#we are being cool this week
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Week 25 - September 17th, 2023 'Dangerous (feat. Joywave) - Oliver Remix' - Big Data, Joywave, Oliver Spotify / YouTube
Sir.
Because this manâs soft exterior is a front. A smart one, because it encourages peace and a personality you can talk to. Soft and open, patient and kind.
But threaten those same qualities and he will not show up with any of them.Â
Enjoy!
View a week early on my Patreon!
#we are being cool this week#can never resist a good dynamic pose#And he really turned out looking so much better then I thought#very happy with this piece#obi wan kenobi#fanart#star wars#my art#week 25
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atp philâs like âffs i wish i could hit you with a car then i wouldnât have to be stuck with your annoying dramatic ass đâ
#winning the idgaf war every day of the week#good for him#phil doing the least because heâs too hot and cool and pretty and funny and famous for this shit#he has better things to do with his time#why would be take care of the dumbass who got him 3 lamps đ#also the way that i feel like our parents are fighting and trying to get us to pick a side-#âTELL HIM HOW BAD OF A PERSON HE IS FOR NOT TAKING ME TO HOSPITALâ#âNO YOU TELL HIM HES BEING A WHINY OVER DRAMATIC LITTLE BITCHâ#mum dad please donât put us in this position we canât do phivorce 2.0#dan and phil#dnp#phan#dan howell#daniel howell#amazingphil#phil lester#danisnotonfire#yeet my deet#yeet my deenp#d&p#danandphilgames#tmogar#bog#image description in alt
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yes hello it's Dumb Meme O'clock. Technically she's right
#picklesart#jak and daxter#jakeira#keira hagai#jak#i've had this in my head for like two weeks#seriously tho#did anyone ask Tess or are we just assuming she's cool about being transformed into a three foot tall rodent
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oh okay heres one:
"sleepaway camp"= you go there for at least a few days, a week, sometimes several weeks, and sleep there, as opposed to a """camp""" where you go for the day and your parents or whoever picks you up afterward (those arent really camps, but like. idk when i went to "space camp" it was a weeklong but not sleepaway). in the U.S. at least, the typical image of a sleepaway camp involves staying in cabins, dunno how common it is/what it looks like in other countries.
for the first few i just mean like. not necessarily a stealth church camp, just like. idk, a camp where theres also an Assumption Of Christianity and just general vibes without being actually church camp. So, there might not be daily services and jesusy dedicatwd activities, but maybe theres still a prayer said over meals and shit. Which i assume might exist...
(oh and @reblogforsamplesize if u wanna)
#buzzy#poll#polls#personally: yes i went several times#and i enjoyed it bc. camp!!! yay!!!#but the Church part of it. complicated feelings on that matter#mine were all weeklong camps#went every year for a few years i hink#it was fun bc again YAY CAMP!!! and the ones i went to were like huge things#they had cool water stuff like The Blob and waterslides and some fun games and shit#you could do paintball#and i wasnt like. NOT christian at the time. but i also Wasnt Really Feeling It#i was mostly into it bc. camp.#...maybe i should have asked my parents if i could just go to one of the normal summer camps instead lmao#like the 6 week ones or st#that coulda been fun ....#so my answer is Its Complicated#i did like. participate in the jesus side of things. but i was also kinda knowingly faking it u kno?#i remember one time during a service i started having a bit of a panic attack (mostly bc of the MASSVE crowd. this was a huge ass camp)#but i still had to like. stay. still do everything. my pastor was being nice about it but still was like :( well you cant leave#i remember that was the day we did some shit outside w torches#like. carrying torches in a big procession like some sorta ritual thing ig. fuck if i know.#and i was like crying while following the procession and trying to stop#(the crying STARTED un the megachurch extremely loud giaant speaker GET PUMPED UP!!! area and continued to the torches)#thars my stringest memory from church camp aside from when i fcking DEMOLISHED the frozen t shirt game#(they gave a few ppl on stage frozen t balled up shirts and it was like 'okay first one to unball it and put it on wins!!!')#(and while the two boys i was up against started trying to tear it open with their hands i just#(in my cute lil butterfly shirt and pretty skirt started SMASHING IT AGAINST THE GROUND FULL BODY AAAUUGGHH and broke that shit)#(i was sooo proud of mysekf and my oastors wife thiught it was Unladylike of me but i fucjing won. the boys copied me after a sec)#(but it was too late i won :) anyway yeah like i said mixed feelings u kno. anyway go blue beetles woooo!!!!!
