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fillinforlater · 1 year ago

Text

Maknae Royale

Male Reader x Jang Wonyoung, Wang Yiren, Lee Gahyeon, Park Sujin (Swan), Jeon Somi, Shin Yuna, Kim Yerim (Yeri), Im Yeojin (9some)

Length: 10.000 words

Tags: live action porn, porn game, fucking for points, Team Battle Royale, squirting kink, edging kink, bimbofication, brat taming, doggy, fingering, face riding, blue balling, jerking you off, titfuck, standing sex, step-bro I'm stuck, anal, creampie, anal creampie, eating out, blowjob, face fucking, deep throat, rough sex, missionary, full nelson, against the wall, piledriver, mating press, overstimulation, porn_star!you / porn_rookies!idols

TW: even after editing, this is messy and chaotic and pure sex lol

Inspiration: the idea of a Maknae focused fic is not new, but I just went all in. This is also based on this vote I send out a while ago lol. I think I can name drop @writerpeach cuz I remember him saying sth like that.

Credit: @erospandemos for the cover art! Thabk you very much!

(A/N: One year after C.Ollection, I'm trying my best to celebrate and repeat that craziness, have fun! The beginning is a reference to Labyrinth of the Six. This is the same universe but not a sequel!)

"I was looking for copper and I found gold!"

You turn off the purring engine of your car. It is clearly not as nice as the purring of the girl you were in balls deep mere minutes ago, but let's be honest, those purrs should not be compared; one is mechanical, the other borderline maniacal. You let out a sigh as you kill the annoying lights in your car to focus on the call you just accepted.

"Hi, is this really how you're greeting me?" you respond, letting your fingers glide over the steering wheel as you watch a single car pass by in the middle of this warm, humid night.

"Oh, man, stop complaining!" the director says and laughs. You can hear him type something on an old keyboard, each tap of his fingers obnoxiously loud. "I'm going to give you the opportunity of a lifetime—something this great, it needs no greeting."

You rub your nose, then the inside of your eyes filled with tiredness and exhaustion. She was needy tonight, you gave her two rounds, 140 minutes of a hard pounding until the clock struck a merciless 3am. Yes, you were counting the minutes, it was necessary. Otherwise Jiwon’s cunt would have drained you early, which is unbecoming of a porn actor of your caliber.

"Look," you halt the director's enthusiasm with a groan. "I'm doing good right now. Money—I got enough; my love-life is good too. Maybe I'll take a break for a couple of months until my next—"

"No, listen!" he shouts in absolute excitement, like he has been enlightened by the truth. "This script, it's so fucking good! It lit a fire in me, I can already see the setting, the actresses, you—it's perfect. This can even top your Labyrinth performance—you remember, the six hotties—"

"Of course I do!" There you go. Your heart beat is picking up in tempo. How could you forget the pleasure, the absolute thrill of having sex with six gorgeous women at the same time? Don’t kid yourself, this already felt like one in a million—to flat out reject another offer that could be of this magnitude would be absolutely foolish. “Fuck it. Send me the script, I’ll get back to you.”

“Oh, you will,” the director says, absolutely certain that you will accept in a heartbeat after reading this ominous script. “I’ll start looking for actresses.”

The script is complex, wild, otherworldly—implementing it took weeks of preparation. Luckily, your part in this clusterfuck is rather simple: be hard, go hard and stay hard. The first two are deeply rooted within you. Seeing the girls’ incredible faces and even greater bodies has you ready to get a raging erection at any time, while some of their slutty mannerisms and lewd words dripping from their tongues like venomous drool urge you to go as hard and rough as you can. Hell, they’ll basically beg for you—why would you hold back?

The only issue is that there are too many of them. No matter how hot they are or how horny you are, at some point there is nothing left. You will be drained and there is no shame in admitting defeat to them. So once again, you’ll have to resort to some performance enhancers to stay hard like a diamond while drilling into cave after cave. It’s a pink pill this time, tiny, you barely notice it, both in the palm of your hand and in your throat. Take a deep breath and feel it surely doing its job already.

You open your eyes in the midst of a studio room that looks like a submarine. Dim light, large, black holes around you, each with a large porthole-like door in the middle; it feels gloomy, mysterious, unsettling. A single camera is pointed at you, live streaming each droplet of sweat running down your face. Feel the artificial warmth of a nearby heater creep up your thin clothes, giving you chills. It cannot match the heat within you.

The red light atop the camera turns off. Sixty seconds from now, one of the portholes will open. The glass in them is blurry, obscuring any view of the chaos happening behind them. You of course know the script inside out, but the girls’ are still somewhat unknown. You’ve never seen them face to face, only in zoom calls, their bodies looked fantastic and because they are rookies, they should also be tight, but you don’t know how they will handle the pressure, all the eyes on them, the revealing outfits, the unbridled sex—

Around thirty seconds now. You grab your trousers and feel blood rushing out of your legs. Feet tingle, the tips of your fingers as well. This pill, it has your heart racing somewhere, racing from something, to anything. Eyes tremble, vision blurrier than the glass before you, behind you, around you.

You’ve never felt more alive and dead at the same time.

With a loud hiss, the porthole to your left swings open, wide open, flooding your entirely empty room with copious amounts of fog and the smell of fresh fruits. The vibrant color scheme of pastel pink, magenta, light purple and white fills your view as you step into what looks like Princess Peach’s private castle, its kitchen, living room and bedroom. It’s like one explosion of cuteness and innocence, quite charming, very fake.

“Oh, he’s already here. Look, Barbie!”

“That’s not my name, Yiren. Hello, handsome stranger!”

The two girls fit the concept of the room perfectly. Such bright smiles, happiness pouring from their cute little faces; you knew they would nail this performance the moment you saw their pictures and heard their voices. Wonyoung, the tall girl with her incredibly long legs truly looks like a Barbie doll: tiny ribbons adorn her endless chocolate hair while the pink crop top and straight denim skirt make you want to play with her all night, undress her everywhere.

Yiren on the other hand blends in with the room to such a degree, you’d assume they cannot be sold separately. The chinese girl boasts hair the color of peaches, her tight white dress sparkles because of small, silver details spread across it, while her face leaves no doubt that she is, in fact, a princess.

The two get closer to you, before Wonyoung starts to speak up again, her voice in a sassy, yet genuinely adorable pitch.

“Aw, are you shy? No need to be, we’re all here to have fun. Isn’t that right, Yiren?”

“You’re right, Barbie. Let’s play some games and make it a night we won’t forget,” Yiren adds, quieter and calmer than Wonyoung, with a smile that warms the heart.

“S-sure,” you respond to the two girls bouncing up and down in front of you like hyped up kangaroos. “B-but what are we going to play?”

“You see,” Wonyoung starts. “Yiren and I are a team and we have a mission to fulfill. Can you help us?”

“I’d love to, but what is the mission?”

Yiren turns towards Wonyoung, who’s already grinning at her. They share a nod and Yiren suddenly wraps herself around one of your arms, while Wonyoung occupies the other. Feel their slender bodies rub on your limbs, their natural heat and rapid heartbeats working towards your own, increasing it with every step they guide you towards a bed in the corner of the room. It’s at least double queensized, filled with pillows, blankets and stuffed animals.

“Let me explain it to you,” Wonyoung says and climbs atop the purple sheets. “Our mission is to make this bed as wet as possible.”

“Well that sounds easy,” you respond. “Just get some tap water and dump it on here.”

“That’s what I thought too,” Yiren whispers in your ear and suddenly places her hands all over your back and chest.

“No tap water, only natural juices are allowed,” Wonyoung hums and her hands casually open her skirt. It falls on the bed and she is quick to kick it away. She looks even more tempting and ruinable in her tiny tight panties with a wet teddy bear on the front. “We need your help to get these juices out of us, pretty please?”

“Yes, pretty please?” Yiren adds and cups the bulge in your pants. “It will be so much fun, I promise. Doesn’t Barbie look tight? Don’t you want to fuck her until she bursts?”

“Fuck, yes.”

“Splendid,” Wonyoung laughs and throws away her crop top as well. Meanwhile Yiren finds the hem of your pants and tugs them down oh-so easily, the only resistance is your hard member, which Yiren promptly points at her team partner who has her legs spread invitingly.

She’s so hot.

As if she read your mind, Yiren tempts you into finally going hard:

“She looks so hot. Go fuck her.”

Like a tiger desperate for food, you crawl onto the bed and tackle your prey into a mountain of teddy bears. Your fingers find the very specific teddy bear on Wonyoung’s panties, you push it to the side to find a pink slit. A final look at her glistening eyes before you press your cock onto her equally glistening slit and after some adjustments, you enter her.

Wonyoung shrieks cutely, her thin fingers wrap around your biceps’ and she holds onto them as you start to slowly pump into her. The two of you need time to realize where you are, what you’re doing, how you’re doing it. All acting for the camera is gone in this bliss, at least for a couple of seconds. Then it all comes back with Yiren, eagerly who jumps on the bed as well.

“You need to hurry up, we don’t have forever.”

You slip a hand under Yiren’s dress to quickly shut her up. No panties.

“How about you start helping, princess,” you fight back. “Go rub Wonyoung’s clit while you ride my fingers. Oh, and Wonyoung.”

“Ye-yes?” the young girl moans.

“Open your mouth wide. I need you to drool on these.”

Both Yiren’s pussy lips and Wonyoung’s normal lips—though their lusciousness and thickness is far from mere ‘normal’—part as soon as your fingers graze them. The latter is quick to slobber all over them while you recklessly pump them into her; Yiren still has reservations and instead opts to look at you with adorable glassy eyes.

“I-I feel so full,” she moans, shivers throughout her entire body. You softly smile at her and start to curl your fingers, purposefully dragging them alongside her walls while your palm reaches her clit. “Ah, i-it feels—”

Holy shit. Whatever chemical they put into this pill, it has a tendency to just kill your patience. In what can only be described as a loss of all control, your body only moves towards fulfilling the mission. Your fingers start to violently pump into Yiren’s pussy and Wonyoung’s mouth, both quickly spilling liquids out of them. Especially Wonyoung, the Barbie girl below you, becomes a dispenser of juices when you violently fuck into her tight pussy.

“Too fast, ah!” Yiren screams, her hands wrapped around your wrist, unable to prevent the surge of lust in your body.

“Fuck, sorry. I can’t stop me.” You groan, not really sorry about the stuff happening to you, to them and—oh God! Wonyoung’s tiny frame, those cute hard abs, get bulged by your massive erection. A bit of skin and muscles, pushed up by your relentless thrusts, and she is also seeing it. Is she panicking, losing her mind to how you violate almost her entire body?

Her pussy is quick to give you an answer: like a broken, public fountain, she shoots water at you, suddenly soaking your body in her warm pussy juices. With their strong, lewd smell they are the perfect liquid to stain the sheets, more than your balls or her drool can produce. Much to your dismay, most of the nectar gets stuck on you.

“Fuck, turn around,” you command the thin fuckdoll and because she is too enamored by her heavy orgasm—her tiny thighs and long legs trembling up high in the air—you grab her hips and spin her around. Now in Doggy, you keep her upright by pulling her chestnut colored hair and plunge back into her still twitching cunt.

Wonyoung is completely overwhelmed. Instead of the cute, girlie moans you’d expect from her pretty lips, she grunts uncontrollably, her voice still hoarse from your fingers that played with her mouth. The grunts, however, are nothing compared to the wet sounds coming from her pussy as you thrust into the warm cavern, desperate to get more out of it.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” both you and Wonyoung groan. The tips of her fingers dig deep into a soft stuffed toy while yours knead her soft butt. The sight of it is amazing; not a big dumpy, like you’ve seen on countless actresses, but so flawlessly smooth with an impossibly tiny asshole you one day need to get your tongue into.

“Pl-please, me-me too.”

Yiren crawls closer to you, her skirt pulled up, her cunt a leaking mess that needs something inside it. The live action fucking in front of her has her on the edge, ready to do her part to fulfill the mission, but you are too mesmerized by Wonyoung.

“Wony, lick her pussy. Get your tongue into her, fuck!” you shout, lost in your frenzy.

The barely thinking, barely functioning Barbie gets her hands onto Yiren’s thighs, at first only breathing, hissing, moaning into the princess’ crotch. It’s enough for Yiren to finally take the lead, forcing Wonyoung’s face straight onto her puffy lips, and the younger surrenders. She kisses and licks all over Yiren’s delicious cunt, the bundle of nerves atop it never left out. Yiren shudders.

“Oh God, oh Go~d, fuck!”

Yiren is louder than a fucking bomb when she explodes onto Wonyoung’s face and more importantly, the bed. Her nectar splashes all over the sheets, their color darkening beneath her knees. Finally, the three of you have made significant progress, and you are eager to make more. Especially Wonyoung seems to be more turned on than before; her pussy is even tighter, her walls ripple as she continues to eat Yiren out.

“You like that, huh? Your face deep in her pussy?” you ask her and give her cute ass a firm spank. “Such a dirty princess!”

“Yesh!” Wonyoung shouts, pressing her behind into your pistoning cock.

“You like my cock fucking you senseless, getting into your insides? You want it all, deeper?”

“Yesh, pleash!”

“Try to push me out, Wonyoung, squeeze me with your stupid little pussy!”

“Ah, shit, fuck! I’m—”

Yiren shuts her team partner up by grinding on her face. It’s enough to send Wonyoung into an orgasmic frenzy—again—and the moment you pull out, she squirts—again—everywhere. It was amazing, absolute bliss for you, but you are not there yet. You need to cum, inside a hot, clenching hole and so you disrupt the two princess’ love making.

Yiren fits perfectly into your hand. She is almost as light as Wonyoung, so you pick her up and place her on the head of the bed. The young woman is still frozen in surprise, her eyes uncertain, then shocked when you spread her legs wide and align your cock with her pussy.

“Oh God, it’s t-too big,” she whines even before you’re inside her.

“You can take it, Yiren, you’re such a good and pretty princess,” you mindlessly groan as you stare at her, then her nipple peeking out above her increasingly bunched up dress. “Now cum all over me.”

Yiren is too easy. Only a few strokes of your cock alongside her velvety walls and her entire body ripples. It starts with her cunt, soon goes to her torso and limbs, before she squirts like a broken garden hose. If the bed was a garden, countless flowers would bloom in it—and Wonyoung wants to make sure you stay to help them.

“You have to stay,” she whines. “Stay inside her and make her cum again.” She pushes you, forces you to almost slip inside Yiren again. From the corner of your eye however you see a red light, the indicator that you have to switch scenes right now.

“I think I did enough.” You pull away Wonyoung’s slender arms and Yiren’s feet trying to get you back inside her. “Get some toys or use your fingers. I’m not playing for your team, you need to play together.”

Yeah, sure, something like that was in the script. Luckily, even these two remember that the show must go on. At least Wonyoung does. The Barbie gets handsy, waving you goodbye while plunging her beautiful, long fingers into Yiren's cunt. What a waste that you won’t cum on those digits tonight.

"Have fun~" Wonyoung cheers as you disappear from her view, towards the next porthole which is already open.

Before you can take in the next setting fully, a nude, masked woman greets you by pulling your face down into her sizable cleavage.

"Quick, get him in here," another voice, feminine yet deep, straightforward yet mysterious, calls and you feel hands all over your body, as they drag you into the room. You only catch glimpses of its interior, a dark, unsettling dungeon with iron bars and cold, smooth walls, akin to the setting of certain Japanese videos you—a friend of yours—used to watch—for scientific reasons.

"Here, pin him down."

That voice just now is truly incredible, if only you could see who it belongs to. Unluckily, you only get to see the ceiling as four hands throw you onto a table. Those two are strong, you think, because your back hurts at the impact.

Suddenly, your view gets replaced by a smooth pussy and jiggly thighs trapping your head on the wooden surface. You take deep breaths, the strong smell of arousal quickly filling your nose. A finger boldly flicks your cockhead.

"Oh, you're really turning him on, Gah," the other woman says, your pulsating cock in her fist. "Ride his face, and I think we’ll get our first points soon."

"Wh-who are you?" you barely squeeze out, words drowned out by drowning in Gahyeon's pussy juice.

"I'm Swan, but we don't have time for that. We need to win this game, which is why you have to suffer.

"Sorry, by the way."

Before you can respond, Swan's fist goes up and down your length with the violence and speed of a raging tiger, ready to fucking destroy you. Tears spawn in your eyes, precum at your tip. She drives you to the edge and keeps you there with rhythmic pumps while you imagine her face in horny delight.

