up for this. how did these idiots turn out to be somehow weirder than the three of them.#twisted wonderland must be a frightening place indeed
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Council of lovefools.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang yanli#jiang cheng#They don't have an actual sleepover in this scene but the vibes were so sleepover coded...I had to get them cozied up.#Late night talks with friends and family are some of the best conversations.#My siblings and I used to have room sleepovers with each other (Actually an excuse to stay up and talk about runescape)#Currently my flatmates and I also have really great heart to hearts late into the night.#Pondering shit like 'What defines confidence?“ and ”Why are people terrified of letting themselves fall in love?"#All that aside; There is a really great conversation between JC and WWX here. They are so close and yet so far way from each other!#Fundamentally they *agree* about many things - but JC now has to play the role of someone more 'mature'.#His temper is reigned in and he had to take a more nuanced approach. Whereas WWX can be far more reactionary.#JC has changed to become someone more mature (or at least he is trying).#Contrast this attitude with the scene *right* after where WWX literally goes baby mode with JYL. Rolling around going “I'm Fwee years old”.#When children are hurt we comfort them with hugs and warm food and a laugh. It's not enough when you're an adult. It's not simple anymore.#WWX is stuck in the past when everyone else is shifting and moving on! It's a depression allegory (and just...actual depression)#But we also get to see how some things have stayed the same. They still bicker about soup. They still tease. They are still together.#They all care for each other very much but they are struggling against trauma and are not equipped to talk about it.#You can't really blame WWX for being so protective over JYL. But JC is right: “You don't have a say in who she likes.”#It may have started as an arranged marriage but *she* is *choosing* what her heart wants. JC sees that. WWX cannot.#The final act of love is letting go after all.
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the fact that irving canonically survives through the end of asunder to be at wynne's funeral is so fucking funny to me. nothing but love and respect for MY unstoppable cockroach morally grey machiavellian mage dad!!! he's survived in his position through multiple attempted rites of annulment and blood mage plots popping up left right and center around him. the chantry keeps trying to stamp him out but his dodge game is simply out of this world, divine. civil wars, political machinations and minefields, chantry atrocities, this wily old motherfucker is dodging and weaving his way through it all, not-quite-no-hits-taken-running-it-but-honestly-close-enough-under-the-circumstances style. if solas does succeed in tearing down the veil I would fully believe that one of the like three people still alive at the end of it all would be a very weary 90 year old first enchanter irving going 'oh this shit again huh'. the maker has cursed him for his hubris and his paperwork is never finished (affectionate, it's fine he canonically loves paperwork)
#we should have had the option to leave him in the fade instead of hawke or a warden#he would've just annoyedly shuffled his way back out of there a week later#dragon age#dragon age origins#first enchanter irving#he must be SO annoying to the chantry because it's heavily implied he's made his playground#out of tirelessly finding technicalities and loopholes to exploit that they can't *quite* call him on without domino effects going off#I think first enchanter in the circle system at origins times is a position that invariably and inevitably leaves you morally compromised#but I feel he really does his best within the rules he's given to play with and personally i love him a bit for that. and also#for being an unkillable lil shit. insufferable. inconquerable in his 'I'm about to be such an annoyance to you' impish spirit.#the I'm going to suffer but guess what. so are you of it all. traumatize the chantry back#I just imagine sophia sending letters home right before the vote for independence like '...dad I am hearing some INSANE rumours out here#what the actual fuck is going on back home???'#and he's like 'nothing that you need to worry about sweetie just keep living your best life and have fun killing darkspawn <3'#(there's something that makes me feel So much about how consistently his stance is like... 'you'll always be welcome here#but the circle doesn't *need* you; go be a warden and live your life'. he managed to fineagle freedom for you somehow and won't let you#turn and glance back. not even once. I feel somehow both so abandoned and so incredibly loved it's wild)#oc: sophia amell
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it is all chaos and entropy. the thing is that the chaos and entropy make it beautiful and lovely.
yes, it's true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is terrifying. i have lived through some of the unfairness - i got born like this, with my body caving into itself, with this ironic love of dance when i sometimes can't stand up for longer than 15 minutes. i am a poet with hands that are slowly shutting down - i can't hold a pen some days. recently i found a dead bird on our front porch. she had no visible injuries. she had just died, the way things die sometimes.
