#wart headed bug

[master-muffinn]

Netflix Vikings, random relationship

Ragnar, Bjorn, Floki x g/n reader

Hello! There's not enough fanfiction of the Vikings series so i thought of making these! I hope you like them too! ^^

Ragnar

🪓 He is very protective over you and takes your safety very seriously! You’re important to him and he would gladly take an arrow for you! 

🪓 Ragnar is not really the ‘jealous’ type so you can talk and become friends with anyone in Kattegatt. He trusts you, but he is a pretty curious person so he might ask you what you were talking about? He wants to know too! Is it something interesting? :O

🪓 If you are interested and ask him to teach you to defend yourself Ragnar would gladly do it! But of course not without teasing you about it first. Unless you already know how to fight, then you will train with each other to get stronger together.

🪓 His love language would probably be words of affirmation. Ragnar is pretty good with his choice of words and thinking before talking in order to avoid stupid fights. Whenever you do something nice for him, you will know. He’ll tell you how much you mean to him, how glad he is to see you if you two have been a part and how f**king gorgeous you are! 😏

🪓 If you have kids, he will talk about them more than you, praise them more than you and probably love them more than you! 😅 But see it on the bright side! If you're tired he will look after the kids, “No problem love, go and get some rest! I will take care of the kids!”

Bjorn 

🐻 Is a touch starved, cuddle bug and loves any kind of physical affection! Bjorn is a big dude and holding you from behind is one of the things he does the most. Warming you up in the cold weather whenever you two stand around and listen to people talking in the crowds, or when you're home and have no work that needs to be done and you two can just lay around and cuddle. 

🐻 He also loves to lay his head on your lap and have his hair stroked. It always calms him down from a long day of work. Bjorn also got the best and comfiest bearhugs! 

🐻 Bjorn is a worry wart and constantly worries about your safety if you're not together. Sometimes he asks his mother or father (if they are nearby) if you will be alright, just to calm his nerves and mind down when they tell him: “Bjorn they will be fine!”.

🐻 If Bjorn is out in battle he is always thinking about you and that he will survive to see your beautiful face again. If you're in the battlefield with him, holy shit! He knows you're strong of course, but his overthinking ‘what if’ worry will still be there the whole time and he will be keeping an eye on you a little too much, almost putting himself in danger! It wouldn’t surprise me if you saved his ass instead. Probably what many of your fights are going to be about. But he loves you! Can you blame him?  

🐻 Totally would give you his food if you're hungry <3 “No I don't mind, your health is important to me! I will manage, please have some!" 

Floki

🛠️ Will often confuse you because Floki changes his mind easily, he has probably decision anxiety sometimes. He is unpredictable and you will never really know what he is thinking.

🛠️ Gift giving would be Flokis love language. Floki loves to build objects and wood carve details on his hard work afterwards, which will always leave him so proud! So everything he's making for you is made thoughtfully after what he knows that will make you happy and with enough details so that he will catch you staring and touching whatever perfect object ‘he’ made for you! ✨

🛠️ If you are down he will say funny jokes and move around, make weird faces and make himself look silly. If you still aren't laughing then he will tickle you until the room is filled with laughter! “Hihihi Oohoh y/n i sure do love to hear your beautiful voice! Your laughter fills my heart with joy! A song I want to hear for the rest of my life!”

🛠️ Of course if you're very sad Floki will sit down hug you and be sad with you until you're feeling better. Afterward he tells you how important you are to him, if that will make you happy and smile again. Floki isn't a man who will take your love for granted.

🛠️ Floki doesn't understand why you love and want him in the first place, he questions himself quite often, sadly. You have to be stubborn and patient and also tell him how important he is to you as well! But also give him time and space, because that’s what he needs.

Thank you for reading! Reblogs are very appreciated <3 Have a good day/night! :3

Post made by: @master-muffinn

[literaila]

shoes (part one)

tasm!peter x fem!reader 

summary: 

“apparently dating your boss is a 'conflict of interest.'" 

"i can't imagine why."

warnings: haha, just lots of nothing, harry is there, peter is there, reader is there, rich people stuff, mentions of alcohol, secrets that only i know 

a/n: two in one night???? yes. i’ve been sitting on this for like seven years. (cowboy like me). 

*

peter doesn't often pay attention to people's shoes. 

he's never been inclined to stare at the ground, or, at least, to stare at the ground and not watch the strange way it seems to rumble beneath him. to watch people walk like he might look up and find them smiling back at him. 

no, he doesn't have time to look down and appreciate the scuff marks on someone's nikes. he doesn't want to stare at someone's wingtips and wonder where he can get a pair for himself. 

his old tennis shoes are enough comfort for him to ignore the tears in the soles, and the laces are only slightly frayed at the edges. a bit black from years of neglect and errant ideas of buying the exact same pair.

but tonight, standing in this crowded room and listening to people politely chuckle, he's staring at the shoes beneath him. 

there are high heels, wingtips, and fancy leather slippers that probably cost more than his rent, and amongst them all, his converse are certainly a conversation starter. 

that is, if peter was actually attempting to talk to anyone. 

he can hear all of these people speaking about investments, the stock market, and the kids these days that just don't want to work, and all of the rich-people-talk that he doesn't get to hear often. even staring at the floor like he's doing, looking strangely obsessed with feet, he knows whose granddaughter is valedictorian and who plans to become the next state senator. 

but he doesn't hear anything necessarily useful. 

nothing about strange men growing claws, or people dying in alleyways with no one around. no one's grandson has become a living wart, and no one here cares if another building gets destroyed by some strange--and necessary--experiment. 

the shoes are nice, though. he can follow a person around the room just by following their footsteps. he can watch people walk and act like he's not supposed to be here. 

because he's really not. 

the fact that jameson happened to give him this job--begrudgingly, with a frown on his face and a hang of his head--is a miracle. and a disaster because lucy, whom peter is replacing, is going to pass her stomach bug to the rest of the office, and then peter will receive the grunt work. 

but he was going to sneak in anyway. he was going to watch from the ceiling--far enough away for shoes to be a mere blur and people to be anaomlys, rather than annoying. he was going to hide in the dark and maybe steal a couple of appetizers. 

instead, he's standing in the middle of the room in his converse, holding his camera like he might actually want to capture some of this. 

the egos and complete ignorance of everything important happening in the world. the smell of money and arrogance. 

peter is thinking about ditching the party--telling jameson that he puked all over some lady's jimmy choo's--when two pairs of footsteps head toward him, rattling like a drum roll. 

high heels and tennis shoes, not unlike his own. 

he's staring down at a wonderful pair of jordan's when the approaching subject clears his throat, and a flash of teeth causes peter to finally look up. 

and meet wide eyes, staring right back at him. 

you're wearing lipstick, bright glitter flashing across cheekbones that didn't need to be defined. you're wearing lipstick and a smirk, like you know that peter's going to get lost staring at you. 

which, currently, he is. 

but your eyes are grinning at him; they are warning him to run. 

and he almost can't look away. 

wouldn't, if not for the arm attached to yours, and a familiar voice saying his name.

"peter," the man says, clapping him on the back and pulling his eyes away from a girl that he probably should've noticed an hour ago. "didn't think i'd be seeing you here." 

why would he? 

harry osborn is giving peter a wide smile, his eyes are reflecting secrets from a childhood peter can't seem to remember currently. 

but may pounded enough etiquette into his head for it to remain, even when everything else doesn't. 

"good to see you," peter says, hugging harry back and finally paying attention, noting a new haircut that is definitely not helping his childhood friend with anything. "if i'd known you were going to be here, i would've found you hours ago." 

harry steps back, straightening his back and looking around. "i'm here in my father's place. he wasn't feeling up to it." 

peter swallows. "he alright?" 

"just a cold, i'm sure," harry shakes his head, sharing an inside joke with peter that neither of them understands. "what're you doing here? finally hooking up with one of the girls from high school?" 

peter bites the inside of his cheek, sharing a short laugh. 

did you finally marry a rich girl? 

"no," he answers, voice still light, eyes still leaning to his right, where you're still standing. "i'm here for work. taking pictures of the banquet for the daily bugle." 

harry nods. "did you get a good one of me?" 

"of course not." 

when harry laughs, peter laughs with him. he looks down again, feeling weirdly comforted that he's not the only one wearing tennis shoes in a place like this. glad that he can tell jameson he spoke to someone. 

he looks up again, shaking his head. and then he turns, clearing his throat. "and you are?" 

when he meets your eyes again, there's a new glint. a flash of lightning beneath the clouds. your mouth opens, but harry speaks before you get the chance. 

"this is y/n davis. my date."

there's a breath, a flash, and someone pops open a bottle of champagne, but peter manages to keep his full attention on you. 

"nice to meet you," you say, a tight smile on your face. 

your voice is soft and stern, like peter shouldn't disagree. 

he's smiling back, but he's not sure that he can hide the surprise on his face. he's sure that he's seen you somewhere before. sure that he recognizes that look on your face... 