"Is he there yet?" Gahyeon asks, her voice raspy and cruel.

"Why don't you ask him?" Swan responds and twirls her tongue around your balls. You twitch.

Gahyeon lifts a leg and her deadly eyes stare through a terrifying mask right at you. "Tell me when you're about to explode,” she snarks and to put emphasis on her following words, she presses a long finger nail into your abdomen. “If not, I'll kill you.

“And start licking, for fucks sake.”

She plants herself back down before you can answer. She can live with your eager tongue on her thick folds as an analogical agreement. Through Gahyeon’s almost soundproof thighs you hear her passionate groans and Swan’s continuous spitting in her hands and on your cock to get you wet and ready for more of her soft hands.

You can’t deny that they are excellent. Yiren and Wonyoung both had tight, cozy holes, but something about Swan grabbing your dick and mercilessly pumping and twisting it makes your spine tingle. She quickly gets you to arch your back and moan into Gahyeon’s pussy, which has started to glide back and forth over your visage.

“Such a nice cock,” Swan moans. “Look at it, Gah! The head is already burning, I can feel that he’s close.”

Swan puts her second hand on your base and presses her lubed up palm on your underside while she starts to destroy your tip with violent pumps. She is a vicious succubus, trying to get your seed out efficiently without care for your sensitivity. With Gahyeon using your face like a saddle, your mind is left on hold when you loudly tap the table to signal your imminent arrival.

“Swan, now!”

The moment Gahyeon shouts, Swan is gone. No more delicate fingers to hold you, no more fists to jerk you, nothing to stimulate you. You thrust your hips up into air, unable to cum, unable to get your well-deserved release. Those fleeting seconds where you want only one thing are absolutely ruined by not getting this one thing—and then it’s over. You come back down with a devastated sigh.

“That’s one,” Gahyeon says and looks down at you in between her legs. “But we need more.”

“I agree,” Swan says, adjusting her position in between your shivering legs. “Get him to cooperate, I’ll do the rest.”

Gahyeon once again is faster than your attempts at remonstration. She puts her small hand on your throat and carefully increases the amount of weight on it. You gasp in dread before Swan places your still hard cock in the valley of her enormous tits. The valley then turns to a compressed trap where only your glans peeks out.

'Oh fuck', you want to, need to scream but it's futile with Gahyeon's enthusiasm to rub her labia on your lips. Swan shows a very similar need to torture you, her hands eagerly digging into the flesh of her melons and moving them up and down—both at the same time, then at different times, faster, then slower but with more pressure—is she trying to get you killed?

Death by titfuck. That will be an eyecatching epitaph.

"Do it faster," Gahyeon orders her teammate emphatically. "We need to get the score up."

"I know," Swan says, her voice a bit strained. "It's just unfair, you know? Getting him ready again and all that. But I think, fuck, we’re getting there. Look at his tip, isn't it cute?"

Swan licks the slit on your cockhead, cleaning the precum from it and you have to tap out again. You are so close once more, but a terrible gut feeling lets you doubt that you will cover Swan's tits with your cream. You’ve never felt so sick about being right, when she pops you free from the heavens between her large breasts.

They are right there, God dammit.

"That's number two!" Swan gleefully shouts and looks at your pole, pointing at the sky, sensitive and ready to explode, but your balls turn blue again. This can't be healthy, with how frustrated it makes you.

"Use your mouth this time, Swan—"

"Oh yeah? Why don't you do something for once?"

"Huh? We agreed on this earlier! I'm doing my part! Look, he can't even say a word."

"Pl-please," you interrupt the girls' discussion. "Let me, please, let me cum already!"

"Sorry, pal." Swan's voice is soft, and her tongue on your dick is even softer. "But we need to ruin you even more. That's how we're going to win."

"Th-then ruin your own orgasms," you plead with numbness in your mouth, caused by Swan's mouth on your barely numb manhood. "Th-this is cruel."

"He's got a point," Gahyeon thinks out loud. "Ah, fuck this game. If you can get me close, boy, I'll let you escape."

This might be your only chance to get out of this vicious cycle of ruined orgasm and painful edging. So you actually channel all your focus of your lips, tongue and teeth—whatever Gahyeon likes—on her clit. It's surprisingly easy to make her thighs around your ears squirm; Gahyeon's pussy is now wetter than Swan's mouth wrapped around your cockhead.

Suddenly, Swan gives you everything. She forces you to bottom out in her mouth, grow to full hardness once more while she violently gags. She might have been in absolute control over you for the last couple of minutes, but she is perfectly able to make her mouth a slutty hole for your cock. A soft, dominant deepthroat queen with massive tits—she is going to be a super star.

In a surge of ecstasy, fueled by Gahyeon's sweet juice, you buckle your hips upwards and force Swan to choke a little longer on your length. The young woman is not irritated however. After a single breathe she is back to going up and down you cock, sucking along it until your fucking dead.

You know she's going to ruin it again and the only way to pay them back is by ruining Gahyeon's orgasm as well. You finger the pussy above you and quickly flick the blood-filled lips and nub, until she cries out. Then you stop, then Swan stops. She is the only one satisfied—another two points for her team.

You blink a couple of times. Gahyeon, groaning like an enraged bull, has the busty Swan pinned to the metal bars of this dungeon and with all her hatred, slaps the younger's wet cunt.

"Now it's your turn, bitch!"

"Ouch, stop!"

"No. I want to win and you want to win too, so you better ruin yourself on my fingers. Now!"

This is your cue to leave. The dungeon fills with Swan's deep grunts and groans as she finally gets to witness what she put you through again and again and again. You'd love to help Gahyeon; there will be no need for it though. The masked girl is willing to do whatever is necessary to win.

Across from the dungeon, the second to last door is already open. The room mimics a dimly lit laundromat with a dozen or so washing machines. You step inside, cock in your carefully stroking hand. After all, you’ll have to be hard for the next scene, which will be the complete opposite of the last.

“Hello? Can somebody help me?” someone cries (let’s be honest, it’s much closer to a desperate moan) from behind a pile of freshly dried laundry atop a clothes rack. There is a sincere lack of intelligence in that cry, like said person is unable to help themselves. Makes you feel chivalrous.

“Hey, how can I—help you?”

The sight you find behind the pile has your speech a bit halted, interrupted by how, in a room made for washing clothes, someone is severely lacking them: A gorgeous, busty blonde, in nothing but modest, white underwear, though you notice that the bra is at least a size too small and unable to fully carry the weight of her tits.

"Oh, please help me," she moans again. "I think I've picked the wrong bra for me. Can you help me cover so no one can see my boobies while I look for the next?"

What the fuck? This is so fucking stupid on so many levels. How could she—and why would she suggest—what is even happening? The cliche about blondes must be true, because this one is not only dumb as fuck, but also hotness at it's peak. From bust to bottom, no, even to her toes, her body is amazing and tempting.

"Uhm, sure, why not. Can I know your name first?" you politely ask while not so politely getting behind her and cupping her breasts.

"I'm Somi. Thank God your hands are so big, no one can see my boobies now, hihi."

Is it innate for her to sound this silly? If not for this setting, you’d be worried; no human can ever be this stupid, only a buffoon would act in such a way. But maybe Somi’s IQ is just a bit lower than the average person—or maybe she knows no boundaries? The rules of public decency and inappropriate, sexual exposure might be foreign to her? You don’t know. You just know that her boobs are soft and bouncy, two handfuls of pillows to rest your head upon, of stress balls to knead when you are, you know, stressed.

You seem to know a lot more than her, especially because she still tries to find a bra able to hold up her breasts in the midst of clothes which all have two things in common: they are colorful and they are skimpy. It’s like the laundry of a whorehouse with how many short and skin tight skirts, dresses, fishnet stockings you find, let alone the short tops or all the lingerie. Speaking of which, Somi has finally found a bikini top that might be able to do the deed your hands are gleefully doing.

“Do you think this one is good?” she asks, holding up a new, purple bra while you slightly press at the bottom of her tits to watch them wobble on your finger tips.

“Try it out, because I’m not so sure with your massive boobs.”

Somi giggles and tries to put on the bra. You leave enough room, really, you do, for her to tie up the thin strands, but Somi is unable to. She mewls a couple of times before you go in and securely tie up the strands yourself. You are promptly rewarded, because the blonde decides to bend down and press her ass back against your crotch, your exposed cock, rapidly hard again at the touch of her cotton panties.

“Thank you, again,” Somi says and pushes her chest up for all to see. “What do you think, is this good?”

“Somi, is it possible that you are fucking stupid?” Oh, that sounded a lot harsher than it should have. The tension is quickly palpable. You hear someone gasp from the other end of the room.

“W-why?” Somi’s question is abashed, a bit shocked; even in this state of complete bimboness, she still looks so good.

“Because these bottoms don’t fit your top,” you say and pull at the side of her panties until they snap off of her hips. “You should change them. White and purple don’t fit together all too well.”

Somi looks down at her cleavage, the purple lace engulfing her tits, then to her thighs which have been parted by your cock. The tip peaks from in between her legs and you softly groan out the pleasure her perfect gap gives you into her ear. There is no mere hint of slickness from her heat, there are ridiculous amounts of evidence of it, proof spreading all over. It’s a clear case of horniness, you better resolve the issue immediately.

“You’re right,” Somi mumbles, thighs swaying. “I should look for the right bottoms. They should be in here.” Things couldn’t get any better, because now Somi is bending over, hands in the pile of clothes, while your hands are in the plentifulness of her ass. You hold her steady, align your cock with a hole that looks so ready to get fucked and then push forward. Somi almost stumbles forward, but you save her from making an even greater mess of this place by continuing to make a mess out of her.

“Oh God,” she moans, a pink crop top in hands. “I-I can’t find it.”

“Continue, continue searching,” you groan back and slam your hips forward, then backwards, your cock entering and exiting her cunt at will—your will is strong, overpowering every small exhaustion in chase of that first true release of this messy pornographic shoot, a shoot where teams fight to win, yet this “team” does not even have a target goal.

Somi’s goal is to be stupid, oblivious to your cock gaping her pussy open time and time again, and for this being her first time on cam, she is excellent. Of course, her dumb moans can’t be deactivated, you doubt even a ball gag can fully do that, but a benevolent interpretation of this scene allows for these moans to be of desperation. Somi just really wants to find these purple bikini bottoms—your cock spreading her pussy and the camera lens on it is just a side product.

“Da-damnit, fuck,” Somi seems to give up, defeatedly grabbing the edge of the table while you hold onto her shoulders to get faster, deeper inside of her. “They are not h-here.”

“Maybe you need to take a step back and look at it from afar,” you tell her and all it takes is a pull at her shoulders and Somi stands straight up. From now on, your thrusts go upwards and Somi can casually bounce along while her dizzy eyes try to process the color purple amidst a pile so colorful, every pride parade would become envious.

Your arms instinctively wrap around Somi’s small waist. You need to keep her here, can’t let her get away, not when you are this close to finally cumming. Your balls are aching, your tip is stimulated and you know that it will be glorious. Somi’s body, from a face that could make news just for its beauty, paired with a pair of perky, large boobs, amplified by a tight, muscular midriff, killer hips and strong, full thighs, she has to be everyone’s type.

People will click on her videos millions of times, yet you are about to be the first to cream her, you can call dibs on that pussy, no male rival co-star stands a chance. Your cock is ready, your legs able to give more power into the final thrusts when suddenly—

“Oh, I found it!”

—Somi leans forward, hand stretched out, ready to grab what has always been on top of this entire pile, in your view forever, in everyone’s view forever, only Somi took forever to find it: purple panties. No, they can’t ruin your perfect orgasm. You heartlessly push Somi against the table, head first into the laundry. Her scream now muffled by a dozen of clothes in her face, you manically fuck your load into her doggy until cum floods her cavern and clothes flood the laundromat floor.

Every part of you is twitching, so is Somi and her pussy. A bit more, a bit more, she squeezes out of you, but she is full. In the midst of all this chaos, this silly, flushed bitch was able to grab the panties. You give her tits a harsh slap to awaken her from the cock induced slumber.

“Put them on, quick, before we make a bigger mess.”

Somi obliges, though shaky. You help her by holding onto her hips, her tits, all those things you could grab forever. When your shaft falls out of her pussy and you watch her catch most of your load with the tight panties, you want to push them to the side and just fuck her full pussy again. That’s when you notice someone down the aisle of washing machines—is it Somi’s teammate?

“Who the fuck is th—”

“Help, I’m stuck!”

This one is a classic. A trope so beyond stereotypical, everyone knows it. Just like the dumb blonde, this one can be found on every porn site ever. The only thing missing is that she calls you stepbro. That would be a bit too much though. Her ass sticking out of one of the washing machines while she absolutely tries to get back out of it is already cliche enough to you.

Oh yeah, she’s also completely naked.

“Oh no, Yuna is stuck!” Somi states the exposition for the viewer, who is utterly uninvolved in the engaging plot they stopped paying attention to since this video's thumbnail. “We need to help her!”

Somi waddles towards her partner. You see trails of cum running down her legs, unceremoniously dropping to the floor and making a lewd, sticky mess of it. She seems unbothered, just like you, and the camera absolutely loves it. The view then switches from this to a new, exposed and impressively large ass.

“Help, help,” Yuna shouts again, metallic reverberation unable to dampen the stupidness in her voice. You had filmed a scene like this one already, but there are no complaints whatsoever. As long as you can get your hands on Yuna’s ass, pull those cheeks apart and get the first view of those two smooth, clean holes, why would you complain?

“How did this happen, Yuna?” Somi asks worriedly, arms alongside Yuna’s frame, definitely ‘pulling’ on her teammate's waist, while your mind imagines all the ways you could rim Yuna for hours.

“I wanted to pull my underwear out of here,” she responds with a whine. “But now I am stuck!”

Go figure, she is brainless as well. Both of them are, but nature has instead given them the envy of millions of women: divine bodies that are effortlessly sexy and beautiful. Smooth skin, toned legs, curves to die for—in your admiration you notice that your energy is returning quicker than ever before.

It might not fit the story, the narrative, the game, but in this moment of bliss, you couldn’t care less. Knees bend, cock guided by your thumb, you press your tip against Yuna’s ring and find the entry into her asshole to be a lot easier than expected. Her moan bounces through the washing machine just like her boobs bounce in surprise.

Confusion has Somi frozen, her body only reacting when you put force in your thrusts, enough power to make Yuna hit her dumb head against the back of the washing drum. A profuse whimper made metallic, not that you care, but Somi seems to get back into the real world where she is still as moronic as before.

“H-how is this supposed to help Yuna?”

It’s not. Tell her that. Tell her and Somi will continue complaining like this without getting any pleasure from you. Serves her right, won’t make the scene any better though, thus you find her neck with your hand and find her eyes with yours. They sparkle knowingly.

“You really are the dumbest thing alive.”

A pull and Yuna is out of the drum. Blonde hair flows down her back, hides her frail shoulders and in the reflection of the metal drum you see her lips in a light, glistening pink. They are full and made for sucking. In the sea of her endless, golden hair, your hand twists and twists until Yuna voluntarily raises herself from the ground and arches her back towards you. Your goal is not to kiss her lips (though that would be one hell of an experience) but to drown her in Somi’s cleavage.

“What are you—Yuna! No, don’t pull it down, I-I just found it.”

Sweat evaporates from your temple when you see those lips wrap around one of Somi’s nipples and begin to lewdly suck on it. The thrill is engaging, Yuna’s ass invites you back in and it’s with ease that you fuck her puckered hole. You poke the depths of this suffocating cavern and Yuna begins to poke all over Somi’s body. The dumber blonde hesitates briefly, hands first on her thighs, then Yuna’s until she ends up below her friend.

“Now you are trapped,” Yuna giggles and drool leaves her mouth in purposefully large amounts, able to transform the valley between Somi’s tits into a canal.

“You two are so fucking stupid, fuck, fuck your hot bodies.”

You are starting to lose it, for every word they utter, your intelligence gets insulted but your arousal heightened. You spank Yuna’s ass and she tightens to the point where you need to give it your all to fuck her faster. What an odd time to notice that they haven’t told you their task yet. How can you help them get points? Shit, what was in the script again? Are you really that much smarter if you can’t remember?

“Yuna, Yuna, that feels so good,” Somi moans out and sways on the floor from side to side until you press Yuna right on top of her. With their incredible bodies entangled and you nonstop fucking into the tight ass, their sensitive spots have to rub each other, nipples on nipples, clits on clits, and Somi is the first to collapse. “Oh my God, I-I’m about to wet my panties, oh no, Yuna!”

