#watch someone call me names for pointing this out
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can you see the stars in your dreams (and do they have a lot to say about me) - Part 17
Or: a secret Admirer AU
PART 1 || PART 2 || PART 3 || PART 4 || PART 5 || PART 6 || PART 7 || PART 8 || PART 9 || PART 10 || PART 11 || PART 1 || PART 13 || PART 14 || PART 15 || PART 16
Eddie’s back to school on Tuesday, black eye turning a mottled sort of green, lip scabbed over. From where he’s hemmed in by Robin and Chrissy, Steve watches Eddie catch a glimpse of him and bolt the other way.
Jeff sighs, lets go of his hold on Chrissy’s arm, and says, “sorry, Steve. I’m just gonna—” and then he points toward Eddie and follows after him without another word.
Steve’s gut clenches with guilt. He’d put that look on Eddie’s face, had caused the rift in his and Jeff’s friendship, had split the forming group up with his ridiculous crush. But Chrissy and Robin are still here, standing by his side.
“Are he and Jeff okay?” Steve asks, biting his lip as he glances at Chrissy.
“I think so,” she says, looking after her boyfriend. “They talked on the phone, but Jeff didn’t tell me what about.”
“Forget about them,” Robin replies, reaching out to take his hand even as it makes everyone around them stare. “Come on, Stevie, or we’ll be late to Ms. Clickity Clack’s class.”
Steve passes the rest of the day in a daze, the spot at his side a revolving cast of Chrissy, Robin, and Jeff, like they’d all talked behind his back and decided he couldn’t be trusted with being alone right now. Steve can’t blame them because as soon as he’s left unattended in his big empty house, he gets out his notebook and pen, and begins to write.
Eddie —
I’m sorry I never got to read your last letter, but it wasn’t for me anyways. Maybe none of them were, not really. And I’m sorry about that, even sorrier about how your pretty face got caught in the ceasefire. I’m just full of sorries I’m to scared to tell to your face—from the way you ran when you saw me in the hallway this morning, maybe you wouldn’t want me to anyway.
You’ve always been the brave one, so you must really want to not see me, huh? I hope you and Jeff are friends again. I’m sorry about that too, I’m the one who asked him not to tell you. I was afraid, but that’s no excuse.
I don’t know how to stop wanting to right write to you. I can’t turn off the part of me that still wants to know everything about you. There’s a whole in my heart, and I keep trying to find people to fill it, but I can never be in love with someone who loves me back. You know?
I’m sorry, Eddie. Maybe someday, I’ll get to say it to your face.
Sorry,
Steve
He closes the notebook on the damning words and shoves it into his nightstand so he doesn’t have to look at it. Sleep doesn’t come—the house is too quiet. He grabs the phone off his dresser and calls the only other person he knows whose parents trust them enough to have a phone in their bedroom.
“H’lo?” Robin mutters sleepily after finally picking up the phone six rings later.
She sounds tired—Steve’s sorry he woke her. “I wrote another letter,” he says.
That seems to perk her up instantly, as she hisses down the line, “Steven James Harrington.”
“Not my name, Robin Steven Bobbington,” he replies, talking right over her shrieked “well, that’s not mine!” to continue, “I’m not going to send it.”
“You better not,” she replies, and Steve can hear some rustling on her end, like she’s settling back down into her bed. He wishes, suddenly, that he was in there with her, clutching her hand as they fall asleep side by side. Instead, he lays down on his own bed and concentrates on the noises coming down the line.
“Is it stupid that I miss him?” he asks.
“Yeah, kinda.”
“Robin!”
She laughs, a quiet sleepy chuckle that warms him straight through. “I’m just saying! He’s been treating you like shit, Stevie.”
Steve sighs, burrowing down under his comforter and taking the phone with him. “He was different in the letters,” he whispers, like someone in his empty house might hear him otherwise. “Sweeter, you know?”
Robin sighs, “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, me too.”
There’s enough sorries to go around for all of them, apparently. They’re quiet for a while, Robin’s breathing keeping him company in his big, lonely bed with his big, lonely thoughts.
“I love you, Robbie,” he whispers. “You know that, right?”
He’s been saying it a lot lately, throwing the words around like they’ll connect this time and get him something real. And they had, with Chrissy, with Robin, hell, even with Jeff. Just, not with Eddie. Maybe someday, he’ll learn to be okay with that.
“Love you, too, Dingus,” Robin replies, like it’s easy.
He falls asleep that night to the sound of Robin’s quiet snoring.
***
Eddie thinks about it—obsessively, compulsively. He dreams about it, jerks off about it, fucking cries about it. He reads the letters, again, and again, and again, wishing desperately that he still had that first one. At school, he checks his locker obsessively, compulsively, hoping there’s another note in his locker—there never is.
“Dude, what’s your problem?” Gareth asks, an elbow into Eddie’s side.
“Ow, ribs!” Eddie cries, curling away from him and into Doug at their usual lunch table.
“Sorry!” Gareth replies, leaning away from him and raising his hands up like that’ll somehow prove he’s harmless.
Jeff snorts around his sandwich, “gotta be careful, Gare-bear. He’s precious cargo now.”
“Oh fuck off,” Eddie replies, rolling his eyes as the rest of Hellfire laugh around him.
“No, but seriously, dude,” Gareth asks, this time without the thrown elbow. “What’s up with you?”
Eddie looks across the cafeteria at Steve and Chrissy’s usual spots, still empty the way they have been for weeks. He worries, sometimes, that they’re not eating, and it’s his fault.
Hopefully, they’re just packing lunches from home and eating somewhere else (he’s been too afraid to check).
“Can’t tell you buddy,” Eddie replies, still looking at the empty spot like that’ll somehow make the duo appear. “I promised.”
Gareth, clearly having followed his line of sight, leans closer and asks in an unsubtle whisper, “but it’s about you know what?”
Doug sits on, oblivious, but Jeff snorts again and asks, “okay, you didn’t tell me jack shit, but you told the freshman?”
“Sophomore, jackass!” Gareth cries, before seeming to realize the implications of Jeff’s sentence. “You told Jeff?”
“I knew before you did,” Jeff says smugly, and Eddie’s starting to get pissed off about that again.
“How!”
“Jeff, dearest?” Eddie grits out. “Do you want me to punch you in the face?”
That shuts the table up catastrophically. But in the end, Jeff sighs and says, ���I’m coming over after school,” and the rest of lunch is spent fielding Gareth’s indignant questions.
True to his word, Jeff climbs into Eddie’s passenger seat at the end of the day. Eddie doesn’t take them to the trailer, he just drives around, taking back roads round and round, restlessness making his fingers twitch in the gear shift.
Jeff’s the one who breaks the silence, in the end. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” he says, making Eddie flinch at the sudden noise. “Steve just seemed so scared, and Chrissy was crying so—”
“He was scared?” Eddie interrupts, stuck on the thought. He’d known that, before, but now that Eddie’s afraid, too, it hits like a punch to the chest.
“Of course he was,” Eddie replies to his own question. Suddenly unable to focus, Eddie pulls over to the side of the road. “I’m scared, too.”
Jeff sucks in a breath; Eddie doesn’t look away from his own knees.
“Yeah?”
Eddie bites his lip, knowing that Jeff will be able to read between the lines. “Yeah.” His eyes are watering, and Eddie swipes at them, embarrassed. “And I know we’re supposed to be talking about us, but I just—”
“No, hey,” Jeff replies. Eddie hears the sound of his seatbelt unbuckling, and the rustle of him shifting in his seat, and suddenly, Jeff’s hand is clasping Eddie’s shoulder, shaking him around just a little. “You’re my best friend—we’re fine, dude.”
Eddie swipes at his eyes again, “I think I want to ask him out, but what if I’m wrong?” Eddie asks, tracking Jeff’s expression out of the corner of his eye. “I don’t want to hurt him again.”
“So, what?” Jeff asks, voice deadpan. “You find out he likes you and suddenly he’s not just a jock anymore?”
Eddie looks down at his own knees, bracing for a hit he knows will never come. But, Eddie’s always been good at hurting himself, so he thinks about that yellow nail polish again, the enraptured look in Steve’s eyes during every D&D session, the way he’d glued himself to Robin Buckley, band nerd supreme’s side in recent weeks. The way he’d look at Eddie like he wasn’t the king of the freaks, like he was worth something.
“He was never just a jock,” Eddie murmurs. “I just never let myself think about it.”
Jeff mmmhmms him and Eddie knows him well enough to hear the doubt beneath the agreement.
“I was afraid, okay?” Eddie laments, scrunching his eyes closed tight until that makes his bruised eye ache too much. “You wouldn’t get it.”
At that, Jeff scoffs, and before Eddie can start up another tirade, he replies, “right, the black guy dating a white girl in Po-dunk, Indiana has no idea how scary it can be to make a move on the person you like.”
Okay, fair.
“You know what could happen if the wrong person finds out?” Jeff continues. “I’ll be lucky if they let me get out of town alive.”
“Okay, okay! I get it, sorry!” Eddie cries, throwing his hands up in defeat. And Jeff, being the asshole he is, just laughs at his discomfort. “How’s that going anyway?”
“With Chrissy?” Jeff asks, continuing when Eddie nods. “She’s great, man. I really, really like her.”
He’s smiling all goofy and in love. Eddie waits for the jealousy to hit; it never comes. Even as he’d flirted with her, there’d always been a disconnect for him between the letters and the girl. He knows why, now.
“I’m happy for you.”
Jeff aims that same goofy smile at him and punches his shoulder. “Thanks, man.”
Eddie wants to feel that way about someone. He wants to think of them and smile like he just can’t help himself. And with Steve Harrington of all people, maybe he can.
“If I ask Steve out, do you think he’ll still say yes?”
“Oh, for sure,” Jeff replies without hesitation before he turns to Eddie and eyes him up and down. “But are you sure you want to?”
Eddie bites back the defensive retort rising on his tongue, and grits out, “what do you mean?”
Jeff sighs and leans back in his chair. Eddie waits, three seconds from snapping as he stews in Jeff’s silence, hands clenched so hard against the steering wheel that it feels like one of his nails might pop clean off.
“Jeff��”
“No one’s ever liked you before!” Jeff cries, and it hits Eddie like a punch to the sternum. “And maybe it’s not fair of me to ask but, are you sure you even really like him?”
“What?” Eddie asks, his mind a record skipping against a bent needle. “What do you–”
“Eddie, man,” Jeff sighs, swiveling his head to finally look Eddie directly in the eyes. “Do you like Steve Harrington, or do you just like that he likes you?”
He drops the wheel, hands almost numb as he shakes them out, no longer able to meet Jeff’s eye.
How would anyone ever know that for sure? How can he know the origin of a feeling when it’s been there, simmering in the background of his brain, just waiting for him to wake up? How can he separate the feeling for a person and the person’s feeling for them?
That’s like asking him to unbraid his hair, let it fall back together, and still be able to tell which strands made up each component of the braid–it can’t be done.
But, “Gareth said I was obsessed with him,” Eddie replies, barely above a whisper. “Like, before I knew he wrote the letters?”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Eddie laughs, but it’s just like Steve said–it sounds different when he doesn’t think it’s funny. “And, he was right, you know? I was flirting with Chrissy, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him.”
Eddie runs a shaking hand through his hair and buries his face into his hands with a shudder. “He’s just–he’s Steve Harrington, right? Everyone knows everything about him, but then he just changes the script!” Eddie’s smiling now, manic, animated. “And I wanted to know everything.”
Eddie drops his hands to look over at Jeff, meeting his eyes once more. Jeff looks patient, ready, hopeful in a way he hadn’t before, so Eddie keeps talking.
“Like, Chrissy was flirting with you and he didn’t even seem to care, and the yellow nail polish, and he came to Hellfire, Jeff. Steve Harrington came and watched us play Dungeons and Dragons.”
“I know,” Jeff replies, grinning now, pearly whites all on full display.
“And when he came to band practice, he was just like, watching me, and I sort of wanted to die, but in a good way, you know?”
Jeff decidedly does not look like he knows, but he’s still grinning across at Eddie like he’s proud of him. Eddie’s kind of proud, too, that he’s managing to say all of this aloud. It feels somehow new and a long time coming at the same time.
“Okay, you can ask him out,” Jeff says, turning forward in his seat and buckling his seatbelt once more.
Eddie laughs. “Oh, because I needed your blessing?”
“Yeah,” Jeff replies, grinning as he turns back to Eddie, looking him up and down like he’s a slab of meat Jeff’s checking for its quality. “Maybe wait until you’re healed up, though. You look like one of those cardboard box kittens that I keep seeing on the news.”
“Shut up!” Eddie squawks, but he’s smiling, helplessly, hopefully.
Eddie Munson with a chance at love, who would’ve thought?
#koko's steddie secret admirer au#steddie#my fic#Jeff. the man that you are<3<3<3<3<3#i am...SO excited for tomorrow's part. like. after struggling Hard with it. it might have been the most fun i had in writing for the fic
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The Au Pair Boy Part 5
Hey! This will take a short break until December then it will begin posting on Fridays to take place of The Hellfire Exotic Club.
In this we have all Robin and Steve with a little cameo of Chrissy. Steve just needed a little bestie time.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4
~
Steve stared at the little black card in his hand. He had waited until he had gotten one in his name before using the account, even though Eddie had said that he was already an authorized user and the bank had been told that Steve would be using it immediately.
He just didn’t feel comfortable with doing so. So Eddie had one overnighted to him to make sure he could get whatever he needed as soon as possible. It was his first day off since Eddie left, Steve having refused to take one until he was sure the girls could handle it.
