#vurika

[klazje]

do you guys think that when thrawn looked at che’ri he saw borika…..do you think when borika found out thrawn was in the fleet she thought of him every time she saw an officer? do you ever sit and think about how thrawn thought about che’ri’s parents? her siblings if she had any? or if borika ever thought of asking an officer about her brother? i think im going to be sick….

[xiema]

(teaser for later chapter) Freaks: the past in our hands

Zirika loved it when the light of the moon shone down on her in its full glory. Even though she knew it was only the sun, its light reflected like a gigantic mirror. Even when she had seen hundreds, no, thousands of moons during her time as a navigator, its light never lost any of its magic.

Every time she looked up at the starry night sky, she felt this strange melancholy rise up in her, this feeling of longing that she could not suppress. Thousands of moons, billions of stars and systems. Every night she gazed up at the stars, just as she had done so many times before from her control console while piloting the ship, so they won't crash into aplanet or a supernova and end up as stardust or a ball of flame themselves, and just like before, she was powerless against that inner voice inside her that gently whispered to her that the sky wasn't right.

The stars were wrong. Even now when she was back in the Ascendancy, whether on Csilla, Naporar or Avidich, the stars above her were not in the right places. Only the moon was the same, and in that certainty she found comfort. Because Zirika looked for stars in the sky, from a past she didn't even remember. A past she had sworn never to return To.

She clutched the medallion in her hand, the key to her past, that found it's way back to her. It wasn't anger, that her parents had so easily abandoned her to the skywalker program, or defiance that made her hesitate. It was fear. Fear of facing her family, her brother who could seemingly never forget her even though he must have been so small, and not feeling the slightest emotion.

But then there was this longing inside her, like a promise that was long overdue.

----------oOo---------

Forgetmenots = memory

[gia-batmm-crickle22]

Hey, guys, to those who didn't like and did like the Ahsoka show, here is some Vurawn and Vurika (Kivu siblings) content for y'all ^^

Art:

[aroayr-shuk]

Thrawn was raised by a single working mother. After Borika was taken to the skywalker corps he was essentially raised as an only child.

Moreover, Ba'kif is Thrawn's biological father, the product of a fairly scandalous youth.

[mayhaps-a-blog]

A gift for the Chiss Ascendancy Discord’s Holiday Gift Exchange! Thanks @jedihlaalu for putting that together :) my giftee is not on tumblr but I’m sharing with you all anyway! There are a lot of my own headcanons in here, which may or may not make sense, but it’s also a skywalker program fix-it with a side of Thrawn reuniting with Ascendancy characters, so enjoy :)

Summary: One may learn a great deal from stories, whether it be about the storyteller or the culture who told it. The Chiss have many stories, some known by all, some buried, never to be found.

But legends have a way of lingering, and when searching for what has been lost, it is in legends that the map is hidden.

[admiral-arelami]

Wholeheartedly agree with the responses above. People can ship whomever the hell they want, whether or not it's canon. Neither Thrawn nor Ar'alani's sexuality is specified in canon, anyway.

How tf do you know neither of them is bi (let alone straight), anon??!! Are you the gatekeeper for the Who's Definitely Not Bi Club? What specific qualities prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Thrawn and Ar'alani aren't bi (or straight or gay or ace or whatever)? When will people understand that someone's gender *performance* does NOT necessarily align with their gender *identity,* *sexuality,* or *sexual/romantic orientation*!!!!! Please let us not perpetuate gay/lesbian/bi/ace stereotypes.

If the sexuality of Thrawn and Ar'alani is so obvious, why do so many readers have different opinions about it?

