#very triggering shit too etc etc from when i was a kid ..... managed to use her phone for 5 min to call my bf and beg him again for my stuff

[baileythebean]

Vent below the cut so HUUUUGE trigger warning.

So usually I vent in my dad’s (Anomaly’s) DMs because he’s great at comforting me, but Im too pissed for this right now and I dont want to bother him. I swear I am so fucking close to actually killing myself, it’s scary.

My mom has an aversion to me ever binding. I am transmasc (FtM), and I am out to my parents. My mom claims to be a “good”, “supportive” mom, and I do occasionally have moments where I’m like “oh yeah, she’s making progress, she’s learning! :)” and then it’s always fucking ruined by saying things like “well Bailey is your nickname, your name is [deadname].” - “well you’re still biologically female.” - lots of bullshit little jabs at me whenever I ACTUALLY get brave enough to talk about my identity, which is rarely. Unfortunately, any chances of me getting a binder were ruined when I just asked her flat-out. I said it was for cosplay, just to play it safe, and it was still a hard no because “It destroys your body!” - “You wont develop properly!” - “You’ll regret it!” Along with several long rants about ALL the research she’s done, (probably barely any, and it was most likely on social media) and all the stories she’s heard about people who regretted surgery or just transitioning in general and had lawsuits for them, which is like, very low. The regret rate for transitioning is in the DECIMALS and yet she refuses to acknowledge that. We also have a history with suicide, as that’s how my dad left us, and yet she either hasn’t seen or doesnt care about trans suicide rates BECAUSE of being denied affirming care or harassment?? Anyways, here’s where my shit show of a story starts. I managed to get by fine with layering sports bras for a while and just not wearing anything tight-fitting. I figured she’d warm up to it eventually. But recently, I got a new cosplay (Venti from Genshin Impact) which involves a corset, and even if I layer or adjust the shirt, makes my chest look very weird if I dont bind. I started feeling more dysphoria than ever in my life and made a plan to get a binder before my first time wearing the costume. Said plan succeeded, and I had my friend get me the right sized binder at a birthday party one day through a queer kids program that offered them for free. I was so happy and started wearing it to get used to it and break it in since that day. Unfortunately, today I made the mistake of leaving it on my bed visibly.

My mom also has a terrible habit of going into my room and my spaces to clean, even though I usually do it myself anyway, and I LITERALLY FUCKING TELL HER NOT TO EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I dont want her touching my stuff EVER, not just when I’m trying to keep something from her. I told her to stop and she kept picking up trash, and she spotted it. She questioned me about it, and I caved, telling her what it is, how its been considered medically safe, and reciting like, ALL the safety instructions from the top of my head, hoping it would give me a chance at keeping it. I failed. I got yelled at for destroying my body, ETC ETC. finally, she says that she needs to keep my binder in her room so she can make sure I ONLY use it for cosplay and I’m pretty sure she’ll check if I’m wearing it every day.

Then this bitch PUTS MY BINDER ON and tells me it’s too tight. First, it’s supposed to be. Second, THATS NOT YOUR SIZE. I’m sobbing my eyes out right now, and the only thing keeping me alive is my boyfriend, and a literal fictional character. I want to tear my flesh from my bones when she tells me that puberty sucks for everyone, and she doesnt get the fact that it’s a million times worse for me because I’M A BOY. I’ll be lucky if I make it to the end of the year. I’m just done. I want it to be over. Someone come and end it for me, please. I cant take any more.

[casketscratch]

Wonderful therapy session, horrible everything surrounding it.

This is just a lot of system/memory bits we figured out with the therapist and some fucked up dreams last night.

I forgot: during last week's session, part of what O. had tried to tell the therapist was that S was wrong about him. That he doesn't "spin us out" on purpose, that he's not the one responsible for driving the rest of the system to breakdowns -- not exactly, anyway. Just that he will do anything to keep that door he's in charge of shut. So it's not him who really tries to throw us off buildings. He's the mechanism that interrupts that and throws a switch. He can push Stephan to front, which means S's after-the-fact experience/recollection is "O. is trying to make me kill myself."

But it's more like... something triggers a lot of self-destructive parts > O does his best to manage the chaos/meltdown/attempt > S's basically "activated" because he catches zero emotional residue normally > S can only remember O being around and everything being catastrophically disregulated, does his best to get things back to normal.

S was also trying to describe what he remembered from yesterday's episode. He has fragments - more than usual - of memory about the actual, us leaving the house, us deciding where to go, and some of the emotional memory. Our therapist basically said that that sounded like being a very overwhelmed, very scared child; not just a "therapy-work inner child," but, you know. Alter. Someone both trying to get very far away from everything she knew--I once woke up on the outskirts of our hometown, at the "welcome to..." city limits sign, and that alone would have been hours of trekking--and really, really fucking angry.

Part of why O basically swept her out of the house as fast as possible yesterday was because he does look for fights. He did want to run into someone and beat the living shit out of them, and he doesn't want to explode on anyone we know and care about. Because he will/has before and barely has any like, conscious awareness of the present day or who's actually around when he's dealing with wrangling these other, overwhelmed child parts.

But the other part was also hoping she would find someone who'd abduct her off the street and be nicer to her than everyone else. Hence... that memory from a few months ago, about walking into a stranger's home and being abused. I am trying not to over-intellectualize everything (attachment disorders! disinhibitive social whatever!) and it is very hard not to. Because I feel like that specific incident is so much my fault. We were so fucked up and already trying to run away, and she did one time just... go with someone who found her when we were disregulated like that, and somehow we all failed to intervene. It was really, really bad.

And I know it's not my fault, just as much as I know it's not her fault. Whatever mechanisms and structure we have were built to deal with a lot of complicated, fucked up, extreme circumstances. I think I can at least sympathize with her desire to find someone to intervene, even if it would be "bad" too. Better to be one of those kids missing on a milk carton than to go home again, seemed to be the thinking? At least people cared about the kids on milk cartons, kind of thing.

And I am trying very hard to come to terms with, the, oh fuck, everything I've said was true, all of this has always been true, the entire overwhelming story is true, the subsystem divisions are real, if she was that desperate to get away then that means, there are so many memories coming up, etc.

But mostly I can't stop dwelling on a nightmare we had last night, about us running away to a motel room somewhere. One I recognized from vivid dreams in the past that I'm still wrestling with recognizing at all. I don't remember why we were there, just that it was that place or being homeless again, and we half-trusted the owner. The cats were there, though, and I had made them a bed in the bathroom for the night.

But the place caught on fire from downstairs. And it was only after a bunch of detours and forgetting to care, forgetting about the fire, forgetting that I am extremely attached to these cats, that I finally went back and tried to rescue them. And nearly died doing it, because the building was almost collapsing by that point and I couldn't actually find the cats in all the smoke at first, just a fucked up old stuffed rabbit. It didn't feel like a victory at the end, just depressing and shameful because I would have let them burn.

S says all the time that he genuinely hates systemhood, having DID, and would devour god if it meant not living like this. But I think, now that I'm really sorting pieces here... I think S also carries a lot of awareness of the times we've been hurt because of the amnesia and has a lot of bitterness about the system because of it. Like I think that has been his job for a long, long time. And that has to be a really confusing fucking place to be sometimes.

And yes okay the symbolism in that dream is really obvious re-reading that, dear god, lmao.

[marlborogf]

ladies i had a #actuallyborderline moment last night. not proud but im a girl so

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

So I (finally!) bought a pair of really good noise cancelling headphones, and it has changed my life! It's the fanciest thing I've bought in years, so to recoup some of the cost, I’ve researched & written a little essay based on my experiences with extreme noise sensitivity.

Hypersensitivity to sound is something I’ve dealt with all of my life, but I only recently found out it's medically known a Hyperacusis. (Please note this is a separate condition from Misophonia.) If you consistently struggle to cope with noise, the info below could be helpful! I’m including a link to my ko-fi, and I will be answering questions in the notes.

(skip to the bottom to read fun facts about my tax return and/or street organs vendettas!)

DISCLAIMER: I am not a professional, this is based solely on my experiences as a patient, and on what I have read and been told by professionals. Please notify me if you have corrections or concerns about accuracy!

BACKGROUND: Sensitivity to sound is a common type of sensory issue. While anyone can experience such issues (most people, for example, might be bothered by loud music in a crowded restaurant), some people are more sensitive than others, to the point it becomes a quality-of-life aka a medical issue.

If you consistently struggle with environmental stimuli that other people aren’t bothered by (background noises, bright lights, certain textures and tastes, etc), to the point it causes daily discomfort or limits the environments you can be in, I recommend reading about Sensory Processing Disorder.

SPD and sound sensitivity are both super common in autistic folks (like me!), but allistic (non-autistic) people can experience them too. Weep, ye prisoners of mortal coil, for none are safe, nothing sacred, not in this thy most accursed tomb of human flesh!

Anyway.

SOUND SENSITIVITY or HYPERACUSIS: Noise issues are particularly difficult to navigate in a world that is increasingly...noisy. The relatively new phenomenon of constant overhead music in restaurants, grocery stores, shopping malls etc—all of this means that public spaces are increasingly inaccessible to people with auditory issues.*

As a kid, nothing quite triggered sensory overload/meltdowns for me like the constant exposure to noise I couldn’t control—the background chatter of other kids in the lunchroom, the constant noise in public spaces, being trapped in the car with the radio on.... I had so many fights with my siblings about the car radio, and who got to choose the music.**

But it’s not just loud sounds that are the problem. As an adult who lives alone and works from home***, I’m lucky enough to be able to avoid loud environments most of the time. This does wonders for my general levels of anxiety and discomfort. But even in a mostly controlled environment, I still experience problems. Because part of sound sensitivity is that even normal or quiet sounds can feel loud and intrusive. Here are some “normal” sounds that can cause me discomfort (ranging from annoyance to outright pain, depending on the day):

refrigerator/AC/ceiling lights humming

dishwasher/washing machine noises

ceiling fan making that damn ceiling fan noise

faint sounds of traffic

riding in a car

other people having a normal conversation in the background

someone talking to me in a perfectly normal inside voice

Unfortunately, even in a “controlled” environment, many triggering noises can’t be controlled. And many parts of life can’t be lived in a controlled environment. This presents...some incredibly freaking annoying problems. Luckily there are solutions!

Sorta.

There are sorta some solutions.

They are imperfect, but they help.

TREATMENT: And now I have something rather shame-faced to admit. In all the years of managing my symptoms, it never once occurred to me to see a hearing specialist for my issues with sound. I wasn’t even aware that treatment options exist, because none of my other doctors mentioned it. Instead, I’ve spent years finding my own coping mechanisms and tools, with help from therapists and psychiatrists, but without ever consulting an audiologist/ENT. It was only while researching this post that I found out that was even an option, holy shit.

So it turns out I am going to be making an appointment with my local ENT practice. shit.

Apparently treatment options include sound/acoustic therapy, systematic desensitization/exposure therapy, cognitive behavior therapy, sound machines, and other options that I had no idea even existed, goddammit.

MANAGEMENT: In the meantime, here are my current coping mechanisms. I’ve relied rather heavily on hearing protection, which is very useful when used in moderation. Unfortunately, it can cause its own problems: it’s important not to overuse hearing protection, because in the long-term this can increase your sensitivity. So again: a useful tool, but be careful not to overdo it.

With that in mind, here are some of the coping strategies I’ve used over the last decade to manage my symptoms. This is not a perfect system and you should contact your local ENT clinic for better, long-term solutions, but in the meantime here are some tips I use to just get myself through the damn day:

Regularly spending time in a quiet controlled environment, to allow my nervous system to decompress.

Wearing earplugs, (I use two different grade, depending on the level of noise prevention I need), and always carrying an extra pair in case I need them unexpectedly. I bought a 50 pack for $7 and put spares in all my bags and jacket pockets.

(I mostly use Mack’s Ultra Soft, but there are so many types and materials and brands, including foam, silicone, wax, custom moldable etc. Even if you have trouble wearing things in your ears, you might be able to find something comfortable.)

Similarly: hearing protection earmuffs, the kind used in gun ranges and on construction sites. I bought mine online for $10. they look like normal wireless headphones, so I've never gotten comments when wearing mine in public (other than “cool heaphones” bc i added skull glitter stickers).

Sometimes I wear the earmuffs on top of earplugs, when life is just too damn LOUD.

Listening to music w/ earbuds or headphones is a great way to balance out background noises, especially if you can find soothing playlists that help you concentrate. Also useful to put in just one earbud when you need to pay attention in class/at work.

Pro tip: if your hair is long enough you can wear wireless earbuds without anyone knowing.

White noise, rain noises, ocean noises etc can be helpful! Some people like whale songs although personally this activates my primal fear response

Active noise cancelling headphones: the reason I wrote this post to begin with—I finally bought a pair! As in, a really good pair! As in, a depressingly expensive pair with noise cancelling technology that actually WORKS, holy shit. I probably need to wear them a little less at home (bc overprotection causes problems in the longterm) but they have absolutely transformed my ability to go out in public and i never ever want to take these suckers off again please take a power screwdriver and nail these to my head, bury me in the sweet sweet shroud of silence. holy canoli and cream puffs I want to marry form a civil partnership with these headphones. Plus they have a bunch of features, like being able to control the level of noise cancellation, so I can hold a conversation or be aware of some ambient noise for safety reasons.

Oh, and also they play music I guess?

Sorry sorry I promise this post wasn’t supposed to be me shilling for Big Electronics. I’m just excited, I’m an excited flabby little ball of expired flubber. ANC headphones aren’t a perfect solution, and I still sometimes wear earplugs underneath, and I will always be uncomfortable some of the time, but for me it’s been a big step.

Unfortunately the cost of good quality ANC technology means this isn’t an option for everyone, and the (much cheaper) gunshot protection earmuffs I mentioned earlier still provide an impressive amount of protection and bang-for-your buck (maybe even an equal amount of protection, if you can find ones that fit well). But if noise consistently prevents you from enjoying public space and life in general, and you’ve already tried earmuffs & earplugs and find they don’t offer enough comfort/convenience/protection, and if you’re in a position to save up for a one time non-necessity purchase of $150+, noise cancelling headphones are an option to be aware of. (Please always check the return policy so you can try before you buy. I ended up buying and returning 2 pairs before finding what worked best for me. And please look for a retailer that offers an extended warranty. You want those motherforkers to last).

There are cheaper options available, including some under $50. The ones I tried didn't work as well as my hearing protection earmuffs, but some people report good experiences, so that is something to consider. it's always good to know your options! Passive noise canceling is another affordable alternative.

Medication: A final tool in my toolbox, which for me personally has helped as much as every other method combined. Like, a lot, it’s helped a lot. It turns out some anti-anxiety medications can also help sensory issues. There’s not much research on this, and I only discovered it firsthand when a medication my doctor prescribed for anxiety ended up significantly helping my sensory issues. I no longer need medication for anxiety, but my psychiatrist still prescribes that same medication off-label for my sensory stuff. Ask your psychiatrist to research your options (they will probably have to do some digging to find relevant research, but you deserve to know all your options, even the obscure ones). Fyi, the medication I use is in the benzodiazepines class, but there are other options for those concerned about dependency or side effects.

(I'm also told anti-anxiety supplements may be helpful, though I haven't tried this yet. If you're on prescription meds, always talk to your doctor about contraindications before taking anything over-the-counter.)

