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angellesword · 3 years ago

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Between the Lines | JJK (02)

Jungkook Ackerman was humanity’s strongest soldier. He could do everything, especially if it had something to do with killing those gigantic monsters called titans. Rumor had it that the only thing he couldn’t do was say “no” to Namjoon Smith, the commander of Survey Corps.

What would happen when the said commander introduced you, his daughter who he had been hiding for twenty years, to Jungkook?

Jungkook was never good at meeting new people.

He was exceptionally not good at dealing with brats, just like you.

Did meeting you finally taught Jungkook to draw a line at saying “yes” to Namjoon?

Or would he just deal with you, also known as the commander’s daughter who had been raised by those filthy military police?

genre & content warnings: aot universe, fluff, angst, fantasy au, jungkook ackerman, bts as aot characters, arson, heart attack, intimidation.

pairing: captain!jungkook x reader

word count: 3.8k (chapter 02 - don't cross the line)

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"Are you sure?" Namjoon's face lit up when Jungkook accepted the request. "You're not going to change your mind?"

The captain lazily rolled his eyes at that. He looked bored when he folded his arms across his chest and said, "let me meet her before I change my mind."

Jungkook agreed to train you, but he needed to meet you first. He had to know what kind of personality you had so he could adjust too. He thought he could handle you, as long as you knew how to clean, although this seemed impossible now that he knew you were raised by the interior police. You probably didn't know how to use a broom. Tch.

"She's waiting in my office. We can meet her now..." The commander said, glad that he could finally leave Jungkook's office. It's too tidy here, too bright. It's starting to hurt his eyes. He didn't seem to mind it earlier when he was losing his mind though. Namjoon was always like this, he always went to Jungkook's room whenever he was having a dilemma. The captain didn't mind. Namjoon was usually quiet; he would just stare outside the window while Jungkook sipped his tea.

Namjoon felt comfortable trudging into Seokjin's office as well. He understood the commander too; however, he only went to meet with Seokjin when his dilemma wasn't personal. Seokjin could be nosy. He had a habit of fixing what's broken. He normally used humor to clear up the bad atmosphere, but Namjoon didn't feel like laughing today, not when the future of his daughter was on the line.

"Are you planning to introduce her as your daughter?" Jungkook lifted a brow while he and his commander sauntered towards the latter's office.

Namjoon said earlier that he and Owlette didn't tell anyone that you were their daughter. People were made to believe that you were the youngest child of Isayama and Victoria Saitō, your grandparents.

Owlette was only fourteen when she found out she was going to be a mother. This was a disgrace in the eyes of the Saitō clan. They didn't want to associate themselves with a girl who had a baby out of wedlock, but they couldn't bear to see your mother marry Namjoon either. He was a commoner; meanwhile your family came from a royal bloodline. Your grandmother was a Reiss. Historia Reiss, the current queen, was your cousin. Your grandfather came from a noble family as well. He wasn't just a member of the military police regiment; he was the head of it.

It's strange though. Your family had access to all resources available inside the walls, including man power and medical help; however, you and Historia were the only ones living now. Your grandparents and their children all passed away because of sickness related to the heart.

When you sought the help of Grisha Yeager, your family's doctor, he said that the Saitōs just happened to have a history of heart disease.

The Reiss family all died too, but they didn't die from natural causes. If you weren't mistaken, it was twelve years ago when the Reiss family died of suffocation. All of them, except Historia, were praying at the chapel in Orvud District when a fire broke out.

As a result of this tragic accident, Historia, at a very young age, was crowned as the queen of the walls. She was guided by your grandfather in making decisions. Outside this, Isayama had other things to do.

Candles were said to be the culprit of the tragic incident, but your grandfather didn't think so. He thought it was arson so he had it investigated by his most trusted comrades in the military police. He and his team were the only people who knew about this. Isayama didn't want the citizens to think that it was easy to mess up with a powerful bloodline.

He also didn't want to make a public statement that was based purely on speculation. Years later, he realized that his decision to keep the investigation a secret was justified. The interior police didn't find evidence proving that the Reiss family was murdered.

Sadly, five years after the coronation, your grandparents died too. As mentioned, they died because of heart attack, although Dr. Yeager said that your grandmother simply died of a broken heart. Apparently, it was possible. She probably missed your grandfather so much that she passed away three months after her husband stopped breathing.

"No. I told her she has to continue living as the youngest Saitō if wants to be a scout." Namjoon replied without glancing at his comrade.

"So you're still hiding her, huh?" Jungkook observed flatly, failing to realize that the commander had a reason why he wanted to continue keeping his relationship with you as a secret.

Actually, Namjoon was about to tell him the reason, but he stopped upon seeing Niki, a member of the special operations squad, running towards them.

"Oi, oi. What do—" Jungkook was cut off by Niki, the latter's lips were quivering as he wailed, "Commander! Captain! Some girl is showing signs of a titan!"

There's no room for questions after that. Namjoon and Jungkook just rushed to follow the informant, their hearts beating erratically. Horror also seeped into Jungkook and Niki's vein as the possible outcome of this news messed up with their heads.

It's nothing compared to the knotting of Namjoon's stomach with different emotions though. He couldn't even begin to describe how badly he wanted to throw up knowing that Niki was opening the door to his office, the same room where he left you.

What if you were the 'some girl' Niki was referring to? He knew every scout, except you.

"It's her. Help her, please!"

Namjoon's hunches were rarely wrong. There you were, lying on the cold ground. The uncontrollable jerking movements of your arms and legs made his heart stop beating.

"Shit." Jungkook cursed, dashing towards you. He couldn't wait for Namjoon's instruction, definitely not when the commander was frozen on his spot.

"Call the squad and Seokjin. We need help." Jungkook spat, struggling to engulf you into a hug. Your body was hot.

"Namjoon, get a fucking rope." The captain continued to snap, annoyed that the commander wasn't doing anything to help.

Thankfully Namjoon snapped back to reality, clenching his jaw, he shuffled around to look for something to tie you with. Not more than a minute later, Seokjin arrived with Jungkook's squad.

"Where's the patient?" Seokjin's eyes grew big while scanning the area.

He called you a patient, not a monster.

People who were showing signs of becoming a titan were treated badly, like they were monsters waiting to be unleashed.

"It's okay, I got you..." Seokjin pushed Jungkook slightly so he could handle you, hug you, tame you.

Seokjin was pinching your nape, it wasn't hard but it tickled. A giggle escaped your lips.

"Okay, okay! Enough." You slapped the section commander's hand, chuckling as you sat up. "I'm done pretending. I got all of you!"

You started laughing again, ecstatic that you tricked these scouts into thinking that you're turning into a titan.

Gullible, that's what they were.

