#was gonna be diced dinos

[mudgrave]

fuck you [emofys your near]

slowly letting themself be influenced by matt and mello the more he gets to spend time with them

pointing out shirts like “hey near try this on”

he may not be immune to peer pressure but he literally needs to be dragged out of the house to be convinced to go anywhere

near tattoo headcanons still a wip, but so far i think he’d have an aphex twin logo (self indulgent, fuck you he likes ambient music that much. he’s my muse i get to do whatever the frick i want.)

skateboarding dino

cool ass marionette on a string? idk might go more traditional with this… like 1920s style marionette puppet would be cool :)

dice

he’s got a little toy robot somewhere too

gonna start a little hashtag for all my nearisms

[astrals-and-pirates]

(rambly) spoilers under the cut but like

ohmygod rwd s5ep4 was so GOOD

the description mentioning a new god was so intriguing but i didnt expect austin pulling on some wild dnd lore and creating a super interesting challenge, it was really cool

the individual scenes showing off everyones personalities and arcs sooooo well and the dice playing in line with the rp, from vhas' impulsive and carefree personality paying off (i liked vhas before but i really like him now) to vr-la engaging w the mental aspect of the maze instead of the physical (and that WILD alternate timeline dream)

kyana's trial sucked so bad for her but it also made so much sense narratively?? the point of the maze was to develop a deeper understanding of the self and commit to a goal or path and kyana doesnt seem to have a solid long term goal for the future; her whole thing is running away but at some point thats not gonna be sustainable and her reluctant choice to run from stability reflected in the dice

dani's future choice is so interesting to me and feels like a very satisfying moment for a final season arc, especially since i was relistening to older episodes and saw how much dani grew in little ways (sophia describing dani as an asshole for bullying egan, still being mean to davion but now having a sense of respect; the self realization at pandemonium and trusting herself to be able to fix anything she puts her mind to; her becoming the captain of her own ship). i think i wouldve given dani a different choice in the moment, but i think sophia chose the right pressing decision for dani

AND THEN THE FIGHT: SHRINK ON THE DINO, NAT 20 WEIRD LITTLE DUDE FAMILIAR, THE REVIVIFY AND BEATDOWN ON THE INTELLECT DEVOURER

my perfect episode, chefs kiss, im so seated for the rest of the season

[narwhalandchill]

(tw MoC 12 metachurl vent 💀 im Struggling)

discovering thru multiple showcases on YT that yanqing hypercarry w RM tingyun aventurine might in fact be just. Straight up better in terms of clear speed and/or consistency than jingliu for this MoC 12 second half and especially the turbulence this time around has me like. Side-eyeing my very recent lvl 20 E1 dude (got him from standard pity like a week ago and then aven 50-50 loss now) like . Perhaps ive judged you too harshly ...... jkjk

Unless? 🤔

i knowwww i could prolly just reset for enough tries to clear w either jingliu or some other setup (i do in fact have 2 clears that just Barely slipped into the 19th cycle by the end) but also its kinda just painful 😭 this MoC feels so bad without acheron or someone like argenti or even SW its unreal

like the amount of setups that just. Havent worked out for me At All is wild to me. first i had to largely give up on the idea of fx on 2nd half period bc the wombo combo of the ascended lady slapping ur entire team like a marastruck car saleswoman bc this bad boy can fit so many wind shears in it so ur taking all that chip dmg before u even make it to aventurine who will gleefully beat ur ass before i manage to clear is just. Not good. especially when jinglius already draining the teams hp 💀

luckily aventurine seems a better bet for 2nd half (50% eff res might not be foolproof against CC but it actually blocks the wind shears p nicely) but theres a Big issue w trying to bring him in a jingliu team called "area woman takes 3 consecutive turns in a slow bronya setop on first cycle and expires own shield, is fully exposed to dmg for the enemys first actions" like. if she gets heavy targeted during that window its just so bad . the hp drain would already be a challenge but combined w that its just Not Good. Aventurines very strong for 2nd half outside of that tho (and v good at proccing the turbulence on either half obvi). Especially in teams of keel using supports bc u can lose a gambit and still have all ur 80-90 eff res shielded supports resist boss aventurines CC

in general the bosses are just way too fucking tanky meaning u Need to take advantage of the turbulence (attack 6 times before each cycle ends) for the dmg it deals but thats a Problem w my usual lineups and built units (lots of hypercarry teams and supports like RM sparkle TY that use ally targeting abilities so cant proc the turbulence stack consistently)

i think in terms of the 1st half i prolly have some more options left to explore to try to push a faster clear so theres more cycles left for 2nd but i shit you not the team thats worked the best so far has been. QQ. All these 5* carries and i had to fucking bring out QQ after so long to see results 💀💀💀 to be fair its a sparkle team so like. unsurprising that QQ shreds but its still finicky. in general the fastest clears have been between xueyi n QQ in more or less the same setups

2nd half is. An issue tho. im not gonna be cringe and say jingliu is like bad or unplayable there and cant clear bc she definitely can like shes e0s1 ffs and even my best attempts cut it very close and if i had a faster 1st half it wouldve cleared within 20 cycles. But what i will say is that she Does Not Feel Good there . obviously part of it is just my own fault bc i never rly committed to minmaxing her build the way ive done for most carries since shes so strong at baseline anyway. and thats showing in her clear time even with good supports. and then by not clearing aventurine fast enough even in hyper jingliu teams u get stuck w his gamba phase and then the supports not having a way to deal w the gambit becomes an issue and its just all cringe from there

also i just find the aventurine boss mechanics (and to an extent the meme dino too) very infuriatingly anti synergistic with the turbulence bc. if you proc the turbulence during his gambit on the dice its literally just fuck you all dmg gone like it doesnt even get you an extra roll . the dino at least isnt invulnerable at any point and its gimmick is more straightforward but it also takes v little dmg from the turbulence proc if not broken

another thing w jingliu is also abt the dice phases. like she also has such anti synergy w the gambit bc losing that uptime in her enhanced state just to roll the gambit (even if she usually wins) Isnt Nice bc thats dmg she could (and should) be doing to the boss instead 😭 like my jinglius somewhat unpolished build aside the base mechanics of the aventurine boss just arent a good match w her kit and teams imo. (cue the cursed yanqing consideration)

obviously jingliu isnt the only option for 2nd half like i did fiddle around w my decent ish e0s2 (s2... ThoseWhoKnow💀) clara build a bit and a team w her IS very very good at proccing the turbulence and synergistic with aventurine but at least in those attempts she was just lacking too much dmg when she wasnt getting counters and that delayed clearing the first 2 bosses in particular . I also did a shockingly close cut 19 cycles clear w a xueyi off element team of all things on 2nd half and QQ hyper on the other

but mannn. obviously i could just leave it be like its fine . u dont need to always 36* and this MoC is very clearly favoring units like acheron whomst i dont have and debuffer heavy teams like invested ratio SW whatevers. but a part of me just Rly wants to figure it out and work out a solution to it all

and the idea of that solution possibly involving building my yanqing since despite his shortcomings hes just unironically better in the kind of true ST content like the aventurine boss compared to jingliu now that a non gepard actually usable shielder exists. i mean. its just kinda funny .

Is it a good idea in terms of long term resource investment on an account? Dubious. Is it absolutely hilarious to possibly bench a jingliu for yanqing of all people just bc fuck this MoC in particular? Kinda yeah. For sure

...guess ill keep u guys updated 🤔

anyway TLDR this MoC is kinda agony im considering unwise building decisions just to get a funny clear out of it as opposed to being boring and just resetting until i manage a good clear since ive already gotten so close w my existing teams

[astrcthesiai-archived]

About Sarina

Sarina's gonna need some V.aria to interact with if you don't mind interacting with her as Beelzebub--Cloud officer or simply another Cloud user. Like the other members of the V.aria, she will not be easy to get along with. Like Hibari, she prefers putting as much distance as she can with the other officers of the V.aria. She knows about the previous Cloud officer and what happened to him, she knows her position is transient, temporary. She does not trust the other officers, nor do they trust her.

The tenth generation of V.ongola does not know Sarina's history, save for Reborn, Tsuna's teacher, Bianchi, and Dino, Hibari's teacher. Mukuro and Gokudera might know hints of her as the "Princess of Assassins" and that she knows how to wield another flame.

The V.aria and the Ninth generation know of Sarina's history. She is able to wield the Cloud and Sky flames. She has the inheritance ring of the family she comes from, and refuses to take off. Her true weapon is the Sky Dice, which unlocks an armoire of weapons. And that she must assassinate her original family's Don before he messes things up for the V.ongola.

[dinodouchebaggery]

Dice and Dinos

@dicedumpling 

Okay, yes, he was staring, but not for a creepy reason like half the other people in the damn cafe. What was he staring at, well that would be the man who just walked into the cafe, and caused over half its patrons to have a miniature heart attack at the sight. Not that Ryuzaki could blame said patrons,dude looked like a fucking model. His visual attractiveness, however, was not the reason Ryuzaki was staring.

Ryuzaki was staring because he was pretty damn sure he’d seen the guy somewhere, and was pretty sure he had a reason to be bitter at him, and if there was one thing Ryuzaki never missed out on, it was a chance to be a bitter ass... and a Jurassic Park marathon but that was beside the point. He took his eyes off the guy and grabbed his own drink from his table, taking a sip and hoping the caffeine in the glorified milkshake would help him remember exactly where he’d seen the ‘model looking fuck’ before. 

As it turned out, he wouldn’t have the chance to think, as by the time he set his drink down. the aforementioned ‘model looking fuck’ was standing directly to the right of his table. Which earned him a startled Ryuzaki flinching with a small yelp at the sudden distance drop between the two.

[yugirl]

Day 29: “Frontline Base”

Even heroes need some downtime. Show us what the schoolyard crew gets up to when they’re not saving the world or studying for finals. Sleepovers perhaps?

@gxmonth

((Oh, I have been WAITING to write this story. I’m excited.))

Aster didn’t plan on doing anything special during the day off school. Just sleep, eat, and maybe look over his cards or information on his dad’s kidnapper if he was in the mood. He liked to take his days off slow.

What he had not expected was for Jaden to be knocking on his door.

“Aster! You awake?” he called out.

Aster groaned; why did he have to bother him today?

He opened the door to see Jaden wearing a thin pink T-shirt and an ankle-length floral print skirt, a usual goofy smile on his face.

“….do I want to know?” Aster asked, giving the elevator eyes.

“I like to wear skirts when it’s hot. The wind feels nice on my legs!”

“Not that. Why are you on my yacht? Leave!”

“I just wanted to ask if we could borrow your tv. You have one on the yacht, right?”

“…. Why do you need my tv?”

“We’re doing a group hangout in Chazz’s room, and Chumley and Zane are gonna be there, but I want everyone to see them!” Jaden explained.

Aster frowned. He did owe Jaden after everything, but he wasn’t too keen on just giving him the tv. Knowing him, he’d break it.

“Fine, but I’m supervising to make sure you don’t break it!” He huffed.

“Sure! To be honest, I wanted you to come to the hangout, but I wasn’t sure if it would be your thing!”

“What do you mean? It’s just hanging out?” Aster asked confused

Jaden laughed it off, and the two walked back to the Chazz’s room, carrying the TV.

They managed to get the TV sorted out and plugged the laptop in. Jaden and Syrus were excited to see Zane and Chumley again, especially the former after he had mellowed out a bit. It had been a while since the group hung out like this.

Zane had to admit he had been secretly looking forward to this. He missed playing this game with everyone; it made his last year at the academy just a little bit more memorable.

Hassleberry, however, was a bit nervous. “I’ve never played this game before, Sy? What if I mess up? What if I cause us to lose?”

“You won’t, Ty!” Syrus assured and held his boyfriend’s hands. “Chumley will go easy on you since it’s your first time.”

First time? What the heck are these guys playing!? Aster wondered.

Eventually, Bastion, Alexis and Atticus joined the group, and they all sat in a circle with books, paper, and bags containing many coloured dice.

“You guys play Dungeons and Dragons?!” Aster asked, shocked.

“Surprised?” Jaden grinned, adjusting his skirt.

“A little, I knew you were nerds, but I didn’t realise you were… big nerds….” Aster mumbled.

“Alright, we’re all set!” Chumley grinned “everyone remember their character sheets?”

There was a mix of responses giving the affirmative.

“Do you wanna play with us, Aster?” Jaden asked, “I don’t want you to feel left out.”

“But I don’t know how to play, and I don’t have any dice or a character sheet.”

“That’s ok! I made one for you!” Jaden held the pieces of paper up to him. “I made you a cleric because we needed another healer on the team. I hope that’s ok!”

Aster was a little stunned but touched by the gesture. “… thanks…”

“Here, I have some extra dice. Why don’t you borrow them for today? Pick whichever set you like!” Syrus grinned, offering a collection of containers holding dice sets.

“Oh… thanks…” Aster smiled softly as he took a set of Gray and white ones.

“Here’s the player’s handbook if you ever feel lost”, Bastion smiled as he handed Aster the book “, but don’t hesitate to ask us if you have any questions!”

“Oh! Ok!” Aster smiled. He was a bit overwhelmed by how friendly everyone was being. He admittedly hoped the Dino nut was given the same courtesy. It was his first game, too, after all.

“Ok, guys, introduce your characters, and we can begin the session!” Chumley announced.

“Aw, can’t we introduce them in the setting like last time? That was so fun!!” Atticus whined

“I have to admit I enjoyed that last time too. It was more immersive,” Zane blushed.

“Ok, we can do that. Let me set the scene!” Chumley smiled before putting on a narrator's voice.

Aster smiled and read through his character sheet quickly. Noting there were a few spots left blank, most likely to give his character his name...

“Our story begins in the kingdom of Arasion, in the humble township of Goblin Fang. In Goblin Fang, many gather at the Drizzling Dragon, a large tavern home to many seeking a grand quest or something of the sort. This is where three of our travellers have just arrived. Jada, would you like to introduce yourself?”

Jada? Who's that? Is that meant to be Jaden? Aster wondered.

Jaden nodded, and suddenly his eyes became large and doe-like. “The leader is a young human woman, her raggy clothes looking nothing like the ball gown it used to be, a scorned princess forced to flee her kingdom to protect its legacy. She carries a talisman signifying her pact with the great archdemon. She looks to her companions, her loyal guards and asks, “do you think we will find the answers we seek here?””

Aster was surprised at how invested Jaden got into his performance, but he was certainly intrigued about how this would go.

Alexis coughs

“Alexandra, a water genasi paladin and Princess Jada’s bodyguard, coughs and says, “I can only hope that is the case, your majesty”” Alexis put on a British accent. Aster couldn't help but think she had to have been taking lessons from Bastion. “What do you think, Charles?”

“I knoweth not, Alexandra.”

Wait, was that Chazz?

Chazz seemed really engrossed in his character and performance. “Charles, a half-orc fighter and another bodyguard for the princess, seems unconvinced that a lowly tavern will help them, but he will take any chance he can get. “This way, your majesty, my dear Alexandra,” he says as he opens the door for them.”

Wow, he did get into character! Aster chuckled.

“The three of you enter the tavern, and there is an assortment of patrons in the tavern from all walks of life. They take a look at the three newcomers, and all seem to be judging you. Would anyone like to take the opportunity to introduce themselves?”

“I will!” Zane spoke up.

Now, this would be interesting, Aster thought. He didn’t know Zane liked these things, so he was curious to see how he went.

“A drow rogue going by the name of Zennia is observing the newcomers. She takes a piece of food from her plate and offers it to her husband, who is resting his head in her lap.”

Aster wasn't expecting that. He didn't think Zane, of all people, would play a female character. Who was her husband?

Atticus smirked and purred, “I say “thank you my dearest” and eat the food.”

Of course, it was Atticus.

“Isidore, a tiefling bard, adores it when his wife feeds him. He doesn’t take notice of the newcomers as he only has eyes for the love of his life.”

Jaden, Syrus, Bastion and even Alexis couldn’t help but let out an “aaaaw.”

Zane blushed in high definition on TV; it brought a smirk to Aster’s face.

“At a table on the other end of the tavern there's a halfling and dragonborn arguing” Chumley explained “there is also a half elf desperately trying to pretend they’re not with them.”

As if on cue Syrus pointed to Hassleberry and scoffed. “What do you mean I’m paying for everyone’s meals!? You’re the one who has all the gold we gathered, Tyran!”

Hassleberry was confused at first but then clicked “well you’re the one who got us into that mess with the goblin horde, Paulo! The least you can do is take some responsibility and pay for everyone’s meals!”

“Same rubbish as always…” Bastion sighed.

“SHUT UP SEBASTIAN”

The two proceeded to bicker in character some more until Bastion silenced them.

Chumley chuckled before turning to Aster “do you want to have a go?”

Aster nodded and took a deep breath. “In the back of the tavern there is a human cleric, he looks way too finely dressed to be a regular of the establishment. He has a glow of holy radiance about him as he leisurely drinks a pint of mead. His golden eyes take notice of the three new comers and approaches them. Taking a knee, he takes princess Jada’s hand and graces his lips across her knuckles.

“My princess… I am Astaroth… and the gods have told me it is my define mission to be your aid and protector” he says”

The rest of the room is struck silent at Aster’s performance, causing him to blush. “W-was that too much?”

“No way Aster, that was AWESOME!!” Jaden grinned. “I can’t wait to get to know your character!!”

“If you have any backstory or plot ideas in mind Aster send me an email after the game!” Chumley smiled “now we’re all introduced let’s go!!”

Aster smiled and settled in. He had no idea what was going on but everyone was being so nice… he couldn’t help but look forward to the rest of the game.

[bestbouy]

Okay so I just got some wax melts from this person I think they're named chem? virgil? idk but here's where I got them: https://chemcandles.indiemade.com/ AND I SUGGEST YOU GET SOME TOO (here's why)

sinofdjsdf THEY'RE SO GOOD

like the moment I opened the box I just smiled like it was Christmas morning-

You may or may not know I love dice, casual dice enjoyer here

and theY HAD DICE MELTS

I've never needed something so much in my entire life

Anyways, they came within two days and dANG that's fast for where I live! I loved the little note, and they even gave me some extras!

if you do choose to buy some, I'm sure they'd really appreciate it! if not, that's alright as well, I just wanted to help them out however I can :)

Here are some pictures

Sorry about the horrible quality lol They smell so good and I love them so much I'm gonna put them in a bag so they stay good

And!!! The tiny!!! dinos!!!

all and all, best 14 bucks I've ever spent

Oh! and they've also got candles inspired by sanders sides! as of me posting this, they've got Roman inspired candles and Patton inspired candles

please go check them out if you're in the market!!

(It's so sad I need to melt them but I don't want to-)

this one's missing some of his tail but I love him anyways

and whoops! almost forgot their tumblr account: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/chemcandles

[radramblog]

AFR Precon Commanders

Look I literally did this last week, but also, I haven’t really thought about Magic since then, so I don’t have any particular ideas about what to write other than just another long list of cards. I had an idea for an Ebondeath dech tech, but I’m going to put that on the backburner for a day where I have a bit more time.

Besides, there’s a reason Set Reviews and the like are so popular among players. They’re fun to make, and they’re fun to read/listen/watch. And for whatever reason, WoTC has opted to give us effectively two full Commander sets this year, with AFC having just as many precons and almost as many new Commanders as the 2016 precon offering. So there’s a lot going on, and a lot to talk about.

With only 12 new cards to talk about this time, and them being actually designed for the format, I’ll try to spend a bit longer on each one. And the first one is….

Catti-brie of Mithral Hall

There’s a lot going on here for two mana. Catti-brie is Selesnya’s second Equipment Commander, with her compatriot Nazahn being a bunch more impact, but also triple the mana cost. This is besides the part where Nazahn is not that good outside of finding his absolutely bonkers hammer.

I think Catti-brie has a lot of potential. With the right build, she can get very large very quickly, and considering she costs two whole mana, that’s fairly impressive. With no ramp and just Grafted Wargear, she’s swinging for 6 commander damage turn 3, and only getting bigger from there- literally a 3-swing clock with the extra counters.

I literally cannot envision you ever using that last ability unless someone snipes her mid-combat. But you probably don’t need it? I like her either way. Bit awkward she releases the same day as fellow two mana Selesnya Commander that gets bigger for (deckbuild mechanic), Trelassara.

 Galea, Kindler of Hope

…eh?

Okay, so it Future Sights, but only for Auras/Equips, and it gets the Sigarda’s Aid ability for Equipment, which is kind of gross- you get the card and mana advantage at the same time there. As someone with a Gruul topdeck deck, I know that Green doesn’t really offer much to that pie, but I know Blue absolutely does- not gonna be super hard to manipulate and chuck the swords you want on top of the deck.

But like…eh? This commander doesn’t excite me. They’re obviously powerful, but I just don’t care that much. There’s nothing they do that other things don’t, you know? Bant already has topdeck in Amareth, Auras in the three commanders from the Bant Enchantress deck, and arguably Voltron in Rafiq. I guess this is Bant equipment, but…Rafiq………..

 Karazikar, Eye Tyrant

Goad is such a fun mechanic, and I’m so happy to see it every time. Not only does this basically Edric in Rakdos, it also helps you force the issue? Yeah okay, that’s a solid commander. 5 mana is awkward, especially since they can’t really swing in safely themselves that often. With that in mind, the tap ability is deceptively strong, especially combined with, say, Menace.