"this is her first banquet too," harry adds, pulling you closer. peter can hear your shoes click as you adjust. 

"there's a lot of people. not enough alcohol." 

peter's lip twitches, and yours does the same. 

but harry laughs. "there's an open bar," he whispers to you. "i told you i'd get you a drink whenever you'd like." 

you look away from peter and to the other man. "i'm just kidding." 

harry scoffs, and peter leans back, looking towards the bar that he'd mentioned. "no, i agree," he says, "i thought you guys were supposed to have waiters walking around with cocktails. i have to walk all the way over there for a beer?" 

harry shakes his head. "should've brought a date to do it for you." 

peter shifts on his feet. there's a beat of silence, where he remembers what he's supposed to be doing here, and then swallows. "how long do these typically last?" 

"it's not polite to leave until ten." 

"and if i conveniently left my manners at home tonight?" 

you smile at him, leaning forward--enough so that peter gets a whiff of perfume. "i saw a backdoor around the corner that you could escape through." 

harry rolls his eyes. 

peter pretends to look for the door, already having known where it was. the door he came through--the one he was going to break in through. 

"good to know." 

"have you taken enough pictures?" harry asks, "i haven't been blinded by any flash yet." 

"no one's taking pictures of you," peter says, dryly. "i'm not even sure what jameson wants. i've got a couple of shots of the chandelier, just in case." 

"get a picture of senator jenkins laughing with captain stacey and you're golden," you tell him, looking over to the pair. 

harry laughs. "or you could get a picture of us, and make it the cover." 

peter nods, moving a step back. "good idea." he gestures for the two of you to get closer together, holding his camera up. 

he watches as harry wraps his arm around your waist, and as your natural smile turns into something of a performance. 

still beautiful, though. 

"so, how do you know each other?" peter asks, just as he snaps a shot. he takes another step back, adjusting his settings. 

"she worked for me," harry says, putting on his perfect rich-boy smile. 

peter raises a brow. 

"i was his assistant."  

your words are overly enunciated and you sneak a look over to harry, like you're checking to see if he noticed something. 

peter snorts. "i'd expect nothing less from you, harry." 

"what?" he defends, rolling his eyes. "was i supposed to ignore her?" 

he says it like it shouldn't be possible. 

peter smiles. takes another shot, not caring how it turns out. he tries to get harry's sneakers and your high heels together. 

"and now?" peter continues, letting go of his camera and taking a step toward the two of you, sure that it's time to leave. 

"i work for a legal office now. apparently dating your boss is a 'conflict of interest.'" 

"i can't imagine why," peter responds, eyes flashing. 

you laugh. 

and then someone calls harry's name, and peter blinks, looking away from you and over to his friend. 

"good to see you, peter. call me sometime, we'll get together." harry offers his hand again like they're making a business deal. 

but peter shakes it anyway, nodding. 

"it was nice to meet you," he says to you and watches as you and harry walk away, arm in arm. 

he listens to two synchronized footsteps, but swears he can hear a stutter in there somewhere. just one moment where something has fallen apart. 

and then it's gone, and you look over your shoulder locking eyes with him. 

a storm flashing beneath the smile you send his way, gone as soon as it appeared. 

when you're out of his sight peter is back to standing in the middle of his room, watching the shoes of people he doesn't care to pay attention to. 

*

my masterlist here.

tags:@moonlarking-blog @v1ci0us @preciousbabypeter @alexxavicry @directioner5life @inthegetawaycarwithtaylah @localrockstargf  @thestudiouswanderer @take-my-hand-time-boy @thoughtsofagodlovingsunflower @nyomjoon  @moo-b1tch @raindropstearsandtea @rqmanoff @hollandweather @wetcoldnoodle @urlocalavenderhazestan @valvlry @imthatcoolmom @spideysimpossiblegirl    invisibletrolleyson-jeremy  @sharkswaters  @rowniebow @anaislfbv @take-my-hand-time-boy @mileyc111 @starsval @ratsys

[battyaboutbooksreviews]

Queer Books November 2023

🌈 Good afternoon, my bookish bats! Struggling to keep up with all the amazing queer books coming out this month? Here are a FEW of the stunning, diverse queer books you can add to your TBR before the year is over. Remember to #readqueerallyear! Happy reading!

❤️ The Pirate and the Porcelain Girl by Emily Riesbeck 🧡 Heading North by Holly M. Wendt 💛 The Wisdom of Bug by Alyson Root 💚 Trick Shot by Kayla Grosse 💙 A Holly Jolly Christmas by Emily Wright 💜 Outdrawn by Deanna Grey ❤️ Yours Celestially by Al Hess 🧡 The Christmas Memory by Barbara Winkes 💛 Violet Moon by Mel E. Lemon 💙 The Santa Pageant by Lillian Barry 💜 Only for the Holidays by Shannon O’Connor 🌈 Homestead for the Holidays by Wren Taylor

❤️ You Can Count on Me by Fae Quin 🧡 No One Left But You by Tash McAdam 💛 The Worst Thing of All is the Light by José Luis Serrano, Lawrence Schimel 💚 Today Tonight Forever by Madeline Kay Sneed 💙 Wren Martin Ruins It All by Amanda DeWitt 💜 Emmett by L. C. Rosen ❤️ Finding My Elf by David Valdes 🧡 Tonight, I Burn by Katharine J. Adams 💛 Gorgeous Gruesome Faces by Linda Cheng 💙 Bookshops & Bonedust by Travis Baldree 💜 A Power Unbound by Freya Marske 🌈 We Are the Crisis by Cadwell Turnbull

❤️ The Manor House Governess by C.A. Castle 🧡 You Owe Me One, Universe by Chad Lucas 💛 Last Night at the Hollywood Canteen by Sarah James 💚 Skip!: A Graphic Novel by Rebecca Burgess 💙 Something About Her by Clementine Taylor 💜 Touching the Art by Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore ❤️ A Nearby Country Called Love by Salar Abdoh 🧡 Normporn: Queer Viewers and the TV That Soothes Us by Karen Tongson 💛 Sir Callie and the Dragon’s Roost by Esme Symes-Smith 💙 The Order of the Banshee by Robyn Singer 💜 Once Upon My Dads’ Divorce by Seamus Kirst, Noémie Gionet Landry 🌈 Forsooth by Jimmy Matejek-Morris

❤️ A Common Bond by T.M. Kuta 🧡 Risk the Fall by Riley Hart 💛 Just a Little Snack by Yah-Yah Scholfield 💚 Home for the Holidays by Erin Zak 💙 NeurodiVeRse by MJ James 💜 Dark Heir (Dark Rise #2) by C.S. Pacat ❤️ sub/Dom by Rab Green 🧡 Bitten by the Bond by Elaine White 💛 Heir to Frost and Storm by Ben Alderson 💙 The Sea of Stars by Gwenhyver 💜 Bad Beat by L.M. Bennett 🌈 Idol Moves by K.T. Salvo

❤️ Plot Twist by Erin La Rosa 🧡 In the Pines by Mariah Stillbrook 💛 The Crimson Fortress (The Ivory Key #2) by Akshaya Raman 💚 Only She Came Back by Margot Harrison 💙 Megumi & Tsugumi, Vol. 4 by Mitsuru Si 💜 Pritty by Keith F. Miller Jr. ❤️ Just Lizzie by Karen Wilfrid 🧡 An Atlas to Forever by Krystina Rivers 💛 Come Find Me in the Midnight Sun by Bailey Bridgewater 💙 Bait and Witch by Clifford Mae Henderson 💜 Shadow Baron by Davinia Evans 🌈 Day by Michael Cunningham

❤️ Livingston Girls by Briana Morgan 🧡 Delay of the Game by Ari Baran 💛 The Nanny with the Nice List by K. Sterling 💚 A Talent Ignited by Suzanne Lenoir 💙 A Kiss of the Siren’s Song by E.A.M. Trofimenkoff 💜 Rivals for Love by Ali Vali ❤️ Whiskey & Wine by Kelly Fireside, Tana Fireside 🧡 Buried Secrets by Sheri Lewis Wohl 💛 Ride with Me by Jenna Jarvis 💙 Living for You by Jenny Frame 💜 Death on the Water by CJ Birch 🌈 Merciless Waters by Rae Knowles

❤️ Vicarious by Chloe Spencer 🧡 Sapling’s Depths by Spencer Rose 💛 That French Summer by Sienna Waters 💚 System Overload by Saxon James 💙 King of Death by Lily Mayne 💜 Warts and All by Ashley Bennett ❤️ Principle Decisions by Thea Belmont 🧡 The Best Mistake by Emily O’Beirne 💛 Sugar and Ice by Eule Grey 💙 Until The Blood Runs Dry by MC Johnson 💜 Splinter : A Diverse Sleepy Hollow Retelling by Jasper Hyde 🌈 The Mischievous Letters of the Marquise de Q by Felicia Davin

❤️ The Queer Girl is Going to be Okay by Dale Walls 🧡 Til Death Do Us Bard by Rose Black 💛 Leverage by E.J. Noyes 💚 Alice Sadie Celine by Sarah Blakley-Cartwright 💙 Godly Heathens by H.E. Edgmon 💜 Gwen & Art Are Not in Love by Lex Croucher ❤️ To Kill a Shadow by Katherine Quinn 🧡 Warrior of the Wind by Suyi Davies Okungbowa 💛 For Never & Always by Helena Greer 💙 A Demon’s Guide to Wooing a Witch by Sally Hawley 💜 Heaven Official’s Blessing: Tian Guan Ci Fu Vol. 8 by Mò Xiāng Tóng Xiù 🌈 A Carol for Karol by Ann Roberts

[rwby-encrusted-blog]

Bandit A: HAH! All tied up, and there's nothing you can do about it!

