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delphinidin4 · 4 years ago

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“Abominable neglect and unkindness”: Fanny Price and Trauma

I have C-PTSD, and it’s really been on my mind as I’ve been rereading Mansfield Park by Jane Austen: her heroine of Fanny Price is so OBVIOUSLY traumatized that I started making notes upon notes upon notes in my kindle copy on her symptoms and their causes. A couple of my followers said they’d be interested to read my analysis if I wrote it up, and it doesn’t take much to encourage me to put a few thousand words on the page screen! So below is my (probably WAY too long) analysis of Fanny Price’s emotional trauma and complex PTSD (a form of PTSD often caused by long-term emotional abuse/neglect). It’s hella long. sorrynotsorry lol

*unleashes inner academic*

Part 1: How Fanny Price Was Traumatized

Trauma 1: She is taken from family and home.

Okay, imagine this: You’re ten years old. You grew up in a noisy, lower-middle-class family with multiple little siblings and both your parents. You are the oldest girl, and are important to all the members of your family because you act as “playfellow, instructress, and nurse” to your younger siblings. You are also “exceedingly timid and shy”. And suddenly you find out that your mother is SENDING YOU AWAY--far, far away--to aunts and uncle and cousins you’ve never met before, to be raised by THEM instead of your parents. Leaving everything else out of the equation for a second, that by itself would be ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATING. You would feel like your parents didn’t love you and didn’t want you. You weren’t important to them. You might wonder what you did wrong to be sent away. And THEN it turns out you’re NEVER COMING BACK. EVER. Fanny doesn’t see her family again until she is, I think nineteen years old. At first, she doesn’t even have the means to write to her brother William, which was to be her ONLY connection to her family: it seems her parents don’t write to her at all over the course of the novel.

All of this would be bad enough. But to come to a place that was entirely alien to everything you had known... I mean, think about it. This is Mansfield Park, an ENORMOUS house with MANY servants, a completely different way of doing things. There’s MONEY. Even the items around you are of a totally different quality than you’re used to: Austen says of Fanny’s initial impression of Mansfield, “The grandeur of the house astonished, but could not console her. The rooms were too large for her to move in with ease: whatever she touched she expected to injure, and she crept about in constant terror of something or other; often retreating towards her own chamber to cry.” The accent people speak with is probably different. The vocabulary is probably different. And everybody DEFINITELY thought she was under-educated (more about this in a bit) because she didn’t have the education of a gentleman’s daughter--because she ISN’T a gentleman’s daughter. It must have caused her intense culture shock.

Trauma 2: William’s absence

It’s clear that in her childhood in Portsmouth, William is the dearest member of Fanny’s family (see below for a discussion of her parents). When Fanny first arrives at Mansfield, Edmund discovers that,

dear as all these brothers and sisters generally were, there was one among them who ran more in her thoughts than the rest. It was William whom she talked of most, and wanted most to see. William, the eldest, a year older than herself, her constant companion and friend; her advocate with her mother (of whom he was the darling) in every distress. ‘William did not like she should come away; he had told her he should miss her very much indeed.’

Fanny’s one really warm and loving connection seems to be with William, and she is parted from him, first by her move to Mansfield, and then by his going to sea:

Once, and once only, in the course of many years, had she the happiness of being with William. Of the rest [of her Portsmouth family] she saw nothing: nobody seemed to think of her ever going amongst them again, even for a visit, nobody at home seemed to want her; but William determining, soon after her removal, to be a sailor, was invited to spend a week with his sister in Northamptonshire before he went to sea. Their eager affection in meeting, their exquisite delight in being together, their hours of happy mirth, and moments of serious conference, may be imagined; as well as ...the misery of the girl when he left her. Luckily the visit happened in the Christmas holidays, when she could directly look for comfort to her cousin Edmund.

Fanny continues a correspondence with William when he is at sea, but it’s clear that his long absence from her life is very difficult for her.

One final note on her being parted from her family for long intervals: I think we might actually see a sign of this trauma in an emotional flashback later in the book.

For those unfamiliar with complex PTSD, flashbacks don’t always mean that you have a sort of hallucination of a traumatic experience. In the case of complex PTSD and PTSD from early childhood trauma, flashbacks often occur in the form of “emotional flashbacks”: instead of re-experiencing the sensory input of the traumatic experience (seeing and hearing the experience all over again when triggered), emotional flashbacks consist ONLY of the emotional content of the trauma. They result in sudden rushes of negative emotions such as fear, shame, sorrow, despair, embarrassment, anger, etc. This may be partly because the trigger is acting on so many different traumatic memories at once (the brain can’t just pick out one to show to you) and partly because the traumatic memory being triggered is from so early in your childhood that you don’t have a direct memory of it anymore, just the trauma memory. Emotional flashbacks can be identified by comparing the emotional response to the stimulus: If the emotion is inappropriate for the situation or inappropriately intense, it may well be a flashback.

In this scene, Miss Crawford--whom Fanny does not care for at all--is taking her leave of Fanny: I find it to be illuminating.

And embracing her very affectionately, “Good, gentle Fanny! when I think of this being the last time of seeing you for I do not know how long, I feel it quite impossible to do anything but love you.”

Fanny was affected. She had not foreseen anything of this, and her feelings could seldom withstand the melancholy influence of the word “last.” She cried as if she had loved Miss Crawford more than she possibly could.

It sounds to me as if Fanny is having a negative reaction that is out of proportion for and inappropriate to the situation. Miss Crawford is leaving, and Fanny is GLAD that she is leaving. Nonetheless, she is involuntarily emotionally “affected” by Miss Crawford’s goodbye, and cries far more than is actually in keeping with her feelings. It seems like Fanny is triggered by the leave-taking and “the melancholy influence of the word ‘last’.” Fanny has had traumatic leave-takings from her family and her beloved William; and things like “This is the last time I’ll see you for who knows how long” must have been said to her before in intensely traumatic situations. So it’s no wonder she gets triggered by this situation’s similarity to those and has an out-sized emotional response. Separations from her family and from William were definitely traumatic to her and reminders of them now trigger trauma responses.

Trauma 3: Emotional neglect by parental figures

Fanny might not have been so badly traumatized by leaving her family and being separated from William if she had had emotional support from adult caregivers. Research has shown that if a child has even ONE adult to whom they can talk openly about their feelings, that can insulate them against the effects of trauma.

Fanny doesn’t have this. Both Sir Thomas and Lady Bertram are emotionally neglectful and distant.* Lady Bertram is pleasant, but is entirely self-centered and doesn’t really GAF about anybody or anything that doesn’t directly affect her. While she never abuses or hurts Fanny with unkindness, she also never comforts her, listens to her, or seems to do anything but get Fanny to fetch and carry for her and do half her sewing for her. There is a total lack of emotional connection between them until considerably later in the story.

[*Footnote: Miss Lee is surprisingly absent from the narrative and seems to be of no emotional support to Fanny whatsoever.]

Sir Thomas is worse. While he intends to take good care of Fanny--and to his credit, he does make sure she has her material needs met, is well educated, gets exercise, etc--he cannot be said to be NICE to her. Even when she first arrives, when he is trying his hardest to be kind, Austen says, “Sir Thomas, seeing how much she needed encouragement, tried to be all that was conciliating: but he had to work against a most untoward gravity of deportment.” He’s not good with kids, and he seems to be highly critical of Fanny, especially before his return from Antigua. Apparently he used to terrify her in childhood by catechizing her on her lessons in French in English, which implies he constantly found her wanting. His parting words to her on the beginning of his voyage to Antigua are downright scalding: “If William does come to Mansfield, I hope you may be able to convince him that the many years which have passed since you parted have not been spent on your side entirely without improvement; though, I fear, he must find his sister at sixteen in some respects too much like his sister at ten.”

JFC, Tommy-boy. Throttle back a little, can’t you?

He’s not popular even with his own daughters: Austen says of Maria and Julia, “Their father was no object of love to them; he had never seemed the friend of their pleasures, and his absence was unhappily most welcome. They were relieved by it from all restraint”. Sir Thomas comes across as a bit of a martinet, always finding fault and always saying no. At best, he doesn’t seem to be at all warm and encouraging, and appears to be almost entirely ignorant, not only of what Fanny’s character is like, but also about his own daughters’ characters.

There’s also the problem of his lack of understanding and compassion for Fanny. She describes him as “all that was clever and good,” but both his cleverness and goodness frequently seem to be lacking. He doesn’t understand Fanny’s feelings any more than he understands those of Maria, sending Edmund to sound Fanny out on the subject of Mr. Crawford because he CANNOT understand how a woman might not love a man that was clever, pleasant and rich. While he provided the money to raise Fanny, his disregard of her is clear when he sends her on a long visit to Portsmouth, where her health suffers. Even Crawford recognizes Sir Thomas’s likeliness to neglect her:

I know Mansfield, I know its way, I know its faults towards you. I know the danger of your being so far forgotten, as to have your comforts give way to the imaginary convenience of any single being in the family. I am aware that you may be left here week after week, if Sir Thomas cannot settle everything ... without involving the slightest alteration of the arrangements which he may have laid down for the next quarter of a year.

Sir Thomas, while priding himself (and being praised by others) as being so kind and clever, has low emotional intelligence and too little care for Fanny. Despite his occasional kindnesses, and her claim on his care as his direct dependent, she is not one of his priorities.

Of course, Fanny’s own parents would have had the strongest effects on her earliest years (especially considering the Prices didn’t seem to have a nanny or governess, so Mrs. Price would have been responsible for all her education, as well). It’s clear that Fanny’s mother didn’t show her much love in her early childhood: Mrs. Price is described as

“the ‘mama’ who had certainly shewn no remarkable fondness for her formerly; but this [Fanny] could easily suppose to have been her own fault or her own fancy. She had probably alienated love by the helplessness and fretfulness of a fearful temper, or been unreasonable in wanting a larger share than any one among so many could deserve.”

We can see Fanny here doing what so many emotionally neglected children do, making excuses for their parents and assuming that the emotional neglect and abuse they suffer are somehow THEIR fault. Many emotionally abused or neglected children believe that they’re too loud, too needy, too much, and even ugly, blaming themselves for their parents’ rejecting and disgusted behavior toward them.