Thrawn isn't longing for a sister figure to replace Vurika. In fact, I'm pretty sure no one can replace Vurika. We just know that Thrawn feels the loss of his sister acutely. I think he's self-aware enough to know that Ar'alani is not his sister-surrogate. Timothy Zahn may not see Ar'alani that way either, since he created her over 20 years before he introduced Vurika in the Ascendancy trilogy. In any case, Zahn never specifies what Ar'alani and Thrawn are beyond long-time friends and colleagues who share a deep affection and respect for one another. (And honestly, that's more than enough for a mature, compelling relationship.) Maybe Thrawn sees her as an older sister; maybe not. Maybe he's romantically and/or sexually attracted to her (and vice-versa). Maybe they're just close friends who work well together. Maybe he's romantically attracted to her *and* sees her as a sister figure (now those would be some complex feelings to unravel). The point is, readers are free to imagine any of these scenarios whether or not *you* do, anon.

@thrawnalani you just keep doing what you do and create wonderful art! 💙

why thralani? like doesn't it ruin the context and backstory he has on how he longs for a big sister figure, in place of vurika?

like thranto is already weird to me, thralani is worse. the most i think is that he is either gay or ace. not bi, never straight, and neither is aralani.

just really weird

idc if its "your au" its severely ooc. at least other aus TRY to make it in character geez.

The basic answer is 1. Because it makes me happy 😊. And 2. i'm also straight, so it's something I can more closely relate to and enjoy. 3. I like drawing masculine men and powerful women.

Thrawn and Ar'alani are not sexual characters. I don't believe it was implied in any of the novels. Maybe it could be implied when Ar'alani believed she was going on a date with Thrawn, and it ended up with a museum monologue adventure? Not to mention Ar'alani took Thrawn to her homestead, ���👀👀 oooo taking a boy to your homestead sounds quite scandalous. . . but even that's stretching it. . .) I perceived Wutrow and Ar'alani's relationship as admiration for one another professionally. Sisters in arms! So to speak.

I try not to base a character, or any person's sexuality on interests or behaviors. There are masculine men who are with other men, and feminine women with other women. Would it be fair of me to ask why you believe Thrawn and Ar'alani are gay? What if I thought that was weird. . . See how that mindset gets confusing (respectfully 🙏🙏🙏). I suppose what makes Thrawn a fun character to sexualize is because it's never stated in the books. So the possibilities are endless.

*takes hop onto soap box*

I suppose I'd want to ask you all to try not to base any person's sexuality on behaviors or interests, it places people into even smaller boxes than the ones they are already in. I speak of this for friends and family who have been affected by bullying in the LGBT+ community. A community where they were supposed to take comfort in.

*scoots soap box away*

I like the idea of two leaders understanding the burdens they carry and taking comfort in each other. Chracters who have strong exteriors but only expose the softer side when with one another is something that interests me. I suppose I always believed Thrawn would not be attracted to any other species than his own. After all, the Chiss viewed other species as lesser beings. I feel like even if Thrawn did not share the same views, the mindset would continue to be deep-rooted. In my head, Thrawn and Ar'alani were best friends, not necessarily siblings. It isn't uncommon for people to hook up simply to fulfill desires. I like to toss around the idea that Thrawn and Ar'alani's relationship was one such as this, and then blossomed into something more. Additionally, I viewed Thrass as the one to take the role of sibling. Even if he wasn't necessarily a sister. Thrass filled the hole that was left by Vurika

Honestly, I can't sincerely envision Thrawn being with Eli Vanto. I always saw them as a Father/Son, brothers in arms, Master/Apprentice vibe, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy fanfiction, because phew! That Thranto fanfiction makes me tear up sometimes.

But that's the beauty of literature! Everybody can interpret it in a different lense! I create content only for myself, and to visualize my strange desires. I post because I'm sure someone else out there has the same twisted mind as me.

Wow that turned philosophical. My bad! I hope I answered your questions 🤗.

[chasingthewesternsun]

Pls accept my doodle annotations from the first ascendancy book v_v

(Ch. 13)

[autismmydearwatson]

The scene where Thrawn's egging Hera about her dead brother is 100% worse with the knowledge that he's projecting through that entire thing "LOL you still hurt over your dead baby brother? Weak behaviorrrrrr" shut the hell up, as if you don't feel awful every time you think about Thrass and Vurika. Put on the clown shoes.