***

Namjoon didn't even know what to say to you.

"Say something please," so you had to beg him. You'd accept any form of punishment, preferably getting locked up in a cell, but only because you had read in the file that Taehyung was there. You were curious about that human with titan ability.

You had heard about him before, though you never really care about him or anything related to titans. Why would you? Your domicile was at Wall Sheena. Wall Maria and Rose had to be breached first before you could get a glimpse of those monsters.

You had never seen a human showing signs of becoming a titan either. Frankly speaking, you didn't even know its symptoms before you read it in the file. You knew you should care, especially because any person was prone to becoming a titan. The confidential file stated that the reason why people turned into one of those gigantic monsters was still unknown.

The only thing humanity knew was that anyone who experienced seizure and neck pain must immediately turn in themselves to the survey corps.

Seokjin was an expert when it came to determining if a person was going to turn into a normal, abnormal or a human with titan ability.

Taehyung Yeager was the first person in history who happened to have titan ability though. They called his titan the jaw titan. It's because he's fast and his jaw and claws could break nearly anything.

His symptoms appeared on the day of his 18th birthday, just a few months back. He had already joined the survey corps that time. His comrades threw him a small party. He was in the midst of cutting his cake when the knife he was holding fell on the floor, an orange lightning sparkled on his hand and in less than ten seconds, he transformed into a titan.

Thankfully, his titan was only four meters. The scouts also had a big garden that could accommodate three titans with a height of fifteen meters.

With the information you had gathered, you couldn't help but feel curiosity flooding your veins. Who knew titans could be interesting?

"Are you listening to me?"

You snapped out of your trance upon hearing the rough voice of your father. This was the same tone he used whenever he was trying to recruit scout members.

"Y-Yeah...I am." You stammered, having no damn clue about what he was talking about.

Namjoon was aware of your lie. He stared at you balefully, asking you to repeat the last thing he said before calling you out.

Obviously you couldn't answer him. Your father rarely got mad, but when he did, you knew it was time to run for the hills. You didn't want to risk it so you decided to surrender, hoping that your puppy eyes could melt his heart.

"I'm sorry, Father. I didn't mean to scare you like that. I just want to know if humans can actually turn into a titan..."

Yes, your curiosity got the best of you. You didn't know if you had been ignorant all your life, or if the case of people becoming a titan was simply rare.

You hadn't heard anyone from Wall Sheena showing signs of being a titan. This was probably because anyone who was experiencing the said symptoms was advised to quietly turn themselves in so as not to alarm people.

Aside from this, anyone who was caught hiding their symptoms would immediately be executed. Their family and distant relatives would be hanged as well.

The punishment sounded extreme, but this was the only way to deter people from hiding their disease.

Being a titan was considered a disease, though it was said that not everyone who experienced symptoms turned into a titan.

This was why the government had a special facility located at Shiganshina District, Wall Maria. People who thought they're turning into a titan were placed there, under observation of doctors and research experts.

That's all you had managed to read before an idea popped in your head. You wanted to pretend like you were turning into one of those ugly giants so you could see what they would do to you. Besides, it's fun to play tricks on the scouts. Their expression when they found out you were lying was priceless.

Too bad you couldn't relish their funny reaction. Namjoon dismissed his subordinates so he could talk to you alone, so he could punish you for your sick joke.

"Apology not accepted." Your father's jaw set irately. His anger was palpable. "Did you know you could get in serious trouble if I wasn't in that room? Jungkook was so close to strangling you to death and you know what? I'm not even sure if I'll stop him if you weren't my daughter."

What he said was like a punch in the gut, a reminder that your father wasn't a merciful man, no, not when a brat like you crossed the line.

You were only saved today because you were the commander's daughter and a Saitō.

"What do you want me to do then?" You glared at your father, teeth clenching. For some reason, you were angry at him.

Maybe because he was finally showing you what he truly felt after he found out that your mother was dead.

He couldn't pity you forever. He had to be angry too. He had to see you as his daughter, not just a responsibility he had to take care of in favor of your mother.

"I already apologized. I made a mistake and what about it?" You were provoking him. You were wrong for thinking he could direct his anger at you.

You could see it. The pity in his eyes.

He put that pity into action.

Namjoon sighed loudly, shaking his head. You could see his clenched fist loosening. He was trying to calm himself down.

He was good at it. He was good at faking emotions because when he turned to look at you again, his face was completely neutral.

No need to run for the hills.

"Forget what I said. It's fine. You don't have to apologize anymore."

The sudden change of his attitude was giving you a whiplash.

You kept your mouth shut.

"Just be ready. You're going to meet the captain and your squad in a minute..."

Your heart constricted at that. So there's no changing his mind, huh? He would really give you away. He didn't want to train you so he'd entrust your life to someone else.

Typical Namjoon, always scared of looking after you.

"You know I love you, right?" As if sensing the drop of your mood, he spoke again.

Your lips formed into a line as you gave him a perfunctory nod.

"You'll find a room five doors away from here. Go there now. The captain and your squad are waiting for you."

He's not even going to walk you there, huh?

"When will I see you again?" Tears brimmed in your eyes. You rarely saw your father back when your mother was still alive. It's not that he didn't miss you. He did. More than so much. But Namjoon was busy with the expedition. The headquarters of the scouts were at Wall Rose too, a little far from the headquarters of the Military Police. Admittedly, you weren't sure if you could bear to live here in Wall Rose. It's different from the high standard of living in Wall Sheena.

"You know I'm a busy man," was the commander's only response. It infuriated you.

You thought you could see him whenever you please now that you were living in the same place.

"What if I want to report something to you?" Came your shitty excuse.

Namjoon avoided your gaze when he said, "you can directly report it to the captain of your squad, not to me."

He gave you the impression that he was out of reach, at least as a commander.

"What if I need my father?" You tried once more.

"What's rule number one again?" His head snapped up, finally meeting your eyes. Too bad it was still unreadable.

"What if I'm sad and need the comfort of my father? What if someone here hates me? Who do I call? What do I—"

"Rule number one, Saitō..."

Saitō.

He looked impatient while tapping his foot on the floor, waiting for you to repeat the stupid rule you two made.

"I don't have a father here. What I have is a commander." You indirectly quote the rule. What it really said was that you couldn't disclose your relationship with him.

You hated him for that. Not even a relative, huh? He was just Commander Smith.

"There are scouts your age in your squad. Talk to them. Make friends." And now he was pushing you to be a social butterfly so you couldn't bother him anymore.

Hate.

You hated him.

"Fine." You seethed, turning your back on him. You didn't want to see his face. "I'll see you around, Commander."

If he was shocked to hear you address him in a formal way, he didn't show it. You didn't see it either.

