#we are humans and are complex
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I'm catching up on the last 4 episodes of HOTE (I am always waiting for @isaksbestpillow's subs 'cause this story is too precious to have it be misinterpreted by bad Gaga subtitles).
I am so fascinated by both of the characters. They're so traumatized and yet there's this hint of hope that can be built upon. They're trying to find something healthy among all the cruelty of their life. Their relationship is at times incredibly toxic and yet it is the best thing that happened to either of them. They're so desperately trying to cling to the bit of good that's there. I do not know whether it will end well but I am fascinated by the characters and the story being constructed here.
#happy of the end#hana's random text posts#I actually love when you have characters/relationships#that exist outside of the good/bad healthy/unhealthy#we are humans and are complex#and maybe instead of labeling and disregarding things as simply toxic#we should examine as to why that is and where it comes from#also can we talk about the boat scene 'cause that whiplash was so good#a gentle kiss followed by a I want to die followed by an Oh#that's just such a... such a good character moment#and so so real#i literally screamed at my television about how good that moment was#and then obviously at the entire underpass scene#god this show just scratches that itch of good complex characters so well
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why is it "this is what happens when you tell white boys they're devils :(" when it comes to the white male alt right pipeline but no one calls for empathy for uneducated right wing white women. what about the high school girl to isolated stay at home mom pipeline. where is their loneliness epidemic
#how come i never see ''this is what happens when you tell white girls they exist to give white men sons :(''#it's ''how do we reach today's young white men :(('' but no one has tips for reaching right wing women#why is that i wonder#i feel deeply betrayed by female class traitors and have done my best to understand why they are the way they are#but they're a lost cause and white men aren't because women are not complex human beings#and men are just so sensitive you don't understand
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I'm reading The Murderbot Diaries (Network Effect, so, spoiler alert), and man, Murderbot's relationship with ART makes me insane. It's like, you're an insufferable asshole. You're my best friend. Saying that word makes me retch. You're the only person in the universe who could possibly understand what it's like to be me. I can't possibly understand what it's like to be you. I must look like an ant to you. I've put my unconscious body in your hands and let you alter it. We both love our humans to the point of destruction. You've killed people to protect me and my friends. You only did it because you were between two jobs and bored. We watch TV shows together. I saw you have an emotional breakdown about a historical drama. You could kill me in a hundred different ways. I've brutally murdered several people to avenge you. You were ready to kill all my friends to save yours. I've brought you back from the dead. You're keeping us prisoner. I'm your only chance of saving your friends. I've lived and traveled inside your body, and you've been a passenger in my brain. We don't even know each other's real names.
#i'm only halfway through the book so no spoilers#i wanna sjsjkdjskhdjksdjhshsjsjjk bite them bite them bite them#they make me insane#ART in particular. it is so complex. so alien.#wtf goes on in that bot's processors#'have ART and Murderbot explored each other's bodies' yes. within days of knowing each other#i'm considering that Murderbot doesn't know ART's name because ART is the name MB gave it and Perihelion is the name the humans gave it#we don't know what ART calls itself#and ART has only called Murderbot 'Eden' or its hard-coded feed address#i don't think it even knows the name Murderbot#the murderbot diaries#murderbot#ART#Asshole Research Transport#perihelion#martha wells
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you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.
(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)
but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.
(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)
there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.
(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)
you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.
(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)
you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.
in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.
but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.
they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.
it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.
#spilled ink#warm up#can you tell what i'm mad about today specifically#i will say that there are a LOT of things that go into this. like a lot. this is ungendered and unspecific for a reason#it isn't just sexism. it's also racism. and ableism. and honestly classism.#and before a healthcare professional reads this as a personal attack: i understand ur burnt out#we are ALSO burnt out. your situation is also dire. this is not an attack on you.#this is a commentary on the incredible amounts of bigotry that lie at the heart of capitalism#where people have to pay money out of pocket to be told to fuck off.#your job is important. so is our humanity. and if you cannot accept that people are fucking mad as hell#at the industry - you are probably not listening .#anyway at some point im gonna write a piece about sexism specifically in medical shit#but i don't want terfs clowning in it bc they can't understand nuance#> it is true that ppl w/a uterus are more likely to experience medical malpractice & dismissal globally#> it is also true that trans people experience an equally fucked up and bad time in the medical field#> great news! the medical industrial complex is an equal opportunity life ruiner :)#(if you find it necessary to go into a debate about biology while discussing medical malpractice#i want to warn you that you're misunderstanding the issue. because guess what.#cis MEN might experience this. particularly black men. particularly disabled men.#so YES having a uterus can lead to more trouble for you. but this happens a LOT.#instead of fighting those ALSO experiencing your pain.... try working WITH them.#which btw. is like. actual feminism.)