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Curtwen Week Day 6: Happy Ending
#I like to believe that there is a universe where they get to grow old together#just one#look once upon a time I read a fic that had me bawling my fuckin eyes out where they get to grow old together#I do want to say that I believe in personal growth and I think that Curt can 100% have a happy ending without Owen- where he can grow#away from that experience and where he can healthily cope with the trauma he ended up with#where he can find solace in something other than alcohol and where he can find it in himself to forge new relationships and build his#connections with people like Tatiana#etc etc#I just want to make it known that this is one of many happy endings that could happen#(amongst the several sad ones that I know also exist)#ALSO I wanted to draw the old men and I do what I want#but yeah something something if the universe is infinite /ref#maybe this is a universe where the banana incident never happened and they were able to retire together#ough#the curtwen feels are really getting me today#I adore them#also I used a new brush ive been having fun with this past week#doesnât it look cool?#I really like drawing with it and I like how it looks so#we might be seeing more of this one in the future#although 6b is still my guy#damn yâknow hypothetically- if Owen (depending on the au) and Curt lived to be in their 60s (at least) they would witness the first Pride#god can you imagine that?#At the very least Curt being around for stonewall and everything that came after that with queer rights#FUCK anyways#fun fact: a group of frogs is called an army#isnât that cute#reminds me of that one person on TikTok that raised like a thousand frogs- they had a literal army of frogs#crazy#curtwen week
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2009 Abu Dhabi Grand Prix - Sebastian Vettel(ft. Mark Webber & Jenson Button)
#fantastic podium!! maybe my favorite of this season?????#sebmarkson podiums are my fav ever nothing can top them#and both mark and jense were being so cute with seb this race aaaahhhhhhh <333333#theres something about seb that makes older men want to cuddle him and pick him up and pour champagne on him#haha thank you to dru for showing me seb getting drenched on this podium a few weeks and making me hype for this race!!#this race was very very good as well. like the last laps battle btwn mark and jense was insane#its very good when i already know the results of a race but the racing still makes me sit on the edge of my seat and scream a bit#i mentioned this before but i love how this race felt like an epilogue and it was nice to see everyone having fun and enjoying themseles#thank you everybody for joining me on another season journey!!! it been so much fun. ive really really enjoyed 2009#brawn is just soooooo cool to me. their story is insane!! im glad ive gotten to watch thru this season before the docu abt them comes out#but also very fun to see the beginning of rbr getting to the top of the field. every good result just felt so rewarding and worth it#anyways dont wanna do too much commentary abt it since ive discussed it a lot. onto 2010 next!!!! i shall miss you 2009#though i will say. it was rly interesting in this race to hear their team predictions for next season bcs a lot of it doesnt pan out#mark webber#jenson button#sebastian vettel#sebson#martian#sebmark#f1#formula 1#formula one#we do a little bit of f1#2009 abu dhabi gp#season: 2009
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whats ur fucking deal
#GGGRRRRRRGRRRR GGRGAGGHHH#despicable me#maxime le mal#felonious gru#gruxime#spread the word.#pre transition maxime if anyone gaffffffff#realising i can just draw shit and not have to explain myself or provide full context. awesome (provides anyway)#non descript minion. i like the idea that they go to school w gru in like shifts each week#maxime has a cokcroach âď¸ on his shoulder#they look so fucking stupid next to each other i cant get them to look normal. sorry gru ur built so weird#i need to do more kinda doodly stuff and not alwayssss full pieces#this uniform is pretty cute btw but strange that the trousers and skirt colours r different?#i mean actually. my school did that at one point but its still odd to me#btwwwwww design notes.#was torn abt giving gru his scarf but i thought it wld clash too much. for me i feel the tie serves the same purpose#looking at the One scene we see the uniform it seems the dress code is⌠not soooo tight? but this is also 30/40 yrs prior soooo idk#(also yeah debatably the uniform wld have been different. but fuckkkk that shit)#forrrrr maxime i like to think his glasses r like actually prescription but he uses tinted ones bc 1. he saw nefario once and was like#âFUCKKK THATS KINDA CRAZY COOLâ and stole the idea#and also 2. he is light sensitiveeeeeee. :3#gloves r again mostly cus of sensory issues but also this kinda body dysmorphia thing he has going on#samew the socks.#was considering tights buttttt i didnt see any of the students wearing them and also booooo tights suck. so just knee length socks#so he can get around dress code andddd still cover up more#plusssss it lets him not have to shave his legs :T#shoes i didnt see any pattern i assume u can just wear whatever lollll#i give him a hairclip toooooo just cus theyre cute. and put some greeeeen in itttt#btw drew the minion w the gay flag then realised it wldnt make sense w maxime being pre transition but#i think its funnier to imply the minion just sees right thru him immediately
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a bunch of loosely pko related art. can you tell i love him a lot
(more under cut)
#the ok ko krew is so mean because they make the prettiest and most interesting character concept and they use it for like two episodes??#i mean WHAT#WHO DOES THAT ;-;#i was watching dark plaza and let me tell you. we need more pko content#i mean just how cool is he#blue and yellow color scheme? oh my god just. kill me before i explode#im sorri i got attached and it's an illness that plagues my being now#it's really fun to mix up the way i draw ko and tko. brushy hair but make it extra spikey. ehehehehehe#anyway. these took an entire week#they should NOT have taken an entire week but the human condition was in my way#also yall should check out this thing called the LASSO TOOL? IT'S LITERALLY THE COOLEST THING?#IT FILLS IN COLORS. GENIUS#ok ko#ok ko let's be heroes#ok ko fanart#ok ko pko#ok ko ko#ok ko tko#ok ko shadowy figure#never thought id use that tag#my art
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Holy cow thereâre a lot and I really do mean A LOT of Welcome Home AUs, and more coming too. Not saying itâs a bad thing, but it makes sense considering WH doesnât have a lot to work with so it leaves tons of room for fans to play around with. I just hope it doesnât get outta hand like what happened to Undertale with its AUs.
