#watch how you fall asleep LB

[mysticraven20]

Established Ladynoir

Ladybug: *Nervous laughter* Why are you looking at me like that?

Chat Noir: I was just wondering if I have a Sharpie in my pocket so I can write my name on your forehead.

[midnightstar-90]

Little Star

Evan 'Buck' Buckley x AFAB! Reader

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Requested by @icemansgirl1999: I would like to see a story of brand new dad buck or Eddie and reader (mom) had some complications after the birth and you can run with it how ever you Deem

Summary: Reader has trouble bonding with her and Buck's child.

Warnings: Mention of Breastfeeding, Language, Slight Slut Shaming, Small Season 5 Spoiler, Angst, Baby Fluff, Dad! Buck

A/N: Guys I do not have a child (I do have 4 siblings, and I am the oldest), and I have never had any children. I tried to steer clear of things that might be wrong, and I did do some research, but I mostly just tried to stay in the emotional range of things. So, if I said something wrong you could tell me, if you want (because I would love to know for next time) but please don’t get mad. I really tried my best.

P.S. If you see the name Harley, it was the original name for the couple’s child, but I thought Lana would work best. So…

Buck and Y/N were so happy when they learned Y/N was pregnant. The thoughts of their little "mini-me" ambushed their minds and became the focus of the last 9 months. They did everything a new parent would do before bringing their child into the world. They experimented with names, constantly argued over what the gender was, get excited over every photo of the ultrasound, and they even hosted a baby shower, inviting everyone they loved.

But it seemed that they were so caught up in all the fun stuff about being a parent that they didn't focus on the hardships of being a parent. Lana Buckley was born naturally at about a foot and a half tall and 8 lbs big. She was born perfectly healthy, and everything had seemed fine until Buck had to go back to work.

When Buck went back to work, it seemed like the child Y/N had birthed was a completely different person. Lana refused to eat, sleep, and she cried all day and night. But as soon as Buck got her in her arms, she was the sweet and calm baby the two knew.

This brought major discomfort to Y/N. She couldn't get near her child without her screaming. It made her ask herself, "Is it me?" When Buck would come home, Lana would fall asleep peacefully in his arms, and Y/N watched in despair.

One day, Buck had gone back to work. When Y/N woke up without her boyfriend in the bed next to her, she started her day. She cleaned the house and made breakfast before Lana's cries echoed through the apartment. Y/N walked back upstairs and grabbed her child before bringing her downstairs to make her a bottle. Y/N gently placed the bottle in Lana's mouth, hoping for the infant to gulp it down like she did for Buck, but it only made the baby cry louder.

"What? You don't want the bottle?" Y/N asked her daughter. When the child didn't respond, Y/N looked down at her chest and took a deep breath.

After getting Lana to eat, Lana didn't cry as much, but she still cried. Sure, if she was hungry or needed her diaper changed, she cried, but if Y/N placed her down to go pee, she would cry. If Y/N didn't give her enough attention because she was watching tv or random videos on her phone, she would cry. And worst of all was when she cried for no reason. It seemed like everything she did, made Lana cry.

Y/N had finally gotten Lana asleep after 3 hours of nonstop crying. She carefully bent down and placed the tiny infant into her crib, trying her best not to wake her. When she stood back up, she stretched her upper body with a soft groan and made her way to her bed where she softly plopped down and released an exhausted groan. She quietly prayed for Buck to come home soon since it seemed that he was the "Lana expert". But it seemed that her prayer wasn't answered as Lana began to cry again, and no one was home to put the infant back to sleep, except for her.

Y/N felt herself tear up as she lay face up in her bed. She stared up at the ceiling, listening to the wails of her daughter. Her failure to keep her daughter quiet made her begin to doubt herself as a mother. It was sad to think that after 9 months of excitement, she was now questioning her readiness to be a mother. That and her pounding headache from the noise and slight sleep deprivation brought the girl into a slight depression.

Y/N's thoughts were soon cut off by a loud knock from the front door. Lana had yet to stop crying, which made getting up to answer the door much harder. With a groan, Y/N sat up in her shared bed and rubbed the tiredness from her eyes. She shuffled her feet, across the wooden floors, over to Lana’s crib and picked up the infant.

A sharp pain spread through her body as she held the infant in her arms. She hadn’t completely recovered from giving birth, seeing as it hadn't even been a month yet, and because of Harley, she hadn’t had time to relax, leading to headaches and random bursts of pain in her back, legs, and arms. She was tired, to say the least, and found herself ready to kill to get some shut-eye.

Another knock erupted from the door. “Okay, I’m coming!” Y/N yelled over the screams of her child. With a tired sigh, she went down the steps and over to the door. Lana still cried in her arms, so Y/N began patting her back softly as she whispered calming noises into her ear. It helped the situation a little bit, by calming down the cries, but it didn't stop them. She opened the door to find none other than her mother waiting at the door with her dark-shaded sunglasses.

Y/N hadn't talked to her mother since she announced her pregnancy. Y/N grew up wealthy due to her father's family's long history of wealth. And her mom... Let's just say that the money was the reason she stayed. So, when her mother discovered that her daughter was to inherit her father's small fortune, her mother suddenly began to care for her well-being.

Her mother chased every man in Y/N's life away due to her obnoxious judging and rude comments. Y/M/N would claim that they were only with her for the money. So, when she announced her pregnancy, you know her mother wasn't happy.

But unlike her mother, Y/N didn't care about money. She loved Evan and didn't need his money to feel that way. And when her mother began harassing Buck, she knew it was time for her to go. So, Y/N cut her mother off, and much like the cockroach that she is, she was back. Probably broke up with her wealthy boyfriend and is in need of cash.

“Mom?” Y/N asked, surprised as she bounced a screaming Lana in her arms.

Her mother snatched off her shades and said, “Yes, it is me. After you rudely blocked me from your life, I became concerned. So, here I am to check up on you.” Y/N rolled her eyes at all the bull shit from her mother’s mouth. “I would have been here sooner if I knew my precious grand-baby was here already.” Y/N scoffed as her mother pushed past her and entered their apartment.

She walked over to the kitchen island, showing off a small gift bag that hung on her arm. "I brought gifts," Y/M/N said, placing the gift bag on the marble surface.

'Gifts?' Y/N asked herself. "Hmm, maybe she doesn't need money."

“Well, mom, to be honest, I didn’t think I could take 9 months of your kind words... I’m still not ready for them. And before you come in here, flaunting your unearned money, I think you owe Evan an apology.” I said, closing the door and walking into the kitchen.

“I don’t know what you mean. If this is about the last time, I was just trying to help,” she defensively said.

Y/N rolled my eyes and glared at her mother. “I don’t think that saying that Buck would be a terrible father and then telling me to tell him the baby wasn't his was very helpful,” She retorted.

“He wasn’t prepared to be a father, and he still isn't. He's a childish buffoon, and now it seems like he’s a deadbeat.”

“Buck is not a deadbeat. You know nothing about it,” Y/N spoke, defending Buck to her mother.

“Look around, Y/N. You are holding a newborn baby who hasn't stopped crying since you open the door. I mean, come on, sweetheart. You look terrible. Have you been getting any sleep? And where is Evan?” She asked, raising her eyebrow as she gave her daughter a stern look. Y/N scoffed at her mother's words.

“Buck is a good- no- a great father who works 24-hour shifts. He’s a firefighter, ma,” Y/N said, putting emphasis on the "great" part. She began to become frustrated with her mother as her judgmental side began to express itself.

“Now, why is that man working when he has a newborn baby and a sleep-deprived girlfriend at home?”

“Because unlike you, mother, we have bills. And there is no rich second party to pay for those bills,” Y/N said.

My mother’s eyes followed me as she said, “You have your father's money. Does Buck even know about your trust fund?"

"Yes, mom," Y/N said with an aggravated sigh. "He knows, and we both agreed that we're going to use that money to better Harley's life. But we're not going to quit our jobs for it. Buck is better than that. He's not you," She finished.

"Is that any way to talk to a guest- better yet- your mother?" Y/M/N asked, offended at her daughter's words.

Y/N's brain was trying to process all of her emotions, but it all overloaded her brain. Between the constant crying from Harley and the nagging from her mother, Y/N was fed up. "Hmm, let me think..." She began to act like she was thinking before answering her mother, "You're more like an unwanted guest. A party crasher. No one asked for you to be here, and I would love it if you left."

"What is the matter with you?" Y/M/N asked, now confused by her daughter's random outburst.

“My issue? You want to know what is wrong with me, mother? You’re what’s wrong with me. You treat me like shit, yet you have the nerve to put your two cents into my life. You’ve never cared about me. You only began to care when dad died and left me his fortune. In my opinion, you’re a gold-digging, 2-timing slut who can’t stand to see anyone but herself happy.” Y/N snapped, and suddenly, everything went quiet. No nagging from her mother. No screaming from her daughter. Y/N’s breath turned heavy as she let out all the pent-up tiredness and anger she had been feeling this last week, and the tears running down her face made her feel as if she was drowning in a pool of her own misfortune.

“I just wanted what’s best for you,” her mother said, releasing a tear to roll down her face. The way her mother spoke as if she cared made Y/N feel like her mother was blind to how her actions made her daughter feel. What her words did to her. Her life was like a broken record when she was around her mother, and she couldn't have that for her daughter. She never wanted Lana to feel the way she did, growing up.

“I think you should go,” Y/N whispered, laying Lana’s head down on her shoulder. Y/N's mother just stood there, wide-eyed with her mouth hung open.

The sound of keys entering the keyhole lock sounded in the kitchen as the door opened, revealing Evan. He walked in, confused, seeing his girlfriend upset with Lana in my arms, crying, and Y/N's mother standing across from her, shocked. “What’s going on?” Buck said, dropping his ‘LAFD’ duffel bag on the ground next to the door.

Y/M/N angrily grabbed her purse before giving her daughter one last look. “Nothing. I was just leaving,” she said, storming out of the apartment and slamming the door on her way out.

Buck looked at his girlfriend, and he pointed at the closed door. Y/N rolled her eyes and waved her mother's actions off as she began to make Lana a bottle. Buck came up behind her and kissed both Y/N's and Lana's foreheads. He then held Y/N as he slowly swayed the girls in his arms.

“Hey,” Buck said, turning her head to face him. “It’s okay. You’re okay. Whatever she told you is not true,” he said, pulling me into his chest.

“I don’t think I’m fit to be a mother,” Y/N mumbled into Buck’s shirt.

Buck's face scrunched up in confusion as he simply moved the girl away from his chest. With a finger, he moved her head up to face him. Buck scoffed and shook his head as he softly whispered, “Babe, what are you talking about? You’re an amazing mother.”

Y/N shook my head ‘no.' She didn't believe Buck's words. How could she? She only felt that way because of how Lana acted when he wasn't around. He wouldn't have any idea of what she was going through.

"Of course you are. You just need to sleep. Your hormones are regulating, and I know I haven't been home, but I'm here now. Let me take some things off your hands," Buck said, taking Lana out of Y/N's arms and into his. "Go take a nap, okay? I got this," Buck said, motioning to the upstairs area with his free hand.

Y/N knew that a nap wouldn't change how she felt about the situation, but she was tired from all the crying, so she did as Buck instructed and made her way upstairs.

Buck heard every sad sigh and sniffle from the girl as she walked up the steps. It hurt him to see how much pain Y/N was going through. He had seen how she was with Danny, Chris, and Jee. And that's how Buck knew she was a fantastic caregiver. He just needed to find some way to show her that she was still a good caregiver, but he didn't know how.

While Y/N got the rest she needed, Buck was downstairs taking care of Lana. He picked up the bottle that Y/N had made earlier, and he carefully placed it into Harley's mouth. Lana began to suck on the bottle. Buck chuckled as he watched the infant chug down the milk. "Yeah, you like that, huh?" He asked. And within 30 seconds, she was already a fourth done.

"Someone was hungry," Buck said as Lana began to slow down. Buck moved away from the kitchen and made his way into the living room with Lana still in his arms, sucking on her bottle. He looked down at his daughter, who stared up at him with her beautiful Y/E/C eyes as her small arms clutched the bottle. Buck couldn't help but see Y/N whenever he looked at his child.

He smiled as he studied the child's face. He began to notice that the baby had Y/N's smile and her nose that Buck loved to boop when they played around. His smile brightened as he noticed the mixture between his and Y/N's eyes. Lana had Buck's eye shape, but she carried the color that made Buck lose himself when he looked into Y/N's.

Like always, whenever Lana finished her bottle, she struggled to keep her eyes open. Buck removed the bottle, and her mouth opened wide as she let out a yawn. "Huh, I guess mommy wasn't the only one that's sleepy," Buck said before moving himself off the couch.

He made his way upstairs, with Lana on the brink of falling asleep. He walked over to Lana's crib before turning to look at his girlfriend. He looked at her with a sad smile before turning back to place a now sleep Lana into her crib.

"There you go," Buck whispered to the sleeping child. "Was that so bad? Why can't you do this for mommy?" He asked, earning no response, only the sound of soft snores. "You know your mommy loves you. She's just having a hard time. This is new for all of us. She's just taking it harder than everyone else."

Buck looked down at his daughter with a frown. He let out a sad sigh before making his way to the shower. But before anything, he made his way to his bed, leaning over, and placing a kiss on Y/N's temple.

The 118 sat back and relaxed while waiting for Bobby's special dinner. Bobby had put together a little celebratory dinner for the newest edition in the Buckley family, to which Chimney responded with, "Where was my celebratory dinner, Cap?" Everyone laughed at Chimney, thinking he was joking, but he was still a little hurt by it.

"No one thought that Buck would ever make it this far into a relationship," Hen joked, earning an eye roll from Buck.

While Bobby cooked, Eddie, Chimney, Hen, and Buck all sat together on the upper-level couches. They sat back and relaxed as the four of them joked around with each other and shared about their time away from work like they normally did during their free time.

"I don't know," Eddie said, looking down, in thought. "Chris and I have always been able to talk to each other, but now he's secretive. He doesn't tell me anything. We don't play together as much anymore. And not to mention, he's never home. Where does he even go?"

"Um, I think him and Y/N have been hanging together. Before she had the baby, I caught the two of them just hanging out together, but if it's recent, I don't know," Buck said with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Ah," Eddie responded with a nod of his head.

"So, what's been going on with you, Buck-a-roo?" Chimney asked. Everyone turned to Buck, waiting for a response.

Buck shrugged his shoulders, not knowing what to say. Before answering Chimney, he thought for a second, "Y/N's been doubting being a mother."

Chimney looked around the firehouse. It seemed he was searching for something. "What are you doing?" Hen asked as everyone began to look up at Chimney with confused looks.

"I'm looking for a small infant that resembles a mixture of Buck and Y/N. I love your sister, Buck, but raising a baby while looking for the mother of your child can be stressful. Take it from the man who toured the country while documenting his daughter's firsts in different states," Chimney said.

"Y/N wouldn't do that," Buck paused. "She's just so stressed with everything, and it doesn't help that both Lana and her mother have been stressing her out lately. I came home the other day, and she was crying. Her mother had just left and Lana hadn't stopped crying until I got ahold of her. Not to mention, she looked like she was about to pass out. I love Y/N and I hate seeing her struggle. I know she's a good mother, but I just don't know how to show her," Buck said to his coworkers.