It’s proven, however, when Fanny goes home, that her parents are just as neglectful of her as she felt them to be formerly. Her father is “negligent of his family”, and her mother clearly does not really love her:

Mrs. Price was not unkind; but, instead of gaining on her affection and confidence, and becoming more and more dear, her daughter never met with greater kindness from her than on the first day of her arrival. The instinct of nature was soon satisfied, and Mrs. Price’s attachment had no other source. Her heart and her time were already quite full; she had neither leisure nor affection to bestow on Fanny. Her daughters never had been much to her.* She was fond of her sons, especially of William, but Betsey was the first of her girls whom she had ever much regarded. To her she was most injudiciously indulgent. William was her pride; Betsey her darling; and John, Richard, Sam, Tom, and Charles occupied all the rest of her maternal solicitude, alternately her worries and her comforts. These shared her heart: her time was given chiefly to her house and her servants.

[*Footnote: I have to stop here for a moment and mention poor Susan, whom I like better at every reading. With Mrs. Price only loving her sons and Betsy, with Mary dead and Fanny gone, Susan was for years THE ONLY completely unloved child in the house, which must have been pretty awful. It’s clear that Fanny and Susan have suffered rather similar fates in being raised without love, and Susan only responds more with irritation and Fanny more with tears: “Susan was only acting on the same truths, and pursuing the same system, which [Fanny’s] own judgment acknowledged, but which her more supine and yielding temper would have shrunk from asserting. Susan tried to be useful, where she could only have gone away and cried”. Please tell me somebody’s written a sequel about Susan?]

Again, while Mr. and Mrs. Price are not CRUEL, they’re not KIND, either. They are deeply emotionally neglectful toward Susan and Fanny, and Mrs. Price shows favoritism for the rest of her children, thus hurting her daughters further. Fanny’s probable surmise when she was sent away that she was not loved or wanted by her parents unfortunately appears to be very true. While an adult like Fanny can rationalize such behavior by her parents (even if it pains her), a child cannot do so, and the Prices’ lack of love for their own daughter must have been traumatizing and contributed to her belief that she can never matter to anybody (more on this in a bit).

Trauma 4: Lack of Companionship: Maria and Julia (and Miss Lee)

Fanny’s education when she arrives at Mansfield is not that of a gentlewoman--hardly surprising, given both her family’s socioeconomic position and her mother’s busy-ness with her family and general indolence. Maria and Julia’s education on scholarly subjects is clearly much stronger (they’re also 2-3 years older than her), and we know that their moral education was neglected, so that they only care about whether Fanny is rich and well-educated like themselves:

They could not but hold her cheap on finding that she had but two sashes, and had never learned French; and when they perceived her to be little struck with the duet they were so good as to play, they could do no more than make her a generous present of some of their least valued toys, and leave her to herself, while they adjourned to whatever might be the favourite holiday sport of the moment, making artificial flowers or wasting gold paper.

They’re generous enough to give her presents (though their least-valued belongings), but not generous enough to actually spend time with her, and it appears that this pattern holds throughout Fanny’s time at Mansfield.

At first, Mrs. Norris, Sir Thomas, and Miss Lee all think her actually stupid instead of just ill-educated: we are told that not only did Miss Lee “[wonder] at her ignorance,” but

A mean opinion of her abilities was not confined to [Sir Thomas and Mrs. Norris]. Fanny could read, work [that means “sew”], and write, but she had been taught nothing more; and as her cousins found her ignorant of many things with which they had been long familiar, they thought her prodigiously stupid, and for the first two or three weeks were continually bringing some fresh report of it into the drawing-room.

You would think that the adults at least would realize that Fanny hadn’t had the opportunity of a gentlewoman’s education, but no, they attribute it to natural stupidity instead of opportunity:

“My dear,” their considerate aunt would reply, “it is very bad, but you must not expect everybody to be as forward and quick at learning as yourself.”

It is only Edmund who perceives that Fanny is not only NOT stupid, she’s actually clever:

He knew her to be clever, to have a quick apprehension as well as good sense, and a fondness for reading, which, properly directed, must be an education in itself. Miss Lee taught her French, and heard her read the daily portion of history; but he recommended the books which charmed her leisure hours, he encouraged her taste, and corrected her judgment: he made reading useful by talking to her of what she read, and heightened its attraction by judicious praise.

One wonders, if a sixteen-year-old boy hadn’t decided to undertake part of Fanny’s education himself, how much worse off would she have been?

That Fanny’s companionship fell almost entirely to a teenage boy six years her senior who spends most of the year away at boarding school/university, is a ringing indictment of the behavior of Maria and Julia, and of those who should have been encouraging them to make a friend of their cousin.

Trauma 5: Mrs Norris (who gets a fucking section all her own)

Here we are. We’ve finally come to it. The other four traumas would certainly have been sufficient to cause C-PTSD, but JFC, Mrs. Norris could have caused it all by her lonesome. While she comes across as amusing in Austen’s sardonic style, she is absolutely toxic for Fanny’s mental health.

Mrs. Norris seems to have had an out-sized effect on the three Mansfield girls. Generally, mothers were in charge of the education of their daughters (even if indirectly, through a governess), so while Sir Thomas did examine them on their lessons, it was really supposed to be Lady Bertram’s job to see to their practical and moral education. But Lady Bertram is an absolute zero, a completely passive character, and Austen says directly that, “To the education of her daughters Lady Bertram paid not the smallest attention.” So it seems like the much more active Mrs. Norris stepped in, and her influence was extremely strong with all three of them, despite her being married and having her own house and her own concerns for the first seven or so years of Fanny’s time at Mansfield.

We can see her influence with all three in the fact that all three of the Mansfield girls end up evaluating themselves in almost perfect accordance to how Mrs. Norris evaluated them. Maria, the golden child*, became very spoiled and proud and thought she could do almost whatever she wanted. Fanny, the scapegoat, came to believe that her only worth was in being “useful” (Mrs. Norris’s hobby-horse) and that she could never be of any importance to anybody. And Julia, while closer to Maria’s level of treatment than Fanny’s, also suffers from comparisons to the golden child:

That Julia escaped better than Maria was owing, in some measure, to a favourable difference of disposition and circumstance, but in a greater to her having been less the darling of that very aunt, less flattered and less spoilt. Her beauty and acquirements had held but a second place. She had been always used to think herself a little inferior to Maria.

[*footnote: Treating one child as the golden child and one as the scapegoat is a very common tactic of abusive caregivers. The scapegoat becomes entirely worn down in self-esteem so that she is powerless to fight back against the abuse. The golden child and other children see how the scapegoat is treated and try hard not to rock the boat because they don’t want to end up like that.]

Mrs. Norris teaches Fanny from the beginning to judge and reject her own natural emotions. On her first traumatic separation from her family, Mrs. Norris lectures her incessantly on how she ought to be HAPPY, not sad:

Mrs. Norris had been talking to her the whole way from Northampton of her wonderful good fortune, and the extraordinary degree of gratitude and good behaviour which it ought to produce, and her consciousness of misery was therefore increased by the idea of its being a wicked thing for her not to be happy.

Fanny is taught to regard her own natural feelings as “wicked”, especially when they are a negative reaction to how the Bertram/Norris family treats her. While she can see some of her own feelings as just--when they have been sanctioned by Edmund’s judgment--any feeling that tends away from perfect gratitude toward the Bertram/Norris family she immediately rejects as an immoral response. She frequently takes herself to task at these moments. Anger and resentment are natural responses meant to help us protect ourselves against mistreatment from others, and this self-defending response is entirely squelched by Mrs. Norris’s behavior to her.

Mrs. Norris’s behavior toward Fanny is not only emotionally abusive; it is also at least physically neglectful, if not physically abusive. Despite the fact that everyone agrees that Fanny “is not strong”, Mrs. Norris makes a lot of difficulties in Edmund’s attempts to make sure Fanny has a horse to ride, and also refuses to allow Fanny a fire in the East Room, even in the middle of winter, a privation that ever Sir Thomas thinks bad enough that he countermands it--though doing so with a little explanatory disclaimer to Fanny explaining why Mrs. Norris MEANS well and why Fanny shouldn’t dare to be angry, or indeed anything but immensely and forever grateful for their neglectful treatment of her:

Your aunt Norris has always been an advocate, and very judiciously, for young people’s being brought up without unnecessary indulgences; but there should be moderation in everything. She is also very hardy herself, which of course will influence her in her opinion of the wants of others. And on another account, too, I can perfectly comprehend. I know what her sentiments have always been. The principle was good in itself, but it may have been, and I believe has been, carried too far in your case. I am aware that there has been sometimes, in some points, a misplaced distinction; but I think too well of you, Fanny, to suppose you will ever harbour resentment on that account. You have an understanding which will prevent you from receiving things only in part, and judging partially by the event. You will take in the whole of the past, you will consider times, persons, and probabilities, and you will feel that they were not least your friends who were educating and preparing you for that mediocrity of condition which seemed to be your lot. Though their caution may prove eventually unnecessary, it was kindly meant; and of this you may be assured, that every advantage of affluence will be doubled by the little privations and restrictions that may have been imposed. I am sure you will not disappoint my opinion of you, by failing at any time to treat your aunt Norris with the respect and attention that are due to her.

~*GAAASSSSS-LIGHTINNNNGGGGGGG*~

“Oh, shit, you’ve been freezing to death here for years because your aunt’s an abusive asshole. Oh, but there are three million excuses for her, and also you’re SO GOOD AND GRATEFUL that I KNOW you’ll never allow yourself to see it for the abuse it was, and aren’t you so GRATEFUL to us all for everything we’ve done for you? We MEANT well. And being abused was good for you anyway. If you ever get mad at your abusers I’ll treat you with withering criticism.”

*gagggg* I could write an entire essay explicating the gaslighting in that passage ALONE.

I could go on and on about Mrs. Norris’s abusive behavior toward Fanny, but I think most of it’s perfectly obvious to the reader. I think a very interesting argument might be made on whether Mrs. Norris would count as having a form of narcissistic personality disorder--always worried about her own importance, living through her golden child Maria, taking everything out on her scapegoat, insisting always on associating her own value with that of Sir Thomas and Lady Bertram and insisting on Fanny’s status being lower because her own self-esteem is dependent on being as good as her sister Bertram and better than her sister Price. Might be interesting.

Part 2: Fanny Price’s Trauma Responses

Complex emotional trauma expresses itself in a number of symptoms and behaviors. We’ve already talked about emotional flashbacks, and I’m going to look at four more major aspects of Fanny’s trauma responses.