“Me too, my butt, I’m going to cum from my butt!” Yuna’s silly fucked body, and her silly face and her silly feminine voice have you on the verge to become silly as well. Both blonde’s indulge in their wet, heavy orgasms and you push your tip back into Yuna so many times that you flood her with a pent up load that momentarily shuts down your brain.

So this is how they feel all the time—brainless but blissful. At least stupid bitches fuck good.

“Oh, Somi, there, there is so much in my ass~”

“Really? Can I feel it?”

Somi puts two fingers against Yuna’s puckered hole, but before she can get a scoop of your load that is still hidden in the tightly clenching butt, Yuna stands up. “No, Somi, ew,” Yuna shouts, moans, something in between, again. “You have to eat it straight from the butt, like this.”

You are back in the hub room, all the rooms finally open. Before you make your way to the last room, you decide to take a quick look into each scene you’ve already participated in that only users that buy the premium pass (which is off 69%, only today on k-jizzers.cum) can still watch:

In the first room, Wonyoung and Yiren sit on the edge of the bed, fingering each other's pussies until they violently squirt all over the mattress. Both of them look sweaty and exhausted, but they continue to drink water and share saliva to go for another round. Stay hydrated, everyone.

“Let’s do this, Barbie, I know your tiny body can cum again!”

“O-okay, b-but only if you kiss me.”

In the second room, Swan is fully naked, her backside turned to you. She is tied to the metal bars with handcuffs on both of her wrists. Below her is Gahyeon, thrusting a dildo up into that tiny tight cunt, while her own hole is stuffed with a loud bullet vibrator. They are really committed to this game.

“I swear, Swan, if you cum again, I’ll kick your ass, literally!”

“S-sorry, Mommy, I try, try, try—I’m so close!”

In the third room, well, those blondes finally found a way to snowball your cum, not from mouth to mouth, but ass to mouth. Yuna sits on Somi’s face, head thrown back, unable to not moan as your white spunk oozes out of her. Bon Appetit.

“Oh God, don’t put your tongue in!”

“But he tastes so good, let me be greedy this one time.”

The final room is a classroom, unmistakably. It has an old blackboard, a long desk for the teacher, smaller desks and chairs for the pupils. No matter when or where you’ve been to school, this will surely evoke memories of forgotten homework, endless lessons and bratty students.

“Ew, is that the new guy?” you hear someone complain from across the room, disgust in her voice, fingernails rapidly typing on her phone.

“Oh yeah, but what did you expect? At least he gives some big dick energy,” a response follows promptly, though this time they both look up from their phones and stare at you. You quickly find coverage behind the teachers desk to hide your manhood. A miserable attempt that has one of the girls outraged.

“Ayo, what the fuck? Do you think you’re some kind of teacher now?”

“Maybe he is here to teach us a lesson, lol.”

Did the girl on the left, in her messed up blouse and way-too-short checkered skirt, the waistband of a light brown thong on display, just like her midriff and navel—did she just say ‘lol’ out loud? Well, at this point the viewer will neither cringe or notice, too good is this material, too hot their bodies.

“Maybe he is here to teach you a lesson for breaking the dress code,” the girl adds as she approaches the desk.

“Yeri, you—you’re worse than me! Everyone can see your bra, what the fuck,” the other girl shouts and goes in for a slap on Yeri’s butt. The impact has you peeking out as a small melee breaks out.

“At least I tried, Yeojin, unlike you. Where is your skirt, your blouse? I can almost see your tits.” Yeri reaches for Yeojin’s chest, which is covered by this tiny, one piece swimsuit, so tiny in fact, even Yeojin’s small body seems to spill out of it. When there is so much shortness, of course Yeojin’s shorts are no different. Her shorts are actually shorter than Yeri’s skirt, which is already quite short—

“You tried?” Yeojin shrieks and tugs at Yeri’s blouse, accidentally undressing her. Who could have known, the bra below is actually a bikini top. “It’s falling off of your body.”

“Ts,

“Hey, you fucker! Get out already, we got some beef to settle.”

Yeri kicks the desk and you hear pencils roll down from it. They surely have not forgotten about you and your assumed big dick energy, so it was no use to continue hiding. You crawl out and straighten your posture, clearly taller than the two young women who don’t waste time looking up and gawking at the height difference. Both sets of hands go straight to your abdomen, your crotch, your cock. Yeojin is the first to pump, rubbing her fishnet sleeves carelessly over your sensitive tip.

“Watch it,” you hiss and get fistfuls of their hair, which to your surprise does not faze them at all. “You two are running your mouth, spewing bullshit. This is no way how you should treat people older and taller than you.”

Yeri frees herself easily from your grasp and you gasp when her knuckles dig into your stomach. It wasn’t really a punch, but somehow, she has you stunned. A smirk appears on her feisty features. “Watch it, asshole. This is our classroom, you’re the one below us. If you want some respect, don’t flex with your height. Flex with something else. Proof your worth.”

“O-oh yeah? And how should I do this?”

“Fuck us,” Yeojin casually says and pulls back the skin on your cock to the point it hurts and all the surging blood forces you to peak stiffness. “You get points for every position, the more creative, the better. Show us that this thing is more ‘do-er’ than ‘show-er’.”

Their eyes are the epitome of ‘fuck-me’ eyes, hell, they imagined fucked you the moment you entered, and in your mind, you’ve fucked them in every conceivable way possible. With all this imaginary fuckery, it’s about due time for the real fucking to start, though it’s definitely bugging you that these small, bratty girls get to start it off and lead the way.

Guess your positions have to be rough.

“Fine,” you sigh and get ready to push Yeojin down to her knees, but there is no need. She takes the short fall and her lips aggressively wrap around your tip before you can overthink your decision.

“No need to agree, it wasn’t up to you anyway,” Yeri laughs and you feel her fingers roam your upper body, everything from butt, back, nape to stomach and chest. She lingers there for a long time, cupping your pecs while you imagine cupping her surprisingly big tits—then Yeri dives in and starts to suck one of your nipples, while Yeojin bops her head back and forth.

“You tiny bitches.” They make it hard to breathe, their sluttiness and sloppiness is excellent, their enthusiasm matches that of Wonyoung. “You greedy, evil little things. You’ll regret that.”

“We’ll see about that,” Yeojin moans when your cock pops from her luscious lips and you’re back to receiving harsh, painful pumps from her fishnet clad hands. “What’s stopping you, huh?”

Nothing, really, so you don’t keep them waiting any longer. You reach into the back of Yeri’s bikini bottoms while simultaneously finding a good grip on Yeojin’s ponytail. A bit of adjusting on both ends, suddenly there is nothing but sounds of horniness, of rampant, uncensored sex. Well, there is of course a lot more than that, but who could think of anything else—

—but Yeojin’s cock-sucking lips sucking cock. They are the only thick thing on this miniscule rookie pornstar. You jerk your hips forward and her nose meets your base. You keep it that way as her tight throat struggles with your size and saliva spills from her lips.

Yeojin’s gags seem to turn on Yeri, her wet pussy dripping on your fingers as you rub it, never too fast, to keep her on the edge to—yeah, teach her a lesson. Look at that needy face, that heaving bosom, she is so desperate for more stimulation, but could never admit to it. Yeri’s pride keeps her from begging for your fingers to twirl inside her cunt.

“Is that really how you want to do it?” That’s as close to a beg as you will get from Yeri, nonetheless, you’ll give her more rubs. All this struggle is unbeknownst to the viewer, who can only see Yeri’ ecstatic face and wide open mouth as you finally insert two digits in her cunt. “That’s better, fuck.”

“Ride my fingers, Yeri. Impress me, and I’ll fuck you on the desk.”

“You, you will either way,” she chirps back, voice about to break when you thrust knuckles deep and curl, all while making Yeojin your sex doll.

Those gags of hers have become too dangerous though, so you take a step back and intensely watch as Yeojin coughs up lots and lots of saliva, letting it run down her pretty little face, her throat that was just stuffed like some obscene christmas chicken. In disbelief you watch her wipe her tears away and grin on, as if she wasn't just fighting for her life. Nothing can get Yeojin down, her brattiness is unreal.

Yeri does not seem amused at the lack of attention you give her. She pulls your hand out of her pussy and waddles towards the desk. In a burst of creativity, you grab her and slam her on the desk, on her back. Yeri winces in pain, but you already have her entrance exposed and filled before she can complain. And complain, she shall never again.

“Fuck, so big, be ca-care-ful!”

“Now that’s—oh God, you’re tight—now that’s not what I expected from you,” you groan manically, as you pin Yeri down with both your eyes and hands. “Shut up and take it. I want to see your tits bounce.”

Out of nowhere, Yeojin’s thin hand creeps under the thin string of Yeri’s bikini top and pulls it off. Finally, you can see those modest breasts swing freely while you do what you’re best at: plunging your fat cock into a wet cunt. Yeri moans, in a deep craze, deep pleasure, her hips grind in circles so you have to pin her down harder, hands in the soft flesh above those hips—just fuck faster and lose your mind.

“Yeri, your pussy looks so full,” Yeojin giggles and brushes stray hair out of her friend’s ecstatic face. “Don’t tell me you’re already about to cum?”

“No-no, never—”

“Oh great, cuz I won’t let you,” you promptly say and pull out of that stretched hole, gaped and absolutely desperate for an orgasm that was right around the corner. A few more pumps and Yeri would have been gone, her first on cam climax was so close.

But now it’s Yeojin’s turn. After all you want those points—or is it their points? You don’t care, you just hook your arms underneath her thighs and pick her up. She’s as light as she looks and her pink cavern is as snug as you anticipate. Yeojin holds onto your neck for stability, while you split her open further and further and when she leans into you, you feel your cock bulge her.

“Fuck, fuck, that’s the spot.” Use Yeojin like a fleshlight, an upgrade to her sex doll mouth, and she surrenders to the pleasure. Wasn’t this supposed to be Team Bratty or something? This is more—

“Team Cockhungry, absolute sluts,” you shout at her but Yeojin is just mindless and her lips quiver anxiously whenever you’re not guiding her small body up and down your cock. “Yeri, get on the wall. Present your ass to me, if you want this cock again.”

Yeri nods, only focused on you. She needs a second to find orientation again, while you make Yeojin lose all orientation as you spin her around and fuck her full nelson. An insane idea by the producers, stand and carry sex for the finale, but with a girl this small, it’s actually possible. You are still the unrestrained engine that pistons and pistons until Yeojin is ready to burst.

“Not yet, not yet,” you coo as you ruin yet another orgasm. A wet pop when you remove yourself from what could be a perfect hole for cockwarming, breeding and many other lewd adventures. The industry will empty their pockets to get a video with this pocket pussy girl. But for now, she is all yours and quite dismayed.

“You, you dick, better make it up later,” Yeojin says, voice deeply judgemental. It has to be ignored, because first, you have to make it up for a certain someone who wasn’t satisfied with your fingers or a short missionary fuck. Yeri needs you again, deep and hard, while her fragile legs try to keep her upright.

You watch the side of her face, the lip bite, the palms flaking off the wallpaper, the thighs trapping you and your cock is already on her labia. Yeri rubs her love juice all over your rod and you follow her plea and take the lead with a thrust that can be heard around the world.

“Fuck, it’s deep, your cock is deep in my pussy.” The disbelief in her voice sounds genuine, just like the attempt to crawl up the wall to drop back down on your cock. Yeri wants you to hit her cervix, finally cumming all over you but you need to savor this position more.

“Deeper than anything else.” A hand in her hair, you press everything of her against the wall. “I know you like it deep, your best spots are there. You’re a slut for large cocks, you only want them while standing up.”

“No, I need them to pick me up! Lift me up and fuck me, break me open deeeeep!”

Yeri must have been so envious of Yeojin. You might have picked the wrong girl to lift on high and fill from below. You can still make it up though; Yeri’s tits are repurposed as handles to pull her back onto your chest, feet suddenly flying. You might be blinded by strands of her hair all over your face, but you can still feel the weight of Yeri down on your cock, while you’re still drilling into her. She is getting higher, not only physically, but mentally. She loves nothing more than to be watched while a huge shaft fucks her. The stimulation sends her into a sea of bliss, a deep ocean, like the puddle of girl cum beneath your feet.

“I’m going to cum on your cock,” Yeri screams and tries to choke out a load from your balls, yet all she is choking you with is her hair on your face. “I love it, y-you can finish with me—”

The last time the camera captured someone cum so hard was about thirty minutes ago, either Wonyoung or Yiren, but unlike Team Princess next door, Yeri does it involuntarily. You pound the squirt out of her sloppy cunt until your legs become a slippery lubed mess and you almost slip on the cheap classroom floor. Yeri shouts and whines, the inside of her pussy still rippling when you pull out of it.

When you place Yeri back against the wall and feel the somewhat cold studio air brush past your erection, you realize that Yeri was close to getting you off too early. You are throbbing, surfing on the edge, almost getting blue balled. The only thing that can save you is Yeojin and the only thing you see is her ass, as she props herself up on all fours in between the chairs of—

Who counts chairs and who fucking cares? Just slam your cock into her ass and hear her screech in shock at the sudden fullness of her back entrance. There will be no ruined orgasm for you this time, Yeojin’s ass is your guarantee and you doubt her brattiness will return. Not when she moans so submissively. A question remains as you bury yourself repeatedly in Yeojin’s rectum: how can she be shocked when it's all lubed up and relaxed and eager to take you back inside like the pussy of a veteran porn star?

Yeojin really was born for this job. Her petite frame will be perfect for various porn sites related to kinks: size difference, stand and carry, small tits. The videos of her getting bulged will become legendary amongst the horniest or Reddit and Tumblr communities. Guys will have their way with her, her head will be spinning after some huge guys have her unconventionally spitroasted in the air or one of those tall, muscular women takes her for a ride on a strap-on.

They won’t have to worry about anal from her, because Yeojin takes it legendarily, narrowing at just the right time to go beyond the audio-visual perfection that is her penetrated ass—in simpler words, it feels as good as it looks. She can rival Yuna or maybe form some butt slut dream team, that’s how fucking amazing fucking her ass is.

“Yeri get back here, I’m close,” you promptly announce whilst scoring again by forcing Yeojin into a prone position and marking her shoulders with tender bites. Yeri struggles to find footing, only able to push forward because of all the tables and chairs. When she finally reaches you, you give Yeojin your final pumps as her entire frame is struck by an orgasmic earthquake.

In this day and age, everything has to be fast, even porn has to fit the 15 second shorts, reels, tiktok culture, so you start to cum in Yeojin and push Yeri to the ground at the same time. Then you reach for Yeri’s butt while holding back as many spurts as you can, to get her in this sweet piledriver and then paint both the outside and inside off her petite yet bubbly ass. It’s perfect for a short clip, that little teaser that plays when you’re about to click on the next JAV thumbnail on that shady site.

The HD or 4K settings across all screens can never do the real sight of a blissfully filled Yeri justice, as she eagerly spreads her own cheeks and everyone gets the awesome view of cum that seeps out of a gaped ass. The upside down (pretty, little, risky) baddie cleans off that hard-working cockwith her formerly bratty mouth. Deep exhales through her nose send a nice, warm stream of air around your base, which finally loses stiffness, the tension, it comes crashing down in the well-known post-nut clarity.

In this clarity however, you find Yeri’s final defiance; her lips will not let go of your cock and her tongue on your sensitive slit makes you curl your toes and whine out the agony which shoots up to your head like electric shocks. To top it all off, you feel Yeojin grin behind you when she wraps her slender arms around your midriff. This wasn’t in the script!

“The shooting might be over,” the tiny girl whispers. “But we are not done with you.”

“There are still a lot of points to be collected.

“And you will collect all of them.”

2K notes · View notes

cerusee · 4 months ago

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I've never watched any Chinese dramas but I really enjoy your posts/gifs about them and it's got me interested in trying some! Do you have any recommendations for somebody who's totally new to them? Any tropes/background context I should be aware of? The historical/fantastical ones seem the most appealing to me.

Oooooh! My first thought on reading this ask was, “oh, I’m hardly qualified”; I’m only on my *stops to count on fingers* eighth cdrama, not counting the one episode I watched of the Wang Zhuocheng xianxia where he falls in love with a rock. (Long story.) There’s a lot of cdramas out there, and I myself have not even scratched the surface of what’s out there! That said, if you’re interested in historical/fantastical dramas, those ARE the ones I’ve been watching, so I still have some opinions despite being a total noob myself.

