#wanted to just write 'et. al' lol

[sysig]

I’ll be fine, I just have to get it all out of my system (Patreon)

[jaydove-writes]

Moving intro to pinned post so bio is less cluttered

~ he/him, cis, biromantic asexual, engaged to @starlightprincess98, (Planning to get married February 14th 2026) born July 12th 1997 (listed the year so I don't have to update my age every year) ****

Platonic soulmates: @aflairforthemelodramaticc and @translesbianfoxgirl

**** Formerly known as **** @princesssparkle42 **** @jaydovesworld **** Other blogs include **** @ask-skybluecmc, if you want to do some MLP OC RP **** @phoenix-of-grandeur, if you want to talk about your favorite games or mine (Though I also do that on main) **** @phiction-of-grandeur, if you want to talk about your stories or mine (Again I do that on main) **** @ask-the-felicity-crew, if you want to RP between your OCs and mine or ask me questions that I will answer as mine. The characters may or may not know they are fictional depending on when in the timeline you ask them.

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@ask-simon-devlyn, same as the Felicity Crew, but centered around the captain, Simon Devlyn. On this blog Simon knows he's fictional.

**** I love talking to people and making new friends! I'm also creating my own story series called Starbourne. Wanna be friends in the gaming multiverse? Here are my Friend Codes:

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Steam: 111892045

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Nintendo Switch: SW-5163-5533-6136 ****

Musical Fandoms:

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Chrono Trigger

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Undertale

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EPIC

**** Show Fandoms: **** MLP **** Steven Universe **** The Owl House **** Amphibia

**** The Ghost and Molly McGee **** Sailor Moon **** Cardcaptor Sakura

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Spongebob Squarepants ****

More later

**** Game Fandoms: **** Any RPG that features Mario (Such as Super Mario RPG, the Paper Mario series, or the Mario and Luigi RPG series) **** Any indie game inspired by Paper Mario (Such as Bug Fables or Born of Bread) ****

Undertale and Deltarune ****

In Stars and Time

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Kirby **** Zelda (mainly just watching other people play them) **** Pokemon (see Zelda) **** Might add more later **** Book Fandoms: **** Percy Jackson et al **** Amari **** Serafina **** Might add more later ****

Webcomic Fandoms

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Homestuck

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Down to Earth

***** Donation Links

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Kofi

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Patreon

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PayPal

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Book 1 of my series, Starbourne, is FREE!! For the other books please donate $6 per book to one of the aforementioned links. I'm planning on making this a series of 9, but currently working on book 2.

Doing one of those note things for motivation (or notivation because notes lol)

25 notes - I do the dishes and clean out the litter box (done, for now... But these are Sisyphean tasks)

50 notes - I clean up around the house (I did a little cleanup, might do more later)

100 notes - I do a little work on my book (it still needs editing before I can publish it and write the sequel, but I'll do some work on that when my PC stops crashing)

250 notes - I start working on book 2 (or work harder on editing book 1 if it still needs it)

500 notes - I participate in artfight (in the first July after it reaches this threshold. I doubt it'll get there by this month.)

1k notes - I start working on a video game in the Starbourne multiverse. A small one, like Undertale is to Deltarune. I'm calling it Saturn Robe which is an anagram for Starbourne, like Undertale is for Deltarune.

2.5k notes - I start working on my dream game, Starbourne. The one that's the reason I started writing in the first place. (If the small game isn't finished I work harder on that)

5k notes - I dedicate my time to taking care of myself/my partner/my family, and working on my dream game.

10k notes - I become a god in the Tumblrverse (this will not happen)

If you want to know more about Starbourne, check out my other blog @phiction-of-grandeur and my community for more details. My askbox is always open if you want to ask me something.

Here's the first book now:

And here's a newer version of the first book, with (hopefully) better writing. It's gonna be longer than the draft above.

[hestzhyen]

Sunken Ships and SoRiku

Hi internet void. I went feral and maybe you'll read the result.

KH has made a lot of choices around SoRiku from a narrative perspective that, in isolation, wouldn't amount to much. A heart-to-heart here, a questionable line there, and so on. The usual things that one would do to court a queer shipping audience in an otherwise het or unromantic work. And SoRiku circles have painstakingly documented every instance to show something that looks more like a consistent and intentional effort rather than a few dollops here and there to keep shippers engaged. There's... a lot. But one stupid, insignificant thing really shook me up and made me a believer in SoRiku Endgame, Actually.

Silly as it is, it's Nomura's reaction to people shipping RikuNami that gets me the most.

Generally speaking a writer doesn't want to interact with fandom shipping unless it's to urgently course correct. As in it would be catastrophic to the narrative if the fandom had the wrong idea. Otherwise it's best to just take note of how people are interpreting things and adjust the next installment accordingly, or live and let live. Keep distant and don't risk accusations of retconning/bad writing/queerbaiting in bad faith. So the normal reaction from Nomura seeing people get excited over RikuNami would have been to just do nothing. But instead, the scene was patched to downplay the smile, and Nomura went on the record to clarify that it's not a setup for a romantic relationship between Riku and Namine.

That's insane.

Why is it so important that Riku remain romantically uninterested in a girl he'd have a natural connection to, huh? What about accidentally implying RikuNami was so detrimental to the story that it was changed and explicitly addressed like that? Even if it wasn't meant to be, surely letting it play out like AkuRoku did would be enough. Just gently clarify and move on with the story (which pretty much sunk the ship on it's own anyway). You don't wade into fandom shipping and launch nuclear warheads like Nomura did against RikuNami unless you want to leave no room for doubt.

Torpedoing RikuNami also doesn't help them keep up appearances in terms of straightness at this point. Leaving it intact would only help the case of Riku and Sora being bffs with the strongest bond 5ever- a huge boon for the writing team if they wanted to avoid things looking too gay. Nomura et. al. are absolutely aware of the impressions and jokes about how gay KH is. And KH definitely would not be the first series to play in to queer ship teasing for the lols until it's time to pair everyone up at the end.

But they did the one thing you're not supposed to do if you're just aiming to queerbait: undermining the plausible straight ship. You don't eliminate the only straight option for your character like that for the sake of "he so gay" jokes! Having a straight option available is vital to make the bait; they don't have to be compelling or important to the story, they just have to exist. Yet at this point, Riku's only option is Sora. They went out of their way to ensure we wouldn't think anything else makes sense for him.

Holy. Shit.

[machiroads]

Fic Writer Interview

Thank u @plusultraetc for the tag wheeeeee

How many works do you have on AO3?

8️⃣

What's your total AO3 word count?

251,850, 150k of which is one fic lmao

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Nine Lives, by an order of magnitude over 2nd place

Naruhata Noir

A Tumultuous Sea, You and Me (the mer-pirates fic)

Being No One, Going Nowhere (the 2 broken arms fic)

waiting on the seasons to change, waiting for the curtain to fall (the fortuneteller fic)

I am surprised to see the 2 broken arms fic in the top 5 tbh!

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I like to get responses to my own comments, so I try to reply to everyone's comments :]

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Uhhhhh PROBABLY 9L since it ends with everyone going off to war haha oopsie

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Uhhhhhh probably merpirates? It's really gross and sappy. Dive into the ocean and kiss a mermaid in front of your entire crew. The 2 broken arms fic also got a pretty happy ending (Aizawa goes to bed and also maybe jerks it a little)

Do you write crossovers?

Not crossovers per se but I do enjoy a deep in the weeds AU

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I don't think so? The worst I get is people saying "wow almost no typos" which is very tame lmao

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Not yet! Kintsugi (the epilogue to 9L) will have some mild spice but I'm at a point in my life where I just couldn't be jazzed to write folks doing it sloppy style

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so except for that website that's scraped like a ton of fics a few months back

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I had one person request to translate 9L into Ukranian, though I never saw if they ended up doing it. Recently I've also had a couple people leave comments in Spanish so I assume they translated the story into Spanish somehow!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

The unpublished FFXII AU is partially co-written by Robbirdthe8th, but it's been parked for like a year and a half. Also I would be remiss to omit @kyurilin who might as well get bonus credits for the Nutstang

What's your all-time favorite ship?