There are currently 372 Kardur, Doomscourge decks, which is way, WAY more than I expected. I’d imagine a lot of those are switching to Karazikar, considering it’s basically the same but better. Not that I ever really care for “just better” cards, but not everyone sees things the same way I do.

 Klauth, Unrivaled Ancient

What if we made Savage Ventmaw a legend? Okay, cool, but also we fixed it so you can’t go infinite. Wait no stop don’t put Ventmaw in the deck anyway noooooo-

Whoever decided this should have Haste deserves a raise, as the card would be nigh-unusable without it. As it is, this is going to basically let you doublespell constantly, especially if that first one has Haste. Ramp, Beaters, and X-Spells are going to abound. It’s hardly the most unique Gruul commander- Radha 2 exists, after all- but it’s still a solid one.

 Lorcan, Warlock Collector

I think I’ve played D&D with this guy before.

Lorcan is basically Grave Betrayal in the zone. Upside: Grave Betrayal is a bonkers card, and this doesn’t have the end step clause. Downside: 7 mana in the zone is huge, and the life cost will add up very quickly. Upside: Unironically the exile clause is good, since it means you get to effectively grave-hate with this guy. Downside: some good cards, like Marshland Bloodcaster, are Warlocks, and you don’t want to be exiling your own things.

Lorcan is probably a very fun commander, because Grave Betrayal is fun and cool. It’s probably not actually a very good one. I like it in the 99, though? Might pick one up for Gonti.

 Minn, Wily Illusionist

Okay I don’t care if this card is good it’s so fucking cool. Finally, Illusion Tribal! Get out your Krovikan Mists and Lords of the Unreal! Blue has no trouble drawing extra cards, even on your opponent’s turns, so she’s going to be pumping out a bunch of these tokens.

Oh, also that second ability is bonkers. It doesn’t say nonland, you can ramp with this! Very solid for a more permanent-based Blue deck. There are also just a bunch of random Illusions that this greatly benefits- Murmuring Mystic and Mordenkainen and Meloku all make tokens, and Draining Whelk and Fathom Seer have the type. Not a huge number of sacrifice outlets, but Drowned Rusalka is probably the best it has ever been here. Very interesting card.

 Nihiloor

Mx steal-yo-girl here is certainly a unique effect, but not the most interesting one. The second effect benefits Theft tribal, but not, like, well? Though I suppose ganking creatures is a strong enough effect already.

And yet, on this one it’s really awkward? Esper isn’t known for bigboy creatures, but that’s something this deck wants, apparently. It has a lot of potential, but also, there’s a huge amount of setup and a huge potential to get blown out, since blowing them up gives all opponents their guys back immediately. I like what they were trying to do here, but it’s a tad naff.

Prosper, Tome-Bound

Ah yes, the one everyone’s hyped about. And for fair reason, this card is cool as fuck. It’s a unique effect in the colour, and it’s both card advantage and ramp in one card, and it’s in Rakdos of all combinations? Also, it’s a Tiefling, so surely people are horny for him. There’s a good reason this is the most popular commander from the set, including the main set cards.

This is not the only cast-from-exile matters commander in existence- Laelia came out this year too, but she’s weaker and also not black. The extra colour adds a bunch more to this- theft effects mostly, but also more Cascade cards like Bituminous Blast, things like Dream Devourer, and fucking Valki babyyyy. Add in the black Artifact synergy and you’ve got a both flexible and powerful general.

 Sefris of the Hidden Ways

This is probably the only commander that’s going to see any play with the Venture mechanic, so get it while it’s hot. “From anywhere” is a huge line of text, and I suspect Syr Konrad is going to find his way into a lot of Sefris decks.

I’m sure there’s a combo this can do or something, but at the end of the day: Do you like the dungeon mechanic? If so, you’ll probably like this card. If not, you probably won’t. Also, since they are surely not going to make more Dungeon cards any time soon, and maybe never again, this deck is going to look very the same for a very long time.

 Stormvald, Frost Giant Jarl

Sheesh, Bant kinda lost out on this one. Storvald is so incredibly eh.

Ward 3 is, like, juuust on the edge of not really doing that much, where it makes removal cost 4-5, so it’s awkward, but you’re still going to do it if the target is threatening enough. What I’m saying is that it isn’t actually an especially good protective ability on your 7-drop, even if you are in Green.

Making creatures big is decent enough- I’m of the opinion that Gigantomancer is an underrated card, and this gives more colours for things to embiggen. Making things small is slightly less relevant, especially since your 7/7 commander and beater are likely to be crunching through most things anyway. The card is fine, but unexciting.

I like Bant well enough as a colour combination, but like, none of the commanders are my jam. Maybe one day.

 Vrondiss, Rage of Ancients

Iiinteresting. Look, let’s not beat around the bush, dice-rolling isn’t really a thing unless you’re silver bordered- yeah you could get a few of the better things in there, but you’re probably better off just playing ping effects. Pyrohemia this fucker up.

Enrage was a funky mechanic that didn’t actually get a commander, aside from just the Dino tribal ones. But now we have a proper one, and they’re a Dragon to boot. Also, this is probably the easiest its ever been to generate a bunch of Dragon tokens, so getting triggers from them is real easy, even if they are one-shot-pops. Keep in mind that doesn’t say Combat Damage, so Scourge of Valkas and Dragon Tempest are kind of a nonbo.

Gruul obviously already has Dragon Tribal options, but this is still a good thing to have around.

 Wulfgar of Icewind Dale

WoTC apparently decided to throw everyone a curveball on this one. Because from my recollection, everyone on r/custommagic assumed we’d get this effect at some point, now that technology like Panharmonicon exists, but they and I assumed it would be, you know, Boros. The colour combo that probably needs it more. Gruul, really? Come on Gavin, you’re a great dude but what the fuck is this.

Sigh. That’s not especially fair.

This combos with like half a dozen things to make mana and probably triple that to make damage. And there’s surely ways to draw cards, and blow things up, et cetera, et cetera. I’m just salty. This isn’t the note I wanted to go out on!

Fuck it, at least you can still double a Drakuseth trigger. But my Aurelia……..

[nataliedanovelist]

GF + OH - Fallen Owls pt.1

Summary: What happens when the milf of The Owl House meets the dilf of Gravity Falls? Find out in this multi-chapter crossover fic.

