#was looking for a game i could disassociate in for a bit

[rubenesque-as-fuck]

Decided to buy Planet Coaster 2 on Steam and after download/install come to find that apparently my graphics card is not good enough to handle it??? So my dumb ass just wasted money for no reason and no game 😭

[mads-hemmo]

Chuckle Sandwich x Anxious reader

TW: Mental Illness

Various situations in which the boys of Chuckle Sandwich comfort their partner with anxiety.

Charlie

Charlie and you have been together for about a year now. You are very thankful for having him as a boyfriend. He listens well and knows what to do when you are overwhelmed which is a common occurrence. Tonight is no different. The two of you went out to dinner with friends. You thought you fully prepared yourself, but you were wrong.

As you are sitting at the table, there are multiple conversations going on. It’s hard to focus on one and the sound has gotten a little bit too loud. You have pretty much shut down at this point not saying a word. You haven’t even touched your food.

“Are you okay?” You hear Charlie whisper in your ear.

You turn to look at him. “Yeah,” you lie, but he knows better.

“Can I touch you?” He asks. He knows when you are overwhelmed, you don’t like to be touched so he wants to ask to see.

You nod. He grabs your hand. “(Y/N), are those D20 earrings new?” Grizzly asks you.

“Yeah Char bought them for me,” you tell him.

“They are awesome. I just looked over and saw them,” he says before turning back to the conversation he was having.

You feel Charlie’s thumb rubbing the back of your palm. You continue to listen in on the conversations, but don’t contribute to them. You feel your anxiety getting higher with each passing minute. ”If you need to, go to the bathroom. Watch some TikToks or play a mobile game,” Charlie whispers to you, placing a soft kiss on your temple.

You give him a soft smile. You’re so happy he knows that most of the time you just need to step away from the situation. You decide to take his advice and excuse yourself to the bathroom. “I’ll be right back,” you tell the group.

Once you get into the bathroom, you watch TikToks with the sound at the lowest volume. You slightly disassociate and focus on your screen. You see a text from Charlie, ‘feeling any better?’

You smile at your phone. ‘Yes a bit. I’ll be out in a minute,’ you text him back.

‘take your time sweetheart!’

When you start feeling calmer, you wash your hand before going back to the table. All of your friends smile at you as you sit down. You start taking bites of your food, finally able to enjoy everyone’s company. “When we get home, I’m going to draw you a bath. Then we can cuddle and watch some Sailor Moon,” Charlie whispers in your ear. You feel your heart swell that you have a boyfriend who knows you so well.

If it was any other night, you could guess the things that he whispers in your ear will be slightly naughty. However, you’ve had a rough night and he knows all you need is some comfort and quality time with him.

After a while, you all finally finish your meal. Charlie pays the two of you and you give a hug to your friends. When you are in the car, you feel an immense calm wash over you. You are excited to finally be alone with just your boyfriend. He takes hold of your hand and kisses your knuckles. “Thank you for going out with me tonight, baby,” Charlie tells you.

“No need to thank me for that. Thank you for knowing me and what I need. I love you,” you say to him.

“I love you too.” The two of you drive home with just the sound of the radio playing softly.

As soon as you get home, Charlie goes to the bathroom to fill up the tub. He throws a bathbomb in to make it more cozy. You follow him into the bathroom and he helps you out of your clothes, making sure to be extra careful. Once the bath is full, he helps you inside. “Do you want help washing your hair or do you want me to set up the living room?”

“You can wash my hair. Also, can you join me?” You ask him. You have started feeling proud of yourself that you are willing to not only accept help, but also ask for what you want.

“Of course,” Charlie says, taking his clothes off. He gets in the bath behind you so you can settle in between his legs. His hands immediately start washing your hair. He softly massages your head.

After you and Charlie finish washing each other’s bodies and hair, you get out and put on your most comfortable pajamas. He puts on Sailor Moon then holds his arms out for you. You quickly mold perfectly into his body. You feel incredibly safe in his arms making you never want to leave this spot. Charlie kisses the top of your head and you feel insanely lucky to have such a wonderful boyfriend.

Ted

Before dating Ted, you lived alone and you loved it. You enjoyed the freedom of eating, watching, and basically doing whatever you want. However, when you moved in with Ted you hated being alone. You always slept terribly when he wasn’t lying beside you.

Tonight is no different, Ted is in San Diego for TwitchCon. He tried to convince you to come with him, but you had to work. You wished you used your PDO, so you could be sleeping beside him. But no, you couldn’t stop thinking about everything. Such as how much laundry you have to do. How dirty the apartment has gotten. Did you eat enough tonight? Did you eat too much tonight? What if someone breaks in and hurts you in your sleep?

All the thoughts and more kept circling your brain making your insomnia worse. You sent a text to Ted, ‘Are you in your hotel room yet?’ You figured he was probably hanging out with his friends or attending parties. Thinking about him at parties only made your thoughts worse. What if he finds someone better than you? What if he thinks you’re annoying for texting him while he’s trying to have fun? What if he gets drunk and does something stupid? You trust your boyfriend a lot, but that didn’t help the thoughts circling through your mind.

Instead of answering your text, you see Ted calling you on FaceTime. You immediately answer. “Hi beautiful. Couldn’t sleep?” he asks, obviously laying down in his hotel room. So no parties, good.

“How did you know?” You ask him.

“Well it’s almost midnight and you would usually be passed out by now.”

You look at the time on your phone, not realizing how late it was. “I’m sorry did I wake you?”

Ted’s glasses were already off and he was shirtless meaning he was ready for bed. “No you didn’t. I’m having a bit of trouble sleeping too,” he admits to you.

“Really? Why?” You ask. You feel slightly worried, but also a bit comforted in the fact that he couldn’t sleep either.

“My brain won’t shut up. Every time I close my eyes, I keep overthinking about everything. When I sleep beside you, I can press mute on my brain and sleep peacefully.”

“Exactly!” Even though you have different diagnoses, there are many things you and Ted can relate to. One of those being, brains that are constantly running at 100 mph. That’s why you and Ted work so well together. You understand each other.

“What have you been thinking about?” Ted asks you. This is one thing you guys do a lot to help each other process your emotions.

“I’ve been thinking about the laundry, the dishes, the dirtiness of the apartment in general, work, what’s going to kill me in the dark, and what if you plan on leaving me while you are gone,” you tell him. “What about you?”

Instead of commenting on how your thoughts are ridiculous, he listens to you. “I’ve been thinking about how I’m being perceived by fans, what I have to do tomorrow while I’m here, if my streamer ‘friends’ really like me, and your safety with me not there.”

You nod as he speaks. “Did that help to let it all out? It helped me.”

“Yeah it helped, but I still fucking miss you.”

“I know. I miss you too. When are you coming home?” you ask, not knowing if you’ll survive much longer without him.

“I have to stay tomorrow then I’ll head back after a few things on Sunday. It will pass by before we know it,” he tells you.

“It feels like forever. How did I ever live alone?”

He slightly laughs at you. “I have an idea on how we can both sleep?” You raise your eyebrow in response. “We should stay on the phone with each other until we fall asleep.”

“What are we 15?” You tease, thinking about the times you did the same thing with your high school boyfriends.

“I know it’s not the same as actually cuddling with you, but I think hearing your snores will help me sleep better,” Ted informs you.

You give him a slight pout. “I don’t not snore!”

“You do, but it’s cute.”

You flip him off. “Okay, I’ll lay you down beside me,” you say, laying your phone by your head.

“I’ll do the same,” Ted says. You hear him shifting around to make himself comfortable. “Goodnight baby. I love you.”

“I love you too, Teddy.” You place a small kiss on your phone screen before laying it back down. You tuck yourself in and get in the mindset to go to sleep. After only a few minutes, you hear Ted’s breath slow down as he falls asleep. Even though you would rather have him beside you, listening to him sleep helps you start to drift off. Soon after, you finally doze off dreaming of being with Ted again.

Schlatt

Schlatt had spent most of his day in his office recording and editing videos. He walks into your shared bedroom where he sees you watching New Girl, your comfort tv show. Jambo and [redacted] are laying on either side of you. Schlatt can tell you haven’t gotten up since he left your side this morning. He wonders what has caused you to not be active and lay in bed all day.

Schlatt walks over to the bed and kisses your forehead. “Hi darling, have you eaten anything today?” He asks you, knowing the answer is probably no.

“No,” you answer, your eyes glued to the tv.

“Are you hungry? I can make us some dinner or maybe door dash something.”

You ignore him. You’re not really hungry and getting out of bed sounds like a lot of work. You also remember that you didn’t take your medicine. You start wondering if the cats have been fed since Schlatt has been busy working. You feel bad for laying in bed all day while he’s working hard.

Schlatt can tell that you’re overthinking. He sits on the bed beside you. “What can I do for you?” He asks.

“You don’t have to do anything. You’ve already done a lot today. Don’t worry about me,” you tell him.

“Toots, it doesn't bother me to take care of you. Tell me what you need.”

You take a deep breath. “Okay,” you say. “I need my medicine, I forgot to take it. Did you feed the cats before you started working? Can we order food? I love you but you’re not the best chef,” you ramble to him.

He smiles at you, grateful that you’re being honest with him. He knows days like this are hard for you and asking for help is even harder. He is happy that you seem to trust him more. “Wow I’m offended,” he jokes. “I’ll go grab your medicine.”

Schlatt goes into the on suite bathroom and grabs your medicine. He also grabs the cup beside the sink and fills it with water for you. He comes back into the bedroom to hand you the medicine and water. “Thank you,” you tell him.

As you take the medicine, he grabs the water from you to place it on the bedside table. “What are you thinking for dinner? Also, yes I did feed the cats this morning.”

“Pizza?” You suggest.

“You know I’ll never say no to pizza. I’ll go ahead and order it,” Schlatt tells you, immediately pulling out his phone.

Your eyes automatically go back to being glued to the tv. After Schlatt orders, he lays beside you. “Pizza is ordered.”

“Awesome,” you tell him, not really focusing on him. Your mind continues to race thinking about various things mostly relating to work that you have to do the next day.

“What’s on your mind?” Schlatt asks. He pulls you into him so you are laying on his chest.

“Just work stuff.”

“What kind of work stuff? Obviously it’s stressing you out so talk to me about it.”

You sigh. You know he’s right, but it will sound like nothing to worry about once you say it out loud. “I just have a lot of paperwork to do. A lot of my students didn’t do well on the last test, so I’m going to have to reteach it to them. But today all I’ve done is lay around and watch tv,” you let out.

“That sounds like a lot. It’s the weekend, so you deserve to do nothing. Your work is not going anywhere and I’m sure you’ll have plenty of time to do it tomorrow. You do so much you deserve to relax,” Schlatt tells you, kissing the top of your head.

“Thank you,” you tell him. “You deserve to relax too. You work yourself too hard sometimes.”

“You’re one to talk Toots. This is why we are having a pizza night. I’ll even let you put those frilly face masks on me.”

“Really?” You ask, excitedly looking up at him.

“Yes, I want to be pampered too. But I’ll draw the line at you painting my nails. I have to appear manly,” Schlatt says, playing with your hair now.

“You’re very manly.” You peck his lips. “I promise I won’t paint your nails. I didn’t even think of that until you brought it up anyways. Maybe this is your way of telling me you want your nails painted.”

He looks at you with a slight scold. “You’re ridiculous you know that?”

“Yeah but you love me,” you tell him.

“I do, sadly,” he teases. You hit his arm. “I’m kidding. I love you lots.”

“I love you too. So can we do face masks now or?” You ask.

Schlatt rolls his eyes at you and pulls you in for a kiss. The only thing that pulls him away from you is the doorbell ringing to alert you both that the pizza arrived. You and Schlatt enjoy your pizza and spa night causing you to forget whatever you were worrying about in the first place.

A/N: I know this is long but I wanted to write for every guy. I’m not great at writing head cannons or small things like that so you get a short story for each! I am someone who struggles with intense anxiety so I hope no one is offended by any of this. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed.

[marleyybluu]

Another Man's Treasure

Oscar Diaz x f!reader

Word count: 6.8k (I am so sorry lmao)

Warnings: 18+, shitty husband, smut, p in v, unprotected (but pls don't be this stupid), creampie, dirty talk, cheating (but is it really if your husband is an ass), flirting, fluff, love at first sight type shit, Spanish/English pet names (pretty lady, hermosa, cariño), limited use of y/n(I literally used it once) idk lmk if I missed any.

(I only mention the first song but the other two are more for the… spicy scene😏)

——

The only escape from reality you had was the small moments of disassociation you had between the screaming of your children and the-

"Are you fucking kidding me?!"

The shouting of your overgrown child of a husband playing his stupid games on his stupid PS5 that you wanted to set on fucking fire. This is not the life you pictured as a stay-at-home mom, yes the piles of dirty laundry were expected, and the mountainous dishes in the sink but you never predicted you'd be doing this alone. Your own mother stayed at home with you and your two brothers but your dad would still help her around the house so that she got the time to kick her feet up and relax.

You never got that.

You were living with this dark cloud over your head and deep regrets in your mind, why did you marry this man? You did think he was the love of your life, three years together before you got married proved your theory but never did you think it was going to end up like this. The amount of work you did was overwhelming, just one look at the number of toys on the floor made tears sting your eyes. You were tired, exhausted, drained and absolutely depleted.

If this was a job, you'd quit, you would take your children and quit. You wanted to so badly but the small hope of him changing clung to you like a piece of lint. You sighed holding your eleven-month-old on your hip while you made him a bottle, anything to keep him from wailing in your ears-- Jesus, half the time you couldn't hear.

"Babe!"

Your eyes rolled, you loathed his voice at this point. "What?"

"Can you pass me a water bottle?"

"Get up and get it, I'm making Malakai a bottle."

He groaned. "For fuck sake, you're in the kitchen already."

Your nostrils flared, and your eye twitched. You wanted to cuss at him, shout at him until your voice box shattered but you kept whatever calm you had left and ignored him. A small hand landed on your nose and you smiled kissing the tiny palm. "I love you too bubba."

He flashed a little smile and your heart sobbed at the fact that your last baby was growing so fast, teeth already emerging from his gums when just months ago he didn't have any. You could never regret your three little creatures, you loved them dearly, so much so you were willing to put up with the man that helped you create them just so they could have a two-parent household but you didn't know how much longer you could take this.

Heavy footsteps trailed inside the kitchen, you could tell he was angry at the fact that he had to pause his little game just to grab some water. He looked over the sink, utterly disgusted by the site in front of him and instead of just keeping his mouth shut or for once volunteering to do them he decided to spit out a sentence that made you want to knock his head off with the glass bottle you were holding; "You need to wash the dishes."