I have been in fandom spaces for over a decade YOU CAN'T JUST MAKE ME CHOOSE A SINGLE ALL-TIME FAVORITE IT'S IMPOSSIBLE. Perhaps a low-commitment list of OTPs from across the years:

Erasermic (obviously)

Edwin (FMA)

Netteflix (FE3H)

Asanoya (HQ!!)

Kanej (6 of Crows)

Yuchi (FB)

Asucaga (MSGS)

Soukana (FMP)

Maiko (ATLA)

Hanvi (DB)

Nejiten (Naruto)

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Probably any of the Fire Emblem or Fruits Basket fics I started drafting in 2020/2021 before I figured out how to write fic lol

What are your writing strengths?

People tell me I am good at characterization! I think I'm also good at describing a setting, a skill that I exercise often in my technical writing.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Exposition, my nemesis. A necessary evil, but it's like pulling teeth, every time.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Short answer: I just. Don't.

Longer answer: I think there's a time and place for it, and I've seen both well-executed and clunky ways of doing it. I've never seen a need for it yet in anything I've written.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

BNHA was the first fandom I published anything for, though honourable mention goes to Fruits Basket and FE3H for convincing me that I can tell my own stories (and then get stuck trying to figure out how to write fiction woops).

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

Idk man I'm just vibing in my lane of erasermic et al right now

What's your favorite fic you've written?

Listen it's gotta be 9L. This fic is the reason I have made so many friends in this community. People have drawn fanart for it (one of which now lives permanently on my desk in the form of a mousepad, thank u Dragon). It is the story that got me into writing fic because it was a story that nobody else was telling, so I wrote the story that I wanted to read.

People still get to the endnotes on 9L and are like THIS IS YOUR FIRST FIC???? and yeah. I started writing fanfiction at the tender age of 28 and the first thing I decided was worth sharing is still my magnum opus. Anyone can write fic! Find a writer whose style you like, emulate it, and write the story you want to read. It's that simple.

[bleachbleachbleach]

In addition to zanpakutou are cool, I will also add that Ichimaru, individually, is also very cool. He just like, saunters his way into the story, speaking Kansai, dismembering people, and demonstrating very specific knowledge of Ichigo's hair color:

I think this sounds less bananas in Japanese than it does in English, because that's just what that color is called in Japanese, but the phrase has roots in Genji and to me it still feels like the equivalent of someone using Crayola colors to reference things ("burnt umber" instead of "reddish brown"). Amazing, for multiple reasons: That Ichimaru would describe Ichigo thusly, in this moment; that he's referencing official Gotei intel that likely also called Ichigo daylily-colored.

I say official Gotei intel and not just secret Aizen intel, because I think Ichimaru might be referencing the same Onmitsukidou report that Byakuya talks about in Chapter 54:

[Bleach 054]

(Did Byakuya need to be that specific about this information? Did he need to bring it up at all? No he did not, but Byakuya be Byakuya-ing. Anyway--)

After Byakuya and Renji's encounter with Ichigo, the Gotei is able to put a name to a face, and maybe even gain additional insight into the nature of Rukia's crimes. I'd never really thought about it before, but if Rukia's High Crimes (overstaying her welcome in gigai/in the Living World and sharing her powers with a human) have the real, tangible impact of some weird daylily-colored guy showing up to invade the Seireitei, I could see an argument being made for her execution/her accelerated execution. I don't think most of the people who go off to meet the Ryoka Invasion have put all of these things together or really care to (but maybe I'll be proven wrong on re-read; guess I'll sit tight until Chapter 81 to see what our very first CAPTAINS' MEETING, MY BELOVED has to say), but that actually does make some sense to me. I'm not saying I agree with the justification for Rukia's execution, lol, but like, yeah, that could track?? I see it??

It also makes me think about why Ichimaru shows up in Chapter 65 to poke Byakuya. I've always figured it was just to poke him, because "I just wanted to poke Byakuya" is very relatable and convincing in itself. But in addition to the whole Rukia Thing, and Aizen et al being involved in the Rukia Thing, Ichimaru's comments make me also feel like he was looking for more information about Ichigo, specifically, seeing as Byakuya recently experienced him first-hand. Presumably, Byakuya just finished writing his report. Did Ichimaru want that info before it even went to press, fresh from the horse's mouth? Or maybe he wanted to intercept the mail so he could be the first to read it.

[unhinged-summer-fun]

The State of Common Grounds

Idk lol

Jk I know it’s been hella long but like thanks for being patient. I literally upended my whole life in the middle of writing it and had used writing it to get over said upheaval as much as possible. It’s difficult to find that thread of inspiration again, the one that seemingly only existed in that liminal place of flux. I really really don’t know how to write this next chapter despite it being super fucking important and the best direction forward may be just handwaving a lot of it to focus on how Osha et al react to it. But that also seems to cheapen what I gotta do. It’s a very tight corner I’ve backed myself into and I curse myself for not giving myself adequate buffer space to parse it.

The problem is I just don’t feel smart enough to finish this fic to a satisfying end. But I desperately want to. So I’m doing a full reread and consulting my notes, and hopefully, I’ll be able to find the correct angle to take a stab at chapter 23. Even if it’s the wrong stab I’ll not feel too bad for leaving it bleeding out behind me lmao.

I’ve also committed to writing and publishing a novel this year so it kinda feels like this is the last actual fic before that takes my whole focus up. (Of course, untrue—I still have that sandman/AC crossover I’m plodding on with on my other AO3) I don’t want the magic to end but the magic is being fucking stubborn at the moment so there’s that to contend with.

Regardless she’s not forgotten, simply stalled. It only looks abandoned if you aren’t seeing it from my end of things. Thanks for continued patience folks

[cto10121]

You mentioned in the tags of one of your posts on Mercutio's (non-existant) sexuality that you're partial to the idea that he may have been inspired by Kit Marlowe; I want to hear all about this lol.

Also, do you have an Marlowe recommendations? I've heard good things so I would like to read some of his plays.

Oh, yeah, my Christopher-Marlowe-may-have-been-the-inspiration-for-Mercutio theory! Glad to talk about it.

So I’m definitely not the only one with this theory—some scholars have mused as much and I did come across them. But the case for Mercutio-as-Marlowe stands roughly as follows:

One of Marlowe’s nicknames was Mercury (!!). Now, Shakespeare clearly did not come up with the name, as he got it from his source material in Brooke et al. But as the Mercutio there was just some random courtier, I have no doubt that Shakespeare got an eyeful of that name in the Brooke poem and just 😏 and seized that golden opportunity to honor his friend in this way

By all accounts Marlowe was charming, erudite, intellectually edgy (an avowed Arianist and homosexual), with a nasty bit of a temper. Mercutio is much along those same lines

Marlowe and Shakespeare may have been friends as well as theater rivals, with similar backgrounds but (I suspect) opposite personalities and sensibilities—the iconoclastic Marlowe with the much milder Shakespeare. You see that same push-pull dynamic in Romeo and Mercutio’s relationship.

Mercutio was killed during his duel with Tybalt. Marlowe was killed while fighting with his fellow spies at a tavern/government safehouse in Deptford. So Shakespeare making Mercutio’s death off-stage may be a reference to Marlowe’s out-of-London death (and perhaps how Will came to find out).

So yeah, not much evidence, come to think of it. Just general vibes. Mercutio does have lines about dreams that are a reference to Thomas Nash, who was also friends with Marlowe and perhaps Shakespeare as well. But of course Shakespeare would make Mercutio a composite of his friends and not just limit himself to any ~one thing.