pt.2

~~~~~~~~~~

Episode Placement:

GF = after finale (S3?) OH = between S1E5 and E6 It was late, passed the gremlins’ bedtime, but it was summer, meaning the term “bedtime” had very little meaning unless Stan was tired and needed to make the kids quiet. But as of right now he was content sitting in his old armchair, boxers and undershirt and slippers and all, munching on popcorn with his family, sitting around telling stories. Stan and his twin brother, Ford, had just finished telling Dipper and Mabel more about the sirens they had faced a few months ago. While sailing around the world was a dream come true, it was nice to take a break to spend the summer with the niblings.

Dipper, having just heard how Stan had been charmed by the sirens’ song, chuckled and asked, “So, did you ever have any luck finding ‘babes’?” Stan rubbed the back of his neck with a sheepish smile. “Nah, but there’s always next year.” “Yeah, don’t worry about it, Grunkle Stan.” Mabel said as she popped some popcorn into her mouth. “You’ll find some pretty girl that is everything you deserve!” Stan, turning red, waved the subject away. “Thanks, sweetie, but it’s fine.” Ford, sitting on the dino-skull, elbowed him lightly and teased, “He’s still heartbroken over Carla McCorckle.” Mabel blew a raspberry. “If I ever find her I’m gonna give her a left-hook and break her nose!” Stan laughed and ruffled her hair. “That’s not necessary, kid. I’m over her.” “And it only took you forty years.” Ford added, earning him a punch on the shoulder. “I’ll have you know I’ve been with plenty of gals after Carla!” Stan quipped. “Heck, I was married once when I was traveling the country!” “Wait, what?!” The whole room gasped at the same time. Ford blinked like a confused owl. “I… I didn’t know that.” “Me, neither.” Mabel said and leaned on Stan’s knee. Dipper, meanwhile, was silent, a memory coming to mind. “Truth is I’ve been divorced once and slapped more times than I can remember.” “What happened? GASP! Do I have a secret Graunty you never told me about?!” Stan barked a laugh. “Hah! No, sorry pumpkin. I was actually married for less than a day. Vegan situation. We reached for the same slot machine handle and it was love at first sight. Marilyn. Had hair like a airline stordis and a neon pink shirt that said ‘Over thirty and very flirty’. Man I was, I was putty in her hands.” Stan said lightly, recalling the most romantic evening he ever had. “You should’ve seen the way she threw dice. One time right at my head. Turns out she only married me to distract me while she stole my car and my winnings. I guess her name was fake and, hair was fake. But ya know, the love was real.” Stan added with a casual shrug. “She was really the one that got away. Like, literally, it was a proper get away. She was chased by cop cars for a mile out of Vegas before ducking out of a door and into a canyon and making off with my loot. Sometimes I still think of her.” The old conman admitted. “That pale bingo hall skin. That one weirdly sharp tooth.” Stan’s face dropped at the sight of his family and he quickly said, “Sorry, I’m getting nostalgic.” “More like love-sick.” Dipper teased. “AW!” Mabel squealed. “That’s so sweet! Maybe you’ll find her one day!” Stan laughed and shook his head. “I doubt it, sweetie, but hey. Who needs stealing babes when I’ve got you three, right?” Mabel yawned and stretched her arms over her head. Ford chuckled and stood up, popping his back. “I think you two should head to bed. It’s getting late and we’re going camping tomorrow, remember?” Mabel gasped happily and stood. “You’re right!” She hugged both her uncles and wished them goodnight and then walked with her brother up the stairs for the attic, then Ford left to go finish packing, leaving Stan alone. He leaned on his knuckles, elbow on his armchair, and he remembered Marilyn. ~~~~~~~~~~ Mabel was grinning from ear to ear as she skipped ahead on the trail in the woods. “Finally, a real family camping trip!” Grunkle Ford, Dipper, and Grunkle Stan were right behind her, the Pines family heading back to the Mystery Shack after a fun night sleeping under the stars around a campfire. They were all smiling and happy to be reunited for the summer. While some things drastically changed and some things hardly changed at all, the Pines in appearance changed a little since Dipper and Mabel and turned thirteen. Mabel had always been nothing but smiles in the past, but if it was even possible she grinned even more now, proud to show off her braces-free white teeth. She still sported amazing sweaters with colorful headbands and skirts, today wearing a brown skirt and a yellow headband with a light-brown sweater with an owl on it, claiming she wanted to match the woods and her Grunkle Ford; he only proved her point when he blushed. Dipper and Wendy switched hats again when they saw each other when the twins came off the bus, but over his orange t-shirt he wore a green flannel unbuttoned and he matched it with blue jeans. No longer out in the freezing Arctic, Stan left behind his long coat, but he kept his white t-shirt, dark pants, red beanie, and water-proof boots for the hiking trip. Ford, the easily cold twin, still wore red turtleneck and dark pants and boots, but his smile was much more genuine and the crack in his glasses was gone. Grunkle Ford patted his niece’s shoulder. “It is nice to have some quality family bonding.” “Next time I say we go fishing.” Stan injected. “Not as many creepy spider-fires or whatever.” “Scampfires.” “I still say whatever.” Dipper chuckled and continued to sketch in his pinetree journal, shading in trees of his drawing of the woods. But he was pulled from his pleasant thoughts by his great-uncle. “Seriously, kid, you’re gonna walk into a tree and then I’m gonna laugh. You need to get your head outta book and see the rest of the world.” “Grunkle Stan, how do you think people shared the world back in your day? You know, when dinosaurs roamed the Earth?” Dipper quipped. “Oh, ho! Wise guy, huh?” Stan wrapped an arm around his neck and rubbed his knuckles on the top of his head. “Alright, Poindexter Jr…” “No! No nuggies!” “Yes nuggies!” “Ford!” Dipper laughed, calling for backup. Mabel, meanwhile, was slowly being pulled away mentally from the touching scene of guys being dudes as the internet would have called it. Distracting her, a tiny brown owl with cute round eyes was hopping. Not just hopping, appearing from behind one oak tree to the neck, but hopping with a sack clamped by the beak. Mabel watched it with wide eyes, hoping for another look, and the second glance she got of it was so brief she didn’t know how much faith she should have in her eyes, but it looked like that sack had things like a Cubic Cube, a newspaper, a floppy disk, a basketball, and other items that could be classified as junk. Mabel decided not to wait for another glance at the owl and to go look at it for herself. Mabel wandered off the path animals had made and moved in between trees and bushes quietly. Her brown eyes eventually landed on the little owl and she followed it; the clattering of the owl or it’s determination to finish it’s job must have been the reason why it didn’t hear Mabel and try to hide or lose her. The young Pines lady watched, walking farther and farther away from her family, and the owl hopped behind a tree and never emerged. Mabel smiled, thinking she was about to find an owl’s nest in the tree or a stash of human things by the tree’s roots, but when she turned to look behind the tree, she gasped to find a doorway that glowed white. Mabel looked around her for anyone that might have an answer or for any clue as to why this doorway was here, but she was alone. Gravity Falls certainly was where this sort of thing might happen, but that did not guarantee that this was safe. Maybe she should have the guys look at this thing. Mabel turned around, her back to the doorway, to leave, but she saw something above her and took in a sharp breath. Stan had Dipper pinned on the grass now, both of them laughing, with Ford shaking his head and scolding lightly. “Stanley, that’s enough.” “Don’t worry, Grunkle Ford, I promise not to break such an old man.” Dipper teased as he lightly fought back, “Old man?!” Stan repeated in pretend offense. They were interrupted by a blood curdling scream that made their hearts drop. Stan immediately got off of his nephew and stared ahead, terrified. “Mabel…” And he ran for the direction he heard the scream with Ford and Dipper at his heels. Mabel pulled her grappling hook out of her hiking-backpack and tried to calm down, but it was hard to with the dangerous anomaly liking it’s chops at the sight of her. It was like a gray lizard, but ten feet long, including the tail, and only on it’s four legs it was seven feet tall. It’s eyes were red and narrow and cold, and it had long sharp claws like a dragon’s and a long snout like a crocodile. Mabel shot her grappling hook at the monster and it hit it on the snout, tossing its head back. The lizard hissed but did not back down. It advanced, getting closer to Mabel, and she wanted to back away, but she was careful not to touch the spooky doorway. Stan saw the scene first, appearing out of the corner of Mabel’s eye. “Mabel!” “Grunkle Stan, what do I do?!” She asked, her eyes glued to the giant lizard. Ford and Dipper caught up. The younger moved to jump between his sister and the monster, but Ford stopped him with a firm six-fingered hand. “No! Listen to me, Mabel. That thing is called a Stone-Reptilian. They're excellent at camouflaging into mountains and can hang onto a one-hundred-and-eighty degree wall for hours, waiting for its prey. It actually has two tongues: one for licking its eyes since it doesn't have eyelids, and one for paralyzing it’s dinner and dragging the meal into its mouth.” “So what do I do?!” Mabel begged, shaking a little at the idea of being paralyzed and then eaten alive. “Mabel, stay calm, it’s alright.” Ford soothed with a voice as soft as silk. “Stone-Reptilians have excellent eyesight, but they’re deaf. Notice how it’s isn’t reacting to us. Now, I want you to…” The Stone-Reptilian suddenly whipped out it’s long, thorn-covered tongue to paralyze Mabel, but she was too quick and leaped through the doorway to survive. As she did, it disappeared, and the Pines men were left to scream and then fight for their own lives. ~~~~~~~~~~ “Whoops, can’t have another stowaway, can I?” A voice said, and then before Mabel knew it, her way back home was gone. She observed her new surroundings. Misfit things like a refrigerator, a grandfather clock, an old mattress, and cardboard boxes full of items cluttered what looked like a big tent, judging by the cloth walls and such. Mabel smiled with wonder at the things. “Wow. What a collection.” She whispered. Her eyes landed on a small glass ballerina on top of a music box. She turned the ballerina around with a finger to catch a few music notes. Mabel smiled, but was once again distracted. “Right, let’s see here… Nope. Garbage. Garbage. Another one of these? Oh, well. Good thing the potions have been selling. I should really thank Luz for helping me take out that competitor. Or not.” Mabel covered her mouth with both hands to keep from snorting; that sounded like something her Grunkle Stan would say. Her heart sagged a little and she turned to look back at where the magical doorway once was. Despite what he might pretend, Mabel knew Stan would be really worried about her. She needed to find a way back home. She crawled on her hands and knees out from under the tent and then got up to explore. “Okay, let’s see…” Mabel looked around to find herself outside in the open air. She raised an eyebrow. “The… Crawlspace? I thought it was underground? Maybe there’s more to it! Won’t Grunkle Ford be surprised!” Mabel cheered and looked around for anything familiar, but the longer she looked, the more she realized nothing was like back in Gravity Falls. She stood at the edge of a cliff, overlooking an odd city of some kind. Giant monster hands with no body stood like trees. Smoke rose from chimneys of medieval-looking houses. A small herd of cat-sized dragons flocked by the clouds. A mammoth roared like a lion and then walked into the ocean. Something resembling an orange nun was selling bags of oozing red stuff to tiny red monsters with teeth and fangs for a face. People were riding a giant caterpillar from inside its mouth and then kissing it for a toll. Mabel’s heart was racing from excitement and fear. Nothing here was familiar, but she was familiar with the unfamiliar. She grasped the straps of her backpack and took a deep breath. “Okay, Mabel, you’ve obviously discovered another rift and came to another dimension. Just remember what your grunkles taught you. Don’t touch this dimension's version of yourself or everything will explode. I just gotta live long enough for them to find me. Easy.” Her stomach suddenly growled. Mabel clenched her stomach on reflex, but then remembered her bag of marshmallows, pulled them out, and began to munch on her fluffy sugar pillows. She turned around and walked away from the tent she had left, saw she was in some sort of market, and walked down the street to explore calmly. ~~~~~~~~~~ “And remember to apply it twice a day for the best results.” Luz said friendly to a blue monster made out of goo as she handed her the small bag of dust and the customer closed the door on the human. Luz wiped her sweaty forehead with her wrist and groaned. “Man, it’s so hot today. Ready to head home, King? King?” She looked down to find that the king of demons had found the perfect spot on the porch to nap in the sunshine. Luz smiled, scratched his back, and scooped him up one-armed while her other hand carried the empty sack. “Eh?” King woke up, angry and cute. “Luz! I was having the perfect dream!” “About what?” “What could be more perfect than sleeping?!” “You were dreaming about sleeping?” Luz clarified with a confused smile. “Don’t you?” Luz snorted a laugh and walked through Bonesburrow. Compared to the rest of the Boiling Isles, the apprentice had learned that this was the quietest neck of the woods. King’s nose caught a delightful scent, but the demon was unsure if he should believe it. He sat up in Luz’s arm and smelled the air. “What is it?” Luz asked. “Hm, it’s sweet. Really sweet.” King commented and shivered. “Like, really sweet. So sweet it’ll put anyone in a sugar-induced coma.” “Well, why don’t we just go home and we can have some of Eda’s strawberry jelly instead.” Luz suggested as they turned a corner. She immediately saw the one really really weird thing in the Boiling Isles, apart from her. Another human. After being away from home for about three weeks, Luz didn’t think she would be so happy to see another human girl or see human food that wasn’t red, but here she was, eyes sparkling with happy tears over the sight. Mabel’s eye eventually landed on Luz and the two stared at each other, a good twenty feet away from each other. After a few moments, however, they both shouted, “ANOTHER HUMAN!” And ran towards each other, King clinging onto Luz’s arms in order not to fall. “Wait,” The brunette said and looked worried. “Is this your first time seeing another human here? How long have you been trapped here?!” She apparently had drawn the conclusion that there was no way out of this place. “Oh, no,” The Latino smiled and shook her head. “I’m not trapped here; I can leave whenever I want, I just choose not to.” “Oh. Cool! Hi! I’m Mabel!” “Hi, Mabel.” Luz greeted. “I’m Luz! So… how did you get here?” Mabel’s face dropped a little and she looked around. “You know, I’m not really sure. One minute I was camping with my family and the next I’m falling through a door that disappears and takes me here.” Luz giggled and shook her head. “You must have fallen through Eda’s door. Don’t worry, I can get you back home.” “You can?!” Mabel hugged her tightly, squishing King in between the two girls. “ThankyouthankyouTHANKYOU!” Luz, who was quite the hugger but lived with two hug-haters, grinned and relished in the hug, until a high-voice yelled, “AH! What is with you humans and this tight holding ritual?!” Mabel’s eyes got wide and she jumped away, looking around wildly; that voice sounded too familiar for comfort, but when she saw the king of demons, she gasped with a huge grin and shining eyes. “OH MY GOSH! How cute!!!” She squealed. “Thanks.” Luz giggled and rubbed his belly. “This is the King of Demons.” “This little bundle of joy?” Mabel asked, happily smoothing over his skull and scratching his back. “That’s what I said!” “Hey, hey, easy with the merchandise!” King complained. “What makes you think you can… oh! Oh! Right there, yup, right there.” Mabel had found the right scratching spot, just between his shoulder-blades, and King relaxed in Luz’s arms, almost asleep he was so comfortable. Mabel giggled and asked, “So, how can you get me back to my family?” Luz gave it a moment’s thought and said, “Well, I guess we could take you to Eda and have her send you home, but she’ll be going home soon and it’s kinda…” The girls screamed as a huge guard jumped in front of them. He glared down at the humans and said, “Human previously associated with Eda the Owl Lady, you’re hereby under arrest!” “Not today, sucka!” Luz yelled, threw down one of Eda’s smoke bombs, and grabbed Mabel’s wrist. “Come on! I know where to go!” “Crazy monsters, criminals, smoke bombs, demons… I LOVE IT HERE!” Mabel cheered as she was fleeing with her new friends. ~~~~~~~~~~ Stan huffed, catching his breath, with his hands on his knees. Ford helped Dipper up cautiously, scanning him over for broken bones from when the monster swung his tail at the boy and slammed him against a tree, but apart from being shaken up, he was fine. Now that the Stone-Reptilian was gone, the Pines men were free to worry about the most important thing in their whole world. “MABEL?!” Stan screamed and looked around wildly for the rift that took her away. “MABEL! MABEL, SWEETIE!” “Mabel!” Ford called out. “Mabel, can you hear us?!” “MABEL! MABEL!” Stan screamed and ignored his stinging eyes. Dipper’s own brown eyes were aching, too, but he refused to be seen as weak and he powered through. “Did… did that thing… g-g-get her?” “No.” Ford said firmly. “I saw it. She fell through… some sort of door, or a rift.” “A-A door?” “It was rectangular like one, but it was hard to tell.” “The Crawlspace!” Dipper gasped and slapped his forehead. “Don’t the entrances change randomly through Gravity Falls? What if she fell through and is down at the black market?” “What, you mean she’s probably surrounded by dangerous monsters in some freaky market?” Stan asked. “It’s a likely possibility.” Ford speculated, holding his cleft chin. “Scour the area. If it was an entrance to the Crawlspace, one will show up again soon.” The three men split up, relatively close, and searched for an anomaly. Maybe a hole in a tree or in the ground, what might have been passed as a bird’s nest or a groundhog’s home could actually be an entrance. Stan was checking some bushes when he thought he heard a strange noise and he looked ahead. A rectangular white light appeared on an oak tree and soon an owl with an empty sack in its beak hopped out. Stan gasped and thought that this was the doorway that took his little girl. Ford saw his twin run out of the corner of his eye and then disappear through the hole. “Stanley, wait!” He called and ran towards him, disappearing, too. Then the doorway was gone. Dipper looked around nervously. “Hello? Guys?” He paused, letting it sink in that, once again, he was alone. “I swear if she’s at MAB3L again…” ~~~~~~~~~~ Stan had stopped. Ford then accidently ran into him and they both fell forward. “Sixer, get off!” “Shh!” Ford slapped a polydactyl hand over his brother’s mouth, which made him grumble, but before Stan could lick his hand in response, he heard what Ford was hearing. “I’ll give you fifty snails for the whole lot.” A laugh-filled snort followed. “It’s seventy-five, kid. Take it or leave it.” That voice… something was familiar about that laugh. There was grumbling and what sounded like items being collected. Stan and Ford exchanged looks and slowly got up. After looking around the tent, they peered out of the crack in the curtains to see an odd market. They awed at the sight of dozens of weird creatures. One looked like a turquoise hairless-cat. One looked like a pig with green eyes and it breathed fire on a piece of meat on a stick to cook it for a snack. A kid with pointy ears dropped a basket full of eyeballs and scrambled to pick them up. Ford grinned excitedly like a dork while Stan winced at the sight of an ice-cream eating a customer. Stan glanced to his left and he had to hold his breath to keep from gasping and blowing their cover. Wearing a tight-fitted, torn maroon dress and matching boots, gold on her chest and ears and fingers and a sharp tooth, her eyes sparkling like gold coins, a woman with big gray hair and pointy ears leaned against a table full human things and flicked through a Gold Chains for Old Men magazine with a skeptical look on her face. Stan was nearly as pale as she was when she snorted another laugh and flipped a page. “Hah! Not a bad read. Better than that kindling Luz keeps around.” She mumbled and made herself comfortable in her chair, waiting for another customer, one leg crossed over the other and she lightly kicked it as she read. Stan swallowed. There was no way. No possible way… then again, given everything weird that’s happened to him, from freaky portal, to demon triangles, to gnomes and unicorns and sirens and krakens, even to a full-blown Weirdmageddon, should he really be all that surprised that faith would bite him in the butt like this? Ford glanced down at his twin and found he could read him like an open book. “Stanley…” He hissed. The lady straightened in her seat and looked up from the magazine, listening. Now it was Stan’s turn to cover Ford’s mouth. They were still, waiting for the ady to find them, but she shrugged casually and continued to read. The men backed away, out of sight, and were each on one knee, facing each other, as they whispered. “Sixer, where the heck are we? The Crawlspace?” “I’m not sure.” Ford hissed. “I have never seen these types of anomalies before. I suppose it’s possible they hide here during the day and I had never seen them at night, but… this place feels off. To summarize, I have a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.” “Fine, but when what do we do about Mabel?” “Our objection is still the same. Let’s just keep a low profile and try to find her.” The twins froze when the curtain was thrown open and the lady stood before them. She immediately sneered down at them. “If you amateur pickpockets think you can…” But then she stopped, for several reasons. One: these creatures were clearly old, about her age, and so unless they had a sudden career change, they were not amateurs. Two: as a human expert and a teacher and hostess of a human, she instantly recognized these two big-eared creatures as humans. Three: something about the one in the white shirt and red hat was very familiar. “No… way…” She narrowed her golden eyes. Stan was now confident that his memory wasn’t flawed; the way she reacted to seeing him, recognizing him, confirmed that he knew her. Before he could do anything, she grabbed each twin by the ear and pinched; they were at her mercy and receiving flashbacks from when their mother was angry with them. “You two got some explaining to do.” The lady sneered. “Gah! Let us go, crazy old bat!” Stan barked as she dragged them out from the tent and made them sit on barrels for stools. “Who are you calling old, human?” The lady sneered and crossed her arms over her chest. “Just tell me what you think you’re doing here.” “Begging your pardon on our introduction,” Ford said coldly, but then softened as he and his brother did have an important mission. “But our grandniece is missing. We believe she came through here.” And he pulled out a picture of Mabel hugging a stuffed-penguin from his wallet and showed it to her. The lady peered down at the photo and said, “Sorry, old-timers, I haven’t seen anyone like that around here.” “Now, how can we trust you, Marilyn.” Stan sneered, crossing his arms over his chest. Ford’s eyes widened as he pocketed his picture. He was rendered speechless for a moment. “Oh, like you’re one to talk about honesty, Stan.” She deride. “You two know each other?!” Ford gasped, looking from his brother to the stranger rapidly like a game of tennis. “She’s your ex-wife?!” The lady snorted a laugh and sighed happily. “Ah, good times, huh?” “Not really.” Stan sneered and stood. “You still owe me five hundred bucks!” “At least you got your car back, Grumpy.” The lady teased and patted his cheek; he swatted her hand away in response and growled like an angry pitbull. “If you want my help finding your girl then play nice.” “So, you honestly didn’t see her.” Stan repeated with a raised eyebrow. “Hey, I may be a conwoman, a pickpocket, and the most powerful witch you’ll ever meet, but I wouldn’t lie if it was gonna endanger some kid.” The lady snapped her fingers and all of the human collectibles floated and gathered into a green cloth, tied up like a hobo’s luggage. She pulled out a staff and put the bag through it, making it easy to carry. Eda whistled and the little owl flew to her and landed on her staff and turned into wood. “Come along, humans, we’ll find your niece and get you two home.” Ford followed the lady and decided to be the “nice” one since Stan was obviously too salty to be one; someone had to be nice to the lady that was going to help them find Mabel. “Thank you, Marilyn.” “Oh, right. That’s not my real name…” “Knew it.” “... you’re a fool to give your real name to a casino in Vegas. It’s Edalyn, but just call me Eda. Or your worst nightmare.” “Whatever you say, toots.” Stan growled as they walked down the street. “So, Eda,” Ford cut in to try to cut the tension between the two. “What exactly is this place, and what are you?” Eda stopped suddenly and turned around, wearing a proud grin. She stabbed her staff on the ground with a small bang, making the owl come to life, the sack hanging by her fist, and she proclaimed, “I am known as the Owl Lady, the most powerful witch here on the Boiling Isles!” “A witch?” Stan laughed. “More like a b…” “I am a feared, respected, vigorous force to be reckoned with!” Eda went on and let go of the staff so it floated like a witch’s broomstick. “Come on, old-timers, let’s get a bird’s eye-view to find your girl.” They each grabbed the staff when Eda sat upon it and yelled with fear as she had them fly up in the air, leaving the old twins to dangle in the air. “GAAAAAAAH!” “EDA!” Stan yelled. “Put us down!” “That can be arranged.” Eda said cunningly and swooped down quickly. With the air drying Eda’s eyes and forming tears and the brother holding onto the staff (and each other) for dear life, all three were yelling, one with delight, two with fright. “STANLEY!” Ford shouted. “PLEASE try not to piss off your ex-wife!” Eda laughed and at the very last