So there you have it, my main coping strategies for sound sensitivity! They are not a replacement for medical treatment (except that last one which is in fact...medical treatment), but I find them helpful and I hope some of you will too! I’ve struggled for a long time, and I’m very pleased to have reached the point where I can just do things in public. Eating out in loud restaurants? I can do that now, and even enjoy it, holy shit! I can comfortably travel in cars for hours at a time, and walk around shopping malls and grocery stores with overhead music, and, and —and just exist. It is so so freeing, to feel like maybe, after everything, you are actually allowed to just exist in a world that wasn’t really designed for you.

Again, be careful not to overuse hearing protection—the goal is to allow you to be less uncomfortable and to function better, but if you find you are becoming more sensitive to noise, it is time to dial it back a notch. Or maybe consider listening to music (at a reasonable volume) to block out background noise instead.

*(This also includes people with hearing loss and related issues, btw. While that’s not my area of knowledge, I would welcome it if any of my HoH followers want to share their experiences.)

**A sign of sensory issues that parents often miss is when a child complains about music being too loud—but has no problem listening to their own music at high volume. This is because music that is already familiar to the listener (and that the listener enjoys) is much easier for the brain to process, since it knows what pattern of sounds to expect. Loud music that they get to control can be soothing for people with sound issues, especially when it blocks out background noise and sensations. This is why repetitively playing the same songs can be a helpful form of stimming.

***(working on this blog, actually. since it’s my only source of income, my 2020 income tax return literally lists my occupation as ‘Tumblr Blogger.’ Oddly, my parent didn’t feel this achievement was worth including in the holiday family newsletter.)

bonus fun fact: Charles Babbage aka “father of the computer” may have been autistic and hypersensitive to sound. He definitely had a huge problem with public noise pollution, and spent his later year waging a war on street musicians (and organ grinders in particular).

(bc like, yeah. screw organ grinders.)

Sometimes when I’m out in public and the overhead music is particularly unbearable, I’ll take a moment to look up to the sky and scream out: “HE TRIED TO WARN US! THE FATHER OF COMPUTERS TRIED TO WARN US!!! we should have listened, sweet heaven we should have listened!”

except i don’t scream it, i say it very quietly under my breath

(i have issues with noise)

so yeah that is my short essay. and here is the ko-fi goal

k ciao i gotta go pick out glitter stickers for my headphones

[griffintail]

I love all the parental stuff you write, it’s all so amazing!! And I may have been thinkin about it a lot while at work, and I originally wrote this idea/prompt thing down on some receipt paper, but anyway!!

Y’know how Dream manipulated Tommy during Exile? Well, how would Dream react if a similar thing happened to his own child? If his child had been taken from him somehow, and is made to believe that no one loved or cared about them, that they had to behave a certain way if they wanted any smidge of affection, etc.? Like the kid, when Dream’s gotten them back that is, is obviously touch starved and sleep deprived and so many other things, but they don’t mention any of it because they’d been explicitly told doing so wasn’t allowed?

About how many pieces would Dream’s heart shatter into? I must know.

-Signed Angsty Anon from a Fast Food Joint🍔🍟

That’s a mood, I have an actual notebook I have at work to write work stuff...I write more in it about my prompts than my work stuff. I hope it’s to your satisfaction!

Little Terror

Pairings: Parental Dream x F! Reader

Part 2

WARNINGS! : TOXIC RELATIONSHIP, IMPLIED ABUSED, MANIPULATION, BLOOD, IMPLIED VIOLENCE

DO NOT READ IF THESE MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE AND/OR CAUSE A TRIGGER!

       (Y/N) was Dream’s kid. Dream didn’t have to worry, that’s what he told himself.

        When she wanted to go with that…boy…he knew she’d beat the shit out of him if he got out of line. He taught her how to do that. She assured him though, there would be no need for that. They were in love and they’d be ok.

        He should have listened to his fucking instincts. He knew he should have.

        He found out by accident what was going on.

        Dream trusted his little girl, she’d be ok, she was strong…but she was still his little girl and George and Sapnap were about to break Dream’s neck if they heard one more time how Dream was worried.

��       So.

        The three of them went to where the pair had moved out. Dream remembered letting his little princess move away.

        “I’ll be fine daddy.” She gave her sweet laugh as she slung her inventory bag on her shoulder. “Trent’s a good guy.”

        “I just wish you’d let me meet the boy.” Dream huffed, his mask on top of his head.

        “He lives so far away; I don’t want to force him to come all the way here and you need to keep everyone in check.” She grinned, a sparkle in her eye. “I’ll write, I promise. I know if I don’t Uncle George will cry.”

        Dream laughed quietly as he nodded. “Yeah, he would. Just, be careful out there, alright sweetheart?”

        (Y/N) put a hand on her sword. “I’m not the little terror for nothing.”

        It had been so sudden but she wanted to be close to this boy she had started dating. She hadn’t written though as of late and he had begun to worry when for a few months, it just didn’t come. That’s what sent them out with Eret in charge.

        “Come on, she’ll be fine.” Sapnap nudged him, hands in his pockets. “She’s your little terror.”

        Dream smiled lightly behind his mask. “Yeah. We’ll see there’s nothing…I just worry and I have been missing her.”

        Three-day travel on foot, they made it to the village where (Y/N) said this guy lived on the outskirts of. It wasn’t hard to find the larger house outside the village and they came up, Dream knocking on the door. It took a moment but the door opened, (Y/N) looking at him, but…it didn’t look like his little girl. Her eyes were dull, with no spark to them as bags were collected under them. She had no smile on her face either but everything looked perfect and trim about her.

        Her eyes went wide seeing Dream’s eyes as his mask was on the side of his face, sputtering.

        “You…I—You don’t trust me?” She questioned.

        Thousands of alarm bells were going off in his head and a thousand more went off after her words.

        “What? Of course, I do (Y/N).” He gave her a light smile. “I just missed my princess, so did Sapnap and George.” He motioned to the men behind him. “So, we came to surprise you, surprise.”

        She didn’t hold any sort of excitement in her eyes. Trent’s words echoed in her head as she watched the man in front of her.

        If he really loved you, he’d trust you to be ok with me. Right? Because I love you and I trust you.

        “I…I think it’s best if you guys leave.” She muttered.

        Dream stood there as Sapnap and George were looking at each other in shock.

        “Why? We came out here to see—” As he spoke Dream reach a hand over to put it on her shoulder but she flinched back from him and all movement and thought stopped.

        She flinched from him. Why would she flinch from him?

        Dream had seen men flinch from him before; Tommy, Wilbur, most of the L’Manberg people did after the war. But that was because he hurt them…

        “What happened?” Dream asked carefully.

        “I-I-I don’t-I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She sputtered, her mind running rapidly.

        She couldn’t tell him, that was the number one rule!

        “(Y/N), it’s me. Dream, dad. I’m here.” He spoke carefully. “What, happened?”

        “What’s going on here?” Dream heard from behind him and (Y/N) shrank back behind the door slightly.

        Dream didn’t not like the picture he was making and the tall, lanky man appearing did not help matters. The man was slightly taller than Dream but Dream slipped on his mask as he was anything but intimidated.

        “You Trent?” Dreamed asked, stepping forward.

        Trent looked to (Y/N) and then back to the man coming towards him.

        “Yeah, what’s it to you?”

        “I’m her father and I want to know what the hell you’ve been doing with her?”

        Sapnap stood a few steps behind Dream as George stood by the door.

        “I have no idea what you’re talking—”

        Dream simply shoved the man and he fell over. The masked man stood over him, his hands on his hips.

        “What, did you do, to my little girl?”

        Trent tried to kick Dream’s leg but Dream was quick to react, sidestepping his foot and instead stepping on the other man’s chest and putting his sword point to his throat.

        “(Y/N).” Dream looked over at her, lifting his mask up enough to smile at her. “Go get your stuff, George will help you.”

        She hesitated by the door as George stepped towards her carefully.

        “Come on kid,” George said quietly to her and she nodded slowly.

        She walked inside, Dream sliding his mask on as he grinned sinisterly behind it as he tilted his head as he looked at the man under his foot.

        “Now, why don’t we have a little chat?” Dream laughed.

        George was very careful not to make too fast of movements after seeing her flinch at Dream. He helped her pack the few things she had; George was concerned as he felt like she had less than what she actually left with. As he gathered everything up, he also saw how little she had in the way of personal belonging, such as pictures. The most significate thing he didn’t see was her old mask and that concerned him greatly. The color-blind man was worried about what Dream would do.

        The pair came out, George carrying her bags to see Dream without his mask on, his hands in his hoodie pockets as Sapnap smirked next to him with no Trent in sight. George could spot the small bit of blood under the cuff of Dream’s sleeve. There was no blood on his weapons, so it was safe to assume he had used his actual hands and the other man was probably alive but he was never going to be the same.

        “Hey sweetheart, let’s go home.” Dream smiled gently as he nodded his head.

        Her hands twitched but she walked beside the three of her family members. Dream was on her right as George was on her left and Sapnap behind the group. The group of them walked in silence towards the Dream SMP land. As night started to drop, Sapnap and George made camp, and Dream and (Y/N) sat by the campfire.

        When the two other men were going for firewood, Dream looked as (Y/N), who was playing with the end of her shirt.

        “I don’t know what he did.” Dream said and she jumped slightly, making him frown deeply. “And you don’t have to tell me right away, but I’m here sweetheart. I’m never going to leave you alone again.”

        She hugged herself as she looked around at their surroundings, expecting Trent to come out of anywhere.

        “I’m not supposed to talk about it.” She whispered. “But did you come because you loved me?”

        “Of course, I did.” He assured her and she hugged herself tighter. “Can I hug you, kiddo?”

        “I-I-I-” She stuttered.

        He carefully scooted over and first put a hand on her shoulder. She stiffened and Dream waited before he pulled her into a hug. With the hug, her entire body relaxed, having missed such a loving feeling. She started to sob and he pulled her into his lap and hugged her as tight as he could.

        His little girl, she was so broken. He didn’t know how that lanky, bitch boy managed to break her but he did. Dream ran a hand through her hair as he rocked the both of them as his heart was broken seeing his little girl like this.

        “It’s ok princess, I’ll make all this right.” He muttered. “I’m so sorry this happened, I’ll make it right.”

        He hated himself. He should have gone with her the first day she left. He should have done anything! He had to make this right now and he’d do everything in his power to bring her back. To make everything right.

 ....

        George and Sapnap came back seeing Dream holding a now sleeping (Y/N) as close as he could. Their friend looked so heartbroken as he held her.

        “I should have killed him.” Dream said. “No one else will ever get away with doing this to her. Are we clear?”

        The two other men shared a look before nodding to Dream.

        “Crystal.”

        Dream wouldn’t let this happen again and it was going to be a long time till he managed to fix his mistake.

[rqakira]

I was a gifted kid, straight As and superiority complex (somewhat) and all, and anonymous’s ask pisses me off so damn much, because guess what? So often, “gifted kids” are actually neurodivergent, especially adhd, and at some point…you hit a fucking wall. Maybe you manage to manage on your own to crawl over the rubble you made running into it at full speed, but lots of people, myself included, do not. I’ve only just finally somewhat figured out how to climb in the rubble and am still unsure how to best go about things.

I’m going to use myself as an example here. (This turned into almost a rant and is really long so read on at your own risk lol; the oversharing tendency has very much occurred 🙃 I attempted a tl;dr at the end so you could read that instead—)

I failed three total quarters of English class the past two school years and came close to failing others, only just managed a C or C+ in math last year (idr exactly), and I barely scraped a B in honors bio and barely a C+ in honors chem (and then it was from the teacher messing with grades so I wouldn’t fail absolutely dismally, probably because it would look bad for him, and also because the regents exam was weighted the same as the first quarter of the year and I got a 95 on that but from studying with a tutor on my own time at the very end of the school year) the past two years, when I was always the ‘science kid’ beforehand. As anyone reading this may have guessed, this was largely triggered by the covid-19 pandemic and the sudden switch to online and then later hybrid learning, the pandemonium that came with the closing of in-person schools, and the switch over to most materials being online and staying that way even after returning to in-person classes all being utterly devastating to me. My (also then undiagnosed) ass had carefully specialized and adhered myself and my method of functioning to the process of school in-person, functioned well in an equally specialized manner within structure of the school day/week, relied (unknowingly, for the most part, until it wasn’t an option anymore) largely on the physical existence of worksheets, etc. to keep track of assignments; suddenly none of that was there anymore, and I absolutely floundered. I built up momentum being able to run with the school system/structure/function as it was then, and then when that was taken away, I rapidly lost speed and fell out of the sky; which actually could’ve been okay, but then I got used to the lower altitude and the increased relaxation and decreased rigidity, and then was expected to suddenly ‘fly’ at the same speed and altitude as before, with no buildup.

I was trying, I really was, but it’s almost like I tried too hard because the thing that brought me down the most was the fact that I couldn’t retain information nor remember much from class, which was because I just. did not sleep. I was so obsessed with trying to finish assignments, and then so overwhelmed from the amount of them, that I’d lose track of time doing them and/or procrastinating, even when I could barely function. I always “needed” to stay up more finishing the thing, even though I knew I’d probably get distracted; I’d basically end up running away from my work bc I was so burnt out that I couldn’t focus and needed a break but wasn’t letting myself take one and was trying to force myself to work through shite, so I’d spiral and go down rabbitholes and not do homework for hours, and then panic and try to force myself to do more even though I felt like I’d been run over by a truck.

I’m thankfully managing shit much better this school year, largely because I forced myself to drop out of honors path for science and got automatically pulled from honors path for math because of my final average being below a B last year, and also because I’ve had a tutor since the start of the school year to help prevent me from falling behind and burning out in the first place, unlike last year where I only got help when it was way too late and I was way too exhausted to properly save my grades. Another factor is that I’ve been dragging for so long that I’ve kind of…given up?? almost—like I’ve damaged my perfectionism so much that I’ve become more okay with handing things in incomplete.

[TW/CW near the end of this paragraph bc brief mention of N/zis and stuff to do with them] Oh and how could I forget—I’m on meds that seem to actually do something, and while the dosage is small and the impact isn’t massive, really, it definitely makes a difference, especially in the long run. I got diagnosed early summer 2021, but only kinda figured out meds and outer life things to help support/management of school stuff within the ~7 months, and my school denied me any sort of accommodations on the basis that they thought that I’m high-functioning. 1) high-/low-functioning stuff is absolute bullshit that basically is a measure of “how much does [x] neurodivergent person annoy neurotypicals?” and was made up by a Nazi who was doing experiments on nd kids. 2) I’m not lmao I just run myself past ragged trying to not absolutely ruin my grades while also desperately not wanting to do certain things.

The thing is, those years are on my transcript. They affect my gpa. I can’t take them back, can’t redo them now that I’ve finally sorta regained my footing and could probably do them better. It just…makes me very angry and frustrated to see people block people off into such separate categories, and to dismiss one as “lazy” or “stupid” because I’ve been in both boxes, and now am in the box of “wasted potential” when I’m really not much different from people in either of the “smart/dedicated” or the “lazy/stupid” boxes.

