#wait why the fuck is it trending

[sparkdoesart]

Hey guys look its my favorite asexual character haha dont know why i felt the need to specify that!!!

Anyway what the fuck

[pixelephant]

finally started watching iwtv

[this-is-a-name-dont-worry]

hm having thoughts bout making a boy who went forth to learn what fear is eah oc now

[myqueenalicent]

What’s happening here??

[tenrose]

So the critics were right about the secret history... It was good.

[randomnameless]

Eh, i'm not sure i agree with the point about needing to have scenes where characters who did bad things apologize to the people they've hurt, especially when it can be inferred that they did so off-screen; Iruka wasn't in the war, Kurama and Naruto only go back to the Leaf after a timeskip, and then there's a 12-year timeskip in chapter 700, and Kurama could have easily apologized to Iruka for what he did during either of those timeskips, especially after Naruto reignited his faith in humanity. Characters can change, regret bad things they've done, and apologize to the people hurt by said bad actions, and i don't think it's necessary to have scenes where they list off all their regrets and apologize to everyone they hurt on-screen.

Also, i don't recall there being any proof Obito had anything to do with starting the Blood Mist tradition, though i could be wrong on that.

Also also, i don't remember the scene very well, but it's fine for Naruto to call Kurama a brother after they spent 12 years being on very good terms and the two of them being nothing but helpful to each other; it's bad if he says that he was one of his first bonds, sure, since that's blatantly wrong, but if he just said that he grew a close attachment to Kurama after all they went through in the og series, that seems perfectly fine to me.

In regards to the Raikage scene, Naruto wasn't arguing that he should forgive Sasuke outright, just that he shouldn't go out and kill him because that'd just cause the people in the Leaf who still cared about Sasuke to hold a grudge against the Cloud, which could spiral into something much worse given enough time; he never tells Ay that Sasuke should go completely unpunished for what he did, just that there's no reason to put out a kill-on-sight order on him.

With the convo between Naruto and Nagato, while it is kinda underwhelming, i think it still works decently, though not as well as Obito's; Nagato's worldview had just been shattered by not only being beaten despite considering himself an almighty god above humanity, but also by Naruto, someone whose life he'd just ruined and who admitted to hating him, refusing to act on his anger and wanting to listen to his side of the story, before proclaiming that he'd find a way to succeed where Nagato had failed and end the cycle of hatred. While it's a bit of a stretch that being proven wrong about being above humanity and seeing one counter-example to his theory that people can't truly understand each other and will always fall back on their anger caused him to change his mind as much as he did, i wouldn't call it a “bad” convo.

It's long so I'll put it under a cut!

Eh, i'm not sure i agree with the point about needing to have scenes where characters who did bad things apologize to the people they've hurt, especially when it can be inferred that they did so off-screen; Iruka wasn't in the war, Kurama and Naruto only go back to the Leaf after a timeskip, and then there's a 12-year timeskip in chapter 700, and Kurama could have easily apologized to Iruka for what he did during either of those timeskips, especially after Naruto reignited his faith in humanity.

Sure anon, but imo, it reads as another dark spot against Kishi's manga -

There wasn't enough screentime for the victims to gain reparation, but we always had the adequate screentime to get the villain's backstory?

As I said in an earlier post, we're eons away from Part 1 Gaara who, just after being beaten by Naruto, apologises to Temari and Kankuro while they're taking him away.

The anime and the manga are different, I know, but even Pierrot (who did wonders for this verse!) had time to show Ino'n'Sakura arguing about a trinket to offer to Naruto and Hinata for their wedding, but no time for, idk, while Naruto isn't sure he should ask Iruka if he can act as his "father figure", Kurama trying to resolve the situation and/or thinking he might be the problem because he killed Iruka's parents all those years ago and deciding to apologise for doing so - with Iruka basically rehearsing what he said in the very first chapter, Naruto is Naruto and Kurama is Kurama, he would have came to the wedding regardless of anything, but he is glad Kurama is now someone who can worry for others like Naruto, and not only the person who killed his parents -

I mean, something, anything else than "and they made up off screen during the timeskip when Naruto gave free wifi access to Konoha".

Also, i don't recall there being any proof Obito had anything to do with starting the Blood Mist tradition, though i could be wrong on that.

I've checked the wiki (i know :() but I was under the impression the Bloody Mist era started when Yagura was the 4th Mizukage? And when we know Yagura was manipulated through Genjustu by Obito...

It's funny because in Boruto we have his grandson (?) who says his family was basically ostracised in the Mist because of Yagura's actions - I guess no one told him or the people of the Mist that Yagura wasn't the demon and despot everyone remembers him as, he was acting like this because he was being controlled ? By Obito?

Grandson dies in the Boruto plot, so hopefully, no one will ever give a fuck about this "who did the Bloody Mist" anymore.

In regards to the Raikage scene, Naruto wasn't arguing that he should forgive Sasuke outright, just that he shouldn't go out and kill him because that'd just cause the people in the Leaf who still cared about Sasuke to hold a grudge against the Cloud, which could spiral into something much worse given enough time; he never tells Ay that Sasuke should go completely unpunished for what he did, just that there's no reason to put out a kill-on-sight order on him.

My Bad, I misremembered!

However, Naruto's pleas are completely worthless because, while I know "death for death" isn't solving anything, Ay's brother was killed by a member of Akatsuki - the same organisation Konoha (and Naruto himself!) has been hunting for years know.

Sasuke's situation is a bit complex, but usually, the second someone joins the Akatsuki, they're a missing nin, a criminal and are marked as threats who have to be supressed.

Sure Hidan'n'Kakuzu happened before Naruto talked to Pain, but I doubt Naruto stopped by the village of Waterfall to talk to people who loved Kakuzu to "break the cycle of hatred" and not take revenge on Konoha.