Against this is the fact that there is no clear evidence that Shakespeare and Marlowe knew each other. That said, the theater world was tiny and Marlowe wrote for Strange’s Men; Shakespeare may have been a player for them at the time. But it’s logical for many fangirls scholars to believe they knew each other and were friends/rivals and so forth.

As for recommendations, I’ve only ever read Marlowe’s Doctor Faustus, which even got a Globe performance, and his Hero and Leander, a narrative poem along the lines of Shakespeare’s Venus and Adonis. I’m ashamed to admit that in class I mistook a passage from Hero for Shakespeare’s, an ignominy that will live in me forever until my dying breath.

But while Marlowe was never as great at character as Shakespeare, his verse was very good (if a little too regular with the masculine endings) and nigh indistinguishable from Shakespeare’s in the beginning. Also, Marlowe is 1000x gayer, even writing about Edward II and his forbidden romance with his favorite Gaveston. Hence his popularity in fangirl circles. If you like Shakespeare but feel he could have been more violent, political, and gay, Marlowe will be right up your alley. There have been tons of fanfiction about him, some notable ones of which are:

The Marlowe Papers (Barber)—author is a stupid anti-Stratfordian, but her verse is legit

A Tip for the Hangman (Epstein)—not feeling the main romance, but it was fun and well-researched

The Secret Life of Shakespeare (Morgan)—actually focusing on Will/Anne, but this version of Marlowe is my favorite. He is just as I’ve envisioned him

[el-moscorrofio-y-el-mercachifle]

As you recently posted that you are worried about the third series without Gaitan I would ask some questions. First, what did you thing of the second series *Ecomoda*? What would you want Betty, Armando, et al. to be up to decades later? Are there aspects of the original series you would like to see followed up?

Hiii thanks for the questions!🥰

Tbh, I never watched Ecomoda. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the cute Armando/Betty fluff, but I really saw no point in it (and it always looked so oversaturated with colors that it was unappealing to me lol). So some of the things I'd love to see might have been answered already in Ecomoda and I judt don't know lmao. Although That's also part of my issue with this new coming series!

Regarding what I would like to see, new and continued, and in no particular order, I'd love:

Tributes and/or mentiones of the original cast members that are no longer with us. Perhaps Hugo keeping a portrait of Inesita on his desk and occasionally making comments to it (("ay, Inés, ¿está viendo usted la porquería de puntadas que son estas? No, es que esta gente es alérgica al talento, de verdad" while he's in the middle of one of those tantrums or something before moving on. Just general and occasional comments in a way that leaves the viewer with the sure knowledge that Hugo loves and misses Inesita, and that for him she'll forever be his best friend and she is never forgotten but also not to an unhealthy degree you know??)). Bertha talking about her Gordito on the phone or to the Cuartel (just because the actor passed doesn't mean the character has to, too). Betty mentioning something like Catalina moved to another country or something but that they are still the best of friends and keep in contact often; or Camila saying she's planning to go on vacations with her Aunt Cata for the summer. Just in general, I'd love for this new part to not forget those who participated in the original, and for all the relationships and friendships that were so cute and strong to remain as such in the new one.

Betty and Armando still in love. I want them to be so in love and devoted to each other, but I also want to see them as a team working together in Ecomoda. I also want them to be respected. Maybe the Cuartel is not so aprovechado anymore? Lol

Flashbacks. I want some more details about their lives, things that we missed for the past 20+ years

Clues about the characters' pasts. I want to know Marcela and Armando's childhood. I want to know when Nicolás and Betty became besties. I don't need big full scenes, but a casual mention like, Armando going "oh, sí, yo tenía tu edad cuando...". Just to fill in gaps that the original left (although I'm also fearful of too much info considering Gaitan is no longer the one writing them)

Unfortunately, there are characters that aren't coming back even though the actors are still around. I want to know what happened to Daniel, to Sofia, to Jenny. I want to know what happened to Daniel after being so stupid as to invest every single penny he owned and put it in a proyect that led nowhere lmao. I want to know what happened to Jenny.

I'd love to see Freddy and Jimmy being good friends. Jimmy doesn't have to call him dad, but I want it to be super clear that Freddy basically is and they love each other as father and son (as seen in ysblf). Just imagine their bond now, after so many years! Hopefully Freddy and Aura María are still going strong

I don't remember if Mariana is coming back, but I'd loved to see her actually getting a modeling career like she wanted

I want to see the relationship between Betty and her in laws

I want to see how Marcela came back into their lives (which is honestly baffling and I'm still unsure about this decision, but I understand they had to bring back the iconic duo)

I REALLY don't want Patricia to be redeemed. I don't. She never seemed like she wanted to be redeemed. But if she is, they better give a super good explanation

I also don't want Mario redeemed lmao. I hope he still is the hedonistic womanizer with no sense of morality. Again, I don't think he wanted to be redeemed.

In general, my only three real expectations are: Betty and Armando still together, good and faithful characters, and a good story. I really don't see the need (besides money lmao) to bring it back, so I'm not having much hopes ((especially regarding the characters. I really hope they aren't further flanderized!))

Thank you for your question🥰🥰

[strqyr]

i've been debating for a while now whether to write this or not. it's a bit... a lot more personal than i'm used to, but with V9: Beyond being nearer and nearer, i'm finding myself to be lacking the spark and excitement for new RWBY content that i'm used to have. for that reason, i've been doing some thinking, trying to nail down where the difference lies, and i think i finally figured it out:

the ending of V9, specifically how they handled ruby's arc.

[tw: suicide, if you decide to continue reading]

before i get any further, i want to lay down some "backstory": about two weeks before V9 started airing, i lost my beloved dog to an illness after fighting for her life for two weeks. those two weeks were a roller coaster straight out of hell, thinking the medicine given were working, only for things to get worse; and through it all, all i could think of was that if she didn't make it through the year, neither would i.

but then, afterwards, in some weird twist of fate, when every part of me wanted to stay in bed and never get up, it was her, my dog, that kept me going, simply because through the last couple of years of her life, she had slept the mornings in my bed, with me, with 1pm being the time she'd force me out of bed if i ever stayed in that late... and that following morning—or more like day lol—after her death, i happened to look at my phone, see the clock be around 1pm, knowing i had a choice to make.

and i got up. have every single day, way before 1pm, to keep part of her alive and with me.

so, perhaps needless to say, but ruby's arc in V9 hit close. i had enough time in-between to not be in middle of the worst of it, but i suppose not as enough as i thought, as not only did i lose some of the spark i had for this show, but i'm also still crying now while writing this.

for the duration of the show, the burden on ruby had been growing stronger and stronger. from being called special due to her silver eyes, to all her friends placing their trust in her leadership, believing that somehow, she always knew what the right thing to do was, to never quite feeling she could be open about her own doubts as a leader, having no one to talk to... V9 started out great. i was excited, for the first time in a long while, for the direction they were taking ruby in.

and everything seemed to be going great. all the issues, trauma, et al that ruby was holding in were slowly seeping over, until it all burst open, explosively, and she ran away; and with all of this and more thrown against her by neo, ruby drank the tea, not wanting to be herself anymore.

...then came the aftermath of her ascension, and it's here, where the writers lost me.