second, right before the men would crash into the ground, she flew them up into the sky. “Ah, don’t worry, I won’t let you two knuckleheads get hurt.” They flew softer and calmer above the Boiling Isles and the humans awed at the scene. In the carcass of a monster, by the sea, the Bones of the Isles sat snug in the midst of chaos. Eda floated to allow the men a moment to take in the scenery, smiling down at their round brown eyes. “It’s beautiful.” Ford admired. “Yup, not too shabby.” Eda commented casually. “It’s not much, but it’s home.” “We know what that’s like.” Stan muttered. “Speaking of which,” Eda said casually. “Where did you two say you were from?” “We didn’t. Gravity Falls, Oregon.” Ford answered, keeping an eye out for Mabel. “Oh, I’ve heard rumors about that place.” Eda said as she flew calmly over the town. “My door has a bad habit of appearing there way too often. I need more variety in my human collectibles.” “So, you steal our junk and try to sell it for a great price?” Stan asked; he sounded a little impressed. “That and I sell potions on the weekdays. When I’m not mentoring my student. Enough chit-chat, see your girl down there?” The men took a few more minutes to look, as well as Eda, but there was no sign of her. “No.” Ford’s voice dripped with concern. “Eda, what are the chances she was kidnapped or hurt?” “Oh, that probably didn’t happen to her.” The witch said calmly. “If she’s not safe she probably got eaten or taken by Warden Wrath.” “WHAT?!” “Relax, Sixer,” Stan said, confident in his pumpkin. “She’s our little fighter, she’ll be fine.” Eda snorted. “Sixer?” “It’s Stanford, actually.” His face was a little red over the fact that he couldn’t hide his six-fingered hands, too busy holding the magic staff to keep from falling. “Meh, I’ve seen weirder.” Eda looked like she truly didn’t care how many fingers he had; Ford appreciated that. “Well, I’ve got a great tracker at home.” The Owl Lady said and started to fly towards the red forest. “Why don’t we go pick him up and see if he can help us out. Got anything the girl held?” “Yes,” When the men landed on their feet and Eda hopped next to them, Ford pulled out his wallet again and took out a folded-up, hand-drawn picture of Stan and Ford on a boat, a gift from Mabel while they were apart that she had mailed to them. “Aw, that’s so cute.” The witch cooed. “Who knew all Pines men were putty in girls’ hands.” She laughed at her own joke and shook her head. “Ah, keep moving, boys.” Stan hurried to catch up and he walked next to Eda with narrow eyes, ignoring the way her odd golden fang sparkled, how her eyes gleamed with spunk, how she held herself up high with pride. “So, you’re gonna answer some questions for me…” “Maybe I will, maybe I won’t.” “If you’re a witch, what were you doing in Las Vegas?” “Hey, a witch’s gotta make some gold, too.” Eda shrugged as she smiled. “I haven’t exactly kept a clean record here so making a living takes a bit of extra effort, but it’s much for fun and unpredictable, the way life's supposed to be.” Stan raised an eyebrow at two things: the fact his ex was a criminal in this world too, and her philosophy. “I can respect that, seeing how I was there for the same reasons.” “I know.” Eda rolled her eyes teasingly. “You wouldn’t shut up about how you were gonna make it big and show the world what this big lug could do.” And she elbowed Stan, which he chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. “Heh. Yeah, what can I say, I’m a real loud-mouth. Say what’s on my mind.” “Hey, nothing wrong with being brutally honest to make up for lying, am I right?” Eda said with a shrug. “So, was your hair fake back then, or…” “No, no, it was real. I was really proud of my hair back in the day, flaming red and wild.” “Looks pretty good now. Love it, in fact. Big and bold, hard to miss.” “Hey, you aged pretty well yourself, handsome.” Ford smiled as he watched the exes tease and pick on each other. If a compliment was given, it dripped with sarcasm and there was no guarantee that it was sincere, but they must have seen a gleam in their eyes or felt a “vibe” that Ford didn’t experience, because the conversation progressed well as they walked through the forest. Ford was happy to see Stan get along fairly well with this woman and wondered if this would go exceptionally better than the whole McCorkle incident. They emerged from the woods and found a large house standing by some cliffs leading to an ocean. It was about as far from the seas as Pines Pawns was all those years ago. The house was big, maybe bigger than the Mystery Shack (probably not if counting the basement-floors) with a big stain-glass window that reminded Stan of a cat’s eye and Ford of Bill’s eye, but then they both individually remembered Eda’s title and realized it was probably representing an owl’s eye. A weather-vane with an owl sat on top of the house, a broken-down tower stood behind, and an owl’s head was on the door. The humans were startled, but they quickly recovered, again having experienced much weirder than a live owl-head on a door. “Girl knows how to keep a theme going.” Stan commented as they approached. “Oh, boy!” The owl on the door hooted. “More company! Maybe they wanna hear some of my stories!” “Not a chance, Hooty.” Eda quipped. “Is King still home? We need his help, and we might want Luz’s too while we’re at it.” “They’re both telling stories to that new human. The one with the pretty owl sweater.” “Wait, what?!” The three old people asked and Hooty swung open the door. Luz was holding King on her lap on the couch, sitting with Mabel as all three were laughing. Even King was rolling around and holding his little fluffy body with glee. Mabel’s back was to the door and she resumed her storytelling as she wiped a tear under her eye. “So then I look down at Dipper and see that he’s still got his socks on!” Luz cackled a laugh and held her head one-handed, her other arm still holding King, but it was to no avail as the demon fell off from all the laughing. Eda, Ford, and Stan smiled as the girls were having fun. They had no idea how they found each other, but it was better for them to be here, safe and happy, than to have the newbie be someone’s meal. Luz fanned her reddening face and finally noticed the company. “Hi, Eda. Sorry, but she was lost and needs our help.” Mabel turned, on her knees on the couch, but grinned with a gasp. “GUYS!” And she hopped over the arm of the couch for her grunkles. “Mabel!” They opened their arms and got on one knee for their girl. Mabel ran into their hold and they hugged her tightly, relieved to be with her again and to find her more than okay. “What did I tell you about scaring me like that, pumpkin?!” Stan asked as he held her with all of his might. “You didn’t tell me, Grunkle Stan.” “Oh, right.” “We’re just so happy to find you alright, my dear.” Ford loosened his grip just enough to look up at Luz, who was smiling admirably at the reunion. “And I see you’ve made some friends.” Mabel let go and nodded. “Yeah! That’s Luz! Luz, these are my grunkles! Stan and Ford!” “Nice to meet you guys.” Luz said and waved politely. “Mabel said you’d come, but how did you two survive out there?” “They nearly didn’t.” Eda lied easily. “Were in the mouths of a giant giraffe when I saved their butts.” “Yeah right!” Stan barked a laugh. “Anyways, we’ve been through worse, kid.” Luz gasped excitedly. “Worse than giant bugs and centaurs with eyes on their chest and man-eating slugs and fire-breathing eye-less fangs and jealous witches?!” “Worse. I’ve punched a pterodactyl in the face and a few zombies, fallen down a Bottomless Pit, lost my hands to a witch, fought off eagles and explosions, survived giant man-eating spiders…” “Stanley, that is all impressive, but have you fought a talking chair, battled in four wars, conned an abominable snowman, outran a volcano, examined floating eyebats, been turned to gold…” “I find that hard to believe.” Eda snorted. “I believe them.” Luz said with a shrug. “You always said weird stuff leaks from this world into theirs.” “So, if you don’t mind me asking,” Ford said, stepping forward. “What exactly is this place? I’ve heard rumors of a place called the Boiling Isles, but I just thought it was a little hiding place like the Crawlspace, not an entirely new dimension.” “Nope!” Eda corrected happily. “This whole world is the Boiling Isles, a world full of despair, monsters, gross-stuff, demons, and magic.” “This place sounds so cool!” Mabel cheered. She looked at Luz and said, “No wonder you wanted to stay here. Wait! Do you have your own room?!” “Yeah! C’mon, I’ll show you!” And the girls ran off with Luz scratching King’s tummy and leaving him to nap on the floor, tired from laughing. Eda plopped down on the couch and gestured for the men to do the same. “I’d offer refreshments but all we have is apple blood and some disgusting beverage Luz likes called orange juice.” Stan looked up at the wanted poster of Eda and the reward promised for her capture. He smiled, impressed and interested. “We’re okay, thank you, Eda.” Ford said. “If you don’t mind me asking, our niece said something about Luz choosing to stay here?” “Yeah, that’s right.” Eda reached under her couch-cushion and rummaged as she spoke. “Kid came through my door when Owlbert brought over some little treasures to sell. Sweet girl. Kinda naive and gullible, but clever in her own right and she’s a fast learner. Stubborn with the forces of positivity.” Stan snorted. “Heh. We know someone like that.” “She said she didn’t fit in at home.” Eda finally found what she was looking for and pulled out a wrinkled, crumpled up pamphlet at read, Reality Check Summer Camp: Think Inside the Box. “Don’t really understand some of this human stuff, but I figured it must be pretty bad if it made a kid not wanna go home, so I read over it and this place sounds awful! Totally squandered any creativity or individualism! Her own mother was sending her here!” Eda let Ford look it over and she shrugged off the rant. “Anyway, she said she wanted to stay and she was willing to work for it, so I took her in as my apprentice for the summer and now she’s learning how to be a witch.” “Hm, sounds a lot better than kidnapping.” Stan approved with his arms crossed over his chest. “This place is completely horrible.” Ford commented about the summer camp. “They teach kids how to appropriate public radio!” “AM or FM?” “Both.” “Ouch.” “So, what exactly are you doing with such a cute girl, Eight-Ball?” Eda asked, getting Stan’s attention. “And what is a grunkle?” She snorted with a smile. “She’s our grandniece.” Stan said proudly, puffing out his chest. “We’re her great-uncles. Her grunkles.” “Aw, who knew you were such a softie?” “I am not!” “You watched over five hours of video-tutorials on how to braid hair.” Ford said behind the pamphlet. “She asked me to braid her hair and it bothered me that I couldn’t do it!” Eda cackled and touched Stan’s shoulder. His eyes followed and he smiled at her cute laugh. “Aw, you’re worse than King.” King peeked an eye at her and sneered, “One more passive aggressive comment and I’ll…” “That’s not a passive aggressive comment.” Eda said as she picked up the little goofball. “I can do better than that.” “Huh, and here I was thinking that was just one of Luz’s toys.” Stan teased. “Hey!” King stood on the couch by Eda’s side and pointed a bony paw at the old man. “Since you’re a human, I’ll let you walk away with a warning, but have it be known that I’m the King of Demons and shall one day drink the fear of those who mock me!” Ford folded the pamphlet and observed King cautiously. He didn’t like… his voice. His voice sent shivers down the old scientist’s spine. Stan snorted. “Sorry, pipsqueak, but I’ve faced worse demons than you.” “Oh, yeah, like what?” King asked. The girls came back, smiling and holding hands, and Luz asked, “Eda, can we please please PLEASE have a sleepover?! I want to show Mabel the new light spell I learned and show her how to properly scratch a demon’s tummy.” Ford chuckled and stood. “I’m sorry, ladies, but we really should be heading back. I’m sure Dipper is worried sick.” Mabel gasped with horror. “Oh, NO! Dipper!” “Oh, hey, don’t worry.” Luz eased. “You two are totally welcome here anytime you want.” “Aw, thanks, Luz.” Mabel hugged her and said, “I promise I’ll bring Dip-Dip next time. He’d love it here! And he could tell you all about the Manotaurs and the weird copy-machine.” Eda and Stan stood up, too, and the Owl Lady had her arms crossed over her chest. “Well, looks like we’ll be seeing each other again pretty soon. You okay with them hanging out?” Stan shrugged and pocketed his hands in his jeans. “Yeah, sure. Good friends are kinda rare these days. Gotta hold onto ‘em and never let ‘em go.” “Agreed.” Eda said and saw them exchanging those odd codes on their glowing rectangles. “Well, have your girl tell my girl when to open the door and I’ll see what I can do.” And she held out a hand to Stan. He hesitated (not just because of whose hand it was, but because shaking hands always seemed to lead to something bad, but maybe this time will be different), but he took it and shook it gently. “Yeah, and if your girl never needs a break in the human world, have her tell my girl.” Eda smiled at Stan and shook Ford’s hand, as well. She pulled the key out of her hair and unlocked the door, making it appear and swing open. Mabel skipped to her great-uncles and waved goodbye to Luz, who waved back, and she went with Ford through the door for home. Stan stole one last look at Eda, who winked at him, and he disappeared with a pink face.

~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note: OKAY, first things first, when it comes to fic, I personally don't really like crossovers. Crossovers can be a fun NON-CANON crossover for animation or actors. I get more enjoyment over fun fanart than I so of fics, because I like mine more plot-driven and it's hard to get a good story going just because you wants certain characters to mingle. HOWEVER, I find Gravity Falls and The Owl House just fit so well together! Why? #1: Alex Hirsch and Dana Terrace (the creators) are dating and Dana Terrace is responsible for the awesome Ducktakes reboot (season 1, anyway) AND the famous Not What He Seems scene. So having such a strong connection creativity wise of the shows is very apparent, more so than the other shows. #2: Evidence that supports these connections. Both shows have referenced each other and a theory goes that Eda and Stan were once married for less than a day. (plz check this video for more) And #3: ... I ship it pretty damn hard, okay? So I hope you guys will enjoy this fun little crossover as much as me! And thank you so much for reading!

[millimillimochi]

alright, anon time babey

@smpblr-hospi you just so happen to be a wonderful fuckin person whom i love with my entire heart. you were one of the first people i interacted with, and i never wanna lose that friendship. ty for being so wonderful

@smpblr-dino listen bitch, as much as i joke around, im so glad i got to know you, and im still glad i get to consider you my friend. im glad i get to fuck around with you. those stupid ass conversations will always be some of my fondest memories. i genuinely did cry when you "died" lmao. and im still proud of stealing your bones

@smpblr-heart LISTEN SIMP, ily lots man! seeing you being chaotic on my dash or in the anon server will always be one of my favorite things. even though you bully me for being short, thank you for quite literally bringing fun to my life.

@smpblr-dice the one and only mystery king! while i wasnt able to help with the mystery stuff as much as i wanted to, i was watching the mystery gang figure things out right up until the very end. it was a fun experience and im so glad i got to watch it happen

@smpblr-galaxy galaxy, you are literally the cutest anon ive gotten the pleasure of interacting with, and im always down to talk more. thank you for being so absolutely wonderful. you always seem to bring pure positivity to my dash or my inbox, and i love you for that

@smpblr-snail alright fucker. youre absolutely wonderful and sometimes i wonder where all that positivity came from. im sorry we dont talk as much, but i only have myself to blame for that one. thank you for being amazing

@sparkle-anon-aku yoo!!! the anon who inspired me to create my blog! thank you so much for being so, so sweet and caring about others so much. youre genuinely amazing, and i love you so damn much.

@smp-grape-nonnie wow! an amazing artist and the anon i figured out a little bit too slowly. i genuinely felt dumb when i finally figured you out lmao. but thank you for being as wonderful as you are, both on and off anon, youre someone i genuinely look up to as both an artist and a person. so again, thank you.

@smpblr-si yo! while i know you havent been active on your anon in awhile, id like to say this anyway. on anon, you can be genuinely scary, but seeing as youve dmed me about how awful english is, its a bit funny seeing that formal style and knowing that youre struggling with it lmao. but no matter what, youre always absolutely wonderful to talk to and im so glad i get to know you

alright, im gonna stop with the emoji anons because this post is already getting long as hell, and at this rate it would need a part two lmaoo

for the letter nons, i literally cannot tag all of you, but youre all absolutely amazing. thank you for being your chaotic selves, both on tumblr and in the anon server. yall always seem to have something going on when im not at my best, and that helps. all of you are cuties n ily lots!

so if i didnt tag you here, my apologies. im going off the top of my head and this post is long as hell already. but know that all of the anons hold a special place in my heart. im so glad that ive gotten to interact with the majority of you at one point or another. yall are the honest to god reason ive been happy and having fun the last few months. thank you for that

[cuthie]

Omru: Dezar’alor RP 2

(( The second half of the short discord rp. Archive purposes. ))

As he pointed out her charms and trinkets, she nodded and beamed a big grin at him.

“Yea I do! And each one has a cool story, of course. Like this one..”

She pointed to a tiny golden rabbit hanging on a leather strap around her neck.

“This one I got in the most epic game of dice ever. I say epic mostly because it was played through the bars of a cage with a couple of slimy Faithless turds. Crazy right? When I won they ‘gave’ me the prize to hold onto just for funsies, thinking I couldn’t go anywhere with it anyway. You know, just to taunt me? Little did they know I was just the bait and biding my time until dark when I knew our crew was showing up. That was one of my first jobs working with these horde folks, nice people. Some goblin girl with the whitest hair I’ve ever seen was asking for a volunteer to help them locate the camp of the jerks that had been causing trouble for us. Told her that’s what I do so she strapped some little doodad under my shirt, told me to go get myself caught and off I went. Wasn’t quite what I had in mind when I volunteered but hey, they had my cousin Oji and a handful of others so of course I’m gonna help. Oh! And best part is it’s chanted up for a quick speed boost in a pinch. Pretty cool right?”

She lifted her hand and tugged at one of her bracelets. What appeared to be a wide, flat strip of scaly grey leather.

“This one doesn’t do anything special but I thought it was cool. My dads helping out over at Camp Lastwind, you know over near Port Zem’lan? A few of them have Sethrak tent flaps as a sort of warning. They have a good chunk of help there luckily but get hit a lot, heh. Anyway, he gave me a little piece off his. Told me to remember that even our enemies can be put to use. Just kinda sentimental, you know.”

She smiled, running one clawed finger over several others on that wrist then tossed him a shrug.

“Eh, we could be here all day if I try and explain all these. Some other time maybe, let’s get you to someone that can help with that soggy guitar.”

She stepped around the fish funk mess as they padded off, tossing one more glare up at the bird.. which continued to eye her. Nodding as he spoke about the city’s recent attack, her bright amber yellow eyes flicked around, taking everything in. Though she didn’t necessarily -need- company, being in a place so huge with so many unfamiliar faces, races, noises and so on had made her feel a bit isolated. It was nice to have a little familiar company, even if she didn’t know the guy.

They walked for a while longer, pausing to get out of the way of an enormous, slow moving dino that carried several rowdy looking orcs. Finally, Noh ducked behind a worn looking hide curtain and motioned for Om to follow. The narrow entryway descended into a dimly lit hallway that lead to several doors ahead. The heavy scent of potent herbs and smoke immediately assaulted their sensitive nostrils as they entered. Each inhale somehow left an odd metallic aftertaste in their mouths. Irony, and not unlike the taste of blood. Passing the first set of doors, Noh made for the 2nd door on the left and knocked. Though her posture appeared confident and at ease, her eyes darted about as if nervous.

After a long moment, the door finally swung open. A Zandalari woman filled the doorway, towering over the two Vulpera. Though the wrinkles in her face and skin advertised advanced age, her expression and gaze suggested a confidence and power. Grey hair hung rolled and tied and braided about her head and shoulders. Bits of bone, claws and long tusks decorated not only her hair and attire but the myriad of piercings on her face and ears. She stared down at the two of them, the demand for them to state their business clear with no words spoken. From behind her, fire light flickered and the scent of herbs and spice wafted out. Noh shoved a smile onto her face.

“Uh, is Heke here? How’s he doing?”

The woman leered down at them for a long moment. As if judging them, their motives.. their souls.. Noh couldn’t help the slight chill that ran up her spine, especially after her last visit when she had first met the woman. The fur along the top of her tail and the back of her neck lifted slightly. She tried to cover the reaction by clearing her throat and adjusting her pack. Her intense, glowing, turquois eyes shifted to Om then. Taking in the strangers attire, equipment and then landing firmly on his face for what felt like forever. The silence was too awkward, Noh hated it. Silence itself wasn’t bad but in such a setting it was agonizing. She cleared her throat again and spoke up, trying to move things along.

“Omru, this is Ja-row-kah. She’s Heke’s mother and uh, one of the city’s healers.”

She looked up to the woman, hoping she had said the name correctly.

“I don belong to da city, little Noh. I jus be ‘ere, healin ma son. Now get in ‘ere before someone else be seein da door open an come buggin me fa sometin.”

The woman moved aside just enough for them to enter the room. Her eyes only leaving them to make a quick scan of the hall before closing the door behind them. The place was small and lit only by a small open fire place and a few candles. A single room that seemed to serve as temporary living quarters. Ja’rokah moved to a side table covered in miscellaneous herbs and pouches where she began busying herself with something. Something burned in a low, wide bowl that seemed to fill the small space with an unnecessary amount of spicy smoke.

Noh waved a hand in front of her face, as if to clear it somehow and made a beeline for the cot near the fireplace. A large, mostly naked troll lay on the cot. His already thick, corded muscles were accentuated even more by the dance of the flames and the accumulation of sweat on his deep green skin. In contrast, bright golden tattooing covered a fair amount of his chest and upper arms. The patterns typical to much of the artwork around the city. Did it have meaning? Was there a language to it or were they just picked on what looked cool? For all she knew, it could say ‘mom’ for these guys, who knows. His head turned towards the two and a wide grin spread around enormous curved tusks.

“Ah, de little hero returns. Good ta see yu, Noh.”

His eyes shot to Om then and it was easy to see the resemblance to his mother in that intense look as Om was sized up. A single nod was offered Om’s way after a moment.

“Dis ain’cha boy from before. Where be Vondo? Yu too bossy ta keep’im round?”

He chuckled, the sound deep and rich but then winced, a hand coming up to hold the left side of his ribs. Ja’rokah appeared behind them then, offering the two each a mug of some steaming liquid. Noh took it with a smile, then as the woman padded off, gave a not so subtle shake of her head to Om and set the cup on the end table near Heke.

“Uh, yea.. Let’s just say he and I are really only good for short jobs, you know? Different motivations. Anyway, this is Omru, I’m helping him find a place to get that soggy guitar fixed up. Some girl punted him out into the ocean because she didn’t like his playing or something. Rude, right?” 

She poked a finger towards Om and the guitar he carried.

--

  Omru was always eager to hear about a person’s stuff. Their trinkets, nicknacks, weapons, jewelry, books, armors, whatever. Back and forth the pair of Vulpera seemed to sprinkle conversation with, ‘Ooh, and I have one of these’ or ‘Did you hear about the blah-blah’. It was a much welcomed experience for Om, in stark contrast to his initial arrival at the docks.

  Exploring the Zandalari capital hadn’t been something on his to-do list. He had met more than his fair share of Trolls, and had heard all about the nefarious politics of the city. Dozens of different troll clans, stabbing one another in the back, constantly using dark magicks called voodoo, and worst of all, cannibalism. Trolls could and would eat anything. On more than one occasion he had heard stories of desert trolls stripping the fur from the vulpera and roasting them over fires. He had actually spoken to one such person. She said she only ate her enemies, however. Funny, the city-folk sent their criminals to the dunes as punishment, but for the hundreds of vulpera living within the sands, the city was the worser of the two.

  As they walked along the streets, turning this way and that, Om took in the sights. The dinosaurs, mostly. The large reptilians weren’t exactly unseen in Vol’dun, but never in such numbers. Some were impossibly tall, taxiing people around the city in long albeit slow strides. More impressive than the giant lizards, however, was the giant dung left behind. Holy dinosaur shit were these turds big. Om had expected them to be as long as his arm, for some reason, but they were five feet tall. Five feet! Of course, the city’s sanitation department would get to cleaning that up, eventually. They had been busy for a while, taking away dead bodies, scrubbing the blood out of the floors and walls.

