#was abt to say smth to him bc he was being such a creep

[hatake]

.

[seiwas]

IRIS I AM LITERALLYABSJXNID XOMF 😭😭😭😭 i love him . thank u . i love him . i loooooooooove him . i ran out of tags iris but him asking for ur socials if numbery is uncomfy? the cherry on top he is literally the dream . the respectful boy to ever . and i need him . want him . NEOOOOOOOOOOOWWW

in a world of boys, he's a gentleman

summary: a creep walks up to the shake stand window. your favorite customer scares him off. (college au!iwaizumi x you)

wc: 1.9k

cw/tags: college!au iwaizumi, creepy dude but he gets scared off don't worry, buff iwa gets nervous around you

note: so there's a protein shake stand like right outside my school's gym and that's where the inspiration for this little brain fart came from. also this is wholeheartedly dedicated to @shotorus my favorite iwa simp. i really hope you like this, it's my first time writing for your man but it most definitely will not be the last :D

likes, replies, and reblogs are appreciated <3

You didn’t anticipate finding a gym crush outside of the student rec center. Yet, there he was, every day at 5:00 passing the stand and every day at 6:30 ordering his usual, strawberries and bananas with chocolate protein powder. It’s a wonder how strictly he stuck to his schedule and you made it a point to have his order queued up in the system by the time he got to the window. To your detriment, it seemed that your infatuation had become obvious enough to your usually-oblivious coworkers. 

“At this point, I think you took this job just to ogle him,” one of your friends points out as she runs a colander of fruit under the faucet. You give her a lighthearted glare and she flicks a few water droplets at you. “I’d guess you like seeing him more than the tips that other guys put in the jar. You really do so much for this company,” she says patronizingly and you roll your eyes. She had a point; you tended not to notice the phone numbers written on dirty napkins or social media handles hastily drawn on dollar bills. None of them interested you. None of them, except for the dude with a body like a Greek hero that made you want to get kidnapped by some mythological being. 

“I just think he has a nice physique; is that such a bad thing?” She shoots you a skeptical look and you turn away sheepishly to check the clock. Thirty seconds to 6:30. “He should be here in a little bit,” you say quietly to yourself, hoping she doesn’t hear. It’s a nice sentiment, but ultimately futile. 

“You’re counting down the seconds? Man, you’re worse than I thought.” She pats your shoulder sympathetically as she passes behind you and you lean your hands on the register counter. 

“As if you’ve never had a gym crush before,” you fire back. 

“You’re supposed to actually be inside the gym to have a gym crush,” she reminds you and you groan. “Why don’t you just switch your shift so you can see him while you workout?”

“I tutor before this, remember? Plus, I need to be able to charm the evening regulars so I can keep paying rent,” you admit. She nods in understanding and a glance at the clock shows ten seconds until 6:30. Your other usuals had come and gone for the day: the guy in the blue tank top that only seemed to work his forearms and biceps, the girl with the silly socks that had the most muscular calves you’d ever seen, the two frat bros with their backwards caps and arrogant voices. It hits 6:30, however, and your favorite regular isn’t behind the glass. He isn’t anywhere around, you realize. You can’t help the frown that draws the corner of your mouth down and, when you look to your coworker for support, she merely shrugs before grabbing a tub of powder from the top shelf. “It’s odd that he isn’t here yet.”

“Only you would think that,” she teases and you refocus on pulling up his usual order on the payment screen. “Maybe he got sick. There’s that frat flu going around right now.”

“Why would he be in a frat, though? And also, he’s definitely the type to wipe the hell out of every machine he uses.”

“If he uses machines; personally, he strikes me as a free weights-only kind of guy.” Before you can reply, a knock on the glass startles you back into customer-service mode. The man in front of you looked relatively normal, but the way his eyes looked you up and down several times made your stomach queasy. It wasn’t the first time creeps had checked you out through the window, but maybe you were feeling a little extra vulnerable waiting around for a regular who didn’t even know your name. Avoiding the man’s intrusive gaze, you shakily pull up his order, swipe his card for payment, and let him know that his shake would be ready soon. 

“I have a question,” he says slowly before you can run and hide in the back. “What time are you out of here?”

“I’m not done for a while,” you state vaguely, praying that he wouldn’t ask about the remaining two and a half hours of your shift. “I work until closing.”

“I can come back and get you when you close.” His voice makes your skin crawl and his eyes feel like knives on your body.

“Excuse me?”

“Let me take you out to dinner. A nice looking person like you shouldn’t be alone at night.” Your heart drops into your stomach and your feet remain rooted to the floor, terrified in place. Was he gonna try to do something after you were off?

“Look, I’m not interested in any–”

“Hey, man. Are you done ordering yet? You’re holding up the line,” intrudes a voice that feels like a warm blanket wrapping around your shoulders. Somewhere between his usual order time and the creep asking you out, your favorite little crush came to stand in line to pay. His shoulders seemed extra broad today and the muscle of his biceps flexed under his compression shirt as he crossed his arms over his chest, staring daggers down at the guy who was freaking you out. He’d never looked so handsome, all sharp jawline and flexed muscles and piercing eyes. The creep recoils and scurries away, allowing you to take a deep breath that helps relieve some of the tension in your forehead. By pure muscle memory and running on adrenaline, your fingers swipe over the tablet and pull up his usual order before he can even say hello. 

“Strawberry and banana with chocolate protein powder, right?”

“Yeah, that…that’s mine,” he says, slightly taken aback by the lingering expression of panic on your face. While he eyes you warily, you swipe his card and hand him his receipt, suddenly desperate to just disappear into the back for the rest of your shift. “Hey, are you okay?”

“What? No, yeah. I’m fine, totally fine,” you lie and give him a weak smile. His eyebrows furrow slightly and you can feel him try to analyze you, but not in the dehumanizing way as your previous customer. His eyes searched your expression worriedly and you caught him biting skin from his lip in concern. “It’s just that the guy before you was being a little weird.” Calling him “weird” was an understatement, but you didn’t want to inconvenience him more than you already have. “I’m fine, really.” He watches you for a moment more and then nods, murmuring a thank you under his breath and finding a spot to wait for his shake. 

“This fell on the floor by the trash can,” he says plainly when he walks up to the pickup window after you call out his drink. The creepy guy hadn’t left the area yet, so your fight or flight instincts were still going haywire. Your gym crush, however, momentarily takes your attention by subtly sliding a dirty piece of paper across the counter to you as he picks up his cup with the other hand. “Thanks; I’ll see you tomorrow.” Before you can blink, he’s gone, leaving you with a cryptic folded message that makes your head spin. You sputter out an awkward farewell and hastily unfold the piece of paper. 

I’ll be studying in the computer lab until the stand closes. If he’s still bothering you, come find me and I’ll walk you to your car or your dorm or wherever. -Iwaizumi Hajime 

A sturdy rectangle of plastic falls from the paper and you stare at it in disbelief. It was an ID card for the university’s after-hours patrol division with his picture, full name, and student number printed on it. Iwaizumi, you echo mentally, you’re too good to be true. And, true to his promise, he’s a respectful distance away and stands with his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants at 9:00 when you lock up the shake stand. You’d lost sight of the creep an hour after Iwaizumi picked up his drink, but the paranoia didn’t leave your body and you’re only able to relax when he approaches you. 