Jaune: Man, I really didn't think we'd get captured.

Nora: Sorry! I took melatonin and fell asleep During my watch!

Bandit B: Y'all ain't seemin' all dat concerned 'bout being Roped up.

Frog Faunus!Ren: You touched me without gloves; We aren't concerned about anything other than tracking down your dead bodies.

Bandit A: What's that supposed to mean?

Jaune: Well he's a frog faunus?

Bandit B: What? Some Warts gonna take us out?

Ren: No, the Poison will.

Bandit A: P-Poison?

Bandit B: Oi, keep yer head on. Blondie and Shorty 'ave been touchin him the whole time.

Nora: Oh! We've built up a resistance!

Bandit A: Poison?

Ren: Yes, I am specifically a Poison Dart Frog Faunus. It's why I am very averse to crowds. You are likely beginning to feel the numbness.

Bandit A: IS THAT WHAT THAT IS!

Bandit B: HEY! Keep calm, ye dunce!

Ren: Yes, breathe while you still can before the toxins halt your diaphragm.

Bandit A: SHITSHITSHIT! Is there an antidote!?!?!

Ren: There's a local herb that can save your life. It is a White Flower with Red thorns, and boiling it into a tea, then rubbing it into the afflicted area, as well as drinking it, will prevent the poison from killing you. You only have until Day breaks, So I would get a move on.

Bandit A: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

Jaune: You don't seem all that concerned.

Bandit B: I'm NOT! I'm Pissed now tho-

Ren: *Spits in Bandit's mouth*

Bandit B: GEH! *Hack! COugh!* Ah- Eh Why's it so Bitter!

JNR: Toxins.

Ren: You should join your friend You have far less time than him though.

Bandit B: I-eeeeh- cah- cah! MAH TUNG! THIt! *Sprinting away* MAW-ER PHUGGER!

Ren: Huh. Must've been allergic to my tea.

Ruby: Hey guys! I'm ba- Why are you tied up?

Jaune: Just Bandits. Nice Bluff Ren!

Ren: Thank you.

Fun Fact! Poison Dart Frogs don't produce their own toxins, rather they eat toxic Insects (Such as Centipedes) and secrete it through their skin. If you keep a true poison dart frog and restrict its diet from having toxic bugs, it will be safe to handle.

[heavenlyhoundoom]

Me roasting Unova.

Victini: Despite being the victory pokemon, you seem to have a lot of weaknesses.

Snivy: Remember smug leaf?

Servine: Enjoy having limbs while you can.

Serperior: I'm a snake, slithering in your garden.

The tepig line: Who wants pork dinner?

Oshawott: Ash's most useless pokemon.

Dewott and Samurott: Have a biped evolve into a quadruped, and no one bats an eye, but have a quadruped evolve into biped and all the fans go wild.

Patrat and Watchog: Have you two been skipping sleep? I mean just look at those eyes.

Lillipup: It's funny how Gamefreak indirectly admitted they think dogs are smarter than kids.

Herdier: You're not a pokemon. You're just a cartoon dog. Don't lie.

Stoutland: This pokemon has shed a lot of tears.

Purrloin: The Angelica of the pokemon world.

Liepard: Galarian Articuno, you are not.

Passage: This is most likely what inspired Grookey.

Simisage: Hello, Johnny Bravo wannabe.

Pansear: I wouldn't be able to guess it was based on the hear no evil monkey if it didn't have its hand by its ear.

Simisear: How does it feel to be one of the most hated pokemon?

Panpour: It's not even trying to hint towards it being the see no evil monkey pokemon!

Simipour: Props to this pokemon for not conforming to toxic masculinity.

Munna and Musharna: I'm creeped out by these pokemon looking like fetuses.

Pidove, Tranquill, and Unfezant: I feel like these have to be some of the most unnecessarily hated pokemon.

Blitzle and Zebstrika: I thought we were in America, not Africa.

Roggenrola: So is this supposed to be a rock eye?

Boldore: It's really forgettable outside of being one of Ash's pokemon in the anime.

Gigalith: Just Golem 2.0.

Woobat and Swoobat: Zubat and Golbat but fluffier.

Drilbur and Excadrill: These guys hate when you reset before saving.

Audino: I love this pokemon, but its name is just a corny pun.

Timburr, Gurdurr, and Conkeldurr: Were the vains necessary?

Tympole: I always forget that this is pure water type.

Palpitoad: Don't worry, you'll get arms eventually.

Seismitoad: Are those giant warts heavy?

Sawk and Throh: Insert Muppet joke here.

Sewaddle: Its mouth looks like a fortune cookie.

Swadloon: It looks like it was forced out of bed.

Leavanny: Dem legs.

Venipede: This pokemon is pretty forgettable if I can't think of a way to roast them.

Whirlipede: 360!

Scolipede: The bug centaur

Cottonee: How does it feel to be just a head?

Whimsicott: I saw it without hair, and it looks like a gingerbread man.

Petilil: Why would people just eat their leaves?

Lilligant: This pokemon is way too high maintenance!

Basculin: Mmmm...fish fry....

Sandile, Krokorok, and Krookodile: Again, I thought we were in America, not Africa.

Darumaka: What sick people would put this pokemon's shit in their clothes!?

Darmanitan: Look at that thousand yard stare.

Maractus: Why does it have an OwO face?

Dwebble and Crustle: So crab = water type, but hermit crab = bug type? Seems about right.

Scraggy and Scrafty: The fact they wear their dead skin is kinda gross.

Sigilyph: Ah, yes, biblically accurate pokemon...

Yamask and Cofagrigus: It goes from having a sad story to being another disturbing ghost type.

Tirtouga and Carracosta: These two are overshadowed by their bird like counterpart.

Archen and Archeops: The most crippling ability besides Slow start.

Trubbish and Garbodor: They're literally garbage pokemon. Need I say more?

Zorua and Zoroark: The edgy fur bait pokemon.

Minccino and Cinccino: I don't know if these pokemon would love or hate that I'm messy.

Gothita: Stop staring at me with those soulless eyes!

Gothorita: Are the weird growths on your head supposed to represent earrings?

Gothitelle: The goth gf pokemon.

Solosis, Duosion, and Reuniclus: So we're making cell pokemon without considering the implications?

Ducklett and Swanna: Actual ugly duckling pokemon.

Vanillite, Vanillish, and Vanilluxe: Mmmm...icecream...

Deerling and Sawsbuck: To bad you were made for a feature that was removed the next generation.

Emolga: Why did they made this pokemon a gluttonous bitch in the anime?

The Karrablast line and the Shelmet line: You think these two would be next to each other in the pokedex, but no.

Foongus and Amoonguss: Based on a stupid pun.

Frillish and Jellicent: These pokemon are total psychos!

Alomomola: I feel like not making this the evolution of luvdisc was one of the biggest missed opportunities.

Joltik and Galvantula: Stop stealing my phone energy, damn you!

Farroseed: Deadliest egg ever.

Ferrothorn: Deadliest plant.

Klink, Klang, and Klinklang: Lamest pokemon ever.

Tynamo: It looks like a certain hygiene product.

Eelektrik: Laziest name ever.

Eelektross: Now the only pokemon with no weaknesses outside of certain pokemon holding a balloon.

Elgyem and Beheeyem: More ultra beast before ultra beast were a thing.

Litwick, Lampent, and Chandelure: These guys have some of the most fucked up dex entries!

Axew, Fraxure, and Haxorus: Do you guys need braces?

Cuchoo: Someone give this pokemon a tissue!

Beartic: Is that a snot beard!?

Cryogonal: Why does this pokemon learn attract?

Stunfisk: The punching bag pokemon.

Mienfoo and Mienshao: 🎶Everyone was kung-fu fighting!🎶

Druddigon: This looks over desined.

Golett and Golurk: I swear these pokemon are in every region after their debut.

Pawniard and Bisharp: These pokemon make more sense in Galar than Unova.

Bouffalant: Disco tauros.

Rufflet and Braviary: Now we have some actually american pokemon.

Vullaby: Is that skull diaper uncomfortable?

Mandibuzz: Another unfortunate japanese name.

Heatmor: Only created to eat another pokemon.

Durant: How does that 4x fire weakness feel?