"Do you think Y/N and Lana have trouble bonding?" Eddie asked, leaning forward in his seat. Buck shrugged once more.

"Well, take it from me. When your child doesn't want to bond with you, it really does take a toll on you. And I understand that Chris is getting older, and that's what kids do when they get older, but Lana is dependent on you and Y/N, and for her to not want Y/N's help make be what's upsetting her," Eddie said.

"But how do I help them bond?"

"You seem to get along great with Lana. Give them some time together. Lana will one day realize that she needs her mother, and she'll allow her mother into her life," Hen said with a calming tone.

"Yeah, and if it gets too hard for her, guide her through it. You know what Lana likes. Instead of taking Lana from Y/N, suggest something that might help. But I have faith in Y/N," Chimney suggested.

Y/n walked into her apartment with Lana's car seat in one arm and groceries in the other. She struggled as she waddled to the kitchen, placing the car seat on the counter before setting the groceries on the floor. Y/N let out a sigh of relief as the release of the pressure took over her.

Lana began crying; luckily, it wasn't as loud as the other day. Y/N unbuckled Lana and pulled her up to her chest. She began to pat the baby's back as she tried to calm her down with some calming noises. But Lana didn't stop.

"Oh, no. Not again," Y/N muttered to herself, as she was now bouncing the child in her arms.

Just as Y/N was about to give up. Buck came back in from his run. "Hey, babe," Buck said, taking out his earbuds. Buck lightly jogged over to the two, kissing both of them on the head. "Why is it that whenever I come home, you're always crying?" Buck asked his daughter.

Instead of a response from Lana, Buck receives one from Y/N. "I don't know why she's crying. I fed her in the car. I changed her at the store. She's had a nap. I don't think she likes me, Buck," Y/N began to pout.

"She likes you. Crying is just a thing that babies do,” Buck said, trying to reassure his girlfriend. Y/N sighed, looking down. She didn't feel that the reason for Lana's constant crying was because it was natural. Sure, crying is natural for babies, but it felt like Lana never stops crying whenever the two are together, by themselves.

"I'm going to take a quick shower, and when I get out, we can make lunch and go for a walk or something," Buck said. He kissed Y/N's temple before he began to walk away. But he stopped when he heard Y/N begin to speak again. He turned around, looking at the girl as she spoke.

"But what am I supposed to do about her?" Y/N pouted as Lana cried against her chest.

Buck shrugged. "Try soothing her. You're a great singer. Try singing her a lullaby," Buck said as he made his way into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

Y/N took a deep breath, looking down at her daughter, who seemed to be in distress, with worried eyes. She decided to take Buck's advice. She had also seen other mothers do it with their children when she was out in public. It seemed to work then, so why not now? "Shh... It's all going to be okay." Y/N rocked the baby as she whispered some calming words into her daughter's ear. Her words seemed to work since the girl had stopped crying.

Lana stared up at her mother, emotionless. Y/N smiled at her daughter as a soft tear rolled down her face. She was happy. She had finally made progress with her daughter. Lana began to coo in her ear, making Y/N laugh in excitement. Y/N slowly swayed the girl around in her arms as she hummed the words to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star, How I wonder what you are. Up above the world so high, Like a diamond in the sky.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star. How I wonder what you are.

Y/N repeated it a couple more times before hearing a small laugh from the child in her arms. "You like that?" Y/N asked Lana as she laughed some more. Y/N sang it once more, but this time she danced around the room with Lana in her arms.

Unknowingly, Buck had been watching the whole thing from the bathroom. He had yet to get into the shower, but when he heard the harmonious sound of his girlfriend's voice, he couldn't help but see what was happening. So, he slowly cracked the door open, careful not to interrupt, and he watched.

Every time she sang the song with a smile, Buck's smile got even wider. His advice from his friends worked. He helped Y/N out, but he didn't take over. He just hoped that it could always be like this.

When Y/N was done singing, she began tickling the child earning bursts of loud laughter. Buck took this as a good sign and returned to his shower.

When he got out, Buck left the bathroom, dressed, and ready to go on a walk. He had on a grey tank top and black workout shorts. As he left the steamy room he was met with Y/N kneeling infront of a stroller, snapping Lana into it. Both wore jean shorts but Y/N wore a teal crop top, and Lana had on a pink shirt that read 'Princess' in gold letters and matching shades.

"Are you ready to go?" Y/N asked Lana in her baby voice. Lana laughed, making Y/N clap her hands as she copied her daughter's actions.

Buck cleared his throat, getting Y/N's attention. Y/N looked over at Buck with a slight jump, scared from not noticing Buck. She shyly looked away, embarrassed.

"So, you too made up?" Buck asked with a knowing smirk.

Rolling her eyes, Y/N responded, "Yes. In fact, you were right. Babies are known for crying; all she needed was to be soothed." Buck enjoyed the beaming smile on her face as she said that.

"Huh."

"Yep, I sang a little toon, and from then on, I hadn't heard a peep. We got dressed, and now, here we are," Y/N said happily.

"Well, that's good... Shall we get going?" Buck asked, pointing over to the door. Y/N nodded in response, getting up off the ground. Buck moved to grab the stroller, and the happy couple happily made their way out of the house with their newborn for a nice afternoon walk.

A/N: I am so sorry it took me so long to write this. I do plan on writing more often. I had a goal to publish this before school started back up again, but that didn't work out. So, my 2023 New Years' resolution is to get to the point where I publish at least 2 fics a week. Once again, I am so sorry. Please 🙏🏼 don't be mad.

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[theragamuffininitiative]

things my cats do, in no particular order (not exhaustive)

grab my hand (softly, no claws) and bring it down (smoosh) on head for forced petting

make biscuits on one (1) blanket (Esben, it is "his" blanket)

steal favorite blanket off the bed and drag it into the bathroom if someone else has used it too much (Esben)

yell (MROWEEUEOOWMRREOOO?!) for any and all reasons (Artham)

cry at the door if I am in the bathroom too long

attempt to force open the closet if I am in the bathroom too long because of a steadfast belief that the closet enters the bathroom somehow (Esben)

hop onto my back and stretch himself across my shoulders like a scarf and fall asleep there (Artham)

decide the most optimal way to traverse the bed is to walk across the back frame, which consists of an inch-wide metal rung he cannot balance on and therefore he walks across it on three legs while the forth leg supports him from the mattress, and you will not convince him that he is not able to balance all the way without thus cheating (Artham)

bite brother if brother is being annoying

cry for brother if brother is too far away

sit like gentlemen to wait for dinner to be given

bite anything and everything that might fit in his mouth (Esben. I have replaced my laptop cord three times, preventative measures only go so far when you are thirteen lbs of determination and incisors)

roll over for belly scratches (Esben)

get the zoomies and scream like a banshee and ping around the home like a pinball (Artham) or smack straight into everything like a psychotic bulldozer (Esben)

come and cry at me if the litterbox in the bathroom needs to be cleaned out (Esben - the other litterbox is fine no matter how dirty apparently)

roll under the littermat and get himself all dusty and then look at me with Absolute Pride (Artham)

need to sleep under the blankets with me at night (both, they take turns but get mad when the other one beats them to it and refuse to share or sleep on either side of me - the loser sulks on the next best available sleeping space)

sleep in the window and when a neighbor walks by yell at them for attention

if one is in the window and the other is not when a neighbor walks by, the other brother will jump into the window (this results in cries of delight from said-neighbors when a second identical cat joins the first)

eat plastic bags (ILLEGAL, ARTHAM, NO)

sulk when I take away plastic bags because I value his continued existence (Artham)

come running when I turn on the kitchen sink because he loves to watch me wash the dishes (Esben)

sleep on the stove after the oven has been on because of the heat (Artham - I am very careful nothing is too hot, and He Is Not Allowed after the stove itself has been used, I just gave up on keeping him off indefinitely)

chase thrown toys down the hall, jump over them, and then run away from them (Esben)

eat tape (ESBEN STOP)

drop toys in the water bowls. repeatedly. (???)

get mad At Each Other if I am hanging out on my bed during the daytime because that is Cat Nap Space

jump up and run to the other side of the apartment so it doesn't look like he was cuddling his brother when I come home (Artham - the spot next to Esben is warm, he isn't fooling anyone)

eat books (Esben, I swear...)

play with his dozen chew toys and THEN eat books (Esben)

desire to be held in one hand at my hip, like a football (Artham)

watch brightly colored and/or animated movies with me (Artham)

watch serious and/or action thriller movies with me (Esben)

get upset if I am watching a movie with headphones

remain convinced the black cat plush pillow I have is an untrustworthy third brother and requires supervision

hang mostly upside down from a perch, my bed, a scratching post, etc. and yell happily at his toes (Artham)

become aware that he is not currently being petted and cuddled in bed and have no idea how to remedy this tragic situation other than to cry pitifully about it until I go get him (Esben)

be basically incorrigible alien goblins all day every day and I adore them so much, black cats are the best, adopted cats are life, I have lost half my sanity in managing them and would not give them up for anything under the sun.

[thelostgirl21]

So, I learned something new about "skinny white men" today, and I wasn't ready!

Basically, there's this video of 3 gay men trying to figure out who the secret bottom is in a group of 5 other gay dudes.

And, around the 1:45 mark, one of them goes:

"I'm going to say that he's a top, only because... I don't know if people know this about skinny white men, they tend to..."

While the other guy is like "I was thinking the same thing..."

And the one in the middle is confused going "What?"

And I'm right there with him, because the very moment they said "skinny white men" my mind immediately went to this character:

And now, it's clear that I've absolutely got to know why they think "skinny white men" tend to make especially great top material, apparently. For headcanons science, you know?

And I have no idea what I was expecting (if you want to listen to the episode before I spoil the answer for you, go watch it now)...

...but skinny white men having such long dicks that it's like extra appendages wasn't it!

And then, them appreciatively going "there's something good under there" while more or less hoping that he's a top, so he can put it to use more often, just about killed me!

Later, around the 6:35 mark, when they are asking him about what his favorite positions are, he's also the only one that answers "laying down doggy style" (and actually has to explain what that means).

"Laying down doggy style" (also called "flat doggy style") has a few variations but, in the way he's explaining it (i.e. completely lying down on top of his partner), it reduces the depth of penetration, and apparently some bottoms love it, because the weight of their partner on top of them basically feels like they have this warm, comforting, "heavy blanket" covering them during sex.

So it's... actually a very good choice for someone who enjoys topping, has a really long dick (therefore losing some penetration depth won't be an issue) and who is skinny enough that they can fully lie down on top of their partner without crushing them under their weight!

So... while he never confirmed if what they said about "skinny white men" was true, let's just say that his answer is suspiciously compatible with the stereotype!

And now, I've apparently decided that "Yup! Radovid is going to totally fit that skinny white man stereotype, too!", because I really can't help but think that it would be kind of one of the most perfect sexual positions for Radovid and Jaskier!

Assuming, of course, that Jaskier enjoys bottoming (my headcanon is that he does, although more as a verse than as a strict bottom... I'd tend to really see Radovid as a verse, too), having Radovid's full (or near full) weight on top of him while they are having sex, with Radovid being able to nibble on his ears, kiss his neck, fully embrace him, bodies flush against each others, and being extra cuddly and affectionate is definitely something I could see them both doing and greatly enjoying.

And yeah, it does nicely tie into my "Jaskier has ADHD" headcanon, because as someone with ADHD myself, I'm literally obsessed about the sensation of being "squished", and respond extremely well to deep pressure therapy/stimulation (I recently discovered a 15 lbs open weave knit weighted blanket that I use every night to fall and stay asleep, and wonder how I've ever been able to manage without it!).

This article about ADHD love languages has a very nice way of phrasing it:

Please Crush My Soul Back Into My Body—Physical Touch ‘Please Crush My Soul Back Into My Body’ is often better known as applying deep pressure.  Techniques like deep-pressure hugs can often be incredibly soothing, instilling feelings of security, comfort, and safety in a loved one. What it means to someone neurodivergent: Although deep pressure is not only for neurospicy folks, they tend to enjoy and need it more than neurotypical people. The deep pressure from a tight hug, a weighted blanket, etc., helps produce feel-good hormones, such as oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine, and decreases stress hormones like cortisol.

And with everything they've both been through and seen, I've no doubts that Jaskier and Radovid likely both suffer from some form of PTSD.

And maybe there are nights where Jaskier has a particularly hard time falling asleep, and/or keeps waking up because he's having nightmares, and they've discovered that having Radovid affectionately make love to him in that position really helps soothe Jaskier's nervous system, helps him relax, and simply floods his body with "love" and "feel good" hormones, so he's then able to actually fall asleep and spend a good night.

Of course, they likely wouldn't know the whole science behind why it's working, but they'd be able to observe the effects it has on Jaskier.

And given how Jaskier's body looks physically "cushier" than Radovid's, I'm guessing that Radovid would be much more comfortable and happier being the one lying down on top of him in those moments, too.

Like if the boys are going to go for the suspended congress position, I'd fully expect Jaskier to do the lifting and topping!

But if they're going flat doggy style, Radovid just might be Jaskier's perfect top!

[yjwhatif]

Okay, so this is probably gonna be 💩 and definitely out of character but it’s an idea that popped into my head that I wanted to try write… I have no idea how it reads - I’ve never tried doing a fic before - so this may well be my first and the last attempt 🤷‍♀️ but, I thought it’s New Year’s Eve and it’s something to add to the list of things I never expected to do this year…

Also, I’m gonna try to get another post out before, but I know what I’m like and if I don’t, I just wanna wish everyone a happy new year and thank anyone who’s spared any time/energy into supporting this blog - whether that’s reading, liking, sending comments, anything - I love and appreciate it all so much! So thank you and here’s the fic (which is yet to be named, it’s set post Phantoms and I don’t know what you’d class it as… angst? Let’s just say it’s not fluff - in case you wanted a heads up…) LB

Here goes…

Star city. 11:23 pm. It had been raining for hours. That loud heavy kind of rain that could be heard over even the highest of volumes. Literally the only thing hearable was the rain and it showed no sign of stopping soon. There was no ignoring it. No avoiding it. Even for the most focused of minds. Rain one. Grading nill. She may have been formidable in a fight but Artemis knew when she’d been bested in battle…

“Fine, fine - you win - I will go to bed.”

She said to the air.

“Come on Brucley, let’s… go?”

Brucley had gone to bed hours ago. All who lived there were long since asleep there and it was nature's desire for the final resident to seek her slumber too…

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Though it seemed someone else had a differing desire…

“Bart?”

There at the door, the boy stood soaking. Drips dropping and hair sopping. Drenched all the way through to his skin. Had he walked there? It was hardly the appropriate time or setting for a leisurely stroll across the country. Though it was a trip he had been making more and more within the recent weeks. But never as late as this…

“Can I stay on your couch for a bit?”

And never overnight. The answer she had was obvious. But his need for such an arrangement was a cause for concern…

“…Come on, I'll get you a towel.”

And coffee… this was definitely going to require coffee.