[blazingstar24]

And if I say that both Anakin and Thrawn suffered the same childhood trauma and it manifests in completely different ways that makes their dynamic very interesting, what then? The loss of a family member and how they reacted to it is crucial in their characters. It is the loss of Shmi that turns Anakin’s love into a possessive, obsessive, abandonment fearing mess. It is the loss of Vurika/Borika, that informs Thrawn’s view of himself and others as just assets to a larger cause.

Regardless if Anakin could or couldn’t have saved his mother if the council listened, Shmi’s death in his mind is framed as an event in that Anakin was too late, he wasn’t there. It is a loss that turns into this idea that if he doesn’t protect what he loves, someone or something will take it from him. We see this in the Rush Clovis arc, we see it in the way he immediately jumps to jealousy at Obi Wan in ROTS despite Obi Wan never having such a relation with Padme. For Anakin, loss is always framed as someone took something from me. Even platonically, we see this in the Rako Hardeen arc. And it is evident that this started after Shmi’s death because Anakin does not have the same sort of hatred for Maul who killed Quigon.

For Anakin, it will always be that someone took something from me, so I have to do something about that. And it’s why Palpatine can manipulate him so easily, because all Palps has to do is point at someone, give him a target to blame and say kill.

For Thrawn, yes it is slightly different as Borika isn’t dead. But it is a loss nevertheless. Thrawn on the flip side of Anakin, registers loss as something inevitable and thus why harbor deep attachments? Not to say he doesn’t care because we know he does. Thrass, Ar’alani, and Eli all speak to the fact that he does very much care and love. But in every instance, he does keep them at a distance, he pushes them away just as they get close. And it stems from Borika because the reason why he loses her is so she could serve the Ascendancy. It is not a choice she made and he knows this. And that informs why everything he does is for this goal, because all he knows is that everything, even things that caused him pain is supposed to be for this goal.

Where Anakin sought to justify the loss in blaming himself and then others, Thrawn justifies the loss by trying to give the pain purpose. If it meant something then he shouldn’t be upset. It is what it is. Yet, just like how Anakin’s possessiveness leads to his downfall by Palpatine, by pushing all his friends away instead of keeping them close, Thrawn leaves himself vulnerable and surrounded by his enemies instead. All those friends will serve the larger goal, the Ascendancy, but who is left looking to him?

Idk what I’m really trying to say other than yeah that’s some interesting character dynamics. The idea that both these characters are defined by loss as much as they are also defined by hope as their shining moments of good.

[contentment-of-cats]

Thrawn origin story headcanon

Thrawn is the youngest of three - Kivu'rai'neito, Kivu'rik'ardok, and Kivu'raw'nuru. Before Thawns was born, Vuraine became a merit adoptive to one of the Great Houses at nine and a blackdock engineer later in life. Vurika was taken by the CEDF to become a Sky-walker and had her memory wiped at five. Thrawn's parents tried desperately to hold onto him but they were a Common family. Thrawn's mother, who had already lost three children, became profoundly depressed and died postpartum after the stillbirth of a fourth child following Vurawn being taken by the Mitth. She was buried with honors. Thrawn's father did not remarry, nor did he father more children, and died in a berg rollover at the age of fifty-one.

It is illegal for a merit adoptive to contact their family of origin, but instead of the penalty falling on the adoptive, it falls on the family. Thrawn never tried to get in touch with his Kivu relatives or his parents to spare them the loss of employment, benefits, and even a possible prison term. Likewise a family contacting a merit adoptive would see their child severely punished for the family's attempt.

Thrawn's mother was the granddaughter of a former Sky-walker, born to a Lesser family and had been inducted into the program herself. There are Sky-walkers who wash out of the program, or who can't be retrained after a disaster in space. After one such disaster, Riv'kaein was adopted by a Great family at the age of eight. She married Kivu'sha'neza after obtaining a degree in pelagic aquaculture. She never spoke of her past, or her prosthetic legs, to any of her children.