Deino: How can you see?

Zweilous: How awful would it be to have another head that enemies with you?

Hydreigon: Why would anyone want to obtain such a destructive pokemon in the pokemon universe?

Larvesta: I bet this used to be Snoop Dogg's favorite pokemon.

Volcarona: The hardest bug type to evolve.

Cobalion, Terrakion, and Virizion: The three musketeers.

Keldeo: And the forgotten forth member.

Tornadus, Thundurus, and Landorus: Why is Landorus after the box legendaries instead of being next to the other genies?

Reshiram: Were the crotch feathers necessary?

Zekrom: It kinda reminds me of shadow lugia.

Kyurem: Can you pick up anything with those tiny arms?

Meloetta: Look at this Miku wannabe.

Genesect: Another cautionary tale of trying to tamper with the forces of nature.

[mytardisisparked]

A Rather Handsome Fellow

While on vacation, Scully notices something interesting about her daughter.

Set in an AU where Scully and Mulder adopt Gibson Praise and Emily Sim, which is an idea that @singeart and I have been developing.

Read on AO3

---

“Behold!” Scully looked up from her computer, balanced on her legs as she rested on the couch, to find Emily standing in front of her, holding a small toad in her hands. The small girl was grinning from ear-to-ear, looking rather pleased with herself.

Scully smiled at her. “That’s a big toad.”

“It is! Mulder said if I kiss it I will either get a prince or I will get warts, so I’m not gonna do that, but he’s still a rather handsome fellow, huh?”

Scully tilted her head, studying her daughter. “Yes, he is…” she trailed off before raising her eyes to the door. “Where’s Mulder?”

“He’s attempting to catch some minute insects for the toad to dine upon.”

“Is he?” Scully stood, moving to the screen to look out at her partner, who was moving around the yard with a butterfly net, looking more than a little absurd.

“Hm.” Scully smiled at Emily again. “You can take the toad to the front porch and I’ll bring Mulder around to bring you some bugs, okay?”

“Okay!” Emily bounded off, toad tucked safely between her hands.

Hands on hips, Scully headed out into the yard. As she approached, Mulder turned and smiled at her. “Did Emily show you her little prince?”

“She did.” Scully wet her lips. “She also showed off her new vocabulary. Why is my daughter talking like a liege lord?”

Mulder’s face broke into an even wider grin. “We were playing knights. She must have picked up a few things.”

“I see.” Scully smiled just a bit. “Just… make sure one-hundred-dollar words are all she picks up from your vocabulary, okay?”

Mulder saluted her with a fisted hand across his chest and a slight bow. “Of course, My Lady.”

Scully finally broke into a full smile and a small laugh as Mulder gallantly offered her his arm. “Where is Emily? I have a few flies for her, I think.” He lifted the butterfly net, which he had twisted at the top to trap in a few mosquitos and a small fly or two.

“The front porch.”

They headed around the house and found Emily building a castle for her toad out of rocks from their rental cabin’s driveway. She was talking enthusiastically to the toad about the monsters that lived in the woods behind their cabin and how she would protect him from said monsters. Her unending monologue was sprinkled with more long, New-York-Times-crossword-puzzle words.

Scully leaned into Mulder as he wrapped an arm around her waist and they listened to the chatter. After a few moments, she looked up at him.

“She takes after her father.”

Against her back, she felt Mulder’s breathing hitch as he looked down at her in awe. After a moment, he smiled and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“Good thing she looks like her mother, then.”

Scully smiled. “Come on, let's get some flies for our knight and her tiny charge.”

[littlekiara96]

What kind of prince would they be?

What if you were a princess looking for a fiancé? All HSR men included fem!reader

Caelus

Gentle but firm

As in, he is a kind person, but he knows when to say "no" and "cease"

Respects the protocole and never goes overboard with his words or actions

Makes sure you are at ease without being overbearing about it

Will sometimes act like a big brother

A marriage with him would be more than nice and agreeable

Dan Heng

Most Polite™️

But also No-Smile-in-His-Eyes™️

Until you do get to spend some time with him far from the ballroom and protocole and then...

You are so perfect for each other™️

He is so gentle and soft-spoken

You would be the backbone to his kindness

You become his Everything so fast

He is "this" far from breaking the protocole once just so he could fondly hold you in his arms

Welt

We know he's on the older spectrum of "princehood" but hey

He has simply been putting the well-being of his kingdom first

And yes, his councillors haven't stopped bugging him about heirs

But when he asks your hand (and you can bet he does), it will be because he loves You

Social pressure and princely duties be damned

Heirs will be a welcome bonus

Not because they will be hEiRs, but because they will be Your Children

Gepard

THE Knight Prince

Goes to war himself

If you think he'll let his men die alone on the battlefield, you do not know him

Gets you worried sick EVERY TIME he goes out on a campaign

Even BEFORE you are actually engaged

But once you are awaiting your firstborn, he'll stop going to the frontlines

Such a worry wart over you and the baby, it's adorable

Cries at the baby's birth and while holding them

The Pure Love in his eyes when looking at you is unfathomable

Sampo

Of course, you met him during a masquerade

Of course, he told you he was a rich prince from a far away land

Of course, you had no means of checking the truth at the time

And of course, you fell so deeply in love with his emerald eyes, you could only feel disgusted a week later, when it was time for you to meet your chosen fiancé

You kept polite but barely smiled at this dark blue-haired prince

But it all changed once he said with a wink:

"Ah, finally we see eachother again, my beautiful rose~"

And you recognised his emerald eyes

Jing Yuan

He has so many potential suitors

There's no way he would go for you

Marrying you wouldn't even be that profitable for his kingdom

So when you see him for the first time at a ball and the music starts...

You are SHOOK when he bows to you and asks for a dance

Cue all his other suitors mumbling and fuming

Years later, you still ponder on "why you of all people"

But any doubt dissipates whenever you look at his eyes as he stares at you with a soft smile

Blade

When he enters the ballroom, everyone looks at him

And takes at least two steps back

EXCEPT you

And THAT is what makes him go "Huh."

At first, he thought you just hadn't heard about him

About how everyone considers him to be the most rude and unlikeable to-be-crowned bachelor

Not even the ambitious ones would try to go after him

But when he got curious about you and discovered that you just didn't listen to what you deemed "pure rumours"...

Oh boy

The music has barely started that he's already dragging you for a dance without question (obviously)

Luocha

Princely Prince is such a Prince

Beautiful, polite, level-headed, smart, fencing genius

Absolutely Charming™️

He first asked you for a dance because he's so well-mannered, but...

Goodness him, you are such a delight to be around

You go on walks together in the most exquisite gardens

Your love for each other truly blossomed like a flower, you are the morning dew to his thirsty heart-

Yes, he writes poems and recites them for you during your promenades

[butchbea]

a little alps training scene in which ava sees a frog for the first time :)

---

It’s April, and the secluded lake where Ava and Beatrice have been training is aglow with life of every size and color. The trees sprout tiny green leaves, the mud along the bank warms in the sun, and bugs dance above the water.

Ava and Beatrice are locked in their own dance- one with ringing metal and breaths of exertion. Beads of sweat fall down Ava’s back; her fingers tremble around the hilt of the divinium sword. She makes a wide cross-body swing that Beatrice easily parries with her bo. It’s sloppy- a mistake that Ava knows Beatrice won’t let slide.

“You’re telegraphing,” she chides as she blocks another of Ava’s attacks.

“I’m exhausted.”

"That’s exactly when you can’t make mistakes. You have to push past your physical limitations-"

Beatrice thrusts forward, aiming her bo at Ava’s center, but Ava has learned from the best, and she side steps quickly.

“Bea,” Ava ekes out, breathless as she is.

Beatrice looks vaguely annoyed, but she retracts her bo when their eyes meet. It’s obvious when Ava’s hit a limit, and she certainly makes no effort to hide it. Her brow furrows, her shoulders drop, and she loses the hummingbird-like bounce in her feet.

“Okay. Let’s take a break.”

Immediately Ava lightens. She drops to the ground with a sigh, letting the sword clang against a rock. Beatrice takes her place next to her. She grabs her water bottle and offers it to Ava.

“Hydrate.”

“Sir, yes sir!” Ava salutes, and laughs when Beatrice shoulders her endearingly.

It’s these small kindnesses that remind Ava why she trains in the first place- the way Beatrice tends to her like she’s a garden to be nurtured. Hell, she’s certain Beatrice would test the pH levels of their apartment’s water supply if she could.

And sure, there’s a maniac with the powers of a god on the loose that she’s destined to rein in, but even he can’t hold a candle to the way Beatrice occupies her thoughts.

There’s nowhere safer or more comforting than by her side.

They sit like this for a moment, letting their breaths stabilize as the water gently laps against the rocks.

A frog’s strong rrrrrrbbbit breaks through the silence, and Ava gasps.

Beatrice startles, reaching for her bo instinctively.

“What is it?”

“There’s a frog, Bea!”

Her voice is equal parts surprise and wonder.