You just left the room, never turning to look at him again.

***

You could hear your heart beat every step you took. You were now four doors away from the office of your captain.

You wondered what they're like. Namjoon didn't say anything about that person, not even their gender. He told you you had to see it for yourself. Being able to compose yourself in the middle of a surprise attack or event was something the scouts needed to master, so you fixed your hair, inhaling deeply when you reached the front door of your captain's office.

Game face on.

You had to prove to your father that it was his loss that he didn't accept you in his squad.

"Hi, everyone!" The grin plastered on your face was huge as soon as you kicked the door open.

Yeah, kicked. The door was ajar anyway. You didn't break it in half or something. You simply wanted to leave a strong impression.

Something that said I'm strong, you can't mess up with me even when I don't have a connection in this place.

Your smile turned into an awkward one when you saw your squad's reaction though.

They didn't seem like they were anticipating your arrival. As a matter of fact, they looked like they were confused and uncomfortable to see you.

Ah, it's your fault. You didn't introduce yourself.

So you did.

Like what you had promised your father, you told the special operations squad that you were a Saitō, a former member of the Military Police who wanted to 'save' humanity from those titans, hence your decision to become a scout.

"A-Ah, nice to meet you..." A blond boy smiled shyly at you, your mind immediately crossing the idea that this person was the captain.

He looked small, fragile.

"Likewise." You grinned back. "So where's the captain?"

You scanned the place using your eyes. Most of the people here were the same ones who saw you faking a seizure.

You suddenly felt abashed. They probably thought you were stupid.

You couldn't let them affect your mood though. You were a Saitō, 'no one could break you.' This was what your grandfather used to tell you.

"It's him." The rest of the squad respectfully pointed at Jungkook. You remembered this man. He was the same person who tried to calm you down thinking that you were going to turn into a titan.

"This one's your captain?" You had to stifle your laugh as you disgustingly pointed at Jungkook.

They couldn't be serious. The one they're pointing at looked like a kid with his doe eyes. He was muscular, but he didn't really look healthy. The bags under his eyes were bothering you. Maybe he's one of those scouts who couldn't sleep because they were too afraid of facing a titan. Maybe his family forced him to join this regiment.

What a poor kid. Oh, well. As much as you pitied this guy, you still had to admit that their joke wasn't that bad. They actually made you laugh.

Were they playing a prank on you because of the stunt you pulled earlier?

You realized it's not important. Namjoon said to forget about it.

That's exactly what you're going to do.

"So..." You started again, finally gaining your composure after almost hysterically laughing at their trick. "Who's the captain?"

Amusement was still coloring your eyes while you looked at every face you could see inside this room.

Eh. None of them looked like a captain. They all seemed like a big joke to you. As a matter of fact, one of them was currently munching a boiled potato.

What a loser. The scouts were not as amazing as what Queen Historia made them appear. They didn't even have manners. Who in the right mind would eat a fucking potato in the midst of a meeting?

Stupid.

They all looked stupid, except one. You pointed at said person, asking, "you're the captain?"

That person seemed taken aback by your question. His reaction only confirmed that your assumption was wrong.

"N-No. I'm Hoseok Kirstein, also under the supervision of Captain Jung—"

The boy who introduced himself as Hoseok wasn't able to finish his statement. He was rudely cut off by Jungkook.

"Namjoon didn't tell me the new recruit was an idiot." Jungkook fired, though his expression was stone cold, clearly unamused with the situation.

You took offense at that.

"Excuse me?" Your teeth gritted. Who was he calling an idiot?

"Is your hearing impaired too?"

What the hell?

"What is your problem?"

"You." Jungkook said impassively. You felt like a vein in your head popped. Damn. This ‘starry eyes’ was infuriating.

You wanted nothing but to slap him in the face.

"Nothing's wrong with me!" You defended yourself.

If he thought he could insult you, then he was wrong. Dead wrong.

Jungkook had no intention of backing off either. To prove this, he took a step closer to you. Without a warning, he grabbed your hair forcefully.

"Tie your hair or cut it off." He was answering your questions, telling you what was wrong with you.

You couldn't talk back. Namjoon had told you before that hair should be tied up, especially during training and expeditions.

"Boots. This isn't a party." He kicked the pointed high heel of your shoe, causing you to lose your balance. Jungkook caught your wrist before you fell.

"You know what else is wrong with you?"

Jungkook didn't wait for your answer. Still unfazed, he said, "your face."

"What's wrong with my face!?"

"You look like a brat."

No!

That was the last straw.

You wriggle out of his grasp. You wanted nothing but to get away from this crude psycho. He was pissing you off so much.

"Listen carefully because I don't like repeating myself." Jungkook pulled you closer, not appreciating your attempt to get away from him.

He wasn't done with you yet.

Jungkook's face was too close for your liking, but unlike what books suggested, you didn't flush because your heart was happy to see a face this handsome. If anything, you just felt embarrassment creeping into your face.

Jungkook was obviously intimidating you.

"I'm the only captain of this squad." His voice was as cold as his eyes. It bore into you, ironically making your face feel even hotter.

You felt like you were under fire. You didn’t like it. He looked like a lost boy just a few seconds ago, what happened to his sparkly eyes?

"So—" His forehead hit yours, making you flinch. Jungkook didn't even bat an eyelash.

The whole room was quiet. Jungkook glared at you for a few more seconds before threatening you.

"Don't ever cross the line again." Was the last thing he said before storming out of the room.

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adhonoremrp · 2 years ago

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it is with a heavy heart that i announce my departure from adhonoremrp. it has been a wonderful few years writing with you all, and i love you very much! in saying that, please unfollow my blog here. the following characters have been dropped. this is what has happened to them (with the addition of a few other characters as requested)

the following characters will not be reopened for applications:

aeros rosier is missing, presumed dead. mieke roux and elodie corbin have gone looking for him, and posted a notice on the door that danika levi is custodian in the owner’s absences.

damien & mathias ricci have returned to italy. the new ownership of aeos library is not known yet.

there has been a fire at avery manor, which has sadly claimed the lives of paris avery and victoria moreau. there is speculation as to who was behind the arson, and if there is more to the story.

piper potts and edmund cuffe have eloped and moved to italy, where they plan to start a family away from the chaos of the wizarding war.

luca ollivander and mara lovelace have vanished without a trace. there are rumours that they were seen with their adopted daughter in scotland, but no one can be sure.

harriet gray was found dead in her home last night. it looks as if there was a break in, but nothing was taken. investigations are still underway.

elena montague has closed down her lawfirm, and has not been seen in weeks. there are rumours surrounding her break up with torin yaxley.

lorenzo de rose has left england for a world tour, and has no plans to return to england with his fiancee maisie buchanan for quite some time.

vivienne de lioncourt and arturo valencia will remain at their carnival, but vivienne will be an NPC. the same goes for miguel ortiz.

myra yadav was found dead in an ally near knockturn, seemingly stabbed from behind. an investigation is still underway.

laviscount gallery was placed in the care of ramona laviscount’s cousin, sorina, and she has returned to america to seek out her coven following her separation with her husband.