“This is yours,” you say, handing him his ID card with a small smile. “Thank you for looking out for me.”

“Of course. I’m sorry you had to deal with him,” he replies regretfully, uncomfortably adjusting his water bottle tucked into the crook of his elbow. “None of the guys at the gym like him. He’s always hitting on girls and giving them weird looks.” 

“Looks like he was forced to look outside the gym, then,” you laugh lightly, feeling the tension release from your shoulders as you walk next to Iwaizumi in the direction of the parking lot. “Did your drink still taste okay? Or did my nervousness make it taste funny?” When he chuckles, it sounds like sunshine. 

“It was just as tasty as it always is, thank you. You’ve really figured out how to make me the perfect drink every time.”

“Anything for my favorite customer,” you say without hesitation and your face feels like it’s been lit on fire. To your surprise, however, it seemed that Iwaizumi was just as flustered by your words. His eyes widen and his pretty mouth gapes a little bit, blinking rapidly to fix the short circuit in his brain. “I just hope he doesn’t come around here again. He makes my stomach churn.”

“Yeah, I get that,” he forces out and he’s silent for a while until your car is in sight. “Hey, sorry if this is super off-base, but do you wanna workout with me sometime? I can change the time I go but, if it means you don’t feel scared by that guy anymore, I’ll gladly rearrange my schedule.” 

“You want me to workout with you?”

“I’d like to meet you for lunch sometime, too, but I figured I’d start with baby steps,” he admits, running a hand nervously through his hair while you fish your keys from your bag. “If you don’t want to, that’s totally fine–”

“No, no, I’d love to,” you reassure him and he looks visibly relieved. “I’ll change up my shift so you can still go around the same time you usually do, and I can just meet you outside. I’ve been needing a new spotter since mine picked up extra shifts in the library.” 

“Great, yeah, awesome,” he says, a little dumbfounded by how eagerly you would give him a chance. If he was being honest, he’d wanted to ask you your name for months since you memorized his order, but he didn’t want to come off as pushy and ruin his chance with you. “Do you, uh, mind if I give you my number? Or I can give you a social media handle too if you’re not comfortable sharing your number.” God, he’s so good. He is so, so good. “Can you let me know you get home safe?”

“I will,” you promise. “Thank you for everything, Iwaizumi.”

“You can call me Hajime, if you want,” he offers softly and the fondness in his voice makes your heart flip. “Iwaizumi is fine too. Anything is fine.” 

“Right,” you smile. “Well, goodnight, Hajime. Get home safe.”

“You too. Talk soon, okay?”

“I can’t wait.”

if you enjoy my writing and would like to support me, you can buy me a coffee on my ko-fi! you can also check out my full masterlist here :)

[crushedsweets]

i am so so sorry for the sheer amount of headcanons i'm making you crank out, HOWEVER... i am so curious as to if you have any headcanons for nina and natalie as a duo. i love the way you perceive them and write them it genuinely makes me so happy

i had to doodle them . ok. lets go..

nat was one of the first people nina met from jeff, since she and jeff lived in the barn together.

nina thought nat was a lesbian when they first met . that is literally the only reason why she wasnt mad jeff was living with a woman.

although nina was like, one of the ONLY people to notice toby/nat tension and was sooo heartbroken when she realized they were never getting together..... but then was relieved they didnt get together when she got over jeff because 'well i can't be the only single one!'

again, natalie grew up with 0 girl friends, only hung out with her brother and boys. even after meeting the creeps, theyre still mostly guys. so she's just kinda really awkward and weird around girls. not in a like, 'oh girls r so annoying' way but like... she just doesnt know how to fit in. she just feels so different in the worst possible way and always has.

and nina is very girly, outgoing, touchy, friendly, cute, etc. so it was very like UMMM?!? idk. natalie kept snapping at her, assuming she was fake and weird and just trying to get something from nat, but nina was so persistent and just. friendly. it started making natalie feel warm.

nina's presence started to heal natalies inner little girl. she had it stolen from her time and time again, from her dad, her brother, her peers - the operator, too.

so the two are eventually actual friends. they'll text and play mobile phone games together. sometimes they'll just sit on call and nina will be talking her head off while nat does her own thing at home. one time nat was at tobys cabin and nina was talking about toby on speaker and toby walked in and was like 'hey nina' .... nina almost threw up she was so embarrassed.

nina loves visiting nats bar because everyone is always talking to nina and giving her attention and buying her drinks, and at first nat was irritated but it kinda got nat some better tips since the customers started realizing ninas her friend. so nat was pleased. LOL

nat was never the type to go shopping, but she'll follow nina around and sit while nina tries on clothes and carry around all her bags that she buys LOL... ninas made jokes about nat being boyfriend material and nat just flatout says smth about how nina should get over jeff cuz he would never.

nat is friends with jeff but she's oddly comfortable just telling nina that he's a piece of shit. and ninas always like NOOO U DONT GET IT U DONT SEE WHAT I DO and nats always just .. not... impressed..

nina's always inviting nat out to try new foods. nat grew up just eating bread and noodles with butter half the time so it's fun. nina always tries to pay bc 'well i invited you!!!'. sometimes toby tags along but he feels a way abt going in public places..

nina rarely visits jack cuz she has no reason to, but nat is friends with him so sometimes nina pops in and she's always like ^_^ HELLO TALL MYSTERIOUS SLIGHTLY MONSTEROUS MAN... <3... nat smacks the back of her head cuz she's being dumb and drooling over a bunch of rando freaks. ... . ok i love nina and she owes jeff nothing but she is def not loyal LOLLLL AND SHE HAS THE RIGHT TO FAWN OVER EVERYONE she's a fangirl at heart.

they watch a ton of shows together. nina got nat into horror kdrama stuff, but they have to watch in dub cuz nat cant read the subtitles fast enough . . . at first nina cringed but now she doesnt care.

nat's painted/drawn nina several times, and nina almost cries everytime. she's put the drawings up on her wall before but anytime nat's at her apartment, she takes it down bc 'i dont want my art on ur wall stop it' LOL... kinda rude but whatevs.

ugh theyre just so fucking cute guys im sorry i love them . holds them. brushes their hair.