Do not start with The Untamed/Chen Qing Ling. Twas my first cdrama, like a lot of western fans, who were drawn to it in part because of the big censored-but-still-very-evident gay love story between the male leads, but honestly, as much fun as it is for the slash fans, it’s not a great jumping off point for either Chinese television in general, or even for its own wuxia-inspired genre setting. I say this as some who is still deep in the fandom four years later, and has immense love for the show: the first two episodes are flat-out bad, the overall pacing is bad (episodes frequently stop MIDSCENE), the worldbuilding is thin (a carryover from the novel it was based on), and without a larger context for why it’s made the way it’s made (stylistic choices, industry conventions, government censorship, genre conventions) a lot about it is confusing as hell to cdrama newbies, which is…so evident…a lot…in fandom wank I mean in the discourse about what story this story is trying to tell. Like, if you came to me and asked specifically, “I’m thinking of watching CQL. Should I watch CQL?” I would say yes, absolutely! It’s so much fun! I’m obsessed with the characters! I’ve written a lot of fanfic about the purple guy! But it’s not a good first cdrama, nor it is the best example of what the Chinese TV industry has to offer.

A MUCH better first cdrama especially if you like the historical/fantastical: The Legend of the Condor Heroes (2017), which not coincidentally was my second cdrama. It’s one of about a dozen television adaptations of the classic 1957 Chinese novel of the same name by Jin Yong, generally considered to be the inventor of the genre known as wuxia, which is a blend of history, fantasy, and martial arts. (One of the most well-known examples of wuxia in the west is Ang Lee’s Oscar-winning 2000 film Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, which you have probably at least heard of.)

Legend of the Condor Heroes (hereafter known as LOCH) has it all: romance, revenge, evil plots and daring deeds, people jumping off a burning mountain and being rescued by the worst CGIed eagles known to television or cinema, boat adventures, mountain adventures, grasslands adventures, a weird cult leader who lives on a spooky flower island (there will be math), murder, baby kidnapping, more murder, one guy inadvertently racking up a ridiculous number of martial arts teachers, sworn brotherhoods which invariably end with one guy stabbing the other, lots of VERY good martial arts fights, and, of course, Genghis Khan. Technically there are no magic/supernatural elements in this show—no ghosts, ghouls, magic, angels, devils, gods, etc—although the martial artists do have l33t skillz that might qualify as superhuman depending on how you slice your genre conventions, and are awfully fun to watch.

I’ve actually seen two LOCH adaptations (there was one in 2024 I liked a lot, with my favorite Guo Jing so far), but 2017 is a much better adaptation for newcomers as it tells a fuller version of the story and doesn’t skimp on or rush through or rewrite as many elements of the plot as other versions do; it’s meant to be a LOCH for people who haven’t seen half a dozen versions of LOCH already. It has a WONDERFUL cast, including my one of my favorite cdrama leading men, Chen Xingxu,* as the lead antagonist, Yang Kang, who is a trash fire of a person you just can’t root for, but he also can’t help it because he was raised by Wanyin Honglie. You can catch it on YouTube (I recall that there are couple of missing episodes from that playlist, but you can search on YT for those when you get there, to find them subtitled from other channels.)

*If you, like me, come away from LOCH 2017 with your mouth slightly ajar at how great CXX is, I have wonderful news for you! He’s been a lead in at least two other very good cdramas: the 2023 xianxia** The Starry Love, where he gets to play, like, five different characters (huge acting flex, and he’s great, although I would rush to stress I loved a ton of things about this show besides CXX himself), and the 2019 semi-historical drama Goodbye My Princess, which might actually be my favorite cdrama I have seen to date, and arguably THEE best well-made on a technical level, with phenomenal acting, a great script, and editing and directing I am constantly swooning over, but I am not entirely sure I can recommend to you unless you are a Tragedy Enjoyer.

(If you are a Tragedy Enjoyer, please stop whatever you’re doing and just start watching Goodbye My Princess right now, it is phenomenal. It is also available on YouTube. Watch the Director’s Cut, not the regular one! This is important. In its haste to get the main leads on screen together ASAP, the regular version does a Reader’s Digest version of stuff the Director’s Cut spends like five episodes carefully setting up, and it doesn’t make a lot of sense, nor does it flow well.)

**Speaking of xianxia! Xianxia is the high fantasy genre, full of magic and gods and demons and people dying and living multiple lives and whatnot. Important to note: xianxias are soap operas (complimentary). They tend to feature female protagonists, sweeping, epic romances, and put enormous emphasis on exploring the nuances of relationships and emotions. I have watched three that I loved (Love Between Fairy and Devil, The Starry Love, and Eternal Love: Ten Miles of Peach Blossoms), and while technically I could recommend all three, if you were going to watch just one, especially as a cdrama intro, I have to recommend Eternal Love, which really is the quintessential xianxia, the one all other xianxias are kind of shaping themselves around. I have watched it 1.5 times and I can say that it does not properly take off until like, episode 10, or whenever it is that the main couple finally, properly meet. IT IS WORTH THE INVESTMENT. This show made me want to spit blood. I cried multiple times watching it. It made me feel things. It has a wonderful immersive quality that’s hard to describe except to say that the entire show sort of vibrates on its own frequency. The casting is just kind of…perfect? Props to Maggie Huang for portraying the most perfectly hatable xianxia villainess of all time. Absolutely no one is doing it like Su Jin. No one should try. I believe this is available on YouTube, but after an abortive start, I realized it was on US Netflix, and watched it there.

As for tropes and background context: ehhhhhh. I mean, it’s an entire industry? I know substantially less about how it functions than I do about, like, American TV and film. I know government censorship is a not-inconsiderable factor, but I don’t know much of the nuance of how that plays out in terms of filming and airing. Tropes will vary according to subject. Idol dramas (shows built to showcase media personalities regardless of their ability to act) are a thing. Most cdrama audio is still dubbed (this one surprised me!), usually by professional voice actors and not by the original cast, for a confluence of reasons, some of which historically make sense (noisy filming lots rendering original audio useless), and some of which are really stupid (fans throwing hissy fits if lead actors don’t have the “right” kinds of voices for their characters).

Anyway! My recommendations are this: try The Legend of the Condor Heroes (2017) to start with, UNLESS you would prefer having your heart ripped out of your chest, in which case watch Goodbye My Princess (Director’s Cut, 2019), or UNLESS you love soap operas as much as I do, in which case watch Eternal Love: Ten Miles of Peach Blossoms (2017). All three are great shows, but they all hit differently/scratch a different itch.

Oh! Lastly! @dangermousie is a great source of cdrama recs. I should note she prefers dramas and tragedies and mostly does not vibe with xianxias. But she watches like eight million hours of dramas a week and reports her findings to us because she is a river to her people.

#asks #cdrama #legend of the condor heroes #loch 2017 #the starry love #TMOPB #lbfad

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ktarotttt · 11 days ago

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do idols really not have time to date? or is that a myth?

(allegedly. this is a tarot reading. energy-based. not fact.)

so boom—this whole reading was inspired by an interview clip where a street interviewer asked jackson wang if it was true that idols don’t have time to date. and jackson was like, “that’s a stereotype. that’s literally not true.”

and i was like… okay. let’s test it.

because let’s be real—not delusionally, but like logistically:

if you’re constantly on tour, working, training, flying, and only sleeping 3 hours a night, where are you fitting love in? how are you even emotionally available enough to date someone, because i know for me im not half as busy as them and i when i have days off the only thing i want to do is sleep lmfaoooo

so i asked the cards, point blank:

is it true that idols don’t date because they don’t have time, or is it something else?

cards pulled:

eight of wands + ace of cups, six of swords, king of swords, queen of swords, the hanged man, six of pentacles, judgment, knight of pentacles, page of pentacles

and listen. the eight of wands is the industry. the pace. fast, chaotic, no breaks. back-to-back schedules, no time to breathe. but the ace of cups sitting underneath it? that tells me:

yes—they still catch feelings.

they still get crushes. fall in love. want closeness. even when they’re moving 100 mph, they still get hit with emotions.

but here’s the twist:

six of swords + king of swords + queen of swords + the hanged man

= they know how to emotionally detach when they have to. they’re trained to. not just professionally, but mentally. this is “okay, i like this person—but is it smart?”

this is “i caught feelings, but it doesn’t align with my goals.”

this is “i want this, but i’ve sacrificed too much to get distracted now.”

the king + queen of swords appearing together? that’s both male and female idols. both sides of the game. and they’re not heartless—but they move with logic. they’ve had to build a mental filter that checks every feeling like:

“is this good for me?”

“can this go public?”

“is this gonna mess up my path?”

if the answer is no—they let it go. simple. painful. but real.

and then you get to six of pentacles and judgment…

and that’s where the public comes in.

yes, idols date. but many of them choose relationships that are mutually beneficial.

“we keep each other safe, it’s low-maintenance, we both understand the grind.”

this doesn’t mean fake love—but it means low-risk love.

because judgment? that’s outside opinion. exposure. scandal. fear of being ruined by headlines. and they’re very aware of it.

knight of pentacles + page of pentacles closes it out and confirms the real core:

idols do want connection. but at the end of the day, they’re focused on building their legacy first.

they date when it fits. when it makes sense. when it won’t shake everything they’ve sacrificed for.

final takeaway (allegedly):

idols do date. but not recklessly. and not emotionally.

they feel things. but they move smart.

the “they don’t have time” narrative? not wrong—but it’s deeper than that.

they just know that sometimes, dating is a luxury they can’t afford.

not because of time.

and what’s crazy is—when i’m in their energy? it’s not even like they’re fighting it. like, the whole “you can’t date” thing isn’t some heartbreaking injustice to them the way it feels to us as fans or just regular people. they’re not sitting around protesting it—it’s just what it is. it feels like it’s been so deeply ingrained in them, especially the ones who started training young, that they don’t even question it. they’ve been taught from the beginning that this is normal. like, “of course we can’t date. of course we can’t do what we want. this is the job.” and it’s not even just dating—it’s everything. like, to them, dating restrictions aren’t even the wild part. the energy is very “y’all think not dating is bad? oh babe, you haven’t seen half of what this life demands.”

and that’s the part that’s heavy to me. because it’s not natural. it’s not healthy. but it’s so normalized that it doesn’t even read as a problem to them anymore. they’ve adapted to the system so deeply, it’s like… this is just what it means to be an idol.

#kpop tarot #kpop tarot readings #kpop #tarot #enhypen tarot #nct tarot #stray kids tarot #txt tarot #ateez tarot #tarot reading

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mraprilfools · 5 months ago

Text

So, I decided to make this a reality. Thank you Zhoumao0-2 for inspiring me. If you see this, I didn't want to mention you out of nowhere since we've never interacted. Without further ado! Title: Just pretend it's a Woman

Summary: Mammon has found a kinship with a recently fallen sinner, Adam. The two enjoy the festivities with Spiked Hot chocolate and building towers of blocks thinking of different words for Dick. Then they ask some of life's greatest questions.

Like is it gay to kiss a man with tits?

Pairing: Adam/Mammon

Word Count: 1.5k

Contents/CW: Adam and Mammon are warnings in themselves, they're both Homophobic bisexuals, Groping with the clothes on, dry humping, kissing, lots of cussing, and there's a dildo bolas for some reason.

“Prolly not! Sides… I spiked the hot chocolate too. Shakier than a fucking roo. Right, let’s make a SECOND dick tower.” Mammon offered, sliding over new blocks. “How do you spell Johnson? S’it…. J-O-N-S-O-N?” Adam rubbed his skull, snatching up an A. “It’s JA-HN-son. So J-A-N-S-O-N. Stupid bitch.”

Full story under the cut.

Hog

Cawk

Dick

Penis

Schlong

Rows of colorful blocks stacked up into a treacherously unstable mountain piled higher and higher. An unsteady hand carefully set the last G at the apex to complete a masterpiece in two men enjoying the dying embers of the evening. The sweet smell of hot chocolate tinged with far too much whiskey gave a nice cinnamon zest that neither seemed to mind. Mammon’s man cave was a treasure trove of delights as any man who hoarded all the world’s riches could possess. Rows of liquor bottles were more for decoration than drinking, golden records, prized memorial items from movies, and items of great historical import. All had been reduced to a mockery for two men to enjoy a night trying to think of as many words for the word dick as possible.

Slumped over the table, Mammon’s whole body trembled with vibrations while he made a nest with four palms to rest his large head. The usually white face shrouded by his mask was pink from the alcohol running through his system. Mug after empty mug collected at two corners begging for the womanly touch to care for two slobs.

“Oi! Adam! Did ye focking spike the hot chocolate?” The Australian hefted up his bright green mug with a cash handle requiring two fingers to slip through comfortably. The once angel, how goatish sinner snorted audibly and put on a guilty lopsided smirk.

“Pfft-- Yeah, DUH! Anyway, Whaaat bout’ Willy? Pff-!” Raspy laughter spilled from the inebriated sinner, a furred first smacking the table trying to contain the mirth that consumed him.

Mammon was far less graceful, pushing himself up with two hands and the last remaining to point Adam’s way. “BRILLIANT! FOCKIN’! BRILLIANT! Willy and Knob too! Can’t forget those two!”

“Wang!”

“Right! Johnson?”

“Shhhiiiit… do we h-have enough blocks for all of those. Johnson would have to go at the… bottom.” Adam squinted, wobbling to and fro.

Adam rubbed his skull, snatching up an A. “It’s JA-HN-son. So J-A-N-S-O-N. Stupid bitch.”

“Oi! Who you callin’ stupid, ya fucking dunderhead?” Mammon retorted, opening two more of his brilliant chartreuse eyes. The blocks were forgotten as he crawled over to Adam’s side of the table, grabbing hold of him by Adam’s black wife-beater. The wobbly sinner snatched Mammon by his wrist, using it as a support while his head rotated. Unable to meet his eyes for a second.

“You! Ya fat fuck!”

“Oh yeah! Say it to my face cunt!” Mammon leaned in, curling his fingers around the thin fabric while his white fuzzy face came within inches of Adam’s. Forcing the goatish singer to meet his eyes, with rots of teeth peeking from his reddish gums.

“Fat. FUCK.” Adam dared, cackling. Mammon squinted each of his four eyes, then shoved him back. Trying to catch himself, Adam clutched harder onto the wrists and sent the large sin tumbling over him. The table beside them jostled, with blocks and half-empty mugs sent flying everywhere. One came and smacked Mammon over the top of his head. A clownish honk rang out in place of his curse.

A great big capital D sat on the floor beside them, taunting them.

Adam’s taunting laughter rang out, arms thrown up over his head as his bright red face stared up at the large sin hovering over him. “Getting on top of another man is fucking gay. You homo.”

“Ya fockin’ shirts riding up showing your belly. You’re the one who looks fucking gay.” Mammon countered, jabbing a finger against the plush and hairy belly. Adam hissed, sucking in his stomach to try and prevent the ticklish sensation from making him laugh. He ultimately failed and shook with laughter. With glee, Mammon's fingers danced along the bare flesh with Adam twisting and squirming beneath. His already red face became closer to the shade of a tomato.

“AHAHAHA! FUCK! STOP IT YOU DICKWEED!” Two against four, Adam had no way to stop the buffet of hands against his unprotected belly. He yanked Mammon forward as his only recourse. The clown's head smacked against Adam’s chest making him arch his body with a loud ‘oof’. Mammon honked a second time, smacking Adam in the face with one of the ears of his cap. “Pfft! Get your shit outta my mouth!”

“You're the one who put me here shithead.” Mammon contested. He raised his head, only to realize that their faces had become close. A long silence passed between the two, with Adam falling back to put a little more distance even while his face was flushing a bright red.

“Kissing other men isn’t gay right? Like if they got tits?” Adam asked, filling his hands with two handfuls of Mammon’s abs. Initially, the clown jolted, not expecting the other to start fondling him. But the sight of the flushed sinner beneath him was enticing enough to allow it. Taking the excuse to fill his hands with an armful of Adam’s abs in return.

“S’long as you close your eyes and imagine a woman and it ain’t gay.” Mammon agreed.

A long pause dragged on, with Adam squeezing Mammon’s tits a second time. His mouth opened as if to suggest something. But he lacked the courage and stuck out his bottom lip in consternation. It was Mammon who ordered,

“Close your eyes, unless you’re fucking gay.”

“I’m not gay!” Adam fired back, grumbling under his breath. But he obliged and relaxed his body. The ringing of money tickled Adam’s ears as the clown bent forward, feeling the warm breath of another tickle against the nape of his neck and his chin. The sweet smell of hot chocolate and the telltale sign of liquor had sent both of them into a pleasant haze.