Kivu'sha'neza was the Rentor equivalent of the Coast Guard, holding the rank of Warrant Officer, leading a squad of boarding troops. Rentor was home to deep-sea vents that spewed valuable gases (in liquid form because of the pressure). Pirates were ever-present and often from rival houses.

The Kivu, one of the most populous Common families, had a deep resentment to the casual gathering of their children, sometimes all of the children of a couple would be taken by higher-ranked families. Only Greater and Ruling houses can induct Merit Adoptives and though many are adopted in adulthood, the exceptional children of Common and Lesser families are taken as young as eight. Someone shows up at school, the child is called to the office, and never sees home or family again. Some of the Great and Ruling families openly refer to this as 'harvesting.' This trauma is one of the reasons for the punitive measures to stop contact between adoptives and families of origin.

Thrawn does not remember his oldest sister, but as long as he could remember, Vurika was his playmate and also his interpreter. She did all the talking for him. The team sent to take Vurika took her in full view of her brother while they played at the pre-school/day care. One of the sergeants still has a chunk of missing flesh from Vurawn's new meat teeth. Thrawn remembers it as clear as day.

Thrawn was offered a slot at CEDF boarding prep following standard testing at age nine. It was on Rentor, so he did get to see his parents. His mother was supposed to give birth about the same time the Mitth adopted him and he was sent to Taharim to finish his education.

His parents applied for emigration to one of the planets on the edge of the Ascendancy, thinking to make a run for it to Lesser Space. They were denied, despite being law-abiding subjects. When Thrawn became an adoptive the Mitth recognized that all three children were taken from this pair, and offered to allow them to emigrate or be adopted into a Great family after Vurivkae gave birth to her fourth child. They would not, however, promise not to take the child if it showed any talent.

There is no legal roadblock preventing a 'harvested' children from contacting each other as adults - if they can find each other. Often there is only the middle personal name to go on, as the beginning of the core name may change the way Vurika/Rik'ardok/Zirika/Borika did. Thrawn's eldest sister did look for her siblings when she was an adult, but did not find either him or Vurika.

Eli searched out Vuraine after he saw a young man who looked like Thrawn when the Steadfast visited the UAG base. Vuraine was now Stybla'rai'neito or Laraine, and her son was Stybla'raw'neza - called Arawne.

As always, these are my own headcanon and worldbuilding notes. YMMV. Please feel free to use them or not as you see fit.

[themummersfolly]

Nonverbal Art

alt. title: Art Nerd's Origin Story

Anyone else ever wonder why Thrawn's interest in art focuses so heavily on sussing out the backstory of the artist? Yeah.

I have no idea how pediatric therapy works in real life.

-----

Vurawn doesn’t need a doctor to tell him he’s different.

There’s the whole talking thing, for example. Vurawn doesn’t remember learning to talk, even though he remembers Vurika and Mom says he didn’t start talking until after that. A lot of people still think he can’t talk, apparently, because he doesn’t do it very often. He’s not sure what the point is. He understands just fine, and besides, half the time when he does talk people get mad or start acting funny.

A lot of grownups think that not talking means he doesn’t hear either; even Mom and Dad forget sometimes. He overhears them talking about him. For a long time Mom thought he was stupid. It seemed to make her happy, for some reason. He doesn’t feel stupid; but then, he’s not sure if stupid and smart are things you can feel like. Vurika was smart, and they took her away and Mom was sad. Maybe if he’s stupid, he’ll get to stay and make Mom happy.

The army man said he was smart, when he gave everybody that test-thingy at school. But then he got into a fight with Teni the next day and afterward everybody said he was stupid. At least until the teacher made them stop.

No, he doesn’t need a doctor to tell him he’s weird, but here he is anyway.

