#we broke up maybe a year ago
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Haven’t spoken to my ex in a week,,,
#Idk whether to be happy or sad abt this#For context:#we broke up maybe a year ago#And have known eachother for 2 years#He was like red flag city and we broke up bc I had changed so much due to the trauma he gave me#So I’m like… actually insane (codependency issues are so silly!!)#And he just wants to be casual low commitment friends but for some reason I can’t just#forgive him even tho he’s changed and apologized and tried to make up for it#So errrmmm I miss him but like???#Idk man it’s complicated#Totally gonna delete later#But those of you who see this now know The Lore
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he picked me up last night and we got drinks and he paid for them and held the door of the bar open for me and we walked around town for hours in the cold and we parked in front of my house and talked in his car because he wanted to spend more time with me... and then he said he still misses his ex lol
#men are all the same theyre all the sameeeee. i dont fault him for it btw like they only broke up a year ago after three years but like#dude read the room what are we doing here. maybe in the future something might happen but like lol. i hate all of it#t
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dating an art student was so crazy I'm just thinking abt that one birthday I had where my ex got me stickers from the etsy of the person they were cheating on me with....
#they made them address the thank you note to me and everything ajskfjfkfb. i didnt know they were cheating at the time but wow...#every time i break out my sticker collection and see them im reminded of it. but i cant throw out the stickers theyre deltarune ones 😭#like they were a rly cool artist.... just unfortunate that happened 💀#the drama was insane. my ex only wanted to sleep with them but they (other person) wanted them to break up with me so they could date#but my ex dumped them rly harshly for suggesting that i guess 'romantic' cheating was a step too far even for them lmaooo#i heard abt their breakup secondhand and god could they be cruel sometimes. they made fun of the sex theyd had w them#to all their mutual friends n everything i actually felt so bad for the other person when i found out. at least our breakup wasnt that bad#i only finally got that cruel side of them directed towards me like a year after when they wanted us to stop being friends#but yeah. its also funny in a way bc my ex only suggested i had adhd bc the other person did too + struggled a lot with rsd#which i guess they found out when they broke up with them. and then looked at that and thought huh my gf is kind of similar...#and this was like. 2 years before i even considered i had adhd myself and sought diagnosis ahdkfidjcjdjfjfjfkdbfnf#this made me go look the other persons art page up on instagram + then i recognised some of their friends/flatmates art pages and i found#their (my exs that is) grad year film which is still being shown at animation festivals... good for them good for them#i dont think they have an art page themselves tho cuz they were always v shy and weird abt sharing art on social media#like everyone else except them is tagged on things... shame i wouldve liked to see what they were making now. even if we're not friends#also one of their old roommates made some REALLY similar squid game fanart to mine like a month after i posted it huh..#not mad abt it or anything i think its cool i just didnt realise they showed my art to their friends. thats cute#ah this was years ago anyway. getting my head out of the rabbit hole#im gonna go play some elden ring and then maybe do smth fun in my sketchbook we shall seeee#.diaries
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condolences on the ex btw!! hope ur slaying and giving life a run for its money!!
😭 thank you darling!! i very much appreciate it ;;; and I sure am trying to!! life better be scared cus im coming for it
#we broke up in like. january. but i think that's the first time I've ever really referred to get a my ex so i just ;;;;#and this whole year has been kinda shit but by TALOS i will fist fight my life until it gets itself back in shape#also just remembered smth that happened with my coworker rnsnjfnsf#where he asked how old ones of our older coworkers daughters was and she was like my age#and another coworker joked at him about 'why are you asking that don't you HAVE girlfriend?? pretty sus'#and i went 'hey hey /i/dont have a girlfriend so maybe he was asking me#helping a friend out!!'#and he went v'THANK YOU abram yeah maybe i was asking for him huh'#and it was so funny to me fjjsjfjs#anyway sorry. lost the train of thought. that coworker ALSO only found out i broke up with my gf like 2 weeks ago#askers#recordmcqueen#shh ac
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Gonna make a timeline because for some reason I do that with things I like
#trolls timeline#send me canon times for events if you have em#like...all 3 movies couldnt have taken place past a year#trolls 1 to 2 was a few months#2 to 3 was 1 month#makes since...that part makes since#but like...#brozone broke up when branch was a baby..we know this#branch lost his grandmother when he was 5#thats canon#...so it was over 25 years he saw his brothers#yet he says “20 years too late” when he sees Jd even though 20 years ago was when they left the troll tree#and apparently trollstice started after brozone broke up but king gristle sr. says he was nervous his first time which means he has#eaten a troll as a child (we see them build a town AROUND the tree so definitely many years)#its weird ill explain it...maybe?#dreamworks trolls#trolls dreamworks#trolls movie#trolls world tour#trolls 2#trolls 3#trolls band together
