#wait hold on ive just thought of something
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just-dreaming-marvel · 1 day ago
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Love That Burns ~ Ending 2 ~ 46
LOVE THAT BURNS MASTERLIST
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< previous chapter
Word Count: 3,320ish
Summary: They finally make it to North Dakota.
Warning(s): lots of movie dialogue, canon violence, injuries, talk of suicide
Reminder: I DO NOT do taglists. Please don’t ask. Please follow and interact! I appreciate any reblogs, likes, comments, and asks!
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Logan’s thoughts were focused on you despite the fact that he was digging a hole for Charles. Charles’ body was still in the bed of the truck. Laura was still holding onto your body in the backseat. Your body that had yet to go up in flames. Every part of Logan’s mind, body, and soul ached. The damage that his duplicate had done to him where barely healing and his cough was worse than it ever had been. But his focus was still you.
There was no doubt in Logan’s mind that you felt the claws enter you and believed it was him. It was a terrible thing. He needed you to come back so that he tell you it wasn’t him. That he would never have hurt you like that.
Laura watched through her sunglasses as Logan dug the hole, wrapped Charles up in the blanket, and then carefully lowered the man down. Logan finished covering Charles up before walking around to the other side of the grave. His limp was worse and his breathing was labored. Laura slipped out of the truck, taking care to not jostle your body too much and walked over to Logan.
“Well…” Logan spoke up. “It’s got water, and…” Logan’s voice cracked, causing him to sigh. Laura quietly came up beside Logan and gently held his wrist. “It’s got water,” his voice broke again. 
He exhaled sharply, slamming the shovel down before ripping his wrist out of Laura’s grip. Logan walked over to a nearby tree, leaning against it. He closed his eyes, trying to deal when everything, when Laura screamed. Logan’s eyes snapped open to see Laura rushing towards the truck that was now on fire. Logan raced over and grabbed Laura from behind, pulling her away from the flames. She kicked and screamed as she tried to get out of his hold.
“She’s gonna come back, kid!” He shouted over her screaming. “She’s gonna come back.” Logan fell to his knees, keeping Laura against him. “She’s gonna come back… she’s gonna come back… We just have to wait…” Laura stopped fighting, realizing that Logan was rocking her back and forth, repeating, “she’s gonna come back, she’s gonna come back.” 
Laura let Logan hold her as he continued to rock back and forth. Laura watched the fire die down, leaving the truck frame and your ashes. It wasn’t long later when Logan coughed and he fell back, his grip leaving Laura. She turned around to see that he had passed out. 
Looking around, Laura noticed a man and his dog, heading to go fishing. She snuck over their and stole the truck, bringing it over to where Logan was. As she got out of the truck, she heard a gasp and more coughing. She rushed over to see you laying in what remained of the back seat of the truck. Laura climbed up so that you could see her.
“Laura,” you rasped, her blurry figure in your vision. “Laura.” 
Something felt off about this regeneration. You were more tired and still felt some pain. 
“Laura…” you breathed out. “Lo—Logan…”
But then your head lolled back and you were passed out again. Laura found some extra clothes in the stolen truck and dressed you. Then Laura used her strength to place you and then Logan into the bed of the stolen truck. She drove to the nearest town and found a doctor. The doctor quickly took you and Logan back to different rooms. He placed IV’s in both of you before going to take care of Logan’s slow healing wounds. 
Laura was told to wait in the lobby, but she made sure to stay close enough to hear what was going on in the rooms you and Logan were in.
~~~
Logan groaned as he came to. His vision was blurry but it didn’t take long for Logan to realize that he was in a doctor’s office. He coughed, signaling to the doctor that he was awake.
“Welcome back,” the doctor said, moving his chair closer to Logan. “I was starting to think I was gonna have to tell that nice little girl out in the waiting room that her daddy’s gone…. I’d always hoped that I’d get the chance to meet someone like you. There’s so few of you left.”
“Nice to meet you, too, Doc,” Logan groaned as he sat up. “But I really got to get on my way.” He broke into a fit of coughs.
“No, no, don’t do that. What you need is rest and treatment. And your wife—“
“My wife?” Logan took an intimidating step towards the doctor. “Where is she?”
“The—the next room.”
Logan threw open the door and rushed into the next room. There you were, breathing and physically there. Logan collapsed into the chair beside the table you were laying on. One of his arms moved to lay across your torso as his other hand moved to your head.
“It wasn’t me,” he whispered, voice broken. He didn’t even bother to stop the tears that fell from his eyes onto your cheeks. “It wasn’t me, sweetheart… It wasn’t me.”
Laura walked over from her seat in the waiting room to watch the interaction. The doctor gave her a kind smile before gently shutting the door behind her. She stayed against the wall, not wanting to do anything to mess this up.
“It wasn’t me, baby,” Logan continued to cry.
“Lo—Logan?” You rasped, slowly waking.
“Honey,” he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “I’m so sorry. It wasn’t me… I promise, it wasn’t me.”
“The claws…”
“They had a—a copy of me. I don’t know how. He looked like a younger version of me. He… He killed you and—and Charles.”
“No. Charles?” Tears slipped down your cheeks.
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”
“Laura? Where’s Laura?”
Her quick feet moved to be on your other side. Laura’s hand took yours, holding it tightly.
“They tried to take her and you,” Logan told you. “I… I almost lost you to them, baby… I almost lost you.” 
Your eyes looked over the scars and bleeding wounds, covered in bloody bandages, across Logan’s chest. It broke your heart to see him like this.
“I’m here, Logan,” you whispered. “I’m right here.” You gave Laura’s hand a squeeze, sensing that she was struggling with the events as well.
A knock sounded at the door and the doctor slipped in with Logan’s shirt. “Here,” he handed it over. Logan took it and put it on. “How are you feeling, Mrs.?”
“I’m fine,” you responded, realizing that you were in a doctor’s office.
“We need to go,” Logan said, standing up.
“What you both need is rest, and treatment,” the doctor retorted. “Especially you.” He pointed at Logan.
“I’ll be fine.”
“No, you’re not! I mean, I know that you’re different, but that doesn’t change the fact that something inside you is poisoning you. You got to check yourself into a hospital. Find out what it is! For the sake of your family.”
“I know what it is.” 
He slid his arms underneath you and pulled you up into his chest. Laura came to his side, staying close. Laura opened the door, allowing Logan to step into the lobby with you in his arms. 
“Please, mister,” the doctor pleaded. “If you don’t want to go to a hospital, maybe I can help you. Maybe I can run some tests.”
“Look, doc, you seem like a nice guy, alright?” Logan responded. “You wanna save a life, save your own. Forget we were here. Let’s go.”
Logan coughed as he carried you outside. He paused, not seeing a familiar vehicle anywhere. Laura walked across the street, towards a small older vehicle.
“Hey!” Logan coughed. “Hey!” 
Laura opened the truck door and climbed in to the other side using the bench seat. Logan shook his head before setting you inside. You moved to the middle, still tired. Logan slid in beside you.
“You can’t just take shit, you know,” Logan grumbled. You reached over and laced your fingers through one of his hands. He glanced over at Laura. “I don’t know how you got us here but thank you.”
“De nada,” Laura replied. You looked at Laura with a soft smile.
“Yeah—You can talk?” Laura nodded, looking down. “You can talk?” Laura nodded again, this time turning to face you and Logan. “What the fuck? Why in the fuck—What’s all this bullshit been for the last 2,000 fucking miles?”
“Logan,” you tried, only for Laura to begin yelling in Spanish.
“What? Shut up. Shut the fuck up!”
“Logan,” you scolded. “She’s a child.”
“Jonah, Gideon, Rebecca, Delilah, Rictor,” Laura began stating names.
“What? Laura, who are those people?”
“Jonah, Gideon, Rebecca, Delilah, and Rictor.” She dug into her backpack and pulled out an envelope with an address on it. “North Dakota.”
“What?” Logan questioned.
“North Dakota, por favor.”
“Shit, okay. Look—“ Logan tried to grab the object in Laura’s hands.
“No. Por favor.”
Logan was able to reach over and rip it from her hands. “This place. Okay? Your nurse, she read too many stories, you understand? Too many stories!” Laura got out one of her comic books, which Logan quickly snatched away. “I’ve seen it! I’ve seen it, okay? This all here…” He flipped the pages. “None of this… No existo, okay? You understand me? This Eden does not exist.”
“Si! Eden!”
“No! It’s a fantasy, kid. See that? Those are the names of the people who jus made this,” Logan began coughing, “They made this whole thing up. Okay? This whole—It happened once, and they just turned it into a big, fucking lie!” You could tell that Logan’s words held more than just talking about Eden. “That’s all this is.” Laura began yelling in Spanish again. “No!”
“Okay, we’re done with this,” you spoke up. “Laura, stay here, okay?” She nodded. “Logan, get out of the car.”