So here he was with his best friend standing outside of an Ikea with a black credit card and a dawning sense of dread.
“If I go in there,” he huffed, “I’m never coming back out again. You know that right? These places are cursed.”
Robin burst out laughing. “I think the power of your newly minted black credit card will act as a talisman of getting lost by the power of capitalism.”
“If you say so,” Steve scoffed. “If I don’t escape, I am totally blaming you, I hope you know that.”
She grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the entrance. “Come on, you big baby.”
They were looking at sheets when she spoke up again. “I think it’s really cool he’s allowing you decorate your room.”
Steve chuckled as he weighed the two options in his hands. “I think it’s because he really wants me to stay. If I put effort into my own space and get really settled in, I’ll be less likely to want to move.”
“Any spicy texts from ‘Daddy’?” Robin asked wagging her eyebrows suggestively.
“No.” He bumped her with his hip. “Knock that off. Yes, he is hot and sweet and funny, but I’m not going got cross that line. Especially not with him currently traveling the country with his metal band.”
“That’s too bad,” she pouted.
Then his phone rang. He put the dark blue sheets in the cart and the light blue ones back on the shelf and then he answered the call.
“Hey, Chrissy,” he greeted. “What’s up?”
“I hate to call you on your day off, Steve,” she began. “But Joanie can’t find her elephant plushy and she’s on the verge of a meltdown.”
Steve pinched his nose and sighed. “That’s because she insisted she wanted to bring Mr. Puff and Stuff, her wolf plushy instead. Snuffymuffie is still out the house.”
The sound of absolutely agony echoed through the phone line. Steve could almost feel her soul leaving her body from here.
“It’s on her bed with all her other plushies,” he assured her. “And when I come pick them up tomorrow I’ll bring mint ice cream.”
“I love you, Steve Harrington,” she breathed. “You are a saint among men!”
“No, just a seasoned nanny,” Steve replied with a chuckle. “Now go on before she decides that you’re ignoring her pain and starts wailing.”
Then wailing could be heard at full volume through the phone causing even Robin to wince from the sheer sound of it.
“Too late.”
Steve stared at his phone for a moment or two after she disconnected. He turned to Robin. “How is this my life now?”
“Don’t ask me,” she said with her hands up. “That couldn’t be me. I like kids in short spurts not long hauls.” She pointed to the phone in his hand with her chin. “So who was that then?”
“Chrissy Cunningham,” he replied pocketing his phone and pushing the cart forward. “She’s Eddie’s manager. Usually she goes with them when the band tours, but for the first little bit he wanted someone who the girls knew close on hand.”
“So why didn’t she take the kiddos?” Robin said, falling instep next to him.
“Because she still works,” Steve said. “So she can’t watch them during the day. Plus, Eddie had been wanting to get a live-in nanny for awhile. So this solved both problems.”
“Do you miss it?” Robin asked. “Having your own space?”
Steve wasn’t sure what she meant. He had his own space and told her so. That was what they were shopping for after all. Decorating his space.
“I meant an apartment of your own,” she said a little exasperated. “Like you really don’t have any freedom. It’s not like you can paint it all pink with white fruit everywhere.”
“I could actually,” Steve said with a shrug. “Though the example Eddie used was neon orange with brightly color rainbow dicks everywhere.”
Robin blinked at him for a moment. “But what if the girls saw that?”
“It would probably be explained as a banana and a couple of peaches or whatever,” Steve said, waving her off. “But that’s not the point. The point is that if I wanted to buy a racing car bed and make everything chrome, I could. I just don’t want to. It’s a gorgeous room, I want to add to it, not make it into a hellscape or whatever.”
“So what’s with all the nautical stuff, then?” she asked picking up the back of fake seashells.
“It’s very dark wood and deep blues,” he explained snatching them back from her tossing them back into the cart. “I makes me feel like I’m sailing on the ocean. But I also want to give it a haunted vibe, too. To go with the rest of the house.”
“I’m really going to have to see this place,” she huffed.
Steve stared at her for a moment. “I thought that was the plan. I thought you were coming over after we were done shopping to help me set everything up.”
“I wasn’t sure I was allowed to be there when it was just you,” she said with a half shrug.
“I’m allowed to have friends over,” he replied, rolling his eyes. “If I break anything, he just asks that I let him know. He’s got four year old twins, like I’m pretty sure anything fragile or expensive was put away a long time ago.”
Robin blinked for a moment as she processed that thought. “Right. What was I thinking?”
“You weren’t,” Steve huffed. “Now come on there are ten million miles to get through and I would like get through this before I die of old age.”
She scoffed but let him lead her through the store as he asked for her opinion on some things and to get her to mock others.
By the time they reached the check out, their cart was overflowing with all sorts of fun things for his room. Or rather, as Steve had learned. Wing. An entire fucking wing of the house was his. It had his bedroom, the bathroom, a small sitting room/library, and fucking kitchenette for entertaining guests.
He paid with the card Eddie had given him, both Robin and the cashier’s eyes went wide.
The cashier kinda gave him the stink-eye, like ‘what are you doing in an I-fucking-kea with a card like that?’ But Steve steadfastly ignored her and grabbed his packages.
“Why did we go to Ikea?” Robin asked as she helped load up his car with the stuff he bought.
“Because what I wanted was here,” Steve said rolling his eyes. “More expensive doesn’t equal better quality.” He slammed the trunk closed and got into the driver’s seat.
She rolled her eyes back at him, but wisely said nothing. He was the one with the ultra credit card and she wanted nachos from her favorite Mexican restaurant, something she would not get if she pushed Steve too far with the card. She could tell he was uncomfortable having it, so it was sure bet Eddie had insisted.
When they got to the house, Robin was in awe. She could see why Steve had fallen in love with the place. It gave off that tastefully haunted vibe of the Addams Family. Inside was even cooler as Steve showed her around. The only places they didn’t go were the Munsons’ bedrooms and Eddie’s studio and office.
But Robin was okay with that when she saw the game room, and the movie theater and the swimming pool and the actual fucking library. Here was a guy who took his money and put it to tasteful use.
“This is really neat,” she said as she flopped on the sofa in Steve’s study. “And this all yours?”
“Until they get old enough not to need me,” Steve said with a shrug. He began putting things away on the shelves. “Which is probably at least ten years off, maybe more if I’m really lucky.”
“Here’s to that,” Robin said, impressed. “Is he looking for another nanny? Because damn, I’d love a sweet place like this.”
“No,” Steve said and smacked her with his dust rag. “Get up on your feet and help me Missy!”
She leapt to her feet to get away from the dusty rag. “I surrender! I surrender!” She opened the first box and got to work sort things into proper piles so Steve could them away as he went.
“He’s looking for almost everything else though,” Steve said as he put books on the shelves. “Like everything else. A gardener or two, a couple of grounds maintenance guys, a cook, a pool cleaner, a couple of maids. All that sort of stuff.”
“Wow,” Robin said, opening another box, “that’s pretty much everyone. What happen, he fire everyone at once?”
Beat.
“Wait, what?” she said, whipping her head up to look at him. He was looking at the floor biting his lip. “What happened?”
“His ex slept with everyone on the staff who would let him,” Steve mumbled, “and those he didn’t sleep with kept it from him. With having no one trust, he just got rid of all of them.”
“Holy shit,” Robin hissed. “Way to upend the kiddos’ entire lives.”
“Ethan or Eddie?” Steve said with a shrug and grabbed the nearest pile of books to start shelving.
“Oh, totally the ex,” Robin hissed, “what an asshole. And the fact that all of them colluded to keep it from Eddie? That’s the major dick move. How long has he been struggling to do it all on his own?”
“About a year,” Steve replied absently as he tried to decide whether or not ‘Good Omens’ would go under G for Gaiman or P for Pratchett. He decided on Pratchett since it was the name on top. “I think his friends staged an intervention a la reunion tour to force him to move forward with his life.”
She snorted and shook her head. “Men. I am so glad I’m not attracted to them. Emotionally stunted morons. Well most of them anyway.”
“Anyone can get overwhelmed, Robs,” he huffed picking up his last stack of books. “I’ve gotten a few prospects for the yard and swimming pool.”
“Yeah, I was noticing how overgrown everything was,” she agreed, “even if the vibe was haunted house.”
Steve sighed and plopped down next to her. “I didn’t even show you what the gardener’s shed looked like or the pool house. He really let everything go in his grief. He didn’t say anything to me, but you can tell he took the break up really hard. This was his person. The one he thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with. And then Ethan went and blew it all up with no explanation, just a gigantic mess to clean up.”
“Well, I’m glad he has you,” she said bumping him with her shoulder. “And I was only joking about the being hired too. As long as I get to visit this place and hang out by the pool on occasion, I’ll consider it even.” She held out her hand and Steve took it with a smile.
“I think we’re all done in here,” he said standing up and dusting off his knees. “Bedroom is next.”
Robin got up and looked around his little study. “I’m happy for you, Steve. I think you’re going to be really happy here.”
Steve smiled. “I already am. I know it’s only been a week since Eddie left and ten days since I was hired, but I really don’t want to screw this up.”
She hugged him tight. If anyone deserved a fairy tale ending it was her platonic soulmate. Now all she had to do was convince him to get flirty with the hot frontman of Corroded Coffin and her boy would be set for life.
They walked into the bedroom and got to decorating it. When they were done, she flopped down on the queen size bed, spread eagle.
“We should order in and watch horror movies on that massive screen,” she suggested, staring up at the ceiling.
Steve cocked his head to the side and tapped his lips thoughtfully. “Make it pizza and you’ve got yourself a deal.”
“Fine!” she huffed, seeing her dreams of loaded nachos flutter away.
He kicked her foot, causing her to sit up abruptly. “Buy your own nachos, you big baby. You have a job. Or at least you did yesterday, so unless there is something you’d like to tell me you can get your own.”
“You’re a real bitch, Steve Harrington,” she huffed, hopping off the bed. “Tell me again why I like you?”
“Because you get to watch Jamie Lee Curtis in full high definition projection,” he said, giving her a kiss on the cheek and then walked out of the room.
“Wait!” she huffed, scrambling to catch up. “He has the original ‘Halloween’? You can’t just drop that on me and run, Harrington!”
Steve giggled as he ran down the stairs, with Robin hot on his heels. He cut a corner tightly, causing her to careen into the opposite wall.
“Curse you and your jock reflexes!” she hissed as she pushed herself off the wall to continue her chase.
By the time she had caught up with him, he was already on the phone with the pizza place. “At least get something with vegetables! You don’t want scurvy!”
“And one medium raspberry lemonade and one large cherry limeade,” he said with a wink at her. “Yes that will be all.”
“All that sugar!” Robin huffed. “I don’t know how you don’t kill over from sugar shock or something with all the sweet stuff you eat and drink.”
“Because I exercise and eat right most of the time,” Steve said back. “Diet culture is such BS, your body needs sugar to function. It’s why I put it in my tomato sauce when I make it from scratch.”
“Betrayal!” she cried and flopped on the sofa. She tilted her head for a moment and then melted into said sofa. “This is a really soft sofa, Steve. Everything here is so soft. I don’t know why but I pictured everything being so hard and stiff and uncomfortable.”
“Eddie certainly isn’t your stereotypical rich guy,” Steve agreed. “And I think this place was soft before the girls, because I think Eddie likes soft.”
Robin looked at her best friend fondly. She could tell he was already in love with this Eddie, he was just very deep in denial.
They had their movie night complete with pizza and drinks. One of the pizzas even had vegetables on it. For her. And when Steve dropped her off the next morning, she was content in her knowledge Steve wasn’t just going to do well there, he was going to thrive.
~
Tag List: CLOSED
1- @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @zerokrox-blog @tartarusknight
2- @gregre369 @a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @cryptid-system
3- @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog
4- @irregular-child @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @forgottenkanji @ollieolive
5- @anne-bennett-cosplayer @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon
6- @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman
7- @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95 @ravenfrog @swimmingbirdrunningrock @lingeringmirth
8- @gutterflower77 @a-lovely-craziness @just-a-tiny-void @w1ll0wtr33 @beelze-the-bubkiss
9- @sadisticaltarts @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @dolphincliffs @steddie-as-they-go @steddieislife
10- @kultiras @morallyundefined @themoonagainstmers
#my writing#stranger things#steddie#ladykailtiha writes#nanny au#rockstar eddie munson#nanny steve harrington
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.. that idea on ghost coming back with his therapist’s contact is brilliant, could we get a pt2 when we do hit him up cuz,,, it’s inevitable and he pulls up in that same motorbike and actually plans a banger date?
Just for you! A part 2! Original post for anyone curious is here.
Also thank you for what I am percieving as patience, I had things to accomplish today. But it gave me time to think about this...
CW: I can't think of any.
You held onto the business card. No real explanation that would satisfy you or anyone who might have asked. And your best friend did ask. Repeatedly.
“You still have the card?” She asked over drinks.
Running your tongue along the inside of your teeth you debate on how to answer.
“Yes,” you reply curtly.
“And have you called the therapist or texted him yet? Do you even know his name?” She followed her questions with a sip of her drink.
“All I know is that when I search up S. Riley I get a few hits about a brother to a home invasion that ended badly a few years ago and nothing else. No one on social media matches him and without his full name or maybe a birthday I can’t find much else about someone that might be him.” Flopping back into the couch you watch your drink slide side to side as you tip your glass.
“You don’t have to call him but you have to make a decision about this soon,” she chides.
“No decision is a decision though.”
She gives you the flattest stare she can muster. Seeing as your best friend is autistic it’s a pretty impressive flat look.
Heaving a sigh you concede the point.