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about to be sooo nosy so. my apologies. but. morgan frost? girlfriend? do share (or don’t! again this is so nosy i’m sorry)
for legal purposes i can neither confirm nor deny anything about morgan and his girlfriend but afaik i think he’s single right now? at one point (within the past four years 😭) he did for sure have a girlfriend and that is the extent of my wag knowledge
#anon PLEASE i am the nosiest person in the world i understand i want to know everything. ever. however#because i have no evidence and don’t want to spread unfounded rumors i will state for the jury i am not a gossip blog#& anything i say should be taken with a grain of salt. or a vsco deep dive & also maybe a dig into the flyers media archives. wrt UNfounded#but i will gossip in your dms because it’s a vital method of communication and important for community building.#also i’m like 95% sure i just osmosed the fact that morgan and his girlfriend broke up sometime earlier in the hockey season from someone#else (probably flyerskay) and accepted it at face value like absolutely i’d trust kay with my life. she would never lie to me and therefore#i can’t be lying to you. i can’t remember morgan’s gf’s name tho but i can like. vividly remember her artsy possessive vsco photos 😭 help#that man posts more about tom petty than he does anyone else in his life besides joel so really how would we know if hes posted her less#the answer is we wouldn’t and i want to say her name is katie SO bad but i know that’s tyson’s gf it’s like. victoria or stacie or somethin#& i want to see if SHE deleted all her vsco pictures of him bc that’s how we’d know they broke up. frosty stop following so many girls#i want to try and find her and see (she’s a model and she was public and had her vsco linked so all of this is public info btw.)#ANON I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA OANDJRIWNDHOWHDB IT IS 1:38 AM AND I HAVE JUST MANAGED. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD ANON HOLD ON#BUCKLE YOURSELF THE FUCK IN FOR AN ANSWER YOU DID NOT ASK FOR BECAUSE THIS IS A R I D E AND I NEED TO YELL ABOUT IT I CAN’T MY GOD I CANNOT#B R E A T H E i’m about to start crying again but the backstory is that. i have had a fic that i have been working on for literal years.#my version history says March 15 2021 and it started in my notes app about 3000 words before that and it’s based off of a tweet i thought#calla had quoted and just said ‘Joel’ about but in my notes i never#saved the actual tweet and many times throughout the years i have gone back and advanced searched every version of joel and joelle and bee#and behavior on calla’s blog that i could possibly think of and just assumed like. it must’ve gotten deleted or the account suspended and i#could never remember the wording well enough to just google it but believe me i tried and put in every variation. never found it in 4 years#i try periodically. fast forward to about twenty minutes ago i am looking through kay’s twitter and searching vsco because i SWEAR she has#the picture of frosty’s gf’s fingernail marks in the back of frosty’s shoulders i am talking about / I can’t find her vsco linked anywhere#but i’m like ok. search up a couple other things and think about who might have it and on a WHIM look up vsco in ash notthequiettype’s acct#no results okay whatever i think about what else could maybe pull it up for me so I have SOMETHING for you. I search frosty. I scroll. GUES#WHAT I FUCKING FIND FROM NOVEMBER 13TH 2020 it is THE FANTASTIC TWEET THAT SPAWNED 16K OF NOTES & FIC & A SPREADSHEET OF JOEL’S CLASSES#AND I NEVER WOULD’VE FOUND IT AGAIN IF NOT FOR THIS!!! LOSING IT!!! by it I mean my mind and my sleep schedule!!! it’s 2AM now good night!!#liv in the replies#morgan frost#philadephia flyers
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an important writing question to ask yourself is "how much time and effort do i want to put into figuring out what this character's legal documents would look like"
#newt has THE MOST BULLSHIT COMPLICATED backstory for this i stg#born out of wedlock in west germany in 1990 when the two germanies were IN THE MIDDLE of reuniting but not done yet#and then almost immediately moved to the united states with his dad because his parents broke up#which seems to imply his dad got full custody?? which seems at least a little weird for the time period#could not figure out if it was even legally plausible because TWO GERMANIES#but both parents wanted his dad to have full custody so like... maybe??#anyway what fucking citizenship does he have. i dont even know#was thinking dual but germany doesnt like dual#so that might only work if his dad transmitted american citizenship to him like a bloodline curse#but i think that only works if his dad was already a citizen when he was born and his dad is german so THAT would mean-#*insert that one gif of charlie day with the pepe sylvia conspiracy board*#so maybe he just has american citizenship???