“What?”
“Do not question me. Get out of the car.” 
Logan coughed as he opened the truck door and stepped out. You followed, shutting the door behind you. 
“We cannot take her to North Dakota,” Logan continued. “It’s a long way and I—you—we can’t do it.”
You stood there for a moment, taking in Logan’s appearance. Just since the start of this journey, you felt like he’d aged so much. You sighed, stepping closer and taking his hands.
“Do you trust me?” You asked.
“What?” He questioned. “What type of question is that? Of course I trust you.”
“Laura believes in this Eden and so do I.” Logan scoffed. “There is nothing left, Logan. Nothing and no one but us. We are not safe back at the mansion, besides the memories are too much. Laura deserves to be safe, to be free… I need you to do this for me… I need you to do this for your daughter.”
You watched as Logan’s eyes flickered from you to Laura. His shoulders sagged, admitting defeat by that action alone. He pulled you into him and held you tightly against him. 
“I can’t go through that again… any of it,” he whispered. “I won’t… I won’t survive.”
“We make sure that Laura’s okay,” you said, “then we deal with everything else.”
~~~
Logan’s blood loss was causing him to be drowsy, barely awake at the well.
“Logan,” you called his name. “Let me drive.”
“I’m fine,” he mumbled, unable to keep his eyes open.
“Pull over. Now.”
Logan sighed, knowing that he couldn’t say no to that tone. You gave his cheek a kiss as he pulled over. Laura climbed into the back of the truck and you slid out of the truck.
“Rest,” Laura urged as you went around to the driver’s side.
Logan moved over before you got into his seat. Unable to control himself, Logan laid down on the bench seat, head in your lap.
“I’ve got you, honey,” you whispered. “Just rest.”
Logan quickly fell asleep as you began driving. Laura watched from the back silently for a few minutes.
“He wants to die,” Laura stated.
“What?” You questioned, glancing back at her through the mirror.
“Charles told me. He wants to die.”
“What else did he tell you?”
“To not let him.” 
~~~
Logan woke up to his head still in your lap and you combing through his hair. There was something off though. You were no longer in the car, you were in a small cabin. You were sitting on a bed while Logan was lying down.
“There you are,” you whispered sweetly. “I was getting worried.”
“Y/N?” Logan coughed, looking around. “Where are we?” He noticed a bunch of kids, including Laura, surrounding the two of you.
“Safe. How are you feeling?”
“Uh,” he coughed, “better. How?”
“They have a serum that makes you stronger.”
Logan noticed the bottle on the table beside him and reached for it. “It makes you crazy, is what it does.”
“We didn’t give you too much. Just enough to help some of your wounds heal.”
“Where’s—Where’s Laura?”
“Asleep.” You smiled down at him. “Get some more rest. You’re still tired.”
Logan’s hands came up and pulled you down against him. “Sleep with me… you need rest too… Need to hold you.” Then Logan fell back asleep.
~~~
Logan jolted away from his nightmare, grateful that he didn’t hurt you and that you were still asleep. He looked over to see Laura staring at the two of you.
“You had a nightmare,” she stated quietly.
Logan nodded with a cough. “Do you have nightmares?”
“Si. People hurt me.”
Logan pulled you against him more. “Mine are different… I hurt people.” Laura stepped forward, digging into her pocket and pulling out the adamantium bullet. “You know what it is?” Logan reached a shaky hand over and took the bullet. “It’s made out of adamantium. It’s what they out inside of us. That’s why it can kill us…. It’s what’s killing me now. Anyway, I got this a long time ago, and I kept it as a reminder of what I am… At one point, I was thinking of shooting myself with it. But I can’t do that to her.”
Laura nodded. “I’ve hurt people, too.”
“You’re gonna have to learn to live with that.”
“They were bad people.”
“All the same.”
~~~
Logan drifted in and out for two days. You worried over him but knew that his body needed rest. When Logan finally woke, the many kids were surrounding him, clipping away at parts of his beard. You walked in on them giggling.
“Oh, Logan,” you covered your hand to try to hide a giggle.
They had cut the hair on his chin and upper lip, similar to how he used to shave. Logan pushed up and stumbled to the tiny mirror on the wall.
“Not funny,” he scolded the kids. “This is not funny!”
“It kinda is,” you said.
Seeing you smiling and giggling made Logan relax a little. It felt like it had been eternity since he had seen those.
“How long have I been out?” He wondered, walking over to you.
“Two days,” you replied. 
“What? We’ve been sitting here for two days? It’s too dangerous.”
“They’re leaving tomorrow before dawn. They’re gonna cross the border. It’s a safe haven.”
He pulled you close and brushed his lips against yours before slowly kissing you. You melted into him as the kids surrounding the two of you said ‘ew’. That didn’t stop Logan, in fact, he held you closer and kissed you more. When he finally broke the kiss, your eyes were glossy. 
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” He asked, cupping your face.
“I just… I love you,” you whispered.
Logan knew that there was more weighing on you, but wasn’t going to press. This was not the time or place.
“I love you too, honey,” he replied.
~~~
Logan sat inside the cabin and watched you interact with the kids around the fire you had started. Night had fallen and you were not about to let anyone go cold or hungry. Logan watched with growing nostalgia of a previous life at the mansion. His head turned as Laura stepped into the cabin.
“Your friends, they seem nice,” Logan commented. “Kind of reminds me of—“ Laura marched away from Logan. “Hey, hey,” he grabbed her arm, pulling her towards him, “what’s going on? Huh?” Laura ripped her arm out of his grip. “You’re with your pals. You made it.”
“Where will you go?” Laura asked. “You and Y/N?”
“Nearest bar, for starters.” Laura rolled her eyes and turned away. “Hey, we got you here. That’s all we signed up for… I even gave back the money.”
“Such a nice man.”
“Hey, I never asked for this! Alright? Charles never asked for this. Caliban never asked for this. And they are six feet under the ground! Y/N could have been added to that! Now, I don’t know what Charles put in your head, but I am not whatever it is you think I am, okay? I only met you, like, a week ago… I am not good at this. It’s better this way. Bad shit happens to people I care about… Y/N… It’s selfish to keep her with me. But she’s the only one who can handle me. You don’t need that kid. You don’t. You understand me?”
“I understand.”
~~~
Logan found you on their look out point, all my yourself. You were staring out into the night sky. He made his presence known as to not sneak up on you before he wrapped his arm around you and pulled you back into him. You leaned back further, letting yourself enjoy the small moment of peace.
“You should go with ‘em,” Logan whispered.
“What?” You said, immediately turning gin his arms.
“You should go with them… be free. Make sure that Laura is taken care of.”
You shook your head. “You are crazy to think I’d leave you. Especially to die alone.”
“You don’t need to watch me die, honey. It’s not gonna be pretty.”
“I don’t care. As long as we live, remember? So was that some promise you made a few days ago just to ease your own guilt?”
“Y/N—“
“No! I will not leave you.” His cupped your face to catch the tears falling down your cheeks. “Please don’t ask me to.”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart… for everything… I wish that I could have been a better husband… that I could have provided for you better.”
“You did what you could, and that’s enough for me.” 
He pulled you in for a heated kiss. “I can be more,” he whispered against your lips. “Tonight… let me be more.”
“James… you are already more than enough.”
~~~
Logan woke up in the look out to you on top of him. He kissed your head and carefully moved you off before going to look around. It was eerily quiet. The kids—Laura—were all clearly gone. On one of the tables sat the bottle serum with a note that said ‘not all at once’. Logan sighed, looking from the bottle to you. This bottle could help him and you through his last days. 
He walked out to see more of the view when drones sounded from over head. Drones flew over and towards the forest. Movement of dirt caught his eye, making Logan limp towards the binoculars. There at the other end was military grade trucks going through the forest. It was Alkali, going to get the kids. Logan glanced from you to the bottle of serum. You weren’t as fast as him and he couldn’t risk you. Logan grabbed the bottle, the syringe, and knelt beside you.
“I love you, baby,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to your head. “I’m sorry… I hope one day you forgive me.” He gave you another kiss before he was rushing towards the forest.
next chapter >
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burning-thistles-bt · 2 years ago
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THAT OTHER PERSON BEAT ME HERE ABOUT TO SAY THAY EARRIP IS CREEKFLOWER X LONGTAIL -Frostfur hater anon
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how does it feel to be the correctest ever
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xxplastic-cubexx · 2 months ago
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alternate apocalypse ending or something who the hcrist knows anymore
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sea-buns · 1 year ago
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Holy fuck, man. What a trip Fearne has been on, huh?
You tell her how grateful you are to have her in your life, you flatter her, you tell her you need her, that you have to do this together. You have her make a promise that has this woman, born of chaos and fey, agreeing through shaking hands and a trembling voice.
