#wander shop says

[smol-rat]

I’ve been feeling a bit stuck in a bunch of ways, and I wanted to write it out to see if it helps me unclog my thoughts. I don’t normally do this kind of thing, but I’m in that kinda mood, which is very rare, so I will take advantage while I can.

I feel like, as an artist, I have lots of ideas of what I want to make, as any artist does. And just the same, I can’t find my way to making any of it, or at least what I want. I feel like I’m being railroaded by my own brain into the same kind of drawing every time. I theorize that maybe I’m just scared to try and branch out, or that I feel like I’m not ready to move on to more challenging projects. I don’t have a great track record in terms of actively practicing things like anatomy and backgrounds, natural environments or the like, so I don’t have confidence either in starting any projects with those elements. I have done them, though, I just have not shared them yet, and I don't know if they are any good to share anyways. Like I said, I feel like I am creating the same kind of artwork over and over, which is not a bad thing necessarily, but I also want to branch out and explore new ideas. I have tried to create a kind of “feel” with my blog, the Wander Shop and all, because I wanted a specific vibe to go along with all my work. I know I don’t have to, but it seemed fun at the time to try. Now I am not so sure, but I tend to lose steam a lot on most projects, which I know isn’t new, but it’s also frustrating. I want to create, but I feel so nervous that I stop myself from sharing my work. I also feel like I might be judged harshly because of how samey it may all feel, and how counter it may look to the vibe I’m trying to set. You know, suggestive art and such isn’t a bad thing to make, people love it for a reason and that's fair. But I also don’t like that it’s all I’ve been able to get out for awhile, that my brain keeps throwing this at me. I want to make art of cool action characters, big scale fight scenes like you see in anime, comics of my OCs and their worlds, that kinda stuff. Heck, I have a whole Steven Universe AU storyline that I wanted to use as a way to practice my art and writing skills, with an already established world that I could just build on. I have other projects just like that, and all of it involves characters and storylines and such that I have in my head, it all feels exciting and fun! But I just … can’t get through to making it. I have all the blank pages but nothing to show. Again, I know it's not new to hear this, and I don’t want to complain when I have been able to make decent art already. I just feel like I’m still at step one and can’t find my way forward.

All of this applies to my writing too, where I’m in a similar situation. I don’t know if changing the environment with which I work in would actually help me, but I’m working on getting a new setup for my workstation to see if it may spur me into action, but it's hard man. Add and every other mental illness I have just makes it a nightmare to try anything without feeling like it's going to lose steam eventually. That's what keeps happening too. I barely get started on something before I get distracted, lose steam, obsess over making sure every detail is how I like it, and eventually I get depressed over it. I have tried several apps to help me focus, I know exercise will help me feel better in so many ways, I have already taken drawing classes at college and I have Udemy classes I got for cheap that are genuinely decent that I have peeked into, all that is set aside and waiting, I know what to do. It's not any of that. I just can't feel comfortable long enough to actually get started and stay consistent. Something always gets me off track or bothers me that derails my whole plan.

The obsession over details is big, too, and it’s only been recently that I have come to grips with how bad I think my OCD really is, because more often I have been finding that many of these issues lead back to that. But it also feels like an excuse since others who struggle with the same things can still make good art and write just fine. I don’t know, I’m just stuck right now and am having a hard time sharing anything. I just want to start over with my blog, but I also don’t want to either, but I feel like I have messed up too much to continue with it either. It's so small though, I don’t think anyone would notice me changing a bunch of stuff either. Speaking of a small blog, I don’t know how I even feel about having more eyes on my stuff. I know people will say mean things no matter what, I’m fine with that, and having more eyes on my stuff would of course be cool! However, I’m not sure I could keep up with regularly posting like most artists seem to be able to do. I’m not sure without having changed my workspace. I’m not sure that would even work. It's disheartening because … well … I don’t know, the words escape me right now. I’m already losing steam on writing even this.

I guess the point is I wanted to share my thoughts recently and wanted to vent a bit, but ended up just kinda rambling to no one. It's what it is, I just hope I can make more interesting stuff one day. Right now I feel stuck and like I can’t focus or do anything I want to without my brain defaulting to the same stuff over and over again, even though I would like to expand on what I do. It just feels like excuse after excuse with me. Idk … either way, that's it for now.

P.S., ALso it feels like I can say all of this better in my head, but writing it out and saying it is much harder. It's like I'm more fluent and clearly spoken in my own brain than in real life. Anyone got a lead on why that is? Is it just my OCD or something? Probably, but I’m not sure.

