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mistmarigold · 7 months ago

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Lovely runner fic (that should’ve been in ep 16)

Preview: Featuring married soljae with a small glimpse into Sol’s trauma and Sunjae’s memories of the original timeline.

In the middle of the night, Sunjae wakes up to get a glass of water, draping the blanket over sleeping Sol before stepping out of the room to refill the pitcher. In his mid-sleep state, he knocks over a glass of water, the shards going all over the place. His eyes open more attentively but before cleaning up, he goes to check on Sol, just in case.

In their bed, Sol was tossing and turning, shaking like a leaf with her hands in small, tight fists. Sunjae sits on the bed and touches her lightly to calm her down only to find her face wet from tears and sweat. He brings her closer to him, almost cradling her against his body, and lightly hums Sonagi to her. Soon enough, Sol’s writhing calms down and her hands loosen to rest atop Sunjae’s heart.

With a peaceful Sol in his arms, Sunjae eventually doses off too.

The next morning, he finds Sol staring at him with an almost vacant gaze. As if she was timelines away, even though her body was still snuggling against him. He drops a soft lingering kiss on her forehead, lightly caressing her face, still in sheer awe that she was with him, in his life, in his home, in his arms. He would never be grateful enough for her.

“What are you thinking?” He asks, booping her nose.

She smiles - it’s the one where she’s worried but still assuring herself that things will be fine.

“Nothing, I was just thinking.”

“About?”

She doesn’t answer for a long moment, Sunjae doesn’t rush her either but rather keeps cuddling her.

At last, she finally answers.

“I wonder if it will ever stop,” she takes a breath before continuing. “Now that I have you, we are together, we are literally married, and yet our past keeps haunting me. Sometimes I get into the accident and lose myself, other times I see you getting murdered. Like clockwork, over and over again. It doesn’t matter how much time has passed, it still feels so vivid, as if I can almost touch it.”

Sunjae clutches her tighter.

“And I know you’re there, I know that if I reach out my hand I will find you next to me. Even in that state, I know that. Yet, I can’t bring myself out of it. It feels so real. It was real, it happened once. I wonder if it’ll ever stop - if I’ll ever stop fearing your death.”

This time around, she inches up and brushes her lips against his cheek, so light as if it was barely there.

For a long moment, both of them stay silent. She taps her fingers in tandem with his heartbeat while he tucks her hair against her ear, his fingers curving over the lobe before resting against her neck for a deep, gentle kiss.

“I wish I could take away your pain and all the hurt that you faced in our past, all by yourself. I wish I could do more for you. But Sol-ah, know that it was never, ever your fault. It was always my choice to make. Don’t carry the burden and guilt for whatever happens to me, in any timeline, including our future.”

She was about to interrupt but he kisses her again.

“No, listen to me. I am fated to love you in every timeline. And if the consequence of this love is for me to make choices that might kill me, then I am making that choice by my own will. Yes, it might be selfish. But just because you love me doesn’t mean you get to decide my life for me. You did that once but look where we are? Together, married, in our bed. I know it’s hard, that I’m asking too much of you, but it’s time you start letting go of your guilt - it was never your fault.”

He sits up and takes her hands in his before kissing them both, reverence and love shining through his gaze.

“But thank you for jumping over time and space to save me, over and over again. I love you, Sol-ah.”

Sunjas wipes away her tears and kisses her again, falling over her and letting his kisses convey the feelings he doesn’t have enough words for.

***

After a glorious breakfast in bed (with flowers!) and lounging around some more, Sol finally steps out of their room. She finds Sunjae cleaning up in the kitchen, picking up the broken glass.

“I’m almost done and then we can watch something,” he said with his back to her.

Sol spots a big shard of glass and goes to pick it up, “Sunjae-ah, you missed-“

“Huh?” He turns around, “Oh no, did you get hurt?” When she doesn’t hand over the piece to him, he looks at her quizzically, “Sol?”

She looks up and gives it to him who promptly cleans up once more, just in case he missed any pieces.

“You know, when you first called me in the hospital as Ryu Sunjae, I had a glass piece similar to that one, clutched tightly in my hand,” Sol smiles while Sunjae freezes.

“And then the phone rang and it was so annoying I had to pick it up,” she chuckles. “Lo and behold, it’s Idol Ryu Sunjae on the other line, thanking me for being alive and telling me to live another day.”

Sunjae leans against the counter, patient and curious.

“I really wanted to strangle you. Or maybe not you but just ….that call. I didn’t want to listen or talk or do anything at all - I just wanted it all to stop, for the numbness to go away, for the regrets, grief and anger to just leave. To return to my old life. But I couldn’t have that - see, I didn’t have a special watch of my own to go back and fix things!” She laughs again.