Anxiety and Hypervigilance

People with PTSD often suffer from hypervigilance, where their body is constantly on high alert for threats in their environment. These threats are not only physical threats (resulting in things like jumping really hard at sudden noises) but also interpersonal threats. For instance, whenever I hear people talking really quietly in my house, I stop whatever I’m doing and listen REALLY HARD because I’m worried they’re talking about me and it’s gonna be bad.

Fanny exhibits this same behavior when she has retreated to the East Room when Crawford is in the house to propose to her:

She sat some time in a good deal of agitation, listening, trembling, and fearing to be sent for every moment; but as no footsteps approached the East room, she grew gradually composed, could sit down, and be able to employ herself, and able to hope that Mr. Crawford had come and would go without her being obliged to know anything of the matter.

Nearly half an hour had passed, and she was growing very comfortable, when suddenly the sound of a step in regular approach was heard; a heavy step, an unusual step in that part of the house: it was her uncle’s; she knew it as well as his voice; she had trembled at it as often, and began to tremble again, at the idea of his coming up to speak to her, whatever might be the subject. It was indeed Sir Thomas who opened the door and asked if she were there, and if he might come in. The terror of his former occasional visits to that room seemed all renewed, and she felt as if he were going to examine her again in French and English.

Her trembling at the sound of her uncle’s footsteps looks like hypervigilance, and the fact of her childhood “terror” being “renewed” sounds like she’s having another flashback, since she so strongly associates the presence of her uncle in the East Room with those painful childhood visits. She reacts with physical symptoms of stress, trembling at his approach.

Fanny’s anxiety and hypervigilance also demonstrates itself in her being constantly convinced that people are going to be angry with her. When she turns Mr. Crawford down, for instance, she is CONVINCED that Miss Crawford is going to be furious with her, and fears to meet with her. Edmund tells her Miss Crawford isn’t REALLY angry with her, but cannot convince her:

The promised visit from “her friend,” as Edmund called Miss Crawford, was a formidable threat to Fanny, and she lived in continual terror of it. As a sister, so partial and so angry, and so little scrupulous of what she said... she was in every way an object of painful alarm. ...The dependence of having others present when they met was Fanny’s only support in looking forward to it. She absented herself as little as possible from Lady Bertram, kept away from the East room, and took no solitary walk in the shrubbery, in her caution to avoid any sudden attack.

Fanny is so terrified of a polite confrontation with Miss Crawford, whom she has never seen angry before, that she spends DAYS trying to never be alone so that she’ll feel protected by the presence of company! Of course, when Miss Crawford DOES visit, she’s nothing but friendly. But Fanny’s PTSD couldn’t allow her to believe that until it happened. Her anxiety is intense, and this sort of thing happens repeatedly over the course of the novel.

Over-accommodation of others / people-pleasing

Childhood emotional trauma frequently leads to people-pleasing behavior: doing what you do not want to do simply because someone else wants you to. To understand this, you have to put yourself into the point of view of a very young child or an infant. Children depend entirely on their caregivers for survival: they are aware of this on an instinctive level. If the caregiver shows them very conditional love, only appearing pleased with them when the child does things they like and displeased when the child does things that inconvenience them, the child quickly learns that they need to please their caregivers in order to survive. “Mom gets angry when I cry--Mom doesn’t like me to cry--if Mom gets angry at me, I could starve to death--I need to not cry.” Obviously this line of thinking happens on a subconscious rather than a conscious level, but it’s incredibly powerful nonetheless. I have found myself in situations where a person with some kind of power over me--a doctor, for instance--shows displeasure with something I say to them, and I INSTANTLY find myself backing off, making light of it, taking back everything I said, etc, even though I very much meant it and it needed to be said. The people-pleasing instinct is very strong and difficult to overcome.

In Fanny’s case, it isn’t just a matter of her caregivers showing her inconsistent love in early childhood. Even as an adult, she is fully aware that she needs to please the Bertrams, or she--and her family!--are SCREWED. She is entirely financially dependent on the Bertrams. If she displeases them, not only can they make her life at Mansfield even MORE uncomfortable than it already is, but they can send her back to Portsmouth. Even worse, they could stop their financial support of William and the financial support they are periodically sending to the rest of her family. Huge things hang on Fanny’s pleasing the Bertrams, and it’s small wonder she has developed the habit of trying to please everybody constantly (even her un-pleasable Aunt Norris).

Fanny repeatedly does things she doesn’t want to do, simply because someone asks or tells her to, even if there’s likely to be no major consequences if she doesn’t. One example is on Miss Crawford’s last visit to Mansfield, when Fanny is trying her darnedest to avoid speaking with her alone:

[Miss Crawford] was determined to see Fanny alone, and therefore said to her tolerably soon, in a low voice, “I must speak to you for a few minutes somewhere”; words that Fanny felt all over her, in all her pulses and all her nerves. Denial was impossible. Her habits of ready submission, on the contrary, made her almost instantly rise and lead the way out of the room. She did it with wretched feelings, but it was inevitable.

Fanny doesn’t want to talk to Miss Crawford alone. Fanny doesn’t NEED to talk to Miss Crawford alone. Fanny could stall, perhaps until Miss Crawford left. Nonetheless, the MOMENT Miss Crawford asks it of her, Fanny does it--even though she’s clearly terrified, feeling it “in all her pulses and all her nerves” (more on this physical reaction later). She acts almost like Ella Enchanted: she literally can’t say no.

Likewise, she doesn’t take opportunities she is offered to do things that she DOES wish to do. After a very long description of how much she wants to dance one evening, when her only chance of a partner is Tom, the following exchange occurs:

When he had told of his horse, [Tom] took a newspaper from the table, and looking over it, said in a languid way, “If you want to dance, Fanny, I will stand up with you.” With more than equal civility the offer was declined; she did not wish to dance. “I am glad of it,” said he, in a much brisker tone, and throwing down the newspaper again, “for I am tired to death.”

Fanny DOES want to dance, and the way that he worded the question, she could very well have said, “Yes, please,” and gotten up to dance with him. He has made it obvious that he doesn’t want to dance, and she has picked up on this and said--not only that they don’t have to dance, but the LIE that she doesn’t WANT to dance--in order to please him. Later Austen points Tom out as a hypocrite when he complains, “It raises my spleen more than anything, to have the pretence of being asked, of being given a choice, and at the same time addressed in such a way as to oblige one to do the very thing, whatever it be!” But while it is true that Tom left Fanny LITTLE choice in the matter, it is also true that a stronger character, like Miss Crawford, could probably have found a way to say that she DID want to dance, even with such an unencouraging questioner. Fanny cannot do this: she has been conditioned all her life to give in to people--because her very SURVIVAL has depended on it.

In particular, Mrs. Norris has squelched Fanny’s independence of spirit very firmly. At one point she observes, very unfairly,

There is a something about Fanny, I have often observed it before—she likes to go her own way to work; she does not like to be dictated to; she takes her own independent walk whenever she can; she certainly has a little spirit of secrecy, and independence, and nonsense, about her, which I would advise her to get the better of.”

As a general reflection on Fanny, Sir Thomas thought nothing could be more unjust.

Obviously, Mrs. Norris is completely wrong about this. But as long as she can project* the fault of independence on Fanny, and punish Fanny for this false fault, she can prevent her from ever developing it. By picking on the least little supposed sign of independence and harping on it for ages, Mrs. Norris can prevent Fanny from ever developing a will of her own.

[*Footnote: this is another thing narcissists do: they project their own bad behavior on to others. Mrs. Norris is definitely not secretive, but she is very “independent” and has a lot of “nonsense”--instead of consulting with others about what they actually need in any given situation, she TELLS them. She has no spirit of cooperation, and all her “services” to others tend to be officious and useless.]

Low self-esteem

I thought about putting this together with the section on Mrs. Norris, because Fanny’s self-esteem has been so much shaped by her aunt. This is the kind of message Mrs. Norris is constantly drilling into her about the lowness of her importance:

The nonsense and folly of people’s stepping out of their rank and trying to appear above themselves, makes me think it right to give you a hint, Fanny, now that you are going into company without any of us; and I do beseech and entreat you not to be putting yourself forward, and talking and giving your opinion as if you were one of your cousins—as if you were dear Mrs. Rushworth or Julia. That will never do, believe me. Remember, wherever you are, you must be the lowest and last.

This message is so entirely in keeping with the messages Mrs. Norris has been indoctrinating Fanny with over the years that she has fully internalized it. When a primary caregiver tells you over and over again that you do not matter to anyone, you come to believe it:

[Fanny:] “I can never be important to any one.”

[Edmund:] “What is to prevent you?”

“Everything. My situation, my foolishness and awkwardness.”

“As to your foolishness and awkwardness, my dear Fanny, believe me, you never have a shadow of either, but in using the words so improperly. There is no reason in the world why you should not be important where you are known. You have good sense, and a sweet temper, and I am sure you have a grateful heart, that could never receive kindness without wishing to return it. I do not know any better qualifications for a friend and companion.”

“You are too kind,” said Fanny, colouring at such praise; “how shall I ever thank you as I ought, for thinking so well of me.”

Fanny’s “I can never be important to any one” sounds very much like a triggered teenager sobbing, “Nobody will ever love me!” even while friends next to her are demonstrating that they DO love her. The survivor of this kind of abuse comes to a place where their beliefs do not reflect reality because their beliefs instead reflect the intense emotional rejection they have received from their main caregivers*. Fanny is important to Edmund, William, and Lady Bertram, but is convinced that she not only is NOT important to ANYONE, but never CAN be. She also convinced that she is foolish and awkward, probably by the early experiences at Mansfield when she didn’t know all the intricate rules of high society and was far behind Maria and Julia in her education. Fanny, though she is extremely shy, manages to carry off most things with surprising grace, and she is clever and has a wisdom and common sense in some things far beyond her years. Yet she is CERTAIN that she is “foolish and awkward”, because she has been repeatedly called so by authority figures in her life and almost all of her family at Mansfield.

[*Footnote: these extreme beliefs are often couched in “black-and-white” language: “EVERYBODY hates me, NOBODY loves me, I’ll NEVER be able to do it right, I’ll be alone FOREVER”. We can hear this in Fanny’s “I can NEVER be of importance to ANY ONE”.]

Fanny not only thinks very lowly of herself, she also is afraid of being praised or of anything that could possibly raise her self-esteem. For instance, in a discussion with Edmund, she explains why she never wants anybody to notice her:

[Edmund:] “Your uncle is disposed to be pleased with you in every respect; and I only wish you would talk to him more. You are one of those who are too silent in the evening circle.”