“Fine. I get it. I can’t avoid this forever, what if he finds me at a coffee shop again and asks why I haven’t called? S. Riley sure does seem like a man who doesn’t know how to leave well enough alone.”
“I think you should call and tell the therapist to inform him that you would like to never see him again, but you have this whole ‘attracted to the adventure’ thing going on.” She rolled her eyes.
Aghast at being so well identified, it does not matter that she is your best friend, you fire off a rude gesture at her. She only laughs.
“At least I never have to worry about not realizing I fumbled the woman of my dreams three months late,” you say with a wicked grin.
“It was one time!” Your best friend launches one of the couch pillows at you.
“Twice.”
The purest look of concern crosses her face.
“Twice?” Comes her panicked ask.
“Once at the bar,” she nods, “And then last week at the bookstore.”
Watching her eyes go wide and her mouth drops open you can’t help the full-body laugh that overtakes you.
“I thought she was just being nice!” Her voice gets squeakier with each word.
You are laughing so hard you can’t breathe.
“I fucking love you and am so glad we are best friends,” you manage to croak out between ab-shredding laughs.
💠💠💠💠💠💠💠💠💠💠💠💠💠💠💠💠💠💠💠💠💠💠
Your next early day off of work you pop in your headphones and call the number printed on the business card. It sat between your insurance card and your driver’s license. Those two cards didn’t see much action and would keep the business card from disappearing.
“Thank you for calling Healing Sky Therapy, how can I help you?”
“Yes, is Anna Mortz available?”
“For a phone call or an appointment?” The sound of clicking keys bubbles over the line.
“A phone call, I am calling to speak to her about a current patient of hers.”
“Okay, and are you a provider?”
This causes you to pause. Did you really need to explain why or how you were connected to this crazy situation? No. Bare bones it is.
“No, I should be listed as a person who can discuss the care of a patient of hers who goes by S. Riley?”
“Okay,” she drags the word. “It looks like I can drop a call in her schedule in about forty minutes if that would work for you?”
“That would work great, can I give you a callback number?”
“Yes, I can take that when you are ready.”
Finishing up the phone call you grabbed your grocery list and headed out the door. Your phone rang as you were transferring bags from your cart to your trunk. The number looked vaguely familiar and so you answered.
“Hi this is Anna Mortz, I am returning a phone call.”
“Yes, hi Anna. I am the one who called.”
“That was in regards to Simon Riley, right? Let’s go through some information on my end to make sure that we can discuss him first okay?”
“Absolutely,” you slam the trunk closed and return your cart while confirming all of your information.
“So, what questions can I answer for you?” Anna started.
“Let me get settled and I will give you the rundown.” Tossing your purse to the passenger side and locking the door you get situated in your seat. You push a large breath from your lungs and start. “Okay, so this is a weird situation. The long and the short of it is that Simon had been dating a friend of mine several years back and they were not good together. He was being a pushy asshole who refused to let the relationship die and she was codependent to a deeply unhealthy level. My friend asked for help in telling him off once and for all. She tended to cave and give into having sex every time he came by to start a fight. That is where I met Simon.”
Anna made a noise of confirmation. You took it as permission to keep telling your story.
“Nothing more came of that except my friend and I drifted apart, nothing major and not important to the story. I ran into Simon next at my friend’s wedding reception. I don’t know if he showed up to confirm to himself that it was really over or if she actually invited him but,” you paused here eyes tracing the dash of the car parked in front of you. With a slight shake of your head, you focus back on your phone call. “That is neither here nor there. He hit on me that night and I told him basically to fuck off and go to therapy if he wanted a shot at that conversation.”
Puffing your cheeks with air you slowly let it out, you felt like you were explaining a whole crazy situation to the principal.
“He ran into me at a coffee shop close to probably a year later, dropped your card on the table with his number on the back, and insinuated that I would call because I was interested in him.”
“Okay, that is pretty close to the story he told me as well,” Anna speaks with kind authority. “What I can tell you from a clinical standpoint is that Simon struggles with C-PTSD, which is complex post-traumatic stress disorder. This basically means that Simon has been through so many traumatic events at so many points in his life that he has a hard time functioning day to day without it affecting every aspect of his life. I can also tell you that we have been working on him gaining some coping abilities and practicing social skills.”
“Okay, I guess what I am asking is that if I go on a date with him will I end up with a stalker who will end up killing me in the night if I say I don’t want to see him again?” You lay your concerns bare. She’s not your therapist so her judgment worries you a bit less.
“While nothing is guaranteed,” she hedges, “I cannot see that kind of behavior occurring with the progress Simon has made. He has scheduled out appointments weekly for the next three months with me and has even mentioned he is working on some other types of therapy I have recommended to help him process his traumas further. He’s actually doing the work to deal with his issues. I think he is here because he wants to be, you happened to be the trigger.”
Resting your elbow on the steering wheel you leaned your head into your hand.
“Whew, okay. Thank you. That is actually really helpful. How is he about accepting boundaries?”
“He is familiar and comfortable with them in a work context but if you choose to interact with him I know personal boundaries will come up in our sessions. So, I would keep it in mind when interacting with him.”
“Okay, thank you so much Anna this call has been,” a slight pause, “Enlightening. I appreciate your time.”
“Happy to help. Have a good day!”
With that the phone call ends and you stare down at your phone. Flicking open your messaging app you add the contact you saved to it almost a month ago.
<Your therapist seems nice.
Three minutes pass as you watch the screen. It goes black once and you wake it with a tap on the screen.
Tossing it to the passenger side on top of your purse you put the text from your mind. You instead focus on pulling out of your spot. Parking lots are of the devil and you aren’t even religious like that.
Five days pass before a message dings on your phone from one S. Riley.
>Can’t say she is nice to me. I get a lot of mean looks from her.
Setting a timer for an hour and thirteen minutes you let the text simmer. You hope he can see that you have opened the message.
<You normally take a work week to respond?
>Only when I am on a job.
The reply comes in instantly.
<What kind of jobs keep you from your phone?
>Classified.
<Ooh big brain work then. Got it.
You snort at the eye roll emoji he sends.
>So, have you decided if I can hit you up yet?
<I’m thinking about it. If I were to say yes, where would you take me?
>Indoor sky diving.
You read the three-word message at least six times, check out the closest indoor sky diving place near you, and then finally reply.
Starting and erasing three messages you finally settle on one.
<Would we ride your bike there?
>Unless you would prefer to talk on the drive over?
What do you talk about with a man when you had to check with his therapist that he wouldn’t murder you?
<Bike sounds like fun.
>Saturday?
<Maybe. Time?
>2
<Done. Pick me up at noon and we can grab lunch?
>No, you’re going to want an empty stomach. Dinner instead.
Narrowing your eyes at the message you debate the logic of testing a boundary yet. The advice to not have a full stomach did look like a good one.
<Fine, but nowhere fancy. If I can’t roll up in the same outfit I don’t want it.
The only reply you get for several hours is a thumbs up on your message.
Guess you had a date coming up.
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Might be more of a white culture thing. I get called names often when I point to actionable things one can do. Usually from particularly Black and other PoCs, they're more straight with me than white women are when they assume I'm a woman, even if I point out I'm NB and particularly don't subscribe to white (US Middle Class) woman's speech, which I never could quite master nor like.
There was a study on white women's speech about an Italian family, I think, granted US-based immigrants, where women of the family were taught more to be "peacemakers" and use indirect questions, (not the Jewish kind of questions) to particularly needle people into doing action.
Jewish speech (since I was raised Jewish as part of being adopted), tends to have more rhetorical questions to challenge people to think more deeper or examine their thoughts. (Plenty of papers on this, I actually wrote a long post about it)
But outside of (white) Jewish circles, often questions are used as passive aggressive behavior and ways to diffuse conflict. Such as the white woman speech of something like, "We do not hit other kids. How do you think the other kid feels?"
BTW, this is far from the white woman's tears and toxic white women's speech as pointed out by Robin DiAngelo, but does show the gulf between how women are treated between cultures and often I've observed PoCs are more likely to try to conform to white ways of gender when faced with someone white due to mainly stereotype threat and also some speech patterns which are harder to deal with if you aren't versed with how to deal with the toxicity. People tend to hedge their bets.
By the way, straight pitching here, but I'd really, really like a philosophical discussion on two things, though I'm well aware these are loosey goosey. And yes, maybe influenced by the US election:
The questions are these two:
Does true altruism exist? Is there a way to make an outgroup care about the in-group, when they have no skin in the game and keep showing up? I remember the episode you did about Sam Altman? But it didn't get into this question. We're stuck worldwide with people who don't care, but is there a philosophical way to get people to care about groups they don't belong to?
And the other question is how does one sell an idea of masculinity that is not the Alpha, Beta, etc set and can we escape that to men in such a way that they feel invited? I've read about sacred masculinity and also the secure masculinity models, but worldwide the shift towards that ultra masculinity seems to be winning because it feels powerful. The current movement of feminism is asking how to reframe masculinity itself.
I'd like to see it in an intersectional way for both topics. Such a way that it sees internationally and through lens of intersectional queerness.
You've circled around these topics, gone through them talked about queerness, communication, but I've felt like it's a glancing blow. I'm aware this is a hard ask. But I have to admit the last US election and watching other elections where people have swung far right on self interest alone over community has left me wondering if I missed something. Distrust of community that deep leaves me reeling.
I encountered women who were willing to, for example, stick it to trans people over protecting their own rights and philosophically I do not understand why they would choose hate over saying everyone deserves rights. I did the sit down and listen, but hit hard dead end walls, like I was being an elitist for going to college and the pursuit of knowledge is being snobby. Or literal professed Neo-Nazis, like telling me people should believe in Mein Kampf. And I'm sitting here thinking what more could I have done to make people care and care about people unlike them as a really marginalized person. It hit so many walls, and I tried very hard not to yell, scream, but reason through emotions, logic, but I can't help feeling a little frustrated that maybe I didn't know enough in order to get them to see a different way and move them that little bit or at least crack their wall through the interaction.
Separating The Art from the Artist ('s Gender)
an interesting thing I've observed:
I've been making art for my whole life, and I publicly transitioned a few years ago, and it's super interesting how much criticism changed when I came out
When I was in the closet the criticism I got for my work was a lot more useful. It was generally constructive, usually specific and actionable, usually coming from a place of sincerely engaging with my work even if it didn't always like it. So even the negative stuff was usually helpful?
Whereas now, most of the criticism I get seems a lot more "vibes based"? It's more vague; it's more likely to contain factual errors like "The work says X" when the work doesn't say that, or even says the opposite; the criticism is often less actionable; and it's more likely to treat my work as something that has accidental features to which the audience has a reaction that is the most important thing, rather than something that has deliberate features because I chose to put them there? And so it's judged much more by whether people vibed with it rather than by whether it achieved what I intended it to
idk, it's just interesting, maybe it's not a gender thing maybe it's just that people's media literacy is changing? maybe i'm attracting different audiences now? maybe I'm just worse lol
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Popular YouTubers "reacting" to audio roleplay by trying to exaggerate how cringe they think it is fucking exhausts me man. Half the time they do Cinema Sins-style commentary but from this "what if I don't like beans" point of view of just refusing to suspend disbelief and roleplay as the listener character. The commentary is always them talking back at the audio like "uh, you're not my boyfriend, actually my boyfriend's name is Steven and he's in the living room right now" or just failing to accept the premise of the video they clicked on. Acting shocked when a character kisses them and going "UHHH WHY IS HE KISSING ME". It's because you clicked on a boyfriend ASMR video tagged [kissing], that's why. Don't be dense.
It feels like they want for it to be way more cringe than it actually is, so they put on this exaggerated display, or act shocked that an audio matches its premise. This shit would be like making a video called "Reacting to Horror Movies (try not to cringe)" and being like "UHHH WHY IS THE KNIFE GUY STABBING PEOPLE???? I'M SO UNCOMFORTABLE". Man shut up. Then there's YouTubers reacting to videos that are very obviously ironic, absurdist humor and refusing to get that it's a joke. No, "Boyfriend Gets Hit By a Car [Spicy]" isn't actually supposed to be spicy, it's a joke.
These reaction videos are, for many outside of the niche, their only window into audio roleplays. Anything that has a plot that takes more than two minutes to understand is left out because they don't have the patience to watch the whole thing and only want to "react" to thirty-second clips. Anything that doesn't look like it'll make for good cringe bait is left out because they decided ahead of time that they want to cringe to it.
The whole medium is already so unfairly stigmatized and poorly understood by most people. It's so agonizing seeing this be our community's main source of free publicity. I know I've taken a few shots at cheap fluff boyfriend/girlfriend ASMR before but like, it's friendly jabbing from someone very much adjacent to them. I still understand the value that comfort roleplays have to their audiences, even if their plots aren't as deep. The whole medium-wide dismissal that these YouTubers give for some cheap reaction content on a newer medium they don't understand is actually the worst.
I need to make a video essay or something to act as propaganda for audio roleplays because the publicity we get passively could not be worse I swear to God.
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𝐈𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐖𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐕𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚'𝐬 𝐝𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐫
↠ female reader. no description of features. no mentions of size.
a/n: pictures made by me, spoilers I guess if you haven't watched Deadpool? No warnings just fluff and dumbassery.
Some time after Deadpool & Wolverine, they get back together, and you're a total surprise for them despite the two wanting a baby before Vanessa died.
"So... are we having a Sonny or a Cher?"
Not being called either of those names and definitely not being called anything 'strippery'... or Wade Jr, Wada, Darth Wader and definitely not Todd, either.
No matter how much Wade worried about being like his dad, all that went out the window when you were actually born.
