#wanna get going but i have to pack but i dont want to be in his way
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I need to go. Store.
#i need another suit case#and i have to buy formal clothes. for the job that im getting fired from. like i literally only have one or two days left (they still#havnt actually told me the day l o l) but i have to fucking show up in formal clothes so that they can take pictures even though im not even#gonna BE there :(#i wanna get candy for my students too.#and i still need to have lesson plans for my last day.#my new job is live streaming so that should be fun but the set up gives me the hebbie jeebies cajse of past shit so im a little worried.#should be fine though.#im a little shook up. today. im hoping ill feel better.#life is quiet though. its calm.#but i need to pack all my shit up and clean.#my mom is coming in a week or so. she wont be here for Halloween thankfully#i dont know what to do with my self. idk if ive ever been this. awake. before.#usually i watch over the garden wall and make my self some soup or something on my birthday. and just do my best to ignore everything#but its just. its fine. ill be fine nothing js really that bad. it just feels that way.#oh im gonna go find some alter wrote forever ago i think that will help.#i need to go to the store#i miss a person whos never existed#maybe ill actually be able to settle in to my new job#i also want to start taking Mandarin lessons. but i keep forgetting
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also its so dumb that one of the arguments ppl have against a sims 5 is that theyve already invested too much money into 4. like yes its fucking scummy that ea charges so much for dlc and its Ludicrous the amt sims 4 costs if you have all the dlc and its going to keep getting more and more expensive but . to be honest . why are you paying for sims packs. im sry
#ik not everyone can pirate i get it and its your money do what you want#but itis your choice to invest so much into like. a sinking ship DJRNFJFNG. idk....#i want 2 be optimistic and believe that somehow they WILL be able to fix every single issue with ts4#but i honestly believe thats require them to take an extended break from releasing new packs and shit#and i genuinely honestly dont think theyll do that. lol.#but like. i think itd be a good idea like. Cut down on new releases and focus on fixing the base game and then pack refreshes#bc itd be rly cool to have like. pack refreshes to make them more fleshed out#but also like. sigh. it rly does come down to the packs bc i judt genuinely find it kind of disgusting how little is in each pack#and how many of the packs could be consolidated#genuinely earnestly feel like growing together and parenthood shouldve been one pack. like. and honestly throw hsy in there...#hsy could do with a refresh Badd ik its fairly new but oh my god the school is so fucking buggy#and in general like. IDK. id rly love the packs to be refreshed and id love love love More fucking lots in the worlds oh my god. multiple#worlds have literally 4 lots. Thats fucking actually insane it makes me crazy#i get like. ooh bc you can travel between worlds the worlds can be smaller but i hate it 😭😭😭#i think its just bc i grew up playing 3 perhaps but like. i rly loved like. idk when i choose to play in a sims world i want to play in tha#world. i dont want to have to like. i live in moonwood mills (5 lots .) and thej i have to go to like. san myshunonif i want to go to a bar#or whatever. is there a bar in san myshuno idr#IDKIDK. i feel like Innnn my opinion there should be like. at least 1 of the basegame lot types for every world maybe with some exceptions#and there should be enough empty slots ppl can fill it out more if they want...#but also like. idk. i suppose it wouldnt affect me much bc i usually stay on my home lot as much as possible#bc of the loading screens#it wouldnt be so bad if like. idk. i understand why they didnt wanna do open world like ts3#well i dont its fucking actually stupid. but i get that ts4 wasnt supposed to be what it is and it wasnt built to be a longrunning game.#hence why ts5 should happen instead as a Strong Foundation BUT WHATEVER but like. yk. and ik im not the only person in the world and other#ppl want different but i feel like maybe you could have options .. idk. im not a programmer#but itd be cool to have some sort of way to toggle between like. open world semi open world and closed world#where itd be like. ts3 style where the exteriors of everything r there but the interiors r loaded in when u visit (if that is how ts3 works#i may be a bit off) nd closed would be ts4 style Loading screen to go . next door#am i misremembering or are there even loading screens between like. the new apartments with forrent.... there were for the city living ones#skull Fuckk i ran out of space