TL;DR: was a gifted kid, covid fucked up the many Systems For Doing Things I had that I hadn’t realized I’d created, am finally figuring shit out, we’re not all so different from each other and poor results on paper do not always equal lack of effort, whoever wrote that anonymous ask can go shove a chopstick up their ass and I hope both sides of their pillow are warm but also hope they’ll reevaluate their outlook on the world and learn to be more understanding and compassionate towards others

also please read the paragraph above the tl;dr bc I think it’s a good one and relevant haha

Or maybe you’re just fucking lazy. You can whine as much as you want about how gifted kids have it so much better than you but we worked our asses off to get there while you didn’t even do your homework. Have you considered that’s why you didn’t succeed? Not because the world is against you but because you’re against yourself? Stop blaming gifted kids for your own personal failings and actually try.

i’ve just deleted and blocked the last couple of asks that are like this but i just wanna publish this one so y’all can see this is what i’m talking about. this is the ableism i experience from the adhd community, often from people who don’t have comorbid diagnoses and very very often from former gifted kids, and this is why i no longer feel safe in those spaces. this is why i made those posts in the first place.

[canisitsnotlupus]

What are border collies like to own? And how would you describe their temperament? Are there any common things you notice between your 8?(like affection, energy, biddability)

I live in a constant battle of being outsmarted by my dogs or trying to outsmart them. What is it like to own a BC, or eight of them? I don’t have kids but I imagine it’s like having a toddler: smart enough to get into things, follow me around, sometimes loud, sometimes messy.  I don’t go to the bathroom alone, and if I manage it, noses poke under the door and I can hear snuffling (and whining) the entire time outside the door. I slightly move in my chair and heads pop up, alert, because they immediately think it’s time to do something. In truth, it’s a lot of pressure. I’ve sort of talked about this before, but owning BCs is having a dog that constantly pressures you: I can’t do a small movement without them taking action, they very often demand things from me (play, attention, training, etc.). And I mean demand: bringing toys, shoving their face under my hand while I’m doing stuff, getting out the wobble board or the bowl I use for pivots on their own. It’s like having a shadow that will demand from you and bother you and sometimes get in your way. For temperament.. hm. Sensitive is a good word for it. I can say stuff in a particular tone and most of my dogs will act as if they’ve been gutpunched. Gallifrey is less like this, and same with KPop (my dogs who had parents that actually worked), but still responsive to tone far more than Fork (and she’s sensitive for a Golden). I would say biddable, too; that’s a given. Pushy and drivey - they get into their heads something, it’s hard to dissuade them. Most are very dog friendly, to the point of obsessed; they’re also pretty playful with both myself and each other (but not Fork). They all tend to not like Fork because her playstyle is very touchy-feely, and they don’t like those types of games (though they do enjoy harassing her, which she thinks is AMAZING). They like to chase one another, tug, bitey face, etc. I would say most of my older BCs (Galli, Val, and KPop) are confident dogs. The puppies (my litter) are less so; I think this is more of my own failing, as I was starting to get sick and didn’t do much socialization. For common things, I am going to compare like this: Galli, KPop, Val, and the puppies (since the puppies are all siblings, and yes they aren’t actually puppies but that’s what I call them even at five years). They are all very biddable. Galli is the most “responsive” - he jumps up ready to go if my chair creaks slightly. KPop, Val, and the pups are more relaxed. Gallifrey is not that affectionate; he does not like being touched much at all. Valyria is very affectionate, as are the puppies and KPop. All are very biddable. The puppies are generally a bit.. wild. They are hard to focus, and very environmentally triggered; Valyria (their mother) also has a lot of this, but she’s easier to focus. KPop can be interested in the environment, but he’s very much usually eyes on me. He does a lot of check ins to see where I am, etc. in comparison to most of the others; Valyria will go off on her own and not give a shit where I am, and the puppies tend to lean that way, too (but if I disappear, the puppies WILL try to find me. Valyria can be hit or miss). Gallifrey doesn’t give a shit about the environment. He’s focused on me, always, 100%. He’d fall off a cliff if I walked close to one because he’s watching me. Energy is hard. I’ve put a lot of work into the inside dogs to make them calm the fuck down. Galli is the most energetic. KPop and Lucio are probably the least; they’re very chill dogs in general.  Litany, Tarot, and Kiln are very energetic and it’s all-over-the-place energy. Adventure is more lax, and Valyria has a lot of energy, too, but it’s very refined and only will spark when asked, thankfully. It’s really hard because this sounds like I dislike the breed; I don’t. Just when comparing them to Fork, the key difference, for me, is the less pressure. Fork likes to exist *with* me. The Border Collies want to exist *for* me. It’s subtle in text, but when it comes to living with them (and being disabled), it’s huge. It’s why I’m doing a large shift towards Goldens.

[dani-is-a-pixie]

Shit they don’t tell you about Autism/Aspergers

Well, I’ve been learning more and more about different signs of being neurodiverse and I thought I’d put my own experiences here just in case it might be able to help someone else understand their diagnosis or themselves better. If you feel you have Autism, please speak to your GP or doctor to be able to talk to a professional because like all things, self diagnosing isn’t a good idea, ya feel me. - Let’s talk clothing b. Yes, so basically Autistics like to dress more comfortable, probably hate things like tags (I used to cut them off) and might only wear certain fabrics. Some people might wear certain colours only as well. Although, the general thing is that Autistics “aren’t expressive” you’ll find a lot of Autistics are and that might be reflected through their alternative clothing choices. Another thing is you might have very sensitive skin, washing powder can cause rashes and itchiness, you might not even be able to use soap. - Hair. Hair is so gross. So basically you might feel that having your hair in your face is so annoying. Ever since I was little I always remember just tying my hair up and leaving it like that. Wanting short hair to avoid it touching your face because of sensory issues. Although, you might like to have it coloured and expressive you might struggle to have your hair down because it just feels so gross. In relation to hair when washing it you might hate the sensation of shampoo and water and all that. - Although, being very monotone is a sign of Autism being very expressive is also a sign. The thing is I feel a lot of Autistic people without the correct support have probably got a diagnosis of depression or anxiety and I feel like that combined with feeling Autistic might make it hard for you to put any energy into things, whereas you know you are a expressive person. Also you probably have hella empathy. I know that is like the opposite of what you hear but seriously, myself and some other people I know with Autism are very empathetic people and feel emotions to an extreme. Although, it might not seem like we feel anything from facial expressions and responses we might be feeling so much it’s just too overwhelming to express it. - Let’s talk acting like a child. Not saying this to dig because I’m the same way, but most people who have Autism might regress into a childlike state which is known as age regressing. It’s usually a coping mechanism to deal with stress but I suppose it could also be triggered by sensory issues? Like I find when I’m really happy I’m very childlike. Oh and you might act younger then you are or be really immature, not always taking things seriously or understanding things. Which is okay and why having a specialist to help support you with the stuff you struggle with is key. - Stim. Stim. Stim. We hear about happy stim, sad stim but honestly you might just stim for every emotion. Also people with Autism might seem like they have tics but they can have vocal stims as well as motor. - Gender is complex right? Yeah I feel you. Feel like you flucuate between genders, have no gender, feel in the middle or might even be trans - although, this is a sensitive topic Autistics actually are more likely to have different relationships with gender due to how we view and feel about the world. So whatever gender you are b, you are valid! - Identity is confusing. The thing is you might feel like you have alters or different versions of yourself as well, which is why Autism is not diagnosed and you might be diagnosed with BPD or like DID. The thing is identity for us is always so confusing and we have such a different relationship about things about ourselves and how we view things. Sometimes it feels like someone were not and sometimes we feel like a different person, but that is okay and valid. - Control as a stress management. Now this is where things like eating disorders can be developed, maybe self destructive behaviours like self harming or perhaps being very toxic to keep everything the way you can because you feel like your life is going out of control. I really do feel you - and that’s why seeing a specialist can help you cope with shitty times like this. But that is a sign. - You have a safe space. Probably your house, your room and you barely leave it. You feel so fucking overwhelmed outside. Too many people, too many noises, too many things going on, which is why Autism can seem like an anxiety disorder but you just feel things very sensitive and can have sensory overload. - If you’re an adult now, probably as a child you were told you were just intelligent and there’s nothing wrong with you. Yep. Same here. Parents tried to get me diagnosed as a young age but they wouldn’t even test me. - For me, I cannot stop listening to music. I express myself through music. I’ll send people songs and tell them to pay attention to the lyrics or the video because it’s how I feel and it’s how I express myself. Some people might do that with art or writing or something they use to express that isn’t vocally with words, people might sing or make songs. There tends to be a creative or different way you express your emotions. - Special interests. They might change throughout your life. I thought you had to have something you were interested in since a kid but they can change and it’s known as hyperfixations! It can be literally anything, and they are valid. You probably hate talking to people if they don’t share one of your hyperfixations because you feel misunderstood or weird or lonely. Doesn’t have to be anything out of the ordinary. - Might blurt out how you feel to people, like having no filter. You like to have deep meaningful relationships and want friends you can talk about your deep routed emotions and dreams with rather then wow there is something on the news. That shit doesn’t interest you at all. - This might be an embarassing one but you might have a lot of issues with going to the toilet (ie. bleeding or runny stools and etc), especially when you’re stressed you might have really bad stomach issues or abdomen issues. That aren’t always explained but are probably stress induced when everything is too much for you, people tend to be more sensitive to those types of things if they’re Autistic due to sensory and sensitivites. - Meltdowns can be shown in crying breakdowns, anger breakdowns, can also be shown as completely shut down and you might experience catatonia, where you struggle to talk or move because you feel so sad, you might get so worked up and might even feel as low as feeling suicidal and might self harm as well when in these meltdowns. - You hate injustice and you probably are an advocate for the mentally ill or disabled. Seeing injustice might actually trigger a meltdown because you want to change things - due to your extreme empathy but you struggle to accept you can’t save the world. - Might have fake friends but as you grow older might cut those people off for using your energy and might end up with having barely any to no friends. Might feel extremely lonely and not understand why people can’t just be nice to you. - Relationships you probably take very seriously, like full on planning marriages when it might just seem like nothing to someone. This can make you prone to abusive relationships and you might not always notice if that person is good for you, no matter what they do you probably try to continue to fix the relationship. Took some notes from p-3a-s-life-resources <3 and personal experience.

[ripperdaddy]

the viktor vector romance path + ending we deserve

Disclaimer: This is definitely something I came up with in my head. There will be a few instances that are solely made up so it can tie in with the “story.” This is purely fictional; something I wished happened if there was a possible Vik romance 🥰 This is based on my general knowledge of the game & Vik’s life. All gifs + images are from my own personal play through, but wouldn’t be possible without the help of the Appearance Menu Mod, found on Nexus Mods by the creators, MaximiliumM and CtrlAltDaz. And the shirtless Vik mod by the lovely samsnak ♡

It would start after completing the Paid In Full quest where you pay Vik back the eddies you owe him.

I feel like realistically, the general player would have to be at least halfway through the story to have collected enough eddies. I would say that a good point in the story where we can begin the romance is that you’ve already established a connection to Alt and have dealt with the VDB’s.

I think it would be a short side quest like River’s. Vik already plays a big part in the story overall on his own, so I don’t think it’s necessary to make his “side quest” too long. His romance would just be an addition to the ending.

And as much as I would love for him to be a bisexual option for both male/female V, if we’re sticking with the game’s standard with limiting partners to only one kind of partner, he would only be romance-able by a female V with a feminine voice.

V: Finally scrounged up enough eddies to pay you back in full.

Vik: Hold on to ‘em just in case - you need ‘em more than me.

V: I’m not taking them all the way to my grave, Vik. Here. And.. thanks again for doing so much work on me ‘thout ever seein’ an enny.

Vik: That’s what friends are for.

Then, there is an additional option for dialogue to trigger the romance path.

V: Friends? I think you’ve been in and out of my body more than anyone else I’ve hooked up with in Night City.

He laughs, with a coy smile. “Well, can’t argue with you there. Why don’t we take some of these eddies and grab a drink. You know, to celebrate. Catch up on old times. Haven’t seen you round here much lately, kid.”

You agree to meet at the El Coyote Cojo tomorrow evening.

You meet around 9 PM and you are welcomed by the sight of Pepe and Vik at the bar.

V: Nice choice of venue.

Vik: Thought you’d like it. Haven't been here since.. well, you know.

V: I miss him, Vik.

Vik: I know, V. Me too.

You immediately take a seat and tinker with a few dialogue options, where you can either have a sweet moment talking about Jackie or some surface questions to ask, like how he’s doing, what kind of drink he likes, etc. But it all winds down to Jackie anyway, where Vik confides in you about his past. Judging by how Vik was so affected by Jackie’s death, and V’s (if you chose the suicide ending), you can tell that he has lost a lot in his life, and keeps his circle very small.

You then achieve an even closer, more personal relationship with him. But, ultimately nothing happens other than the usual, wait 24 hours in game for a text/phone call from Vik to head into the next stage. At least now, you have established the foundation for a future romance.

Halfway through the 24 hour period, you get a text from Vik thanking you for the lovely evening. No reply needed, as he calls you once the 24 hour mark hits and invites you out for another date.

You meet at Tom’s Diner for coffee in the afternoon. It starts off with him apologizing for being emotional the previous night and asks if you’re open to hanging out again and going down to Pacifica to watch a fight with him.

Vik: Hey, V. I just wanted to apologize about last night. I didn’t mean to be such a downer.

V: It’s okay, Vik. We share the same grief.

Vik: I was going to head down to Pacifica and catch a real good match later on today. I was wondering if you’d like to come along, think it’d be great for the both of us, you know, as a distraction.

pssst even Johnny’s rooting for y’all ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Johnny: Hmm, interesting.

V: What?

Johnny: Never thought you'd be going out with this guy.

V: Vik's amazing. And I mean--we basically owe it to him since he practically saved our life.

Johnny: Don't tell me you're going out with him out of pity.

V: I'm not.

Johnny: I know, I can feel you get all mushy-gushy. It's almost repulsive. Just wanted to hear you admit it.

V: Eat a dick, Johnny.

You arrive before the GIM and blend into the crowd.

V: Nothin’ like watching guys beat the shit out of each other to get your blood pumpin’, huh?

Vik: This is a real good matchup, V. This kid’s fresh, young talent.

V: You miss it, don’t you?

Before the fight begins, Vik shares a story about his time in the ring and coming in second in the Watson Boxing Grand Prix.

There’s some extra fun options in the dialogue, you can bet some eddies on who’s gonna win, or side with him. The fight ends, and you two head outside.

Since you’re already out in Pacifica, you head over to the boardwalk (where you would ride the roller coaster with Johnny) and he starts telling you about the last days of his boxing career and how he transitioned from the sport to being a ripperdoc.

You both share a sweet moment with each other, reminiscing about old times and talking about V’s future with the relic. This is where I would see Vik confessing how he feels about you, mentioning how grateful he is for Jackie introducing you to him.

The evening ends and Vik asks you to give him some time to try and dig up some footage from his storage and have you come over to watch. You can kiss him then wait another 24 in game hours before the last quest. Halfway through, he texts you and asks you what you’d like for dinner. You can opt for pizza or chinese.