You make her deceive your friends; you make her follow where they cannot know; you make her help you into this contraption; you make her feed this thing into you despite the fact that you both have been warned extensively of the risks. You make her watch you crumble and splinter and shatter and fracture and burst and implode. You make her watch you die, over and over and over and over, for a minute in agonizing bullet time.
You make her do all these things, because when she tries to back out, when she tries to not be the one who let you do this—how could you do this—
you tell her, "YOU PROMISED."
Because if there's one thing you know, it's that the fey do not break a promise.
#cant wait for her to fucking pissed for a very long time. shes really packing the entire human experience in a very short period of time.#critical role#cr spoilers#c3e77#fearne calloway#ashton greymoore#bells hells#just gonna get ahead of the um actually mfs and state that i am aware that its not confirmed that thats why ash brought up the promise#but boy howdy would it make for some great drama down the line huh?#edit: apparently i did not get ahead enough cuz ive had to turn off replies#since ppl were somehow interpreting this mini introspection piece as me infantilizing fearne??#anyway the first line is now changed to something a bit more neutral. after sleeping on it i do see how it was a bit aggressive at the top#other than that im not sure how else to reword without completely disregarding the core of the post#i might make more posts addressing this but im not sure yet. i wanna try to approach it in the best way possible.#but if it helps any the point of the post was not to say fearne had no agency. she had plenty of moments where she tilted one way or the#other. the POINT was to just shine some light on the emotional pressure she had been put under.#hasnt your friend ever asked you to keep a secret or promise that felt wrong or unsafe or made you anxious?#it has nothing to do with the amount of agency she had. ash wasnt holding a knife to her throat and forcing her to follow against her will#all i was trying to do was take this detail about his reminder of the promise that i thought was interesting and have some fun writing an#overview of the kinda stress she was under BEFORE theyd reached that scene. this entire ep was everyone discussing how grateful they were#for this family theyd made. and while im not saying ash was PURPOSELY emotionally manipulating fearne..#there is a level of unintentional manipulation when you pair the severity of his request with the convo theyd had 2 seconds prior#as well as the desperate need they all have to save each other NO MATTER WHAT.#ash was giving incredibly strong energy of a friend who peer pressures you into helping them do something that you know in your gut WILL#cause problems. hes a fucked up guy. theyre all fucked up guys. even if he didnt mean to “force” her into anything the pressure was THERE.#<- i feel like all of this overall gets my message across. i think maybe ill clean it up later into its own post.#im gonna try not to rush myself to get it done tho.#im under no obligation to explain myself. especially when ppl approach the misunderstanding by being rude af. but i do think it CAN#be clarified so id at least like to try to some degree
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famewolf · 9 months ago
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speaking of ocd, I think I'm realizing that I truly don't have anxiety and it's literally just my ocd. im not anxious about anything until it involves me and suddenly I'm spiraling
#[static]#it's hard to describe succinctly but the anxiety I deal with nowadays is directly related to my ocd and autism#some anxiety is so easy to brush off but the ones stemming from my ocd are extremely difficult to get out from under#i'll spiral for weeks about one specific thing and ruminate on it and mentally worry and pick at it forever#it's utterly exhausting jfkdghdf some days are easier than others#and often that one thing I ruminate on becomes multiple things all stemming from the first thing#like recently it's been my car ... the thing is totally fine ... runs fine drives fine but ive been freaked out by it for the last 3 weeks#every time i go into the shop theyre like ... everything is good in fact its in good condition for its age and they'll mention like#one thing that will need to be replaced to keep it in tip top condition and then my brain will fixate on it and imagine all the ways#something horrific will happen if that doesnt get changed and then that leads to all the other things in the car suddenly freaking me out#i defs used to have general anxiety and depression but those went away literally the day i got top surgery#poof instantly gone it was wild and i kept waiting for the other shoe to drop#never did but now my ocd has been really bad the last 6 months cuz of all the extra horrifying things going on#so i thought it was just my anxiety coming back but this week i realized it was my ocd and have been treating it accordingly#and ive seen some relief but i definitely need to go back to therapy once i get my insurance again#its the only way to get a hold on it and my last therapist ended up moving states so we didnt get to work on tools for it very much#im yapping at this point i just needed to vent for a second about how truly yucky ocd makes me feel
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qwuilty · 2 years ago
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Im awake again and i'm still feeling emboldened so fuck it. Posting my Postal 1 self insert, Buck
He works at a local record and CD store Dude frequents, having moved out of his hometown after a pretty bad break up and now looking to find something to keep his brain occupied from the admittedly impulsive decision. To keep with the more simple designs in Postal 1 (cause they had tiny models to work with) he just wears a black shirt, brown belt, some rolled up jeans (the fun of being short as hell), and a pair of black snow boots. Additional accessories for the art being a beaded bracelet and the lanyard he keeps his keys on. (Cause he kept. Losing the ones that didn't come on one)
He met Dude on his first day at work cause his other coworkers didn't want to deal with his 'weird' behavior, so he got sent to approach him instead and the two got along surprisingly well. They're kind of a "Opposites attract when you first see them but they're actually pretty alike" cause Buck is good at masking his anxiety but the two are able to bond over their sense of looming fear and trying to cope with that. He also tends to flatter and bump up Dude a lot, kind of sensing he doesn't have much self worth and wanting to make him feel appreciated.
(Also written out text below because my hand writing is bad </3 plus a bonus "the artists i think he listens to")
Postal 1 vision
Sometimes grows his hair out.
Coworkers sent him to talk to Dude cause they didn't want to / They actually got along well / Like 4'9" - 5'0"
From up north, not used to heat :( / Got locked out of work (again)
Also paranoia prone, just better at hiding it.
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(sadly some of my favorites are post 97 but we make it work-)
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pepprs · 1 year ago
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it’s yom kippur now and im not supposed to eat anything until sunset tomorrow but ive had a headache all day and rn its fucking SPLITTING but im 5 hours into the fast and i don’t know what to do. eating something would probably make me feel better but it’s yom kippur and i don’t have a longstanding ailment that would prohibit me from fasting or whatever it’s just i woke up with a headache that has gotten worse throughout the day and now the fast has started but it’s the worst it’s been all day. idk what to do. i need to eat something but i can’t
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perilegs · 8 months ago
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i pass pretty much all the time but hm. ive heard interesting stuff from drunk ppl i know who dont know im trans
#''haha when my bf was talking about you and i asked to see a picture he showed me one and i was like... is that right? bc i thought that was#a girl in that pic. i mean only bc i didnt expect him to have any girlypop friends haha''#yeah i mean that is an average thing to say and not mean or anything but it hits a bit different when im trans#i mean the person saying that didnt know and if they did they would have never said anything like that#but it's still a bit. hmmm.#also the topic of my looks came up and it's funny how everyone thinks i'm cute#i wish i could b masc hot but im fine with being cute. not everyone can look good the same way#but like it's so common for the only compliment transmascs get being ''cute'' for various reasons but i think in my case it's just my#wavy hair and slight babyface and round features#which yeah ok whatever i'm still young - ive got plenty of time to start looking less like a boy and more like a man#as in even if i was a cis guy id look pretty much like this#though! im only 2 years on t so i cant wait what the future holds for how i'll look :3c#well almost 2 and a hlaf but yknow#also i have a slight. can i say this. ''tranny voice'' which. slay. but i was told i ''sound like a femboy'' which#once again super funny that ppl say that stuff bc they genuinely cant tell im trans#the only reason i pass is bc i get read as [justin mcelroy voice] kinda faggy#oh that guy over there with wide hips and feminine manners and voice and small feet and hands [compared to cis men] with an apparently cute#face who doesnt seem to know anything about stereotypical guy stuff? thats a cis man#and i love that#but also one of these ppl is not cis#if you saw me irl you'd know im insanely easy to clock for trans people#but yeah whatever im just amused by all this it's kind of fun having ppl not know im trans#but also i have a new friend who doesnt know and i think i should let him know at some point if it comes up bc idk man. it feels like im#living a secret life or something. like obviously no one has the right to know im trans but. i can make the choice of wanting someone toknow#but also hes my only guy friend who lives in this city. well technically not the only one i have another friend but we never hang out irl.#anyways i dont want to ruin our broship#i dont think itd get ruined and if it did itd just mean whatever but im still scared#agh idk#leevi talks
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carrotpiss · 11 months ago
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🐰🧡🐻
#in stark contrast to most of my personal posts this is about me being happy and gay#because i need to just get it out my system bc otherwise i am just going to grab a friend by the shoulders and scream (in joy) in their face#i am dating someone and its really really nice and sweet and cute and like nothing ive ever experienced before#and instead its like every tiny little dream about this kind of thing ive managed to hold onto despite every experience otherwise and ahhhh#the lack of focus on just sex or sex appeal is so nice its like there but as a side thing so its nice and i dont feel like an object#i feel like a human person with thoughts and feelings and interests outside if that and feel safe in that and feel safe that everything wont#just be discarded if i dont want to do that like i feel like boundaries and stuff are an option! without jeopardising everything#and el likes me as much as i like them and wants and sees and communicates that they want something long term and ahhhhhhhh#i just want to cry like holy shit this is everything ive ever wondered about like i have spent so long wondering what this feeling would#actually feel like and its so good and so indescribable and ahhhhhhh#waking up on monday night and seeing them in my bed and cuddling me was just so nice i felt wanted i felt... loved#this all seems so out of left field still i still feel like i just never saw it coming but its so welxome and nice and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#my pessimism is still there but its less loud now its more learning to accept this may not be perfect forever but letting me enjoy the now#crouch speaks#it feels so nice to not be scared and to feel secure and ahhh#also it made me laugh El remembered me hitting on then at the Dgoals release show making them blush lol#i only remember the time i hit on them later at the groles show so its funny i pretty much used the same line twice and it still worked#i cant wait to see them again i cant wait to hold hands in public again i cant wait to be idiots who keep blushing too hard and accidentally#kissing eachother on the nose instead of the mouth because we are stupid and gay and pathetic about it hahaha#just ahhhh i could gush forever how perfect the 2!!! dates weve been on were and the fact they want more and more and ahhhhh#this is so lame i know i just haven't experienced anything remotely like this before and its just... wild#like wow holy shit what on earth i have been so increasingly miserablely depressed and insecure from the shea stuff last year and then this#just absolutely removed all of that i actually feel like a human person again with value
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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...