it is also true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is wonderful. the sheer happenstance that makes rain turn into a rainbow. the impossible coincidence of finding your best friend. i have made so many mistakes and i have let myself down and i have harmed other people by accident. nature moves anyway. on the worst day of my life she delivers me an orange juice sunset, as if she is saying try again tomorrow.
how vast and unknowing the universe! how small we are! isn't that lovely. the universe has given us flowers and harp strings and the shape of clouds. how massive our lives are in comparison to a grasshopper. the world so bright, still undiscovered. even after 30 years of being on this earth, i learned about a new type of animal today: the dhole.
chance echoing in my life like a harmony between two people talking. do you think you and i, living in different worlds but connected through the internet - do you think we've ever seen the same butterfly? they migrate thousands of miles. it's possible, right?
how beautiful the ways we fill the vastness of space. i love that when large amounts of people are applauding in a room, they all start clapping at the same time. i love that the ocean reminds us of our mother's heartbeat. i love that out of all the colors, chlorophyll chose green. i love the coincidences. i love the places where science says i don't know, but it just happens.
"the universe doesn't care about you!" oh, i know. that's okay. i care about the universe. i will put my big stupid heart out into it and watch the universe feast on it. it is not painful. it is strange - the more love you pour into the unfeeling world, the more it feels the world loves you in return. i know it's confirmation bias. i think i'm okay if my proof of kindness is just my own body and my own spirit.
i buried the bird from our porch deep in the woods. that same day, an old friend reaches out to me and says i miss you. wherever you go, no matter how bad it gets - you try to do good.
#writeblr#warm up#i can't write rn but i have SO much words in here bc im reading the chorus of dragons books#(just started book 4)#and this woman's writing is just LIVING in my brain. let me out!!!#(i read roughly like 2-4 books a week usually bc i go on long walks with my dog but when a book is REALLY good like. it eats my life. )#anyway ...... so like here's a story that idk i've tried to explain to other people as being wild#but maybe im the only one who thinks it is wild???#so i play pokemon go (i just started in jan) bc i love pokemon and as i have mentioned i walk goblin for like an hour in the morning#and i don't like a lot of fitness trackers due to the fact it makes me .sad. but i also wanted the little digital rewards. enter pokemon go#anyway so they make you make friends to complete quests. so i used a reddit thread. i do not usually use reddit. i don't have an acct#i lurked. i just googled like ''pokemon go reddit '' and randomly added a bunch of numbers#i was on that page for all of 15 minutes. there are THOUSANDS of responses on that page.#here's what's wild: in that group of people. even though i am not on reddit and it was one random event once#it turns out one of those people lives in the town i live in. or at least very close. i only know this because#when we send each other gifts. it's from the same freaking area.#i can't ask them to meet up bc pokemon go doesn't have a messaging app lol but like . what are the fucking chances that#a random person posts in a random reddit thread and HAPPENS to get added by someone ELSE from their SAME TOWN#who by pure fucking CHANCE is ALSO playing pokemon go and looking for friends#i googled it there's only 42000 people in my broad region. the .......... smallness ! of the world!!!
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look i love timkon and i learned to like timbern (sometimes), but in honor of pride month, i really think we should diversify into niche tim drake mlm ships, we haven't made use of the opportunities it gives us
#leave possibilities in this post pls#bc just outta the top of my head#cullen row#nvmd he might be too young#bart allen#timbart#kaldur'ahm#connor hawke#sebastian ives#garfield logan#like sure they have been shipping raven x damian#but what if we just go to the mlm version of that#jon kent would also be really funny but for many reasons i'm not tagging it here#tim drake#batman#red robin#dc#tim drake wayne#batfamily#bruce wayne#let him be slutty with men as well#like he has dated all over dc LET HIM DATE LOADS OF MEN#i don't get why we can't have playboy queers#timkon
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Baby that is not an enrichment activity
Baby... Baby no you... Child...
I know you like to play with crinkly things but...
Aaaand into the messenger bag she goes.