“Uh, yes?” Beatrice responds, unsure what to say. “It is spring and we’re on a lake. It stands to reason that there may be frogs.”

The frog sings again, begging Ava to be witnessed.

Her face breaks into a wide impish grin.

“I’m gonna find it!”

She springs up from the ground and heads closer to the bank, following the frog’s taunts.

“Ava, wait!”

Beatrice quickly returns the sword to its sheathe, slings it over her shoulder, and picks up her bo.

Ava doesn’t wait.

She trudges a path through soft earth to the edge of the lake, where a young frog, the star of the hour, sits on a mossy fallen branch in the water.

Ava gasps again, but quieter so she doesn’t scare it. She looks over her shoulder to find that Beatrice has caught up, wearing that familiar face of exasperation that Ava loves.

“Bea, look! He’s even on a fucking log! How classic is that?”

Still beaming, Ava returns her attention to the frog, who now flits its head in several directions. She crouches down right where the earth turns to mush.

“I’ve never seen one before. In person, I mean.”

Her voice is quiet, almost reverent.

Beatrice softens instantly. She steps closer and crouches down next to Ava.

Ava feels a desperate need to hold the frog, to feel it squirm between her fingers.

“Can I hold it? Will I get warts?”

“I…think you’re thinking of toads.”

“Well, what if I kiss it, and it turns me into a frog?”

Beatrice looks at her, eyebrow raised.

“You’d have to kiss me to turn me back. True love’s kiss and all that.” Ava bats her eyes playfully.

Beatrice rolls her eyes, and avoids Ava’s. Ava pretends not to notice the blush creeping up her neck.

“You’ve watched way too many movies.”

“Hey, you’d do the same if you were stuck in a bed for a fuckin’ decade.”

Beatrice freezes up for a moment. Ava sees it and grabs her hand to reassure her.

“Bea, it’s okay. Things are better now- well, besides the demons of course. I have a cool job, a family who actually cares about me, and an ass-kicking nun as my bodyguard and best friend. I love-“

A pause, all too telling.

“-my life.”

Beatrice finally meets her eyes and smiles softly. “I’m glad. You deserve it, Ava.” Beatrice squeezes her hand, and her heart does a little leap.

Ava is struck by the thought that she would absolutely sacrifice her body, her humanity, just to have Beatrice kiss her. Being a frog seems like a small price to pay.

“You’d take care of me if I was a frog, right?”

“Ava.”

“Humor me, Bea!”

Beatrice sighs, then smiles. “I suppose I could configure an appropriate environment for you- warts and all.”

Ava claps her hands and guffaws, clearly satisfied by this response. She stands and tries fruitlessly to brush the mud off her hands and legs, scaring the frog in the process. It leaps away with a splash that tickles her ankles. She feigns shock, and Beatrice laughs- Ava’s favorite sound.

“Let’s go home and eat.”

[kariachi]

Some morning fic. What was supposed to just be touching on Kev being not-fully-human from the Tennysons' pov got a little bit heavy and Gwvin-critical there at the end...

~~

“Do you ever get reminded that Kevin’s not human?” Pausing in his chewing, Ben blinked slowly narrowed eyes focused on this cousin across the table.

“I mean, the only people that beat him in teeth around here are Manny and Darkstar, so… yeah, kinda regularly.” Gwendolyn narrowed her eyes at him, setting her soda aside.

“I mean really reminds you.”

“That doesn’t,” Ben asked, mouth hanging just slightly open. “I’ve seen him open cans. I’ve seen him open people.”

“Well sorry I don’t spend my time staring at his mouth,” she grumbled with a frown, glowering. Huffing a sigh, she took another sip of her drink and shook her head. “He dug a hole under my house yesterday.” Another pause, another blink.

“Bet your mom was happy with that.”

“I swear he’s given up doing anything but the bare minimum to get along with her…” Gwendolyn shook her head again. “He literally came out yesterday morning and spent the whole day, with nothing but his powers, digging around under the house.” Taking a bite of his burger, Ben chewed thoughtfully.

“Did he say why, or did he just show up and get going.”

“He showed up and got going. When I asked he said he was ‘adding a den’.”

“Huh.” For a moment Ben continued chewing, then swallowed before asking “Is it at least a nice den?” Gwendolyn’s nose crinkled, lips twisting down.

“How should I know?! I’m not about to crawl down a dirt tunnel to hell just to see what the ass end looks like. Bad enough that eventually somebody’s going to have to figure out what to do with all the dirt he’s removed. Dad says Kev promised to handle it, but…”  Ben’s head tilted, just slightly, to one side.

“But?” Gwendolyn paused for a moment, shrugged.

“…it’s a lot of dirt.”

“It’s Kevin,” Ben pointed out with a snort, “he probably already has a buyer lined up for it and everything.”

“Probably…” Shaking her head, she leaned back in her seat and took another sip of soda. “It’s just, fucking weird. Like, where else does he have these things? Why does he want one? Why there?” Snorting again, Ben shook his head.

“Are you really asking why at the place you live whenever you guys are in town?”

“You know what I mean,” Gwendolyn said with a small huff. “Just, you can almost forget Kevin’s only half human, and then he does stuff like this.”

“No, cuz,” Ben said, flashing a grin, “you can almost forget he’s only half human. The rest of us are keeping an eye on those damn teeth.” Snorting despite herself, Gwendolyn rolled her eyes.

“Kevin is not going to eat anybody,” she said, only for Ben to wave a knowing finger in her face.

“You can sit in denial all you want, but Kev’s an ambush predator and I care about him enough to at least pretend to respect that.”

“You-” She shoved his hand away, glowering again. “-need to have more faith in him.” Ben just shook his head, grin shrinking to something smaller and more serious.

“I know you’ve got all these big hopes and dreams about fixing him up,” he said, “but eventually you have to accept that some of his warts are features, not bugs. He’s not gonna turn into your perfect human boyfriend at any point.”

“You know I’m not looking for perfect,” Gwendolyn said, glowering harder. “He does weird shit sometimes, I can live with that. I just want him behaving better.” Ben reached out and patted her arm.

“Lie to somebody else, Gwendolyn, I’ve known you too long.” The glowering turned to a glare. “I’ve sat there while Grandpa explained that something he’d done was normal Ossy behavior, watching you huff and puff and then go off and still give Kev shit about it. Like I said, you can let yourself deny it all you want, but you’re not taking the Osmosian out of Kevin, no matter what you like or don’t like about it. Fuck, you’re not taking the Kevin out of Kevin.” Gwendolyn glared harder.

“I don’t want to.” Ben ducked his chin, raising a brow at her.

“You keep trying.” He raised his finger again before she could counter the statement. “It’s been three years, he’s turned his whole life around, anything still going on that his shrink isn’t worried about? Isn’t going anywhere. Doesn’t matter if it’s his species or his personality, at this point you have to accept that you’ve got what you’re getting.”

“Don’t act like you’re some expert, Ben. I know him a lot better than you do.” Shrugging, Ben flashed a wider, though not quite so honest, grin.

“If you say so, but I’m not the one getting blindsided by him being weird.”

[fantasyfantasygames]

Pandora

Pandora: an Autobiography, pandora, 2018

This game about the mythological Pandora's Box. I'm reviewing it back-to-back with Tales of Pandora, with is the Avatar movie series RPG. I did this partly so people wouldn't confuse them with each other.

Pandora is a game about the aftermath of giving in to temptation, dealing with blame, and seeking equilibrium when there's no forgiveness.

No, just kidding. This is a game where you, as Greek pro wrestlers, personally powerbomb and chokeslam demonic personifications of all the evils of humanity. On the cover, the game's title sits neatly juxtaposed against a drawing of just that, which would fit nicely into the Cartoon Guide to Philosophy.

The game uses a d6 dice pool inspired by Weapons of the Gods, where you look matches and turn those into numbers from 11 to 66. For instance, four 3's is a result of 43, and one 5 is a 15. The twist is that your attributes are all negative. You start with 6d6 and subtract dice from it if your stats indicate that you'd be weak against a particular evil. Are you wrestling with Greed but you have a Need score of 2? You're down to 4d6. Most of your rolls are going to be between 3d6 and 5d6. I like the implication that your characters are super-competent and really only held back by their own failings. You can draw on actions from your signature move set, which attach status effects to the Evils if they're successful. You lose dice fairly quickly against them, which is ok because fights are intended as a tag-team effort.

By default Pandora is your quest-giver, the Charlie to your Angels. However, you can also decide to include her in your team so that she can suplex rage itself or tackle influenza personally.

The art is all black-and-white cartoons. The Greeks are drawn Flintstones-like, with exaggerated arms, hands, and shoulders. A handful of them are very dark-skinned, possibly intended to be African. Men and women are both bare-chested, so maybe don't read this on the bus, but none of it is titillating. The Evils are drawn in an even more exaggerated manner: eyes bugging out of their heads, misshapen limbs, horns, warts, gaping mouths, sometimes wings, and each of them unique. The layout incorporates the cartoons very well. It's clear that they were crafted together to work as a single piece.