People are free to have creative liberty on what aus they wanna make- like you said there is very little canon content to munch on so people will pull a âfine Iâll do it myselfâ JCHFHDHU-
I personally donât mind it as well, but I do enjoy the aus where they purposely change Wallyâs height just to make him more simp-able LMAOO
#Personally all my aus (like 3-4-? Honestly kinda just one aka mob the others are off brands LMAO) Wally are all still the same height#Except Yakuza Wally#Heâs a single apple taller#Used god like powers to gain a single inch of height#Home wouldnât allow any more smhhhhhh#Iv seen a lot of aus but personally Iâm a big fan of the more jokey/light hearted non serious ones#Like this one whole au is just Wally being high LMAOOOO#Iv been tempted to make a au just called âWally commits tax evasion/fraudâ for like two weeks now#Oh I also love gangster au (joke au please donât take this seriously) from toonz#Stunning amazing brilliant perfect show stopping-#More serious is probably greyscale#Mostly cause one: dadpa biased-#And two itâs a really cool concept with hella lotta drama for it (gotta love me some broken ass peeps)#But yeah as long as people donât start making really sus aus/breaking clowns boundaries in the au verse we should be fine#Cause lort fuggin knows that they will be harassed to oblivion for it JDHDHDDH
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For those who enjoy cottagecore, please read what I have to say.
As you may or may not know, cottagecore has stemmed from colonist ideals, is racist, and has ties to tradwives. However I will not go in depth on it as it has already been talked about in a few articles and some posts on tumblr. The articles are here, here, here, and here. The tumblr posts can be found here, here, here, here, and here. However I say this person, Zoe Bee, has done a really good job on her video here as she summed up everything I already linked before.
I will say this article came out more recently if you wanted something newer about tradwives.
In this current day and age itâs understandable to want what cottagecore promotes with its aesthetic. Beautiful flowers as far as the eye can see, a garden you tailored yourself that you like specifically, billowing dresses, cute animals that provide you eggs and milk, and so on. Especially having your own house is very appealing at a time where itâs unattainable for many people. But going out where youâre isolated from everyone, with just yourself and your animals, is not the answer. Going out to land that once belonged to indigenous people who have not been able to go back home is not the answer. Continuing to think of ideals of the past is not the answer.
Instead what we can do is transform cities to be more green, safe for people, and work with the environment around it. This is the answer. To move forward. To think of the future and create it.
One of the first things we should do is improve accessibility. As you know not everyone can walk, see, or hear as a few examples. Having better public transportation is important to ensure everyone is able to get to where they need to. As it stands being in a city, not everyone has enough spoons, or ability, to walk where they can go. Trains are very popular, especially when it comes to going to other cities or towns. However when it comes to North America compared to Europe itâs not as widespread. Trams (or streetcars or trolleys if youâre from North America) are also a wonderful example. We must be able to ensure that entryways are large enough for even the biggest set of wheelchairs to go through. Ramps for easy access are important as well as wheelchairs cannot simply âstep upâ into vehicles. And this is not just for wheelchairs, it would be good for parents who are taking their baby or small child around in a stroller. Thereâs also those who use walkers, people with wheeled luggage, carts and so forth.
But most importantly, it is vital for people with disabilities to be part of the designing process of a city, to ensure that their voices are heard and to ensure they take part in that everyday easy access that most abled people already enjoy. Like Braille, audio description, large print, and subtitles as a ready option thatâs there from the get go.
Another thing with more access to public transportation, people would need cars less and less. And should they need to go somewhere a train or tram cannot, buses are still options. However with fewer cars, the roads would be used less. Parking lots would be smaller. We could a: make roads and parking lots smaller; b: take out roads and parking lots completely; c: transform roads and parking lots into community spaces; or d: do a mixture of all of the above. Some roads could turn back into the wild environment that existed there before, while we could turn parking lots into more parks. Streets could be like they were before cars became mainstream, where street vendors would sell their wares, where children would play games, and anyone would hang out. Parking lots could become a space for events like farmerâs markets or a place to shoot off fireworks. Or even instead of parks in place of parking lots, it could be transformed into a community garden.
When it comes to housing, apartment complexes are where we should go in cities. To keep from city sprawl, we can go up. We can transform rooftops to community gardens, water harvesting spaces, solar panel spaces, or a community space.
However in some spaces, like in the suburbs, or even some spaces where there are houses in a neighborhood in a city, we can turn them into âpockethoodsâ. We can turn a neighborhood into a village. In the city we could have tiny houses on the same plot of land one house would typically be on. In a regular neighborhood, picture a series of houses without fencing and the series of backyards turn into a common area.
We can plant more trees alongside sidewalks, both fruit producing and pollen producing, more fruit bearing than pollen bearing, to help keep the allergies down and to keep a variety of plants. We can plant native species in cities, and we can have non-natives in our community gardens, or even inside city farms, for both practical use, such as eating or creating fibers, or enjoyment, like flowers to cut into bouquets. We can create rain gardens to help collect rainwater to put back into our water table.
I know that cottagecore lovers love the idea of going out into the country and perhaps finding a community there, but the cities are here, weâve been here. Itâs peopleâs homes, their lives. Cities have been around for such a long time, one of the most well known oldest city is Mesopotamiaâs Babylon. (Very famous for their hanging gardens I might add.) Most importantly it can be done. Even now we can go talk to neighbors, go to events others are holding, or even create our own events, create a big pot of food to share with others, and have community. We can make a difference and we can have that sense of love. We just need to band together, demand change, and create our change. It can be hard, yes, but it will be so rewarding. This, you might find yourself doing, is something that aligns more with Solarpunk. Something that people look to strive for a brighter future for everyone.