  Thinking back to the bodies, the Horde and the war, Omru put two and two together. Every third stall was stocked full with armors in red and black. At first the little fox boy had thought merchants were capitalizing on the Horde’s presence. Then he realized why the armors and weapons were so plentiful. The tough leathers he was presently wearing weren’t simply ‘hand crafted’ by the Zandalari. They were used goods.

  Unfortunately, Omu hadn’t come to said conclusion until after he had followed Noh inside. Some half naked troll on a cot had been talking to them. The red furred Vulpera had just pointed a finger Om’s way when he said, “I’m wearing some dead guy’s clothes.”

  Bright orange eyes blinked up to the Joker, or whatever her name had been, then back to Heck. “Not that I’m opposed. We make due with what we have in the dunes, I just didn’t think someone had.. You know, bled, died and shit themselves in this outfit, likely in that order. I traded good stuff for this. I should have got a discount.”

  He wasn’t necessarily disgusted by the notion. The Troll merchants had taken the armor from the bodies, patched them up, gave them a cleaning and sold them full price. Ugh. Bartering was always in the details. He should have been given -two- sets! Two!

Two long tusks turned towards the red furred vulpera, “Is ya friend ‘ere okay?”

  Omru’s thought-cache caught up to him, refreshing his mind. Everything that had happened in the last minute or two came flashing forward in a brief four seconds. Input lag. “Oh, yeah, I’m gonna need my guitar fixed. I have a ship leaving tomorrow morning that I need to be on, sooo. How long would this process take, and how much is it gonna cost me?” This was followed by a sincere smile. 

  --

Heke seemed to ponder the question for a moment, then nodded.

  “I do know someone dat may be able ta help yu. Da names Am’ika, she should be playin’ down by da docks t’night, if she ain’t der already. Likes ta hit up whateva fresh blood be comin’ in on da ships and da full pockets dey be bringin.. Her an her group be playin da drums mostly, but she can play a bit of everyt’ing so likely yu best bet fa dat ting. Best musician I know. Hmmh.. Best musician any be knowin I bet. Well, unless yu count Ol’ Bwonsamdi..”

  He glanced to Noh as she shot him a confused, disbelieving look. He laughed, again the sound loud and deep. The kind of rich laughter that could be heard across a room and contagious in social settings or.. might illicit goose bumps if heard echoing in a dark alley. Again he winced, holding his side as he played out the last few chuckles of it.

“What? Yu never heard he can play, little Noh? I hear he play da bones like yu wouldn’t believe..”

  His eyes narrowed as he grinned her way, the turquoise glow of them thinning into erie slits. Her brows furrowed as she blinked back at him. Was this guy just screwing with her or was he serious? Bones… Seriously? She scanned him up and down, then deciding it was a joke, rolled her eyes.

  “Yea yea, sure sure. Plays the bones with little skull capped sticks and makes the jaws flap about like they’re singing along right? And let me guess, next you’re gonna tell me he plays the bone flute too? Like I’m gonna fall for that pervy joke?”

  Heke’s eyes widened and he let out an uneasy half chuckle. He shot a look to his mother, who had turned to glare at Noh over her shoulder. Following his glance, Noh looked back and saw the woman’s nostril flaring expression. Sssshit. Had she read the situation wrong? Weren’t they just joking? What if they weren’t.. and she had just insulted one of the baddest bad ass Loa these people knew?

  “Don’t get me wrong here, that insult was for you, not Bwonsamdi. I thought you were joking. Not that it was really an insult, just, you know.. friendly teasing. I actually think Bwonsamdis pretty awesome. If I had to pick a Loa to follow like you guys, it would definitely be him. I mean, taking the shape of beasts and being in charge of the hunt or the sky or garbage or whatever is pretty cool and all but death? I mean, pfft, how do you beat that? Absolutely everything dies, even other Loa right so he’s gotta be the biggest badass ever. Imagine having him on your side in a bad spot? Vision going dark, you know it’s over and then bam! He shows up, tells you it ain’t your time yet then ‘bloop!’ pokes the reset button and you pop back up to finish off the turd that tried to take you out?”

  Scratching at the back of her head she offered a shrug, hoping she wasn’t simply digging the hole deeper. She honestly meant what she said buuuut wasn’t exactly fluent in all the Loa or what they do exactly. As was the case with most of her knowledge, the bulk of it came from stories that were shared and eavesdropping. Still, it made sense in her head and should be seen as a complement right?

“Not that it probably works that way though I’m sure. I mean, we’re all just like sand fleas in the never ending desert called life. Why would our time be worth his, right?”

  She looked back to Ja’rokah, hoping this had cleared things up. The woman had her back turned again and was furiously grinding away at something in a stone bowl. She watched as the old Zandalari woman carefully dumped some of the ground up powder into a mug then dropped in a pinch of something she couldn’t identify and filled it with hot water. She turned and stepped toward Noh then, the look on her face hard to read. She was smiling, technically, but if the look in someone’s eyes could choke you out.. Well, she was always a bit intense so Noh did her best to offer a smile of her own when the mug was offered. She took it, despite not having touched her other one yet and nodded, waiting for the woman to go away so she could set it somewhere like before. Unfortunately, Ja’rohak simply stood there, staring. When the young Vulpera didn’t immediately take a drink, the woman reached down to nudged the girl’s mug filled hands towards her face.

“Drink. I be makin dat one special just fa you.. Ta help wit yu travels..”

  Noh blinked down at the cup, sniffing at it since it was nearing her nose anyway. It actually didn’t smell horrible but the vibes rolling off this lady made her skin crawl. A flash caught her attention and she leaned out to look behind Ja’rokah, eyes widening. Whatever was left in the stone bowl had caught fire and was threatening to catch fire to several of the dried herbs the woman had hanging above the table. Ja’rokah turned, cursed and flew into action trying to smother it. Though initially covering the bowl seemed to work, the moment she removed the bit of hide, flames bellowed out, quickly catching the herbs above.

“Shit! Here!!”

  Noh bolted forward and threw her arms out, flinging the cups contents over the flames. It's just what you do when there’s a fire that gets a little out of hand. You throw water on it. Sometimes it's tea or juice or soup or whatever else. Heck, she had even seen a couple people pee it out once. Liquid, that’s all it takes. So when this ‘tea’ exploded into a flaming wave of liquid on contact her jaw dropped, her eyes bugged and she was dumbstruck. Most of the top of the table was now on fire and the cursing woman flailed to gain control. She slapped at the few flaming droplets that hit her arm, tore the rack of dried herbs from the wall, throwing it into the fireplace then grabbed and dumped the boiling pot of water over the entire thing.

  The room filled with a mix of smoke and steam. Mixes, tincture bottles, containers and other components were scattered about and washed off the edges of the table. As the flames disappeared and the steam cleared, one item sat unaffected near the edge of the table. A small, golden pocket watch. Ja’rokah stared down at it for a moment, then reached for it. As her wrinkled and pocked fingers closed in though she jumped as the thing’s lid popped open, knocking it over the edge and to the floor. There it sat facing up, its ‘tick tick tick’ somehow seeming louder than it should be. Ja’rokah watched it for a moment then lifted her gaze to Noh, her expression a mix of annoyance and suspicion. At the look, Noh jerked from the dumbfounded, frozen state of having just watched that shit show and threw her hands up defensively. 

“Hey, I didn’t mean to! I didn’t know your tea would catch fire! Tea isn’t supposed to.. Wait, why were you trying to make me drink something like that anyway? Wouldn’t that hurt?”

  With a slight sneer, the old woman dismissed Noh’s question with a flick of her wrist then bent to pick up the watch. Apparently clumsy though, as she stepped forward the biggest of her two fat toes kicked the little thing, sending it sliding across the rug. It bumped up against Noh’s foot, its lid closing with a tight snap on impact. Ja’rokah practically snarled at the thing, then stood up straight again and let out an exaggerated sigh.

“Fine.. Ain’cha time, just take it an get outta ‘ere.”

  She flung one long finger towards the door then turned her back on them to begin cleaning up the mess. Confused, Noh looked from the watch to Heke, to Om and back to Heke.

“…What…”

“GO!!”

  The woman’s raised voice made Noh jump and if she wasn’t mistaken, it had even made Heke jump too. She searched his face for clues, having no idea what exactly had just happened. He winced a little and shrugged, nodding towards the door.

  “Yu got what info I could give. Seems yu best ta get goin’ now. I’ll be up an about in a few days. If yu still around, I’ll come find yu fa dem stories I promised, eh? If not, den take care of yu’self little Noh and I be owin’ yu.”

He offered a warm smile then pointed to the watch.

“Take it wit yu. It be good luck to yu now. Or bad.. Dependin’.”

  His lips curled up around his left tusk into a mischievous smirk and he motioned for the door, though less pointedly than his mother.

“What the hecks that supposed to-“

“Go..”

  He said it softly but it was clear the visit was over. Flashing Om a quick awkward look, she snatched up the little watch, stuffed it in her pocket and headed for the door.

--

  Omru furrowed a furry brow, “Uhh, Bwon’samdi worship isn’t as prevalent in the dunes. From my understanding of the capital, there are a half a dozen Loa being praised in the city of gold, and the Loa of Graves isn’t even in the top three. Not that there’s anything wrong with picking him to be your patron saint or whatever. Fear of death might be a great motivation. I’m not particularly religious. Not sure what comes after death for those unpledged to the Gods, but if I -had- to pick, maybe Akunda? I wouldn’t wanna change my identity though. Oh wait, Sethraliss! She’s a good one. Loa of Lightning. Yeah, if I had to enter a pact with someone, it would be her. I mean, yeah she’s a Setherak and all, but the bad ones are very very anti-Sethraliss. Faithless is what they call themselves, and anyone they’re opposed to is probably a friend worth having.”

  Om sat down his tea and began rummaging in his pack for a few moments, his little fingers working buttons and pockets and zippers within his bag of bags. Eventually he pulled out a yellowed rolled parchment, unfurled it and read, “In the densest jungle of darkest green.. Ahem, that was Vol’dun once upon a time. Anyways, continuing! - Rules the mother of many, but rarely seen. Warm and lush and full of life, iron will and without strife. Her mind unfurls, envelops all. Her faithful ever heed her call. See? Faithful, not Faithless. Anyways, across the ages her eyes do see, seeking the best for you and me. Through darkest night and brightest day, she will ever find her way. In her, your haven will be found. Her all for us, her care profound. Love unsurpassed will surely be, when Sethraliss you truly see. Isn’t that sweet? Like a Loa of love.. And electric sparks. But mostly love. And snakes.”

  The little black fox had just picked up his drink, bringing the mug of tea up to his snout when the room exploded in a rush of heat and flames. Jaw dropping, Om looked from Noh to Joker and back again. Clearly while reciting his Loa scroll he had missed the flames in the bowl. Hearing the accusations of Joker spicing the tea with something flammable, Om very quickly dumped the contents of his own drink off to the side, away from the flames. What was more interesting than the contents of Noh’s cup, however, was the little pocket watch. Flame retardant. Interesting.

  No longer welcome in the smokehouse, the pair of Vulpera retreated, Om shutting the door only to reopen it and poke his head back inside, “Thanks again for the help. Sorry abou the-”

“GO!”

  He closed the door behind him, then hurriedly chased after Nohko. “Seems like you’re about as welcome in this city as I am, judging by your friends back there. I wonder what was in that tea. Something sinister or just booze?”

  It took little more than an hour to figure out that the drummer Heke had been referring to happened to be the same one that had kicked Omru into the ocean. The band had a music shop they owned, complete with a stage for performances. It turned out those were for special occasions, where the shop would work with local restaurants and bars for a night of celebration. Primarily the band just played the drums and performed on the streets, raking in enough coin in tips to keep their business afloat. Through very little investigation, the vulpera learned of the process required to fix Om’s guitar. It would take a few days, having to dry then sand down the wood, restring the instrument and retune it. A few days that Om didn’t have.

  “Hey, I gotta get going, people to see before I take off. I have a huge favor to ask of you, though. Would you mind getting my guitar fixed for me? I can give you the coin with a smidge extra for your trouble. Just get it back to me if you ever come to Durotar? Or I might could track you down here.”

  Being the reasonable type, Nohko agree to help Omru out. After submitting it to the music shop, he even bought her lunch. Zandalari kingsteak with zeb’ahari kiwi and southsea breadfruit. After parting ways, Omru made another trip to the music shop. Sun was coming down but it wasn’t quite dark yet. That didn’t stop the little fox boy from slipping into the shadows.

  It was always a chilling sensation, beginning at the base of his neck, wrapping itself around his enter body from his head to his tail. Some folks called it shadow magic, some called it voodoo, he called it sneakiness. It wasn’t a hundred percent foolproof, especially for people looking for invisible creatures. There were traps that could be set, potions that could grant enhanced vision, gadgets that could expose him. None of those were present in the little shop, and in under three minutes, Om got in and got out. With him was a fancy little lute, made of some kind of white wood with purple strings. It wasn’t his flamenco guitar, but it would suit his purposes. Besides, those jerks shouldn’t have assaulted him at the docks. Eye for an eye, that kind of thing. He could always return it when he got his father’s instrument back.

  That night he stayed at the cheapest inn he could find. The place was rundown and a bit dirty, but he honestly slept great. He was used to roughing it, so any commodities were welcome. When morning came he was back at the docks, paying his fee for a special little boat to take him to the fabled jungles of Durotar. He gave up his enchanted troll dagger, and judging by the captain’s face, the whispers had taken hold of the blade’s new wielder immediately. Whatever, it was his problem now.

The End For Now? -

[theecoterroristnextdoor]

how tf do people carry a child for 9 months, endure childbirth, and raise them with the thought "i cant vaccinate you against deadly diseases, you might get The Autism" like ffs if you're gonna use that logic yall best not be out here driving cars that burn dino juice, we all fuckin know that its pumping carbon monoxide into the air and frying the ozone layer and giving us The Cancer and yall got no problem with that but when it comes to your kid getting polio you really just gonna roll the dice? Fuck outta here, @me if you want i'll gladly let you know that if you were any dumber Charles Darwin would have to resurrect himself just to take back his theory on evolution, you absolute twatwaffle

[godofthestupid]

I play DnD with some friends of mine and it's really fun!

And you know what? I'm gonna tell you random bits from the sessions:

Me and a friend of mine play twins, those twins are based on a dice which fell down and the picture we google afterwards(it was a picture of a dino in military gear,we play wood elfs now)

the Paladin and the tiefling have a beautiful Bromance

They're are also dying most of the time

I don't know if my character is like me or I am slowly turning into my character

My character is a rogue who, upon the very first meeting, stole from the Paladin(who's supposed to be rich) which resulted in the player being angry and the character not realising anything

I stole 100 gold in the first hour of the first session~

We have a drug dealer Druid who is just a hobo with magic mushrooms

I tried to start a prank war just because, it almost failed terribly

The sanest person in the party is the druid, but also one of the shady ones

we have formed two main groups:the shady ones,the bros with an alcoholic

We skipped an entire chase scene because me and my twin killed the person we were chasing

I multiclass as a bard now, not because my character always wanted to play an instrument or be entertaining, but because we needed to identify a stone

My character may not be as chaotic neutral as they should be

the twins are non-binary because we both didn't want to play as one or the other gender so we settle for the middle

Tiefling intimidated a horse into talking

I, irl, wrote the beginning of a ballad about the campaign and have dragged some actual musician friends I know into working with me to make it a song which I can just send to the others

that song made me cringe so hard at my own voice I jumped higher than I thought I even could

I, in fact, am bad at music and sing like a hoarse crow

My character found a magical stone(stone of golorr) and tried badly to pretend like they found it on the street and not stole it

We own a tavern and I got sent to the kitchen because I might steal from our clients

the alcoholic is also the bar tender

she drinks the alcohol away

my intuition regarding story bits is always in the right place,but it's like rolling a nat1 in what it actually means

My character changed guilds like three different times,it flip flopped between the bad guys we are supposed to fight and some shady spies

Every single character has their own design, except for the tiefling who has yet to describe himself,so I just draw him as a stickfigure until he does

[representshinjuku]

Fight 4 Your Pride

[Ichiro]

Fight 4 your pride

Getting my way Number One bad Ichiro takes the stage

You can’t pass me up, I’m the leader

Aye, always in battle mode

These rhymes’ll kick you trash to the curb

We three brothers got the strongest will

Never running outta freestyle rhymes

Our fists will pierce the heavens

Time’s up--we’re fighting no holding back

[Jiro] 

We took this game--you want your participation trophy?

Your face is gonna get all bruised up

If you keep comin’ at us you’re gonna get hurt

Before you pick a fight with us brothers,

You better look away and step aside

Or else we’re gonna have to play tag

And if we catch you, you’re gettin’ beat down

[Saburo]

Jiro’s acting cocky again, dimwit

So let’s ignore him and let me take the stage

I’m a prodigy in complete control of this verse

So bow down

With a sense of nihilism

Even lyricists are awed by my rhyming

You can’t even figure out how to respond

‘Bukuro’s praised, you surrender

[Buster Bros!!!]

Say c’mon, Buster Bros!!!

This is the starting line

You gotta fight for your pride

[Samatoki] 

Cutting through the fakes Hard Core

I’m the real gangster

Now, now, it’s Samatoki-sama’s turn

So kneel down and lick my boots

You weak little brats tryna run

I’ll beat you down, punch above your guard

Better obey ‘Hama you shitstains

All heaven and earth is mine

[Jyuto] 

You fake MC suspects putting on airs

Are the hustlers here? Don’t make me laugh

If you little puppies want to act like big dogs

Then I’ll arrest you, no reason needed

Defying me is bad luck

Give me a hard time and you’ll suffer more

Don’t think you can escape now

My basement’s overflowing with body bags

[Rio] 

If you take one step into this killing field

I won’t let you prepare or take the lead

Your naive decision

To stand against me will result in agony

I take aim at you fleeing scraps 

Have you enjoyed your final meal?

Without hesitation I pull the trigger and steal a life

Pray to god

[Mad Trigger Crew]

Yeah we are MAD TRIGGER CREW

Heed My Mic

You gotta fight 4 your pride

[All]

Supersonic shock waves

Bright lights set loose by this Hypnosis Mic

Fire off unparalleled rhymes

With a Bang! Bang! Bang!

I’m breaking my way out

I’m gonna be champion

This is survival of the fittest

The front lines, the danger zone

You gotta fight 4 your pride

You gotta fight 4 your pride

Let’s bout, no hesitating, player

Can’t run from judgment time

You gotta fight 4 your pride

You gotta fight 4 your pride

No way out, until the end it’s

Live or die

[Ramuda]

Preachy old dinos are nothing but a pain

And little kiddies are so not cute

Bye-bye!

Sorry to keep you waiting ladies

Fling Posse, an order-made new coord

A literary master, a gambler, and Ramuda’ll

Show you a wild time with our tricks

The second you realize you’ll be on your deathbed

[Gentaro]

Hm~ a sense of deja vu in these sights

Control lost in slow motion

Pessimism torments you as you doze off

Within an erased story

Is the wandering you and I

As if Alice and Chuuya…

Well, that was all a lie. 

[Dice]

The die come up snake eyes!

Slithering up all dangerous!

A pro gambler’s gotta go all in

Live or die, just go flashy as hell

Boom shakalaka boom shakalaka boom

I’m the type that’ll never let up

I’ll make a clean sweep of you washed-up guys

Shibuya’s gonna steal it all nyow!

[Fling Posse] 

Say c’mon Fling Posse

Driving out the wack MCs

You gotta fight 4 your pride

[Jakurai] 

If everything that occurs

Is connected by some deep fate, then

When might the sin of quarreling beneath that weight

Ever be forgiven?

Helpless…

To ease the hatred resounding at life’s end

I search for words to heal a heart; that is my ego

Even if my ears cease to hear

I’m prepared to expose myself to the rain of insults

[Hifumi] 

Don’t stop party night

1,2,3 we’re not done yet

Hey, what’s in your hand?

What’s in your hand?

A glass to keep on drinking with!

Our meeting was surely fate

Shinjuku will never let you go

No way you won’t fall in love with the No. 1 Gigolo

Pop the champagne!

[Doppo] 

Ah, must be nice to be a guy with a strong stomach, 

Meanwhile I’ve been over here pissing blood for two days

And today they’re gonna make me do karaoke again

When I’m sick of waving the stupid tambourine around

“Fuck off!”

Working sleepless, getting scolded in our dreams

That’s us corporate drones

I’m sick and tired of this; I’m taking a solo vacation to India

To find enlightenment in the Ganges River! 

[Matenrou]

Yes, we’re Matenrou

Division Battle, stake out your life

You gotta fight 4 your pride

[All]

Supersonic shock waves

Bright lights set loose by this Hypnosis Mic

Fire off unparalleled rhymes

With a Bang! Bang! Bang!

I’m breaking my way out

I’m gonna be champion

This is survival of the fittest

The front lines, the danger zone

You gotta fight 4 your pride

You gotta fight 4 your pride

Let’s bout, no hesitating, player

Can’t run from judgment time

You gotta fight 4 your pride

You gotta fight 4 your pride

No way out, until the end it’s

Live or die

[Ichiro] A massive feud, here comes karma

[Samatoki] If you’re scared of the illegal then go home

[Jiro & Saburo] The thug life’s just right to start playing dirty

[Jyuto & Rio] This is a revolt of words, gimme the mic!

[Ramuda] A massive uproar, life’s the prize

[Jakurai] What’s fair must fade; all things must pass

[Gentaro & Dice] A revolution’s coming, fakers get eliminated 

[Hifumi & Doppo] This is a revolt of words, Don’t Pass The Mic

[All]

Time to settle this; 4 Divisions Say ho!

If you wanna see, then make some noise; say Ho! Ho! Ho!

[Jakurai] Infinite, parallel possibilities

[Ramuda] About to explode, high voltage

[Samatoki] Controlling this battle with one phrase

[Ichiro] Bet it all to Rule the Stage

[All]

A sudden storm ushers in a new age--battle royale

Assembled in force to crush each other--fight 4 your pride

Super sonic shock waves

Bright lights set loose by this Hypnosis Mic

Fire off unparalleled rhymes

With a Bang! Bang! Bang!

I’m the real deal

I won’t let you take the top

This is survival of the fittest

Sparks flying in this danger zone

You gotta fight 4 your pride

You gotta fight 4 your pride

Let’s bout, no hesitating, player

Can’t run from judgement time

You gotta fight 4 your pride

You gotta fight 4 your pride

No way out, until the end it’s

Live or die

Let’s settle this with a final battle

Live or die

[bjkwhite]

Dangerous Dangerous Dinosaurs DeDeDeDe Destruction

RePlay Productions

presents

Dangerous Dangerous Dinosaurs DeDeDeDe Destruction

This is a 'replay' of a gaming session. It does not reflect what happened at the table with 100% accuracy, and has been edited and condensed to provide a more readable, interesting, entertaining and educational experience. Hours of nonsense and off-topic conversations have been excluded for the sake of brevity and my own sanity. No dice rolls were altered, no consequences were changed. Names have been changed to protect both guilty and innocent alike.

The system being used is Escape From Dino Island, by Sam Tung and Sam Roberts, available at https://samnite.itch.io/escapefromdinoisland.

This replay is also available here, in PDF or epub format: https://bjkwhite.itch.io/replay

Please enjoy the circular escapades of these three good girls.

session one: is that really the name

Truth: Welcome ... to Dino Island.

Chaos: Well I'm not playing unless we immediately come up with a more interesting name than that.

Hope: Dangerous Dinosaur Island.

Order: It was called that even before the dinosaurs showed up. It's an amazing coincidence.

Truth: Before we get too sidetracked, has anyone looked at the rules?

Chaos: I mean I looked at them in the sense that I can see them there on the table.

Hope: I looked at the characters, I want to be The Engineer!

Order: I read through them, except for the DM parts because I thought you'd probably want to keep them a surprise. This is a Powered by the Apocalypse game? I couldn't find the stats we use, though, they're not on the character sheets?

Note: We weren't using the proper character sheets because I am a big dummy who didn't realise you have to download the demo files even though that's specifically mentioned on the game page as an Important Note. Thank you, carry on.