The knock of Mammon’s lip brushed against the growing scratchy five o’clock shadow on the man’s face, which was decided very unladylike for the imagination. Mammon got another fistful of Adam’s abs to compensate, flaring his nostrils. Growing impatient, Adam snatched the clown by the back of the head and crashed their lips together.

The taste of whiskey and chocolate together melded with the masculine scents of either man melding together. Adam parted his lips to accommodate the multi-colored tongue of the greedy sin, chasing the taste and the slippery appendage dancing around his own. What little breath the former angel had was squeezed out of him by the larger man easing his weight across him. He broke the kiss, panting against the clown’s neck.

“You’re too fucking heavy Mamz.”

“Then you get on top ya fuckin’ pansy.”

“Fuck no, just don’t put all your weight on me. Fucking don’t know how to make out with chicks.” Adam snorted.

“Chicks aren’t so fuckin mouthy. Shut up.” Mammon barked, crashing their lips together. Adam growled his protest, but what fight he had slipped away when he felt that long tongue trace his bottom lip. With his left hand gripping Mammon’s shoulder, he kept him locked not too far to steal his air, but close enough that he could feel the soft plush body against him.

“Mamz...” Adam broke the kiss again.

“What now?” Mammon impatiently barked.

“I can feel your dick pressing against my leg.”

“WELL, your dicks stabbing into my stomach you cunt.”

A silence passed between the two followed by laughter. Then Adam’s pupils danced around as he shifted his groin. Only getting so far as to press that hard length into a new spot in Mammon’s belly.

“Well...” Adam began, raising his hips forward. “Chicks with dicks are hot right?”

Mammon opened his mouth to say something then shut it. A gloved hand rubbed his jaw as he gave it a thought. “Mm, yeah. S’hot. But you gotta shut up. You sound nothing like a woman.”

“Neither do you!” Adam chuffed, he impatiently Mammon forward to meld their lips together for the third time. Taking the lead this time as he sucked on the bottom lip and thrust his tongue between his lips to tangle with his multi-colored tongue. Rather than shying from the heat assaulting their bodies, Mammon rotated his hips chasing the feeling of Adam’s hard-on until their cocks rubbed against each other through the two layers of clothing.

Muffled moans were swallowed by their kisses, with Adam shifting and fighting to yank that ridiculous cap off Mammon’s head. It fell free with a little fight, revealing that fuzzy white face beneath with mandibles. Though the haze of drink, he only thought about it for half a second. Drunken awkward kisses peppered against cheeks, the bridges of their noses, and each other's necks, became an intoxicating dance for the two. It didn’t take long for their self-imposed restrictions to keep things straight and were thrown to the wayside with handy groping to massage and squeeze biceps or paw at the body of the other man.

When the weight of far too many double-spiked hot chocolates made Mammon’s arms noodles he collapsed to the side, gasping for air. All eight of her chartreuse eyes half opened and staring at the sinner beside him. The siren’s call of rest guided each of his lips to surrender and pull his company close.

Adam kept on his back, zoning out and staring up at the wall. There was lingering warmth in the place his body had been covered by another, a pleasant tingle on his lips, and a memory of sweet chocolate and cinnamon.

When his eyes finally focused he found himself staring at the ceiling lamp. A makeshift bolas where they replaced the weights with dildos instead draped over one of the blades stuck and swinging languidly back and forth. The sight of it summoned more immature giggling from the base of Adam’s throat. Heaven stifled his genius for far too long. The large sleeping sin next to him took in a deep inhale and snored like a bear. But that fuzzy face pressing against the crook of his neck felt soft and pleasant. The two sets of arms draped around his body made him feel so secure even if the floor was not the best place to sleep.

Adam decided to roll onto his side, burying his face into the comfortable warmth and softness of the other man as the alcohol in his system did the rest to pull him into the darkness of slumber.

#hazbin adam #helluva boss mammon #greedyguitar #hazbin hotel fanfiction

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pars-ley · 9 months ago

Note

The Drabble game seems fun!!

✨Jackson

🖤Enemies to lovers

✨prompt # 8

A lil angsty & smutty pls!

Congrats on 800 🎉

Title: Just like magic Pairing: Jackson Wang x (f) reader Summary: You and your colleague have never got on, he irritates you more than anyone you know, and especially when you attend a work event to announce your imminent promotion. But what happens when you're not prepared for the unexpected. Genre: Enemies to lovers / idiots to lovers / colleagues to lovers / office romance / one shot / angst / smut Rating: 18+ (NSFW) Warnings: Unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it) / breast play / finger play (f. recieving) / heavy making out / Explicit language / cumshot W/C: 4.7k Banner: me Beta: @flurrys-creativity you're the best cheerleader ever! Notes: Thank you to this anon, I was super excited to write this one and the inspiration just kept coming, I hope you enjoy!

A groan rumbles in your throat, as your heels click against the stone steps ascending into the tall, old building being used as this year's work party venue.

“It won't be that bad,” Mark's voice next to you brings you some comfort, as he squeezes your hand, encouragingly. Glancing down at his polished nails, painted by you and you squeeze his back.

“Thank you for coming with me, honestly, you're the best friend a girl could ask for.”

“I wouldn't let you endure tonight alone,” he says, holding the large door open and gently placing his hand on your lower back, guiding you inside.

Your footsteps echo as you cross the large, ornate foyer, where one of the servers points you in the direction of the hall, the music muffled behind the closed doors.

“You ready?” He asks.

You nod and thread your arm through his, before taking a much needed deep breath. Tonight's work party is to celebrate the accomplishments of the company for this financial year. And most importantly the new creative director of events would be announced. You've worked your butt off for this promotion for two years, you've planned the most events out of anyone else in your company and with excellent reviews. All of this has not been without plenty of sleepless nights and working late. Now, it was all about to pay off and you felt like you could breathe again, but this work party had been filling your stomach with butterflies ever since it was announced. You hated being the centre of attention, plus the fact the promotion would be announced in front of everyone and you had to do a speech, made you very uncomfortable.

You walk into the large crowded room, suits and gowns as far as you can see. A large piano sat in the far corner, where a lady in a lavish blue dress and long black hair played an elegant piece, hitting the keys with perfect precision.

You drag Mark to the bar, insisting on a drink before any greeting, that is until you hear an all too familiar voice behind you. None other than Jackson Wang.

“Mark, my man, it's been a while since y/n’s dragged you along to anything.” He says, no doubt shoving his hand into Marks. You take a few gulps of your martini.

“Another please.” You mouth to the bartender, tapping on the glass.

You finally face Jackson, not even bothering with fake pleasantries.

“Y/n, you look…” he pauses for a moment and clears his throat, “nice.” He says the words as if they would choke him upon their exit and you can't help but roll your eyes.

“Gee, thanks,” you mumble, your nerves of tonight's events, making you far less patient for Jackson Wang than usual.

You two have been practically mortal enemies since his arrival at the company. He has been here half the time, does half the work you do and yet, gets most of the praise. But boy, does he love to rub it in. Everything about him rubs you up the wrong way.

“You seem to be in more of a mood than usual.” He remarks, “I thought you'd be celebrating by now.”

“Yes, well not everyone likes being the centre of attention, Jackson.”

He smiles, seeming awkward at the bite in your retort. “Well, Mark, great to see you as always.” They shake hands and hug once more, before Jackson turns back to you, placing a hand on your shoulder and says, “good luck, y/n.”

Your irritated glare burns holes in his back as he walks away.

“You need to cut him some slack,” Mark's voice sounds next to you, annoyance blooming like a tree inside you, “he was just trying to be nice.”

You fight the urge to snap at him, taking a breath before speaking, “no, nice and Jackson Wang are two words that can't coexist in the same sentence in regards to me. He's nice to you, yes. Me? Absolutely not. He’s sarcastic and loud and he doesn't care about anyone but himself.” You down the rest of your drink and pick up your second that waits for you at the bar.

“I think you're wrong about him. He's just-”

“Chaotic, arrogant, self-centred, conceited. I could go on if none of those work.” You reply dryly, ignoring the eye roll he throws your way.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” your boss on the microphone startles you out of your current conversation and has your stomach doing somersaults. “Can you all gather around, please?”

Mark holds out his arm for you, “shall we?”

Grasping it like your life depends on it, your feet move mechanically towards the crowd at the stage. Your legs feel like they would surely give way under you, if you weren't leaning on him so heavily.

“Now, it's the time we've all been waiting for folks…” he smiles cheerily. “I'll keep this brief, as I know everyone is eager to delve into the celebrations…”

You attempt to control your breaths and hope to slow down your rapid heart beat, pounding alarmingly hard against your rib cage.

“...creative director is a prized position in our company, and so, of course we had to make sure we chose the right person…”

A loud swallow seems to echo around you as you try to quell the dryness in your throat. How on earth will you be able to do a speech?

“...we need someone who will continue to bring in fresh ideas, someone who will create trends and not follow them and someone who will do their best to strive for this company…”

Your ears throb, mimicking your heartbeat and making your boss's words quiet.

“...it is my utmost pleasure to introduce to you, your new creative director…Jackson Wang!”

Your legs wobble and Mark clutches you to his side, his eyes straight on your face. But you couldn't look at him. Instead you're scanning the room, finding Jackson as he climbs the stairs onto the stage. A wide Cheshire grin stretches across his face, too wide not to have known that was coming. Your blood boils in your veins, an unbearable heat rising up through your body and straight to your face, making your head feel aflame. You flash back to his ‘good luck’ to you only mere moments ago and your chest fills fit to burst with a scream you dare not let escape.

All around you a muffled call of “speech, speech,” slamming its way into your ears like a steel drum.

No matter how much you don't want to watch this scene play out, your feet are frozen to the floor beneath you, unable to do anything but stare.

He laughs, “wow, uh, believe it or not, for the first time ever, I'm speechless.”

The crowd erupts into laughter, only infuriating you more as your fists clench into tight balls at your sides.

“Hey, let's get out of here?” Mark says attempting to soothe your anger but you don't miss the slight panic in his tone.

There's a brief moment of Jackson meeting your eyes and you could swear he almost faltered while making his rehearsed speech…almost but he recovers and you can't bear to see anymore. You let Mark lead you slowly out of the large room, following blindly alongside him, numbness taking over.

You both come to a stop in a quiet part of the building with no prying eyes or ears. Mark comes round in front of you, taking both your hands. “I'm sorry, y/n.” He whispers.

A hot tear rolls down your cheek and it's only then you realise your blurry vision is because your eyes are a dam ready to overflow. Cheering in the distance trumps again and you guess he's finished his speech.

“Do you want to go?” Mark asks bending down to try and catch your eyes, but your stare is fixated on the marble flooring.

You did, of course you did. You wanted to run as far away from this as you could but, you were expected to be here, your boss will want to talk to you, no doubt and you don't want anyone thinking you ran off and sulked, especially not Jackson. The last thing you would do is let him see you upset because of him, you wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Swiping harshly at the wet trail down your face, you swallow your pride down and take a deep breath. “I can't, I have to stay.”

He says nothing but nods in understanding.

“Give me a few minutes ok, I'll meet you back inside.”

He eyes you carefully. “Are you sure? I can wait here for you?”

Smiling, you lay a hand on his chest. “I'll be fine, I promise. I'll see you inside.”

Reluctantly he agrees and heads off back into the main venue, looking behind him once to check on you. Once he's out of sight you head to the bathroom to freshen up, needing a moment to collect your thoughts. Thankfully the mirror is unoccupied giving you the chance to touch up your makeup. Smoothing down your dress, you release a steady breath, feeling calmer and more prepared now you are in control of your emotions. However, when you open that bathroom door, you're met with the last face you expected to see waiting for you.

“Y/n,” Jackson breathes, seeming relieved.

Your fists are balled up at your sides in an instant, all your calming positivity thrown out the window from just your name on his lips.

Gritting your teeth to keep your cool prevents you from replying.

“I'm so glad you're still here.” He takes a hesitant step towards you.

“Where else would I be, Jackson?” You snap.

He stills, his face falling and eyes suddenly so sad and vulnerable it hurts your heart. The fact you feel guilty for your response has you doubting your feelings, but you push it aside. No, he's the one that's done this, he's taken something you've worked so hard for.

“Y/n, we need to talk.”

A bitter laugh escapes you, “you're the last person I need to speak to.”

You try to walk past him but his hand comes out, grabbing your arm gentle but firm, your head snapping back to him.

You realise then this is the first time he's ever touched you, unsure as to why that thought enters your head, you push it aside.

“Y/n, please.” His pleading eyes pull at your heart, as confusion muddles your mind further.

Shrugging out of his grasp and folding your arms across your chest, you say, “you have five minutes.”

He breathes a sigh of relief and closes some distance between you. “Thank you.” He smiles, seeming to ease the tension but maybe he's just smug that you've relented.

“I know that we haven't always seen eye to eye,” he starts and you can't help but scoff at the understatement. He ignores and continues, “but I want you to know that I've refused the promotion.”

Your mouth falls agape. Never in a million years would you have guessed that's what he was about to say. “Why would you do that?”

“Call me crazy,” he takes slow steps towards you, your arms fall at your sides even though you feel more tense than ever, “but I think a promotion should be earned.”

You're still waiting for the punchline but when there's only an inch between you, you look up into his dark eyes, open and honest and find your wilful thoughts faltering.

“You've worked harder than anyone in this company to do that and I've expressed that to our managers. You've not been recognised for all the work and revenue you've bought in for them. If I'm honest, I think you'd be better off elsewhere, but that's not my business.” He holds his hands up, surrendering before you can snap at him again. Only this time, your anger and annoyance has dissipated, left with only awe and bemusement in its place.

Your eyes narrow at him, still unwilling to completely let go of the distrust you hold. He smiles at your suspicion. “Feel free to go in and ask Mark, he is my witness, I'm a man of my word.”

There's a long pause, unwavering eyes on one another in the empty corridor, before he swallows and looks at his feet, shifting awkwardly on the spot.

“Anyway, I just wanted you to know. I'll see you around y/n.”

He starts off towards the exit doors and something inside you rises up, unwillingly to stop this conversation, the words fly out of your mouth, “why are you being so nice, now?”

He turns and smiles sadly, “I've been trying to be nice to you for months.”

Instantly, you're ready to argue but he puts a hand up to stop you, “you assume the worst of me and I'm not really sure why?”

For once you are at a loss for words, thinking back to every conversation you've had recently, could you have misinterpreted him? Or was he right, and you've just been looking for a negative brush to tar him with?

“But you're always so…” you're unsure where to start but decide on the least offensive first, “loud.”

“Did it ever occur to you that perhaps, I'm trying to get you to notice me?”

Your eyes snap across to his, feeling sure you would see the teasing in his eyes and when you don't, you feel more confused than ever. “Well, what about this, you tease me so often I never know when you're serious.”

He takes a step towards you. “I tease you to make you laugh.”

“But what about when you're always showing off?”

Another step closer. “Once again, trying to get you to notice me.”

You're desperately trying to connect a puzzle in your head but the pieces just don't seem to fit.

“But why?”

He laughs, shaking his head at you and swiping a hand through his hair, a move that he makes looks so devastating, your thoughts still. “I like you, y/n, I have since I started working here. I was hoping our fiery banter would turn into something more but…I never realised how much you despised me until tonight.”

A rock of guilt and disappointment lands in the pit of your stomach at his words.

“I'm sorry, truly, I didn't mean for there to be any miscommunication or to have upset you in any way. I should have just been up front and honest sooner,” he explains, making you feel worse.

Standing here looking at him now, how sincere and exposed he is, you realise what an idiot you've been.

The office is always full of laughter when he's around, something you'd assumed was at your expense, but he was aiming for your laughter instead. He was always speaking up in meetings, trying to pitch his ideas, you'd assumed he was talking over you and attempting to prove he's better, but it was all for your attention. Every compliment he'd given you had seemed sarcastic and full of mocking, instead he was just being awkward and unsure of how to communicate with you.

“No,” you say, closing the distance between you, “I was wrong, I read you completely wrong, all due to my own stubborn and selfish thoughts. I'm sorry, Jackson.”

The blush that crept across his cheeks was something you'd never imagined and made him look even more handsome.

A slow melody sounds around you, echoing down from the main function.

He clears his throat and holds out a hand to you. “Could I be so bold as to ask you to dance?”

You hesitate, although you're surprised at how badly you want to. “Here?”

He nods, a breathtaking smirk plays on his lips and needing no more encouragement, you take his hand and let him pull you to him. His arm wraps around your waist, holding you to him as your feet move perfectly in sync, slow and deliberate.