Your blood was boiling, if life was a cartoon you'd have steam coming out of your ears. "Why don't you get off of the game and do them?" You bit.

He cracked open the bottle cap. "Hey, I'm the one that works all week, you just stay home and do nothing."

Nothing? NOTHING!?

That was it.

That was the tip of the iceberg.

Your shoulders dropped and he left the kitchen, there was that ringing in your ears again that came and went every time you zoned out. Ever since you got married you'd felt nothing but unappreciated by him, you quit your job to stay home with your children and not even a thank you, you made sure he had a good meal when he went to work and all you got in return was an "it was okay." And the disgustingly dirty dish tossed right in the sink you'd just emptied. You were at the end of your rope.

You held back your tears and lightly kissed your son on his head handing him his bottle and putting him on a beam bag so he could lay down and drink. You trotted upstairs to check in on your oldest twins who were in their room colouring and getting along for once. Then you headed to the bathroom locking the door behind you, your body sliding down to the floor, you curled up in a ball burying your head between your knees you let out a long and heavy sigh before your river of tears took over.

A cry session your body and mind were so used to. You wailed into the void, muffling your weeps so that your children wouldn't hear you and come asking what was wrong, a question you couldn't answer without them turning on their father and you didn't want to ruin that relationship they had with him.

You were just so tired.

--

As night fell you remained mute when it came to your husband, whatever he had to say you didn't respond to, you were just happy that it was Sunday and soon he'd be out of your face for a few hours.

With the kids all asleep you were in the kitchen on FaceTime with your older brother. "The kids are great, they're sleeping." You conversed.

"And how have you been?"

There was no hiding how you felt when it came to your siblings, you were the baby and the only girl so when you were hurt they knew and they'd do whatever they could to fix it. "I'm okay... I'll be okay." You reassured. He was the only one who knew some small details about what you were going through and you begged him not to say anything not even to your mother until you figured out how to deal with everything yourself.

"Hey, listen, Jordyn is going on vacation next week, she's hitting Fiji, and I think you should go with her."

You squinched up your face, you didn't have a problem with your brother's wife, always so thankful for the sister you never got but what about your kids? Could you even trust that man to take over your duties even for a day?

As if he read your mind he continued. "I mean it'll be summer break next week, and they can stay by me if you want. I just, I really think you need time away from life. I want to see my little sister happy."

You pouted, it really touched your heart how concerned he was. A vacation would be wonderful, it was all you could dream of after the kids were born, you loved them but you just wanted to be by yourself.

"I'll think about it."

"Well, don't think too hard." He joked. "Whatever. I gotta get their lunches together, I'll call you when I make my decision."

"Sounds good, night."

"Night."

The call ended and you finished packing the twins' lunch placing the bags on the only empty spot on the counter. You huffed at the dishes and your husband's words replayed in your head. Nothing. You do absolutely nothing.

The longer you stared a vengeful plan began to brew. You were about to show him what doing nothing meant.

--

You decided you were going on that trip, Jordyn was excited and your brother was happy with your choice. The week flew by quickly, you kept up your normal appearance of keeping the house clean and to your husband's liking and by each day you grew more distant from him not like he cared in the first place.

On the last day of school you explained to the twins that you were taking a trip with Aunty Jordyn and they, unfortunately, couldn't come but they'd be staying with their uncle and they'd loved that man to death so they were excited either way. Your house was a mess and for once you smiled at it, you'd been letting everything pile up for the last two days, packing the clean clothes they did have in advance. The only explanation you gave your husband was that they were all staying by your brother for the week but you didn't mention that you weren't coming back.

You were leaving tonight and there would be no stopping you. You loaded the van with their stuff and yours and hollered for them to get their little butts in the car. "Last one in the car has stinky feet!" You laughed at the building volume of stomping feet coming across the hall and down the stairs, your twins were out and your youngest sat on your hip giggling at their antics. You happily wrote a short note.

Bye.

That's it.

You showered your baby in kisses and grabbed your keys before heading out the door, you locked it and made your way to the car, buckling in your baby and making sure the other two were in securely. You closed the door and first time in a long time you felt a weight off your shoulders, you smiled in satisfaction at how you left the house knowing you were not going to answer a single phone call from that man.

--

Jordyn squealed. "Ugh! I am so excited I don't even know what to do with myself!" You laughed at her enthusiasm as you put your hair up in a ponytail. It was day 2 of your trip and you were living life, you couldn't remember the last time you felt this relaxed. Now, of course, you missed your children it'd been the longest you'd ever been apart from them so you were a bit clingy with the calls but it was all understandable.

You two were hitting the beach today and you were a bit nervous, nobody had seen your body in almost a year not even your husband but Jordyn had persuaded you to find your behind in a two-piece bikini and you argued that you'd wear it as long as you could wear a cover-up so it was a deal. You looked yourself over in the mirror, you felt oddly confident. You looked fucking good. Three kids did your body right.

"You sure you want that cover-up?" She teased watching you admire yourself. "Hmm," You angled your lower half so you could check out your bum, how plump it had become over the years. "Maybe not."

She winked. "That's my girl."

You two grabbed what you needed and headed down to the beach which was right in front of the hotel you were staying at. The slight wind brushed against the water sending a cool and comforting breeze your way, your ears wiggled at the sound of the waves, and the giggles of other vacationers enjoying their time like you were.

The cushiony sand had greeted your toes after overflowing onto your sandals. You two travelled until you found a decent spot, it was close to the bar and the body of water. You set up your area as best as you could but you were in a battle with the beach umbrella Jordyn insisted on bringing. She watched with her hand covering her mouth to camouflage her laughter. "Okay, you know what, I'll handle this and you go handle us some drinks."

You childishly stuck out your tongue and strutted your way over to the bar, you hopped on an available stool. The bartender noticed you asking for you to just give him a minute. "No worries." You responded. You went on your phone and checked the many pictures your brother sent of your children, you smiled and a bit of sadness tugged at your heart. You missed your babies dearly.

The number of messages went up and it could only be one person. You promised you wouldn't look but you just had to, you swiped and tapped on your husband's name.

Where the fuck are you!?

The house is a fucking mess!

I'm not cleaning up, I hope you know that.

Baby, come on, we can work this out. Please.

You scoffed at the last message and put your phone down casually being greeted by the bartender who watched your various emotions while you went through your phone. "Everything's okay?"

Oh. Wow.

He presented a sweet smile, your eyes slightly widening at the sight in front of you. He was handsome, scratch that, he was fine as fuck. The shaved head didn't usually work on a lot of men but it did him justice, the scattered tattoos on his pretty and tanned skin, his broad shoulders that looked like they were made for legs to be hooked on and not to mention his big arms that looked like they could hold you snug and tight all through the night.

"Uh, yeah, everything's... everything is good." You stammered, a queasy feeling crept through you as it settled in your lower stomach. Butterflies? But you couldn't even remember what that felt like in order to come to that conclusion.

"Good to know. What can I get you, ma?"

You shuddered at his voice. He could talk to you all day.

"One Long Island, and one Piña Colada please."

He nodded. "Starting off slow I see." He chuckled. "Eh, we're on vacation, gotta soak it all up before we go back."

"I see," He multitasked making your drinks and conversing. "And when does the pretty lady go back?"

You blushed, should you even tell this literal stranger when you're actually leaving? But he felt... comfortable, easy to talk to and it's not like you'd ever see him again. "End of the week."

"Oh, you have plenty of time to get shit-faced." He encouraged. He'd finished your order and placed the liquored-down drinks in front of you. "Don't worry about paying yeah? It's on the house. Enjoy your vacation pretty lady."

"Y/n... you could just call me Y/n."

Not like you wanted him to, pretty lady was working just fine

"Nice to meet you. Oscar... Diaz." He winked. "Thanks, for the drinks."

"Anytime, pretty lady."

Your legs felt wonky as you walked away, and your breathing quickened. You did your best to walk back to Jordyn without looking back, if you did you were pretty sure you'd fall, just clumsy as fuck. "Girl, that man was watching you walk away." She whispered. "Stop." You poked, shoving her drink toward her. "Oh please, his eyes were on you." Jordyn gazed over to the bar, "He's still staring."

You casually whipped your head around and sucked your teeth when you noticed he wasn't. You glared at her. She snickered taking a sip from her Long Island. "Makes good drinks too."

You sighed, "Shut up."

The topic was silenced, you downed a few more drinks but sent Jordyn to get them instead while you swam around in the cooling water, floating around enjoying the peace the water brought you. But you couldn't help but occasionally look over to the bar. Oscar Diaz... nice name. Nice face. Cute little moustache that sat above his lips and a goatee that sat below. Pretty rosy pink lips...

Your eyes darted away. You're married.

Are you though?

You swam back up to the beach, it was beginning to get dark and the patrons on the beach became scarce. You wrapped yourself in a towel and collected anything Jordyn hadn't packed up yet. "You want one more drink before they close up? Maybe your new friend will allow it." She teased. You took off your flip-flop and threw it at her but your reaction only made her laugh.

A familiar voice was heard behind you. "So she's beautiful and she's got good aim, better watch out." 

You quietly gasped. "Hi... Oscar."

"Hey, uhm, listen I own a club not too far from here and you know it's a decent hangout for the locals... and the visitors." He winked. "Wanted to know if you two would like to come check it out?"

You fought back a smile. "We could try." You answer without even thinking. "I'll take that," He reached into his pocket handing you a folded piece of paper, you assumed had the address of the place he owned. Your fingers brushed against his, prickles felt like they were forming on your skin and those weird feelings returned in your lower stomach.

He sent you another wink and headed back off to the bar to close up.

--

Of course, Jordyn was down to go. You groaned internally as you two pulled up to a crowded place, looking up at the illuminated sign reading Cloud 9. Hmm, cute. You pulled down your dress as it rose up with each step, your heels clicking against the cold ground, the music booming so loud you could feel your body vibrating the closer you got to the entrance, flashing lights of different colours beamed through the door every time it opened blinding whoever entered. "Where's your friend?" Jordyn asked. "Have patience, I just told him we got here."

"Mhm." She sassed. Your heart thumped in your ears, it pounded against your chest. What were you doing? It was a question you asked yourself from the moment you got back to your room and began to get ready for tonight. You shook off your thoughts and shifted your eyes over to a black door that slowly began to open. "Hey, over here." Oscar waved you two over and you followed. "What's going on, pretty lady?... And pretty lady's friend."

Jordyn nodded at him as a silent greeting, she was just here to observe your anxious behaviour for her entertainment. "Come on," You followed him through a dimly lit hallway and up a flight of stairs, your nerves building and sudden regret forming in your bones until you entered a brighter atmosphere, the loud music returning to your eardrums. He had led you two to a section that only had a few people, you could assume it was the VIP section.

"Anything you two want to drink just let me know and I got you."

Jordyn raised her eyebrows at the tempting bottle of unopened champagne sitting in a bucket of ice. Oscar chuckled granting her permission to open it, she shimmied her shoulders in excitement and got to work. You shook your head at her, you travelled over to the balcony and looks down at all the patrons having the time of their lives, a few familiar faces from the resort and others that weren't recognizable which you could only assume were locals.

Oscar found his place beside you and nudged your shoulder with his. "You want anything to drink?"

"No, not yet, I'm good."

He slowly nodded. "So, what are you doing in Fiji? Besides vacationing."

You huffed, "I just needed time to myself... to get away from shit."

"I hear that." You could just feel those sweet and curious brown eyes boring into the side of your head, you poked the inside of your cheek with your tongue and looked down at your shoes, just anything to not make eye contact with him. You were shy, you were never shy not even with your husband when you first met him. It's like this was a new feeling, you were queasy and nervous and it honestly felt good in a weird way-- it felt good to not be comfortable, to get all flustered over someone like a schoolgirl crush.

"You really own this place?"

He scrunched up his face. "Half own, I guess. My brother and I came here for an escape just like you and we ended up staying. Now, we own Cloud Nine and I work down at the resort once in a while."

"Oh, you're a busy man."

"I try to be." Oscar chuckled. He was so easy to talk to, why was he so easy to talk to?

You found yourself moving a bit closer. "What were you trying to escape from?"

"Life. I wasn't happy where I was living and I wanted better but... given the circumstances, we just couldn't get it. So I threw a dart on a map, so to speak, it landed on Fiji and we've been here ever since."

"Where are you from then?"

"Originally born in Mexico, we moved to LA, and then out here."

"Would you ever go back to the States?" You asked finally looking up at him knowing he hadn't taken his eyes off you all night. He leaned forward, officially entering your bubble. "If I had a good enough reason... yeah."

You looked up at him through your lashes and softly smiled, meanwhile, Jordyn sat on the couch sipping and shaking her head at the sight in front of her. She would playfully scold you in the morning but tonight she'd let you have your harmless fun.

As the party went on you were getting a bit bored being upstairs so you grabbed your girl and headed downstairs to where the crowd was and of course Oscar was right behind you, he felt a sense of protection over you two tonight given this was your first time out here and inside his establishment. You had found enough confidence to start dancing around, a little two-step from left to right to get you going, but soon the constant flow of drinks Jordyn handed you helped you loosen out of that as well.

The DJ was beginning to play all the oldies, and that was your specialty. Oscar watched in adornment as you killed every lyric, every adlib and every beat to whichever song came on. It had transitioned from a bit of Hip-hop to something a lot slower.

  "Right now, we're gonna slow it down a bit, so grab your lovers and take your time."

The lights changed to blue and a recognizable first note had you close your eyes.

Mmm ooooh, my my my my my my my babyyy ouuuuuu

Jordyn had already found herself dancing with a random woman. She looked widened her eyes at you and quickly flicked them over to Oscar, trying her best to encourage you to make your move. But he was faster. You felt yourself being pulled into his warm embrace, his strong chest against your exposed back, his hands carefully snaking around your waist as if he was worried about you rejecting his touch but you gladly welcomed it.

Melting into his hold you two swayed side to side, he leaned down comfortably nuzzling his head into the crook of your neck. You were lost in the vibes of Keith Sweat's Right and a Wrong Way. You reached back hooking your arm around his neck lightly scratching his scalp with your nails. "You smell so good, mamita." He whispered, it was a miracle that you heard him. Your lips parted slightly as you felt his warm breath tickle your skin. His swift hands ran up your sides resting right under your breasts and gliding back down to your hips.

A thumping began between your thighs, now that was something you hadn't felt in a long time. You put that feeling to the side no matter how hard it was to do so. The rest of the night it felt like all the songs were targeted for just you two, you hadn't eased up on him once-- always in close proximity to him. He touched you in simple ways, ways you hadn't been touched in almost a year.

It was getting super late, almost three in the morning and you couldn't recall the last time you were out like this, it'd give you hell when you woke up but it was worth it. You and Jordyn rode back to the resort with Oscar, she exited the car first thanking him for the night out and wobbling her way inside. You giggled watching her walk away, "I should get in there before she tries the key on the wrong room."