I haven’t seen or read anything about how or where Vik lives. If I overlooked something, please let me know! But for the sake of the story, let’s say he does actually have his own place that’s now introduced in the game. Personally, I think he has a typical bachelor pad, like a really nice apartment. Not too far from his clinic either. He looks like he would just walk to work. Vik definitely has a lot of money, but he’s so humble I doubt he would choose to live lavishly. As mentioned in the beginning, he typically just “sleeps nights” ever since he was over “being a legend” so I’m guessing his lifestyle is very routine. He goes to work, goes home, sleep. Seems unlikely he has a place like the Peralez’s. It would probably be just the same as V’s but decorated to his taste.

The evening comes and you are over at his place. He’s dressed in just a white undershirt, no exo-glove. You get to know more about his family, how he grew up — scanning things around his place. Then he plays some footage of one of his fights for you, while you two have a conversation and share a beer. As you two sit on the couch, you get close, then have an opportunity to kiss him.

then this is where da sex happen hihihi (ノ・ω・)ノ

The next morning you wake up and you two have a heartfelt conversation about where this is going. He already knows your situation, so I would assume he is very accepting and supportive. And with Vik, he seems like the kind of guy who would still want to be in your life and keep the friendship the same way despite no longer being together romantically. So it’s official. He’s your man 🥵 !!11!1!

Like how River gives you the “fuck the police” tank top after sleeping with him, I think Vik would give you his Night City Devils t-shirt that provides you with a significant amount of armor or some kind of cyberware upgrade that makes you invulnerable for a brief moment while using your hands to fight enemies.

Note: I was thinking of Vik giving V his boxing glove necklace, but because it's part of his character's appearance in the game, I don't think we would be able to essentially "take it" from him - unless he gives you a replica as a keepsake. Which I think would also work.

If you successfully romance, during the rooftop scene near the end of Nocturne OP55N1 (despite Vik’s disposition of him telling you to take matters in your own hands and being a little closed off), you still have an option to reach out to him when Johnny advises you to call a loved one.

V: Hey, Vik. I just wanted to say, thanks for hanging with me, until the end.

Vik: Quit talking like it is, V. Just do what you need to do.

V: I mean, think of it. It’s like I’m heading into the last round of this whole thing.

Vik: Well, in that case.. remember—keep your hands up, guarded at all times. It ain’t over just yet.

V: Heh.. I can feel it, just a few more punches.

Vik: Now look at you - the new welterweight champ of Night City.

V: Thanks, coach.

Vik: Last piece of advice from the coach's corner. Just.. be careful, kid. Remember, I’m with you.

Okayyyy, soooo I’m not the biggest fan of how CDPR gave us two of the same endings (Path of Glory). The only difference is that Rogue’s life is spared. I would have assumed that not only would we get to keep Rogue around, things should have played a bit more differently for V if we took the route of going solo against the corpos. So let’s tweak it.

This specific ending; it should be after getting through Don’t Fear The Reaper where you single-handedly manage to rip through Arasaka by yourself. Johnny goes back to Alt & Rogue is still alive. Yes nobody dies!!!

(honestly this ending can apply to any love interest you choose)

Vik and V are now living together in a lavish penthouse, entertaining an upcoming merc to do their work for them (which is now the current POV of the player.) You were recruited by Rogue at the Afterlife, who told you to visit this couple for a real, preem job.

They give you some vague details about the gig and go on for a brief moment about what you will be doing and what you should expect. Vik emphasizes to you that it’s important you get what they need because it’s for his wife, V, as her life depends on it.

As Never Gonna Fade Away is playing in the background, they tell you to break into Arasaka HQ.

Then the game officially ends.

[sidespart]

For the fake fic title, if you're still doing it: Why do you hate me? (I honestly don't know where I came up with this lol)

X-Men AU!!! Found Family + Anxceit friendship. TW: child soldiers, child endangerment, abuse etc

(So typical X-men universe set up: some people are born with the X gene, which typically triggers during puberty, giving that person a mutation which normally results in cool powers. Many people hate mutants for their differences (/ bad press of people using their mutant powers for the evilz) and so most mutants live in hiding. The Xavier Institute is a school set up by an extremely powerful mutant which seeks to provide a safe space for young mutants to learn to manage their powers, get a regular education and hopes to see peace between humanity and mutant kind. The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants is a group of mutants who believe humans will never let mutant live in peace and do various anti-human, pro-mutant vaguely terrorist-y actions (there’s like a billion version of the x-men and these details may not be correct for all the versions all of the time because comics but this is the vague idea))

ANYWAY PLOT - Containment breach at the Super Secret Child Soldier Lab (SSCSL) - Subject VII has escaped. Subject VII is only 6-7 years old but his mutations were artificially triggered much younger than is normal. He can warp reality and create very sophisticated illusions, but has very limited control over his powers.

Cut too - Virgil and Dee, a couple of teenage mutants living on the street. They find a little boy with a buzzcut wandering around The Bad Part Of Town and Virgil immediately decides they need to adopt/help him (Dee makes more of a fuss about how this is not their responsibility and the kids barely even talking and do you know how hard I work just to keep you and now you wanna add another mouth to feed?? Huhh?? but obviously does not actually say no) (Dee is like. Barely any older than Virgil he’s just dramatic). 

Naturally, just as the three of them have had time to bond, the SSCSL and other assorted bad guys show up to try and take VII back. There’s a big fight, Virgil and Dee have a lot more experience with flight and would probably have ended up dead if the X-men (Patton and Logan) hadn't shown up to save them. 

But they lose VII.

Patton and Logan take them back to the Xavier institute to recuperate and offer to let them stay. They can go to school there, get some training and help the X-men track down VII and the whole SSCSL. Virgil says yes, Dee says no.

(So, reasoning - Virgil's mutation developed when he was 12. It was not pleasant. Various students at his school were injured and the media set up a which hunt for the mutant that caused the chaos. Virgil ran away from home because he was worried about the backlash on his family and about hurting anyone else again. So to him, this school full of mutants who can help him control his power, can offer him stability and a return to normal structures and routines, who are promising to help him get in contact with his parents if and when he’s ready?? This is like every fantasy he’s ever had come true

Unlike the other characters, Dee’s primary mutation is physical. He was born with it, its very obvious and its resulted in him being rejected for most of his life. He bounced around increasingly disturbing foster homes before running away when he was very young, so most of his memories are of living on the streets and surviving on his own. So, to him, number one: all adults are inherently untrustworthy idiots and number two: stay at a school? where they expect him to have a curfew? and, what - write essays? follow all their random arbitrary rules? rely on them for food and heat and all that shit? Completely ludicrous.)

It doesn't occur to either of them that the other one isn't going to agree with them. The resulting argument is epic and cruel, both hurling accusations at the other (Ungrateful /controlling are two of the big ones..) and both basically feeling hateful and 100% betrayed. Dee leaves and although they look for him, he’s got a lifetime experience of hiding and they cant find him.

CUT TO - 5 years later. Virgil is a (semi) well adjusted 19 year old junior X-men. He’s still a bit withdrawn, but is very close with Patton and Logan. He’s still holding out hope of finding VII one day and still firmly pretending he’s not listing out for any possible news of Dee (there were rumours some years ago of him joining the brother hood of evil mutants but then it all went quiet) who he, of course, hates for his betrayal. 

BUT THEN - mysterious knocking at the door in the night. Dee, now wearing a hat and cape and calling himself Janus, has returned. And he’s brought with him a little boy with a buzzcut and a tattoo of XXII on his foot.

Janus and Virgil need to put aside their resentment and work together to help XXII, who really does not seem interested in helping them, and hopefully use any clues he can give them about the SSCSL to track down VII. But that's difficult when they’re both still struggling with their own trauma and have no idea how to reconnect - both of them want to ask why do you hate me but are a bit too scared of the answer. ...

This already got way to long so mutant power/ extra back story descriptions under cut!

Patton - 22/27 years old. An extremely powerful telepath/empath. It takes him serious concentration and focus to not hear peoples thoughts and its almost impossible to not feel their feelings. Some people dislike him because of this as they feel he's spying on them. Grew up in the Xavier institute and 100% believes in and is committed to the future where humans and mutants live in harmony. Has pretty limited life experience in the real world. Sometimes floats. (inspired by professor X)

Logan - 21/26 years old. Fires destructive laser beams from his eyes. Was in a car accident when he was younger leaving him with permanent but apparently harmless brain damage - until his mutation developed and he slowly realised that no matter how much he trained he just couldn't control his power. Has to wear specialised eye guards at all times to keep himself from accidentally destroying everything around him. Had big plans to go to university and was angry at his mutation for a long time for getting in the way of that. Eventually enrolled online and is now a very dedicated teacher at the Institute. (inspired by cyclops) 

Janus - 15(?) / 20(?) His primary mutation is  lizard/snake like scales over most of his body, but especially the left side. Has oversized fangs, and yellow eye and a short lizard tail. His secondary mutation makes him immune to almost any sort of mental based mutation (so Logan could still knock him on his ass with his lasers, but Patton cant sense anything form him and Virgil cant whammy him). Spent a lot of his life on his own and got by being sneaky, cunning and charming. Initially took Virgil in because he saw that his powers could be useful for keeping them both safe, but eventually Virgil became his first real friend.

Virgil - 14/19. Shadow manipulation and ‘draining’. Virgil can make himself (and with practice, people he touches) literally disappear into the shadows. He can also direct shadows as powerful energy ‘blasts’, but in order to do so he has to drain any surrounding living things of their energy. When his mutation first developed  he took out half of the school hall where his exam was being held, leaving 15 students in a coma. (inspired by rouge/shadow cat)

VII - 6? / 11? Reality warping/illusion powers. One of the institutes first successful subjects. He was able to escape by changing the wall of his cell into a door. He finds it hard to talk but can project his ideas as lifelike illusions who can talk for him. One of his best is the image a handsome grown up Prince and he will often use this Illusion as an avatar to communicate. When he was 6 he did have some hazy memories of outside the SSCSL and expressed a desire to go home. Current status is unknown. 

XXI - 7.  Illusion powers  (reality warping has been removed from the program by his time as subjects proved too difficult to control). Has no memories of outside the institute and is extremely uncooperative with his new captors/guardians. He does not understand the affection they’re trying to show him and lashes out a lot, often by creating a lot of extremely disturbing and graphic illusions. Bites. 

[serinesaccade]

i lovee shsh SO and was wondering if you could explain what being bonded feels like in that universe and maybe more in depth what grantaire experienced w a one-sided one?

ooh sure hm this is such a good question!!

i (weirdly) view this world’s bonding as a pretty biological setup rather than ~magic~ ABO worldbuilding (though I also like magic). so there's no like. mindreading or being emotionally in-tune from a distance. you can only get bonded during heat or rut and it is supposed to be a permanent thing! you can break the bond but it does hurt and can come w/ side effects.

it affects a lot of things! bonded individuals react pretty strongly to their partner's smell and almost anything else about them once smell gets associated. that doesn't mean they can't be attracted to anyone else or are drawn against their will, emotions and scents are just. amplified. grantaire already had a lot of emotions so. so. for people in a mutual loving bond it's great for mood, feeling secure, for their overall health.

a majority of bonded individuals require extra physical affection, scenting, and um more or their bodies start being stressed, experiencing withdrawal, etc. bonding is obviously considered pretty sacred in most religions and is considered more permanent than marriage by most people. first couple of days after the bond are really critical! because it's usually a heat/rut activity done between couples who are in love or at least... like... in the same room... this isn't a problem. they are together and really strengthening a mutual bond and that's healthy.

honestly, grantaire's heat after he got bonded was just. hell. :'( during the heat he absolutely cried his heart out. enjolras wasn't there, and neither was anyone else. like he was starving, it's similar to a nutrient/sustenance thing and he wasn't with his bondmate and didn't even have someone else there. after heat was over it got a little better, but his whole self was thrown off and the bond was still "starving." all his body hormones and brain chemistry is just wrecked. there's meds you can take for bond withdrawal but unfortunately he had a bad reaction to them.

it was summer so he was out of school, but this is when he stopped doing more hardcore gymnastics. body just couldn't take it and his parents discouraged it now that he was married and they'd never liked the events that tended to be more alpha-oriented anyway or that he was muscular. being physically active is really important to grantaire so he was very sad :(

at some point enjolras' estate sent clothes over and grantaire just sorta. cuddled with the one shirt and tried to make do. he felt super pathetic and it obviously was not the same as having the person. (he is triggered when enj talks about clothing as a substitute FOR SURE). drinking and some drugs help numb him to some of it so he takes those up.

sfsdf so I could go on and on about the years of WUMP but it's all just angsty and shapes a lot of his bitterness and existence. by the time he remeets enjolras his body's settled into its new state a bit/he's learned to manage it. meeting enjolras jumpstarts what had sorta been dormant in good and bad ways. he is having mood swings! he would like to punch enjolras in the face! with an actual fist! and also his lips! does he cry after they scent the first time? 100%! but also he is SO RELIEVED. he just goes home and like sobs hysterically but also does some stretches and body strengthening and a 5-mile run with a vigor he has not had in YEARS. jbm is a lil freaked. he is also completely convinced the scenting will never happen again for like the first ten times they do it, which enj ofc has no idea about. he absolutely has a triggered heat in chapter 2 in that one section and absolutely is sitting there crying eating the sandwiches Enj (who was like. pretty close to a rut despite him being suppressed to shit) prepped. just snottily shoving them in his face while bossuet and joly came in occasionally to cuddle or give him snackies/water. "do u want us to get enjolras now," they had both said repeatedly and he's just "NO DON'T"

the scenting does help him stabilize though! honestly combeferre’s research was right and what would’ve been even BETTER is basically them making a mutual bond right away. like. his body can absolutely tell this is his bondmate and would be a lot happier if enjolras was around/ was mutually bonded. a little bit of the other person’s scent gets embedded both in the initial bond creation but also in the subsequent scenting and cuddling; the bond initiates his body learning how to make a little of enj’s scent and he’s happier and more secure when he can tell it’s mutual and enj smells like him too! they wait a bit. which is good for them as people and for their rl. but once they do mutually bond he does recover from most of his health issues and it supports him getting to a better place mentally. it helps enj calm down too! honestly they are both bearing a lot of scars from their childhoods and mutual bonding is just like. the cherry on top of how their relationship eventually helps each of them be a happier and healthier and better person. 

tw cw for some discussion of homophobia bc I guess i talk about subtext now.

like this whole thing is a big honking weird metaphor about queerness. bonding doesn’t fit perfectly into that but overall is some interpretation of the kinds of trauma queer kids in unsupportive households sustain. grantaire’s situation is very much a twisting of what’s supposed to be this beautiful first love for him! he really loved enj even if it wasn’t reciprocated. he is someone who doesn’t do a good job of fitting the gender role he’s been assigned. his family twisted that love and what should be a loving bond into trauma and shoved him into the role they wanted for him. it can really mess u up. forgetting/erasing isn’t an option for people really! so i wanted him to reclaim it and redefine it. enj was trauma too but obviously different in his experience and journey to being happy.

anyway i kinda wish i had more of a “thrilling” answer for this! i’m glad you asked!

[chaoticspacefam]

The Lana Shipping Meme!