#ay ay ay. i dont wanna do my job so bad. it makes me so unhappy also i fucked up a thing by letting someone take part of a culture when i#shouldnt have. it happened so many months ago that i fucking forgot abt it and then the person emailed me abt when we received the stain and#i thought it was someone from another project so i cc'd my boss who was like. wait. what the fuck is this? and now its like oops sorry but#like wtf am i supposed to do abt it now? she askrd me to take some when i was rushing out of someone else's lab and i was like what? sure.#whatever i dont give a fuck i feel like im dying every second i stand in this room. i didnt even think to ask to share it which is what i#should have done. oops. cant do anything abt it now other than feel abt abt causing drama between labs. ugh.#i just wanna cut all ties with my old work. theres no joy there. only pain and anger. which makes it hard to work with it but the sooner i#do. the sooner i dont have to fucking deal with it anymore. ugh. also i really need to find a therapist but my insurance changes in like 18#days so i might as well wait for the semester to start. ugh. like i can feel the pull of my bad habits trying to drag me down and i dont kno#how to stop them. like its weird. i noticed while my parents were here. they can just do things and enjoy stuff. and everytime i do#something i feel like im holding my breath the entrie time waiting for it to be over and for what? its not like i had other stuff to do#i just needed to kno when things were gonna end and i dont deal well with flexible situations. which makes it hard to do things. so its#like do i succumb to my control freak lil bubble of not doing anything and being miserable or do things outside my comfort zone and be#miserable? one of those things is way easier. plus i dont even kno anyone here so its like wtf do i do?#try to make friends with my sometimes roommate maybe. i just need to corner her and be like hey i need to establish a dialog with u so i can#tell u that if i seem like a weird hermit im not trying to b standoffish i just dont kno how to do human interaction well. can we b friends?#id like to b friends but if i dont talk now then ill get stuck not talking ever. which is whats happened with past roommates... god my 1st#roommate must have thought i was so fucking weird. ugh. point is. these bad habits must stop. and i really need to get work done so i can#never think abt that shit ever again. at least now that ive moved i can run up the side of a mountain when im frustrated#unrelated
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my-thoughts-and-junk · 1 year ago
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anyway back to thinking about fionna and cake for the night because simon compels me
#random thoughts#adventure time#petribell compels me...#honestly the idea of this fifty sixty something man busting it down with a thirty something and THAT being what fixes him???#like the opposite of what usually happens#usually this would be a midlife crisis but his life is already so goddamn weird#this would be like the most normal thing he could do#it's so fucking funny like hold on#like i appreciate the jokes ive seen about simon being like a fucking horndog??? have yall seen those#just like elizabethian levels of 'this man has not fucked in centuries'#i do think that if simon and fionna got together it would very much be a 'rpg hero and his besotted wife keeping the home' dynamic#simon IS a house husband. he fucking gardens. knits.#no wait hold on how fucking funny if in the new season they address how simon is so fucking old he's gonna die like sooner rather than later#how advanced is their medical technology regarding old world humans and would simon use it#cuz like simon is human classique. his medical needs are likely very different from other future humans. even finn!#how long do humans live. are they gonna give simon a bonkers robot body#anyway how funny would it be if simon somehow got deaged and THEN he and fionna get together#marceline's just like 'you boyified my dad???'#btw if simon and fionna arent physically in the same room in the next season like at all ill be so mad#like at least have them message each other once per episode i live for their fucked dynamic#anways simon has like ten twenty years tops#will they address it or will they just like casually stay in the timeline where they don't have to think about it#DID WE SEE SIMON IN THE DEATH WORLD IN TOGETHER AGAIN#like full on i think they'll somehow make simon immortal#he will somehow deage it'll be weird#they'll do a too young it'll be great#fionna being into simon is in character for her btw as far as finns go#they're into older people like as a species#boing
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todayisafridaynight · 2 years ago
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'im gonna sleep' he lied
#snap chats#i love making the main text Bullshit and then putting the actual post below. ive said this before but idc its my art#its like... the main text is the title and the tags is the actual article.... does that make sense#i should sleep my eyes are heavy but im being tormented by concepts i want to execute#gotta apologize for all the arasawa posting as of late but ive been enabled#tbh on the lowest of keys i did post bout them on occasion in the past but. but now it's feel-speed ahead#twt has been driving me insane so i just need to hop aboard me other boat yk what im saying... please say you do i refuse to elaborate#for the sake of the people i wont but man if you know you know#anyways. the actual meat of this text post See All That Preamble Shit is meant to deter people. it is a warning#'i am bring cringe down here do not look. wait for it to be art so it's harder to ignore'#'snap i thought you didnt like sharing things if you were gonna do something with it' ok well the delusions are strong tonight#and im too tired to do anything and ill prob be too brain dead to do anything tomorrow LET ME SPEAK#ok cringe time. i just think jo gradually accepting physical affection can be something so personal and good SUE. me.#and when i say 'gradually' it will be ten years before he accepts it and even so it'll be quietly#i think by his 20's hes beyond flinching/wincing at random contact- or at the very least he's very good at suppressing the reflex to#more so if its not something like a handshake- like just casual contact- i imagine he's more confused than anything#i had friends who were obsessed with like. hugs and holding hands and those things always had me like ???#i imagine Same Shit for him ☠️ 'this isnt a bad thing but this isnt something im familiar with What Is???? this feels weird.'#im gonna make myself throw up thinking anymore about this. i be making these hardened yakuza men sweet and sentimental#twitter really is decaying my brain....#let me be worse. cause i hope arakawa introducing that sort of physical affection rubs off on jo. no where near the same level as arakawa#but itd be SOO funny if like.. jo starts walking close enough to occasionally bump shoulders with him#i hope when arakawa starts nodding off in the car and ''''accidentally''' lays his head on his shoulder he stops tensing up#heaven forbid jo even rests his cheek against arakawa. id be ill#Let Me Clutch My Pearls For This One i hope when they hold hands jo starts to hold arakawa's a lil tighter than he used to#just very /very/ little things like that. very little things that'll still make me insane I'M DELU-LU TONIGHT SORRRYYYYY#expect more of this bullshit but. in art form in the future. whether it writing or drawing idk i just need it#i need it injected right into my veins its my weakness your honor TAKE ME AWAY i AM guilty for making the scary gangsters cute#ok im pissing off fr now bye.
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wavesmp3 · 2 years ago
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am attempting to write something again! so far we have: 
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and ... ! : 
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tgcg · 7 months ago
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an open fly walking
i didnt like this one but i thought id finally air it out since its been sat in my folders for months now
TG: hey karkat
CG: YEAH?
===
TG: you ever noticed you like
TG: walk weird
CG: WOW, OKAY.
CG: HAVE *YOU* EVER NOTICED THAT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT?
TG: pff
===
TG: no listen because i got my ears scoping that shit im like a scouter for dude activity
TG: ok maybe me mentioning it to you is gonna fuck up your ecosystem or something but
TG: you have the heaviest feet of the century man
CG: I DO???
TG: just thrust them straight down into the ground like youre trying to homebrew a san andreas fault
TG: viciously tamping on tectonic plates hoping for top score on the richter scale
TG: waging war against solid particles and the basic flow of gravity
TG: i could ID those footfalls out of a million i mean it
CG: SERIOUSLY?
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TG: i mean theres nothing wrong with it but
TG: yeah
CG: I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU'RE FUCKING WITH ME RIGHT NOW.
