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linkspooky · 4 years ago

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White Wolf, Black Wolf: Yuji and Geto

Dualism, is a common theme in Jujutsu Kaisen. There’s a difference between binary opposites and a completementary pair. Binary opposites supposes that two ideas are complete opposites of eachother, they are enemies and therefore cannot coexist. Death is the opposite of life. However, ideas like the concept of yin and yang suggest that these pairs are not opposites, or even enemies, they just exist alongside one another. The feminine yin contains a single dot of the masculine yang energy inside of it and vice versa.

This pattern repeats itself with both Geto and Yuji. Two characters who seem like they are complete opposites, enemies, hero and villain and yet have far more in common with one another than one might thing. Each of them represented by a wolf, Yuji the white wolf, and Geto the black.

Dualism - describing how seemingly opposite or contrary forces may actually be complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world, and how they may give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another.

1. You and the Worst Person You Know Have More in Common than You Thought

Both Yuji and Geto are sharing their body with another existence. Not only that but a sorcerer from the previous era. Sukuna started out as a sorcerer, and one from the golden age of sorcerers. We don’t know who is in Geto yet, but they’ve made it clear several times that they’re not a sorcerer from this era, mockingly referring to the sorcerers of this era as beneath them. The difference is, Yuji is the dominant personality and Geto is the subordinate one. They even fight for control of their body in the same way, by grabbing their neck.

Both Yuji and Geto have died, and then been improbably brought back to life one time already and had their body healed by the same person who seeks to steal their body. They also both died in front of their other half, their friend, Yuji dies heroically in front of Megumi sacrificing himself so Megumi doesn’t have to call Mahoraga, and Geto dies as a villain after his plan has failed executed by Gojo. Even the days they die are opposites, Geto dies in a clear sky and Yuji dies in the rain.

They both eat curses. Geto eats them physically in order to store them and use them later. Yuji consumes Sukuna’s fingers in order to grow stronger. Geto’s Jujutsu is themed around his stomach, Sukuna’s is cooking themed.

Yuji and Geto are both have savior / martyr imagery attached to them. They’re both people who have died, and come back from the dead at least once, and the jesus imagery with Geto is clear and explicitly referenced in hidden inventory.

Yuji wants to be strong like Gojo, but it’s clear he follows Geto’s philosophy of wanting to save as many people as possible. What motivates him isn’t a clear and strong sense of individualism, but rather the idea that the strong are duty bound to help the weak. Even when Geto’s completely out of his mind he’s still guided by that principle, if he has the strength to do it, then he’s duty bound to try to change the world in the way he sees fit. The thing with Geto is his ideals are warped, but they’re still ideals, he has principles guiding him. These ideals also shockingly sound similiar to what Yuji says, and the burdens he wants to carry.

It’s something that doesn’t change about Geto from the start to the end of Hidden Invenotry, the strong are obligated to help the weak, it’s just Geto flipped. he sees the sorcerers as the weak and oppressed people, and the masses as the strong ones.

Geto and Yuji are both people heavily preoccupied with doing the right thing, whereas Gojo and Megumi kind of don’t care (Gojo) / have already accepted the fact (Megumi) that they’re not really saving people with their actions. Geto and Yuji are reckless saviors, they kind of just want to save everybody they see suffering in front of them immediately without thinking through the consequences of their actions. It’s never been seriously analyzed why Yuji feels so deadset on saving others, but from early on he seems to like the idea that it’s a burden that only he can take on himself. It’s something he must duty. The same way that Geto binds himself by the idea of duty.

Geto and Yuji are just people who will take the whole world on their shoulders, and this isn’t just a parallel I’m making it’s one directly made by the narrative. When worrying about Yuji’s future, Yaga thinks directly of Geto someone who became overwhelmed by everything on is shoulders.

Geto wasn’t able to carry on as he once did, because he couldn’t carry the regret with him. That’s the parallel that the story is making with Yuji, that’s the danger Yuji is in.

2. Worst Person You Know Makes a Good Point

Chapter 132 there’s a definite change in Yuji’s demeanor. While we haven’t seen the full results of his change yet, not only has he been phsically scarred on his face, but it’s clear the deaths of Nanami, the people killed by Sukuna, all have served to harden him. Nanami wanted Yuji to remain a child a little bit longer, but Yuji has now become a jujutsu sorcerer. However, the words he declares to Mahito have two clear connections to Geto. One, it’s what Geto said to Gojo to stop him from slaughtering the star plasma vessel cult in the moment.

Gojo has feelings of course, but he’s not moved by them the same way that Geto and Yuji are. Gojo was in need of a tether in that moment and Geto’s words became his tether. Remember Gojo became so powerful as the strongest one he felt like he was capable of anything without feeling it, even slaughtering people on mass, but in that moment Geto became the link that held him back and reminded him he was human.

What’s ironic is that Gojo was moved by Geto’s words and held himself back, whereas Geto wasn’t. It was Gojo who stuck to those words a year after the fact. He was the strongest, but he doesn’t ever act unless he carefully considers it. He doesn’t just throw power around or slaughter people the way that Geto does.

What Yuji is vowing to do right now, following his duty as a jujutsu sorcerer without even thinking about it, is exactly what drove Geto apeshit bananas (you see because he loves monkeys so much. It’s a, ‘yknow, it’s one of them jokes).

Yuji thinks he can just keep going on without thinking and being nothing more than a cog, but it’s exactly that kind of mechanical subservience that completely wore out Geto. Simply going through the motions without questioning it is given to us as the exact reason for Geto’s downfall, it’s one of the most chilling sequences in the manga.

People aren’t machines, and they aren’t gears, they break down when they try to conform that way. So while it’s understandable Yuji would want to push away all his thoughts in the moment, it’s also not healthy.

The reason Geto became the way he is, is because he realized the laws he was obeying weren’t as fair as he thought they were. He thought it was his duty, and obligation to help the masses, until he looked at his actions with closer scrutiny and realized that wasn’t really what motivated him. Geto thought what he was doing was good, that he would save people, but then Riko’s death was a reality check to him that no one was getting saved by the current system. Yuji seems to have done the opposite of Geto so far. Perhaps I won’t save people. Perhaps I’m just a cog in the machine and my actions truly don’t matter as long as I can keep fighting with my comrades as a jujutsu sorcerer. However, that’s probably not going to work for him.

Yuji’s current comfort in his moment of crisis is that he’s fighting together with all of his comrades, that he carries the wishes of people like Nanami and that’s why he has to keep going, but Yuji also might not have comrades in the jujutsu world after this. We already see people like Kusakabe beginning to turn against him because of Sukuna’s rampage in Shibuya.

So my intention in all of this is to say it’s not black and white. (Because, get it?? black wolf, white wolf??? Okay, I’m sorry I’ll shut up). Geto wasn’t an entirely bad person, there was good in him too. There was still good in him. This is what Getwo says when he’s beating on Yuji, that if Geto had used his forces more like disposable pawns instead of family telling them to fall back and making sure they all lived he would have won.

The worst person you know, was still a human being who loved his family with all of is heart. Ideas like this challenge Yuji’s simplified reasons for fighting, and his naive view of the world.

At the end of the day Yuji and Geto have lots of similarities. They’re opposite colors, Geto black, Yuji white, but they are both still wolves. They’re both moved by deep emotions they feel at the pit of their stomachs. They’re both people who sympathize with others and want to save them, and at the same time get angry and want to kill their enemies. None of this is bad about Yuji in fact it’s what makes him unique among shonen protagonist, he’s not a wholly good person, but just as flawed as anyone else in the story. Nobara’s crazy, Megumi’s crazy, Gojo’s crazy, and then there’s Yuji who should have been the normal one who grew up with a normal life and who is just as crazy as all the rest.

If anything the parallels between Yuji and Geto show that Yuji is someone who has the chance to grow stronger than Geto by learning from Geto’s fault. Geto tried to carry too much, until the burden of saving the world broke him and he decided he could only save a few people the rest were just monkeys. It’s up to Yuji now to figure out what saving people means, and how he can help others without getting destroyed by the sense of responsibility or just killing himself and dying before he’s helped a single person. However, for Yuji to learn to be better he actually has to think about these things.

That’s also the second parallel to the “I don’t need to think about it’ Scene. (Besides, Sukuna who also declares that he’ll kill for no reason.) In the original Geto fight in the prequel manga Yuta declares this. He doesn’t know whether Geto is right or not, he doesn’t know anything about the world of Jujutsu he just wants to protect his friends.

Geto calls him egotistical. In the sense that just like a child, he’s only really thinking about himself and his own emotions. Of course Yuta thinks that way because he is a child, a traumatized teenager at that. However, one important detail about this fight is defeating Geto did not cause him to go away. Killing him didn’t actually fix the problem. Geto just came back a year later with somebody else in his body.

I think this is all leading up to a point for Yuji where he gives some serious self examination as a protagonist. It’s not enough for Yuji to just defeat his enemies. We even see that when after is triumphant moment with Mahito, Geto just wipes the floor with him.

Jujutsu Kaisen presents a very complex world, that’s not just black and white, not just winning and losing. The next big step in Yuji’s character development is probably going to be realizing this. That he needs to seriously think about his reason. That he needs to think about what he wants to do in the future. It’s not enough for him to sacrifice his life to save someone else, he’s not a hero, or some martryr to a cause. I think the most important thing Yuji has to learn at the end of all of this is to actually live, and find out why he’s alive instead of resigning himself to the fact that he’ll get executed one day. It’s only then Yuji will be able to reach his full potential as both a jujutsu sorcerer and a person.

He’s just a kid you know? The theme of the manga is kids should get to be kids. Yuji should get to grow up just like everybody else, instead of dying before he’s even old because he ate Sukuna’s finger to help someone else.

#itadori yuji #yuji itadori #geto suguru #suguru geto #jjk meta #jujutsu kaisen meta #jujutsu kaisen theory #jujutsu kaisen analysis #jujutsu kaisen

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multifandomfanfiction · 4 years ago

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Daddy’s Little Princess

TITLE: Daddy’s Little Princess PAIRING: No Pairing (besides the obvious one) RATING: T CHAPTER: One-shot SUMMARY: Alia is Oberyn’s youngest daughter and she’s his world.

[A/N - I will confess that I have only watched up to before the Red Wedding, so I never got the pleasure of watching Pedro Pascal as Oberyn Martell. I’m going off clips I’ve seen and fanfiction I’ve read.]

Oberyn loved all his children equally. They were all blessings in his eyes, but truth be told he favored the youngest of all his daughters.

Alia. She had just entered her fifth year of life and was an utter to joy to everyone. Alia’s mother was a former paramour of Oberyn’s, but had died shortly after giving birth to her.

The pregnancy and the birth had been a difficult one, so it was a miracle that both Alia and her mother weren’t lost.

Most of Oberyn’s daughters were either grown or lived with their mothers, but Alia was the only one who lived full-time in Sunspear surrounded by her family.

Ellaria became like a mother to her, but never kept the secret of her parentage from her. Ellaria and her mother were almost sisters, so Oberyn wasn’t the only person saddened by her death.

The thing that set her apart from her sisters the most was that she referred to herself as Alia Martell, rather than Alia Sand like the rest of Oberyn’s daughters and demanded that everyone refer to her as such. She was a princess of Dorne and she let everyone know it.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Oberyn awoke to the sound of his door opening. He kept his eyes shut because he knew who it was.

Seconds later, a small body was crawling under the covers between him and Ellaria.

Alia tucked her head under her father’s chin and fell right back asleep.

“I don’t know why you encourage her,” Ellaria whispered, “You never let any of the other girls do this.”

“She’s young, my love. She’ll grow out of it,” he told her, stroking his daughters red hair.

Whereas most of his daughters were dark with their olive skin and dark eyes and hair, Alia was fair skinned with freckles dotting her nose and cheeks. The only thing she shared in common with her sisters was their father’s dark eyes.

“She is spoiled, Oberyn.”

Oberyn smiled, pressing a kiss to Alia’s head. “Spoiled with love.” He wrapped his arms around her small body and fell asleep.

When Oberyn awoke the second time, Alia was sitting on his chest staring down at him like a cat. “Good morning, princess.” He looked at the space in the bed next to him. “Where is Ellaria?”

“Right here, my prince.” Two hands scooped Alia up and set her on the floor. “Run along, little one and get ready. Your father and I will join you for breakfast in the courtyard.”

Alia nodded and left the room.

Oberyn and Ellaria got ready for the day and found Alia waiting for them outside the room.

“I thought I told you to wait in the courtyard,” Ellaria told her.

Alia said nothing and grabbed her father’s hand, pulling him to the courtyard. Oberyn laughed and let her do it.

Ellaria shook her head. The man was a push-over when it came to his youngest.

They took a seat at the table and Oberyn set Alia in his lap and they took turns eating the berries in front of them.

Ellaria watched as Oberyn played with the ends of Alia’s loose hair.

The man was completely besotted by her, more so than his other daughters and she tried not to be jealous. Perhaps it was because he felt guilty about the fact that she’d never know her mother, so he felt obligated to give extra love and attention.

A servant entered the courtyard. “Prince Oberyn. Your brother is requesting your presence.”

Oberyn rolled his eyes, but stood up and put Alia in his seat.

She grabbed his hand and shook her head.

“I’ll be right back, princess. I promise.” He gently pried her tiny fingers from his hand and kissed every one of them, before showering her face in kisses making her giggle loudly. He left Alia and Ellaria to finish their breakfast alone.

“How did you sleep, little one?” Ellaria asked her.

“Fine.” Alia was a girl of little words. She spoke, but only when it was important. She was quiet, but had a temper that could rival her father’s. People around the castle called her the Tiny Viper.

“Alia, darling. You can’t keep coming into your father’s chambers at night to sleep with him.”

“And why not?” Ellaria could see Alia’s temper start to flare.

“Because soon you will be a young woman and it will be improper.” That and it made it extremely hard for her and Oberyn to have some alone time.

“Oh.” Alia may have only been 5 years old, but she was smart and understood more than the average child.

Ellaria sighed, seeing the sad expression on her face. “But, I suppose that for now it will be okay.”

Oberyn re-entered the courtyard and picked Alia up, only for her to say “No daddy.” Oberyn put his hands up in surrender and took the seat next to her instead. He looked at Ellaria and the two shared a knowing smirk.

#oberyn martell #oberyn martell imagines #game of thrones #game of thrones imagines #got #got imagines #ellaria sand #pedro pascal #pedro pascal imagine

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blackswaneuroparedux · 4 years ago

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To the summit in a skirt: Lucy Walker, pioneering Victorian Alpine mountaineer

The stories of women just weren’t written, so people tend to think they didn’t happen. There have always been women who have had the courage to step out into the unknown, and that’s what Lucy Walker did. The fortitude, the bravery, the commitment to the goal - women’s power was not invented yesterday.

- Rebecca A. Brown, Women on High: Pioneers of Mountaineering

Leaving behind a quiet life of croquet and cream teas, Lucy Walker became one of Britain’s finest early Alpine mountain climbers. Her climbing career spanned some 21 years, totalling 90 or so different summits, many being first ascents by a woman. Walker was the first woman to summit the Matterhorn and the Eiger - in a billowing Victorian dress no less - but she nearly vanished from history.

Her story as a female pioneering mountaineer has always inspired me in my mountaineering sojourns to the Alps and other mountainous places. During my time in the army flying combat helicopters I enjoyed free weekends that did come my way to take off to the Alps with like minded friends and climb together.

Mountains are so special; they have such magic to them. Maybe it is the fact they are can be so dangerous or maybe it is because they make us feel so small. Even if you don’t even climb them they call to you.You might find that all the problems in your life dissolve when you are around them or that life slows down a bit. All that I can tell you is that after spending time surrounded by them or climbing them you will feel the urge to come back.

Climbing a mountain is the furthest thing from easy. Long stretches of constant vertical climbing can be the most exhausting and hardest thing you do. Not only the physical difficulties but also the mental difficulties will also test you. Exposed and tricky climbing and route finding can get the best of your mental abilities.

The classic quote that tells you “not to look at the whole mountain take it one piece at a time” is something you will come to understand. You will learn to never give up; to know that the reward will be worth the work it takes.

Lucy Walker possessed great strength, endurance and determination and was an inspiration, especially for other women climbers. Indeed she paved the way for a wave of other - largely forgotten - women mountaineers to test the limits of their own mental and physical strength and courage against not only some of the hardest mountains to climb but also some the harshest social strictures against women seeking adventure.

Born in Liverpool in 1836, Lucy Walker was a British woman widely credited as being the first female alpine mountaineer. But this 19th century alpinist left behind no diaries, newspaper interviews, or personal accounts of any kind. And yet her presence haunts the annals of early mountaineering like a persistent ghost. Her serene, inscrutable face stares out from among men in Victorian-era expedition photos, and she lurks in a doorway in a renowned engraving of top 19th century alpinists - all male except for her. In journals, male climbers describe sightings of Walker briefly drying her sodden clothes at a hut or moving fast through deep snow and the astonishment of villagers after she became the first woman to climb the Eiger.

On Lucy Walker’s first trip to the Alps in 1858, she – unlike many people – was not content to remain in the valley but accompanied her brother and father into the high mountains. Whereas today climbers use cable cars or trains for the first part of an expedition, in the 19th century, several hours of steep walking was required. Lucy wanted to climb and at the sight of the Alps she began her life time obesession with mountain climbing.

Walker would go on to become one of the first and most prolific female mountaineers of the 19th century. Over the course of her 21-year career in the Alps, starting in 1858, Walker undertook 98 expeditions, including 28 successful attempts on 4,000-meter peaks. She holds first female ascents on 16 summits, including Monte Rosa, the Strahlhorn, and the Grand Combin, and a first ascent for either sex on the Balmhorn, which she completed in 1864.

But it was perhaps the Matterhorn ascent that gained her the most fame. The Matterhorn was regarded as the most desirable trophy by both men and women mountaineers. Lucy Walker was not the only woman whose dream it was to reach the peak. Various women attempted the ascent, most notably Meta Brevoort (1825-1876), a New Yorker who had settled in England. Just like Miss Walker, Meta was making a name for herself in the mountaineering world in the late 1860s. In 1869, Meta undertook her first attempt to climb the Matterhorn and, approaching from the Italian side, reached an altitude of just under 4,000 metres before being forced to turn back due to severe weather conditions.