This is a meme made by @swtor-legacy-sitcom​ who very kindly tagged me to fill it in, thank you! :D This was super fun, I’ve been in a bit of a writing rutt lately so this was a nice way to sort-of dip my toe back into it :P I TOTALLY forgot this was in my drafts and forgot to schedule it to post, I’m soooo sorry it took so long lmao 😳😬

I’m not sure if we’re supposed to tag other people with this one so I’ll just leave a general, open tag here: if you have a Lana ship and want to fill this one out, feel free to yoink the meme and say I tagged you! Yes, I promise I mean you <3

Spoilers for KOTFE/KOTET, and slight spoilers for the Subterfugeverse “version” of said events, will be discussed below, so be aware of that before proceeding! There’s also some midlly nsfw questions so you might wanna skip those if they’re not your thing! :D Under a cut because it’s long, but no trigger warnings need apply.

Is Lana Beniko absolutely done with their shit?

Oh yes, absolutely. Nearly always. At any given time, BUT Lana wouldn’t have it any other way. Saarai may be a reckless, overly-heroic idiot with seemingly no self-preservation, but she’s Lana’s reckless, overly-heroic idiot, ya know :’D

Do they make jokes together?

Fairly often, yes! Theirs is very much a flirty/fond banter type of relationship. Lana tells her she’s insufferable, Saarai rolls her eyes and snarks back, so on. See:

Saarai: Well this was a stupid idea Lana: Considering it was one of yours, I’m not surprised Saarai: Why didn’t you say something? Lana: I did and you did it anyway. And what have we learnt from this? Saarai, quietly: I’m a dumbass and I should listen to you more.... Lana: Good. I still love you, though. Saarai: :’D

Lana, two minutes later: You’re going to do it again, aren’t you? Saarai: Yeah, probably.

as well as that little cutscene “You’d better come back blah blah blah” “Well I have you to rescue me, that’s all I need~” is their default pre-dangerous battle banter :P

Who’s hornier? (who initiates)

Saarai is definitely hornier, and while she’s not always the one to initiate, she’s definitely the one to ask more often. (if I had to give it a number, prolly something like 65/45 lol) One of these days, Lana’s going to buy a spray bottle /jk

Kinkiest they’ve been?

Not awfully. Saarai’s a biter (Lana likes it, don’t worry 😏) and she loves it when Lana pulls her hair, but other than that, and making use of connections within the Force to heighten the sensations during such activities ;) they’re pretty vanilla

There was a post going around a while back about an alternative to a praise kink that was like, a “reassurance” kink, instead. I can’t find the actual post to link to it and I haven’t pinned down any specifics for them yet but I definitely think that’s a Saarai thing to look into later 😏

Has Lana ever covered up something your OC did as Minister of Intelligence?

In a roundabout way, yes. Technically, Saarai’s entire existence on Rishii. Since, teeechhnically, as far as the Empire’s concerned at that point, Rai’s supposed to be dead. Lana doesn’t know the technicalities of why that is (and Saarai isn’t comfortable telling her, even now), but she knows it’s important, so she does it for her even if she doesn’t know why.

Favorite non sexual downtime activity?

Cuddles! Saarai is a cuddlebug, and while Lana enjoys them she’s definitely not the “if I don’t get cuddled x times a day I can’t go on” type (in my headcanon, ofc, I’m not saying she can never be that way!) but, Saarai’s also very warm and cuddling her is cozy, so it’s something they both enjoy, whether Rai’s the big spoon, or - and this is Rai’s favourite thing ever - Saarai putting her head in Lana’s lap so Lana can play with her hair, it’s something they always do at the end of the day when they’re both done with work.

Mushiest thing Your OC has ever done for Lana?

So, I’m too impatient & lazy to do the actual HK missions in-game, but I know you can technically get another HK unit, so because ✨it’s my fanfic and I get to make the rules✨ Saarai sent Aria (my DS! Jedi Shadow, very good at stealth) back to Zakuul and though it was a bit battered up, she managed to retrieve HK’s processor. They had to get him a new chassis, but Koth and Ty managed to salvage the rest of his “important” bits and they rebuilt HK for her after they settled on Odessen :’3

Most Embarrassed Lana has ever been because of your OC?

In the middle of an important meeting, in front of everyone on the Alliance High Council, including Theron, Senya, Ni’kasi, Vano, etc.

Lana, sarcastically, after they’ve been disagreeing on how to handle a particular matter for ~1 hr: hahaha bite me.

Saarai, dead serious: Okay, where? 😏

Lana was mortified, to say the least XD

That thing that happened that they vow to NEVER speak of?

Saarai’s reaction when they went to Nathema. Rai’s psychometric, and in hindsight she realises putting her hand on that wall as she ducked into the building was a mistake. She was bombarded with flashback after flashback of what had happened on Nathema when it was still Medriaas, the planet where she was born and where most of her family died, it was not a pleasant experience for her and Rai actually collapsed at one stage because it was all too much for her ;w;

Lana had to bring her back around and herd her back on the ship, where Rai had to wait because she just couldn’t go any further, and Lana and Vano had to go on alone. Lana agreed not to tell anyone else about what had happened, because Saarai didn’t want any of them to worry about her, or think she was “weak” because of it.

The Angriest they’ve ever been at each other?

There’s actually two instances that come to mind for this one

1) Koth’s betrayal/stealing of the Gravestone, Lana was pissed at Koth and wanted to take it out on him, Saarai was pissed at the situation and got between them and chewed Lana out for taking it out on him. (Subterfugeverse is kinda complicated, there’s two Commanders calling the shots for different parts of the Alliance, Koth took issue with something Vano did and made the reckless, kinda stupid decision to still steal the Gravestone even tho Saarai didn’t do anything. (also for anyone new to the blog, all three of them are dating, they’re polyam ;)) Lana took it personally, Saarai was more upset that he was upset and didn’t say anything before he did something stupid. Rai and Lana butted heads about how to deal with it, Lana got salty cause she got yelled at, but they ofc fix it later :3)

2) Torian’s death. Saarai had tried to warn Lana what would happen if they split Vette & Torian up during that fight, Lana brushed it off and told Rai to “stop overreacting, it will be fine”. Obviously, it was not fine. Rai was very angry at the result because, I quote, “I WARNED YOU! And you wouldn’t listen to me!” Saarai refused to speak to Lana for a few days after that, it was kinda a rough time for Lana, she’s only seen Rai get that angry a few times, and only once at her so it shook her a bit. 😢

How does both Lana, and your OC initiate the ‘fade to black’ ;)

For Saarai, the “indicator” is usually when her kisses start to become 50/50 between kissing and biting/nibbling. That’s the universal “ok I want to” signal for Rai. Usually very quickly followed by a soft “yes?” or “are you sure?”, either against her skin or into her ear, depending on where she’s kissing at the time; because she’ll always check first, and if Lana says “no”, it’s off, because Lana’s consent is more important than any of her feelings.

For Lana, it’s when she’ll let Rai pick her up and/or usually to pin her to a wall. There’s a decent height difference, Saarai’s 6 ft 3, and I headcanon that while Lana’s not necessarily “short” at around 5 ft 8, she’s considerably smaller than Rai, as well as being more “reserved” with PDA, she’ll hold hands, or kiss her on the cheek etc. in front of other people, but otherwise Lana tries to keep somewhat “professional” while they’re at work. So when she starts climbing her like a tree, Rai knows she’s about to get some. XD

Do they have kids?

Kiiiinddd of? It’s complicated. Saarai has a son, Ty, from a previous relationship. Lana & Koth both sort of step up to help co-parent, but since Sith Purebloods age differently (i.e. they’re adults at ~20ish the same as humans, but after that they’re more like elves and their physical aging slows down, so they’re more long-lived), even though Ty’s very young by Pureblood standards, he’s still 60 years old, so he’s technically older than Lana and it’s kind of awkward for him to actually call her mom even if she kind of acts like one. He accidentally called her “mom” once, it was very awkward for both of them XD

What has been the most protective Lana has ever had of said kid?

I sat and scratched my head for ages trying to think of something to answer this question with, but I’m very sad to say that right now at the time of answering this meme, I don’t have any specific scenes planned out to tell you about! :( But rest assured that Lana absolutely would rush to help Ty if it was ever necessary :D

House pets? Is your Lana a dog person, or Cat person?

Funnily enough, they don’t actually have any pets! I’d like to think of Lana as more of a cat person than a dog person, in my personal opinion. But they have yet to get any pets of their own, maybeee later on, I dunno. Haven’t hit on any solid ideas for them yet, but I feel like if they happened upon a cute kitty they definitely could adopt one at some stage :’3

Do they get freaky on the Alliance Base or in the Shuttles?

They’ve done both, to be honest lol. Thankfully, Saarai’s sneaky enough that they haven’t gotten caught doing it, yet. Thank the Force.

Are their Sparring Matches Flirtatious? Hardcore?

They could go either way, it depends on what kind of mood they’re both in. If Lana’s particularly annoyed (usually not at Rai, but sometimes) then it’s more likely to be a hardcore spar, Rai’s a pretty tough cookie so she’ll often offer to be Lana’s punching bag in order to spare them some repair bills so she doesn’t rip apart the training dummies irrepairably, it’s okay, Rai can take it ;)

But if they’re both in an otherwise good mood and are just sparring for practise sakes, then yes, they often very quickly devolve into flirtacious banter and some of the classics, you know, “okay you win, you can let me go now” “mmm, nah” “I thought we were sparring” “do you want me to stop” “...don’t you dare.” etc. :’D

Class Specific things that play into their relationship?

Saarai’s a Juggernaut, and I headcanon Lana’s probably some sort of Sorcerer, so they tend to fight as such. They cover each other in more ways than one, if you want to get to Lana you have to go through Saarai first (and good luck to you, that woman can take and give a fucking beating lmao). Lana picks off whatever Saarai’s saber misses, usually with Force attacks but sometimes with her saber, too. Saarai takes bullets for Lana so Lana doesn’t have to get hurt. Lana yells at Rai for doing that and then fixes her up with Force healing afterwards, rinse and repeat. :’D

When they do argue, Lana tends to spontaneously manifest Force lightning, Saarai’s used to it and doesn’t bat an eyelid, she knows Lana’s not actually going to throw it at her and she’s more than prepared to dodge any stray bolts that do come her way.

Lana’s the tactician and the ground support, Saarai’s the battering ram/the bigass hammer used to clear space when Lana needs a bit of extra “oomph” (and trust me, they’re usually never far apart. The other one will be there and then you’ll be in trouble lmao)

Describe a time your OC went ‘Full beast mode’ to protect Lana, instead of the other way around?

"Kriff. Koth, what happened?” Three words was all it took, and everything made sense: “They hurt Lana.”

That scene in the Endless Swamps on Zakuul, just before they pull the Gravestone out of it and Lana and the Commander get ambushed. Saarai went with Lana & Koth to break Vano out of carbonite (since Saarai was still on Rishii at the time, she doesn’t get frozen, only Vano) so when they split up, Saarai goes with Koth to look for ship parts while Vano goes with Lana to look for water.

Lana and Vano get ambushed by the Knights/Skytroopers, and Lana’s hand gets busted. It takes Saarai and Koth a little while to rush over there to help them, but when they do

Saarai. Goes. Fucking. Feral. It’s the scariest she’s ever been in front of Lana and Lana will never forget it, they almost didn’t really need Senya’s help for that part, Saarai basically had it covered. I imagine Lana later described it as “kind of hot, but also kind of terrifying, actually”

Saarai’s considered Chaotic Good, so generally speaking if there’s a peaceful, non-violent solution to a problem, she’ll opt for that, but she has a few buttons that you just do not want to push, ever. And hurting her partners is one of those buttons. She will go apeshit and that’s exactly what happened in the swamp lmao

Little things couples do to annoy each other. What does Lana do? What does your OC do?

Saarai likes to wake up early and hide Lana’s kaf mug in increasingly ridiculous places. Once, she even got Koth to help her stick it to the top of the Gravestone’s hull. It took Lana half the morning to find it, Lana was not amused. XD

Saarai and Koth also have an ongoing “terrible puns” contest where they basically see who can annoy Lana with the most ridiculous puns possible, see this post for an example :P Lana wonders where/how they keep coming up with these puns, she really does.

Does Lana get jealous in your headcanon?

Not really! In Subterfugeverse, both Rai and Lana are polyam, so generally speaking, jealousy isn’t a problem for them, and when it is it’s more of a case of “hey. Hey. Hey, I’m not getting enough attention, pay attention to me.” and then it’s usually dealt with and all is well ;)

When Lana meets Anri, the only thing Saarai does is tease her about “when she’s going to make the move”. 😜

Story that is prominent in their relationship?

I was gonna draw a little doodle for this but the poses kept not coming out right so I gave up, sorryyy qAq

I haven’t gotten very far into planning the SoR onwards+ segments of Subterfugeverse, just bits and bobs like this, but I’d say for now the most prominent is probably their first meeting on Rishii. Basically, meet-cute but with a lightsaber involved too hahaha. There was a lot of posturing and flirty subtext right from the get-go with these two, even if Saarai was particularly suspicious at first (see the earlier question about her being technically dead to the Empire). At first, when she noticed Lana tailing Ty (because Lana was extremely confused about why a Pureblood was so far from Sith space ;)), Saarai assumed that something had happened to her twin and the Empire had A) found out she and Ty were still alive and B) Sent Lana to track them down and kill them for good. Several tension-loaded hours later and Lana managed to convince Rai that actually, Ni’kasi was fine and speaking of, she was trying to avoid being killed too so maybe, actually, they could help each other. And that was all she wrote <3

[maandags]

Requests are open!!! *does an excited hoppy dance* oh my goodness the excitement. May I suggest a) something with Matt Holt, perhaps in an au with some sort of power (like a demigod or witch or ATLA au, etc.) or b) something for HTTYD with no pairing and plenty of dragon presence! Bonding/interacting with dragons, etc. Thankyouthankyouthankyou you are such an amazingly skilled author and making requests like this is a very special privilege. Thank you for sharing your writing :)

it’s Capture the Flag day at Camp Halfblood, and nobody lets you forget it.

of course, the nervous jitters get to you, as well. you’re not immune, even though you’ve never been a particular lover of the game. but it’s Camp tradition, and Camp Halfblood is your home, so you’ll fuck up your friends (and not-so-friends) every once in a while to keep things interesting. sure.

it’s Hephaestus, Demeter, Ares,  Apollo -- that’s you -- against Athena, Aphrodite, Hermes, and Dionysus. you’re not worried about Dionysus’ kids -- their heart isn’t in the game, and it’s easy to tell. Athena and Hermes are the ones who will pose an actual problem, you suspect. 

as you get ready, fingers making quick work of the straps on your breastplate, swinging your quiver over your shoulder (holding blunt-tipped arrows -- so they’ll still hurt like a bitch, but won’t do serious damage); strapping on your bracer, then pulling on your leather glove. you reach for your helmet, fighting the urge to roll your eyes at the red plume sticking out of it. it’s tradition, Y/N.

“you think you’re gonna win today, L/N?”

you squint up at the boy decked out in full Capture the Flag regalia, a sword at his side and a knife strapped to his thigh, brown hair mussed and glasses slightly askew on his nose. “half your team aren’t fighters, Matt. not like you and I am.” you lean back, cross your arms. “let’s just say I’m not disliking my chances, here.”

Matt shakes his head with a grin. “we’re going to crush you.”