But you didn't want to leave him.

And he didn't want to leave you.

"Thanks for tonight, I had a lot of fun."

"No problem, anything to help a pretty lady escape." He bit his lip. "What are your plans for tomorrow?"

"Recovering," You laughed, "But other than that nothing."

"Can I see you again?"

You gulped and nodded. "Mhm."

He laid out his palm your eyebrows furrowed as you rested yours on top of his, he brought the back of your hand to his lips and placed such a gentle kiss on your skin. "Goodnight, mamita."

You wanted to scream. You left the car putting a little swing in your hips as you walked away, you looked over your shoulder and sent him a cute little wave before disappearing behind the doors.

— —

And that's how you spent the rest of your trip, shamelessly flirting with Oscar. You got to know each other a lot more, when you weren't spending time with Jordyn you were with him. Giggling like an airhead and blushing red like Rudolph's nose.

Jordyn constantly teases you about the crush you'd seem to quickly develop.

"Is this stupid?" You ask shoving your face in the pillow. This all felt too good to be fucking true, a guy that you met only four days ago was treating you so much better than the man you married four years ago. Oscar had flowers for you at the front desk of the resort every morning and sent you the sweetest messages throughout the day about how he was thinking of you, how he caught a glimpse of you today and you looked stunning, calling you the prettiest woman he'd ever seen step on this island.

You convinced yourself they were all lies, sugarcoating you like he probably did every woman but who were you fooling? Certainly not yourself and certainly not Jordyn.

"It's not."

"I'm married." You argued tiredly to which she fake yawned. "I don't see a ring on that finger and I don't see that man treating you any better than Oscar has. Just saying."

The fingers on your right hand brushed your vacant ring finger, you'd taken it off the minute you got on the plane, you didn't want to be reminded of him on this trip at all and yet there was that piece in the back of your mind that reached out to him. Checking his messages once in a while but never responding, he was giving you the attention you wanted but it didn't feel right.

The fact that you had to spontaneously leave to get even a fraction of what you were asking for was bullshit. Downright bullshit.

You groaned sitting up the pads of your fingers now rubbing your temples, tired and stressed. The trip was almost over and you dreaded going back to that house that was no longer a home. He'd sent you pictures that he'd finally cleaned up but you had a feeling once you returned home things would go back to the way they were and you did not want that.

"I think your brother would agree with me, you've smiled more in these past few days than I've seen back home, I mean you two are always so distant when you come over. And don't think I don't hear your rants when you and your brother are on the phone. Now I don't condone cheating but, hey, I didn't see shit."

You sighed checking your phone for any recent texts from your husband but Jordyn caught wind of what you were doing and snatched your device. "Enough with him. Flirt and have fun before you have to go back to normalcy."

You heard your phone buzz in her hand, she looked at the message for you. "Speaking of, someone is downstairs."

You felt nauseous. "Where are you two going anyway?"

"Down to the beach, said he has to restock the bar... and I wanted to spend time with him so I offered to help."

"Mhm." She winked. You grabbed your phone back from her grasp and told her you'd be back soon. You left your room, entered the elevator and headed downstairs where Oscar was happily waiting for you. "Hola querida." He become more comfortable speaking Spanish around you, especially when he noticed how the little nicknames got a reaction out of you.

"Hi," Oscar noticed the shaky tone in your response and made note of it You had comfortably slipped your hand inside his, he immediately hooked his fingers in the spaces of yours. Like he was your puzzle piece.

You two headed down to the decent-sized Hut, your eyes widened at the number of boxes sitting on the sand. "Don't worry, I got the heavy bottles, you just get the small ones." He reassured pressing a kiss to the top of your head. You loved those, so innocent and sweet, although you wish sometimes he'd kiss you on your lips or you had to courage to kiss his. "Think I can't handle the big boxes?" You scoffed walking inside after him.

"I think you can, I just don't think my pretty lady needs to."

My pretty lady.

ugh!

With music playing in the background you two got to work, "Do you still think about running your own restaurant?" You asked sparking a conversation, you squatted down to the lower shelves and propped the glass bottles in an organized fashion, eyes tearing through the material of your sundress and you could feel them. "I do, yeah. Why?"

You bit your lip. "Would it still be down here?"

There was a beat of silence. "Most likely."

Another pause in the moment aside from your soft humming to the music. "You excited to see your kids?" He asked. You smiled at the mere thought of them. "I am. My three little headaches." Oscar found himself next to you, leaning against the counter, you stopped your movements and looked up-- he had one arm folded over the other and a bit of a scowl on his face.

"What?" You innocently question standing up to match his eye line, well more-like chest line. "Nothing, just trying to take my time to remember this face." He reached for your cheek, his fingers ghosting your flesh. "You flirt like this with all the girls here?"

A question that was supposed to come out jokingly but you were a bit serious. "Nah," You squinted at him watching his lips press together, his chest stuttering as he held back a laugh. "You asshole, I knew it." A dramatic hand to your heart as you playfully pouted at him and fake cried. Oscar's arms enveloped you in their warmth, you attempted to push him off but it was no use, your feet suddenly off the ground, you squealed and giggled as he switched positions with you plopping you on top of the counter.

He placed his palms flat on the side of your thighs while he was positioned comfortably between them. "To be fair, hermosa, it is kind of my job. But believe me when I say I've never spent any time with them. And I've definitely never brought them back here after hours." His thumb and pointer finger pinching your chin. "Just you, princesa."

You melted, your whole body could be seen physically slumping in his hold. His eyes sparkled while he looked at you, the crinkles in his eyes appearing as he smirked. Before you could comprehend anything his lips brushed yours, your head suddenly becoming foggy with the inappropriate images of him that you'd conjured up these past few days.

His nimble fingers danced along the hem of your dress, a rush of heat passing over you as he hiked it up further exposing more of your flesh.

This was no longer a want... it was a need.

Your hands landed right under his jaw as you pulled him in crashing your lips onto his and he happily reciprocated your energy, his hands wandered up to your hips tugging you closer to him as if it were possible. Your lips moved as one, tongues passing by in the heat of the moment, the only thing on your mind was him and you wanted it to remain so for as long as possible.

Tingles scattered around your body, both of you flushed with lust and arousal. Your hands travelled to the bottom of his shirt quietly begging for him to take it off, you needed to feel his skin, thankfully he got the message-- pulling away for a brief moment to remove his top. Your eyes glazed over his lightly tanned skin, little scars here and there you can only presume he earned before he got here.

You smiled at the strewed ink on his torso, chest and ribs. "What are you thinking about?" He inquired. You looked back up into his brown iris'. "I wish I had met you first." You mumbled drawing him back down, this kiss was a lot more passionate and slow unlike the first.

Oscar's hands gently tugged at the neckline of your dress, your breasts spilling over and his calloused hands finding them. You softly moaned against his lips, your nipples hardening from the cool breeze and his fondling. He pinched and rolled them between his fingers, your head tipped back and his teeth nipped at the column of your neck.

You were forming a small pool in your panties at his teasing. His tongue grazed your neck continuously licking and sucking a specific spot that was getting a squirming reaction out of you. You felt his devilish smile, he knew what he was doing to you and he liked it.

His hands moved from torturing your swollen breasts back down to your thighs shoving your dress up until your little black panties were on display. You sat on the edge of the counter making it a bit easier for him to remove them, the cool air hitting your soaking slit.

"Touch me, please, touch me." You whined not caring about how desperate and needy you sounded. Oscar listened to your pleas and dipped one hand between your legs, his fingers quickly finding your slick folds. You shuddered as he glided two fingers up and down, dipping them inside you once in a while.

You were soaking, you were throbbing, and you just wanted him inside you where he fucking belonged. He slowly plunged his fingers inside, you clench around them happy to have something pleasuring you. Your eyes are closed and your legs spread further for him, nails digging into his shoulder blade hopefully leaving little indents.

He pumped them in and out of you with the squidgy noise of your wetness to follow. "Yes... oh yes, like that."

Oscar felt himself twitch under his boxers using his other hand to undo his belt and pulled down his materials. His dick is hard and his tip a rosy pink turning cherry red oozing with a bit of cream, his hips buckled once his hand brushed over it-- equally as desperate as you were. Your erotic moans were like music to his ears, so much sexier than he could've pictured. You whined once he removed them your hole flexing around nothing as you caught your breath.

Oscar hooked your legs over his arms spreading you to his desire, you reached between your bodies firmly (but not too tight) grasping his length and guiding it to your entrance, his swollen head prodding inside you as the rest of him followed.

Your jaw slacked at the feeling of him deliciously stretching you out, he was so thick and it felt so nice. Oscar croaked out a moan while burying himself deep inside your warmth-- coating his dick with your sticky walls, so slick and welcoming that he didn't want to move.

You caressed the back of his neck as he pressed another kiss on yours, trailing it up the side and finally landing on your mouth. You giggled into the kiss, Oscar pulled back with a questioning look. "I can't tell the last time I felt like this." You mumbled under your breath but he heard you. He didn't want you to leave, hell if you didn't have kids he'd probably try to convince you to move out here with him.

He didn't say anything in response just pulled out and pushed back in. "Fuck." You both moaned.

His head dipped back down, nibbling on your sweet skin.

You whimpered through every tantalizing stroke he gave you, his tip poking right at your hot spot and you knew you wouldn't last. "You feel so good!" A sentence broken by little gasps. Oscar grunted, violently gripping your thighs as he pounded you, pulling the filthiest sounds from your pretty little throat. So loud and erotic he was sure they could hear you back at the resort.

Your eyes squeeze in absolute bliss, your head hazy from the constant pleasure you received, quickly feeling a sensation in your lower belly a wave of heat threatening to take over. Your palm lay flat on his back while the other gripped the edge of the counter.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck! Oscar!"

He lifted you off the counter a bit, relentlessly slamming into you now. Your high getting closer and closer. "I can, shit, I can feel you mamita. So fucking tight."

Your toes curled and your eyes rolled. "Baby, ohhh, I need to..."

Oscar smiled. "You wanna cum for me, baby? Come, mi amor, all of it."

His words tipped you off the edge, your back arched and your body trembled from the shockwaves of your orgasm, he held you closely revelling in your pulsating pussy dripping down his shaft.

He quickly brought you off the countertop, your wobbly legs barely holding your support. He turned you around, you barely recovered from the first position.

You were sensitive and extra wet just how he wanted you. You flinched when he pressed himself against your entrance once again, pushing in ever so carefully. "Fuck... you."

He laughed menacingly, his hands squeezing your hips. "That's what I'm doin' pretty lady."

You wanted to give him a smart-ass answer but it was cut short when he began to move. Your nipples were hard against the surface, you rested your head down and whined. "So fucking good."

"Yeah?" He chuckled spanking you. He was enjoying the pornographic sounds that you provided, all going straight to his dick.

He wrapped his arm around your waist pulling you up against him, back pressed on his chest, his warm breath in your ear. "Can't get enough of you I swear." He admitted.

He poked and prodded against that familiar spot, tears of overwhelming pleasure threatening to spill when he pinched your nipple. "Fuck! I'm gonna miss you, so fucking much."

"You gonna think about me?"

"Yes! Oh!"

You felt him twitch inside you, you smiled egging him on. "I won't stop thinking about you, when I touch myself I'll picture it's you-"

"Fuck, cariño,"

"Ou, you're the only one I want inside me."

You convulsed around him feeling another orgasm quickly building and getting ready to fall apart. A few more thrusts and Oscar held himself still inside you, your body shivering at the warm cream he just spilled inside you. His high triggering yours. You reached behind hooking your arm around his now sweaty neck.

The sound of the wind against the water and the waves crashing describe exactly how you felt right now.

"Oh... my god." You said breathlessly.

"You're okay?" He asked with a laugh. You giggled tipping your head back on to his shoulder. "Better than okay."

He sighed kissing your back. "I meant it..." You said.

"What?"

"I'm gonna miss you."

He smiled sheepishly. "I'll miss you too."

--

Those moments replayed in your head constantly, it was the only thing getting you by once you came back home. You two still talked every day, called and FaceTimed but it wasn't enough. You would stare at the prices of tickets and sigh, you couldn't afford to go back right now.

Your life was the same, unloved and unappreciated, despite the embarrassingly desperate messages your husband had sent when you were on your trip. You stared at another pile of dishes, your shoulder sinking with exhaustion. With your two older ones at school and your son almost an hour into his nap you decided to just relax. You clicked on Netflix and attempted to finish Bridgerton's, Queen Charlotte.

Your eyelids felt heavy, sleep threatened to take over but the doorbell had them shoot open. It wasn't just one ring it was multiple and it was annoying so you assumed it was your brother. You groaned trudging to the door. You swung it open aggressively, ready to give him a piece of your mind. "You're going to wake-"

There he was. Standing in front of you, on your doorstep... at your house. "O-Oscar..." You poked his chest to see if he was really there. "Said I'd come back when I have a good reason." Your eyes softened, your arms reaching for him. His lips immediately find yours. "I," kiss, "fucking," kiss "missed you."

Your legs wrapped around his waist as he stepped inside closing the door. He carried you over to the couch and plopped you on the cushions. You laughed, your mood immediately changing with him around. "Jordyn told you where I lived didn't she?"

He nodded. You rolled your eyes. "Of course."

"Not happy to see me?"

You pulled him down for another kiss.

"Beyond happy."

I was going to wait until the weekend to post this but I am a little too excited to get this out.

Shoutout to my girl @darqchilddaydreamz for her input on a few things and her encouragement. Holdin it down ✊🏾

if you liked this fic feel free to like this fic, comments and reblogs are appreciated.

Alsooooo thank you for 800 followers, yall cool as fuck thanks for fucking with me and my antics.

Peace and love see you in the next one✌🏾

🏷: @darqchilddaydreamz @skyesthebomb @realhotgurlshit

[hxney-lemcn]

Late Night Chaos — Daisuke x gn! reader

summery: things start going bad on the Tulpar, and the worst possible outcome comes to fruition

tw: reader is implied to have trauma surrounding domestic violence (specifically loud arguments), Jimmy making the worst choices imaginable, if you watched/played the game then you should be good

a/n: haha, so I choose unbearable angst...

wc: 1.2k

Master List

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven | Part Eight | Part Nine

Tense. That was the best way to describe how you felt. Eyes locked forward, tuning out the conversation around you. You despised fights, bringing you back to a time you long wished to forget. This was meant to be a party, a break from all the monotonous work, a celebration. Apparently you all had to share a communal birthday party, and according to the veterans (Anya, Swansea, and Jimmy), it was Captain Curly’s turn. You were excited, looking forward to having a good time, have some cake and maybe play some games. It was a surprise party as well, which made it all the better. You and Daisuke had taken charge of decorating, placing up banners and balloons with the help of Swansea. Even Anya was excited, putting a birthday hat on Polle, the Pony Express mascot. 