Truth: Oh, they're at the start of the character creation thing. Um, just a second ... Fit, Clever, and Steady. You pick +2, +1 and -1 for them, or for Hard Mode it's +2, 0, and -1. Just write them anywhere on your sheets once you've picked which character you want.

Chaos: Do we want to play on Hard Mode? How hard is Hard Mode? Or do we pick individually? I'm going to play on Hard Mode, and I will be, hmm ... The Soldier seems a bit too macho man for me, same with The Hunter ... oh, maybe The Survivor? Like a wild girl or something? Cave girl!

Hope: If you do that then I am expressly forbidding you from making references to that movie I haven't seen.

Chaos: You're really gonna have to narrow that down for me.

Hope: You know, the one you two always go on about, 'chickpea, chickpea', that one.

Chaos: Tay inna win, chickabee! Tay inna win! But now that you've put it in my head I am DESPERATE to play a Nell character.

Truth: Just to pour a little oil on these potentially troubled waters, might I also suggest the possibility of a Newt character?

Chaos: Gasp! They mostly come out at night ... mostly...

Hope: I'm okay with that one, even though it's another reference I don't get.

Chaos: Hope, she doesn't have bad dreams because she's a doll.

Hope: I might already be regretting this.

Order: There's not really a tanky character, is there? Maybe The Soldier. I feel like you people might need some protection.

Truth: Okay, so everyone's picked? Done your stats? Picked names and such?

Hope: I'm The Engineer, Clara "Widget" Wadjet, tiny and cute with huge glasses and messy hair.

Order: In a ponytail?

Hope: Twintails! But just little ones, because her hair is actually quite short. She wears overalls with colourful badges on them, and normally a flat cap but she lost it. Oh, and my stats are Fit -1, Clever +2, Steady +1.

Chaos: Well, I'm The Survivor, Tui Moon, an awkward baby, could be anything from a big ten to a small fifteen I guess, big dark eyes, huge mass of unbrushed unwashed hair. My stats are Fit +2, Clever +0, Steady -1. I spook easy.

Order: I'm The Soldier, Mackenzie Blue, but I prefer Max. I'm solidly built, with a calm and serious personality. I think I'm probably ex-military, working as a private bodyguard or something now, or maybe I just have that background. We'll see. My stats are Fit +1, Clever -1, Steady +2.

Truth: Okay, so let's get this thing set up. We've got a "Here's The Situation" sheet right here, and we can either roll or just choose from each thing.

Chaos: Hmm ... how about rolling first and then we'll see how we react to what we get?

Truth: Okay, a three ... you're here to explore or research.

Chaos: Just checking, but there's dinosaurs running around all crazy and stuff, right? Is it literally Jurassic Park or can it be, like, I don't know, completely different?

Truth: It can be completely different to Jurassic Park. I think the only constant is, like you said, there are going to be dinosaurs running around all crazy and stuff.

Chaos: One more thing, when does it actually start, like is it with these two arriving on the island, are they with a group, when do they meet the little wild girl Tui, is that the first scene, why am I asking so many questions all in a row without giving you a chance to answer any, when will I stop, am I even able to stop, why hasn't anyone interrupted me yet, why are you just letting me keep going?

Hope: I think we were seeing how far you could take it. Um, I think this is sort of a thing where we get dropped into the middle of the first crisis? Like in Frontier Kingdoms, you don't do the planning or see the slow start of a thing, you just roll and then deal with the first obstacle.

Truth: It's pretty similar to that—is everyone okay with you two being explorers?

Hope: Well, I was sort of thinking that maybe I got called in as an expert in repairs? And Max got assigned as a bodyguard or something? Oh, maybe she was already on the island? Actually this is quite hard if we don't know the situation.

Truth: The story pattern here is, you arrive on the island, you see your first dinosaur, something goes wrong, then it puts you somewhere with dinosaurs going crazy, and you have to get off the island and also maybe solve a mystery.

Chaos: Ooh, I like the mystery part. Maybe Widget and Max are a team already, like whatever reason they're here they got called in together? Because of my character's whole deal I think whatever went wrong had to have gone wrong like at least a few weeks earlier. So either they don't know about that, like they got contracted and never got told that things have gone crazy on the island, or maybe they're being called in to deal with one specific thing?

Order: It could be that we have nothing to do with the operations on the island. Someone is paying us to retrieve something here. Maybe we specialise in this sort of thing. Only nobody told us there were dinosaurs here.

Hope: I'm okay with that. It makes sense, right? We got paid to do this but they didn't tell us all the specifics. They left a lot of very important information out!

Truth: Okay, so it's Widget and Max being sent in to retrieve, let's see ... actually you don't know, you were just given some coordinates and like a tracking app on your tablet there, Widget. It was all very vague and mysterious, but the amount of money being offered made it hard to refuse.

Order: That's good. That works for me. Max has some debts she needs to pay. People she needs to look after.

Hope: Widget just has a lot of personal projects she needs funding for. She's building a teleporter! So far she's at the "explodes instantly" stage, but she's optimistic that with time and money she can get past that.

Chaos: I'm just the kid of someone on the island, I guess, not sure yet, let's see how things go. Tui might change significantly depending on events.

Truth: Okay, so each of you get a rumour at this point. Something you heard about the island. Widget, where did you hear that someone's engineering new species of plants and animals on the island?

Hope: There was like a Reddit thread about it, it was pretty much the only result when I searched the island's name—

Order: Dangerous Dinosaur Island.

Hope: That's the one! Anyway, someone did an AMA, like about how they got hired to work here but then got let go pretty quickly. Mostly the thread got treated as a joke, it didn't get many upvotes, not many people asked serious questions, but it did mention some genetic engineering stuff, it's not really Widget's area so she was just like "Boring!" and didn't pay much attention to it.

Truth: Okay, nice. Max, this maybe relates to how you got the job, but somehow you learned that getting work here normally requires a two-year contract and even the cleaners were getting paid seven figure salaries.

Order: It was from one of my military friends, passing on information about potential jobs. They didn't take it too seriously. Just sort of like, you might want to look into this if you need work.

Truth: You're still not sure if it's true, because whoever hired you two for this doesn't seem to be part of whatever's going down on Dangerous Dinosaur Island.

Chaos: Is that seriously the name.

Truth: If you have a better suggestion I'm sure we'd all be open to hear it. Anyway, Tui, I think this one's a solid fact for you. Compasses don't work right on the island.

Chaos: Yep, that one's true. Just spin around crazily. Makes navigating a hassle, I tell you.

Truth: So, for Widget and Max, how do you get to the island? Helicopter, boat?

Order: Can there be NPCs too? The pilot or whatever?

Truth: Of course, you can even have more people on your team if you want to.

Hope: Maybe we're part of a bigger group, but then something happens to split us up.

Truth: Let's keep that loose for now, see how things play out. So for the transport, probably a helicopter is easiest? Okay, so you get flown in, the weather is hot and humid, the island craggy and covered in lush greenery. Widget, as you're flying over the island towards the landing pad there's a clear area below you, and you see a herd of animals running across the plains towards the trees.

Hope: Oh, animals! Do I recognise them? I remember that Reddit thread so I actually get pretty interested, like are these something weird and new?

Truth: At first you think they're ostriches or something, some kind of large flightless bird, but then you realise, wait, those aren't birds. Those are dinosaurs! They're chasing something, but you only notice it as it vanishes into the trees, so you don't get a good look at it. The dinosaurs, though, what's Widget's dino-knowledge like?

Hope: Should I roll something?

Truth: Why not, roll your Clever and see what comes up.

Hope: 2d6 plus two then, this is kind of nostalgic almost, it's been ages since we did PbtA—oh, double fives, plus two is twelve! Widget is a complete nerd for dinosaurs!

Truth: Okay, here's a question for the group. What's cooler, classic scaly dinosaurs or feathered birdlike dinosaurs?

Chaos: Birdosaurs for sure.

Order: I agree, I like colourful feathered dinosaurs.

Hope: I like both!

Truth: Okay, so Widget identifies this pack of five brightly coloured, red and orange-feathered dinosaurs as Utahraptors, smart predators that hunt in coordinated packs. As you watch they disappear into the trees in pursuit of their prey, leaving no trace behind.

Hope: "Ah! Max! Dinosaurs! I saw dinosaurs!"

Order: "Of course you did, Widget."

Hope: "No really! It's not like that other time! These were Utahraptors I think! They had feathers! They were pretty."

Order: "Dinosaurs don't have feathers, Widget."

Hope: "No they do! They really do! Why would there be dinosaurs here? Do you think this is a Jurassic Park island?"

Order: "That was just a movie, Widget."

Hope: "It was a book too! Is that why we're getting paid so much? Nobody said about dinosaurs though, did they?"

Order: "Nobody really said much about anything. We get to the coordinates, we find the thing, we put it in this case." I hold up a sturdy case. "Then we go home and get paid. Let's not complicate it with dinosaurs, even imaginary ones."

Hope: "But I really did see them ... I think?"

Truth: Okay, fantastic. I'm already enjoying the Max-Widget dynamic. So, soon after Widget spots those dinos—or did she?—something goes wrong. I think you land safely at least, is Max flying the helicopter?

Order: Yes, why not. Just us two feels right.

Truth: So since I want to quickly involve Tui in this, I think things go wrong after you enter the facility. There's no one around, is the thing. One of the few things you were told is that this is an active research base, with dozens of permanent workers. You were given fake IDs and documents to get you inside, you're both outfitted like maintenance workers, but there's no need for any subterfuge because as I mentioned, nobody's around. So Max, what's your first hint that something's off?

Order: Aside from the place being deserted? The power's down. All the doors are stuck open, because they're the magnetic type. There doesn't look like there's damage to the facilities, but it's a mess.

Truth: I think at that point you run into Tui. What's your introduction scene like, Tui?

Chaos: They probably notice someone—or something—is watching them, following them, then there's a voice from behind them, like, "You guys are new." And you see this mass of hair and big dark eyes.

Truth: Okay, so, before Widget and Max can really react to that, there's an echoing screech from somewhere within the facility. Tui recognises it as trouble.

Chaos: Yep, she's like, "Great. Here we go again. Come on, new guys."

Truth: So Widget, in this situation who do you turn to? Do you trust this wild girl or do you wait for Max to make a decision?

Hope: Hmm. Hmmmm. I've gotten into trouble before on missions, when I decided things for myself, and Max is usually a better judge of people than me, so I turn to Max.

Truth: Max, what's your personal worst case scenario here?

Order: Aliens, probably.

Truth: So Max is thinking that aliens have taken over the island?

Order: Not specifically, she's just thinking, this better not be aliens. I think Tui goes ahead a bit and maybe stops and looks back? Max is still standing there, with Widget looking at her for her reaction, so she sort of sighs and nods and they follow after this strange wild girl, but at a distance.

Truth: Okay, Tui again, what makes you realise you're in serious trouble?

Chaos: Serious trouble, okay, probably different to what I usually have to deal with ... maybe I stop suddenly, hold up my hand, then there's that screeching again, actually quieter this time? But that's not great, because that first screech was a hunting screech, and this second screech is a let's-get-out-of-here screech, and I'm pretty sure the screechers aren't scared of us, so that means something way worse is around.

Truth: Yep, I think Tui could be right. The facility is, let's see, I was thinking mostly prefab buildings, efficient and boring designs, but what do you guys think?

Hope: It's all sort of boxy and metal, but quite wide, and there are lots of planters and things around. Flowers and ferns and flax plants, all kinds of greenery even inside.

Chaos: There are some more permanent buildings further along, but they're not safe. The dinos mostly avoid the prefab areas for some reason, maybe they don't like all the metal or plastic or the echoey corridors.

Order: There aren't any glass windows. There are grids of metal or hard plastic instead.

Truth: Right, in the long corridors especially, at the sides there are long gridded windows. This is a fairly flat, clear part of the island, but surrounded by jungle. The facility has been built up against a very steep hill, pretty much a cliff, but the window here looks out across a clear field, mostly bare earth, with a few vehicles and things, some fences, and then the jungle, and from the jungle hundreds of birds are just bursting into the air.

Hope: Oh dear. Is my dino-knowledge helpful here? Can I guess what's coming?

Truth: You can guess and then Tui can confirm or disagree.

Hope: I don't think she gets specific. Just maybe, "Oh, is something big heading this way?"

Chaos: "T-REX! RUN!"

Truth: Okay, so at this point I think we should go over the last three "Here's The Situation" points. First, you know one way off the island. Do you want to choose or roll?

Order: Well, the helicopter we came in on seems obvious, unless that t-rex destroys it.

Hope: Let's do it like before, we roll and then decide if we want to ignore it.

Truth: Okay ... one, call for rescue at a radio station.

Order: Maybe that's a potential option, but I think the helicopter is our clearest exit.

Truth: Okay, so now, why can't you just leave? I'll roll, three, you've got to wait out a storm.

Order: Well, maybe there's a storm rolling in, but more realistically I think there are two things stopping us. One, there's a t-rex right near the helicopter. We have to lure it away or deal with it. Second, the helicopter needs refuelling or it's not going to make it back to the mainland.

Truth: Those are some good obstacles. Okay, I'm going to say that the refuelling station is right there, but yep, with the t-rex around actually getting the fuel into the helicopter is a major issue. The other thing is, you've still got your job to do. Without whatever it is you're supposed to retrieve, neither of you get paid. Oh, and finally, there's a mystery that needs solving. This is kind of appropriate, I rolled a five which is, 'Why are your compasses malfunctioning, and which way is north?'

Chaos: See? It wasn't just rumour. I knew it wasn't just my compass that's screwy.

Truth: There are also a few other things to keep in mind. One, there are dinosaurs here, and that's super weird. Two, what's the purpose of this facility? And three, clearly something bad happened here. Tui might have some of the answers, but she definitely doesn't know everything. Anyway, right here and now you've got a t-rex bursting out of the trees, letting out an ear-splitting roar, then pausing and sniffing the air. You've got a really great view of it through that gridded window, inside this prefab metal and plastic corridor that suddenly feels a whole lot flimsier than it did a minute ago. What do you do?

Chaos: Do I know this area pretty well? I'm trying to think where I've been hiding for most of the time. You said there was a cliff nearby, like the thing's built up against it? I'm thinking that dinosaurs aren't great at climbing. I think I've got a little cave nest up there, with a rope ladder to climb up and down. I saw the helicopter and came to check out the new guys, then all this happened.

Truth: That's all good, and as for your question about knowing the area, I think you've got a move for that.

Chaos: Oh yeah ... huh ... okay, I sort of have a move, Been Around The Block, I can roll if a place gets mentioned, but it's mostly to see if I know how to get there. What is this place anyway, where we are now, what rooms are off these corridors?

Truth: Mostly storage and workshops near the helicopter pads. It also leads into the more permanent part of the base, although Tui, you mentioned earlier that it's much more dangerous in there.

Chaos: I did, yeah, me and my big fat mouth.

Hope: By the way, even if compasses don't work properly, do we still know where our mission target is?

Truth: It's in the more permanent part of the base. Is Max or Widget the navigator?

Hope: Oh, good question. Um. We could both roll plus Clever, and whoever gets the highest normally does the navigating?

Order: I got a four.

Hope: Twelve, Widget has a map on her tablet, I think. Not just the tracking device thing, or whatever it is that detects the retrieval item, but maybe there's a map of this island and the facility?

Truth: Hmm. Hmmmm. Is there though. Did they have that information, and if so did they provide you with it. Oh, I know the situation. You have a topographical map of the island, with the location of the facility. You also have the coordinates of the item you need to retrieve, and that tracking app to actually locate it once you get close. You have been told that if you can access the base's computer system you might be able to download a map. However, the power's off.

Chaos: But maybe not in the permanent parts? Maybe just in this area?

Truth: There's no power in any part of the research base, because the backup generators were not switched on.

Order: I knew there were going to be backup generators. There are always backup generators.

Truth: By the way, this is all fine because we're still setting things up and getting context, but you guys have to do something about the whole t-rex situation you're in. Maybe this is a good time to review the basic moves? They're very descriptive. You can Run!, you can Look Over There!, which is the distraction move, you can Hide!, you can Take My Hand! which is to help someone who's in trouble, you can Just Do It! which is when you're doing something under pressure, you can Fight!, and you can Hold On To Your Butt! which is the general action movie move. By the way, if it's a group action, like if it's all of you choosing to Run!, then the person with the lowest stat rolls.

Hope: I'm guessing that might be me, with -1 Fit.

Truth: Yep, it would be. However, even if you fail, the other two get away safely, unless they choose not to.

Hope: Oh, that's sort of interesting.

Chaos: Don't gotta outrun the t-rex, just gotta outrun the little nerd.

Order: It makes sense, I like that rule. Should we run, then? I think that's what Tui yelled at us to do, and seeing a t-rex and hearing it roar, it seems like a sensible option.

Hope: I guess I'm rolling then? Okay, here goes ... ten! Terror gives me wings!

Truth: Is that with your minus one?

Hope: Oh. No, it's not. Terror gave me ... water wings?

Truth: Partial success, so either you're still being chased, or you run into something else bad.

Hope: Something else bad is more interesting.

Truth: Okay, so the three of you just run for it from this enormous terrifying t-rex, through corridors and past storage rooms and workshops and what look like some kind of testing stations, kind of medical? You're not sure. Max has kept up her exercise regime and Tui's had a couple of weeks of hard cardio training but Widget isn't used to this type of nonsense, she does her best but it's just a bit much for her. I think Max notices her doing that breathless miming I gotta stop thing and pulls all three of you into the nearest room—you're a pretty good distance away from the t-rex at this point, and maybe it didn't even see you, maybe it wasn't even chasing you, none of you were really looking back. Anyway, you're in some kind of medical room, first aid station sort of thing, there are a couple of stretcher beds, plus cupboards with supplies, stainless steel countertops, and through a couple of open doorways you can see what look like a storage space with shelves, and maybe a test lab or something with lots of counters and equipment. It's pretty dark in here. The only light comes from one of those gridded windows.

Chaos: What time is it?

Truth: Late afternoon, the sun is just starting to set.

Chaos: Yep, great, fantastic.

Truth: The place is a complete mess, by the way. The floor is covered in medical supplies and scattered pills and sticky goopy patches where bottles have smashed. It's quiet, though. You've got a chance to catch your breath.

Hope: I get out my inhaler and take a long puff, I'm still panting but to Max I'm like, "I ... TOLD ... you! Dinosaurs!"

Order: "You did. I should have listened. Dinosaurs. Wonderful." While I talk I'm opening that case, the one I'm supposed to put the item in once we retrieve it. Inside is this gear I have on my sheet, except instead of an assault rifle it's a compact SMG. I get it out and load it and attach the flashlight, and also check my handgun, make sure it's loaded and ready.

Hope: Oh yes, we have gear! Oh, I have a headlamp! And a toolkit, and my tablet. My toolkit is in a backpack, it's a really fancy one with compartments and like little trays that pop out, I made it myself and it's the most precious thing in the world to me, aside from Max.

Chaos: Aww. I've got a spear, apparently, and a 'terrible stench'. Sorry guys, showers have not been a priority lately. I think instead of the spear maybe I have something smaller? Could it be a machete?

Truth: Where did you get that from?

Chaos: Hmm, maybe I just had one? Maybe I'm just a machete kid? No, okay, it was my dad's. My parents were working here, my mother was a scientist type, and my dad ... actually yeah, he was a scientist too, but he was like an insect guy, hacking through jungles to get to them, and my mum was more like, technical stuff, quantum physics or something, I don't know, I never understood what the heck she was talking about.

Truth: Okay, you've got your dad's machete. Could you all roll plus Clever for me, real quick.

Order: Four.

Chaos: Four.

Hope: Nine?

Truth: Okay. What's Tui's reaction to Max pulling out a bunch of weapons?

Chaos: Intense interest. Just starts babbling away like, "Is that a gun, what type of gun is that? I've got a machete, see, it was my, um, well, it's mine now, it's pretty cool, right? Who are you guys? Why are you even here?"

Order: Max ignoring her, mostly keeping an eye on Widget.

Truth: Widget, you sat on one of the stretchers or something, to catch your breath?

Hope: I didn't even get that far, just a counter. Oh, no, I tried to hop up but I was too short, but there's a little stool there, so I sat on that.

Truth: While Tui jabbers away at Max, and Max checks her weapons, you notice something weird about this room.

Hope: Oh no. What is it?

Truth: You're not sure. There's just something weird about it. Something out of place, or something missing, you can't quite put your finger on it. So, what do you do?

Order: Is this a quiet spot? Can we use safety moves here?

Truth: Ah, I didn't talk about those—and no, remember you didn't roll a full success on your Run! move, so even though it might seem like you're safe, when you open the menu it's like "You can't rest with enemies nearby."

Chaos: That was a weird place to take it but I understand what you're saying perfectly.

Truth: Anyway, once you do get out of trouble properly, there are some moves you can do. Scavenge, to get stuff, Lay Of The Land, to figure out where you are and what's around, and Instruct, which is when you're guiding someone through a tricky task. Anyway, for now the focus is on Widget, who's getting a weird feeling, like something's wrong.

Hope: "Um, guys? Can you both just be really quiet for a second?"

Order: Max stops noisy gun-checking instantly, then shoves her hand over Tui's mouth.

Chaos: Tui goes to protest but then sees the serious look on Max's face and decides to be quiet.

Truth: Without Max's clattering and Tui's chatter, you can all hear it. From nearby—one of the other rooms, either the storage area or the lab, you can't tell for sure—there's a sort of, chirrup, chirrup.

Order: Like a bird?

Truth: Not any bird you've ever heard. It's otherworldly, deeper and with an alien resonance. It's disturbing on a primal level.

Order: Alien birds. I knew it. That's just in Max's head. She's still not 100% convinced this is a dinosaur situation. Maybe the aliens have time travel technology. That's why aliens are so dangerous. You never know what they could be up to.

Chaos: Do I recognise it at all?

Truth: Do you recognise it. Roll fortune, 1d6.

Chaos: Three?

Truth: It's probably a dinosaur.

Chaos: Amazingly useful, thanks so much. Tui definitely says that though. Hisses it in a loud whisper. "Guys! That's a dinosaur! Probably!"

Order: I holster my pistol, check that my knife is loose in its ankle sheath, then get the SMG's strap over my shoulder and hold it at the ready. From here, can I see into the other rooms?

Truth: It's dark, but basically you can. The storage room has tall shelves, and it's even more of a mess than this room. It seems to go back quite a way. The other room has a lot of counters with equipment on them. It looks bigger than this room.

Order: "Stay here. Watch that door." Indicating the door we came in by. The other rooms, I'm picturing the entrances as being quite close to each other? The storage room at the far end of this room, then the lab room to the left or right.

Truth: Yes, that's how it's laid out. The lab room to the right.

Order: I approach cautiously, my SMG at the ready. Flashlight off, for now.

Truth: That chirruping is infrequent, a gap of between around six and twelve seconds between each. It gets louder as you approach the two rooms. Roll, let's see, I think Clever is probably the most fitting.

Order: To figure out where the sound is coming from? That makes sense to me. Four, I can't do it.

Truth: No, you can. It's definitely coming from the storage room.

Chaos: Haha, oh no.

Order: I glance back at the others, just checking them, then switch on my flashlight as I step into the storage room, sweeping around to cover the corners.

Truth: There's a crashing noise, but you don't see anything. Tui, Widget, what are you doing?