“HOLT!” both of you whip around to the source of the voice -- it belongs to a tall Hermes kid, one of the only campers older than Matt and you, standing with his hands on his hips, glaring intensely at his teammate. “stop fraternizing with the enemy!”

Matt snickers, then bows. “well. I guess duty calls. I’ll see you after we win the game.”

“you’re so full of shit.”

“I love you, too.”

as he turns, you shout after him, “I’ve got an arrow with your name on it, Holt!”

the team captains convene -- Matt’s sister Pidge, on one side, and an Ares kid named Tyler on yours. the flags are hidden, everyone moves to their side of the creek. as you walk, Tyler and Keith, a Hephaestus kid, go through the battle plan one more time. you’ve heard it countless times before, so you listen with one ear. 

Tyler points to you. “Y/N, up in the trees. slow ‘em down as much as you can.”

“always, boss.”

“don’t get distracted by brown-haired sons of Athena,” Keith quips with a grin.

without missing a beat, you reply, “as long as you don’t get distracted by blue-eyed sons of Aphrodite, fuckwad.” Keith goes red and shoves his middle finger in your face, so you respond in kind.

“guys,” Tyler says, sounding both annoyed and tired and resigned, “focus, please.”

some obscene gestures and mouthed insults later, you’re stationed up in your tree, standing on a sturdy branch, bow at the ready, an arrow nocked. (special arrows. Keith helped out with this; you’ve got some stinkbombs, some explosive arrows, some sticky ones... they’re nasty. you can’t wait to use them.) you’ve tied yourself to the tree by your waist, having made the mistake of not doing so in the past and paying the price with bruises and cuts.

the horn sounds. the game’s begun.

border duty isn’t the most exciting part of the game. if you were a close-range fighter, you would have killed to be in the scouting group, or the flag-capturing group. but you’re not, so a spot up in the trees it is.

after a couple minutes, you spot the group of campers charged with capturing the actual flag leap over the creek like cheetahs, splitting up into two groups immediately after crossing over into the other side. despite everything, your heart rate speeds up, just a bit. your grip on the nocked arrow tightens. 

then, out of the depths of the forest in front of you, three campers race towards your side of the creek. trying to go fast, while also being quiet. heh. not if you have anything to say about it.

you bring your bow up to your face and aim, loosing it almost immediately. elegantly. effortlessly, as Matt would say. it sinks into the earth in front of the nearest camper with a dull thud, and a split second later it explodes, sending dirt and loose branches and leaves everywhere. 

before the three campers can do anything to react, you’ve let loose another arrow. this one, when it explodes, poofs out a cloud of thick red smoke, which rises high above the treetops. could just as well have been a flare. stealth mission? not so much.

but you’ve given yourself away, now. not that it matters much, now. worth it. 

“FUCK YOU, Y/N!” that’s Lance. son of Aphrodite, one of the few who is actually invested in the game. (a little too invested, in your opinion.) 

you blow him a kiss, send him a wave. “I love you, too!”

Lance yanks his fellow campers up, shakes his fist up at you. “you play dirty!”

“I’ve been here for eleven years, Lance. I deserve to play a little dirty.”

at that, Lance laughs. you narrow your eyes. “eleven years, huh?” he grins. “still can’t recognise a simple distraction?”

“what are you –” you cut yourself off, cursing, whirling around, only just managing to spot a head of brown hair zipping through the trees. 

before you realise you’re doing it, you’ve already drawn another arrow. this time, as you pull it back, you breathe out, relaxing, concentrating on the tiny shifts of movement you can still see through the trees. behind you, Lance is still shouting – “he’s gone, Y/N, we’ve outsmarted you, just admit it, you’re gonna lose –” but you drown him out. 

you let the arrow fly, and a whole second later there’s the unmistakable “augh!” of someone who just ate shit. (tangling arrow: its impact triggers the uncoiling of a spool of iron thread, hopelessly tangling the target’s legs.) 

you throw Lance a glance over your shoulder. he throws up his hand. “for the GODS’ SAKES, Y/N.” 

“do not,” you say, lips curling into a grin when you spot your group of flag-catchers, three strong, approaching from the other side of the river, the silver Athena banner rippling between them, “underestimate a child of Apollo.” 

Keith and Tyler are being chased by a growing group of blue-plumed campers, but you know it’s no use; those two are fast bastards. for the fun of it, you send another exploding arrow towards the pursuers’ ankles. the dull pop! and consequent yelps make you grin.

Keith takes a final leap over the creek and skids to a halt on the other side. the banner shifts in his hand, from silver to blood-red. 

he holds it above his head, and you let out a loud whoop before sticking two fingers in your mouth and letting out an insanely loud, piercing whistle.

the game is over. you’ve won.

you descend from your tree, dropping the last five feet to the ground, shaking your head at the mob of campers who’ve hoisted Keith and Tyler upon their shoulders and are jumping up and down. you cross your arms.

“fucking eh. I really thought we had you this time.” 

an arm drapes itself around your shoulders, and you grin, shooting a glance up at your boyfriend. “I told you I had an arrow with your name on it.” 

“you did. I’ll outrun you eventually.” Matt dips down, presses a kiss to your cheek. 

“pfft. good luck with that. you almost fooled me this time, though,” you add, poking his side. “almost.” you look down at his red-streaked legs. his knees are also scraped and slightly bloody, but his eyes are twinkling with mirth. “sorry about your ankles.”

he sighs. “yeah. I think I’ll need someone to carry me back to camp.” 

you shake your head again with a chuckle, leaning your head on his shoulder. “you’re so full of shit.”

[mallowstep]

I could see Tigerstar using Featherpaw's hair as a way to humiliate her by cutting it really short. ("Look at you Feather... You can't even take care of yourself, we need to get rid of all this hair, since you are such a dirty child.") It could feed into why she likes to keep it long now, as it's something she now has control over and the thought of having someone cut it brings back memories of what Tigerstar did as punishment.

yeah! i don't remember where the first time i said this was but he does in fact do this.

hm i'm going to put in a cut bc this feels like i'm going to ramble

cw: child abuse, misogyny, religious motivated child abuse & misogyny

so we've established tigerstar formally hates women, right? like in contrast to the cat misty au where it's more of a joke (he does hate women but in my cat world misogyny is very different and not the way tigerstar hates women), he actively is just -- a huge misogynist. to the point where like.

tigerstar doesn't believe half the shit he says. he just likes Power and Control. he definitely believes some of it, but he doesn't believe a lot of it. but when it comes to misogyny...he starts from "i'm saying this because it gets me what i want" but talk to goldenflower and she will tell you "no he was Always Like This. he was Always controlling and misogynistic that's why i left him."

but okay, so. we've talked about how he uses "modesty" as an argument for controlling how women dress. and -- featherpaw does not Get That...protection? recognition? hm. i'm not quite sure but. there's a sense that -- well he presents it as. modesty is something women should have. it's a gift. women are being corrupted, being turned against something natural and good for them.

so when he makes the only clothes featherpaw has access to a pair of shorts (above the knee, not elastic but not baggy, like these things), and a tank top, you know.

mistyfoot and tawnypaw (and the other women etc just assume when i ref misty and tawny i mean all women but those are the two featherpaw interacts with and therefore the ones who are emotionally relevant) aren't even allowed to wear pants.

tigerstar definitely does some stuff that is blatantly transgressing this (notably, whenever he makes mistyfoot go to a party), but -- for featherpaw it's a constant reminder that she is. not worthy of a basic thing.

(also she's cold.)

so the other thing is -- he expects women to have long hair. takes it very seriously. this has nothing to do with goldenflower having long hair nothing whatsoever.

but anyway. mistyfoot and tawnypaw, long hair.

featherpaw has pretty long hair for a while, but. you can only do so much to detangle long hair without a comb.

and, there's not a bathroom in featherpaw and mistyfoot's room? so they're. you know. featherpaw is not getting regular baths/showers.

and at some point, tigerstar goes to yank her by her hair, and he realizes it's a mess (and kind of gross), and he just, oh he's going to make such good use of this in the future.

the pattern of abuse remains basically the same here, in that. featherpaw's gonna go through it no matter what, but tigerstar likes to blame it on mistyfoot. so he mentions that featherpaw is looking a little...unkempt, does mistyfoot need help?

and mistyfoot is Panicking because she can't! she can't do anything! like she literally can't do much more than untangle featherpaw's hair as best she can and like. make use of the few minutes featherpaw has to brush her teeth in the morning and evening to try to do something.

(she braids featherpaw's hair at first but it turns out that's just really tempting for assholes to pull. uh. and she doesn't have a hair tie so it doesn't even keep.)

right but tigerstar lets mistyfoot stew in this for a while, and they're -- this is a few months into their time. so he lets mistyfoot stew in this for a while, maybe mentions it one or two more times, and then he pressures her into "asking for help."

probably by saying something to the effect of -- "if you're sure you're taking adequate care of her, then she's deliberately disobeying, and that merits punishment."

so mistyfoot asks for help and tigerstar puts his hand on her cheek and kisses her forehead and says of course he'll help. he has featherpaw brought to him, has her kneel in front of him, and just chops off her hair in a deliberately horribly ragid way.

and there won't that be so much easier to take care of?

he wouldn't shave featherpaw's head, because then he couldn't use it to make her hold still, but from that point on, he regularly chops it.

and it's. he mocks featherpaw for it, too. like -- you know. calls her ugly and -- how could she possibly think she'd be allowed to eat dinner with them looking like that?

(never mind he's the reason she looks like that)

but it's also another like. othering and dehumanization tactic. tawnypaw's hair is long and glossy and all tied up with a neat little alice ribbon (something she hates, to be clear), and tigerstar uh.

tigerstar brushes mistyfoot's hair?

yeah.

but. featherpaw can't keep her hair, isn't even deserving of modesty, yeah.

and that's 100% why she grows it out long after. that and just. legitimately liking her appearance with it. but. mistyfoot cuts her hair once about when they get out of the hospital, to even it off, and then they just let it grow.

mistyfoot starts braiding it as. you know just a thing to do. if. i dunno my mom used to braid my hair and like. it's just a nice thing. i was at summer camp once and i never get homesick but a camp counsellor braided my hair for me and i broke down in Tears bc it's just a positive memory thing.

and featherpaw has. almost entirely negative associations with people touching her hair. she struggles with taking care of it, like. the fact that she hasn't taken care of her hair in many years and before that she was young enough it was only barely her responsibility is part of it right?

like she was nine, which is -- young enough that you still need help washing your hair. you know she was transitioning into being independent but that's. there's a lot of suds and steps.

and then she spends six years where like. it's not that she never bathes it's that baths usually look like ice water and supervision by someone she does not feel comfortable getting undressed in front of. and they're -- not super frequent.

and then she's in the hospital for a long time, aggressively too sick to take care of herself. by time time the triplets are born she's getting better but she doesn't go through a full rehabilitation process. she's still pretty weak when they leave, because mistyfoot's options are "leave featherpaw or take featherpaw" and she obviously takes featherpaw.

and then for the first time in her life she is responsible for her own personal care.

so. mistyfoot doesn't want to fight with her about this. and so she's finally like, "can i braid your hair?" because if they braid it, as long as they take it out and change the way it's braided now and then, the amount of brushing that needs to be done is dramatically reduced.

and then you know. it's just routine and a good together activity.

there's always. feathertail's life is a constant back and forth of independence vs needs. she can't fully take care of long hair by herself, like she Physically Can't Do It, but she also can't cut her hair short enough she could manage it.

when it grows out long enough she can braid it over her shoulder, she feels better. mistyfoot usually french braids it, because that's a lot more secure, feathertail does two braids.

anyway yeah i forgot where i first mentioned tigerstar as Why feathertail likes her hair long but. it's definitely harder with the kids because long hair is so tempting to pull, and it's just. a Bad thing.

triggering for both mistyfoot and feathertail but they have very different associations with it.

so braids!

(also brook likes braiding feathertail's hair. i realize i have not mentioned brook once and that's bc i literally have 0 idea when/how/where they meet, but she also braids it. she's got some more skills too. does a crown braid once and feathertail decides that she's going to marry this woman.)

[thecuriousblitz]

Hopes for RWBY Vol. 8: A commitment from RT to do better by their queer mlm fans

I waited until the end of Vol. 7 to put this out there, in case there was a Hail Mary fix-it that, while not able to erase how Fairgame was handled, would at least shed some light on certain narrative decisions.

And so when RT started peddling paired Qrow/Clover pins and a ‘Born Unlucky’ Qrow drinking cup after weeks of radio silence, I said to myself - calmly - well fuck.

Having worked as both a writer and marketer for a games company and several creative agencies, I know it takes gallons of blood, sweat and tears to make a show like RWBY shine. For that, CRWBY has my utmost respect. I also know that the directors, writing, animation and marketing departments of a commercially significant project are typically very connected and cross-communicative - for many reasons, but mainly to avoid preventable shitshows.

That’s why the idea that no one important knew about and therefore can’t be held responsible for the prolonged queerteasing engaged in by several animators and marketing staff is friggin’ bizarre.

In criminal law, the severity of the punishment often hinges on the presence of mens rea, or a ‘guilty mind’. For example, if it’s proven you both intended to and did kill someone, you go down for murder. If you’re drunk and run over someone, it’s manslaughter - a lesser crime, but a crime nonetheless because harm was caused through recklessness or negligence. ie. You should have fucking known.

I don’t think there’s enough to prove intent to harm, but holy shit if it was your run-of-the-mill agency, there would have been someone tripping over their balls to shut down the weeks of ‘we gave you bumbleby, now how bouts some Fairgame wink wink’ marketing and your ‘I ship Qrover hardcore/CLOVER IS A TOP’ animators, knowing where the narrative was going. Either RT operates on some alien plane of existence where common sense/corporate liability isn’t a thing, or some serious soul-searching and a company-wide policy change needs to happen. At the very least, please have the fucking talk with your marketing and animation teams, for their sake and that of your company’s.

Additionally, anytime we were working on something that could even remotely touch on minority or sensitive issues (eg. those concerning people with disabilities, indigenous peoples, LGBTQI, potential trauma triggers), we would hire external subject matter experts to extensively comb through anything that might cause problems. The writing, character design, animation, VOs, marketing, every fucking end-to-end detail.

Once, our design team had to completely re-do the hairstyles of several minor NPCs in a game for kids because they were too ‘phallic-like’. I lead with that example because it’s my favorite ‘wtf’ workplace moment (you really had to squint to see it), but in all seriousness, there have been many times where the input of qualified experts saved our collective blind asses. When it comes to representation, details matter - even if you personally don’t see a problem.

Note the use of ‘external’ experts. We never relied on having minority members on our team to pass muster. One, that puts way too much fucking pressure on the crew member who happens to be part of that minority group to speak up. Two, and this might be shocking for some, not all members of a minority group think and feel the same way about everything.

If you can manage to sweat the details, hire experts, and have (what I thought were normal) cross-department communications, you avoid situations where individuals who are part of an underrepresented group are forced to defend the validity of their pain.

By virtue of queer/mlm being a minority, the majority of the fandom won’t see a problem. Hell, not all queer/mlm will see a problem, and that’s totally fine.

