#we always think we're fucking stupid
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pata hai last kuch din i was very busy with my project kyunki final dena tha and binding karni thi etc to wo karwayi then i went to the bookfair bekaar tha then parso submit karne jaa rahi to subah accident hogaya (bhai ki bike skid hogayi and we fell down) and now i have a big ass blue bruise on my upper thigh and my parents don't even know lmao and kal ek science conference thi to i had to sit in an auditorium for 6 hours listening to accomplished people speak. that's what you missed now your turn
omg i knew everything in this except for the accident cause i stalk your blog vigorously everyday are you okay!!!!!!!!!! did you get tetanus shots!!!!!!!!!! also on your upper thigh oh no that's where future jiju is supposed to write MINE na as per our beloved song guilty as sin?
#did u have fun at the conference it must've been cool huh women in stem and all that#bookfair being bad is so sucky i was so excited for you to go i thought you'd send pictures too of books we like#also u already know everything i posted everything and every thought#i ate chinese but it didn't feel that good because my sister isn't here and we didn't eat it together watching#koffee or splitsvilla and i realised that it's not just the chinese food it's the whole hanging out that i love sm :((#kal well i told you pata hai the brownie place we met it's kinda new and cool types so uske bathroom mein#there was a button and it said press at your own risk and when we did it became a dj like the lights went out and#there when flashing spinning disco lights and party songs were playing mere mein wo aaya hum toh naye andaz hai apna purana#it was sooo cool im adding it to the list of places you'll visit when u come here!!!!!!!#also the food was soooo shockingly reasonably priced everything was under 200 rs!!!!! which is big for a dessert place here#and like great quantity great taste too my stupid people from office used to say it's awesome but i didn't believe them and never tried it#because they're all losers lol but i grudgingly admit that they were right#also ummmm hmm okay pata hai i realised ki oh okay im happy with who i am#like bachpan mein i used to feel very sad and loser like because dad was too strict to let me go out raat ko and everyone in school would#go to this club we went to kal and i always felt i was missing out and i wanted to be all cool and fun too#but it was kinda so boring and normal and i was like wow okay i didn't miss out i was spending days and nights reading books being in#fandoms and i was actually very happy!!!!! so like yay idk small thing bt yk i realised that oh it was okay and everything will be okay too#i kinda want to talk to that guy now like i weirdly feel like im longing for what could've been? which is ridiculous because#we were 11 and i barely talked to him back then because shy and friends would tease and i didn't realise it was a crush#i don't want to DATE him because like tbh i already know we're very different people but like wouldn't it be fun to idk make out once#then i got the urge to download dating app but i resisted the urge and won i don't think im made for casual things#me and my bestie were laughing about this yesterday too she was like i just don't understand how people can have sex one day and then#not give a fuck about each other the next day like idk if we have sex im having your kids and i was like ikrrrr like bhai sex is toh very#big im going to be attached if we hug i literally did!!!!! so we decided no more casual/situationships for us#phew okay more rambling on whatsapp love u bye this became too long#saumyuuuuuu
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🎶 they tried to make me go to rehab and i said PLEASE PLEASE HOLY FUCK I FEEL SO BAD WILL NOBODY HELP ME I CANT STOP WHY DOESNT ANYBODY NOTICE HOW BAD IT IS PLEASE HELP
#IM SUCH A LIGHTWEIGJT NOW AND I FEEL SO STUPID I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE IM FINE I CAN HANDLE IT WHAT'S ONE BEER YOU CAN DO IT YOU LIKE BEER#AND I HAVENT HAD WATER OR EATEN ALL DAY AND IM LIKE WHEEEE I KEPT MY TAB OPEN (DUMBASS) ORDER A SECONS#even a second is too much#i cant stop#like actually i dont know what to do bc i know even if i went to rehab WHICH I CANT AFFORD AND NONE OF MY FAMILY WILL HELP i just would#return to the same shit bc no matter how sober i get i cant stop bc that's how fucking addiction works#and im too scared to tell anyone i actually need help#the people who know i need help are just judging me and watching me fall into this fucking pit#i dont know what to do#im just gonna pass out drunk now#i hate feeling like this it's so fucking humiliating#i dont even like it#and im admitting defeat to WHAT? A LITTLE GLASS OF JUICE? YOURE KIDDING ME#prolific linguistics researcher and author cant stop.. why do we always treat academics like we're the pinnacle of society#im fucking awful man im a schizophrenic with an addiction problem#but im so much more than that! anyone who knows me knows that! but i cant stop#i want to stop#and im trying and then every few months I think ive tried enough and i expect it to go away but that's how the cravings trick you#fuck this man#drugs tw#sobriety update#lessons of the hand and the mouth