Thank you.
(And thank you so much @cwicseolfor for helping me edit this TT^TT)
#Solarpunk#cottagecore#fun fact the suicide rate in Montana is higher than Wisconsin is because all those ranches are miles away from their neighbors#you are isolated#and we are social creatures#we do not do well with being alone for long periods of time#and cool Iâm posting it just in time for Solarpunk Aesthetic Week
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kissing girls is an olympic sport and by god am i coming in last fucking place
#im arospec and asexual soâŚ#also a class A idiot/loser :)#but girls are SO PRETTY and SO AMAZING but also the idea of being in a relationship w/ anyone is like âehhhhâ yk???#wlw#lesbian#shitpost#me: wow i wish I could kiss a girl#a girl: i want to kiss u#me: thanks gtg bye *finger guns*#why! am! i! like! this!#anyway happy asexual week we r all so cool and rad#sapphic#sapphic shitpost#wlw shitpost#bisexual#pansexual#aroace lesbian#aroace#arospec#asexual
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Tooth and Nail pt2
Part 2 of this mini-series. I guess I'm writing like 4 mini-series right now. This story is about Eddie being the one to question his sexuality after Steve comes out first. Read the first part to get the full details.
This part is pretty darn sad with a lot of introspection. I put up a mini-poll asking people what they wanted to read the most and Eddie being introspective was winning when I started writing this. I'm likely to write all the options on that poll still, so don't fret. I want to say clearly too that I do not agree with Eddie's thoughts. Sharing your emotions is never selfish and I think the fact that he feels like a burden is something he needs to work through. He is unwell. I'll admit I made myself cry writing this so if you're emotionally fragile like I am (lol) read at your own risk.
TW: Internalized homophobia (he's working through it), self-hatred, brief thoughts on death, mention of war (Vietnam and Korea).
PT1 PT2 PT3
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"I kissed Steve."
"What?" Gareth said, startled as he stared at Eddie.Â
Eddie was sitting on a beaten-up old armchair in Jeffâs garage; it was night and theyâd opened the garage door to let in the summer air. The whole block was having a party and despite the time of night, the street was still alight with lamps and Christmas lights as people mingled in the street. Eddie had taken refuge in the garage (slightly paranoid that someone was going to touch the band equipment) after the first hour of forcing himself to be social. He had a beer in hand, even though he was underage, but it didnât seem like any of the adults cared as long as they behaved. Hell, Eddie didnât even live on this block but he was here enough that the neighbours didnât seem to mind.
âA week and a half ago,â Eddie answered. He was slouching badly with one leg up on the seat, looking as if he was trying to lounge on a satee instead of a corduroy, La-Z-Boy from the 60s.
âWaitâsorry, what?â Gareth asked again, holding his own beer between his knees as he stared at Eddie. He had come to join him a few moments ago since Eddie had been moping by himself, and then they had proceeded to sit in silence until now.
Eddie flicked his gaze over to the younger boy before taking a long sip of his beer as if to say, yeah, you heard right without the willingness to repeat himself. He was quietly pissed, actually, but was chomping at the bit to talk to someone about it.
âSo, are you likeâŚâ Gareth started, waving one of his hands as if that would fill in the blank.
âIâm fucking straight,â Eddie muttered, looking away and taking another long drink from his beer.
âThen whyââ Gareth wasnât going to get a word in edgewise and anyone who came to talk to Eddie when he was in a mood like this knew that coming in.
âI donât fucking know!â Eddie grumbled, crossing his other arm over his chest and slouching all the way down in his seat so only his neck was being supported by the back of the chair.
Gareth frowned at him and looked away, no doubt wondering what he should say to all of that. It gave Eddie a moment to calm down and he eventually sat back up.
âI justâŚâ he muttered, speaking into his drink, âI donât know; itâd be easy if he was a girl. I just wish he was a girl.â
âEddieâŚâ Gareth mumbled a bit incredulously as he pinched his brows in. His expression was pitying and Eddie hated that it looked like he felt sorry for him. That was annoying and he scowled before looking away.Â
Eddieâs logic was sound, it didnât make sense why Gareth would be questioning it. Things would be easier if Steve was just a girl, that way if he had kissed him it wouldnât be a big deal. Just an oops, sorry, that was uncool, well, anyways, and then theyâd move on. He wouldnât have to be dealing with this crisis of conscience and saying that he was just joking around wouldnât have blown up in his faceâmaybe, he wasnât sure. If Steve was a girl saying that he was joking actually might have blown up in his face more now that he was thinking about it⌠probably wasnât cool to yank a girlâs chain like that.
âWe were high and I donât know, I wanted to talk to him about it being fine that heâs gay or whatever and I wasnât thinking at all and I justâŚâ Eddie sighed heavily and chugged the remainder of his beer. He twisted the pull-tab off and flicked it across the room, aiming for the bin and missing.
âYou always want to kiss people when youâre high?â Gareth asked an edge of humour to his voice. He was teasing lightly, but Eddie didnât have the patience for that kind of crap right now.Â
âFuck no,â Eddie grouched, crossing his arms and resuming his earlier position where one of his legs was up and he was slouched into the corner of the seat. âI wouldnât kiss your ugly mug for money.â
Gareth snorted lightly and took a swig of his beer, letting the moment simmer.