A short chapter talks about variations on the myth of Pandora. It doesn't go into exactly how those changes might impact the game, but that's clearly the point of it. One full page of that is dedicated to a diss track against legendary misogynist Hesiod, writer of some of the most complete and slanderous Pandora stories we have. That page gets a chef's kiss from me.

The author, lowercase pandora, has written a few one-page RPGs that test out systems used in this game. As they failed or succeeded, the system in this game got revised. Revisions are named for famous wrestlers. Version one was Andre. Currently we're on Foley. If you want to see how the game's going to evolve next, keep an eye on those one-pagers.

[dem0nguy]

Ive been infected by the AU bug (Ive got like 5 different AUs for MB now help—)

HOWEVER, this does give me an excuse to ramble about said AUs >:3

So how bout I ramble about the one I ever-so-conveniently drew art for?

MUTANT BUSTERS STEAMPUNK AU :DDDDD

Ima be honest, I originally created this just so I could put the sillies in fancy outfits. But then I added lore…

(The outfits in question:)

(Before I start ima just say that none of the characters go by their aliases, bc it just wouldn’t make sense here (and like, their names are cool and get no use in the show, they need use >:/ ))

So Jim(Sheriff) and Ryan live in a poor rural town in the middle of nowhere. Ryan works as a blacksmith, and Jim is an aspiring inventor (he’s not very good at the inventing part… just the ideas.)

Ryan wants Jim to learn how to be a blacksmith like he is, because it’s a reliable job and he doesn’t see Jim going very far in his inventing career.

Obviously, Jim doesn’t listen to him.

On one particularly boring day, an aspiring entrepreneur/inventor rolls into town. He introduces himself as Max(Shooter) Kojima, and says he’s looking for someone to help jumpstart his business with him. Jim quickly volunteers, but Ryan stops him, and forces him to come home.

Jim, however, is a persistent little bitch. So he sneaks out at night and joins up with Max; who gives him a prototype bionic arm as a gift.

Somewhere along their journey, Max reveals that he stole a powerful source of energy contained in a gem (*cough* MORPHONITE *cough*) from the lead entrepreneurs, Wart and Verruca, and plans to use it for his own inventions.

Jim is honestly so awed by the gem that he doesn’t care if it was stolen or not.

(At this point, Ryan has realized Jim is missing. So he sets out on a mission to find him)

Unfortunately, Max and Jim were not the only ones after the gem. Vegan-Su and BP steal it from them, so the two set off on a mission to get it back.

When they finally confront Vegan and BP, they explain that the gem was created by their father (Dr. White) and was stolen from him. So they were trying to get it back. But Max and Jim don’t care, and just as they’re about to walk off with the gem; Alexander(Brutux) steals it from them. All four then decide to work together to get the gem back.

Alexander works for Wart and Verruca, and was sent to go find the gem. But he doesn’t actually know what it is, nor the importance of it. When Jim, Max, Vegan, and BP catch up to him, they explain that the gem was created by Dr. White. Alexander then proceeds to fanboy about Dr. White and join the group.

(Jim and Max were gonna steal the gem back, but now they’re in too deep to get out so yk….)

(Also unrelated but Jim and Max are gay for each other bc you don’t just run off with a man in the middle of the night and NOT fall in love with him.)

The five start on their way to Dr. White’s place, just before they reach it, Jim gets a letter. The letter states that Ryan has been kidnapped by Wart and Verruca, and if the gem isn’t returned to them, he will be killed.

So they change course, and head for Wart and Verruca’s business place: Panic Mechanics (I’m so good at naming things/j) They make the trade for Ryan (who thoroughly scolds Jim, but is thankful for being saved.) Then unsure of what to do next, they head to Dr. White’s place.

(Dr. White is kinda like an inventor with questionable ethics and a weird way of doing things. He’s relatively well known, but his unpredictably doesn’t make him “famous” per se. His books are what most people (including Alexander) know him for.)

When they arrive, Dr. White explains that Wart and Verruca will try to drain all the energy in the world using that gem, so everyone has to come to them for power/inventions. (Capitalism, yay)

So they head right on back to Panic Mechanics, just in time to stop Wart and Verruca’s plan, saving the world. (AND THE GAYS GET TO KISS >:D)

That’s pretty much all, thanks for listening to me ramble! :3

[luimagines]

Hyrule's lover being the 'He asked for no pickles type'. LMFAO, why do you think the man has to hold them back at times? Hyrule is impulse control for a chaotic bomb that won't hesitate to throw hands with Hylia and the Three Golden Goddesses.

The Chain are definitely gonna tease him a bit. He got hitched quicker than the Old Man, it's guaranteed. Doesn't help that Reader loves to mess with him.

Legend: Got any plans for kids?

Hyrule: Legend, don't you start...!

Reader: Oh definitely! A bunch of cute little sprites floating about once the house is set up. Ain't that right, Sweet Pea?

Wild: Sweet Pea! *wheezing*

They're a few feet taller than FD so they either take a Hylian or shrink to mouse size and chill out on his head. Otherwise Hyrule is most likely being blanketed by large wing like ears as Reader holds him. They're both cuddle bugs, your honor.

Although the Chain are quick to see how terrifying they can be especially in Hylian form. Some stuck up vendor was blocking the entrance to Warrior's Hyrule Town and decided to harass our poor Traveller. Man didn't expect the evil smile full of sharp nor ominous red eyes of Reader staring through his soul.

Reader: I suggest you get a move on. Or a bootlicking wart ridden toad like yourself might find his tongue in a hot vat of organ stew. There's some hungry dogs around the corner that would love a freshly made meal.

Hyrule: That's my butterfly. 🥰

Warriors: 😶

Reader is also the cook in the house as even though they love Hyrule, the man will make soup explode. He can help chop veggies, read the cookbook and stuff but no managing pots over fire.

"make soup explode" XD poor Hyrule

But yes, he can burn water. The kind of guy to set fire to the ocean.

Love seeing Hyrule with some rose tinted glasses though XD

Their ultimate cheerleader. "Yes! That's the love of my life!"

Cut to Reader going absolutely ballisitic on the battlefield.

They cuddle. A lot. Agreed. XD

[the-zapped-part-timer]

Penn Zerothon Day 10

The Princess Most Fair👑

My Ramblings:

~The Characters~

Penn Zero:

Boone Wiseman:

Sashi Kobayashi:

Rippen:

Larry:

Dimension(s):

Forms:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hail Larry😈

My Ramblings: Sick character episode! And it's Rippen! We get to see his bedroom once again, and his pajamas. We also see Freddy, the stuffed poodle mentioned in the previous episode. So cute!

Larry here to the rescue with alphabet soup with only R's, I's, P's, P's, E's, and N's (and chicken heads)! Find out that Larry got through his security system by using a glove made with... Rippen's fingerprints. This is the first peek at Larry's tendencies. But was for an emergency, like Rippen being sick. He just wants to care for him and make sure he gets his R & R & R. Rest, relaxation, and rapid eye moment.

What does it feel like yo have your eyelids forcibly closed? Must feel weird. Rippen's sick voice is highly amusing.

Here's the other one of those "Larry is strong" scenes, he just tackles the building that is Rippen and pulls him by his feet without a care or showing any struggle. I've pulled people like that, it's not an easy and casual thing you can just do! Larry is strong. Good, the better to hug with.

Rippen also brings up the fact that only he can win to become a full-time villain. Makes sense here, if it's just Larry and he wins, yeah, he would be the full-time villain instead. So that should mean, Boone and Sashi can't win a mission right? Well, can of worms later.

Phyllis is an icon. She'll straight up kill you if you possibly have Pandorian Moon Warts and she'll make molds of your face while you sleep to make a wielding mask.

Mission? Skeletons are going to release Satan from Hell... basically. This episode works as a Halloween episode, I guess. But it was released in April... damn, so close.

Poor bug, he just wanted to make friends, he's not that bad.

AH-RAH TAH-RAH SOL-TA-NI

That axe is straight out of Trollhunters, that goes with Jim's eclipse armor, return that! That's his back-up!

What an awesome entrance for Rip- LARRY! DEMON LARRY! This form is so perfect for Rippen, too bad, it's Larry time! Rippen ain't moving an inch, he threw up in class six times. Now Larry has the tig ol' bitties!

All the skeletons are just deep voiced and drawled out Rippen! I love when he does additional voices.

Also surprised that Larry doesn't call himself Larry, he calls himself Overlord. Just a neat detail.

This could've been the quickest mission in history, but Penn's heart gets the best of him. It's nice to see that he cares but that's definitely gonna bite him in the ass. But, I to, wouldn't want to see my nice principal get stabbed by a bunch of skeletons either.

"A part-time hero saves anyone in need, even his enemies." Penn, you're such a good person, genuinely. I like that this especially since it takes place after "I'm Still Super."

This whole traveling to the stairs thing is adorable as the skeletons like him more and more. Starting to sing along the way.