Two years later, however, Meta Brevoort decided to give it another go, setting out for Zermatt with the aim of attempting another ascent. Lucy Walker was already in Zermatt though and, on receiving word of Ms Breevort’s intentions, quickly assembled her own group in order to begin her ascent of the Matterhorn, a feat that would make her the most famous female mountaineer of the era.

Long before dawn on July 21, 1871, Walker woke up in a hut on the northeastern flank of the legendary mountain, surrounded by men. She wore her favorite long dress and hobnail boots as she, her father, their guide, and several other climbers set off on snowy slopes in the flickering gloom of candle lanterns.

The mountaineers were probably nervously aware that six years earlier, four men from the first expedition to stand on top of this 14,692-foot spire on the Swiss-Italian border fell and perished on their descent. But Lucy Walker was determined that the American Meta Brevoort would not be the first woman to reach the summit. Walker fully intended to beat her to it.

As the sky brightened and smoke rose from breakfast fires in the village of Zermatt far below, the climbers ascended a skinny, ice-encrusted ridge with heart-palpitating exposure. One mindless step could have sent them plunging a thousand feet down to the valley below. But by midmorning, with willful determination and agreeable weather, they reached the summit. A tableau of rocky pinnacles, meadows, forests, streams, and villages unfurled in every direction - and Walker was the first woman ever to see it all from that iconic perch.

Meta Brevoort arrived just after Lucy‘s achievement to receive the shocking news that she had missed her chance to win the ultimate trophy. That very evening, the two women met each other in Zermatt. What Meta really felt on this occasion is anyone’s guess but contemporary sources state that “there were congratulations” – noblesse oblige.

This would be the only occasion that the two most prominent female Alpinists of the era would meet, somewhat unusual considering that they came from a similar background. Lucy Walker came from a wealthy merchant family in Liverpool and Meta Brevoort from a family of Dutch immigrants who made a fortune in New York as property owners.

Contrary to the strict notions of Victorian society, both women were outgoing and cheerful characters with a lively spirit. According to her obituary, Lucy was known for her “warmth, humour and buoyant personality” while, according to chronicler Cicely Williams, Meta stood out for her “astounding vitality and her exception gift of living life to the full”.

Walker’s other great accomplishment - amongst the many she already had achieved - was the Eiger. Mountaineers down the ages to the present will say hands down that it is the most dangerous of all Alpine mountains.

The Nordwand, or north face, of this peak in the Bernese Alps in Switzerland is an objective legendary among mountaineers for its danger. Reaching nearly 6000 feet, it is the longest north face in the Alps. Though it was first climbed in 1938, the north face of the Eiger continues to challenge climbers of all abilities with both its technical difficulties and the heavy rockfall that rakes the face. The difficulty and hazards have earned the Eiger’s north face the nickname Mordwand, or Murder Wall. Lucy Walker didn’t climb the north face but she did climb it all the same. Nothing daunted her.

At 10.15 am on 25 July, 1864, a group of 11 people arranged themselves gingerly on the narrow arête of the Eiger’s summit, and “proceeded to howl [themselves] hoarse” in celebration of their achievement. The merriment was more raucous than usual because 28-year-old Lucy had just become the first woman to climb the mountain.

Poor visibility, ice and difficult route-finding threatened to defeat them, but as fellow climber Adolphus Moore noted, in a typical example of middle-class Victorian pride: “A repugnance to abandoning an undertaking once commenced…appears to be naturally inherent in the breasts of Britons, male and female alike.” When the party arrived back in the village, Moore noted that “the astonishment amongst the people, collected at the inn, at a lady having performed such an unusual feat, was immense and entertaining.”

Lucy Walker was the person that made women visible in the Alps for the first time. She was the first woman to ascend most of the major alpine summits and crushed through the glass ceiling, making it easier for women to follow. And yet the details of Walker’s life remain largely unknown.

At the time, women were expected to stay out of the public eye, avoid celebrating their accomplishments, and conform to narrow notions of femininity that prized meekness and subservience. While newspapers glorified male exploits in the mountains, they often ignored or satirized women who climbed, painting them as weak and unfit—or sometimes just laughable eccentrics. Women mountaineers of the 19th century generally underplayed their accomplishments in letters and books so as not to appear unfeminine and risk ridicule. Many did not write about their expeditions at all. Walker might have kept quiet about her climbing so that she could continue doing it in peace, but she also didn’t let the inevitable jibes discourage her.

“In those far-off mid-Victorian days, when it was even considered ‘fast’ for a young lady to ride in a hansom, Miss Walker’s wonderful feats in the mountains did not pass without a certain amount of criticism, which her keen sense of humor made her appreciate as much as anyone,” wrote Frederick Gardiner, a friend and mountaineer who climbed alongside Walker up the Matterhorn, in an obituary in the Alpine Journal in 1917.

Over the course of her climbing career, Walker proved herself a model of both skill and endurance, climbing mostly with her father and brother and possibly, as some scholars have suggested, outperforming them. She ascended the tallest technical peaks in Europe, braved spectacular exposure with unreliable ropes, and pioneered long, difficult routes through the high cols. According to friends who wrote about her, Walker was witty and lively and had a penchant for hydrating with champagne.

She also went to great lengths to avoid offending delicate Victorian sensibilities and gender roles—at least until out of sight. While climbing, Walker would walk out of villages looking every bit the proper lady and then stash her petticoat behind a rock. Like a chameleon, she transformed from an elite athlete in the Alps to a prim Victorian Englishwoman at home in Liverpool, where her family ran a lead-dealing business. Walker tended to the family house; kept up with her needlework; read widely in French, German, and Italian; and hosted parties. (She chose not to marry, however, which would have been unusual at the time.) There are no records of her ever scaling a British peak or even partaking in any exercise more taxing than croquet.

Perhaps because she didn’t brazenly challenge social norms, Lucy Walker’s activities in the mountains were occasionally feted. International newspapers covered her Matterhorn climb, and the satirical English magazine Punch even published a poem celebrating her fortitude.

“No glacier can baffle, no precipice balk her,” it read. “No peak rise above her, however sublime. Give three cheers for intrepid Miss Walker. I say, my boys, doesn’t she know how to climb!”

Clare Roche, a historian on 19th-century women’s mountaineering, argued that this recognition likely encouraged other women to be more adventurous in the Alps. Katherine Richardson, Margaret Jackson, and Emily Hornby, three of the best women mountaineers of the late 19th century, started climbing within a couple years of Walker’s Matterhorn ascent. Meta Brevoort was also inspired by her example, according to her nephew and climbing partner.

Even before that time, however, Walker was far from the only woman in the peaks. After examining historic führerbücher, books in which guides kept client testimonials, Roche discovered that from about the mid-1860s, women ventured into the mountains on technical expeditions in much greater numbers than previously thought. In the second half of the 19th century, women completed nearly 60 first ascents on Europe’s high peaks and more than 100 first female ascents. These include Brevoort’s first winter ascent of the Jungfrau in 1874 and Margaret Anne Jackson’s first ascent of the east face of Weissmies in 1876.

Letters suggest that while there were rivalries, women climbers also formed a sort of sisterhood in the mountains and helped each other out, Roche says. Even though women weren’t allowed to file papers in the Alpine Journal until 1889 and were excluded from the Alpine Club until 1974, some of their male counterparts welcomed them in the high country. These wild areas afforded rare freedom in a time of stifling social constraints. In coed expeditions, women climbed and slept alongside men, a practice that would have been unthinkable in the valleys and cities. In the late 1800s, women even led men on expeditions without guides, which had been customary earlier in the century.

In later life Lucy continued to walk in the Alps and meet with friends, including Melchoir Andregg, who was the foremost Swiss mountain guide of his time and is still revered today. When asked why she had never married, her typically direct reply was: “I love mountains and Melchoir and Melchoir already has a wife!”

Walker continued to climb until her mid-forties, when a doctor advised her to stop for health reasons that are now unknown. She continued to walk in the Alps long after her climbing career and acted as a mentor to younger climbers, encouraging them to write about their experiences. Although Lucy was an extremely capable mountaineer, she was never allowed to join the male-only Alpine Club in London but did become the second president of the Ladies’ Alpine Club in which she was involved in the founding in 1907.

Most Victorian doctors advised gentlewomen to refrain from any strenuous exercise; the demands of mountaineering went way beyond strenuous. It is a measure of Lucy’s character that she clearly ignored medical diktats. She was an educated woman, spoke several languages, knew her own mind and was not prepared to conform to any convention if it meant restricting her mountaineering.

In the Alps, she regularly climbed for more than 14 hours a day, tackled some of the most difficult summits and slept in barns high in the mountains, often close by the men in the party. Home life in Liverpool could not have been more different. There she played croquet, entertained and led the respectable life expected of a Victorian lady.

Even on the mountains, she was keen to maintain a feminine appearance whenever possible, always wearing skirts, but removing her crinoline once outside the village. Dresses were arranged so they could be shortened easily on steep or rocky slopes. Trousers didn’t become popular with women until the 1890s, long after Lucy’s climbing was over. She later said how envious she was of the easier conditions women experienced in the early years of the 20th century.

Although Lucy wrote nothing about her climbing, others did, noting her penchant for champagne – a common tipple among mountaineers, especially those who made unprecedented climbs. Lucy would get through several bottles during the course of an expedition. She became a renowned personality in the Alps whom everyone wanted to meet because, as famous mountaineer Edward Whymper, claimed, “no candidate for election in the Alpine club… ever submitted a list of qualifications at all approaching the list of Miss Walker.”

Lucy Walker died, in September 1917, at 81. But in the century since her death, Walker has nearly vanished from the public record. How many other women quietly pulled off great feats of athleticism but fell through the cracks of history without so much as a whisper? Walker at least lives on in the words of those who knew her.

“Her energies were immense and she was a bold, inveterate and able sightseer,” wrote mountaineer Charles Pilkington in the Alpine Journal after Walker died. “We were often roused by her from our laziness and taken to some point of view or interesting place, which but for her insistence, we might have missed. Traveling in her company was always enlightened by her great vivacity.”

#lucy walker #walker #pioneer #mountaineer #climbing #alpine #alps #matterhorn #adventure #history #femme #women #british #society #outdoor sports #nature #icon #personal

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mysteriouslytransparentwitch · 4 years ago

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5 unexpected exercises to regain self-esteem (it's a translation)

Self-esteem ... a bit of a fuzzy psychological concept for most of us. Yet we are all aware that low self-esteem can have devastating consequences in our lives.

Something not to be taken lightly then ...

Especially since it can directly impact your eating habits.

Are there solutions to increase your self-esteem?

Fortunately, the answer is "Yes"!

In this article, discover 5 easy (and rather unexpected) exercises to regain self-esteem.

If you tend to devalue yourself, then trust me, these exercises are a must!

A word of advice ... stick with it until the end because I will offer you a recognized test to assess your level of self-esteem at the end of this article.

This will allow you to know where you are and also to re-evaluate yourself shortly after performing the exercises regularly.

Pin it What is self-esteem? According to Wikipedia, self-esteem is "a term for the judgment or assessment made of an individual in relation to their own worth. ”

In other words, self-esteem refers to "how we see ourselves, how we assess our worth".

When we talk about self-esteem, we are therefore talking about the look and value judgment that we have on ourselves (and which does not necessarily have to do with the skills that we may have. ).

When self-esteem is positive, it allows you to:

➖ Feel good about yourself,

➖ Face the difficulties and trials of life,

➖ Take control over your actions.

You feel capable of accomplishing your goals and getting through to your projects.

You are determined!

A bit like putting on a super heroine costume ...

You are ready to challenge all obstacles!

Whereas negative self-esteem makes it really very difficult to take action and accept your mistakes.

You feel helpless in the face of events in your life. Demotivation sets in ... You feel incapable, weak, basically completely zero ...

As you can see, self-esteem is inextricably linked with the assessment of one's own skills.

If she is weak and fragile, it will be difficult for you to feel competent. Failures in your life will reinforce the lack of self-esteem and increase your feeling of worthlessness ...

And if that weren't enough, if you have low self-esteem, unfortunately you will tend to attract so-called "toxic" people 😬.

You know those “vampires” thirsty for the affection and energy of others?

These people know very well how to spot and take advantage of your weakness, if you are psychologically fragile.

Do you lack self-esteem?

Don't be surprised when you find yourself in toxic and demeaning relationships.

It makes sense when you think about it, since deep down inside you think you don't deserve better ...

So self-esteem is related to others? Indeed, positioning yourself in relation to others is one of the fundamental factors that allows you to adjust your self-esteem.

We all naturally tend to self-assess by comparing ourselves to others.

Whether in the professional or academic field (skills), but also on our physical aspect, in the material field (wealth and social rank), in our emotional and family successes or failures ...

If comparing yourself to others really weighs in with your self-esteem, so does the way others look at you.

Feeling loved and appreciated weighs heavily.

Finally, studies show that skills and performance are not necessarily good indicators of high self-esteem.

For example, students who are popular with their peers often have much higher self-esteem than students who are good in class (even if their academic performance is poor).

Self-esteem is therefore more linked to relationship aspects.

Moreover, parental attitude and style of education play a crucial role in the development of a child's self-esteem.

Supportive and caring parents will help their children to have high self-esteem even compared to overbearing or neglectful parents.

So you know what to do if you want to help your children not suffer from low self-esteem!

Speak encouraging, respectful words, show them affection, care and gratitude when they succeed in certain tasks that they deem important.

The impact of low self-esteem on diet: If you suffer from low self-esteem, you must also be feeling bad about yourself… Logical!

This is unfortunately part of the packaging as we have seen previously.

The risk of falling into depression is also much greater.

If your self-esteem is low, you also risk developing anxiety disorders and addictive behaviors (excessive consumption of sugar, chocolate, screens, etc.)

Feeling bad about yourself, devaluing yourself, thinking that you do not deserve the love and appreciation of others is THE main factor that leads to developing eating disorders such as bulimia, anorexia, or overeating.

The negative impact on all daily life is therefore very significant.

Really, don't take this aspect of your life lightly.

If you think you lack self-esteem, I suggest you perform these 5 very simple little exercises inspired by Positive Psychology, daily.

Do not underestimate them, it could really improve many facets of your life!

How do you improve your self-esteem?

1 / Self-awareness exercise A great sage said:

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift that's why it's called the present" (the mothers here will probably recognize this very ... literary reference! and no one laughs at my references 😂)

Becoming aware of yourself is the first link that allows you to develop your self-esteem. This is why I suggest you start with this exercise.

➡️ Every morning, take time to relax.

Preferably, before checking your emails, Instagram notifications, Facebook etc ... which only pollute your brain unnecessarily.

➡️ Take a notebook or journal.

Take 3 minutes to close your eyes for a moment and reflect on what you are feeling like emotions, sensations and feelings at that moment.

Do you feel sad, happy, tired, energetic, motivated, anxious…?

➡️ Write this in your journal without going into judgment or analysis.

Just try to write down as much detail as possible about how you are feeling physically and psychologically at this moment.

2 / Exercise on self-acceptance: Another aspect that goes hand in hand with self-esteem: self-acceptance.

It is necessary that you learn to support yourself rather than blame yourself. Encourage yourself, value yourself.

To help you accept yourself, there's nothing like asking your loved ones about your qualities and what they like about you.

➡️ Write all of this in your notebook and reread it whenever you feel you are devaluing yourself.)

Also take the time to remember your successes, the highlights of your life.

What are you particularly proud of? What can you rejoice in?

The exercise that I am offering you here to better accept yourself but also and above all your destiny (the Decree of Allah) is therefore to write down every evening 10 things that have made you happy during the day.

10 things for which you are grateful to Allah عز و جال.

By asking these questions to your consciousness, even if you are in a "bad mood", your brain will be forced to search for the answers.

This will force you to focus on the positive rather than your worries and trials, which can often seem more important to you than they really are, if you have low self-esteem.

Remember, glorifying Allah عز و جال and praising Him in all circumstances are part of the believer's duty, which will bring her the satisfaction of her Lord but also inner peace.

3 / stop comparing yourself to others Do you want to please me?

Focus on your own goals and stop comparing yourself to others!

You did not start at the same time as the others, nor do you have the same background, the same tests, and even less the same qualities and skills ...

So I am going to offer you a rather funny exercise here, you will see ...

This must have already happened ...

You are busy but silent and then you find yourself talking to yourself (internally or out loud, it depends on the seriousness of your case 😂):

"Bint Fulana is more beautiful, more intelligent, and in addition she kept a flat stomach despite her pregnancies ... She raises her children better than me, and then you have to face reality, she is also more pious because she knows the Koran by heart and not I, she often goes to meetings, while I rarely manage to do so with all my obligations at home… " Does that remind you of someone?

This little voice does not wish you any good! Be aware of this.

She just wants to make you feel guilty.

And if you listen to it, you are going to put pressure on yourself.

You'll never feel up to it and it might end badly.

Because what's the point of comparing yourself to people who have paths and personalities totally different from yours? It doesn't make sense, don't you think?

So ... once you realize this, I suggest you name that part of yourself that is trying to make you feel guilty!

As if she was a whole person… and above all, find him a very ridiculous little name.

The next time you find yourself having this kind of "inner talk," don't hesitate to call him out:

“Here is Medusa (or Cruella) coming!” (no you won't have dissociative personality disorder!)

You will see. This exercise will gradually lessen the weight of that bad voice on your self-esteem by ridiculing it and minimizing its impact on you.

You will also be more able to become aware of these internal discourses which have no benefit for your "sanity".

Don't laugh it really works, trust me!

4 / Exercise to increase self-love: By increasing your love for yourself, it will boost your self-esteem. And for that, you really have to learn to take care of yourself.

Think about ... what actions can you take each day to experience happiness, pleasure or take care of yourself?

So take your nice little notebook or journal every morning.

And, after performing the 1st exercise, think about the moments, actions or situations that have given you well-being and satisfaction during the last 7 days?

How did you feel ?

➡️ Write down what these situations or activities are and try to reproduce them as often as possible.

It can be very simple things like having breakfast in peace when everyone is still asleep, relaxing with a good bath, visiting your sister, spending time with your husband, doing a painting activity with your child. .

You should see a marked improvement in your mental state over time.

5 / Exercise to enhance the self-image: "Self-image is an individual's representation of themselves, including the physical aspect as well as the psychological one."

As this aspect is purely cognitive, it is easy to "reprogram" your brain to further enhance your self-esteem.

In cognitive behavioral therapy, we talk about cognitive restructuring.

Your mental images and thoughts depend on the cognitive process of processing information, although you may not always be aware of it.