[Fanny:] “But I do talk to him more than I used. I am sure I do. Did not you hear me ask him about the slave-trade last night?”

“I did—and was in hopes the question would be followed up by others. It would have pleased your uncle to be inquired of farther.”

“And I longed to do it—but there was such a dead silence! And while my cousins were sitting by without speaking a word, or seeming at all interested in the subject, I did not like—I thought it would appear as if I wanted to set myself off at their expense, by shewing a curiosity and pleasure in his information which he must wish his own daughters to feel.”

“Miss Crawford was very right in what she said of you the other day: that you seemed almost as fearful of notice and praise as other women were of neglect.”

She is literally fearful of notice and praise--because Mrs. Norris has told her repeatedly throughout her life that she must NEVER shine more than Maria or Julia, must NEVER take attention away from them--a sort of vicarious narcissism. And Fanny feels that to receive a compliment, to state her own opinions, or even to TALK much in company is “stepping out of her place”, the high crime and misdemeanor of Mrs. Norris’s upbringing.

I was raised by a narcissistic caretaker, and I am sometimes suddenly overwhelmed with terror that I’m taking too much attention to myself and that I’m therefore BAD somehow. Because a narcissist (or their proxy, the golden child) must always be the center of attention, the scapegoat is emotionally punished for ever taking the spotlight. Mrs. Norris is disposed to be upset when Sir Thomas holds a dance in Fanny’s honor, and is only reconciled to it because SHE will be able to make herself the center of attention in the preparations.*

[*Footnote: I think another argument can be made for Mrs. Norris’s narcissism in her response to Crawford’s proposal to Fanny:

Angry she was: bitterly angry; but she was more angry with Fanny for having received such an offer than for refusing it. It was an injury and affront to Julia, who ought to have been Mr. Crawford’s choice; and, independently of that, she disliked Fanny, because she had neglected her; and she would have grudged such an elevation to one whom she had been always trying to depress.

Mrs. Norris is DETERMINED to put Fanny down, as the scapegoat, and is offended that one of her golden children (her emotional stand-in) is shown less honor in this situation than the scapegoat. For the scapegoat to be elevated and her narcissistic stand-in to be neglected induces a narcissistic rage.]

“Sensibility” and High Sensitivity

In the 18th century, a theory and “culture of sensibility” grew up in places like Britain, France, Holland, and the British colonies. Encyclopedia.com’s article on sensibility states, “Sensibility (and ‘sensible’ and ‘sentiment’) connoted the operation of the nervous system, the material basis for consciousness.” But the workings of the nervous system, they believed, affected more than just the physical body. Some people, it was held, had greater sensibility than others: their nerves were more easily affected by not only physical but also emotional and moral input, and they responded accordingly--not just in word and in deed, but in tears, blushes, trembling, fainting, etc. It was believed that people’s emotional responses AND physical responses could tell you something about their physical AND moral makeup. A truly modest woman, for instance, would blush and look confused when confronted with something that offended her maidenly modesty. A woman--or indeed, man--who was truly moral and “sensible” would be emotionally affected by something sad, such as a tale of oppression, to the point of openly weeping. A heroine of sensibility would most likely faint if threatened with something she found, not only physically frightening, but morally abhorrent (such as a forced marriage). This is part of the reason for what seems to use like excessive emotional reactions in some 18th-century novels: the writer is demonstrating her characters’ moral superiority through their physical sensibility.*

[*Footnote: Encyclopedia.com adds, “The coexistence of reason and feeling was assumed, but the proportion of each was endlessly debated, above all because of what many saw as the dangers of unleashed feelings... [After the French Revolution,] The debate over the proportions of reason and feeling in persons of sensibility was politicized, and the need for women to channel their feelings toward moral and domestic goals was reemphasized. The word ‘sentimental,’ which had been used positively, became a label for ‘excessive sensibility’ and self-indulgence.” We can see this conflict clearly in Austen’s Sense and Sensibility!]

There is, in fact, a modern equivalent to the 18th century idea of sensibility: the concept of the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) or Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS). First proposed by Elaine Aron's book The Highly Sensitive Person (1996), the theory suggests that SPS

is a temperamental or personality trait involving "an increased sensitivity of the central nervous system and a deeper cognitive processing of physical, social and emotional stimuli". The trait is characterized by "a tendency to 'pause to check' in novel situations, greater sensitivity to subtle stimuli, and the engagement of deeper cognitive processing strategies for employing coping actions, all of which is driven by heightened emotional reactivity, both positive and negative". (wikipedia)

While some people have mocked this theory as pseudoscience, Aron is by no means the only researcher to have studied it, and a great many people who suffered from people telling them “You’re too sensitive” when they were hurt have taken comfort in the positive affirmation that high sensitivity is a natural phenomenon and can even at times be regarded as a strength rather than a character flaw.

It seems to me that there is a good deal of overlap between those who self-identify or may be identified as HSPs and those who have C-PTSD. Whether this is because greater emotional sensitivity leads to a greater incidence of traumatic responses to negative experiences, or whether high sensitivity is itself a product of repeated childhood trauma, I can’t say. (Heck, it could even be that the HSP’s belief that they’re over-sensitive comes from childhood gaslighting!)

What I can say is that Fanny Price exhibits, not only hypervigilance, but also what Austen would call “great sensibility” and I would call “SPS”. Fanny has the greatest sensibility of any character in the entire novel, even Edmund: she judges more clearly on moral matters than Edmund or Sir Thomas, and has the strongest physical and emotional reactions to stimuli. She seems to be constantly blushing, trembling, or tearing up. This is not only painful to modern readers (who, if they’re not pained by sympathizing with her, may well be pained by what seems to them a lack of proper 21st-century backbone in a main character) but is clearly highly uncomfortable at times to Fanny herself. She might be able to pride herself on her moral discernment (not that Fanny would EVER pride herself on ANYTHING), and she may be in transports of happiness when something good, like William’s arrival or promotion, occur, but she is often “cast down” as well by things that seem to others like trifles. We see this not only in her hypervigilance but also in the depression and the black-and-white thinking which are often the products of trauma. Edmund observes to her, “It is your disposition to be easily dejected and to fancy difficulties greater than they are.” Fanny’s apparent high sensitivity may be just a natural trait (made worse by trauma) or may itself be a product of trauma.

Conclusions

At the end of all this, I’m really not sure what I think about Fanny’s “happy ending”. On one hand, she gets what she’s always wanted in life: companionate marriage with Edmund, valued by Sir Thomas and Lady Bertram, with Mrs. Norris (and Maria) gone forever, and Julia and Tom chastened and better behaved. It seems perfect for her. But a little voice inside of me keeps saying how very unlikely it is. People rarely change as much as Sir Thomas does in the book--and in fact, we are only assured by Austen that Sir Thomas comes to value Fanny more: we don’t actually SEE it. I can’t help but feel that Fanny must still have been subject to ongoing gaslighting about how she was brought up and about respect toward Mrs. Norris and himself. Fanny got what she thought she wanted, but at the same time, she didn’t get free. Especially considering that Austen goes out of her way to say that things COULD have turned out differently and that Fanny and Crawford COULD have been happy together, I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if Fanny had ended up with the ONLY person in the entire book who truly recognizes how badly she has been treated at Mansfield Park:

[Crawford]: And they will now see their cousin treated as she ought to be, and I wish they may be heartily ashamed of their own abominable neglect and unkindness.

#jane austen #mansfield park #trauma #c-ptsd #literature #tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk

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phenomenal1500 · 4 years ago