âSoâŚâ he continued, glancing at Eddie before looking away sharply, âhe get mad or something?â
Eddie groaned as he covered his eyes with the side of his hand, cupping his forehead as he tipped his head back. Why had he brought this up? He didnât want to talk about this. It had been eating his insides alive, but he didnât actually want to talk about it. What was Gareth going to do? Tell him the magic words to make Steve like him again?
âI told him I was joking,â Eddie mumbled, âand that I didnât mean itâI even apologized, and I donât fucking apologize to anyone.â
âTell me about it,â Gareth muttered under his breath and Eddie hucked his empty beer can at his head, forcing Gareth to duck.
âJesusââ he half laughed, the can knocking against him harmlessly and clattering to the ground, âjust saying.â
Eddie flicked him off and motioned to get up. He didnât need to be here for this, he didnât want to be around people. This sucked. He could tell that Gareth was trying to be helpfulâtrying to be a friendâbut he didnât have the patience for it and he didnât want to have another fight with another friend over something stupid.
Eddie stuck his hands in his pockets and shuffled over to Gareth before picking up the empty can and chucking it into the garbage. He wasnât about to leave trash in Jeffâs garage, his parents let them practice there and store their gear most of the time and Eddie wasnât going to burn this location.Â
âSay bye to Jeff for me,â Eddie muttered, grouching out of the garage, âand thanks for the food.â
âYou going home?â Gareth asked, leaning over the side of his chair to watch Eddie.
âNo, this is an illusion,â Eddie mocked, turning and waving his hand in front of his face and giving a manic smile, âthe Eddie you know died a long time ago.â
Gareth half laughed, but his brows pinched in at the same time. Eddie didnât stick around to see if that meant he wanted to say something. He just continued to walk away, turning and hunching his shoulders as he walked past energetic little kids chasing one another and people starting to pack up their dishware. He didnât feel like unpacking what he had told Gareth or why stating that he had died twisted his guts up into knots. He also didnât like that he could tell that his upset wasnât due to the fact that he was lying, but rather that it felt too close to the truth.Â
Eddie lit a cigarette and started the long walk home. He lost the last of the dusk light halfway through his walk, already two cigarettes down as he got closer to Cherry Street. He wanted to say he ended up there by accident, but that would have been a lie. He walked this way often, actually, and it had been convenient once upon a time. Steve lived on Cherry Street⌠and Cherry Street backed up onto the forest that connected to the trailer park. A funny coincidence, he had said once to Steve, makes it easier to bother you. That was all too true now though. He was more than a bother.
Eddie stood looming at the end of the street as he stared off towards Steveâs house, the large, stark white structure easy to spot even in the dark. The lawn was lit up by small pot lights and the street lamp across the road shone brightly down onto the sidewalk. Eddie was out of view of any of the windows from his vantage, but he could see the side of the garage and the front of Steveâs house still.
He grumbled miserably and flicked the butt of his cigarette, not bothering to stamp it out before rerouting and taking the long way home. He didnât want to walk past Steveâs place and risk seeing him, he didnât know what heâd say if he saw him⌠he still didnât really know what had happened. The whole thing felt jumbled in his mind and then crystal clear all at once. He could remember everything so vividly, but it was as if they had been speaking a foreign language to each other: none of it made sense.
Why did he kiss Steve?
Why had that led to Steve getting so angry he nearly got hit?
Why was he such a jackass that seemed to ruin any good thing that happened to him?
It was pitch black by the time Eddie made it home, but he knew the route well enough. The trailer park didnât have any lights other than the rinky-dink porch lights that some of the homesteads had. It wasnât that late, but things got dark this far away from town. He came home late like this all the time though, so it wasnât a surprise when the flyscreen slapped open and Wayne was lounging on the couch. Wayne wasnât working right now, which was a problem, but they had a small nest egg from the government to live off of for at least a few more weeks. It was amazing how far you could stretch a dollar when youâd been doing it for 20 years.Â
âThat you, Eddie?â Wayne asked, sparing a glance towards the door as a commercial popped onto the screen.
âYeahâŚâ Eddie mumbled, standing by the front door with his hands in his pockets still. He was looking at the ground, and Eddie wasnât sure why he felt paralyzed. He didnât want to move, but he didnât want to be standing there either⌠stuck in some kind of limbo.
âYouâre home early,â Wayne commented, his tone sounding cautious as if he wasnât sure if a conversation was going to come out of this, âeverything alright?â
âYeah,â Eddie answered, again, not really sure what he was expecting.
Silence drew out between them as Eddie shifted from foot to foot, just wanting to⌠be around someone. He wasnât sure if that was right, but he wanted to be invited in or something. He selfishly wanted to be comforted even though he was the problem.
âWhatâre you watching?â He mumbled, still not looking at Wayne.
âMash,â Wayne answered easily, âreruns.â
Eddie nodded and sniffed, feeling like a stranger in his own home. Though he supposed that wasnât right, this was Wayneâs home, he was a guest. He was a guest that had worn out his invitation by years and years. The deal had been until he graduated, but he still hadnât done that and it was starting to feel like an impossibility. He didnât want to be a burden though and he knew that getting a job was the next best thing⌠but he hadnât been able to force himself to do that yet either.