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mitoru office!au ilysm
#me daydreaming abt having an office job is embarrassing really but coworker!satoru is just sooo so cute ok:((((((((((((((8#i want DO actually want a very basic job where i can do something monotone lmao#and i want a cute little coworker who loves to pester me#wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#it's still a slow burn bc we're both stupid as fuck#we gossip abt all of the other ppl at the office#and we always spend our lunches together#aaaaand he brings me coffee#i think i have a coworker!satoru post somewhere out there too it might me identical to these tags actually but whatever#i love him:((((((((((((((((((((((#mitoru
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ok im a really chill and normal person and i get over things and am well adjusted but take a walk with me here. just give me my time to complain when im not in the absolute fucking trenches. and yes i believe i suffered more than those in trench warfare. it was literally a lesbian situationship with a bistraight girl come on. just. magenta choppy shag with the roots coming in. camo cargo pants black t shirt with red lettering and striped long sleeve (sign someone likes music. confirmed). lip ring big black stud earrings and nails. red docs. i think lesbians should be allowed to kill one dyke baiter in their lifetime idc
#and now we're gonna get into some quiet parts and youre just gonna let me have this#i. am so sick. first of all it was kinda funny how people ik ended up sorta surrounding her. felt good. but like we've shared a space#together since everything. i can like be in her presence it's seriously fine. that said. i do sometimes miss her#i say this after going through the really hating her guts period bc of her evil evil evil ways. and feeling like she's lame as hell bc she#s. but i mean it's me talking i have my problems too. i Hate the way we always so naturally act in sync. and i hate that we've both picked#each others' brains for hours so it's like. i knew you once and now we can't even look each other in the eye and that just really sucks#and i feel like. not that i strictly believe in these things. but we were sort of twin flames. i largely suffered for like. basically#falling in love w her. and i know i didn't leave as much of a mark. but i still hope it sucked a little for her#and i'll admit i think it'd be some sort of miracle if we could ever talk civilly. unfortunately we work in two ways#literally behaving in Ways and borderline fucking or not speaking. so. here we are#and i already humiliatingly tried to extend an olive branch this summer so im not gonna be fucking stupid. yk#but GOD how annoying. i did talk to situationship today and we were relatively normal so at least that's not deathly awkward#it's still. definitely um. stiff. but not terrible#i need to get to the club. pretend theres a cig emoji im on desktop rn#sorry for this.#film girl saga
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Me, knowing full well I'm gonna be evicted from the house I've lived in since I was 9 in just a few short months, socially exhauted from watching a constant stream of people come in and look around with intent to buy my childhood home for three days in a row now, knowing that this'll keep happening for the rest of the week and right this moment people are engaged in a bidding war over the truest home I've ever lived in and that I'm powerless to do anything about it since I'm broke as shit: Man why do I feel so bad right now
#I remember we used to move around a lot when I was a kid#but this place was where we finally settled for so long#like I know on some level we'll make it through this since we always have before but just. man.