Text

The Azblida | The 100

Chapter 7: ~Welcome To The Capital~

For Chapter 6: ~Another Universe~ click here

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It would be best if she was alone next time, not to be accused of being from another crew by her people since he knew they hated his and his theirs, but it wouldn't stop him from meeting her if she's willing to see him again.

~~~

[Meave Collins]

Meave felt very watched once she had entered Polis, but that was probably because they, as Skaikru, had just arrived at the Grounder's capital so it didn't bother her that much. Instead, the woman had a little laugh with anyone who was kind enough to wave at her and it truly felt delightful to be somewhere else for once. These people were very friendly, different from the people she knew, and it felt good to be 'accepted' like this. Abby, on the other hand, was a little embarrassed, she didn't know much Trigedasleng and she wasn't very good at saying no either so luckily Kane was very immersed in their culture and he could do the talking instead.

Meave had left them to roam around the market and stopped by a blacksmith to look around for a moment. There was one sword that stood out to her the most there since it reminded her of someone. It was long, made of iron, light weighted, and it laid perfectly in her slender hand. There was a handle wrapped in black leather and in the center where the sword split into three pieces was a beautiful wolf logo located that was made out of iron.

It really appealed to her and she was definitely willing to pay for it, but the man shook no and pointed at her old sword.

"Ai gaf in dei de. Disha gon ste kom azgeda, ai don't fig raun an Skaikru gon don dei de. Ge ai?" [Give me that! Though before you pay... this weapon is from Azgeda, I don't think an Skaikru wants that. Get me?]

"Ai ge yu, ba ai gaf em even taim en's kom azgeda. em suits ai. hir hon daun my gon." [I get you, but I still want it, even if it is from Azgeda. It suits me, so here is my weapon.]

The blacksmith looked surprised and confused at her wanting a sword even after knowing its background, but still handed her over the new sword. She also gave her sword in the process and she honestly didn't even mind giving it away.... it wasn't as strongly made and it was old enough to break soon, though the man seemed to know about the quality and also didn't care about that fact.

Amused by her old sword, the man waved her goodbye while she returned the wave and she then turned around to walk away. However, right before she wanted to leave, a female warrior tried to attack her from behind, but the woman had already noticed it and stepped aside, warding off the swing with her new sword.

"You've picked up a lot of fighting in the last few months." Meave smiled at the compliment and had put her sword away while the female warrior looked fascinatingly at her new sword disappearing in its holder. "Too bad I wasn't the one who taught you."

"Indra, it is good to see you again." She held out her hand to the woman and she grabbed her forearm as she did the same.

They always greeted each other like this.

"Kane!"

"Hello, my friend."

"Since when do you let your Dark Angel roam around freely?" Meave crossed her arms and shook her head playfully while suppressing a chuckle.

"Since I demanded it." Indra raised her eyebrow while smiling at the woman's stubbornness and afterwards she switched her gaze at Abby.

"Chancellor Griffin, welcome. I hope you're enjoying the capital."

"I am. And thank you for ensuring my daughter's safety."

"The commander did that. You can thank her yourself at the summit tonight."

"I would like to see Clarke-...."

"Soon." Kane knew exactly what Abby wanted to do and had cut her off before she could ask it again. The action made them intensely stare at each other and Meave lowered her head. Indra had probably already seen her exhausted face before she did so and bent over to whisper something in her ear.

"You want to leave, don't you?" She whispered, staring at the two others debating.

"So you can read minds now as well?" Meave responded with a smile and she then nodded.

"Follow me." Indra signed for her to start walking when a huge crowd passed them and without speaking, Meave was guided away from Kane or Abby who didn't notice anything happening. Then the two warriors walked past a few Skaikru guards to sneak her out of the crowded market, afterwards ending up at the highest tower of Polis where normally the commander resides and Indra brought the woman inside.

Everything was made out of various types of grey stone, making the building feel more welcoming than using just one type or material. The hallway was lit up with candles and torches which gave the halls a warm atmosphere and everything was beautifully laid out with red carpet in the center of the hall. The walls were also decorated with two large flags to show the Heda was from Trikru.

"I can imagine you having a house like this with your symbol on the walls." Indra spoke up jokingly and Meave furrowed her brows, stunned by Indra making a joke instead of being so serious all the time.

"It really appeals to me indeed.... It somehow feels familiar, if that doesn't sound strange." Indra couldn't suppress a smile and it automatically was painted on her face as she grabbed Meave's shoulders.

"Unbelievable that you are not easily liked.... you are talented in a lot of ways. Who has taught you to fight?" She asked and Meave shrugged.

She remembered everything she did to survive on her own way and preferred not to open up about it, making her cut the real story in half.

"When we landed on the ground, I had a strange premonition that something would go wrong." Indra looked curious, but she was also still wary if someone wanted to eavesdrop then. "Everyone knew who I was and what I had done on the Ark and since some of my actions were unforgivable, many people avoided me.... except Bellamy, Murphy and Atom's group. I joined them on the ground and went wild with fighting even though I knew that one day that was no longer a good solution to win a war. With the alliance we had with your people, I stopped being so wild and started training with Anya, who I remember had insisted on teaching me how to fight when she saw I had potential."

"Indra!" The female warrior quickly stepped away from Meave and folded her hands behind her back, lifting her chin up as well while the new commander was escorted into the hall. "Gouva yu klin." [Explain yourself] She pointed at Meave and looked unbelievably stern, yet also calmly at Indra.

"I can understand your people, you know. Lincoln almost taught me everything your people know." She shrugged and stared at the Heda ahead of her.

"What's your name?"

"Meave Collins, The Dark Angel."

It seemed for a few seconds that Lexa knew her when she mumbled a few things about her towards her guards.

"Free up a room for her on the top floor, she's reliable.... Now!" Lexa looked back at the woman familiarly after ordering her guards around to make a chamber ready for her to.... stay?

"Thank you....?"

"Call me Lexa if you want.... welcome to your temporary home, Meave Collins." The Heda gave Meave a small forced smile before leaving with Indra, the two having a conversation that the woman was too tired to try to eavesdrop.

She was left alone in the huge hall until an unknown woman came to pick her and began to escort her to her room and Meave groaned when she saw that the elevator was being used. Together they had to climb up all the staircases and Meave was so exhausted she tripped over her uncooperative legs a few times.

Once they arrived at the top floor, the woman stopped and turned around, facing Meave while taking in a shaky breath.

"Disha ste yu hou. Snap up, Clarke stays hir kom bida moun skaikru, em wkom oso a idea gon kep in yu hir bilaik os, bilaik an gona. the heda sad in em. Ai sen in en's mou os dan yu kriken hou, yu ste nou bilaik emo. [This is your home. Fast explaining, Clarke stays here with a few others of Skaikru, it was the idea to keep you here as well, as their warrior. The Heda decided it. I heard it is better than your old home and that you are not like them.] Without looking up at the woman because she was afraid she'd pissed her off or something, probably knowing her background, she pointed to the large glass but strangely enough not transparent doors.

"Don't confuse the doors next to yours.... someone else stays there temporarily and it's better if you don't cross him."

"You know-...." Meave interrupted the shady woman. "First question out of all the other ones I want to ask is why in the bloody hell are you suddenly talking English when you clearly spoke Trigedasleng before?"

A 'sorry' was all that the woman mumbled and without any further explanation the mysterious woman had taken her leaving at a fast pace, almost running even.

She was somehow extremely afraid of her, and Meave was left alone again in front of the big and beautiful doors. Meave pushed the heavy doors open and she was very pleased with the sight of her room she had received instantly while softly closing the two doors behind her again.

Sunlight was shining through the transparent white curtains and then onto her face while she opened them, revealing the breathtaking view ahead of her. The woman had the whole capital in her sight and the training ground as well. From where she was she could see a few sweaty men and women doing their best to win the competition that was going on and the market grew increasingly empty as the sun slowly set as she watched. Meave then turned around and looked around her room, trailing her fingers over her huge soft bed. It was a beautiful fading black coloured bed with white sheets and animal fur in different colours on top of that.

This was way better than back in Arkadia.

The room here was also three times the size than her room back in their camp and there was much more ambience with the two nice big chandeliers and the candles around the black and white room to light up the place. The walls were beautifully decorated with flags with all the crews' symbols on there to make it more honorable and respectful towards the people from the other clans who stayed there for the night and the ground was covered with carpets of a beautiful blood red color.

Finally having her attention back after examining her room, she walked back to her balcony and stared at the beautiful view until the sun went completely down, making room for the moon to shine over the city. Meave had actually lost track of time when she got distracted by the sight of the moon appearing behind the small houses and she suddenly heard the commander's guards order her to come downstairs after they entered her room without knocking.

Getting up from the balcony's outdoor couch, she grabbed her black and white jacket that she had laying over a soft chair in the corner when she went inside and she ran down the uncountable stairs.

The woman had completely forgotten about the planned summit and once downstairs, it was actually beautiful for her to see all the different groups come together to have a gathering with each other, no hatred to each other for now to keep it peaceful.

She saw Kane proudly nod at her for her being there too even though she hated being very social with new people that she didn't trust yet and he held out his hand to her, making her hook her arm in his.

"Kane."

"Meave.... are you ready m'lady?" He asked politely and Meave laughed, shaking her head.

"Indeed I am ready, shall we go?" Kane let out a soft chuckle as well and both of them walked through the beautifully decorated doors.

Once inside, they had let go of each other and Meave scanned the large alluring room. It looked like a ball room straight out of the 18th century, but then with a little bit of an apocalyptic tone to it.

The woman intended to follow Kane who was greeting their own clan at the moment, but was interrupted by a strong hand that found her wrist. Meave froze in the moment and her heart began to pound in her chest rapidly.

Who the hell dared to touch her?

Slowly she turned her body around, her head following, and she faced the one who was holding her wrist with such a tight grip.... her mouth falling open while her hazel eyes grew wider when she noticed who it was.

"Roan?" She mumbled softly and he released her when she calmed down, him lifting a finger to his mouth as a gesture to tell her she should be more silent because of the other Azgeda warriors inside the room.

He probably didn't want to cause any problems with his clan.... again.

The man then unnoticeable to the rest grabbed her shirt and lifted it up a few inches, showing a clean scar that once was a stab wound the time they had met.... probably to check if she was healed completely and if she was okay.

He didn't look at it for long though and lowered her shirt again because of all the people surrounding them.

"Hainofa, is the Skaikru bothering you?" A tall and broad man came out from behind Roan and looked at the small woman sternly, gazing her up and down in disapproval while resting his hands on his swords.

"No.... chil daun!" [No.... stand down.] Without any discussion the man had turned himself away from them with an hateful expression and then joined the rest of Azgeda, still confused over the fact a Skaikru was talking to their prince.

"Prince?" Meave tilted her head like a curious puppy and he sighed, very focused on his surroundings after glaring at her.

"I'll explain later."

"You really are a man of mysteries, aren't you?" A smirk spread across his handsome face and he pulled her closer to him when he noticed nobody from Azgeda was paying attention.

"Bringing Wanheda back to Lexa was my way back to Azgeda, she broke that deal however."

"And now what? You're kept here?" Meave whispered as softly as possible.

"Indeed.... though I doubt that I will find that unfortunate, knowing you are staying here as well." He winked at her and then narrowed his eyes when he thought about what he had said. "Why?"

"The Heda thought it would be fun that I should stay here for my people without discussing anything with me." She rolled her eyes. "Apparently Clarke and Lexa see me as some sort of pawn in their little game that they just can pass on without asking the fucking pawn what she wants herself." His eyes narrowed in a dominant way and his jaw clenched tightly when he heard what happened and he looked around again, him suddenly noticing that Kane and Abby were watching them, Meave following his gaze. "Prince Roan, I think I should go across very soon before more people start to notice us."

He nodded and looked back at the woman in front of him, the dominant glare still resting in his blue eyes as he did so. It made her grow weak and he smirked a little, slowly letting go of her waist that he had held onto after the incident with the other tall man.

Now she was free she could finally turn around, her back facing Roan after she did so. She began to make her way towards the rest of Skaikru only to be stopped by the same strong hands grabbing her again, this time him holding her hips firmly, and he pressed her back against his muscular chest. "I know you want it-.... to let yourself free without being restrained as some soldier of theirs." He was nuzzling her neck, softly growling into her ear. "Tonight, top floor, second pair of doors left. We'll talk and I will explain everything.... without having to be bothered by orders and judgements."

Meave swallowed nervously while listening to the offer.

It sounded like a dream.

His hot breath on her neck disappeared after he released her and she missed feeling him instantly. Her cold body urged for his comfortable and warm one and definitely after him pressing her against his chest because it actually made her warm up from the inside for a small amount of time. Sadly she had to live with the fact that she couldn't get close to him from now on in this summit because of all the different clans. Stepping across the room, she repeated one sentence in her mind that stood out the most. 'Second pair of doors left.' That meant he was sleeping right next to her.

"He's the one you talked to me about, isn't he?" Kane suddenly questioned, making the woman who had joined Skaikru jump up.

She was completely lost in her thoughts and so it took a moment for her to answer.

"Mhuh." She hummed, watching Roan smirk at her.

He probably knew this was about him.

"I see he took you completely off guard." Kane let out a soft laugh and she elbowed him gently, a sign for him to stop which he didn't listen to. "What did he say?"

"Nothing.... just shut up please."