TG: im not fucking with you striders honor
TG: when have i ever lied to anybody about anything
CG: NOT UNPACKING THAT QUESTION WITH YOU TODAY.
CG: BUT SHIT, HOLD ON. LET ME SEE.
TG: yeah take the umbrella go over there and just walk to me
CG: ON IT.
===
===
TG: see you just kinda slam em straight down dude
CG: THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY RIOTOUS FUCKING JOKE OF A LIFE.
TG: dont your feet ache
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CG: MOOT POINT. THIS MIGHT SOUND INSANE BUT I'VE ACTUALLY HAD MY STRUT PODS FOR A WHILE. ANY KIND OF PAIN THIS WOULD'VE BEEN CAUSING WOULD BE TOTALLY FILTERED OUT OF MY SPONGE BY NOW AS BACKGROUND NOISE.
TG: damn i didnt think that through
TG: my shades
CG: ALRIGHT, GET BACK UNDER THE SHITTING UMBRELLA AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME.
TG: look ive fucked myself over here too i dont have shit to clean these with
TG: ugh
===
TG: guess its karma
CG: HOLY FUCK. HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE THIS BEFORE?
TG: i dunno but im gonna assume having a dad thats a literal crab monster is probably a contributing factor
TG: im guessing thats not a great role model for this kinda thing
TG: just conjecture i mean
CG: YOUR ENVY IS OVERWHELMINGLY OBVIOUS DAVE. AS A DISCLAIMER, HE WOULD'VE ABSOLUTELY KICKED YOUR ASS.
TG: yeah probably
CG: THAT'S PRETTY MUCH ALL THERE IS TO SAY ON THE MATTER.
===
TG: but see bro had me stringent on feather feets
TG: i bet i could slip across a bike horn warehouse with nary a fucking toot
CG: HAHA. ASSUMING YOU DON'T MAKE A TOTAL ASS OF YOURSELF, AS PER USUAL.
CG: IF YOU WEREN'T CONSTANTLY RUNNING YOUR GASH ABOUT EVERYTHING AND BEING AN INIMITABLE CLOWN I SERIOUSLY THINK YOU COULD BE ON PAR WITH YOUR CUSTODIAN.
CG: THAT IS A MONUMENTAL "IF".
TG: well look at it this way
TG: im basically doing you all a favor by being a dumbass
TG: never gonna get caught off guard by the bozo patrol
CG: WOW. GOOD POINT.
===
TG: also screw this can i use your shirt
TG: this stupid hoodie is just smudging my lenses up
TG: i cant see dick
CG: UH
CG: SURE, I GUESS.
TG: cool
===
TG: so yeah i could be prowling around like a goddamn verbal assassin sniping convos left and right
TG: but no ive got the decency to go bunp in the night
CG: YEAH.
CG: IT'S DEFINITELY COMPOUNDED BY THE CONSTANT INANE RAMBLINGS.
CG: BUT
CG: IT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY RELAXING, Y'KNOW? IT HAS ITS OWN RHYTHM.
TG: see yeah i sound it off and
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TG: wait really?
CG: YEAH
CG: I DON'T KNOW
CG: FUCK. HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS WITHOUT WANTING TO CRAM MY FROND DOWN MY PROTEIN CHUTE.
===
CG: IT'S LIKE
CG: A SALVE FOR MY AGGRAVATION SPONGE.
CG: YOUR VOICE IS THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF ASPIRIN.
TG: uh damn karkat hold your hoofbeasts i was talking about the rhythm thing
CG: ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT. I'M TAKING US BOTH THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW. YOU HAVE REACHED THE BAD END OF THIS CONVERSATION.
TG: you think thatd be heroic or just
CG: IF I WAS STILL GHOSTING AROUND THE RUINS OF SGRUB'S ARCANE FRIGGIN GAME SYSTEMS, THE COMPLETE LACK OF SHIT AFOOT NOWADAYS WOULD BORE ME TO DEATH.
CG: LIKE. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME OUR THERMAL HULL LEVELLED UP, DAVE?
TG: hah
===
TG: but uh
TG: i mean we had aspirin on earth
CG: NO, NUMBNUBS.
CG: I'M SAYING YOU ARE MY ASPIRIN.
TG: oh
CG: YEAH, TAKE THAT TO THE BANK AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR 20-KARAT ASS.
===
TG: heh
TG: well get this
TG: i will literally talk at you forever for free
TG: you got lifetime priority seating for the davealogues
TG: never gotta go to the drugstore again you can just get doped up on my dulcet tones for the rest of time
TG: take that and some of this
TG: im packin punches
CG: OW, FUCK! NO! MY MIGRAINES!
CG: SWEEPS OF VEINCLOTTING AND NERVEFRAYING DOWN THE FUCKING GAPER. BECAUSE OF YOU.
CG: YOU ASSHOLE, THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME.
CG: AND YOU'RE LAUGHING.
TG: chuckle up it only gets worse from here
===
CG: BE HONEST WITH ME. DID FONDLING MY SHIRT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET EVEN DO ANYTHING?
TG: barely but yknow sometimes you just gotta deal the cards youre given
TG: ill just be astigmatic for a while its cool
CG: PFF… OKAY MAN.
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formulamar · 29 days ago
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puppy love (but it’s cats!) part 1
max verstappen x vet!yn
fc: girls from pinterest
summary: as a Monaco native, Yn has had her fair share of encounters with F1 drivers. and as a vet, she has even fostered close relationships with some of the driver's pets. what happens when she is introduced to a single Max Verstappen who has two adorable cats?
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vetyn
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liked by albon_pets and 2,568 others
vetyn we had the cutest visitor today! 🐱💗
210 comments
ynbestfriend: hard at work or hardly working 🧐
vetyn: you’re just jealous i’m not crunching numbers all day 🙄
ynsfriend: can’t decide who’s cuter!
albon_pets: Dr. Yn we thought WE were the CUTEST?
vetyn: i promise YOU ARE! also some of my finest patients 🐾
albono23: now i can’t help but wonder which sibling commented this 😭😭😭
rumorhasitf1
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liked by lion33, maxiellvr and 4,672 others
rumorhasitf1: 🚨 RUMOR HAS IT 🚨
Nearly 7 months after his dramatic split with his ex-girlfriend, it appears like Max is on the hunt for love 👀. Sources confirm the World Champion has recently joined the popular celebrity dating app Raya and he has been spotted out on a few dates. Is it possible we might see a new face in the RB garage soon?
531 comments
maxiellvr: lowkey i feel like he's going to end up dating who we least expect
30three: like Kendall Jenner or something 😭
rbgirl: no because when i saw that TikTok with his Raya profile I actually jumped!!!!
dutch1: sooooooooo who's gonna help a girl out and let Max know i'm free any day of the week!
vermax: no fr I wish he would do a Jeremy Fragrence type thing so I could apply to be his girlfriend 😒
verstappen4life: NOT THE JEREMY FRAGRANCE LMAODHJ
maxisfast: I never thought this day would come...@/maxverstappen1 OF COURSE I'LL MARRY YOU
frmlamax: yeah so, actually, he was on those dates with me sos xx
jimandsas1: hey, girly! so I know we don't know each other but...
maxstap1: dates. DATES. we all see that s at the end of DATE right? oh those lucky girls...
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vetyn’s story
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translation: “new client”
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vetyn
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liked by lilymhe, alexandrasaintmleux and 2,954 others
vetyn: joyeux anniversaire à moi 🥳 (happy anniversary to me)
it's been 6 AMAZING years of having my dream job. feeling very grateful today. can't wait to keep learning, growing and meeting adorable friends 💘
245 comments
lilymhe: LETS GOOOO YN! WE'RE ALL SUPER PROUD! (but mostly me duh)
vetyn: thank you! you're my fav! (don't tell alex pls)
alex_albon: Oh ok. Cool. We pick favorites now.
char16: now WHAT is going on in the albono house 😭
ynbestfriend: ily girl. can't wait to celebrate you this weekend 😝
liked by vetyn
alexandrasaintmleux: Félicitations, belle ❤️‍🔥
vetyn: merci belle 🥰
albon_pets: Thanks for everything, doc 🤓
liked by vetyn
ynfriend: so proud!
roscoelovescoco: All's My Love's Dr. YN
vetyn: Awwww thank you Roscoe, I miss ya!
russ63: NOW WHY AM I JUST FINDING OUT YN IS ROSCOE'S VET TOO????
ham1lton: omg yes. I believe he was the og f1-related client and then it was the albon pets
ynsister: love you. almost reunited 🇪🇸
liked by vetyn
rumorhasitf1
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liked by maxlov3r and 5,728 others
rumorhasitf1: Looks like Max Verstappen had a wild night out celebrating his 6th win of the season in Barcelona 👀
1,034 comments
rbgirl: THAT SHOULD BE ME HOLDING YOUR HAND THAT SHOULD BE ME MAKING YOU LAUGH THAT SHOULD BE ME THIS IS SO SAD THAT SHOULD BE MEEEEEE THAT SHOULD BE MEEEE
maxstap1: you're so quick with it LMFAO
maxlovescats: WOAH I JUST WOKE UP?????
butfirstmax: honestly i'm so happy for him go live your life king
maxisfast: is this like his frat boy era
hamstappen: I swear if they're back together and I threw that party for nothing
hamstappen: just kidding hehe
rbgirl: HELPPPPPPPPPP
vermax: rb pr team prob freaking out as we speak
30three: and Max is sleeping soundly
sluttycatdad: IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS
maxielno1: okay now... doesn't that kinda look like....
justaninchident: that's what I was thinking too
username: wait who
maxielno1: his ex
maxverstappen1
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liked by redbullracing, vetyn and 1,309,672 others
maxverstappen1: Barcelona, that was fun! Let's do it again?