I don't remember if it's during this moment or later, but Naruto basically pleads for Ay to apply a double standard because Sasuke is his friend.

This is where Naruto as a manga completely fails, and the issue that brought this entire discussion lol - characters face no consequences for their actions, especially when it comes to dealing with victims of said actions.

In his novel (iirc?) Sasuke behaved like an adult - or the better man compared to Naruto - and ultimately went to Ay to apologise for his arm, the Kage Summit and everything else, and Ay accepted his apologies.

With the convo between Naruto and Nagato, while it is kinda underwhelming, i think it still works decently, though not as well as Obito's; Nagato's worldview had just been shattered by not only being beaten despite considering himself an almighty god above humanity, but also by Naruto, someone whose life he'd just ruined and who admitted to hating him, refusing to act on his anger and wanting to listen to his side of the story, before proclaiming that he'd find a way to succeed where Nagato had failed and end the cycle of hatred.

This is the petulant child/tantrum I was talking about, I'm sure if Nagato accepted to listen back the Tsunade instead of Shinra Tensei'ng her to oblivion, he might have had a change of heart, but he was full of himself because of his might in a "might makes right" mindset - as you pointed out, he believed himself to be a god, so he had to be beaten up before finally being willing to listen to people.

I liked the part where Kurama came out during their "discussion", I remember when the raws (a very long time ago lol) were released people were wondering if Kishi made a blooper with Naruto's eyes, but no! Kurama, was also pissed at his story/discourse!

Naruto being the better man/the adult and not bashing his head in was a great sign of maturity from his part* - but then everything failed, because that discussion he had with Nagato about the cycle of hatred and his backstory was... only between him and Nagato.

Nagato solves this issue before it can arisen, but when Choji will ask why his father died, what Naruto is going to tell him? When Sakura will ask for some sort of reparation/justice/consequence against the man who killed both of her parents (assuming they were in the village when it was destroyed), what is going to happen?

Why only Naruto, as a victim, was allowed to get closure/an answer for Nagato's crimes, and not the 48752 other victims who might have had the same grievances?

And again, the cycle of hatred created by Nagato broke, the second he died to resurrect everyone - so there's no hatred to deal with. Naruto had to deal with his own hatred and sadness, accepted to listen to Nagato, and Nagato "undid" all the hatred he created and on top of that, dies, so no one will ever talk him shit for what he did (and undid). That's it.

We don't know if Sakura would have reacted like Naruto, if Shikamaru would, if Chouji would etc etc.

I know the manga is called Naruto and not Choji, but when the answer is supposed to be an answer for the world, it's completely ridiculous that Naruto gives it, and later forgot to tell to the rest of the village what was the result of his discussion, instead basking in the fame of "having defeated Pain".

There's no greated discussion between Naruto and his friends and the village council or whoever about what happened to Pain, what was the "cycle of hatred" and how to prevent future Pains from popping up.

*even if I prefered Asta's version, but in this specific Naruto situation, instead of listening to Nagato's answer and ultimately only talking about Jiraiya this and Jiraiya that and forgetting the 2k people who died due to Nagato's warped vision of "peace", Naruto could have thrown him his og head protector, the thing he received from someone who should, by all means, hate him because the demon inside of him killed his parents - but no, that man put an end to that cycle and became the first person who ever acknowledged him and became his family - and in his trantrum, Nagato killed that man.

of course this entire arc was build around a "child of the prophecy" bullshit - which later needs zombitachi to remind Naruto that no, no one can do anything alone, they need to be surrounded by people and rely on them - so the "you gave up on ending the cycle of hatred but it doesn't mean you should kill anyone who still tries to get rid of it, like Jiraiya, Iruka, random konohasian 86 or even me" since only naruto/nagato had to have the answer, but well, to be fair, that arc and its entire premise was pretty shitty to begin with.

While it's a bit of a stretch that being proven wrong about being above humanity and seeing one counter-example to his theory that people can't truly understand each other and will always fall back on their anger caused him to change his mind as much as he did, i wouldn't call it a “bad” convo.

His theory completely sucked, because wow very surprising, when you kill someone's loved one that someone is going to be pissed.

Sure that's his entire backstory and motto, iirc, some konoha loldiers accidently killed his family (they thought they were other people?) so in the shortcutted Uchiha deduction by Tobirama (tm), the more you love, the more you're going to hate.

Also, the "people can't truly understand each other" theory is rich coming from the guy who hired a psycho like Hidan.

But in general, in Naruto, there's this weird conflation between "understanding" and "accepting" - people can and will understand each other by fighting, and the loser (if he survives) will understand the winner's pov? Or he died, so he accepted it ?

Take post Pain Arc Naruto, if he met, for some reason, Hidan who didn't die before. What was he going to say? To understand with a guy like Hidan? Would he be worried about spreading the cycle of hatred?

Would Naruto tell Shikamaru not to kill Hidan, the guy who nearly had a boner when he executed Azuma?

What did Pain/Nagato (or even Kishimoto in this manga) meant by understanding?

[release-the-hound]

Biscuit's bloodwork came back. Liver values 2x what they should be. Nothing to do but wait a month and recheck to see how they're trending.

In the meantime here is a sploot:

[sassmill]

When you want to visit the Alhambra but mom’s like “we got the Alhambra at home”

[rainingincale]

Bro no joke, forgetting that not everyone hates capitalism and then having to try have a reasonable conversation with someone about buying things... *eye twitch*

[coby-noyve]

MY FRIEND TOLD ME TO TYPE IN ALL CAPS TO GET ATTENTION SO I AM

DID YOU KNOW THAT A CHICKEN CAN SURVIVE DAYS WITHOUT A HEAD??????

A CHICKEN IN INDONESIA LIVED SERVERAL YEARS WITHOUT A HEAD!!!!!