[hotchs-big-hands]

ngl i would genuinely get off to making haley jealous and angry because of how fucking easy it is. my personal hc here but i think she was controlling and thought she had hotch wrapped around her finger and it infuriated her that his job was the only thing he refused to listen to her about. i also think she tried to baby trap him with jack in the assumption that would "fix" their marriage and when it only made it worse she blamed aaron for never being home when she easily couldve hired a nanny or regular babysitter so she could work or do whatever. i believe she cheated bc of that one phone call to their house when hotch answered and it was a random man asking for haley before hanging up and the look hotch gave her like yeah he knew she was fucking around too. i think it made her even angrier that when she filed for divorce hotch didnt even fight her onit! didnt ask to work things out or for counseling or anything. just "okay ill sign the papers when i get back from this case"

now assuming reader is mid twenties i think your very existence would have her enraged. aaron seems happier and even healthier. hes got more color in his face, hes put on some healthy weight, he smiles and laughs now, he takes more time off work, his life has clearly significantly improve since she left him and she cant fucking stand it. she thought she was the best thing that ever happened to him and now shes seeing in real time she's actually the worst thing ♥️♥️

and you thinks its funny as hell to watch a 40 year old woman with a whole ass kid be that bent out of fucking shape because the man SHE LEFT is fine without her. like yes maam i am younger than you, hotter than you, nicer than you AND i can ride the dick just right. stay pressed bitch 💕. and when she tries interfering in your relationship hotch asks you to put up with it just for a bit because he knows hack is still adjusting to coparenting and he wants the best for his son so you let him handle his exwife until she crosses a line and tries to accuse you of some shit and aaron finally puts his foot down and haley cant believe that shes really lost complete control over aaron (haha fuck you haley)

like i fantasize about a situation where haley is trying SOOOO hard to break yall up and drive a wedge between you two and it isnt until jacks birthday or some big family function aaron brought you too and haley cant help it but lowkey stalk yall all night and so youre like "aaron watch this" and you drag him off to some secluded corner and hes like ??? but you tell him "hold on baby give it a minute. bet you anything haley pops up" and then once you hear footsteps you give aaron a big fat smooch and surprise surprise!! whos coming around the corner? why its haleys stalker ass following you two like a creep!

i literally just want to cuck haleys pathetic ass because fuck her and her scraggly blonde hair and that nappy ass wig she had on in witness protection with her no-style-no-personality-all-about-me havin ass 😒😒😒😒

sorry this is such a convoluted mess i just hate that lady 😭😭

I NEEDN'T SAY MORE THIS IS EXACTLY MY THOTS I WANT THAT WOMAN SEEEETHING AT THE SIGHT OF AARON BEING HAPPY AND THRIVING. SHE WOULD ABSOLUTELY BE THE CRAZY EX WHO PROBABLY ENDS UP HARASSING YOU.

The SECOND she says smth nasty abt you Aaron is soooooo fucking pissed. She insults you saying you're just a whore sleeping with Aaron for his money (and cuz us babes are plus-size queens she HATES THAT) and that Aaron is not attracted to you.

And Aaron OOF he takes her to one side and tells her she is fucking nothing but the mother of his child now. That YOU are his everything. YOU make him the man he is now. He's fucking happy with you as the love of his life and that Haley made him chronically stressed and depressed and almost completely ruined his self esteem. He warns her to back the fuck off from him and reader. He does not want any communication with her unless it's to do with Jack. End of.

[little-cereal-draws]

ok i see everyone's "ballister and ambrosius as nimona's parents" stuff but i'm going to raise you this

Ballister and Dr. Blitzmeyer as nimona's parents

I know there's the Gay Dad au sanctifying ambrosis as nimona's dad but he seems to get frustrated with Nimona more frequently than Ballister and I kinda got the sense that adopting her was mostly Bal's choice. Don't get me wrong, ambrosius has moments where he enjoys himself and he loves her, but I don't think he's thrilled abt the idea of her being here forever. He gives "good at babysitting but needs to give the child back at a certain point" vibes and obviously he can't do that when it's his kid

However in the Everything Is Fine au (the one where they all live in the cabin in the woods) Blitzmeyer is Nimona's guardian and they move from the city to the woods together, eventually moving in w Bal and Ambrosius.

Besides this au I don't think Blitzmeyer and Nimona ever interact, but I thought it was very interesting how the one time they do, she's also Nimona's guardian (I believe that's the word ND Stevenson uses, not "parent.") Already in this one picture, they look happier than Ambrosius did lol

I'm sure movie ambrosius would be much more willing to try and get to know nimona but what if the sticking point is with her this time? She can't get over what he did to both her and Bal, he reminds her too much of Gloreth, she's still wary of anyone that was that ingrained in the institute, and a million other things. She knows he's really trying and feels bad about everything but bc of all she's been through, she's not quick to trust people who betrayed her. Especially if she's only had bad interactions with them until this point. She avoids/shuts down his attempts to connect with her and is generally closed off and angry when he's there. It's like a kid hating their new stepparent lol Both Bal and Ambrosius know it's nothing personal, just the defense mechanism that's kept her safe from people like ambrosius for so long, but it still hurts. Eventually, he gives up trying to reach out to her and figures maybe she'll come to him or maybe they just won't be as close as he hoped.

Now, Bal's weird science friend is someone more Nimona's speed lol Blitzmeyer has somehow remained almost completely immune to institute propaganda, doesn't really care abt breaking things (the law included) if it can further her work in some way, and is just kooky enough to appeal to Nimona. She lets nimona help in the lab and doesn't mind the million questions she asks because that's just another opportunity to talk abt her work. They go on some adventures getting stuff for Blitzmeyer's experiments and really bond. Eventually they become pretty close and Nimona frequently goes out of her way to see Blitzmeyer.

One night late in the lab, Bal mentions that Nimona really likes her and Dr Blitzmeyer is like "really? no, not that much." And Bal's like "no, really that much. About as much as she likes me actually." And then with creeping awareness they both slowly look at each other with the realization that they're co-parenting now and actually have been for a while. After the initial freak out, they keep going almost like normal but throw in an outing every other month or so. They'll take Nimona for ice cream or some other casual thing and she's none the wiser that they've figured her out. One night as they were coming home from a movie or smth Nimona says, "I'm so glad we did this, I love spending time with my two favorite people." Nimona keeps walking but they have to stop to silently freak out to each other a bit lol

The only problem is that they frequently get mistaken for a nuclear family on these outings. And it doesn't help that Bal and Blitzmeyer often refer to each other as "my partner." (They open a lab together at the end of the comic and I think they would as well after the movie, so they are literally business partners and lab partners. But I like to hc them in a queer platonic relationship as well, so the word "partner" has a double meaning here. Ambrosius is Bal's romantic partner and Blitzmeyer is his platonic partner. They all talked abt it, it's all good.) Every time this happens though, Bal has to explain that they're just friends and he actually has a husband back at home. Some people go "ok, 'just friends,' sure. wink wink nudge nudge ;)" or "ok... does your husband know...? That you... and her...? ok, ok." It makes Bal angry when this happens but neither him or Blitzmeyer cares enough to actually do anything about it. Nimona just laughs at the stranger's confusion at their unconventional family.

Anyway, they're just two friends who somehow found themselves raising a 1000 year old shapeshifter together lol Ambrosius is disappointed Nimona didn't like him as much as he hoped but now he can just stay home and vibe lol

[thelunarbar]

How romantic sex on a school bus. Well ig just making out but my point still stands. And Ik it’s a dream but she’s all like ooh ok and I’m just like girl no. Make him take you to a bed at least. 