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hey guys i found this weird discontinued doll line from 2014, seems like the gimmick is each doll comes with a pet, except the pet is just an entire dude? so theyre mostly sold in two-packs, technically. i cant find much information on these except a weird tie-in comic on neocities, but i cant tell if its official or fan-made. can anyone let me know if they find more pictures of these? thx
#hey i combined 2 things im hyperfixated on again but this time the two things were ranfren and fashion dolls just like in general.#i currently do not really have proper supplies to make good doll customs of them#so for now the sanest course of action was to literally draw them as little dolls in their boxes for sale#i bet these bitches only got 5 pts of articulation /j#randal would have kanekalon hair. sebastian has polypropylene. i drew it like rooted hair but lets be real luther has molded on plastic hair#luther gets 2 releases because his hair color is inconsistent and he wears different color shirts sometimes#i think im going to draw a third release of him with nana.#a playset of the house would be fun but i am NOT drawing that....#the only ones i would want out of the ones ive drawn so far would be the randal and sebastian pack tbh.#not that i dont like luther and his catmen but their fashion isnt as interesting. which is why it was easier 2 draw#i had fun with the accessories though. i also like how i put a coffin shape behind randal and didnt do that for all the other boxes cause#it was too hard#anyways i wanna make more of these when i have the time... i wanna draw nurse randal and i want a release of satoru with camio(?spelling)#unreality#<== jic. mostly cause of my fun little caption#images that are horrid to see and look at#mspaint#dollblr#fashion dolls#ranfren#randal's friends#randal ivory#randal von ivory#sebastian de tomato smith chicken legs#luther ivory#luther von ivory#nyen catman#nyon catman
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okay google how do i move out of eastern europe but stay in the eu but go somewhere i speak the language but somewhere that has healthcare and somewhere where i dont need to become a construction worker and also somewhere that is not germany. thanks
#i wanna go to aotearoa I've always wanted to but it's so FAR AWAY. also i need somewhere cold also i#love authentic gothic buildings too much to leave europe. but omfggggg#like it's truly so. i dont want to move somewhere where english isnt a main language but the#uk is out and ireland is unlikely and canada is just somewhat nicer french usa and nz is 4 days travel away. blows up#whatever i have 4 semesters of uni left to think about it. it just feels like im#hurtling full speed at the inevitability of living the rest of my life in Germany#i dont want to live in germany idek why but im sooo. like omg nooo 😭😭😭#partly because it's such a cliché but also coz it's such a vacation country for me like we#went there for vacation like. unironically at least 3 times every single year#insert joke abt *getting back at the 10000000000 german tourists that come to hungary every day* that I'm too sleepy to make#it's so . like i used to have a specific goal in mind (uk ☹️) but then SOMEONE had to go and leave the eu#and also the uk sucks fat shit like csöbörből vödörbe omg. but now i have no#real goal so im just drifting w the vague knowledge that any second now I'll have to pack all my#shit up and escape before it's too late. but where 😀😀😀#i have no qualms abt leaving my f*mily behind but I'll miss budapest#and if i left Europe I'd miss it too especially coz even canada feels really far let alone nz which yknow. 3-4 days of travel#it's the lack of goals that's killing me like OMFGG HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WORK HARD AND#STRIVE FOR SMTG WHEN I HAVE NOTHING SPECIFIC IN MIND...#i mean ''get the fuck out'' is something but it's not Enough. i need to be insane about a#place that's accessible. all the cities/locations im crazy about are inaccessible for one reason or another#bristol and wales are in the uk. nz is on the exact opposite side of the planet. life so sad.#canada is the most likely one honestly but like omgggg. godddddjfdnffnfjfmmf#they should invent a budapest that's not in hungary. they should invent a hungary that isn't comically awful#barking#ok to rb#eastern europe#like im fluent in 3 languages and i can get by in like 10 other ones i Could brush up on any language relatively quickly if it came to that#but it's like. 1. I'd have to pick a location 2. learning a new language also means#getting an entire new personality as well which yknow. idk if i have the capacity for another one rn#i should just become fluent in the ones im somewhat good at but idk which to pick