#snake#snakes#hognoses#hognose#pets#scoria#scoria rose#there's nothing dangerous in my messenger bag#and the candies are individually wrapped the bag is a stiff plastic she can't suffocate on at least not with me watching her#she really really really likes playing in bags and crinkly things#and has wanted to pay in my messenger bag every day#I had to put my drawing supplies in a zipper up bag in it to make it safe#as when she sees it she will wiggle and point at it and keep asking to go in it so it's just easier to make it safe and let her play in it#“Did you get any new things?”#she loves snooping in it#XD#that may be part of the reason she likes investigating bags#“Something new is in there!”#her sister hasn't learned this yet and is still trying to get over the world outside her enclosure being big and scary#Scoria just needs a moment and so long as I'm there she's ready to explore anywhere#we are the trope of the sweet little innocent girl and huge scary beast who will protect her at all costs#Scoria is the sweet little one
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I am honestly so tired of the world being so fucking complacent with ruzzia's bs
Like, hello?? ruschist pigs have been killing us, killing civillians, bombing cities and villages, erasing our culture and our language, treating our POWs like utter garbage in their prisons (meanwhile ruzzian POWs are treated super well in our prisons), torture our soldiers and civillians
They attack our cities with missiles that have western components, meanwhile we are not allowed to strike back and defend ourselves with western weapons
That is so fucking ass backwards, it's like telling a victim of SA to just let it go or let the r*pist do what they wanna do because if you fight back you will be escalating the situation and it's better to just grit your teeth and get defiled in silence
Very fucking cool of the world to just sit idly on its ass while a whole fucking nation is getting genocided
People need to open their fucking eyes and act
#cardi rambles#russian war crimes#russia is a terrorist state#stand with Ukraine#support Ukraine#I am so fucking sick and tired#I don't wanna be afraid for my life every damn day because the world can't fucking fight a terrorist country#I am really pissed off and rightfully so#fuck russia#fuck everyone who supports it#it needs to fucking go up in flames#only then will we Ukrainians be safe and sound#let Ukraine strike back#arm Ukraine
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there is a difference between being born to a throne, maliciously vying for a throne, stealing a throne, and having a throne thrust upon you when you are already in the midst of an identity crisis. And I fear Loki's place in the line of succession has people unable to differentiate between any of these
#you can't really argue he planned the extent of Thor's downfall#that was all Odin#Loki didn't force Thor to invade Jotunheim he isn't even the one who gave Thor the idea -- Thor did that all on his own!#that he was doing waswasa @ thor didn't help but wasn't really crime worthy on its own#Thor himself took time convincing the other warriors to be okay with the trip despite the treason and danger involved#like. what. Thor can't differentiate good advice from bad and is emotionally volatile and reckless and that's Loki's fault?#THOR was the one who got them past Heimdall too#the entire ordeal inadvertently showed off the favouritism Thor was receiving in comparison to Loki#even though Loki was the one supposedly so easily influencing Thor to such an extent#call Thor a puppet the way he--wait. no. that sounds weird. uhhhhh#you get the point#people will claim Loki was all up in there rearranging Thor's mental processes to cause his downfall#when really it was Loki doing the bare minimum instigation and watching things only devolve from there#because Thor WAS reckless and immature ?? and he WAS quick to anger and enjoyed exerting his power with violence ??#Loki didn't STEAL THE THRONE FROM THOR he literally just is implied to undermine the coronation#that's not even confirmed but we assume it's true that he let the frost giants in near the casket etc.#Loki has his own actual crimes that he did against Thor and hugging his bro's arm and saying 'you're soooooo strong and correct' was not on#even if you manage to argue Loki was cheering Thor on for the invasion (he wasn't) it was clearly to dob Thor in with Odin#which he did when he had some guard inform Odin#that Odin's chosen punishment was for Thor's disobedience aside stop blaming Loki for the damage ODIN inflicted on him#focus on Loki making up lies to Thor about how Odin died instead like at least Loki DID SOMETHING for that#you can even ascribe as evil a motive as you want there bc Loki was slipping fr#twirling his hair and telling Thor he's smarter about the realm's safety than the king was on the normal scale#you want to talk morals go look at how eager Thor was to invade mass destroy and massacre in the other realm#and expected Odin to 'finish them off! together!' bc he was power high on whatever bloodlust pheromones battle apparently imitates for him#sigh. this is why you can't have nice things Thor. no Loki you're barely any better. sit down. have a cookie.