I love watching the way stiles opinion of Derek changes over time esp given that Derek doesn’t make a great first impression(not that stiles really did either but Derek’s was worse)

“Ate it?”

“Raw?”

“No you stopped to bake in a little werewolf oven.”

Scott’s hair is sooooooooo bad 😭

Also forgot how much I hate this teacher(biology or math maybe? Idk) he’s annoying

This may very well be the only time stiles tells Scott not to cancel a date. 

Danny deserves more love 

Lydia’s thing of acting dumb is really annoying like if he doesn’t want you unless you’re stupid you’re better off without him girl

Stiles reaction to Scott asking Allison about their hanging out with Jackson and Lydia

Jackson is such an asshole but Ik I end up liking him more later on

Of all things to lie about; your bowling skills???

Gotta love stiles needing to know if he’s attractive to gay guys(the answer is yes. Just ask Derek 😜)

Ngl I’ve never been sure how I feel abt deaton bc he’s like kinda helpful sometimes but also super weird more often than not

I fucking adore Melissa McCall 

Dude I tried for literal months(tho without rewatching bc I didn’t wanna do that at the time) to figure out where the pic of Derek standing behind broken glass came from and it’s from ep three when the police officer and then Scott show up the hale house 

I feel like rains too much for this show being set in California 

Derek is so nonchalant about Scott’s freak out I love it

“Why is this starting to feel like you’re Batman and I’m Robin? I don’t wanna be Robin all the time.”

“Nobody’s Batman and Robin any of the time.”

“Not even some of the time?” I love this lil convo and esp this last line bc stiles sounds so sad abt it 

Seriously why is the lighting so damn dark all the time even when I have the brightness on my screen turned all the way up and to my recollection it only gets worse

Scott and his fucking one track mind 

Yikes Allison’s closet is so bad all like boho chic and sequiny

Again a parent walking in without knocking 

I mean at least he acknowledged he forgot to knock but like teenage girl who could’ve been like changing or smth jeez

Love that he’s clearly getting ready to go out and they decide to sneak out before he leaves 

Man I wanna go bowling I haven’t bowled in so long (related even if it doesn’t seem like it, Jackson Lydia Allison and Scott go bowling)

Jackson’s laugh is so obviously fake and it’s so obnoxious 🤮

I can appreciate that being werewolf didn’t make him good at everything(just most things) 

I love love love Derek’s car 

Why does Chris argent wash Derek’s windshield for him??? Oh yes very intimidating good job Chris 

I can’t wait for argent to grow a beard he looks so much better with it 

Breaking the window on Derek’s car was so unnecessary and rude 

Ofc now Scott is great at bowling 

Lydia using Scott to make Jackson jealous is so annoying 

Ah innuendo 

“How do you cheat at bowling?”

“I don’t know, but you did.” But for real Jackson how does someone cheat at bowling 

And Derek’s being a creep again cmon man no wonder people don’t like you when this is the impression you always give 

Call a code? You have to specify which one Melissa. I’m not even a nurse and I know that 

Yay another cringey make out scene 

“Do either of you even play baseball?”

I love that they’re both super honest and just say no when she asks if they care there’s a police enforced curfew

Scott’s angry voice is not great 

Derek’s echoy voice thing wtf is that?

Love that Scott’s first thought is to try to get Derek arrested, again, for smth he didn’t do 

Ooh jump the whole staircase he’s so cool guys you don’t even know 

Ooh he’s losing the jacket things are getting serious 

The noise while he shifted was gross and not necessary 

Also I’m pretty sure they change his shifted makeup look later on bc he doesn’t look how I remember 

Love the choice of Destroya by MCR for this totally pointless fight between Scott and Derek tho 

I mean I say fight but it’s more like Derek beating the snot out of Scott 

and now we have the rational conversation after punching each other 

Oh now you give him answers after you beat the crap out of him

How come we never really discuss the fact that Scott is part of Peter’s pack? At least until he becomes an alpha himself

[claradorablecosplay]

Guy slid in my dms several days ago saying he wanted to bang me and when i told him no and that im a lesbian he called me gross lmao. Anyways he came back today and once again triedvto convince me to have sex w him, said his dick would “make me normal” or smth like that LOL

I told him to stop being a creep and to either buy the OF or follow my tumblr like a normal tummy enjoyer, and he called me a prostitute who needs a real job. After. Spending like a week seemingly fantasizing abt having sex with me, AND trying to brag abt how he constantly has sex with women and gets them pregnant and takes an hour to cum (lol and im sure everyone clapped too). Idk im not insulted bc like, hes just another gooner, yknow? I just think its fascinating that a man could be on his knees begging me to have sex w him + be a (definitely not made up and totally real) sex demon and yet still feel like me simply having a (rather chill and not very explicit might i add) OF is enough for me to be seen as this lesser disgusting creature that needs a “real job” to him.

When a man is proud of his sexuality women are expected to fall at his feet and fulfill all his raunchy desires, but all it takes for a woman to be a “prostitute” and to get slut shamed is to have a body that a man wants while telling a man no.

[sugar-omi]

(Didn't want to distract from your original post)

I am sooo normal about Yandere!MC and Seemingly Normal!Cove <- (he's not normal, a normal person would be terrified if a yandere commits violence in their name.)

Like Cove deserves it. All three boys do, but Cove is my favorite by a little bit. (Plus I think Derek and Baxter would actually be normal here and scared lol)

((Two iterations of my Cove!Mc are yanderes for him with four total iterations of said MC.))

He'd be so sweet and melty for the MC omg... his woozy blushy smile when the MC comes to him covered in blood and talks to him in a sing-song tone about how they took out the person being a creep to him and how nobody's gonna come between them/hurt him and how much they love and adore him, how he's all theirs forever and ever, and more sweet nothings.

Just the most down bad catastrophic romantic words you can think of coming out of someone who's shaking from adrenaline and covered in blood.

((3/4 iterations of my Cove!MC ended up promising him at 13 when they get together that no one will ever hurt him now if they have their way.))

Depending on how hopelessly in love (mind-broken) Cove is, I can definitely see him being down to have sex/you claim him once more after killing someone with the body nearby.

feel free to relog my posts w anything you wanna add!!! I love it n 7/10 times we all have the same brain worms n it's beautiful

my brain is tainted w the thought of kissing or having sex w cove with blood still on your hands... body doesn't have to be nearby but smth abt it is so sexy isn't it???

or cove joining you in the shower, washing the blood off of you and giving you head afterward while still in the shower, clinging into his hair and the shower head. it's a good thing you have one of those grippy shower rugs in here

idk abt mind break/sherlock holmes syndrome bc I like the idea of him alrdy being a little outta it but maybe it's like a gradual thing like all their life mc has said crazy shit n if they come home a little bloody well that's so fucking sexy n he's only mildly concern now that your lips are on him

I can totally see this cove being into bdsm shit though

he'd say it offhandly one day when you're having a jealous fit "well put a collar on me then"

and so you get him a few to choose from maybe and a tag

it shouldn't turn him on, this is beyond kinky probably, maybe a normal person would consider this sick.