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He was just being a silly little guy!
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#jin guangyao#wen ruohan#nie mingjue#lan xichen#JGY's character is the zigging and zagging guy of all time#We love a little meow meow that can bite and scratch and kill you.#We also love a little meow meow that can mewl pathetically!#'He's evil now and torturing his former friend?" ZAG TIME: He's a spy and feels soooo awful about it!!#ZIG TIME: He (probably) didn't need to go that deep into the role and kill as many people as he did.#Something I really love about the sworn brother trio is how they reflect how our feelings distort our perception of others.#Lan Xichen represents how when we love/care about someone -anything they do can be endearing. They aren't manipulative: they are clever.#Its less about rose tinted glasses and more about reframing every look you get of them. The constant justifications you make for them.#They just need a space to be loved! “They care for me so I will stand by them no matter what to show them I'm there for them!”#While NMJ represents how when you dislike someone - Everything they do is an affront or proof of their foul character.#Everything is a sign. Everything is 'proof' they are just as awful as you want them to be. Every 'good trait' is twisted.#The problem is that most people are just human. They are flawed and they are capable of good and bad things.#Meng Yao's motivations are very complex. Yet he's extremely human all the same. He isn't the saint nor the monster of the story.
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From @theinnocenceproject:
This is it. We only have 48 HOURS to stop Missouri from executing #MarcellusWilliams, an innocent man.
Every hour, every minute, every second is critical right now. And even though @GovParsonMO's office is closed today, we can’t let a single moment go by where we’re not urging him to take action. So today, we’re asking you to SHARE Marcellus’ story far and wide by creating your own post about him using the social media toolkit at the link in our bio, and include a call to action to sign our petition and call @GovParsonMO at 417-373-3400.
It is not too late for Gov. Parson to ensure that Missouri does not take an innocent man’s life.
#human rights#marcellus williams#stop the execution#death penalty#call to action#signal boost#black lives matter#prison industrial complex#Missouri#civil rights#the innocence project#justice#activism#urgent#capital punishment#no one is free until we are all free#prison abolition
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so I guess if you describe a decades-long international crisis involving multiple world powers as "complex" then somebody on tumblr is gonna be like "umm where is the complexity here?" to try and gotcha you?
and then you realize that their idea of simplicity is based solely on declaring who is morally at fault, and having decided that and posting about it online they're relieved the burden of ever conceptualizing an actual outcome to everything going on, because their activism begins and ends with identifying the "good guys" versus "bad guys" and not talking about what the fuck is supposed to happen next, and definitely not addressing any of the actual core political problems or history therein that have enabled this genocide
#this happened because i posted articles on houthi human rights abuses and cautioned against maybe not uncritically declaring support of them#is it really that difficult to a) agree that this is a genocide and the israeli government is to blame#and b) the people directly opposing them are actively engaged in their own human rights violations and should not be championed on#with the blind simplicity of cheering for a sports team? can we not do that?#this is what i mean by complexity ffs it's not difficult to understand#israel / palestine
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you know how tim never actually wanted or planned to become robin? and how for a long time he was sure that he's not going to do this for the rest of his life and how once he'd gotten a chance he would put down the mantle immediately? so about that
i know that a lot of things changed as he got older and shit hit the fan multiple times, but i can't help but think that cloning a child would finally give him just enough of a reason to finally let go of being a vigilante. because as much as he learned to love being a hero, being robin, the moment he has this child is the moment when he decides yep guess that's it for me. and one of the main reasons is, deep down inside he still waited for this excuse. for something to force him into making this choice for himself. and nothing could've forced it better than realizing that there's plenty of vigilantes in gotham right now, but his child only has him, and his child needs him much more than gotham or even batman has ever had.