"I've only had a daughter for a day and a half, but if anything happened to her, I'd kill everyone in this room and then myself... come back to life fuck shit up and die again. Rinse and repeat."
Wade leaving you with Blind Al as a babysitter (sometimes she wouldn't even realize you're there).
"Wade, you can't just leave the baby with a blind person." *Surprise Pikachu Deadpool * "...ableist..."
I feel like Wade, at some point, either dropped you or you fell when you were a kid, but it's for the best since that's how he and Vanessa found out that you're a chip off the ole' block when you heal super fast.
Despite what Vanessa thought when they first agreed to make a baby, they did, in fact, make a 'super baby.'
Always following your 'Uncle' Logan around no matter how much he tries to get rid of you.
"'Babypool' go-... play or something, okay kid?"
Growing up surrounded by mutants means you never think you're different or a freak but instead becoming very protective of your mom. After a talk with your dad about your mom dying, you realize just how fragile people are.
Surprisingly, Wade makes a great girl dad. He does the tea party thing and, of his own accord, puts on the dress and clip earrings; he serves tea to the plush bears and scoffs when others mock him.
"Clearly, you people have no class."
As you got older, you started to look more like your mom, but no matter what situation you found yourself in, you could stop the snark, so much so that it earned you the nickname 'Mini mouth' – Wade was so proud.
Wade took you to the roof of the building to 'bond,' which Vanessa knew was him teaching you how to fight – something she was okay with until you both fell off the roof... more than once.
Them both knowing that despite wanting to give you a normal childhood and life you were going to be some kind or 'hero/antihero'. So they roll with the punches, and Wade makes sure you know exactly what you need to know about it.
"No, spermpool, red is my color. Just ask your mom when we-"
"Ew, Dad... and don't call me that."
On that note, investing in headphones was something you picked up the older you got, asking the store which ones cancel noise the best and then buying earbuds to go with them.
"Minipool, Girlpool, not-as-good-deadpool, Wishpool... ow... okay! We'll think of a better name for you!"
Despite you and your dad both being mercs who have been killed or hurt in every which way, your mom still rules the house. That's how you two find your katanas confiscated when you started playing 'Star Wars' during Thanksgiving.
Your dad makes a lot of Batman and Robin jokes when you're working together, only after he made a weird Batman and Catwoman joke until he realized why that was gross. So you became his Robin.
For someone so laid back about love and sex, Wade is very protective when it comes to you. Seeing the bad guys flirt with you, his deadpan snark reaches a few levels higher than his norm – it doesn't help when your mom hypes up your catsuit.
"I told you we should have gotten her a costume like what the lady three floors down wears."
“Red, that's a Muumuu.”
Being impulsive is like an inherited trait from both of them, which just makes up a chaotic household, and yet you all love every minute of it.
"One of the best things my dad ever gave me, not by choice, are these two gold-plated 50 caliber desert eagle pistoleros...."
𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗺𝗲 𝗦𝗼𝗻𝗴𝘀
The Nights by Avicii
GDFR by Flo Rida
X gon' give it to ya by DMX
𝗥𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗧𝗿𝗼𝗽𝗲𝘀:
Chaotic parents x Inherited Chaos (you)
Matching Family Energy
Dumbasses (wade, you) x Oh, those are my dumbasses (vanessa)
#Marvel#MCU#deadpool and wolverine#Deadpool#x female reader#x daughter!reader#deadpool x daughter!reader#deadpool x you#deadpool x reader#Deadpool's daughter#x platonic reader#reader insert#imagines#headcanons#vanessa carlysle#deadpool headcanons#brunettemarionette
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This one. I like this one. Fic under the cut
“Your input is not necessary.”
It’s not the first time Bruce had said that to Dick tonight. It would be less frustrating if B was making better calls- he’s not really listening to anyone else tonight, not just Dick, and his decision making is suffering for it.
Everyone's tempers are suffering for it, too.
It starts with Oracle, who hates when Batman falls back into bad habits like this as much as Dick does, and has twice as less patience for it. She's curtly professional from the word "go" and when Dick offers to bring her a pint of cherry garcia later, Barbara tells him to shove it up his ass instead. Dick doesn't take it personally.
Next is Cass, who's always extra stressed when Barbara's upset. Even so, it blindsides Dick. They'd ended up at the same shootout, they'd efficiently gotten the surrounding civilians to safety, they'd worked together beautifully. They de-escalate the gun fight next, and Dick knocks a gun out of a gangster's hand before he can shoot Blackbat in the back. He doesn't think twice about it until Cass starts castigating him on the roof.
"I didn't need help."
"He was behind you. That's the whole point of a patrol partner, Blackbat, so someone can cover your six."
"No."
"No?"
"You were out of rhythm."
"I was not-"
"You're throwing me off."
She's running before Dick can say anything else. He could catch up with her, if he really tried, but he's still not sure what that was about. Maybe Dick is as out-of-sync as Cass insisted, or maybe Cass is feeling off-kilter herself. Either way, he doesn't go after her.
The rest of the night shift is uneventful, aside from the snipe over comms. Back at the Cave is a different story. Steph and Tim are arguing when Dick rolls in, and Dick gets all of three steps toward the computer before they round on him instead.
"Dick! Tell Tim that-"
"No, Dick, inform Stephanie-"
"Oooh full name, I'm so chastened, Timothy-"
"You should be embarrassed-"
"Okay!" Dick interjects. "What is the problem?"
Steph glances between Dick and Tim, glances at her feet, then sighs aggressively. "Nothing," she grits out. "Absolutely nothing, so for once in your life leave it alone, you busybody."
Dick watches as she stomps away. Just a bad night, he has to remind himself that it's just a bad night. Tim shakes his head when Dick glances at him, so Dick heads straight to the showers.
Clean, warm, and dressed down in comfy sweats, Dick feels much better than has all day. He'd passed Damian on the stairs, but something was clearly eating at the kid- he'd taken one look at Dick and turned sharply in the other direction. Hiding. Dick's been there, and valiantly tries not to take it personally.
He decides to make himself some chamomile (he'll never take sleeping pills again after don't think about it) and takes a moment to check in with himself. His therapist would be proud. Alfred would be proud of how nicely his chamomile turns out; Dick almost always understeeps herbal tea but tonight he's gotten it just right.
Dick sips his tea. He takes inventory of his injuries; minimal bruising, achy lower back, tender left wrist. Pretty good. Then takes stock of the rest of him; tired but not yet sleepy, agitated but not too badly. All in all, considering all the tension, tonight definitely could have been worse.
Famous last words.
Tim walks into the kitchen just as Dick gets to the dregs of his chamomile. Dick nods at him in greeting, and Tim does not take it well.
"Oh, now you acknowledge me?"
Dick does not sigh. He doesn't but it is such a near thing. "Did I not acknowledge you some other time tonight?"
"I asked you to back me up downstairs and you totally ignored me!"
"I did no such thing. You were in the middle of an argument I didn't catch the start of, so I asked what the problem was. How is that ignoring you?"
"I asked you for backup and you didn't come through," Tim hisses.
"Backup in the field and backup in a lovers' quarrel are not the same-"
"It wasn't a- a lovers' quarrel, asshat!"
"Well, how am I supposed to know when you don't say what's really going on?"
"You shouldn't need to know! I asked for backup-the only thing you're good for is backup and you couldn't even do that right!"
......yeah, alright, there's no getting around it. Dick is going to have to take that personally.
Dick deliberately turns away from Tim. He rinses out his teacup so the porcelain won't stain. Then, he takes a long, centering breath, and decides to do something he hasn't done in a long time.
"That how you really feel, Tim?" One more out.
"Yes."
Dick decides to cut his losses.
"Okay then."
"Okay?" Tim asks. Clearly still angry but now confused as well. It's a bad look for him. "This is not an 'okay' kind of situation."
"Not from your angle," Dick says. It's the only reply Tim gets before Dick makes his way upstairs.
Last time he left Gotham at dawn, Dick had nothing but a backpack and stolen emergency cash. This time, Dick is a grown man and a lot less desperate, not to mention a lot less injured, so he digs out his civilian suitcase and actually plans out what he wants to take.
He packs jackets, pajamas, shaving razors, plenty of socks- the kinds of things that are only expensive when purchased by the Wayne Estate, and that he won't buy for himself. All shoes go in a beach bag he has stashed in his closet, except for his loafers which go in the bottom of the dress bag with his most tolerable black tie suit. That had annoyed him last time, he remembers- Alfred had always been so militantly insistent on perfect tailoring that the baggy fit of Dick's off-the-rack replacement had been an unbearable insult to injury.
Other personal affects get tucked in the suitcase with care, bits and bobs, odds and ends, and he zips up everything just as the clock hits 4:00. Even the most workaholic bats should be in bed by now, or at least upstairs, so he should be good for a pop down.
Dick has a Nightwing stash on the edge of the city, and he'll get most of his kit from there, but his costume and his current favorite pair of escrima sticks are going with him now, neatly folded into a briefcase. Dick also nabs a keyring on his way out of Bruce's office.
The car keys used to stay in the garage with their respective vehicles, but one too many joyrides had prompted Bruce to hoard all the keys in a desk drawer instead. The first time Dick had seen them under the monogrammed stationary Bruce never uses, he'd laughed out loud.
It pains Dick to leave his bike behind, but even though Dick doesn't have a lot of luggage, it's still too much for a motorcycle. He'd considered which car to take carefully; no flashy sports car, obviously, but also not one that Bruce is particularly fond of. He needs a car for practical reasons, not spite, so Dick settles on the least ostentatious Audi and tries to think of anything else he might want in the next five-to-ten years.
Dick takes the box of chamomile tea bags.
__________
Donna opens her apartment door on the fourth knock. The look on her face is superficially friendly that Dick's proud of her- of course, she smiles for real when she registers just who it is at her door. Dick finds himself smiling back before he decides to.
"Hey, Donna. Mind if I crash here for a minute?"
Donna raises a curious eyebrow, and Dick bites his lips to keep from grinning. Donna ushers him inside without a word, locks her door, and all but pushes Dick into a bar stool. Donna sits herself up on her counter in front of him and demands eye contact.
"When you say a minute, do you mean a New York minute?"
Dick slides his eyes away and toward her couch. "I mean a lot of minutes. I'm cutting Gotham off."
"AAAA!" Donna picks him up and spins him in the air for several more turns than he thinks this really warrants. Then Donna sets them on the floor just to twirl Dick around even more, and he giggles. Part amusement, mostly relief; Donna wouldn't be so excited if he'd come at a bad time.
"Was the scream of delight necessary?" He asks, still laughing.
"Entirely," she says, mock serious. "This is a delightful day."
Donna sobers a bit at her own words. She eyes him more thoroughly, "It is a delightful day, yes?"
He knows that Donna knows he wouldn't decide to cut contact for no reason, that's not the real question. The answer to her question, which is 'are you reeling from what it was', is thankfully 'no'. Not today.
"Yeah," Dick says honestly. "Peachy, even."
Donna smiles at him.
She deposits him back at her kitchen counter, declares she's going to make real breakfast- apparently she's been breaking her fast with fruit jerky all week- and starts grilling Dick the same time she starts frying up sfakianopita.
"So which straw broke the camel's back?"
"My brother implied I'm mildly useless and I took offense."
"Only 'mildly' useless convinced you to get out of hell? I'm not complaining, but that doesn't sound like you."
Dick bites down the instinctive urge to deflect, to push her away. Donna wouldn't care even if Tim insulting him had been his only grievance. Donna is happy to have him here.
"Nah, it was more of a... death of a thousand cuts kind of thing. Yesterday was a bad night, and I thought about it some- which, you know how that usually goes- I thought about it, and I'm tired of not taking any of it personally. Even if they don't mean it, I don't want to put up with it. Then Tim comes in with an unmistakably personal attack and...."
"And you made the best decision."
Dick's mouth twitches up. "They wouldn't call it that."
"They have terrible decision making skills."
Donna starts stacking the sfakianopita on two plates.
"That's not true, they just don't always pay attention."
"Who does these days?" Donna gripes.
"You," Dick says.
Donna turns toward him, one hand on her hip, one hand pointing her spatula at Dick's face. "You don't make it easy, Dick."
Dick shrugs emphatically. "What can I say? I was born difficult."
"Not difficult," Donna shakes her head. "Just challenging."
"And you like a challenge?" Dick grins.
Donna bops him on the shoulder with the spatula. "Get it right, Dick. I love a challenge."
Well, doesn't that make Dick feel warm and cozy? Donna smirks at him like she's won something (she has and they both know it) and turns to root through her fridge for cheese. Dick gets out of his seat to find the honey while she does.
__________
Dick crashes on Donna's couch for exactly nine days before she tells him they're getting a new place together. Dick tells Donna that he always intended on getting his own space- a misstep, since Donna argues that's exactly why they should get a new apartment. A two bedroom, where Dick can have more privacy.
"I don't want to impose, Donna."
"Have you ever considered what I want?"
Dick sighs. "What do you want, Don?"
"I want company. It's been a lonely year, D. I enjoy when my friends impose."
There's not much he can say to argue that. Isolating himself never leads Dick anywhere good, anyway.
Between apartment hunting and catching up, Donna and Dick fight supervillains. New York City never lacks for things to do- smugglers to send packing, wannabe world conqueror to thwart, assholes to kick in the face. Dick had honestly forgotten how fun it is to patrol during the day.
He adds some some gold back into his costume. Dick's surprised by how much he likes it- it was his idea, yet when he catches glimpses of blue and gold and black all blurring together in high rise windows, beside Donna's sea of stars, Dick feels more like himself than he has in long, long time.