but his dick is straining against his pants and his heart is racing and he's getting so hot n dizzy just thinking abt it

n when it's on he can't help looking at you for approval, and if you're a real dog then you clip a leash onto him the second he's facing you or while he's looking in the mirror you come up from behind and show it to him

he's nervous, that's really inappropriate but fuck if he's not happy to wear it

so you clip it on him "this way you can never stray far from me. you're mine."

fuck he'll random send you pictures while you're at work with his collar on under his dress shirt. he wears it everywhere.

maybe don't let your family see it though and keep smth more... normal. for him to wear

I almost forgot ong but he'd prbly get your name tatted on him

maybe a tramp stamp or over his dick, or over his heart. wherever you want really

I think I said it but he'll flirt just to see that look come across your face. to feel and see how dangerous you are, how rough you are

you'll beat the guy or girls ass from the bar until you're kicked out by force and then you'll go home and rearrange his guts for flirting with some bitch on purpose.

it always leaves his hips sore and his voice hoarse or gone, and you're putting ointment on some of your deeper bites or hickeys with an apologic kiss and tone.

omfg he'll even fuck you in the car, the person that was flirting w him earlier will come around the side and gets a front row view to the car shaking, fogging up, and then he can see cove's hand slap against the window and his green hair against the window as you fuck him up against the door

or if you're really risky then you'll fuck him on the side of the building, his pants around his ankles as you take him from behind and his knees shaking as you grip his hair, pulling his hair back.

the person can see cove moaning loudly and begging you to choke him harder, to hit him harder..

sees how he smiles and laughs when you call him a slut, telling him how dirty he is for wanting it outside and to be seen.

yeah this cove is a total freak n his sanity is questionable

[wrongcaitlyn]

HIII i hope the eras was so fun!! i’ve been following u since the she-ra era (remember wrongcatra lol) right as i was starting to fixate on arcane and pjo. AND UR A SWIFTIE SJSJSJ!!! its so crazyy how u like everything i like! i love when editors/writers switch interests the exact same time as me

i loveeee talk ur talk and i was wondering if in the future (like far far farrrr future) solangelo would ever have kids? like adoption or biologically idk!

SDJFLASJDFLSJDFSAF OH MY GOD???sdlkFJSKLDFJ OH MY FUCKING GOD NO WAYYSDFJSDJF????lsDFKJSDF sorry im like dying here i STILL cant believe that some people know me from wrongcatra, that feels like so long ago... WOAH. thats actually so so cool to know that our interests followed like parallel lines omg <333 some sort of soulmate type shit i'd say!

ANYWAY now to actually respond to the ask - thank you so much!!! the eras tour was INCREDIBLE i truly had the time of my life <33 and honestly i have the same thing with finding editors that have the same interests... like whenever i see someone who posts both pjo and arcane im like?? omg???? are we the same person??? i can just tell you guys that i'll be starting to post abt arcane on here as november rolls closer bc the hyperfixation is already creeping up on me again... god i love that show so muchSDJKLF

as for whether theyd have children! i've been thinking about this for a while actually, and im leaning towards no. or at least- my idea is that both of their jobs are just *incredibly* time consuming, and very chaotic, with nico traveling a lot, and will- well, will's gonna be a doctor, so... yeahJKLSDF that speaks for itself! (in case u want more detail, i was thinking of him being a pediatric surgeon? idk why but i also always pictured him working in the er, maybe bc that's similar to what he does at chb, though he could also try to work in a less hectic environment as they grow older, i'm not entirely sure)

so i don't think that it'd be something that they'd even start thinking about for a very long time, just because they wouldn't have time for a kid, they wouldnt' be able to give them the attention they deserved (and with both nico and will having dealt with various levels of neglect as kids, that's definitely something they wouldn't want to put on a child)

HOWEVER. i think that. one day when they're much much older and maybe will changes his job slightly so its less of late nights and stuff, and nico decides not to tour for quite a bit and focuses more on other,,, projects, i think they would foster! probably young children, like before school, so their kids wouldn't have to deal with yk,, the attention of having a famous parent (will knows that issue all too well), but i think that they would actually feel really fulfilled and happy doing that. and who knows, maybe one of those children, they would one day adopt - i'm thinking of it now, maybe a pair of siblings or smth like that, i think it would be sweet :) but yeah, tbh, i don't have that many thoughts on what will happen past the timeline of greatest of luxuries, or at least no definite plans, but i think this is the most likely scenario :)

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

i know merman!suguru is like the hot topic for now (as he should because omg . i think we’ve all seen that fanart and thought ‘ah yes. i’d drop myself into the waters like gojo too if i met this beauty’) but like…. what about pirate!suguru……

i have a feeling that he would look SO SO good as a pirate. but then again it’s pretty unfair??? how suguru works with all the different types and styles of aus???….. i actually think that whatever role you’d give him (merman, knight, pirate, idk even a cat etc) would eventually end up working just as nicely. and the way he nails such roles too? absolutely insane. and incredible. istg doesn’t matter in what universe you put him in, it would ALWAYS work up!!! atp i’m convinced he would look good even if he had a normal job as a cashier or a salaryman…………

PIRATE!SUGUUU OHHHHH MY FUCKING GOD ANON YOU GUYS CAN’T KEEP DOING THIS TO ME 😭😭😭

no because you’re so RIGHT, sugu is so versatile that he really fits so well no matter where you put him?? “idk even a cat” PHDNDB YEAH HE’S JUST…. he’s our talented wife!!! he has it all!!!!!

pirate!sugu…… i wish i had more to say anon but now that i think about it i don’t know anything about pirates 😭😭😭 my knowledge comes exclusively from tloz BUT i do know for a fact that he would be the captain and he’d be sexy as fuck. assertive and respectful and clever. a lil mischievous too…… i need him i fear. (what if… pirate!sugu/merman!reader 👀👀….)

okay but salaryman sugu and cashier sugu are BOTH so great …… one of my favorite flavours of sugu happens to be barista sugu <33 our working man !!!! he’s going through the horrors of retail but he’s thriving. getting tips bc he flirts with his customers (but he does it very subtly)… idk i just feel like he would notice you studying there and get a lil worried over how much caffeine you consume 😭😭 just kinda watches you work when he’s bored and sometimes it’s just the two of you in the café and he thinks it’s cozy :33 maybe starts doodling a little on your coffee cups and no one else’s, hoping it’ll cheer you up… 🥺🥺 smth like a little kitty cat saying work hard !! or do your best !! and he gets so giddy when he sees you smile from where he’s standing behind the counter…… T_T and as you start exchanging greetings and making small talk more often he eventually suggests that you buy a nice herbal tea or hot choco instead of the copious amounts of black coffee you drink PHDJDHD (toooootally not self-indulgent btw �� wdym ……) just !! sugu being a worried sweetie :(( you’re his favorite customer !!!