The captain had looked surprised, a small smile curling on his lips as you all stood in front of him wearing birthday hats…but you noticed it seemed a bit strained. Unfortunately, he was the only one able to make the cake, leading you all to wait for it to be made. The air was light though, everyone sitting down and waiting for Curly to cut the first slice. Well, at least that’s what you were waiting for, instead, Daisuke asked Curly to make a speech.

“Can’t argue with that,” Jimmy agreed.

“Speech, speech, speech!” Daisuke chanted with a grin. 

“Go on,” Anya nodded, also seeming excited. 

“I…” Curly hesitated, blue eyes trailing across you all in uncertainty.

“...Hey,” Jimmy cut in. “What’s wrong?”

That was the catalyst. Curly had explained that you were all losing your jobs, and were the last shipment for Pony Express. You felt your stomach drop, hunching in and eyeing the older adults that surrounded you. You were merely an intern, you could bounce back from this, but the people whose entire lives depended on this job? You were just waiting for the pin to drop.

“Pony Express finally kicking the bucket, huh,” Swansea grumbled angrily. “What a joke. And we’re the punchline.”

“I don’t have any savings,” Anya spoke up shakily. “T-they can’t just do this, right?” You continued to look down at your empty plate, feelings unbearably uncomfortable. Glancing at Daisuke who sat beside you, he seemed to feel the same, the both of you the odd ones out.

“Pony Express was one of the last manned crew freighter companies,” Swansea explained. “The writing’s been on the wall for a long time.”

“When did they tell you?” Jimmy asked, and you felt yourself freeze. His tone was icy calm, but you could see the anger swimming behind his eyes. 

“Earlier this week. I was instructed to wait until we’re closer to the haul destination. But I can’t keep something like this from you all.” Curly responded, and just like that it was like you could hear the pin hit the ground.

“...So I guess you got what you wanted, without the guilt,” Jimmy chuckled humorlessly. 

“Jim…” Curly trailed off, looking like a kicked puppy. His people pleasing tendencies were starting to make you feel sick…and the electric tension you felt in the air. “If I had known…”

“I can go back to my…how’d you put it?” Jimmy mocked, causing your shoulders to tense. It was then that you started to disassociate, mind turning empty as Jimmy continued to berate the Captain. You flinched when Jimmy hit the table, wearily eyeing Jimmy’s angry expression. Too much, this whole situation was too much, you felt the incessant need to run, but also frozen in place. 

You nearly jumped in your spot when you felt Daisuke’s warm hand envelope your own, looking just as uncomfortable, but also worried. You squeezed his hand tightly, using it as a distraction from the unsettling atmosphere when Captain Curly began to cut the cake, fidgeting with the rings that lined his fingers. 

You had become more on edge after that, jumping at any noise that was too loud, scared of making the situation worse somehow. Anya, who you had looked up to as being strong, had become battered, clearly terrified of what her future held. Swansea had become even more isolated, swiping tools from Daisuke’s hand and muttering ‘just lemme do it’. The captain seemed tired, unsure how to fix an unfixable situation. Even you knew there was no way for there to be an option where everyone won. Then there was Jimmy, more irritable and snarky, like a mini whirlwind causing a trail of disaster in his wake. If you were avoiding him before, then you were acting like he had the plague now. 

Sure, when he snapped at you for seemingly no reason that one time you were ready to fight back. He had just been an annoying boomer who thought he was better than everyone else. But now? Now it was different. He was a desperate man who had no hope, and that’s what terrified you. The pure, unbridled anger in his eyes at the party made your skin crawl, and you thought for a split second that he would do something that would bring you all down with him. 

…

“Hey, you okay?” Daisuke asked softly. It was only two days after the unfortunate ‘party’ and all the effort to get you to open up seemed to have been instantly undone. He noticed your discomfort during the argument, but he had been wrapped up in his own effort to try and act like everything was okay instead of addressing the problem head on. But it got to the point where he couldn’t ignore it, heart twisting painfully everytime you tensed at his touch, the split second fear in your eyes before calming down when realizing it was just him. 

“Yeah,” Your response was desolate. It was obvious you weren’t okay, and Daisuke nearly backed down, but your blank gaze didn’t sit well in his chest. 

“You’re lying.” He hated confrontation, but he didn’t like seeing your teasing and cheerful demeanor subsiding into something timid, frightful and bleak. Sure, the crew had an argument, and even he felt like he was walking on a tightrope, but you didn’t need to be so scared. 

“You’re right,” You didn’t even try to fight back, fingers twitching, feeling on edge. A silence fell between you both. He was getting nowhere, and he wasn’t sure how to get you to just tell him what was wrong. It was better to share your worries than keep them in, but he also didn’t want to pry too deeply into a topic you didn’t want to share. 

“Why?” Daisuke asked, feeling hopeless.

“I have a bad feeling,” You spoke, eyes finally landing on your frowning boyfriend. “Something really, really bad is gonna happen. I just know it.”

You seemed to have a foresight that he lacked. Your haunting words echoing through his head as the red emergency lights blared throughout the ship only four days later. Everyone scrambled to the Captain’s corridor, and Daisuke could only watch on in horror as Captain Curly stood burnt, hands and feet trapped in the emergency foam, Anya ordering you to get her medical supplies. As you rushed past and made eye contact, an understanding was held in both of your gazes. 

You were right. Something really, really bad had happened.

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Hey,

I don't know if you're the right person to ask, but I wanted to try.

I've just been broken up with for the first time after two years together. We live together.

Right now I feel as if I'm dying. The emotional highs and lows are exhausting, and while I know I will probably be alright and I also have exams next week. I don't know how to focus on studying while my life feels like it's falling apart. I wish I could just take a week and surround myself with people to get away from this horribly empty, desperate feeling.

Oh, mate, I'm so sorry. Break ups actually launch you into a grieving process, so it's no surprise it's throwing you for a loop. Terrible timing before exams, too.

This is all going to be fairly broad advice, because I don't know your exact situation, but:

Given these timings, I would say that right now, you're kind of entering emergency mode. You're going to need to find time to process the break up, but until next week is over, you don't have time yet. So, first of all, is staying elsewhere for a week an option? Do you have friends you can stay with for that time, for example? Can you negotiate with your ex so you stay elsewhere for a couple of days, then they do, just to get exams out of the way? If this is an option, it's worth taking - it'll be a lot easier to handle both pressures if you can.

If not, I'd advise being a bit canny about how you structure your time. I'm assuming you're in university atm, and unis (over here, anyway) have late night/24 hour computer/study rooms. You can't stay in one, sure, but make use of it. You'll be able to focus far better on revision for exams in an academic space where you aren't surrounded by memories of your ex, and right now, you need to give yourself the best possible chance.

You know when you personally focus best, but studies suggest it's an hour or so after we wake up, whenever that is for you. If this is true for you, make a routine - in the morning you get up, get yourself ready, go to uni and study. Use whatever system you like for this (more in a bit). Plan one fun activity to go and do later, though - this could be a movie, dinner with friends, a nice walk, a few hours video gaming, whatever. Take the time to do it. Make sure you plan it in the morning, so you have something fun to look forward to later. This is an important step not to miss. Your brain needs the nice endorphins right now.

Study tips:

Rally friends and classmates. We're a social species - we learn better together. Test each other with flash cards, teach each other sections of material, just be next to each other while you both study.

Learning styles are a myth in the sense that people don't just fit into one style, but they are true in the sense that there are different ones and your brain will like some and not others. Find out your favoured blend, and then use the study techniques recommended for them.

Use Pomodoro! Study for 25 minutes, break for five minutes. In that break, physically get up and walk around. After four Pomodoros in a row, take half an hour break and do something fun. This is a good online timer to help you stick to it.

All of those are about engaging your brain as much as studying. But the other two pieces of advice:

Firstly, if you don't already know how and you're able to do it safely (i.e. you don't suffer from disassociation), try mindfulness/meditation. If you're finding the grief is intruding into your brain and you need to focus, do a five minute mindfulness session, then carry on.

And secondly: tell your student services. Tell them that you're mid-break up, still living with your partner, and you're worried about exams next week. Ask them what systems are available to help in case you do badly as a result. Tell your lecturers (or at least , whichever lecturers are relevant) the same.

The reason for this is to establish a safety net for yourself. When we have exam boards as lecturers, if a student's profile comes up and it's full of low marks or fails, the first question I get asked by the Academic Office is "Did they engage with us about the issue?" And if I can say yes, that student gets far more leniency.

Hopefully some of that is helpful. If you want to chat in a bit more detail, feel free to DM me. Good luck! And I hope you find peace soon.

[esmedelacroix]

Nerd Alert

synopsis ! he’s an American football player by day and a passionate mathematician by night. She’s a well-rounded historian and writer who couldn’t evaluate a derivative to save her life. They lived in two different worlds but shared the same study room.

previous chapter | series masterlist

cw ! no use of y/n, y/n is _____, fluff, slow burn, college au, ooc sukuna, f!reader, child abuse/neglect, alcohol abuse,

fic radio ! idfc by blackbear

a/n : this one is a bit shorter. the next one is longer promise.

Sukuna lived multiple lives. In a weird way, he was so many different people depending on his environment. When acting in almost every scenario, you lose yourself.

Deep down. Under all the layers Sukuna had created to protect himself, He was a nerd at heart. He enjoyed comics of Superheros fighting bad guys. It was what inspired him to workout and go to the gym. His favorite DC comic heros made him feel strong. Like he had a chance against the weird men that preyed on his mother or the ones that would get violent with her. His mom didn't give a rats ass about him. Then again she was too deep into her high to realize the situation she was in. More importantly, the position she put her son in.

Ryomen secretly played Five Nights at Freddy's with his elementary school friend Nanami. He couldn't take the bullying he would receive in school if they knew he loved comics, playing weird video games, scary movies, and math. He already had enough problems whenever he looked into his bank account or went to his house.

When he started football, Sukuna found a sport he loved and could hide behind. Why be seen as weird when he could be liked by most people? Slowly, Sukuna became the kid who would agree when others said math was hard and then miraculously got an A. He became the kid who said he didn't study the night before when his dark eye bags indicated he did.

He even stopped hanging out with friends like Nanami because he wanted to hang out with his cooler friends. Though he never wanted to seem like he cared for anything, he truly cared about his public image. He never wanted people to notice he was broke so he worked two jobs to afford clothes and an occasional haircut.

His heart dropped to his ass when he looked up from the essay you were helping him out with to see Toji wide-eyed and confused looking through the glass wall. He immediately burst into the room without your permission. "Dude, what are you doing here?" he questioned.

Sukuna froze. Nothing was coming out of his mouth. "We're studying. What are you doing here?" you echoed.

"I'm just doing some work. Deans are on my ass about getting my shit done to keep my scholarship."

In all the years that Sukuna had been friends with Toji, they did everything together. They rushed for their frat and got hazed together(Sukun ended up keeping the pink hair cus he 'lowkey fuck with it'). He opened up about his home situation and brought him to his place. Toji was the one who recommended he put his mother in rehab while he was away at college. After four years Sukuna was still mending his broken relationship with his mother.

He couldn't admit that he was good at school and cared about his grades. "Why don't you believe me? Ryomen's in three advanced math courses. He did all those problems on the board."

Sukuna stared directly at his laptop disassociating. He didn't know what to do or say. Here you were, very inconsiderately exposing him. "What d'you gotta say for yourself, bro?"

Sukuna looked up at Toji shocked to see him grinning widely. he visibly looked confused and Toji laughed. "I'm just playing with you I know you're smart as hell," Toji chuckled pulling out the chair across from the two of you.

"What?" he finally said.

"Dude, I'm your best friend. I suspected you were a nerd all the way in high school. You think I don't notice things? You have mad comics under your bed. You use a Nintendo too. If that's not enough proof, I know you play Zelda on it when you think everyone's asleep. There was also that time I needed to use your laptop and I accidentally saw your report card," he explained.

You were impressed by how close he and Ryomen were. It completely surprised you that Ryomen was a full-blown nerd and not just some jock that was good at math and wore his prescription glasses when he forgot contacts.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked annoyingly.

"It was fun watching you try to act cool and hide it," Toji shrugged.

Sukuna let out a groan and sunk into his chair with his head in his hands. "I hate you," he mumbled

"Love you too, bud," Toji smiled.

The three of you spent that evening studying. You and Sukuna yelled at Toji as he did his homework like angry adults who don't know how to parent.

The weekend finally arrived and you were in the football stadium with your friends cheering on the team. You were wearing some school merch and jeans. Your hair was in a messy bun matching Geto's as you took your seat with your arms full of snacks and drinks.

You put a bit more effort into your style and hair today. just for you to throw it into an updo and get ketchup everywhere.

During half-time, the team huddled and dispersed. Sukuna squeezed his water from his bottle while pouring some on his face and shaking his head to get it out of his hair. Droplets of sweat accompanied.

He looked around in the crowd and once his eyes met yours they stopped and his expression changed. It was unreadable but it changed. He scanned you and you waved. He didn't wave back he just stared and when his coach called him over he rejoined the group. You shrugged it off and continued to talk to your friends.

The second half of the game was phenomenal. The whole team was connected. Sukuna was making amazing plays and the team was scoring so much that you had to sit down and take a breather for, how much cheering you were doing.

When the clock ran out, you and your friends shot out of your seats happy to see your team had won. All the guys high-fived. But Sukuna turned around looking directly at you making eye-contact facial expression still unreadable but soft around the edges.

You mouthed a 'congrats' to him you were sure he caught before his team huddled around him.

"Don't think I didn't see the two of you eye fucking. Right in front of my salad, tsk tsk," Geto smiled looking ahead.

"Oh shut up," you rolled your eyes elbowing him.

"you like him~" he sang.

"As if."

You played things off cool, but the heat rising to your face and your bouncing leg told Geto everything he needed to know. You were crushing. Hard.

. . .

-> next part

@minasuniverse @not-a-glad-gladiator @love-me-satoru @sukunawhores @emoedgylord @domainofmarie @sadrna @lazylunarlover @tamishadawn @boudoirbae @river-vixenn @bitchyfestivalbouquet @elizabeth-von-winken-universe @clp-84 @emochosoluvr @yoongithebean @linaaeatsfamilies @magalimachete @chubbydumplingbarnes @katsukiseyebrows @sukubusss @r33m-world @pelicanpizza @mykuronekome @linny-bloggs @your-mum3000 @jayathelostdragon

comment to be added to the taglist !