Neither of you say a word for the entire song, just enjoying the closeness, though unexpected and when the music stops so do your feet.

“I always thought you hated me.” You can't help the nervous laughter that escapes as your bodies remain pressed together.

He looks down at you, hooking a finger under your chin, “I'd rather fight with you, than be with anyone else.”

You realise now how serious he is, how much he means everything he's said to you and…much to your surprise, how much you want him too.

Without overthinking or second guessing, you grab the lapels of his blazer and pull him down towards you. He eagerly obliges. Not before cupping your face with gentle hands and touching his lips, softly but assertively to yours.

Your mouths explore each other in a passionate dance, tongues swirling and lips moving together perfectly, until you're both breathless and pulling away, fighting for air.

“You wanna get out of here?” You ask, your core throbbing with an unexplored want.

He nods frantically, pulling out his phone and requesting a cab.

“Come on, 2 minutes.” He takes your hand and pulls you towards the exit but as you leave the main doors and the chilly night air hits you, you remember someone.

“Wait, I need to find Mark.”

“No need, princess,” Mark's voice sounds from behind and you spin to see him casually leaning against the wall. “I'm waiting for a taxi as we speak, you go and have fun.” He winks at you and you resist the urge to giggle like a schoolgirl.

“See Mark, I knew I liked you.” Jackson says before leading you back down the steps and to your waiting car.

“Hurt her and I'll break you in half!” Mark calls out and you can't help but laugh, knowing how serious he is.

As Jackson pulls open the door of the cab you slide in, he follows you in quickly and slams the door.

“Your place or mine?” He asks.

“Mine’s closer.” You rattle off your address to the driver, before your mouth is on Jackson’s again.

Feeling needy and eager as his hands explore a pathway down your body, you resist the urge to climb on top of him.

“Did I mention how good you look in that dress?” He whispers against your lips.

“Not really no,” you respond, as your lips make their way down his neck, relishing the way his breath hitches in his throat.

“As soon as I saw you tonight, all I could think of was peeling this off of you.” He grabs at the material around your legs, bunching up to reveal your flesh. His fingers skate slowly up your thigh but he pauses and grabs them instead, letting out a frustrated growl. “I’ve wanted you for so long, these last few moments feel unbearable.”

You feel powerful and confident as you decide to make matters worse for him. Gliding a hand up his muscular thigh until you reach his crotch, you can feel his erection through the fabric of his trousers and you palm at it teasingly. He sucks in a breath and then holds it, biting his bottom lip with pleading eyes aimed at you. Smiling, you have to resist the urge to unzip him right there but the car comes to a stop, much to your relief.

Jackson tips the driver and helps you out of the vehicle.

Grabbing his hand, you race to your front door, fumbling to find your keys in your purse with the other hand. He presses the front of his body against your back, his hands wandering all over you, exploring an urgent pathway that makes you want to melt against him. The click of the lock has you growling with fervour, as you roughly push your way inside your apartment. Spinning, your lips are on his, burning with a passion you've never experienced, as your hands are whipping off his tie and rapidly tackling the button on his trousers. Your hands slide up under his shirt while he clumsily tries to undo the buttons, you however, have no time for that. Ripping open his shirt, and hearing the spray of the buttons as they scatter around your living room floor.

“Sorry.” You whisper breathlessly.

The smile you feel against your mouth tells you he doesn't care one bit, and before you know it, you're stumbling through your bedroom until your back knocks into your dresser.

His hand grasps the back of your knees suddenly, and before you can register, he's scooping your legs up and lifting you onto the wooden top. He glides the material of your dress up and over your head, only briefly breaking the contact between your bodies, before slotting himself in between your legs

His fingers find the hem of your underwear and pull them off quicker than you anticipate, having to hold yourself onto the edge of your dresser.

Your fingers run along the hard muscles of his chest and down his stomach, you're desperate to have him inside you. No thoughts of teasing and drawing this out, you wanted him to quench this unbearable thirst, now.

Reaching inside his briefs, you free his erection from its clothed prison, he's rock hard in your hand and you can't help the desperate whine that escapes you. Lining him up to your entrance, you use your legs to guide him in.

He pulls his lips off you and searches your eyes, cupping your face in his hands. “Are you sure?”

You nod frantically, “please, Jackson, I need you.”

His mouth connects to yours, more hungry and desperate than before and he pushes himself forward slowly, sliding into you and stretching you open.

The resounding groan from the two of you, sounds animalistic and raw. No holding back, just giving in to your feelings and desires.

Watching each other intently, panting with excitement, time seems to slow down. The mood changes around you. Having him in such an intimate manner opens your eyes, seeing him clearer than ever, as if for the first time. You hold his face, pulling him down to you with a kiss that's different, not full of eagerness and impatience, but comfort and understanding.

When he bottoms out in you, he pauses, savouring the moment between you, tongues dancing softly together but it's not long before you find your impatience growing again. With your legs hooked around the back of his, you pull him forward, and grind yourself up against him, willing him to move.

He grunts and gets the message before he's pumping in and out of you in a perfect rhythm, making your heart pound wildly in your chest, so loud you can hear the echo in your ears, thumping away.

He grabs at your bra and pulls it down, freeing your breasts, his hands are on them in an instant, massaging them.

The sound of your dresser squeaking under the movements and pressure beneath you, only turns you on more, at this point, it could collapse under you and you'd still continue on their tirade.

Your hands find his buttocks, squeezing the flesh as you control his movements, wanting him harder and faster, the pressure building up inside at an alarming rate.

You admire his body, toned to perfection, your gaze travelling up to watch his face, as his eyes are solely focused on his dick sliding in and out of you. The groans coming out of him are so sinful it makes you feel hot inside, too hot, like your skin could burn off your body at any minute and as the pressure inside grows intense, you realise you're dangerously close to a very powerful orgasm.

“Just like that,” you gasp, unable to say much more from the pleasure tightening everything and strangling your words.

“You close, baby?” He asks, eyes on your face as you nod. He smiles, looking pleased with himself, “I want to see how pretty you look when you come.” He bites his own lip, as if trying to hold off his own climax. The idea of that is all you need for the pleasure bubble inside you to pop and your body contracts aggressively around him, as you’re blinded by white light.

“Oh, yes.” He whispers, as he holds your face towards him, while he helps you ride out your high. The pulses continue on until they die down and suddenly he's pulling out of you and pumping himself with his hand, until he explodes all over your stomach and chest, leaving white ropes of ecstasy as evidence on your skin.

Leaving your head on his chest, trying to catch your breath, he strokes the skin on your back.

After a few peaceful moments, he places his knuckle under your chin and lifts your head up towards him, planting a tender kiss to your lips.

“Come,” he says, pulling up his trousers and then scooping you up in his arms to take you to your bed.

Your eyelids feel heavy and you can feel the adrenaline leaving your body as you curl up into his side, the last thing you remember is his lips against your forehead.

Opening your eyes, you're met with bright sunlight streaming through your window, you can hardly keep them open. Rolling from your front to your side and feeling for your phone on the bedside table, you check the time. 10.05. Not too late for a Sunday. Glancing down you notice your naked body, as the memories from last night's events come back thick and fast as you sit bolt upright, eyes darting around the room.

“Jackson!” You call out through the ajar bedroom door, wondering if he's somewhere else in the flat.

Silence.

Your stomach sinks slightly. Did you fall for a complete fabrication of feelings for a one night stand? Checking your phone; there's no missed calls or messages from him. Flopping back down on your bed, you pull the sheet over your head, feeling embarrassed and stupid and wanting nothing more than to hide away from the world. How were you going to face him at work tomorrow? Did any of your colleagues see you leave together? The thought churns your stomach, regret starting to seep in, hurting your chest with every new thought or worry.

A noise in the distance distracts you momentarily from the chaotic thoughts using your brain as a roundabout. You sit up, hearing someone moving around in your kitchen, could it be him?

You get out of bed quickly and quietly, pulling on some shorts and a vest, giving yourself a quick check in your mirror, that's when you notice your makeup and other items that neatly sat on your dresser, scattered all over the floor. A flush travels up your neck with the images from last night.

You swallow them down and tiptoe out into the open plan living room and kitchen.

There he stands, dressed in his suit trousers and shirt, at the counter, putting something on a plate, humming quietly to himself. The sight pulls in your chest and you can't help the smile that pulls your mouth as you lean casually against your door frame.

He turns towards you, carrying a tray with what looks like an iced coffee, panini, a plastic bowl of fruit and pancakes. When his eyes notice you, he freezes, his cheeks flush red briefly as he beams at you. A smile so captivating you can't believe you didn't appreciate it before.

“Hi,” you break the silence first.

“Morning,” he says, dreamily, then shaking his head as if to snap himself out of his daze, he adds, “I thought you might like breakfast. I didn't know what you'd like, so I got a selection.” He stands there, seeming awkward, his usual confidence gone.

You walk towards him, taking the tray and placing it on your dining table. “It all looks amazing, and very thoughtful. Thank you, there is something I'd like for breakfast.”

He frowns, bewildered from your actions, as you watch his Adam's apple bobs up and down as he swallows. You close any distance between you, playing with his shirt and notice the question in his eyes.

“You.” You reply, looking up at him through your eyelashes.

He's on you in an instant, lips dancing hungrily with yours as he lifts you and carries you into the bedroom, leaving your breakfast waiting for when you've stated the hunger you feel for him.

#got 7 #got7 jackson wang #got7 jackson fanfiction #got7writerscollective #kvanity #got7 jackson #got7 fanfic #jackson wang #jackson wang fanfiction #got7 jackson fanfic #jackson wang fanfic #jackson wang angst #jackson wang smut

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avadoingart-imus · 1 year ago

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This seems so odd cuz it's all red. I wanna test out the color temperature theory that goes about there are warm reds and cool reds and that if you can create depth in your drawing by putting that knowledge to use. Of course, it has to be another Crowley merged with Wang Ye style cause I'm still obsessed.

#mydrawing #good omens #good omens fanart #crowley #crowley fanart #digital art #sketch #color temperature #wang ye #i am nobody #wang ye inspired #artist on tumblr

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accio-victuuri · 7 months ago

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September CPNs round-up 🔴🟡🟢

•exploring the unknown episode 1 clownery 🦴

• exploring the unknown episode 2 candy which is more explanation about tea and coffee connection

• more clues that xz helped wyb out in packing his things for the show

• 9/2 fake rumor per this weibo account :

it’s all fake. one time during work visit XZ：x jie, you can leave first, my friend will come and meet me later x jie：ok, bye xiao laoshi that friend wyb they met for about 3 hours. love means that even if it’s only 3 hours, i will still go and see you.

• someone on weibo mentioning that xz took the legend of zanghai cast to eat at a restaurant in hengdian where there are many bjyx photos on the wall. these were placed by cp fans who frequented that place. treat this as a fake rumor. lol.

• Hello to trunk weibo account who posted their GQ spreads! Oh yes! Bad boys HAHAHAHAHA! i am still hoping that their bazaar untamed spread will have a physical copy someday.

• YBO used a chongqing dialect expression in a video

• a bit of clowing with the snowy mountain drawing and how it’s a possible foreshadowing to bobo’s mountain episode in exploring the unknown

• love expert wang yibo talking about liking someone in exploring the unknown episode 3 & then yibo proceeds to share some photos that we also clowned about

• wyb draws an “x” in the snow and a throwback to bittermelon juice + acting out ( exploring the unknown episode 4 )

• the color red being prominent in jimmy choo ad

• tencent video has posted about how exploring the unknown has the highest barrage. one of their example is obviously from a cpf lol

• some minor candies 9/10 - 9/13 🍬 the most significant one being the similarity between a ybo artwork and xz’s previous ones

• IF and Dove livestream candies

• they both like snail rice noodles

• i’m just adding this here because it’s bjyx brainrot HAHAHAHAHAHA! i think the photos speak for itself. especially with bobo’s new found talent for tying ropes. 👀👀👀

i still cannot find any innocent meaning on why xz decided to use that bdsm bunny shirt. so yeah. 🤷🏻‍♀️

• georges hobeika wedding clothes match

• not really cpn but fandom is happy that cql was included in yibo’s 10 year anniversary poster there were also some noted similarities in editing from the video they posted to how xzs does it, but at this point it’s already a pattern lol. personally, what i’m eating is that CQL was 23rd on the list of works, which is ai zan ( love zhan ).

• zz’s mid autumn festival post ( 18:21 )

• The Moon Represents My Heart CPN & 9/20 things. A very busy day for cpfs!

the same night, XZ flies off to Macau and his look is similar to something wyb wore before. twins!

• pizza in Milan 🍕

• empty world / i’m so lucky i have us cpn

• they both love animals

• beijing culture forum photoshoot elements taking inspiration from wyb photos

• sparkling tom ford jackets ✨

• zz is in guangdong and wyb in zhuhai 👀 ; more clowning related to the smiling face emoji

• wyb likes sea turtles the most

• both of them promoting their hometowns!

• another lrlg clue that came true ( yibo saying he wants to go home )

• XZS 5th anniversary video sweets

-END.

<<< previous month

#yizhan #bjyx #there is no science here i’m just clowning like i always do

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miyamiwu · 3 months ago

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Rewriting what I said in the VeiFei server to be more coherent, but here’s how I think the Yingdu Finale will go: It has to end in a Cathartic way. Not just Shocking. Not just Tragic. Cathartic.

I’m not gonna try to predict what is gonna happen because Link Click can always manage to shock us in new ways. But as a writing major, I can at least look at the writing techniques Yingdu have used so far and infer through it how the story can be best resolved.

And one thing that really strikes me about Yingdu is that, unlike S1 and S2, its fan service is blatant and aplenty. This is not necessarily Bad, but the pattern I’m seeing in Yingdu—but isn’t present in S1 and S2—is that all of its characters must undergo an “Awesome” moment. It’s not enough for the scenes to simply serve the plot and the themes. It must also be Cool, Peak, Emotionally Satisfying—whatever you call it.

It seems the goal in Yingdu is to instill in the viewer Strong Emotions. It’s not really about giving us all the clues and making us figure out the mysteries. (Remember all those complaints about Yingdu being full of “fillers” and having “no plot”? This may be why.) Yingdu has never been about the What—because we already know CXS dies—but the How—how hard can they make our hearts break?

Now, what do I mean by an Awesome moment? Here are some examples:

Cheng Xiaoshi threatening to hurt Vivian if she hurts Lu Guang

Qiao Ling dramatically telling Cheng Xiaoshi that it was his mom who doesn’t want him to go

Liu Xiao pointing the gun at Xiang and turning the game on him

Xia Fei whining on the phone, but moments later tells his haters a big “Fuck you”

Vein’s hype entrance at the end of YE3

Vein stopping that stone from hitting Xia Fei before proceeding to obliterate everyone in YE4

Cheng Xiaoshi, as Wang Qing, yelling at his dad and putting him in place

All these moments can be considered Awesome. It makes you feel “Yes!” It makes you wanna clench your fist and pull it down in excitement or triumph.

Since episode 1, the characters’ Awesome levels have been steadily rising. So for Yingdu to end in any satisfying way, they have to maintain or exceed those. No character should be Less Awesome by the end because that would instill a lot of negative feelings in the viewer.

Another way of putting this is that… Yingdu has constantly rewarded the viewer in an emotional sense, so by the finale our emotions would be at an all-time high. All of that emotion needs to be released, and since it’s the last episode they only have one chance to do it. There is no time for Yingdu to gently let us down by decreasing the characters’ Awesome levels first, so the remaining option is to either make them peak or let them go out in a blaze of glory. But whatever they choose to do, they must never, never drop the ball on any one of them.

That would inspire resentment.

Like, imagine that infuriating feeling you get when you read a story that could’ve been so good if it was just written a little differently, but there’s nothing you could do but lament its potential. No writer would want their audience to feel such a thing. Yingdu has to avoid that effect at all costs—which would be difficult because of the Awesome levels they’ve allowed to increase in a linear fashion. They’re already at the highest, so falling down would be even more dangerous.

To reiterate, the Yingdu Ending has to be Cathartic, and no character should be left as Less than how they started.

(However, this does not apply to Lu Guang because… well, he’s going through the terrors. But I reckon he will at least finally have his own Awesome moment in the finale for it to also count as Satisfying.)