11:45pm. The scene was set… It was silent… for what must have been the first time that night in fact. Or that was how it seemed at least. In reality, it wasn't truly silent of course. The rain still drowned the streets outside. But even that had hushed its hammering as if waiting to hear how the play would proceed. It wasn’t the only one. At the table sat the pair. One drinking coffee. The other cocoa. One sat watching. The other avoiding. Both waiting for the other to make the first move. Instead, there was silence. Solid and sharp. The only thing to cut through it was the click of Artemis’s fingernails tapping rhythmically upon the tabletop. It was something to listen to but it was hardly a melodic beat. It was the ticking of a clock. The falling of the sands. It was a waiting beat which promised it would not wait forever. And forever it did not.

“So… what happened?”

”Same thing that keeps happening…”

His mood was grim. Grumbling the words instead of speaking them. The tides within him swelled at their topmost heights. The dam was full. The floodgates had remained holding (for now) but the trickles were seeping through. It wouldn’t take much for the seal to crack and release the spill.

“He won’t let me do anything anymore… It’s so moded!”

“I bet…”

She played along…

“And now I’m grounded - again - for nothing!”

”Nothing, huh? Wow, I don't even think my parents were that cruel.”

It was a statement filled with implications that weren’t supposed to be liked… and liked, Bart did not. He may have been frustrated with his elder but never enough to endorse such a comparison… even if he was totally aware of the game she was playing with him…

“Okay, soo it might not have totally been nothing exactly…”

All she did was strike him a look. The look. Piercing and inescapable… even for one as fast as him…

“There's a slight chance I may have missed curfew…”

And just like that, the cascades came surging through.

“But it wasn’t my fault!”

“Of course not.”

It never was…

“It wasn't! I went to the movies with Ed and the others over in Hollywood and... you know what it's like with timezones - who has time to keep track of those?!”

“Someone with a central time curfew Bart, that's who.”

“Ugh, but it’s 9 o’clock! 9 o’clock! Who has a 9 o’clock curfew - other than like, 5-year-olds… seriously, Lian has a 9 o’clock curfew!”

“No, she doesn't.”

“Whatever... the point is, it's stupid and it totally ruined everything!”

”Oh come on Bart, I'm sure it wasn't that good a movie. You can always go see it again later.”

“What? No - I'm not talking about the movie - I don't even care about the movie! I'm talking about Ed!”

“Ed?”

“Yea, and the fact that he was there, actually sat next to me and not avoiding me like he has been for weeks…

There was more hidden beneath the depths than she’d initially realised…

“I swear, he was this close to holding my hand in there… just like before…”

“…I didn't realise you two were having problems—?”

“We're not!”

He spat back. She’d clearly hit a nerve.

“Everything's fine! There's nothing to worry about - I've got it all under control… or at least I did, until I look over and see Jay standing there in the actual theatre, staring right at me with that look that he always seems to wear these days... next thing I know, he’s practically dragging me out of there in front of everyone… have you any idea how embarrassing that was… and it was totally uncalled for!”

“I’m sure he wasn’t trying to embarrass you.”

“Sure he was - he hates me!”

“He doesn't hate you Bart.”

“No… but he certainly won't trust me anymore…”

From under his breath, those words had come. Artemis had heard every one and with them, the silence returned to the scene. This time abrupt and without warning. She knew what she wanted to say to him. It was what she’d wanted to say for a while now. But she also knew it wasn't the best time for it to be said. The boy who sat ahead of her could seem such a source of light in even the darkest of moments. Always a clever comment to contribute. A smile to give. He really did remind her of his cousin sometimes… just a bit… in his own kind of way. And like his cousin, she also knew just how stubborn he was capable of being… when he wanted to be.

“What?“

“Well… can you really blame him for that?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”

“Bart, you snuck off into space without telling anyone and then went missing for over two weeks.”

“I came back!”

He threw the words at her like they should be sufficient in settling the matter… his first mistake.

“Yeah, wrapped in bandages.”

“… I was—“

“Fine? Sure.”

“Well, I was! So there was no need to worry—”

“That's not for you to decide Bart…”

At the point of no return, there was no more holding back. She had things to say to him and it was about time he heard them said.

“You can’t just disappear and expect no one to notice… not anymore.”

He didn’t want to hear this. That she also knew.

“Because they did, Bart, they noticed, and they weren’t fine about it… Jay wasn’t fine, Ed wasn’t fine, Jaime, your friends, your team, your family… None of us were fine.”

Everything about him screamed silently for swift release. His eyes away watching anything that wasn't her. But his ears stayed stuck. Sealed to the sounds she spouted. They refused to move. To disconnect. To let him escape… his second mistake.

“You have a lot of people here who care about you, kid… People who worry when they don’t know where you are.”

“I can take care of myself!”

It was unclear who he was trying to convince more… Artemis or himself.

“That doesn’t matter… You know the life we live in, just like the rest of us, and like the rest of us, you know the evil that exists within it, you know the sacrifices that have been made, the tragedies we’ll never be able to forget… and for all we knew, you were about to become another one of those tragedies, another hologram…”

In a haze of forgotten memory, those words repeated. They cast him back and in front of his elder, he was returned. Head to head and heart to heart. It was only them. Them and those words. Those words and his. A promise… a lie.

“…I don’t want any more holograms…”

“…Jay… I’m not going anywhere…”

He lied. The man had trusted him and he lied… that was his biggest mistake.

“Take it from a girl who got her very own hologram once upon a time… there's a cost to deceit - no matter how major the lie or vital the cause… for those left out of the loop, loss isn’t easily forgotten and trust isn’t easily fixed…”

At that, his eye returned to hers. For the first time that night, they converged completely. They were pools filling. Glazing. But hadn’t yet fallen. Never before had she seen the rain drop upon his cheeks. Even after all the storms he'd weathered. Now was no different. He was stubborn that way.

“Then what am I supposed to do?”

“You do the work - for as long as it takes until that trust is regained… and then, you don’t screw up by doing it again!”

It was almost laughable how fast his face dropped at that. The softness in his eye solidified into a scowl of sheer sulkishness.

“Don’t give me that look! I said you could have my couch, not my sympathy…”

But the mood didn't lift. All in his face only dropped further. He was somewhere else. Stuck on something else. Something he couldn't see.

“He’ll come around, you’ve just gotta meet him halfway.”

“I hope so…”

“He loves you Bart… and luckily, love isn't something that's easily lost… no matter how parted you feel.”

With that, her own mind wandered slightly. It was her sign to get moving. So she allowed the words to sink in as she cleared the scene of their long dried-out mugs. Leaving him to ponder whatever thoughts he had brewing within.

“…I should probably call him, tell him where I am…”

“I already did…”

Her hand planted a reassuring grip on his tensed shoulder before she continued.

“He knows you’re here…”

With that Bart was jolted back into the present. Such a reveal was unexpected. Jay had known and never forced him back home. He never called or kicked up a fuss. He was actually allowing Bart the space he wanted… Or was the man just so tired of the trouble that he was glad for the space he was getting… The quiet returned as the boy's mind flooded once again. Drowning him deep below his doubts. Beneath the regrets. The questions. The what ifs. The possibilities and probabilities. Everything except the solid solution to get him back in control again. The something which would keep him afloat before the rising tides finally pull him under.

“I’m gonna head up…”

Artemis‘s words cut their way through the fog of his contemplation.

“You know where everything is, right?”

His head nodded but his mind remained elsewhere. It was there in his eyes. They were distant. Drained. He was trying to fight something. Something he wouldn’t let her see. Something he couldn't escape. And it was pulling him under. Below the depths and into the darkness no one was allowed to witness.

“Bart… do try and get some sleep, okay? Things will still be there for you to work out tomorrow.”

There was acknowledgement in his eyes but still, no words accompanied them. It was late. Very late. It was so late even the rain had gotten tired as there remained but a drizzle upon the window panes. There was little more Artemis could do for the night. It was up to Bart to find his next step forward. Though for now, the only thing they both truly needed was sleep. Time to rest their heads and escape the thinking for a bit. But whether sleep would come was another matter entirely. With a little luck, nature would take its charge and finally pull them both into the desired solace of slumber. But for that quits must be called. She must finally make her retreat to the sheets which have long awaited her settle. And with a little hope, the lad lost in his thoughts might follow suit. Finding his relief in the couch cushions instead of a fix-all solution he yet couldn't see… but for her, that remained to be seen…

Despite the end's arrival the scene still felt unfinished. Something was missing. Yet there was nothing more to be said. Nothing more from her lips at least…

“…Hey Artemis?”

The words halted her departure.

“Thanks… y’know… for letting me use your couch.”

With that, his face cracked its first smile of the night. It wasn't one of real brightness or longevity. It was shallow and slight. But it gleamed a hint of the him she's gotten so used to seeing. Something of noticeable absence throughout the night. It was a smile which suggested she hadn't totally lost him to those dark depths of his mind. And it was a welcomed sight to end their night.

“Don’t mention it, kid.”

With her own smile, her goodnights were said. And away she went. Finally making good on the word she’d made a whirlwind ago.

“Night Brucley.”

…

[breesays]

This will be our year --

Moving and transitioning and ending and searching. Spicy popcorn and texts just to check in. K.Flay and drawing with the right pens and making up words. Fizzy water and Lorde and ace community immersion. Thinking of the worst responses possible and keeping them to myself. Anna Banana workouts and binge reading and lemon gum trees. Yellowcard's "end" lasting exactly as long as my marriage. The Crane Wife and roles and relationships. Done lists over to-do lists and taking back nostalgia and seaweed snacks. The trivial and monumental, interwoven. Fall Out Boy's best album and again feeling like I NEED to be at certain shows. Hearing "Space" at WWWY. Watching lives fall apart and be stitched back together again. Realizing I have so many more questions than the ones I am asking - how can I be the next Barbara Walters? Planks and patio projects and tingling in my toes when the gummies hit just right. Facing the Instant Pot and failing a little but also making it work, a few times. Glass Animals and Goldfinger for Des and counterspace after the downstairs neighbors that gave me PTSD. Book club(s) and 6 pack of peaks and having friends to send sad text messages to. My 20-lb cat sleeping on my chest and framing mantras and having a few morning dance parties with Des. From "I made the mistake of reading your blog" to scrivener to hold my hand while we fall asleep. Booking The Warning and listening to Nosebleeds and feeling sleepy at The Hollywood Bowl during DCFC. To groupchats and moms club(s) and buying a dining table. Olivia Rodrigo and Paramore and Kesha and also wasn't 2008 a great year?

When I wrote this: It's my birthday. I'm celebrating but still also kind of mourning and my kid had a winter show today where he performed 3 songs from Grease (which is maybe the most I've ever seen of Grease) and it was the cutest thing I've ever seen and then got my friends into a show I didn't care to see but wanted to be out, doing something. I also knew there were words, sentences bubbling up inside of me. Eat a grilled cheese, talk about life, get home before you spill over. Too bad we couldn't find the warm floor of an abandoned basketball court to watch for shooting stars. In this smog? Well, we're optimists.

I've embarked on a personal project to go through all of my 3200+ LiveJournal entries. It's self-indulgent, I know. It's not without purpose. I'm writing a book about all the relationships I've navigated while not (really) knowing I'm Ace and I wanted to make sure I got the timeline and the sentiments correct. It's easy to be a badass in retrospect - but I don't want to lie to make myself look better. I've loved with my whole heart, with one ankle bearing the pressure of a door plenty of people had try to -end scene- me with.

Two things can be true? Actually, ten things can be true.

Can you believe how many lives we've already lived, inside of this one?

PJ already has 7000 words. He always said he said he felt small compared to me. The reason for his tall tales. I've been courted and carried and loved and weaved into the fabric of other beings and yet this shitbird from Missouri - he opens me up like its arterial. He's dead, and I'm still bleeding. I don't know what the LESSON is here. Worse - maybe there isn't one. Maybe I just feel bad until I feel better.

Overall, though - I guess this is progress. I'm feeling my feelings, even if they seem overdramatic, irrational. Future me is going to be back here, searching - so I give her this: You were sad. Your friend cup was overflowing and everyone wanted to celebrate with you, but you didn't have the energy (or money) to plan anything. You were going to a lot of shows. Reading like a fiend. Getting Desmond into OK Go. Forcing yourself to workout for the endorphins. You love where you live, in Studio City. The giant window, the patio, trees, the hummingbirds - the smallest things make the hugest impact. You have so much to look forward to.

Celebrate your friends birthdays because they are not guaranteed. Reach out, reach back, reach wherever and tell people that they matter. Spread your wings, take up space because this is it. This is it.

[elliebear666]

It's 4 am and I woke up at 3:50 in the morning. I've been waking up every single goddamn night around 3-6 am. This is because my psychiatrist, due to Zyprexa causing constant hunger and weight gain, changed me to a different antipsychotic.

However, thanks to this change, I've lost almost 20 lbs. But the waking up every night is difficult and I'm worried it will push me into a depressive or manic episode/exacerbate personality symptoms.

So, anyway... things I've noticed after 8 years of therapy:

1. I still deal with "splitting." You're good, amazing, perfect, the best thing in my life, I want to talk to you all the time to: You're a worthless piece of shit and I hope you fucking die and rot in the heat of the sun. I hate you so much I would laugh if you died. Sometimes, these thoughts spill into my world when I just spew horrible shit from my mouth or fingertips. I have said... horrifically awful things to people when I've split on them. Tbf, these days, I'm mostly splitting on favorite persons or family and it is usually less often.

2. I still occasionally have explosive anger/rage outbursts, almost get into physical fights, get tunnel vision over internet fights, have difficulty controlling my anger. It is not nearly as bad as before, though. I used to constantly blow up, and the people in my life told me they felt like they were always "walking on eggshells." Which makes me feel incredibly ashamed and guilty… I've had anger and rage problems since I was little.

3. My relationships are still stormy and intense, and either involve me becoming initially completely and utterly infatuated or obsessed and "falling in love" at the drop of a hat, or eventually becoming obsessed. Not in every potential relationship, but the vast majority. I get jealous and insecure and constantly fear abandonment, which can lead me to seeking reassurance and validation that I'm valued in the relationship. Which, apparently, is difficult to deal with. At least my jealousy isn't as bad as it used to be. It used to be… BAD BAD. It caused me to act in very possessive ways that were detrimental to the relationship and hurt my partners.

4. I still have paranoia and paranoid ideations when particularly stressed, and sometimes just in general. Something happens in my life and my brain automatically looks for patterns of why this "isn't a coincidence." It's led me down some dark rabbit holes. A few years ago I spent months looking for cameras in my room because I was so stressed out by a flying monkey situation and wondered if they had put cameras in my room lmao

5. I still dissociate. It isn't as severe as it used to be. I used to like… spend days not even there. I'd just wear a placid and empty expression as I swam in utter nothingness. I'd watch myself from afar, feeling like I was living life from behind a thick, foggy glass window. I felt like I wasn't real, I felt like nothing was real, and wondered many times if I was just asleep and when I'd wake up. Due to dissociation and just generally not being present most of the time - not even related to dissociation - I haven't made a lot memories… which can make me feel like I have no history, that my life is this strange sequence of events that I only partially partake in.