By focusing on your cognitive patterns and dysfunctional beliefs, you can try to change the processes that cause you to think badly about yourself.

So my exercise is to try to modify these bad automatic thoughts by finding alternative thoughts that will improve your emotions and your self-image.

I'm talking about the famous positive affirmations!

➡️ Every morning, take your little notebook and after doing exercises 1 and 4,

Write down one or two positive affirmations, which you will repeat aloud at least 10 times, then as often as possible throughout the day.

Remember, we are talking about positive statements, so there shouldn't be any negative words in your sentence.

For example, you can start your sentences with:

"I am …"

"I want …"

"I can …"

"I like …"

Here are some ideas:

"I accept myself as I am",

"I love me as Allah created me",

“I am able بإذن الله to carry out my projects”,

“I am different and unique and this difference is my strength”…

And so you don't forget to repeat your positive affirmations, some apps can allow you to schedule notifications of your favorite positive affirmations at different times of the day.

Warning. This exercise will only be effective if it is repeated regularly, until your brain has fully integrated and accepted these statements as “truth”.

Here are the girls, for the 5 exercises that will help you regain your self-esteem.

Do you want to know if these exercises are really effective?

Ok. I suggest you take this little test which will allow you to assess your level of self-esteem.

This is a recognized test. It was developed by Morris Rosenberg, a sociologist. This scale is the most used by psychologists nowadays to assess the level of self-esteem, so it can be considered reliable.

To perform the TEST, click on this link: [FREE ROSENBERG TEST]

#self-esteem #perso

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fishoutofcamelot · 5 years ago

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Hi there! I hope you’re well. I just wanted to send a message to thank you for the elyan content 😍 he is my favourite knight but for some reason I never see much of him on tumblr! So it’s awesome to see him on your blog. I hope I didn’t bother you with this ask 🙈

I AM doing well, actually! And you didn’t bother me, asks will probably never bother me <3

I could go on for a million years about why no one makes content about Elyan - and sometimes forget he exists altogether - but I don’t wanna start drama so we’ll just. Not touch that topic with a 10-foot pole

BUT! Elyan IS a fantastic knight, and the fact that he is your favourite knight too is very iconic and sexy of you. Elyan fans/stans are the sexiest members of this fandom. That’s not even opinion, that’s just science

So! Here’s a list of Elyan headcanons, because he’s worth it:

Elyan is ace. Them’s the facts

He’s also gay but in that stage where he’s questioning if he might be bi. Unfortunately, he died before reaching an answer

I hate to talk about Hogwarts Houses in 2020, but he is one hell of a Hufflepuff. Elyan is his name and protecting his loved ones with life and limb is his game. It is very easy to earn his loyalty, and once you have he will ride straight through Hell for you

Elyan likes hoods. He wears hoods whenever he can (i mean c’mon, that outfit in season 3 was serving some killer looks)

He’s just a protective older brother to literally everyone in Camelot. Yes, even Gaius

Gwen, Elyan, Leon, and Merlin have family game night once every month. They all gather in their old house in the lower town to get drunk, play some dice games, and spend the whole night goofing off

Only a few people know about game night. Even fewer people have seen it with their own eyes. Arthur and Gwaine frequently try to sneak in to see game night for themselves, but somehow never succeed

Elyan loves swimming. They don’t get many chances for it, but whenever they do, Elyan is the best swimmer out of all the knights

He’s also like. Really good at sneaking up on people. Consistently rolls high on stealth checks

Out of everyone in the Round Table, Elyan is the most easily spooked. He hates it when they gather around the fire to tell ghost stories, bc he will NOT be able to sleep the rest of the night after that

Why do people think there’s no dynamic or chemistry between Elyan and Gwaine??? Those two had a SOLID friendship and I will not stand for this disrespect (also, Perelyan is good but Elyaine is godtier imo)

Elyan is bad at blacksmithing. Like really bad. No one even understands how that works, considering he spent his whole childhood training under his father. All the blacksmithing talent apparently went to Gwen somehow

He likes bugs. When he was a kid he would go out in the woods and collect beetles and stuff to stick in little terrarium jars. He’d even give them names and backstories and personalities. Sometimes he would sit under a tree and tell Gwen stories about all these adventures his bugs would go on when no one was looking

Leon HATED bugs, and got creeped out by them, which meant Elyan was legally obligated to harass him about it

Elyan doesn’t get much chance to catch bugs anymore, but he’s also the only member of the Round Table who can put up with spiders

Spider in the armory? Everyone is freaking out while Elyan just calmly picks it up and lets it outside - but not without lots of snark and eye-rolling, of course

The reason Elyan ran away from home was because his mother had died and he saw it as a personal failing. He felt that it was his fault she was dead, because he couldn’t protect her, and left Camelot because he couldn’t bear the shame of guilt

In the last few years of his time away from Camelot, Elyan fell in love and lived out an mlm cottagecore fantasy where he and his lover raised wyverns together. But when Morgause came to capture him, she killed his lover and burnt their wyvern farm to the ground

Elyan tries not to let his grief be known, though. Not just because he doesn’t want to burden Gwen with his pain, but also because his lover had magic and he could get arrested for having fallen in love with a sorcerer

Morgause had Elyan captive for a while before Gwen showed up. She even used the nathair on him in small increments; not long enough to kill him or damage him irreparably, but enough to make him suffer. It’s for this reason that Elyan was able to bounce back from being tortured by Morgana whereas Gwaine didn’t survive it, because Morgause had already microdosed him with that kind of pain two years ealier

Still traumatizing, though. Like. This boy is EXTREMELY traumatized, can someone please get him some therapy???

Moving back to Camelot with Gwen was simultaneously healing and harming. Healing, because he visited his dad’s grave, rebuilt his relationship with Gwen, and his companionship with her, Merlin, and Leon helped him move on from the pain of his loss. But harming because of all the anti-magic prejudice that surrounded him, and every time someone said magic was evil it was like another dagger in his heart. That was his dead lover they were talking about and calling a monster. Someone who was kind and compassionate and funny, who didn’t have a lick of evil in them, who would have burned at the stake by Camelot’s laws

Elyan didn’t think about what it meant to be a knight of Camelot when he agreed to be knighted. But he was just so determined to fight and kill Morgause, the woman who had killed his lover and his wyverns and abducted him from his home, that he didn’t even think about it. He just wanted Morgause dead. It wasn’t until a few days later when he realized that being a knight of Camelot meant enforcing Camelot’s anti-magic laws, and this realization naturally caused him distress

Instead of abandoning his knighthood, Elyan found a compromise. He would support Arthur in everything, until magic got involved. If Arthur ever captured druids or put sorcerers to death, Elyan decided he would smuggle them out of the city. He would never actively kill or capture those with magic, and would sometimes even try to sabotage efforts in capturing harmless magic-users

Elyan knew full well what Dragoon was doing. He knew that Gwen and Arthur’s love was true and required no enchantment, meaning Dragoon had simply framed himself to get Gwen out of a jam. He appreciates Dragoon, and even though he supposedly killed Uther, Elyan can’t even fault him for that. Elyan wanted to kill Uther too

Merlin is the little brother Elyan always wanted, and Elyan is the older brother Merlin never had. They act so much like siblings it’s not even funny, and some people question if they were actually raised together

He and Merlin like to team up and tease Gwen. They’ll walk behind her and chant stuff like “Gwen and Arthur sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G”. They’re like children, and it’s both very funny and very annoying

Gwen gets her revenge, of course. She always gets her revenge

They also team up to be like. Super protective of Gwen. The vetting process Arthur had to go through - between Elyan, Leon, AND Merlin - in order to date Gwen was ridiculous

Arthur: Merlin I’m literally your boss. Your friend. You've been my personal manservant for like six years now

Merlin: Yeah, which means I know exactly how much of a dick you are

After being possessed by the druid ghost, Elyan is a lot more in tune with the supernatural

Am I suggesting that Elyan can now see, talk to, and interact with ghosts, and even starts a little agency where he goes around helping them complete their unfinished business? Why yes, yes I am

When Gwen was banished, Elyan wanted to go with her. But she asked him to stay behind and keep an eye on Agravaine, as she suspected him of treachery, and to stop him from taking over Camelot should Agravaine make a move. And, well, Elyan has never been able to say no to his sister

Elyan and Merlin decided to try and find a way to prove Gwen’s innocence. There’s no way she was acting of her own accord, after all. There was some kind of enchantment at play, there had to be. Merlin doesn’t tell him about Shade!Lancelot directly, but does propose it as a theory regarding how Lancelot had come back from the dead. Elyan supports the theory 100%

About two months after the wedding, Merlin and Elyan locate the enchanted bracelet, and Gwen and Lancelot’s names are finally cleared

In Avalon, Elyan, Freya, and Lancelot spend the whole time watching/narrating the events of season 5 like sports commentators. They are all mutually exasperated at Merlin’s antics

When Arthur shows up in Avalon, the only reason Elyan doesn’t punch him in the face is because he’s too busy restraining Lance from doing the same

He does, however, give him a strong talking-to about how “all your magic and you still can’t save my life” is a horrible thing to say actually

Lancelot, however, is more upset about the “I guess I was wrong” speech

Gwaine shows up in Avalon like. SUPER traumatized. He died while being tortured by a nathair, died in a way that he perceived to be failure, and he’s kinda messed up because of that. Elyan, who has already had a few years to cope with nathair torture, is the one who helps Gwaine heal from his trauma

In the 21st century, Elyan gets reincarnated along with everyone else. His childhood is plagued with weird dreams, dreams that terrify him. Snakes and pain, wyverns and fire, all of it. He meets an old man who calls himself Merlin, who helps Elyan through the pain of remembering his past life. For once, Elyan gets to be taken care of instead of the other way around. For once, he is allowed to be vulnerable and weak and struggling. He doesn’t hide his tears. He gets the help he needs and works through his trauma

And one day, many years later, he is walking down the street when he sees someone who looks oddly familiar. The face of an old lover, perhaps

Thanks for the ask! <3

#Merlin Fandom Stop Forgetting About Elyan Challenge #bbc merlin #merlin bbc #merlin #bbcm #ask #fish post

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rezhood · 5 years ago

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Spoilers for Batman Death in the Family Hush Route

This may be kind of unpopular, but Hush was one of my favorite endings. It’s going to drive me crazy that it stops at a cliff hanger, forever feeling unfinished, with Jason’s decision to raise Damien for revenge. Then ending right there smh! But I think it’s a realistic reaction, and don’t come for me because yes I agree it’s completely out of character for Jason!

But that’s what unresolved trauma, brain injurie, and PTSD can and will do to a person, it’s why child abuse victims often end up becoming abusers themselves. Jason knows that there is a lot wrong with him, because he’s miserable and suffering all the time. He knows that, but he’s never lived a normal day in his life, and genuinely has no idea what exactly was the wrong thing in his past. He blames Bruce, for putting him on the path of becoming a vigilante. Jason never gets better. He never learns what was right, wrong, good, bad, toxic, because to him it was all treated as normal. Bruce could tell him what was wrong, he did that often as we see, but he could never convince Jason - he could only tell him it was bad for the mission. Bruce himself loved Jason, but he himself admitted it was crazy of him to make Jason Robin with so much unresolved trauma.

So I really don’t find it so unbelievable that Jason - who blames family as the root of all his issues - to want to take Damien under his wing. In his mind, he’s doing Damien a favor. Teaching him that family is bad, that he can’t rely on Wayne’s or Al Ghul’s, but at the same time Jason right away identifies himself as Damien’s family. In his mind he’s going to be the best person to raise this kid, that he’ll never hurt Damien in the same way he was hurt. And that is super realistic. Abuse victims often have children, seeking family that is more secure and less likely to hurt them, and they almost always have good intentions. Trauma victims don’t plan on becoming perpetrators, it happens because they don’t have positive examples to model after. Abuse victims commonly fall back on toxic behaviors because it’s all they know (“It happened to me and I turned out just fine!”) and preform the opposite of what was done to them, which is often just as bad (such as someone who was overly controlled as a child growing up and being lenient to the point of negligence with their own children).

Jason sees Bruce as having lead him to slaughter, that it was a combination of not doing enough, but also setting him on a violent path. He doesn’t see his own trauma, he is totally blinded by what he interprets as failure. Bruce doesn’t kill, he accepts obligation but refuses to really take that last step, and that is where Jason sees the failure. So he’ll do the opposite of Bruce without really doing the opposite. He’s going to teach Damien to kill his enemies, that killing and murder are different, and that he needs to do everything within his power to stay alive. In Jason’s mind that is him doing right, whereas Bruce did wrong. In reality, the actual opposite thing to do, and the best way to save Damien would be to avoid putting him on the vigilante path at all. But because Jason has literally never lived a normal day, he’s gone from street kid to crime fighter, that’s just not an option in his mentality.

Personally I like to think that Damien opens Jason’s eyes, and Jay realizes Bruce made mistakes but his intentions were always good. People often don’t understand their own parent’s decisions until they have their own kids, regardless if they think they’re right or not. I like to think that Jason does something to Damien that makes him realize he’s repeating a cycle. That Jason resents Bruce for putting him on a violent path, but he is doing the same thing to Damien. It’s nice to think that raising a baby will change Jason, but regardless I really like this ending.

#batman spoilers #batman death in the family #Batman death in the family spoilers #batman ditf movie #Batman ditf spoilers #Batman ditf hush #hush Jason Todd #jason todd #batman #bruce wayne #damian wayne #long post #jason todd rant

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samwritesforyou · 5 years ago

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For me

fandom: yuri on ice!!!

pairing: viktor x yuuri

word count: 6.4k

genres: established relationship, hurt/comfort, fluff

description: our favourite couple for the first time since s1 makes it both to the tournament, both as ice skaters this time. yuuri is sent to rostelekom cup, whereas viktor was selected to skate on the china cup. how will they sort out their separation and what will happen on the grand prix? will they finally debut as lovers-opponents on ice?

“What?!” Yuri exclaimed, his eyes flushing open even more violently than they were before, his gaze shooting from Viktor and back at the tv in the living room.

“Well, you heard it, I got selected to participate in China Cup and you in Rostelekom Cup, Yuuri,” his husband shrugged with a light smile, leaning in for another kiss as they were laying both on the sofa, cuddling under the same blanket.

“Nononono, how can you be so calm about this?!” Yuuri pulled away from him, intensely continuing in watching ice-skating news.

“We still have Grand Prix to attend together, I doubt either of us won’t make it there, dumpling,” he mused, at least brushing his lover’s cheek with his fingers.

“Are you going away from each other for at least a week then?!” yelled Yuuri’s ballet teacher from the armchair behind them, quickly hopping to their side.

“I don’t know! Apparently!” yelped dark haired guy, now being violently shaken by Minako.

If you didn’t know, currently the worldwide famous couple Yuuri Katsuki and Viktor Nikiforov were on a short holiday from all the training and skating, residing at Katsuki family house, just enjoying their time together.

Because both of them were often abroad, they left Makkachin here, since Yuuri’s family takes an excellent care of him and a happy doggo has a lot of space to run around the place.

So now he was loved by these two over the moon, being kissed and patted all the time.

Ever since they returned they were always surrounded by Katsuki family, the only time when they were truly alone was when they got out of the house and went for a walk in nature or at night in their shared room.

It might seem like a lot, but they were doing just fine, everything was perfect.

Viktor was talking about “debuting” together both as ice-skaters at the tournament for the first time and Yuuri got fired up by the idea as well.

They foolishly believed that they would be able to do it even before Grand Prix.

But destiny has its own way and now they’ll have to wait.

So that’s why the younger man was so emotional about the news, while Viktor was just sure that their “debut” together will happen a bit later than they anticipated.

He was calm, when Yuuri was worried, he was angry when his partner was reassuring. They were really the perfect couple.

Soon enough it was time to part as they arrived at the airport.

“Babe, why did you go with me this early?” Viktor smiled tenderly at his partner, placing a light peck on his cheek, “Are you forgetting that I’m the one who’s accustomed to flights and not you?” he kept smiling sweetly, looking at his husband, eyes filled with love and affection.

Yuuri was hardly listening to any of the things that were being said to him, his eyelids basically glued together, blue-ish bags under them - clearly all this rolling around in bed wasn’t because he was dreaming about something, he simply wasn’t sleeping.

Viktor’s flight was at 4am, yet he looked like he was just freshly out of the spa salon, hair on fleek, light make-up made, outfit styled.

Yuuri’s flight was, on the contrary, at 9am, so he could easily still be sleeping in their cosy bed, but he really wanted to be with his love as long as he could.

“You’re adorable,” Nikiforov said, chuckling to himself and then hugged him tightly, only then letting his guard down and actually biting his lower lip, eyes filling with sadness, “I’m going to miss you, Yuuri,” he sighed near his ear.

The man in his arms got a bit more wide awake by that, clutching his coat and trying to get closer to him, even though their bodies were already pressed firmly together.

“Viktor.. best of luck. I love you so much,” he said quietly, breathing his familiar scent while being snuggled in the crook of his neck, eyes closed.

“I love you too, baby,” he answered and pulled away, encouraging smile already plastered on his face.

He wants to give all the strength to his husband so he doesn’t have to worry about him.

“You need to go already, come on..” Yuuri nodded at him, shooing him away, trying to fight tears.

It’s just a week, come on!.. he thought to himself, wobbly smile threatening to fall any second.

“Okay, okay. See you very soon,” he leaned in for the quick kiss and then pulled away, dragging his silver coloured luggage by the handle, waving and sending air-kisses, not letting their eye-contact fall until the very end.

Yuuri felt tears rolling down his cheeks and he let himself have this little cry in the middle of the airport at 4am, after a while just waddling towards the closest chair and collapsing there, falling asleep.

Both of the parties made it safely to their destinations, settling into hotels and making themselves comfortable.

As soon as Viktor was free, Yuuri felt his phone ring and immediately jumped to it from his bed, hitting answer with a camera.

“My love, how did Saint Petersburg welcome you?” Viktor asked excitedly, for some reason with a glass of champagne in his skinny hands.

The man on the other end was instantly reminded of the memory of numerous insisting taxi drivers offering him a ride to wherever he needed for a cheap price, then some older women bickering in the public transport, but most importantly one little girl that recognised him as a “famous ice skater who married our Vitya Nikiforov” and wanted to take a picture with him. To which he obliged happily, even though he was tired from the road.

“Wonderfully,” he answered with a warm smile, looking at his phone screen, wishing the man he’s seeing was right next to him right now.