#shiguang dailiren #link click #link click yingdu #时光代理人 #link click meta #<- sort of #miyamiwu.meta #miyamiwu.src

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psychicdisaster · 1 year ago

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I think it's a shame that Su Moting's inferiority complex isn't talked about at all. It makes sense given the size of the fandom and the fact that it's quickly downplayed with comedic scenes afterwards, but watching the beginning of episode 3 season 4 reminded me of how much I want to talk about it.

For starters, there's the whole Wang Xiaobao situation, in which she constantly felt like she had to compete against him. She says lines like, "don't I have any dignity? Because of you, I've been unable to hold my head up." She also mentions being compared to him by her parents and other adults. Along with that, in the flashbacks we get of her, she's shown to be a smart, well-performing student. And now? She's a lazy adult with a procrastination problem who can barely go to work.

There's the last episode of season one where she feels inadequate after being confronted by the other versions of her, saying, "is the person I am now really that bad? When did I become like this?" This obviously adds to my previous point about how she wasn't always like this.

Finally, there's the scene that inspired me to write this: the nightmare in episode 3 season 4. It's clearly meant to highlight her fear of being controlled by the halo, yes, but I also think it touches on her inferiority complex. She saves everyone and gets nothing but laughter in return. Her heroic action is mocked. She is nothing in their eyes.

This might be me overanalyzing a comedy donghua, though, but I still think it's worth talking about.

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notwiselybuttoowell · 1 year ago

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How did the crab get out of prison? And why did the crab get bad grades?

The answers to these conundrums and other clawsome jokes were among the competitors for the inaugural World’s Funniest Crab Joke competition, held by the Crab Museum in Margate to celebrate International Crab Day.

The winning gag, submitted by an anonymous joker, was: “Why did the crab cross the road? It didn’t. It used the sidewalk.”

An expert panel of judges, including the comedians Harry Hill, Rose Matafeo, Sally Phillips and Phil Wang, as well as children from Ramsgate Arts primary school, scored their favourite jokes before the totals were tallied and a winner crowned.

The only rules of the contest were that the jokes should be kept PG, and that lobsters could be mentioned in the setup of the joke, but not the “pinchline”.

Organisers said that, although most of the 700 submissions did abide by the rules, several jokes “were disqualified for scientific inaccuracy, and rather a lot for lewdness”.

In an unexpected sideways move, the crabs themselves picked the winner from the four jokes ranked highest by the judges, with the help of some tinned fish in bait bags and rolled-up pieces of paper with the jokes written on them.

The twist on the classic road-crossing formula proved triumphant, and was followed in second by another variation on a classic: “Man walks into a restaurant with a crab under his arm and says, ‘Do you make crab cakes?’ Manager answers, ‘Yes, we do.’ ‘Good,’ says the man, ‘because it’s his birthday.’”

Third place was awarded jointly to: “Why didn’t the crab help the chicken cross the road? Because it was eaten by a pelican crossing,” and: “What format do you have to save photos of crab soup on to? Floppy bisque.”

A Crab Museum spokesperson said the organisers hoped the contest might inspire people into environmental activism: “The quality and quantity of jokes this year has been astounding. We’ve been pinching ourselves since the submissions closed! That said, laughing at jokes, much like learning about crabs, can be a powerful tool to help us reassess our relationship with our environment. You’d be surprised how quickly you can go from chuckling at crab gags to letting down SUV tires. Whilst we may not have made this clear to our judges, it is in this spirit that the World’s Funniest Crab Joke competition has been organised.”

The museum, which opened in 2021 and claims to be “Europe’s first and only museum dedicated to the decapod”, aims to raise awareness of the often unheralded but incredibly diverse world of crabs.

#excerpts #crabs #comedy #museums #puff piece #...#crab puffs #environment #(more jokes in link)#they probably made the right choice #though the runner up is good too

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starrywangxian · 1 year ago

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how the mdzs characters would sign off emails

inspired by this post and this post

Wei Wuxian: Thanks - I'll see myself out, Wei Wuxian

Lan Wangji: Sincelery, Lan Wangji, Hanguang-Jun, Cloud Recesses, Gusu Lan Sect... (he would include full titles and addresses etc.)

Lan Xichen: Many thanks! Lan Xichen, Zewu-Jun. (it's passive aggressive to other sect leaders but to lwj he adds emojis - yes he emails his brother shh)

Lan Sizhui: Have a nice day, Lan Sizhui! :)

Lan Jingyi: Never stop the grind, Lan Jingyi - P.S. Plz don't fail me Hanguang-jun :(

Lan Qiren: Regrettably, Lan Qiren.

Qingheng-jun: That's all, Qingheng-jun.

Madam Lan: Talk soon! (i recognise this is ironic... but i feel like she'd write something really casual and nice :))

Lan Yi: Okay then. (i feel like she'd be very straight to the point lmao)

Ouyang Zizhen: Fare thee well, Ouyang Zizhen! :)

Jiang Cheng: Please stop reading the email.

Jiang Fengmian: Stay tuned, Jiang Fengmian.

Yu Ziyuan: May the lord forgive your sins, Yu Ziyuan.

Jiang Yanli: Thanks again, Jiang Yanli! :) ...Don't cross me.

Wei Changze: Sent via smoke signals. Best, Wei Changze. (i feel like he'd also write a joke but treat it like a fact lmao)

Cangse Sanren: Sent from the future ;) Cangse Sanren! (i feel like she'd write a jokey and fun sign off <3)

Jin Guangyao: You're the best boss ever (lol jk), Lianfang-zun.

Jin Ling: don't care + didn't ask + L + ratio. jin ling.

Jin Zixuan: Lukewarm regards, Jin Zixuan.

Jin Guangshan: Ciao! Jin Guangshan. (he tries to be friendly and cool because he thinks everyone likes him but he's just annoying and everyone hates him)

Madam Jin: Thank you. (P.S. Please send any important sect-related emails to me, my husband is useless and doesn't do anything).

Jin Zixun: The best, Jin Zixun.

Qin Su: See you in hell, Qin Su.

Mo Xuanyu: So long and thanks for all the fish! Mo Xuanyu.

Nie Huaisang: Stay hydrated, queens! Nie Huaisang <3

Nie Mingjue: Over and Out, Chifeng-zun.

Wen Ruohan: May the Night bless you, signed Overlord Wen Ruohan.

Wen Ning: Apologies for existing :') Wen Qionglin

Wen Qing: Please don't contact me for 3-5 business days - kindest regards, Wen Qing, Head Physician.

Wen Chao: Mic drop, Wen Chao.

Wen Xu: Thanks, enjoy the hours you have left. Wen Xu.

Wen Zhuliu: Regards, Wen Zhuliu.

Wang Lingjiao: Live, laugh, love! Wang Lingjiao xoxox

Luo Qingyang: At a loss for words, Mianmian.

Xiao Xingchen: Live long and prosper, Xiao Xingchen!

Song Lan: May God be with you in these trying times, Song Zichen.

A-Qing: God's favourite child, A-Qing.

Xue Yang: YOur FrIendly NEIghBOur... XuE ChEngmEI.

Su She: Remember the name: Su Minshan.

Baoshan Sanren: That's it. Baoshan Sanren. (i feel like she'd be straight to the point too)

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bechaerriezlvr · 8 days ago

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foreigner

part two of two

nicholas wang x reader

fluff, teeny tiny bit of angst, happy ending ofc, nicknames like “pretty”

THIS IS HIGHKEY CRINGY i think idk, i forgot how relationships work and how they come to be i’ve been single too long i fear. even though this took ages for me to release, this was still rushed. last part was lowkey xo kitty and true beauty inspired. partially proofread so don’t yell at me

this was so rushed it feels like a middle school relationship

author’s note💋: i MIGHT release works on txt soon! i can’t guarantee that because i have 7 andteam drafts and one daniel/kyu one 😛

nicholas picks you up outside of your hotel. this time the sun is ablaze and he’s perched on the side of his car’s hood. you step outside, locking eyes with him. a smile cracks on his face.

“hey,” you greet.

“all ready?” he asks. “and hungry, i hope.”

“oh definitely.” he pops open the car door for you, ushering you inside before he takes his spot on the driver’s seat, driving off.

"am i being kidnapped or are you bringing me somewhere for breakfast?" you joke.

"if it's both?" you both laugh. "i swear, you'll love where i'm taking you." before you could respond, your phone rings.

tzu💗is calling...

"hello?" she says.”

you're evil, you know that?" you reply.

"i'm sorryyy!! you can't even say anything, i couldn't contact you last night!"

"sorry, i was busy and my phone died because YOU ABANDONED ME AND STOLE MY UMBRELLA!"

"'ll give it back! what were you busy doing anyway?"

"finding my way back."

"mm im surprised you even did it."

"hey! i got help!" nicholas laughs at your comment before honking at the driver ahead of him.

"ok ok, tell me about it later, im calling to let you know that i'm fine now, i'm heading back to the hotel in a couple hours- wait was that a honk.. are you in a car.. who are you with?"

“igottagodontyellatmeillseeyoulaterbye!" you quickly end the call, shoulders slumping in relaxation.

"cute," he mutters under his breath while shaking his head. he does a swift turn into the parking lot and parks with ease. "don't get out, i'll open the door for you," he says before quickly running over to the other side.

you laugh, "wow, what a gentleman."

"all i aspire to be," he remarks with a little bow. he opens the door to reveal a cute café. the place is quiet with the ambience of people conversing and the kitchen running. the sound of clinking coffee cups and staff greeting fills the room as he pulls you to a seat next to him. a waitress passes you two some menus letting you flip through them. as nicholas orders for you (again) you can't help but admire him. the gummy smile he flashes and his polite nature. his tall, lean physique and sharp eyes contrasts his playful humor. it's been nothing but a day and yet this man has butterflies fluttering in your belly. the idea of being out, just the two of you makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside. you look away for a bit before seeing a flash in the corner of your eye. you look and see one of the café's polaroid camera aligned with his face.

"you could've warned me!" you laugh.

"well it wouldn't be candid," he chuckles. you take one of him in retaliation.

"here," he hands you the polaroid of you before you push his hand back.

"keep it, i'll lose it."

“i’m not keeping both, take mine,” he says. “it’s weird if i have a polaroid of myself. let's take one together?" you hum in agreement. as he stretches his arm out, he struggles to take one of the both of you.

the waitress returns and smiles softly as she offers to take a photo. setting your food down. you and nicholas look at each other before saying yes. he tightly wraps an arm around you, your bodies pressed together. you swear he could feel the cold sweat that runs down your neck, but you obviously don’t address it. the both of you smile widely like little kids. the waitress takes a seat in the chair in front of the two of you, snapping a photo as the bright light of the flash hits your eyes. she takes two polaroids for each of you to have a copy. she makes a quick remark that leaves nicholas laughing in embarrassment.

"what?" you question in confusion.

"nothing," nicholas waves off the question.

"no come on, you can't say that!"

"...she said we were a cute couple.”

“do you agree?”

“that’s subjective,” he huffs.

“i think not,” you smile.

you two spend some times strolling around the city, staying near the café. you both shopped around, nicholas holding your (his) purchases. you were treated like a princess by his side. he opens doors for you, swipes his card for you, drives for you, feeds you. i mean, what more could you ask for? as you walk around, talking about whatever comes to your head, you spot a familiar face across the street, locking eyes with tzu.

you go wide eyed as she smiles in your direction. you shake your head and hold a finger in front of your mouth, hoping she'll let this moment go so you can explain everything later. she squints her eyes at you before walking off.

"what was that about?" nicholas asks

"oh, nothing, don’t worry about it," you lie before pulling your phone out.

you: thought you were heading home in a couple hours??

tzu: girl it has been hours

tzu: AND WHEN WERE YOU GONNA TELL ME ABOUT THAT

tzu: i’ve been gone for a day and now you’re hoeing around???

you: WOW OK YOU ABANDONED ME

you: i'm sorry i'm making friends like you asked me to 😒

you: and i'll tell u later

tzu: ok ho u better

you: yeah yeah you shouldn't even be out after FOOD POISIONING

days have passed and you've spent late nights fretting about your texts with nicholas and repeating the same story that tzu hasn't gotten sick of during your late nights. you've had a rough history with past lovers and a hard time making new friends. when tzu had figured out you were "venturing out in the world" she nearly freaked out of excitement. although she couldn't contain her happiness for you, she warned you about the boys around town and said she'd "break his neck and use his body parts as fuel for our flight back home" if nicholas broke your heat.

you couldn't get nicholas off your mind. normally, during trips, you'd be equally excited to enjoy your stay and head back home. yet, as the clock kept ticking, you began to dread it. you obviously still struggled around taiwan. two weeks wouldn't magically make you fluent in mandarin, but you felt safe. but that was only because you had nicholas checking in on you. "are you busy" wanna hang out?" "you need anything?" "you hungry?" these texts lingered in your mind, feeling guilty you were leaving so soon even though you both knew it was bound to happen.

it was 3 am. tzuyu was passed out next to you and you couldn't help but succumb to the blaring light of your phone. you had spent the whole night clubbing, eating, drinking, dancing, and retired to your hotel room to get fat on ice cream and junk. you were doing everything out of your comfort zone because you’re on vacation and it didn't matter. and somehow, that's what you were afraid of, enjoying every moment even though nothing mattered. soju and beer bottles were scattered around your hotel room, but you were sober enough to function. you were sitting in the bed, wrapped up in the thick comforter. the scent of alcohol and expensive hotel room fragrance circulated around the room. the lights were dim, and you felt more sentimental than you normally would. the liquid courage began to take effect and before you knew it, your fingers were typing faster than you were processing.

you 💋: hi

you💋: i’m sp sleept

you💋: am i bothwring yu?

you💋: hey, so, i'm gonna miss you when i leave

you 💋: sorry, was rhat too forwwatd

weno🍓: no not at all

weno🍓: are you drunk?

you💋: WOW accusations

you💋: but ywah maybe

you 💋: it's so late i didn't think you'd answer

you 💋: aren’t you gonna miss me too 😞

weno 🍓: i never said i wouldn’t

you 💋: ph so it’s just onwsided and i’m pathwric

weno 🍓: you’re not pathetic, i’ll miss you too

weno🍓: drink some water??

weno 🍓:you seem so drunk

you💋: i’m not teust

💋trsy

💋trst

💋trust

🍓🍓you just proved my point

💋whatevwr

you 💋: i'm getting to the airport at 4:00 am in like fove days,

you 💋: i'll just text when i'm on my way

weno🍓: what time is your flight?

you 💋: 6:00

weno🍓: oh

you 💋: yeah

an awkward pause is created between the two of you before you see him type again.

weno🍓: you're gonna hate me for this

you💋: what?

weno🍓: i like you.

your face runs red and you nearly want to slap tzuyu awake.

weno🍓: im sorry, bad timing, i know lol

weno 🍓:you’re probably not even gonna remember i said this anyway

weno🍓: don't hate me

weno🍓: is there an unsend message option

you💋: it's ok

you💋: i like yu too goofy

you💋: tgis feels weird

you💋: and cliché

you💋: AHHHH

you💋: didn't think yiu were gonna aay it first

weno🍓: woah i didn't think you were gonna say it back

you💋: i didn't even think you were gonna say it

weno🍓: fuck, its only been 12 days and i've gained feelings

weno🍓: i'm going insane

you💋: i said the same thing i thought i was delusional

weno🍓: what do we do now?

you💋: i don't know

you💋: i'm leaving in a few days, i cant change my entire

life right here right now.

you💋: fuck the only thing i can say is nihao and xiexie

weno🍓: i'd say i could help you but i don't wanna hold you back

weno🍓: should we just...idk.. sleep on it??

you💋: if my feelings go away in 24 hours (which isn't gonna happen) leave me

weno🍓: i don’t think i could bring myself to

weno🍓: there's nothing we could do right now

weno🍓: go to sleep, pretty. good night

you💋: good night

you contemplate throwing your phone across the room and punching a hole in the wall. instead you slump over, face first, into your bed. your nerves are nowhere near calm. all you could hope for is that this wasn't a dream and that it isn't something that deserves to be forgotten. you reach for the polaroids from the café. your eyes wander towards his toothy grin and his squinted eyes. his hair is raven black, yet it shines against the flash. you can see his fingers curled around your shoulder tightly as if you’d vanish right then and there. you can immediately recall his silly laughter and the way he’d constantly lick and nip at his lips. the way he’d always look at you first to see if you like the food or if you’re alright. you pop the polaroid of him on the back of your phone. you nearly scoff in disbelief. how could i have fallen so fast? little did you know, nicholas had yours on the back of his phone too.

it’s officially the day you leave. restless all night, you ended up passing time by walking around, packing your stuff, constantly looking in the mirror and fixing your hair. your head pounds harder than the day you were drunk and delusional out your mind. you sit criss cross applesauce on the bathroom counter with the lights dim and the door closed to prevent tzuyu from awakening. as you put away your toiletries, you feel your phone vibrate against you as it rests on your knee. you click on the notification with a bitter smile.

weno🍓: i miss you

you💋: i know

weno🍓: wow cocky

you💋: jk jk me too

you💋: it's 2:00 am, weno

weno🍓: you said my name

you💋: go to sleep

weno🍓: you called me weno

you💋: it’s your name isn’t it?

weno🍓: yeah

weno🍓: i just got butterflies through the screen

you💋: you’re so bold

you💋: go to sleep

weno🍓: so you hate me

you💋: my god, it's too late for you to be up, i have to sleep too

weno🍓: yeah but i miss you

you💋: i haven't left yet

weno🍓: im anticipating the leave

you💋: me too

weno🍓: should i drop you off

you💋: my friend has been back

you💋: idk if you wanna deal with her too lol

weno🍓: fine then i’ll meet you there

you💋: you don’t even have a flight

weno🍓: so?

you🍓: i’ll let you meet me there if you head to bed now

weno🍓: i won’t make it on time then

you💋: you’ll fall asleep while you drive then skid off the highway

weno🍓: ouch

you💋: if that happens then you really won’t see me

weno🍓: wow 💔

weno🍓: fine.

weno🍓: last goodnight in taiwan

you: 🥹

*weno 🍓 loved “🥹”*

you💋: goodnight nicholas

weno🍓: night pretty

the sun is barely seeping out and you’re seated in a taxi next to tzuyu. she leans her head on your shoulder as you both look out the window, into the highway.