6. I still feel empty. It isn't NEARLY as bad as before. Like… my god, I used to do anything and everything I could to fill the emptiness. Sex, drugs, impulsive road trips, hurting myself, alcohol, buying things, binge eating and then feeling ashamed and purging. I would get into relationships and situationships just to assuage this crippling emptiness whose existence stifled most of the joy or passion in my life. I felt like a hollow shell of a human being and, at one point, toldy therapist that I felt like, if I took a knife to my wrists and cut myself open, there would he nothing beneath my skin. Just an agonizing, echoing emptiness. I had to do SOMETHING, ANYTHING to distract myself from how utterly and completely hollow I felt on the inside. It was just… my god. I cannot express the amount of suffering I experienced due to constantly feeling empty…

7. My impulsivity is vastly reduced. I used to like… all the time anything went wrong, or I felt too empty, or bored, hurt, angry, etc. do something incredibly impulsive to soothe those intense emotions. Whether that was buying things I shouldn't have, binge eating, drinking alcohol and using drugs, having sex with a bunch of different partners, or jumping into relationships. It was all very self destructive.

8. My sense of self used to be borderline nonexistent. I didn't know who I was or what I wanted out of life. I changed my opinions and goals and likes often as I relentlessly chased something resembling stability. I felt like I became the people I was around - my mom used to comment, in a worried way, that it was like I, in a way "became my partners." She said it was upsetting and scary. I was an empty chameleon, desperately trying to find love and acceptance. I would reinvent myself every once in a while, though not to the extreme, usually in the form of changing how I would dress or act. Now, I feel like I have a more concrete sense of self. It isn't constantly shifting, even though I still feel directionless and don't know what I want out of life or, in some ways, who I am. Like… I wonder sometimes if the personality I'm projecting is even me or just another persona that I'm wearing. I'd like to think that I'm me now, but sometimes I wonder….

9. Self harm and suicidal ideations and threats… golly gee willikers. I used to hurt the shit out of myself. I'd cut myself, burn myself, punch myself, hit my face and body. Even while I was working, I'd cut myself in the bathroom… I threatened countless times to end my life over… oftentimes situations that didn't warrant such a reaction. Then, after most breakups, I would become extremely suicidal, thinking I was an evil piece of shit that deserved to be "abandoned" or I would feel that I had been mistreated and would react with rage. Most of the time, I would default to self harm and suicide attempts/ideation even if I was initially angry. I got locked up a few times after the breakup that happened a few years ago. Got put in the back of a police car once and brought to the mental ward and had my family threaten me with lock up… god, idk how many times lmao. I've been hurting myself, in one way or another, since I was a teen. These days, I'm not hurting myself much. I burned myself about 6 or 7 times after a guy rejected me, and fell into a deep depression, planned my suicide, would drink constantlying, etc. But I haven't harmed myself in months :)

10. Intense emotional swings. So… I have always been a very intense and emotional person. Since I was little, I felt like, sometimes, the emotions inside my little body were too big for such a small vessel. As I aged, my mood became increasingly erratic and unstable. It got VERY bad while I was working. I would feel one intense emotion over some trigger, and would experience a prolonged episode after the fact. It would feel like… if I was angry at a situation, I would be infuriated, homicidal, shaking with rage. And then I would shift to elated joy and euphoria that felt like I was having a manic episode. From there, I would go anywhere. Sometimes into a deep and dark despair, to feeling like I was agonizingly alone and rejected or abandoned. I feel like… I just was always in pain tbh. About one thing or another. I feel like I was horribly sensitive to the world around me and every little thing would elicit an extreme reaction. So, before I got diagnosed bipolar, I told my old psychiatrist that I was experiencing what I believed to be "rapid cycling bipolar symptoms." However, bipolar doesn't cause extreme emotional responses to everything all day. I could go to work feeling on top of the world, then go from that to despair, anger, infatuation, insecurity, or any of a plethora of emotions, and each one was just… a huge wave of feelings. It became absolutely and completely exhausting. I was exhausted by my changes in mood. These days, I'm not reacting as extremely as I was to every little thing. I'm not always in as much pain, I'm not constantly shifting emotional states and moods. I feel like I've found, in some ways - as long as literally nothing goes wrong lmao - a sense of stability. I'm still intense, but my reactions are not as severe as they used to be and my moods are not CONSTANTLY reacting to every little thing in my life.

11. Abandonment. I touched on this to an extent… but this will go into it in more depth. So… I have had a fear of abandonment and being left alone since I was little, but it was mostly about my mom. As a teen, and as I developed bonds with friends, I began to worry about being left by my friends. As I got older and became more interested in relationships, despite having issues with dysphoria and sex and intimacy, that fear of abandonment and rejection sensitivity became overwhelming. In any rejection scenario, I have frantically and pathetically tried to prevent what I perceived as "abandonment." I would develop these very intense and all consuming bonds with people and often come to believe that the relationship was closer and more intimate than it really was. In relationships, I would hurt myself or sometimes say I might hurt myself when faced with abandonment. Not an idle threat, but a real and true possibility and, often times, an eventual reality. It's been bad throughout my adult life, specifically, but it was horrendous with the girl I dated a few years ago. I was jealous, insecure, possessive, and constantly feared that she would abandon me. However, my unstable disposition, my anger outbursts, jealousy and insecurity served only to drive her away. As the relationship was coming to an end, I became increasingly erratic and frantic as I tried to convince her I was worth it. I begged, I stalked her in an attempt to her to talk to me, I sent countless texts, emails, made new phone numbers to contact her, snapchat, tumblr. I harassed her for months… and I feel so fucking guilty and ashamed that I have tortured myself with self-harm and physical and emotional self-flagellation. I went to insanely extreme lengths to prevent this abandonment. I pretended I ran out of gas on a road trip, I can't even remember everything I did. It was absolutely fucking crazy and toxic and scary and bizarre. I tried to kill myself in this one incident and desperately called her friend crying and screaming… I'd taken a lethal dose of psych meds and… my god I just… I feel so fucking ashamed. I hated myself. I wanted to kill myself over this unhinged behavior. I'm sorry… I truly, truly am sorry. I wish I could take it all back… but fucking can't. I'm sorry. I didn't… I don't think I really realized how bad things were getting. I didn't realize what the effects of my undiagnosed BPD was going to do to anyone. I couldn't even think past my own pain and suffering and extreme emotional problems and issues with self-regulation. These days, it's still a issue. It isn't NEARLY as severe. It's bad but… not AS bad. I still get frantic when I fear I'm being abandoned, I might beg and plead, I will act out impulsively in some misguided attempt to keep them close. But more often than not, this serves to push others away, not keep them close. It definitely has not gone to the extreme lengths of the past. I hope it never does again. I will make sure I don't get that bad again.

So… at this point, I feel like I'm so much better than I used to be. But like, things aren't perfect. And I worry sometimes I will continue to have these issues for many years to come. I'm not sure what to do about dismantling every maladaptive pattern and dealing with extreme reactions to life events, fears of abandonment, emptiness, anger and rage.

I want to be better, entirely. But sometimes I wonder if better is more a state of mind than an actual state of existence.

[jyoon3]

Day 3

Fell asleep before I could finish this post…



I failed again...

I told myself I wouldn't cry today but every time I'm in my car or by myself, the tears just start falling. Am I going to keep feeling like this...to keep crying every day? I have no energy and I have no desire to move forward or to keep going. I've been on autopilot, just running through the motions. 

Today, I woke up and I couldn't get myself to fall back asleep. I kept tossing and turning before finally deciding to just get up out of bed. I'm not sure what made me get up and begin to work out but that was my first instinct. To just start my day with a workout. My body is still hurting from training at Quantum on Monday but I decided to go through with it anyway. It wasn't much and it was just body weight and core work.

As I was driving to work, I was left with my thoughts and feelings. Drove to work on autopilot, not really registering what turns I was making and where. I made it to work by 7 am. I entered the building, wiping my face and trying to gather myself. Ms. Airey saw me...she said I appeared distraught. She knows how I am feeling and what I've been going through. I made sure someone knew, to keep me accountable. (She also has the task of making sure I finish a book a month this year.)  I rushed back to my classroom to make sure I could get myself together and to plan a lesson for today since Crump is out. Since she's out with COVID for the rest of the week, I'm on my own. For all six classes-- 3 of hers and 3 of mine for each day plus whatever classes I have to cover during my planning period. Today, I have Mr. Ruby's 6th grade ELA class to cover. I am not looking forward to it. 

It's the first period as I am writing this and all I can think about is him. I want to text him and see how he's doing. If he's been sleeping...are you at least eating....are you still working out? Are you still watching football and basketball? Have you sunken yourself into your games?  I've lost 7 lbs in the last two days...eating has been a struggle. I've lost my appetite and all desire to consume food. Will there be a day that I get back to living life normally? Where I don't think of you or wonder what you're doing or how you're progressing? Where in life will you be? I'm reminded of my final goodbye to you...the feeling I had, where I would never see you again. The way my heart broke into pieces as I got into my car and drove away. To see you standing on your doorstep made me want to just turn back around. 

I look at the keychain he gave to me...every chance I get. I may make it into a necklace. 

Second period wasn't so bad today. The kids were talkative and obnoxious as usual. I made Ty'Quan cry from calling him out during our brain break: Silent Ball. He got angry and he said some things to me that were garbled under his breath but it made the kids all riled up. I told him to step outside and he began to cry. I didn't feel bad at all....does that make me mean? I guess next time I can be more kind about it instead of putting him on the spot. Overall, the sixth graders weren't so bad--I gave them a bunch of notes and they were scrambling to write them all down. It was nice and quiet because they were frantically writing. Once second period ended, it was lunch...and I was alone in my room again.

Why is it that every time I am alone, I am thinking of him? I cried again. I silently wept in my room until I finally got myself together and was able to move across the room to heat up my lunch. I didn't eat. My food just got cold as I sat there...I had no desire to eat. No desire to do anything. I finally forced myself to get up and go get my kids from lunch at 12:00...a few minutes early. 

Third period was chaotic as expected from all of the crazies I have in there. Damon was great with assisting the new student get acclimated to the classroom. It took the whole class to make Savion, Jy'Aire, Uriah, and Kaden to focus. It was until the very end that they stayed in their seats. It wasn't until I realized that Ms. Matthews gave the kids fries...after I said no. She stated explicitly to the kids "I'll bribe you with fries...." I said no....and yet she gave it to them anyway. Beyond annoyed with the kids but also her. I'm over it. I was also frustrated with the fact that I had to rush to clean my room and she just sat there like I didn't have somewhere to be.  I anticipate this week and the next few weeks ahead to be rough.

—

After covering Ruby’s class, I rushed to go to practice. It was a long day. Tim threw in some new plays the other day and I just had the hardest time concentrating and keeping up with the kids as they were running through them.

BASKETBALL GAMES

Today, our kids played against New Town HS. Before the game, I stopped and said hi to Eric after not seeing him for so long. As I was watching him during warm ups, I began to cry…he was dunking with ease and looked like he improved so much since I last saw him. Words could not describe how proud I was of him and all I wanted to do was text him to tell him “Gucci can dunk!” (Gucci was what he called him.)

Watching Eric play against MSJ was a lot harder than I thought it would be.

During Halftime, I talked with Maria—she came out to take pictures of the kids. I told her some of what happened and surprisingly I didn’t cry. Maybe it was because we were in public and I was surrounded by people I know.

MSJ ended up blowing out New Town 95-30 something. It was a quiet game for me. I didn’t say much.

But after getting into my car, it hit me hard. I cried as I drove home.

I miss him.

[apocalypticgargoyle]

𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐑𝐎𝐎𝐌 𝟒. ♡ 𝐠𝐞𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝

"Hi! I hope u have a lovely day :] I was wondering if I could request an imagine where you're online friends with Gogy and one day you send him a picture wearing his merch and he can't stop thinking about it and finally ends up telling you he has a crush on you?? Thank you in advance :] I really enjoy your writing"

pairing: georgenotfound x reader

warnings: Zoom Video Communications none :)

links: | ao3 | request | masterlist |

⋆ song recommendation: Slowly by Josh Gilligan

(streamer bf gogy brainrot brrr) hello sweet anon! thank you for much for this request :) I love love love all the geo simps and their ideas. also thank you to my dearest LB for helping me with the plot help. happy reading, everyone! ♡ ᵍᵉⁿᵉ

You tapped your fingers on your desk, nails clattering at you waiting to be let into your third Zoom meeting of the day. Usually, you got off with only one lecture, but because of upcoming exams, you were finding yourself in and out of virtual meetings and office hours. Sure, it was better than jogging from building to building, fighting the crowds, and searching for a seat in a packed lecture hall, but it was still wearing you down beyond belief.

You rested your chin in your hand as your window went from white to dark grey, the square with your name getting wedged in beside the professor. Everyone��s cameras were off, a thankful sigh leaving your lips as your head slumped down to lay against your arm, the danger of falling asleep suddenly becoming more prominent.

You jumped slightly as your professor cleared their throat, sharing their screen and beginning to ramble off facts listed on the slideshow. You played with your keyboard, focused on removing a crumb from beneath your spacebar that was almost unreachable. You usually took notes in the class, but today was just one of those days.

“... And with that in mind, I’m going to put you all into breakout rooms…” Your professor trailed off, eyebrows furrowed as they peered at their screen and clicked frantically to assign all of you to rooms. You yawned, smacking your cheeks and sitting up. You were determined not to be a shitty partner, at least. The white box popped up, inviting you to join breakout room four. That’s always lucky, you thought to yourself as you joined.

Once again, you were cursed to look at the buffering wheel of death as your internet struggled to sustain all your opened tabs. Please, just a little longer, you groaned internally, eyes dashing towards the receiver and exhaling in relief as your computer connected to the breakout room. You turned on your camera, eliciting your partner, George, to do the same.

You flashed him a smile as you struggled to open the article from the previous night. “Hi! How’s it going?” You greeted, not yet looking at him.

“I’m good, actually. How are you?” He engaged, his voice deep and tired.

You finally managed to split your screen enough so that you could see him and the article. “Yeah, I’m good too. Thanks,” you chewed the inside of your cheek, eyes skimming some of the notes you’d etched into the margins. “So, did you have any idea what,” you paused, squinting at the author’s name, “Robert A. Schneider means when he discusses how ‘men of letters’ fear the lower class more than anything?” You asked, as your eyes trailed across your screen to finally gauge his reaction, you were taken aback by his appearance.

His soft features and dark eyes made you feel safe. As he smiled softly, running his fingers into his hair, he seemed to be racking his brain for an answer. He opened his mouth to begin, detailing what you had previously thought with better articulation.

The two of you got through the basic questions the professor had scripted for the students, then finding yourself still stuck in the breakout room. On a normal day, your professor would have pulled everyone back into the call after the first few questions.

George swiveled in his chair quietly as he listened to you briefly explain your area of study. His kind smile made your heart flutter slightly. Deep down, you hoped the two of you would be stuck in the room for a while.

Soon your topics blended into what kind of movies you both watched, a debate on where you could buy the cheapest bread on campus, and what kind of party people the two of you were. After an hour, instead of worrying whether or not your professor was dead, you were swapping numbers and planning out how the two of you would turn the Florida Keys into the headquarters of your new cult where the members would all worship a separate bitchy philosopher.

You pulled one of your legs to your chest, resting your cheek against your knee as his laughing died out. “Okay, this might be a weird question, but I need to know why your webcam is so clear. Is it like an OnlyFans thing or…”

He chuckled. “Yeah it’s definitely OnlyFans,” he joked, making you laugh. “I’m actually a ᵐⁱⁿᵉᶜʳᵃᶠᵗ ˢᵗʳᵉᵃᵐᵉʳ” he mumbled.