----

dawn reinhart, eryx vespertine, eryn vespertine, athena winters, harlee solace, jude arnoult, jimena desai, isolde sempronia, myra yadav, natalia hawthorne, moxie katz, rayen ruiz, mai starr, jupiter starr, nari mina , ronan prince and raoul verlice no longer exist in the world of this roleplay. their faceclaims are now open. characters based off of their inspirations/connections may be taken up in replacement. these characters may live on in indie rps of mine, who knows! same goes for any of the characters mentioned above. this is their fates in THIS roleplay.

----

the following characters may be reopened at the discretion of their ships/family connections, should the players wish to continue their stories: albion crabbe, fitzroy masaki, tyson huxley and darcy killick.

----

and lastly, the following canon characters have been reopened: mary macdonald and mundungus fletcher.

i love you all so very much, and i am so glad to have been a part of this wonderful group for such a long time. it will forever hold a place in my heart.

with love, admin kels.

#<3 #ahunfollow #goodbye my dears

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savrenim · 3 years ago

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i am running thru ur tumblr to find ONE POST to cite for tvtropes, and i agree so hard with the soulmate stuff. what if my soulmate is an awful abuser, i want the choice to NOT be with them without some painful physical consequence or loss of perception if i don't date them just because the universe said we were "meant to be"... plus if it's just a magic thing it "feels" more justified in-universe that soulmates exist and less like an ass pull so you could justify getting 2 characters together

oH gods this is something that I have SO many feelings about that probably is slightly informed by my own orientation and preferences, but. feelings. this got long so it's going under the cut

so there are three and a half major things that I have a problem with in terms of general soulmate tropes that are "there is one person who is your perfect romantic partner" (which to be fair I've seen a number of soulmate AUs do that trope with the addendum "although it only applies to a certain percentage of the population / not everyone has soulmates / everyone has soulmates but not everyone has SUPER PERFECT ROMANTIC soulmates" which at least somewhat avoids the statistic inevitability of abusive soulmates if combined with Fate Can See The Future And So Your Fated Soulmate Just Won't Be) and these complaints aren't even from the "I'm poly where's my poly rep" kind of place which is a whole 'nother bag of worms, but let's go:

1. I aggressively believe that love is a choice. Love is something that is built, not predetermined before you meet someone. There might be initial compatibility aspects going down when you first meet someone, but, like. statistically there are more than seven and a half billion people on this planet. If there is only a single person perfectly meant for you, again, statistically, you are not going to meet them, I've seen the figure thrown that on average a person will meet on the order 10,000 people in their lifetime but let's even go 100,000, you will meet 0.001% of the world's population. Unless you think some sort of divine coincidence or fate is guiding you to a soulmate which throws free will out the window and then I can't help you but, like. discarding the math, I think it is actively harmful to a relationship to believe that it can be sustained on chemistry or predetermined 'but we're perfect for each other' alone. It requires work. You choose who is in your life, you choose who stays in your life, you choose who you want to be important to you based on what they contribute to your life and what you contribute to theirs.

(I am assuming this ask is at least partially in reaction to my soulmate post, which actually the fic in question, a buried and a burning flame, has since gone up. I highly recommend reading Hands of the Emperor by Victoria Goddard first, but besides the setup for arson wizards that alas is never used because the fire mage with a soulmate in question is Responsible, I decided to both tackle 'okay soulmarks trope too let's throw it in', which leads to the not-really-a-spoiler passage that appears fairly early on about actually the full layout (albeit with less detail on the 'yeah for mages it just helps ground their magic, nothing romantic about it' part) of my Soulmate Rules:

Soulmates existed, both in the Empire of Astandalas and across the Wide Seas. They just worked slightly differently in Vangavaye-ve than the rest of the worlds.

The rest of the Empire seemed to view soulmates as a monolith. From what Cliopher had been able to glean, the tradition was grounded in their magic. Magi had soulmates, or rather, magic-workers would each have a soulmate. Cliopher wasn't clear if all magic-workers had a soulmate, or if magic-workers simply could have one, but there was always a mage in soulmate pairs, and it was always a pair. There were no marks, no visible signs involved, as soulmates were something that were sensed with magic. They were permanent, intrinsic, and to be recognized immediately.

To Wide Sea Islanders, soulmates were a choice.

The soul-marks, lana and lani-voa, would appear the first time you touched someone that you had chosen to love, with the full knowledge that you loved them. Cliopher had the marks of his mother and father, his sisters, Basil and Dimiter, Bertie and Ghilly. His skin was covered lovingly with the colors of his love, marks that he had gotten used to concealing with long sleeves in Astandalas when he had gotten tired of the constant staring at his 'primitive tattoos'.

Buru Tovo had been the only one to give him lani-voa, a greater mark of the soul. The pattern, with its thick lines and twisting design in a deep blue, extended over the entirety of his left arm and shoulder. They were the dances of his family pressed onto his skin, and he had traced them over with reverent and feather-light touch for months after he had received them. A lani-voa marked someone who had changed your life for the better in a deep and irrevocable way. It was a great honor to have even one.

And now, with the gold stretching up his right arm, new patterns that he didn't recognize stretching up from a handprint of pure gold that was expanding the longer he held that first contact with Tor—

now he had two.

(Buru Tovo is Cliopher's great uncle, for context. In fact, everyone listed there is either a familial or platonic relationship, with a single relationship that used to be romantic but settled into platonic.))

so. yeah. Love is a choice! The Biggest Of Moods! any soulmate lore that undermines that is a Bad Message, in my opinion.

The emphasis also on platonic soulmates leads into my second point:

2. I have found in my life that platonic relationships that I have are and have always been as important if not moreso than the romantic relationships. the emphasis of a single romantic relationship as the most important relationship that you can be in maybe fits for some people, but as a generalization to absolutely everyone I think is toxic and harmful. and not just for aro people! I'm not aro, but I would be miserable to write off my friends as Less Important And Meaningful to me than my parter, whom I love with all my heart! (I've actually ended up in my life settling into what I call the red/blue/gold system for 'relationships that I treat with the importance that society treats romantic relationships', but that's a personal thing). The standard soulmate trope tends to really solidly deliver the thesis of "there is a single romantic relationship that is the single most important relationship in your life" and I just think that's a very bad thesis.