“Amazing to hear that,” he sipped on the bubbly liquid and smiled, even though his eyes were clearly indicating how much he’s battling sadness.

“Viktor?..” Yuuri started, kinda nervous. He wasn’t the confrontational type, really.

But he felt like his other half was trying to put on a brave face just so he doesn’t have to worry, but Katsuki did feel all his sadness even miles away.

At that, Viktor’s blue eyes shifted to look at him directly.

“Look.. I’m sad that we can’t be together right now, especially during the tournament time,” Japanese said, rubbing his hands in front of himself, “but I feel like you’re trying to act that it doesn’t bother you that much, maybe.. for me not to worry about you?”

Nikiforov’s thin brows knitted together, glass being slowly put aside.

“But you don’t have to do that. We can be.. I don’t know, sad together? I still see your longing in the eyes, you can’t really hide that,” he concluded softly, smiling almost apologetically, that he had to make this into such a big deal.

It looked as if some weight was literally lifted from Viktor’s shoulders, as he just plumped himself onto the couch he’s been sitting on, phone firmly in hand, placed above his face.

Suddenly his brows started to go up and Yuuri saw first tears rolling down his cheeks.

“I just miss you,” he said quietly, wiping them off with the free hand.

“I miss you too,” Yuuri said, his own eyes watering as he laughed a bit at how ridiculous they were being.

It was less than a day without each other.

“You know what, Yuuri Katsuki,” said Viktor, laughing already as well, but not being able to stop crying just yet, “being in a relationship with you is the most wild thing that ever happened to me,” he finished, shaking his head with a wide smile on his face.

“I know right?” his partner answered, filling the audio with laughter.

When Yuuri’s phone rang, the whole room was still dark, the sun didn’t even think of getting up, so why the hell should he?..

It kept ringing, sending a lovely melody through the space.

Caller was a stubborn one, that’s for sure. And ice-skater was almost entirely sure of who that might be.

“Good morning, my not so early bird!” literally sang into the device Viktor, mood thousand times better than what Yuuri was experiencing in the current moment.

“Not so early?.. Did you forget about the timezones, because here it’s 6am!” Katsuki sighed in disbelief, making himself sit on the bed, rubbing his tired eyes.

“Oh.. that’s true! I completely forgot,” Viktor laughed, which made Yuuri involuntarily melt into the warm smile, despite his half-awake state.

“I was just wondering, Yuurochka, do you want me to guide you through St. Petersburg? Because our choreographies are well learned and I believe you can sometimes go into that lovely city!” Viktor smiled at the camera, blue eyes flicking from one side to another.

What was he looking at?..

“Uhh.. yeah, sure! Sad that we can’t be here together, but even through the phone it’ll be nice, I think,” Yuuri smiled sleepily, putting his phone on the stand on the bedside table and opened his luggage where he packed just some clothes, charger, earphones, costumes for the performance and figure skates.

They often did this with his husband, just video call together and each of them doing their own thing, kind of a simulation of their normal life when they’re next to each other in flesh.

“Darling?” black haired boy looked up at the camera, in hands with his picked outfit for the day - grey sweater and dark denim jeans.

When Viktor saw that he has his lover’s attention, he smiled sweetly, “I noticed you have two zits on your face, so apply some cream on it, will you?”

Yuuri blinked a few times comically and then yelped, running to the bathroom to see for himself. And he was right.

No, wait. He wasn’t.

Japanese skater had three zits, it’s just that Viktor probably couldn’t see the other one due to the camera quality.

“Thank god,” Katsuki sighed and then returned in front of his phone.

“I will,” he said and started doing it right away, pushing out some white cream out of the tube that his husband specifically bought him. Probably something expensive, as most things from him were.

Then he didn’t really give this any thought, but he started undressing right in front of his phone as well, putting glasses aside, stripping off the white tee and then pulling over his head some black shirt and then grey sweater.

Once he was also done with the bottom half of his body he heard a whistle from the other end of the line.

His hazel eyes immediately shot up to the screen where Viktor was watching him intensely, smug grin on his face.

“I was glad to witness your dressing up session, babe, such a shame I can’t be next to you right now,” he sighed theatrically loudly, putting slender hand to his forehead, making it seem as if he’s fainting from the longing.

Yuuri, on the other hand, was more and more turning violent crimson, mumbling something indecipherable and putting on his glasses, taking the phone in his hand so now ice skater Nikiforov could only see his husband’s flustered face.

“Shut up, Viktor, let’s head out,” he said, furrowing and making the man on the other end laugh heartily.

Then it was time for the handsome man with platinum hair to be surprised and blink comically.

“Uh... head out?” he asked, not really getting it.

“Well, it’s not gonna be fair if I’m the only one who’s going out to see your city when you’re sitting comfortably inside, is it?” now Yuuri was the owner of the mischievous smirk, looking at his partner with pleased face expression.

“Ah, you’re so smart sometimes, baby,” Viktor teased and then went to change his clothes as well, but as it turned out he didn’t have any clothes under his robe, so Yuuri had to quickly avert his gaze to prevent any undesired “excitement”.

After all, Viktor’s body was always such a treat, even thousand miles away.

“Aw, you weren’t looking?” said Russian in a pouty manner, when he turned back to face the camera.

“W-what?! Of course not, let’s go,” Yuuri mumbled, putting a scarf a bit higher to cover even bigger portion of his face.

He didn’t really experience winter in Russia yet, but he was prepared.

When Katsuki was out and about St. Petersburg’s streets, Viktor had absolutely no problem guiding him through all of the corners that he knew and that normal tourists don’t get to see, all of that while he himself was striding through completely unfamiliar Chinese neighbourhood, every once in a while being called by fans and had to stop to take a picture and give autographs.

Nobody noticed Yuuri outside, maybe it was because he wasn’t that popular yet, despite being Viktor’s husband, but most probably it was because his face was a literal mess.

His brownish scarf was covering half the face and his glasses were foggy most of the time because he kept breathing into the cloth and thus all the air was brought back onto the surface of his lenses.

Viktor made Yuuri go all the way to his most memorable café of all times and he also recommended him to order his favourite dessert there, leaving the beverage choice up to him.

Younger man of course trusted Viktor’s tastebuds and got himself a relatively small cupcake, decorated astonishingly with cream in form of leaves and a rose on top of that.

He bit right into it, tasting all the magical flavour of the dessert, making Viktor melt into a warm smile while watching him munch on it.

Nikiforov himself had to go into some Chinese café as well, to make it seem as a date, as if they’re really together. And it kinda worked, he was full of love for his partner, rarely thinking about how much he’d want to see him in real life instead of the phone screen.

As the days went on, both of them spend a lot of time training, sometimes even on the call when practicing, looking at each other’s progress and cheering one another.

Every once in a while their schedules met and they could go on a “virtual date” of sorts, Yuuri being navigated by his lover’s voice through the streets of St. Petersburg and Viktor finding himself some spot in the Chinese corners as well.

And on one of those walks Viktor led his husband to one of the prettiest parks, covered in snow, making Yuuri speechless from the beauty all around him.

“Hey, you!” he suddenly heard a voice that wasn’t coming from the phone, but rather somewhere behind him.

Japanese skater turned around and his eyes widened in light surprise as he saw a familiar figure in front of him.

“Baby? What’s up?” said Viktor from the device, being able to see now only Yuuri’s lower part of the face, because he put his phone instinctively closer to his body.

“Why aren’t you training, huh?” said younger lad, blonde hair covering half of his face.

There wasn’t a usual scowl planted on his features, rather just an arched brow in the question.

“I’m just.. taking a break! That’s healthy too,” Yuuri answered, smiling at his friend.

Ever since Nikiforov and Katsuki got officially married, Yurio lay off of his aggressive behaviour towards the latter one, accepting him as a part of his close friends circle now.

It was a nice change and Yuuri finally got the opportunity to get to know the teenager better, talking to him without bickering.

“Yurioooo, I can hear you all the way from China!” suddenly a loud statement was heard in a singing manner from the phone that Yuuri was holding near to his stomach and then he flipped the device in his hands so that both of the Russians could see each other through the camera.

Viktor was waving at his younger friend enthusiastically, apparently walking through some Chinese park as well.

“Yo,” blondie said, way less enthusiastically, just nodding into his direction, “kinda sucks that we didn’t meet on Rostelekom cup,” he added, adjusting his scarf so it’s less in his face.

Harsh Russian climate will make even Plisetsky wear something warm, huh.

“It’s okay, we’ll meet on the Grand Prix~” Viktor answered, not even for a second doubting any of their victories.

“That’s true,” Yurio smirked.

“Well, since you two met like this, why don’t you guys go and have lunch together? Would be a nice bonding time,” Nikiforov mused, his smile wide and pleased.

Yuuri was ready to start protesting, since he knew that the guy standing in front of him wasn’t a fan of companies, when his companion surprised him.

“Yeah, why not,” Yurio shrugged and then turned around, probably ready to guide him towards some restaurant.

“How splendid!” Viktor clapped his hands and when Yuuri finally turned the cellphone back to his face, he looked at his husband, “Have fun with Yurio, alright?” then he sent an air kiss to the camera and their hours-long call ended.

The week of the tournament was already at close, bringing the day of performances to light.

Both Yuuri and Yurio landed all their jumps, flips and quads, gaining best results, younger skater getting a bit more points for the artistic lifts of his hands, making the choreography difficulty higher.

Katsuki was trying to dial Viktor’s phone right away but the number was unavailable, so he sat in front of the tv in the changing rooms, watching intensely to see the results of the China Cup.

“And we can see here the winners,” said moderator’s enthusiastic voice as the camera zoomed in on the pedestal with three people standing on it, Viktor with a smile waving from the highest level, then taking his gold medal in hand, kissing it.

Yuuri melted into the warm smile, his eyes filling with tears.

Of course they’ll meet on Grand Prix. Of course. It’s Viktor Nikiforov we’re talking about, after all.

“Viktor Nikiforov standing proudly with a golden medal,” was the only thing Japanese skater registered from the tv before his phone rang.

“Darling,” he heard his lover’s voice, full of contentment, “I will see you on the Grand Prix, right?”

“Of course, Viktor..” he answered, smiling almost shyly, getting up from the bench and only then realising that he can still see him on the screen, “wait! how are you talking to me when—“

“You see me on the tv? Magic, my sticky bun, it’s not live, if you noticed,” Yuuri’s eyes immediately drifted to the corner of the screen, which indeed said ‘prerecorded’, “the ceremony was held like an hour ago and after that I was literally bombarded with interviews of all kinds. As soon as I got the chance I called you,” he concluded, Katsuki could practically feel his husband smiling into the device on the other end, all the way in China, “What’s your score, baby?” he asked in the end.

“I.. you’ll see it soon, we’re going for the broadcast in about ten minutes,” he said nervously, clutching the phone closer to his ear.

“Hey..” almost whispered Viktor gently, “even if it’s not gold, I’m so proud of you,” he then hung up, leaving Yuuri shaking from the tears he was trying to surpass.

I love you so much, Viktor... I want to show you so much more of what I can do...

And with these thoughts he wiped his watering eyes, making his way towards the ice ring, to the pedestal where he stood next to Yurio, on the second level, receiving a silver medal.

Next reunion of the loving husbands set place in Vancouver, Canada.

They welcomed each other with a warm hug and passionate embrace, Yuuri rushing towards Viktor from his flight that was slightly delayed, so the older one had to wait for him way longer than they first anticipated.

“I really missed you,” said Nikiforov, gently kissing the golden ring on his partner’s finger, making his other half blush.

“I m-missed you too,” he whispered back, kind of anxiously looking at the front seat of a car they were riding in, at a taxi driver who was just minding his own business.

The younger man still had quite a hard time in expressing their romantic affection in public, feeling almost ashamed for some reason and Viktor had countless talks with him about it, assuring him that everything is okay and that in comparison to him, Katsuki family supports him.

But he never got angry at him because of it and just didn’t push any actions further once he noticed that Yuuri was nervous in public again for any reason.

“Hey, babe, it’s okay,” Viktor just gently took his hand in his, squeezing reassuringly in a silent ‘i love you’ in his ocean eyes that Yuuri knew so well.

He replied with a wide grin, feeling the warmth of their connected palms.

The whole world seems complete when they’re together.

And in a few days the miracle couple started relentlessly training on the ice ring, alongside their friends and rivals like Yurio, JJ, Otabek, Chris and many others.

It was filled with a lot of different emotions, frustrations and happy moments, all mashing together in a big pile.

“Are you sure you want to do this flip?” said Viktor, gracefully doing a round slide on the ice, leaning towards the left side, making it look like what he was doing didn’t acquire any effort.

When these two were practising, all eyes were on Nikiforov. He was just brilliant on trainings and very rarely fell or did some kind of mistake, even in the absolutely new choreographies.

“Yes, I really do,” Yuuri confirmed, his gaze not shifting from his partner’s blue eyes, his own hazel ones filled with determination.

“Alright,” Viktor stopped practicing his own routine and skated closer towards his lover, once again showing him all the moves required for the action he wanted to try.

“Okay, I got it,” said Katsuki and then did the steps just like Viktor, after a moment spinning in the air like nobody dared before and when the landing came, he didn’t count with the speed and fell hard on the ice, feeling an instant crack somewhere in the leg.

“Yuuri!” Nikiforov slid towards him immediately, helping him to get up, but his husband only yelped in pain, “I told you it was too difficult for you yet!”

His tone was stern and soaked with worry as he helped him get up, Yuuri hissing in discomfort and putting his hand around Viktor’s shoulder, being dragged out of the ring.

One week later was the Grand Prix that they all trained so hard for.

Every corner was buzzing in the training wing. Figure skaters were talking together, some were watching tv that showed the judges that were discussing the whole event, having usual speeches, some people were listening to music and doing their regular stretches on the yoga mats, coaches were trying to hype their skaters as much as they could... It was lively.

It was everything that Viktor loved so dearly, his heart was beating for this atmosphere. He knew every participant and everyone in turn was awaiting his show. Everything was perfect.

Except next to him sat silent Yurio, angrily drinking from the water bottle, lion shirt on top of his beautiful costume.

“Don’t be so fucking sad,” he growled at him, finishing his drink and putting it on the floor with force, his green eyes piercing at the tv in front of them.

“Whatever,” Viktor answered quietly, standing up and slowly making his way towards the available yoga mat, stretching his muscles. His whole body hurt, he didn’t sleep well last night.

Of course, sleeping without Yuuri by his side was a new thing to get used to. Even Makkachin was all the way in Japan, not being able to keep him company.

It wasn’t unusual for Viktor that his emotional state went to the pits of hell, it was quite normal for him to experience burnout since he was present on the ice skating stage ever since he was 14 - just like Plisetsky, by the way, no wonder he’s so angry all the time - and the thing that kept him going was that burning passion for skating no matter what.

But ever since he took that break for one season to train Yuuri, his main motivation has become his partner, funnily enough. Even now, when they were supposed to be opponents, he still found himself demotivated by the fact that he is not participating due to suffering an injury and is now currently in the hospital.

“This was supposed to be our debut as opponents and lovers!” he clutched his fist and hit the wall, making everyone stare at him, room getting silent.

“What are you looking at?!” yelled Yurio at everyone, putting the attention on himself, stripping from the lion shirt, revealing his breathtaking costume for the show, “You all better look at me now, I’m going to skate first,” he said, making his way towards the ice.

Viktor mentally thanked his younger friend for drawing the attention away from him as he lost his control for a second, now retrieving to the staircase of the building, not wanting to be seen like this.

When you’re in love you really take all the good and the bad from the attachment to the person.

Katsuki just finished watching Yurio’s routine from the tv that was by request put into his hospital room where he was alone. Viktor paid for the more expensive service even though Yuuri said that it wouldn’t really matter to him where he was spending time if it’s not with him on the ice.

He felt incredibly sad, guilty and angry at himself for trying that reckless jump on the training, resulting in him injuring his left leg.

It wasn’t actually anything serious, but he needed to rest the muscle. So that meant no Grand Prix. No skating with Viktor for the first time.

He could only imagine what his husband was feeling. Trainings always got more intense right before the competition so the last time when they heard each other was about a week ago when he shortly called to simply ask about his well-being.

Just as he thought about it, though, his phone rang and Yuuri visibly flinched, not being used to receiving any calls lately.

He didn’t even look at the caller ID, automatically going with, “Viktor?!”

“You dumbass, it’s Yurio,” the agitated voice on the other end said, clearly still partially out of breath from the show that he just skated.

It was incredible.

“Oh!” he blinked a few times and then regained his composure, quickly saying, “I just saw your routine, it was amazing! Good job!”

“Yeah-yeah, whatever,” he said, gritting his teeth, continuing, “I’m calling because of Viktor. He’s.. in bad shape,” his voice grew quieter, “so you better cheer him the fuck up. Understood? I don’t know how, but do it quickly,” he was speaking seriously, probably clutching the phone in his hand with all his strength.

Then, before the Japanese had any time to reply, he hung up, leaving Yuuri to listen to the beeping on the other end.

Bad shape?..

His thoughts, everything in his mind speeding up and racing back and forth.

I need to fix that!..

During his time while he was in a relationship with Viktor, Yuuri has learned a lot of things. One of the more fundamental ones were.. being creative.

Sometimes they would have fights and he had to come up with a way to surprise him to both make him speechless and want to talk to him again, not being angry anymore.

So he really did master this skill of being creative and now he’s going to put this to use.

A plan came up to his mind almost immediately and he instantly pushed a red button for calling the nurse into the room.

A few skaters already had their go, Viktor was supposed to show himself right in the middle of the tournament but he felt like in this state he won’t reach even his usual score.

Is this it? Has love ruined Viktor Nikiforov’s incredible talent and years of grind with hard work?..

His eyes were wide open as he was watching young Otabek finishing up his routine flawlessly, getting a second place right after Yurio, who was currently sitting on the top.

He felt how someone patted him on the shoulder and looked behind himself, spotting Chris with a warm smile, extending a hand towards his friend with a phone.

“It’s your husband, Viktor,” he winked at him flirtatiously and Russian took it hesitantly, all thoughts mixed up together.

“Viktor!! I couldn’t reach you on your phone, so please turn on the tv on the channel two right now!” he almost yelled in the device, making his partner furrow his brows together.

“What?..” Nikiforov said, confusion written all over his expression.

“Please, I’m so sorry that I ended up with an injury but it should’ve never affected you, любимый*!” at the last Russian word Viktor just bit his lower lip, tears threatening to fall down his face.