Your eyebrows perked playfully. “You’re a what?”

He pursed his lips to fit the grin stretching across his face. “ᵃ ᵐⁱⁿᵉᶜʳᵃᶠᵗ ˢᵗʳᵉᵃᵐᵉʳ”

You snorted slightly. “Sorry darling, you’ll have to speak up. What was that?”

He wet his lips, rolling his eyes as he bashfully groaned. “I’m a Minecraft streamer.”

You giggled, him basking in your disbelief. He smiled a bit brighter as he shrugged, leaning back in his chair as you rambled off questions. “There’s no way! Nerd!” you chaffed, making him smile as if he liked it when you playfully teased him. “Are you super popular?” You asked, catching your breath.

He bit his bottom lip swaying his head slightly as if deciding not to answer. “Mmmm. Not really.”

“Well, come on, Georgios! Give me your Twitch user and I’ll be your biggest fan, I promise.” He laughed at your response, digging out his phone to send you a link.

“I’d like to see you try,” he mumbled.

After the class had finally ended, you’d learned that your professor was on the phone with their credit card company. In the following weeks, you and George were in constant contact, even becoming part of each other’s daily routines.

As you studied for finals, you’d turn on his stream, letting his voice alleviate some of the stress of your exams. He knew you were watching and would even drop hints for you in what he was saying, or he’d blatantly just ask what you were talking about in your essay for a certain class. After the stream would end, he’d call you either on Discord or the phone, just so it felt like the two of you were studying together.

Jokingly, you badgered him to send you some of his merch, threatening to buy it from a bootleg online store if he didn’t. He had only brushed it off at the time, but shortly after, you received a hoodie in the mail with his gamer tag printed across it.

It was late at night when you’d received it, the tiredness of your eyes and George’s dulcet tones lulling you towards the idea of a dead sleep. Yet, you were drawn from your pleasant relaxation with the shrilling of your doorbell. You shrugged out of your blanket cocoon, grabbing your phone and trudging down the stairs. As you tore open the bag, your phone buzzed with a text from George asking if you’d seen something that one of his chat members. You chuckled softly and dug your hand into the material, holding it out in front of you.

You snickered to yourself, running your fingers across the red patch in the center. You slipped it over your head, letting the softness of the fabric brush against your skin. You snapped a photo of yourself and stumbled back upstairs before sending it to him.

When you returned, George was focused on something he was crafting. His eyes darted down to one corner of the screen where his phone was probably sitting. His eyes flashed back up with a smug grin on his face as if he knew exactly what you were going to say. Your “Thanks sugar daddy xx,” probably didn’t help either.

“What, chat?” His voice came out slightly uneven as he bit back a smile. You skimmed what people were asking. “It’s not a nude. A friend of mine got something I sent them,” he answered nonchalantly, finishing up what he was doing. The chat began to spam quietly. “No, it’s not a maid costume. Jesus Christ.” He leaned back in his chair, grabbing his phone and opening your message.

A grin spread across his face, alongside the light dusting of rosy pigment settling in his cheeks. He chuckled to himself, quickly replying before getting back to his game. You scoffed at his response.

George (H325) Anything for my silly little baka

You curled up again, putting away your schoolwork and devoting your attention to watching his stream as you drifted off to sleep.

Once again, you found yourself at the mercy of your internet as you attempted to join the breakout room assigned to you. You almost jumped out of your chair when it finally connected and you found George waiting for you. You smiled slightly as he scrolled through his phone. “What are the chances?” You asked, pulling his eyes to you.

He grinned, clicking off whatever he was looking at. “I was just about to raid your inbox.”

You chuckled. “I almost wore your merch to class, just to out you to whoever my partner was,” you joked, making him roll his eyes.

“I’m glad it’s me then,” he responded. You began scrounging around for your article. After a beat of hesitation, George spoke up again. “Hey, I’m glad you like the sweatshirt…” You perked an eyebrow in his direction. “I actually haven’t been able to get that picture out of my head. I know it’s stupid,” he stated lightly, chuckling nervously. You could feel your heart beating in your ears. “It’s so lame, but I think I have a crush on you.”

You sat back in your chair, stunned. “I mean, the feeling’s mutual. Even if it’s lame,” you mirrored, winking at him. “I mean, maybe it’s not lame because I know I like you.”

He smiled to himself at your answer before chuckling, “Should we Zoom date or something?”

[marvelmusing]

Little Love

Helmut Zemo x Reader

WARNINGS: 18+ mild dd/lg/lb themes

My Masterlist

°•. ✿ .•°

“Is my little one feeling shy today?” You nod as you bury your face against his neck. He chuckles softly, and you feel a small smile creep onto your face as his chest moves with the action. He ensures you’re settled comfortably at his side, with one leg draped over his waist and an arm reaching across his chest to clutch at his shoulder. He squeezes the back of your neck carefully, applying enough pressure to have your shoulders slump as you relax a little in his arms. There’s a small noise in the back of your throat, a suppressed whine for your daddy. He shushes you gently, knowing exactly what you’re doing, “You can say it darling. It’s okay.” He reassures you. You press your face further into the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent. You can feel yourself slipping, the need to cling to him becoming stronger. His hand remains at the back of your neck, a gentle reminder that he’s there, that you’re safe. He wraps his other arm around you, letting it trail up and down your spine. “Come on darling, daddy wants to see his precious little one.”

“Daddy.” You whine, your face warming with the attention.

“There they are.” He coos affectionately, chuckling when you bury your face back against his chest. Your eyes flutter closed and Helmut begins to rock you gently back and forth in his arms. He tilts his head to look down at you, he can still feel how tense you are. “Can daddy have a kiss, little one?” You lift your head from his chest and lean forwards towards his lips for a gentle kiss. His smile widens when you leave a little peck on his cheek. He watches as you settle your head back down on his chest, your eyes becoming heavy. He brushes his fingers delicately against your cheek. “Do you want daddy to rock you to sleep, darling?” You nod, looking up at him with sleepy eyes. He wraps his arms around your waist, and slowly begins to rock you from side to side. As he begins his motions he feels your body go completely slack, as you finally let go of your day and relax in his hold. He smiles down at you, “There you go. There’s my good little one, letting daddy take care of you.” You hum contentedly as you begin to drift off, and it isn’t long before your breathing evens out. Despite your falling asleep, Helmut doesn’t stop rocking you. He lets you rest in his arms for as long as he thinks will be comfortable for you, before bringing you upstairs to bed. When the two of you are settled, and you’re all tucked in under the covers, with his arms around you, he presses a soft kiss to your forehead. “Sweet dreams, my little love.”

[thedevilsdom]

honestly ALL the boys would benefit from mommy kink. or maybe i just want to take care of all of them and call them my good baby boys and spoil them and maybe throw in some niche individual demon boy littlespace stuff in there too. it could be that too. 😔

Note: I don’t rly write full dd/lg mm/lb bc I’m not too experienced with it so generally I’ll just be keeping it in a kink setting, but since i have a couple other mommy kink specific requests in the inbox I thought I’d try to have this one be not so nsfw centric! 

Lucifer

- Takes quite a bit of pushing to get him to agree to trying this out, really. He’s incredibly embarrassed, but he does want to do it, so you ease him into it.

- While you don’t really take it outside of the bedroom (mostly per his request) he does now take more note of you whenever you’re in the same room as him, especially if you’re both in his office and he’s doing work late into the night. All you have to do is go up to him and stroke his hair and tell him to go get some rest. He’ll listen.

- It also helps him be more physically affectionate. While he usually is at least somewhat embarrassed about doing that normally, knowing that he can put all the tasks to do with thinking on your shoulders certainly helps him lean into you more easily.

Mammon

- He loves having you there to come home to. He’s prone to having bad days, just because of the things he gets up to, so knowing that there is a caring figure who can dote on him is very comforting. If he ever has a bad day he’ll crawl into your lap and rest his head in your shoulder while you pet the back of his head. It’ll let him ease out of all the day’s worries.

- He wants to be your good baby boy. He wants so bad to be good for you, he’ll always do anything you ask. When you’re out of the bedroom, all you have to do is run a hand down his back or hold the back of his neck, or pet his hair and he’ll be thrown under so quick. He’ll stare at you with big, expectant eyes, looking to you for instruction and guidance.

- When he comes home after a sucky day, he’ll also want you to hold him as he kisses down your body and takes one of your nipples into his mouth. Usually this leads to a handjob, but honestly? He’s fallen asleep like that a couple times. It just comforts him so much that he can’t help it sometimes.

Leviathan

- He is so enthusiastic about this, saying it was just like one of his animes. Having you as his mommy helps easy his anxiety about the relationship in general, and it helps cement in his brain that you actually want to be there with him. Also, be ready to spend a lot of time cuddling with him and watching shows together, or listening to him excitedly explain his favorite games.

- Exploit being his caretaker to get him to treat himself well. It isn’t a secret that he doesn’t take care of himself as much as he should, so you’ll just have to take care of him. And he truly is so willing to allow you to do this. He’ll drop his video games and shows if you just tell him to go take a shower or to come to bed, and he’d be doubly fast if you’re going to be the one washing him, or if you’re waiting in bed for him.

- He gets so turned on so easily, don’t be surprised if you’re laying together and you suddenly feel his lengths pressing against you. He’ll be writhing and whining ‘mommy please’ as you reach down and pleasure him.

Satan

- He fluctuates between being obedient and being a brat fairly easily. It can depend on something like whether or not he agrees with what you’re saying, or it could just be by the time of day.

- You might end up taking a stricter role if he’s being a brat, but a lot of the time, a gentle touch is enough to convince him to calm down and listen to you.

- He loooves when you read him bedtime stories. He doesn’t like that you sometimes won’t hop into bed with him immediately after the story is done, as he’s drifting off. He’ll get all whiny if your next move after putting the book down isn’t to climb under the covers.

- He gets to cuddly and affectionate in private. One of his absolute favorite moments is if you bring him tea, especially if you make it how he likes it. Seeing his eyes go wide and eager as you set the cup down in front of him with a little “for you, baby boy,” is absolutely adorable.

Asmodeus

- He’s probably the most knowledgeable about this before you bring it up. Of course, he’s down to try it. Asmo is down to try anything, especially if he thinks that it’ll make you happy, though this means you usually have to clarify “you’re doing this because you want to, not just because you think I’ll enjoy it, right?”

- He’s already really cuddly normally, so that doesn’t quite change when you introduce this new dynamic. Though, you do notice that having him be in this dynamic, even if it’s just in the bedroom, helps his self esteem a whole lot. Especially because ‘my pretty baby’ and ‘beautiful baby boy’ have more or less become commonplace in your vocabulary.

Beelzebub

- This baby is so easy to take care of. Cook for him sometimes, bring his food up to his room, show up to his games, hold his face and pull him down to give him a kiss on the forehead the first time you see him every day.

- While a lot of what you do might just look like normal partner things, knowing that you’re his caretaker makes his heart feel full.

- He doesn’t like it when decisions fall on his shoulders, so having you there to either guide him or make the choice for him eases his mind.

- It also makes him happy that he knows you’re enjoying taking care of him. In true service sub fashion, he cares so much about if you’re enjoying this. 

Belphegor

- He’s not used to touchy feely love. He’s hardly used to this caring kind of love at all. Pretty much everything you do for him hasn’t been done for him in so long that he never knows what to expect.

- Even if that’s just stroking his hair until he falls asleep, or waking him up with gentle touches and a soft, caring voice. Sometimes this soft treatment will even bring tears to his eyes. He’s so touch starved.

- Pull him into your lap and hold him and tell him how much you love him. Rock him to sleep. He’ll fall asleep with his arms and legs wrapped around you like a koala, and when he sleeps like this is one of the few times he goes to sleep where he can guarantee he won’t have a nightmare.

[butwhyduh]

The Farm

Damian Wayne x Jon Kent

Summary: just 2 boys in love but won’t admit it. I have the attention span of a butterfly so this is as close as I get to a slow burn lmao. I just think they are adorable and I headcanon Damian as demisexual. I did actually age them above 18 but this is sfw. Only a little kissing. There’s a bigot but he gets punched.

“I heard about the farm,” Damian said as they sat on a rooftop in New York. “Sorry.” They were drinking milkshakes after saving the city. Well Jon was as Damian had a vegan smoothie instead.

“Yeah, they foreclosed,” Jon said, his bright blue eyes uncharacteristically stony. “Thanks. Just wasn’t expecting it is all.”

“You know I could help you.. financially. If you need,” Damian offered carefully. Jon shifted in his seat and took a drink of his shake.

“It’s not your job. I’ll figure out how to keep it. Don’t worry,” Jon said with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Congrats on vet school. Not that it’s a surprise. You were top of your class.”

“Oh thanks. But seriously, I have no problem writing a check right now, Jon,” Damian emphasized. Jon stared at him silently. It was so tempting to let Damian solve his problems but that wasn’t the Kent way.

“I don’t know,” Jon said shifting uncomfortably. Damian noted that it wasn’t a no.

“I will be going to school in Metropolis in the fall. The farm in Smallville is a lot closer to the university than my place in Gotham,” Damian said hoping to come off as casual. Apparently not as Jon almost fell off the roof in shock.

“Live- with me,” he asked, his eyebrows rose quickly.

“Oh, I suppose. Yes, that is what I would be proposing,” Damian answered. Jon looked at him with wide eyes before clearing his throat and softening the look on his face to more neutral. Damian definitely wasn’t meaning ‘moving in’ moving in. He was just being practical. He wasn’t in love with Jon the same way Jon was head over heels for Damian since he was like 13.

“It would be practical for us both,” he said and Jon relaxed. Yep, normal Damian not thinking of the social meaning of his words.

“I don’t have a butler,” Jon warned. “And I sometimes forget to do laundry or dishes.”

“Then I will make a chore chart,” Damian answered and Jon’s heart soared a little at the domestics of it all. Jon nodded with a grin.

“So when do I get my roommate?” Jon asked lightly. Or what he hoped was lightly. His farm was saved and Damian was moving in. He was surprised he wasn’t levitating yet.

“I need to sell my apartment first. And pack,” Damian contemplated. “Also I need to buy the farm. I’ll need 4 days.”

“4?!? I mean- that’s fine,” Jon answered. He began immediately imagining all the work he needed to do before Damian could move in. “You work fast.”

“Yes, money talks,” Damian answered as if it was normal for a 20 year old to say. Jon nodded and resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

True to his words, a moving truck showed up 4 days later. Jon had cleaned and organized everything, even scrubbing the walls and sweeping the barn. The workers quickly set up everything in the spare room just as Damian arrived.

Damian arriving was a sight Jon would never forget. Damian wore a black turtleneck with the sleeves rolled up and a tan pair of dress pants over shiny black leather shoes as he carried in a large paper bag of produce. Damian had grown so much from the tiny 13 year old Jon had first known. He was now a full inch taller than Jon and probably 10 lbs heavier. It was funny since Jon was the one currently running around as Superman.