3. Finally, I think the emphasis on permanent/forever is a harmful one for relationships in general. People change. you drift closer to people or further away from them. you move, they move, your schedules change, your interests change, your life changes. if you are living with a romantic partner you're going to keep seeing each other every day, but that doesn't stop you from changing as a person, which means see Point 1 Love Is A Choice; but even if you choose to remain together, you are probably eventually going to Ship Of Theseus your entire relationship. I think it is an important message that if that happens and it is no longer a relationship that is as deeply positive as it once was in your life, you don't...have to keep it out of loyalty to what it once was.

It's okay for people to drift out of your life that were once the most important person in your life. It doesn't invalidate how important and meaningful that relationship used to be, and it isn't a betrayal to let yourself and them and your relationships change and evolve. The idea that something has to be forever for it to matter I think is the idea about soulmates that I disagree with the most. Probably because that was the hardest lesson for me to learn as a kid and a teenager, and the life lesson that I am proudest for learning.

3.5 your point 'plus if it's just a magic thing it "feels" more justified in-universe that soulmates exist' is exactly on the nose, literally I am unable to write anything without attempting to write down a universal theory of everything for How The World Works. if something soulmate-wise is going down even if it never appears on the page you bet your ass I have either figured out the general cosmology and theology of "are there gods or divine forces who have instituted this policy? if so, why? what purpose does it serve", or in the case of abaabf which already has such interesting magic rules in the original canon of "is there an evolutionary reason for soulmates to exist" which I don't go tracing out full evolutionary biology for a fic necessarily mostly because I would want the full evolutionary biology in canon to make sure mine is compliant enough but that sure as hell does translate to "if soulmates exist and it's not for the reason of Because Godlike Beings Said So, there better be a practical purpose". I find at least long-form soulmate fics (ie things With Plot and a Developed Setting that aren't just "let's do a ficlet with this well-known trope") that Do Not Feel Like They've At Least Thought About Why Soulmates Happen To Exist hurt my soul. which I think slightly intersects with my "I hate it when the rules of the universe/ laws of physics are human-centric" instead of "the base rules which were not designed for humans came first, and how the human world works arose in reaction to them" and. yeah. consistent desire to know at least for myself why things are set up the way that they're set up which gods ifmlam is wild and completely bullshit and pulls from quantum multiverse philosophy I started writing that thing when I was like. eighteen? nineteen? but at least it's there so I can be consistent.

as a caveat for everything above: I don't actually think that fiction, fanfiction in particular, needs to perfectly reflect what A Good Relationship or A Good Message About Relationships should be. it is a very human desire in a chaotic and confusing world to want a simple, absolute, binary thing to hold onto. fiction is a place for escapism or wish fulfillment or even exploring things that you wouldn't actually want in real life, I think that the movement in fandom/fiction that all of the messaging in your story should match the advice you'd give for a real-life setup is a bad and harmful one. mostly my opinions on soulmates and hence desire to do inversions of the soulmate trope in my fic and things like the red/blue/gold system and heavy emphasis on platonic relationships in original work that I'm writing is about a desire to see representation for me and the things I love and find important and my sort of relationships in the stories that are a big part of my life. but I am really glad that in doing so I seem to have struck a chord in other people, who maybe want to see the same thing!

#my life #my writing #abaabf #soulmates #also what post are you looking for/ what is its general topic if you haven't found it #I might remember a few keywords and be able to help you search

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juuumdraws · 1 year ago

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I made the portraits 🤠 it’s three bands. Let’s start with Arson Heart

We have Queen

Éden

And Hanji. For ‘The Paws’ we have

Manny

Seojun

And Tyler. Finally for Cure For Nation we have :

Hayley

Terra

And finally Victoria.

I am already writing a soundtrack that I probably will never release it, but i’ll like to show more of them here💗

#artists on tumblr #art #drawing #draw #my art #oc #original character #my oc sketch #arson heart #queen arson heart #eden arson heart #hanji arson heart #manny arson heart #seojun arson heart #tyler arson heart #hayley arson heart #terra arson heart #victoria arson heart

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interminal · 5 years ago

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FILL OUT WITH MUSE INFO.

(are you uncomfortable yet)

ɴᴀᴍᴇ: jean damon descole ???

ᴀʟɪᴀs ( ɴɪᴄᴋɴᴀᴍᴇs ): wolf; cuckoo; dove; bluejay; [insert cool serial killer nickname i havent decided on yet here]; christopher faulkner ɢᴇɴᴅᴇʀ: m ᴀɢᴇ: 37 ᴅᴀᴛᴇ ᴏғ ʙɪʀᴛʜ: may 22, 1982 sᴘᴏᴋᴇɴ ʟᴀɴɢᴜᴀɢᴇs: english, russian, small amount of finnish, smaller amount of swedish ᴏᴄᴄᴜᴘᴀᴛɪᴏɴ: ex-organ harvester/dealer, ex-giant robot building villain ᴄʀɪᴍɪɴᴀʟ ʀᴇᴄᴏʀᴅ: aggravated assault; arson of a grade 3 listed building ᴅɪsᴏʀᴅᴇʀs: bpd; pstd + c-ptsd; depression; osdd-1; possible aspd ᴇʏᴇ ᴄᴏʟᴏʀ: light grey ʜᴀɪʀ ᴄᴏʟᴏʀ: mid-dark brown ʜᴇɪɢʜᴛ: 5′7″ sᴄᴀʀs: a few. of note: claw mark across his (missing) left eye; large bite marks on his right shoulder + left calf; nice new fuckoff massive, wonky kinda x-shaped incision on his chest from Post-Shotgun Repair Surgery, alongside various bullet wounds/slashes/stab wounds