Sol continues, “But you, as always, saved me again. Just as we are fated to be lovers in every timeline, I suppose, we are fated to save each other as well. And that’s how, by the way, I became your fan. Aren’t you just lucky?”

A lone tear drops from his eye, “the luckiest. But Sol-ah, I’m glad you didn’t do it, that you chose to hold on even when it was so hard to get through another day. It must not have been easy, I’m proud of you. And I am so, so sorry that I didn’t protect you back then. Please forgive me.”

Sol gets off her chair and walks over to him, “stop that. I literally just told you that you saved me even back then. Before I even knew of you let alone love you, you had already overstepped and saved me, not once but twice. What are you apologising for even?”

She grabs his hand, takes him to the couch, and faces him sideways while he leans against it, looking up at the ceiling, tears leaking out from the corner of his eyes.

“Sunjae-ya,” she calls out to him softly, wiping away his tears with the pad of her thumb and holds his hand in both of hers, squeezing three times.

“For 15 years, every day without fail, I thought what if I had woken you up at our stop that day. It would never leave my mind. Some days it was more intense, other days more mellow but still there. And every single day, I wished I could go back in time to wake you up and make sure you get home safe,” Sunjae takes a deep breath.

“And then, I saw you that night after the concert. You reminded me of the first moment we met - your smile…” Sunjae turns to look at her, his eyes wide and excited.

“It was so bright, the same as when we first met. It almost felt surreal, as if I was dreaming.”

Sol interrupts, “the feeling was totally mutual, by the way. Imagine meeting your fav idol like that? It seemed like a fanfic.”

Sunjae smiles but it lacked the excitement from before, “but it was short-lived. Seeing you helpless, stuck in the middle of the bridge and realising that you didn’t remember me - it was a cruel reality check that I wish I could’ve ignored.”

Sunjae looks away.

“There was so much I wanted to say to you that night but all I could do was just ….look at you and ensure your safety as some stranger. When I gave you that hot pack, I wanted that moment to freeze so I could hold your hand a moment longer.”

Sol brings up their intertwined hands in front of him, “well, that Sunjae (and Sol’s) wish came true!”

He gives her a small smile with a raised eyebrow, “that Sol didn’t even remember me. I doubt she wanted to hold hands with me.”

She hits him on his shoulder, “please you were her #1, she would’ve done everything to spend a moment longer with you. You should’ve asked her out for dinner!”

He laughs for real this time, “So she can think of me as a creep? Yeah, no thanks. As if it wasn’t bad enough already.”

“Come on, I would’ve never considered you a creep. Maybe a bit weird because why would Ryu Sunjae want to spend time with plain old me? At best, I would’ve thought you were pitying me,” Sol makes a face at him.

He momentarily pauses, “why would I pity you? Even if we keep aside the fact that you have been my first love, you were absolutely stunning, sweet and thoughtful. I don’t see a single pitying thing here.”

Sol tucks some strands behind her ear, “well, my glaring wheelchair was right there. Besides, you wouldn’t have been the first or last to pity me because I couldn’t walk.”

Sunjae turns toward her fully and holds her by her arms, “Sol-ah, your disability would’ve never been a hindrance to me. It would’ve never made me pity you because you were still a strong force of nature despite everything. You were happy, passionate and determined. You reminded me of warm sunshine on a chilly day. With those attributes, you think anything else would’ve mattered? If I could, I would’ve carried you and ran away!”

He puts his finger under her chin to get her to look at him, “I spent almost half my lifetime in guilt, regret and longing for you. That wheelchair was a glaring reminder of my own flaws, not yours. It didn’t reflect on you but me. I’m glad that you protected yourself from that accident but know that if it wasn’t the case, there wouldn’t have been any difference between my feelings for you. I’ve always loved you.”

Sol closes the gap between them and hugs him tight to herself as he buries his head in her neck.

“Just the way you told me earlier to try and let go of the guilt, I’m asking you to do the same. I wish I could’ve told this to that heartbroken Sunjae too: that nothing was his fault, that he saved me not once but twice. That he was loved by the woman he had loved for half his lifetime and she would do everything in her power to make sure he lives, and he lives well.”

In response, Sunjae crushes her to him even tighter, soft sobs racking through his body as Sol peppers kisses all over him, wiping away her own tears.

#idk how I’m here again #but had to give myself the acknowledgment for og soljae #wanted to include more things #i guess i’ll save them for another time #if there’s another time #(i know it’s a bit rusty)#it’s been a while #since I’ve written fiction #lovely runner #lovely runner fic #my fics

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