Damian sat his bag on the kitchen counter and wiped sweat from his brow. Jon was much more casually dressed in old blue jeans and a white t shirt with a rolled up and open red plaid button down over it. An old blue baseball cap was thrown over backwards on his head and little curls stuck out.

“You brought food. You know this is a farm, right?” Jon said with a smile. “We’re kinda known for having food.”

“I brought food to cook tonight,” Damian said trying to be casual. He had actually taken far too long deciding on the perfect food for him and Jon to eat their first night as roommates.

“Are you cooking for me?” Jon said with a pleased smile. The moving company was leaving and it was just the two of them.

“Yes, I thought it would be a good start,” Damian said formally. “No need to be so happy. It’s just dinner.”

“Of course,” Jon said trying to straighten his face. But how could he when Damian was living with him and cooking for him? Impossible task.

Damian busied himself in the small kitchen, looking in every drawer and cabinet. He noted that in the dying evening light, it perfectly captured the sunset. That was something that people paid huge amounts to even glimpse from their place in Gotham and Jon got a 360 view everyday.

“Well I have to feed the animals but I’ll be back soon. Do you need anything before I go?” Jon said in the doorway to the kitchen. He had thrown on a pair of rubber boots.

“Tt, you dare care for animals without me?” Damian said with a frown.

“Well I just thought- I mean you can- but you’re cooking,” Jon sputtered and Damian smiled.

“I’m playing with you. I’ll see them tomorrow. Otherwise the meal will be ruined,” Damian said. Jon laughed and shook his head as he left.

Damian looked at the photos that lined the hallway, smiling as he saw pictures of Jon as a child. Jon holding a fish he caught. Jon swinging a baseball bat. Jon holding up one end of a tractor. Right above it was a young Clark Kent doing the same. Damian shook his head with a little smile. He would never admit it but he was head over heels for Jon. Had been for a few years now.

“That’s the first time I lifted a tractor,” Jon said beside him. “Dad was so proud.”

“I imagine,” Damian answered. Clark was such a sore subject for Jon. His father had only been presumed dead the year before. Jon took it hard. He didn’t speak but watched Jon from the corner of his eyes.

“He never wanted to force me to be Superboy. I practically begged him. He was scared it was too dangerous,” Jon said with a sad smile. They both walked in the kitchen and Damian finished the food. Damian brought it to the table just as Jon shyly brought out a bottle of wine.

“Mr Kent, where did you get that?” Damian said with a little smile.

“Actually there’s an entire wine cellar full of the good stuff. Your father is quite fond of giving wine as a gift and Dad never liked to drink. So he stored it here,” Jon said pulling out a wine opener. “I thought we could drink it for him.”

“That’s very illegal,” Damian said expertly opening the bottle. “We’re both technically underage.”

“Anything is legal with enough money,” Jon said with a little grin and Damian laughed.

I’m an awful influence,” Damian replied. They spend the rest of the night eating and drinking wine before both crashing in their separate rooms in the early morning.

Jon crawled out of bed only a few hours later to feed the animals and get started on his day. He thanked his Kryptonian DNA for the lack of hang over he worried Damian would have. He crept quietly past his roommate’s door on his way out.

Jon returned a few hours later, still rather early, and was surprised by the smell of coffee. Damian was cooking breakfast for him. For them, Jon reminded himself. Damian was just his roommate. Damian nodded and poured Jon a cup of coffee.

“I thought you would still be asleep,” Jon admitted.

“I don’t require much sleep. Plus I want a tour of the property,” he said. Practical Damian as always, Jon thought.

“Sure, I’ll take you around. The farm and then town,” Jon added taking a huge plate of scrambled tofu and fried tomatoes. Damian had anticipated that.

“That’s a good plan. I don’t want to stand out in town. Should I wear a plaid shirt,” Damian asked.

“Uh, yeah. If you want. T shirts and jeans are fine too,” Jon said.

“May i borough these clothing from you? Mine are not appropriate for a farm,” Damian said casually and Jon willed himself to not have any emotion that Damian was going to wear his clothing.

Damian was extremely handsome in Jon’s plaid shirt and a pair of jeans. His bright green eyes and tan skin popped in the shirt and he had brushed his black hair neatly back as it had gotten long enough to fall in his eyes. Jon couldn’t help but stare at his Damian in his clothing. Logic be damned.

“What?” Damian asked looking at himself. “Does it look bad? I don’t want to appear foolish,” he said about to pull off the plaid shirt.

“No! No you look good. Nice,” Jon said and Damian’s lip twitched towards a smile.

“Thank you. Would you like to show me town first? Before we get muddy,” Damian said.

“Sure, that sounds good. I need to pick up feed anyways,” Jon said. They loaded into Jon’s old pickup. Krypto hopped into Damian’s lap as if he always had done it and they set off to town a few miles away.

“Here’s the library and the best Waffle House in Kansas. Second only to Ma Kent’s,” Jon said as they drove around. He showed Damian all the important sights in town. Damian had a hard time believing that everything was so compact and so small. Even the diner that Jon said they would eat lunch because they had the best pie short of Ma Kent.

They both, and Krypto, got out at the feed store and they treated Jon like old friends. He grabbed a basket and pushed it to the back as he chatted about all the interesting animals people owned to Damian. The Ferguson’s owned a pair of alpacas and old Skipper Smith had a parrot and monkey as pets.

Jon didn’t pay any attention as he easily lifted 4 50 lb bags of feed and casually put 200 lbs of feed in the basket. Damian looked around to see no one near. Jon did it again.

“Should get us through the week,” he said with a grin.

“You do know that most people don’t pick up 4 at once?” Damian told him quietly as they moved to the register. Jon stopped before nodded and laughing.

“You know I’ve never thought about it. Let’s get going before the diner gets a lunch rush,” he said. Jon tried to act more normal putting up the feed bags but tossing them one handed like bags of bread into the bed of a pick up truck was far from normal. Damian couldn’t help but roll his eyes.

The diner had about 12 booths and a row across the counter like old times. It probably was an older restaurant with the light blue tile and actual jukebox. Damian didn’t know what rush hour could possibly look like with all 7 people he’d seen since entering town but Jon seemed pleased to be earlier than them.

An older lady laid down a menu between them both and offered them coffee with a big grin. Jon ordered a chicken fried steak and Damian ended up getting the waffles. It was the only thing probably vegetarian on the menu.

“Oh shoot, I forgot you don’t eat meat. Sorry. Should I change my order,” Jon said raising his hand.

“No,” Damian said grasping Jon’s hand and pulling it down to the table. Jon’s heart just about beat out of his chest. “It’s fine. You don’t have to change what you eat for me.”

“Okay,” Jon said and the waitress came back to the table with drinks and eyed Damian’s hand on Jon’s.

“This your new partner, Kent,” she asked and Jon noted the judge tone to her voice as she sat down their glasses. Homophobia was still alive in the country. Damian didn’t notice.

“Yes, I just moved in last night,” Damian answered and Jon was frozen in time. Damian doesn’t understand what he means, Jon thought. He can’t.

“Oh, is that right? Took off to the city and brought back a city slicker. Well, each to their own,” she said with a passive aggressive smile. Jon sighed as she walked away. He didn’t know how to explain that to Damian. Was Damian even gay? Too late now. The whole town thought he was.

After eating their meal, Jon asked the waitress for pie to go. The diner had filled up and far too many people were glancing at the pair. Damian assumed it was because he was new in town or possibly they recognized him as a Wayne. Jon knew it was that he had brought home a man. Damian also didn’t quite pass as white with his tan skin and Arabic features so probably a dash of racism too.

Jon drive down to the park at the edge of town and parked by the pond. He put on a nice face but worried that Damian wouldn’t have as easy time in Smallville as Jon hoped.

“Something on your mind, Kent,” Damian said, sitting on the back hatch of the truck watching, the ducks swim.

“Nothing. Maybe I’m a little tired. Should have gone to bed earlier last night,” he said with a laugh. Damian looked at him out the corner of his eye but said nothing and continued eating his pie.

“This pie is made with quality,” Damian said and Jon smiled.

“Better than Alfred’s?”

“Different. Alfred makes amazing meat pies but he never quite understood American pies,” Damian answered. Jon nodded.

“I have to work the rest of the week,” he warned Damian.

“I have plenty of paperwork to keep me busy,” Damian answered. Jon knew he never had to worry about Damian that way. He always kept busy. This was probably his longest break.

The next 3 weeks consisted of getting up early to care for the animals before Jon left to work at the local paper. Damian would jog 3 miles down the dirt road that the Kent farm sat at the end of. By the end of the first week, a few of the neighbors would even wave at him. Jon counted himself as having the will of a Green Lantern to leave before Damian returned every morning. Damian was a sight to behold in his post workout glow pre-shower. He would come home and most of the time Damian was cooking dinner for him. Jon was really falling for the domestics of it all.

“Don’t get used to it, Kent,” Damian warned after Jon complimented an amazing dish Damian made. “Once school starts I can not act as a housewife to you.”

“You aren’t- Dami, you’re far from a housewife,” Jon sputtered. “I know that Flamebird has been seen in metropolis a few times this week alone.”

“Well, I needed to keep busy,” Damian said with a shrug. “Eat your eggplant.”

“I’ve probably eaten more vegetables this week than I have since I would summer with Ma,” Jon said. “But this is pretty good.”

“You’re welcome,” Damian said with a pleased smile. After dinner they sat on the swing on the porch and swung as they watched the sunset like an old married couple. Damian looked at Jon more often than he needed to as they talked about nothing. Jon was so pretty in the golden light. His bright blue eye and freckles looked adorable to Damian.

“And then in August we harvest-“ Jon had been saying before Damian cupped his face and pushed his lips against Jon’s. It was rough and their teeth clanged together and Jon pulled back with an “ow.”

“Shit,” Damian said, moving to get up. “I shouldn’t have- forget I-“

“Wait,” Jon said and Damian froze. He looked so uncertain and Jon had never seen that before. “Can we- can we try again?”

“You don’t have to pity me,” Damian said curtly, getting up. “Forget I did that. I apologize,” he said going inside.

Jon sat for a minute in shock. He had been in love with Damian forever and Damian finally kissed him and he couldn’t even enjoy it. Jon went inside and stood in front of Damian’s door. His hand tentatively considered knocking but Jon couldn’t do it. Just as he turned to walk away, Damian opened his door.

“I have to go to Gotham,” he said suddenly.

“What? If it’s me, you don’t have to leave,” Jon said quickly.

“No. My brothers need me,” Damian said and Jon noticed he had his suit on under his clothing.

“Do I need to come?”

“No. It’s okay. I’ll be back later this week hopefully,” Damian said dashing outside. The screen door swung and slapped the doorframe loudly. Jon ran on the porch.

“Week?” He called as Damian’s car pulled out the drive.

Jon fretted and obsessively watched the news everyday. Krypto was getting anxious without his 3 mile jog every morning. Late on the fourth day after Damian left, Jon heard the front door open. He raced to the door. Damian looked weary and had a slight limp.

“Hi,” Jon said looking Damian over and Damian offered a tired smile. Nothing broken. “Do you need help?”

“No. I need to sleep and I will be fine,” Damian said stubbornly. Jon rolled his eyes and helped him to his bed.

“Do you need anything?”

“No thank you. I will probably sleep late tomorrow,” Damian warned.

“Sure. Of course,” Jon said slowly closing the door as Damian fell asleep. Jon barely slept that night and got up early and called out of work for the day. Damian got up uncharacteristically late around 10 am.

“How are you?” Jon asked, offering him coffee. Damian took the drink before sitting next to Jon. He had a black eye and that limp was still around. The sun shone in bright in the kitchen and Damian was once again reminded the vast difference between smallville and Gotham.

“I’m fine. Thanks,” he said quietly. Jon didn’t want to pounce Damian the first second he got home but it was very hard to not want to talk about the kiss.

“You got mail,” Jon said, handing Damian a big Manila envelope that had come in the day before. Damian wordlessly opened it as he sipped coffee.

“Oh it’s yours,” he handed it over to Jon. Jon opened it with a confused look.

It was a deed. The Kent farm deed. The Kent farm deed in Jon’s name. He looked up at Damian who had a tired half smile.

“It’s in my name. You put it in my name,” he said. “W-why?”

“It’s the Kent farm. There’s too many things with the Wayne name on it,” he shrugged. “Plus I’m far from a farmer. It should be yours.”

“God Damian,” Jon said with tears in his eyes. He pulled Damian into a hug who squawked a protest that Jon ignored. “Thank you. I can’t- thank you,” he said wetly. Damian ignored how Jon was quietly crying on him. His grandma and dad passing had affected him hard and Damian knew he was crying over more than a house and land.

“You’re welcome,” Damian finally whispered and Jon cried even harder. Damian softly pat his back awkwardly. Jon leaned back but didn’t let Damian go. He gazed at Damian with the softest look.

“God Damian,” Jon repeated. “Do you even know how much I love you?”

Damian froze and just blinked at Jon who had pulled back but not out of the hug. “What?” He simply said and Jon’s face started to contort in pain. “Hold on,” Damian said and Jon warily looked at him. Damian knew he had to lean in or Jon would take it back and Damian would be too scared to do anything until Jon did this again. And he wasn’t sure how long Jon would wait.

Damian gently cupped Jon’s face in his hands and Jon breathed in quickly. Damian was clearly nervous. Damian noted how his face was soft and his skin warm. This time he gently bent over and softly pressed his lips against Jon’s. Jon quickly reacted by leaning in toward Damian. Jon could feel the rough pads of Damian’s fingers and taste the coffee Damian had been drinking. After a short while, Damian pulled back but not away.

“I truly care for you too,” he said softly and Jon grinned. “I’ve cared for you for a long time.”

“Same,” Jon said before leaning in to kiss Damian again. Damian kissed for another few seconds before pulling back again. This time Jon tried to follow his lips before stopping. Jon’s breath was erratic and fast. “Sorry,” he muttered.

“No. It’s okay. I’ve just never- I’ve never“ Damian started a bit lost for words. Jon understood what he meant.

“You’ve never been with a man,” Jon said gently.

“I’ve never taken the time for relationships with anyone. I’ve always been too busy,” Damian admitted. He played with the edge of a napkin nervously. He would never openly admit to being worried that his lack of experience was a flaw.

“We can go slow. Whatever you want,” Jon said and he finally looked at Damian the way he had never let himself before: like he was in love with him. Damian nodded.

“I’ve just never found anyone that interesting. I mean, beside you. After a while. I wanted to throw you off a bridge at first,” Damian said and Jon smiled.

“I know. You told me,” Jon said. “We should go out to eat. There’s a place downtown that has vegan options.”

“I didn’t even know there was a downtown here,” Damian admitted and Jon laughed.

“It’s a small town. Not a hut in the woods.”

The place wasn’t ‘rush hour’ packed but had plenty of tables with patrons. Damian and Jon sat at a booth and Damian almost couldn’t handle the lovey way Jon was looking at him. Jon was staring at Damian like he was the moon, even though Damian stood out like a sore thumb in the rural town in his turtleneck and dress slacks. But that was his comfort clothing and he had given up on fitting in long ago.

“I’m going to the restroom. Order for me?” Damian asked and Jon nodded. As Damian walked towards the back of the restaurant, a man in a brown jacket and rubber boots purposefully shoved Damian with his shoulder as he walked by. Damian turned to glare at him.