#tim being a hero for so long is Not Good for him#if we don't want a gun batman he should either get some therapy or retire completely#(or maybe start to get laid by his best friend just saying)#dc#dc comics#tim drake#red robin#timkon#timkon clone baby au#timkon clone baby#bruce got better but it's okay tim's made a completely new human being to play a fixer upper with!! savior complex we are so back babey
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Aurum didn't think he was a xenophobe but he did think that some species were too...delicate. They were too emotional, what with their snot and tears when things got to be too much. It was a terrible evolutionary trait to keep. Your telling others, friend and foe, that your currently vulnerable. A terrible sign of weakness.
Thank the heavens his species didn't have that.
And thank the heavens the two humans at the centre seemed to be the least delicate of their species. Why, what would they do if the children made them too emotional? They'd burst into tears surely!
The poor things.
'Speaking of them' he paused as he saw the two humans in the halls, arguing with someone. Rather...passionately, to the point where half the large hall was taken up by a crowd gathering to watch.
'Wouldn't want to miss a free show' he grinned to himself. How he loved drama.
The gist of the fight was a new co-worker of theirs was fired after they had reported them to the Calis, the first mate of the ship. The reason for was unknown but there were some theories about how it was about workplace bullying, the firee being bad at their job, or perhaps speciesism from the humans.
Aurum watched in glee as words were exchanged, some plain and boring, others witty and clever, with some having him along with the whole crowd gasping. He nodded to himself in approval of the human's cool headedness. If only all emotional species where like them.
Seeing as the argument was going nowhere Aurum decided to take his leave. But the gasping of the crowd drew him right back in. He pushed back to his ideal viewing spot and looked. The humans were acting strangely. One was crying and the other was laughing.
"What happened? Why are they crying why are they laughing?" he whispered.
"I don't know, they were arguing when the humans just...broke." whispered back another.
The humans spoke.
"You...you are the most infuriating being I have ever met...do you feed off all the bullshit you cause?" hissed Kim, tears slipping out from her eyes.
"Oh my god why are you like this? I pity your previous boss." giggles Max, his laughs not all cheery or joyful.
"What, what are you doing? Why are you crying? What's so funny??"
"I'm crying because I am so fed up with your bullshit that it is driving me to tears." seethes Kim. "Congratulations, you are now the second person to make me angry cry!"
"This...this is a new one for me...I've never laughed because of how angry someone made me." the laughs coming Max make Aurum grimace, they don't sound at all natural. It sounded even worse when the laughs turned wet and tears began to threaten to spill.
Aurum had always thought that tears were horrible. Not the emotions but tears. As they are a sign of weakness. A sign you are vulnerable. But watching these two...it was truly unsettling.
To not sob Kim had begun to whisper, her voice quiet but so full of rage. Max didn't care and simply continued with his current volume, allowing the tears to pour into his smirking, giggling mouth.
Their tears did not make Aurum think they are weak. Their tears made Aurum lean back from the horrifying combination of emotions. The quiet rage. The maniacal laughter.
He heard later that the fired co-worker was indeed rather terrible and left that very day with no more fighting or protests.