Slowly, Eddie shuffled over to the couch and sat down a cushion width away from his uncle, looking up at the TV. The commercials were ending and Eddie felt his throat tighten as he tried to push himself into small talk.
âIs it a good episode?â He asked, having seen most of MASH living here with Wayne. He liked the show, and Eddie could understand why. All the characters questioned why they were at war and the ethics of it all. Made sense for someone like Wayne to get some kind of catharsis from the show after coming home from âNam all those years ago.
âItâs the one where Hawkeye tries to get ribs sent from Chicago to Korea,â Wayne explained, sipping the drink he had in his hand and looking back at the TV.
Eddie snorted slightly, remembering the episode. He toed his shoes off and tucked up onto the couch so he could rest his chin on his knees, the room falling into silence except for the murmur of the TV and the tell-tale M*A*S*H song in the background. It was easy to watch and Eddie stared at the grainy images on the screen as Wayne and him shared the living room. He always liked that he could be quiet with Wayne, but it felt a bit forced on his part tonight.
A commercial broke up the episode and Eddie sighed, not looking at Wayne as he tipped his head to the side before chewing his lip and finally speaking.
âYou ever⌠had a fight with a friend?â Eddie asked quietly, not liking the sound of his own voice right now. It was quiet for a beat before Wayne responded, his tone calm.
âSure,â he said easily, obviously waiting for Eddie to continue, âyou⌠have a fight with the band?â
âSteve,â Eddie mumbled, shaking his head no to Wayneâs assumption as he picked off the black polish on his nails.
âWhat did you do⌠to fix it?â Eddie asked, still not looking up.
âApologized⌠talked, bought them a beer,â Wayne offered loosely, âdepends on what the fight was about.â
Eddie nodded solemnly, not liking that there wasnât some magic answer to his query. He wasnât sure what he was expecting, but he didnât feel like elaborating his problem either. So he just nodded and picked at his nails, waffling for a long time before more words tumbled out of him.
âDo you think⌠people just⌠dislike me?â Eddie asked, his lip quivering a bit before he got control of it, swallowing hard to hide his emotions. Wayne didnât say anything right away which forced a bitter laugh from Eddieâs lungs.
âLike, Iâm difficult, I know it, people donât like difficult but sometimesâŚâ Eddie smiled sadly as he held back his emotions, hiding his face between his knees again, âsomething even when Iâm around people that are⌠like me, Iâm just⌠different.â
Eddie didnât like the words that were slipping out of him, why he felt like this was related to what had happened with Steve, or why he was saying it to begin with. He didnât want to talk about this and he didnât want to put this on Wayne to think about, that wasnât fair. Wayne dealt with enough of his bullshit, more than any Uncle should have to, but sometimes Eddie couldnât help that his uncle felt like the only safe person to talk to.
âIt feels like itâs just so easy for me toââ he laughed quietly again, having a harder time holding back the wavering tone of his voice, â--to justâfuck things up with people.â
His body betrayed him and Eddie felt tears slipping down his face and he rushed to push them away so they wouldnât be seen, still shielded by his knees as he hunched like a gargoyle.
âEddieââ Wayne started, too much sympathy in his voice.
âSorry,â Eddie muttered, trying to put levity into his tone, âI know you donât like it when I drop the f-bomb.â
That was partly true, but Eddie also knew that Wayne didnât care that much. They swore all the time, he just didnât like being sworn at.
Wayne went quiet for a moment and Eddie squeezed his eyes shut, trying to get rid of any lingering tears that might be holed up in there.
âWhatâs going on, boy?â Wayne asked, his voice incredibly gentle.
Eddie felt his bottom lip bunch up, hating that any time Wayne sounded like that Eddie was doomed to start breaking down. It was like a superpower or somethingâhe didnât know, but Wayne had made him cry dozens of times when he felt on the verge of tears. He always felt selfish seeking out comfort from his uncle when he had already saddled him with so many problems.
âI hate peopleââ Eddie blubbered, not sure if that was what he really wanted to say but that felt like the strongest phrasing he could find to describe how he felt. He felt so small and so selfish, reverting back to some kind of scared kid who didnât know how to deal with his own emotions.Â
Eddie finally looked up, his face wet and his chest tight, and he crawled across the seat cushioned and collapsed onto his side, pressing his face into Wayneâs thigh. He was so pathetic⌠he was twenty years old and he was crying into his uncle's lap? Eddie the demon, the freak, the devil, metal head, satanic worshipper â yeah right.
âSometimes it feels likeâpeople justâIâm justâ-Iâm made to be hated,â he blubbered, hiding his face and gasping through his words. He felt miserable and like he wasnât really saying what he meant, but he didnât know what he wanted to say or even why he was doing this right now. It was like hundreds of emotions were trying to fight their way out of his chest and he couldnât do anything about it. He hated it.
Wayne touched the top of his head and Eddie felt himself choke.
Wayneâs touch was gentle and Eddie couldnât help but sob as he started to stroke the back of his head. It was a subdued affection, but one that Eddie knew was genuine. Wayne wasnât a man of many words, so sometimes a touch was the best he was going to get. There was a reason why Wayne sometimes felt like the only safe personâeven if Eddie still felt like he was a burden to his uncle.