He starts picking up a lot of dropped habits. He makes dinner; real dinner, like Madam Vasilyev used to make on the train's little stove, and like he would sometimes make for the Titans for family team dinners. It's so much easier to make things when it isn't for him alone. Donna is happy to let him, having no great love of cooking herself, and always supportive of non-cape hobbies.
She's full of surprises, though. Dick had tried to teach all of his friends at least one or two meals they could make from scratch themselves, just in case. He hadn't thought about whether any of it had been retained, though, not now, so many years removed. Not until Donna one day bestows upon him a pot of chicken paprikash and he almost cries.
It's delicious. Just like his parents used to make, whenever they could find a grocer who sold paprika. Just like he taught Donna to make it in the Tower an entire lifetime ago.
"Did I get it right?"
"Did you make it with love?"
"Of course."
"Then you got it perfectly right."
Other than dinner, he starts gardening. Nothing serious, but the new apartment has a couple of windows, so Dick plants a window box full of herbs.
He plants cilantro first. The seeds were on sale at the hardware store, so the whole box was just cilantro, for a while. Donna buys live basil from a grocer she likes, so one of the cilantros gets pawned off to a neighbor, and their pasta sauces taste awesome.
It's not the most exciting hobby, but it gets him out of bed on Bad Days.
Those days, it's hard to do anything at all. It hits him, when the clouds are just the wrong color, that he and Bruce are on the outs again. He hates being on the outs with Bruce, hates that it means another bond between them has snapped. Makes him catastrophize about whether or not this is finally the fence that can't be mended.
At least it's not nearly as bad as it was Before. Dick hadn't understood, back then, what Bruce's problem was. Now that he's older he knows Bruce had never had to let someone walk away before- even with Talia, B had been the one to walk away first- and took Dick's bid for independence badly as a result.
He'd swung by Gotham exactly once for Jason, and stole the kid away to Tower at every opportunity. He'd made sure Jase was present in Dick's space the way Dick was no longer welcome in Bruce's.
He'd gone back to Gotham exactly one other time, after Bruce held Jason's funeral without so much a ping on Dick's pager. All that accomplished was losing Dick his house key. Until Tim barged in.
Donna and Dick were winding down for the night, enjoying a nice bottle of wine and a shared bowl of plantain chips, when Dick makes another decision.
"Donna."
"Dick." She tosses a chip in the air so she can catch it in her mouth.
"I've had an epiphany." He swirls the wine in his glass playfully. Donna leans forward in her chair.
"Do tell."
"Every time I don't want to talk to Bruce, he finds a new stray child to bring home. And I always go, because what I am supposed to do? Not keep an eye on them? But Bruce has a billion orphans-"
Donna snorts. "A billion?"
"Okay, fine, half a dozen orphan children roosting in his house full of ghosts, and it's probably inevitable that there will be another and you know what, sister?" He drains the rest of his wine glass while she stares at him.
Donna seems to consider him, or maybe she zones out, but after a moment she similarly liberates her glass of its wine.
"Lay it on me, Robin."
"I'm not going back this time. Not until someone actually apologizes, not if there's a new bat, not if there's another secret baby, not for any of that bullshit. Tim's as old as I was when Tim first came around, so he can deal with it. Or Cass. Or Babs. Or Bruce can keep his act together for longer than two weeks at a time I don't care. I won't be lured back for family drama. Not this time."
Dick stops to breathe. A mistake, really, as it's the perfect opportunity for stinging anxiety to start buzzing under every inch of his skin. He's an idiot. What a stupid thing to say, what a stupid idea to even have-
Donna is in front of Dick. When did she get out of her chair?
"Richard John Grayson."
"Donna Hinckley Stacy Troy."
I've come to a decision, too. Tell me if it's a good one."
Then she pulls him into a hug. Dick swallows heavily and lets himself be held, for a while.
"Good decision?" Donna asks.
"I think so," he says. He wraps his arms around Donna, reciprocating- God, how long has it been since he's had a reciprocal relationship? Donna squeezes and he throws the thought out of his mind. The awful pull against his insides has subsided, so now he's just warm and loose.
"Donna, do you like my decision?"
"I really really do."
__________
When they were still in Donna's old apartment, various Gothamites tried to contact him. A lot of voicemails are angry and accusing. He listens to them once just in case and deletes them right after. He gets texts from Tim that he knows are meant as olive branches, but they're all offers of joint patrols, or going over case files together, or similar Mission oriented activities.
It's hard to turn him down, especially since he knows Tim won't understand. It's easier to ignore Bruce's messages, sparse as they are, demanding explanations.
Cass had broken into Donna's apartment. Donna had been out with a friend she met in her photography club, doing yoga maybe? Dick had been making egg fried rice for lunch when a wild Bat appeared.
Dick had smiled politely, which seemed to confuse her. Dick had offered to share his lunch, which seemed to make her feel better.
They’d eaten in silence for a while, Cass occasionally staring hard at him while Dick waited for her to make the first move; exactly how Dick would treat a hungry kid he didn’t know. You never know what will spook a stranger, after all.
Bowls empty, Dick had gone to pick hers up to wash when she caught his wrist.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m trying to wash up after our lunch.”
Cass squints at him, exaggerating her expression to make sure he gets her memo.
“You know what I mean. Don’t pretend.”
“I’m not pretending to do the dishes,” he answers calmly, blandly.
“Stop pretending you don’t know me!”
“What would you prefer I do?”
“Go home.”
“No.”
That doesn’t seem to be what she’d expected him to say. She’d expected pushback, for certain, but flat refusal, nothing else? An unwelcome miscalculation.
“Why not?”
“At the moment, I won’t feel at home in Gotham. As far as I’m concerned I’m at home right now.”
“Liar,” she’d hissed. Dick was watching, tho, and saw the confusion in her stance. Her eyes told her he wasn’t lying at all. Deliberately on Dick’s part, not entirely truthful, yet not entirely manufactured- the apartment may not be special to him, but Donna always will be.
“I have no reason to go to Gotham right now.”
“Your team is there.”
“I’m not on Team Bat at the moment.”
“You can’t quit-“
“Cassandra. My roommate will be home soon. I suggest you leave now, if you have nothing to say on your own behalf.”
It’s a low blow to call her a messenger, to write her off as nothing but a mouthpiece for Bruce or Tim or maybe even Damian. Dick wouldn’t feel bad about it if they weren’t close, so he won’t feel bad about it now; she’s the one who didn’t want partner, Dick’s just respecting her wishes.
Cass stares and keeps staring so long he’s worried she’ll refuse to leave, but then they both heard footsteps in the hall, and by the time Dick turns back toward her she’d already gone.
The next morning, Dick had a new message from Bruce. It was an email, that time, instead of a text, which more than anything actually written lets Dick know Bruce has caught on to what’s happened. What is still happening. The email begins ‘Mr. Grayson-Wayne’ and Dick doesn’t read a single word further.
__________
Wally visits the new apartment shortly after they move in. Apparently, Nightwing being in town again has caught the interest of an opinion columnist or two, and Wally had wanted to see him with his own eyes.
“You’re hanging out with people again!”
“I never stopped,” Dick protests. “We see each other once a month, Wally.”
“Scheduled visits- ugh, it’s like you were in prison, and I only got to see you during your time in the yard.” All of this is dramatically declared as Wally flops on their couch, taking up space and definitely bothering the neighbors.
It should annoy Dick. It should at least hurt his ego. Instead, it makes him bloom into a smile, and throw himself onto the couch next to his friend.
“Donna and I have been having a great time without you,” he teases. “We could have an even better time with you, if you’re up for it.”
“Dickie, I thought you’d never ask.”
The Flash joins Dick and Donna for a fight every now and then, patrolling as often as work and Central City will allow. It’s good- it’s really, really good.
“Why did we disband?”
“Because we grew up?”
“Terrible decision.”
“Adulthood is overrated.”
“I don’t know, I certainly wouldn’t want to be a teenager again, would you?”
“Nah.” “NO!”
Wally looks away from the conversation he started, and his eyes find the window box. “Hey Ds, is that a garden?”
“It’s mine,” Dick says. “Right now it’s just cilantro and basil. I’m open to suggestions.”
Wally gives him a once over, looks again at the plants, then changes the subject. The next time Wally comes over he’s holding a pot of chives.
A couple of months later, there’s a siren hiding out in the Harbor. It kicks Dick’s ass and Donna almost drowns. It occurs to them that they are idiots, and that they should’ve called Garth. Garth, thankfully, both answers his communicator and has time for them, so they get to watch Tempest absolutely destroy the siren.
Afterward, they go for pizza. They ask Garth if he would want to come around more often maybe, just because?
Garth smiles brighter than the moon.
The first time they stop a supervillain downtown together, it’s all the papers will talk about the next day. Someone got an excellent picture of all four of them in action. Flash is about to pounce, so he’s still enough to see. He’s tagged in with Donna, distracting the giant rat monster from the air so Flash can trip it into the river. On the bank, left of center in the photo, Tempest and Nightwing and are on standby. Garth will drench the awful thing, all fifteen stories of it, once it’s close enough to the water, and Nightwing will fry the thing with all the electricity his sticks have got.
They work together smoothly, and they cheer when they win, and the papers all ask, ‘Titans Back Together?’
After a while of mulling it over, they unanimously decide to answer ‘yes’.
Listen I love the ‘dicks being ostracized from his family and self destructs’ trope in fics however
I would like an inverse just once (I could write it but I want this fic to be good so I can enjoy it and I am not the greatest writer) where everyone blows up at him and flat out lays into him and he just goes… okay… if that’s how you feel?
Takes himself off of the patrol routes and rosters. He’s off the emergency calls and his ‘call for city wide emergency’ has been down graded to ‘call for world wide emergency’ he’s no longer on comms with oracle
He stops offering assistance to the other kids teams, doesn’t send info for investigation and doesn’t go within 100feet of Gotham.
Takes himself off the den-mother, baby sitter, trainer for all the younger teams lost that involve any and all bats
In the beginning he vacates his apartment and temporarily moves in with Donna in New York and things are good because of course they are. They’re Dick and Donna a world doesn’t exist where they aren’t okay.
And then his presence in New York leads to a lot of the og core five titans interacting and they realize that they miss each other like hell and start to work together more and more. Until news sites are like ‘teen titans grown up??’ ‘Original titans spotted doing hurricane aid in Florida!’
Because Dick loves his family but he knows when to bow out. And he chose the family he made in the new teen titans.
And then one day one of the bats track him down in nyc and breaks into what is now Dick and Donna’s apartment and are ready to argue that they need him back and need him there for a huge Gotham wide event.
And Dick says ‘sure okay let me get my stuff and we leave in half and hour’ as soon as the first sentence is out
No convincing or begging or asking for money (cough Jason cough)
Dick is patched into their comms and he’s working efficiently except he’s not… acting like himself.
He’s collaborating with whoever they tell him too, no problem, he’s discussing ideal plans and co-ops and teams and how to best get it under control.
But he’s talking to them the way he talks when he’s offering aid to teams he’s not a part of.
Like the hero version of an acquaintance and no one can call him out on it because he’s doing good work. Work that’s on par with his work before this whole fiasco. He explicitly isn’t letting their personal issues affect his work.
He’s speaking but not talking
And Bruce remembers this… he’s probably the only one who does because last time he was the only one included. The last time Dick acted like this is when he first visited Jason and him after he had been fired.
Whenever Bruce was in the room and Dick was forced to speak with him, the conversation never strayed past business casual especially around Jason.
Batman and Nightwing got into screaming matches
Bruce and Dick were strangers
And now they’re back to this, 7 kids later, a million ends of the world stopped, they’ve bled together, cried together and clung to each other in pure relief after they managed to clutch victory.
And Nightwing was treating Batman Inc like a new team stepping onto the scene.
Once they’ve secured everything and managed to keep Bruce from self destructing and making it worse. Dick just leaves and tells oracle that he’ll send over his debrief in 3-5 business days and it was nice working with them.
And then he’s gone
No cave, no manor, no Alfred, no med-bay because Dick doesn’t stay places he’s not welcome.
And after they all talk about that and how weird it was and Bruce reveals Dick did this before when he was Nightwing after Bruce fired, where Dick Grayson didn’t know Bruce Wayne.
And one of the kids asks when he broke and stopped the act and Bruce just says ‘the day he found out Jason died’
And the Batkids kinda freak bc what do you mean?? What is he only going to come back when someone dies? Thats not? There has to be another way?? And Bruce is like yeah no idea sorry (bc he’s helpful like that)
So then Steph the next day resolves to go visit him, Tim isn’t the only professional stalker. And she finds Dick and Donna’s apartment and well it’s daylight and she’s in civvies she’s if she climbs in through the window she might get reported to the NYPD and she doesn’t wanna get arrested or shot to door it is!
And so she goes and knocks and Dick opens the door and just lights up
Something something this is such a nice surprise something something it’s so good to see you.
Dick had taught Donna how to make some of his mother recipes when they were kids. So now whenever they’re together for a long time they cook together.
So Dick who is usually living in a cluttered apartment with no clean dishes and an exclusively grab and go food is now trying to force feed her some of his cooking.
Because he picked up the habit again since he’s the better cook between him and Donna.
And it’s delicious and he wants to catch up and hear everything that’s going on in her life, is she working with new people, dating anyone? How is her relationship with her mother etc etc.
It’s a nice day and she stays late and never confronts him on anything until she sees how long ago the sun set and she needs to get moving.
He hands her paper with his number and makes her promise not to give it to the others or she will lose access to it, he offers to help her on a conditional basis as nightwing but only her, she can call him about the rest if it’s an end of the world or they’re near death and need immediate aid.