“Don’t hang up, Yuuri, whatever you came up with, I want to be with you at least like this,” said the older man, putting Chris’ phone closer to his ear, as if shortening the distance between the two of them.

As the reply he just heard a hum in affirmation from his husband.

He quickly took the remote of the tv and changed the station from the official tournament broadcast, making the majority of the people in the room questioningly turntheir head towards the genius skater again, but he didn’t care.

On the tv he saw Yuuri in normal clothes, not a hospital robe, standing behind some white wall, clearly nervous and with a microphone in his hand.

Once Viktor saw this, he couldn’t control his emotions and just ran around the whole wing, turning every single screen to show channel two, now Yuuri looking at him from every corner.

“At first I would like to apologise for disturbing your preparations for the tournament, competitors, but as you all know I badly landed one of the jumps at practise and ended up with a moderate injury, resulting in me being unable to participate,” he took a deep breath before continuing, still looking somewhere at his feet, “and I suspect that Viktor Nikiforov, who once used to be my coach and who is now another one of my opponents in the competition.. I think he’s not doing well, because we promised each other that we would skate together on the Grand Prix no matter what,” he now lifted his hazel eyes, wobbly smile on his face, “Who knew, huh? Well.. I am here to lift your spirits, Viktor. Even if I’m not there,” he smiled broadly, cheeks heating up, becoming slightly pink.

Japanese cleared his throat and proceeded.

“Whatever I wouldn’t do, my life is always bringing me back. Back to you,” his eyes were now filled with determination and love, “Before I met you, I didn’t know what love was, I didn’t know what it meant when you couldn’t breathe in your normal tempo without the other person anymore. I didn’t know that this could ever mean so much to anyone,” he slowly lifted his engagement ring on his finger, fighting the stinging sensation in his eyes, “before you, I was just a lost boy, lost person, lost life. You made me find myself professionally and as a person. You made me whole. I know, I don’t say there things often and especially in public when we see each other, so hearing it like this is probably even more frustrating to you, but.. I want you to win. Don’t you let my absence discourage you,” he furrowed his brows together, not stopping “You were so open about me and your feelings, I think it’s time for me to finally pay you back. Viktor, you once captured my heart and it stays perfectly still in your hands, forever,” Yuuri put his hand with the golden ring on his chest, on his beating heart,

“Please, win. For me.”

The broadcast ended after this, everyone turning the screen back to the original channel as Viktor stayed in place, wide-eyed.

“Viktor?..” he heard Yuuri close to his ear now, gently bringing him back to reality.

He sighed deeply, a smile slowly appearing on his face, “Babe... Watch me,” he said, voice full of so well known hazard for skating the routine well.

From all his excitement he didn’t even notice all the commotion on the other end of Yuuri’s side as they exchanged a few more phrases and then hung up.

“That was a long ass call,” said with a pleased grin Chris as he got his phone back, “You guys are my favourite couple. I hate to encourage my opponent, but go get that win, Viktor!” he yelled at Nikiforov’s back already, as the Russian skater made his way towards the ring, ready to capture gold.

Metro at this hour was full with people and Yuuri did his best to spectate Viktor’s performance on live tv and to watch where he’s going.

Despite the recommendations of doctors at the hospital he said he needs to be there with him, so he was now rushing towards the skating ring, his stamina now being able to withstand longer distances, ever since he started training with his partner.

He’d have to push through the endless crowds of people, someone recognising him and immediately wanting an autograph or to talk, sometimes his leg would send a pang if pain right through his whole body, making him grunt on his journey.

But he was determined. Yuuri wanted to see his husband on ice as he’s winning a medal. Because he just knew, Viktor is winning one. There was not a single doubt about it in his heart that beat so much faster and more passionate for this particular Russian skater.

Finally, when he made it to the arena, he sprinted through the training area, making multiple coaches and participants look up at him in awe, fully realising what the fool came to do.

He was here for Viktor only, and everyone knew that. Their love towards each other was unstoppable.

As the skinny, incredibly beautiful and elegant skater gathered up strength and lifted his body off the ground like a feather in his signature flip, the whole world was watching. Everyone caught their breath, not daring to move, awaiting the landing and therefore the result.

Not a lot of people knew this, but the only thing that Viktor was thinking about at that moment was his husband, Yuuri. How he clutched his hand to his chest, where the heart is, golden ring shining into the camera.

So much emotion and genuine agitation over the fact that they can’t yet make their debut as partners on ice... all mixed up in a beautiful whirl of tears slowly falling down Yuuri’s face, and when Nikiforov landed, he did it perfectly.

The execution of his last move in the astonishingly difficult choreography was nailed perfectly, without a single error, his body bending in a curve for the last burst of the ending posture, before the music stopped.

When the top skater let himself breathe again, his cheeks and nose was red, throat and nostrils almost not catching up to the speed of his breathing.

“Viktor!!” suddenly he heard the desired voice so clear as if they were the only ones present for miles and whipped his head towards the source, ocean eyes wide, threatening to start getting filled with tears.

“Yuuri!” he yelled right back at him, forgetting all the gifts on ice behind him, with an incredible speed closing in to his husband.

And when their bodies touched in the sudden hug, chests tightly pressing to each other, Viktor let himself lose it. He started sobbing, clutching the back of his partner’s coat, trying to get even closer than they already were.

“You... how did you make it here?” the pair pulled away from each other only to look into their faces, eyes meeting and creating an entirely different reality between them, it seemed like.

“I’m so proud of you, Vitya.. Я люблю тебя,**” he said with a blush on his cheeks and a terrible accent, but the Russian skater’s eyes just watered even more at that, him jumping into his arms once again.

“Господи, а я тебя как люблю! Напугал меня со своим ушибом, а сам знаешь-ли пришёл всё-таки на муженька посмотреть!***” the word vomit from his husband in foreign language made absolutely no sense to Yuuri as he just confusedly nodded, caught off guard.

“Baby, I’m so glad you’re here..” Viktor finally said in the language that he could understand, with far less volume than everything that’s been said before.

“I just needed to see you live, not on the screen..” murmured Yuuri into his shoulder, “Doctors were against it, but.. here I am,” he laughed nervously, just snuggling in closer into the cloth with his nose.

“But I think if I remain resting at home and I’ll have someone taking care of me, then I wouldn’t need to stay at the hospital during the recovery,” he continued, pulling away to just smile at Viktor.

“Of course, jesus. You’re not staying there but since I’m pretty sure I just won another Grand Prix in my career, we can go anywhere to relax together for a bit,” he answered, getting quieter towards the end of his sentence, his fingers instinctively reaching up for Yuuri’s lower lip and opening his mouth a little, squeezing on the skin.

“Only you and me, honey.. You have to pay me off for not showing up to the competition, “ suddenly Yuuri felt a hand on his back, firm on his ass.

He started blushing, nervously chuckling and just nodding, accepting defeat. After all, he wouldn’t really mind anything that Viktor has probably planned for them to do.

And just like this, Viktor Nikiforov skated back to the ring, towards the pedestal with the winners, stepping onto the first place, soon enough already pressing his lips gently to the gold metal, then meeting brown eyes of his husband, looking at him with his azurites full of love.

*my love

**i love you

***jesus, and how much do i love you! you made me worry with your injury, but of course you came to see your lovely husband perform, right?

#viktuuri #victuuri #victuuri fic #viktor nikiforov #victor nikiforov #yuuri katsuki #yuri on ice #yoi #yuri on ice fanfic #original drabble

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cloveroctobers · 4 years ago

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GENEVIEVE ALIU —

IG info/bio: @/genevealiu1 | 19k followers | currently on a journey as a junior doctor living in 🇦🇺🤎 | blm.card.co🖤 | sk💛

26 years of age

Born and raised in Glastonbury, England

Pisces sun? + libra moon?

Mother is Guyanese and works for a non-profit organization

Her father is Nigerian and works in property management

has one older brother who is a Prosthetist and resides in Nigeria with his pregnant fiancée

She can’t wait to be a auntie!!!

And a younger sister who is a medical laboratory technician

To say the least, their parents were happy that their children fell into the medical field. Based on their cultures it was a honor to have their children in these professions

Vieve grew up with a sassy demeanor and her parents have old videos on their camcorders to prove it lol, it never fails that the pair brings out the embarrassing vids during the holidays but vieve genuinely appreciates them

Although thanksgiving is a RACIST American thing, vieve never misses the opportunity to share what she’s thankful for in life and counts all of it as blessings! But it’s still fuck the pilgrims

Has held a friendsgiving before, loves any moment where she can host gatherings or attend them! either is quite fine. She loves being around people

the only time she likes to look back on the past is to see how she and her family carried themselves then and how the evolved into who they are now, it’s interesting to see

Loves “how it started vs how it’s going” posts and might have participated in a few

Always knew from a young age that she wanted to help people in some way, she was always doing something to help around the house and especially her aging/sickly grandparents

Felt offended that many people around school that she thought were her friends would stab her in the back labeling her as this “fake saint” since she rather spend her time volunteering instead of going to house parties in hs

Don’t get it twisted, she still went to those too & had her fun but definitely felt like it was the same routine and nothing ever felt fulfilling at these functions after awhile

Well known with all the cliques around school but had her own group of friends that fit into many of those cliques but she never felt obligated to stick to one social group. If you were nice and cool with her, she was the same to you, if you weren’t? Depending on her mood, she’d ignore you/say things under her breath or be “fake nice” as a form of being the bigger person

Has a curly hair routine that she consistently follows (after struggling to find the right products to make them flourish) and gets annoyed with if her curls don’t turn out the way she knows they can, it’s always frustrating when things don’t turn out the way you want them to but isn’t afraid to at least try

Three times is the charm! Is one of her mottos

loves bright colors, flowy attire, big hats, brimmed hats, bucket hats, berets, etc...

Has faced racism/prejudices and bullying growing up in public spaces—mostly school/uni & some of those same hatred actions online now that she’s dating seb

Because of that there were times where she felt insecure but deff grew to forgive, heal, and rise above the hate, she knows her worth

Has never been happier in a relationship than she is with seb, he’s her “moody long-haired, soft-hearted bby”

they’re both complete fools for each other and vieve is more vocal about her being in love/finding her soulmate whereas seb doesn’t mind showing it rather than speaking it—even tho he’s on a podcast but we mind our business okay?!

Seb is thinking of moving to Australia with vieve, he’s ready to risk it all for this woman, HIS woman 🤩

canon: gives more than she should/taken advantage of/not reciprocating in relationships... ex) how she dated a guy that she did everything for! especially financially and also struggled to find her worth but once she did? Her aura shined brighter than before— Ik chill out there Rocco

Also believes in loving yourself first to attract what you need in this world and found that in her career and seb. I hope they’re endgame! Since they’re the only couple I rooted for this season? Except for tai & ciaran maybe? They’re probably not endgame but whatever

They still get nervous/shy around each other even tho they’ve been together for months now + are in a long distance relationship which is too cute! I think since they’re in this for the long game they can look back on moments and still feel the way they felt in that moment. You know if you get the chance or have already heard elderly people talk about their relationships and how they get all starry eyed? That’s vieve & seb, that shit gets me right in my feels ew

Vieve’s love language is quality time, it’s what she shows and likes along with acts of service from her partner

Makes the best jollof rice & her fav dish is Metemgee

Trying to be on a plant-based diet only but will have her cheat days on occasion—mostly when she’s drunk and forgets her diet plan lmao that’s me getting double cheeseburgers or anything with dairy drunk af

now living in Australia, she tried to like vegemite but...the it’s a no for her, respectfully ofc! She never wants to disrespect anyone

besides the food, the atmosphere is much nicer since she feels like she’s on a holiday almost everyday and that there’s much more to see and do when she has the time

Loves the beaches and is thinking about surfing lessons

yes she enjoys those doctor shows and can agree that most scenarios are not the same as rl ofc but great question!

Since she’s a junior doctor now, and on her way to graduation! She feels so accomplished and having this chance to complete what she’s wanted her whole life in a different place, makes her super emotional

All those stressful all-nighters will be worth it. She mostly did it on her own but is nothing but humble and Is thankful to those that have helped her along the way, what kind of person would she be if she didn’t mention them?

and when COVID hit, she was one of many already on the frontlines. Her studies became altered but this wouldn’t stop her for her mission on this earth, this was her purpose and she knew we would conquer it all—but definitely has empathy and gets angry with how it’s being handled from time to time

She’s been exposed to it first hand which aboustely worries her parents, seb, her friends, and friends from the villa

Keeps up to date when all medical news, has a whole app dedicated to health

Learning French with some of her free time and is doing well at it

It was only natural for her to become closer to elladine since their men are homies and have a podcast together

They’ve hung out a few times on a double dates before the boat vacation & once just as girls before vieve left to Australia

Vieve is always offering advice but knows that every relationship is different and what works for her and seb won’t work for elladine and Nicky, she loves them together and knows everyone has bumps in the road

feels there’s some sort of tension between her and Harry now? Which she found a little off putting since they were supposed to be friends but she realizes that Harry has a condition but it’s also not an excuse for him to treat her shitty sometimes which he does and feels like it comes out of nowhere most times but he always apologizes yet vieve is slowly getting tired of this unhealthy habits

So they’re talking less these days, which he notices!

She wants Harry to find his happiness too! If he hasn’t found it in mc first that is

has met Tim— he’s a great laugh and seems like a nice guy—they follow each other, talia and jake in person when she was out with seb—they were also super nice and congratulated them on their win, she went up to miles once on a night out—he’s still a arsehole, priya reached out to her via dm about her new boutique that she wanted her to model in someday, Hope was just as stunning in person along with Siobhan, Chelsea & mc s2 were also kind, and a couple of the guys also wished her and seb well

She’s also noticed some of the shit talking coming from Elisa, Allegra, Lucy, and mc s1 (subtle shade from mc, basically about how vieve reacted if mc decided to give Harry a go but that was only brought to her attention thru fans) online but again, vieve peeped it and felt majority of it didn’t require a response. She was too happy in life rn and she had a man and they don’t

Plans to get a komondor, thinks they’re super cute! — seb does not “if you love me, you’ll love our child.” “It’s a bloody mop dog! And I’m a cat dad, you know that!” “Don’t talk about him like that, he’s got feelings just like your cat babies!”

I feel like she’s a matcha & Frappuccino lover, tries to keep her drinks simple and feels guilty when she has to make adjustments but the heart wants what it wants

Mini Countryman owner, she also drives like a “granny” better safe than sorry! She hates fast drivers, there’s absolutely no need for it!

Minimal makeup: eyeshadow, moisturizer, & a nude lip and she’s good to go

Secretly obsessed with among us, second life, and SIMS!!!

Celeb crushes? Heath ledger, Tyler posey, KENDRICK SAMPSON, Jordan fisher, Algee smith, Donald Glover, Mack Wilds, Khleo Thomas, Robert Ri’chard, Tahj Mowry, & Hasan Minhaj

Listens to: DaniLeigh, ABIR, Mary J. Blige, TORI KELLY, Us the duo, 11:11, Jacob Latimore, fifth harmony, joya mooi, & Greentea Peng, etc...

Anthem: The Cheetah Girls — Cinderella

#litg #litg3 #litg s3 #litg genevieve #litg moodboard #litg headcanons #litg headcanon #litg seb #litg Harry #litg mc #litg oc #litg elladine #litg Nicky #idk if I did her justice but my apologies to her and y’all if not lol #litg Tim #litg talia #litg jake #litg priya #litg hope

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pointnumbersixteen · 4 years ago

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A Head Cannon Biography and Character Analysis and of the Captain, Part 1: Early Childhood, or, It Probably Did Not Pay to Be Devoted to Gilbert and Sullivan as an Edwardian Boy

I’ve been reading character analysis and head cannons of the Captain the last few days on this site and decided last night I wanted to start my own, which is half-complete and currently at 7,000 words and counting. Today I thought I’d take the complete bits, split them into parts, create a tumblr side-blog for Cap-dedication and post them, with the rest to follow when complete. I tried to order it as a sort of chronological biography, with as much evidence and logic as I could find to support what I head cannon, and here it goes.

If we start with the assumption that Cap died in 1945, shortly after the war ended (that’s when most of the ribbons he wears were issued, August of ’45, but as he died where he served, at Button House, before the commandeered estate was returned to presumably Heather Button’s parents or Heather Button herself, which generally would have happened before the year was out, that makes his date of death somewhere between mid-August and late December of that year), and also assume that Cap is meant to be about the same age as Ben Willbond, who was 46 in the first season, we can assign him a tentative birth year of 1899- late Victorian birth, Edwardian childhood. Speech and manners put his family as upper middle class from one of the nicer parts of Greater London, if I’m any judge of these things (might not be, as I’m from the US, but I think I got this one right). Odds better than not that they’re conservatives.

I’m also going to put it into the realm of logic to say that he probably had at least one older brother, as family and long-standing societal expectations of the time wouldn’t have him as an unmarried career military officer if he didn’t have an older brother ready to fulfill his obligations to his family, it would have him married with children, ready to inherit the posh house and take over the business/law firm/whatever made his people upper middle class when the time came. But being a military officer was ideal for younger sons, as it gave them a respected place in society that would provide them a good livelihood without much investment on the family’s part past finding him a commission.

Now I depart from logical deduction and go into head cannon/deduction mix for a moment: he probably also had sisters, so that as a boy he could think of his less het-masculine behavior as just playing with his sisters instead of being weird or ‘sissy-like,’ as it probably appeared to his het-masculine observers (baby-Cap, my poor gay son, was probably judged quite harshly by his het-masculine observers as a boy). Whereas, if he had just brothers, he probably would have conformed better, for lack of options.

Now back to pure fact for a moment: the Pirates of Penzance (from which the Major General Song he sings repeatedly in s1e2 originates) played in London for four months from late 1908 to early 1909, when Cap would have been probably late 9/early 10ish. And on to combo logic/head cannon: as posh people in Edwardian times, with few other entertainments available, Cap’s family probably went to the theater on the reg and that’s probably when he first saw it.

Now to mostly head cannon for a while: I’m sure he loved it. I’m sure if he’d been allowed to develop as a person whilst left to his own devices, he would have been a theater gay (I’ll back that up a bit more in a later post). I’m sure he memorized the lyrics then, not to just the Major General Song, but probably all the songs in the play- and back before the internet with its lyric searches and youtube videos learning song lyrics by heart wasn’t easy. It took dedication. Particularly a song as complex as the Major General Song. And I’m sure that his ten year old son enthusiastically, like, super-enthusiastically (you saw the enthusiasm he puts into his musical reenactments in s2e5, guys), reenacting all the song and dance numbers from a Gilbert and Sullivan operetta by heart set off all sorts of gay-alarms in his father’s head.