i’m also imagining reader getting approached by a creep or maybe walking into the café because they’re being followed by one and they’re just so scared :(( and sugu notices instantly. does the barista thing where he hands them their coffee directly and makes sure to ask them in a whisper if the guy over at the other table is bothering them……. and then he intimidates the fuck out of said creep and demands that he leaves. gives you a sweet drink on the house to ease your nerves and even tells you to stay until his shift ends so he can walk you to the bus stop :((( he’s the ideal man idc!!!!! just so respectful and caring and protective.

so as u can tell i got carried away (added barista!sugu to the wip list 😞😞 save me from this agony) BUT ANON PIRATE!SUGU IS ALSO SO BIGBRAINED don’t hesitate to send in any thoughts u have on the topic …. now i’m gonna go daydream abt barista sugu while making my chai latte <33

[oriocookie]

orion can i hear more about the satanic cult that you discovered ?? /nf

ok disclaimer: idk if they actually worship satan. they were probably a cult tho

where to begin?

this was like 3 years ago? we were allowed to go outside and run around for gym. our school backs up to a forest with a couple cool paths and some wreckage (cars, houses, etc.) scattered around in there and i had no friends in that class so i was out by myself in the middle of the woods.

i was climbing around a leftover chimney when i heard smth break out in the woods. like any good white person who doesn't realize they're the new star of a horror movie, i followed the sound. i think i thought it was a deer and wanted to take pictures.

anyway i couldn't find anything so i went back to continue making terrible decisions about height and my ability to climb things.

then there was a man in a white and gold shirt. staring at me. as i'm sitting on top of a broken down 60s car.

i wave, assuming he works for the school OR hes from the nearby neighborhood.

he doesn't move.

i get nervous and take my phone out of my pocket so i can call the cops if necessary.

he waves back (its weird looking. stilted.) and then turns to leave

i shrug it off, assuming he was a dude who wasn't expecting to see a 5'2 gremlin in the woods at like 10am. i start walking the way he came, not wanting to follow him and risk looking creepier.

thing is: its misty out. just misty enough to make the dirt path muddy and sticky. i get to the creekside and notice a trail of footprints across the old bridge (we were told as elementary schoolers not to go on the bridge bc it was dangerous).

i, Certified Idiot, follow the footprints across the bridge. gravity falls trained me well and by well i mean horribly.

the footprints kinda disappeared when i got to the other side of the bridge, so i was just poking around. the entrance to the spot i'm in atm is known for being flooded because the creek basically surrounds it, so no cars are ever here, and no one else ever goes here.

at least that's what i thought.

there wasn't anyone there when i crawled through unripe blackberry bushes and stood up in the middle of a stone clearing, but it was creepy as all hell.

it looks like a building fell down but people kept showing up. was very weird. i turned the hell around and left, deciding id like to live, actually, and booked it back to the main paths.

when i went to english, i couldn't stop thinking abt it, so i was telling my friends about it, and i pulled out my phone's maps app to show them where i had been.

it was labeled. with a little church emoji and the words [FIRST NAME] [LAST NAME]'s Secret. i didn't know who that person was, and googling it had no clear results at all, but my friends reaction to something called secret was loud enough that the teacher came over to look.

i showed her the map and explained what had happened. she said she hadn't heard of that place in 27 years of teaching, and she didn't like my story bc it creeped her out.

i shrugged it off.

within the next week, all anyone could talk about was the busted cult in the woods. according to lex (name omitted, but the best way to find something out is through them), my english teacher had called the cops on the place, saying someone was trespassing on the school grounds. the cops, having nothing better to do, staked out the place and arrested a group of older, white, middle-aged men.

all wearing the same white and gold shirt.

[traggalicious]

OKAY. so, first: thank you so much i love you. Second! Lazarus! Here’s a thingy I made for him somewhere else ^^

Character’s full name: Lazarus

Reason or meaning of name: Stole it from Lazarus (of the bible) who was a jesus type and died 4 like 3 days b4 jesus came n got him.

Character’s nickname(s): Laz, The Monster (as like. A title)

Birth date: I honestly didn’t think abt it cos it made my brain hurt

Gender: he/they dude! He’s fine w/ it/its but not 4 gender reasons.

Music for the mood: creature - half-alive, the nowhere king frm centaurworld, me and my husband - mitski

Basic rundown is he was made at a time where belos rlly wanted his curse *gone*, and had been researching ways to get rid of it. He came across that thing (the thing eda and Lilith did) to share the curse, and he’s like. Might as well try it. So he creates lazarus, and laz is a pretty loyal guy, like. Belos raises him w/ traits of selflessness and obedience, and ofc plays up the curse so when he finally tells him to do the curse sharey thing, Laz is all for it. It works well! Fortunately for belos and unfortunately for Laz. Laz is suffering, he nearly dies but the curse doesn’t let him, despite the fact that belos refuses to share palismen, and when he does (which is once) laz refuses for morality reasons. This is how he realizes “oh shit i was only made to die wasn’t i”, confronts belos, belos tries to kill him. But Lazarus is goopy. And we all know that belos being goopy means he’s still alive. And uhhh yeah he nearly dies, makes it out narrowly, and he lives in the woods on the isles, fuckin belos shit up, and experiencing a weird love-hate relationship w/ the bat queen and the locals!

Another thing that contributes to that is when he finds a scout afraid after they didn't do too well in training, and he decides to help, and he ends up having a mentor- like relationship w/ them-and one day they see his face. And at this point he's already got the rot creeping up his face, and. And they look terrified. They ask what happened. And he. He realizes. He scares them. He says it's okay, nothing's wrong- and even when they return to 'normal' he can't help but notice the glances they cast at the right side of his face, at the growing pink glow behind the mask he never takes off anvmore. <- He's so nice to the scouts bc he went thru it too. But younger. With higher expectations. And he doesn't quite get that not everyone has to deal w/ that. So he's just. Yeah. He mother hens them be he doesn't quite understand that many of them are the age he is now rather than the age he was. And they don't know he's their age physically. Like. Based on actual years he's like fuckin. He's like 5 or 6. And so basically that stress and emotional abandonment coupled with his experiences with the Curse and Belos leads to the Confrontation.

Palisman: His palisman is a jackalope named buck <333

On the topic of backstory n shit! I think that he’d have a frenemy relationship w/ Lorelei, in which she sees that he was also a victim but still resents him for her husband’s death, so its a very fragile relationship, mostly transactional in the beginning. Alas, she is a compassionate person, and over time they become…. Friends? Its an odd thing really. Also! Eda and Laz have a tentative friendship based on shitty curses and learning to deal with them. Laz helps protect the Owl House when he can, befriends Hooty (he finds Hooty So Interesting), and Eda takes the fall sometimes when Laz makes an oopsie. Also teaches him magic sometimes. ALSO. on the Eda x Laz thing, he’s around before Eda, but he ages slower and spends a lot of time regenerating after. Events. So yeah. He also ends up being the Fun Uncle of the HexSquad! Sad but funny thing is that Laz is so used to being called mean things that he hears Any Derogatory Term and his ears twitch like heh? Me? Poor guy. He does get a happy ending though! He is forever changed but he gets better.

