#we both cant drive
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Oliver swift human design :D I like the idea of his flannel being unbuttoned. Also I gave him braces because I CAN !!! He has a lisp :D
#oliver swift#dialtown#dialtown fanart#dialtown phone dating sim#dialtown oliver#fanart#digital art#also its genuinely scary as to how many things we have in common#we both cant drive#we both are libras (our birthdays are in october)#we both have really bad vision#we both have adhd#we both are GAY AS FUCK#yeah <3#artkite
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For the first time throughout RnS, I have slightly shifted my opinion from "Tanguish needs to be protected at all costs" to "actually someone needs to talk some sense into this headless chicken of a self preserving punk" and I mean this with so much positivity. I live Tanguish as character a lot because he at a glance is harmless and kind, and while he is pretty sweet, he's also pretty self serving at his core. A survivalist who will use whatever tactics he can to make his life as comfortable as seems feasible. He's just a little guy whom I love, but also needs a bit of insight into other perspectives and I'm so excited for the next chapter.
He's just a little guy! He's just a little guy and he needs people! Needs-- like he needs-- like it's a problem he needs people.
But you're absolutely right! He is trying his best, that's evident. Everyone can sympathize with the idea of loneliness, and of not wanting other people to hurt themselves, and of needing companionship. The issue is when his need for companionship overrides both his ability to be comfortable alone, and everyone else's ability to live their own life. He's really good at figuring out how people work, why they do the stuff they do, and right now he's using it to feed his codependency problems.
But! He's learning.
#answering asks#anonymous#thank you anon#the plot point of 'how do i teach Tanguish codependency is bad and he cant just replace Tango with HK'#has fueled 90% of my rewriting last chapter#as well as how do i justify Helsknight not flying off the handle and punching his poor little face#the answer turned into: put them both in public and Let Them Fight [kaiju music plays]#and then Martyn appeared and i was like. hey wait. i can use you very well i think...#and now i think i know how the next chapters are going#its a hard balance ive been trying to strike keeping everyone in character while still driving the plot forward#we wobbled on the tightrope a bit but were fine now i think#[knocks on wood crossess all my fingers etc etc etc]#rns asks
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I think people misunderstood my macaque post
Ah well you win some you lose some
#people saying ‘the sun cant exist without the moon’#yes it can?#it just wouldnt shine#we wouldnt see it#thats why macaque is flawed from the start - you have him DEPEND on the sun to make any progress#with his character#moon and sun symbolisms are great but when you take it away#sun wukong is still SUN WUKONG but macaque is nobody without wukong and thats saying smthing#and i can give you so many examples of characters who have stories without relying on their childhood best friends#like jinx from arcane or marceline from adventure time#sometimes you can make it work if the story is about both of them#but the story has ALWAYS been about wukong never macaque#even macaque’s dialogue and actions and drives are all connected to wukong#and thats a little sad ngl#comeback kid#think pan
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Jesus fucking christ read The Lady's Handbook For Her Mysterious Illness
#she really just came out and said the driving reason why we bother to see doctors at all these days#we're getting by on microdosing 'being heard' and people tell us to be grateful to have even that#but is it really 'being heard' if what theyre sharing is one off lines. one per doctor for us to look back on and feel real?#one from our previous doctor. one from a passing female nurse. one from the cardiac nurse. one from our physio#a lot of the time the things we latch on to to 'feel heard' arent even real acknowledgements#just a lack of opposition#which is what we normally face#we latched onto our new doctor so hard because in our first (and only - so far) appointment with her#she acknowledged our pain and suffering and difficulties - from both our illnesses and our lack of treatment - three times#thats all it took for us to switch to a new more expensive doctor that we cant actually afford to see regularly#compared to the doctor we could afford to see regularly (who was so booked out we saw him once every three months - if that)#shes the first doctor we've ever been excited to actually go back to. the first doctor we've been genuinely wholeheartedly excited to see#three acknowledgements on the first appointment. thats all it took. thats all we needed to have hope in a doctor again#we actually feel like we would get regular acknowledgements from her. not just the singular one to look back on out of years of appointments#trying not to get our hopes up because we've been crushed before but its hard
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Just a little follow up on that last post but just in general I think one of the reasons I've really stopped caring for railing on the Playtime devs... Is just because it feels like so much of it is just speculative nonsense trying to make every single thing they do secretly evil or lazy or bad. Why isn't it enough to discuss the Actual bad things they did [the fact they used to run a shady content farm before doing game work, the fact they tried to sell lore to their fans via NFTs, etc] it's hard for me to engage with content that rightfully critiques that bc oftentimes they then spiral into speculative 'so now we have to tell you why this moment where an employee blinks in the game is code for the devs secretly stole all their code from Bendy and kill babies as a hobby'.