A few time/cultural notes: Cap’s pre-boarding childhood and the last years of Fannie Button’s life would have been the same ten-year time period. I personally think that’s part of the reason that the two seem to understand each other and not clash (besides Fannie violating Cap’s strict belief that no noise whatsoever should be made in the house between the hours of midnight and dawn with her death screams) as frequently as they do with the various other people in the house, was that they both lived in the same time and culture, at least for a while. But, as noted in s1e1, from Fannie’s death after discovering her husband George’s gay threesome, this was the sort of time period when a man thought murdering his wife and pretending it was suicide was a less risky option than being outed as gay. Homosexuality at this time was a crime (punishable by two years hard labor when he was a boy), and in the views of most of society, probably also a sin. As such, almost no man, much less one of standing with a reputation that might be affected would be okay with having a gay son. Which means, for my poor baby-Cap, that all the parts of him that are ever likely to make him happy in life are about to get squashed out of him.

#the captain #bbc's ghosts #character analysis #head cannon biography #the full document is super long and only getting longer guys

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sunsummoneds · 4 years ago

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[ elcin sangu, cisgender female, thirty-three ] Let’s give a warm welcome to one of Sparkwood’s finest, ABBY SIDERIS !! Before coming here, she once lived on the pages of NANCY DREW. Though now they currently spend most of their time as a FORTUNE TELLER / HEIRESS. If you ask the townsfolk about what they are like, you will hear that they are EXPRESSIVE but also DECEITFUL. If they had a theme song it would be NO LIGHT, NO LIGHT - FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE. Let’s see how their story unravels this time.

you can find the rest of my muses here !

trigger warnings: death mention.

if you were to try and find out anything about abby sideris’ backstory, you would be met with several conflicting answers. there are the lies that she’s told to make herself seem more interesting and then there’s the truth. truth is: she was born in sparkwood to two wealthy heirs, both a mess in their own ways. her father wanted nothing to do with the situation once he found out the girl he had been sleeping with casually had gotten pregnant and her mother was fairly young and far too irresponsible to even consider motherhood. but she still brought abby into this world, the girl’s parents stepping up to the plate to raise the child while abby’s mother continued to live her life completely unbothered and responsibility-free. the family lived in a hundred-year-old manor on the edge of town, the place rumored to be filled with spirits. but the rumors mostly stemmed from the somewhat creepy façade of the home.

abby’s grandparents were both rather odd so it’s probably no surprise that she ended up on the peculiar side as well. her grandmother was a retired broadway actress whereas her grandfather was an accomplished antique dealer. she was home-schooled her entire life, not having the chance to make many friends outside the small circles that her grandparents associated with. but most of the friendships she had were ones formed out of obligation, family connections. considering how lonely she was, her imagination had a habit of getting away from her. when she was twenty years old, both of her grandparents ended up passing away close together. the two not able to live without one another — or at least that’s what abby believed. to keep the spirit of her grandparents alive, she worked hard to turn their spacious family home into a bed and breakfast.

around this time she also began to dabble into things she didn’t necessarily understand such as tarot and mediumship. while the paranormal and metaphysics had always been something that interested her, her grasp on channeling any abilities she convinced herself of having was extremely loose. what she wanted just was never there. but she still proceeded to open up her own fortune-telling business out of the comfort of the old mansion she lived in, offering up services from card readings to spiritual channelings. but most of her readings are extremely far off base, her mind far too clouded for her to even tap into anything.

HEADCANONS.

abby identifies as bisexual.

she probably makes daily trips to the occult / metaphysical shop in town. she’s constantly stocked up on necessary supplies to perform at her ‘peak’.

she is basically that joanne the scammer meme embodied in a person.

she is extremely dramatic and likes to make up lies about herself to make herself seem more interesting than she is.

she has never really rekindled a relationship with her mother, even after the death of her grandparents. she just has zero interest.

an extremely fickle friend to most but extremely loyal to those who make her feel needed.

she’s just a mess really, but she has… mostly good intentions.

upset that she has never been able to contact the spirits of her grandparents.

#spark. intro #this intro is....... not my best.

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lifeofresulullah · 4 years ago

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The Life of The Prophet Muhammad(pbuh): His Youth, Trade Life, His marriage to Hazrat Khadijah

The Prophet Stays away from the Evil Deeds of the Era of Ignorance

After these events, Abu Talib had become an indispensable part of his luminous nephew. The view that he started to hold more strongly was this:

“My nephew will become a very big and important person in the future!”

Therefore, he carried out the duty of protecting the Prophet very carefully and consciously; he virtually danced attendance on the Prophet.

Our Holy Prophet (PBUH) was an incomparable youth in terms of his spirit and appearance. The virtues and beauty in both his heart and spirit had shaped his face in an extraordinarily beautiful way. He was of medium height, though his height was close to being tall, and had wavy black hair. He had a high and broad forehead and thick black eyebrows. His eyebrows were very close to one another; however, they were not connected. His eyes were pretty and black. And his long, black eyebrows added a very different kind of loveliness to his glance.

The Divine Destiny had already determined him in the pre-eternity to be the prophet of humanity. Hence, he led his life under the training of All-Maker Glorious God. That is why no signs of indecency and evil were ever witnessed by people around him all his life.

He hated idols very much. He did not respect them even once in his life.

The Quraishian idolaters had a custom. They used to gather around the idol of Bowana at certain times of the year, stayed there until the night, shaved themselves by it, cut animals, and organized big ceremonies.

Again, all the Quraishians had prepared for this kind of a ceremony. Abu Talib, the uncle of the Prophet Muhammad, wanted to participate in the ceremony with the other family members. But the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) did not want to go there and asked him to excuse himself. Abu Talib and the Prophet’s aunts were surprised at his refusal to go there. They got angry. Although they insisted on his coming as well, he would not change his mind. So they said,“We are afraid of that you will be struck down because of your turning away from our gods.”

And they put pressure on him so hard that he agreed to follow them not to break their hearts though unwillingly. As soon as they came very near to the idol, the Luminous Prophet (pbuh) was seen to have been gone. When they found him, they saw him in a horrible condition. He had turned pale and it was all clear from his appearance that he was afraid.

His uncle and aunts asked him what was wrong with him.

The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) answered:

“I was afraid to be harmed.”

They said: “God would not let anybody do harm to you. You have very fine qualities. Now, tell us what you saw?”

The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) told them what he saw:

“When I came near to the idol, some one in white clothes appeared there and shouted, “O Muhammad! Stay back and never touch it.”

After this incident, never in his life did the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) ever neither come near to any idols nor participated in their ceremonies.

Yes, he, who always preached the faith of One God as soon as he was honored with prophethood, would certainly lead a clean life even in his childhood completely away from the polytheism against which he was sent.

God Almighty was constantly protecting him even when he was not given prophethood yet. The Noble Prophet (pbuh) pointed out to this fact with his words, “My Lord has given me the good-manners in the most appropriate fashion.”

Just orientalists could not deny it despite everything. Sir W. Miur makes a confession in his book, “Life of Muhammad” as follows:

“All of the information about Prophet Muhammad agrees on one point, which is his having supreme morality.”

FOURTH BATTLE OF FIJAR AND THE PROPHET

Our Holy Prophet (PBUH) was 20 years old when the fourth Battle of Fijar broke out.

Before Islam, in the Era of Ignorance, murders, bloody clashes, violence, feuds, all kinds of theft and corruption followed one another. Besides, what else could be expected from a people who would frequently destroy one another, whose hearts were devoid of compassion and mercy, and whose societal lives were far away from justice and law?

Since the very beginning, the Arabs had deemed the months of Muharram, Rajab, Dhilqada, and Dhilhijja to be holy. The spilling of blood and the committing of any misdeeds and any sort of injustice were all strictly prohibited during these months. For this reason, they were referred to as the “haram (forbidden) months”.

The Battle of Fijar took place during one of these months. It acquired its name since blood was split and because both sides committed great injustice and cruelty.

The Battles of Fijar were fought four times among Arabs.

The Master of the Universe (PBUH) was ten years old at the time of the first Battle of Fijar.

These four battles, which took place in a long period of nine to ten years, arose from shallow and insignificant reasons.

A man from the Ghifaris said “I am the most honorable among the Arabs”, while lying down in the Ukaz fair. Upon hearing this, a man from the Hawazin tribe assumed that it was an insult directed towards him, drew his sword, and wounded the man’s foot. Due to this reason, the first Battle of Fijar began between the Kinana and Hawazin tribes..

The second battle broke out between the Quraysh and the Hawazin after a woman had been harassed at the Ukaz Fair.

The third battle took place between the Kinana and Hawazin tribes when a tribesman from Sons of Kinana did not pay his debt to a man from the tribe of the Sons of Amir, and had instead, extended the grace period.

Whereas the Fourth Battle of Fijar, in which our Holy Prophet (PBUH) took part when he was 20 years old, was fought among the Quraysh, Sons of Kinane, and the Qays al-Aylan. It resulted from an incident in which a man named Barraz bin Qays from the Kinana killed a man called Urwa from the Qays al-Aylan (Hawazin).

The Quraysh were the allies of the Sons of Kinana; therefore, they had to fight in this battle.

Abu Talib did not want to partake in the fourth battle, which was being fought in the Ukaz Fair, since it was a “haram month” and because he guessed that there would be much cruelty inflicted. However, he was obliged to join when the other branches of the Quraysh insisted on fighting.

It was narrated that Abu Talib took his glorious nephew with him to this battle one or two times. However, our Holy Prophet (PBUH) only picked up the enemies’ arrows and handed them to his uncle.

The two sides reached an agreement when they realized that this clash would not end. According to their agreement, the dead bodies would be counted, and the opponent would pay the blood money to whichever side that had the most losses; in this way, the war would finally end.

The final tally resulted in there being about twenty more dead soldiers on the Qays al-Ayan’s side; thus the Sons of Kinana and the Quraysh paid the blood money for these twenty individuals. It was in this manner that this bloody war finally came to an end, which was twenty years after the year of the incident of the elephant.

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teenthoughtsblog · 4 years ago

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FRENEMIES

I am Arunima (please use Aru to address me). I am thirteen, and I go to school like any normal teen. In 8th grade, it’s like a whirlpool of emotions and thoughts. I feel obligated to cram as much education as I can into my brain and push forward for these last few years of school. But that being said, these are my last few years of school and possibly of my childhood. Every day I’m confused about the way forward, and today was no different.

It was like any usual day. I struggled to wake up and get ready for school. When I boarded my school bus I dozed off as per usual, catching up on last night’s sleep. The assembly was no different with many students yawning and chatting amongst themselves. The first few classes went by in a blur (a rather boring one at that) I struggled to stay awake, let alone consciously pay attention (all courtesy of the late-night binge-watching of stranger things). As I slept the teacher must have yapped about something important because when she questioned me about the lesson, and I, flustered, answered incorrectly, she had a look of heeding malice on her cold and bony face. In homeroom, we discussed our lives’ regrets and satisfactions. At the moment I was bored, and couldn’t care less about what we did in homeroom. I remember my answer being something as general as not picking up a particular hobby.

On the bus ride home, while snacking on kurkures, and doing my homework, I couldn’t focus.

Normally I would finish all the work given on my ride home and laze around in the afternoon, but that day fate was made for me to keep getting distracted. After a few attempts of doing my homework and packing my bag, I just gave up and decided to have dinner and go to bed early. An hour went by and I still couldn’t get myself to close my eyes and get rest for more than ten minutes. There was a cold lump in my throat, and it was not because of the unnaturally low temperature of my thermostat (as put by my beloved mom). After tossing and turning in bed for quite a while, I realized that all this drama was because of the small, insignificant discussion in homeroom.

Without me putting much thought into it, that one question had seeped in and manipulated my whole day. Now that I sleeplessly put more thought into it, I stand corrected. My answer wouldn’t be something as brief and over the top as a missed hobby. It would be something in a completely different dimension. Something many would label as childish. A FRIENDSHIP.

I met Shravya when we were both four, on our first day of kindergarten. I was a timid and observant child, and she was more on the outgoing and vivacious side. It all started when she came up to me and tugged at my braids. I went on to grab hold of her collar and poke her with all my might. That was followed by an obnoxious round of tickling each other and giggling. A bond finally formed over a tiffin exchange at recess and we instantly started to grow close.

Overtime Shravya and I became like two peas in a pod, and by the end of kindergarten, everyone knew us as the two best friends who couldn’t stand a day without talking to each other. Like everything good comes to an end, the blissful phase with Shravya came crashing down as we were separated in first grade.

Those two years with Shravya were eventful, joyous and we both enjoyed them so much that we probably still know every single incident to the last detail. We had a countless number of pool parties, sleepovers, Masterchef challenges, mud fights, and fashion shows just to name a few of our many playdate activities. Our families had also met and come close together. We had even taken a vacation to Agra together. When Shravya’s brother was born and all the spotlight was supposedly stolen from her, she would keep complaining and crying, and I, forever the listener, consoled her and offered comfort with several sleepovers and playdates.

Time passed and my friendship with Shravya remained unwavering. Over time, we did hit some rough patches, but we being best friends, we always made up. Little did I know we would go on a ballistic rollercoaster ride. After being separated from 1st to 4th grade, we were overjoyed to finally come back together in 5th grade. On the first day of class 5, we sat together and chatted a LOT. No one could blame us, because we were two besties catching up on four years of being in separate classes. We shared classwork, helped each other with homework and in general, our time was blissful.

Then musical afternoon made its appearance. In our school, it’s a huge deal where there's a theme each year and all the classes form groups and perform songs in many languages. I remember that year the theme was heartbreak. The moment the theme was announced, everyone started talking about songs and groups to form. I rushed over to Shravya and started talking about a particularly emotional song I had in mind. At the time she blatantly agreed to everything that I said to pacify my racing mind. The next day when I unexpectedly arrived at her house with high hopes, the door was slammed on my face., leaving me confused and heartbroken. The events that occurred in the next phase, which I call the frenemies phase, really matched the musical theme of that year.

From that day Shravya and I were on mutilated terms and she gave treatment worse than ignoring me, aka that silent treatment. Slowly the emotions inside me changed from heartbreak to disbelief and finally anger. I threw a huge tantrum back at home. My mind went into a frenzy.

One minute I would be ripping my hair out and cursing with an astonishing speed, and then, immediately after I’d be a heap on the floor, sobbing my heart out. Days passed like this. As much as I have reluctance admitting this, but life went on, and so did our journey. Shravya was forever the socialite and had no difficulty in moving on and making new friends. I, on the other hand, would much rather keep to myself than be the expected extrovert. In a blink of the eye, Shravya had got herself an arsenal of new friends or what many Indians would recognize as chelas. My abysmal communication skills didn’t make forming friendships any easier. Her grades hiked, whereas mine dipped, she seemed buoyant and carefree, and my emotions took a toll for the worse. In general, her life had seemingly improved, and mine had taken the other path.

This feud of sorts lasted for more than a year, and in that period both of us had changed, developed, and ameliorated. A LOT. But, as the old saying goes, never judge a book by its cover. One day I ran into the person that I had learned to despise in the past year. Shravya. But there was something wrong with the person who was one of the reasons my life had hit the downward spirals.

As I knocked on the door of an occupied bathroom stall to request the occupant to hurry up, I heard faint sobbing. Knocking harder and more persistently got her to open the door, revealing my former best friend in the most disheveled state imaginable. She was all hunched up, her neat uniform all crumpled up and her perfectly symmetrical make-up smudged. Humanity overtook the petty grudges inside me and I rushed to help her up. After getting her to calm down, she started her recital.

“I’m..I’m..I’m” sorry was what shocked me. The stubbornness Shravya had displayed in all the years of being together, made me ponder on what this girl could want to apologize for?. I, however, was broken out of my train of thought when she started to sob again. “My life looks so good on the exterior, but inside it's just a confused pile of emotions and actions. I don’t know what to do..”

My mind went into a serious conflict mode, with one half of me wanting to keep my distance because of the way I’d been treated in this past year, and the other half, the more humane half of me, wanted to hear her out and comfort the damsel in distress. Both of my sides came to a compromise of sorts when I listened to what she had to say with a sour and displeasing expression.

“After our falling out, my mom and dad were very disappointed in me for treating you like that. I got a whole lot of speeches ‘never going back on your word’, ‘always stay true to what you and loved ones believe in’, and ‘what goes around, comes back’. At this I chuckled, shaking my head. “And yes, what I did to you did come back to bite me hard.” My eyebrows fought back all my brain's warnings and shot up into a surprised expression. “After we stopped talking, I went through many friendships, but everyone would break it off abruptly in some manner.” I wanted to apologize and make things right with you, but I figured you would be mad at me.” “Well, that and your astonishingly high standing ego”. Now it was her turn to chuckle. “Yeah, well that too.”

That got me to smile the brightest I’d smiled since the day we got our not so happily ever after. “It's okay, I understand that, but I’ll never be ready to go back where we had been before you know what.” I pulled Shravya into a hug and whispered, “Like the old days, we’ve made up. AGAIN. But-“We’ll keep our distance.” She completed the sentence for me, knowing what I meant from the bottom of my heart. At that, I tightened the embrace I’d pulled her into.

What goes around, comes back, and the old days came back. The frenemies phase did both of us good.

#frenemies #short fiction #short story #teen author #blog

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t4tlawlight · 5 years ago

Photo

Parentification of a child happens when the parent and child roles are reversed. This can take the form of instrumental parentification, where the child performs physical tasks that should be the parent’s responsibility. This can be things like paying bills, performing chores that are not age appropriate/undertaking all the chores in the household, or being the primary caregiver for younger siblings. These responsibilities mean there is no time to be a child or have any aspirations. Many children who are the victim of instrumental parentification are deprived of opportunities to have a better life, such as education.

-- “I Was a Parentified Daughter”

in the beginning, drama light is exactly the same as manga light. we see him as a young boy, brilliant, planning on becoming a member of the NPA just like his father.

[photo 1: a dimly lit screenshot of light yagami as a child talking into a yellow toy walkie-talkie. his dark hair is a bit past his ears. he is wearing a red, white and blue plaid shirt. light is saying, "I caught sight of the culprit!" photo 2: soichiro yagami is crouching on the stairs. the lighting is shining from behind him, and we can see his face through slots in the railing. he is also talking into a walkie-talkie, saying "Got it, Light. Storm the place."]