~~~

"The summit's a trap! We need to get you out of here."

"What the hell is going on?"

"I don't know."

"It's the Ice Nation." Bellamy growled and Roan raised his brow at him, his eyes holding a hateful glare towards him by the sudden accusation.

"People, hold up! Can we not go around and accuse people who've been here the whole time? Because if we're going to do it like that, we can accuse literally everyone in here." Meave shrugged and Roan surveying her with a somewhat proud gaze while Kane looked a little disappointing. Probably because she was siding with a man she had met only a few months back, but to be honest.... she didn't side with anyone at this moment. Everyone knew that the woman was right about not accusing someone or a particular clan because they don't quite fit in well since that was just bad.

She knew how that felt.

It wasn't fair....

"These allegations are an outrage. The Ice Nation never stormed this summit with weapons, breaking our laws, that was the Skaikru."

"We're right about this. The two guards you left behind are dead already. We need to go now." Meave narrowed her eyes, recognising the man who suddenly spoke up by his voice.

Pike.

Though the only thing she remembered about him was him trying to teach their class earth physics before he harassed Murphy for no reason, she never really trusted him.

"How did you come by this information?" Lexa asked sternly and the Skaikru group that had interrupted the summit inspected the room.... them all looking shocked and confused once they noticed the one who was supposed to be with them not being there.

"Where the hell is Echo?"

Right on the perfect time, Raven had contacted Bellamy as well, stating that Mount Weather had been blown up and everyone inside the building had passed away.... including Bellamy's girlfriend.

Without listening any further, Meave felt an empty void grow after hearing that only Sinclair, her former and most important engineering mentor, and Raven were victorious with surviving the attack.

"You should have never moved your people back into Mount Weather. Azgeda did what Lexa was too weak to do." The same tall man that had spoken to Roan about Meave was the one who took the spotlight once again.

"THIS IS AN ACT OF WAR! SENTRIES, ARREST THE ICE NATION DELEGATION! INCLUDING THE PRINCE."

"Wait!" The woman followed the two men who were dragging Roan away from the summit, but she was stopped by Roan himself shaking his head at her.

"Leave it." He didn't want her to get involved in all this, but to their surprise, the two guards did stop taking him away and let her speak to him with them from a distance.

"Nothing will happen.... I will just be taken to my room." He tried to reassure her. "The deal still stands-.... I'm a man of my word after all."

With that said the prince was grabbed by the shoulders again and was dragged away without letting her talk or react to Roan.

#the 100 #the azblida #king roan #king roan kom azgeda #king roan x oc #oc #meave collins

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neerasrealm · 4 years ago

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got any random hcs for slendra, michael, and/or rosemary?

AN ASK ABOUT MY OCS I’M GONNA (NOCLIPS THROUGH THE FLOOR)

I of course have a lot of hcs for all of em so I’ll go section by section uvu

Michael

He wanted to be a carpenter before he done got possessed

He gets anxious when it’s too quiet, and will often make noises himself to fill the silence (snapping fingers, clicking tongue, humming loudly, etc)

He uses a noise machine to sleep

He doesn’t really talk much unless spoken to, he’ll only really hold long conversations with Kirstie and Owen

Speaking of Kirstie and Owen, I should really talk about them more since y’all only know them as ‘the ghost friends’

The three of them have known each other since they were kids

Owen was and still is the baby brother of the group

Kirstie is basically the mom friend. She was always a very positive and supportive person, and probably the smartest one too lol

Kirstie had two dads

Owen was never super talkative, but when it’s a topic he likes he can talk a lot

Michael is very uncomfortable with letting other people have control of his body because of trauma (obviously), but Kirstie sometimes forcibly takes control when Michael won’t take care of himself

Owen only really gets control when Ben invites him to play videogames

Owen can get really into games, they’re one of the few things that can make him angry or excited

Kirstie LOVES sports. She used to play volleyball when she was alive

When she gets control everyone just has to deal with Michael, the quiet guy who lives in the basement, suddenly being peppy and friendly

Michael doesn’t eat much, especially not desserts, but he has a soft spot for ice cream.

His room is FULL of empty bottles and cans. Man stays hydrated. He drinks ridiculous amounts of la croix because he has no will to live

Slendra

She is simply BABY

She took Sally’s place as the baby of the family LOL

Her love for bow ties is INTENSE. She likes bows just- in general, but you’d never catch her dead without a bowtie on. She collects them, much like how Slender collects ties.

She loves striped patterns

She loves singing and music of any kind. She plays piano and accordion, and is trying to learn the harmonica and ukulele

She has the tiniest smidge of Jack’s accent and occasionally uses cockney slang

Slender dies inside every time he hears Slendra call the mansion ‘’th’ gaf.’’

She’s oddly maternal towards some of her siblings. She takes after Slender and is often the only braincell of the group.

She loves doing cartwheels and things. Jack taught her all his tricks

She’s oddly protective of Jeff specifically. She’s protective of everyone but Jeff she’s just- big sister. Even though he’s 12 years older than her.

Ok this isnt a hc but I wanted to talk about why I went with the ‘demons age twice as fast as humans’ aspect of her character.

When making her I couldn’t decide if Slendra should be responsible older sister figure with a good sense of humour and love for comedy or if she should be a young girl who’s scared of her powers and always sticking by Slender’s side, with Jack trying to teach her confidence.

I eventually decided to blend both, making Slendra physically a teen but mentally closer to a child. I wanted this to represent that she’s innocent, but forced to grow up faster than she should’ve because of Zalgo being- well- her dad.

LetSlendraBeAKid2020

Rosemary

I HAVE NEVER ONCE PICTURED HER IN MY HEAD WITHOUT HER FACE BEING O-O

BLINK MOTHERFUCKER BLINK!!!!

Ok but seriously-

Even if she doesn’t talk everyone can communicate with her pretty well

‘’...’

‘’No Rose I’m not making steak for dinner.’‘

I’ve said before that she takes the heads from her victims but she also takes a few bones and whatever else she feels like

What does she do with them? ... :)

Don’t go in her room there’s dead things and bones EVERYWHERE

It’s gross. Jason yells at her to clean up. She flips him off

She often leaves Zalgo’s realm just to go watch birds

She believes herself to be above humans and animals but birds? Birds are the one creature she respects

She believes herself to be a chosen one, in a way, because of Zalgo ‘choosing her’

She thinks she’s above other people but is completely subservient to Zalgo

Zalgo often calls her ‘my little lamb’ because of her last name which literally means ‘lamb of god’, the fact that she’s child sized and- y’know- Zalgo is a god.

She often paints her nails :) Nat and Jane let her join their girl’s nights (Zero is there too but only sometimes)

I haven’t decided if this is fully 100% canon yet but I like the idea of her being age-locked by Zalgo much like Nat and Jason are. I haven’t decided how old she is exactly, but I like the idea that she’s been around a while

uhh that’s all I have time to write down rn but!! I loved talking abt these guys...OC asks make me so happy you don’t even know sdfjfsdjf thank u anon

#creepypasta #creepypasta oc #creepypasta hcs #creepypasta hc #oc stuff #slendra jackson #red eyes #<- michael tag lol #Rosemary Agnellini #ask #anon #anonymous

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jq37 · 5 years ago

Text

The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 14

Brennan Says It’s My Turn With The Daddy Issues

So we’re in hell--literally, not emotionally (at least for the moment). We being Fig, Riz, Gilear, the Hangman, and the blood-imp valet that Fig created last week who is ostensibly named Wretchrot but also picks up the nickname Baby this episode because of shenanigans. Wretchrot brings them all to where they’ll be staying, says a bunch of wild stuff in his weird Rita Repulsa voice, and drinks Fig’s blood which is what he is made of. Riz is bullied by the Hangman and misses the other half of his Nerd Squad.

Anyway, Wretchrot takes the group on a little tour of Gorthalax’s stuff starting with the library which includes books that steal souls and also legal texts (redundant). Fig looks for a book on devil dating advice while Riz looks for something on the Hellish legal system On a 17, Fig finds a Manual for Succubi and Incubi about extracting souls via the penis. More helpfully, on a 16, Riz finds out that coups are baked into the ruling system of hell and killing someone to ascend to the throne is pretty par for the course.

Next up is the hall of treasures where there are suits of armor themed to the 7 deadly sins including kinky, gimp, Lust armor they briefly consider equipping either Gilear or Kristen with (Ally breaks at that). There are also these Venitian style masks through which the people who failed to kill Gorthalax to take his place are forced to watch him do his thing.

They pass through a hall of mirrors which they realize is a kind of security system as it shows things as they really are. Wretchrot appears in the mirror as a drop of Fig’s blood. The Hangman appears as a huge puppy!!!! (OK, a hellhound but all canines are puppies). Riz holds up the photo of Kalina to the mirror and, in the mirror, can’t see her in the photo. However, he does she her in the mirror itself. She waves at him and then appears “in person”. Fig doesn’t know this is going on and asks Riz if he’s emotionally OK with the fact that they just whip out the photo of his dead dad on the regular. Riz says it’s fine but he quickly becomes less fine when Kalina asks if he'd like to see his dad. He starts to answer her out loud but she tells him that, by talking out loud, he’s tipped off Fig potentially so he should lose her and then meet her alone. The Hangman guards everyone while Riz and Fig split up, to find stuff to test in front of the mirror. Well, that’s the stated plan anyway.

Back in Arborly, Adaine is getting to check an item off of her Teen Girl Life Experiences checklist: Spilling Tea About Your Friend’s New GF. She gleefully does the whole, “I can’t tell you but I’ll tell you if you guess right,” routine before outright confirming that while crustacean shenanigans were happening in the house Fig and Ayda were sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! Everyone in the group goes feral over the news, especially the Gay Squad. She vaguely recalls that Ayda also told her some information about a rune or something but everyone agrees that she retained the most important information.

They decide to call Aguefort about their coins and the rune (Kristen wisely having all the infected people leave the room). Aguefort tells them that the coins that they have comprise Kalvaxus’s hoard but not his original hoard as it has been spent and invested and put into the economy. Classic Ship of Theseus problem (ie: If you have a ship and you start replacing damaged parts of it, by the time you've replaced all the parts, is it even the same ship?). He also reminds them that spending the gold as quickly as possible is a good idea to avoid the dragon madness curse which is on all dragon gold (a weak but very hard to break curse). That prompts Adaine to describe the rune she discovered to him and he tells her basically the same stuff Ayda did last episode. She wonders if dragon madness could be the larger, static curse under which the trojan horse curse (the spellbook) is hiding. Gorgug wants to give all of the gold away and Fabian is not about that life at all.