23,672 comments
redbullracing: 🦁
rbgirl: oh trust we saw it was fun
maxisfast: 😭
maxielno1: SIMPLY LOVELY 🥰
f1fan: LETS GO CHAMP 🙌
vetyn: mega! 💙💙
maxverstappen1: 😘💙
albono33: YN?
rbgirl: idk who this is but what is happenig here....
30three: so proud of you! 🧡
verstappen4life: yes! let’s do this everytime!
vermax: great job!!!! glad you had fun 😉
martingarrix: Mate how was the club?
maxverstappen1: Pretty good 😂
f1fan: 🔥🔥🔥
somedutchguy: LEGEND
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vetyn's story
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to be continued..
⋆。°✩ ⋆。°✩ ⋆。°✩ ⋆。°✩ ⋆。°✩ ⋆。°✩ ⋆。°✩ ⋆。°✩ ⋆。°✩
a/n: y’all probably caught on already but this is set during the 2024 season anddddd i just wanted to do one part but tumblr is super annoying with the image limit 🙁 but lmk if you’re interested in a pt. 2! have a great day/night 🫶💐
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letorip · 2 months ago
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crimson & clover
“now i don't hardly know her, but i think i could love her"
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pairing: wednesday addams x mute!reader
summary: people fear that which they do not understand. it makes sense then, why you and wednesday fall in love and help each other
warnings: erm you killed a lot of people on accident, angsty in the middle there, threats of violence, descriptions of violence
word count: 5.1k
A/N: heavily inspired by black bolt, who i really do think is one of my favourite heroes. there will likely be a part 2 or 3 to this but for rn my attention is on kiss with a fist. THERE WILL ALSO BE A PART [IV] OF SOMETHIN' STUPID
KISS WITH A FIST [IV] WILL BE UP NEXT SUNDAY
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There were certain things you couldn’t have, when one had the ability to do incredible damage, if they just opened their mouth.
When you did so, on a random Saturday morning at 10 years old, and your house burst apart, it took your parents and a chunk of the neighbourhood with it in a fiery tempest that stabbed you right through the heart. You learned then, that maybe you weren't meant to have a family.
At age 12, when the kids at the Home for Outcast Children strung you up from the monkey bars by your ankles, and you couldn’t hold in a laugh from how the world looked funny when the sky looked like the floor, you learned you weren’t meant to have friends, sitting silently in the dirty crater where the playground used to be with your head tucked into your knees.
You had thought it would be implied then, that you would never have a lover, either. But then again, there was Wednesday Addams.
It was still a mystery, why she chose you. You had assumed she would want nothing to do with you just like she didn’t want anything to do with most people, and you couldn’t have been more wrong.
The both of you met about a week after she arrived at Nevermore, in the dead of night on one of the walks you always took when everyone else had gone to bed and there was no one to watch you, no one to murmur as you went past. You didn't pose a danger to anyone, then, and it was liberating and also deeply melancholic.
That was when you were most at peace. Your thoughts, even though well-reasoned, could not be expressed. You wrote often, in a leather-bound notebook you’d let no one see, but the power was given to writing through reading it, and there was no one you could have close enough to do so. It made you tired, to be around people you couldn’t communicate with. Few people wanted to wait for you to write something out on a notebook and even fewer wanted to learn sign language.
Kinbott had a dry-erase whiteboard in her office that was just meant for you and the only deaf person in Jericho, though the old man had gone missing a few months ago, without a trace. It was humiliating, at first, and you used to write two-word sentences, curt responses doing the bare minimum, often out of anger— whether it was anger from your situation or anger at being a teenager, you didn’t know— but now you could fill it with paragraphs and kept a notebook for when communication was especially necessary.
That night itself was peaceful, with gentle, twinkling stars that were only lightly polluted by the quad’s towering lamps. You could still see their faint outlines above you, with casting shadows down the lawn from the roof’s spires, and it smelled as if it were going to rain soon.
When you heard the scuttling of something on the floor, you jumped, startled, eyes shooting down to where you were certain you had felt someone’s fingers grip at your leg. Your eyes widened in surprise at the disembodied hand, racing up the uneven cobblestones and then up the leg of someone at the far end of the quad, landing finally on her shoulder.
Wednesday with her arms crossed, looking at you with a comically large bag slung over her shoulder that must've contained all of her belongings, like a runaway in the night.
Oh. That's what she was.
You blankly stared back at her, blinking at her figure. She took a menacing step forward, her grip on the bag tightening. "Are you following me?" she asked, tone icy. When you kept looking at her without so much as opening your mouth, her apathetic eyes narrowed. "If you tell anyone you saw me, they will never find your body. Don't say a word."
It was intended to be a threat, and if it had been anyone else, it probably would've made their blood run ice over just from how cold her gaze was. But you just raised your eyebrows at her, unable to stop the amusement from tugging at the corners of your lips. The irony was very far from lost on you, and the more serious she seemed the more funny the blunder was.
"What?" she snipped. "Is something amusing to you?"
Again, you could not say. You silently shook your head, tilting it then out of curiosity, and gently pointing towards the hand on her shoulder. It sat up at your attention, sending a friendly wave in your direction. Your eyes widened, waving before Wednesday could clear her throat and pull your eyes back up to hers.
Her eyes in question were dark and intense, but beautiful, even under the dim lighting, and you had to swallow what felt like a lump in your throat, in order to regain your composure. "Why are you silent?" she asked, narrowing them at you. You were under her microscope, and she scanned you, looking for anything that would impair your immediate voice.
You raised up a hand as if to say ‘hold on,’ before tugging your notebook out from your overcoat, flipping it open and pulling out your pen. With a click, you were scribbling down on the paper, and Wednesday narrowed her eyes at you again, scanning you in suspicion.
When you were done, you flipped it around, holding it up to her eyes with a gentle smile. 'Trust me, I don't think you'll need to worry about me telling anyone anything, anytime soon.'
Her eyes combed over the words, then glanced back down to you. "Why is—" she opened her mouth out of curiosity, but a heavy door slammed shut down the hall, and she whipped around before she could finish the question.
You both could hear the footsteps coming closer, and Wednesday straightened up, grip tightening on the bag over her shoulder. "You didn't see me, and you won't ever again," she said, coldly.
You nodded, not that you believed she'd make it out. You yourself had tried to run away for the first month and a half, and after long enough, one just gave up. Nevermore was hard to escape; you doubted she had readied a good enough plan in just a few days of being there. Still, you wished her luck. The forest was dangerous, and especially now.
With a final nod in your direction, she hastily walked off, down the corridor the opposite way. You watched her go, calmly sitting near the fountain. A few moments after she disappeared down a different hallway, a very tired looking Weems came down the stairs in her nightgown, holding onto a rusted lantern.
When she saw you, she sighed. "What did I say about those nighttime walks of yours, (Y/n)?"
You smiled, tilting your head to the side and shrugging at her. Weems huffed at your attempt at cluelessness, shaking her head fondly. "Just make sure you get yourself to bed soon, alright?"
You nodded, leaning back on the fountain edge and tracing the grout lines with your thumbs. Weems turned back to the hallway Wednesday went down. "I guess Miss Addams is planning to escape tonight?" But you didn't write anything down, raising your eyebrows at her as if to say 'duh.' Weems adjusted the hem of her nightgown from where it had dragged gently on the steps. "Thank you, (Y/n). I'll see you tomorrow."
She began to follow down the path Wednesday had taken, letting the lantern lead her through the dim corridor, and you silently yawned, picking up your notebook and figuring you had enough adventure for the night.
===+++===
That was your first unofficial meeting, at least. You almost forgot it had happened the following morning, except for when Wednesday showed up in class the next day looking more displeased and unhappy to be there than normal.
It was amusing how frustrated she was, mouth drawn into an annoyed line and eyes looking especially dark. When she caught your eye as she went to take her seat, you averted your gaze back down to your notebook to hide your cheeky smile, resuming your doodle in the margin and running a nervous hand through your hair.