[hirookouji]

social media aus are lame until i say so. for example, kagami would definitely be popular in america when hes in the nba

[silouvertongues]

sooooo glad i stopped watching jjk after the first episode i would've died tonight if i was actually into it

[parkersbliss]

you lock the 141 outside your house (I know my rights tiktok)

pairing: task force 141 (ghost, gaz, price, soap) x american!female reader 

synopsis: you lock them out of your (their?) house, claiming you "know your rights." based on a tiktok trend with soldiers.

warnings: none just fluff and humor :)))

a/n: I wrote this in like an hour and I think it's the funniest thing EVER thanks

Masterlist | Taglist | Prompt List

requests open for tf141!

SEE TIKTOK HERE

—

Ghost: 

You watch as your boyfriend gets out of his truck in the driveway. He grabs his bag from the passenger seat and makes his way to the front door, a smile twitching under his mask at the sight of you waiting for him. 

Just as he steps to the porch, you close the door and lock it. “I know my third amendment rights!”

Ghost stops at the door, dropping his bag. Rights? What were you talking about? “Your what?” 

“No Soldier shall, in time of peace, be quartered in any house without the consent of the owner,” You reply, reading off your phone. 

Ghost sighs. Third amendment? Of course, the one American he dates is the one that has them all memorized. You could probably recite them in your sleep. Patriotism, or whatever. Which makes zero sense. You were living with him in Manchester. If all went well and you got married, he was making sure he changed your status to British. 

“You fucking Americans.” He grabs the key from his bag, going to unlock the door only to find you locking it. “Are you serious?”

You show your phone at him through the glass, the third amendment displayed on a Google search. He stares back at you from his mask, unamused. “Bloody hell, woman,” he mutters. 

You giggle from behind the door and give him a few more minutes before going to unlock it. You knew Simon’s limits. You only needed a few seconds of fun anyway, but by the time you unlock it, he’s gone. 

“Simon?” You call out, poking your head out the door and checking around the house. His truck was still there, so he didn’t turn back around. You don’t see any movements or even hear anything. Was he picked up by aliens? 

A thud sounds from behind you, and you yelp, shutting the door and turning around. 

Simon stands in front of you, arms crossed and his duffel bag on the floor.

“What the hell?” You said, looking him up and down. 

“I should be asking you that,” He retorts. “You should really lock your windows, love.” 

“Are you… did you climb through one?” 

“You locked me out.” 

“I went to unlock it!” 

“Third amendment rights, my arse.” He grabs your waist, pulling you towards him. “We’re in England.” 

You shrug, tracing up his arm. “Thought it was funny.” 

Simon just sighs. “Americans.” 

Gaz: 

“Oh, hell no!” You exclaim as Gaz approaches the door. “I know my third amendment rights.” The lock clicks. 

“No fucking way,” Gaz said, strolling up to the glass storm door. 

“No soldiers in this home.” 

He stares at you, his hands on his hips and that signature scowl on his face. There was no way he was coming home to this bullshit right now. “Open the door.” 

“No quartering soldiers without my permission,” You replied. 

Gaz rolls his eyes. Your home? He was pretty sure his name was on the mortgage, even if you were living in it 90% of the time. “I own the fucking property! I live here. You’re the guest.” 

You shrug, grinning. “Not anymore.” 

He runs a hand down his face. Sometimes just sometimes he regrets finding your stubbornness so damn attractive.  “I’m going to crash out, actually.” 

“Crash outside? Yeah.”

“Let me in!” He shouts, grabbing the door handle and jiggling it. 

“No!” You shout back, holding onto it and preventing him from entering without your permission. 

Gaz leans against the glass. “Remind me why I chose to date an American?” 

You smile at him. “Because we’re funny, and we have better Chinese food.” 

He glares at you, trying to unlock the door again. He groans when there’s no avail. “Babe!” 

You say nothing, finding his annoyance quite amusing and a change of pace for once. 

And then he actually crashes out, grabbing the handle and pulling, twisting, pounding at it. He yells a string of curse words and then starts banging on the doorframe. He gives up, frowning, and leans his forehead on the glass. “Please?” 

You unlock it. “Thought you’d never ask.” 

He storms inside, throwing you over his shoulder. “You are so in for it.” 

“I like where this is going,” You giggle as he throws you on the couch. 

He raises a brow, hands coming to your waist. “Yeah?” He starts tickling you. You yelp, laughing under him and trying to push away. 

Gaz doesn’t relent and continues tickling you even after you’ve pleaded with him to stop. “You lock me out of my fucking claim it’s your right,” He mutters. “Consider this my very reasonable punishment.” 

Soap: 

“I know my rights!” You shout, watching Soap approach the door. 

He stops in his tracks, tilting his head. He had no idea what you said. The poor guy could barely hear from all the bombs going on around him, and you shout through a door? Good plan.  “What are you on about?” He asked. 

“There will be no soldiers in my home!” You close the glass door and lock it. 

He approaches the front door, staring at you through the glass. His expression is clueless, brows furrowed. “You mean our home?” He knocks on the glass. “Can I come in?” 

“Nope!” 

He frowns. “Why?” 

“Third amendment.” 

“Amendment?” He scoffs. What the hell are you talking about? Is this what he gets for dating an American? You start proclaiming your rights? What’s next, the pledge of allegiance? “Are you taking the piss? Does this look like the land of the free?” 

You giggle at him, his accent thickening with his frustration. “I’m still an American!” 

“Trust me, I know! Can I please come inside?” 

“No soldiers allowed.” You tape up a piece of paper displaying those words. 

Soap continues frowning at you and realizes he isn’t going to be let in anytime soon. It’s a good thing he knew how to easily change that. Americans and their rights. More like Americans and their feelings. He sits down on the porch steps, facing away from you, rests his chin in his hand, and sighs loudly. 