Back in hell (literally and emotionally now) Riz prepares to meet Kalina. With a 25 Investigation, he finds a sliver of mirror that he can bring with him to keep from being tricked. He’s also mindful of being paralyzed while he’s with Kalina at the edge of a hell cliff so he anchors himself with a rope tied around his waist. Kalina is her usual aloof, darkly charming self when they speak and Riz is pretty flustered, asking if she was his dad’s familiar (no). Kalina says that Riz didn’t really know his dad and the question he isn’t asking but should be is how did his dad meet her in the first place.

She takes him to a little secret passageway which she says goes to a liminal place where he can see between the levels. She gives him the help action to get a good look (which makes Murph extremely nervous) but he only gets an 11 which means all that he sees is a cold, white light coming from the opening. He tries to use his mirror to look inside but on a 13 dex save, his footing is shaky and some rocks fall down the side of the cliff (he’s fine). Kalina says that he’s gonna have to man up and walk down the tunnel if he wants to see what’s going on. She fully reveals that she’s incorporeal and can’t actually touch him to mess with him if that helps at all.

Riz is clearly struggling with the choice but he ultimately decides that he can’t pass up this chance and that he can trust Fig to rescue him if things go south. He leaves her a note and then steps through. Within the tunnel, he can feel things watching him and hear a chittering that’s weirdly somehow coming from him. In front of him is a smoky room lit by a cone of light--think interrogation room in an old detective show. In a chair, covered in blood and shit and tattered clothes is Pok Gukgak, gagged and chained. Riz reaches for him but, as he tries to step forward, he reaches the end of his rope. Someone unseen splashes Pok with water and tells him to “confess” and “tell us what you know.” Riz pulls out his gun--his dad’s gun--to shoot out the light. As he does, a thought comes unbidden: You know what the kind thing to do with that gun would be. That shakes Riz so he lowers the gun and starts to untie himself. He’s stopped by Kalina (speaking in his mind) who tells him that if he steps in the light, he’ll be on another level of hell in the Iron City of Dis for real. Not just looking in. Riz pulls out his mirror shard and confirms that it really is his dad in there being tortured. He leaves the tunnel.

Kalina says that she knows Riz is all hopped up on doing his quest and stopping the Nightmare King but if he just stops, if they all stop, none of his friends will have to die and, bonus, maybe there will be a little rescue mission for his dad in it for him. Riz wants to know if Pok knew what her true nature was and he seems to think he cheated on his mom with her (“I know what happened between you two. I can do the math.” Which seems logistically improbable but OK). She reminds him that Pok was a spy which means it’s naive to think that every thing he did was good and taunts him about his clue hound nature before vanishing.

Riz meets up back with Gilear and Fig and he spills about everything. Gilear wants Riz to have lunch and drink some water before he does anything rash. Fig says that they don’t need Kalina to rescue Pok. They know crazy-person Bill Seacaster who’s also in hell. She lights a beacon to help him find them (if you remember, the Hangman has been attempting to contact him for Fabian). One thing I didn’t mention before is that Fig brought up the idea of temporarily installing herself as the ruler of Gorthalax's section of hell so she’d be a powerful enough devil (or devil-adjacent entity) to get them into Sylvere. Wretchrot said it was probably a no-go since she’s half mortal but, now, on a 29 Riz re-reads his legal book and realizes that Fig wouldn’t actually have to kill Gorthalax to take his place, she just needs to defeat him, which she technically has by putting him in a gem and they put that together almost before Brennan is done narrating. They have a new plan.

The other Bad Kids are discussing what Arianwyn is up to and Gorgug suggests that maybe she’s not actually working with Kalina. Maybe she’s playing along but actually has ulterior motives. Kristen looks at Arianwyn’s notes and on a 24 “Empath Roll” (Brennan converts this Ally-ism to an Insight check) sees that at a certain point, Arianwyn started making leaps in her research that were too lucky and suggest someone was helping her--possibly the entity she was researching. Adaine thinks about calling her mom using Sending or her new Sinod of Spire spell but Ayda calls Adaine and asks if she can come over. Of course she can. She comes with her recently summoned tropical fish familiar in a bubble of water--it has the very Albus Severus name of “Garthy and Adaine the Fish” which Adaine is thrilled about but also suggests shortening to GAF (and also considering reconstituting it into a cuddlier form--though the image of her dumping Boggy into GAF’s bubble is super adorable). Meanwhile, Kristen is thrilled to welcome her to “the family” because being gay is the same as visiting an Olive Garden (this is a shirt now because Ally said it which is too much power to give to Ally). Ayda kinda sucks some of the fun out of teasing her about her relationship with Fig by being extremely forthright about it but Kristen and Adaine brighten at the thought that Fig will be a lot more fun to tease.

But, back to business. Ayda has not slept because she’s been working on getting to Fig. The whole group is like, “Bitch, are you OK?” and give her an ice cream sandwich which is proper Good Friend Protocol if you have them on hand I think. Ayda is super worried about Fig and is just about ready to unmake everything standing between them (Normal lesbian move according to Kristen). They talk her down for the moment in favor of sending Fig a message: Fig you sneaky bitch. Ayda’s here. She wants to invade hell. You good? PS: OOOOOOOOOOOH. PPS: Ask Kalvaxus about dragon madness. Fig completely misses the fact that they know what’s going on with Ayda (you’d think they’d be more in sync which each others’ texting shorthand) and sends back a message saying she hopes they have fun with her but, “not too much fun,” and also that she, “is king” with no further explanation. Wild.

Ayda, who is still super keyed up to get Fig, thinks she can figure out the Planeshift spell but she needs more time to work on the spell which she could get...if they steal her dad’s time stopping pocketwatch. Considering they watched Aguefort grab the sun out of the sky the other day, they’re not super down to have a possibly adverse encounter with the man but they hear her out. While they do that, Gorgug takes his now working phone and just straight up calls the guy, explaining the situation (including Ayda’s involvement) and asking to borrow the watch. Aguefort is a little taken aback by the fact that Ayda would want any kind of contact with him at all because about 300 years back, she told him to never contact her again and that she would leave notes to her future self detailing why, which is why he hasn’t really been in her life. He lets him borrow the watch for a week (after which time it will return to him) and asks him to tell Ayda what they talked about, leaving the door open for a possible future relationship between them. When Gorgug returns with the watch and the news, Ayda breaks a little and reveals she didn’t even know she was that old. Presumably because her notes start about 150 years ago with an apology that her past self wanted a fresh start and destroyed the last several batches of notes. She hates herself for doing that and Kristen gently tries to get her to cool it with the negative self talk. Then, they hit the button on the watch and they have a week to work.

The Wizards work on Planeshift. Fabian and Kristen go to the shrine and Kristen--mirroring her vision from episode 1--sits down to draw the unknown goddess from the mural. Her Spirit Guardians emerge and start to kinda deride her for the sincerity of her action. She in turn decides that she’s done with this wishy-washy “above it all” attitude and dismisses her Spirit Guardians for good (making her, as far as I can tell, the only cleric in Solace with a 100% turnover rate on her Spirit Guardians). She finishes the picture and it feels somehow significant, to her and to Tracker too (who can look at it without wolf-raging out). Gorgug uses the time to “get smarter” which bumps his score from an 8 to a 9 (which has no mechanical implications). Ayda is also working on a side project but she’s keeping it a secret from Adaine.

In hell, the tribunal is called back in session. Fig comes in ready to claim her hell passport and the throne along with it. On a big ol’ 30 persuasion check--and because the law is on her side--Vrath is reluctantly convinced to confer upon Fig the title of arch-devil (via a full lip kiss which is some Poison Ivy bs) The new title comes with an upside pentagram mark on her forehead, full fire immunity (very convenient considering her new constantly on fire gf), and resistance to poison. However, Vraz is about to force the Hangman to stay in hell due to a legal technicality when who walks in but BILL FORKING SEACASTER, who invokes the law of the blade and immediately starts stabbing their way out of there and hustles the group to his ship (Goldenhoard’s reshaped corpse) which was indirectly named by Fig we learned after the thing that would annoy him the most--The Goldenrod.

Bill gives Fig (who is feeling iffy about her archdevil decision) a pep talk before fully signing up for the rescue mission of the dad of his son’s BFF. We also learn that Alastair Ash is interning on Bill’s ship! He’s pretty happy to see Fig and Riz but if he sees Fabian he’s fully gonna kill him. Right around now, the Bad Kids not in hell remember they can talk to the group via the Hangman and check in since the week of stopped time is up. The Hangman is like, “YOU NEED TO COME HELP US RIGHT AWAY!” They (everyone but the HangVan) Planeshift onto the deck of the Goldenrod which is being targeted by monsters and devils commanded by Vraz. Alastair makes good on his threat and starts trying to shank Fabian immediately (which Bill is hilariously blase about). Ayda opens up a portal to the sea and tries to flood Hell from the top down but Fig stops her, saying that they need to get to the second level to save Pok which seems like it will be quite a task with all the monsters Vraz is throwing at them. Luckily, Bill has money for days (and that money is somehow worth something in hell) and has a whole fleet to back them up for our big Hell Pirate Battle next episode!

Detention

Gorgug for Bad Gossip Etiquette

Look, obviously Kalina was the worst person in this episode. Like, duh. But, also, it feels like cheating to punish the Vader of the series for doing something bad. Like, yeah! That’s what she’s supposed to be doing!

So, instead, today’s dubious honor goes to Gorgug for the much less damning but more relatable sin of making his girlfriend aware of tea but not spilling it. Say it all or say nothing!

Honor Roll

Gorgug for Being More Insightful Than His 8 9 Int Would Suggest

Back to back double awards.

Wisdom is not the same as Intelligence and I actually have no idea what Gorgug’s Wisdom score is on paper but he showed a lot of in this episode.

I think he’s been the first person to suggest that whatever’s going on with Arianwyn might not be as cut and dry as it seems and then, of course, he decided to, instead of trying to Ocean’s 11 Aguefort to just slip out and have a quick heart to heart with him. One that affects him surprisingly deeply. And him bringing up his own experiences with no knowing who his birth dad was was just the chef’s kiss on top of it all.

I don’t think Brennan actually intended them to Oceans 11 Aguefort because that would be crazy, but Gorgug is the one who stepped up to solve the problem for the group with a little compassion and I think that more than earns him the spot.