Oh god, the Rippen's nightmare. I hate this part so much! So it's super effective. I'd be scarred for life too if I was him, I think I am. God, it haunts me. Anyways that yell, huh? Not really a scream. It's funny and kind of cute? Is that the word I'm look for?

Uh oh, Larry's really feeling it now. But not in a "becomes addicted to power and becomes a jerkass" kind of way, he's just juiced up! I love that all the skeletons find him fun, Larry is so proud. And the cute chuckling into devilish, bellowing laughter? ADORE. His widdle fangs...

The Trio will forever be haunted by the fact that they were seconds away from losing to Larry and dying, all thanks to Penn. His screams to are a bit unsettling. This show has such great voice acting from everyone!

Phil, your how old and haven't tried lemon? Same age as Phyllis which is... old.

Rippen is here to save the day! Dang, wanted to see Larry win. That's OK. Larry doesn't care at all that Rippen just pummeled him to the ground and destroyed his axe, just the fact that he's feeling better. What a good friend. Oh, he's crushing him to death with his tig ol' bitties.

And what about "a part-time hero saves anyone in need, even his enemies?" He learned his lesson, let the skele-rip perish.

~The Characters~

Penn Zero: The heart on this boy. I'm sure being curious to see what would happen also probably helped fuel his compassion in Larry. All he wanted to do is help Larry out and boost his confidence, can you blame him? Well, yes, actually. They all almost died!

Boone Wiseman: He's there, looking good. Not befriending that giant bug.

Sashi Kobayashi: Penn should have listened to her... but I'm glad he didn't, sorry Sash.

Rippen: I have a headcanon that he's terrified of feet... I wonder why I'd think that!

Larry: Had a blast and almost won through pure glee and joy. I want him to be my boss, I'm looking for a new one.

Dimension(s): The cemetery and the Overlord's crypt looked sick, but we spend must of the time walking back to the top. Don't even see them in a boat!

Forms: Penn? He ate. No crumbs. Everyone go home. Actually, demon Larry? You stay, with your adorable face plastered on the buffest demon in Hell. Boone and Sashi are great, too. Skeleton Rippen? Good till he was basically being turned to dust.

[bluesthebest]

Palpitoad

PokemonHistory | Closed

"Howdy Clay, curious about your little pal here, huh? They got some interesting, albeit, disgusting factoids on some of our past discoveries down the murky lakes with some culture relevance. I’ll let Rotomdex give you the breakdown."

He taps on his pokedex with the pokemon in question showing it on screen and it’s robotic cheery voice comes up.

"Number 536, Palpitoad, the Vibration Pokémon. Semi aquatic, often plays a crucial role in its pokemon ecosystem by controlling insect populations, often seen in Unova located around large swamps. Areas within: Moor of Icirrus, Icirrus city, Route 8 waters, and Pinwheel Forest. They have also been spotted in areas throughout Galar but only in stormy weather, overcast, foggy, or sandstorms. With the exception of Bridge Field and in Kalos through the Friend Safary as of recent date. Their primary source of foods are bug pokemon, including but not limited to: Sewaddles, Karrablast, Shelmet, and many other small insects that dwell in wetlands.

Palpitode has the ability to sense vibrations through its skin and remove debilitating effects when it rains thanks to it’s sticky and webbed layer of mucus that coats it’s entire body. Previously it was discovered that it would actually absorb it into it’s skin and form welts rather than reject it completely, it was a way for it’s body to use as a defense mechanism if it were to be bitten or eaten. Demographical and environmental factors point to this creature being fully water/ poison type once. (product of being exposed to bug types like Venomoth or Spinarak) but was reclassified to water/ ground when it was determined that it had grown into this evolutionary advantage to not only make transport easier through a highly conductive terrain but also counter the large influx of Joltiks and Galvantula giving it’s resistance to electric types and paralyzing slime. Humans have used it's slime for it's effects that had helped create medicine for anti-inflammatory,antivirus, anti-infection, and analgesic or harmful poisons. Be advised not to kiss or lick Palpitode’s or any of it’s evolutionary line, toxins are debilitating and life threatening if consumed in high dosage even if it has significantly reduced over the century.[1] A discovery in Unova region on the outskirts of Mistralton City very close to Moor of icurrus,fossils showing a part of the Palpitode evolutionary line. Akin to many of it’s kind linking back to one predecessor that lived before humans, having an enormous skeleton and completely terapod, with a large mouth and eyes on top of it’s head to see through the murky depths. It could barely see around itself but it’s mouth was large enough to break many shields and swallow most things whole, that was unfortunate enough to step into it’s muddy home. The bones show that it too had welts, or curvature showing traces of it so this trait has been passed down through many of it’s generations. Despite this creatures size has significantly reduced even Seismitoad being only a half of what it used to be.[2]"

"Also doesn't have the giant sharp teeth or stubby legs " Blue interjects.

"It's pre-evolution, Tympole older counterpart had developed unique sound to it’s advantage to navigate and help keep itself withing it's own circle but it also had a rather strange defense mechanism. It's eyes. Mainly the warts around them. Speculation arises that it's warts grew close to it’s face causing them to leak through looking like they're crying when a predator showed up, it's speculated to turn most of them away. Evidence from what could be seen as tissue scars on the mummified specimen, that was fossilized but almost perfectly preserved Tympoles cluster with Palpitoad near them. The Palpitoad itself had curves in areas behind it's eyes but seemed to be able to preform the same action. [3] It’s modern iteration warts grown on the side of it's head with not nearly as much warts, it used its vibration and sounds to help navigate the dark trenches of mud it safely guides itself and many other Tympoles rarely ever found alone, always following a much larger Palpitoad. Method of transport, some would be stuck on Palpitoads' skin as another form of travel. Or inside Seismitoads mouth." [press continue to resume] "

"Alright I'll give it a pause here before it goes on forever. Hope that was informative"

The Rotom hid itself away again.

[voraciousvore]

In the Belly of the Giant (22/39)

Chapter 22

The giant opened his hand to examine the tiny man he had snatched up off the pavement. The human tried to dash away, but the giant caught his limbs with his fingers so he couldn’t escape. Dr. Rajak had, in his panic, forgotten about the police, the other humans, his objective, everything. He struggled madly until he wore himself out. 

“Huh,” the giant holding him muttered, prodding him with his fingers experimentally. 

“What? What’s the matter?” the giant who was driving asked, turning his head away from the road momentarily. He was a corpulent man with warts on his face and prominent jowls. 

The other giant pulled off the black mask he was wearing to conceal his identity from the security cameras, so that he could see better. Dr. Rajak felt his guts twist up when he saw the giant’s distinctive face, layered with pockmarks and scruff. He was a perfect match to the man in the photograph that Joey had showed him at the police station earlier: Jake the Snake. Jake wasn’t gentle with the doctor at all as he roughly turned him over in his hand and tugged on his limbs. 

“This human isn’t a student,” he observed. “He’s an adult.” He lifted up the doctor by the back of his shirt and dangled him up in front of his immense face, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. The doctor cringed away and whimpered with fear. 

“So what?” the giant driver commented. “He might not be worth as much as a young woman, but he’ll still sell for thousands.” 

“It’s fishy,” Jake answered. He pinched Dr. Rajak around the midsection between two fingers. “You, human. What were you doing out there by the school, this late at night?” 

For a brief moment, Dr. Rajak’s mind went completely blank. He forgot how to talk and gaped stupidly at the menacing giant looming above him. Jake put pressure on his torso to remind him who was in control and the doctor squeaked in pain.

“I-I work at the school!” he gasped. “I just got hired as a counselor there.” He now understood and was grateful for Joey’s foresight in giving him a plausible excuse. He didn’t have to work as hard to come up with a persuasive lie under pressure. “I was just out for a late-night walk to de-stress. I couldn’t sleep.” 

Jake stared at him for a long time, making the poor man sweat with the tension. “Hmph.” He didn’t seem entirely convinced. He picked at the human’s shirt, as if looking for a wire. “You’re not bugged, are you?” 

Dr. Rajak played dumb and scared, which wasn’t difficult in his current state of mind. “W-what? What do you mean?” Jake ignored him and tore his shirt off his body. He rolled it in his fingers, feeling for anything out of place. He opened the car window and flicked the ruined shirt outside. 

“You don’t really think it’s a set-up, do you?” the driver asked. “I doubt the giant police give enough of a shit to care about kidnapped humans. They’ve never gone after us before.” 

“Perhaps not,” Jake grunted. “But it can’t hurt to be careful.” He directed his scornful eyes back down to the tiny man trapped in his hand. “You. Take your clothes off. All of them.” He dropped the doctor onto his knee and glowered at him expectantly. 

Dr. Rajak felt a bolt of fear. His worst nightmare for what could go wrong was unfolding right in front of him. “A-are you serious?” he stammered, before realizing what a terrible idea it was to talk back. 

Jake gave him a searing glare. “Now, you filthy worm! Unless you want me to rip them off for you, along with your legs!” 