And that’s like the fic because the key to winning nightwings assistance is like breathing (optional) but if you’re Dicks family you have to care or else. He’ll love you and help you, when you need it but he won’t tie his life up with yours, he’ll spend his time with people who value his opinion and the person behind the mask.
Anyway cue all the Batkids trying to do what Steph did and fail because they’re neurotic shits who think bonding involves doing casework together or a steak out.
(The next person to crack it is Damian, completely unintentionally he has a fight with Bruce and can’t ask him how the fuck he’s supposed to solve this equation in the new stupid way they’re teaching him no he can’t use the old method they’re supposed to show their work so he pulls up to Dick and Donna’s in a ratty ass hoodie like plz wtf do you mean you work top down explain Grayson- and dicks like awww no problem kid)
#dick and donna my loves#spreading my Dick 'has an herb garden' Grayson agenda#may or may not put this on ao3- if I do I'll write the other half of the pitch but I really just wanted to write Donna lol#thanks for the prompt op
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Hello I have a request! Could you write a scenario where either Kakucho or Draken (you can write for both or do one or the other I don't mind) have a crush on reader(they're friends though but they haven't confessed) however there's someone else who also likes reader and asks them to help them get together with reader🥸How would they react? And what would they do? I hope that makes sense 😅
Thank you 😊
Jealous | k. draken & kakucho (separately)
₊˚⊹♡ tags; fem!reader, both of these are in a good timeline where everyone look gets along, mention of reader looking up at draken, everyone lowk making fun of sanzu in drakens lol, ran being canonically blind but refusing to wear glasses is so funny to me LMFAOO, kakucho being a liar boy
₊˚⊹♡ wc; 830 (draken) 331 (kakucho)
₊˚⊹♡ a/n; ahh im so happy I finally found time to write this, I literally couldn't stop thinking about it when I first saw it lol
k. draken
Draken was intensely watching the TV from the couch while Mikey and Mitsuya were competing in mortal combat on the TV. Most of the guys were over at Mikey's house right now taking turns playing the new game.
"I'm going to kick your ass Mitsuya..." Mikey warned after receiving a combo almost ending his character's life "You said that the last two rounds, maybe you should focus on fighting!" Mitsuya laughed nudging Mikey with his elbow trying to distract him.
"You seriously suck at this Mikey!" Smiley laughs angering the blonde even more "Next round, you and me asshole!" Mikey yells pointing at Smiley after Mitsuya's character brutally rips Mikey's apart. "Ok let's go, this is gonna be a piece of cake" he smiles while switching places with mitsuya to sit on the floor.
While the two of them argued about who they wanted to play Draken heard the front door open "I'm home! And I brought y/n so don't be weird!" Draken perked up once he heard Emma mention your name, you two had become friends earlier this year at school and Emma's been bringing you around a lot more.
"Ok, so no one cares that I'm home?" Emma asks walking into the living room while y/n is behind her "No, not really" Mikey answers locking his character in "Oh screw you Mikey, I hope you lose!" she yells throwing a couch pillow at the back of his head.
"Hi y/n! How are you?" Draken can't help the way his face contorts in disgust at Sanzu's tone of voice "Hi Haru, I'm fine. Are you playing too?" Haru? Draken didn't know that the two of you were so close "Yeah, I played against Baji earlier and won" he bragged causing Baji to yell at him.
"Are you not going to say hi to me Draken?" you question softly kicking his leg, he can feel the back of his neck getwarm. "Hey" He knows he probably seems like an asshole he just gets so nervous every time he talks to you. But when he sees you smile at him he knows you don't mind his cold demeanor.
"Come on y/n, let's go!" Emma grumbles grabbing your hand and leading you toward her room "Bye y/n!" Sanzu calls out waving to you "Bye Haru! Bye Draken!" you smile waving at the two of them. Draken gives Sanzu a certain look when he hears Baji speak up.
"You're so embarrassing man..." he sighs and Draken looks at Baji who's nodding towards Sanzu "Huh? What do you mean?" Sanzu questions offended "When are you going to tell her you like her? I'm sure she knows but it's best to get rejected now" Smiley laughs starting up his round with Mikey.
"What are you guys talking about? I don't like y/n..." Draken turns to give Sanzu giving him an unimpressed look while everyone else turns to look at him including Smiley who paused the game to do so, much to Mikey's dismay. "NO!" he screamed out at the paused screen displaying how he was about to hit a combo on Smiley's character.
"Do you think we're dumb?" Mitsuya genuinely questions fully turning to face Sanzu "Hi y/n! I love you y/n! Can I lick your shoes y/n!" smiley mocks Sanzu causing the guys to all laugh except Sanzu who starts protesting in embarrassment "I don't sound like that, and be quiet what if she hears you!" he hisses looking in the direction of Emma's room where the two of you were.
"Her room is on the other side of the house, they can't hear anything" Mikey explains while fidgeting with the controller in his hands "Whatever man just ask her out already she might say yes, who knows" Smiley shrugs turning back to the tvand unpausing the game.
"Can you help me ask her out?" Draken can't even hide the way his face contorts in disgust before facing Sanzu "What?" he asks even though he heard him the first time "Can you help me ask y/n out?" Sanzu asks again a bit more harshly this time "No, do it yourself" Draken snaps feeling a bit annoyed about Sanzu's presence now.
He feels Sanzu slump into the couch next to him when he gets up saying he needs a drink when the others ask him where he's going "Get me a soda!" Mikey calls out before losing to Smiley, again. When Draken walks into the kitchen he sees you sitting there almost like you were waiting for him.
"Hey..." he mutters walking to the fridge "I heard you guys," you say without much emotion "Oh" Draken just continues to stare at the inside of the fridge not really caring about a drink anymore "I don't really like Haru like that you know..." you sigh leaning against the counter next to the fridge.
Draken can feel a weight lift off of his shoulders "Oh really?" he questions standing up a bit straighter while closing the fridge, without grabbing a drink. "Yeah I kinda like someone else...someone a bit taller." you smile looking up at him. "That's nice to know" he smiles giving you his full attention now.
kakucho
Kakucho really liked ran haitani, but right now he really wanted to punch his teeth in. "I'm real sorry about that sweetheart, are you alright?" Kakucho watched ran held your arm softly with a clenched jaw as he approached the two of you "Yeah I'm fine, don't worry about it" you smiled up at him.
"Hey, what happened?" Kakucho questioned walking up behind you softly pulling you out of rans hold. "Oh nothing, we just bumped into each other" you explain with a soft laugh while ran moved a bit closer to Kakucho squinting at him.
"You should wear your glasses, then you'd see where you're going" Kakucho muttered pushing Ran's face away roughly "Come on my eyesight ain't that bad" he laughed standing straight realizing it was Kakucho who joined the conversation.
"It actually really is, you need glasses" Kakucho sighs wondering how Ran's gotten this far in life being so blind "Oh yeah you should probably get glasses if it's that bad! But I have to go, I'll see you later kakucho?" you question looking at him with hopeful eyes.
"Yeah, I'll come pick you up" he smiles nudging you with his elbow "Ok great, I'll see you later, bye guys!" you call out, running towards your class "You gotta set me up with her Kakucho" ran immediately says once you're out of earshot, nudging him with his elbow.
"Yeah, not happening man," Kakucho says walking away from the taller boy "What? Why not? C'mon, help me out man" Ran sighed throwing an arm over the younger boy's shoulder "I'm not gonna help you ask out my girlfriend."
Kakucho is forced to stop when ran stops walking looking at him slightly shocked "Oh man I'm sorry, I didn't know you two were dating…that's my bad" Kakucho refused to look at ran knowing he was lying straight to his face. Ran didn't need to know that right now though, "It's fine, but yeah I'm not setting you up with her."
#ninupi#writing#navigation#fem reader#tokyo revengers#tokyo revengers x reader#draken tokyo revengers#draken x reader#tokrev draken#tokyo rev x reader#tokyo rev x you#tokyo revengers draken#kakucho#tokyo rev#tokrev#kakucho x reader#kakucho tokyo revengers#kakucho hitto#sanzu haruchiyo#ran haitani
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I experienced Mouthwashing last night (a friend streamed it to me because I'm too fucken broke to buy it) and I'm curious to hear your thoughts on it
Anya killing herself with the remaining painkillers doesn't make sense because they were labelled paracetamol which is acetaminophen. Acetaminophen overdose takes days to kill, so unless she was barricaded in medical for a lot longer than it seems in game it wouldn't have killed her that fast. We know it's acetaminophen poisoning as well, because she vomited all over herself. It's the only "plothole" in the story, which is impressive given its multiple POVs and jumping around in time.
I don't understand why Jimmy fed Curly a piece of himself, it feels like cannabalism imagery for the sake of cannabalism imagery. If he's just going to chuck him in a cryopod, and then off himself why bother? Then again, Jimmy's mental state is far from anything I'd even consider calling stable.
Swansea putting Daisuke out of his misery doesn't make sense to me because why not do the same for Curly? This could be handwaved by the dwindling medical supplies or as characterization for Swansea but it struck me as odd.
I can tell what the game is trying to say, and it says it because I've seen other people talk about it at length. Ya know, toxic work culture, guys will back eachother up even if they know the other is doing something terrible, that kinda shit. But some of the surrealist and scary shit just seems thrown in for maximum spookage. I think the game would be better if they cut the scary shit by half and focused more on the actual story they're trying to tell. As it stands, it feels a lot like "hey if there were two guys on the moon and one of them killed the other with a rock would that be fucked up or what?" Obviously I'm being a little reductive, but that's still the vibe aboard the tulpa, I mean Tulpar. Oh yeah, naming your spaceship after tulpas, that was certainly a choice.
Honestly it feels like youtube/gametheory/reaction bait. It starts with big spooks and has surrealist horror sequences so the funny men on youtube can scream and yell. It's out of order so people can make "Mouthwashing in chronological order" videos. It's got a confusing plot so people can make "Mouthwashing EXPLAINED" videos. A lot of the story just isn't told to you and you have to fill it in or find someone to do that for you. You might think "oh well maybe it's 'show, don't tell' done well!" and no, it's not. The game specifically shows you so little, which is nice in a horror game but at the same time, I need SOMETHING to convey the information.
My best example of this is Daisuke in the vent. What happens to him? Dunno, he gets magically fucked up. How does he get the door to medical open while deathly injured? Dunno but he does. I figured we might get a little info when we go into the vent in one of the nightmare vision sequence things, but nope! It's just more random spooks.
Someone could point to me and say "ew stupid gamer needs everything spelled out with yellow paint for her" and honestly they'd be right a little. When it comes to games like this, with complex plots, time jumps, nonchronological storytelling, and abstract nightmare sequences, I would like a little yellow paint occasionally. You can be confusing all you want and I'll enjoy it but when I'm done I want to know what happened.
8/10, I'm glad I watched a playthrough rather than pay for it myself.
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Okay guys. 'They', 'them' and 'theirs' when used in the singular are gender neutral pronouns.
They are not gender specific to nonbinary people.
Arguing the use of a pronoun set that applies to literally all human beings (and a bunch of other stuff) must mean that Dante is nonbinary isn't just stupid, it's ignoring the themes of their character.
Dante is purposefully mysterious. We don't know anything about them, really. Most of the characters don't know anything about them. They know nothing about themself.
We, like most of the sinners, don't know Dante's real name, age or origin. We can't see their skin. We can't really tell what their figure looks like in that outfit and the way the others are drawn would make that largely inconclusive anyway.
Dante doesn't even have their own face anymore.
They are a fiction even within the narrative. One created by the company that they are currently being exploited by.
To argue that the identity that has been forced upon them by an exploitative corporation in a dystopian hellscape is a representation of their authentic self is either hopelessly naïve or entirely selfish.
To apply a nonbinary gender identity to them is to reduce them to what others have forced upon them.
Which is wild, if you think about it. Because the people he/himming Dante are doing so entirely because they are modelled after an actual human man who is buried in Ravenna. You can go see his grave. They are using meta information to come to a conclusion that might be wrong, and they know it might be wrong. Gender bent characters are not uncommon in this game.
But the people aggressively enbying them (and complaining about the he/himmers) are purposefully ignoring the open themes of depersonalisation in this character to... something something representation? IDK, because it makes them look like they have either no media literacy at all, or they just don't care about themes, narrative or the goddamn plot.
TL:DR
The other characters aren't calling Dante they and them because Dante is nonbinary, they're calling Dante they and them because they don't have the first idea what Dante is and have the decency not to assign an identity to Dante that might not be true. (Or they're invested in keeping that information from Dante.)
Dante could be nonbinary! But they could also be a man, or a woman, or not a person at all. The fact that we do not know is important to this story and dismissing it for the sake of 'representation' is both selfish and disrespectful to Project Moon.
This is their story, not your playground.
Your headcanons aren't justification for bashing the people who don't share them or Project Moon if it turns out that Dante is just a guy.
Edit: The possibility of Dante being nonbinary is slim at best and would absolutely undermine the theme of depersonalisation here. The depersonalisation of being stripped of your gender identity does not hit the same if you already insist that others use the gender unknown pronouns for you.
I only acknowledged it in the context that it's another possibility that the sinners aren't privy to.
It is not likely and it would undermine the themes of Dante's character.
In exactly the same way that taking a character who has been forcibly raised as the wrong sex and making them trans undermines that what happened to them was in fact abusive.
In exactly the same way that the character arc of Prince Phillip's father deciding against forcing his son into marriage was undermined by Aurora and Phill hitting it off.