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[stage 3 loaded. now playing: yawning yonder.] a little overbright, a little fuzzy on the edges; you're full of pins and needles.
<< prev || [masterpost] || next?
/// you can vote for starstruck in round 5 here!
#dream segment will probably be All Polls! let's see how we go!#might be doing some Non-Story related propaganda over the next few days because i really wanna give this round my All!!#up against amazing pal aseuki and equally amazing oc parhelion knight. what an unbelievable honour! can't believe we're here!#also i am SO excited for the colour palette for this stage. pastel neon my beloved!!! rainbow resort but if it was Eye Hurty White#my art#my comics#starstruck dee#oc (2024): starstruck dee
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yes i'm rooting for m*leven breakup because byler is neat but mostly? i'm rooting for m*leven breakup for the sake of el and mike.
to me, their romance was always a puppy love born out of a combination of social pressures, naïve curiosity, and a lack of true understanding regarding intimacy and romantic love and what it really is. it was real in that they do truly, deeply care about each other and they are close friends, maybe even shared an attraction, but a maturing romance is so much more than that. they've grown up and out of being boyfriend/girlfriend, and that's okay! i think television/film needs to show more often that most of us don't have definite "soulmates" or first childhood loves that we spend our whole lives with. it doesn't mean these relationships meant nothing and didn't impact us, it just means they've run their course and that something else is in the cards, and this is part of life!
i've always felt el was at her best and most confident self when broken up with mike, discovering who she was and what she liked alongside another girl her age instead of just relying on mike for mentorship on how to live in the real world. she deserves more of an opportunity to find herself, her autonomy, and her independence, and to love who she is, and she's made it clear she's felt insecure in the relationship with mike because she isn't being loved and understood the way she wants, needs, and deserves from someone who is her partner.
also, it's okay if mike doesn't love her in "the way he should". he is not obligated to love her romantically and stay in a relationship with her just because she's a girl, because she "needed someone", or because he cares about her a lot. he shouldn't be pressured into a romance if it's not truly coming from his heart. he deserves freedom to find out and honour who he is, too, instead of just staying in his non-functional first relationship — one he got into as a child, essentially — and defining himself that way because it's what's expected when a boy and a girl are close. he loves her in some way, yes, but it's okay if he doesn't feel comfortable or secure being her boyfriend anymore, for whatever reason that is. he's felt insecure too, and that's valid and it matters.
they are their own people and are steadily growing and changing every day. they need time to figure out who those people are, and it's become clear (at least in my opinion) that those people aren't meant to be a couple at this stage.
they deserve freedom. they deserve to grow up and be authentic to themselves and not feel like they need to lie for the sake of a relationship. they deserve to move on from this version of their relationship that isn't making them happy and rekindle the best part of their bond: their strong, beautiful friendship. they don't have to be a couple if it doesn't make them stronger and better and happier people.
i think it would be healthy and wonderful for a show, especially one consumed frequently by young adults, to show a relationship starting, progressing, and ending on good terms in this way. sometimes things don't work out, and that is okay.