âEverything about me justââ Eddie sobbed, gritting his teeth as he just let his thoughts and feelings freefall from him. âWhy amâIâIâwhy do I like everything people canâcan just hateâabout me? I donât like anything normalâIâm justânothing about me is normal.â
Usually, Eddie was the first one to proclaim that he was different and scream it loudly for people to hear. Heâd shout and point and own it and draw all the other weirdos towards him. He was the king of all the freaks, but it felt like he was still an island amongst them. He was always somehow different. Like there was this wall he bumped up against far too easily that would crop up out of nowhere. How heâd say or do something and just fuck everything up in one fell swoop.Â
Why did he keep giving people new reasons to call him a freak?
âI hate being like thisâI hateâI hate that I canât justâbe normal forâfor five minutes,â he gasped, feeling that swell of self-hatred rising in his chest, âitâs always my faultâitâsâIâm always⌠so⌠difficult. I justâI canâtâ...I donât know whyâI donâtâI hate it, I hate it so much.â
He was feeling sorry for himself again and that felt unfair. It didnât feel like this was something he got to be upset about or something that Wayne or anyone else cared about. It felt unfair to complain to a man who had probably watched dozens of friends die right in front of him during the war; to complain to a man who had taken him in when no one else would and had to bear this kind of responsibility when he hadnât asked for it. To have a snot-nosed-brat sobbing in his lap because people didnât like him. But Eddie was nothing if not selfish.
âIâm so tired of being differentâI donât⌠I donât want it anymoreâwhy does it matter so much to people? I justâI donât want it anymoreâItâsâlikeâI know, I know people hate meâeveryone in this goddamn townâpeopleâpeâeveryone hates me. Wayneââ he was heaving now as he rambled, everything just spilling out of him in these waves of emotions as each ugly sound crashed into the next. âItâs not fairâI donâtâI donât want to be the freakâI donât whatâI donât want to be a loserâto be a drop outâI donât wantâI donât want to like menââ
The last of his confessions slipped out and Eddie felt his body tighten; his throat felt like it was being ripped apart and his lungs couldnât pull in enough breath to satiate him. It hurt so badly. It hurt and he hated it and he didnât know why he said it.
Eddie felt Wayneâs pets pause briefly before picking back up again. That more than anything made Eddie feel ashamed. It made his jaw shake and his shoulders tighten. How fear and sorrow rattled around inside of him at the consequences of his words. He didnât know what saying them would doâhe didnât mean them. He knew he didnât mean themâhe couldnât have meant them. Those words were a death sentence.
âItâll be alright,â Wayne mumbled, the words not sounding as hollow as Eddie thought they would, âI like you plenty.â
Eddie tucked in at the compliment, feeling weak and small as his sobs quieted a bit. His tears didnât stop, but his chest heaves changed into fluttering gasps as he slowly regained his composure.
âFreaks run in the Munson blood,â Wayne continued and Eddie blubbered a small laugh shifting to press into Wayneâs hip. He was such a child, but he couldnât help but soak in the comfort.
It was quiet again for some time as Eddieâs crying turned into hiccups and then sniffles, the TV quietly rambling in the background. It took a long while for Eddie to calm down, but Wayne never stopped stroking his hair. He felt wrung out and hollow now, his emotions dull and his body aching from how hard he had cried. Still, it did feel better than when he walked in here.
âI kissed himâŚâ Eddie said quietly. He felt Wayne shift to look down at him, a question in his movement.
âSteve,â Eddie explained, mumbling, âI kissed Steve the other week.â
âI see,â Wayne answered back, obvious awkwardness in his delivery. He had never been good at talking about stuff like thisâanything reallyâbut it was obvious that he was trying. âAnd he doesnât like that youâre a guy?â
Eddie shook his head, and closed his eyes, tucking in closer still as he pressed his forehead against Wayneâs stomach.
âSteve likes guys,â Eddie sighed, breathing heavily as he wrangled his emotions.
âAlrightâŚâ Wayne replied slowly, obviously puzzling through everything. Eddie frowned and tucked in again, hiding as he felt shame wash over him.
âI kissed himâŚâ he explained, sniffing, âand then I told him it was a joke, that I didnât mean itâŚâ
âAhâŚâ Wayne answered, sighing a knowing breath. âDid you mean it?â
Eddie swallowed thickly, taking a long time to answer as he pressed hard into Wayne as if he could disappear this way.
âI donât knowâŚâ Eddie replied, his voice muffled. Wayne stroked his head again and Eddie breathed deeply through his mouth, feeling bad for crying all over Wayneâs lap.
âAlright,â Wayne answered simply, not pushing the subject at all. He was good at listening and Eddie quietly appreciated that Wayne always seemed to have time to listen to him ramble. Slowly, Eddie sat back up, his back to Wayne as he hugged his knees and rallied.
âSorry,â Eddie mumbled, feeling like he had to apologize for the way he had acted.Â
Wayne just patted his shoulder and Eddie felt a few tears slip down his cheek as if they had been knocked out of him by his uncleâs kindness. He sniffed hard again before getting off the couch and stumbling into the kitchen to splash water into his face and clean off the snot and tears. Eddie lifted the hem of his shirt to dry his face and then leaned against the kitchen counter, going quiet once more.