You don’t budge. 

He sighs again, kicking his boots on the porch, turning back at you with sad eyes. Still nothing. He concludes there was one last option to get you to let him in. He grabs his phone, and you watch with furrowed brows as he types something in. Suddenly, music is blasting from his phone as he looks at you with the biggest puppy dog eyes ever. Not just any music, but the sad hamster violin music. 

“Oh my god.” You unlock the door, opening it up to him. “You’re such a baby.” 

He practically skips inside, pressing a kiss to your cheek. “Your baby.”

Price: 

Your husband stands on the porch, rolling his eyes at you.

“I know my rights!” You shout at him through the window. 

“Do you, now?” He asked, playing along with your prank or whatever this was. If it brought you this much amusement to lock him out, he might as well indulge in it. That was the kind of man he was. Until he started freezing of course, then he would demand you let him in. 

You nod your head. “As an American, amendment 3 of the Bill of Rights says that I don’t have to house you if I don’t want to.” 

Price hums. At least they taught you something in American schools. “Does that extend when you’re in another country?” 

“It does to me.” 

He huffs, grabbing something from his pocket and displaying it to you. “You know I have a house key, yes?”

“I’ll just lock it again.” 

He tilts his head at you. You were really trying to sell whatever rights you thought you had. “Really?” 

“I’m taking this very seriously.” 

Price strokes his beard. “I can see that.” An idea pops into his head, and he steps away from the glass and in front of the door. You didn’t want to let him in? That’s fine. You wanted to lock the door? No problem. He’s got methods of entering from being in the military, after all. “Guess I’ll just have to kick down the door.” He raises his foot, fully intent on doing it. You were going to repaint the door anyway, might as well get a new one. 

You swing open the door. “Are you crazy?” 

He strolls past you. “Did I lock you outside our home? Besides, crazy would’ve been bombing the house.” 

Your lips parted, unsure if he was joking. You assume he is, but his expression says otherwise. “Are you being serious?” 

He laughs at your face, grabbing your hand. “Only if you start proclaiming your rights again.”

You put your hands up. “What rights? Suddenly, I’m feeling like this soldier can stay as long as he likes.” 

Price presses a gentle kiss to your lips. “Thought so.” 

[a-b-riddle]

Okay, but having to explain “the bear vs the man trend” to the 141.

CW: Sexism, harm against women.

Johnny’s immediate reaction is the man. “The man’d be easier to kill. Dinnae ken if I could fight a bear.” He answers. “But what kind of bear is it?”

You have to explain that killing either is not an option. The prompt is would you feel safer in the woods with a man or a bear.

Gaz asks if the man is armed because that could play into a factor for him. You say both have the ability to inflict harm to you and kill you. Now you just straight up ask which one?

Simon would unfortunately understand why you chose the bear, but waits until you have to spell it out for the others.

"As a woman, the worst thing a bear could do to me was kill me." You explain. You tell them about some of the other things women felt when choosing a bear.

The bear would look at me and see a human.

The bear would kill me for survival. The man would kill me for pleasure.

I trust my dead body with a bear more than I do a man.

They say nothing as you read the reasonings out loud. They understand your reasoning and the subject changes.

It's not until it's close to ten in the evening that you see Captain who was the coincidentally missing turning the hangout with the others earlier.

"Captain," you greet. "Is everything okay?" You can't help but notice the crease between his brows. The worried look in his eyes that gives him away.

“Just, a quick question if you don't mind." He said, waiting for confirmation to continue. You nod, curious as to why he had come all the way to your barracks.

"I spoke to the lads and well-" He clears his throat. "Hypothetically, if we were in the woods,” Price began, feeling foolish for asking you, but needing to know. “You’d pick us? Knowing it was us and who wer are. Right?” His question was more than just would you choose them over the bear.

Did you trust them?

In truth, you trusted them with your life. They had your back time and time again and you just never got that vibe from them. They were never "boys being boys" in the same way you had grown up knowing men to be.

"Boys being boys" around here was when one of the shadows had made a sexist remark so Johnny sneaking into their bathrooms and giving one of their three toilets an upper decker.

Ghost had played bodyguard after that, ensuring none of them dared to fuck with you.

Kyle had went into psychological warfare by finding pictures of the women they had back home and printing out the photos and hanging them up all over the base.

And Price had some choice words with Graves ensuring that the next one of his men to step out of line would get a fucking bullet to the head.

There weren't many men in this world who ever made you feel safe not only as a fellow soldier, but as a woman.

"Yeah," you reply. "I'd choose you."

[writingfromasgard]

[141 + Konig] Surprise! I'm Naked

Masterlist

Synopsis: You've been watching videos all day when you come across a genre of people surprising their S/O in lingerie at unexpected moments. You decide to give it a try.

John MacTavish

You decide to surprise John when he comes in from grabbing a meal with his work buddies. You're laying out on the couch, watching a TV show and nibbling on a snack or two.

This man slams the door shut, blue eyes turning a shade darker when his eyes land on you. "Got some new clothes?"

You laugh at the joke and he's joining you on the couch, pushing one of your legs off while he tosses his own clothes off

Simon Riley

There's nothing more he loves than seeing you lounging around his place, totally relaxed. When he finds you on his bed, a flimsy, cheap lacy ensemble, his mouth runs dry.

He chooses to wait to touch you, giving you a little show as he peels off his clothing. His hand smooths over his Adonis belt, gripping his cock. "Little minx, you see what you've done?"

You swoon as he climbs over you, testing the strength of the material - he's happy that he was right about it being filmsy. Knows you like when his biceps flex when he tears it in one go, fucking you with the tattered remains hanging off your body.