Chaos: Freaking out! I get that this big tough woman with the guns is like, soldiering or whatever but you don't go looking for dinosaurs! You get away from them!

Truth: So are you running?

Chaos: I really want to but I'm staying put for now, but I am on edge, man. On. Edge.

Hope: I want to help but I know this is Max's area, and I know she wouldn't bug me when I'm doing my thing, so I'm doing my best to just keep quiet and let her do her job.

Truth: Okay, so both of you jump a bit at that crashing but neither of you do anything. Max makes her way deeper into the storage room, disappearing around the corner of a shelf, carefully sweeping her light around, making sure not to miss anything. So when the dinosaur comes crashing out of the other room, she's not in a position to do much about it.

Order: Rats, but fair, but rats.

Truth: Question, out of Tui and Widget who's the shortest?

Hope: Let's roll for it! Five!

Chaos: Four, I'm just a tiny bit teeny-weenier.

Truth: This dinosaur is almost exactly the same height as Tui. It has a rounded bony head with spiky horns and a short beak and even in this dull light its blue and green feathers are magnificent. Widget, you recognise it as a Stygimoloch, a herbivore, but extremely territorial and very keen on establishing dominance.

Hope: "Headbuttasaurus! HEADBUTTASAURUS!"

Truth: Widget freaks out and yells, Tui?

Chaos: "HEADBUTTASAURUS!"

Truth: Tui follows Widget's lead. The dinosaur chirrups and looks around but, oddly, doesn't seem to even notice you. Instead it charges at the wall opposite the lab entrance, crashing hard into it and making a noticeable dent. Now that you're looking, you notice a bunch of other similar dents in the wall.

Hope: I knew something was weird! Um, um, Max is still in the storage room, the dinosaur is between us and her?

Truth: Yep, and now that it's finished with that wall it's looking towards the, let me just roll ... the storage room entrance.

Hope: Oh no! Max! I, um—oh, this one, Look Over Here! I want to do that!

Truth: PbtA remember, you trigger a move by doing something, so what are you doing?

Hope: Jumping up and waving my arms and yelling, like, "Over here! OVER HERE! MAX THERE'S A HEADBUTTASAURUS HERE! WAAAAAH!"

Truth: That'll do it. Roll plus Clever, as ironic as that might seem.

Hope: Eight, plus two is ten!

Truth: Okay, so let's see. Hmm. Okay, full success, what happens is that Widget jumps up and gets the dinosaur's attention, and it charges at her instead of into the storage room, but fortunately Widget has the quickness of wit and presence of mind to leap aside, and the dinosaur goes rushing out the entrance of this little medical room and crashes into the far wall of the corridor outside.

Order: I rush out of the storage room, I see the dinosaur?

Truth: Yep, out there in the corridor, the light's a little better out there. You come out of the storage room just as the dinosaur crashes into the wall.

Order: I'll run forward, shove Widget further away, check Tui's position, then shoulder the SMG and shoot the dinosaur. This is my Soldier special move, Kill Or Be Killed. Rolling plus Steady, seven plus two is nine. I kill it but use up the whole magazine doing it. Better safe than sorry.

Truth: Yep, you empty an entire magazine's worth of bullets into the dinosaur, and it slumps to the ground, beautiful feathers matted with blood, croaking out a final chirrup before dying.

Order: I have an extra clip here, I'll reload.

Truth: Tui, Widget, your reactions?

Chaos: Just kind of in awe, like I have never killed a dinosaur, I've hacked at a couple while they were trying to get me but never actually managed to down one. That was insane, her shooting a dinosaur to death. I'm speechless.

Hope: I think I'm maybe used to Max doing this sort of thing? Or maybe not, maybe I've never seen her in actual combat before. Just probably beating people up or disarming people, never actually shooting anything. So I'm a bit shaken.

Order: After reloading my gun I turn to Tui. "Does noise attract them?"

Chaos: "Uh. Maybe?"

Order: Narrowed eyes, writing off Tui as useless for intel from this point forward. I check on Widget. "Are you okay?"

Hope: "I think so ... that was a dinosaur, Max. You just killed a dinosaur."

Order: No real response to that. There was nothing in the storage room? I go and check the lab area, where the dinosaur came from, sweeping quickly.

Truth: No other dinosaurs in there, it's clear. What are you two doing while Max does that?

Chaos: Going out to the dinosaur. I've never seen one like this. Not up close, not when it wasn't trying to eat me or whatever. I reach out to hesitantly touch it, my hand shaking. "Oh. They're soft. The feathers are soft."

Hope: I'm hovering in the entrance, my attention split between Tui out by that dinosaur and Max checking the other room. Half of me is expecting something to jump on Max in that room, and half of me is expecting the dinosaur to come back to life and jump on Tui.

Truth: Neither of those things happen. It's eerily quiet.

Order: Can we Scavenge? I call to Widget, "See if you can find anything useful. Medical supplies, drugs, anything."

Truth: Okay, so this is you and Widget? Do you involve Tui?

Order: I tell Tui to stay out there, and to yell if she sees anything moving.

Chaos: "O-Okay, boss!"

Truth: So, for a safety action it's the person with the highest stat who rolls, so it's Widget again. Roll plus Clever to see what you find.

Hope: Eight plus two is ten, I find something good I guess!

Truth: Oh, and it's time for our first Tell A Story segment! Who wants to tell a story?

Order: I have something in mind. It's 'Why You Enlisted' except it's actually about why I partnered up with Widget. This is while she's sorting through boxes and jars and bottles, and I'm helping by shining my light and holding things. Also processing recent events. So I start with, "I was recommended against partnering with you."

Hope: Not really listening properly, focused on finding useful stuff. "Huh? Recommendations, what? Wait, what? By who?"

Order: "Your old boss. She loved you, don't misunderstand. She just said you were ... well, she didn't think you were suited to field work."

Hope: "I mean I get where she was coming from, this stuff is terrifying."

Order: "I thought she was right, at first. That's why I chose you. More than any of those others, I thought you were someone who needed protecting."

Hope: "Well, again, I'm not disagreeing."

Order: "But just now, when that dinosaur came charging out, and I was in the storage room. You didn't run, or freeze up."

Hope: "I guess not ... oh, this might be useful, put it in the maybe pile ... but, I mean, I was freaking out. I wasn't really thinking. I just sort of ... reacted."

Order: "You're always thinking. Even when you're freaking out. You did exactly the right thing to get the threat away from us. From both you and me. I'm glad you're my partner, Clara."

Hope: I stop sorting, and smile up at Max. "I'm glad you're my partner too, Mackenzie! Okay, I think this is stuff we can use." DM, what stuff can we use?

Truth: For a full success, you find some sedatives, which can either be administered orally or via injection, some pretty powerful stimulants in pill form, and enough supplies to make a basic first aid kit.

Chaos: Oh, can I carry that? I have an 'old backpack'.

Hope: Sure! Widget was just sort of frowning about how to jam it in with all her stuff, so she's happy to hand all the medical stuff over to Tui. "By the way, this is weird but ... what's your name? Why are you here?"

Chaos: "Oh. I'm Tui. Tui Moon. I came here with my parents. They're like. Scientists. Uh. How about you?"

Hope: "Call me Widget, and that's my partner Max, we're with—"

Order: Max very smoothly cutting Widget off. "We should move. Widget, is your thing picking anything up yet?"

Hope: "Oh right, I should probably check that." Is it picking anything up?

Truth: I'll roll fortune, since it's pretty much chance as to whether you're close or not. Oh wow, a six! Yes, you're getting a strong ping. It's coming from deeper in the facility, the permanent parts. You have a definite direction.

Hope: "The ping says that-a-way!" I start marching off straight towards the ping zone.

Order: I'll let Widget lead the way, but I'm concerned about my lack of ammo. As we walk I'm mentally reviewing the last dinosaur encounter, going through each step of it, what I did wrong, what I did right. This while also keeping good situational awareness.

Chaos: I'm keeping quiet and just following along behind. I'm sort of thinking, like, I don't get what's up with these two, but they definitely seem to have more of a clue than I do, so maybe I'll just follow along for now. Plus they came on that helicopter so they'll probably leave on that helicopter and probably they could squeeze me in, right? I'm little!

Truth: You're not concerned about heading into the danger zone?

Chaos: Not so much! I mean you saw what Max did to that dinosaur, she's a dino-killer! I feel pretty safe with her around, I don't mind telling you. Plus I've been curious about some of the stuff in there. I only got to see parts of it, and mostly while it was getting built.

Truth: So, let's see, just thinking about one particular aspect of this ... okay, well anyway, the prefab part of the base ends, in another door-that-should-be-shut, but right now it opens on to like a flashy corporate foyer. There's something of a nature theme, lots of plants around, subdued lighting—whoops, no, there WOULD be subdued lighting if the power was on. Without it the atmosphere is a bit gloomy. It's not exactly open, it's crowded with hanging plants and such. Go ahead and roll me Clever real quick.

Hope: Seven plus two is nine!

Chaos: Three, Monique thinks I'm dumb.

Order: Eleven, with double sixes.

Truth: Okay, wow, if only this game had crits. It's not a big thing anyway, but both Max and Widget notice that there's absolutely nothing dinosaur-themed here. In fact most of the decorations, pictures on the walls, and even the name above the big curving reception desk—STRANGE CHARM DYNAMICS—all seem to be more of the quantum physics variety.

Chaos: Oh snap, they've opened a time rift! AU portal! ...I definitely don't say, since I noticed none of this and wouldn't understand it even if I did.

Hope: "What ... is this place?"

Order: "It doesn't matter. We get the item, we get back to the helicopter, we leave."

Chaos: "What's the item? Guys? What's the item?"

Hope: "Just a thing that's important to someone." I think Widget catches herself then, Max is probably busy frowning at something, so Widget shuts herself up and changes the subject. "Oh, anyway, Tui, you said your parents are scientists, what fields?"

Chaos: "Just like bugs. And weird stuff. I don't know." Tui gets a bit, like, don't-want-to-talk-about-it when her parents are mentioned. I am deliberately leaving their fate in a state of quantum flux, to go with the themes we've got here.

Order: Schrödinger’s Absent Parents.

Chaos: You got it! Oh, anyway, maybe there's a map here, like a guide to get to the other areas?

Truth: Yep, it's not detailed but very clear. Cross-referencing Widget's direction-finder and the map, it definitely looks like the thing you're after is in the main laboratory, which is right this way!

Chaos: I feel a huge 'but' approaching.

Truth: It's completely collapsed. That part of the facility is underground, or at least lower than this part. There are stairs leading down but the entire roof has fallen in. You might be able to squeeze through, with time and effort, but it looks pretty unsafe.

Order: Is it just this part that collapsed?

Truth: Looks like it. Everywhere else is weirdly fine.

Order: Does it look like the work of dinosaurs?

Truth: No, it pretty obviously isn't. It's too precise for that. This whole foyer area, there are a few knocked-over pot plants and things like that, but it's not all messed up. Not like that medical room. The blocked-off stairway looks deliberate, like planted explosives deliberate.

Order: "Somebody really didn't want anyone getting down there."

Chaos: "Or, like. Anything getting out."

Hope: "Tui, how long have the dinosaurs been here? Were they here when you arrived?"

Truth: They're a pretty recent arrival. Maybe three or four weeks. It's been hard to keep track of time for Tui.

Chaos: What the DM just said, except in Tui's voice.

Truth: Feel free to embellish, I'll correct you if you're really wrong. Or maybe I won't. Teehee.

Chaos: Your mask is slipping, DM, we can see the evil beneath. "Well, um, it all happened pretty suddenly. Like, there were some general warnings? But those happened all the time so everyone was just like, pffft. But then, yeah. Dinos everywhere." Tui kind of trails off there. Remembering some stuff she's been trying not to think about.

Hope: "Well, um, oh, maybe we could try to find those backup generators? Get some lights on at least?" I just had another thought, don't we need power to operate the fuel pump? For the helicopter?

Truth: That is such a good question. I think you do need power. I think that's your big obstacle, getting the power back online.

Hope: The path to that area isn't blocked, right?

Truth: Probably not. The generators aren't marked on the foyer map. They're more of a background thing, why would visitors or general staff need a map to them?

Hope: I guess that's a pretty good point. Where would generators be—what IS marked on the map?

Truth: Let's see ... landing pad and maintenance, that's where you came in. The prefab part. Aside from that you've got the offices, the lab, IT, living area, and the control room.

Order: Is it literally labelled 'The Control Room'?

Truth: No, this is mostly Max's interpretations of the corpspeak labels.

Hope: Can I roll to guess which would be the most likely to have the generators nearby?

Truth: You don't have to roll, your guess is that they're near the IT section. However, it's possible that they could be activated remotely, maybe from the control room.

Chaos: Oh, I can use my move here! Since places got mentioned! I want to roll for the control room. Oh man, double 1s! Nobody was stupid enough to let me anywhere NEAR the control room! I got no clue!

Truth: Is there anything special on a miss for that?

Chaos: The DM will tell you the reason you swore you'd never go back.

Truth: Hmm. The control room is dinosaur central. It's by far the most dangerous part of the entire complex, at least that you've seen. You are terrified of it. There is nothing that could make you go there.

Chaos: I say nothing but fervently hope nobody mentions going to the control room.

Hope: "Maybe we could try the control room?"

Chaos: "Nope! Nope nope nope, you do not want to go there, trust me, BELIEVE me, that is the exact opposite of a place you want to go. Seriously. For real reals."

Order: Max is instantly suspicious. "What are you hiding."

Chaos: "I'm not hiding anything! It's all out in the open! I'm telling you, the control room? Is dinosaur GROUND ZERO. They're having a dino party up there, it's crazy. I'm not lying, it's true! Why would I lie!"

Order: "I don't know. Why?"

Chaos: "Huh? No! Don't twist it around, I'm telling the truth! Widget, you believe me, don't you?"

Hope: "Well, I'm not really sure ... Max is usually pretty good at reading people ... so if you ARE hiding something this might be a good time to tell us about it?"

Chaos: It also might be a good time to consider, AM I hiding something? Do I have some sort of secret agenda going on?

Truth: That's up to you, Tui Moon. I do have an NPC goal chart here, want to have a little peek for some inspiration?

Chaos: That could be helpful, although I did just think of something. Maybe there are other survivors around, and maybe Tui has a good reason to want to avoid them. I think that's the thing she's not talking about here. The thing she isn't mentioning. It's not JUST dinosaurs you have to be careful of, on Dangerous Dinosaur Island. Then again she hasn't seen anyone else for a few days. It could be that they all got eaten, or escaped.

Hope: Does she tell us that?

Truth: She doesn't get a chance, because this slightly tense moment is interrupted by a nearby screeching.

Chaos: "Oh crap. Screechers. They're the worst. They always show up in groups and they, like, talk to each other. It's so flipping creepy."

Order: I have my SMG at the ready, looking around for possible exits. Where are we? Back at the reception desk?

Truth: I think so, clustered around the map.

Order: Snap decision, we head for the IT department. Widget probably mentioned that the backup generators are near there.

Hope: I don't know for sure though, don't be disappointed if I'm wrong!

Truth: Everyone roll Clever for me, just for fun.

Chaos: Oooh it is NOT for fun you LIAR. I got a nine though, that's not too bad.

Order: Five.

Hope: Six plus two is eight!

Truth: Max is distracted organising everyone and focusing on conventional threats. You're all heading through towards the IT section, the foyer is a big open dome sort of thing, but paths are formed and areas are closed off by big thin hanging walls, do you get what I mean? Plus pot plants and stuff, and sculptures, it's all very nicely designed but nothing's just a straight path, it's always curving or with a water feature in the middle or something. It's really fancy but very stressful to navigate through, especially with all that screeching around. Anyway, Max does a good job of getting you moving in the right direction and covering both ahead and behind, but the thing she misses, that Tui gets first and Widget gets a second later, is that the screechers doing the screeching aren't the ones hunting you. They're the distraction, and the coordinators, for the completely silent screechers who are already in place.

Hope: Noooo that's so creepy and scary, I don't like that, nooooo~

Truth: There's one more thing about them, these screechers. They're really good at keeping still, and they can angle their feathers to create a kind of camouflage effect, which means sometimes you won't even see them until ... they ... STRIKE!

Hope: Ahhhh stop this bus I want to get off! What do we do! Are they attacking?

Truth: I'm going to freeze the scene like three seconds before the first one attacks. Give you what's going to happen if you do nothing. First, there's going to be a really loud screeching from all around you. The attack signal. Second, the screecher that's nestled among those plants just a few metres from Max is going to leap at her, and the screecher that's on the hanging wall around half a dozen metres from Tui is going to leap at her. Third, the rest of them are going to come running in from all angles. That's the bad news. The good news, although it's not that great, is that these things aren't that big. Just about the size of large cats.

Chaos: I mean you describe them like that but honestly it doesn't make me feel good? If you say the horrible dinosaurs leaping at our faces are cat-sized? That's not actually better?

Truth: So, that's what will happen if no one does anything. Tui, you've spotted the one about to leap at Max. Widget, you saw the one that's going to leap at Tui. Max, you haven't seen anything. What do you all do?

Hope: I, I grab whatever's closest and I just throw it at the thing! I don't know, it looks kind of small, like only about the size of a large cat, it might work!

Truth: Whatever's closest, okay, I'll go ahead and roll fortune to see how appropriate it is ... six, wow, okay, you lucked out there. What did you grab?

Hope: I was thinking maybe a pot plant but that doesn't seem like a six, really. Oh, maybe we're passing a sculpture, and it's sort of spiky, you know sometimes there are sculptures made from a bunch of plastic pipes? Do you know what I mean? Anyway, the thing I grab is a solid heavy piece of plastic pipe and it's just exactly the right shape and size for desperately throwing at an awful dinosaur cat thing.

Truth: Okay, we'll do your roll in a second, Tui?

Chaos: I leap at the thing with my machete! I think maybe I've run into these things before, I know they hunt in packs and talk to each other but the other thing I know is that even though I'm small, I'm bigger than they are, and if I leap at them first they usually run away instead of leaping at me.

Truth: Okay, hmm. I think for Widget it's a Look Over There! roll, for Tui it's a Fight! roll, does that sound about right? Widget, you roll yours first, it might affect Tui's roll. Oh, but I think roll with Fit rather than Clever.

Hope: That's fair. Eight, minus one is seven, just barely a partial success.

Truth: Okay, I forgot to say take plus one for your excellently throwable piece of modern art, but it wouldn't have made a difference anyway. Let's see, partial success on a distraction ... the dinosaur notices you. Okay, we'll deal with that in a second. Tui, your fight roll? Plus one for your weapon.

Chaos: Seven, plus two for Fit, plus one for the weapon, just barely a ten.

Truth: Okay, nice, full success gets you ... oh, this is interesting. You've bought a precious moment for someone to help you. It's kind of nice that there's no real 'take down a dinosaur' move.

Order: Except my one, the special move for The Soldier.

Truth: True, it really does make it a special thing for you. Um, anyway, let's think about this for a second ... so this all happens at once, there's that hideous screeching from all around but before either of the screechers can leap Widget grabs that pipe and hurls it at one, knocking it off the bit of wall it was clinging to, and Tui just charges full tilt at the one in the plants, swinging her machete and just barely clipping it as it leaps, drawing blood but ... no, actually, that one runs away, leaving a trail of blood behind, but Tui sees two creeping up through the plants, and Widget, that one you hit has its beady little eyes set firmly on you now, scrambling to its feet in less than a second. Max. Even though that happened in just a couple of seconds you're now fully aware of the situation. You've got Tui near you, with more of those things creeping up, and Widget a little way back, with a screecher about to leap at her. What do you do?

Order: Focus on the one about to leap at Widget. Snap shot from my SMG, just one bullet, then yell "TUI, RUN!" while I get to where Widget is, full focus on that one threatening her.

Truth: Okay. Okay. This isn't your kill move, I'm getting. I think it's Take My Hand!, because you're putting yourself in danger to help someone else. I'll give you yelling to Tui as a free action, so just roll with, um, I think Steady, to keep it together, keep calm, and maybe even hit that thing when you fire.

Order: Six, plus two is eight, partial success.

Truth: You miss with that one bullet, in any case, and now you have to choose. Either you two get separated from Tui, or you get Widget out of trouble but you'll be in even worse trouble.

Order: We're separated, that makes a lot of sense to me.

Truth: Okay, I'm going to cut at that point then. Max is the focus character, she sees Tui, she sees Widget, she yells to Tui to run while shouldering her SMG and she fires that one shot and we cut to black. For a few seconds, silence. Then heavy breathing, hard footsteps, we see Tui doing what Max told her, running hard out, all that hair trailing behind her, machete in hand, through this dimly lit foyer, she passes a sign and the camera stops to focus on it: IT DEPARTMENT. Tui has run out of the shot, and we see a couple of cat-sized shapes run past the IT sign after her. Back to Widget and Max, Max has some bleeding scrapes on her arm, Widget looks unhurt but stressed and scared. You two aren't running, you're backing away from something—or a pack of somethings—that Max is taking carefully measured single shots at. We see another sign. CONTROL CENTRE.

Chaos: So it IS just called that.

Truth: Yes, it is just called that now, I don't know, what do you call a control centre except a control centre? It's the control centre!

Order: And the most dangerous place to be, according to Tui. Can I do a flashback, for the sake of narrative convenience?

Truth: Mark one Weight, and maybe. What's the flashback?

Order: I want some way of talking to Tui, either a walkie talkie or an earpiece.

Truth: Hmm. We won't do that just yet, let's see how things go and what makes for a more interesting story first. So, the situation is that Tui is running into the IT department, where the backup generators probably are, and Max and Widget are headed up some stairs to the control centre. Both of you are being pursued by screechers. What do you do?

Hope: Oh, could I maybe use my special move? Jury-Rig, whip up a makeshift solution to a problem?

Truth: What's the problem, and what's your solution?

Hope: The problem is all these dinosaurs, so my solution is—oh, I have something! The doors that are stuck open, could I get one to close somehow?

Truth: That sounds reasonable. You scurry ahead while Max covers you, working on something to get this door shut and sealed. Roll it.

Hope: Okay, here goes ... eight, plus two is ten, I did it!

Truth: Yep, and you didn't even trap Max on the other side, which would've been the consequence for a partial success. Max, want to tell us how it went from your perspective?

Order: I didn't really understand what Widget was babbling about, but I got that she had a plan, so I focused on keeping those screechers back. Like Tui said, they're smart and they work together, but that's not always an advantage. If they were stupid they might just mob us, which probably would've taken at least one of us down. But they were cautious, hanging back, retreating when injured, and probably a little fascinated by the loud noises of my gun. I used all of that to keep them at bay while Widget worked, then when she called for me to join her I trusted her completely and did just that, the door sliding shut and sealing behind me. "Widget. How did you do that?"

Hope: "Complex technobabble! Excited and completely incomprehensible explanation! I didn't know if it would work but then it did and the door's shut!" Can I get it open again?

Truth: Maybe!

Hope: I'll take it! So where are we, actually? Are there a whole bunch of dinosaurs on the other side of this door with us?

Truth: No, it's oddly quiet. Dark too, the sun has set by this point, so the only light is from Widget's headlamp and Max's flashlight. You run your lights over dozens of screens, abandoned coffee mugs, the whole place silent and still. For now, you've bought yourself time to take a breath. Think about what you want to do as a safety move while we head over to Tui!

Chaos: Hi. I'm in the dark, aren't I.

Truth: Ooh, you very well might be. Nothing on your sheet that could be used for light?

Chaos: Nope, just my machete, my ragged clothing, some edible plants, my backpack, plus the medical supplies we scavenged. And of course, my terrible stench.

Truth: Okay, well, I guess first let's see how screechers feel about the dark. That'll be a fortune roll ... three, they can take it or leave it.