He kicks his feet back and forth under the chair while he waits and thinks about the marker set Dad said he’ll get if he’s good for the doctor. He hopes there’s lots of orange markers. Orange is his favorite color right now. At school, there are fourteen different kinds of orange marker in the marker bin; he knows because he counted. First he lined them all up in order, then he put them in groups of markers from the same set and lined those up in order. Or he tried to, before the teacher yelled at him for hogging the orange markers.

He hopes he can be good enough to get the markers. Even when he tries to be good, he always does something wrong without meaning to.

“Kivu’raw’nuru?”

That’s his name. He hops out of his seat and follows Mom into the back office.

He likes going to this doctor, honestly. She never gives him shots or gets mad when he does the thing with his hands to feel better. There are toys, and neat pictures to look at, and lots and lots of markers.

He wanders around the room, looking at the toys while Mom talks to the doctor.

“-test scores are high, but the teacher says he’s behind in his social development. He rarely talks, he never looks me in the eyes-”

Dad thinks Mom wants there to be something wrong with him, at least he said so last night. Vurawn doesn’t know why everyone wants him to look at their eyes; it makes him as uncomfortable as when he has to not fidget.

The grownups finish talking and the doctor comes over to where he is.

“Good morning, Vurawn.”

It takes him a moment, but he remembers there’s something he’s supposed to do when people greet him.

“Hi.”

The doctor asks him questions; he’s supposed to answer with his big kid words, and he does. The doctor is happy, he’s doing it right. Maybe he will get that marker set.

“Vurawn, I’d like you to draw your family for me. Will you do that now, please?”

He’s not sure why she needs him to do that, but then he’s not sure why she asked all those questions, either. He does like to color, though.

It doesn’t take him long to draw everyone who’s important to him. When he’s done, the doctor sits down next to him.

“Tell me about your picture. Who’s that?” She points at the picture that is pretty obviously Mom. One by one, she points to each figure he drew and asks about it. Mom. Dad. Himself. The neighbor’s tooka. Vurika. He doesn’t know why she wants him to talk about them; most of the time when he talks about things he likes, people act like he’s doing something wrong and he doesn't know why. But the doctor lets him talk, so he does. It feels good to talk about things he likes.

When he’s told her all about his drawing, she picks it up and takes it over to Mom. He listens to them talk, and with no one to tell him not to, dumps out the markers and begins sorting them.

“-normal cognitive development for a child his age. But I think part of the issue is he misses his sister.”

That gets Vurawn’s attention. He’s not supposed to talk about Vurika; whenever he does, Mom gets sad and all the other grownups tell him he should be happy she gets to serve the Ascendancy. The doctor keeps talking.

“You see how much detail he put into her portrait; he clearly still remembers her, and remembers her well. Even as young as he was, her removal had a profound effect on him. That might be why he’s having difficulty adjusting socially.”

She can tell all that from his drawing?

“And here- this is your neighbor’s pet. She turns up in a number of drawings he’s done for me, so she’s clearly an important figure in his life. He may benefit from a therapy animal. If you can’t have one where you live, there are programs you can sign him up for-”

Every time he talks about Flower the Tooka, people look at him like he’s crazy! But the doctor had looked at his picture and understood immediately. Is that the secret? Can he really get people to understand him by drawing pictures for them?

And if it works that way, maybe it works the other way around, too. Maybe if he looks at pictures other people draw, they’ll seem less weird. Maybe the world makes sense if you draw it.

It’s like he’s spent his whole life in a dark, scary hallway, and suddenly, someone in a room nearby turns on a light. He decides to move toward it.

“Mom, I’d like you to draw a picture for me. Will you do that for me now, please?”

He’s been good all day, not just at the doctor. When Dad comes home, he has the marker set in hand, and the first thing Vurawn does is take it over to Mom.

She looks surprised, and he’s not sure she’ll go along with it. But then she takes the markers and flimsi and starts drawing. To keep himself busy, Vurawn picks up the pieces of the gadget she was working on and starts arranging them in order. They’re all very different, and it’s hard to figure out what order they should go in. Vurawn likes puzzles like this.