"you're broken! you break everything you touch! i call humans... weak! confused! incomplete!" the cat says, and it's hard to say they're entirely wrong; ruby has been broken, she has had her weak moments, she has been confused, and that's okay.

but her teammates, her friends, her sister, don't seem to think so.

the cat is wrong. ruby has never been any of those things, and that's exactly why they follow her.

like it was more important to prove the antagonist of the volume wrong, rather than offer genuine support to ruby by saying that it is okay to be broken and confused, and for her to have her weak moments because that's why they're there; to support her in good and bad. to make it clear to ruby that she can come to them and air her doubts and concerns without a fear of being shutdown, that they, too, will work on themselves to be better friends in that regard.

but that's not what happened, and even without properly registering it at the time, it felt like a punch to the gut.

during the roundtable discussion of this episode, the writers talked about ruby's arc being about impostor syndrome and i just... can't see it. not with the way they build it up. it's like a switch was flicked, and when before the problem was the burden that was solely placed on ruby's shoulder and how it was too much for her to handle on her own, now ruby ever doubting herself in the first place was the problem, and all she needed to hear was that she was perfect just the way she was; "retrospective" is not a known word here.

and for the first time, even if i do have some critiques over handling of certain storylines, i felt like what was delivered was not what was ordered. at all. and with the vague content warnings in front of episodes, it started to feel like suicide was used for the "shock value" it could provide, to get people talking on social media, rather than because the writers wanted to treat it with the seriousness it deserves.

maybe that's unfair to say; i certainly don't know their intentions. frankly i don't know the people who work on this show at all, and i've stayed far from forming any parasocial relationships to pretend otherwise. all i have is my own feelings about this, ones that i've gone over multiple times, going through episodes, seeing if there's something that i've missed that would make it make sense... i've done my due diligence, and this is the result.

this is not the end: i still love RWBY, the characters, the world and its lore... but some of the trust i had for the writers has definitely gone, as has of the spark that ensured the excitement i had for new episodes and content to the point that i'd be right here, on my seat, ready the moment a new episode dropped.

now if the birbs show up—

[corneliaavenue-ao3]

time can't stop me quite like you did (A Graveyard fic)

Graveyard fics are fics that I started and will never return to. Some are vague outlines, some are 4 sentences, some are 40 pages. But if they haunt me, I want them to haunt you too.

OH BOY! Here is the 40 page fic lol.

It is the first fanfiction I ever started to write, and boy does it show. I do not have the time, skill, or energy to go back and make this fic good. But it will always have a special place in my heart for what it could have been.

Anywho.

Harry and Ginny get stuck in a time loop during the start of OOTP, stuck at Grimauld Place. They start to actually form a friendship during this time because they are the only two reliving the same day over and over again at Grimmauld. I wanted it set here because it gave Harry the opportunity to have more time with Sirius. It allowed Harry to get to know Ginny earlier. It allowed shenanagans and it allowed angst with no reprocussions because they got to relive the same day over if they fucked up.

Fun fact! It was also based on a Bellarke fanfiction, Meet Me in the Morning! It is just a time loop fic for Bellamy and Clarke for the first season of The 100, but it is what inspired me to write this.

Below the cut are some of my favorite scenes I wrote and an outline for where the fic was going! (Beware it is quite long!)

Chapter 1.

Opened with Weasleys et al. having to clean a room, and Ginny is having major deja vu because they did this yesterday?

Ginny lurched forward to snap the lid of the music box close. “Okay”, Ginny said, turning to everyone in the room, “Am I insane or did we do this yesterday?”

“You’re insane,” chorused the twins from the back corner of the room. 

“No, we definitely did this yesterday,” Harry chimed in. 

“Okay, you’re both insane,” replied Ron. 

“No, yesterday you idiots opened this same box and Crookshanks ate the doxy eggs in the corner.” Ginny pointed at her brother, “And Fred, you definitely took doxy eggs yesterday. I distinctly remember,” Ginny panicked to a room of blank stares. Only Harry seemed to not be looking at her like she had two heads. 

“I think the house is getting to you, Gin,” George said.

“No, I am with Ginny on this one. In the wardrobe Ron and Hermione were cleaning, Sirius’s Grandpa has an Order of Merlin for ‘Services to the Ministry.’ Ron tried on the medal and wore it for the next hour after we found it,” Harry pointed out.

George walked over to the wardrobe and dug around the opened drawer, pulling out an emerald green handkerchief that had dark spots splattered on it which could be blood, picking something small up and not so discreetly tucking it into his pocket, before proudly brandishing a gold medal with a big M on the front. 

“Merlin, it’s Merlin!” George exclaimed.

“You’re going to do all of my Divination homework for me this year, mate,” Ron said, reaching for the medal in George’s hands. “Look at me,” Ron said, placing the medal over his head, and puffing out his chest to brandish the medal, “Order of Merlin, First Class award winner.”

Fred snatched the medal off of Ron. “I don’t think they hand out Order of Merlin’s for being the biggest git, Ronnikins.”

“If I ever win an Order of Merlin, it will be because I put up with you,” Ron said, snatching the medal back. 

“Okay, but how did you know that Harry?” Hermione asked.

“I told you, we did this yesterday!” Harry exclaimed.

“No, Harry, we did not,” Hermione retorted.

“Okay we didn’t,” Ginny said, pointing at the group, “But Harry and I did.” 

It is important to note that Slytherin's Locket is in all the stuff that they are cleaning (that is an important tool that will become important later!)

They try talking with the adults and they can't come up with a solution. They think that Voldemort may have done something to Harry in the graveyard or someone at the ministry did something to Harry during his hearing and Ginny gets mad at all them for forgetting her. Harry and Ginny relive the next few days in frustration.

our next scene takes place on top of the roof of Grimmauld Place

“Well, I had the stupid thought that maybe if we both stayed up all night, the clock couldn’t reset. And I thought, why not at least start our night out here. We can go back inside later if you get too cold, Mr. I’m-too-good-for-a-jumper, but for now, being under the stars is nice. We don’t get out much anymore,” Ginny rambled.

“It’s not stupid.” Harry reassured her.

Ignoring the swoop in her stomach again, Ginny layed down on the blanket and stared up at the stars. She had always found the night sky fascinating. When she would sneak out at night to steal one of her older brother’s brooms for a night fly, she would always end the night staring up at the dark sky above her. Coming up on the roof at night made her feel slightly more at home, even if the sky does not get as dark nor the stars as bright as they did at the Burrow. 

“Why do you think it was us?” Ginny softly asked. “Why us and not you and Ron, or the twins? Or not even all of us?”

Harry joined Ginny laying down on the blanket, his arm slightly pressing against hers. Neither one moved. Ginny regretted throwing on the jumper so that her skin could actually touch Harry’s. Still, she could feel the heat radiating off of his arm that made her entire body flush with warmth.

“I don’t know,” replied Harry, turning his head to face Ginny. “I keep thinking back to the first day, maybe there was something we did just the two of us that caused this, but I keep drawing a blank. We were all in the drawing room cleaning, we all ate the same food all day. Ron and I played chess that night and you and Hermione watched, but why wouldn’t Ron and Hermione also be experiencing this if that was the cause. I just don’t know.”

“No one seems to know,” Ginny said in response, thinking back over the last several days when the adults tried to help, but no solution was given. 

Ginny looked down at Harry’s wristwatch. Five minutes until midnight. Making it past midnight is their first big obstacle, if they could make it to the 15th, then maybe they can break free from time’s grasp on them. 

“I’m sorry if I somehow caused this,” Harry whispered.

Ginny sat straight up and turned to Harry. “Let’s get one thing clear, you are not apologizing for something that is not your fault. Especially when so much of what is going on is unknown. You got that, Harry Potter?”

“Gin,” Harry said sitting up, “Let’s be realistic, when I am around, things have a tendency to go to shit. People get hurt because of me.”

Ginny understood immediately. Cedric.

Ginny placed her hand over Harry’s, “You were not the reason Cedric is dead, Harry. You didn’t kill him.”

“But if I didn’t tell him to grab the stupid cup with me, he would still be alive.”

“And if I didn’t write in that damn diary, I would not have been the reason so many people were petrified two years ago. I could have directly killed every single one of them, they were all just lucky. Harry, I understand the guilt you are carrying right now, but I also know that it was not our fault those things happened. It is Tom’s fault.”

Harry studied Ginny’s face, trying to understand. “I’m sorry, I sometimes forget everything you’ve been through.”

“It’s fine,” Ginny shrugged, “I’ve mostly moved on. Try not to let Tom control me anymore than he already has.” 

Harry bumped Ginny’s shoulder with his own, “Voldemort sucks doesn’t he?”

Ginny snorted. “That is one way to put it.”