John Price

John is stepping out of the shower when he sees you on his side of the bed. You aren't naked - not completely. You've got those stockings he loves on and his hat. He chuckles, swaggering over to you with his smile.

"What's this, doll?" He asks, tilting your chin up with a finger. You smile just as big as his, spreading your legs open. He drops his towel, grabbing your thighs.

He doesn't mind getting on his knees to lap at his favorite meal as long as you keep his hat on while he does it. The minute it falls off, he's going to show you how good of a day he had.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

You've thought and thought about how to surprise Kyle - when he's home, he's always loving on you. It's hard to sneak away until finally another trend catches your eye - naked yoga. You've never done yoga a day in your life but that would surprise him.

You buy a yoga mat, set an alarm to a few minutes before he's about to get home and turn on a random yoga video on YouTube. You hardly notice him come in until the door slams shut.

Kyle comes up behind you as you're sitting with your legs together in front of you, gripping the back of your knees. You pretend you're focused. He surprises you, pushing gently on your back, "Babs, you can do better than that."

He's helping you get a little further than you're actually attempting. The routine shifts into a standing. One leg is in front of you while the other is behind, stretched out as you feel your thigh muscles straining. He's right there again, hip pushing you to move to a deeper stretch. "Gotta get you limber for everything I'm going to do to you when you're done."

König

You've never slept with König which is exactly why you want to try surprising him with your nude so maybe the big lug will get it. You're wearing a trenchcoat as you show up to his home. He eyes it but doesn't say anything.

You step in and follow him to the living, getting nervous. The couch creaks as he sits down, expecting you to join him for the movie he lined up. You stand in front of him, ripping the proverbial bandaid off and dropping the trench coat.

You can tell he doesn't know where to look - how to react until he's leaning forward with admiration in his eyes. "This is all for me, Sonnenschein? For me?" You laugh at his reaction and he drags you down into his lap, sucking on your breast immediately.

You gasp, grabbing hold of his hair to tug on it. "Thank you. Thank you so much. This is all for me.." He groans, bullying his fat cock into you as he continues to thank you.

[ryukatters]

swipe right — k. bakugo x fem! reader

✮ a/n: i remember seeing a post on here a long time ago about a character making a fake tinder profile for their gf and realizing how many people want her. (if someone knows the OG post please lmk so i can link it!) so now i present to you: bakugo falling to his knees in the middle of your apartment bedroom for the exact same reason.

✮ content/warnings: dubcon, quirkless/college! au, jealousy, possessiveness, breeding, creampie, unprotected sex, cum eating, cunnilingus, overstimulation, praise, biting, bkg gets a little rough with you, and bkg's also a fucking simp but when do I ever write him as being otherwise??

✮ summary: your boyfriend decides to make a fake tinder profile for you just to see how many matches you get. he comes to a realization just how many other people want what’s already his.

✮ word count: 4.2k (i'm so sick)

Bakugo can remember how this all started. In very vivid detail, actually. He remembers because Kaminari had pissed him off so much to the extent that it took him a very substantial amount of effort to refrain from bashing his friend’s face in.

It all started during the last monthly hangout amongst Bakugo and his friends— one day out of the month designated to make sure that they all had time to catch up with one another despite their busy schedules.

Everything was normal, with all of them getting more than enough of their fill of food and alcohol while idly playing video games and talking about random topics to fill in the silence in Kaminari’s living room. 

Perfectly normal, until Denki decided to open his stupid mouth, at least. 

He goes off on a tangent about a trend he saw on social media where someone makes a fake Tinder profile for their partner to see how many matches they’d get. He proceeds to tell Bakugo that he should try doing it, for “funsies,”— to which Bakugo scoffs at. 

“Aren’t you curious, Kacchan?” Kaminari smiles cheekily, wrapping an arm around his blond friend’s shoulders, seemingly oblivious to the fact that Bakugo’s becoming visibly more upset with every passing moment. 

“Your girlfriend is really pretty,” Mina chimes in, sticking her tongue out when Katsuki whips his head to glare at her. “I’m still surprised she’s with a grump like you.” 

Kaminari butts in, “I bet there’s a whole line of guys around the block just waiting for a chance to get with her. I mean, just look at her! Hell, I’d even let her peg m—”

For a moment, Bakugo swears he wants to bash Kaminari’s face into his flatscreen. And for a moment, he lets that impulsive thought win— getting up and grabbing two fistfuls of Denki’s shirt before promptly getting cut off by Kirishima.

“Alright alright,” Kirishima forcibly pries Bakugo off of the other blond, pushing him off to the side. “That’s enough, you two. Kaminari was just messing around. I’ll admit, it wasn’t a good joke, but no need to hurt the guy, okay Bakugo?” 

Kirishima knows that Kaminari wasn’t being that serious, but Kirishima can also admit that what he had to say held some ounce of truth. And Kirishima knows Bakugo well enough to see how your boyfriend tends to be rather skittish and protective with matters concerning you— which is exactly why Eijiro had to stop him before it was too late. He really didn’t feel like preparing for Denki’s funeral or helping hide Katsuki escape from a homicide charge.

And that was that…up until a few minutes ago.

Katsuki’s tried to forget that conversation. But try as he might, his mind betrays him and can’t help but wander back to what Denki said that night.

He trusts you of course, and has complete faith in your relationship. However, he’s curious to a fault, just about perhaps too curious for his own good. 

How badly could this end?

As it turns out, this whole scheme seems to be playing out very poorly. 

Dozens of photos of you— screenshotted from your social media accounts— fill Katsuki’s screen. He had to choose photos you uploaded yourself, because most of his photos of you were either too…suggestive or too domestic (and he wants to be the only one to see you in those moments).