He’s just figured out where the big shiny piece should go when Mom slaps a marker down hard, puts her face into her hands, and starts shaking. Vurawn jumps. At first he thinks she’s mad at him for playing with her project. Then he sees that she’s crying.

“I’m sorry, Vurawn- it’s ok. I just can’t. You’re ok.” She doesn’t look up from her hands. Vurawn stands on his chair to look across the table at what she’s drawn.

It’s a grownup kind of drawing, much more complicated than his sensible stick figures. The face that stares out from the page is that of a little girl, about his age. It’s unfinished; Mom put the marker down before she colored it in.

“I’m sorry I got upset, Vurawn, I don’t know why I did that.” Mom wipes her eyes. Vurawn is still looking at the picture.

“It’s cause you miss Vurika.”

Mom freezes. He’s not sure if that means she understands, so he tries again.

“You’re sad cause Vurika had to go away. You’re scared that I might have to go away, too. But if I’m stupid, I get to stay with you, cause stupid people don’t have to serve the Ascen’a’cy.” He frowns at the tabletop, choosing his next words. “I can be stupid for you, Mom.”

He expects her to be happy at the offer, but instead she starts crying even harder. Vurawn feels the panic start to well up in his chest. He’s done something wrong again. Mom is upset, and Dad will be mad, and he doesn’t know how to fix it because he doesn’t even know what he did wrong-

Mom leans over and scoops him up in a hug.

“You’re not stupid, you’re a brilliant, brilliant little boy. I love you so much!” Her tears are getting his shirt wet, and now they’re both crying. “Don’t ever let anyone tell you you’re stupid! I just- I just want what’s best for you, even if you have to go away. My brilliant little boy!” She takes his face in her hands and makes him look at her. “If they chose you- I need you to remember. I love you so much, I’m so proud of you, and I don’t want you to ever look back.”

Vurawn doesn’t understand, but he nods his head because Mom needs him to. Then he leans into her shoulder and cries.

[xiema]

Me: claim that I don't plan everything down to the smallest detail of a story and don't take the canon too seriously.

Also Me:

• 61 bby: Vurika is born

• 59 bby: Vurawn is born, vurika(2)

• 58 bby: vurika(5) is taken, Vurawn(3)

• 39 bby Thalias(13) meets Thrawn(20)

• 29 bby: Cheri is born

• 23 bby: Van'ya is born

• 19 bby: ezra, luke and leia born, rise of the empire, thrawn(40) joins empire, eli(20?), Thalias(33) becoms Che'ris(9) caregiver, Che'ri later becomes 10

• 8 bby: Un'hee is born

• 5 bby: Ezra (14) joins ghost crew, Ezra later becoms 15

6 month Timeskip between Rebels season 2 and 3

• 5/4 bby: Ezra(15) and Thrawn(54) meet for the first time

• 2 bby: Eli(37?) leaves the empire

• 1 bby: Ezra(18) defeet thrawn(58) un'hee(7) is rescured, Ronan(38?) joins the Asandancy, Van'ya(22)

Battle of yavin

My takes on Thalias' and Thrawn's age are due to mentions of Thalias that her time as navigator was 2 decates ago. Eli's and Ronans ages are only guesses and not canon, both could be older or younger, but i think they are pretty close in age.

Yes I mostly ignore Thrawns age because I don't imagen him this old, and I simply don't care.

[kitatriestodraw]

post·mor·tem // file 03

And so Thrawn turns back towards the forest, squinting against the light burning in his eyes, and thinks about how maybe the things Thrass left behind, and the things Vurika instilled in him when they were kids, are bigger than the sum of their parts, that they make him whole, in the same way Eli’s smile across the bridge did. That maybe just the way Vurika held him when he cried, and the way Thrass listened when no one else would, and the way Eli reached out to him over and over and over again, made the past decades of his life worth it, in the end. How, when he looks at it like this, he can’t get himself to think that it was all for nothing, after all.