#humans are space orcs#humans are space oddities#the adventures of kim and max running a space child centre#so I just angry cried for the first time and damn it shut the other person down fast#like they were silent#also have laughed from anger because the absurdity of the other person just made me laugh#and i thought since you can cry from laughter and you can laugh from being angry why not maniacal angry laughter with a dash of tears#also we are finally getting rid of a co-worker who had made work utter hell#so whoop whoop#i like to think humans are more 'emotional' than other species simply bc we can cry and maybe bc we can feel more complex ones#or maybe bc we have monkey brain and react in a way that make other species uncomfortable when experiencing too much emotions#your choice
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Lawrence of Arabia (1962) dir. David Lean
#Lawrence of Arabia#filmedit#perioddramaedit#loaedit#*#*gif#okay a few things#1) I love love love Peter O'Toole's line reading of ''I don't want to be part of your big push''#2) I love how this conversation figuratively and literally opens old wounds#3) Dryden calling Allenby's attention to the wounds without showing to Lawrence what he's doing#4) ''I have no Arab friends'' the man with the messiah complex is denying his proverbial disciples#(a reversal of the disciple Peter's denial of the Messiah)#5) ''I just want my ration of common humanity'' tying in with the themes of god complexes/messiah complexes vs. well. common humanity#(a few lines earlier we have ''The truth is I'm an ordinary man'')#anyways. you guys heard of this movie? it's really good
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the plot of inquisition is fairly basic/unoriginal imo UNTIL you factor trespasser in as the real ending. that elevates the story so far beyond a simple fantasy "bad monster guy wants to take over the world. the plucky hero and his friends stops him" to something much more compelling. the moment you find out corypheus was really just small potatoes and you should have been worrying about the unassuming, soft-spoken elf who you thought was your friend and would always be by your side.... unparalleled. of course trespasser shouldn't have been a dlc I mean... we shouldn't have had to pay extra for something which is absolutely critical to the story of inquisition, but anyway...... it's truly the plot twist of all time. corypheus was a bit blah as a bad guy but really he was just a distraction- all you've been doing this whole time is cleaning up solas's mess so he can freely carry out his plans. solas is already an incredibly good villain, just being able to see and get to know the "human" side of him for an entire game is amazing set-up for da:d
#dragon age#dragon age inquisition#meredith was also a great villain. bc she was on some level sympathetic and complex#she had motivations beyond Being Evil even if they became warped into something extreme#(i don't mean we should feel sorry for her. i mean she was written as human)#patrick weekes being lead writer when he wrote trespasser Bodes Well imo#solas#dragon age talks
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people claim to want ‘evil’ female characters but can’t even handle characters like penelope featherington or tashi duncan
#i don’t think either pen or tashi are evil btw#i just don’t understand people who are like oh we need more complex female characters#and then can’t handle ones that make decisions that they don’t understand#personally i like my characters a little problematic#it makes them more human 🤷♀️#penelope featherington#bridgerton#tashi duncan#challengers#eb says things
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the main reason why people struggle to empathize or get mike is because we don't have his pov anymore. so it's easy to just call him an asshole and call it a day. obviously he's gonna look an asshole when we aren't seeing what's going on w him personally. s5 is gonna make yall take back a lot of things yall say abt him
#literally majority of the characters would look like assholes if we didnt get their pov ever#yes this applies to will#these are what you call complex characters#they make mistakes or they react out of a very human and relatable emotion#we can empathize or sympathize with the character#we understand why they say or do certain things#byler#mike wheeler
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Who Wants To Talk About Japanese Orthography In Manga???
Me, it's me, I do, and I have been chomping at the bit to get the chance to.
Orthography refers to the conventions of written language to represent sounds. That may bring to mind the idea of rigid grammar rules or spelling standardization, but in a linguistic sense, orthography simply describes observable trends across language use. This isn't about authority--I am not going to talk about what schools teach or say people should write one way or another. This is about examining how real people use written language creatively to convey different things in popular media.
This is a huge topic, so I'm only going to use examples from MHA to highlight Horikoshi's style.
First, let's get a run-down of the main parts of written Japanese and how they tend to be used.
We've got kanji and kana; kanji are logograms, while kana are syllabaries. Kana refers to both hiragana and katakana collectively, but we will delineate the two from here on.
The Wikipedia page for kanji, describing this more succinctly than I'm about to.
For clarity, I'm gonna color-code each one.
Let's take a quick look at all three in action.
Chapter 65
By virtue of being the syllabary that grammar particles are written in, hiragana can get away with a lot that kanji and katakana can't.