Really wanna write smth for him at sm point -.- ANYWAY yeah that’s Laz!!! Sorry this is so long ahdgshdhddh. Here! Are some images (couldn’t find others i didnt feel like scrolling forever sorry <333)

[cacaitos]

and by the way whenever i say smth good abt yamamoto works/him i wanna make clear that this isnt a berserk naruto Well I Like The Work So I Disregard [author] situation or that well i first respect xyz of the work so like weeeell he has his strength but i dont like him.

tbh i started reading homunculus bc it's one of those DeepTM Singular Manga You Must Read and then leave it at that types of vibes instead of the Author You Must Read type of thing. so it's p much an interesting concept-no attachment kinda story and it's still pretty much like that to me still, and general-public-wise it's pretty decent at that, again i have said its the type you would recc to someone that doesnt read a lot of manga Unless Theyre DeepTM And Litchrachure.

and duh then homunculus has that What The Fuck Was That moment that, if privy to any other info (esp since this is his most refined, 'normal' work), it would just leave you kinda standoffish abt the author if you consume enough animanga anyways.

so when going into ichi, it's not like i had a particular attachment to either the work of HOM nor the author, it was merelay coincidental, an 'ah theyre from the same guy?' emotion. ichi is on the GoryTM Manga You Must Read category instead. but even intial depravity aside thats kinda ....? on its own you dont feel a lot abt yamamoto (duh the story is repellent too) until, in my experience, the introduction of tachibana/phone girl and THEN shit starts making sense. the connections are being made, the Patterns are being noticed and this hiccup you saw in HOM is not a hiccup, and youre coming to the creeping realization that he's more of a weirdo than any of those individual moments/work could tell you on their own.

[cheemken]

Body swap au thoughts

Imagine Leon actually asking Drasna if he could stay with her tho, bc he doesn't like staying at the League, it's so quiet and lonely and isolating and he fucking hated it

And Drasna was happy ofc, it's Diantha in her eyes, and she was always waiting for the day her dear daughter would come back home. "Let's invite Augustine too! I'm sure he'd be happy to have dinner with us again!" And she called in Augustine. For Leon it was easy to fool them, he was just thinking it's both his mother and his brother he was talking to

So they were at Drasna's house now, it was,, it was quaint, yknow, but even tho he has never step foot in it until now, it felt so welcoming. Ofc, bar the random dragon skulls and horns on the walls, that creeped him out. So hey, Drasna told him to make himself at home again, as it was his home. No, that wasn't his home, ofc it wasn't; it was Diantha's home. Drasna had told "Dia" she still has her spare clothes in her room, Leon doesn't know where her room was, but if there's anything he learned abt Diantha during their Champion meet ups, she loved the dark, her room would always be at the far end of the hall, where the darkness lies. And he was right.

He opens the door to the room, to his surprise it was a farcry from her room at the League. Her room here was messy, RioluMan and LucarioMan posters were on the wall, along with numerous other posters of different action movies, some he knew were musicals (Hop and Gloria loves listening to musicals too). There were a ton of paper on her desk, books and even journals, even had a figurine of LucarioMan sitting idly next to what he assumed was a script for one of her films. It was,,, it was weird,, seeing Diantha's room like this. To be so messy and cluttered and littered with pieces of media he never thought she'd actually like. She really hid a lot about herself from them.

He yelped when Drasna suddenly appeared, standing next to him, saying "I didn't touch your things here, my dear, I know how much you love your organized chaos, as you'd say," she chuckled at that, shaking her head, "you and your brother are so alike, but perhaps I'm to blame, Arc knows how many bones are lying around here in our house too," she laughed at her little joke, or Leon wanted to believe it was a joke because what the fuck does she mean there are more bones lying somewhere within the house—

But hey yeah, Augustine finally arrived, and Drasna was so happy to have both her kids back home, and she started preparing dinner. "I'll be making your favourite, dears! Oh this is exciting, you two are back home again!" She said, while heading to the kitchen. Which left him w Augustine, and he was nice, he was easily excitable too, he said he missed her, he rambled on abt his own studies, even his own hijinks w his assistants. Leon's heart ached. He reminds him of Hop.

And finally they had dinner, Drasna and Augustine were talking, the food was great, but there's smth gnawing him at the back of his mind. There's this painful feeling that's eating him from within, as he took bite sized pieces of his food, the conversations between the other two being inaudible in his ears. What is this feeling. He didn't realized he spaced out until Drasna gently tapped his arm.

"Dia my dear, is everything alright?"

"yeah, you've been really quiet, it's weird."

Its weird. How was it weird? She was usually quiet during their meetings, so she must be outside of it too right? Well,, probably not. If her room was anything to go by, she hid a lot abt herself.

Then he looked at them, the both of them, Diantha's family. And finally it sunk in on him. Guilt. It was the guilt. Drasna had mentioned it has been a while since they've last been together, and it finally dawned in on him. And Arceus did it fucking hurt. That feeling of guilt, that he's the one here with them, her family, and not her. That somewhere in Postwick, in his own home, she's there, pretending that who she's having dinner w is her own family, and not his. It's the guilt of having to experience the mundane atmosphere of being home first, it's the guilt that she couldn't even be with her family just yet.

But he tried to smile, as best as he could, no matter if his hands were trembling, "I'm fine, don't worry!" He said, hopefully it was reassuring, "it's just nice being with you two again.."

[ratgingi]

smth smth oc rambles

murr is almost constantly swaying a little bit, think like a cartoon character does when theyre in love or smth. its not super noticable unless youre like actively watching him

outis plays with his necklace a lot, especially while he talks. also speaking of the necklace it was a present from his dad, the very first time he ever went to the beach with his parents he was way too scared of going anywhere near the water, and his dad got him the shell while diving and had ot turned into a necklace for him

also outis has had to be hospitalized twice because of his allergy, once when he was 5 (it was the first time they found out it was a problem) and once when he was 10 (went out to eat with family and everyone forgot to double check that the food was safe). his dad makes a joke every time he his a 5th year that its 'time for another scare'. outis does not think this joke is very funny but yk how parents are

xander (who i havent . talked abt hardly at all despite them being the most notable nonedatable from vinnies route oops) is 20 and genderfluid (any pronouns with no preference) and is probably gonna be the person who sets you up with vinnie methinks. he likes vintage and old time-y devices and has a weird fascination with medieval weaponry/torture . shes relatively normal xe just thinks its really cool

addy used to give free food to randy when he was living in the dumpster. juniper used to threaten to beat him up so he would give her that food while she was on the streets. addy caught her during one of these harassment moments and with margo's assistance helped her get her current job to get her back on her feet

oopsie does not like roe or murr and treats them both similarly to how she treats gingi. when asked she just says they creep her out and have bad vibes and make her feel like shes in danger so she avoids them (however if she had to pick between those two or gingi she would go to them for protection)

kara still has her old trophy head, she got it changed shortly before coming to town and keeps the trophy in her room in oakey's place. not as an ego boost so much as a humbling kind of thing, she looks at it whenever she feels homesick to remind herself why she left in the first place. the blue ribbon she wears was the first blue ribbon she ever won, and she won it for a singing performance. THAT one she uses as motivation