Which makes me turn off my brain and not want to take any other points they make seriously, bc like I said if you lie to me to try and convince me of your point, I'm not gonna take anything else you say seriously bc I won't know if it's true or just something you made up anymore.
It honestly feels like everyone just keeps making shit up bc Poppy Playtime used to be the internet punching bag but now that the NFTs thing isn't the hottest topic to discuss about it anymore we all just need a reason to make fun of it and the people who like it. Which just kinda feels like unfair cringe culture, because if our real problem is the devs being greedy and shady why isn't the same effort put into roasting similar devs like the Bendy team? We can't suddenly say 'well actually being a bit greedy isn't That bad' when it's a team we like instead of one we all decided is 'cringe n bad'.
#ramblez#I hope all this makes sense Im not saying u cant dislike the devs of any of these games#just that the double standards on display really drive me nuts#sure playtime co tried to sell nfts but kindly beast laid off almost all of its employees and tried to sell its fans at full price a game#made by two people in three weeks last minute#if being greedy and lazy is really as bad as the internet says it is why arent the bendy devs the internets punching bag too#you cant have that sort of obvious double standard and then still expect me to think you take that topic seriously#bc when you only bring it up in relation to devs you clearly have a bias against and dont bring it up against devs ur bias towards#its clear that the greediness isnt actually the problem you care abt at least thats how it reads to me#anyways both of these devs suck but I dont think that means everyone at playtime co is secretly evil and in on it#a lot of effort is clearly on display in the writing animation coding etc and we shouldnt pretend its all awful just bc the ceos suck#same way I only level a lot of my problems with bendy towards mike n mood and not every single person who works on the games#bc clearly someone at JDS and playtime co cares a lot about what theyre making and thats really nice to see#its just that the ceos keep fucking up the product esp when it comes to Bendy-
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im not saying that pharmacists and doctors shouldnt be allowed to have breaks or should be overworked or anything but i think its a little cruel that pharmacies and doctors offices can close for a holiday or for a little bit of snow at the drop of a hat when like. home depot employees or something are forced to work in a snowstorm on christmas eve. like i just think medical attention and medication is more important but thats just me. hire more doctors and pharmacists for the love of god
#txt#gekkering#and i donf want these people being put in danger or anything wrt to the snow thing but like we got not even an inch of snow and both pharmac#ies i go to have been closed all weekend as far as i can tell#and my medication is not life threatening if i dont get it but if itwas ???? and the rest ofthe store IS STILL OPEN.#i dont know man. it drives me crazy.#the doctor one especially because the nurses work around the clock ill get a message from a nurse over theweekend being like sowwy she will#approve your refill soon!!!! but they cant approve it for her and she wont check any emails or anything until she absolutely has to#you cant approve a fucking prescription on mlk day? its one button.#just drives me batshit. i wish there was some better method for this shit
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my mum picking me up this morning: you're not as hungover as i thought you'd be
me, just yacked in an alleyway: yeah haha
#it's 3pm now and i still cant believe that happened that was. an experience#basically my mate's 21st coincided with her sister's 30th so they both had this big joint Event last night#where they literally rented out a farm house and the field nearby and set up a whole campsite and barbeque and everything#it was really random but also really good esp bc ive been friends with this girl since we were super young#and our mums were friends so ive just got. lots of connections to her family and it was nice seeing them all again#but there was fully like 60 people at this thing and i DID drink more than i meant to but i wasn't paralytic which is good#and my hangover ISNT that bad in terms of how bad my hangovers can get#it's just that my mate's dad picked us both up at 9am this morning which was already going to be... rough#and then proceeded to do the bumpiest drive