You can write simple sentences in hiragana alone, like so:
The sentence is perfectly comprehensible like this, but it reads as casual or perhaps a bit immature, like the person is either leaving out kanji for speed or simplicity (like online) or they aren't confident using kanji. Although, the word hito (person) is extremely common and its kanji is simple, so this would probably look more natural:
But there are also kanji for the word kawaii, so you could also write it this way:
On the other hand, writing the whole thing in katakana looks weird as fuck:
bECAuSE iT kINDA reADS LIKE THis, or maybe L I K E T H I S
It seems almost alien, overemphasizing the phonetic sound of the words, implying there's something notable or unusual about them.
But what if you write it like this?
Both ways use katakana to put flavor on a specific word. The first puts it on person, which could be used in a situation where someone hasn't been named yet, but the speaker tonally emphasizes your knowledge of them--like "oh, you know who."
The second emphasizes cute, which could read as sexually suggestive, teasing/joking, or even a threatening tone, depending on the context. "Real cute, ain't they?"
Basically, the connecting grammar bits need to be in hiragana, but nouns, verbs, and adjectives can typically be written in any of the three systems. That introduces choice into the matter, and these choices may have some cultural connotations.
This is a subtlety in written Japanese that manga loves to take advantage of. Orthography contributes a lot to characterization and tone, so individual creators develop little quirks as part of their own writing style.
Now let's finally take a gander at some of Horikoshi's!
Kanji instead of hiragana for semantic emphasis
Chapter 48
Best Jeanist could have used only hiragana for the word "good" (いい, ii), which is a very common way to write it. But he's not just commenting that they are nice kids, he's talking about them as "goodie two-shoes" and even puts brackets around the idea. The kanji emphasizes the cultural idea of a Good Child™, a well-behaved, morally upright, obedient young person.
Kanji instead of hiragana denoting a serious or severe tone
Chapter 36
Katsuki's "you" pronoun omae being written with kanji comes across as markedly serious, especially compared to how his dialogue is normally written. This is actually the only time Katsuki says omae and it is written with kanji--all the rest are in hiragana, which tends to read as more casual.
Hiragana instead of kanji denoting a gentle tone or youthful/childlike language
Chapters 129 and 183
Katsuki and his omae show us how kanji use can be seen as more mature and serious; Eri's dialogue does the opposite of this by using hiragana when it could use kanji, emphasizing her youth and innocence.
Katakana instead of hiragana or kanji for emphasis or slang
Chapters 209, 207, and 2
As I detailed above, one of katakana's most common uses is similar to italics or all-caps.
But you also tend to see slang written with it, and depending on the slang, the word being in katakana can immediately clarify it from other, perhaps more standard meanings. In Jirou's case, her personal pronoun uchi can mean a couple other things, so it being written in katakana clarifies her usage. It could arguably also imply she is taking a bit of an argumentative tone--Katsuki's slang is typically written in katakana for both of these reasons!
Katakana denoting regional dialect/accent, nonstandard pronunciation/muddled speech, or confused articulation
Chapters 102, 208, 394, and 2
Ochako gets flustered and defaults to her regional Kansai dialect. Instead of "chigau wa" (Tokyo dialect), she says "chau wa" repeatedly.
Katsuki and Toga both drop the w- sound from a word. Katsuki says "ore a" instead of "ore wa," while Toga says the word "kawaiku" as "ka'aiku" and "kawaii" as "ka'aii." Notice how the katakana which represents the vocal omission/hiccup is actually smaller than the others? That's also a little stylistic detail for communicating this kind of nonstandard speech.
Izuku repeats All Might's words, chikara wo, in a confused daze because he isn't following All Might's point. By removing the kanji especially, this kind of katakana emphasizes him sounding the words out without recognizing the underlying meaning.
Basically, Japanese has some excellent ~vibes-based~ orthography because of how the language is structured!
Of course, you find this kind of thing in English as well--especially in the age of the internet, where people note that "how dare u" reads as tonally distinct from "how dare you." As you develop language fluency, you tend to pick up these things subconsciously more than anything, but it's one of my favorite things to analyze and compare.
These are just a few examples and my own interpretations of them. I'm sure there are many more uses and flavor-nuance I'm not picking up on. Since any given choice can be read a few different ways, context is very important. My examples aren't definitive proof of anything, but it can be fun to keep these kinds of details in mind while reading.