[photo 3: soichiro again talking into a walkie-talkie. he is no longer on the stairs, but it's difficult to tell where he is inside the house. he is wearing a green, yellow, and white striped polo(?) and saying, "You can't join the police if you're afraid." photo 4: light as a child still, brandishing a plastic black and orange toy pistol. he's saying, "Roger, I'm going in." into the walkie-talkie.]

-- Episode 1

the light we see in the series proper, however, is not the same as manga light. he’s gentle, and sensitive, and anxious. he suffers from panic attack after panic attack. there’s a misconception that he’s the “dumb” light, which frankly isn’t true.

the difference between them is the death of Light’s mother when he was young. his father was working on a case and refused to come to his ailing wife’s bedside, presumably assuming that she would be fine, so light and sayu were alone with sachiko as she passed.

Policeman: We got a call from the hospital. Your wife’s in critical condition. Soichiro: No, Otoharada takes priority. I’ll go to the hospital later.

[photo 1: a nearly empty hospital room. there are no decorations or well-wishing gifts or cards in the space, just a seemingly bare white cabinet against the wall, a matching nightstand beside the hospital bed, and a pale blue privacy screen off to the side. there is a body (sachiko yagami) under the white hospital sheets; her face is covered with a napkin. child light and his sister, still a toddler, are sitting beside her bed, distraught. soichiro yagami has just entered the room and is looking at the scene with his back facing the camera. photo 2: child light, wearing an unbuttoned black and white plaid short-sleeve flannel over a graphic tee. he is shouting at his father, saying, "I called and I called! Why didn't you come right away?"]

-- Episode 1

it clearly traumatized light, if not sayu. she later says that he and his father have been distant ever since then.

Sayu: He’s acting really weird. Soichiro: How so? Sayu: I mean, he never worries about you. It’s creepy. Soichiro: That’s not creepy. Sayu: Yeah, it is! You know he’s been cold to you ever since the thing with mom.

-- Episode 2

as a result of this, drama light grew up very different from manga light--manga light is likely upper middle class, given that he can afford to toss away expensive mini tv sets, whereas we can see the yagami family in the drama struggling financially. light gets on sayu about not using electricity to save money:

Light [about the television]: If you’re not gonna watch it, turn it off. You’re running up our electricity bill.

-- Episode 1

drama light simply does not get the same opportunities as manga light. he goes to a just-decent economics college instead of working towards the prestige of To-Oh simply because he cannot afford it.

Light’s boss: Yagami-kun, you want a public sector job? Light: Well, job security. There’s no risk of them running out of business. Light’s boss: Don’t you have any ambition? Like hitting it big and getting rich? Light: Once you get greedy, there’s no end.

-- Episode 1

but also because of the second change, which is that his father's emotional absence and distance when light needed him most (both as and after his mother’s death) resulted in light shunning his father's line of work entirely; while he still grows up with his father's morals and sense of justice, he has no desire anymore to act upon them.

[photo 1: light's bedroom, where there are so many decorations and personal items it makes the room look very busy. there's a large window along the wall behind soichiro and light. the lighting tints everything almost a blue color behind light, who is sitting at his desk, head turned a bit to soichiro. soichiro is in the doorway, staring at light's back. light is saying, "I'm hoping to get into the local ward office." photo 2: same setting, but now light is looking away from his father. he is saying, "Even if that's wrong, I don't plan to join the police."]

-- Episode 1

L: Does your son want to join the police? Soichiro: No. Light doesn’t have a good impression of my job.

-- Episode 2

Soichiro: When you were a child, you wanted to become a police officer, didn’t you? But when your mother died, you stopped saying you wanted to join the police. It was watching me that killed your desire to become a police officer, right?

-- Episode 6

furthermore, because he's blatantly depressed, he wants nothing more than to enter the public service and gain some sense of stability in his life

Light [internally]: You can invest your life in something and it might make you money, but it won’t necessarily make you happy.

Light [internally]: As long as I can feed myself and spend my days in peace and stability, that’s all I need.

-- Episode 1

most importantly, when sachiko died, soichiro refused any of the responsibilities of a mother. he was very emotionally closed off and distant, choosing instead to throw himself even farther into his job and leave his children alone in their grief.

Soichiro: You wanted me to realize you were suffering alone. That’s what you tried to tell me, wasn’t it? If I had noticed your cries for help earlier... Your lies... Your suffering... If only I had noticed then.

-- Episode 10

instead, light is the one forced to become the “mother” of the family, so to speak, taking on both the emotional responsibilities of managing both his and his sister’s grief and raising her, as well as the associated household tasks--feeding them, cooking for them, working to put food on the table, fretting about bills, and so on.

[photo 1: sayu yagami, now a teenager presumably in high school. her hair is just past her shoulders. she is wearing a pastel purple top and cropped light blue skinny jeans. she sits on the living room couch with her knees to her chest, smart phone dangling in her hands as she turns her head, calling to light: "Hey, I'm hungry." photo 2: light's bedroom. light is jumping up from his desk in surprise, turning to face sayu, who has entered his bedroom without warning. she is wearing her school uniform. she's asking, "Hey, where's breakfast?"]

-- Episode 1

he's very maternal having to practically raise sayu from a very young age and it results in a very caring, gentle man. on top of his depression, disillusionment with soichiro’s job, and lower social class, he never has the opportunity to be a genius like manga light because he’s busy taking care of his family--he’s more occupied with seeking stability than getting ahead and playing a genius, even if he’s smart enough that he could have, in another life.

Kamoda: You’ve always beaten me on grades. You could aim a bit higher if you worked at it. Light: No thanks. No thanks.

-- Episode 1

to be clear, all of these are huge red flags for drama light suffering from parentification--specifically, instrumental parentification. i’m sure you all read the introductory quote, but here is some information on the phenomenon:

Parentification is the process of role reversal whereby a child is obliged to act as parent to their own parent or sibling. Instrumental parentification involves the child completing physical tasks for the family, such as looking after a sick relative, paying bills, or providing assistance to younger siblings that would normally be provided by a parent.

The almost inevitable byproduct of parentification is losing one's own childhood. In destructive parentification, the child in question takes on excessive responsibility in the family, without their caretaking being acknowledged and supported by others: by adopting the role of parental care-giver, the child loses their real place in the family unit and is left lonely and unsure. In extreme instances, there may be what has been called a kind of disembodiment, a narcissistic wound that threatens one's basic self-identity.

All results of parentification are negative. There are no positive byproducts; the 'maturity' and 'emotional resilience' are directly linked to their underlying anxiety and displacement in the family dynamic.

we see light acting as a parent to sayu--cooking, cleaning, working, practically raising sayu on his own while soichiro is practically out of the picture. he receives no praise for this from either his sister or his father, who take it for granted or complain to him when he doesn’t. and as many children who are forced to do so, light is left depressed, devoid of aspirations, and displaced.

the name of this meta and the graphic used to represent it is maslow’s hierarchy of needs. if you’re unfamiliar, there’s a good explanation of it at verywellmind (which i cannot link), and i bring it up because drama light and manga light fall into very different categories. manga light has made it all the way through esteem, and is currently working on his self-actualization throughout the story of Death Note:

"It may be loosely described as the full use and exploitation of talents, capabilities, potentialities, etc. Such people seem to be fulfilling themselves and to be doing the best that they are capable of doing... They are people who have developed or are developing to the full stature of which they capable."

Self-actualizing people are self-aware, concerned with personal growth, less concerned with the opinions of others, and interested in fulfilling their potential.

drama light, on the other hand, has barely even broached his social needs. his place on the pyramid is “love and belonging”--he has love, from his friend kamoda, and from sayu, even if she doesn’t appreciate him--but his relationship with his father is strained and his mother is gone, and his parentification has left him feeling out of place.

it’s these relationships, though, that are the core of why he begins using the death note to begin with.

immediately before light gets the note, he’s working and talking with his wealthier friend kamoda, who was targeted throughout their lives by a delinquent named sakota who extorted money from kamoda through physical violence. we’re shown a younger light in high school watching this violence, incapable of helping his friend. sakota is released from prison in the first episode and immediately finds light and kamoda again, extorting money from kamoda at knifepoint.

kamoda responds like this:

[photo 1: light, as an adult, standing outside. it's night, the lighting is dim. he is scowling at sakota, who is out of view. light's internal thoughts are split between these two images. the first reads "I wish guys like him--" and the second reads, "--would just go away forever."

photo 2: light's close friend kamoda, curling in on himself in fear. his fingers are laced together and he's holding his arms to his chest, cowering. he looks afraid. he is wearing a long sleeve blue shirt and an orange backpack.]

-- Episode 1

it’s moments after this, when light is walking home, that he finds the note. he writes sakota’s name not because he’s bored, like his manga counterpart; he does it because he internalizes kamoda’s words and because both he and his best friend were threatened at knifepoint by him. even then, drama light has second thoughts, attempting to erase and then scratch out the name.

when it works, light is utterly horrified, overhearing about sakota’s heart attack while eavesdropping on his wake. he nearly has a panic attack until, once again, he hears how people respond:

[ photo 1: a public setting, in front of a funeral home. sakota's funeral has just finished. it is still daylight out. two young men in black suits have come out from the funeral home and are walking down the sidewalk. one of them asks, "Sakota did nothing but make trouble for people when he was alive, right?" light is hiding behind shrubs and a tree on the other side of the sidewalk, crouching and covering his mouth. photo 2: a close up screenshot of a hand holding a smart phone. it appears to be viewing a group chat of some kind, and multiple people are messaging it and talking about sakota's death in japanese. there are several messages that contain "WWWW" which is the japanese equivalent for "lol". one of the young men from the previous picture is saying, "Deep down, they're all relieved he's dead."]

-- Episode 1

at this point, though, light is still horrified. he wants to believe it’s fake, so he throws the note in the trash and attempts to dump it. unlike manga light, who feels the need to test it and dismiss any lingering doubts that he may have unintentionally murdered a man, drama light would rather put it out of his mind entirely.

obviously, sakota is very different from manga light’s first murder, and that’s because in the tv drama the first two murders are switched. sakota, who has a heart attack on his motorcycle, is intended to be the man manga light killed at the convenience store for sexually harassing a woman. the second murder in the tv drama is otoharada kuro, the man holding an elementary school hostage, and in this adaptation he also has a personal connection to the family: the case that soichiro was on when sachiko died was otoharada’s original arrest.

in the tv drama, otoharada takes an elementary schooler and her mother hostage in order to exchange her for soichiro himself, who he blames for his original arrest. light hears about this from matsuda, and for the third time, his sister responds like this:

[photo: a large room with several wide windows streaming light into it through white blinds. there are three rows of long desks, two chairs at each, similar to a classroom. police officers and detectives are buzzing around; some are going through files and paperwork frantically. sayu and light are in the far back on a bench against the wall. light is sitting, hands folded in his lap, as he watches his sister. sayu is standing, wearing her school uniform of a blouse, tie, and plaid skirt. she is shouting, "Just kill that scum and save my dad already!"]

-- Episode 1

light returns home and uses the note for the second time in order to save his father, who light still respects and craves the approval and emotional support of even despite their distance.

at the point of his second murder, manga light has a breakdown before almost immediately compartmentalizes his guilt and doubling down on the idea that he can do no wrong because he's been told he can't his entire life. for the first week until ryuk arrives he begins killing people in earnest, whereas drama light is deeply and profoundly horrified.

[ photo 1: a mid-chest and upwards shot of light. he is in his bedroom, looking down at the floor. he is wearing an open plaid shirt over a tee shirt. the subtitles for his internal thoughts say, "I would have been happy...just letting the days pass by uneventfully..." photo 2: a close up shot of light's face. he is wide-eyed, dragging his left hand down his cheek and staring at his right. in horror, he is saying, "I killed them."]

-- Episode 1

he ultimately ends up fleeing to a rooftop in the city and attempting to throw himself off of it before being talked out of it by ryuk. ryuk tells him that he can take the note back and erase light’s memories of it--which light nearly accepts--before mentioning that if light didn't want it, he'd give it to someone else, potentially a criminal who could do terrible things with it.

Ryuk: What if a real bastard like those guys you killed, Otoharada or Sakota, picked up that notebook? Light: No! Ryuk: The person who picks up the Death Note gets to decide how they use it.

-- Episode 1

so light takes the note.

what happens after this has been summed up by tumblr user whoresband in their post about drama light (which i can’t link due to tumblr not letting this post appear in the search but i’ll link the relevant portions and you can look it up):

when he gets the death note, he gains a power that was unavailable to him as a child. it was initially his sense of responsibility to his family and his caring nature that drove him to use it, but it was that promise of power that made him keep using it. as the series progresses, light begins to change. he tells sayu to cook for herself, to wash her own clothes. he demands a seat with his father, and sayu pours him a beer just like she did for their father. he stops being kind to misa and begins to use her as a tool for his plans. he manipulates women in his path, consistently viewing them as tools and neglecting their humanity. the death note has given him access to manhood and the freedom that it provides that he was denied by taking on the role of his mother. the death note teaches him that masculinity holds power, and he gladly takes hold of it.

i’m not going to reinvent the wheel and just restate what this person has said, because it’s spot on, but i will provide examples--

he tells sayu to cook for herself...

[photo: light is in the yagami household, but it's difficult to say which room. the lighting is dim and it's difficult to see much of his outfit or eyes. he is saying to sayu, "Cook for yourself for once. I'm tired."]

-- Episode 1

[photo: light, sayu, and soichiro are all in their dining room. it is very busy-looking; it's full of furniture which is lined with knick knacks and thriving green potted plants. soichiro is wearing his work clothes, including a white dress shirt, and he's sitting at the table watching his children. sayu is standing between soichiro and light, with her hands on the chair next to the table. we cannot see her face, as it is turned to light, who is in the doorway. he is wearing a sort sleeved button up, unbuttoned, with a tee shirt and jeans. we can see the strap of a shoulder bag across his chest. light is saying to sayu, "Cook for yourself, for once."]

-- Episode 2

..to wash her own clothes.

[photo 1: light and ryuk in light's bedroom, both facing sayu, who is offscreen. light is sitting at his desk, looking anxious. the shinigami ryuk is looking over him, wearing a sinister grin and wearing all black. light is saying to sayu, "Then... wash it yourself."]

-- Episode 1

...he demands a seat with his father...

[ photo: a blurry screenshot of light from the shoulders up. he is saying, "Maybe I'll have a drink."]

-- Episode 2

...and sayu pours him a beer just like she did for their father.

[photo 1: a shot of soichiro from the mid-chest up. he is wearing his white work shirt and rectangular, black glasses. he looks surprised, mouth slightly agape. he is looking at light and sayu, offscreen. light is saying, "Sayu, can I have a cup?" photo 2: the yagami family in their dining room. soichiro is sitting at the table on the viewer's right in his work shirt. one of his hands is reaching for a beer, and his other arm is resting on the chair beside him. light sits across from him on the viewer's left. sayu stands between them. she is saying, "That's unusual. Here."]

-- Episode 2

he stops being kind to misa and begins to use her as a tool for his plans

[photo: a closeup of light's face. he looks very serious, speaking to misa. we can only see the back of her head. light is telling her, "If I think you might tell them about me, I'm writing your name in my Death Note."]

-- Episode 4

he manipulates women in his path, consistently viewing them as tools and neglecting their humanity.

photo 1: a very close screenshot of Light's handwriting in the death note. in english, he's written, "Halle Lidner". below her name is some japanese handwriting. Light reads, “After coming to an underground parking lot in Yaehashi and giving the Death Note to a man waiting there,”]

-- Episode 10

but this isn’t the only option light yagami is offered. you may have noticed i went this entire post without mentioning the other major player in the tv drama: L.

a large part of what drives light to ambition isn’t just receiving the note and gaining power, especially when his memories are gone and he lacks that foundation; it’s his rivalry--and then, briefly, friendship--with L. L drives him to do better, both when he’s on the opposite team and when they’re on the same one.

unfortunately, this post is getting long and in order to do the next part justice, i need to flesh out drama L and his motivations a bit more, so i’ll be posting him as a standalone post in the coming days. it’ll cover his character development in the tv drama and how he affects light in turn up until the end.

if you liked this analysis i highly recommend checking it out HERE! thanks for reading!