The problem is this: Once your product is out there, and your rogue animators/marketing team have at it with the baiting, you’ve just provided the perfect storm for a barrage of censorious attacks against a vulnerable group, all of varying degrees of fallaciousness, and all of which were completely preventable: ‘You’re just overreacting’, ‘You just hate that your headcanon didn’t work out’, ‘It’s sad, but no one’s to blame’, ‘I’m gay and I thought it was fine’, ‘The show has queer wlw rep, how can you criticize’, ‘I know what queerbaiting is and that wasn’t it’, ‘It’s just a fictional character/SOME BLOODY PINS, get over it’, ‘CRWBY didn’t encourage this ship’ (most people will not make the effort to dig into super shady tweets, comments and fandom interactions from months ago), etc. etc.

And by the immutable laws of internet fuckery, what should have been a beautiful opportunity for representation - whether it would have ended happily or not - gets turned into a convoluted shitstorm where argument from ignorance wins the day.

In short, RT, please, please do better. You have every right to freely create, but with freedom comes responsibility. You have a really good thing going - as a fan, it would be the ultimate tragedy if nothing is acknowledged or changes after all this.

[mychemicalxmen]

The Umbrella Academy College Theatre Kid AU Plot

Alright bitches, ask and ye shall receive. 

Here’s the 6k summary of this ten-chapter monstrosity I almost wrote a year ago and just now attempted to flesh out.

Canon divergence from the point of their birth onward. The Commission doesn’t exist here, it would just make everything a little too complicated. No Luther/Allison either, personal preference. If anyone would want to try writing or drawing a scene from this universe, I would be over the heckin moon, please feel free to do w/e if any part of this inspires anyone. And if anyone just wants to shoot hc, pop off!

But yeah. This is a crack concept treated dead seriously. Buckle up.

Chapter One - “Overture”

-I wrote this chapter, but it’s Really Not Good. I had just watched the show and hadn’t written fic in a Hot Minute.

-Welcome to Umbrella University, a top-tier school with a sacrilegiously large budget for the fine arts!

-They’re all freshman atm.

-Basically, all of our kiddos (except Five, we’ll get there) are cleaning the theater between shows in the fall season. Allison is acting House Crew Chief and is overseeing the whole thing. The others are on House Crew for various reasons - tech class credit, volunteer hours, etc. No one is actually studying theatre for their major except Allison, who’s double-majoring in acting and something else

-They’re essentially strangers (except Ben and Klaus, who are assigned roommates). They’re all aware of their own powers, but not any of the others’.

-As they clean, the host on the radio is going on about the one-year anniversary of his favorite “Hargreeves Five” (the current Academy, made up of different kids from the 43, and definitely not based on the ASBO Five) battle, apprehending a robber named Erick Webber in New York City. He was a starving actor who stole from large donation funds that were supposed to be distributed to other starving artists. The battle got violent, and fire got involved. What a spectacle!

-Vanya, who has accidentally skipped her meds that day, sees a rat and screams, prompting Luther to drop the lighting equipment he’s working on. Loud sound. Telekinetic energy starts going.

-There is a comically convenient chain reaction in which all of the siblings’ powers are triggered at once - Diego throws something, Klaus levitates, the Horror has to hold up the light rig, Allison has to rumor to memory-wipe the witnesses, etc.

-Once they have the situation under control, they realize it’s… weird. The odds are absolutely astronomical. How the hell did they all end up in the same place??

-There’s no reason to believe anyone brought them together on purpose, except maybe fate, or whatever Mysterious Space Magic caused their birth in the first place. They have a private House Crew meeting with a lot of freaking out and questions and bonding.

Chapter Two - “God I Hope I Get It”

-Fast forward to junior year. Since that fateful day, the theater has become the siblings’ home base. Luther is the shop foreman this year, Allison is seated at the right hand of the theatre department director (a sharp middle-aged woman who directs half of the shows), Diego knows his way around lights, and Klaus frequently builds and paints in the scene shop. Allison’s the only one of them who actually performs.

-The fall season includes Hair and Othello, and the joint audition for both is quickly approaching.

-Vanya, however, has been drifting away from it all for some reason. Allison finds her in the quad one day and encourages her to audition for Othello. Apparently, the theatre director has observed Vanya’s love of reading plays from afar and asked for her specifically. Vanya doesn’t want to go anywhere near the theater, but she’s touched by Allison’s belief in her and reluctantly says she’ll think about it.

-Diego is going through his classes and can’t help but feel like there’s this one freshman that’s just… following him. Looking at him funny. Keeps showing up in all his usual spots. Must be one of those obnoxious wiz kids - there’s no way in hell that he’s eighteen years old.

-Vanya has a monologue in her back pocket, her favorite from Winter’s Tale, ready to go. But when the day of the audition comes, she walks into the theater for the first time in months, and she breaks down and runs to the bathroom. Allison is too busy helping the director to console her, so she sends Klaus to check on her.

-Klaus talks to her through the door and tries to hype her up for the audition. Ghost!Ben tells him to reel it in.

-Vanya eventually admits that she drifted away from the theater because it was always a special place for the six of them, but after Ben died in a car crash in sophomore year, thinking about it just broke her heart all over again.

-Klaus doesn’t quite have the tact of language to bring her comfort, but Ben does. Without revealing he can see Ben, Klaus just echoes his words. Saying that Ben would still want her to be happy here. Saying that it’s okay to take time to work through all those feelings. He stays there until Vanya’s calm enough to come out of the bathroom, hug him for a really long time, and then go into her audition.

-The cast lists go out, and all the siblings run to see the one for Othello. Allison is the stage manager, to the surprise of no one, and has already seen that she’ll be playing Dionne in Hair. The headmaster’s kid (who I never gave a name, so let’s just call him Ollie) is playing Othello, some guy named Leonard is playing Roderigo, and Vanya is playing Desdemona. While they’re leaving to celebrate, Diego sees The Weird Freshman sign his initial on the cast list, confirming his role. He takes a peek at it later and wonders how this five-foot-six gremlin was cast as Iago, and what kind of a name is Five, anyway?

Chapter Three - “Good Morning Starshine”

-Production on Hair has begun.

-Diego is still a vigilante, but like, specifically for the college’s organization for fighting sexual harassment. Make no mistake, he is not endorsed by the club in any way, shape, or form. But when fellow criminal justice major Eudora Patch gets catcalled on a late night walk home from the library, a fraternity douchebag gets his hoodie pinned to the wall with a knife and receives an extremely harsh talking-to.

-Eudora just sighs into the darkness like “Diego was that really necessary” and keeps walking and Diego runs up to meet her like “yes??”

-Insert exposition here about how they’re exes but there’s still that Tension and fond bickering from the show. Eudora thinks he should get involved in other things on campus, but he immediately rejects it. No. Nope. Nothing else going on. Just lights. And Batman.

-Luther and Allison often hang out in one of the hallways of the theater for lunch. Allison complains that she’s in charge of a lot of little projects in the program, and it’s hard to get people to listen to her. Luther complains that Diego hasn’t been showing up to help in the shop lately. Even though Diego’s not officially on set crew, it’s a little suspicious that he hasn’t been around.

-The mainstage theater has been going through a very fancy refurbishment, and a new chandelier just came in. How the department has the money for a chandelier, no one has any idea. There’s an inside joke that the theatre director must be having a scandalous lesbian affair with the headmaster.

-After a while, Luther enlists Klaus to help him to figure out what Diego’s hiding. With their single shared braincell, it takes them a little too long to realize that Diego’s name is on the Hair cast list. But that can’t possibly be right.

-Luther and Klaus sneak into the blackbox (a smaller, more intimate theater) in the middle of a Hair rehearsal and, sure enough, holy shit, Diego is actually onstage as one of the tribe people, lowkey having the time of his life.

-Enter UT Dallas transfer David Katz in the role of Claude. And it’s just. On sight. Klaus is down for the goddamn count.

-“Who is that??” “I know, right? Like, that’s our brother.” “No, no, not him. The really pretty one.”

-At the end of whatever song they’re doing, Diego locks eyes with Luther and almost dies of embarrassment right then and there.

-Cue big long childish argument of “why didn’t you tell us you had any interest in being in the musical?” and “I didn’t know I had any interest either oKAY you weren’t supposed to find out” “how wouldn’t we have found out you IDIOT we LIVE HERE.”

-At the end of rehearsal, Diego is feeling entirely beaten down. As is Allison, up to her eyeballs in responsibility. They sit on the loading dock and Diego admits he didn't want to make a big deal out of the fact that he was in Hair. But he’s actually really digging the songs and the messages and the comradery. Even though musical theatre is dumb. Allison assures him it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.

Chapter Four - “What’s the Buzz?”

-Production on Othello has begun.

-Fluffy opening that’s just a montage of Disaster Klaus repeatedly trying to justify sitting in on Hair rehearsal. “Sure, Allison, let me cut out those gels.” “Sure, Dance Captain, I can record the choreography.” “Shut up, Ben, I’m just really into American military history.”

-Meanwhile he’s just…… watching the show, listening to Dave sing, waiting for the right moment to strike up a Totally Casual Conversation with him.

-And it happens! Eventually.

-Diego meets Eudora on the loading dock and comes clean to her about the fact that he’s in the musical. Eudora is shocked and amused and teases him a little for it, but she’s ultimately supportive. And endeared. Cute bickering.

-When she leaves for her next class, Five is six feet away sipping coffee like “Oh, you’re both the same major? Aww that’s adorable.”

-Diego finally confronts him and asks him what his deal is and Five says something cryptic about “Reggie’s bastards”. Diego grabs him by the arm and drags him to the empty dressing room and interrogates him on everything he knows.

-Five is somewhere in his thirties, he can teleport, his body’s been screwed up by time travel complications, he knows about all the others, and he’s “played a game of hopscotch with an unsympathetic god”. When asked why he came back to this time in particular, he dodges the question with some snarky reply of how he’s not sure he made the right call.

-They decide not to tell everyone else all at once, until they hear faint movement. They find Klaus buried under a throw blanket on The Couch that every theater has, a little stoned, stirring from a midday dressing room nap.

-”I’m a BOY in LOVE, leave me aLONE.”

Chapter Five - “No One is Alone”

-Once again, Allison is overwhelmed. She had rumored her way into the double major when she didn’t actually have the high school credits necessary to graduate on time, but since meeting the other siblings, she’d sworn off using her power. If she was caught, it could start a breadcrumb trail to the others and expose all of them. And like, they just want to get out of here with their degrees, man.

-The theatre department director has had to assign her the most incompetent freshmen in the world to manage with assorted housekeeping tasks. They have an attitude, they don’t know how anything works, and Allison simply doesn’t have the time to lead them. She comes to the theatre director to explain this.

-And for the first time in a long while, the director expresses sternness to her. And it hurts.

-”Come on, Allison, we both know you’re good with people. You can be very persuasive when you want to be. You will work this out.”

-It’s very pointed. She will work this out. There is no other option.

-And. Not to be self-centered, but the spring musical is going to be Cabaret, and Allison has been convinced she had Sally Bowles in the bag. But if she gets on the director’s bad side halfway through junior year…

-It’s a particularly tense day, ten minutes before she has to sign in for Hair rehearsal. Some poor freshman is organizing the costume closet and just doesn’t get it and doesn’t want to be here and the director demands that this is done by the end of the day.

-So. It’s just one. It’s no big deal. She just heard the oddest little rumor that the student could make the closet perfectly tidy within the hour.

-Five and Vanya are at rehearsal for Othello. Now that he’s actually talked to Diego and Klaus, he feels a little more at ease being in this place and time. The two have plenty of time to chat while on breaks. And because Vanya is such a chill, calming force compared to the stubborn and impulsive Diego, it goes a lot smoother.

-Neither of them can stand Ollie, the headmasters’ pretentious son who’s playing Othello, going on and on about his actor step-brother in New York. Whatever. He likes to creep around the scene shop, too. Like he’s judging the tech. I’d like to see YOU pick up a drill, sir.

-He’s also really close to the theatre director. No one’s ever heard them interact, but they’ve sure seen them together. And he’s not even putting in all the hours for her that Allison is.

-Vanya and Five probably get coffee before rehearsal. Run lines. Five rambles about the flaws in Shakespeare’s philosophies over an americano. And they eventually tell each other their stories.

-Pogo had gone with Sir Reginald to examine the children and their potential prior to adoption. Reginald’s technology sensed great power in Vanya, even as an infant. After Vanya’s mother refused to sell, Pogo went behind Reginald’s back and made contact with the mother, advising her on how to suppress Vanya’s powers (but not emotions) with medication whenever they couldn’t be internally controlled. Vanya was good at self-control for much of her childhood, but the adjustment to college and grief of losing Ben put her back in a risky zone, so she’s been leaning a little more heavily on her medicine these days. She knows the adrenaline she gets onstage is good and natural, but it makes her nervous about forgetting a dose again.

-Five’s mother was quite a character. The name came from the fact that, during birth, Five first hit the air at exactly 12:00:05.

-Five had practiced his time jumps all through his childhood. (With none of the spite and rush he had in canon, he had no need to leap years right away, so he took it slow.) Sometimes he would get stuck in a place for a while, but his mom was cool and understood this. He would adapt to the new environment, anywhere between hours and weeks, and jump right back when he got enough rest to use his power again. There were some bugs, some problems with exact accuracy of destination, but he was always working on it. He was very lonely, though, never getting to meet with any of the other 43 and being discouraged from doing so by his mother.

-There was a portion of the future he got stuck in as a teenager in which the nation was governed by a tyrannical organization called “The Macbeth Enterprise”.

-Vanya immediately tries to shush him at this point in the story because he said the Bad Theatre Word. The director is very superstitious. She takes it deadly seriously and has threatened to actually penalty anyone who says it in the theater. Five just chuckles.

-And luckily, they’re rehearsing in the blackbox today, so even if the director could hear, it’s not “in the theater”.

-The future he saw was a century ahead of them, far beyond their lifetime. He was able to glean a little information about the origins of the Enterprise, but he shares none of this with Vanya. Firstly, those in power had high-tech augmentation that gave them a perfect replica of the kind of superpowers the 43 had - mind manipulation, immortality, etc. And secondly, they were credited with destroying the Hargreeves Five. As if the Hargreeves Five were a danger to society.

-What he does tell Vanya is that he’d never made any attempt to change the timeline before, but that’s just what he decided to do. With what little information he had, the only thing he could think of was to ruin the Enterprise’s namesake.

-Five spent literal years of his life, traveling from city to city across centuries, dooming various productions of Macbeth with Commission-level pragmatism until the name of the play itself became the taboo we know irl today.

-Vanya’s laughing. Five is too, honestly. It’s crazy.

-But he didn’t do what he did out of a ridiculous dare to himself. He did it out of desperation to not only to save the country, but to save his family as well. The family he’d never known. The kids all across the globe who went through the same strange hell of differentness that he had since birth. The Hargreeves Five, of course, needed to survive, as they’re responsible for maintaining peace on earth anyway. But if the Hargreeves Five were hunted down, why would the Enterprise stop there? Wouldn’t all 43 of them be in danger? Would all their gifts be harvested from them, and would they then be thrown away?

-But who knows if Five actually made a difference? He prays that it did. But the years of isolation in his personal mission convinced him of one thing - he should know his family. He had no idea when the country would start falling to shit - if it still would - but he could keep an eye on it alongside people who understood him. And with his foresight, maybe they could rise against the evil together.

-And maybe he was just so tired of being alone.