She kept staring throughout the lecture, as if silently daring you to mention her failure, not that you could aloud. You weren’t willing to look back, but you could see her dark eyes shift up and across the round of tables towards you from the corner of your eye, which you made sure to keep on Thornhill.
After long enough, Xavier noticed too. He whispered something to her and then glanced up at you with a look that was far from friendly. He hadn't liked you one bit, but neither did any of the other kids, when they found out. You couldn't exactly blame them, either. The school was full of monsters, but you were a monster among monsters.
"Wednesday, Xavier," Thornhill called out, crossing her arms. She wasn't angry, though. More playful. "Is something more important than our study of carnivorous plants?"
Xavier began to shake his head, starting an apology, but Wednesday cut him off, blankly staring back at Thornhill as it left her mouth. "Yes."
At the challenge, the whole class seemed to let out a comically loud gasp. Thornhill's previously teasing smile dropped to a displeased frown, and she shoved her hands into the pockets of her overalls, motioning to the large glass enclosure on the table behind her. "I don't suppose you can tell me what this is, then?" At the question, you can see Bianca smirk and raise her own hand, eager to steal it away, "I haven't said the name out loud yet, and it will be on your test next—"
"—Dendrophylax lindenii." The interruption came swift from her lips, but Wednesday's eyes are still steeled over and unimpressed by Thornhill's attempt to be put on the spot.
You have to hide your amusement again, at the shocked look on Bianca's face, but she rushes to make up for it by adding something of her own. "It's also known as the Ghost Orchid—”
"—First discovered on the Isle of Wight in 1852," Wednesday adds, and once more she's won. Or, she would have. You can't help the shake your head does, or the cheeky smile on your face that Wednesday locks onto, like a heatseeking missile. Her eyes are like daggers, stabbing you through and through. "Is something funny?"
She says it across the entire classroom and everyone goes silent, less focused on the plants now and more the fact that she's acknowledging your presence. You shrug, trying to diffuse the situation, but it only makes her glare at you harder. "No, go on," Wednesday demands, her tone just as icy as she had been the night before. "Tell us, what was so funny?"
"Wednesday," Thornhill warns her, sending you a sympathetic look, but she ignores her and so do you.
"Or are you still at a loss for words," she draws out, and in doing so, the rest of the class fills with 'ooh's and 'woah's. You stare at her for a moment, then silently, your hand goes to your notebook.
The moment you begin writing in it, the classroom tenses again, waiting for you to finish. You make them as big as possible, large enough that she'll be able to clearly read them across the room. When you're done, you flip it around and hold it up like a sign, face blank.
discovered 1854, not 1852
idiot.
You've circled it several times in messy pen, to make sure she really sees. The room roars even louder in surprise, and however bad Wednesday's stare was before, the new one she gives you is infinitely worse. Her face is still deadpan, but her eyes flick away down to her notebook. It’s the only time you’ve seen her approach something resembling embarrassment or fury. You're sure the 'idiot' bit didn't help, but you were far too annoyed by her poking of you to not have poked her right back.
"Well...," Thornhill tries, "It seems the Ghost Orchid isn't the only carnivorous plant in here, today." But the class is too far gone to focus up again, sending you wary glances. They don't like Wednesday, but they like you even less, so it's confusing who they should root for.
You hold her gaze until the bell rings, finally breaking it to gather your things and leave as soon as possible. Her eyes are still on you as you go, and just before you exit the room, you can hear someone mutter "freak," under their breath. You tuck your books under your arm, and duck out into the hall.
===+++===
Fall was always your favourite time of year; for once, Jericho wasn't entirely unbearable. The leaves turned a warm orange and red, falling from the trees in abundant piles on the ground, and the air fermented into something crisp and especially breathable. You let it fill your nose as much as possible.
You sat on the lawn, listening to the birds flit about and the wind brush under the branches and hem of your jumper with a book in your lap and a frown on your face. It wasn't a good book- something the internet had said was incredible but had firmly left a bad taste in your mouth, and part of you wanted to put it down and turn to something more useful. But another part of you wanted to keep reading, like being unable to look away from a car accident.
The book was so engrossing in its awfulness that you didn't notice her watching you from afar or, more so, aiming in your direction. That was, until you turned the page, and her throwing knife whizzed past your ear and lodged itself into the tree you had been sitting against.
Your eyebrows furrowed at the noise, and you turned your head to the side, looking at the shiny, reflective silver. The letters W. A. stared back at you, engraved just below the knife's spine. You frowned, and when you looked back, she was standing over you, arms crossed and expression as deadpan as always.
You raised a questioning eyebrow, looking over at the knife and then back to her as if saying, 'What was that for?'
"Your attention was required," she replied dryly.
You rolled your eyes, dog-eared the page of your book, and placed it down next to you, pulling out your notebook and your pen. You wrote a single word.
dangerous.
"Believe me, if I wanted to hit you, I am entirely capable of aiming to kill," Wednesday said. Then, after a brief look around Nevermore's green, her eyes flicked back down to you. "I'm here on business."
You search her face for a moment, narrowing your eyes. They locked in on the small bandage on her forehead, and you nodded up at it, asking her what happened with the look on your face. Her frown deepened.
"I'm in the process of crushing a bee... and almost getting crushed by a gargoyle." You blinked, but Wednesday continued. "But I won't have to do either if you agree to my request."
It's hard to deny that her words massively pique your interest. Wednesday in general massively piques your interest, and you write down the thing you really want to know.
people say you eat human flesh...
You turn the page back to her, and Wednesday seems to process the words for a moment. She looks over at you, unimpressed by the allegation. "I don't eat it. My menagerie of pets do. And even then, that's nothing close to what Enid's said about you."
You stare up at her, then scribble a couple of words on the paper.
and what's that?
"That you're dangerous. That you’re somehow infinitely worse than I am, which I'm doubtful of," Wednesday says without missing a beat. "Enid won't say anything more, and neither will Xavier." She looks around again, over the green. There's a picnic of sirens by the lake, and a few of the werewolves are playing with a frisbee. She looks back at you. "I've been warned to stay away, and your propensity for being obnoxious has made that task fairly easy so far." You begin to write again.
so why are you here
"Because," she states like it's obvious, "I want to break out of here. And you're somehow the person to have gotten the closest."
and yet
i'm still here
You turn the page to her and jab the bottom bit several times with your pointer finger.
"Well then," she says, "help me succeed."
===+++===
“And how do you think that made you feel?” Kinbott asks, eyeing her various pages of notes to the left of you. Some of the other patients in Kinbott’s care had small, yellow folders, but you had a larger red one, with your name in highlighted block letters on the front. It looked like it should’ve had a top secret sticker in the corner, not that you weren’t appreciative about your records being sealed.
You erased the board, writing a single word.
seen
Then, underneath it.
idk, like i was really there?
Kinbott nodded. “You’ve said people often ignore you a lot. Why do you think that is?”
they’re scared. they think i’ll hurt them because they heard rumours about what i did.
i can’t blame them, really
She frowned, wrapping her hands around her knee. “But that’s not really fair, is it? When was the last time you’ve caused damage with your ability, (Y/n)?”
You shrug, thinking for a moment.
about four years
“And you haven’t made any sort of mistakes, right?”
well, no
“Then why should they be afraid of you?” Kinbott asks. She’s leaning forward, looking at you with her eyes softened. “You’ve trained yourself to silently yawn, you don’t cough, you don’t sneeze, you don’t snore. I think you need to trust yourself a little more, (Y/n).”
You shrug again, but don’t write anything down, so Kinbott sighs and sits back in her chair. “Principal Weems says that she has another little Harry Houdini on her hands?”
You write down Wednesday on your board. She nods. “I’m seeing her in a little while, actually.” It makes your eyebrows raise in surprise.
why?
Kinbott shakes her head. “You know I can’t share that. Therapy is private. It seems she doesn’t plan on staying, though. Wednesday has already tried to escape.”
i know.
she asked me to help her
Her eyes scan over the words and then look back up to you, warily. “You know better than to help her, right? Nevermore could be good for Wednesday. And I thought you were actually starting to like it here.”
You nod.
i already said no
it’s too dangerous, in the woods right now. with the attacks and stuff.
“Good. And please, tell Principal Weems if you learn of any plans in the future.” You nod again, much less committed, and Kinbott looks down at her watch. “I’m afraid our time is over, (Y/n),” she says with a smile. “I’ll see you next week.”
You write a quick thank you down and stand, shoving your socks back into your shoes and tugging on your jumper, tucking it underneath the collar of your shirt and fixing your Nevermore tie. Purple stripes was never your pattern, and Weems had long since given up on trying to make you wear the coat. She figured it probably made you less likely to run away.