#i dont know how that works either...#and then when im writing him hes trans on top of all that#which makes all this relevant unfortunately! could this man have gotten a legal name change circa 2010?#i THINK so?? im probably just going to handwave it?? but AARGH#i dont LIKE handwaving these things because like#anachronisms with trans characters & the transition process always bug me a bit#im almost 10 years younger than newt but i remember shit was DIFFERENT even back in like. 2014.#this isnt a legal thing but i remember before there was a nonbinary pride flag. we shared the purple-white-green genderqueer one#well. 'we' including me at the time. im a man now#and surgery has changed! no-nip top surgery was really rare to hear about before like... even just a few years ago?#im sure it was happening but it's way more common now than it was in like 2020#and i didnt even know trans people existed until like 2010#the first time i saw a trans character in ANY work of fiction was 2011#personal#unscientific aside#im way off on a tangent now i forget if i was going to say anything else#good enough hit post
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finding the blogs of old mutuals is very fun sometimes but i think i just found one of my ex and they are like. straight up lying on main
#or they just lied to me. but somehow i doubt it lol#(as in. they say they're 20. they were supposedly in college when we dated... 5 years ago 🤨)#(also back then they said they're russian and i mean. they did look white -#- but now they claim to be indigenous and palestinian... um?)#(like. if it was just the white thing I'd say it's a matter of passing. whatever. -#- but combined with not mentioning it earlier and also lying about their age... yeah i have my doubts 😩)#(that being said the russian thing was also always suspicious bc in vc they never had an accent -#- despite supposedly moving only a few years beforehand. so who knows! maybe that one was the lie then!)#none of this actually matters. they can lie if they wanna it doesn't affect me or smth. just telling you to clear out my head 🫡#yknow there was also this time while we dated where they had just a huge personality switch#not for the bad or smth. just. a big switch out of nowhere. it was really weird#to the point it was one of the reasons i broke up with them. oops (alongside the aro thing + long distance being Not Fun)#lmao overall a very strange person i feel like i dodged some bullet there.
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#my ex with who I broke up with two years ago bc she wants to have kids and i dont told me that she’s pregnant today!!#and im super happy for her and also very happy we broke up#bc my dreams of family are mostly stuff like being able to share a house/neighborhood with my closest friends and grow old together#sometimes i wonder if i’ll ever feel like dating again might feel like a good idea#but I still feel like maybe its just not something im very good at#or something that is for me#when I always end up losing too much of myself#anyways happy holidays or whatever#brought to you by lying awake at 2am thinking abt my life and choices
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explosion.gif
#i am so in love its unreal. never have i ever before felt this wealth of human emotions so concentrated over the past month and a week#genuinely mind boggling how talking to logan more and more and then dating him has literally made me feel likr a new man.#not that im different or that i absolutely need him to function in my day to day life#but its the richness that being in love brought to my life that was unexpected#i had a thing with another online friend like 4 yrs ago and it never felt like much admittedly. i almost gave up dating when he broke it off#bc i thought there was something to online dating that wasnt cutting it and i didnt stand a chance at meeting someone irl#and that entire time i knew logan at least a little bit but we didnt really begin talking often until like#6 months ago maybe? and just the more we talked the more we clicked ajd i liked him so much but i was so afraid that it wouldnt be mutual#and i was so afraid that even if he is in what feels like a pretty open polycule hed never ask me out or anything#and then he did and my world felt like it exploded into a cacophony of colors and sounds and feelings and emotions#like something had been unlocked in me that hadnt been touched in years. my ability to love.#and with that came some of the most upsetting spiraling intense depressive states of my life. but it was okay. it still is okay.#its only been a bit over a month but it feels like so much more than that bc i feel like everything is so much more vivid now#i also think im beginning to take a very particular fondness to someone else in the cule but im so not stating who or expanding upon it#he also makes me really happy but i dont think im ready to take that step yet. even if it would be a dream come true.#i love what i have now and i dont want to complicate it yet.#a extremely loving and charming boyfriend and a couple of other close friends who happen to also be dating him is good. its awesome#i just. i dont know. i dont know how logan would feel abt it. i dont know abt how other guy would feel abt it.#sometimes im not even sure how i would feel abt it#aughghhhhhhhh. yeah. human emotion. love for my boyfriend who is beautiful and loving and charming and funny and talented. ueh#i dont think he reads these rambles. sometimes i hope he does. sometimes i hope he doesnt. i love him so much#i dont want to worry him with my shit constantly but it would also be nice to worry him with it occasionally#logan if you see this i love you more than words could ever describe. im so happy that ur in my life and that you chose me to be in ur own#gamey rambles#💜