down the country lanes ive ever experienced#i was literally grinding my teeth like i am NOT about to throw up in this man's car please if there is a god do not let me throw up#and i didn't! my mum picked me up from this (thankfully very quiet) road that has this rickety old alley coming off it#and i had the very humbling moment of 'im actually going to be sick aren't i' and had to WAIT FOR AN OLD WOMAN#TO FUCKING MEANDER OUT OF THE ALLEY AND WALK FAR AWAY ENOUGH FOR ME TO AT LEAST HAVE A SHRED OF DIGNITY#and proceeded to throw up. in a public alleyway. at 9:30am on a sunday. so of course i needed to tell you guys about it#im now force feeding myself garlic bread. im going to manchester tomorrow. i have a flight at the crack of dawn on tuesday#what is even going on anymore#also fully did just do nos last night with some 30 year olds. i cannot express how fucking odd a thing that is for me to do#actually no i can express it bc youse know that im funny about drugs so for me to not even be that drunk#and get offered a fucking balloon of all things and be like 'yeah why not!' is.... odd#i know i inhaled wrong though bc it didn't do a thing which honestly im happy about <3#hella goes home
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Man I have no idea how to research gender affirming care for nonbinary peeps, cause like I'm nonbinary and I want my gender to be affirmed! But like, is what I want even physically possible? Do I even know what I want? What if I don't like hormones? But if a surgery I want requires hormones?
Can I control+alt+delete my tits without taking testoroni? Google gives me indecisive answers, I wish I could go out and just buy some books on the trans spectrum and read a catalog of trangender care history and options
But I don't even know if that exists, and if it does, I'd be so boned if my parents found me with such books
Why is my gender confusing me so, it makes me feel my mind was placed in the wrong form of being
#im big stupid in the ways of transistioning#transgender#nonbinary#what is gender#for context my brain has on off been informing me it thinks i should also have a penis and not just a vagina#however it refering to having a penis that can ejaculate not one for like being able to pee standing up#my brain keeps asking me why we weren't born with both forms of gentalia that are both functional#its driving me a little coocoobananas if you cant tell
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...
#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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i've been trying to schedule a time to take my driver's test for literal months because i shit you not there have been literally zero appointments at any of the five (5) dmvs within 20m of me that offer the driving test. so i scheduled one at a place that's a literal hour drive bc i was like. well at least i have it on the books and if i have to drive an hour out there to do it so be it! but i've been regularly checking the website at odd times (as suggested by multiple people) for any cancellations.
and lo and behold! i just checked it (literally 2m ago) and there was an 8a open slot at a place 10m from where i live. i had to think about it for maybe about 30s or so (checking the map to make sure it actually is close to me, considering if anyone i know with a car would be available to take me over there to take the test at 8 fucking am in the morning) and by the time i convinced myself i might as well just do it the fucking appointment had already been snatched by someone else.
i get that dmvs are probably just as understaffed as anywhere else. but this is fucking untenable to me. like. how are you so understaffed that i have not been able to schedule this appointment for literal months (i have been regularly checking! since last fucking october!) at any of the places that are within a normal distance to where i live? why on earth are dmvs in fucking st. cloud somehow more available despite the fact that they only have one vs the like five within the twin cities limits? why are you not opening more slots/hiring more driving instructors to ensure that there is plenty of availability for this apparently so essential service that you are constantly booked up for it??? most importantly why is there not!!! a fucking dmv!!! that offers a driving test!!! actually in one of the twin cities? why are they only in the suburbs? i am chewing off my own arm, this whole process is incredibly frustrating and i can't believe i caught a lucky break for the first time in five months and lost it because i hesitated for less than one minute.