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#you wanna know what i fucking did today?#cleaned inside my freezer. outaide of my fridge. did the dishes. dusted the blinds#cleaned the bathroom sink. took all stuff off the walls. cleaned the microwave. cleaned my bedroom window#cleaned the kitchen baseboards. under the fridge. under the oven#packed up my art supplies and some clothes#cleaned my bathroom door. front door. wiped my bedroom walls. cleaned the bathroom floor#cleaned my stove top. tidied my bedroom floor. and listed my dresser in two facebook sell groups#all within about 2.5 hours#isnt that fuckin wild?? im so tired#oh and i sold my table. i had to get up early for that. and i went for a walk to get a fun little drink#my apartment is starting to get pretty empty. furniture is going and stuff is getting packed into bins. its wack#i need to put my shit furniture by the dumpster. isnt it lovely how we put furniture by the dumpster so others can take it#i mean. the sign by mine says not to put furniture in it. so maybe its just some malicious compliance by putting it next to the dumpster#but ive heard that furniture goes next to the dumpster so that others can take it. thats where i got my desk and my mirror#im gonna miss my desk. its so cute and i love it. but i dont have space. i dont mind getting rid of the other furniture tho#its shit furniture from estate sales that i bought out of necessity#now someone can have my shit furniture if they want it#its kind of fun to see my apartment get emptier and cleaner tho. my moving time is coming up and im so excited#its wild to look at the list of shit i cleaned today. i made a list in my notebook so i could keep track of what i was doing#and its really satisfying to cross stuff off of a list. it takes up almost a whole page length#im exhausted now tho. that was a lot of fucking cleaning#okay bye
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#the closer i get to moving the more i dont wanna do annnnnnything#i just wanna pack everything and then leave. ive packed half my stuff. tsken down all my posters#but i still have like 10 days left ugh. time needs to move faster 😩#i dont wanna work tho bleh. and i fucking agreed to do some extra stuff#so now i have to fucking get all my data together. analyze a million pictures with this weird software and upload a million pics from like#at least 2 or 3 past projects. and i have to name those. except i dont want to name them all fuck that#i am not going to have time. it will take literally days. get a fucking undergrad to do it i have better things to do with my time#ugh. im just mad bc its hot and my joints r swollen and my abductor is irritated so i have to take it easy#fuck that. i hate it. bleh i wanna draw. but there r other things i should do#im such a slacker now. and by slacker i mean im working normal hours and goofing off the rest of the time#and by goofing off i mean drawing and packing and reading#god. when the semester starts its gonna b insane bc theres no way ill b done with work stuff so ill have to start my phd while double timin#on paper writing. its gonna fucking suck. which is y i shoulf b working rn so i dont have to do that so much#but again. i dont wanna work. i just wanna lay here and track my heart palpitations. its fine. im just in transition which is really#fucking annoying >:-(#unrelated#also i wanna rewatch p4cific rim but its not on any of my streaming services anymore >:-(((
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time is moving so fast and so slow at the same time this SUCKS
#every time i actuallly look at the clock its only been 2 minutes#and then i get up to go to the kitchen for smth to drink and suddenly it is 4 hours later#spiral victim momence. nothing is real my apartment feels like a hospital#but also i cant leave because i dont wanna leave loki alone with stuff all over the floor#hell world. hell world. i want to play minecrsft#someone wake me up when its stampede saturday im just gonna disassociate sooo hard until then#good news: i will not have to do as much work once my family gets here#(<< they stress me out Extra when jnvolved with packing bc they make me think about things)#so hopefully we'll get that part done so much faster bc i wont have a fucking breakdown about it#bad news: i have to deal with garbage bags and boxes all over the floor until they get here and its doing so much psychic damage to me#ive run out of things to watch in the background and i dont wanna rewatch trigun because i dont want to . in the future#associate watching trigun with this moment of my life. its not worth it i want trigun to be a happy thing not a . coping mechanizm thing#head inhands. i want to play minecraft
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It just doesn’t feel that satisfying somehow,, In the past you could get several suits for this price qq I love this suit a lot and I got 2 pieces of the demon suit bc I had to pay slightly over to get it to 550 exp(and had no luck with daily deals >>) but ;; welp… bye money, hello beautiful cat girl who I’ve wanted since the second I saw her previewed for cn-! Gotta focus on positives! not the ~20 or smt aud im trying not think about GKAKVKA
She be like this ^ GODLY!