ʙᴜʀɴs: none really bad enough to visibly scar, which is an achievement considering his occasional penchant for burning things ᴏᴠᴇʀᴡᴇɪɢʜᴛ: nope ᴜɴᴅᴇʀᴡᴇɪɢʜᴛ: nope ʜᴀᴅ sᴇx: he’s heard of it ʜᴀᴅ sᴇx ɪɴ ᴘᴜʙʟɪᴄ: not that i remember? ɢᴏᴛᴛᴇɴ ᴘʀᴇɢɴᴀɴᴛ: no ᴋɪssᴇᴅ ᴀ ʙᴏʏ: yeah! ᴋɪssᴇᴅ ᴀ ɢɪʀʟ: ...yeah. ɢᴏᴛᴛᴇɴ ᴛᴀᴛᴛᴏᴏs: one; a snake on his right arm. ɢᴏᴛᴛᴇɴ ᴘɪᴇʀᴄɪɴɢs: nope! sᴍᴏᴋᴇᴅ/ᴅʀᴀɴᴋ/ᴅᴏɴᴇ ᴅʀᴜɢs: used to smoke a lot, only when he’s stressed now / Drinks A Lot / used to partake in the green stuff for Pain and Fear purposes, decided it wasn’t for him. he has a bit of an addictive personality, and has to be careful with any opiate-centric medication ʜᴀᴅ ᴀ ʙʀᴏᴋᴇɴ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ: who knows! ʙᴇᴇɴ ɪɴ ʟᴏᴠᴇ: :pleading_face: ɴᴇᴇᴅᴇᴅ sᴜʀɢᴇʀʏ: yeah. he’s not very nice to his organs, or his limbs. sᴛᴀʏᴇᴅ ᴜᴘ ғᴏʀ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴛʜᴀɴ 24 ʜᴏᴜʀs: he was awake for almost 2 weeks once, which resulted in needing one of the aforementioned surgeries when his heart got fucked up from all the cortisol/adrenaline/electric shocks. ᴀ ᴠɪʀɢɪɴ: haha no ᴀ ᴄᴜᴅᴅʟᴇʀ: if he trusts you, he can get a little velcro-y ᴀ ᴋɪssᴇʀ: little kisses. litl. sᴄᴀʀᴇᴅ ᴇᴀsɪʟʏ: startled easily, made paranoid easily, not intimidated easily ᴊᴇᴀʟᴏᴜs ᴇᴀsɪʟʏ: considering he’s borderline as hell he does an ok job of not being jealous ᴛʀᴜsᴛᴡᴏʀᴛʜʏ: no! ᴄᴏɴsɪᴅᴇʀᴇᴅ ᴍᴇᴀɴ: he wants to be. he hopes he is. ʜᴀʀᴍᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇᴍsᴇʟᴠᴇs: yeah. ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ᴏғ sᴜɪᴄɪᴅᴇ: yeah... ᴀᴛᴛᴇᴍᴘᴛᴇᴅ sᴜɪᴄɪᴅᴇ: he succeeded once! ғᴇᴀʀs: death/infinity, being restrained/losing his freedom, deep water, heights, dragons, hurting the people he loves sɪʙʟɪɴɢs: felix damon (deceased) ᴘᴀʀᴇɴᴛs: vaughn damon (deceased), yaris damon (???) ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ: victoria iverson damon (good girl), flora reinhold layton damon (Hm) ᴘᴇᴛ(s): toast (gsd), mocha (gsd/rottweiler cross)

#sui / sh / drugs ment under cut #something dead that seems to be alive〚 ABOUT. 〛

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deathcvrse · 5 years ago

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◟ * ◊ ─ dylan o'brien + cis male + he/him » * believe it or not mason giordano is part of the resistance. they are 27 years old are known for spending their time around body cult. the hitman, who’s been a part of the group for 9 years, has been living in victoria his entire life. the people closest to them describe the bisexual scorpio to be +kind and +trustworthy as well as -cold and -selfish◝

hello everyone , i’m lorena , 19 & . i’m trash for video games . if ya got any questions in regards to my muses , or have ideas for connections don’t hesitate in messaging me !! i do have discord , if you’d like to plot over there - but i’m also fine with tumblr ims . anyways this is mason , i also play ursula & ernrique tho !! f ya wanna plot and stuff GIVE THIS A LIKE !!

GENERAL BACKGROUND + A FEW FACTS . TRIGGER WARNING: SUBSTANCE ABUSE , DEATH . - mason is originally from naples , italy , but moved to victoria when he was just a few months old . this is due to his father successfully landing a h-1b visa at a well known IT business . throughout his childhood mason lived with both of his parents , his siblings and his grandmother until he was sixteen . - it was no secret that the marriage between his parents was unstable , constant fighting - would not only lead his mother to become an alcoholic but also to having an affair with benito mancini . soon after , she would become pregnant and give birth to his first half brother , rocco mancini . a divorce would be filed , and his mother rosaline would marry benito shortly after . two years later she’d give birth to another son . - with his mother leaving at the age of 6 to be with another man , mason was left alone with his father . while mason missed his mother , he felt as if she preferred his younger siblings over himself . perhaps it had to do with how similar the younger boy looked to his father ?? - overtime he’d see the loving figure of his father morph into a monster . the heartbreak of losing his wife , mixed with the feeling of guilt , would soon lead to substance abuse . what would start with a one or two lines of coke a week , would turn his father into an addict . - at the age of fifteen , mason would lose his father . a bullet between his brows would be the indication of a murder . it was no secret that giovanni giordano had spent all his fortune in drugs . the death of his father would be what would push mason’s mother over the edge . continuously questioning why she never took mason in with her , and what he had to endure as a kid would be what caused her alcoholism to worsen . she’d soon be in and out of rehab . - shortly after the murder of his father , mason’s nan would win custody over him . he would be given a choice , to live with his nan or his mother , but a part of him refused to live with his stepfather and siblings . - due to the financial issues mason’s grandmother struggled with he joined the alliance . while he started of as a pawn , not even a year in he’d change positions and become a gunman . - overtime mason would slowly stop contacting his mother . he’d be hit with the feeling of guilt after her death in a drunk driving accident . the same year or her death mason would lose his grandmother to cancer . - in 2010 , enrique lothario would contact him to form part of the resistance , the night of the arson he quit the alliance and joined the resistance as a hitman , which he has been doing for 9 years .

GENERAL STATS . - name : mason giordano . - nicknames : mg , giordano , tba . - age : 27 . - sexuality : bisexual . - birthday : october 30th . - position within the reistance : the hitman . - scars : caused by weapons - one across the front of his neck , one on his abdomen . accidents - after breaking his wrist , when he was 13 he needed surgery , thus a scar that goes from his wrist slightly down to his forearm . - piercings : current : 2 rings on his left ear cartilage . past : eyebrow piercing . - tattoos : a perfect rose encompassed by flames with esmerelda’s signature inked onto his back . a small cross inked onto the side of his right thumb . medusa inked onto his right shoulder with a snake embracing his upper arm , slowly connecting to THIS piece which is also inked onto his upper arm . mason has a sailboat that is embraced by snakes , inked onto the inside of his bicep on his right arm . one can see a set of mermaids on that piece . on the right side of his right wrist he has a small moon . said snakes slowly travel down his skin until they reach his forearm , where they meet the inked piece of MICHELANGELO’S DAVID , slowly surrounding the perfect figure . on the back of his right arm he has written ‘dead end’ in bold capital letters right above his elbow . on his left arm , mason wears half a sleeve , where inked trees cover his forearm . GG inked onto the back of his neck sitting in between two wings , representing his grandmother’s initials . a small heart inked in the space between his collarbones and ‘ breathe ’ written out vertically in small capital letters on the side of his neck , each letter is spaced out . he has ‘ la pura verita ’ inked right below that same heart .