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i think i've finally come to understand why i'm so bad at communicating with friends 👍 at one point or another i've thought i was in love with every single person i've ever been friends with (for the most part, at least) because i don't expect other people to like me. OBVIOUSLY this is not true but platonic feelings are not dissimilar to romantic ones (baseline they're the same: you want to love and be loved by someone) but i always end up realizing that i'm not in love with them, just that they matter to me very much and i wouldn't know what do to w/o their presence in my life. BUT this brings me to facet number 2 of my awful communication skills: i hate it when things Get Real. i find myself retreating any time it seems like Something Could Change in my day-to-day life due to them being around and "forcing" the change. i run away from talking to one of my only irl friends on almost a daily basis bc i dread the idea of having to do anything she might want me to do. i think, at the end of the day, my problem might just be that i don't want to change... ANYWAYS
#i actually think the funniest example of this comes from the irl guy friend i think i actually DO have romantic feelings for#i never used to have feelings for him but i always kind of nursed the idea of such a thing (as i said i think i could be in love with most#friends before i realize i'm not - but with him specifically i never had a moment where i realized i... wasn't?) also my previously#aforementioned irl friend kind of insinuated he might have feelings for me or we might end up with one another and now every time i think#abt him i think about THAT so.#anyways a few years ago he came by my house and picked me up and we got ice cream and talked for hours bc we have a lot in common#and he actually manages to keep in contact with me despite how hard it is (how hard i make it) to talk to me on a consistent basis lol#like we don't talk a LOT but he's also the one who convinced me to contact my former other irl best friend that i hadn't talked to in 6 yrs#anyways back to what i was talking abt from a few years ago... it was 4 yrs ago at this point but after the ice cream - i got a job#and we talked a lot - he took me and my irl bff out but she had a HUGE fight with her bf and he tracked her down and it was. a disaster#but after that they made up (lucikly she broke up with him not too long after lmao) but me and him were put in the middle of it#and anyways we went to the mall with the annoying couple LMAO but we broke off and it was just... really nice to be with him?#and then we went to walmart and rented a movie and went back to my irl's apartment and i tried to dye his hair in her bathroom LMAO#and it just felt really natural to be close to him and whatnot. we really get along and i really don't dislike him and i'm not NOT into him#but yeah anyways a few days later he messaged me and asked if he could pick me up from work but i told him no because at that point i was.#afraid. because i had a dream that i had kissed hik and he turned into rick sanchez and drowned LMFAOOO IT SOUNDS RETARDED BUT.#like i think the point of the dream was that if i showed him that i had some kind of feelings for him he would change or die or disappear?#i always assume the worst. but yeah the dream literally put me off so bad that i cut contact with him for almost 2 years#because i was afraid of him and i was afraid of my life changing#idk. maybe i should give it a try now. i'm still scared but you never know.#i at least wanna say 'thanks' for him convincing me to message my friend from 6 years ago so 🤷♀️ who knows
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help okay so my mom is going back to school online to finish her bachelor's (because she had me so she dropped out) and she just texted me that she wants me to help her write papers and like. girl i don't know if she's joking or not but knowing her she isn't. but i simply cannot. the extra time is nonexistent.
#there is also a small part of my brain that wants to say fuck you because she was bitching and complaining when i asked if they could help#with my tuition because together my parents (now. not the case 4 years ago) make like 200k a year and im paying 20k a year so like. even a#QUARTER of that would help me a lot. and she was like 'no no we just can't afford to give up any money' and then she goes and is literally#going to be paying more than what i asked for. like i only asked for 5k of the 20k a year. i cannot do this#idk maybe im stuck up or whatever for thinking that they should help even a little?#but the amount of shit i did for them when we were dirt fucking broke....i think 5k a year was a reasonable ask.#it's 2.5% of your annual income now i think you can spare it....#3rd parent compensation or whatever.#but it's also the fact she was all 'oh honey if we could i would' like Hello You Can And You're Not. don't make me feel bad for asking#definitely not the worst problem to have but it's still frustrating.