#eve text#elmike#stranger things#byler#only tagging byler because i feel like yall will like this take lol#tagging tagging tagging WHAT ARE EVERYONE ELSE'S THOUGHTS#god i can't believe i'm making a post about stranger things. this feels like poking a bear#i'm not particularly anti m*leven but like... they'd have to do something pretty special at this point for me to feel like it's viable#i'm seeing the bts of s5 and it's got me Having Thoughts#elmike friendship is something i am so passionate about#even before i ever liked byler (didn't ship at all until s4 even though i knew it was a thing before) i've felt this way about elmike#i always believed they were close friends at heart and needed to break up#the romance part of them felt very distinctly young and very much “he was a boy she was a girl” to me#and it hasn't deepened into anything more mature and i don't see how it could based on the current state of the writing...#the fact that lumax exists — a young relationship that is actively maturing and is healthy — makes that clear to me#and the “love confession” in s4 and how disingenuous and miserable it felt was just the nail in the coffin#also the fact that will (who is IN LOVE with mike) was instrumental in making it happen? ... uh... okay... interesting choice…#fucked up and reductive if they make it another queer unrequited love sacrifice for the sake of pushing the heterosexual agenda YUCK#so i really hope the speculation about a m*leven breakup is real!! i think it just makes sense for their characters but who knows#i don't believe in the notion of love at first sight or one true love and i think the writers don't too???#love to me is an accumulation of experiences and we inevitably choose it at some point rather than fall into it... but idk#tv is so fixated on keeping couples together... sometimes it's just not reality guys especially with young people... LET IT GO...#like i said though i'm not 100% sold that they're going to give up their “golden couple” LMAO#stranger things hasn't historically subverted too many tropes if i'm being honest#anyway i seriously need this season to come out quickly... i'm so bored and getting my master's is crushing my soul#i need frivolity#ALSO btw i won't respond to hateful messages about this so please don't bother. it's not that serious. this is a netflix show
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LEON
LEON YOUR EYEBALLS
#art#ride kamens#ride kamens spoilers#ride kamens episode 14 spoilers#can't believe i made a joke about it being his eye color AND THEN#i did see his updated sprite before i got to 13 but i didn't even notice it at first...#at least he also got a funky little face marking to go with it#shine on you super shitsuji!!!!#anyway I AM FINALLY CAUGHT UP#on main story anyway i haven't played the tower emblem event yet :')#but man i am loving this game#i was not expecting it to be a full-on mystery! with intrigue!#who is lying! who is telling the truth! who THINKS they're telling the truth but isn't!#punctuated by the most delightful nonsense like the unbreakable magic superhero covenants#where you gotta touch rings in the magical wedding chapel dimension that we teleport to sometimes to talk to our dead dad#(OR IS HE???????)#NO IT'S GREAT (and it does make sense in context i just love it)#still 50/50 on yellow beyblade man secretly being our dad but i can't get into theories now i don't have enough tags#man this really has the essence of what i love about rider ❤️#so far i do think agata is my favorite#but then there's leon...#let me put it this way: i would tell agata a hard truth about himself if i thought he needed to hear it#but there is no amount of money in the world you could pay me to say anything even slightly mean to our sweet leon#LET 👏 HIM 👏 HENSHIN 👏#WAIT SHOOT is it too late to redo my survey answers i need to demand that i be able to put hats on leon
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Daughter of delta Yu, show them that you're no fool!
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#yu ziyuan#jiang fengmian#jinzhu#yinzhu#wang lingjiao#wen zhuliu#elle woods#Not officially appearing but this is very much supposed to continue on the running gag of her being a character in pd-mdzs.#Yes I have been thinking about how Yu and Nu sound the same. Would it not be funny if YZY and Elle Woods were martial sisters?#Oh man I really hope help gets to lotus pier in time. I hope things turn out okay despite the odds.#I always wondered what YZY ended up fighting with once she gave away zidian. Supposedly she would have a sword right?#Let us also factor in the fact she gets her core 'melted' and can't use spiritual weapons anymore.#We know for a fact that this does not stop someone from still kicking ass.#Thus I propose: Yu Ziyuan as a bare knuckle brawler. In my heart she's a multiclass barbarian/monk.#As *if* she would go down without causing a bit more bloodshed once her core was gone.#Gatekeep Gaslight Girlviscerate your enemies.