[dreamingkatie]

There's so much out there around the idea of women as objects. Inhuman. Thoughtless. Useless. A couple of holes. I can sorta see the appeal, especially if you - as a bottom or submissive or whatever - find peace in that sort of disassociation. But at its heart, it feels too hedonistic to me. Too impersonal. Too transactional. Too physical, and while the body matters, so do the mind and heart. Anyway.

In the beginning, Anne hated when he’d use his strength against her. In high school, he’d chase her across the football field, his strides devouring the distance between them. It was always a game to him, ending the same way: Anne breathless, pushing at him, and Travis laughing, his hands too hard, his body engulfing her.

Now, every Sunday since the baby was weaned, his mother takes the grandchildren for the day. And the chase begins again. He doesn't have to. He could take her by the wrist, or by the hair, shepherd her into the bedroom. But sometimes, he needs her to run. He needs to remind her.

Today he gives her a head start, leaning against the doorway. She glances back, her dark curls catching the last bit of sun, her white dress fluttering as she sprints toward the trees. He raises a hand in a slow wave, counting to thirty. The cicadas hum.

He steps off the porch when he reaches his count - he never cheats. She disappears into the woods, jumping over fallen branches. “Anne,” he speaks quietly, tracing her path in his head. He walks slowly.

At the edge of the treeline, Travis pauses. He listens. The world holds its breath, waiting with him. Then, faintly, the crackle of leaves underfoot. He smiles and steps into the trees, finding his pace now. He stops to listen every 10 yards. He looks to the ground, following the broken branches, partial tracks, disturbed leaves.

It isn't a great hunt, honestly. If they had more than a few acres--and he's working on that--it might take a little longer than an hour to catch her. She's gone up a tree before, and that was fun for a little while, but she doesn't own a pair of jeans anymore and bark is unforgiving when you're scrambling and bare legged.

He catches her at the northwest edge of the property. Her hair is stringy, falling out of her ponytail. Her face shines with sweat.

She darts behind a tree, feigning one way to take off back to the house. He catches her, his fist wrapping around her hair. Her dress rips at the shoulder. She twists away. A quick and vicious slap and he pins her to the ground, the earth cool and damp beneath her. She bucks against him, but his grip on her wrists holds firm. Her breath comes fast, shallow. His little bird.

Travis holds her jaw in place and kisses her bruised mouth. Smell of pine, damp earth. He feels it, every time. When her resolve turns to docility. The softening. He kisses her again, pressing his leg between her knees. Her mouth opens and he presses closer, tasting the salt of her sweat, her tears. His hand runs down between her legs, and she lets them fall open–shamed, soaked. He nods, laughing softly into her mouth.

[sakuralovespossums]

JJK Teachers x Autistic Student Reader (Platonic)

Satoru Gojo 🩵

It’s obvious that jujutsu society still lives by old fashioned and bigoted ideals (ie. hating women and non-sorcerers) so it wouldn’t surprise me if they were also ableist.

As a result, it can be pretty challenging being a neurodivergent sorcerer student without options for accommodations or counseling, as if being a sorcerer student itself wasn’t hard enough.

Still, you tried your best to mask your autism and keep up with your peers the best you could.

This didn’t go unnoticed by Gojo though (the guy sees through everything, c’mon)

He would quickly take notice of your behavior and habits (stimming, disassociation, difficulty grasping social queues)

He suspects that you may be on the spectrum and looks into your student files to confirm. Once he’s proven right, he decides to do some research on it himself so that he can better understand and help you.

One day after class, Gojo calls you to stay for a minute so you guys can talk.

“Hey y/n! Mind if we chat for a bit? It’ll only be a minute!”

You feel nervous as you walk towards him, hoping you didn’t do anything wrong.

“Listen, I know we’re not exactly in the same boat, but I know what it’s like to mask around others all the time.” He says while pulling his eye mask.

He tells you he gets feeling different from everyone and having to put on a persona to make them like you.

“Just know that you don’t have to wear it around me. I’m your teacher and I wanna get to know the real y/n. Course, it’s up to you though. I’m not pushing.”

He then tells you that he’ll make the accommodations you need to help make your classroom experience less stressful.

And if any of those old geazers complain about it, they’ll have to take it to him.

You don’t even realize you’re crying until he hands you a napkin with your favorite character printed on it.

It’s a gift he got for you from his recent mission.

You happily accept it and wipe your tears away before embracing him in a tight hug. He returns the hug with one arm as he looks down at you with a genuine smile.

He’s glad he could reach out to you and make you feel safe around him.

Since then, Gojo takes more note of your autism and accommodates to it however he can.

You’d think he wouldn’t care with how……insensitive he can be, but he does acknowledge the impact mental health can have on people. He couldn’t be there for Suguru, but he’ll try to be there for you.

He asks you what kind of foods you like/don’t like before he leaves for his missions, so that he knows what kind of snacks to bring back for you.

Makes sure you understand the instructions and materials in class. He’ll check on you privately, just in case you don’t want him asking you in front of the other students.

Will still make you the butt of some of his jokes (but it’s never to make fun of your autism).

He just finds your difficulty with grasping his sarcastic humor too good an opportunity to not poke fun at.

Can still come off as insensitive sometimes (it’s Gojo) but is trying his best. Just let him know when he’s said/done something to upset you and he’ll stop.

Sometimes when it’s just you two, he’ll listen to you explain your current special interests.

Imagine him listening to you talk about your favorite show on the phone while fighting a special grade curse.

“Mmhmm, yeah? Hold on a sec y/n.” He finishes killing off the giant curse in front of him. “Sorry about that, you were saying?”

He knows what it’s like to be easily overstimulated since his six eyes enhance all his senses. He also gets migraines a lot because of it, just like you.

If you have/had a Digimon hyper fixation, you’re his #1 student now. He will test you on your Digimon knowledge. You’ll both get lost in back-and-forth conversations about the lore, show, and games. If he deems you a worthy fan, he’ll even let you play his old Digimon games.

The highest form of honor you could receive from him.

When you and your class are out in town and enter a crowded area, if you feel extremely overwhelmed, Gojo will teleport you out of there to a place with less people.

Either that or he’ll grab you and turn on his infinity, giving you space from the bumping crowd of bodies around you.

If you’re going through a burnout and need to be away from people for a bit, he’ll understand and probably leave a candy outside your door.

He knows you need extra help and accommodations with your disability, but he never treats you differently from his other students and knows you’re tough enough to handle whatever’s thrown at you.

You are a sorcerer, after all.

He wants to guide the next generation of stronger sorcerers where no one gets left behind, including those like you.

“Gojo-sensei, why are you staring at that corner?”

“Just trying to figure out why you’re always staring at it during class. What makes it more interesting than me?”

“Sensei!!”

:))

Nanami Kento 🥖

He also quickly notices your autism and makes sure you feel comfortable unmasking around him.

He does NOT tolerate discrimination/unfair treatment of any kind towards people based on their disabilities.

I imagine one of his coworkers at his old accounting job was on the spectrum and understood how challenging it could be for them. So he would try to help them however he could.

Because of this, he has more personal experience under his belt to better understand how to work with you.

He thinks it’s shit how a lot of society and the education system (both in and out of jujutsu society) are so unaccommodating to people with physical/mental health needs.

If you have a hyper fixation with bread and/or cooking, he’ll gladly listen to you talk about it however long you want while donning his usual stoic expression.

Don’t worry, he’s not bored or annoyed. As a fellow culinary lover himself, he’s genuinely interested in listening to you talk and will engage in the conversation.

The way you enthusiastically talk about your interests reminds him a bit of Haibara.

He admires your attention to detail and strong sense of empathy towards people, animals, and inanimate objects.

His low voice is very calming to you.

If you follow a specific schedule and/or organized, he’ll admire that too since he also hates falling behind schedule.

If you are spacing out during an important briefing about a mission, he’ll say your name to get your attention or gently pat your shoulder.

“L/n-san…”

“Oh, sorry!”

“That’s alright. Do you want me to repeat what I just said?”

If you’re in a dissociative episode, he’ll calmly ask you what’s bothering you and help you work through it however he can.

If you’re going through a burnout and need to be alone for a while, he’ll understand and give you as much space as you need.

He might knock on your door to give you a small packaged pastry. He hopes it helps.

He understands you may have some internalized ableism, so he makes sure to speak positively of your autism to help you build your confidence.

“L/n-san, why do you have a coat with you when it’s March?”

“Oh, well it was pretty cold this morning. And…well…it’s not anymore but…..”

“I see. That’s a rather smart decision on your part.”

“Really?”

“It means you’re always well prepared for anything. That’s an important skill to have as a sorcerer.”

“Thanks, Nanami-sensei.”

“………………….so can I try on your gogg—”

“No”

[ladyhyakinth]

This took me 2 days to complete so let me explain why:

(1) Top Favorites:

Avgust- He reminds me of my little brother. He's surprisingly perceptive with what's happening around him and very intelligent. I like how he can sense beyond what everyone can sense, like their Udimos. He has a lot of potential as a grown-up (I think he could be a sailor/ley line hunter). Also it's rare for gacha to have a male child that's playable.

Recoleta- She's the type that grows on you. I get giddy every time I hear her speak Spanish and I love her Insight 2 art(I'm low-key learning Spanish because of her). I love how she determined she is and how strong her principles are. I'm excited to pull for her when 2.6 comes out.

Another reason is her relationship with Aleph. When I first heard from Merui that 2.6 involved "a twisted game" I knew their dynamic would be so compelling. Then only to hear that they're pen pals!? And that they equally care so much about each other, and that they are fundamentally lonely people who found solace confiding to the other, and the thematic/narrative weight they share!!? It! placed! me! on! chokehold!

Windsong-🎵She's my main, she's my side, she's every woman that's on my mind🎵. Looks of a supermodel, heart warm enough to melt the artics, and an ULT that surpasses the limiteds. She's THE old reliable and what more could you want?

J- I thought I would like Dessert Flannel more but then I thought, who do I constantly draw and think about like it's my Roman Empire? I grew to love him because of @lifegoesonevenifeverybodyisgone's comprehensive analysis about him.

Isolde- I hated her at first (and was even terrified) when I played her part but when I read the story again I realized that she's basically me. Jsolde made me appreciate her innate good qualities and I hope that she can get out her hypnosis and grow as a person.

Aleph- Basically everything about his character design and writing spoke to me.

(1) When I was 12 to early teens, I was addicted to researching mental illness and the one that fascinated me the most was DID (Disassociative Identity Disorder). I studied what causes DID, why certain alters are made, how they 'switch', their mindscape, how they navigate life, alter integration, testimonies from various systems, etc.

He's practically the embodiment of my former hyperfixation.

(2) Red hair is very beautiful and it serves as a lovely contrast to his black-and-white color scheme. In general his character design really stood out from anything I've seen. He looks impossibly cool!

(3) His relationship with Recoleta(Please refer to Recoleta's part). For me they are giving platonic or alterous soulmates like the type of dynamic that warrants the song "Minefields" by Faouzia, "Lend me your voice" by BELLE, "In the name of Love" by Bebe Rexha, or the "Unconditionally" by Katy Perry.

(4) He reminds me of Beast from Beauty and the Beast, Eric from The Phantom of the Opera, and a bit of Monte Cristo. It's the "what's behind your mask" and "healed through the act of kindness/love" kinda broken character vibe.

Other characters via reblog ⬇

[ghoulie-67-baby]

No choice - Luke Alvez.

Summary: A deadly mistake by the local police department forces a haunting choice.

Warnings: General criminal minds issues, weapons, blood, death, disassociation, angst, fluff, crying, language, pet name.

Pairing: Luke Alvez x fem!reader (platonic/ otherwise).

Notes: Cariño = Sweetheart/Darling (Cambridge dictionary has a few different meanings).

Word count: 1,901.

The profile was racing through my head as the SUV sped down the highway. Our unsub had been through so much pain in her life. I didn't condone what she had done for a second, her victims may have been disgusting people but no one deserved death, especially not under the torturous circumstances she had carried it out. But there was a part of me that couldn’t help feeling pity for her, sad for the life she had been dealt and empathy for the horrific life she had been thrown into. It still didn't make murder acceptable.

The vehicle skidded to a stop, all of us filing out fully geared up and waited as Prentiss gave us all fair warning.

"She won't hesitate to attack if she's cornered, everyone needs to be on high alert and nobody goes anywhere without backup. Understood?" The team let out various mutters of agreement, upholstering our weapons before splitting up to find her. Alvez and I nodded to each other as we took the path towards the barn. I muttered for him to hang back just outside the door so I could shout for him if I needed help. She didn’t like men, hated male cops and Alvez being in there with us would mean she wouldn’t back down.

The door groaned in protest as I nudged it open, instantly focusing my weapon on the woman in the centre of the space. Wild eyes met my own as she spun in my direction, blade in hand as she froze.

"Carly, I'm Y/N with the FBI, I'm going to need you to put down the weapon." I kept my voice steady and gentle as she weighed up the situation, but didn't lower the weapon. I couldn't help but be glad Alvez had waitied outside knowing he was there if I needed the backup.

"I'm not going to jail." Her voice was hoarse and unsteady, making me twitch at all the different ways the scenario could end. "Do you know what they did to me?"

"I just want to talk Carly, put down the knife." I nodded towards the outstretched blade, trying my best to keep the situation calm. "I know they hurt you, I know they put you through so much when you were too young to understand and I know it left you feeling damaged and scared but I'm here to help you."

"You know," The blade lowered slightly and I held back a small smile of victory. "They would use me. They would make me watch and join in and I was just a kid. They'd make little games out of it, see how far I could run before they caught me and did what they wanted." I suppressed a shiver as her eyes filled with tears, recalling the sudden onslaught of unwelcome memories.

"I know and I'm so sorry but they're all gone now Carly, remember, you put an end to them. You stopped them from hurting anyone else and you saved so many other little girls." I explained, hoping the admission would put her more at ease. "You just need to come with me so we can get you some help, you can finally tell your story." Her limp, dirty hair bounced as she nodded furiously, she needed people to know what those bastards were really like, why she had to put an end to them and a dark part of me couldn't help but understand.

"I'll come with you but I don't want to be left alone with any guy cops okay? You have to stay with me." I bit the inside of my cheek. I couldn't exactly stay by her side forever but I could at least do this for her arrest.

"I can do that but we all need to be safe okay?" I nodded, looking pointedly at the blade once more. She began to lean down to place it by her feet when the front entrance swung open behind me, flashlights and the local police barging in.

"You liar!" Her voice was shrill, eyes full of fear and fire as noise erupted into the barn. Her grip tightened on the blade and with a screech of anger she ran at me with it raised. I tried to shout back, to tell her to stay calm and it was a mistake but she wouldn’t listen.