#this shit sucks dude#this little shithole of a house#with ghosts in the walls and asbestos coating the outside#is the cheapest place in the entire town#and even HERE it feels like we're barely making ends meet#and so just watching people waltz around with clear intent to take this from us#the only place in town we can fucking afford#just kinda pisses me off tbh#especially with rent and housing prices skyrocketing since fucking covid#one of the guys apparently wanted to buy this property just to rent out to people#and I'm glad I wasn't in the room for that one because I don't think I could have held my tongue for that one#plus all these tours have been fucking with my sleep schedule and I'm exhausted as shit lol#plus the stupid fucking property service that my ''homeowner'' does deliberately anonymizes the shit out of him#so I don't even have a name or a face to be pissed at#just this vague nebulous force that's been bleeding us of money for years#who's never once done anything to help upkeep the house he owns#and now that he's faced with a fairly large cost he can't ignore#(something with the city and new pipes)#he's just gonna sell it and make it someone else's problem#and just completely uproot and fuck over our lives in the process#and the worst part is that I know this isn't even an uncommon experience#landlords pull this bullshit all the time#and it drives me insane that people are just fucking OKAY with that#not to speak for everyone since I'm just one broke queer person#but this shit should not be allowed to stand#well I've hit the limit on how many tags I'm allowed to post so I guess that's the end of that#Pun's text Posts
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do you think sauce went to Bdubs with that buffalo or did they just meet at the bar and start talking there? sauce seems to be alone but he has a lot of plates of wings in front of him, so maybe he is sharing them with the buffalo. but he doesn't seem to like him much :/
THIS IS SUCH A GOOD QUESTION!!! i love the observational point abt all the wings!! there's a lot to speculate! MY GAME THEORY IS (get it? GAME theory? Bcs ducks are considered Whatever. I lived in like 2 different southern places) i think the Buffalo is Ducksauce's ( sauce's duck daughter who won't stop desecrating his humble aquatic abode ) new embarrassing boyfriend, Hank. The two unlikely animal lovers met when Sauce was working a BDub's ad and he had to bring Ducksauce with ( who likes to nibble on Bdub's French fries and cannibalize her bird cousins ) as a last minute take my duck daughter to work today day because Sauce had Kyle, the cable guy come over to work on his wifi in attempts to redeem himself while he's away shooting the ad and he's paranoid about Ducksauce being home alone with Kyle since he's already failed him once ( which was unacceptable ). He feared Kyle would've tried cooking Ducksauce for dinner out of vengeance. Ducksauce fell head over heels for the stupid winged buffalo while her hardworking mother was busy getting that paper, unable to stop their (unfortunate) bond. Now, whenever Sauce is working with Bdubs, stupid fucking Hank the Buffalo is there, trying to impress his new girlfriend's dadmom and knowing nothing about the laws of humans/sport. All the wings around them are actually for Ducksauce since Hank is a herbivore and Sauce is too busy answering all of Hank's 'awkwardly trying to get to know you and grow closer to you by knowing you questions that are poorly disguised not to be those kinds of questions' questions to eat anything on their excruiating business bonding times that Ducksauce makes them attempt after commercials. Sauce appreciates his effort, but he's always looking down at his watch to time the perfect, 'well, it's getting kind of late and I need to see if Ducksauce is in the pool again' get out of jail free card from their little dinner domesticities
Bonus sauces that i thought were cute under the cut (if tumblr doesn't cut my shit sooner, which it probably will <- bitches who talk alot and say even less )
why was he so pretty in commercials omg!! makeup artists really get him right !!! He's so hot single mother who works too hard and never stops. Who loves his ducksauce and idk he's a survivor
why is he acting like he's normal
#hes realizing his family get togethers have now went from holidays to headaches#the goats that kept scaring sauce by approaching are Hank's siblings#remember kids#the moral of the story is be nice to cableguys#or your duck daughter is going to fall in love with a buffalo#and the worse part is... hes VEGAN!!!! (conservative dad wail in that one conservative sexist stupid sitcom#last man standing or smthing)#i love how theres no 'this may sound weird ...' or etc starter to this#we're just right to the action#the IMPORTANT stuff#i love it#always send me asks anon#this is keeping me fed very well#just like ducksauce the evil cannibal (question mark?)#with a behemoth appetite#i dont think i spelled 50% of this right but fuck it we ball#this is literally a post about a duck a man and a buffalo family
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#He just comes to class and sits on his phone for 10 minutes#He has a fucking Stanley#He thinks we're all stupid#WhicH we are buy thats non of his business#Always acts like he'd rather be gnawed on by rats then teach us
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ok thats it i literally need a new job now .