And so he screams into the forest, at the top of his lungs, and thinks about all the promises he made, the decades he’s spent trying desperately to keep them all, and how desperately he wants to keep them, still.

Little illustration to a scene in @furiosophie ‘s post·mor·tem // file 03 !!!

[aroayr-shuk]

The afterlife is very sacred to the Chiss. They live their entire lives in service to the Acendancy with the hope that they will be returned to the snow and ice that made them and return to watch over those who they set on the same path. Their students and prodigies.

Thrawn wouldn't pretend to have believed in the idea that after his death his spirit would be magically transported to land where everyone he had ever loved was, where he could watch his people grow, and be at peace. But he also wouldn't deny that he felt a need to protect the Acendancy and that he felt a deep connection to the cold snowy worlds. If he was a spiritual man he would say his soul longed for them. But Thrawn was never a spiritual man, instead he focused his days on protecting his people, his friends; teaching others so that they could do the same; and bettering himself. And in the final days he focused on making sure that his death wasn't in vain. That it meant something. And that final note didn't fall flat.

Thrawn didn't know what would come of him. An eternity burning as some humans believed, would certainly be torture for the Chiss. Wondering forever and ever on planes of ice alone with his thoughts, he couldn't say he would particularly enjoy that. He hoped for eternal darkness, the kind of rest you only get when you enter a deep dreamless sleep. He didn't expect the stories to be true.

He didn't expect to open his eyes and be greeted by soft white light.

Thrawn sat up, his arms coming to rest beside him, none of the sluggishness he had expected was there. There were no burn marks, no shrapnel, none of the telltale signs of the explosion that had taken his life. Or was it the assassin? The purrgil? He couldn't differentiate one moment of the past from another, it all slammed into one jumbled ball. Compared to the stark calm around him, it felt like a blizzard was tearing through his skull.

He held his head in his hands, rocking back and forth, muttering to himself in his mother's tongue, trying to calm himself with the luxury he so rarely allowed. The blizzard was getting stronger. Where am I? Where was I? Who was I? Who am I? What am I? The storm continued to grow and twist and turn. Wrapping him in it's embrace as he slowly began to sink into the soft snow beneath him. A hand reached out and touched his shoulder, and it all came to a stop. The wind was frozen. And his head was empty, for what seemed the first time ever. Looking up at the one who saved him, the face of a Chiss woman stood above. Some 50 odd years younger than she should have been, her bluish black hair slicked back, and an uncharacteristically soft expression on her face stood Ar'alani.

"Mitth'raw'nuruodo..." she whispered, stroking his shoulder. "Come," she held out her hand for him to take.

And he did.

Rising to his feet with her help, he could feel the years sliding off of him, the age, the horrors, until nothing was left except the man he had been years before. With no worries except for the safety of his family. As he rose, he began to see them around him.

The laughing figure of a woman ran past, followed by a gaggle of young girls.

"Vurika!" She passed by.

Ar'alani pulled him forward, to the feet of a middle aged Chiss. He had crinkles around his eyes, but a smile on his face.

"My boy."

"General Ba'kif," Thrawn whispered, hardly recognizing this version of his commander. The older man smiled and slipped an arm around Thrawn's shoulders.

"No status here, simply Ba'kif," Thrawn smiled, a sense of warmth blossoming in his chest. He began to look around, counting off the faces he recognized. Rik'ardok, Mak'ro, In'daro, Ali'astov, even Urf'ianico. There were non-Chiss there as well, though none that he could make out. He saw a man with brown hair and a crooked smile and began his way, before Ba'kif's hand pulled him back with a small bittersweet smile on his face.

"Wha..."

Ar'alani stepped forward "He's not here yet Raw," She explained before once again taking him in her arms and pulling him forward.

