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hannahwatcheshorror · 11 days ago

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V/H/S: VIRAL (2014)

😿Dog dies

When I first saw this movie I remember being in such awe and this time I just don’t get what I saw the first time around. I think I was just impressed by how they tied the whole thing together better this movie but still the actual videos themselves weren’t all that impressive.

⭐⭐.5

(Trigger Warning R word, self harm)

My first time watching this I gave it five stars and I really don’t feel that way now, the movie was decent but certainly not perfect. Before I literally wrote “The other movies led up to this point and it is all that matters.” but having watched it again with fresh eyes that have seen so much good horror… It’s alright. I guess when I first watched it I had caught the virus but not so much this time. Did I have high expectations considering I had rated it perfect before? Not really! I was just excited to see an old friend, you know? Either way it just didn’t cut the mustard.

Our videos are all tied together by a massive car chase going on with a suspicious ice cream van that is tearing through town and we have a random homeboy that decides it is a great idea to leave his home and start recording BUT then the shady van takes his girlfriend (not cool!). He gets a call from her and that leads us to our first video. To begin, magic is real! A magician's assistant is spilling the beans because her magician is an evil little man who feeds people to his magic cloak! His assistant, Scarlett, who has aspirations to be a magician herself, found tapes of her boss, Dante, murdering a man so she called the police on him. He used his magic cloak to summon her though and attempted to kill her too. She used her own magic and sleight of hand to tie Dante to his cloak and doom him, saving herself and leaving a mystery of “Where did Dante go?” We are then back in the chase, homeboy has himself a bike and is trying to catch the van. We randomly find ourselves at a backyard party where everyone thinks the search party is for them, an uncle gets his dog hurt so he kills everyone at the party, but then a propane tank explodes. Anyway.

The second video is a door to another dimension. Mystery genitals, as you would probably guess, but we will get to that part. A scientist makes a portal door to a parallel dimension and it works! With very little background checking on his double they switch places for 15 minutes to do whatever they want in each other's dimensions and what could go wrong? Turns out a lot of things, like that the people in the other dimension have flashlight faces and do weird sex rituals. He barely makes it out back to his side (dimension A) while in dimension A while Guy B is attacking Wife A with Guy B’s sharp toothed alien puppet penis. (WACK) Guy B runs away because Wife A gets a knife to defend herself and he goes back to Wife B who is mad because of what Guy A did so she uses her sharp toothed alien puppet vagina to eat Guy B… Then Wife A kills Guy A because she thinks he’s the one who attacked her! Does it make sense? No? Okay! Back to the chase our homeboy is still struggling but we meet a girl stripping for the camera but then she starts to hold the guy up? Turns out she has a bone to pick with the porno guy for posting inappropriate videos of her without her consent. He is scared at first but then he turns the tables and has his hands around her neck before they are hit by another car. ANYWAY.

Third, some skateboarders get wrapped up in some Satanism. At first they are just filming a sick skateboarding video but then one of them gets an abrasion that bleeds on a creepy drawing that is clearly for some ritual and the blood burns up! Then all these spooky people come and attack the skate crew! And then the spooky, scary skeletons. The boys deck the boney bastards with their skateboards and make it out but there is some sort of beast that has been summoned that comes out just as this video comes to an end. Back in the world of the car chase our homeboy has caught up with the suspicious ice cream truck and inside are cameras and monitors all showing him on video. Then his girlfriend appears and demands him to press the upload switch, he says no, but she starts to hit her head until he does it (and even after). It really wrapped the whole thing up quite nicely and when our homeboy stumbles out of the van he finds his girlfriend on the opposite side on the ground, dead.