“i’m gonna kms,” you say.

“girl, we can always come back,” tzuyu says.

“i guess,” you shrug.

“oh.. him, right?”

“i don’t know what you’re talking about,” you deflect.

“seriously, if he gets over you because you’re heading back home, you’re both stupid”

“hey!” you slap her shoulder. “what’s that supposed to mean??”

“stupid for getting with him and he’s stupid for getting over you.” you roll your eyes in response. “it’s ok you have me anyway,” she jokes, sticking her tongue out. the car rolls into the airport’s drop off. as you and tzuyu get out the car and take your luggages out the trunk, you lug your stuff into the airport. you keep your passport in hand, waiting in line to check ion your bags. you look around the open space, hoping that that you see his familiar face. distracted in looking around, you nearly miss your name being called by tzuyu, beckoning you over. you get your boarding pass while your bags are weighed and passed down the conveyor belt. it’s really time to go?

you take one last look around before tzuyu takes your hand, leading you towards tsa. before you enter the already filled line, you hear hard footsteps behind you and sound waves of your name being called. you whip your head around, locking eyes with the face you hoped to see. you look at tzuyu as if you’re asking for permission. she nods quickly, pushing you towards him. you fall into his arms, engulfed in a warm hug. you embraced him tightly knowing it’d probably be your first and last one. you feel a lump in your throat but you swallow back your tears. he takes your face in his hands and holds you so gently you’re afraid he thinks you’re made of porcelain. you shudder out a breath as you look into his eyes. you both nearly break out in laughter, thinking that the whole thing was dramatic.

“don’t waste your tears,” he says, caressing your face.

“bye, i guess,” you say into his hands.

“is it too late for a goodbye kiss?”

“here?” you say, eyes wide, looking back at tzuyu.

“who knows when i’ll kiss you next?” you sigh, silently complying. he smiles, pulling you closer as your lips press onto his. sweet and gentle, bitter and strong. you smile against his lips before giving him one last peck then pulling away.

“is she disgusted?” you ask. he looks at her from behind you.

“she looks like she’s about to end me,” he laughs nervously.

“sounds just like her,” you laugh. the line for security as lessened and minutes have passed. “i guess i should go now, just in case i get stuck or interviewed or whatever.”

“there’s so much time, there’s like an hour,” he whines.

“an hour which could consist of me getting held back for some stupid rule i might’ve broken. i’d rather be early.”

you both say your goodbyes. as you walk towards security, you hold onto tzu’s hand tightly, trying not to look back. she squeezed your hand back like she’s reassuring you of your unsteady emotions. you look back one last time after the guard had checked your passport. you see nicholas’ bright smile. he didn’t look like he felt a single ounce of sadness, smiling brightly.

you board the plane, ready for your long flight. tzuyu is one seat away from you, making you feel even more disappointed with the fact you can’t sit and chat. you stand on your tippy toes to put your bag into the overhead bin.

“sorry, did you need help with that?”

“yes ple-”

“…nicholas?”

he grins back at you, looming over your figure.

“i told you not to waste your tears, pretty.”

#xoxo 💋 💋#andteam #nicholas andteam x reader #&team drabbles #&team #&team nicholas #andteam x reader #fluff #andteam fluff #andteam angst #andteam smau #nicholas wang #wang yixiang

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heywoodsays · 2 months ago

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Top 10 Films of 2024

I’ve written before on how silly the exercise of coming up with an annual “top ten films” list always is. And yet, the tradition continues. One of the things I take away from the experience is the opportunity to parse through the dozens of movies I’ve watched in the past year and try to identify what exactly makes some movies speak to me more than others.

I found that especially challenging this year — not because there were so many remarkable films, or too few worth considering. But other than a few genuine standouts (4.5 to 5 stars), I thought there were so many solid films that I thoroughly enjoyed (4 stars), it was difficult to sift through them to decide “which was better.” In a sense, coming up with a top 20 was easy, but arriving at a top 10 was not.

I have, at times, tried very hard to distinguish between the concepts of “best films” and “favorite films,” but I’ve learned that such a distinction is murky at best. Our personal biases, preferences, life experiences, and so on play an indubitable role in our appreciation of a movie. For most people, those elements probably hold more weight than the various cinematic skills used to bring those stories to life.

But for those of us who have taken a more immersive approach, the trick lies in finding the appropriate balance.

There are films on my list this year that by no means rival the cinematic achievements of films not on the list, in either technique or narrative. And I must admit that some longstanding genre biases I may hold may have prevented me from fully enjoying some of the year’s most interesting work. (Spoiler alert: The Substance didn’t make my list.)

What matters most to me, though, is that ten years from now, I’ll be able to look at this list and remember who I was with respect to the world around me — what inspired me; what brought me to tears; what made my heart smile; what advanced my love for the movies.

I hope everyone had that experience with a few movies this year. Here are the ones that top my list for 2024.

T10. Dìdi

Dir: Sean Wang

I swear this isn’t cheating, but I’ve selected two movies for my #10 slot as both are coming-of-age stories with vastly different approaches but similar affects (yes, with an ‘a’).

In Sean Wang’s Dìdi, we meet 13-year-old Chris, a second-generation Taiwanese American, in the summer of 2008. We journey with Chris (called “Dìdi” by his grandmother) over the weeks leading up to the start of high school as he struggles with the absence of his father, his strained relationship with his mother, internalized racism, first love, belonging, and — that most heart-wrenching of dilemmas — when your best friend demotes you from their MySpace “Top 8.”

Perhaps this resonates so strongly with me as the son of a single immigrant mother, but I find Dìdi to be authentic and warm without wallowing in sentimentality. Wang offers us relatable, vulnerable characters who we can’t help but root for, despite their flaws.

Rotten Tomatoes: 96%

IMDb: 7.3/10

Letterboxd: 4.0/5

Metacritic: 78/100

Where to watch: Streaming now on Prime Video

T10. Young Hearts

Dir: Anthony Schatteman

On surface level, there’s nothing particularly groundbreaking about the Belgian film Young Hearts; it might resemble any other teen romance. But Young Hearts just does it better. The young actors approach the subject matter with maturity and deliver powerful performances. Young Hearts inadvertently follows a lineage of recent movies exploring LGBTQ+ themes in early adolescence, namely 2023’s Monster and 2022’s Close — Best International Feature Oscar nominee and my #1 pick that year. (Lukas Dhont, who wrote and directed Close, co-wrote the script for Young Hearts with Schatteman.)

Young Hearts doesn’t quite match either of its predecessors in cinematic achievement. But while the other films lean in heavily on the tragedy that accompanies navigating complex emotions and relationships, Young Hearts focuses on the joy, which makes it just as important, if not more so. It’s exactly the kind of film I wish I could have seen when I was growing up.

IMDb: 8.1/10

Letterboxd: 4.0/5

Where to watch: Coming to US theaters March 14

9. No Other Land

Dir: Yuval Abraham, Basel Adra, Hamdan Ballal

A front-runner for this year’s Documentary Feature Oscar, No Other Land tells the story of Palestinian activist Basel Adra, as he persists in his struggle to save his small village in the West Bank from forced displacement by Israeli forces. He is joined by Yuval, an aspiring Israeli journalist sympathetic to Basel’s cause. We painstakingly observe how the system works against them to bring them down at every point. We are both inspired and perplexed by their resilience, as when Israeli police imprison Basel’s father as leverage or the media paint Yuval as a traitor to his own people. But mostly, we are moved — saddened and angered by the callousness and injustice of it all.

Rotten Tomatoes: 100%

IMDb: 8.3/10

Letterboxd: 4.5/5

Metacritic: 93/100

Where to watch: In theaters now

8. หลานม่า (How to Make Millions Before Grandma Dies)

Dir: Pat Boonnitipat

How to Make Millions Before Grandma Dies is classic storytelling with a moral, but with a distinctly modern take. The film’s poignant themes touch on universal truths regarding love, family, and money, while addressing cultural matters, like ageism and gender dynamics within Sino-Thai culture. But at the heart of the film is its meaningful message, highlighted by the stellar performances of newcomers Putthipong Assaratanakul and (especially) Usha Seamkhum, who makes her film debut at age 78. With its harmonious blend of humor and pathos, How to Make Millions Before Grandma Dies is one of the year’s most charming films.

Rotten Tomatoes: 98%

IMDb: 8.0/10

Letterboxd: 4.3/5

Metacritic: 74/100

Where to watch: Rent or buy on Amazon or Apple TV

7. Ainda Estou Aqui (I’m Still Here)

Dir: Walter Salles

I’m Still Here recounts the true story of the disappearance of Ruben Paiva, a former Brazilian politician turned dissident, and the resilience of his family during the ensuing years of hardship and uncertainty. The story focuses mainly on his wife, Eunice, portrayed by Fernanda Torres in one of the year’s best performances. While the filmmaking itself is exceptional, I’m Still Here is made more compelling by the current relevance of its narrative — the importance of resisting oppressive regimes and seeking the truth, regardless of how long it takes or how dark things seem.

Rotten Tomatoes: 97%

IMDb: 8.7/10

Letterboxd: 4.3/5

Metacritic: 85/100

Where to watch: In theaters now

6. All We Imagine as Light

Dir: Payal Kapadia

There were few film characters I cared more about this year than Prabha and Anu, the Indian nurses who feature at the center of All We Imagine as Light. The film paints a vivid picture of life in Mumbai through the eyes of women who face various challenges due to societal norms — a husband from an arranged marriage working half a world away; a Muslim boyfriend sure to be reviled and rejected by Hindu parents; a widow losing her home because her name doesn’t appear on any of the documents. Despite its incredible cinematography and beautiful imagery, there is nothing flashy about this film. It is intimate, subtle, and contemplative.

Rotten Tomatoes: 100%

IMDb: 7.1/10

Letterboxd: 3.9/5

Metacritic: 93/100

Where to watch: Rent or buy on Prime Video or Apple TV

5. Wicked

Dir: Jon M. Chu

No, this is not just because I’m a former musical theater kid. Wicked isn’t even close to my favorite musical and I’m typically very skeptical of film adaptions of popular musicals, which I think seldom do them justice. But Wicked succeeds where others have failed. It is surprisingly cinematic — grand and enthralling, excelling on every technical level. Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande give A+ performances and the film really rests on their shoulders. Wicked perfectly balances paying enough tribute to fans of the stage show who have high expectations with crafting a version fit for the silver screen. I did not expect to leave the theater thinking, “This is one of the best movies of the year.” But I did.

Rotten Tomatoes: 88%

IMDb: 7.6/10

Letterboxd: 3.9/5

Metacritic: 73/100

Where to watch: Streaming on Peacock, starting March 21

4. Nickel Boys

Dir: RaMell Ross

Nickel Boys is simultaneously the most harrowing film of 2024 and the most groundbreaking. RaMell Ross’s decision to use a first-person perspective to tell the story of two young boys’ experience at a Tallahassee reform school in the 1960s allows us to feel everything more deeply — the deep bond of friendship, the harsh cruelty of racism, the love of family, the dissolution of hope, the power of resilience. Some dismiss this cinematic technique as a gimmick, but I find it ultimately serves the story well and makes Nickel Boys one of the standout films of the year.

Rotten Tomatoes: 91%

IMDb: 7.1/10

Letterboxd: 4.0/5

Metacritic: 91/100

Where to watch: Streaming now on MGM+

3. Sing Sing

Dir: Greg Kwedar

No other film in 2024 was as moving or heartfelt as Sing Sing, the true story of inmates in New York’s notorious maximum-security prison who find community and healing in a theater troupe. Colman Domingo gives a career-best performance leading a cast primarily comprised of former inmates. Clarence Maclin deserved an Oscar nomination for his strong performance as well.

The film touches on many of the systemic issues that plague our justice system but asks us to look deeper, into the microlevel impacts and personal stories. I was moved throughout, but the closing montage of actual footage of former troupes of Rehabilitation Through the Arts (RTA) program was most inspirational.

Rotten Tomatoes: 97%

IMDb: 7.7/10

Letterboxd: 4.3/5

Metacritic: 83/100

Where to watch: Streaming on Max starting March 21

2. Conclave

Dir: Edward Berger

Who would have thought that one of the most thrilling movies of the year would be a film about clergy and voting? Conclave benefits from an outstanding cast — perhaps the strongest of any film this year — and an enthralling screenplay. I’ve seen criticism for the lack of ingenuity in the dialogue, which I understand to a degree, but as someone who lived and worked among clergy for many years, I can vouch for its realism.

And that is perhaps what makes Conclave so powerful. As fantastical as its ending may be, every step along the way feels so rooted in reality, we can believe it to be true. We can feel our own selves sequestered behind the walls of the Vatican. Our bodies feel the tension in the Sistine Chapel during each vote and our minds wander in the same way the cardinals’ minds must.

Conclave is a provocative and riveting drama that effectively accomplishes everything it tries to do.

Rotten Tomatoes: 93%

IMDb: 7.4/10

Letterboxd: 3.9/5

Metacritic: 79/100

Where to watch: Streaming now on Peacock

---

And before revealing my top pick for 2024, here are the 9 other films that rounded out my Top 20 (in alphabetical order):

Honorable mentions:

Anora

The Brutalist

Challengers

A Complete Unknown

Daughters

A Different Man

Flow

Ghostlight

The Wild Robot

1. Dune: Part Two

Dir: Denis Villeneuve

Nothing has aggravated me more this award season than the lack of acknowledgement for the masterpiece that is Dune: Part Two. In this epic sequel, director Denis Villeneuve surpasses the incredible achievements he made in the first film. And for those who have read the book and seen previous attempts to transfer its complexity to the screen, the significance of the accomplishment is not lost.

The performances are all up a notch for this sequel, especially Timothée Chalamet and Rebecca Ferguson. We finally get to see Zendaya make her mark on the series. Javier Bardem is a fantastic light. Austin Butler is menacing and gives what I thought might have registered for a Best Supporting Actor nomination.

And as expected, Dune excels on every technical level. Despite its 2.5-hour runtime, not a frame is wasted or presented without intent or without a thought to making it both beautiful and meaningful. All this serves to bring the essence of Frank Herbert’s work with astounding effect.

Dune: Part Two is not simply the best movie of the year, but one of the most impressive films of the 21st century. All that’s left is to see if Dune: Messiah can surpass it. And, I guess, if the Academy will still ignore it.

Rotten Tomatoes: 92%

IMDb: 8.5/10

Letterboxd: 4.4/5

Metacritic: 79/100

Where to watch: Streaming now on Max

TOP 10 FILMS OF 2024 | TOP 10 FILMS OF 2023 | TOP 10 FILMS OF 2022

#movies #film review #Dune: Part Two #Conclave #Sing Sing #Nickel Boys #Wicked #All We Imagine as Light #I'm Still Here #Ainda Estou Aqui #How to Make Millions Before Grandma Dies #Lahn Mah #No Other Land #Young Hearts #Dìdi

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