#i know i bitch and moan a lot abt my job. but not without good reason!#however i really want to get out of here now today.#fucking. supervisor who keeps telling me to do more as far as maintaining the coffee area#when 90% of the issues are actually fault of the dumbass stock traders we make coffee for who dont know how to make a cup of coffee#and cant clean up after themselves. and i get that its my job but this is also just fucking stupid#and normally she tells me this stuff in the area where i brew the coffee which is more or less away from people#its at least more away from people than the hallway where the coffee station is where people always are#which is where she chose to loudly tell me more things i should be doing#maybe don't fucking do that in front of the people i do this stuff for! now they think im a fucking idiot!#like that's just. idk kind of unprofessional to me like you don't lecture your employees in front of customers#if we're so concerned abt the appearance and image of the service we provide (which this place is concerned way too much with)#then idk maybe talking abt that kind of stuff should be done more privately. or at least quietly#like she wasnt yelling at me but like everyone around could clearly hear it#but like ive said before i cant standddddd this job anymore.#so i might apply for that store leader job at gregorys coffee#even though the work culture there seems like a different kind of annoying#id at least be making Much More and also closer to where i live so#i just have to fix up my resume and make it seem like i can handle more of a management kinda job
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#idk it's just really frustrating to think that people will ALWAYS make allowances for people they're romantically in love with but#not make those same allowances for someone else they otherwise care about.#that people will risk things for their partners that they wouldn't for their friends#that it's EXPECTED for you to prioritize your spouse/significant other/etc. at all times but prioritizing your friend(s) is rarely even#considered. and when you're like me and you LITERALLY CANNOT DO THIS SHIT BY YOURSELF...#like I know I go on and on about marrying some theoretical woman all the time (and my ongoing...whatever this is. with Musician Guy)#but genuinely I'm not even sure that I want that I think I just want someone who will fucking visit me in the hospital if I get into a car#crash or fix me soup when I'm sick.#like...yeah. in that one story I wrote I think I distilled it down: we all just want someone to hold us when we're sad#and it SUCKS that the only avenue we seem to be allowed to pursue that is through a romantic relationship#right now I have my dad but if something happens to him...I genuinely do not know what I'm going to do. I'll have nowhere to go#if something terrible happens. I'll have no one to help me be a person. and I just. like I really am going to just have to power through#the next 60 years on this fucking planet alone and by god I'll fucking do it but I wish I didn't have to!!!!#and I think this was why the loss of Her™ friendship (which was necessary. for both of us) was so acutely painful. because even after#she got married she WAS willing to prioritize me when things got bad enough. she DID genuinely care about me in a way I don't think#anyone ever has. and I just really don't think I'll ever find that ever again. and I can't go back and I don't WANT to be with her anymore#but it was this time of the year when she told me she was getting married way back when and my brain has kept that like the World's Worst#Anniversary and all of those terrible ugly feelings are coming back in full force and I HATE that I'm still unpacking this I. HATE. that#this not-even-relationship is STILL doing this to me#WHAT THE FUCK!!! IS UP WITH THAT!!!!!!#*sigh* okay for REAL I am logging off right now because I've already said Too Many Embarrassing Personal Things about myself today#and I do not want to put myself in a position to say anymore!#In the Vents#GOD this is so stupid IT'S NOT LIKE SOMEBODY DIED WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS
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well I guess we're not to the mall tomorrow anymore.