WANTED CONNECTIONS . - anyone he knows from high school . 0/? - anyone from the bianchi family he has close ties with . 0/3 - someone he gets his drugs from , a specific dealer maybe ?? 0/2 - anyone that was in the alliance with him in the past : 0/2 - a hitman he sees like a brother / sister . basically someone who understands how shit it is having to do the job . 0/2 - a drinking buddy , maybe they just hang out to drink their sorrows idk 0/2 - a partying buddy - yes , someone he simply goes and gets pissed with for the sake of having fun 0/2 - friends , frenemies , enemies . 0/? - past hook ups . 0/? this is self explanatory . - ex girlfriend 1 , see wc page on the main 0/1 .

#vhqs.intros

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victorluvsalice · 7 years ago

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Happy Birthday, Squid!

@gaydragonwizards -- Hey, we’ve known each other for a while now, it’s about time I did one of these for you. :) And, since you’re one of the biggest fans of the Lovecraft Jazz AU, here’s a snippet from it! Specifically, the part where everybody ends up at the local hotel at the same time. We come in just as the Van Dorts and the Everglots walk in and spot each other. . .

There was about five solid seconds of stunned silence. Then, in almost perfect chorus: "What are you doing here?!"

Lady Everglot scowled, drawing herself up to her full, impressive height (made even more so by her massive tower of hair -- Victor would never understand what magic she used to keep both it and herself upright). "We asked first," she snapped, as her husband glowered at all and sundry. "And we are the highest-ranking people present."

"Well, we're here on business," Father said, tapping his cane against the floor. "Hoping to expand the cannery, don'tcha know!"

"Yes," Mother simpered, a nasty gleam in her eyes. "My brilliant businessman of a husband is looking to make us even richer." She snapped open her fan. "So what brings you to the shores of America, ladyship? Visiting one of your many estates?"

"If you do have a house over here, maybe we could use it for the wedding!" Father added brightly. "I mean, we're all here, we know it's going to happen -- what's the point in delaying?"

"We're not here because of our -- possible matrimonial situation," Lady Everglot said, her lip curling. "We've come to visit family in Innsmouth. A cousin of Finis's."

"To discuss financial matters," Lord Everglot added, glaring sharply at Father.

"Oh? Has your cousin fallen on hard times as well?" Father said innocently. "If he's in the fish business too, I'd be happy to lend a hand." He grinned. "After all, there's no denying this place could use the work! Have you seen the rest of the town? Looks about ready to fall down around our ears!"

Yes, Father, that's going to endear you to the locals, Victor thought, glancing apologetically at the innkeeper frowning at them from behind his desk. Why does he never think before he speaks? Well, at least now I have one friendly face around. He gave Victoria a little wave from behind Mother -- she returned it. I wonder if we'll be allowed to actually say more than two words to each other if Mother arranges another "date." I like her well enough already, but it would be nice to have a proper conversation without being interrupted. Particularly if we're still supposed to get married. He sighed softly. Only in Burtonsville would the arranged marriage not gone the way of the dodo. I know they can't actually force us, but -- ugh, the scandal that would result if she or I refused! The door creaked open again -- he glanced over idly. We'd end up pariahs on par with poor -- "Emily?!"

Emily Cartwell started backward, nearly stumbling right into her companion. "Victor?"

"What? Emily?" Mother turned toward the door, then gasped, snapping her fan shut dramatically. "Miss Cartwell! You're here too?"

"Ah -- yes," Emily said, glancing back at the man behind her. Victor recognized him as Sam Thatcher -- that's right, they had gone off together in the wake of the Barkis Incident. "We're -- we're on tour. What are you--"

"On tour?" Lady Everglot huffed. She exchanged a dark look with her husband. "So it's true -- you ran off with this man not even to marry him, but to make a spectacle of yourself in the theater?"

"Well, running off to marry someone didn't go so well, milady," Emily retorted, folding her arms. "And I'm not an actress -- I'm a dancer."

Lady Everglot put her nose in the air. "Yes, that makes such a difference. Young people these days, Finis. . ."

"So glad we didn't end up trying her family," Mother stage-whispered to Father behind her fan. "Girl has no sense of propriety. Do you see her dress? Her knees are just -- out there! For everyone to stare at!"

Victor winced, and saw Victoria do the same. What was with their parents and their lack of shame? "I'm glad to see you're all right, Miss Cartwell," he said, getting a smile in return. He straightened and offered a salute to her companion. "And you as well, Mr. Thatcher."

Mr. Thatcher blinked, then grinned lopsidedly. "Aw, don't bother with all that. I did my duty -- haven't put the old uniform on in ages."

"Still, we do appreciate your service," Victoria said, ignoring the frown she got from her mother for daring to speak.

"Yeah, one of our old boys back from the trenches should have a proper job," Father agreed brightly. "Are you going to be here for a while? Once I talk to the dockmen and get my latest venture open, I can get you a position easily!"

"Uh -- thanks but no thanks," Mr. Thatcher replied, holding up a hand. "Music's been in my blood -- even back in the trenches me and some friends were plannin' on starting up our own band." For a moment, his eyes grew haunted as he rubbed his leg -- then he managed to shake it off. "I'm happy with what me and Ems are doing, honest."

Father seemed rather confused by this confession. Fortunately, though, before he could open his mouth and dig himself an even deeper hole, the door creaked open again. Victor's head swiveled toward it, as did everyone else's, to see --

Two complete strangers. They stared back at the sea of faces curiously. "Hmm -- seems we're expected, Lizzie," the young lady in front said, glancing up at what could only be her sister. She looked at each of them in turn. "Are you the Innsmouth welcoming committee, then?"

"Ah -- n-no," Victor got out. Goodness, he'd never seen eyes like hers before. Such a bright, sharp green -- they seemed to reach straight into his very soul, holding him fascinated. The rest of her was pretty too -- long dark hair worn loose around her shoulders, a strong pink mouth, a slim figure clad in blue. More than that, though, was the power she seemed to radiate. One got the feeling this was not someone you wanted to upset.

"We were just sort of expecting someone else from our hometown to show up," Emily explained, shaking her head. "We're all from the same village back in England, you see, and we all arrived here in the past five minutes, it looks like."

"Ah. Well, I am from England, but I haven't the slightest where your village is. Sorry to disappoint." The woman noticed Victor staring and hit him with a frown. "Are you that shocked to see a stranger in a strange land?"

"You've got beautiful eyes."