He swipes through “your” profile one last time before clicking “done” to officially put you on the market. And just like that, Bakugo’s met with the faces of men who are nowhere near your level. He goes through the batch of profiles, scrutinizing each one he comes across. He’s (un)surprisingly selective with the ones he chooses to swipe right on— making sure that they’re at least somewhat conventionally attractive. To his surprise (or dread, rather), his phone pings right away with a notification from someone who swiped back. Another ping. A message. 

You free tonight? 

Bakugo scoffs. He looks through the guy’s profile— a picture of him at a party with his arms around some girls, another with him doing a victory pose presumably after hiking, and one with him holding a fish. He feels his mouth curl in disgust, about to give into the urge to reply and give this guy a piece of his mind, before he realizes he’s pretending to be you. He takes a deep breath, closes out of the app, and puts down his phone. 

He’s starting to regret this.

Bakugo’s phone has gone off 15 times in the last hour. Bakugo has also felt the need to strangle some stranger through the phone 15 times in the last hour. Your (read: his) profile has existed for less than 60 minutes, and you already have a whole address book of nobodies trying to link with you and get a quick fuck. 

He feels the familiar beginnings of a headache creeping up the back of his skull. He thinks he might need a drink. Why did he decide to do this again?

In hindsight, he probably should have known this is exactly how it was going to go down. 

What was that saying? Curiosity killed the cat?

Yeah.

He was never great at self-preservation in the first place. So this, the feeling of overwhelming jealousy, frustration, possessiveness brewing up a storm threatening to pour out of every single fiber of Bakugo’s being— was no surprise.

He watches as the numbers at the bottom of his screen increase steadily, before tapping on the star icon. 

‘99+ likes!’ it reads. Over 99 people who saw your profile and thought you were beautiful. Bakugo pales, and he can feel the cold sweat building on the nape of his neck. He grips his phone, knuckles turning white. Is he shaking from anger or nervousness?

Anger because all these guys think they even have the slightest chance with someone as amazing as you. Nervousness because what if you decide that they do? You wouldn’t actually leave him for one of these guys, right? Right?

None of these men would walk through hell and back for you. They don’t know how you like your coffee, the details of your skin care routine, how you like to binge watch shows and talk Katsuki’s ear off about them (not that he ever minded, of course). They don’t know you, not like he does. Katsuki looks at you like you hung the moon. In fact, he’s pretty convinced that you did. Everything good in his life— the warmth, the color, the joy,— is encompassed by you. He’d be damned if he lets some greasy little nobody take that from him. Because the moment Bakugo fell in love with you, you became a part of him— inextricably and indefinitely. Loving you has become so intrinsic to him, that even the mere thought of another person loving you or looking at you the same way he does has him going insane. Not that anyone could love you like he did, though. That thought brings him some comfort, but not for long. 

One last notification he sees sends him spiraling. Bakugo swears that he can see red. That’s when he deletes the app, and throws his poor phone in some random corner of the living room, which is markedly one of the smarter choices he’s made as of late. He marches to your bedroom with a fire burning in his chest. 

He stops short of the door and finds you sitting at the edge of your shared bed, fresh out of the shower. You’re applying lotion, and he watches the cream absorb into your skin wordlessly, in awe at how overwhelmingly beautiful you manage to look in the most prosaic of tasks. For a second, he almost forgets the reason he was upset in the first place.  

Your hair is still damp, water droplets accumulating at the tips, and Katsuki feels his mouth run dry the minute he watches a stray bead fall and make its way down your neck and stop perfectly in the dip of your collarbone. Your very existence is forever etched into his heart, every inch of you carved into his memory, but even still he can never get tired of looking at you. At every angle, in every lighting, he needs to see you in it. You could call him obsessed, but he’d simply laugh and agree, because what’s so wrong with that? Especially if it’s you. 

You’re one to be studied— to be adored, Katsuki thinks, to the greatest capacity. It’s what you deserve. And what better person for that task to fall upon than him?

He finds himself naturally gravitating towards you, his finger tracing the same exact path the water had carved just moments before, wordlessly. You try to pay no mind, but it’s difficult as you realize just how close Bakugo was and how your towel barely manages to cover up your most intimate parts. One wrong move and you’d be exposed. With how things were playing out, and the predatory glint in the blond’s eyes, you don’t think your boyfriend would be too perturbed with your current predicament. 

Katsuki presses a delicate kiss to your forehead before he crouches down. Suddenly, you’re at eye level with one another, his hot breath tickling your lips. You think for a moment he’s going to kiss you so you lean forward, lips waiting. But he merely grazes them before he sucks a deep bruise into the juncture of your neck, biting slightly. 

You’re barely given any time to react before he’s grabbing the hand that’s securing your towel and ripping it away, the offending garment falling off your body. Your flesh prickles with goosebumps as its exposed to the sudden chill.  It’s quickly replaced by the heat of Bakugo’s body as he pushes you lightly, your back hitting the mattress. He crawls on top of you, muscular thighs on either side of your hips, your head placed conveniently between his forearms. He’s trapped you, a nonverbal challenge for you to try and escape. 

You’re a work of art, he thinks, but much more valuable than any pièce de résistance framed in any museum. 

Beautiful, yes, but far too blank for his liking. He wants to ruin you, make you his own personal magnum opus. And so he does. 

He presses a clothed knee against your bare cunt, pressing firmly. His lips continue their assault on your neck, leaving angry purpling bruises in their wake. Rough hands find your breast, and you moan in surprise when he gives both of them a harsh squeeze as he shoves his tongue into your mouth. Katsuki kisses you like a man dying of thirst, hungry for everything you can offer him and more. It’s all too much already, the way he’s kissing you has your mind reeling, and you have to turn your head away for a moment to catch your breath. Katsuki thinks it’s a moment too long without you, so he coaxes you into locking lips with him once more. A wave of mischievousness washes over you, prompting you to take your boyfriend’s lower lip in between your teeth, biting down lightly. 