#stupid fucking vehicle#every single car we get breaks down after like 3 years#i think we're still going to my ''grandpas'' church for his christmas thing (it kept getting delayed)#we're probably getting a ride#from who idk#my aunt maybe#but i haven't been to the mall since like november#and i need to go to michaels again#(started making something i didn't plan so i need more black beads again)#we'll figure something out we always do but damn am i getting sick of this#we dont the money for a new car rn (#(i say new but we never buy new. on account of the being poor)#winona has something to say
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sometimes my bestfriend is like an angel in disguise istg
#i was justttttt thinking that aw it's so sad that navratri music is playling everywhere and i don't have friends to go with#like last year atleast i had tuition sorta friends but now ive isolated them too it sucks#but i was like well it's okay ill do it when i grow up celebrate every festival i didn't get to in my house because we just never do#and then she calls and she's like let's go this club jahan every year famous hota hai full celebration#and i was like ehh i don't want to i don't even know how to play and ill have to convince dad for raat can't we just#go to a cafe or something dopahar mein uske liye i don't even need permission#and she even agreed but she sounded sad and disappointed about it so i was like well fuck it you want to go club na#and she was like yeahhh so i was like aagh okay and i asked and we're going tomorrow!!!!!#and it's so ridiculous like i just say i don't want to go but it's actually so exciting to go someplace other than a cafe!!!!#and i was complaining to her ki okay ill go but i won't dress up and five mins later me and mumma are making full outfit with dupatta#style decided jewellery she has saved for years that are specifically navratri types and she's like we'll get my blouse altered it's fine#you know being sick has really given me perspective on my parents#im not going to hate my mom anymore i never used to growing up i always thought she was brave but helpless#but a stupid day in 12th i realised when we were talking that technically she COULF get divorced she just#doesn't want to because she'll be alone and she thinks we're growing up and leaving anyway so why should she let go of financial#stability for us. which is wild to me because girl you can't buy anything you want without his permission so i don't understand what's the#point if he's rich or poor but whatever whatever she's been raised this way etc etc#but anyway being sick really made me realise who the real monster is😭 all dad did was shout horribly at me all the time#and was like don't you dare take meds they're fake this is all just junk food stop eating it and you'll be fine. when i was literally#having 103 FEVER.#and mom was the one who was making me different drinks juices cutting up fruits staying with me as i get my blood drawn#checking my fever sote jaagte#like wow i literally wouldn't have gotten better if it wasn't for her and i couldn't believe how attentive and nice she was being#like yes i understand she just thinks this is her duty she's just playing her role a mother a housewife but still#idk i just realized that okay atleast she's good at being a mother dad isn't even that why am i feeling good about him when his love#not even love his politeness is so fucking conditional#and mom healed me even tho i told her about clubbing and drinking lots of alcohol she's kinda against it because she's seen#horrible things in life family yucky men but still she understands ans trusts my sister mostly and know we just do it for fun and she#wasn't even mad!!!!!!! like wow ooay#moms love is actually not conditional for the first time in my life i felt like if i fall maybe she could be there to catch me and dad wld
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Morning! I'm here to harass you. 🤭
Hangover status?
And how vivid is the memory of stream? 🤣
GOOD MORNING STARS you could never harass me 😤
and LIKE I SAID DURING STREAM i never get hangovers !!!!!!! ive also been awake since like. 4AM so even if i did get one i'd prob be fine by now LOL
and trust. i remember. Everything from stream.
#snap chats#IVE ALSO BEEN DYING LOOKING AT THE FUCKIN BJ CHAT (OUT OF CONTEXT STATEMENT)#WDYM YOU LOT ARE MAING A COPMILATIONLJLERVEJLKVEJ im thoroughly obsessed witht he art too.. i have saved all of it </3#im thinking back on stream and thinking of how many more times i cuodlve roasted kayla tbh 😔#DEELGATING KAYLA TO KUME IS WILD THO i was thinkin ichi the whole time. tbh. aoki bullies ichi during streams real#also have a dumb doodle idea from it... lol... but ill do that durin drawing stream uhhhhh tuesday?#kayla and i were talking about it beforehand. or WHEN te fuck ever but yeah moving on#its how i remembered i needed to clean my suit a bit cause there was still sake stains on it FUCK#its fine now. trust. i take care of my suits like theyre my children <- dont spill alcohol on your children ?????#but yeah no im telling you alcohol is so weird to me becase i never forget anything and im Cognizant and always aware of what im doing#but yk. i do be a lil loopy 🥴 a 15 on the scale even 🥴 free rights to be stupid while only feeling KINDA bad about it#so funny how we were talking bout when id wear the masato outfit and i was like 'oh god prob not Ever if its with kayla'#and now we're doing it. part two. tonight LOL#you guys wanna see my shitty attempt at beard make up cause Highly Considering It
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my little brother turned 17 today :( most of the time i dont think about all of my siblings ages and whatnot cause usually none of it is relevant but god. i remember when i used to make that guy blueberry oatmeal and feed it to him in his high chair when he was a toddler and ur telling me hes just seventeen all of a sudden?? that shit is fucking wild.