Harry grinned down at Ginny. She could feel her cheeks begin to pink again. It wasn’t the same when she used to turn into a tomato and freeze up next to him. This felt warm like a summer day at the Burrow. Comfortable and Safe.

And then Ginny woke up.

Chapter 2

this chapter is really just the getting into shenanagans chapter. They fly brooms through the halls together. They completely destroy a room they are supposed to clean to get our their frustrations. One day Ginny pretends she is sick because she doesn't want to deal with it all and Harry brings her food.

The end of this chapter they go to Hogwarts to corner Dumbledore to see if he can actually help them because he avoids Grimmauld, so they haven't got his advice yet.

Inside the Headmaster’s office sat their headmaster himself behind his desk, hands gently crossed on the desk in front of him. The famous twinkle in Dumbledore’s eye was absent. Dozens of picture frames of former headmaster’s sat behind him. One of them gave a loud scoff at the sight of the two teenagers. The voice of Phineas Nigellus spoke, “Your mother is quite upset with you, child. She is making such a ruckus, yelling at all your siblings. My worthless great-great-grandson is doing quite a horrible job at calming her down.”

Dumbledore raised a hand in the air, and Phineas Nigellus immediately quieted down. “Please Phineas, can you return to your other frame and inform Molly Weasley that her daughter and Mr. Potter are safe in my office.” Phineas gave another grunt, but quickly existed left out of frame. Dumbledore returned his focus to the pair in front of him. “Now, why do I have the pleasure of this early morning visit from two students who should be at home right now?” Dumbledore asked them sternly.

Ginny rarely interacted with her Headmaster. A quick hello in passing in the halls on sporadic instances. Then there was that one time her second year he invited her up to his office to share some hot chocolate to see how she was holding up after the events of her first year. She was intimidated and lied saying she was fine, then promptly ignored the offer to seek him out if she were to ever need anything. So when she was lightly scolded by her Headmaster, she looked down at the ground in shame.

Harry, however, had no such qualms of embarrassment. “We need help, and I was hoping you could provide that for us, sir.” The bite and anger that was in Harry’s voice at the start of the summer was back as if the sight of Albus Dumbledore triggered the feelings of resentment and anger to return.

“Harry… I need you to take a moment to collect yourself.”

“Ginny and I have been stuck reliving the same day over and over again!” Harry yelled, each work punched with emphasis. “WE HAVE BEEN STUCK FOR MONTHS AND NO ONE CAN HELP US! YOU WON’T HELP US!” 

Harry seized a glass instrument on the table and threw it against the wall. Ginny recognized the seriousness of the situation they were in and the hurt that Harry felt, but she did want to give him a score of 9 out of 10 for that throw.

 Harry’s chest heaved, “I WANT TO BE NORMAL! WHY - DO - SHITTY - THINGS - KEEP - HAPPENING - TO - ME?” Harry yelled, voice hoarse with emotion. He kicked at the leg of the small wooden table causing it to crumble to the ground. 

Ginny cautiously took a few steps forward, “Harry?” she questioned, voice soft. Harry whipped around to face her, eyes alight with rage. However, they softened when the green eyes met her brown. Harry turned back to Dumbledore, much stiller than before.

Dumbledore slowly rose from his desk and walked around to his pensive in the corner of the room, ignoring Harry as he walked past. He picked up the basin and brought it to the center of the room, floating between the three of them. “Miss Weasley,” Dumbledore turned to her, “I am trusting you with sensitive information, that I have full faith in that you will keep to yourself.” Ginny could only nod at this request. 

Dumbledore spoke to Harry, “There is a prophecy.” Then he pulled out his wand taking a silver stream of a memory from his head and placing it in the pensive. A figure began to rise out of the basin. Professor Trelawney spoke in a loud, harsh tone. 

“THE ONE WITH THE POWER TO VANQUISH THE DARK LORD APPROACHES. . . . BORN TO THOSE WHO HAVE THRICE DEFIED HIM, BORN AS THE SEVENTH MONTH DIES . . . AND THE DARK LORD WILL MARK HIM AS HIS EQUAL, BUT HE WILL HAVE POWER THE DARK LORD KNOWS NOT . . . AND EITHER MUST DIE AT THE HAND OF THE OTHER FOR NEITHER CAN LIVE WHILE THE OTHER SURVIVES. . . . THE ONE WITH THE POWER TO VANQUISH THE DARK LORD WILL BE BORN AS THE SEVENTH MONTH DIES. . . .” 

A quiet hum fell over the room. Ginny held her breath, not wanting to be the first to make a sound. Eventually, Harry was the one to break the tension. “What… what exactly does that mean?” Harry paused, drawing in a breath, “Does that mean me?”

“Everything that has happened to you, is because Lord Voldemort decided it to be when he chose you.” Dumbledore stood in front of his pensive, but looked directly at Harry. “He marked you as an equal on that fateful Halloween evening in Godric’s Hollow.

Chapter 3:

The moping, but surprisingly, moping by Ginny and not Harry after hearing the prophecy. She thinks that the only way to end the time loop is to do something drastic. So, Ginny kills herself.

Thankfully, she wakes up the next day and Harry is not happy with her.

The bedroom door opened with a bang.  

“Harry!” Hermione shrieked, “We aren’t dressed yet!”

Ginny pulled back the blanket over her head and peered at the doorway to see a very disheveled Harry. He was still wearing his pajama bottoms and a shirt two times too large for him which must have once belonged to his cousin. His hair was sticking up out of place more than usual like he had literally just gotten out of bed. 

“Ginny,” Harry sighed, almost looking relieved. And then his attitude shifted. Ginny noticed his eyes darken and his posture stiffen before he strode over to her bed. 

He was pissed. 

“What the absolute fuck was that, Ginevra Weasley!” 

Oh, he is using her full name. He is really pissed. Angrier at her than he was at Dumbledore. She just hoped he wouldn’t chuck any crystal lamps at her head.

“Do you realize what the consequences could have been for your actions yesterday? Do you realize how incredibly stupid you were?”

He could be as mad as he wanted to be, but he was not going to call her stupid. She thought about this long and hard. She was not stupid. Ginny jumped out of bed and stood toe to toe with Harry, not planning on backing down from his anger.

“Obviously I knew what the consequences were going to be, Harry. Did you even read the letter?”

“Did I even read the letter?” Harry spluttered, “Yes I fucking read the letter. I read both of them. I realize you have some flaws like how feisty and short-tempered you are, but, damn, I never realized how selfish you could be too! Did you even think about how everyone would react when they found you dead? No, of course you didn’t!”

“How dare you? Of course I did, Harry! I thought about it for days!”

“For days!” Harry shrieked. “And you didn’t think to maybe tell me?”

“You know exactly why I didn’t tell you. You wouldn’t let me try!” Ginny pushed back.

“No shit, I wouldn’t have let you try because it was a dumb idea! If you brought it up to me, maybe you would have realized the consequences! Did you think about your family? You should have seen the way your mom sobbed all night long. Or the way Fred and George did not laugh let alone smile for the entire evening. Ron cried for hours blaming himself for something entirely not his fault! Hermione was the one who found you! Her scream echoed through the house and scared all of us!”

Hermione finally spoke up after hearing her name, “Harry,” Hermione said warely, “What are you even talking about?”

Harry put his hand up in Hermione’s direction, not even looking at her. “Not now, Hermione!”

“Oye! Don’t yell at her, she didn’t even do anything wrong!” Ron’s voice echoed from somewhere behind Harry.

“See, Harry!” Ginny yelled, ignoring the audience they have, “They don’t even remember. It doesn’t matter. It didn’t work, let’s move on!”

Harry growled at those words. “Fuck Ginny! I remember! You killed yourself yesterday, and I will always remember that! Yesterday was the worst day of my life! You know what the worst day of my life was before then? The day you got taken down to the Chamber of Secrets!”

“Why do you even care so much if I really did die?”