You feel his breath hitch, before he lets out a low groan as he grinds his clothed dick against your bare wetness. He returns the favor, sucking on your bottom lip before letting it go with a wet pop. He pulls back with a lazy smirk, his lips pursing together to scatter messy kisses down the base of your throat and down your chest, alternating between sucking and biting at the flesh. 

He gives you a good once-over, scanning every surface, committing them to memory. You feel the need to curl into yourself with how intensely those vermillion eyes are piercing into you, memorizing every single curve, scar, freckle like he’s done time and time again. 

He drops down to his knees, broad shoulders bullying their way in between your legs, forcibly prying them open. He grips your hips, fingertips digging into the soft flesh, and drags you down the mattress until your legs are dangling off the bed.

“Jesus, Kats, be more gentle.”

“Shhh. I know you like it when I’m not gentle,” he chuckles. As if to prove a point, he pulls you down even further, giving a harsh bite to your inner thigh. He smiles deviously when you yelp. You try to pull at his hair but his reflexes are too quick, pinning both of your wrists down on either side of you easily. “Besides, this is the perfect height for me to eat you out, dontcha think baby?” 

You want to chastise him for being so crass, so Katsuki, but the words die on the tip of your tongue the minute he gives a sweet, loving kiss to your clit, sucking lightly. 

“You’re mine. I don’t want anyone else seeing you like this except for me.” 

You’re not entirely sure what brought this on, but you find it hard to complain when Bakugo drags his tongue from your throbbing clit to inside your pussy, drinking everything you have to offer. 

Your hands automatically try to find purchase in his blond locks, struggling against the vice grip Katsuki has on your wrists. He decides to take pity on you, loosening his hold so you can slip your hands into his hair, moaning appreciatively when he feels you tug. He rewards you by flicking his tongue on your clit over and over again, just the way you like it. He does it until your moans begin to pitch higher and higher, the same way that they do when you’re close. He doesn’t stop his ministrations even after you cum, riding out your orgasm until your thighs are shaking from overstimulation. He pulls away from you with a loud pop, taking in the sight before him. 

He runs a hand up and down your thigh soothingly. “So fucked out already and we’re barely getting started, baby.”

Your mind is barely processing his words before you feel Katsuki’s erection brush against your stomach, his clothing haphazardly discarded on the floor. He taps the head of his dick against your clit to tease you, a feeling of satisfaction swelling when you cry out from under him.  

He watches in fascination as strings of your arousal cling to him. He positions his length at your entrance, locking eyes with you as you hold your breath in anticipation. Katsuki likes you like this. Needy for him. 

 “You’re the most beautiful girl in the world, you know that?” He slips into you with a stuttered groan. 

Katsuki’s always been big. You never get used to the initial stretch, no matter how many times you two fuck. Still, that doesn’t stop him from sliding in with ease from the slick of your last orgasm. It easily coats his cock as he gives a few experimental thrusts. He groans in rapture. How do you manage to feel so good every time? It’s enough to drive him insane. Perhaps he already is. 

“So fucking perfect, no wonder why all those losers want you.” He mutters out the last part, and you’re not sure if you caught that right. 

“What?” He chooses not to respond, and you aren’t given the opportunity to think any further before your legs are thrown over his shoulders, Katsuki’s weight effectively pinning you in place. The stretch knocks all the wind out of your lungs, and all you can do is cling to Katsuki, nails leaving red, angry lines on his well-defined back.

He wastes no time before he starts drilling into you, hips slotting in between your legs perfectly. The position has him pressed against your clit, and your entire body feels like it’s been set ablaze, with Katsuki holding both the power to have it burn even brighter and the ability to extinguish it. And you’re almost there, you can feel your soul slowly ascending, your room filled with hymns of pleasure, the coil in your stomach winding tighter and tighter, threatening to unravel along with your sanity. Katsuki can feel it too— the way you’re squeezing him tighter, how your gasps and moans have climbed just a note higher, how absolutely ruined you look, how he’s responsible for your current state. Which is exactly why he wants to push it even further, he wants to see how much you’ll break for him— and only him. 

Katsuki cuts you off right before you can reach your peak, pulling out but making sure just his tip is inserted. You come to and take a look at your lover and marvel at the sight. He has a crazed look in his eyes. The way he smirks is absolutely wicked. 

You feel distraught— having been so close but having it ripped away from you. You give your boyfriend a petulant pout.

“Katsuki,” you whine, slapping a hand against his sweaty chest, “Why’d you stop? I was so close!”

“Because I didn’t want you to cum yet,” he says simply. “You’ll be good for me, yeah? I’ll give my baby what she deserves, as long as she’s good.” 

You roll your eyes, huffing. That won’t do for him.

As much as he loves seeing you indulge, he feels a need to punish you— at least a little bit to even begin to atone for being the wicked temptress you are. 

“Don’t be a fuckin’ brat,” Bakugo growls, gripping your face with one hand, squishing your cheeks, causing your lips to purse slightly. “I said be good, okay? Wanna take my time with you.” 

There’s a moment of respite, until you sigh in defeat, knowing better than to argue with him lest you wanted to dig your own grave. “‘Kay, ‘ki.”

He flashes you a smile. Obedient, just how he likes you. “Good girl.”

Katsuki draws his hips back, thrusting just enough to fuck his tip into you. He’s teasing. The amount of willpower on his end it takes not to cum is nauseating. 

“You’re so pretty, aren’t you?” he rasps, one hand finding their way around your neck, squeezing just enough to make your head spin. Your hands reflexively grab his wrist. 

All you can manage is a fucked out moan. Katsuki has to resist the urge to coo, about how he’s managed to turn you into a cockdrunk mess in such a short matter of time. The wave of possessiveness that’s been gnawing at the depths of his soul begins to seep out, and he’s reminded of the reason why the two of you are in this position in the first place. 