My shots rang out through the barn as she charged towards me and I froze as she crumpled before me like a puppet without its puppeteer. The noise around me filtered into the background as I froze, eyes impossibly wide and hands shaking making my gun rattle in my hand.

Tears filled my eyes as the hum of voices got louder, almost deafening. I could just make out a group arguing against another group and Luke’s shouting came into focus amongst the crowd. He was yelling at the local PD for rushing in, creating unnecessary danger, and telling them I had it handled but they didn’t want to hear their mistake.

“I was outside for a reason. You didn’t need to shoulder barge past! You should have just listened! We had here where we needed her and you trashed it.” His anger and frustration put me more on edge, and my knees began to tremble. "She could've killed our agent!"

My eyes were on fire but I couldn’t blink, like I had no control of my bodily functions. My chest rattled in tandem with my gun and all I could smell was nitroglycerin and the dampness of the barn being infested with the metallic blood. The pool of blood was growing under her body, hay floating in the crimson as it spread towards my feet.

“Hey, Y/N,” The voice was gentle and a hand cupped my elbow gently but I couldn’t move to look. “You okay? Are you hurt?” Luke’s face came into my peripheral and I begged my body to move my eyes to him but to no avail. He must have realised my eyes were fixed on Carly and stepped in front of me tentatively, movements slow and smooth as if trying not to startle a scared animal.

“Y/N, can you look at me?” my eyes seemed to just look through his chest as he placed his hands on my gun and slipped it carefully from my white-knuckled grip, handing it off to someone on the side. “Y/N, look at me.” His voice was a little firmer this time and it took every ounce of my strength to flick my eyes up to his, vision blurred by the obscuring tears.

My hands were clasped in his, pressed against his chest from where they’d stayed frozen after removing my weapon and I flexed them slightly, taking a grip on his t-shirt, his vest having been discarded already.

“Hey,” he whispered, a gentle smile on his face. “There you are. Can you hear me, Cariño?” I nodded jerkily, scalding tears finally falling down my cheeks as I gasped in a breath, the world finally coming back into an overwhelming focus. “You’re okay, you doing great. Are you hurt?” This time I shook my head, taking an unsure step closer to my teammate despite my shaking knees.

“Okay, we need to get you out.” My eyes finally blinked, tracing over the barn, noting the concern of the rest of my team and the questioning looks of the PD. “Can you walk with me?” His hands ran down my arms to hold my elbows as I nodded. My steps were unstable and numb as we stepped back out into the sunlight, the light making me wince but I focused on the earth crunching under my feet, the smell of fresh air and the warmth beside me.

The SUV came into focus as we passed the cruisers, making our way behind our big vehicle and away from prying eyes.

“Sit down Cariño,” The door opened and Luke lifted me by the waist so I sat with my legs handing out the door, eyes level with him. “You feeling okay?”

“Yeah.” The word held such a blatant lie and tasted sour on my tongue. In my head I was screaming, clawing at my own mind in anger, shock, and regret but I didn’t have the energy. I wanted to scream at the officers for barging in, wanted to claw at them for ruining it, for making her look at me with such fear but my body didn’t react.

“Y/N, you’re lying to me.” The accusation was gentle, his voice soft as his brows furrowed in sadness. “It’s okay that you’re not but you can’t bottle it.” More tears fell at his words and I clasped onto his hand, needing some form of comforting contact.

“I shot Carly.” My voice sounded dead, monotone. “I shot her because she ran at me with the knife.” Dark brown eyes bore into mine as I confessed. “I shot her because they didn’t listen to you. She was scared and angry. She wanted it to end. She was ready to come with me, she was putting the blade down and they fucked it up.” The dam finally burst as all my words flooded out like the tears that tracked down my face. “They fucked up and I had to kill her because she would’ve killed me.” I gasped out, my heart hammering in my chest and my throat tightening.

“I know, it wasn’t your fault.” He assured me but his words felt wrong. I shot her, pulled the trigger and watched her fall. That was me. That made it my fault. “It's not your fault Y/N, you know that right?” I froze at his question, not knowing how to answer it. Yeah, I shot her but if they hadn’t run in then it wouldn’t have happened.

“I shot her Luke,” my voice broke, trailing off on his name. “She was 19, she was so young and I just shot her.” My stomach curdled at the thought.

“You had no other choice Y/N, she would’ve killed you.” I nodded at his words knowing deep down that it was true. “You did your job, you followed protocol and you’re alive because of it.”

“She had her life ahead of her.” Yes, it would most likely be in prison or a mental health facility but she deserved to live, she’d already been through enough. “She was still a baby.” My voice cut out into a wail as my chest seized in pain, my face scrunching in agony as it hit me like a truck.

“She was practically a child.” I slumped forward, caught by Luke’s body as I fell into his shoulder, face buried in the crook of his neck as I cried. Strong arms wrapped around me as I shook us with my cries, the force of it making my chest heave. He sat silently, patiently waiting as I let out my grief into his shoulder, fingers clenched in his shirt.

“You’re okay Cariño, you’ve got this,” His words were so gentle, so soft as my cries settled back down. “I’ve got you.” My heart melted, feeling safe with him as he walked me through the onslaught of emotions. I knew he had my team's backs, knew he had my back, he would always be by my side and although it didn’t solve this issue, it sure as hell made me feel a degree better.

[intimidatingpuffinstudios]

Oh, please, dear author, how could we not love our little cutie patootie? Our babygirl did nothing wrong. <3

Beside that i always wondered why Mornie did that. (Sorry if you already answered this and i missed it!) I think i read one side story (which was from the second book i think?) from where i got the impresion that Mornie and Manny go waay back. So it always confused me why she suddenly decided to go against his orders. Not only that but why she then went to him after she failed him. Surely she must have known that nothing good awaited her? (And also, she doesn't seem to be too scarred from that bite, which should have been a horrific experience for her... Not that i am calling for blood ... or anything... haha... just you know... a nightmare or two cant hurt~)

Manerkol is forever babygirl ❤️☺️✌️

So uhh... Dis be a bit spoilery, but since it will never be explicitly touched upon in the books...

Mornie is kind of...in love...with him. Like, big time.

She is always trying to prove herself, have him look at her for just a moment longer.

But she was starting to realize that nothing she did ever made an impression on him.

Then, when he told her not to harm the MC, she was shocked to her core.

There was no strategic advantage to extending extra effort to ensure the MC's safety.

But what hurt the most was how Manerkol delivered the order.

His eyes had momentarily flashed with smoldering heat before he glanced to the side.

To anyone other than her, it would have seemed as something so small and unnoticeable that it was rendered inconsequential.

His voice got just a breath huskier, raspier. The sound of it alone was enough to shatter her concentration.

All her dreams, condensed to this one, fragile moment.

But the name that fell from his lips was not Mornie's.

And then he was walking away in a soft swiss of robes and the scent of jasmine left in the air.

So you will excuse her if she got a bit jealous. You will excuse her if she got a bit upset.

The way she saw it was:

1) Get the MC trussed up like a chicken, terrify them, make them feel as ugly as she was.

2) Bring them back to Manerkol as swiftly as possible and finally get the recognition she deserved. The attention.

3) Why wait for months to achieve what could be done in a couple of weeks with the right approach?

3) She was running out of time.

And then when she failed... She went back to him dreading what he would say to her, but she did not think for a moment he would actually hurt her.

She thought she was different from everyone else.

She knew he would forgive her.

As for the bite uh...she remembers that it happened. She understands what it means.

But she does actively remember it. She cannot recall images, sounds, nor a single detail.

Just a clinging, toxic black. As for her nonchalant behavior afterwards...

Trauma is a very peculiar thing, and suppression and disassociation can override everything else.

So, for those of you thirsty for her blood, I hope you can take some comfort in knowing that Manerkol did a stellar job punishing her...

That's not to say you may not get a chance to deal with her personally in the game lol!

Sorry if the answer got a bit heavy 😅

[vic-draws-sometimes]

Sad wet cat

In which Soap takes care of his bf

Ghost hasn't slept in days. They're stuck on base, waiting for the signal to just go on a fucking important mission. They have at least one more week of waiting, and Ghost is actually going feral. He can't sleep, lest he thinks about the ongoing mission and everything that can go wrong, or worst, past missions gone wrong.

And everyone knows it, because he can't stand still. He barely eats his food, yells at anyone dumb enough to talk to him, and he keeps training. Exhausting himself on the bench, then on the treadmill, and when his muscles are trembling he goes to the shooting range and shoots until it's nighttime.

Obviously, Soap is one of the people that first noticed. He tries to spend time with Ghost, ease his mind, but nothing works. Alcohol just makes it worst. He's too worked up to get a boner to have sex. Sleeping is out of the question. He can't focus on a movie. So he just goes about his day and checks up on him once in a while, making sure he eats every day.

One day Soap doesn't see him for breakfast, not unusual, but still concerning. Maybe he finally went to sleep and just didn't wake up? But his room is empty. His office too, and Soap can actually see how much of a mess it is.

So he goes to the gym and sees him running. He decides to let him be. Except he doesn't see him at lunch either, and when he goes to the gym, he sees him on the same machine running like his life depends on it. That can't be good, but maybe he took a break while Johnny was out?

It's only when he comes back in the evening and Ghost is still there, running, that Soap decide enough is enough.

''Ghost'' Soap walks up to him, no answer. Ghost barely acknowledge his presence.

''Ghost!'' Once again, he's ignored.

''Simon!'' the man finally flinches and when he sees Johnny finally stops the machine.

''Don't call me that.'' his voice his rough, out of breathe. But he's still breathing quietly, which is eerie.

''It's your name.'' at that, Ghost shakes his head.

''Simon has been dead for years.'' Johnny can't help but roll his eyes. That bit again... He understands that Ghost is disassociating, but he sounds straight out of a movie.

''You look quite alive to me.'' he says, deadpan and folding his arms. Unsurprisingly, Ghost snaps at him.

''Don't play dumb with me!'' he steps off the machine and Soap steps back, ready for a tackle. But Ghost's legs tremble under his weight. He seems genuinely surprised by that.

''Oh, you're a little weak in the knees? '' Johnny says with a fake baby voice. This only flames Ghost's anger. He tries to grab Soap but he steps out of his range easily.

''You're a bit sloppy too. '' It's almost pitiful to see Ghost, usually so feared, try to attack Soap while he's just standing there. Good thing it's late enough that no one is here. It goes on for a bit until Ghost is angered enough to actually attack him.

''There it is! Time for me to act like I'm actually scared!'' it earns him a disgruntled yell as he starts running, more like jogging to the exit.

They run through the base in a simili game of tag. In which Ghost is out to kill and Johnny is leading him to his own room, where he has the privilege of a personal shower.

''I know what you're doing Johnny and it's not gonna work'' Soap is opening the door to the small bathroom and while he's smiling, he's actually starting to get scared. They're in a small space and he can't really escape anymore.

Out of breathe, but still angry, Ghost corners him on the counter. He grabs his jaw without any kindness and lifts him up, or rather tries to. His arms a weak.

''You are out of line. I could get you discharged for this.'' Johnny is grabbing his arms and feels just how drenched they are from sweating so much.

''You love me too much for this'' he says, cheekily, then pushes Ghost into the shower. It was surprisingly easy. Before Ghost can get up he grabs the shower head and quickly sprays ice cold water on his lieutenant.

It earns him a scream, Ghost putting his arms up to try and shield himself. But Johnny easily shoves them out of the way and spays his head.

Finally, he hears a loud gasp.

''That's it, breathe through it.'' he says gently, still getting his CO nicely covered in cold water. He can finally hear his breathe, taking in all the oxygen he's been depriving himself of. Johnny turns off the shower and for a minute they sit in silence. Ghost doesn't seem to be calming down.

Soap decides then to take off Ghost's shirt, who weakly tries to fight it off. He's trying to tell him something between gasped breathes, but Johnny can't figure it out. When he's in his underwears, mask off, Johnny sprays him in water again. He could feel how hot his skin still was. So he makes sure to spray water in every crease, and pays special attention to his head. He himself is all wet, but he doesn't care.

After a minute he turns it off again, and Simon is finally back to reality. His breathing is back to normal and he seems to finally register his exhaustion.

''I'm sorry...'' Johnny feels a bit guilty when Simon apologizes to him, sitting on the floor of his miniscule shower, drenched to the bone.

''It's okay, you're here now. Let's get you dry. '' he helps him up and dries him with an old towel. He has to help him walk to his bed. He took off his clothes to sleep with him, but Simon stopped him.

''What is it, m'eudail?'' he holds his cheek and Simon leans against it.

''I don't want skin... Please... I don't want to feel my body. '' Oh poor kitten. Or that's what he would've said if he didn't have a death wish. Instead he just agreed and took out clothes for Simon and himself. He got into bed and only once they were all settled Simon tried to fight it.

''I don't want to sleep'' he said weakly, but Johnny held him firmly in his arms. He talks to him in a low voice, a hand in his hair, and against his wishes Simon fell asleep in a matter of seconds.

When he woke up, Johnny was still with him and he felt like absolute shit. His whole body hurt and he was pretty sure he couldn't move. But his mind was calmer than before, and for this day he let his Johnny pamper him. They went walking, watched a movie and spent time with their team.

[blackjackkent]

After our conversation with Neve, Bellara is just kneeling on her bed staring at the wall, which she's so real for honestly. If I were tasked with fighting eldritch god monsters to save the world while the fundamental forces I depended on started to go haywire, I too would be disassociating on the regular whenever I had a spare moment.

But! We have things to do, and today we're going back to Arlathan to help her out with some Veil Jumper stuff.

It kind of charms me that our companion quests are labeled as things like "outings." Yes, Bellara and Helena are going to go on an outing together and it's going to be fun! Do not think at all about the aforementioned eldritch god monsters!

Anyway, off we go! Neve gets to come with bc that's our standard party rn and also because she and Bellara were just bonding earlier.

There's a new quest pickup near where Strife and Irelin (and Morrigan) are hanging out:

We'll look into that later.

There's also a very agitated spirit on the road up to Bellara's quest:

"Trapped... can't get out... it hurts... it's dark... please... they didn't know what to do... they didn't want to die... stop the thoughts... stop the fears... quiet... please... make it quiet..."

"It's really upset," Bellara says, frowning. "And if it stays like this, it could... turn. Turn into a demon, I mean."

"Could this spirit sense the agony of the Dalish who recently died in the forest?" Helena asks.

"Help them..." the spirit whimpers, providing no answers. "Help... me..."

Apparently for this quest we have to track down some mementos of this clan that was killed. So we'll look into that later as well.

-----

Turns out we're on a group mission with the other elves, as there's a little group together when we spawn into the quest, with Bellara giving them orders.

"Okay! We all know why we're here, right?"