“Merlin, Ginny because,” And then Harry, as though without thinking, or truly even planning it, grabbed her face, pulled her up to him and kissed her. 

Oh.

Ginny was frozen in shock for a second, trying to fully grasp what exactly was happening. And then she was kissing him back. As a little girl, she had always wondered what it would be like to kiss Harry Potter. She imagined it to be soft and tender, maybe he would brush her hair back behind her ear before he leaned down to press his lips to hers. She never expected it to be so heated. Ginny wrapped her arms around his back and pressed her entire body into him. Minutes ago she had died, but now she had never felt more alive.

The rest of the chapter is them just trying and miserably failing at secret dating during the various days that they keep reliving.

“You would think that we would know enough hiding places by now to not keep getting caught.”

“If Sirius gives you the talk again, that is on you.”

The end of the chapter is when the reveal that the chest Slytherin's Locket is kept in also happens to have a broken time turner in it! (oooohhh)

Chapter 4: (This is where we jump the shark)

Harry and Ginny sneak out of the house and go on a date at Diagon Alley! But war is a thing, and Harry and Ginny should not be wandering around Diagon Alley all by themselves and lol, guess what, they get kidnapped by death eaters and taken to Voldemort.

They go to Malfoy Manor, and they realize that the best way to escape is actually by killing themselves because they know it won't actually stick thanks to Ginny's early attempt. They also are worried that if Voldemort kills Harry that then the prophecy might actually stick, so Ginny kills Harry by stabbing him with a knife. Unfortunately, before she can turn and kill herself, the Death Eaters stop her and take her to Voldemort.

A dangerous thought crossed her mind.

This was either going to extend her pain or kill her sooner. She hoped to Merlin it would kill her sooner. 

“Do all 16 year old boys keep a diary, or was that just something you did Tom?”

Voldemort stopped torturing the Death Eater who captured her and turned to face Ginny.

“How dare you use that name, little girl! How did you know of the diary?”

“I wrote in it. We became fast friends. Unfortunately it's gone now. Harry destroyed it, and killed your pet snake as well. You can thank Mr. Malfoy over there for giving it to me.” 

A flash of light was sent Ginny’s direction, she didn’t even have time to recognize that the color was not green before she fell to the ground in excruciating pain. It was like every nerve fiber was on fire and then on ice. It was unbearable. Ginny couldn’t tell if she was screaming or not. Her blood was pounding in her ears, and her head felt like it was going to explode. And then it was over. 

“You gave one of my horcruxes to a teenage girl?”

“My Lord, I was not aware that it was a horcrux.”

“Avada Kedavra!”

Unfortunately for Ginny, it was Lucius Malfoy that fell to the ground dead and not her. 

From her position on the floor, Ginny could see Voldemort kick Lucius Malfoy’s body out of the way before he sauntered over to her. Voldemort crouched down to Ginny’s level, pointing his wand at her.

“You might think that I would be thankful to the person who killed Harry Potter.” Voldemort said, tracing a pattern across Ginny’s face, “But they would be wrong. I was to be the one to kill the boy, and yet a teenage girl does it instead. My only question is why?”

Ginny let out a whimper as Voldemort’s wand continued to jab her cheek. 

“You speak when Voldemort speaks to you,” Voldemort sneered.

“I didn’t want you to get to Harry, Tom -” before Ginny could even finish the sentence, Voldemort sent another cruciatus curse at her. Somehow the pain was more excruciating than the first time the spell hit her. 

“How dare you! Potter may have killed the basilisk, but he did not get to Nagini. You will become quick friends with her.” Voldemort said, standing up and walking away from her. The familiar sounds of parseltongue were heard. Ginny looked up to see Voldemort’s pet snake slithering towards her with its jaw wide open. Nagini striked, biting down on Ginny’s neck. 

The pain was different from the cruciatus, but just as painful. 

“Kill me, please just kill me,” Ginny begged. And then Nagini struck again.

Ginny wakes up. And then it is basically a repeat of the time that Ginny first killed herself where Harry crashes into her and Hermione's room panicking that Ginny is dead.

The chapter ends with Ginny asking Harry if he knew what a horcrux was.

Chapter 5: LAST CHAPTER!

Everyone finds out what a horcrux is and realizes that the locket is one. We destroy the locket! With the sword, Ginny also gets to do it because Ginny deserves to destroy a horcrux!

And, like I have said before, I just really like digging into Ginny's trauma with Tom. So like the boggart scene in I Go On Too Many Dates and in the other graveyard fic, Haunted, I have Ginny face Tom again.

“How are you going to open it?” Ginny asked.

“Parsaltongue,” Harry replied, the answer somehow obvious now to the both of them. “Ginny,” Harry warned, “it is going to fight back. Are you sure you want to do this? I am sure Dumbledore-”

“Harry, we both know that it has to be one of us,” Ginny interrupted, “and you got to do it last time.”

Harry nodded at her, and set the locket down on top of the table. A quick swing down and then this nightmare would all be over. Ginny’s hands tightened on the handle of the Sword of Gryffindor. Just one swing.

With a hiss from Harry, the locket springs open.

With shaky hands, Ginny lifts the sword above her head. Just one swing. Why can’t she swing? Looking down at the locket, the eyes that have continued to haunt her nightmares for the past 3 summers stared back at her. Then the voice that haunts her began to speak.

“Ginny, I have missed you. Look at you, all grown up, but still so young. So naive. So stupid.” 

Out of the locket’s windows, two figures grew: one of Tom Riddle, the other of Harry. 

Ginny lowered the sword out of shock.

“Ginny, stab it!” Harry shouted from a million miles away. 

The voice of Riddle-Harry was much louder. “Do you really think that I could truly love you? That this bond we have formed was not out of desperation? Are you that stupid that you think I will continue to want to be around you once we break free from this loop?”

Ginny backed away as the figures of Tom Riddle and the dark Harry sauntered towards her. 

Tom Riddle spoke next. 

“I know everything about you Ginevra Weasley. I know how you hate to be coddled because you are the youngest. I know that worry that you disappoint your own mother because you are not the daughter that she always wanted. I know that even though you are a Gryffindor, you are still terrified.” Riddle stood directly in front of Ginny, “terrified of me. You have so many demons, and they all look like me, don’t they? I haunt your dreams. Hasn’t it been so nice not dreaming lately? You have almost forgotten about me? You have gotten to live out your childhood fantasies of being the love of Harry Potter. 

“Do you really want to lose that?” Tom Riddle asked, a long, cold finger hovering over Ginny’s cheek. Almost to brush away a nonexistent tear.

No, she didn’t want to lose that at all. Tom terrified her. The diary may be long gone, but Tom was still a part of who Ginny was since the Chamber. Ginny looked over to the real Harry. Her Harry. Harry was the reason why Tom’s voice that used to echo around her skull, had softened to a whisper. The risk of nightmares returning and Harry moving on was worth ending the loop. It was worth ending Tom. 

Ginny rushed forward with the sword brandished over her head and swung down on the metal locket, shattering it into pieces. Both Tom Riddle and Riddle-Harry vanished with a scream. Ginny dropped the sword to the ground, sinking to her knees next to it. Warm arms embraced her. Ginny turned to the familiar scent of Harry that was her best source of comfort during the past few months.

“He’s gone,” Whispered Harry, muffled by Ginny’s hair. Ginny clung on to Harry tighter. “He’s gone,” Harry repeated, “But I’m not going anywhere. It’s going to take a lot more than that for you to get rid of me. If one thing is for certain, Gin, it’s that you and I are stuck together.”

Ginny gave Harry a watery smile. “I know.” She could still hear the chill of Tom’s voice echoing around her skull. She knew this would only ignite the nightmares that have plagued her since the Chamber because Tom was right: she is still scared of him. 

“Let’s go to the roof.”

Ginny and Harry just held onto each other for the rest of the night, whispering words of reassurance to each other. At some point, Ron and Hermione came up to join them. The four of them stared up at the stars, very few words passing between them, waiting for the clock to strike Midnight. 