If the bad thing that happens to a character is contextualised as turning out to be the right thing, then that takes all the wind out of any commentary that existed before the recontextualization.
(In fact, the Sleeping Beauty example is openly a joke. This man is going through a personal crisis and risking war for what the audience knows is no reason.)
Making Dante a nonbinary human character means that this very thematic example of their depersonalisation was an abusive corporation being correct in their behaviour.
Dante being a non-human character, a robit or something, would still be better thematically as they have had a false human identity pressed upon them.
LBC functionally misgendering Dante reinforces their unethical ways, them respecting this character's pronouns does the exact opposite.
Edit 2: I also feel the need to point out that the view I have laid out here means that we are being forced as players to be complicit in this mistreatment. Something that is far more powerful than removing the problem entirely with a nonbinary identity.
#this isn't fucking queerbaiting#it's maintaining a goddamn mystery you asshats#limbus company#watch someone call me names for pointing this out
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I think you slightly overstate Sansa's looking down on Jon- it's pretty clear in the text they care about one another. (And let's not forget she is 12 when we see them interact)
I mean, prejudice is prejudice. There is no overstating or understating it.
For Jon, as he mentions missing all his siblings the only thing he can highlight for Sansa is that she treated him differently after finding out that he was a bastard. Does that make her evil or imply that Jon hates her? No. He certainly considers her part of his family - as he says he 'even missed Sansa' - but for the most part Jon seems indifferent to her troubles and vice versa and they don't have much of a relationship.
As for Sansa being 11 when the books starts, her younger siblings Arya and Bran are able to look beyond classist prejudice and their mother's dislike of Jon to build a relationship with him. Arya gained the devoted love and loyalty of a brother who ended up dying to save her.
And the fact remains, that Sansa is now 13 and she still holds onto those Westerosi classist ideals. Which was my point in the OP. That even now, she would be horrified if anyone told her that she had to marry a bastard.
Jon mentions her like 5 times in his 42 POV chapters - where she is included along with Arya - and Sansa mentions him like 3 times in AGoT and once in the most recent book. That's about it. Jon never shows up in Sansa's nostalgic memories of home and family and she admits to forgetting about him in AFfC until Myranda Royce brings up his name. And Jon's concern is mostly for Arya, Robb and Bran.
Jon Snow straightened himself and took a long deep breath. Forgive me, Father. Robb, Arya, Bran … forgive me, I cannot help you. He has the truth of it. This is my place. - AGoT
We can see this in the contrast of the heavy emotions that Jon experiences upon hearing about Arya's marriage and his total indifference towards Sansa being forcefully married off to the enemy.
I suppose what I COULD see in canon would be them sticking together because they're too traumatized to live with anyone who isn't a Stark.
This makes no sense. House Stark is nothing special for someone like Jon Snow who experienced isolation and being treated differently so much so that he wanted to leave and join the Night's Watch at 14. Why would Jon - who is traumatized by his bastardy and his childhood of stigma and ostracization want to be with someone who did treat him differently and is a reminder of the person who emotionally abused him?
Jon Snow has loved and lost Ygritte and envisioned a life with Val who is no Stark either. His friends like Sam, Satin, Grenn, Pyp, Toad, Mully, Halder etc are outliers of Westerosi society - again nothing to do with House Stark. Sansa would have nothing in common with Jon's friends (except for maybe Sam) and wouldn't even like them the same way she didn't like Arya's friends.
Again, the only special Stark relationship is Jon and Arya. These two are the only ones I can see as wanting to stick together at the end. Jon literally calls Arya his heart and thinks Arya's home is wherever he is.
But they do love one another, and I hope they get to reunite. And in a world where George's first draft had Ayra falling in love with Jon….. we can't discount any possibilities lol.
In a world where George's first draft had Arya falling in love with Jon, there is the possibility that Arya and Jon ARE STILL falling in love with each other considering that 90% of the story beats from the original outline is still around.
ALL of GRRM's incestual romance in the series happens between very close siblings and if GRRM was to go there then it would be with Jon and Arya - there is certainly the build up for it over 5 books with these two mentioning and missing each other and Jon ending up dead at the end of ADwD to go save her.
GRRM in fact changed the original AFfC/ADwD draft to include more Jon/Arya moments. And where Jon originally was supposed to die in Hardhome while ranging, GRRM changed that to have him break his NW oaths for Arya and then get assassinated by his men for oathbreaking.
The Stark sisters are not interchangeable. Arya and Sansa are totally different characters with different relationships with their siblings. Jon and Arya bonded over being different and kept secrets from Sansa. Arya went to Jon for consolation after getting bullied over her appearance by Jeyne and Sansa. One can't just randomly replace Arya with Sansa in the original outline because one wants Jon and Sansa to get together.
If GRRM was at all interested in Jon and Sansa then HE WOULD WRITE FOR IT. Like he has done for Jon/Arya and Jon/Dany.
If he was going to change Jon/Arya from the original outline for whatever reason - like the loss of the 5 year gap which means Arya, Bran and Sansa are still children - then he would go for Jon/Dany: the more age appropriate romance with parallel arcs and actual foreshadowing and logical plot building and which would make narrative sense.
They are two of my favorite character in the series and all signs point to them walking very different (Separate) paths. But they do love one another, and I hope they get to reunite
They maybe your favorite characters independently but in the series they don't have much to do with each other. Jon doesn't much like the traditional ladies who uphold Westerosi patriarchal ideals and is always looking for an Arya in the women/girls he loves and admires - Ygritte, Alys, random freefolk girls. Sansa in the meantime seems to be imagining kisses with someone like Sandor Clegane. Jon and Sandor couldn't be more different.
If anything it's very possible we will see a Stark civil war type situation in TWoW. GRRM loves to write about dysfunctional families and House Stark is no exception. With a darker, more wolfish resurrected Jon Snow being named KITN by Robb's will - which possibly disinherits Sansa - and Sansa being backed by LF and the Vale we may see some Stark in fighting over Winterfell.
Also this is not an attack on you or anything, but I am baffled that you like Jon Snow and he is your favorite character and you are then sleeping on the Jon/Arya relationship. That's literally Jon Snow's BEST canonical relationship in the books. One of the best platonic relationships in the whole series IMO. Just unconditional love for each other and they would go to the ends of the world for each other.
And then there's Jon/Robb - such a sweet, tragic relationship with Jon nearly abandoning the NW for Robb and Robb defying his mother to name Jon KITN.
And Jon/Bran - Jon's happiness over Bran being alive and twirling Tyrion around the table is such a sweet moment. Jon wanting Tyrion to help Bran in whatever way he can. Bran wanting to name Halys' bastard son Larence Snow the heir to his father because he was reminded of his bastard brother Jon Snow. Bran saving Jon at the Queenscrown.
As a Jon Snow fan, Sansa is way, way down my list of fun, emotionally heavy, important, canonical Jon Snow relationships in the series. GRRM has not written anything for them so they are not really a priority for him either. Fans liking them together and wanting them together does not make it a thing in the books.
Similarly Sansa's best sibling relationships are Bran Stark - who actually shows concern for his sister being a hostage and Sansa shows concern for Bran. And Robb who is so angry at Sansa's forced marriage that he wants to cut off Tyrion's head as compared to Jon's complete indifference and nonchalance about the same marriage.
Sansa has far better canonical relationships in the series than Jon Snow and I will be forever baffled by this need in fandom to see these two get together or unite in favor of their more emotionally heavy relationships in the books.
Like Jon is my favorite character and I have been waiting for him to reunite with Arya since they first parted ways - 'Different roads sometimes lead to the same castle'.
One reason for why I find shipping Jonsa as a canon ship hilarious is that book Sansa would be so horrified if anyone suggested she marry Jon Snow!
And I think it's because Jonsa shippers themselves think differently to book Sansa. They know that Jon is a central character in the series, that he is a decent guy, has some secret parentage issues going on with the possibility of legitimacy, is loyal and forward thinking etc.
However, these matters don't concern book Sansa. She is a Stark - one of the last remaining Starks in Westeros. She is the eldest daughter of house Stark. The eldest daughter of the former Warden of the North and one of the formerly strongest houses of Westeros which still has a lot of loyalty from other Northern houses. She grew up with high expectations for her marriage.
She was formerly destined to be Queen of Westeros by marriage to Joffrey. She was considered for marriage to the Tyrell heir and would have been Lady of Highgarden. She married Tyrion Lannister who is heir to Casterly Rock. She is currently plotting to marry Harry the Heir - future heir to the Vale upon SweetRobin's death.
So as is seen by her as her right, Sansa expects a marriage to a very high born noble. So far all her prospects have been heirs to big houses and kingdoms.
In AGoT she thinks that the Stark Steward's daughter Jeyne Poole - The Pooles possibly being minor lords with a holdfast near Winterfell - was far beneath Lord Beric Dondarrion.
"Lord Beric is as much a hero as Ser Loras. He's ever so brave and gallant." "I suppose," Sansa said doubtfully. Beric Dondarrion was handsome enough, but he was awfully old, almost twenty-two; the Knight of Flowers would have been much better. Of course, Jeyne had been in love with Lord Beric ever since she had first glimpsed him in the lists. Sansa thought she was being silly; Jeyne was only a steward's daughter, after all, and no matter how much she mooned after him, Lord Beric would never look at someone so far beneath him, even if she hadn't been half his age.
For the same reason, Sansa would think that the bastard Jon Snow was beneath someone like Jeyne Poole.
In fact in her most recent sample TWoW chapter we see she doesn't think much of bastards. Five books in, with the very last published chapter, we see her matchmaking for the 19 year old Mya Stone with the much older, very low born, not good looking Lothor Brune because according to her that would be a good match for a bastard...
Alayne wondered what Mya made of Ser Lothor. With his squashed nose, square jaw, and nap of woolly grey hair, Brune could not be called comely, but he was not ugly either. Though he had risen to knighthood, Ser Lothor's birth had been very low. Brune would be a good match for a bastard girl like Mya Stone, she thought. It might be different if her father had acknowledged her, but he never did. And Maddy says that she's no maid either.
Sansa would be utterly shocked if someone suggested she marry loyal, honest, good Lothor Brune. He would be very low born for her. And if Lothor Brune is not good enough for Sansa how would she feel about marrying a baseborn bastard?
As much as Sansa would be joyful to reunite with her last living relative Jon Snow, she would rather match-make Jon Snow with some low born girl, some hedge knight's or freerider's daughter than marry him. And she would still think that a baseborn like Jon Snow would be lucky to marry someone higher up the chain like lowborn girls - the same way she thinks of Mya Stone and Lothor Brune.
Remember, bastards don't have any lands and are stigmatized as less than, being treacherous and lustful by nature of birth. Ned Stark gave Jon Snow no lands, instead packed him off to the Night's Watch.
Remember Alys Karstark dancing with Robb Stark and not Jon Snow because her father took her there to meet with the heir and not the bastard?
Look at Jaime's thoughts about Sybell Spicer:
"Your lord father promised me worthy marriages for Jeyne and her younger sister. Lords or heirs, he swore to me, not younger sons nor household knights." Lords or heirs. To be sure. The Westerlings were an old House, and proud, but Lady Sybell herself had been born a Spicer, from a line of upjumped merchants.
Or Lady Sybell's reaction to betrothing her son to Joy Hill. And this is only house Westerling.
"I have two sons as well," Lady Westerling reminded him. "Rollam is with me, but Raynald was a knight and went with the rebels to the Twins. If I had known what was to happen there, I would never have allowed that." Even from the grave, Lord Tywin's dead hand moves us all. "Joy is my late uncle Gerion's natural daughter. A betrothal can be arranged, if that is your wish, but any marriage will need to wait. Joy was nine or ten when last I saw her." "His natural daughter?" Lady Sybell looked as if she had swallowed a lemon. "You want a Westerling to wed a bastard?"
Also recall that the original arrangement was for two bastards to marry - Joy Hill, Gerion Lannister's bastard, to marry a Frey bastard.
So imagine Sansa's reaction to a suggestion that she marry the bastard Jon Snow... She would think it's a joke and laugh. She would be aghast and horrified. She would be repulsed and see it as punishment.
That's just how the high born Westerosi society thinks. Bastards are seen as the lowest strata. This is how feudal classism works in Westeros.
So unless Sansa gets suddenly and magically enlightened on classist prejudice, then Jonsa is something that is never, ever, ever going to happen. This is not even getting into what Jon Snow thinks and feels about the high born traditional ladies upholding Westerosi patriarchal ideals of femininity.