Dr. Rajak tried not to panic. His mind raced to come up with a solution. If they found out he had trackers in his shoes, he’d be dead. But, if the giant defenestrated the rest of his clothes with his shoes, he’d be doomed, perhaps to a fate even worse than death. He stalled by pretending to struggle with untying his shoes and unbuckling his belt. Jake watched him the whole time intently, like a hawk. 

By pure chance, the car hit a bump in the road which broke Jake’s concentration for a split second. Thinking fast, Dr. Rajak pretended to lose his balance and with the smallest movement of his leg kicked one of his loose untied shoes off his foot so it plummeted to the floor, hopefully out of sight. He said a silent prayer of thanks that his shoes happened to be too big for his feet, otherwise he probably wouldn’t have been able to pull off the maneuver. He acted as if nothing had happened and stripped the rest of his clothes off. In the present moment, he was too afraid to be embarrassed by his nudity. His adrenaline was pumping with anxiety. He hastily wadded up his clothes in a heap, trying to hide the fact that one shoe was missing, and presented them to the giant. 

Jake plucked up the bundle of clothes and crushed them around in his fingers, just like he did with the shirt. Dr. Rajak was sweating balls from the tension as Jake examined his clothing for anything suspect. After what felt like an eternity, Jake tossed the rest of his clothing out the window. Dr. Rajak repressed a sigh of relief; he didn’t want to expose his subterfuge. He was grateful that human shoes were infinitesimal when compared to a giant, scarcely noticeable at all. He had to hold on to the hope that the police could still track him with only one shoe. 

“Well, if he wasn’t clean before, he’s certainly clean now,” Jake remarked. Dr. Rajak self-consciously covered his crotch with his hands and reddened. Jake looked at him coldly, with disgust, as if it was his own fault that he had been forced to strip. Since Dr. Rajak was a doctor, he was more comfortable with nudity than most people, but under the circumstances he felt exceedingly distressed. He felt dehumanized, vulnerable, and humiliated. He wanted his clothes back, or at least some covering to conceal his manhood. Jake was indifferent to his plight and ignored him. The doctor sat awkwardly on the giant’s knee, trying not to fall off with the wide motions of the automobile as it drove. He couldn’t do anything anyways. He was encased in a giant, moving vehicle, with no way to open the enormous door. Even if he ran, he had nowhere to go inside the car, nowhere to hide. 

Jake looked down his nose at the human perched precariously on his knee, and the faintest shadow of a smirk crossed his lips. “They call me Jake the Snake. Do you want to know why?” The doctor stared up at him nervously, not saying anything. Jake leaned over him ominously and bared his yellow teeth. “Because, like a snake, I crush the life out of my prey and swallow it whole.” The doctor went pale. He had heard of giants eating humans for pleasure, but he had never encountered anyone who did such a thing in the flesh—at least, not to his knowledge. His mission wouldn’t be much of a success if he was eaten before the cops could rescue him. 

“You don’t want to mess with me,” Jake continued with venom dripping from every word. He cracked his knuckles and placed his huge hand on his leg next to the doctor in an intimidating gesture. The doctor looked down at his big, ridged fingernails crusted with dirt. “You try to fight or talk back like you did earlier, and I’ll make you wish you’d never been brought into this miserable world. Do I make myself clear?” At a loss for words, the doctor could only gawk and nod his head. Jake leaned back in his seat and stared out the window. The doctor wiped off the sweat beading on his forehead with his arm. This giant terrified him, with what he was capable of. He had no doubt Jake would have no problem ripping his head off, smashing his bones, or tearing his body in half in a bloody spectacle if he angered him. 

Dr. Rajak wasn’t high up enough to see well out the windows of the car, but he suspected with a sinking feeling he had a general idea where they were headed. He could see some of the taller apartment buildings, dimly illuminated from below by the streetlights, as they drove by. The buildings were in considerable disrepair, with crumbling bricks and shattered windows in several places. They must be entering the rough side of town, an area he was sure to avoid due to the criminal element omnipresent in the space. As a human, that area of town was too hazardous for him to enter, and now he was unfortunate enough to be in the clutches of those willing to sell him there for an exorbitant price: To whom, and for what purpose, he didn’t want to know. He felt horrible for the victims that didn’t have the support of the police like he did.  

The apartment buildings were soon supplanted by rusty metal warehouses. The car crept to a stop in the secluded gravel lot outside the gang's hangout. Dr. Rajak, not knowing where he was or what was going to happen, was sick with fear. He might end up in serious trouble if they took him to another undisclosed location, since he no longer had trackers on his person. His shoe that ostensibly showed his location was stuck with the car. He just had to hope that the police could figure it out and find him. 

Jake looked down at the naked man with the upmost disdain before grabbing him by the chest between his fingers, not wanting to touch him anywhere else. He exited the car and shut the door with force, making Dr. Rajak flinch. The fat giant hauled himself out of the driver's side, breathing heavily, and followed Jake as he approached the warehouse. The doctor wriggled a bit, but a stern warning squeeze from Jake’s fingers made him go limp. His heart was pounding. He looked up at the sky and wondered if this was the last time he would ever see the stars. 

The two giant kidnappers entered the dilapidated warehouse, and Dr. Rajak was greeted with the same grim sight that Eren had witnessed, while being carried by the same giant: the human cages on the far wall, the stacks of drugs wrapped up in bricks, the crates of supplies, the giant thugs armed to the teeth and rippling with muscle. The doctor realized right away what the cages were intended to hold and fervently hoped the missing teenagers would be found there by the police. In the dim light provided by flickering bulbs hanging from the ceiling, he couldn’t see much beyond a few small moving forms within some of the cages. 

Jake moved with purpose towards a corner of the warehouse with a table and chairs. Dr. Rajak saw a hulking gorilla of a giant, tall and sturdy, sitting at the table. With his pinstripe suit, goatee, thick eyebrows, and chunky cigar, he looked like an embodiment of the devil himself. All he needed to complete the look was a set of horns. 

“Mr. Greenwood!” Jake called. “We had a successful haul tonight.” He dropped his prey carelessly onto the table for his boss to examine. Dr. Rajak cowered and shook, uncomfortable with all the huge, hostile giants looming over him, with their unfeeling eyes turned down towards him. 

Mr. Greenwood stuck his cigar between his teeth, put his hands on the table, and moved his gigantic face closer, causing Dr. Rajak to recoil back. The bulky giant raised an eyebrow with a grimace. “Why is he naked? Did you catch him like that?” 

“I thought he looked suspicious, so I checked him for bugs,” Jake explained. “I threw out his clothes just in case. I figure if he’s stark naked, he can’t hide anything.” 

“Hmm. Fair enough,” Mr. Greenwood said. “We usually disrobe the human prisoners regardless. You know what to do. Clean him up and stick a harness on him. Actually, I think I might have a buyer who’d be interested in him, since we don’t usually get adult males as often. I’ll call him up and see if we can set up the sale. Maybe we can make a few extra thousand tonight.” 

Jake’s existence revolved around money, the root of his degeneracy, so he eagerly scooped up the human and went through the process of preparing him for sale. Dr. Rajak felt hopelessness and despair wash over him as he was rinsed off in the rusty metal sink with frigid water, forced into a restrictive harness, and locked up in one of the cages like an animal. He prayed that the police would rescue him before it was too late, and he was sold and taken far away where nobody would be able to find him. 

Chapter 23

Chapter 1

[p1nkgl0ve]

iasip as things i’ve said

this also counts as incorrect quotes even though it’s stuff i’ve said

dennis: it’s not my fault i’m mean as hell

dee: you’re a scab

frank: bro hobbled over

charlie: what if they [bugs] crawl into your shoe

mac: put the bag on the fucking porch

charlie: i can see your buttcrack

mac: throw it to me brother

frank: it’s rupaul month

dennis: bro chopped his head open

dee: now why would i do that

dee: what part of boobies don’t you understand

charlie: i’ve been sweepin’ chimneys me ‘ole life

mac: you just say shit and it’s always amazing

dennis: there’s a bomb in my dick

charlie: this is like a saw trap

dennis: yeah no shit you fell

dee: STAAAWP THROWING THINGS AT MEEEE

dennis: PELT ME WITH CHERRIES!! MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT!!

frank: bros greedy as fuck

charlie: where’s your cane?? where’s your iv??

dee: i’m the meanest bitch ever

dennis: i’m done with her [an inanimate object]

mac: GIRL BYE

charlie: i feel like i’m on crack sometimes without being on crack

frank: GANG!! THERE’S TROUBLE AFOOT!!

charlie: bro got a toe wart

dee: CLOCK IT

charlie: idk i was a fetus

dennis: oh em gee conjoined twins

charlie: oh my god i remember when we were forced to do the cha cha slide in like 2nd grade

mac: girl there’s a whole ass carwash back there

dee: during pride month?? thats foul

charlie: WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE PEOPLE

dee: these soaps were my shit back in like 4th grade