#love nikki#sorry to be negative#it bothers me… RNG daily packs rly rly sucks ;; the best ones always come when I DONT need them#I rly hate those zodiac packs too- had to buy one and it felt like such a waste of my 3aud GKAKVKA </3 ugh…#at least if I’d gotten the suit but no I got 4 stamina.. a little voice in my head just “try again! it’s 23% chance! ppl usually get it in 3#*-3 tries>:D” and that’s exactly how the format works… evil.#this is why I don’t spend much money on LN or ANY app often … it’s depressing fr </3#but … this suit … hhh DEF too good to miss! it’s top tier!#trying not to think of the 20? rocks extra I have which are going to go to waste.. unless ofc I spent MORE money :)))) I hate this game lmao#just a bit#Welp.. on the plus side I gained like 3k dias lately GKAKVKA and got so many monthly cards o.o it’s a first#so if there’s any event coming next which I want I can easily get it xD yay~ that surely counts for SOMETHING#tbh I don’t wanna spend any more on this app tho… I’ve gotten a few recharges this year (this being most $$$) so that’s enough…#with each purchase I get closer to v8… and that kinda scares me GKAKVKA
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it just occurred to me to wonder... how much of how shitty i've felt this past week and a half is being compounded by having to fuck with my adderall dosing to tide me until i can see my doctor and get a refill.
i've been staggering taking a leftover xr one day, skipping a day, then taking a higher dose of the ir, and so on. it's enough that i'm not crashing but... my dopamine is probably all over the place right now. and i gotta say. talking shit to myself feels almost rewarding.
#i'm just so mad at myself for not somehow... doing more? as if i wasn't doing my fucking best???#as if i literally didn't start packing before i even got a place??#last week i felt so prepared and like i really had most of it done#but now that we're in the last 48hrs before the movers come i'm just.... it feels like nothing is even remotely ready#i look around and there's just so much that needs to get thrown in a box#if i push through and don't take any breaks or get any rest i can probably do it but.... i just dont want saturday to be frantic#and i'm really struggling with prioritizing how to use this little time i have left#bc i really wanna get over to the new place and give everything a wipe down/vacuum run before my stuff comes#it's probably gonna have to be early saturday... provided i can get everything done after work tomorrow#i kinda wish i had taken tomorrow off#but it's too late now#okay i'm going to force myself to eat now even though my brain is screaming at me for it#less so now that i wrote this (bc realizing it might be my meds and not *me* made me feel a teeny bit better)#and just... i think i really need to make peace with that what's gonna happen will happen#i'll do my best like i've been doing since i started packing#my best is fuvking garbage but it's all i've got to give#and it's gonna be as done as it can possibly get come 10am saturday#*sigh*#personal
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#my family moved houses a LOT growing up . so my shit wad often compacted to lile 4-6 boxes and a duitcase essentially .#so . idk i just like the fsct that . i have a healtht balance in knowing when tk throw shit out#do i ? nah. theres stuff i need to get tjd of tbat i just cba to bc im lazy#but . i know when to part ways w shit (which IS funny bc i do have attachemt issues . even to odjects jn tje past) and whatnot#whats fucked tho is that ive soent my whole entire life living essentially in some type of hoarders situation#bc my parwnts do not know how to get rid kf sgit. our garage.#whicb can store 3 cars Properly and still have room to walk around#is packed w Shit my dad doesnt wanna deal with and no one actually . wants to go through it either#n im not allowed to bc its “not my stuff” but like .#does it not weigh u down ? knowing theres stuff in storage you dknt know abt kr care abt ?#like . i dont ? essentially xarr abt maximalism or any of that shit . not to a degree i should#but . if youre mot using it / xaring for jt / its not something you rlly need . give it away?#n thats always the motto ive lived by . thankfully.#funnily enoigh my nanna taughy me jt . not my mother. my mother p much taught me to hold onto everything regardless#theres sgit i keep for sentimental value also but like . its in a safe storage IN my eyr sight ? if that makes sense#idk i just . i have such a bone to pick w the way my family live it irritates me a lil
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argh..