#death note #death note drama #light yagami #soichiro yagami #death note analysis

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panharmonium · 5 years ago

Note

Hey! Loving the Merlin takes on ur blog, and I wanted to ask—what are your opinions on Morgana? Haven’t seen a lot of talk abt her. I loved her, esp in season 1, which is also my fav season cuz after that I feel like things started to make less and less sense, lmao. I understand her descent into villainy (mostly, but why does she start to hate Gwen so quickly? feel like that could’ve been handled better) but I would’ve loved to see some solidarity between her and merlin!!!!!

hi there! :D

so, i LOVE morgana. most of what i’ve said about her has been in the tags of gifsets that are now scattered haphazardly around my blog; i don’t think there are larger pieces yet besides my finale round-up (urgh lol), and most of that is just a function of time - i can’t possibly write expansive tracts of meta about every single merlin thing i love, because i love the whole show; i’d never leave my computer again. i generally sit down to write long essays about whatever grabs my mind at a particular moment, even though there are a bazillion other things out there i love just as much. XD

but with morgana, i also feel like part of the reason i haven’t written much about her is because up until three and a half weeks ago (....oh my god, was it THREE AND A HALF WEEKs??? IT FEELS LIKE A YEAR) i hadn’t even finished the series yet, and the whole time i was watching this show i was sort of...waiting to see whether they would finally tie her arc together. i didn’t feel like i could say too much about what was happening with her, because my evaluation of her arc was going to depend on where the writers finally chose to take it and whether they brought it to the place i thought it needed to go.

and...they didn’t, obviously, which is what i sort of suspected would happen, though i was trying to give them the benefit of the doubt all the way up until the end, because i don’t believe they ever wrote themselves into a corner with her. there were things they could have handled with more depth, definitely, but i do not believe that they ever dug themselves into a hole they couldn’t climb out of.

i. what happened to you, morgana

essentially my opinion (just mine; nobody else is obligated to share it) of morgana is this: that the series ended before her arc was over.

to me, season 5 was the nadir in our characters’ journeys. they had reached their lowest point, their...“darkest hour,” to quote the show itself. and in many familiar storytelling formats (the ones that have the most in common with bbc merlin, at least), we take our characters to a moment where they hit rock bottom, where everything is going wrong and things seem hopeless, and then we light a spark under their butts that starts the process where they fight their way out of it. the nadir isn’t the endpoint of the curve; it’s the point where characters start climbing their long, slow way out of the pit. it’s what they have to overcome in order to earn their eventual triumphant ending.

to me, season 5 was that nadir, for morgana and everyone else. i never would have imagined season 5 to be the final season of the show, if i hadn’t known it was beforehand. i would have read season 5 as the show’s ‘empire strikes back’ moment. the episode that ends with our team losing, but with a whole other episode remaining where they can fight to Make It Right.

i view merlin bbc as tantamount to a cancelled tv show, to be honest. i know that’s not necessarily what happened (though it does feel pretty weird that they officially announced S5 would be the final season only four weeks before the finale was about to air?? very bizarre), but regardless of the actual behind-the-scenes-whatever, the fact of the matter is that for me, the series doesn’t end. it stops. and those two things are not the same.

this is particularly relevant to morgana because, as you said, there are aspects of her character arc that weren’t handled as deftly as they could have been, but if the show had brought morgana’s arc to the place where it felt like they were going in 5.09, they could have rescued so much of what came before.

to get into more detail -

i think the biggest issue with morgana’s arc for me isn’t so much what she does, it’s what we’re not shown as she does it.

i fully believe that morgana would eventually start working to ensure uther’s downfall. (obviously. she’s been presented as the voice of moral authority on this show since episode one, and there’s no reason to believe that she wouldn’t ultimately start rebelling against the king’s oppressive policies.) i believe that she would reject arthur, eventually. and i believe that she would reject gwen, too. but i don’t believe the show illustrates enough how painful this would be for her, or how conflicted it would make her feel.

and again, as i said, there are my own personal opinions, couched in...some personal experience with certain kinds of family conflict - but i do understand where morgana’s bitterness toward arthur and gwen comes from. arthur, for all that he’s “a better man than [his] father,” never fully breaks with uther the way morgana does. he has his own little rebellions, yes, but ultimately he always falls in line. he tolerates his father’s actions even if he doesn’t necessarily agree with them, and he continues to support uther even after uther is revealed to have lied about being morgana’s illegitimate father. and because of this tacit acceptance of uther’s poor behavior, arthur reaps benefits and privileges galore. morgana is cast out with nothing, whereas arthur, who didn’t even take a stand for justice, wants for nothing. arthur is sitting pretty on the throne of camelot because he continued to bestow his honor and respect upon a man who deserved neither of those things, because he chose the villain of the series over his sister, even knowing what uther did to her. and that’s gutting, for her. he betrayed her.

(and there are things to be said on arthur’s end of this, too, of course - morgana doesn’t ever confide in him; she doesn’t come to him for help or give him a chance to even be informed about what happened to her before she jumps into invading camelot and dethroning uther - so for arthur, her sudden turnaround comes as a total shock, and HE feels betrayed, like he has no choice but to fight her - i mean, it’s just a big mess.)

but i understand why she hates him. he continues to stand with a man who did demonstrable evil, despite the harm that was specifically done to morgana herself. and by shutting up and letting atrocities be committed in front of him, arthur escapes the harm that morgana suffers for speaking up. i understand why morgana is so bitter about it.

and gwen is a very similar situation - from morgana’s point of view, gwen is playing the arthur to arthur’s uther. gwen sides with arthur over morgana, despite knowing full well that arthur’s policies harm people with magic. gwen abandons morgana for her love interest, and for morgana that’s just like - “why would you do that? i was your friend before he ever cared about you, i loved you before he ever did - don’t you see the evil he’s perpetuating? don’t you care what he does to people like me?”

that’s why morgana tells merlin, “don’t think i don’t understand loyalty just because i’ve got no one left to be loyal to.” she feels like everybody who supposedly cared for her ultimately dumped her because her situation interfered with their comfortable, morally uncomplicated lives. they weren’t willing to acknowledge what was done to her, and they stuck by the man responsible for it, and it seems incomprehensible to her, that they would make that choice, when his misdeeds are known and out in the open. i can’t blame her for wanting to raze the city to the ground.

HOWEVER.

while i believe that all these things are completely plausible, i don’t believe that the series shows us appropriately how these things would be tearing morgana apart inside, underneath the rage and the armored front of ‘you brought this on yourself, so burn in hell, i don’t care.’

there are moments where the show gets it right. when morgana wakes up after uther dies and says that she felt his pain - it’s not presented as gloating; she’s - almost confused. uncertain. like she doesn’t know what she feels. when she confronts arthur at the end of season 4 (i thought we were friends/as did i) there’s real pain under the surface there. when they confront each other at the beginning of season 5, too (what happened to you, morgana/i grew up) - you can feel the undercurrent of something deeper there, too. and that moment with mordred in 5.09, when he appeals to her humanity (i hope one day you will find the love and compassion which used to fill your heart) - that is an amazing scene. the show absolutely nails that moment. morgana hesitates. you can see the grief and the - the conflict written all over her face. it’s perfect. it’s exactly the turn i would have expected morgana’s arc to be taking, at that time in the series.

but then the show just stopped. and without taking morgana’s arc further - without following it through all the way to its conclusion - there’s never any resolution to all the ways the show dropped the ball earlier. all the moments where morgana appears to be just...evil-smirking her way through her revenge, the way she suddenly seems to have no feelings for gwen whatsoever, the utterly lost opportunity that was the “enchanted gwen” arc (which could have been such a powerful exploration of their broken relationship) - all those could have eventually made sense and fit into a narrative where morgana’s conflicted feelings finally begin to escape the stranglehold in which she has them choked, where we start to see the pain of these destroyed relationships rising to the surface.

i can understand how morgana would just - shut off her feelings about these people. she had to close her heart to them - the alternative would have been too painful. but underneath - we know it wouldn’t be that easy. we know it eats at her. and it’s just - so incredibly frustrating that the series was starting to go there - the moment with mordred in 5.09 feels like the beginning of morgana’s big crisis of faith - and then the show just Stops.

so the thing about morgana for me is that, like you said, the show does drop the ball on illustrating her quick descent into evil-villain territory, and they especially drop the ball on her break with gwen, but all of it could have been salvaged, if they had committed to following her arc all the way through to its conclusion. instead they chose to kill her (and everybody else, lol) just as her deep-rooted internal conflicts were finally starting to rise to the surface.

ii. we can find another way/there is no other way (aka the merlin problem)

i’ll say right up front that anything i say here is, as always, just my personal interpretation of things. this is not necessarily the One True Way this show is meant to be understood; it’s just my own preferred read.

i have definitely seen some things in my brief foray into internet fandom that are sort of...piling on merlin for abandoning morgana or “gaslighting” her, most of which seem to be centered around the beginning of episode 2.03, which is weird to me, because the whole point of that episode is that merlin does help morgana, in the end - he’s the one who doesn’t gaslight her. he defies gaius and takes her to the druids, specifically so they can tell her yes, she does have magic. he tries to distract the attacking knights in order to enable morgana to escape with the druids permanently, like she wants. and when the attempt fails, and they’re brought back to camelot, he comes to morgana’s chambers specifically to check on her and to assure her that he won’t reveal her secret to anyone, and she’s grateful for this - she thanks him, she’s appreciative of everything he did for her, she feels comforted to know the truth and to know that someone else knows it, too. this episode ends with their relationship at a high point - it’s overwhelmingly positive, and it doesn’t take a nosedive until 1.12, when morgana gets in way over her head and merlin thinks she’s trying to murder them all. (and even in that episode, it’s worth it to note, merlin is still covering for her magic in front of arthur, giving her chances.)

(and obviously also, of course, the end of that particular situation gets Real Bad Real Fast, which could be a whole post in and of itself, so let’s stay focused on the earlier eps, for now.)

the criticism of merlin in those earlier episodes seems to stem solely from the fact that he doesn’t out himself to morgana, which i can understand - i mean, i like the idea of a ‘merlin+morgana secret magic squad’ AU as much as anyone - but i’ll be honest and say that nowadays, i’m not quite as willing to condemn him for it as i might have been on my first viewing.

i’m not willing to condemn him for it at all, actually.

(and again - as i said, these are my own opinions! everybody else is welcome to have different opinions! we all engage with media differently, and there isn’t a right or wrong way to approach this situation, just whichever way feels best to you.)

so, for me, i’m not interested anymore in telling merlin that he should have revealed himself to anyone, at that point in the story. it would be different if he had been like - continuing to tell morgana ‘oh, no, you don’t have magic, don’t be crazy,’ or if he had been pretending to hate magic like everyone else so he could blend in, but he doesn’t do that, at the end of the episode. he sends her to the druids. he chases after her when he realizes she's in danger. he openly acknowledges her magic, he supports her in having it, he makes sure she knows she has nothing to fear from him. by the end of 2.03, he’s gone to great lengths to help her; he’s already made certain that she knows he’s on her side and that she can trust him. she clearly knows that he accepts her and that he supports her - those are his responsibilities to her as a fellow human and as a friend, and those are exactly the responsibilities he makes sure to fulfill. she knows her secret is safe with him.

now - whether or not merlin feels safe enough to out himself, after making sure morgana knows he accepts and supports her, is his own business.

i think there are a number of reasons why it wouldn’t be fair for me to criticize merlin for continuing to conceal his secret, the first of which is something i already mentioned in another piece - that a marginalized person’s first responsibility is to their own safety, when forced into hiding under oppressive social conditions. merlin isn’t obligated to reveal himself for anybody. he’s not obligated to put himself in danger out of some kind of...responsibility to the community. (not at this point, anyway. it gets more complicated later, as merlin becomes more powerful, which i also address in that other piece, but that’s all in the future for him and not relevant at this moment.)

i think it would be easy for me to forget that merlin isn’t safe, in the early seasons. we’re so used to thinking of merlin as ‘the greatest sorcerer to ever walk the earth,’ because that’s what we keep being told he’s going to become, but again, that’s all so far in the future for him. merlin in the early seasons can do some things with his abilities, but not consistently, and not to the level where we can reasonably expect him to resist the entirety of camelot’s army, if they were to come for him. merlin is in real danger, and he’s not evil for being unwilling to share a secret about himself that would ensure his death, if it somehow got back to the wrong people.

second - i don’t think it would be fair for me to discount merlin’s personal history, either. merlin’s life didn’t start in camelot, and he hasn’t even been in camelot for all that long, comparatively, by the time we get to S2. season one takes place over a few months, starting in either spring or summer and ending in the fall (after the referenced harvest in 1.10/1.11, but before winter sets in). the weather is nice by time season 2 starts, so we can probably assume that S2 takes place once winter has passed (although, it’s technically possible that S2 takes place over the same autumn as S1, I guess...but it’s not made clear to us, timeline-wise.) either way, we just really have to remember that merlin’s stay in camelot by the time we reach 2.03 is still this blip compared to the rest of his life.

it would be very easy for me to say that merlin should have told morgana, that there’s no way she would ever have given him up - and i probably would have said that very thing, after the first time i watched the show - but like - nowadays, i really think i have to step back from that certainty and be a little more gentle. we say we “know” that morgana wouldn’t have willingly betrayed merlin’s secret at that point, and sure, i agree, that’s probably true - but does merlin know that?

of course not!

i think he hopes that. i think he would dearly like to believe that. i also think merlin grew up in a situation where he couldn’t fully trust even the people he’d known all his life, with two (vital!!!) exceptions, and he has been in camelot with a bunch of brand-new people for less than a year, and he can’t be certain of them, however much he wants to be. (and that’s not even considering the possibility of accidental betrayals, or coerced ones - remember, the witchfinder shows up in S2 also, as just one example.)

remember that exchange merlin has with freya, later this season?

“you can’t always trust people.”

“i know. that’s why i left home.”

merlin is not used to showing himself to people. he has been taught all his life to NEVER, EVER show himself to anybody. everyone in camelot who finds out about his magic finds out either by accident (like gaius or lancelot), or necessity (like freya and gilli - though gilli is interesting, because i think merlin’s decisions there are motivated precisely by the choices he didn’t make with morgana - which i’ll go into more later).

in twenty-odd years, merlin has only ever told one person about his magic. and even that generous assumption requires a little bit of inferencing for us to determine, though i think it’s likely enough, if not confirmable.

(i am, in case it’s unclear, referencing 1.10, when merlin is explaining to will why hunith sent him away to camelot: “when she found out you knew - she was so angry.” that, to me, has always been a signifier that merlin told will about his magic, as opposed to will finding out by coincidence. i know there are a lot of headcanons floating around out there about various...accidental situations that may have occurred which forced merlin to reveal his magic in front of will, and those are all obviously totally fun to play with, but after hearing this particular line - i never understood that to be the case, to be honest. we’ve seen hunith enough to have a pretty solid understanding of her character. she and merlin are always easy and gentle together, she’s so kind and calm and thoughtful - i can’t imagine that she wouldn’t have understood, if there had been some kind of accident that forced merlin’s hand. she’d be just as afraid for his future safety, of course, and she would have wished he’d told her right away, but she wouldn’t have been “so angry.”

...she might, however, have been “so angry” if she’d found out that merlin had specifically undermined every sacrifice she’d ever made to keep him safe/ignored every single one of her warnings/rejected every cautious thing she’d been telling him for his entire life and TOLD somebody about his magic when it wasn’t remotely necessary. that’s the only scenario i can imagine that would prompt merlin to say “she was SO angry” in that half-awed, half-intimidated tone, with that little headshake, like it was such a singular event, like it’s still formidable for him to remember.)

so anyway, that said - it’s too easy for me to say ‘he should have told morgana/gwaine/gwen etc; they would never have turned on him,’ as if it would have been such a simple thing for him to do, as if there were no dangers associated with their knowledge even if they would never have willingly given him up, as if he was refusing to do it because he didn’t want to, or because his fears were overblown, or because he was foolish for thinking they would ever hate him for his gifts. i think that really minimizes the reality of his struggle, and the danger of his situation. without the pressure of some crisis to force his hand, merlin has only ever willingly revealed himself to one person. that person is dead. that person died specifically ensuring that merlin could stay safe and hidden from the rest of the world, morgana included - merlin’s continued secrecy is a gift that was bought at an impossibly high price, and it’s not simple for him to contemplate squandering it, especially with no guarantee that things will turn out okay.

because there IS no guarantee that things will turn out okay! a lot of the “merlin should have told morgana” online talk centers around the idea that knowing about merlin’s magic would have kept morgana from feeling alone/betrayed, thus preventing her from turning to the “evil” methods she uses later, but again, i don’t think we actually know that at all. solidarity between merlin and morgana would have been a nice thing, definitely; i’d like to see that too, but i don’t think the fact that she and merlin are both magic-users would have guaranteed harmony between them. merlin and gilli are both magic-users, too, and merlin expects this to be enough to convince gilli to “see the light,” but the fact of the matter is that merlin and gilli just have very different ideas about what it means to do the right thing. merlin thinks it means biding his time and waiting for change to come from the top (because he’s been TOLD by greater powers that this is the right course of action, of course; let’s note again that merlin’s situation is extremely complicated) whereas gilli thinks that doing things merlin’s way makes merlin complicit with an unjust regime. gilli says ‘i shouldn’t haven’t to wait for someone else to give me my rights. i’m going to take them myself.’

the fact that merlin and gilli share a bond as magic-users doesn’t protect them from an ideological divide that puts them on different sides of the same struggle. i’m not sure that merlin and morgana wouldn’t have still ended up in the same situation, eventually, if merlin had chosen to out himself to her - but doing so would certainly have made him a thousand times more vulnerable to attack.

third - it’s also important to remember that if we’re going to hold merlin to this rigid ‘he should have told morgana everything/confided in her/trusted her at the expense of possibly his own life despite the fact that she exists at the completely opposite end of a rigid social hierarchy as him and he’s known her for less than a year’ then maybe we ought to raise the bar for morgana, as well. morgana is very clearly shown to trust and appreciate merlin at the end of 2.03, but by 2.11, when alvarr and mordred show up and convince her to steal the crystal of neahtid, she doesn’t hesitate or come to merlin at all, despite the fact that we never see him do anything to lose her trust between then and now. she never asks him for help, even when she’s uncertain about alvarr’s methods, and that leaves merlin in the dark, only privy to confusing images of her sneaking around and acting suspicious. and even with that, merlin doesn’t condemn her for what she does, the same way he doesn’t blame her when she tries to kill uther in 1.12 - he helps arthur retrieve the crystal, but he doesn’t give morgana up. and he doesn’t hold any kind of grudge, either - in the next episode, merlin doesn’t even suspect her, at first - he thinks it must be her magic protecting her; he doesn’t even consider the idea that she has anything to do with the illness, not until kilgharrah tells him.

and even after that, he STILL covers for her in front of arthur, and he gives her a chance to come clean to him - but she doesn’t take it.

i’m not condemning her for that - i get why she would be afraid to admit to such a big mess - she was in way over her head and didn’t know what to do. but if we’re going to cut morgana this much slack and accept her fears as a valid enough reason to block a potential moment of connection, then we have to accept that merlin’s fears were valid, too - morgana’s descent into “villainy” was not something we can pin solely on merlin’s already overburdened shoulders. the end of season 2 was not some kind of one-way failure.

in summary: merlin and morgana were trapped in an impossible situation. they were both victims of the same oppressive regime, and both of them had very real, very dangerous obstacles to letting themselves trust in and reach out to others, and i think pitting them against each other while forgetting who the real villain was is unfair to them both.

also, a brief postscript: circling back to the first section of this piece, where i talked about how season 5 just stopped before anyone’s arc was finished - merlin and morgana could have had so much more, if we’d gotten another season. their relationship is really in the pits, by season 5, but there is this deleted scene where arthur is reflecting on what happened to morgana and blaming himself, and merlin says arthur shouldn’t take the blame, that “there were others better placed to help morgana” (implicating, of course, himself) and that was SUCH a jumping off point for their story to have continued. merlin wanted to do better by her. he blamed himself for what happened to her. and morgana, for her part, was starting to question herself, as we saw during her confrontation with mordred in 5.09.

there were places for this relationship to go. it wasn’t a lost cause. but the writers decided that it made more sense to just...eliminate everybody at the exact moment when things were poised to possibly change.

the story wasn’t over at the end of season 5. but the show was, and i am always going to regret those many lost opportunities.

#the once and future slowburn #meta #replies #long post

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