Shueisha and Shonen Jump surely have in-house standards for text, and mangaka must operate within that range. That said, I have indeed seen every one of these examples in other manga as well.
And on the independent side of things, doujinshi and online manga are basically the wild frickin' west--I have seen tons of totally crazy, highly creative ways to take advantage of the unique flexibility found in Japanese, but that's a post for another day.
I will probably write more about this kind of thing in the future when I can pinpoint some more observations, but I hope you all enjoyed the ride. <3
#meta#linguistics party#this is the nerdiest shit I've ever written and I'm not sorry#I find this soooooo fascinating and fun to think about#people are so cute we think of all kinds of ways to properly convey ideas and feelings and reference shared cultural information#almost all human languages are first and foremost spoken out loud#and human beings get so creative trying to figure out how to express all the complex minute details contained within verbal communication#through the written word#mha 2#mha 36#mha 48#mha 65#mha 102#mha 129#mha 183#mha 207#mha 208#mha 209#mha 394
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"mormonism is american exceptionalism" has gotta be my least favorite anti-mormon take out there like you could talk about literally anything and THAT'S what you're going with????????? like you can talk about our weird relationship with manifest destiny and colonisation (extremely valid talking points!!!!!!) but to act like some kind of specific allegiance to the united states as an institution is inherent to our doctrine is so..... silence......
#me logging on to the internet tm to be called a dangerous cultist for the tenth time this week#like have y'all not considered that maybe our church has developed cult-ish practices because we keep being called satan spawn???????#and that fuels our collective insulated persecution complex as a faith minority? like let's just sit down and have a conversation about why#somebody's faith might be meaningful to them and the human reasons why they hold onto it-- and help them extricate that faith from fascism#that would be a million times more helpful and constructive for everyone involved#to put it in simple terms: being mean to mormons will only produce more mean mormons :/#making mormons feel like they're in danger will make mormonism dangerous#this goes for literally any community under the sun#saw a take the other day that missions are meant to train missionaries to be scared of the world outside of the church#like??????#we're never gonna solve the actual problems with this church/institution/cult if y'all keep saying nonsense like this 😭😭😭#oh my gosh 😭#vent over
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i adore ur engie having a chord tail so re: requests how does spy feel about/interact with it
he'd mostly think it's endearing, part of Dell's silly charm. sort of like when you see a puppy
sometimes Dell uses it to get Spy' attention, or to make sure he's still with him and Spy sometimes uses it to make sure Dell doesn't impulse buy a set of power drills or a tablesaw
though, no matter how much spy thinks the tail is cute, he knows it was designed out a desperation.
things rarely go without complications when dealing with amputation and prostetics - things like phantom pain or conectivity issues and basically an every day issue Dell will be forever insecure about the fact he can't just engineer it all away, he definitely regrets cutting half his arm off.
so he designed the tail as a way to counter his weakness. but what if Dell doesn't just stop at the tail? what if he tries to mess with his anatomy further? what if he ends up doing something that irreversably destroys his body? sure he's an engineer, but not a medical proffesional.
what if the pain becomes unbearable for Dell though? what if further modifications are necessary for him to live in peace? will Dell know when to stop? Will Spy know when to draw the line? when to put his foot down?
what if Dell loses himself to the idea that he can elliminate all that is wrong with him with mods like this? what if this is just the beginning?
for now it's probably fine. probably
#ummmm#i kinda blacked out at the end there#my bad#anyways waouw look at this cute engiespy guys what no theres nothing under the cut dont worry#tf2#tf2 fanart#doodle dump#engineer tf2#spy tf2#engiespy#gunslinger#chord tail#practical espionage#napoleon complex#it's kinde cringe because its hashtag deep and angsty#but i just like the theme of losing yourself to the fascination of upgrading yourself to the point of no return#like when do you stop being human you know#or when do you draw the line of “i'm at my best” and “this is enough for me”#or do you not draw one at all and do you strive for perfection#something something theme of flesh weak machine stronk#anyways im gonna go grab some food because i forgot to eat all day cus i got a little fixated on this idea#have fun#also snail i made all this angst just fir you because you seem like the type of person to like angst#also no beta we die like men
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