#dont wanna rain on anyones parade but iwtv ep7 missed the mark a lot for me i was disappointed in a lot of the writing choices#but glad i watched it w my roommate so we could pick it apart after#man. went for a walk and it made me feel so tired i feel rly dizzy and sick#and ive been feeling better today. but a lot of that is just determination not to feel worse and i have to hold it together now shes backw#im just so so so tired everhthings taken so much out of me these past few months. and im still not doing very well#and i dont know what to do with that or where to take it i feel so helpless and alone. and its fine i know ill get through it#but it just really really sucks feeling so bad so much of the time its so painful and exhausting and isolating#started crying as soon as she left to go to bed im struggling to keep it all in one place and i just want. things that are unfair to want#i know shes not able to be sympathetic or emotionally present w me in the way i want her to and i really appreciate that she lets me talk#and makes an effort to spend time w me n does so much i cant ask for anything else but i just. i dont know what i need right now#everything is so unreal and everyong feels so far away i feel so untouchable and i cant shake the unwanted feeling and its not anyones#fault its all on me its my stupid broken ass brain and im so so tired i dont even know anymore#im going to go to bed bc i have fucking work tomorrow. up at 6:30 and packed schedule and overtime 👍#all while exhausted and then crashing from meds andnthen ill come home and pretend its fine to her and do nothing and cry again and sleep#rinse and repeat its just been a difficult week im sorry its not anyone elses fault#need to brush my teeth ufgh. i dont know if i can stand up again my head hurts#.vent
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Oh baby I am getting way to ambitious with my current oni run for someone who's laptop starts screaming anytime it opens steam
#rat rambles#oni posting#Ive started expanding my base area not for the sake of providing more living space or whatver but so I can build a museum#Im going to have an artifact section an art section and ideally a critter section if I can decide how I would go abt that#Im also going to have a sporechid exhibit since Ive never actually tried to use them before#its going to be right above the biobot room since thats going to be the entrance of the museum#I may also further expand downwards at some point to build a mega relaxation section with as many rec buildings as I can affort to maintain#more focus on variety that pure numbers tho I just wanna use the stuff I usually never use#and lemme tell you my dupes will use none of them since theyre too obsessed with their damn phones but its ok I forgive them#now one thing thats going to be annoying abt this project is that for the critter section Im going to need a Lot of glass#the goal is to keep one wild creature in each containment room and to have each be fairly healthy for the critter#now I definitely wont be doing every critter as quite franky I dont have space for that#currently my only real plan is for an oakshell exhibit but I wanna do more of them#maybe a cuddle pip one would work? Id also like a shine bug one but idk how exactly to go abt it#mainly because ideally Id want one of the fancier shine bugs but I am firm on keeping these guys wild#and itd probably take a lot of work to get a wild radiant bug or smth#well more like a lot of time#I could just try to get a more middle of the pack shine bug and just call that good enough#Im pretty sure shine bug morph rates only change when they eat so in theory I could get away with taht#although technically speaking the morph odds can always just happen anyways so maybe I just leave it and hope for the best#like I have the food to spare I could very easily breed fancy shinebugs if I wanted to again I just wanna keep them wild#but yeah other critter options probably include dreckos and maybe a long haired slickster if I feel like putting in the effort#a drecko exhibit would be pretty simple tho Id just have to decide which morph#Im unsure if I wanna do a hatch exhibit or not simply because I dont have ideas to make it look cool#like I feel like for a hatch Id want it to be a stone or smooth hatch but again the breeding problem arises#now one thing I should definitely do at some point is go grab a gassy moo for the museum but thats a maybe project#mostly because I still have trauma from the last time I did a gassy moo trip lol#speaking off I still need to build a rocket that can actually be used to explore new planets#so far all my rocketry has been for data banks and artifacts#although I did just today get my first drillcone rocket up and running
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i wish i wasnt so scared of everything
#i wanna protest and shit but im a pussy and scared of getting in trouble#and i have no way of actually going to one and i dont even know where there is one#i wanna make a fucking difference in the world but how do i even do that#i can barely order my own food how tf am i going to fix the world#and i know that there are others who want to fight for the same things i do so im not alone#but i cant help but feel alone when the only people who feel this strongly about wanting to change the world seem to only exist in history#i know that there are people out there who feel the same way as me but they all seem to have that military mindset#yk thinking of people not as individuals but as an amalgamation of humans#to really make a difference you have to challenge everything they dont want you to challenge#if you see all people as a whole you see the same thing rich fucks do but if you see people as individuals with lives you are challenging it#we arent just disposable like rich white men think we are#we have to treat each other like real human beings and not as part of a statistic#humans werent meant to have this big of a society because at the end of the day we are mammals#you dont see wolves being in packs of millions you dont see any animal doing that and we are all just animals#so if we want to make this big fucking society work everybody has to have the same ammount of power#but with greedy fucks cant let that happen or else theyre just another brick in the wall#anyways im done rambling#i hope you guys understand at least a bit of this is you cared to read
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Maintenance guy woke me up two hours before my alarm was supposed to go off. I am missing out on important sleep sir. I am also missing out on important packing for my trip, and changing into proper clothes. Sir, this problem that is in no way your fault and you are trying to fix, is ruining my day. Sir.