#ive spent the day so far going 'you cant be 17 cause i was literally JUST 17' (i turn 21 in a few months i was not 'just' 17)#also i think my perception of my sibs is like. to me you are eternally ten years old and to me i will always remember middle school you best#and do you remember when you turned 15 and started high school and you were so scared because i do#ive watched you grow up and ive watched you develop a personality and ive watched you achieve so many cool things#ive been here for all your most fucking insufferable years and i love you both despite them and because of them#and i hate you sometimes but also i cant imagine who i would be without you because youre so important to me and i care about you#ive been a stand-in parent more times than i think we all realize and ive made so many mistakes and bad choices and yet#we're all still here and everything is okay#idk. being the oldest and watching your siblings grow up is fucking insane. its so wild and just gets more so every year#i think i said something similar when my sister turned 18 cause that was also crazy#but yeah. they are both so old now#anyway happy birthday to my stupid ass brother#he's great#aiilov-personal
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foundational memories suck so bad. I smell cigarette smoke when I'm hungover and feel wistful and melancholy. what kind of bullshit is that.
#it's weird like. i think bc we're in WA where everyone either vapes or smokes weed you don't smell cigarette as often#ive always regretfully loved the smell of smoke#campfires and grills and my dad sitting on the porch while i look for cool rocks before we moved to charlotte and it got bad#standing outside with coworkers pouring their souls out between gripes about work and some of the nastiest gosip youve ever heard#sitting outside looking at the stars drunk with your friends who drove 3 hours to see you. your love is sprinting down the parking lot#fucking. over cigarettes. theyre stinky and stupid and bad for you and ugly and my ass is like 🥺#god shut up *shoots myself with water spray bottle*
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😑
#feeling a little bit like i cant do anything right#which is so so dramatic but its true. i just feel like no matter what i do or make my profs are gonna hate it#im trying. im trying really hard to make what he wants and do what he wants and follow the steps he gives us#but he always tells us at the end of every class that we're not good enough. that we still didnt do what he asked#i feel fucking stupid. bc if im not getting it i must be an oblivious stubborn dumbass who thinks theyre hot shit#idk man. im so tired of school#i feel like its all my fault for feeling like this bc i have a bad attitude. and i should just suck it up#working this much is normal for my program so i cant complain. its my fault for not working harder and doing it right the first time ig
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wow i WILDLY miscalculated the difference between kilograms and pounds
#ok so like. going to try to bury these thoughts behind several longer tags just in case someone doesn't want to see numbered weight talk#I'm just fascinated at the difference in numbers from a year ago like it's so fucking wild and strange to us#seeing as we've always been super super underweight we've NEVER experienced this before so we wanna ramble abt it#like our weight just did not change for like 10 years there it was. uncomfortable#but like. ok this time last year we were in and out of the ER barely able to eat a single meal in a day eating mostly foods that make us ill#and we weighed about 90 lbs. so about 40 kilos#which fucking SUCKED it was like everything was going wrong with our body at once it was NOT sustainable#in January of this year we finally started medications that work for us and started getting healthier#started slowly slowly eating more like. at first we couldn't even finish a full meal now we're having multiple meals a day usually#i remember us feeling constantly so ashamed over eating such small portions it felt like such a waste of food#now we eat pretty much nearly normally i think. food sensitivities notwithstanding#and anyway we started noticing that we were slowly gaining weight which we had already entirely wrote off as IMPOSSIBLE#so it was just so insane like. holy shit we were wrong we CAN get better#we reached 120 around June-July which has been our goal weight for years and years but we gave up on it and then it just Happened#now we're hovering around 130 and we can't stop looking at our new belly pouch of fat its very nice to see there#and we decided to calculate kilos#but our brain is stupid as fuck with numbers so we thought 'oh it'll be like a high 40s number probably'#it's nearly 60 kilos#which is a really nice number to see i think we'd want to hover around or slightly above this weight#we don't want to gain too much weight too quickly bc we have noticed the sudden change has messed with our head a bit#we get intrusive dysmorphic thoughts over it bc it's just new and strange to us#but really thinking about it. properly thinking. those are just intrusive no-changes-brain thoughts#this is a good change though. we are absolutely happy over this when older headmates come back into front and find out they get SO EXCITED#like we were updating blank on system stuff and he was like yea yea standard shit for us#and then one of us mentioned our weight and he sat STRAIGHT up like 'WAIT we're chunky now???? /pos'#everyone's so proud of how far we've come it's really nice
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