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Sometimes I get a fictional little guy in my head and I have to draw them to release them
#Okay so this was actually supposed to be another idea I had for turnabout ghoul but I couldn't really draw it#so to explain-#it's near the end of turnabout succession when Kristoph is on the stand#don't ask details about what specifically is going on bc i have no idea#but Apollo is really pressing him so he turns to Klavier and says#'Klavier. If things keep going this way I may be forced to disclose a secret that affects the both of us. Is that what you want?'#and obviously Klav does NOT want anybody to find out he's a ghoul#bc at this point in the story in regards to ghoul legalization there have been many improvements#but ghouls are still illegal and heavily stigmatized against.#So now Klavier is practically begging Apollo to stop bc he can't let that get out#but Apollo manages to convince him to pursue the truth anyways#which means kristoph tells the whole court they're ghouls#leading into an extra case where 'whoops now we have to completely decriminalize ghouls for existing'#and it's Phoenix's first case after getting his badge back#bc while the whole apollo defending klavier thing like phoenix and edgeworth is cute#it's far more impactful for the guy that lost his badge to defend the one who took it away#bc it really shows he doesn't hold a grudge against him at all#anyways I should stop before I hit the tag limit#ace attorney#ajaa#klavier gavin#Luci's art tag#turnabout ghoul
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It's so funny when people say things like "yeah well tenants don't have to deal with fixing maintenance issues themselves, being a homeowner is tough because you have to arrange for maintenance people to come and pay for it yourself"
Like where are these mythical landlords that promptly and efficiently address maintenance issues lmao. Yeah you have to coordinate it all and "pay for it yourself" as a homeowner, but I'd rather that and know I'm getting it taken care of than have to go back and forth with a landlord to get them to fix literally anything. Also, as a renter you ARE paying for it, with the rent. You think landlords are allowing themselves to lose money on maintenance issues lol?
It's like these people think you just call up your landlord and say something is broken and they go "ok I'll send someone over right away!" And the problem is fixed.
#we just moved and there are a few problems that need to be fixed and the letting agency is being really unhelpful right now#the chimney needs to be swept before we can use the wood stove#and the estate agent told us someone will be coming but hasn't said when or actually indicated if he has even arranged it yet#it's starting to get cold so we'd like to be able to light the fire#half the radiators aren't working as well#which is important to fix as it is going to be getting cold#and the shower is BOILING hot#like even on the lowest temperature setting it is borderline scalding#it's legitimately dangerous and we can't get it to be any colder#i emailed the agent about all of these issues and he just didn't reply to most of my email lmao#so i have no idea if they're being addressed
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Modern Reincarnation AU Part 4 ✨️
Part 3
"John?"
Bucky storms past Jack into the townhouse. It's rude, but he'll apologize later. He doesn't know why he came here instead of his apartment. Old habits dying a hard drawn out death, maybe? He hadn't been thinking clearly. Hadn't been thinking at all really until he found himself waved through by his father's security detail.
"Oh, is that John?" He hears his father call out, dress shoes clicking against hardwood as he walks closer, but Bucky stomps up the stairs towards his room before he sees the man. His breaths come out in rushes as tears keep burning his eyes.
Shit, he thought he'd gotten those under control on the train.
Slamming his door, he slides down until he rests against the floor. He tosses his bag to the side wincing at the sound it makes. Hopefully his laptop survives. At some point he does actually have to do the work he went to the library to finish.
The library.
Buck and Curt.
They wouldn't, Bucky tells himself. They wouldn't. Curt was one of his best friends, and Buck loved him. They...
Fuck they were roommates! Why the hell were they talking about that shit in public? In the place Bucky considered his? Why even pretend? Why drag Bucky into this? Why?!
Bucky buries his face into his hands. His chest hitches as he tries not to sob. He doesn't want his father or Jack to worry about him. He doesn't want to talk this through.
He wants...
He wants Buck. He wants the other to pull him into his arms. To kiss him again as if today had never happened. There was something else about being with Buck, something he'd never felt with anyone else be they friend or lover. He made Bucky feel safe and wanted. Wanted not because of his family and connections but because he was himself.
Buck would know how to make him feel better.
He laughs quietly through his tears. Distantly, he can hear Jack briefing his father downstairs, the words faint but he hears his name and tears used together. His laughter is more sob than anything else. Of course, the one good thing he'd found would end up belonging to someone else. Story of his life.
✨️
There's too much work to do. At least that's the excuse Bucky gave himself for not confronting Buck and Curt immediately. There wasn't time for a confrontation and subsequent blowup of his life.
At least that's the lie he tells himself.
Bucky chews on the straw of his iced coffee as he skims yet another chapter. There's a pumpkin muffin in front of him that he swore would be his reward for getting through this fourty page reading. Midterms have come and gone, but Bucky still has deadlines to meet and research to complete. He can't sit in his room forever, as much as his father and Jack would sometimes prefer that. Better protection from whatever sent Bucky crying to his room as his father would argue. Better protection for his father's political career Jack would quip.