"Make sure that the artifacts we calmed stay calmed," one of the younger elves says impatiently. "We know."

Bellara shoots her a narrow look, then nods. "This should be easy. Yenarel, you and Strife take the first set. Irelin and Hamuel, take the second." She gestures at Helena. "Rook and I, we'll handle the rest."

Helena grins. "You picked me! I'm so flattered."

(A/N: This is another flirt line in game but tbh I still don't think Helena is doing it consciously at this point. She's just a jokey person in general, and she likes Bellara and feels comfortable with her. Judging by Bellara's response, though, she maybe hears it more deliberate meaning in it. XD )

Bellara's eyes go wide and she grins broadly. "Well, of course! I know you!"

A pause, in which Helena's eyes flick briefly to the four Veil Jumpers, who Bellara has definitely known a lot longer, then back to Bellara.

Bellara blinks several times rapidly, then blushes. "I mean... I don't *know* know you. Yet. Not that-- ...anyway..."

Helena's grin widens and she lounges back on her heels. "Just lead the way and I'll follow."

Bellara, suddenly seeming to remember that other people are watching, straightens and tries rapidly to regain her composure. "All right," she says hastily. "Now, we're going to check the crystal alignment, Fade connection, and the lyrium reserves," she says firmly, squaring her shoulders.

The impatient young elf who spoke up before, Yenarel, speaks again now, her eyes narrowing skeptically. "Has alignment ever been a problem? Even once?"

To Helena's surprise, Bellara stiffens abruptly. "It's not worth the risk," she says sharply. "Even if it's only off by a little bit? We *know* what happens."

"Happened. Once," Yenarel says, rolling her eyes. "And we can't even be sure the crystal alignment was why. Look, I know what you're saying, but maybe if we--"

"We check it!" Bellara flares suddenly, making them all jump, and her lips draw in a tight line. "Every. Single. Time."

Helena stares at her, then looks towards Yenarel, half-expecting a fight - but to her continued surprise, Yenarel backs down.

"I'm sorry. You're right. I just..." She trails off, hangs her head and looks at the ground. "Sorry."

"Forget it," Bellara mutters.

(A/N: *perks up* TRAGIC BACKSTORY?

Also I love this because I've definitely started headcanoning that Helena does her best to paper over awkward and difficult conversations with humor and the game gives us another chance to do that here.)

Helena looks rapidly from Bellara to Yenarel and back again, then to Strife and Irelin, both of whom have their expressions carefully neutral, and Hamuel, who seems to be trying to blend into the foliage behind him.

When no relief of the awkward tension is forthcoming, she clears her throat and gives a bright smile round the group. "All right. Uh. Go team?" she offers.

The stony silence continues for a moment.

Then Yenerel shakes her head. "It's my fault. Really. I'm sorry, Bellara," she says, more softly.

But Bellara doesn't accept the apology, just turns away with a purposeful air. "Let's go. We want to get back quickly."

[dewdewick]

Shadows in the dust | Chapter 8

Pairing/s: Finnick Odair x fem reader

Summary: At the age of 18 you thought you’d soon be free of the hunger games, unfortunately fate has a different plan. You are picked as a tribute for district 2 and thrust into capitol life.

Warning/s: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Trust issues, Death, Torture, Mental illnesses, manipulation tactics, Weapons, Swearing, Canon typical violence, Mentions of psychological distress, Use of Y/N, Fem reader, descriptions of clothing reader wears, explicit descriptions of weapon use, Disassociation, exploitation of minors, underage drinking

A/N: HI BESTIES! I’m actually flying out to a different country tomorrow morning so I wanted to hurry and post! My beta is to thank as always for putting up with my nonsense. I’m also starting to post this on AO3 so if you’d prefer you can read it there! You can look up the title, my user or click the link in the masterlist!

Word count: 4.4k

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Cold air was a funny feeling after so long in the heat. It made her nose runny and her fingertips a bit numb. It made the skin on her arms prickle and the hair on her neck stand on edge. Cold air was even more uncomfortable with the blood on her skin, where did it come from again? She felt confused, fuzzy, not quite awake.

Medical staff rushed around her as they led her inside the aircraft, laying her on a cot. A light appeared in her vision quickly after, causing her to squint. A doctor held his finger in front of her face, moving it back and forth. Everyone sounded so far away, so distant even though they were inches from her. People surrounded her, strapping different medical devices to her arms. A sharp pain stabbed into her inner elbow, she flinched, pulling her arm away from the pain. The people around her shouted, doing their best to hold her down. She thrashed, panic bubbling up in her chest. What was going on? Why was she in pain? She cried out, gasping for air as she panicked. A similar sharp pain spread throughout her neck.

Everything faded quickly, the people, the sounds, the panic, darkness overtook her vision.

Weightless, that’s how she could describe the sleep she fell into. A dreamless scape of pure black. Was this death? Had she died and this weightlessness was all that remained? Her brows furrowed as she heard a faint beeping sound after what only seemed to be a moment of silence. The beeping got louder, she could begin to feel her body. First only her toes but soon the feeling spread up her body. A slight Pain invaded her senses, her eyes cracking opening to a squint.

The room was dim and quite blurry for the first few minutes. A clock ticked, louder and louder as her brain came back from its sleep induced stupor. a plain white hospital room only containing a bed, a small table and a chair came into view as her eyes focused. She blinked wearily, reaching up to touch her face. Her nose felt strange, it was smaller and much straighter than before. She rubbed her eyes, sitting up in the bed with a groan. Hunched over, she yawned and took a deep breath. Her hands felt smooth and soft, any trace of her once prominent callouses was gone. Small scars once strewn over her arms had disappeared as well, her eyes widened a bit as she held her arms up in disbelief.

“What in the…?” She questioned to herself, moving to sit on her knees. The soft blankets on the bed slid around her as she moved. the hospital gown on her body draping down over her legs. She lifted the flimsy gown a bit, looking at her knees. They were smooth, free of the childhood scars that she had collected alongside her siblings. A bit of fear rose in her stomach once more, who had done this to her? And why had they done it?

She stood on the freezing cold tile floor, a machine beeping loudly as she got off the bed. Wires connected to her body every which way, holding her in the immediate vicinity of the bed.

The door opened, a familiar face appearing in the bright light of the outside. Enobaria offered a bittersweet smile, slipping inside the room and closing the door behind her. “Hey Kiddo, It’s ok, you’re ok, you did it” she said softly, walking over and gently leading her back to the bed. “You need rest, lots of rest though. No getting up until you’re cleared by the doctor.” She lightly chastised. Y/N was made to lay back in the bed as Enobaria sat by her legs. “You did great, the capital loves you. Everything is gonna be ok now.” She assured, taking the younger girl's hand.

The next few days were slow, mostly filled with sleep and rehabilitation. She found that the scars she was allowed to keep were those she earned in the games. However they were as asaesthetically pleasing as possible, the spiraled bites of the glowing worms and the gash on her arm given by Dutchess now just a few shades lighter than her skin. Barely noticeable and yet a stark reminder of the binding consequences of a game she didn’t sign up to play.

As she grew stronger more people came to visit. Aerith stayed only enough time to tell her that she was going to have Hebe as a stylist, Aerith herself was being moved to District 1. She didn’t offer a congratulations, a smile or a kind word at all, only the information she was there to say before leaving. Hebe visited soon after, her motherly spirit comforting and caring. She brought simple homemade soup, easy to digest and incredibly delicious.

After about a week Y/N was able to leave the medical ward. She was brought back to the apartment that she and Finch shared before the games. It felt cold, lonely without another person to share it with. The room her companion had occupied was shut, the dark wood door that had barely been closed before the games was now locked. The emotions about Finch felt conflicting, she hated what he did, but at the same time she missed him.

Why did he have to kill Caspian? He was just a kid, a baby, a sweet boy who had done nothing but ask for help. Anyone else could’ve done it, but then she remembered the look in Finch’s eye, hatred. She sat on the bed in her room, the sheets had been changed. They were softer, better quality than those on the bed before the games. Figures, giving victors better food, clothes and bedding as well as unnecessary nose jobs apparently. She wondered if they would’ve done the same if she were a man, if she were Finch. They probably would, every victor seemed to be absolutely perfect.

A big part of her regretted killing Finch, it didn’t feel real. The entire game felt like a dream, something conjured up by a crazy person on the street. She pushed the thoughts of Finch and Caspian away, feeling emotions she didn’t want to deal with coming up in her head. She could be normal, she had to be normal again, she had to be as perfect as the other victors. Laying down on the bed, she closed her eyes, clearing her mind.

A beat of silence passed before a knock came to her door frame. She sighed, Furisha stood by the door as she opened her eyes. The tall woman smiled happily as they made eye contact. “Oh my dear, I’m so happy to see you again!” Furisha grinned, opening her arms and offering a hug. Y/N sat up, a tight smile on her lips. “Thank you Furisha, it’s nice to see you too.” She said with a small nod. “I’m here to go over your schedule, is it alright if I sit my darling?” Furisha asked, motioning to the foot of the bed.

“Go ahead” She said, scooting over just a bit. Furisha sat down quickly, folding her hands on her lap and crossing her legs. “I won’t lie, this week will be very busy. You’ll be exhausted by the end of every day and as bad as that is for your ongoing recovery, it’s a necessity.” She began, looking down at the younger girl next to her. “First you’ll be on Caesar Flickerman’s show again tomorrow night, you’ll watch a highlight reel of the games.” Furisha continued, sending a shiver through Y/N’s body. She had to watch the games? She had to watch all of the death again and relive the horrors? She grimaced, her hands wringing together in anxiety.

“You’ll be crowned as a victor by president snow at a ceremony and a party in your honor will be held after. It’s called a victory banquet. The game makers, stylists and a few different mentors will be there to pay their respects.” Furisha added as she gestured around. The whole thing sounded awful, all of the people who knew exactly why she was there. The people who made the games happen and the president placing a crown on her head afterwards.

“Finally we’ll go back to district 2, you’ll have dinner with the mayor and a few important people of the district. Your family will be invited too, you’ll meet them again as we get off the train.” Furisha finished, that sickly sweet smile returning to her face. That smile, that fake and perfectly crafted smile, she decided that she hated that smile. She let Furisha’s words register in her mind for a moment, looking down to her hands and offering a small nod.

She would get to see her family, feel the warmth of their embrace again. A thought seemed to gnaw at the back of her mind though, what if they were disappointed in her actions in the game? What if they hated her because of those actions? She squeezed her eyes shut, taking a deep breath. “I know it’s stressful but on the bright side, you’ll be in such pretty clothes!” Furisha tried to reason. The nerve of the woman, the frivolous and stupid woman. “You’ll be surrounded by important people, have the best food and company for the rest of your life!” The capital escort added, that practiced smile on her cheeks. She stood up, not bothering to look back as she left the room. She needed to get away, she needed a moment to not think so hard about the what if’s of her life.

Walking out the door of the apartment, she walked to the nearby elevator. The peacekeepers outside the door staying silent and still as she looked back at them. She had expected to be stopped, to be held in that stifling apartment. Pressing the button and boarding the small room as the doors opened, she pressed the button for the roof. Fresh air seemed like a rare treat, the cold air conditioned rooms of the capital almost made her skin crawl. The silence of the elevator was a relief, she seemed to have people following her around constantly demanding her attention. The ride only took a few seconds, the doors opening quickly to the warm summer night of the capital. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes once more as the fresh air swept over her. The lights of the capital looked beautiful from the roof, but the sounds of the city bellowing around the building seemed more calming.

The warm summer breeze wafted over her skin, she could feel her muscles starting to relax slightly. Horns from cars echoed below, dogs barking from balconies of surrounding apartments. The city seemed so loud in comparison to not only home, but the games as well. She was used to the chirping of crickets and howling of coyotes. Her heart ached as her eyes slipped open to see none of the things she was accustomed to.

The roof was relatively barren, some small sparkling lights and patio furniture decorating the space. It wasn’t much to look at, the sparkling view from below being the real draw of the space. She pulled her thin sweater closer around herself, crossing her arms as she came to stand by the edge of the roof.

A small shuffling sound from just behind caught her attention. a familiar bolt of panic and fear shooting through her body. She quickly turned, bringing her arms up in familiar defiance. Her breathing quickened as she saw a figure behind her. The figure shuffled closer, an old woman with long grey hair. She studied the woman, how she slowly approached and seemed to be less of a threat the more she moved. “Who are you?” She asked, willing her voice not to show any fear.

The woman said something in a thick jumbled accent, difficult to understand. She could surmise that the woman told her she was of no harm, her hands held up in a non threatening way. “Have we met before?” She asked, her shoulders relaxing a bit and her arms lowering. The woman quickly said another jumbled sentence, a certain word sticking out to her. Caspian.

“You knew Caspian?” She asked, more interested in what the woman had to say. “Mags” the woman pointed to herself. Mags, why did she know that name? She thought for a second, her brows furrowed a bit. She realized quickly that Mags was one of the oldest living victors. She was a mentor for district 4, a notoriously kind mentor.

Mags nodded, a bittersweet smile on her face. She could feel her throat tighten a bit, her eyes burning. Mags stepped forward, gently placing a hand on her bicep. That small touch, something about that touch broke all resolve to stay composed. Her eyes burned alongside her nose, tears welling up in her eyes. Her lips quivered the tiniest bit, her shoulders dropped. “I’m sorry” she murmured “I’m so sorry.”

Mags gave another bittersweet smile, wrapping her in a motherly hug. She cried in the woman’s arms, clinging to her for dear life. Somehow just a touch undid all of her self inflicted will to remain composed and adult like. She had barely spoken to this woman and yet her arms felt like those of a family member.

She cried and cried, tears rolled down her cheeks until no tears were left. She hiccuped, whimpered and shook, Mags held her tightly through it all, when all was quiet, Mags pulled away and cupped her cheeks. “It’s alright, I’m here now.” She said softly and slowly, making sure she was understood.

The two victors stood in the warm summer breeze for a few moments. Their short introduction didn’t seem to matter, Mags treated her like a grandmother would. She seemed to understand Mags better the more they spoke, the intricacies of her accent became more apparent. She held Mags’ hands, listening to any advice she was given. Mags promised to be at the banquet being thrown in the next few days.

Y/N could only give a small smile in return. Having someone in her corner, someone who really understood what she was going through, it was the best gift she could ask for. She gave mags hands a small squeeze, “Thank you” She sniffled.

The two parted ways not long after, a quiet goodbye on their lips.The elevator ride down seemed quiet, her footsteps seemed lounder. She walked back into the quiet apartment, curling up on the slightly uncomfortable couch.