“Guys!” Hermione said, sitting up straight. “My watch says it's 12:04!”

“It’s past midnight?!”

“It’s past midnight!”

“Ginny!” Harry shouted, picking her up by the waist and spinning her around. “You did it, you’re amazing!” Ginny giggled.

“You do realize they are not going to forget this time and we will actually have to deal with the consequences of my family knowing we are dating, right?”

“You are so worth it.” Harry said, grinning down at Ginny and kissing her. 

AND THAT IS IT!

I have honestly had thoughts about what comes after all of this: Harry basically being like "lol no" to Cho as soon as he saw her, Ginny breaking up with Michael Corner because she basically cheated on him for over a year with Harry. The fact that, technically, both Harry and Ginny aged a year despite not moving forward a day, so does that then cause them to lose the trace a year earlier? The fact that we know about horcruxes a year earlier, and destroyed one a year earlier, so how does that impact the rest of the story.

etc. etc.

The world will never know

[huntingteeth]

Random question, I guess, but what was the fandom you read your first fanfic in? (Mine was Buffy - closely followed by Dark Angel and The Tribe. I received it via email from a friend. 😅 Don’t know where she found it. The Dark Angel fic was probably from a Geocities page, The Tribe one from a Tribe forum. Partly they were in German and I did not know about fanfiction.net yet.)

Also, was the 2nd last post a hint that if your readers flail a lot at your fics, we might get a WIP? 🙈 You should know, I am flailing extensively and can hardly wait for ANY new chapter for any of your fics. ❤️

Also, I‘m currently considering to pull a "when I open my eyes to the future“ IV and move to a small town to live with friends and visit farmers markets. Alternatively I’d be up for looking for eldritch creatures in the forest, my moms says it’s ok.

i thiiiink my first fandom was lord of the rings in middle school, my friends and i would print out fic and swap it during class l m a o. and then we had proto-discord forums and ff.net for lotr and buffy and yu-gi-oh and then i transitioned into fall out boy et al bandom with livejournal. 😂😂 lot of geocities, lot of angelfire.

it could be!! i’m being a little precious with my wips lmao. it’s been a coupla years since i was active in any fandom lol; i gotta get back in the groove of it. and i know!! it’s been a little bit since i dropped anything (writing on my phone makes me want to stab my fingers i’ll be honest!!). alternatively, click the read more at the bottom of the page!

doesn’t it just sound like a dream!! oh to be a little eldritch creature in the woods, visiting farmers markets and baking bread and sharing meals with friends!!

ok here’s a sneak peak from the epilogue of ikhwghgia, just 4 u:

The time between handing off his guitar and making it to the hotel is a blur; IV couldn’t say what happened in the interim, but soon enough, he’s in the bathroom with II, scrubbing black body paint off his body.

“You missed a spot,” II says genially, reaching up to scrub a spot IV missed under his jaw with his thumb.

IV follows II into the shower and laughs against his mouth, still feeling the rush of adrenaline that follows him after every show. II wraps his arms around IV’s neck, even under the spray of hot water, as IV cradles his hips in his hands. They kiss until II pulls back with a hiss as a rivulet of water and diluted body paint runs down into his eye.

“Shit, shit,” II mutters, even as IV presses laughing apologies against the side of his head. “Could you help me instead of laughing at me?”

IV snickers one last time against the side of his head and then they scrub each other down quickly, because they’re not the only ones who need to shower.

“Why do the smalls always get to shower together?” III complains as they exit the bathroom, wrapped up in towels and tussling like puppies. The complaint is offset by the easy grin that curls its way across his face as he watches them.

Vessel huffs a laugh and drags him into the bathroom as II tips IV onto the bed and crawls in after him. II hovers over him for a moment, watching as goosebumps erupt over the expanse of IV’s shoulders and arms. “You cold?”

The air flowing from the AC under the window isn’t cool by any means – III, the maniac, always cranks up the heat as soon as they get to their rooms – but their skin is bare and they’re fresh from the steamy bathroom.

[loudlittledemon]

Taking a break from my paper to write angsty kylux mpreg as a coping mechanism for my teacher shortening the deadline of the final by 8 HOURS. I have to finish this 12 page bitch in 13 hours. I’m at page 9 And I haven’t even put in my citations yet (like I have all of them and know where I want to put them but can’t be arsed to write (Hunt, et. al, The Vision of the whatever, 1700) every other fuckin line.) And I’m probably going to fail this class anyway. Fuck me is this worth it? Yes damnit, you need these units. I also need a burrito and bed and then I’ll crank it out in the morning yeah that sounds good. Bleh. I’m fine just in my feels rn lol

[jotadoul]

i was rooting around in the mud to try answering some of my own questions from my previous post and i'm sort of putting together the idea that... within gaea or anywhere, if a/the system is so restrictive that people's concept of freedom and relief necessitates (or appears to only come by way of) conquest, and there appears to be no other option, then that's what they'll seek. they haven't been shown that peace can come by any other means than as an outcome of war, of self-preservation. ok.

so that's the fateful force here... there's nothing to break up that cycle of violence. man i guess! like obviously i understand how that pairs with real life (see: capitalism.) as someone who loves and loves to write cyclical narratives and narratives about cycles, i do like that. but i have a hard time accepting concepts that intend to cover an entire world without exception— stories that are about saving A World, at that zoomed-out level, just don't grip me as much as a more intimate scope. i feel like it has to be one or the other, or i get to see Other aspects of the world zoomed-out too; how the structure of its universe works. because it feels unfair to assume no one tried breaking the cycle previously in places we don't get to know about. we get to see the wolfmen et al, living in the forests far away from people, and beset upon by people nonetheless. but if that were such an example, it feels much too implicit when the other exposition is so explicit.

and if it takes more than one person to alter fate, wh... how different were folken and hitomi's wishes lmao!!!!!!!!! or folken and van's, jesus!!!!!!!!!!

i'm sorry lol but i think of everything in the series this is going to be a big sticking point to me because it feels out of step with everything we've been shown prior, and therefore makes me go back and question how we got here. having seen the effect that the loss of his family had on van, it also feels needlessly cruel. just piling crushing loss on top of him. if it's to fulfill some kind of shonen trope, it's also weird to deploy that at the zero hour where all the seeming-tropes we've been teased with have been shattered.

and if i'm supposed to see the tropes as being part of fate, too, and that these themes are only as concrete as they remain unbroken, i guess i can accept that, but this also feels so emotionally dissatisfying. because that's suddenly turning the characters into symbols where at this point the series has taken great pains to make us understand them as complex people. folken in particular being portrayed repeatedly as gentle, kind, sincere, of all the characters notably consistent and comprehensible, very even, knows himself and others... it seems like an abrupt change of course, and not in terms of fate. it is a structural tonal shift, not a narrative one. he's sacrificing himself, yeah, i get the reasons given, but that does nothing for me if it seems like he's been sacrificed by the show Because Uhhhhh... Just Because?

i guess i shouldn't read so much into an area of the show that does feel curtailed and lends credence to the idea that the show was meant to be longer. but i think in the time they had the explanation and result could've been different while still tying up loose ends and making the same points. aside from not making much sense to me within the system of fate and the framing and structure feeling, for once where folken's concerned, emotionally inconsistent (i know he wants to kill dornkirk and atone for his own role in the scheme, but he Has also been given a third shot at life after really aching to be with van.) i wouldn't mind his death— it would be sad but not disappointing— if the circumstances were different, even just in his rship with dornkirk, or if it took place somewhere else, or van was present, or possibly even if only the animation itself were different. there's very little (or no) things about the series that i have to mentally work to fix. but regardless of the fate shit and conflicting motivations or whatever, knowing hitomi leaves, and even knowing that their united feelings make things more peaceful, i don't think punishing van with further sadness/loneliness was the right thing to do. like it feels arbitrary, which takes me out.

not that this could've been planned at the time but, if he'd lived, it'd make the film an even more exciting alternate telling imo, to show how easily things could've been different with a different propulsive moment. that would help portray the infinite potentialities of fate— its inherent malleability, but also showing how tragically easy it is to stay on course if uninterrupted— in motion, even by "only" showing "2" of them.