Victor's brain only caught up with the words once they'd already left his lips. He started at his own boldness, grabbing his tie for support. "I-I mean -- I-I'm not used to -- not that you d-don't have lovely eyes too, M-Miss Everglot, or you either, Miss C-Cartwell -- just that yours, miss, are so g-green and I -- ah--" He slapped a hand over his mouth before he could further embarrass himself. "Sorry."

Mother sighed heavily, leaning on Father with a mutter of "Utterly hopeless, isn't he?" while Lady Everglot tched and murmured to her husband, "Typical of the middle class." The sister -- Lizzie -- also seemed unimpressed, glaring at him as if he'd blurted out something intensely crude. Victoria, by contrast, shook her head fondly, while Emily hid a giggle and Mr. Thatcher grinned. And the young lady -- well, said beautiful eyes widened in surprise for a moment. Then she smirked. "You must not be used to green eyes if that's how you react to them," she said. "But I suppose I should thank you for the compliment." She curtsied. "Alice Liddell, sir. You are?"

"Victor," Victor said, lowering his hand. Well, at least he hadn't made a total fool of himself. "Victor Van Dort."

"Wait -- Liddell?" Mr. Thatcher said, tipping his head to one side. "The girls from that fire? In Oxford?"

"That's the one," Lizzie replied shortly. "And given that I have it on good authority that the man who set said fire might be here in town, could you all give us leave to check in first so we can get down to the police station?"

"Oh -- yeah, go right ahead," Mr. Thatcher said, waving them onward.

"We can wait," Father agreed, stepping back.

Lord Everglot merely grunted, which the Liddell sisters took as assent. Victor watched as they approached the front desk. Oh my. . .so -- my parents, my forced fiancee, her parents, the woman at the heart of Burtonsville's greatest scandal in ages, her rescuer and one of Burtonsville's lesser-known soldiers, and the two sisters in the middle of the most shocking case of arson in all of England. One of whom now knows I think she has beautiful eyes.

This is going to be an interesting trip.

#gaydragonwizards #Happy Birthday #lovecraft jazz AU #oh lookit ACTUAL FIC #I was gonna just do Victor meeting Alice #but then this popped into my head and seemed funnier XD #poor Victor you have no idea how interesting this trip is going to be #it was very weird writing 'Mother and Father' instead of 'William and Nell'#I thought it would be better for the Victor POV #but if I ever do this as a proper story I might just use their names since that's what I'm used to #we'll see I suppose #hope you enjoy!#queued

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atlanticcanada · 4 years ago

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Creating permanent memorial to Nova Scotia mass shooting victims a delicate task

Creating a memorial for those killed in Nova Scotia's mass shooting is a delicate task at a time when families continue to grieve and communities are reluctant to revisit horror, say volunteers working on the project.

"We're just getting started really. It's quite a process," Cees van den Hoek, a board member of the Nova Scotia Remembers Legacy Society, said in an interview Thursday.

The local antique dealer was standing in front of a former church he owns in Portapique, where the first impromptu arrangements of flowers, paper hearts and laminated photos were placed after the deaths last April 18-19. The tributes were removed in September, with some being passed on to families.

Van den Hoek was taking a moment from helping organize a run that will start nearby, one year to the day after the shootings began -- an initial step toward raising money for a permanent site.

"It would be a nice, quiet and secluded place, clean and well kept with some gardens, nicely landscaped and with little corners where you can be by yourself," he said. He first became involved immediately after the mass shooting as part of a group of local citizens who created a tribute video, and that group gradually formed into the non-profit legacy society.

This week, as the first anniversary of the 13-hour rampage by a gunman disguised as an RCMP officer approaches, the remembrances are less formal.

Beginning Sunday, the society has invited people to take a quiet walk through a wooded trail at Victoria Park in Truro to pay tribute to the 22 people killed, including a pregnant nurse who was murdered in her car about 20 kilometres from the park.

On the morning of April 18, a closed service for families is planned in Truro, with broadcasters livestreaming the event.

In a separate event, some family members have said they will be participating in a peaceful march to the Bible Hill, N.S., RCMP headquarters to express their concerns over the federal police force's handling of the case. The Mounties have declined all comment, citing an upcoming public inquiry into the shootings.

Jenny Kierstead, the sister of Lisa McCully -- a neighbour of the gunman who was among the first killed in Portapique -- said in a recent interview she hopes a formal memorial site will provide some solace in the years to come.

The 48-year-old Halifax resident, who is the chairwoman of the society's anniversary committee, said after a period of numbness and denial passed, the loss has been hitting harder in recent weeks.

"It's like a veil has been lifted and reality revealed, and I'd say the last few months have been the hardest because of that," she said.

"Six months ago I said to myself I can either succumb to this darkness or I could reach for the light," she said, referring to why she started working on the memorial project.

Van den Hoek said site selection will have to be approached with caution and include consultation carried out by third parties who have experience dealing with grief. "It's so emotional and so many people are in so many stages of grief. This will probably take a few years," he said.

Tom Taggart, a municipal councillor who represents the Portapique area, said local residents don't want a memorial site too close to the initial scenes of shooting and arson.

"It doesn't mean they don't want a respectful memorial, but it needs to be properly sited and properly managed for sure. They don't want their little community to become a tourist destination," Taggart said in an interview last week.

"They don't want Portapique to be known for this."

Joy Laking, a painter who lives across the river from the scenes of violence, was friends with three of those who died and said she still feels depressed by the events of a year ago. She said in an interview at her Portapique studio that it's time to "think outside the box" about a memorial, suggesting an oceanside park where people can go on quiet walks to remember the victims.

"In my opinion shoreline access would be better than any monument," Laking said. "I'm not one for big, solid memorials. I think just plant a tree."

Heather Sparling, a professor of ethnomusicology at Cape Breton University who researches memorial sites, said it's not uncommon for memorials to take time after incidents such as mass shootings -- and in the early years raw emotions may slow things down.

She notes plans to memorialize the 2012 Sandy Hook Elementary School shootings in Newtown, Conn., where 26 died, are just coming to fruition -- with a proposal going forward for a two-hectare site that includes a nature walk to a reflection pool, with a sycamore tree growing at the centre.

"Formal memorialization has always been challenging, because there are always questions about who will be memorialized and where it goes," she said.

Ideas for memorial sites that include more active spaces such as gardens, bandstands, and walking labyrinths -- which Kierstead says the legacy society's committee is considering -- are all becoming more common, Sparling said.

"My sense is that when somebody dies who we love, our greatest fear is that person's memory is erased from the Earth, and we desire ... that their legacy lives on," she said.

"Creating a space where there's a feeling something beautiful and meaningful has been left for others to use, this is something I'm noticing more and more."

This report by The Canadian Press was first published April 11, 2021.

from CTV News - Atlantic https://ift.tt/3fZhYRN

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