“Sorry, didn’t see any fruitcakes around here,” the guy said and Damian bristled. Before he could make a scene, Jon moved over to them.

“Hi Tyler. Do we have a problem here?” Jon said uncharacteristically cold. That guy didn’t realize that he picked the worst pair to insult. Tyler looked between Damian and Jon before deciding the fight wasn’t worth it.

“Nothing worth it,” Tyler said turning around. “Bad enough to bring a fruitcake to town, it had to a brown one too,” he muttered and Damian stiffened. He knew that he got looks when he went into town. He was probably the only person that spoke more than English or Spanish in town and certainly the only one to speak Arabic.

But before Damian could do anything else but feel disgust, Jon had punched the guy in the face. Well it was more of a flick with his fist but the guy went down like a rock. Damian hid his smile as him and Jon were hurried out of the restaurant with their food to go by a worried waitress who apologized to the pair.

As they walked back to the pickup truck, Damian reached out and grabbed Jon’s hand who lit up almost instantly. Damian ignored the butterflies in his stomach as he walked. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Jon either.

“You know, it’s not everyday that a guy gets Superman to defend his honor,” Damian said quietly but playfully and Jon laughed.

“Can’t handle bigots. I’ll let you punch the next one,” Jon said with a shrug.

“I would have punched that one,” Damian answered. He turned and pulled Jon to face him before taking his free hand that wasn’t carrying a bag. Damian gently cupped Jon’s face to place a kiss on Jon’s lips before going back to walking. Jon had a stupid smile all the way back home.

[itsallyscorner]

Ik someone else already asked for like a delivery part (and honestly, that would be amazing. Like imagine the girls reacting to Baby Mix casually dropping it in their chat). But, also imagine Tom and Y/N haven’t released anything to the public and Perrie (my loose-lipped queen) let’s it spill over a virtual interview or something, how chaotic would that be????

Anyway, I truly loved your Baby Mix stories. You’re combining two of my favourite things so effortlessly. Thank you💜💜💜

Hello my love! So sorry for the long wait, I hope you don’t mind! Thank you for requesting this and being so patient with me❤️ I’m so glad you’re enjoying the Little Mix reader! stories🥰 I haven’t written a delivery part yet but I already had an idea of how I wanted to write this so...here ya go! Happy reading🤎🧸

💌.

Meet Aunty Pez

She would be the best aunty in the world, ugh🥺 Also I’m so sorry I haven’t been active, school has been keeping me busy, but hopefully it’ll ease up soon! Sending all my love to all of you💞

At 3:14am, on an early Monday morning, the bundle of joy that you and Tom have been waiting nine months for has finally arrived. After hours of enduring pain and labor, Amelia May Holland was born. Weighing at 7.5 lbs, she had the same bright chocolate colored eyes as her father, gorgeous brown hair, a mix of your and Tom’s nose, and thankfully she inherited your lips. She was a precious little thing, always cradled in the arms of either of her parents, since they both couldn’t believe she was finally in the real world with them.

The sun casted soft rays of light into the hospital room you and your little family occupied. The warm light added to the peaceful atmosphere you were all currently in. You were sat against the hospital bed, cradling Amelia in your arms, while you and Tom stared at her in fascination. You lean your head against Tom’s shoulder, eyes never leaving your baby girl, who’s nose momentarily scrunched up.

Softly chuckling, you glance at Tom, “Not even a day old and she’s already doing a habit of yours.” The gentle smile grows even wider on Tom’s lips, a sense of pride rushing through his veins.

“Well she’s definitely her father’s daughter.” He hums, his arm around your shoulder pulls you flush against his chest. Tom hides his face in the crook of your neck, placing feather light kisses onto your skin trailing down to your shoulder, where he rests his chin.

“I can’t believe we made her. Isn’t she the most gorgeous baby in the world?” He speaks in a hushed voice, cautious of startling his newborn daughter awake. He gazes at Amelia with a fond expression on his face, large fingers gingerly reaching out to softly stroke the back of his baby’s hand. She’s only been here a few hours and she’s already wrapped him around her dainty little fingers. He would go to extreme measures to do anything for her and to make sure she lived the best life she can. She was to be treated like a princess in his eyes; because she was his princess and you’ve been bumped up to be his queen.

“She’s all we’ve ever wanted.” You turn to face Tom over your shoulder. The whole morning, ever since you gave birth, the two of you spent most of the time admiring Amelia and would burst into tears at how proud you were of each other. Not only had you both just made the most precious baby in the world, but this was a new chapter in your lives. A new experience of life with a stronger bond, full of love, and years of memories that’ll be looked back on in the future.

Tom shifts his gaze to you, the look in his eyes changing to adoration. He tenderly kisses your lips, repeating the actions a few more times before speaking. “Thank you so much for this. Thank you for being an amazing wife and giving me a family. I love you so, so, so, so, much. You have no idea.” He brushes his nose against yours, shutting his eyes, to savor the meaningful moment.

“I wouldn’t be doing this with anyone else but you. You’re gonna be such an amazing dad.” You beam at him. Tom softly chuckles, leaning his forehead against your temple, “God, I hope.”

“You will, you’ll be the best one in her eyes. I already know it.” You reassure him, pecking the corner of his mouth. You turn your attention back to Amelia, who was still sleeping peacefully in your arms.

“So when should we tell everyone?” Tom asks, resting his chin on your shoulder again. You lean the back of your head against his shoulder, making yourself comfortable in his arms.

“I think we should tell our family and friends first. I’m not ready to share her to the public yet, I want her to only be ours for now.” You quietly explain. You feel Tom smile against your skin.

“Of course, darling. Whatever you’re most comfortable with, that’s what we’ll go with.”

(Y/n)🌻: sent a photo

We thought Amelia might want to pop in and say hello to her favorite aunties for the first time!❤️

Perrie🦋: oh my goodness! Congratulations🥳🥳 I’m over the moon for the both of you!!

Oh she’s precious! Look at those cheeks!! I can’t wait to meet her🥺

Jade💜: OMG WE SHARE THE SAME NAME!!

I’m so happy for you and Tom!! You guys are going to be the most amazing parents in the world!❤️

Leigh-Anne😻: Baby Amelia, you are the most adorable baby I’ve ever seen!!!😍 Babe, you and Tom have some really good genes👀

Congrats you two!! I’m so proud of you both❤️❤️❤️

Jesy💖: Thank god Amelia got (y/n)’s genes for her lips!!😂😂 I can’t imagine another loose-lipped Holland!

I’m so happy for you guys!! I can’t believe you’re already a mum, darling🥺 We love you so much and can’t wait to see you and Baby Amelia❤️

(Y/n)🌻: You guys🥺🥺 I can’t wait to see you all and get out of this hospital! This bed isn’t doing anything for my back😭

Perrie🦋: You must be so exhausted lovey, how are you doing? I hope everything went well during delivery!

(Y/n)🌻: Very painful, I felt like I was about to pass out omg😭 The doctor kept on telling me to push, I didn’t know if I was shitting myself or pushing the baby out😭

Tom’s been amazing the entire time. Bless him, I think I broke his hand while I was pushing :(

Jesy💖: Omg!! What was Tom’s reaction to childbirth?!!

(Y/n)🌻: If you thought he couldn’t get even paler, you thought wrong! He was as white as the walls in the room😭😭 He was a good sport through it all though!

Also, Amelia’s crying. I’ve got to go, I’ll talk to you girls soon!! And good luck with the interview today, you guys are gonna smash it xx

Perrie🦋: Don’t worry about us! You’re officially on maternity leave now! We’ll send your regards for the interviewer❤️

Leigh-Anne😻: Look at our baby mama! We love you❤️❤️❤️

Jade💜: Say hello to baby Amelia and that Aunty Jade loves her🥰

Jesy💖: ^Kiss ass, she’s not even a day old and the competition for best Aunty has already begun smh.

Bye darling, we’ll catch up with you soon❤️

You smiled at your screen before turning it off and placing it onto the table beside your bed. Tom was pacing the room, cradling Amelia against his chest. He was gently rocking her back and forth, alternating from shushing her to humming some sort of tune underneath his breath. You sat back and admired the curly headed boy that’s claimed your heart. Not only was he the love of your life but he was also the father of your child. Sure you guys were young, both in your late 20s, but the daddy role definitely fit Tom perfectly.

Tom must’ve felt your stare because he turned around and sent you a tired smile. He walked towards your bed and motioned for you to lay down. Using one had to cradle Amelia, he used the other to help you get comfy in the hospital bed. Still with one hand, he fixed your hair on the pillow so that it was away from your face. His large calloused hand cradled your jaw, “Get some sleep, darling. I know how tired you are.”

You pouted at him, “But what about Amelia?” He shook his head, his thumb stroking your cheek, “Don’t worry about it, I’ll try and get her to sleep. You just close your pretty eyes and get some rest in.”

“What if she’s hungry?”

“If she doesn’t fall asleep, then I’ll wake you up. Just please get some sleep, love. You haven’t taken a proper nap since this morning and I know you’re already close to knocking out.” He reasoned with pleading eyes. You sigh finally giving in, lazily nodding in response. Tom beams at you and leans down to place a tender kiss onto your lips.

“I love you both.” You mumble against his lips. He pecks your lips once more, “And we love you too, mummy.” The moment you closed your eyes, you were out like a light.

You managed to take a nap for about half an hour until you felt a few pats on your shoulder. You were immediately awake, turning your head to look for Amelia. You looked at the hospital bassinet, where you could see her sleeping peacefully.

“What’s wrong?” You ask Tom. He was sat beside your bed with his phone held in his hand watching something.

“I’m so sorry for waking you, but you should see this.” He apologized with a pitiful smile. He scoots closer to the bed so you can look at the screen. Your brows furrow together in question as you stare at Tom; it was the girls’ interview.

“Just watch.”

“Hello ladies! Thank you for joining me today!” The interviewer started. A round of “hellos” and waves were seen on the recorded Zoom session.

“Thank you for having us!” Leigh-Anne said.

“Yeah, it’s always a pleasure to be on your show, Zach.” Jade gushed. Zach made a show of flattery making them all laugh.

“I mean I guess I should start by asking how are all of you?”

Jesy was the first to answer, “I’d say we’re all doing pretty good, aren’t we girls? You know—just trying to get by especially with all that’s going on in the world.”

Perrie agreed, “Yeah, we’re lucky enough to be healthy and have the privilege to work. So I’d say we’re very blessed and making the best out of situation.”

“That’s great for you girls. AND speaking of making the best of the situation, thank you for giving us entertainment! I’ve been watching The Search and I’m absolutely obsessed.” Zach began, complimenting the show. He continued, “Although I did notice, that there’s only four of you at the moment, and in the show. How is it like to not have (y/n) around?”

Jesy pouted, the other girls having familiar reactions at the lack of your presence.

“As much as we miss her, it’s best for her and the baby to stay home and away from the public. When it comes to your career or family; family comes first, so it was totally understandable.” Jesy explained.

Jade chirped in, “Well, she’s not completely missing out. She’s had a few virtual appearances on the show and we’ve all been in contact, we always know what she’s up to.”

“How’s she doing? With the baby preparations and all?” Zach asked the girls. Their faces immediately brightened with joy, especially Perrie how squealed and clapped her hands in delight.

“Oh she’s doing wonderful, we were just texting her! She’s officially on maternity leave!” Perrie cheered. On the screen, Jesy eyed Perrie warily.

“Officially on maternity leave?”

Perrie smiled widely, “Yes, she is! She sent us a photo of the baby in our group chat and my goodness! Their baby is so cute, I just want to pinch her little cheeks!”

The three other girls’ eyes widened at the things coming out of Perrie’s mouth too stunned to say anything.

Zach squinted at Perrie, “Wait she’s already had the baby?”

“PERRIE!”

“Yeah, today actually.” The blonde answered proudly.

“PERRIE SHUT UP!”

“STOP TALKING!”

Perrie stopped, looking at the three girls offendedly, “What?”

“Oh my god, she did not.” Leigh-Anne facepalmed herself. Jade’s jaw was slack and Jesy’s eyes were wide with horror.

“Babe, do you know what you just did?” Jesy questioned Perrie, fingers pinching the bridge of her nose in stress.

You paused the video, taking in what just happened.

Tom eyed you carefully, “Your phone’s been blowing up consistently. Pez even called me to apologize, she feels really bad (y/n).”

You frowned knowing that Perrie was most likely upset at herself. You’ve been friends with Perrie for years now. It was common knowledge amongst you and the girls that if something big and secretive were to happen, you were to never tell Perrie. Not that you all wanted to leave her out on propose, she just didn’t know how to keep her mouth shut. When Perrie found things that made her happy or excited, she didn’t know how to contain her happiness. So it wasn’t completely a surprise to learn she’s told the world you and Tom were finally parents.

Tom noticed that you were still quiet, “Are you mad, darling?”

You shook your head, “No—no, I’m not mad at her. I know Perrie can get too excited sometimes.”

“So you’re okay with this?” Tom asked you, knowing that just an hour ago you said you wanted to keep Amelia away from the public. His hand reaches for yours, grasping it.

You tilted your head at the ceiling, “Yeah, I guess I am? I mean it’s not like she said Amelia’s name or anything. All she told them was that I gave birth already.” You paused and turned to look at Tom.

“Plus, I think she’s saved us the trouble of figuring out how to tell the world about Amelia.” You send him a smile. He reciprocates the action and brings your hand up to his lips, pressing a kiss to the back of it. “We don’t have to tell them anything more. All they have to know is that you’ve given birth and our little princess is healthy. Also that we’re very happy. The rest of the details will only be for us. For now.”

“For now.” You confirmed squeezing his hand. You glanced at your phone and motioned for Tom to give it to you. Scrolling through your contacts you clicked on Perrie’s name, “I guess we should call her and thank her.”

You clicked on the FaceTime icon and not even a second later, Perrie immediately answered the call.

“I am so sorry.” She apologized, hand covering her face. You chuckle at her and shake your head, “We’re actually calling you to thank you Pez.”

Her face contorts into confusion, “What do you mean thank me? I just exposed the two of you during a live interview.”

Tom poked his head into frame, “Well one, you’ve announced that Amelia’s here already, so that’s one thing off our list. And two, you just saved me months worth of relief during interviews. Now that everyone knows we have a baby, I don’t need to be scared of accidentally slipping it out when I have to do promos!”

The blonde looked between both you and Tom I’m disbelief, “Are you kidding me? If I knew you two would’ve responded this way I wouldn’t have been spending the last hour beating myself up for it.”

You laughed smiling at her. Perrie beamed at the both of you, “For just delivering a baby, you look gorgeous hun. You’re glowing.”

“Aw thank you, lovey.” You look at Amelia from the corner of your eye. “Do you wanna see her?” Perrie eagerly nods at the camera. Tom takes the camera and rounds your bed to the bassinet. Aiming the camera above Amelia he said, “Amelia, meet Aunty Pez.”

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[arrowflier]

fic prompt: the fluffiest setting you can think of for them because i need positivity in my life ❤️

The first thing Mickey is aware of is  breath on the back of his neck, slow and warm.  He smiles, eyes still closed--then sneezes as something long and fluffy brushes against his nose.