[unnonexistence]

fic writer asks number 14!! tell me your inspiration

[fic writer ask meme]

14. where do you get your inspiration?

music!!! music is the biggest & most obvious source. I owe a lot of my newmann headcanons & interpretations to, like, 10-30 pacific rim playlists that i listened to over and over again on 8tracks when I was in uni. they gave me something nice to think about while I was doing the dishes, & I will forever be grateful lol.

I make my own playlists as well, both for longer fic projects & specific characters/specific parts of the movie/et cetera. often i'll have a song that captures the vibe i want for something PERFECTLY, and I like to look at the song and go "okay, how exactly is it doing that?" and use that as a starting point (i.e. steal their storytelling techniques haha).

for The Big WIP, one of the songs I took a lot of inspiration from is Home To Me by Madeline. it has this repeated idea of, like, something romantic happens & the narrator is like "this is lovely, but I know it's not really about me," & I definitely used that. it also inspired a specific detail that's going to be obvious when I eventually post the relevant chapters lol.

another song I took much more abstract inspo from is A Small Fruit Song by Al Stewart. it's got this whole long & complicated instrumental that leads up to two verses expressing a feeling in as straightforward a way as I think it can be expressed, and like... yeah. that is a shape I'm trying to write too. sometimes you have to dance around something for a while before you can say it concretely.

playlists also help me stay on track with the story, because my first drafts often don't quite hit the emotional beats I intended them to. like there's one scene I've been messing with for ages because it's just not quite right, and I realized after listening to an old playlist again that I had the wrong reasoning behind Newt's feelings, & it was throwing everything off. still gotta fix that but I know what the problem is now!

aside from music, reading genres I don't write (mostly mystery & various types of nonfiction) really replenishes the writing well for me. they're hard to pick out as direct influences, but it all goes into the blender & a smoothie comes out, you know? gotta have a variety of ingredients in there.

thanks for asking!!

[graysongraysoff]

i think switching over from twitter to bluesky these last couple days and watching my timeline as folks try to find each other over there has helped me isolate something that’s been bothering me for the last couple of years that i haven’t been able to articulate until now.

see, the fandoms and fanfic-sharing spaces i have been in until recently were very much just about enjoying x thing together in the very simplest sense. even in the bigger and more “topical” fandoms i’ve been in over the years, it was all about making a small, close-knit group of friends really casually in the tags by exchanging headcanons and rping and writing fics for each other in a very, like, “non-commercial” way. just hanging out and having fun and feeding off of each other’s passion in forums or later on tumblr with no expectations beyond just enjoying each other’s work and company. like sure i still got in my head about kudos and comments from time to time, who doesn't, but it was more of an every-once-in-a-while thing rather than being like. daily.

now, i don’t know if this is because of the specific fandoms i’m in currently or if fandom in general has made this shift as forum sites and tumblr have fallen off and more algorithmic sites like twitter and instagram have taken over, but recently trying to engage in fan spaces feels so much more like. capitalist now, lol. it’s all about networking and promoting your work and Getting That Bag (either figuratively via kudos and comments or literally via commissions and zines). not that this hasn't always been an element of fandom — i know it has, and a big one at that. and i know a lot of people enjoy this side of things, which is awesome! go get that bag! hell knows i’m gonna buy that merch and support those zines!

i’m just saying that, to me, it feels like that's the whole thing now rather than just a part of it. i largely haven’t been successful with finding fandom friends the way i used to, because, well, how do you start bantering casually with people in fandom tags now that everyone has left tumblr, and twitter and instagram et al basically function as fandom linkedin? the larger shift away from just goofing off in forums to creating promotional threads for your fanfic on bluesky and huge discord servers to network in... i don't know. i don't love it.

i’ve started using reddit a little more over the last few days, so we'll see; maybe that's where my chiller, more vibey fandom niche has vanished to. but i think trying to carve a space in this larger fandom culture is the root of this constant feeling of inadequacy i’ve been wrestling with these last couple years. everyone takes everything so much more seriously, and i pay so much more attention to my ao3 stats than i used to as a result. i’m simply not having fun anymore.

it's no wonder i want to orphan my fics and delete my accounts when it feels like the only way to make fandom friends now is through fucking marketing. i do enough of that at my job without making it a part of my hobbies, too.

[artificialwizard]

Venting and rambling about ai art discourse

Feel free to ignore this + this isnt an invitation to argue back and forth with me about ai

My tag system on main for years now has been

#art = abstract art

#representational art = all non-abstract art

( + #dreamscape = art that can't be neatly categorized as abstract or representational + art that reminds me of dreaming )

Bc at the time I created this tag system i was very fed up with abstract art and modern art being dismissed as Not Real Art by some assholes and i wanted to put abstract art first in my space and have representational art be the one that needs a descriptor to differentiate it from "normal"/"real" art

Currently holding myself back from doing something similar to be petty about the never ending ai art backlash/discourse

Haven't been posting my abstract art or ai art online much lately but i still make a lot of both (+ getting back into writing and prob won't be posting much of that either). Sharing art online, other than with close friends, seems like hell to me rn.

Maybe someday i'll start posting my art again it just sucks that anytime i go on any social media from discord to youtube theres an 80% chance i see people shitting on the artistic mediums that i'm most passionate about

And its not like the ai hate train has slowed down the rancid attitudes around abstract art lol, not that I'd stop making AI art if abstract art was more respected

Abstract art is the easiest and most rewarding way for me to express myself creatively and it gels so well with my perfectionism issues bc perfection is Not the point (except when it is, but then its an artistic choice not a constant obligation for every piece). A piece about grief doesnt need to have perfect straight lines or symmetry, the art can be messy if it suits the tone I'm going for.

And AI image and music generation is very exciting to me! I've always been curious about what it would be like getting to see the creation of a new way of making art and its been very cool being able to somewhat follow AI innovations since 2018 and then get to experiment with it myself once more ai tools became accessible!!

Whether im the ai art im making is abstract or representational, i love not having full control over the result! I love bouncing ideas back and forth with the AI. I love having to combine my visual art skills and my language/description skills.

I use midjourney et al. the same way I'd make my OCs in dressup games while brainstorming ideas. Mindless doodling that can often lead to writers block breakthroughs.

I also use midjourney et al. to make quick vent art when I'm feeling strong emotions just like I'd do in my sketchbook or in my digital art apps.

And sometimes i'm using ai to spend hours trying to make something very specific i want to create.

Idk its all just tools to me. Midjourney. Paint Tool Sai. Pen and paper. I get the same joy/relief out of making art with all of the above

Im not aiming for fame or money, i make 0-200$ a year from art, usually 0. I just want to have a little corner of the internet to share my images and reach a handful of ppl who appreciate them and want to discuss abstract & ai art with me thats it. Im not coming for your art job, i dont allign myself with corporations aiming to further disadvantage workers in artistic industries or artists who freelance

Anyway reason #2 i slowed down on posting art is grief has been kicking my ass these past 4 years. Lots of deaths in the family + death of a friend. some relationships were fractured and im grieving those as well.

Reason #3 is started full time library job in november 🎉 its wonderful and its exhausting and im still finding my rythm after years of being chronically un(der)employed and/or in college, but hopefully once life settles down more ill have more and more time to spend on art and writing

Havent vent posted in ages and it feels weird doing it on one of my art blogs so im going to end this with two of my recent(ish) pieces on grief, first made in onelab (not ai, android art app i make 80% of my digital art in) and second in midjourney

Thanks if u read all/most/some of that :)

Think i just needed to be like "man this sucks" so i can move on to "anyway! Art time >:)"