Speaking of protection, Bucky glanced to the side of the cafe towards his security detail. At least these guys attempted to blend in. His father must have briefed them on his track record with previous details. Bucky smirked around his straw. They'd be easy to lose come rush hour. A bit of fun even.
Bucky turned back to his reading, squinting down at the words.
"American airmen during World War II had a dismal life expectancy. It was not a matter of if an airman was going to be shot down but when. Once downed, airmen faced an uncertain 'reception committee,' as Second Lieutenant Kenneth C. Reimer noted in a drawing he made as a POW in Stalag Luft I in Barth, Germany... 'for every [ground combat] soldier killed in action, three or four others would be wounded; air combat was completely the opposite. For every man wounded, three were killed.'"
"Bucky?" A hand settles on his shoulder jolting him out of his reading.
Bucky kept his shoulders loose as he turns around. Buck stares down at him, a bright smile on his face that Bucky can't help but match despite his grief. It wasn't even something he could control. Buck smiled at him, so he smiled back. Bucky felt pitiful.
Buck's sky blue eyes are clear and happy as they dart across Bucky's face. There's no sign that he realizes Bucky overheard him yesterday.
Bucky lifts a hand to calm his detail, all alert now after Buck's friendly greeting. He sees the nearest agent settle back into their chair but knows none of them are relaxed. He darts a look up at Buck, peering at the other through his glasses to see if he'd noticed the disturbance.
Buck's gaze, as it always does, doesn't leave Bucky's face. Even when he rounds the table to sit down, his eyes are pinned on Bucky and nothing else.
"Sorry I couldn't meet up yesterday," Buck dumps his bag onto the chair next to him. Bucky's smile twitches. Buck sits down across from him. His legs tangle with Buck's own under the table, Buck's foot gently bumping his ankle.
"It's fine," Bucky chomps down on his straw. "How was your advisor meeting anyway?"
"It was good," Buck smiles at him, not even a hint of guilt on his face. "Real good."
Buck had told Bucky he was called to fill in a shift yesterday and that was why he supposedly hadn't been able to meet up. A lie Buck hadn't even bothered to remember. His advisor meetings were also always in the morning on Thursdays. Today was Tuesday.
Buck was still lying to him, and he wasn't even guilty about it.
✨️
"I went by your place yesterday. You weren't home." Buck swings their clasped hands through the air.
"Hmm?" Bucky glanced away from the traffic around them. His detail were staying a conspicuous ten feet back, but they were annoyingly keen when Buck offered to walk him back to his apartment.
Bucky would lose them another day.
Buck laughed, deep and airy. Bucky struggled not to lose himself in it. That was what made this so hard. Bucky still loved Buck, and Buck still acted like Bucky was his whole world and then some.
"Oh," Bucky finally processed what Buck had said. "No, I went to my dad's for the night."
"Really?" Buck squeezes his hand. Bucky hates how much comfort Buck's touch gives him.
Does Curt receive the same...? No Bucky doesn't let himself finish the thought.
"How was it?" Concern bleeds into Buck's voice. Bucky hates how genuine it sounds. He's starting to use that word more than any other. The longer he looks at Buck, the more he has to hate to save his heart.
"Fine," Bucky shrugged stepping further away as they came to a stoplight. "The usual."
"The Bucky I know wouldn't give such a short answer," Buck stepped closer eating up the space Bucky had put between them. "Not unless something happened yesterday. Come on, you okay?"
Bucky felt the words bubbling up his throat.
I saw you. I saw him. Why are you here staring at me like I'm the most important thing in the world when you have him? Why are you doing this to me? I love you. I love you so much it feels like my soul hurts. I hate you.
"Spent most of the night avoiding his staffers." Bucky lied. "Barely saw him, Jack either, yet he still asked me to move home at breakfast."
Buck nods, accepting his lies. Was that what they were now? Not a relationship, simply a lie? Bucky wasn't sure anymore. His heart thumped against his rib cage, anger and love in every other beat, but he wasn't sure which would win.
Buck had become his whole world in such a short amount of time. He thought the feeling was mutual, but yesterday showed just how stupid Bucky really was.