Eventually she was found again by Furisha and Hebe. She was forced to eat, shower and go to bed, falling asleep to the whispers of those who unwillingly controlled her life. The next day was fairly slow, she slept in late and ate brunch at a leisurely pace. When afternoon hit Hebe came with a few garment bags and it seemed to cause a spark of chaos. Her hair was pulled in every direction as makeup artists smeared her face with cosmetics. She felt like the doll that children throw in the mud for fun, dragged around with no clear objective. She was taken to a car and driven to what she recognized as the studio where she would be interviewed.

Before she knew it, her legs shook as she stood on a platform. She could hear the crowds screaming above, Ceasar Flickerman’s enthusiastic voice encouraging the excitement. She smoothed her dress, a low cut leather thing. It clung to her skin uncomfortably, showing off every curve of her body. Dark sultry makeup painted her eyes, her lips glossed. Her hair was made to look wet on top with fluffy curls at the bottom. She wondered if it was a callback to her blood soaked hair in the games. Hebe had outdone herself, she didn’t look like a girl, she looked like a woman.

Enobaria walked up next to her, a small frown on her face as she approached. “You alright?” She asked, offering a small glance. Her hand took the young woman’s, squeezing it just a bit. “I’m…alright. I’m a big girl, I can do this.” She responded, her shoulders back and head held high. Enobaria grimaced a bit “Just know, I’m always here ok? I’ll be here.” She reminded, her hand squeezing her tribute’s again before slipping away. “I’ll see you on stage.” She encouraged, stepping back.

Caesar’s voice got louder, announcing Brutus’ name. The crowd roared, sending vibrations through the floor with their excitement. Her mentor gave one last glance before hurrying to her own mark. She balled her hands into fists. Her long acrylic fingernails digging into her skin. Too dull to cut, sharp enough to cause irritation on her palms. Her fingers rubbed together nervously as Enobaria was announced onto the stage. The audience cheered even louder than they did for Brutus’. Clench fists, unclench fists, remember to breathe.

The automated door above her opened, the voice of Ceasar Flickerman echoing down. Her head ached a bit, it was all so much on her senses. The platform below her rose, bringing her up into the stage lights. The screaming of the audience was deafening, shrill whistles breaking through every so often. Ceasar took her hand, holding her arm up and laughing giddily. “Our lovely winner of the 69th Hunger games!” He cheered. She gave her best smile to the crowd and Ceasar, allowing him to guide her to one of the chairs on stage.

Brutus and Enobaria sat on the loveseat to the right, Ceasar planted himself in the chair to the left. She was made to sit in the chair right in the middle. “My my! You look absolutely scrumptious my dear!” Ceasar grinned, his overly white teeth almost unnerving. “Thank you, I owe all the credit to my stylist Hebe though.” She replied, doing her best to sound smooth and confident. “Well darling, I must say, you are quickly climbing the ranks and one of the most popular victors. A star the likes of cashmere and your mentor Enobaria here.” He bragged on her behalf. “Oh to be one of the greats..” She joked back, a charming smile on her face.

Ceasar gave an over dramatic laugh, taking her hand once more. “Our Diamond, so funny!” He chuckled as she tilted her head towards him, the same smile present on her face. “Now I have to ask,” He started, quick to get to his point. “What motivated you to win? And how does it feel now that you’ve come out alive and victorious?” He questioned.

Her smile dropped a bit and she looked over at her mentors. Brutus gave her an odd look, almost accusatory. Enobaria just nodded for her to answer the question. “I suppose…my family” She started, turning back to look at Ceasar again. “I just wanted to see them again, I couldn’t stop until I knew I would. How do I feel now though? If I’m being honest I feel exhausted.” She laughed “But most of all I feel lucky. I don’t think I was supposed to win, but I did and I’m so grateful.” She said with that same charming smile. The crowd gave a sigh, obviously happy with the bittersweet answer. Caesar placed his hand over his heart, giving a dramaticized fake frown. “Isn’t she humble dear viewers?” He asked. “Lets see how this diamond won the games shall we? A recap of the 13 days of the 69th hunger games!” He suggested.

The stage darkened, music playing through the speakers as the screens around them lit up. She saw herself at the tribute parade, waving with Finch. Ceasar commented on how much he loved the dress she had worn. The screen changed to her previous interview with Ceasar, the crowd made a bit of noise as her dress sparkled. Once again she saw herself, this time on the pedestal as the clock counted down for the games to begin. Her brain began to feel that fuzzy feeling again, she knew she wasn’t going to be present very long while the games replayed. She stuck a soft smile on her face as she let herself slip away.

In the blink on an eye, she was back in a car. Hebe held her hand and smiled as she looked over. “We’re on our way to have you crowned.” She explained. The new victor furrowed her brows, hours were gone, “Did I do ok in the rest of the interview?” She asked quietly. “You did great, smiled and waved like normal. We only noticed you weren’t really all there when you wouldn’t talk after you got offstage.” Hebe explained, squeezing her hand. “I’m sorry baby, I know it’s unfair.” She continued, her face falling. Y/N just nodded “I know” she murmured.

The two sat in silence for a moment before Hebe pointed out that they were close to the venue. It was the same as the tribute parade, however this time she was driven around back. Hebe helped her out of the car, leading her upstairs and into a room close to the balcony were she would be crowned. “Do you want a drink honey?” Enobaria asked, already sipping a glass of amber liquid. “Yes please” She replied as Hebe sat her down in a chair next to Furisha.

An Avox quickly handed her a glass of champagne, it was a light pink color with a sweet taste. The alcohol made something in her sinuses burn as well as her throat, but she gave a dry cough but drank another few sips anyway. Warmth settled in her chest as she wrung her free hand in a nervous fidget. “Y/n?” Enobaria leaned forward, waving a hand to get her attention. She looked up quickly, watching her mentor frown. “You can’t be doing that in front of the president, you need to be fully here.” She lightly scolded. “It’s not a long ceremony but he’ll talk to you and when he does you need to show you aren’t going to crumble.” She said with a frown, her brows furrowed. “I’ll do my best to keep it together.” The younger woman said softly, taking another large sip of champagne to ease her nerves.

A small announcement came through a small black box on the coffee table in the drawing room. “5 minutes till appearance, final touches stylists.” The male voice said before cutting off. “Showtime” Brutus said with a huff, downing the rest of his drink in one gulp. “Let me powder you one last time sweetheart.” Hebe said, reaching to get a compact while Furisha stool Y/N up at fussed over her already perfect dress. She took a few more gulps of her champagne, finishing the glass and handing it to a waiting avox. Her head felt a bit fuzzy but she blinked rapidly to keep herself present.

Hebe took a feather soft powder puff, applying the makeup to her face and pulling out a tube of lipstick to touch it up as well. “Remember to be careful, say yes sir and no sir, answer every question truthfully because he already knows the answer.” Enobaria whispered to her, seeming a bit paranoid but for good reason. “90 seconds till appearance” the male voice rang out from the coffee table as the doors were opened by Avoxes. Screams and cheers echoed into the room from the crowd below. “Smile darling, you deserve this.” Furisha said, that sickly smile on her face. The words made her chest burn but she ignored them, stepping forward.

“30 seconds till appearance” The voice said one last time as the drums below somehow sounded louder. This almost reminded her of getting into the tube before the games, but that wasn’t something to entertain now. The drums stopped and she stepped out onto the balcony. The crowds went absolutely wild, screaming at top volume and pushing against the blockades to wave at her.

She gave her biggest smile, waving to the crowd and even blowing a few kisses. Men and women alike swooned as she looked in their direction. Enobaria stepped out behind her with brutus, each taking one of her hands to hold them up in victory in front of the crowd. The people were cheering so loud she felt herself start to get a headache, she smiled through it. The two mentors held her hands and led her to a small podium where she stood alone. They stepped away to the wings as the process paused for a long dramatic moment.

The center doors opened slowly, two peacekeepers standing at attention next to them. President Snow emerged in all his grandeur, a smile on his face as he waved to the crowds. His smile dropped a bit, almost unnoticeable if she weren't looking, as he looked over at her, coming back just as quickly. He walked over to the podium set up for him, starting by calming the crowd. “Welcome! Welcome! I welcome you to join me in crowning our victor of the 69th hunger games!” He announced, the crowd roaring in excitement as predicted. “This year a brave young woman beat the odds and came out victorious. She is an example of how even our allies can be defeated.” He said, continuing on. “We all look forward to what a valuable asset our new victor will be not only to her district but to the capital as well. I’m sure she will continue to be an excellent example for all of us forevermore.” He grinned, setting his sights back on her as he gave a small applause with the crowd.

Walking over and picking up the golden circlet from its podium, he walked up to her. “Flawless my dear,” he congratulated as he set the crown atop her head “I have big plans for you.” He promised in all seriousness. “Thank you Sir, I’m honored.” She said, doing her best to sound confident and sincere. He smiled wider, “The pleasure is all mine.” He said as he took her hand to lead her closer to the balcony's edge. The crowds screamed as they walked closer, cheering for them both as they smiled and waved.

The entire ceremony only lasted about 15 minutes but it felt as if it lasted for hours. The President eventually parted from her, smirking slightly as they walked their separate ways. She was led back into the drawing room, her face falling from its smile. Her hands shook, she felt slightly dirty. “You did it sweetie, you did amazing!” Furisha exclaimed, fluttering around her. She took Hebe’s hand, trying to ground herself and keep calm.

What did he mean by “big plans?”

[antlerpawz]

I had so many final exams this week 😭. Do you have any extra little fiyero headcanons to cheer me up, please 🥺.

Yesss I hope your finals went well!!! I feel for you!! (I’ve been thinkin a lot of thoughts abt him recently tbh,,)

Little!Fiyero Tigelaar hcs!

- Actually way too energetic for his own good,, could bounce around and off the walls for hours while Glinda and Elphaba watch him like “wow,, :o”

- very very playful!! Will want to play with everyone and often will try to drag anyone into his games!! (Ex; Boq and Nessa!! Who have played king n queen to his and Glinda’s princess and knights game!) Soooo social sometimes!

- has no set preference for clothes he wears when regressed, anything is fair game and he will get his clothes dirty even if he’s playing inside and he gets a snack (Elphaba tried very hard to keep him clean for one whole day but it completely backfired when Glinda wanted to share her strawberries n he found it more fun to look at the color than to eat,,,)

- As taken from a lovely anon,, loves Winnie the Pooh books n the movies!! Tigger is his favorite but Pooh himself is a runner up!! He sounds like his own last name, Tigelaar and it makes him very very enthusiastic about the tiger :D

- is definitely the type to try and sneak more treats before bedtime or after lunch time,, climbing up on trunks or counter tops to get just oneee more cookie for him and Glin!

- Uses a bunch of different nicknames when he’s little as well as big!! (As mentioned in my previous post abt him!!) He calls Elphie Mama, Fae, Faba, El, so on!! Cannot stick to one for the life of him!! He calls Glinda Glin, Lin, Bubbles (They had their own conversation of how we can’t all come and go by bubble!)

- Has vent regressed sometimes, his disassociating getting the better of him sometimes nd it is very gentle moments,, Elphaba often tries to move him to quieter areas n Glinda tries to be as gentle and quiet as possible,, placing stuffies next to him to notice when he feels better. He rarely cries but when he does it’s very soft n not very wailing but not sobbing either :( he’s baby i take dancing through life SERIOUSLY!!

- would rather be outside than inside, totally loathes rainy days and tried to go play in the mud because at least it’s outside! “Please, fae, out? Please please! We won’t get dirty!!” He begs until Elphaba relents and him and Glinda go outside,,, only to come back in a half hour later covered in mud n Glinda is a bit of a clean freak so she’s on the verge of tears… the biggest puppy dog eyes ever so Elphie doesn’t get really upset.

[simonsrosebud]

TSC FIRST REACTIONS (SPOILERS)

i have many more but my brain is mush rn

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jean watching the championship game was heart racing bc WE all know what happens at the end. his reaction to riko’s death is… the detached description of it is so fitting because he barely remembers it himself, he was so disassociated

the fact that his first knee jerk reaction to fear and panic is to claw at his neck until it bleeds is so interesting bc hello that takes strength and PAIN to dig that deep, i don’t understand it even after finishing the book but hoping i get more clarity on my second read.

jeremy and kevin’s relationship is very trusting, i think more than we thought. not the fangirl of each other that we joke about.

jean taking the picture of renee pls shoot me

jeremy’s rage and grief when he finally starts getting a bigger scope of everything jean lived through is a LOT. i wanna scream at jean to just LET HIM IN even knowing he won’t

the in depth explanations of the 16 hour days and all these other little evermore facts that we’re learning and have wanted to know for YEARS… yikes

jeremy calling kevin with no warning asking “did riko break ur hand?” SO BOLD

jeans notebooks crush my soul so hard it’s heartbreaking. and his trinkets😭

“Jean was exactly the kind of guy Jeremy was prone to trip himself up over” OH MY GOD?? there’s a difference between me wanting jerejean vs them actually being attracted to one another.

jeremy is a golden retriever confirmed. “This is Barkbark von Barkenstein. You can call him Barkbark or Mister B for short. It's a bit of a mouthful on its own.”

BLOND JEREMY YAS

jeans reaction to blond jeremy. fully took this man out of orbit.

although he hasn’t confirmed fully, jean being gay (assumption) was almost surprising bc from what i remember from the EC i almost thought he’d lean more pansexual since the ravens kinda slept with whoever (not that he seems like the type to use labels anyway)

“Kevin's words mocked him in the back of his thoughts: ‘Some of them you like.’ Jean cut off that line of thinking so fast he felt dizzy. It didn't matter that Jeremy Knox was annoyingly easy to look at; Jean knew better than to look at another man too long.” SCREAMING?? WAS JEAN THE ONE W THE CRUSH ON JEREMY THIS WHOLE TIME WHILE KEVIN WAS JUST FRIENDS??

and now my chest hurts bc “He was years away, watching a different beautiful boy lean in close to say, Will you teach me when he's not watching? It could be our secret.

Jeremy Cat and Laila seeing the notebooks broke me a little, the accidental invasion hurt

the ravens dropping like flies…

“he hadn’t missed the way Jean’s gaze tracked him when he readied for bed. Since Jean was quick to look away when he was caught, Jeremy had promised himself he wouldn’t ask. This was too good an opening to pass up, though, so he finally said, “More exclusively than you do, I think. Does that bother you?” AHHHHHHHH WOAHHHHHH i threw my phone (also can’t tell if jean looks at cat/laila the way jeremy assumed in that paragraph or if it’s just curiosity, cause it always seems like it’s just curiosity not attraction

Grayson. think we all saw smth like that coming from jeans time in the nest but holy shit

Neil showing up WOAH. i knew his FBI business wouldn’t be over in one day but i didn’t rlly expect that, although it makes sense

im still not over jeremy actually being gay its a dream come true that we all saw and hoped for but still