Order: In the dark, their screeching could lead other predators to them.

Truth: True, so when it gets dark they become ... completely ... silent.

Chaos: Well that's just GREAT news, isn't it. Oh, I want to roll my thing—wait, am I running from them still? Should I do a roll for that first?

Truth: No, we come in on Tui inside the IT department. It's a big open plan office, with the computer mainframe stacks in a separate room. Tui's crouched inside a cubicle, trying to control her breathing and listen for movement.

Chaos: Did I give the screechers the slip?

Truth: Anything's possible!

Chaos: Uh huh, yep, it sure is. Okay. Okay. I remember the others talking about turning on the power, and that it's probably in this area where I am. Can I use my thing to see if I know where the generators are?

Truth: Sure, maybe some things are clicking for you, maybe Widget described what generators look like and it's ringing some bells in your memory brain.

Chaos: That's a weird way to put it but okay, here I go rolling ... six, crap, my memory brain is utter bunk.

Truth: Nope, you remember it pretty clearly. You were actually in this IT department when everything went crazy and the dinosaurs showed up. You hid in the generator room with some other people. But you were the only one to get out alive. Everyone else got eaten. In the generator room. While you hid. And had to listen. And that's why you don't want to go anywhere near the generators.

Chaos: I really hate missing on that move, I truly do. Okay. Um. Hmm. I'm kind of stuck, then. Maybe that's Tui's scene here? She has a flashback and then just sort of cowers in the dark? Back to the others?

Truth: If you're okay with that, if there's nothing else you want to do?

Chaos: I'm good for now, maybe Max and Widget will figure out something that might help me in my position.

Truth: Okay, we'll go back to Max and Widget. Are you doing a safety move?

Order: Maybe scavenge again, mostly looking for a way to remotely activate the generators.

Hope: That sounds good to me, it might solve our problem instantly! Well, one of our problems. Sort of.

Truth: Sounds like a plan, tell a story and roll plus Clever.

Hope: I guess it's my turn to do one, let's see ... oh, something inefficient that infuriates me, the layout of this place! "Don't you think it's weird, Max? Nothing about this place makes any sense to me. Even putting aside the dinosaurs, and the collapsed roof blocking those stairs, it's just so inefficient. What even IS this place? What were they doing here?"

Order: "I don't know." I'm thinking about those rumours I heard, about the two year contracts and the ridiculously high salaries. I'm thinking, you don't have to pay anyone if everybody's dead. I'm thinking, maybe it wasn't dinosaurs who killed all the workers. I'm thinking, this feels big, and wrong. "Probably nothing good."

Hope: "That's for sure! I don't know about you, but I'm starting to feel like this is the worst job we ever took. We should've listened to the boss. She tried to warn us."

Order: "Did she? I don't remember that."

Hope: "When we signed off, when we took the contract! Usually she's like 'break a leg, you two!' but this time she was just like, 'good luck out there'. I should've listened to her."

Order: "Huh." Should Widget roll now, to see if we turn up anything?

Truth: Oh right, the roll! Yes, do that.

Hope: I'm a clever girl I'm a clever girl I'm a clever girl—yes! I am a clever girl! Eight plus two is ten!

Truth: So when Max says 'huh', it's because she found a soft red glow, and when Widget examines it, yep, that looks a lot like the button that will start the emergency generator reboot process.

Hope: "Bingpot!" I press it instantly with zero hesitation!

Truth: There's a pretty satisfying heavy clunking noise. The light turns green. Nothing else happens.

Hope: "Uh..."

Order: "Did it work? Do we need to do something else?"

Truth: Tui, you hear a sort of whirring noise.

Chaos: I think I was just sitting there with my head down. When I hear that noise my head whips up and my machete is in my hand, gripped tight and at the ready.

Truth: Back to Max and Widget, you two don't hear anything, until the fluorescent lights flicker on, and the screens around you come to life one by one.

Hope: "It worked! We did it, Max! We did it!"

Order: "We pressed a button, don't get too self-congratulatory."

Truth: Back to Tui again, the lights are coming on, and the mainframe area too, all those computers booting up, and there's a sudden chilly gust of air—this area is usually kept cold, for computer efficiency purposes. You also hear a scuttling, lots of small things moving quickly and suddenly.

Chaos: Gulp.

Truth: So, I actually think this counts as you overcoming the first obstacle, restoring power, so you all get to pick an advanced move.

Hope: Oh, exciting. Let's see, I can either gain the ability to build something big, with the help of you two, or I can make a bomb. I'm not really so into bombs? I'll take the construction thing. Oh, maybe I can figure out how to get past that blockage!

Order: I think I'll take Close Quarters Expert. I've observed these dinosaurs. They're just animals, like anything else. I'm confident I could take one in a fight.

Truth: What does that move do? Give you a bonus when you fight?

Order: When I Fight! I improve my result by one level, so a miss becomes a partial and a partial becomes a full.

Truth: Wow. That's pretty powerful. How about you, Tui?

Chaos: Are we likely to enter any kind of 'wilderness' in this thing?

Truth: Doesn't really seem like it's going that way.

Chaos: That's what I thought. In that case Fade Away seems a bit useless, so I'll go with Hoarder. I can pull stuff out of my backpack and maybe it's useful!

Truth: Now the other thing that happens is what's referred to as an 'Extinction Event'.

Chaos: Well now, doesn't that sound lovely.

Truth: Let's see, I'm just ... no, okay, I got it. For Max and Widget, up in that control room, some of those screens that flicked on show images from camera feeds, around the island. You see jungle, hills, big rocks, little rocks, weird rocks, mundane rocks, and of course a few dinosaurs doing their dinosaur biz. There's one feed in particular that catches your attention. It shows a wide view outside the prefab part of the base, with the helicopter landing pad, and there's your helicopter, still sitting there, still safe. That t-rex is asleep in the background, but that's not what you notice. The thing that you notice is the sky. The clouds are moving very strangely. Almost like they're vibrating, and some of them are jumping backward, like the footage from the camera is caught in a three second loop, except just for that one part of the image, that one cloud.

Order: "That ... is not normal."

Hope: "On the bright side, the helicopter looks fine? Yay?"

Truth: Tui, down in the IT department you don't see any of that. You're underground, probably, as far as you can tell, or in any case there are no windows. The lights are on now, and the computers are booting up, and every few seconds you feel a distinct ... pulse. It's like everything shakes, except not physically. You feel a warm wetness on your lip. Your nose is bleeding.

Chaos: Ah yes, the universal sign of weird nonsense, sudden nose bleeds.

Truth: And I think that's where we'll end this session!

Hope: Oh no! It makes sense to stop here, but oh no! I'm really looking forward to the next one. I hope we don't all die!

Order: That was fun, I'm looking forward to continuing as well. We overcame the obstacle, but the mystery remains.

Chaos: It's definitely a blast, but at the same time I'm pretty glad it's a one shot. I've already sort of had enough of dinosaurs. Plus I'm kind of remembering, like, there was a reason we moved on from PbtA? I'm not saying it's a bad system. Just like, yeah. You can have enough of a thing.

Hope: I think it works really well for this, though. What I mean is, there wasn't any time when I felt like it being PbtA took away from the experience? But then again I don't really think about mechanics too much. Um, I like the character classes, I think we all got to pick something we like.

Order: I don't usually play a soldier, but it fit me better than I expected. I'm glad I didn't pick The Doctor, which was my second choice.

Chaos: Honestly I'm not completely on board with Tui, but I think that's mostly just one shot syndrome. You know me, I'll always take a novel over a short story, a TV series over a movie. I need time to get to know someone! Anyway, yeah, this is good times. I'm looking forward to the second part, where we all get put in a zoo after being sucked through a dimensional portal into Dinosaur Universe.

Hope: I have a question. How much of this game is in the rules, and how much did you make up?

Truth: There's a lot of stuff to draw on here, they did a really good job providing a lot of little hooks. I'll probably talk more about that once we've finished properly, but for example, every area has some prompts for potential problems and so on. I had to modify a lot, especially with the power being off, but the example problems and incidents in the rules were really useful. Like with the medical room where you had a rest, the prompt was something like, there's a dinosaur in here high on pills and looking for more.

Chaos: Oh wow, headbuttasaurus was high as a kite.

Truth: That's why I was randomly rolling for its reactions.

Hope: What about things like the lab being blocked off, was that in the rules?

Truth: Yep, one of the prompts for the foyer, your path is blocked. Oh, and here's something to consider between sessions: maybe, just like the labs being blocked off deliberately ... dot dot dot...

Chaos: Oh. The power was also turned off on purpose. Oh man. What the flip did we do.

Truth: We'll find out next time, maybe? I guess we'll see!

[magic5ball]

Nature Trail to Hell Arc II: Watt Outta Hell (2)

Chapter 2: I am Captured by Deinonychus Gangsters

           I woke up on a craps table, surrounded by demons. Well, I didn’t know it was a craps table at the time, just that there were a bunch of plastic chips everywhere. I’m just glad I was undead, otherwise the combination of plaster and smoke surrounding me would probably have given me asphyxiation. Normally, I’d try to run, but my body felt like it had just fallen through a building, which judging by the combination of plaster and sawdust around me, it most likely had. If there was one silver lining, the hellions around the table were at least less horrible than a certain purple dinosaur.  

Not to say they didn’t have all sorts of hideous forms, some of which probably weren’t from this plane of existence, but they all had one thing in common: Goodwill clothes. I could tell because the clothes at those stores always have this weird smell of white walls and charity that clings to them no matter where they go, like a ghost constantly reminding their owners they’re hand-me-downs. Weird combinations, too: there were trifolds over bandanas, pinstripe jackets over tye-dye shirts-all odd and mismatched as the abominations that wore them. An insect-looking one was even wearing a ‘shirt’ that was just a baseball cap with arm holes. And in the middle of all of them, at the other end of the table, was the biggest demon of all. I still remember him clear as day: all dark, no face, high as the ceiling with horns as tall as me. I reckoned he was the leader on account of him being the only one with decent clothes, though where he got suspenders and a white button down in his size I will never know. A pair of panama hats were skewered on each of his giant horns.

The demon leaned forward, his empty face mere inches from mine. His breath smelled like bologna.

“I. WIN!” He said, in a voice that surprised me with how human it sounded. I could even hear a tinge of an Australian accent in there.

Then I realized he wasn’t looking at me, but a pair of dice that were next to my head.

“Like shit you did.” Came a voice from the other side of the table. “It only landed that way ‘cause some punk landed on the forking table!”

Its’ source leaned in until his face was right over mine. If it weren’t for the fall knocking all the wind out of me, I would have squealed like a kid on Christmas Day. Towering right above me was the face of none other than one of the velociraptors from Jurassic Park, wearing a plastic green tennis visor. “By the way, you filthy piece of shiv!” he told me “You’re paying for these forking property damages!”

Some other stuff happened, though at the moment I was so caught up in my dinosaur obsession (and several broken bones) I barely noticed.

What I do remember is that apparently the big demon had gotten two sixes, which when combined with his previous two rolls, which were also sixes, which were rolled on the sixth day of the sixth hour of the sixth minute of the sixth second of the sixth Deci second of the sixth millisecond, meant that he had the Porcelain God’s favor and therefore the jackpot. The raptor (whose name turned out to be Shizzle) argued the last six was a three until some moron landed on the table, to which the demon pointed out that there were no official rules against somebody landing on the table, at least when you played by the Rules of Ifnir, which they were. Long story short, Shizzle took out a rulebook while the demon took away all the plastic chips, followed by a posse of lesser demons cheering “Leroy beat the house! Leroy built the house!” as they danced out of the casino.

Schizzle glared at me with a look that could cut glass.

“You rotten piece of shit! I have half the mind to slice you in half right here and now! Too bad for you I’m in a really bad mood, so I’m gonna pawn you off on A-Hole!”

As he dragged me off the table (surprisingly strong given how thin he was) I saw he was wearing an armband and a vest clearly not meant for a dinosaur. We headed through rows and rows of demons playing with bright lights and slot machines, all covered by a lair of smoke.

We stopped in a room that reminded me way too much of a dentist’s office, except instead of a reception desk there was a door with a plaque that read ‘A-hole’ and the television played nothing but Fox News. Shizzle sat me down in one of the chairs and tied me to it using some string from his vest.

“Alright punk. I know what you’re thinking: that because it’s your first day in the underworld, everything is gonna go easy for you. But guess what, shivhead! Life ain’t that simple. Down here, if you scratch somebody, you best be prepared to get scratched hard. And A-hole? He scratches harder than anybody! See this?”

Shizzle turned around, revealing a tattoo of a piece of poop on his tushie, complete with flies and stink marks. I know it doesn’t sound that great the way I’m saying it, but it was like, Da Vinci level artistry. Below it, in cursive almost too fancy to read, was written ‘I am a doo-doo head’.

“That’s from when I forgot to flush. Doesn’t matter if you’re new, doesn’t matter if using a toilet is hard when you have a long-asp tail, A-hole doesn’t give. A. Crap. And not just ‘cause he’s constipated!”

I tried best I could to shake out of my chair, but it was no good. For someone without opposable thumbs, Shizzle had locked me up tight.

Without another word, he went out back into the casino, leaving me along with the roaring voices on Fox News. I struggled against my ropes, eager to escape, until the noise of the television hypnotized me. The weird thing is, I didn’t understand half the things they were saying, though I will say this: I understood it more than my Dad did, and if I squinted my eyes at the right angle the guys onscreen turned into monkeys. Also like with my Dad, someone came to take me away just as the exciting part was happening. (They were about to discuss red paint’s communist agenda). That someone was another raptor, a bit more feathery than Schizzle, but with a floral dress from a 60’s fashion magazine paired with an equally gaudy pair of high heels that I’m still not entirely sure how she got into. A chill went down my spine as I saw the blood flowing down her mouth, at least until I realized it was just poorly applied lipstick.

“Good afternoon, dearie. Welcome to A-hole’s. My name is Hoe, and I’ll be taking you to our main office, where you’ll receive the ultimate punishment shortly.”

Back in school, there was this one kid named Don Beasly who’d sometimes imitate girls’ voices for fun. This lady (at least, I thought she was a lady) sounded just like him. Lifting my chair, she took me into the office, which smelled of dead, even by afterlife standards. It looked dead, too, with the grey walls so shot through with bullet holes it’d look like it would come crumbling down any minute. Not exactly the kind of room I’d want to spend more than a minute in if I’d had the choice. Which of course I didn’t. There was a back window, but it was gated over and blurred by something that looked like mucous. And in front of this window, under his own personal yellow spotlight, was the most mature raptor I’d ever seen. I could tell he was mature because he held a cigar in one hand and a jar of prunes in the other. A tiny handlebar mustache was glued to his face.

“So you’re the asp who lost my money, huh? Landed on the craps table?”

Before I could talk, he added

“Of course I’m right, dumbasp. That was a rhetorical question. But now, onto the real questions: Do you know who I am?”

“A… a velociraptor?”

A-Hole’s cigarette dropped to the table, where it caught a bunch of papers on fire. He looked at me with what can only be described as a death glare, the light from the fire casting shadows under his scaly face.

“What did you just say?”

“V-velociraptor?”

He slammed his claws on the desk, breathing so heavy I could feel it from ten feet away. He just stood there, staring and breathing for several minutes, then he was calm. Too calm, actually.

“You know pal, I was thinking off letting ya off the hook, see? Sure, you cost us over a million Hellbucks in property damage alone, but I’m a nice guy, see? But please-“

He walked right up to me, putting a claw under my chin just enough to draw a trickle of blood.

“Nobody ever, ever compares me and my crew me to one of those dirty, lecherous Velossis, see?”

He returned to his desk; clapped his claws.

“F-Bomb!” he called to nowhere in particular “Give our guest a taste of the usual.” The way he said the last part nearly made my toenails fall off.

Another ra- I mean, Deinonychus, burst in from the door behind us. At first I didn’t think much of him, since he looked more like a fuzzy chicken than the others, and was about the size of one, too. But if I’ve learned one thing about dinosaurs in my journeys through the Underworld, it’s that if the dino is wearing an eyepatch and a fedora, he usually means business. Or tastes good served with a side of mashed potatoes and gravy. If it weren’t for his small size, he would have been intimidating, though the folding table and covered serving platter he carried made him give off more of a waiter vibe.

“Listen the fork up, forkface!” he screeched, setting up the table “The forkin’ name’s motherforkin’ F-Bomb, and I was having a forkin’ good time until you done forked it up with your forkin’ little scene on the forkin’ craps table!”

Now, I had no idea what the hey was on that serving platter, but if the smell coming from it was any indignation, I did not want to find out. Fortunately, even with my limbs tied up, yours truly still has one trick left up his sleeves. It was a gamble, since there was no gurantee it would work on dinosaurs, but at that moment there was nothing else to lose (well, except my dignity).

At first, F-bomb stared at me, clearly baffled by what I was doing. Then he got angry. “What the fork are you doin’ with your forkin’ eyes, you forkin’ punk?! Sweet Porcelain Forkin’ God, they look like forkin’ watermelons! Is this some kinda forkin’ trap?!! Are those forkin bombs? BOSS!! I think this guy has forkin’ bombs in his eyes!!!!!!!!!”

A-Hole was reclining in his chair, clawed feet on the desk, head blocked by a catalogue of L.L. Bean’s winter clothing catalogue (which I later learned was the official catalogue of Hell).

“F-Bomb, ya retarded turd! That’s what the overlanders call a ‘puppy dog face’. Dumb as shiv kids use it ta make their parents inta personal slaves or somethin’. Now would you kindly leave me the fork alone?! I just got to this real engrossing part about the importance of fashionable snow boots, see!”

Though I couldn’t see myself, I know by F-Bomb’s widening grin that it had melted into the look of despair. Especially after F-Bomb scratched me in the face.

“So that’s it, ya forkin’ punk?! You thing you can forkin’ screw with me?! What the actual forkity fork!” He hopped on the table, walking up to me until my nose touched his. “Now get ready to be forkin’ served.” His breath smelled just like I imagined raw meat would.

Stepping back, he lifted the lid of the platter, releasing a foul smelling mist that practically made me gag. When it cleared, I saw the platter had a tiny silver fork, and next to that fork was what I like to call ‘the tree of death’: a vile creation, one that since I was a kid had always stood between me and glorious, glorious dessert, whose tyranny I had sought to escape again and again, but could never escape. It was only fitting that here, in the depths of Hell, it would find me again.

“Now before ya ask, yes, I forkin’ know this is forkin’ broccoli, ya forkin’ genius. But this ain’t your forkin’ retarded fork of a Grandma’s forkin’ broccoli.” He pointed to a little halo that mysteriously hung over the little floret. As he did, I swore I could hear an angelic chorus in the distance. “This is forkin’ holy broccoli, watered with only the purest forkin’ holy water and the son’s forkin’ pee, fertilized in the soil of forkin’ Eden, and grown in the light of the forkin’ Lord himself. The level of vitamin forkin’ K in this forkin’ thing is too good for this sinful world. And when it gets in your forkin’ belly, the rapid influx of vitamins will slowly poison you before making your forkin’ head explode!”

I shook me chair, but it was no good. I wasn’t going anywhere.

“Nice forkin’ try, buster!” he taunted, bringing the flower of death closer to my mouth “But there’s no forkin’ way the forkin’ Lord is gonna come for you now!”

           Now it was my turn to smile. Back at home, I’d watched a lot of movies, and if there was one thing those movies taught me, it’s that whenever a bad guy says something like that when the good guy is in a bad spot they can’t possibly get out of, the direct- I mean, God- swoops in to give them a free pass. And considering I’m telling you this story right now, I’m pretty sure you can put two and two together.

While I was fidgeting, a small piece of paper had fallen out of my pocket. F-Bomb noticed, too.

“What the f-“

Just like that, A-Hole dropped his magazine and sniffed the air.

“Hold it, F-Bomb, I smell somethin’, somethin’ like… money.”

“Boss, it’s probably just a piece of forkin’ paper now could I please get on with-“

But A-Hole wasn’t having any of it. He put his nose to the ground and sniffed like a bloodhound until he found the piece of paper. He held it up in his claw with a delicacy I didn’t expect from a deinonychus, as though he were holding the most valuable diamond in the world. The moment I saw its’ yellowed paper, I recognized it instantly: a $500 dollar bill from Monopoly bill.

“Where’d you get this?” he asked

I took a breath, relieved my death by nutritious flower had been delayed.

“He, ya turd, I’m talkin’ to you!” he cried, slapping me on the side of the face “Where’d. You. Get. This?”

For a second my brain was in a trance. Back at home, I’d always been the dumb one, the one who everyone  except Mom thought was either gonna grow up to be either a dirty hobo or a shameless reality T.V. star. Possibly both. My mind reeled at having someone around who was actually dumber than me. And as I mentioned before, I’m also a Tostig, and if there’s one thing we Tostigs are good at, it’s seizing opportunities by the freakin’ horns!

“Real estate.” There it was, the ultimate blend of truth and lie, or as I like to call it, a tie.

“Sweet Porcelain God, kid! No wonder you- wait a minute! How do I know you ain’t fibbin’?”

F-Bomb, during this whole scene, was sharpening his claws with a nail file. “Maybe forkin’ ask what kind of bill it is, then!”

“Yeah, turdy! What bill is this?”

It was that moment I realized I should have had a backup plan. Not sure what I would have come up with, but it still would have been better than

“It’s a commemorative $500 dollar bill from the failed Philadelphia sesquicentennial exposition of 1926! Very rare! Almost none exist!”

I smiled, hoping they’d buy it like I would have bought Park Place.

Ten tense seconds passed as A-Hole sniffed the bill in places no piece of American currency should ever be sniffed.

“Alright, turd.” He said, holding up the bill. “Lucky for you, I happen to be a collector of all sorts a rare currencies, see? And I don’t know a single person in the Underworld who knows about this bill. So let’s make a deal, see?” He leaned in close, so close I worried he might chomp off my ear. His breath smelled like he hadn’t brushed since the late cretaceous, but in a deliberate way, like he was using some kind of prehistoric perfume.

“I’ll let you off the hook, see? All you gotta do is be a member of my gang for the rest of eternity. I’ll even give ya room and board free of charge, see? So whaddya say? We solid?”

I thought about my parents, still in the land of the living, waiting for me to come home from camp. Then I realized that, knowing Dad, he was probably using my action figures to open his beer bottles. And if my little brother had anything to say about it, they wouldn’t even notice I was gone. As much as I wanted to get home, I’d done goofed and crossed Shel Silverstein. It would take a while, but seeing as I was in hell, there was no harm in joining a gang for a little while, right?

“Sure, why not?”

A-Hole grinned, which was pretty creepy when you realized he didn’t have any lips. “Glad we could do business, kid.” He glared at F-Bomb and me. “But if either of you so much as say the letters of any of the words relating to this piece of moolah, there’ll be Hell to pay!”

“But Boss!” protested F-Bomb “We already live in forkin’-“

“I know what I said, dipschizzle! Sweet Porcelain God, do you realize how forkin’ hard it is to come up with good threats in this dump?! Everyone’s seen it all!”

A-Hole returned to his desk, taking in several breathfuls of smoke clogged air. Once he was calm again, he snapped his claws.

“Anyway, now let’s forkin’ do this. F-Bomb, get the knockout gas! We’re doing some reconstructive surgery!”

“Wait, wha-“

I didn’t even have time to finish before F-Bomb put what I can only describe as a satanic lobster dripping with some sort of liquid over my mouth. As I got woozy, I wondered if there was any type of insurance for falling unconscious, and if so, where I could get it.