He pries one eye open, and comes face to face with a bright orange, furry tail, the weight of the animal it's attached to planted firmly against the top of his head.

He groans.

"Ian," he says to the presence behind him.  "Why is little red in here?"

Ian's voice comes from in front of him.

"Franny?" he asks sleepily, and Mickey is just awake enough to laugh at him, the movement of his chest shifting the arms around his waist.

"No, you moron," he says.  "The fuckin' cat."

Then Mickey realizes something, and his other eye pops open.  Ian's head is right in front of him, resting on the same pillow.  Mickey's arm is draped over his husband's chest, hand falling on his opposite side, fingers just brushing a sliver of bare skin near the hem of Ian's night shirt.

Ian has one arm over his head, half under the pillow--the other lies between them, bent at the elbow to rest a large hand over Mickey's extended arm.

"Hey," Mickey whispers, poking Ian's side until he grumbles and opens his eyes.  "If you're right here, then who the fuck is spoonin' me right now?"

Ian sits up abruptly, then crashes back down a second later, eyes already closing again.

"Just Brittany," he murmurs, nestling into the pillow.  "Must've come in last night, probably how the cat got in too."

"Oh," Mickey says simply.  "Guess that explains why your hands shrunk overnight," he adds, referring to the small, thin fingers grasping his own shirt near the side seam.

Ian huffs a quiet laugh.

Before they can fall asleep again, the floor creaks as someone else enters the room.

"Daddies?" a small voice asks.  "Can I come in?"

Ian leans up on one elbow to look over Mickey again.  Mickey kisses his arm where it lands next to his face on the pillow, and Ian brushes a hand through his hair as he looks over to the interloper.

"Mina," Ian greets their younger daughter, voice rough from sleep.  "What ate you doing up?"

"I woke up and Brit was gone," she says.  "Me and Basil got lonely."

Mickey doesn't have to look to know what Ian's face must look like--soft and smiling.  He feels the air shift over him as Ian beckons, then little feet are partnering across the hardwood floor and Ian is turning over to help Mina clamber up next to him.

It's quiet for a moment as they all settle together.  Brittany is still a small, warm weight against Mickey's back, her face squished between his shoulder blades.  Ian's back is to him now, and Mickey snakes his arm around his husband's waist, all the way around to his youngest child's back where Ian has her cradled to his chest.  The cat has moved down toward Ian's side of the pillow, besotted as ever by the tiny human now resting there, and curled up by Ian's neck.

The five of them breathe together.  In and out, deep and slow, as sleep wraps around them again.

Then their peace is disrupted when 60 lbs of overexcited canine bounds up onto the bed, scrabbling over covered legs and crashing down on Mickey's calves when the blanket slips beneath it.

"Basil, no," Mickey grumbles, wincing when claws dig into his thigh, but the girls are awake again in an instant, climbing over Ian and Mickey alike to join their favorite playmate in romping around on top of the covers.

"Basil, no!" Mina repeats, and giggles when the dog licks over her mouth.  She sounds so bright, so happy, that Mickey barely even minds when her foot lands dangerously close to some...sensitive areas.

Little Red--the cat, not the kid--climbs over Ian's shoulder to join the mess of limbs wrestling down by his feet.

Going back to sleep is obviously a lost cause, something Ian has already given up on.  Ian sits all the way up, rubbing his face with one hand, then bending down to kiss Mickey on his forehead.

"You hungry yet?" he asks as the children and animals play.

Mickey shakes his head, but sits up anyway, leaning against Ian's shoulder.

"Nah," he says through a yawn, rubbing his cheek on the soft cotton of Ian's shirt.

"Let 'em play a minute," he adds as Mina shrieks and nearly tumbles off the bed.  "We'll get up in a minute."

Ian doesn't answer, but his hand runs gently up Mickey's back, scratching lightly.  He sets his head on top of Mickey's, and they watch their makeshift little family goof around in the soft morning light.

Forget sleep.  If every morning was like this one, there would be no complaints.

[raeynbowboi]

Building an Embodiment of the Fairytale Princess in Dnd 5e

No matter who you are, when someone mentions fairytales, we all think of the stock characters. You’ve got your beloved princess, your charming prince, and your tempting witch, with maybe a malicious dragon thrown in for flavor. And that’s what we’re looking to build today. Not any specific princess, but rather an amalgomation of every fairytale princess and princess trope in one character.

For race, we’ll go with a human, or to be more specific a variant human. We were blessed by fairies since birth, and they gave us the gift of magic. The fairies gave you magical beauty and grace for +1 CHA and +1 DEX, as well as the gift of song for Performance for your fey-blessed skill. Tasha’s introduced the new feature Fey-Touched which gives our princess +1 CHA, the spell Misty Step, and one other 1st level divination or enchantment spell from any spell list. Charm Person, Command, and Sleep are all fine options.

For alignment, we’re practically a saint, so we’re lawful good.

And for background we’re a pretty obvious Noble for Persuasion and History.

To be a classic fairytale princess, we’re going to need to be able to sing, summon critters to do our chores, and have a fairy godmother who watches over us. The best way to do all three is to be a Bard and an Archfey Warlock. However, in order to use the Bard to their full extent, the Bard has to reach level 18 to get all of their bardic secrets. Luckily, everything we need from the Warlock can be gotten in the first two levels. All we need from Warlock are the spells Eldritch Blast, Mage Hand, Armor of Agathys, Charm Person, and Unseen Servant. Then we get two eldritch invocations, we’ll pick up Beast Speech so we can talk to animals permanently and agonizing blast to make our eldritch blast a more effective cantrip.

For this build, Charisma is our top priority. We’ll want a good Constitution to maintain concentration spells, a good Dexterity since all we’re wearing is a set of clothes (fine), and a good Wisdom score primarily for the use of Animal Handling. Strength and Intelligence will get dumped. We’ll be sure to take up expertise with Animal Handling, Persuasion, Performance, and Religion, because you’re a good medieval girl who eats all her vegetables and goes to bed on time.

Fairytale-Based Spells

Basic Fairies

Dancing Lights: they’re called fairy lights for a reason. Faerie Fire: faerie lights that help you keep track of foes. Healing Spirit: a nature spirit with a fey appearance that heals your party. Spirit Guardians: They can take on a fey appearance, dealing radiant damage Conjure Woodland Beings: You summon fey creatures to help you fight. Conjure Fey: you summon a greater fey to help you fight

Snow White

Armor of Agathys: Surround yourself in a barrier of ice when injured. Reflavor as Snow White’s glass coffin.

Cinderella

True Polymorph: the fairygodmother turned mice into horses and a pumpkin into a carriage. Wish: everything the fairygodmother did was to make Cinderella’s wish come true.

Sleeping Beauty

Dawn: a loose connection, but one of sleeping beauty’s names is Aurora or Dawn. Dream: useful for when you’re asleep and need to call someone to save you. Wall of Thorns: to keep the princess safe, the fairies raised a ticket of thorns around the castle, which only parted for the handsome prince.

The Little Mermaid

Suggestion: Mermaids have hypnotic voices that lure men to their deaths. Tidal Wave: Mermaids control the tides and waves Mass Suggestion: How to brainwash an entire ship crew. Control Weather: Mermaids were blamed for violent sea storms. Tsunami: Like tidal wave, just bigger and more destructive.

Beauty and the Beast

Unseen Servant: In the original story, the beast’s servants were invisible. Tiny Servant: to bring a tiny object to life, like the Disney version. Animate Objects: make the room attack someone, like the Disney version. Charm Monster: beauty soothes the savage beast.

Rapunzel

Rope Trick: You create a safe pocket dimension that can only be reached by climbing. Galder’s Tower: create a two story tower. Reminiscent of Rapunzel’s Tower.

Race: Variant Human Background: Noble Alignment: Lawful Good Class: Glamour Bard (18)             Archfey Warlock (2) Base Stats: Strength: 8 (-1) Dexterity: 14 (+2) Constitution: 16 (+3) Intelligence: 10 (0) Wisdom: 14 (+2) Charisma: 20 (+5) Saving Throws: Strength: -1 Dexterity: +8 Constitution: +3 Intelligence: 0 Wisdom: +2 Charisma: +11 Combat Stats: HP: 163 AC: 13 Speed: 30 Initiative: +2 Proficiency Bonus: +6 Passive Perception: 18 Dark Vision: 0 feet Proficiencies and Expertise:    Animal Handling (+14)    History (+6)    Perception (+8)    Performance (+17)    Persuasion (+17)    Religion (+12)

Spell Slots

1st (6) 2nd (3) 3rd (3) 4th (3) 5th (3) 6th (1) 7th (1) 8th (1) 9th (1)

Fairytale Spellbook

C Dancing Lights, Eldritch Blast, Friends, Light, Mage Hand, Mending 1 Armor of Agathys, Charm Person, Command, Faerie Fire, Healing Word, Sleep, Unseen Servant 2 Animal Messenger, Enlarge/Reduce, Enthrall, Healing Spirit, Misty Step, Suggestion 3 Conjure Animals, Mass Healing Word, Spirit Guardians, Tiny Servant 4 Charm Monster, Conjure Woodland Beings 5 Animate Objects, Dream 6 Mass Suggestion, Wall of Thorns 7 Mord’s Magnificent Mansion 8 Glibness 9 True Polymorph, Wish

Actions:

Countercharm. Creatures within 30 feet get advantage against being charmed or frightened following a performance check.

Bonus Actions:

Bardic Inspiration. Add 1d12 to an ally’s d20 roll 5 times per long rest.

Features:

Eldritch Invocations.    Agonizing Blast. Add your Charisma mod to your Eldritch Blast damage rolls.    Beast Speech. Cast Speak with Animals without using a spell slot. Enthralling Performance. Up to 5 creatures must make a DC 19 WIS saving throw or become charmed by you. Fey Presence. Creatures within 10 feet make a DC 19 WIS saving throw or become charmed or frightened by you until the end of your next turn. Font of Inspiration. Regain all uses of Bardic Inspiration on a rest. Jack of All Trades. Add +3 to skill checks you’re not proficient in. Magic Initiate. Choose two cantrips and a 1st level spell from the cleric spell list. Mantle of Inspiration. As a bonus action, give up to 5 creatures within 60 feet 14 temp HP points, and they can move without provoking an opportunity attack. Position of Privilege. You are welcome in high society, common folk go out of their way to accommodate you, and you can get an audience with other nobles. Song of Rest. Regain 1d12 extra HP on a short rest after singing. Unbreakable Majesty. Take on a majestic appearance for 1 minute, the first creature to target you each turn must succeed on a DC 19 Charisma saving throw or choose another target. If it succeeds, it has disadvantage on saving throws against your spell DC next turn. Use once per long rest.

Fairytale-Based Items

Pumpkin Carriage (Cinderella)

Common Wondrous Item - Vehicle

Weight: 600

This vehicle ignores difficult terrain.

Glass Slippers (Cinderella)

Rare Wondrous Item - Attunement Required

Your movement speed isn’t slowed by difficult terrain, and spells and other magical effects can’t reduce your speed. However, you cannot cross terrain that would harm you, such as lava. Because the shoes fit only one person in the entire kingdom, this item requires attunement.

Golden Stair (Rapunzel)

Rare Wondrous Item - Attunement Required

Your long hair can be used as a Rope, Hempen and a Grappling Hook. It’s attached to your head, so it cannot be broken, stolen, lost, or used up. The hair can also be used like a lasso to bind and pull switches or objects weighing 10 lbs or less closer. It has a range of 60 feet. Because it is attached to your body, this item requires attunement.

Sleeping Spindle (Sleeping Beauty)

Rare Weapon (Dagger)

This cursed spindle deals 1d4 piercing damage. When a creature is struck by this blade, they must succeed on a DC 15 Constitution saving throw or fall into a magical sleep for 24 hours. The curse can be broken by the spell Remove Curse. Once the curse has been used, it cannot be used again until the dawn of the next day.

Poison Apple (Snow White)

Common Weapon (light, thrown)

When this item is thrown, deal 1d4 bludgeoning damage to any creature it hits. When this item hits a creature or a solid surface, it explodes, creating a poisonous cloud within 5 feet centered on where it landed. Creatures inside the area of the cloud take 1d4 poison damage and make a Constitution saving throw against DC 10 + your INT mod or become poisoned. Crafting: requires fresh fruit, a poisoner’s kit, and knowing at least one spell. Crafting takes 10 minutes.

Ring of Teleportation (Beauty and the Beast)

Epic Ring - Attunement Required

Choose up to three locations you have been to before and know well. Once per day, turn the ring three times and you and any creature touching you will be teleported to whichever location you desired. You can change your three saved locations at any time, but you must be at the location to save it to the ring. The ring resets at dawn following its last use. Because the ring can only take you to places you’ve been before, the ring needs to be attuned to you.

Magic Mirror (Beauty and the Beast/Snow White)

Legendary Wondrous Item

Once per day, choose one of the following:

Cast Scrying without using a spell slot. The mirror will show you what you ask to see.

Cast Legend Lore without using a spell slot. Ask the mirror a question and it will answer truthfully to the best of its ability.

[tmema]

final thoughts on the e.vil d.ead

sucked

hated it

awful

It’s entirely possible that I missed the point of this film. It’s happened before and it’ll undoubtedly happen again. Maybe I didn’t ‘get’ it; maybe this film isn’t for me; maybe I should have watched this at a different time; maybe I’m taking it too seriously. Maybe it’s one of those things that grows on you. Who knows.

Regardless of what it may be... I did not like this movie. I did not have fun watching it. In fact, I think it sucked. I think it’s a bad movie. I think that, maybe, if it was meant to be a gore-fest, then they hit the nail on the head. But as a film... have to say I’m underwhelmed.

I don’t like how it was written.

I don’t like how it was acted.

I didn’t like the pacing and ultimately got bored of the story long before it was halfway over.

While likeable characters are not a necessity for media to be liked, it sure does help, and I found all of the characters, aside from Cheryl, to be unlikeable. Scotty, for example, was written to be unlikeable. That’ was the point. And that’s fine! But Ash as a horror protagonist... I get the ‘meow meow’ appeal but when I tell you that he makes B.lake L.angermann, one of the single most annoying men in horror, look good and competent, I’m not kidding. Because I genuinely think that, and if there’s one horror protagonist I can’t stand? it’s Langermann.

This movie could have been 20 minutes long and would have accomplished what it did in the 90ish minutes of its original runtime.

Cheryl did not deserve to die. She didn’t deserve any of that. If anything, she should have been final girl.

I don’t care if it’s a staple for the genre. I don’t care if it’s a cult classic. I don’t care if it’s some landmark film and I’m missing out. I simply think there are far better horror movies out there and that this is not one of the greats. Or even one of the goods.

I thought my bias towards Campbell would have improved my experience because I watched the Spider-Mn movies and Bur.n No.tice with my mom growing up, and we like seeing him in stuff. But it simply did not work this time. Even though I wanted to like him, I just found him utterly unlikeable.

I don’t mind if a movie is made just to be a gore-fest but it really felt like that’s what all this was and it wasn’t even fun, aside from when Scotty kicked the bucket and Ash was getting thrown around by some invisible dudes or evil or whatever.

there are more but im falling asleep as i type this. goodnight. if u endured my lbs i am keesing u. lynn langermann fans rise up. etc etc. goodnight.