"How about this," Buck nudged his hip. "Why don't I stay over tonight? We'll binge a few movies, order something, and have night in. Then,"
Buck paused with a stupid grin that, despite himself, Bucky still found charming. Fuck, he was truly pathetic for this.
"I'll sweep you off your feet and take you to bed. How does that sound?"
"Won't Curt be expecting you?" The question pops out of him without meaning to. Gale furrows his brow, confusion growing in his eyes.
"Curt won't miss me tonight."
Sure, he won't, Bucky thinks bitterly.
✨️
"John," Jack's voice was a surprise. Especially considering it was his father's number calling him.
"You've gotten much better at your Jack impression," Bucky answers just to be annoying. "Does he know you impersonate him on official numbers?"
"You're not as funny as you believe."
"Ooh, you even have his disapproving tone down. I feel like he's in the room with us!" Bucky laughs. He peers around the corner. Buck's still where he left him, buried in his phone texting someone.
Bucky doesn't let himself think about who that person is.
"Your father wants to invite you to a dinner tomorrow. You can even bring that boy that walked you home. The one that hasn't left." Pages flip in the background as Jack talks. Probably governmental reports his father was supposed to read.
"You know you're not his chief of staff anymore?" Bucky leaned his hip against the counter. "You don't have to read reports or wrangle his kid to government dinners to help his image as a family man. You're his husband now, you're the family."
"You're my kid too by that logic, so wrangling you gets to stay on my resume." Bucky snorts out a laugh. "Besides, it's not a state dinner or anything. He just wants to see you."
Guilt gnaws at his heart. Buck pokes his head into the kitchen, phone no longer holding all of his attention.
"Fine," Bucky groans. "But if he brings up the apartment again, I'm walking out with my food on my plate even if it's the good plates."
"See you tomorrow at 7 then. Bring your boy." Jack hangs up without a goodbye.
✨️
It'll be me, and it'll be you, Buck.
Don't count on it.
Bucky jerks awake. His dream flashes through his head too fast for him to remember anything. Scenes superimpose over each other, words jumble together. At least this one wasn't a nightmare. Those always left him shakey and off balance all day.
His dreams have always been vivid, ever since he was a kid. The child psychologists he'd gone to had said it was normal and simply a sign of a well developed imagination.
Bucky runs a hand through his hair groaning when he glances towards his bedside clock. It's nearly an hour until he has to get up, but he knows that he won't be getting back to sleep before then.
Buck lays curled up next to him on the bed. Bucky reaches out to brush a hand through the other's hair. Buck twitches leaning into the feeling for half a second but doesn't stir beyond that.
Bucky sighs. Extricating himself from Buck's long limbs takes time. Somehow in the night, Buck had nearly fused them together as if even asleep the man refused to let him go. Arms layered over arms. Legs tangled together. It's an excellent distraction from his dreams but not from the problems of the waking world. If only he could forget those once he woke up like he did his dreams.
It's only when he's pouring water for his coffee that he realizes he recognizes the voice from his dream. A first for him.
It'd been Buck's.
✨️
(Not a confrontation I know, but it builds my AU lol)
#i know i already used that picture of austin for part 3 but that pic for some reason is so Modern Buck who can't take his eyes off Bucky#buck for me in this au is a touch obsessive because he's lost bucky once in their old life and now he has a chance again#but that chance is being strained because bucky doesn't remember him or their past life resulting in Buck lying to himself and bucky#one of the things i want to focus on in this au is how traumatizing reliving and remembering these memories can be as well as how alienatin#buck certainly has his own trauma and part of his journey is learning to let go and understand the difference between the past and present#shit i need to go work on stalag arc but also i got blessed by some muse for this au and who am i to doubt the will of a muse?#oh also i actually do have this whole backstory for Bucky as well as who his father is his importance and why Jack Kidd is in his house#if anyone wants to guess he is someone we see in MOTA and its a really popular Jack ship lol#the quote Bucky is reading is from an actual book called Terror Flyers by Kevin T Hall#I've personally only read portions of it for a class i took but its an interesting read from the bits I remember and skimmed for this#mota#masters of the air#buck x bucky#john bucky egan#clegan#gale buck cleven#bucky egan#buck cleven#john egan#gale cleven#buckbucky#modern reincarnation au#modern reincarnation
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