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I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent
#I am still very into trash collecting at the moment and even went out and got one of those grabby sticks for cheap and a little#bucket I can carry around and put trash in. so I am going on walks in nature a bit more (not really to enjoy nature but more to play the#very fun Real Life Hidden Object Point And Click Game that is 'hunt for bottle caps and cans' .. but eh.. whatever gets me out of the#house lol).. anyway.. some nature places near water will have cool rocks#Which I know you're not supposed to take them and I MOSTLY dont.. but every once in a while it's like... when else will I ever find a#gouda rock... I have cleaned up 4 buckets of trash today.. I have helped the environment.. mayhaps.. i could take a One Single Rocke as a#treate... ANYWAY. but yeah. I don't know the names of rocks but there's a rock that's a matte muted marigold yellow sort of#color and I call them 'cheese rock'. I'm pretty sure this one is of the 'cheese rock' species but it just has weird brown coloration#like maybe it got stained or something on one side of it. Most of the other cheese rocks have no markings. though sometimes there will be a#auburn reddish sort of hue on a corner or something.. hrmm.. curious. I also got a Beginner's Hobby rock tumbler and some supplies#so I might try polishing some of the rocks from my enormous rock collection. even though they're all street rocks I picked up from sidewalk#and stuff. I saw a video where someone put random gravel and stuff in a rock tumbler and none of them were Stunning Gems or whatver#but some still turned out cool enough that I would be pleased with the result... OUgh.. I want to post more I need to like do costumes and#sculptures and stuff and be Active On Social Media and think about my Future and Career and how it always benefits artists to keep an#active social media or etc. but I just feel so tired and bad lately. I think the summer heat waves have really exhausted me. I also have#been trying to make new friends + on a weird schedule so I've been socializing and also watching media too much. I notice I always start#to feel this kind of unsettled stress of not making any forward progress in my life if I do that for too long. like 'Okay this week I've#done nothing but meet up with two friends & watch like 10 episodes of tv and only worked on a few projects on the side.. this is HORRIBLE!'#(ppl who follow me here that I talk to on discord: this isn't about you! Im specifically just referencing being tired of introductory talks#with a new round of random strangers during my Friend Hunt. Just clarifying so it couldn't be misinterpreted as vaguepost implying that I'm#secretly bothered by talking to you or etc. lol.. anyway) . Which I know to MOST people 'I talked to a lot of friends and watched some cool#stuff!' sounds like a GOOD relaxing time but.. to me it is not ghhj.. Those are 'external' focuses on things outside myself which bothers#me if not moderated. Like.. i MUST retreat internally to work on my worldbuilding and my own thoughts and etc. at very regular intervals or#it will really start to bear on me too much. Brain Mandated Hermit Isolation lol. Just being too detached from my world and stuff for#too long feels increasingly bad. PLUS. every day I don't make tangible progress towards my goals is a day wasted that I could have been#investing in my future by working on novels/games/sculptures/actual career relevant stuff. Not even in a Capitalism way i just genuinely#enjoy Completing Tasks & feel miserable if I don't for too long. EVEN the media I'm watching I turn into A Task since I rank in a detailed#google doc list after viewing lol.. Like EW movie too boring on it's own. NEED to turn it into something I can categorize and analyze ghghj#LOVE to make things more complicated than they need to be. like YAAAY organizational tasks! yaay meticulous sorting!! BOO ''mindless fun''!
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OK I swear the reason I'm showing you this will have context in a couple days! But also, the fact B&N has a section dedicated to "well he may be a ten buuuuut" and included my current crime of "he's blonde" is like. Dang. Called out.
Didn't help I saw this with a guy and I said "oh no, my blonde enjoyer crimes called out!" and he said "better than redheads" and I'm like. "Sir, I have to inform you of my previous crime." and he was not pleased as he said "Fish... why....."
#moe talks a lot#not art#this will be much more relevant to my art in a couple days but just know#that ive had a field day staring at these and noticing unintentional bullshit#such as ! note how they are all kinda average writing size OR p big except for the tail one#which is kinda small and i feel like the person who wrote it is like this is the opposite of a '10 but -' ... thats a plus...#but then you also have all of them starting off lower case EXCEPT He's a man-child#oh absolutely gotta cater to the man-childs esteem and capitalize that one#this might be incredibly funny to me but i am not letting it be rebloggable im so sorry#also i like how he calls me fish in public bc despite having known me since 4th grade#he got in the habit during our ffxiv days during skype calls with someone in another state#so instead of using my in game name of Tuna vs my actual skype name Salmon#hes like fuck it we ball with just Fish#so i am fish to him and it carries over irl when we hang out which is rare but still#this is the same guy who was on the phone with his wife while we were wandering around and he just#watches me walk off with a very serious determination and i hear him say#hold on babe fish just walked over to a makeup store and is staring#so he walks over and asks me whats up and i point to a shelf and say dude#and he looks where im pointing and asks his wife#hey honey do you want main character energy? fish found some lipstick for that#and i hear her over the phone saying what very flatly#and he had to explain that there was a shelf advertising main character energy in sephora#his wife said no which is fair (they were also closed lol)#also the same guy i beat up on accident who lied to his football coach about why he had such fucked up shins#bc he knew his coach liked me as a very kind and quiet and obedient student#and my buddy was like i cant tell him you kicked me so much i bled...#and i just ????????????? hey what you never mentioned bleeding to me? dude? you KEPT MAKING SHORT JOKES#KNOWING ID KICK YOU IN THE SHINS? you never thought to say maybe stop that or maybe just stop picking on me#anyway yeah this guy and i have been through some weird times and most of them are my fault
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Weird intense sertraline dreams are super real side effect.
#zoloft#sertraline#i just took a nap from like 9pm-ish to 11pm#i had a dream with a whole bunch of youtubers in it and i have no clue why#i think i made up like half of them just from names i've heard while others were people i either still watch or just used to watch#and there were LEVELS to this dream that i didn't even fully realize until like 30 minutes after waking up#like one youtuber was being called by another name yet they still had drama with another who was there#and it took me remembering the dream to realize that that drama was somewhat real but the different name made me not notice at first#it was WEIRD. also at one point i was living in like a campus or something but there were different climates like every 20 feet#like snow but also multiple pools and a weird like rollercoaster but you walk/slide in it... this is vaguely still coming back to me#also a weird sauna i was in then someone helped me out of it#and LITERALLY as if i was playing the sims i felt my consciousness almost like press buttons to change the POV#and the 'camera' left my eyes and moved to the outside of the sauna so i watched the person carry my sleeping body out#and i'm just NOW remembering that part and being like... what... i mean i literally intentionally changed the camera controls of my dream#guys i am hennaing my hair i was supposed to rinse it out at like 10:30ish but slept through that so i've had it in for an extra hour#which is fine. i like the more intense color. but i've been slowly remembering bits and pieces of this dream#for the last 45 minutes and it's so weird i need to somewhat document it#because it was like 4 different plotlines and the youtuber one was only one of them and the campus thing was another#oh my god i just remembered clark baxtresser from starkid was in the campus part and he was singing and i was like chasing him#through the rollercoaster (or maybe just sliding behind him?) and singing along and i think i dreamt that part due to VHS Christmas Carol#that JUST came back to me. that was such a weird aspect. i think i thought it was weird even in the moment.#i haven't remembered most of the weird sertraline dreams so i'm glad i put down bits of this one
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The look of panic on Carol's face, coupled with a slew of profanities as she scrambles to make herself look decent causes both confusion and a questioning glance from the ambassador, her eyebrow arching ever so slightly as she watches her nearly trip over their shoes. There is nothing that Val can immediately think of that would warrant such a reaction, but then the door opens and a child's voice fills the room. "Shit," escapes her lips too, more of a hiss than anything else as she pulls the costume back on her arms and thankful that they have not gotten to the point where she's stepped out of it completely.
One step forward, curious, as she peeks through the door leading to the entryway; and sees a gorgeous woman and an adorable little girl that throws her arms around the shoulders she's just had her mouth on; the memory like heat pricking the base of her neck. Then the Mom comes, and Val might just be as good as blending into the wall; trying to ignore the unpleasant tug in her gut.
So, Carol has a daughter— and while it seems fitting now that she sees them interact, a part of her is jealous of not having known this before. The blonde owes her nothing, after all, and for all Val knew this was just a one-off thing... but the sting of the realization coming sooner than she was comfortable with hurt nonetheless.
The other mom looks up before Val can slip back into the kitchen and they nod at each other politely; and the brunette wishes she was dressed in anything else but the dumb costume right now. And before the things could get better; they seemingly get worse, because Carol is leaving the little girl alone in the hallway; with Val on the other end of it.
Hi, the girl calls brightly, probably still happy about the praises she's just gotten about her costume and a sizeable bag of candy she's holding, so Val has no other choice but to engage. "Hi." She responds with a soft smile on her face. "I'm Val. What's your name?"
At first, she expects the girl to be wary of her, perhaps even hostile (her nieces being exactly like that towards people they didn't know), but the girl is an angel, as she tells her her name — Monica — and seems happy when Val tells her that she loves her name and her costume.
A Norwegian diplomat, Carol? comes from the outside and Val needs to take a little breath to keep the friendly face for Monica while her heart hammers in her chest. Then,
"They do that all the time. They think I don't hear, but I always do. Do you have any Reese's chocolate?" The girl continues on talking about how they are her favorite, while Val tries to control her own whiplash and take all of this information that has fallen into her lap as suddenly as her plane did; in the midst of this family's drama. Still, the girl is at no fault of her parents, so Val promises that she'd look for the Reese's with her until her moms come back in.
Monica already knows where to look, and keeps talking about her night of trick-or-treating like she's known Val for ages, and asks about her costume (You're like one of the ladies from the Viking books Mama Carol reads to me!) and Val likes how well spoken she is for someone so young; and can certainly see the parts of Carol in her, too. It makes her heart ache as they get to the living room; which she didn't even have the chance to see before... all this.
That's how Carol finds them, sitting on the floor in front of the TV, with Goose in her lap as Monica gives her different chocolates to try (What do you mean you never tried Hershey's cookies and creme?), and when Val notices her presence she looks up, a smile, albeit a little sad lights up her face.
"Hi. You okay?"
”Ah, yes,” Carol acknowledged, her grin growing against warm lips that felt like everything she’d ever wanted in life. “How very diplomatic of you.” She couldn’t help but wonder, in that moment when her skin was searing with the others touch and a flush was coating her cheeks at just how much she needed Val to touch her, what the other could do if she wasn’t so worried about being courteous and the blonde knew she wanted more time with the woman than she’d ever have on one singular night.
She wanted to insist how far past changing her mind she was, even from the moment they’d met each other’s gaze in the hanger bay, but being pulled against the other, without a single question for permission this time, caught her words in her throat and only the crackle of what remained of them slipped from her lips, amused and entirely approving at the new sense of friction the position gave her. The feeling of teeth gripping the skin above her bra, a pinch that rippled a sense of pleasure across every muscle in her body, caused her hips to press impossibly closer to Val’s thigh as her fingernails pressed sharply into the flesh on the back of the woman’s neck. The action caused a breathless chuckle to fall from her lips and she wasn’t sure if it was a reaction of pleasure or the disbelief at how insane that day had gone. It surely couldn’t get any crazier, right?
And then there was a knock on the door. Firm and insistent and clearly not the first knock that was attempted. A groan left her lips as the other pulled back and even the kiss against her cheek couldn’t make up for the increase in space between them. Her mind raced to catch up and it took her a second to process what Val said. “Wait — what time is it?” Her brow lifted, eyes sided just slightly as she glanced around the kitchen for some kind of clock and her eyes landed on the digital display of her microwave. Too late for trick or treaters meant trick or treating was over and that realization triggered the memory of a promise she’d made just a few days earlier. “Shit.”
Monica. Sweet little Monica, excited to show off her costume, to talk excitedly about the candy she managed to swindle the old ladies out of with her dimples… and Maria.
Carol stepped away and frantically started buttoning up the shirt she was still wearing. “Shit, shit, shit.” Her eyes searched for the grey cardigan on the floor but gave up after not being able to immediately find it and worried about the growing bruise on her chest and making sure the buttoned shirt covered it. There was no salvaging anything else, she knew that much as she ran her hand through her mussed hair and glance back at Val apologetically, and a little regretfully, before moving out of the kitchen and into her entry way to open the door, only managing to trip on discarded shoes once on her way.
Monica’s excited voice floated into the house immediately upon opening the door, giving Carol a good opportunity to ignore the look she knew she was getting from Maria. She wasn’t going to be able to avoid the inevitable scolding forever, but she let the little girl run into her arms and squeezed her tightly around the astronaut suit she donned. “Lieutenant Trouble!” She greeted softly, a tone only reserved for the girl in her arms. The return greeting of ‘Mom!’ was unavoidable and the back of her neck bristled at the feeling of Val’s gaze she knew was inevitably on her. “You look fantastic… did grandma make this for you?” Carol questioned, holding Monica at arm’s length as she got a good look at the costume she knew that Maria’s mom created just for the little girl and while Monica rambled on about it, she dared a glance at Maria only to be met with the look she knew was there all along.
“Hey kiddo, why don’t you wait right inside for a moment while we talk, okay?” She stepped aside to guide Monica just inside the door, telling her to stay there while she stepped outside and shut the door behind her.
Maria had some choice words for her as soon as the door was shut, most muffled by the barrier between the outside and inside of the house, Carol trying her best to give a good excuse as to why she had completely forgotten about the fact that they were supposed to be stopping by that night, but completely failing at it and her explanation only provoked the other woman’s voice to raise as she questioned, ‘A Norwegian diplomat, Carol!?’
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Me coming up covered in blood: I have another au idea
#empty thoughts#Of course it's Lance centric and of course he mc fuckin loses it™ in this. Who do take me for?#It's like time loop au#But everytime a loop happens something in the universe Changes™#And those Changes™ carry on into the later loops until they change too#It's to the point that the reality becomes completely unrecognizable#(like imagine game of telephone. And how the word is completely changed by the end. Something like that)#And Lance kinda gets kicked out of the Narrative™ as he begans to call it in the earlier loops#Like he is Still there as a presence and he could interact with vld team and people in their dreams or when they are about to die#but he can't do anything else except watch (for now. He will be able to do things later and my god will he do a lot of things)#Others remember from time to time. Or atleast realize they are in a time loop#Sometimes the loops end happily sometimes tragedy and so on annd so forth#End goal here is that eventually the universe changes so much it's almost fairy tale esque and Lance becomes the grim reaper#I was inspired by puss in boots last wish specifically Death from that movie#I want Lance to hunt someone for sport and make people piss their pants by whistling a funky little tune#Is that too much to ask??#Ship of theseus au#<- au name for now
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