He gives your throat another squeeze and a rough slap to your clit. “C’mon princess, answer me. Say it.” He slowly adds more and more pressure until your ears grow hot and air feels like a precious commodity. 

“I-i’m pretty,” you manage to gasp out, tears spilling from your lash line as you begin to lose yourself between the space of pleasure and pain. 

Good. Always so pliant for him.

“That’s right, baby,” he concedes. “So fuckin’ beautiful.” He punctuates the last word with a deep thrust, right against that spongy spot that feels so good. You’re so sensitive that it’s enough to send you spiraling into your second orgasm, walls spasming around him uncontrollably. 

Katsuki stills, staving off his own release with all the restraint he can summon. He silently thanks whatever divine forces are out there that he didn’t cum the minute he felt the first clench of your orgasm. 

He grits his teeth as he wills himself to move, trying not to get lost in the wetness that envelops him. You’re babbling now, senseless moans filling Katsuki’s ears like a sweet melody. 

“Kats, please, I’m too sensitive—” You’re shaking now, muscles trembling with every thrust. 

“But I’m not done with you yet,” he says simply, drawing his hips back with a particularly rough thrust. You choke back whatever you were going to say with a loud cry. “What’s your color, baby?”

You take a moment to answer, brain trying to comprehend the words just uttered to you. You look at Katsuki firmly, “Green.”

“Atta girl,” he praises, the drive of his hips beginning to shallow. He’s close, and he doesn’t know how much longer he can hold out. But for you, he tries. “You’re mine, right?”

“Yes,” you breathe out, shivering as goosebumps dance across your skin. 

“Say it,” Katsuki pleads, thrusts growing sloppy by the second. “Say you’re mine.”

“I’m all yours, ‘ki.” 

With that, Katsuki’s fate is sealed. He’s left groaning as a flash of pleasure shakes his very soul, filling you up with so much cum that it dribbles onto the mattress even while he’s still inside you. You follow suit, an embarrassingly obscene rhythm of squelching noises fill the silence as you spasm around his dick. He collapses on top of you, but he’s still coherent enough to not dump all his weight on you. 

Your labored breaths fill the room as the two of you come to. Katsuki pulls out of you with a wince, still a bit sensitive. He gives you a peck on the lips before he drags himself down, settling in between your legs much like he was earlier. 

You tense up, “Kats, wait—”

Any and all protests cease the moment Bakugo works his tongue inside of you, slurping lewdly as he drags out the mixture of your cum and his, swallowing. He tries not to stimulate your puffy clit in an attempt to be merciful, but you still feel yourself steadily climbing to what would be your fourth orgasm this session. While the past three have been intense and drowning, this one comes to you in waves, dull pleasure invading your senses as Katsuki continues to eat you out to clean you up. 

He pulls away when you finish, your slick and his saliva coating his chin before he wipes it off on the back of his hand. You stare at his half-hard erection with a half concerned, half quizzical look. “Do you…” you lick your lips, “need help with that? I’m a little sensitive down there  but I could use my mout—”

“Nah, I’m good babe,” he says earnestly, flashing you a smile that he only ever shows around you. “I’ll be back.” With that, your boyfriend leaves the room only to come back with a bottle of water. 

“Drink.” You comply, finishing half the bottle graciously before handing it to him. He downs the rest before he settles next to you on the bed, laying on his side. You mirror him, shifting your body so that you’re both facing each other. 

Katsuki reaches out, finger idly tracing random shapes and lines onto the bare skin on your hip. He has a pensive look on his face, one that he usually doesn’t hold after stolen moments like this; it’s an expression he wears when he’s in deep thought. 

“Baby,” you call out. His eyes snap to yours, eyebrows raised.

“Yeah?”

“Whatcha thinking about?” You watch as a hesitant look flashes across your boyfriend’s face before he shakes his head.

“S’nothin’. Just thinkin’ about us two.” He speaks lightly. It’s always been difficult for him to voice his inner thoughts and feelings, so he tends to beat around the bush. You’ve learned that if you ever want something out of him, you’d have to pry a little. Katsuki always indulges you though. 

“What about us?”

“Do you- do you think you’ll ever get tired of this?” He repeats himself, clearing his throat. The question is followed by a weaker, “...of me?”

You think it’s the most ridiculous question he’s ever asked, because the answer should be obvious. “I’d never get tired of you, Katsuki. I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” he replies automatically, “but if I ever do anything that upsets you, or if I get too much for you, or if I—” he’s rambling now. Yes, it’s difficult for Katsuki to talk about his feelings, but once you manage to get him to open up, all the walls of his self-made fortress come crashing down and it’s up to you to pick up the pieces. 

“Baby,” you giggle, pressing a kiss to his lips, cupping his sharp jaw with one hand. “Look at me.” And he does— ruby eyes meeting yours. “I love you because you’re you. And I choose to be with you everyday. It’s not always gonna be perfect, no relationship is. But I know that I will always wake up and choose you.” 

You can see the anxiety melt away from Katsuki’s body, shoulders slumping as he lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. 

“Love you too, sap,” is all he says before he’s pulling you against his chest, squeezing you into a bearhug. You two stay that way until both of you are lulled to sleep. 

You’re laying in bed with Katsuki, both of you dozing off when you hear a slight buzz from your phone on the nightstand. You squint as you try to read the notification, and make out that it’s from your friend.

Denki Kaminari: So did it work?

You bite the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from laughing, giving a quick glance over your shoulder to check on your boyfriend— fast asleep. You turn back to your phone, your thumbs making quick work at your keyboard. 

You: Just like I said it would. Thanks Denki :)

Writing belongs to @ryukatters. Please do not share my work on Tiktok.