#8am trying to sleep and i hear banging on my door#terrifying#hear him shouting 'maintenance!'#scramble to hide my space heater#he opens the door and i am confused in my pajamas because i did not call for maintenance#apparently my upstairs neighbors have frozen pipes so he needed to go through my ceiling#my ceiling! to get a fan on it#and i have to live with this fan until Tuesday or Wednesday when he'll come in and actually fix it#how rude#im just sittinf in bed so i dont get in his way#i have my space heater hidden in a cupboard discreetly aimed at me#because i dont want him to see it. but i dont want to freeze to death#yes ill turn it off and let it cool before i fully shut it in the cupboard#im not a silly goose#i want to sleep so bad but i have a man drilling a large hole in my ceiling and its cold as shit!!#i have to drive four hours on very little sleep in very questionable weather and now i am grumpy :(#nah its fine but i will complain and no one can stop me#wanna get going but i have to pack but i dont want to be in his way#but hes in my way!! i cant get out of my door!!!!!!! i need to haul all of my laundry out the door but hes in the way#i hate living in an apartment. i need to leave immediately#at any time a man can break into my apartment and take out my ceiling
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#ok. ok. in less than 8hrs i have to get up and drive to the airport. and thats ya kno but im trying to b ok abt it#like im not crying and hyperventilating. ive made the drive lots of times. its just. when i have to drive anywhere it morphs into#r u ready? ur gonna cause a horrible accident destroying multiple lives in the process. r u ready? and im like no i hate that stop#so that makes it hard. and im not a bad driver. it just terrifies me thst i space out and become non reactive. like thsts not good. be#reactive pls. i just hate it. and this means i also have to drive back as well. while probably horribly jet lagged#bleh. itll b fine. unless it isnt. but itll b fine. im just scared that something will happen and i wont b able to leave. i cant even b#excited abt going on vacation bc i cant think past the possibility of something preventing me from getting to ohio bc if i let myself get#excited then it wont happen. which is magical thinking nonsense but its how it feels. ugh. dont think abt it. itll be over in 24hrs 🤞#knock on wood. idk what im gonna do while traveling tho. what am i gonna think abt? what to draw? what to plan? idk#the bad part of traveling is thst i cant take all my markers 😫 me and my 500 shitty alcohol pens lol#ill either draw a lot bc im not working or very little bc ill actually be happy for a while#oh god. my boss just sent an email. i wanna ignore it. let me rest.#bleh. last time i flew home i wanted to cry when i landed lol. well see if that happens again#i feel like i was more depressed then but im more fucked up now. but like im also more functional. well. sorta#ugh. i should finish packing#unrelated#its so funny to me when i get homesick like lol bitch u wanna go back to ohio????
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I'm so tired
#i need to clean the apartment and i need to clean my room#and i need to pack to move and i need to budget#and i need to eat and shower and get dressed and do laundry#and i barely have the energy to be alive right now#all i want is to smoke. and ill be able to when i go to work bc half my coworkers smoke#which means I'll never really quit itll just keep me satisfied until i can justify buying a vape#and i want my drink from biggby bc i feel so horrible and i just want that to make this a lil more worth it#but i dont need to spend money right now#everythings so hard and im so tired#i dont wanna work today i just wanna die#remi rants
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