#liveblogging life#when i tell you i screamed i am Not Joking#next time im not fucking hesitating i'll take whatever slot theyve got even if it's for the next fucking day#i have a booking in fucking rochester but a) it's like an hour+ away#PLUS the only person who doesnt have anything happening during dmv hours is my dad who lives an hour away from me AND from rochester#which means he has to drive an hour to pick me up and then we both have to drive an hour to get to this appt#which means this turns from a 20m appointment to a full fucking day affair for NO! GODDAMNED! REASON!#other than for some reason the fucking five different dmvs within 20 miles of me just cant seem to keep an appt slot open to save their lif#i get that the reason we dont have driving test dmvs in downtown mpls is bc the streets suck lol#but like. you serve a city of A LOT of people so you should maybe have more than THREE within the suburbs#and two more within 20m of the city#like maybe. you should have a few more than that. if youre that seriously overbooked#told by multiple people the only way i can get an appt is if i check in the middle of the night#how is that acceptable? jesus christ. JESUS CHRIST! im so annoyed right now.
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had an argument with my sister on the ride home from my friend's :-:
#I don't like when we argue cause we almost never do#like a serious argument#but you know what ? no ! I'm not completely inconsiderate because YOU put me in an uncomfortable situation and I said#“hey this sucked dont do that again”#if I'm so inconsiderate than you do all that stuff ON YOUR OWN !! I won't help you#no need to finish editing the video we did together FOR YOUR FUCKING SOCIAL MEDIA#record your videos on ur own with no help#take pictures yourself#write scripts without asking me for my opinion#delete every single post from your account that I had ANYTHING to do with#delete every single comment and revision I made on your fucking book and see how many publishable pages you have left#get rid of every single casting I made for YOUR FUCKING STORY and see how many actors you have left#I do shit for you ALL THE TIME ! we BOTH DO ! But I don't think it's cool throw those things in your face to win an argument#SO I DONT !!!! doesn't matter how fucking vindicated I'd feel by doing it#I dont like it so I dont. it opens up a precedent if I say one thing and do the other when I'm mad#Saying “i feel you weren't considerate of me when you said this” is VERY DIFFERENT from just saying I'm COMPLETELY INCONSIDERATE#YOU DO THIS OUT OF OBLIGATION !!!! YOU ONLY DRIVE ME PLACES BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO NOT OF THE GOODNESS OF YOUR OWN HEART#AND YOU STILL CHOSE TO THROW THAT IN MY FACE WHEN YOU GOT UPSET#GROW UP !!!! GROW UP !!! GROW UP !!!#LEARN how to talk about your issues and ONLY the issue at hand !!!! you don't get to say what you want cause you think you're winning !!!!#NO ONE'S WINNING !!!! WE'RE BOTH UPSET !!!! WE'RE BOTH UPSET AND WE'RE BOTH FEELING LIKE GARBAGE TO THE OTHER !!!!#(yes i realize I cant actually grow tf up too and talk this out)#(tomorrow tho it's past 1am already and I gotta shower)
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theres birthdays in my family today you know what that means ☺️
#wind howls#my parents are at each others throats because my dad wants to invite his siblings over (its the twins birthdays not his own)#and my mom doesnt want to invite anyone over bc the house is a mess and so is the yard bc of construction work !#or renovations i guess. regardless its really awesome. i hate it here#and its worse bc i understanf both their points. my dad likes having an excuse to see his siblings and have fun and drink with them#and theres nothing really wrong with that ! i think if i didnt live with most my siblings id like to have a concrete excuse to see them too#but my moms point makes sense too. my dad tends to pull this kind of stuff often and suddenly#and instead of spending the time over a good couple days to make sure the house is ready to welcome guests#he tells us day of so we have to scramble like mad to make the house look presentable.#not to mention one of my uncles in particular likes to stay late and drink lots which my parents cant afford to have today#because my dad travels to peru tomorrow and they have to drive to the airport at 5 am. my uncle staying until 2 would be irresponsible#however they are both so block headed and solidly convinced that they are in the right for their own position that they just#yell at eachother instead of weighting the pros and cons like normal people would. or should rather. its fantastic.#anyway now i have to scramble to clean this stupid house just in case (although im almost certain my uncles and aunts are comin over)#sigh