[mamawasatesttube]

we need simon, lori, and sajan back. kon & his smallville crew are representation for gay teenagers in small towns who go hang out together at walmart because what else is there to do in your small town. we need them back

[icannotgetoverbirds]

i just did so many dishes and it was so fun peace and love on planet earth YIPPEE!!!!!!

[mvshortcut]

hey. hey uh. just wondering what happened to all the children Curtain barged and brainswept. I'm assuming he didn't have a child services worker politely waiting at the dock for them. uh. where did they go.

[dykefever]

got a beautiful deep chocolate brown leather jacket and a denim jacket today ... spent less than £30 and they fit so well !!!!!!!

[jrueships]

What if diggs's car got stolen in London while he was out stress shopping for clothes and fine dining (he changed his mind on the fine dining once he saw beans on toast), and he turns around exasperated, and even more stressed now, for a ride only to look around and see

[girlscience]

good GOD this trip. I have loved the scenery and the hikes we have been on, but my family is about to drive me bonkers.

[erabundus]

ren  in  modernverse  is  so  funny,  because  he  has  all  of  canon  ren's  snark  and  weird  humor  but  comparatively  little  trauma  (  emphasis  on  comparatively  )  so  he's  free  to  be  his  most  ANNOYING  self  without  any  existential  dread  holding  him  back.

[dirt-str1der]

just wanna say im obsessed with your mind and i read your posts about kiryu like the morning paper. thank you for your service

(Sweats) e-even the ones about him laying eggs ?

[lokilickedme]

Don’t mess with workers in stores.  Just don’t.  You get rude with us while asking us where something is and we will give you very detailed directions to precisely where your item is NOT and you will find yourself so far back inside the bowels of the store that you’ll never find your way out.  We also know where to go while you’re doing that so that you can never find us again and we have a network of co-workers who will swear to you that no one by that name has ever worked here

.

[wrens-wramblings]

"Well, cats just don't love you like dogs do!! Cats won't greet you at the door when you get home!!"

Tell me you've never had a cat that liked you without telling me you've never had a cat that liked you

[the-busy-ghost]

Step 1 - Discover delightful second hand skirt in the Grassmarket

Step 2 - Discover delightful skirt also has pockets

Step 3 - Discover not-so-delightful tissues of uncertain vintage were stuffed deep into those pockets and forgotten about before skirt was discarded

[pinktinselmonstrosity]

accidentally had four cups of coffee today and i thought i was doing fine but now i'm basically vibrating

[chastiefoul]

“my wife” ft. nanami kento

in which the married man nanami kento cannot stop using every single excuse to call you his wife. he just can’t help it, it sounds really nice.

at the bakery, instead of looking for it he went to the counter to ask, “excuse me, do you have whole wheat bread? my wife prefers that over the plain one.” was there a reason for him to mention you? nope. is he going to to it again? absolutely.

he now brings home cooked lunch to work. the man who usually dreads the small talk from his coworkers now becomes quite eager when they notice the bento and asked him about it. “my lunch looks great? thank you. my wife cooked this for me.”

or when it’s after hours and there’s random talk amongst the workers such as places to visit on vacation. “these are really good recommendations, i’ll have to visit them with my wife if i have the chance.”

when he’s on grocery shop duty after work when you asked him to buy something from the market. kento tasted the one of the sample food and perked up, for two reasons. reason one is that he finds something you’d like, second reason, “where can i find more of this? my wife would love this.”

when a random stranger flirts with him and he didn’t miss a beat to say, “ah, you find me charming? thank you, my wife would agree.”

his phone would ring while he’s occupied in a work discussion and he had the slightest smile on his face as he stood up, “excuse me, my wife is calling.”

the way he always tried to insert you in every conversation even if the topic barely correlates to you. “i seriously almost drowned that day, the beach can be really dangerous,” one of his coworker said, finishing a story. and who would be able to know why kento felt the need to say, “my wife quite likes the beach.”

even in front of mutual friends such as gojo, as he knew the both of you back from high school days. “let me ask my wife first if she wants to come.” oh now it’s gojo’s turn to roll his eyes after so many years he has tormented the blond man with his antics. “you know that i know ‘your wife’ right? that she’s my friend too?” nanami looked at him, “what’s your point?” he deadpanned.

on the most random time of the day, his mind wandered to you as always. “i miss my wife.”

-

guys i think he has a wife

[indiegame]

today was. good. yeah. needed that.