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I just made out with a BOY I’m in heaven I’m shaking and giggling
#so I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years a while ago#very very amicably. it was a mutual decision#we’re still best friends and we’ll always be best friends. our friendship is very deep and special#but long story short I recently started hanging out with a guy who had a crush on me in secondary school#he didn’t tell me back then but I understood from his signals#anyway last time we hung out he said “so back in secondary school I… liked you”#and I was like okay yeah I thought maybe you did#he currently lives in stockholm though…#but we hung out again the day before yesterday and had a really good time#and today we went cross country skiing!#and afterwards he told me that he still likes me and I said I like him too and we kissed :3#I’m very emotional rn#I don’t know how this is gonna work since he lives so far away but idk. we’ll see how it goes from here I guess#personal#my yapping
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I'm losing my mind, my girlfriend in high school lent me some books in a book series and I can't remember the title or the author and the vague details I remember aren't enough to find it online. I've been thinking about this non stop for the last two days and it's so annoying to have this knowledge just under the surface I can't actually access
#I'm actually debating trying to out to her to see if she remembers#we haven't spoken at all since we broke up at the end of high school six years ago#but we're both adults now#maybe she would help me
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but i would give anything for just one day spent in the life i had when i was 15. it may not have been perfect but i felt like i belonged somewhere. and i didn't worry so goddamn much about the big picture
#sighhh i miss when my biggest worry was my crush liking me back#i was such a typical teenager in hindsight bc of that#it seems a lifetime ago but it was only 4 years#2 years since we broke up thats crazy. everything changed i built my own life from nothing#im a completely different person#figuratively and literally though i will not use that to excuse my past actions haha#discord was like my whole damn world my center of the universe talking to my friends on there the highlight of my day#we had plans we had goals we had all thse big ideas and things we could do in our free time#now we go days without really talking to each other#in 2020 i said 3 more years and then we meet irl now 2023 is over and i am sure i will never see you. i wouldnt want to see you#i guess adulthood caught up to all of us. okay. most of us#i am just so sentimental#things had purpose back then and i wasnt this afraid#and i loved them#and i had someone who loved me#its fucked up how you dont even realize it wont last forever until its over#i wish it had ended differently. the whole friend group.#sometimes i wish we wouldve stayed friends. but thats just hopeful thinking because in my heart i know there is no way#were too different and theyre too committed to fucking up everything they have always#it makes me sad. makes me think they truly dont feel like they deserve happiness. i am kind of that way too#but i dont complain about losing the people i push away. so thats how were different lol#and i also dont suibait my mentally ill followers every other day because of some drama that only 15 year olds care about#so in that regard thank fuck i grew up. but also. thinking of them reminds me of simpler times#when this petty shit mattered to me. it really doesnt matter to me anymore and i cant get myself to care about anything that happens online#maybe its time for me to leave the internet behind for good. i dont know what its doing for me anymore.#i dont have anything im excited about on my laptop anymore lmao i have to desperately cling for straws for things i could do#to avoid sleep and being alone with my thoughts
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turbulent events have happened tonight
#celebrated international children's day with my high school english teacher#yes we have been friends for almost 10 years. since i was in 9th grade#yes he is 19 years older than me#talked about the old friend group which consisted about like three of us high school girls and a bunch of college guys who were all at least#4 or 5 years older than us. yes every guy crushed on the same girl at one point. i was in a relationship with the oldest of them#one of them who was tangentially in the group now has psychiatric problems. i don't know the specifics. he was to get married to this random#ass girl who got pregnant at 22/23 by another guy#idk who exactly but suffice to say they are not together anymore#we discussed my cancer situation. my ex (who apparently will love me forever) was crying a lot about it and seemed shaken up#even at their little guys christmas reunion last year#he texted me in december saying a part of me lives and will always live inside of him and that he loves me no matter what#i was honestly at a complete loss for words because we broke up 5 years ago. we literally had no future together#one of the other guys apparently said back in december that it was no use texting me encouraging words because we had drifted apart#that is the same guy i crushed on for 6 years. i still wished him a happy birthday in april tho.#it's okay because my crush on him vanished as soon as i realized he's a little piece of shit human. still likeable tho#and that is the issue. anyway. maybe i shouldn't have said piece of shit he's more like an annoying asshole which you still find endearing#talking to him now makes me realize he was never all that. high school me just thought he did really interesting things (which admittedly#were very interesting for that time and for our little town)#about my ex tho#even though i have no feelings for him anymore i think it's really beautiful that what we had is staying with him like that. i hope#it doesn't stop him from having a healthy and loving relationship in the future#i know he had multiple relationships after me but none of them really worked out. i really hope he finds that happiness#the way that i have
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