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have 2 use chrome for most shit at work and it sucks so bad literally crashes randomly when trying to copy paste stuff into google chat or do anything in drive. grrr >:(
#i would use firefox for more stuff but we literally cant access some stuff unless its on chrome lol#anyways. both my windows are frozen bcuz of a single fucking drive tab that crashed and cant be closed
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im probably going to make a new post to pin about our immigration soon im still so embarrassed that every bit of progress we've made has been like trying to hold fistfuls of sand. god. but I'll make it more succinct or whatever and maybe delve into where we're going finally and shit. idk
#weve had to go back 3 different times to the cop house to get his ID complications worked out#and then a cop fucking confiscated MINE for being trans so now i have to go back and start#the qhole waiting game AGAIN to get my stupid fucking female ID in the mail instead#and then we have to drive HOURS to go get our marriage license anywhere that isnt HERE!!!!!!#AND THEN!!!!!!! well finally have the fucking PRIVILEGE of paying hundreds of dollars for our passports GREAT#i want to rip my HAIR OUT that there have been so many issues bc ALL of them have been bc of the fucking state troopers office#they have the wrong information on their website theyre mean theyre stupid they delight in shit going wrong#and that sounds like hyperbole but weve both been LAUGHED AT and the cop who told lo he cant have an M ID#like theyre nasty and unhelpful and thats why its taken this long bc lo needed help w smtn they just. wouldn't. help with.#and maryland just. wouldnt. help with.#and its like so what are we supposed to fuckjng do? exactly?#raagahsgsgshgghgg im just so. mad and irritated and annoyed#you wont work with us bc were visibly queer but we only need this shit to LEAVE so GET OVER IT AND HELP!
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ngl it seems like everything has been going wrong for my dads side of the family these first two months of the year
#my grandads heart tried to fail twice and he had to be taken to hospital in an ambulance and get an operation to get a stent in#my grandmas alzheimers is getting worse and putting mental stress on my grandad and on top of that she was in hospital last week#for what we thought was a stroke but turned out to be a viral infection causing stroke symptoms#and when we went down last week to visit/for the concert we found out that my dads younger brother#who went to look after them when these happened till we could get down for each incident (he lives less than 2 hrs drive away#and we need to take a plane and then long drive to get there) actually had a fall at work#because the construction company he works for doesnt fucking care about their workers. and he hit like three or four things when he came off#the ladder and hit concrete ground and broke a vertebrae and other bones#and nobody! came! FOR FOURTY MINUTES#EVEN THOUGH THEYRE SUPPOSED TO WATCH CAMERAS FOR ACCIDENTA EVERY 2.MINS#he had to CALL THE AMBULANCE HIMSELF and now cant work for like 3 fucking months#so dad has got to help out both parents and his little brother and like fuck dude#can you give my family a break PLEASE
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im never working in fast food ever again after this job today was hellish
#speaking#cant wait until my fav coworker is back from his trip he is SO much better at doing the drive thru than me#we got swarmed today it was awful T_T both the dining room and the drive thru#i think the timing aspect is the worst thing about drive thru like oh my god the customers can wait more than 200 seconds before they get#their food it is NOT that deep
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