Wednesday is sitting in the lobby when you get down the stairs, with a bored-looking Weems come to babysit. You send her a glance, and then give Weems a nod of your head in acknowledgment.
She beams back at you. “Ah, (Y/n). We’re here for Miss Addams’ session. If you want to wander around Jericho, we can take you back to the school when we're done, if you’d like.”
You send another look at Wednesday, whose face is just as deadpan and unhappy as before, and shake your head. You point at yourself and then mime walking with your two fingers. Principal Weems frowns, but gives you and okay, and you turn around to leave.
You can feel Wednesday’s eyes on you as you head for the school. You know she's annoyed by your refusal to help her, but you can't exactly tell her why you're refusing either, especially since you're lacking any evidence for your theory. So you just told her no.
===+++===
Even from deep inside the forest, you can hear the carnival. There's a Ferris wheel towering over the trees in front of you, and circus music blasts from a few speakers so that you can faintly hear it amongst the windy branches, leaves blowing along the ground and caressing your shoes from time to time as you walk through the dark.
You're looking for something, anything, indicating someone would've been there. Sheriff Galpin had found all sorts of hikers, recently, all almost unidentifiable, with how bloodied they were, but they had yet to find anyone with a hearing aid, so you were unsatisfied. It was believed he was on vacation, but you knew the old man went to his therapy appointments every single week. He hadn't missed a single day, so you failed to believe that theory. You didn't even know his name, really.
On a tree not too far from you, there was a claw mark sunk deep into the bark, and you looked towards it, at the pattern. The idea a bear was responsible for all the deaths wasn't exactly convincing, and looking at the claws, your doubts only amplified. You pulled out your camera, aiming it towards the mark, ready to snap a shot, when you heard footsteps pounding past you.
"Rowan!" called a voice behind you, and you froze, putting the camera down and flicking your flashlight off. The last thing you needed was word getting out that you were lurking in the woods. People thought you were scary enough.
But the words weren't directed at you. You listened intently, and then you heard the faint but panicked voice again. "Rowan," Wednesday says again, and the moment you realise it's her voice, you take off running towards it.
You find Rowan with his hand held up, crushing Wednesday against a tree, and before you can stop to think, you're rushing forward, shoving him in the back and pushing him into the dirt, where he struggles to catch his breath. The moment his hand splays out in front of him, Wednesday is dropped to the forest floor. You run to her, checking her over quickly for injuries, making sure she can run. When you find none, you grab her arm, hoisting her to her feet. You send a wary look over at Rowan, who's already trying to right himself and take Wednesday's hand in yours, pulling her deeper into the forest.
It isn't long before you hear him calling out. "Wednesday!" he yells, and you freeze, grabbing her by the arm and tugging her behind a tree. You push her flush against the bark and cover her mouth with your hand, getting as close as possible so that you hide better against the trunk. She seems too scared to comment on the touch, eyes wide and chest heaving from the running. You raise your other hand and press your finger to your lips.
"Wednesday, I'm doing Nevermore a favour," he tries again. "One massive favour. You're dangerous. My mother's seen it. I can see it. Anyone who knows you can see it."
Your eyes flicker to Wednesday's in confusion, processing his words. She's staring up at you, eyes dark and full of worry, begging for him not to find you. Any idea you had about her not getting scared goes out the window. She's just as human as you are. You send her a comforting nod, peeking around the tree trunk. Rowan's a few trees away, with his back turned, scouring the area.
You begin to back away from Wednesday, gesturing over your shoulder. If you both can sneak off and go back to the carnival without Rowan noticing, you can ensure safety. She gives a curt nod, letting you take her hand in yours again. You're faster than her, she knows that. You slowly pull her with you, quietly stepping away and towards the fair.
You only make it a few steps, until Wednesday steps on a branch.
The small twig cracks under her boot, and within an instant, Rowan whips his head around to you both, staring back at him like a pair of deer in headlights. He takes a few menacing steps forward. "There you are," he draws out in between wheezy breaths. His hand comes up, ready to crush her, but before he can use his ability, a large, hulking creature grabs him by the leg, whipping him around and down onto the ground.
You and Wednesday watch in horror as Rowan screams, and the creature rears up on its hind legs, coming down and smashing Rowan with its fists. You can hear the crunching of his bones and then the tearing of flesh as the creature's claws dig into the boy's skin. Wednesday's hand is still in yours, and she squeezes it harshly, small black fingernails digging into the back of your hand, pulling you down to the ground with her and then scooting back.
The attack is short but brutal, and you see bits of Rowan's chest go flying and pure red maw. The creature whips around to you when Rowan goes silent, staring at Wednesday with intensity in its big eyes. Then it scrambles off, tearing through the woods and into the darkness.
As soon as it's gone, Wednesday rushes forward in the leaves, going to Rowan's side. You clamber to your feet, watching the direction the creature went with wide eyes. When you turn back to Wednesday, you catch her shoving something in her pocket. You don't ask what it is, but you make a mental note to ask later.
"Please," she says, a bit panicked. Her fingers are coated in Rowan's blood. "Go get Weems."
===+++===
Another not-too-awful thing about Nevermore was the breakfast. You sat at an abandoned picnic table in the corner of the quad, finishing your eggs, when Wednesday slammed her hands down on the wood with a loud thunk. You jumped in your seat, startled by the noise, dropping your egg back onto your plate.
"What exactly did you see last night?" she demanded, glaring.
Your eyes widened at her tone. It was harsher than normal, and she wore her frustration on her sleeve. A few students at nearby tables sent you suspicious and wary glances. Over Wednesday's shoulder, you could see her roommate, Enid, staring at you.
Most important was Weems, who looked down at you from the balcony above. You composed yourself and looked back down to Wednesday, shrugging nonchalantly, as if to say you didn't know.
Wednesday gritted her teeth harder. "But you do know. We saw Rowan get eviscerated by that creature. You were there. So why did you tell Weems you didn't see anything?!"
You furrowed your eyebrows, shaking your head at her, doubling down. This was no place to get into it. No place to tell the truth. You slid your notebook towards her.
i saw him this morning.
She huffed, stomping off. You knew exactly why you saw him that morning, actually. Weems had shown you her powers a time or two, and you knew that 'Rowan' was just her in disguise. But you also didn't know if it was something you wanted to share yet. You, too, had been a bit miffed at seeing Weems pretend to be Rowan, but you also knew Weems' powers gave her an advantage, and you were too loyal to take that away from her. You owed her too much.
The question of why still rang in your mind, though. Why was she so eager to cover it up? She had never at least lied to you, so this lie seemed out of left field.
You saw the fake Rowan several times throughout the day. Each time you did your best to let Weems know you knew, and she seemed wary of you, avoiding you at every intersection. You spent the night thinking, wandering around Nevermore, stopping in the library and pulling out several books.
Wednesday had shoved something in her pocket, something that Rowan had. Something about her dooming Nevermore, about being dangerous. You raked through all the books about prophecies, not finding anything of interest and giving up at around one in the morning. No books were missing a piece of paper, and no books mentioned Wednesday's name. You could find a few references to someone named Goody, but she seemed unimportant among the other Addams ancestors, having been dead for hundreds of years. You made another mental bookmark to look more into it, later.
You trudged back to your dorm, already regretting your choices, considering you had an 8 am class in the morning. The school was peaceful again, and as you climbed the stairs, you could hear the trickle of the fountain.
But the moment your shoe placed itself upon the landing, you froze. Your door hung open slightly, just cracked, and right in the way was the same hand you had seen on your first night. You straightened up, feeling more awake, and more annoyed, now.
You pushed your own door open, knocking loudly on the wood like it wasn't your own room, illustrating your frustration. Wednesday turned towards you, unimpressed. She had your journal in her hands, the other one not meant for your communication but for your theories.
It was open to the photo you had just taken, of the claw mark. Right above it you had put the photo of the deaf old man, and right on the photo of the claw mark, you had 'Rowan' written in red sharpie and underlined several times.
You crossed your arms, glowering at her. The hand scuttled towards her, stopping halfway. "So you were hiding something," Wednesday says. "You know that Rowan isn't Rowan. You know he's dead."
You silently swallow, crossing the room until you are right in front of her. Wednesday's eye contact is intense, and you look down at your own notebook, feeling her watching you as you take it from her hands. You can feel her breath fanning against your face, and she smells like pomegranate and fresh petrichor. You turn the page to the drawing you've made of the creature. It's a little off; some of the details are fuzzy regarding last night. But it's the creature as best as you can remember it, and Wednesday nods.
"That's what I saw, too. That's what I want to find," she says. "That's what you're going to help me find."
This time, you can't find it in yourself to refuse.
===+++===
this was the first episode and a bit of episode 2. i really liked doing the mute reader but boy is it hard to write communication without dialogue. it does so much heavy lifting for characterisation. can't wait to see where this one goes, and it'll probably take me two or three parts to get through the whole season, is my hope.
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