-So, digging was done through the Internet and several libraries in several eras. He found his insertion point at the University. He knew he’d have to look a little younger to fit in.

-But naturally, he got some equations wrong.

-Eventually, Five is formally introduced to Luther and Allison, who welcome him with slight skepticism, followed by a strong bear hug. Five’s not sure how to take the physical affection. He nods, which is a completely normal response to a hug, wraps his arms back around them, and tries to keep his eyes from leaking.

Chapter Six - “Whispering”

-It’s tech week of Hair, and because he’s been blowing his voice out in rehearsal from underdeveloped technique, Diego is on vocal rest.

-Most of this chapter is Diego Is On Vocal Rest and Everyone Gives Him Shit About It in a Loving Way.

-“Everyone” includes Eudora. She just bought her tickets for opening night.

-One early afternoon, Luther and Klaus are back in the scene shop together - Luther’s moving some lumber around and Klaus is carefully painting a setting onto a flat - and Luther vents that he’s not looking forward to running spotlight on Othello. He knows he can do it, but he wishes the theatre director would trust him with more authority and let him be Technical Director.

-Ben is eternally rolling his eyes and bitching about how entitled Luther sounds. He’s already the goddamn shop foreman. Klaus tries not to laugh at how annoyed Ben is about this.

-“But Diego could totally go back to lights for Othello! Hair will be over by then! He’s the pro! If I were TD I’d put him back on in an instant!”

-Dave wanders into the shop and says “hey” and Klaus nearly drops his wet paint brush onto the floor.

-After the brief succession of clumsy attempts Klaus had made to connect with Dave, Dave is actually bothering to return the effort.

-Luther is oblivious as hell while he’s toting the lumber around just like “Oh hi! Welcome! You’re new right? I’m Luther. I’m the shop foreman. You ever been on a tech crew before?” and this whole cringey spiel of small talk he usually gives to new students.

-About a minute into the small talk Luther finally sees how awkward Dave feels and how tense Klaus looks and he’s just like ohhhhh.

-He moves his task about eight feet further away to give them some space to talk. Even though that’s definitely not where the lumber is supposed to go. He just doesn’t want to make it weirder.

-Anyway. Insert fluff that isn’t obscenely flirtatious but is like… flirting with flirtatious.

-Later on that day, Leonard is tapped by the headmaster to join Student Government. Must’ve been one hell of a GPA. The new commitment forces him to give up the part of Roderigo in Othello.

-Leonard tells Allison this. Shit. Just what she needed today. She turns to her assistant stage manager and murmurs, shrugging off the guilt as she says it: “I heard a rumor you broke the news to our director as gently as possible.”

-After an eternity of assembling, dusting, and re-dusting, the Umbrella University theater chandelier is finally risen, ready for the first show of the season.

Chapter Seven - “The Life of the Party”

-After a hurried round of reviewing the audition tapes from the beginning of the year, Dave has been cast to fill the part of Roderigo.

-The technical director of Othello quit. No one’s really sure why. He was solid. But Luther’s been asked to step up, and he’s been trusted to pick anyone he wants to fill his previous spot on lights.

-Cue super petty conversation about how they both know Diego’s bomb at lights but they still annoy each other just by existing. Nonetheless, Diego agrees to hop onto Othello crew.

-Guess what, y’all, it’s opening night of Hair.

-Hard cut to Eudora, Luther, and Klaus, standing awkwardly together in the theater lobby, holding bouquets of various sizes and colors, convincing themselves that it’s a totally platonic gift to give to an actor.

-The show goes great. At the end of opening weekend, the cast and crew and friends go out to celebrate at the local bar and grill.

-At some point, the drinks are on Ollie, and everyone knows he and his mom are loaded. So. More drinks are had than ought to be had.

-ESPECIALLY by Five. He starts rambling about this girl named Delores in his quantum physics class and how he’s not sure if he’s allowed to find her attractive because of how complicated his age is.

-Vanya needed to get drunk. She deserved it. Now she’s yelling about this girl named Sissy in her chamber orchestra. What is happening.

-I’m not saying that Klaus and Dave had their first kiss while buzzed and behind the TUA equivalent of an Applebee’s, but I’m not not saying it.

-Luther has like two beers and starts getting emotional about how pretty the moon is.

-In classes the next morning, everyone’s hungover as shit.

-Except Allison, who was the extra careful Mom Friend and made sure her siblings made it home safe.

-Except Klaus. Who. Y’know. Didn’t really make it home. Ben goes to his 8 AM and takes Ghost Notes for him.

-Sometime that week, Luther comes into the director’s office with a question and sees her finishing a phone call, looking distraught.

-He asks if she’s okay. She doesn’t want to explain, but it eventually comes out that her son was in an accident of sorts three years ago. It’s almost the anniversary. He just got another treatment for the burn scars across half of his face. The director is still grieving the fact that it’s highly unlikely he’ll find success in his dream to be a Broadway actor.

-Luther warns Allison that the director might be in a worse mood this week. So that’s great.

-At an Othello rehearsal, Allison is calling cues from her promptbook. She pretty much has them memorized. But apparently, as the theatre director tells her, she keeps getting them wrong today?

-Allison could swear that last time she was at rehearsal, her book was different. What she’s reading is unfamiliar - lefts instead of rights, blue-outs instead of black-outs, etc. So she’s stumbling.

-On break, the theatre director expresses her frustration to Allison. We’re almost in tech week, for God’s sake. Allison apologizes and promises it won’t happen in the run.

-Allison blames her screw-ups on the stress of her overcommitments. Vanya sees she’s a little upset after the exchange and invites her to hang with her and Five after rehearsal.

-Vanya and Five have actually opened a pretty decent dialogue on mental health as it relates to their abilities, with Five’s powers damaging his psychological state and Vanya’s mood being an element of her telekinesis. Vanya reminds Allison that she’s got a lot on her plate, so she should try to take it easy where she can.

-Vanya still has anxiety, and it tends to flare at the part in the play where Othello smothers Desdemona with a pillow. They had worked out a safe plan in rehearsal. The pillow is thin and held at an angle so Vanya can still breathe, and it is only going to be held for a count of twelve. No longer, no shorter.

-Vanya and her siblings also take some more time to bitch about Ollie, too. Did you hear him accidentally call the director “mom” the other day? How embarrassing. What a dork.

-Hair closes and Othello tech week begins.

-A new batch of freshman House Crew members are cleaning up the theater one day with the radio on.

-It’s now the three year anniversary of the host’s favorite Hargreeves Five battle, a showdown against aspiring actor and convicted robber Erick Webber that went up in flames.

Chapter Eight - “Brush Up Your Shakespeare”

-The twelve-hour cue-to-cue tech rehearsal for Othello is a nightmare. But aren’t all cue-to-cues nightmares?

-They are.

-There might be some fluffy sibling stuff here, but nothing important. Luther, Diego, and Allison are speaking on headset with each other (“on com”). The channel also includes the assistant stage manager and assistant tech director.

-About five hours in, Luther and Diego get real sick of each other. Luther is redundant with his directions. Diego knows what to do. Diego keeps jumping the gun on cues. Passive aggression ensues.

-Allison has had it up to HERE and says “Look, if you’re gonna be children, can you please do it on a different channel?”

-And they do. They dedicate a whole other radio channel to Luther and Diego arguing where the rest of the crew can’t hear it.

-It’s during the cue-to-cue that Allison screws up the calls one too many times - is someone editing her promptbook when she’s not around? - and gets one more comment from the director. It’s worded like encouragement but spoken like a threat.

-“Allison, you were doing so well with the freshman. Just tell yourself you can do this. You’ll be perfect.”

-At lunch break, she wants to collapse. She goes to the bathroom, locks the door, and looks into the mirror.

-“I heard a rumor that you followed that promptbook perfectly.”

-The day after cue-to-cue, Vanya realizes she’s lost her meds. They have to be in the theater somewhere, but she can’t find them. Her siblings assure her that being in the show has improved her overall confidence, and they’ll all come running if she starts to have a meltdown for any reason. She’ll be able to control her emotions until she can get a refill. This warms her lil heart.

-The final dress rehearsals come to pass. Vanya continues to flourish. Five continues to impress and confound. Allison is flawless. Luther and Diego get over themselves. Klaus and Eudora get front row seats for opening night. It’s going to be a packed house. The local news are coming and filming segments to promote the program. As if the program needs any more support. The chandelier still boggles the mind.

-Opening night. The show is going spectacularly until Act V, when Ollie starts pressing the pillow over Vanya’s face.

-This is always the hard part. But it’s just a count of twelve, underscored by two bars of music.

-Until it isn’t. 

-Ollie keeps pressing. This wasn’t what we rehearsed. 

-Allison sees this from the booth and almost feels like they should call a hold, but her rumor kicks in and she can’t help but keep calling the show as normal.

-Vanya starts to hear the music amplified in her ears and starts to lose control of her power.

-Luther and Diego are both in Allison’s headset as the building starts to shake. “Allison, you need to call hold. Right now. Call hold!”

-Panicking, Vanya sends a pulse of energy out, knocking Ollie halfway across the stage, sending the flats crashing down, and shattering a row of stage lights. When she stands up, Ollie is smiling.

-The news crew caught it on tape. The audience is freaking out. Most of them try to flee but are trapped inside at the back of the house.

-Allison’s next call is the newest and strangest unauthorized edit she’s seen in her promptbook. It’s for the wrong play.

-“Spot B to Macbeth.”

-At the first time that its trigger phrase has ever been uttered in the building, the chandelier starts to glow and expand. Then, it drops, lower and lower, until it is right in front of the stage.

-It was never just a chandelier. It’s a piece of extra-terrestrial technology. Standing on the shelf on top of it are the director and the headmaster.

Chapter Nine - “The Point of No Return”

-I don’t know exactly how I’d reveal all of this, but here’s the gist.

-By the way, this is them coming out as extra-as-hell supervillains. So the way this is revealed is probably extra as hell.

-The director’s son is Erick Webber, a starving artist who resorted to a life of crime to pay his bills and got himself tangled with the Hargreeves Five, who are responsible for half of his face burning in the heat of battle.

-The director and the headmaster actually have been romantically involved for a few years, all but legally married.

-When the directors’ son was forever barred from the career of his dreams, the director and very wealthy headmaster first got together. The headmaster got her a job at the school.

-They wanted revenge for their son. But they also deduced that the Hargreeves Five were too immature for their powers and potential to ruin lives. They were just dumb kids. Their powers must be taken from them and placed into more capable hands.

-The couple had done extensive research, learned about the power potential in the 43, tracked down as many of them as they could find - preferably those already living in America - and hired all sorts of people and services to promote Umbrella University to them. They offered each one of them a sizable scholarship.

-They got seven of them.

-And they arranged meetings with characters that Hargreeves had done some shady deals with so they could acquire the otherworldly technology needed to set their plan into motion.

-And Macbeth was the trigger word for the invention - the story of an old celebrated king slain to make room for the rightful leader, as plotted by an empowered and bloodthirsty woman - so they had to put it in a theater. They had to ensure the trigger wasn’t spoken in the room until the correct time.

-Five realizes at this point that the efforts he made to change the past didn’t stop the Macbeth Enterprise, it just gave them a way more convenient origin. God dammit.

-The siblings realize Ollie was in on the whole thing. He had to make sure all seven of the kids were in the theater at the right time, so he snooped around and reported back to the Evil Moms. They let Luther be TD so Diego could cover lights. They cast Five, made Allison recruit Vanya, and made Allison SM. They took out Leonard and cast Dave to ensure Klaus and Ben would be there for opening. Ollie hid Vanya’s pills during the cue-to-cue.

-Allison realizes the director knew about her power all along and really was suggesting that she use it. Allison had done exactly what they wanted her to. They must’ve had someone re-do the promptbook each day and everything.

-The point is, there’s now news footage of a girl with unpredictably dangerous powers ruining a perfectly good school play and two women making a solid case that these children can’t be trusted with their gifts. The chandelier machinery revs up to perform its task - stripping all of their powers away.

-Five knows it won’t end there - the powers will be turned against the Hargreeves Five. Their abilities will be harvested too. And the hands that they’ll all end up in will be military-minded and will seize control of the nation, ruling by fear.

-There’s an extensive fight scene here. One that, again, I have no idea how I would write. It’s something that involves a level of family teamwork that they would not have if the theatre program didn’t bring them so close together in the first place. So it’s pretty ironic and kinda sweet.

-We find out that Dave and Eudora are absolutely ride-or-die for their idiot boyfriends that they just found out have terrifying superpowers, and they each have a moment where they contribute to the takedown.

-Ben is summoned because he legally has to be. The Horror can do some serious damage to the machine, and he finds he’s unaffected by its drainage because he’s dead as hell.

-Vanya grabs a violin from the pit where the underscoring was being played and shreds away at it to channel her power.

-The fight has heavy parallels to the prologue scene, where everyone’s powers went berserk because Vanya saw a rat and freaked out. Except there’s obviously a lot more at stake and a lot more direction in it.

-All of that gets resolved, somehow. Any of their power that gets drained gets returned to them once they get the machine shut down. Luther effortlessly snaps the tape of evidence in half.

-Allison uses her last rumor of junior year to memory-wipe and send away the cameramen and the witnesses.

-Except Eudora and Dave, who are surprisingly chill about this and promise to keep it all secret.

-The gang has no idea how to explain all the damage to the authorities, but the Criminal Justice Duo knows how to detain the bad guys in the costume closet and highlight some evidence to draw the focus to the less-than-legal dealings they made to set up their plot in the first place.

-Corruption? In college administration?? Pssshhh noooooooo never.

-The story embedded in the rumor is that the chandelier overheated and combusted, so everyone ran out. The police will discover the alien tech and go from there.

-Still, the superpower squad realizes they should lay low. Play dumb if interviewed. Skip class for a couple days and stay far away from the theatre department.

-Diego is up on the catwalk - the walkway above the audience where they maneuver the spotlights - collecting his stuff. He hears some footsteps on the ladder and sees Eudora climbing up to meet him.

-Diego starts to say something snarky and casual and Eudora’s like “No. Shut up. Just. Please. Shut up.” and kisses him.

-After weeks of pretending not to care as much as they really did and a solid half hour of having no idea if the other would live or die, here they are, standing over the decimated theater, finally at ease in each other’s arms

Chapter Ten - “Curtain Call”

-And that’s… it. When the siblings start coming back to classes, no one comes after them for whatever happened.

-Needless to say, the rest of the run of Othello has been cancelled. All theatre classes will be moved online or converted to classroom formats until repairs can be made to the building. There’s a new interim headmaster and theatre department director.

-It’s going to take forever for them to fix the damage done to the theater, and even when they do, it doesn’t feel right to keep that as their home base. So, where to now? How are they gonna fill the rest of their electives?

-All of the fine arts buildings are stacked close together. Music major Vanya has an idea.

-Second semester, Diego takes beginning percussion. Luther joins the marching band (and far exceeds the athletic demands for it). Klaus picks guitar back up. Allison ventures into vocal jazz. Five is a natural at composition.

-Sharing practice rooms. Cramming for theory exams. The entire works. They’re music kids now!

-They’re thrilled when they find out that all of their respective ensembles will be featured in the spring concert. 

-But does the conductor of Vanya’s chamber orchestra seem a little… eccentric to you?

...

im a broken woman from this. god dammit.