jackson had an older model smartphone as a head when he was little, when he was a teenager (like 16/17 or so) his parents paid to replace it with a newer one since his old friend group's parents were all doing it and they didnt want him to stick out. one of said friends got the rainbow headcase for him as a joke but hes just never stopped wearing it

when talking to charlie the first time he mentions that lillith is mute and offers to give the player a little sorta book with basic conversational asl instructions so they might understand lillith better. the player would be able to refuse this either saying they already know it or saying they just dont need it and if you say its because you know it already some of the things lillith 'says' wont make sense to represent misunderstanding their gestures, if the player says they just dont need it lillith's text just flat out wouldnt show and youd have to go back to charlie to get the book

both charlie and lilliths heads are damaged (his screen is shattered, their clipboard head has a piece broken off of the corner), neither will disclose how either of the damages happened

in outis' route youd be able to meet up with stop in the laundremat and the two of you would work together to help him for a bit. i havent decided if you meet it normally or if you meet them post them getting hit by a car (a very common occurance for her dont worry)

similar to murr roe is not super picky about pronounce or gender things bc when youre around for long enough you sort of decide being picky about gender is not worth it. smth smth "im nonbinary now this shit is getting ridiculous" type beat

[thechy-fychannel]

Another day, another set of 2024 House MD headcanons bc this is what I spend 90% of my day thinking about:

wilson has to start wearing readers bc his eyesight is declining with age. house is very distracted for the whole episode and the team thinks smth Very Serious is going on, but it turns out he's just insanely horny for wilson in glasses and they need to fuck about it.

foreman convinces house to attend One(1) department head meeting since they're doing it via Zoom and he doesn't have to actually be there. house joins the meeting from the shower and ruins a perfectly good laptop. but it was worth it bc they don't ask him to attend any others. foreman understands why cuddy never pushed it.

house has a Very Bad Day, finds a sledge hammer in a utility closet, marches to his office, and finally tears down the very unnecessary wall between his balcony and wilson's. it's very metaphorical as house tears down the last remaining wall between them and then he opens up to wilson abt his feelings that pushed him to this point.

An episode where every single member of the team (+wilson and foreman) get caught playing Animal Crossing. house doesn't get it until he finally plays it himself.

house wins a nobel for curing covid, ofc. he writes the worst speech possible, wilson tries to dose him to save him from making the speech (s6e7 Known Unknowns ref) but house outsmarts him and gets up on stage and ends up trashing the speech and talking abt wilson for 90% of it and saying the credit should go to him bc without wilson there would be no house.

spooky Halloween episode pt 1: the fellows try to mess with house but accidentally end up making him think he's going crazy and hallucinating again. house nearly kills someone and everyone almost gets fired.

spooky Halloween episode pt 2: the fellows start to believe that maybe vampires are real bc of the weird case they're working on + several other strange occurrences. in the end, it was all a set up by house and wilson as revenge. (this show needed more spooky Halloween episodes)

cuddy returns for 1 episode bc her daughter is sick and no one else can figure it out. she beats tf out of house with his own cane and he spends the entire episode working with a comedically busted face. at the end of the episode, they apologize to each other and she leaves with mildly satisfying closure.

house starts getting serious abt the medicinal benefits of psychedelics and nearly everyone has tripped on LSD by the end of the episode. wilson's trip is particularly interesting bc it actually helps him a lot more than house expected it to. taub, on the other hand, did not have a good time and he bonds with park over bad trips. chase and 13 get dosed together and have some serious sibling-like bonding moments. Kutner has the time of his mf life.

chase forms a diet coke addiction and wilson is very concerned abt the long term health consequences. would be a nice bonding episode between chase and wilson bc we needed more of those.

wilson has a stalker who ends up being a med student with an extremely unhealthy obsession a crush that manages to even creep out house, who has been obsessed with wilson since the moment he laid eyes on him 30+ years ago. they think it's all jokes until threats are made against house's life bc the stalker sees him as competition. the stalker manages to get wilson alone and says "be not afraid" to him and it makes wilson laugh so hard that the stalker gets embarrassed and leaves and is never seen again.

house makes the team think he's getting married for fraud reasons (again) but when they show up to the sham wedding, it's an actual serious wedding and he's marrying wilson.

I saw a few other blogs doing this so I thought I'd share my input on what I think would happen in the House MD universe in 2024:

the constant jokes abt house and wilson's relationship turns into the fellows jokingly writing fanfic abt their boss and his boy best friend. somewhere along the way they all get very serious abt the quality of it and it turns into a Whole Thing, a 150k+ novel that they vow to take to their graves.

house discovers the fic by accident and sends it to wilson. wilson discovers things abt himself and then he and house discover each other shortly thereafter.

house purposefully posts the fic online and credits the fellows by their entire full names so it embarrasses them more than house and wilson. It's never spoken abt again but it gets way more online attention than any of them expected.

wilson doesn't get how the Cloud works and accidentally uploads his and house's nudes to the google nest hub on his desk. He doesn't notice it until one of his sweet little old lady cancer patients points it out to him during their appointment. He throws the google nest hub into his trash can until he can figure out how to get the naked pictures off of it.

house has an alexa and abuses the hell out of it. sometimes ppl hear him screaming at someone in his office, only to walk in and find a robotic voice replying with "sorry, I didn't get that" and house throws it off the balcony.

wilson gets addicted to online shopping. house has to stage an intervention bc they do not have enough room in their closet for another pair of prada loafers and their kitchen is full of shitty gadgets that wilson bought off temu or something.

some right wing social media influencer comes in with a mysterious illness and ends up getting castrated as part of the solution. 13 personally does the procedure herself and house watches like a proud dad.

a patient reveals chase's grindr by shoving his phone at him and asking "is this you?" abt the headless profile with the ripped abs that says Dr. Feel Good, 0 feet away, in front of the rest of the team.

foreman finds the team doing tiktok dances bc house told them to learn it in order to understand their 15 yr old patient better.

chase medically murders mitch mcconnel and the entire hospital celebrates ding dong the witch is dead style.

there's a whole episode where house faces his transphobia bc of a trans patient that he connects with. the patient tells him to fuck off and go face his own problems instead of pretending to make it right by being nice to one trans person. And house does, even if he's not perfect, he really tries to do better.

13 gets her medical marijuana card and accidentally becomes the team's plug. her main customer is wilson who still supplies it to certain terminal patients. She hears "hey, can I hit your pen?" at least four times a day.

foreman buys a tesla and it blows up in the parking lot. they spend the entire episode trying to figure out who tried to kill foreman, but it turns out that teslas just do that sometimes.

there's an episode where house finds out that netflix is removing his favorite obscure tv show that ran for 2 seasons in 2002 and wilson recruits the team to hunt down a dvd copy of it without house finding out. they somehow manage to find one and spend a ridiculous amount of money on it, only to open the dvd case and find a copy of the porno wilson starred in that one time instead of the dvd of the show. park saves the day at the last minute by finding a copy of it in a box of dvds in her parents house.