"Where are you taking me?" The two Chiss stayed silent, smiles on the both of their faces as they traveled through the comforting cold, surrounded by the voices of the dead. Then standing before them a stadium, an exact replica of the chamber where so many times he was called to explain his actions to the Aristocra, they stopped. He looked around with confusion, wondering what this was. Before the images began. Eli, Faro, Che'ri, every living prodigy of his sprung to live before them. Living out their dreams, and fulfilling their duties to protect their Acendancy. A smile on his lips, the young Raw turned from the spools of colour only to find another man in front of him, a wry smile on his lips. A grin broke out on his own usually stoic face.

"Hello Thrass."

[twilekchiss]

"I don't remember him..."

✧ Characters: Borika / Vurika, Original Characters ✦ Genre: Hurt/No Comfort ✧ Rating: T ✦ Warnings: medical procedures, memory loss, family loss, loss of identity, loss of parent(s) ✧ Word Count: 4,422 ✦ Summary: Kivu'rik'ardok has been chosen for a special program, and has to leave her family behind. She especially misses her baby brother, Vurawn. But this project, while vitally important, will sacrifice the things that matter most to Vurika.

{ My fanfic masterlist }

[marroniere]

fic: strength of heart (tenderness of the soul), thranto, E, WIP, almost finished

Word count: 218,571 words so far (5000-word chapters are posted twice a week, 41 chapters overall, 40 completed)

Warnings: canon-typical violence, angst with a happy ending, mpreg, Thrawn dealing with his traumatic past

Excerpt:

“You’re all tense,” Eli says.

Thrawn shrugs but does nothing to deny it. He removes his tunic, folds it carefully, and places it on the chair. Then he sits down on the bed, his posture rigid.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Eli asks.

“There is nothing to talk about. I left home when I was seventeen. I have not seen my father for almost forty years.”

Eli plops down next to him.

“You’re pissed off, aren’t you?”

No, he is not. It is a conscious decision not to be. He has cut himself off from the feeling—and certain memories. Locked it up, put it away in the darker and more remote corner of his mind. Resentment seemed unproductive, and so did the guilt and the dull, inexplicable pain that came hand in hand with it. They would be of no use in the life he now had to live—or so he thought at seventeen.

That Thrawn’s relationship with his father would collapse, eventually, became blatantly obvious to him as soon as he reached adolescence. There was not much of a relationship, anyway. It was built on the things they never talked about—and household responsibilities they shared after Thrawn’s mother died. Before, as well. Thrawn remembers his mother as a woman in perpetual stasis, rendered to a ghost of the person she once was by the loss of one of her children. Everyone in town said that she wasn’t always that way, that she became that way «after Vurika.»

In hindsight, the decision to leave home seems to Thrawn more like a survival measure than anything else. There are different kinds of death. There is being turned to dust by turbolasers—and there is quietly rotting away while one is still, technically, alive.

And like many acts committed with the sole purpose of survival, it was rash. He cut the ties without allowing himself time and space for further sentiment. He could not afford that.

“I mean,” Eli says, “I’d be pissed off if my parents did the same thing to my sisters or my brother. We’ve talked about that, haven’t we?”

He takes Thrawn’s hand into his.

“Honestly, I’d leave home as soon as I could too if I were you.”

“I am not angry at my father,” Thrawn says. “However, I would prefer Thalias not interfere in my family life.”

Eli brings Thrawn’s hand to his lips and kisses it.

“She’s your friend of what, twenty years? I’d be more concerned if she met your father, knew it was your father, and didn’t say anything.”

“Perhaps,” Thrawn says. “Nevertheless, it would be best for both of us to not—”

“Thrawn,” Eli says. “She said he wasn’t well. And she said he helped with her op.”

Thrawn looks at Eli. In Eli’s eyes, he sees a mix of compassion and concern.

“Do you, like Thalias, believe that I should see him?”

“Yes, Thrawn,” Eli says. “Yes, I think that you should see him. If it goes to shit, it goes to shit. You’ll have one more reason to think you two should never see each other again. But it can also go…fine, you know.”