âEddie?â Wayne spoke up and Eddie peered over at him through the cabinet shelf, âtry telling your friend the truth.â
Eddie frowned at the suggestion, but he didnât have it in him to be angry. Still, he didnât think that was a great idea. What was he supposed to say? He wasnât even sure if he knew what the truth was. How did he feel? Did he like Steve? That felt stupid and the idea made his stomach turn over. What good would a confession do anyway?
âAnd whatâs that?â Eddie asked a bit flippantly, wiping wet strands of hair out of his face.Â
âThat youâre figuring it out and you want to stay friends,â Wayne offered, looking over at Eddie for a moment before turning to look at the TV again.
Eddie stared at the back of his uncleâs head, not sure what to say to that. Was it that simple? It felt like he wasnât allowed to tell anyone that he didnât know how he felt about something. That he was unsure and vulnerable and scaredâit didnât feel like things were allowed to be that simple.
He didnât answer Wayne as the TV flicked from image to image painting the dark little trailer in different colours each time. It felt comforting and Eddie appreciated that his Uncle wasnât smothering him. He was more grateful that Wayne had just⌠accepted him. He had accepted him like he always did. He hadnât said anything when Eddie started to grow his hair out or when he got a tattoo, when he flunked school, and now when he had said⌠he liked men. It had been a surprise to hear himself say those words and there was still deep-rooted shame attached to all of that, but that felt like something he had to unpack on his own. Still, Wayneâs reaction had been the same as it was for all of Eddieâs past transgressions. Heâd quietly support him or sigh with worry, but it never seemed to change anything between them.
Eddie shifted awkwardly from foot to foot and went to the fridge. He pulled out a can of beer and walked it over to his uncle, touching the cold metal to Wayneâs forearm so heâd look up.
âThanks,â he muttered gruffly, looking at Eddie briefly before redirecting his attention to the TV.
âYeah,â Eddie replied quietly, wiping his nose and touching his uncleâs shoulder before stepping away, âthanks.â
PT3
#we stan Wayne Munson in this house#Wayne Munson = best uncle#Eddit is dumb cause he spent all of last fic (the week prior to this)#proclaiming that he loved queer ppl cause they were treated like he is#he thinks queer people are cool but now he's like I CAN'T BE QUEER#that's just cause he's scared of what that means and he has to face so many horrors all the time#doesn't like being hated and sometimes the RSD gets to him#the âbeing straightâ thing is like armor that has just been stripped away and he's been shown he can be hurt here too#he'll learn and grow and eventually love his queer-ness#my_writing#steddie#steve and eddie#eddie munson#steddie fic#my writing#wayne munson#I'm bored so take pt2 early
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in this challenging time (puppy adolescence) i am very grateful for this blog and the records i kept to remember where we started and how happy i am to have this little dog in my home
#dogblr#about aurora#<- spent a little bit of time going through that tag#its so cool to see where we started in my one week and two week update posts#rory is a super good little dog#she is in heat and her feelings get hurt SUPER easily right now#like if i cough she acts like shes being beaten#it is supremely frustrating#and such a contrast to mav (who didnt care about me at all but wasnt fazed by this kind of thing)#but shes trying really hard and we will endure the adolescence and make it through the other side
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Hate to feel like my friendship is a precious and limited commodity that I have to carefully dole out to the most worthy recipients but. It is and I do.
#calculating whom to text this week bc i have to save one hang slot for my friend who's about to move ...#like oh i can do one of those girls i've been meaning to hang with but not both. and then there's my other friend who's about to move#and my one friend just got back from africa#and the one who had a baby might be socializing-ready again soon#(again this is why i don't follow more people and also why i'm cutting down on my following.#even my nascar tires are getting worn out too fast. many more people are deserving of love and attention#than I have love and attention to give#and that is in the hands of the Lord#this is maybe also why i've been more and more enjoying friendships that happen in brief trips and encounters!#the relief of being with someone for a whole weekend or week and that's all there is to do#and then we can leave each other mostly in peace until the next time#instead of having to constantly work at fitting one another in around the corners of normal life)#i know this is a problem many of you would desperately wish to have#and i'm praying for some of my wealth of cool christian women in my area to get spread to you
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Day 2: cold/warmth
Hey pkmn au stuff
#fnafhs#fox fnafhs#meg fnafhs#fhs event week 2024#day 2#fhspkmn#<- officially using that tag#smth smth. despite the very obvious choice of meg being ice type and fox fire type. i wanted to use this prompt to show some other part of#their characters (at least in the au) so. here we have to wildly different images depicting some part of their pokemon journey#though both of these are mostly me playing with cool/warm colors respectively. and used to practice with some scene layouts ig#didn't think too hard about it
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Me: why am I like so low energy and not great feeling lately
The sun, after a week of smog and smoke and grey skies:
Me:
Me: ohhhh yeah okay that makes sense
#knox rambles#APPARANTLY--#you know whats cool about not having things for a while? when you get em again you realize what they do for ya#APPARANTLY i need more sun so go figure i actually feel like being productive rn instead of laying on the ground watching milo murpheys law#dang and now i gotta pack for camping monday#CURSES I HAD A FULL WEEK TO WATCH THE LMK EPS AND I DIDJT CAUSE I WASNT FEELING V WELL BECAUSE APPARANTLY NO SUNSHINE#this is outrageous#wowza we have a timeTM here#maybe i can answer a couple asks and squeeze in a speedy ep between sleeping bag roll-ups
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