Random Thoughts

Trailer for Season 5 is dropping Thursday so get hyped!

“Are you looking for the Teen Zone of the bottomless pit?”

“The fief of this dom.”

“You’re a little nerd. Tell the cool girl what you know.”

“If I had new parts, where would they go?”

I love Fabian’s confident assertion that Ayda would “love shrimp river”.

Line of the night goes to Ragh for, “Frankly, bringing up the rune in this context is homophobic.” And Adaine’s followup of, “I apologize. As an ally, I’m always learning,” was also great.

I love that the girls instantly understand Fig’s earlier hot tub comment with the new context but the boys are still clueless.

Watching Emily and Murph have their own little side adventure was so great. They are so fun together and they were clearly having a blast.

I wonder if Gorthalax can tell than Fig just got his title. Either via the title itself or his patron status.

Fig bringing up Riz’s dad to be like, “Are you OK?” caught me so off guard and it seems like it caught Riz off guard too. I hadn’t really thought about it but the fact that Fig had is just another example of her being extremely bighearted and doing a bad job of hiding it.

Emily’s impotent “rage” as all the party members loudly gossiped about her and Ayda and she couldn’t do anything about it because she wasn’t in the scene was *golden*.

Kalina leaves Riz so he can watch his dad but, if you think about it, that’s all placebo because she couldn’t do anything to him whether she’s appearing to him or not and she can watch through his eyes regardless anyway so it’s just like, “Do you want me to be visibly watching you or invisibly watching you?”

Does Kalina have, like, a range? Like, if she can literally just see out of the eyes of people that she’s infected, that limits her to a certain cone of vision and range of movement. But it seems like she can appear to a person and move independently around them to some degree, see things they can’t, point things out, and move away from them. How far away? How independent can she be? What are the logistics here?

Also, on the topic of logistics, it seems extremely hard to know someone for as long as Pok knew Kalina and not realize they’re non-corporeal. Like, even if you’re not a touchy person, eventually you’re gonna bump into them (or, in this case, not bump into them).

Man, the dice really hated Murph this week and, honestly, good. His scenes, imo, work so much better if he doesn’t get to Ally his way out of them with a Nat 20. Him being toyed with by Kalina and unsure and lost is the more interesting version of this sequence of events.

I feel like he made some big swings and misses this ep though. Like, asking if she was Pok’s familiar? Why would that have been a thing? I’m surprised he didn’t ask if he was the goddess’s familiar--though I guess they might not want to let on how much they know but bringing up the concept that she’s anyone’s familliar I think is kinda of giving the game away.

“I have a hard time making conversation with my friends, let alone you” Riiiiiiiiiiz.

Kalina brought up Kristen to Riz specifically, which I find interesting. (She also said that Kristen used to worship Sol which isn’t strictly true, she worshiped Helio, but same family and that was likely just a slip of the tongue from Brennan. Just wanted to point it out).

Who does Kalina even work for? Like, it seems like she’s working with the Nightmare King but if she’s the mystery goddess’s familiar like we all think then that’s weird because it doesn’t seem like the NK and mystery goddess are together. Like, a part of me is just dumping everyone antagonistic to the Bad Kids into the same “Bad” bucket in my head but there’s no way all of these people have totally aligned goals.

“Dragon madness 69”

It’s brought up again in this episode that some of Arianwyn’s research was requisitioned by Pok earlier which I want to ascribe significance to but I’m not in a theorizing headspace right now so I’ll just point it out for anyone who does want to play Gukgak.

I’ve been kinda wondering about the logistics of Aguefort and Ayda and how old that dude is but I totally forgot Chronoancy was a factor which I guess indirectly answers any and all questions about that. It also adds some dimension to his character that time travel is a thing that kinda makes you feel unmoored from time, which I think goes some way (though not all of the way) in explaining why he’s so feral. And, speaking of Aguefort insanity, he was also at the party Zelda was at last episode in the form of an owl as the beer pong mascot. Which Gorgug has Thoughts about.

I really really want Adaine to talk to her mom in the Synod of Spires. Have you guys realized that, for as much of a driving force Arianwyn’s been this season, she’s had almost no dialogue? She has talked I think 3 times total in all of FH: During Adaine’s intro, Apologizing to her when Aelwen was arrested, and the Message Adaine found from her last episode. That’s it. We know almost nothing about her. What is her deal? Also, Siobhan just always kills during all of her one-on-one scenes and I’m biased.

Love the return of the Bad Kids being unable to make a phone call and stealing the phone from each other to tag in with their own nonsense.

Wild that Gorgug was able to get through to Aguefort since he has a history of pissing that dude off by saying the wrong (well, “wrong”) thing.

Shoutout to Gilear for being the Designated Dad of the Hell Trip and making sure the kids were eating and stuff. That was a very endearing moment.

Also, while we’re on the topic of Gilear, he also cleared up that Sandra-Lynn never seriously propositioned him in an irresponsible, “Let me give you a Magic STD” kinda way which was something I’d been thinking about so I’m glad he said something (though the kids kinda aren’t even though I think we’re way past the point of TMI here).

“Hiss at her litigator.”

Riz, who Fig is Looking to be the Voice of Reason re: Her Arch-Devil Upgrade: This is super rad.

I’m very curious about whether Brennan fully planned for Fig to decide to take Gorthalax’s place because, on the one hand, my brain didn’t go there at all but, on the other, getting Emily Axford to install someone--possibly herself--into a position of power is like getting Siobhan Thompson to steal a book I feel.

Fig Upon Being Told That Ayda Told Everyone About Them: Fuck.

I feel like Kristen is gonna wish she had her big moment of emotional catharsis AFTER this big hell pirate fight and not before when she can’t summon her Spirit Guardians.

Man, we haven’t gotten a big, enthusiastic, “Papa!” from Fabian in a while have we?

No crits in either direction this episode which is wild considering Fig got a THIRTY at one point.

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #fantasy high live #fantasy high spoilers #dimension 20 spoilers

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janiedean · 5 years ago

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Laviania, why are you so sure Stannis won't burn Shireen "for the greater good"? I mean... it's a classic trope (Agamemnon) and would be one of the ethics questions (one death to avoid many others) GRRM loves? [not on tumblr, but I'm Wirette on Discort - and by the way, I'm still sorry you have to endure this special kind of anon... but I'm also sickly fascinated by it. Like an horror book, see?)

hi! ;) and eeeh. I KNOW. one day they’ll get tired.

that said, about stannis, very quickly (hopefully):

in the show it was 100% the agamemnon trope, but in the book there is absolutely nothing linking stannis to that guy whatsoever - they don’t have a similar personality, they’re not the same archetype, they’re not fighting a war for the same reasons and it doesn’t add up;

now, in the book it’s not physically possible unless it doesn’t happen in wow because:a) shireen is at the wall, stannis is going to wf;b) so stannis is stuck in the snow same as in the show right now at the end of adwd and shireen is miles away geographically like how is he going to burn her for the show reasons? he can’t, because she’s not there;c) current summary of the situation in asha’s adwd chapter:That tale she had from Justin Massey, who was less devout than most. "A sacrifice will prove our faith still burns true, Sire," Clayton Suggs had told the king. And Godry the Giantslayer said, "The old gods of the north have sent this storm upon us. Only R'hllor can end it. We must give him an unbeliever.""Half my army is made up of unbelievers," Stannis had replied. "I will have no burnings. Pray harder."I mean, he’s not burning anyone in his prisoners/army which is all unbelievers yet and I have to assume he’s burning shireen? okay but not;d) also, theon pov in winds of winter so after asha’s chapter:The knight hesitated. "Your Grace, if you are dead — "" — you will avenge my death, and seat my daughter on the Iron Throne. Or die in the attempt."Ser Justin put one hand on his sword hilt. "On my honor as a knight, you have my word."... so not only he can’t physically burn her, he wants his knights to put her on the iron throne when a woman couldn’t even inherit it in theory and I have to assume that he’d sacrifice her just like that? nah;

other than the above.... before stannis even thinks of going back to the wall he has to take winterfell which is not happening before mid-wow or the end of it because jon needs to join him/he needs more soldiers/it’s most likely the northern storyline climax and possibly davos has to show up with rickon before that happens or smth but anyway shireen is at the wall, stannis won’t be there before the end of the book if he even goes back at all and there’s no guarantee he actually survives the whole thing, so.... what the hell;

now, melisandre and selyse are at the wall and jon is currently dead and selyse doesn’t gaf about her daughter and melisandre would probably burn her thinking she’s doing the right thing so if you’re telling me that shireen dies burned alive because people at the wall most likely the two of them think it’s necessary for the greater good then it’s a way more likely theory, but that stannis would do that in the books is so out of this world to me I’m not even deigning to consider that as a legitimate possibility and ngl I’ve elected to pretend it never happened in any show only fic I wrote because fuck that noise.

now: dnd couldn’t write stannis, couldn’t give a damn about it, didn’t care about his character either way because they started writing him like they were drunk on tequila since S3 and it was obvious they couldn’t wait to kill him off long before his role in the story was exhausted, but since wow he actually isn’t a bad guy they had to make him do something unredeemable so that they could have brienne kill him in one of the top five most ooc decisions they took for any character in these series (because don’t let it be said that I don’t have immense pits of hatred for their decision to make brienne’s s5 storyline about avenging saint renly and looking out of a window because guys I do and no one wants me to hear all the venom I could spit on the topic) and what’s better than going that route when 99% in the books if she dies that way he won’t have a hand in it.

but since I’m here and it’s stannis baratheon loving hours and the show decided to not give a damn, this is where I would like to state that while stannis is the worst at showing his feelings to people and a complete disaster when it comes to show them to her, he loves his daughter way more than her mother does, he educated her the way you would educate your son not a daughter (it was made clear in the books but she didn’t just have the usual lessons daughters of great houses have, she had the lessons sons have that girls aren’t necessarily given), he thinks of her as his heir and not as someone he should just try to marry off, he wants her on the throne when the last time a woman was on it not as a regent in this universe there was a years-long civil war happening because OMG IT’S NOT A THING THAT SHOULD HAPPEN, and he cares about her very damned deeply when half of the other lords in these books would have despaired knowing their only daughter wasn’t the most palatable marriage prospect (stannis & selwyn should found a club for ‘my daughter is awesome and people don’t get it) and the fact that he’s shit at showing it and that dnd couldn’t grasp the concept that a dude who’s actually great at waging wars and might be a tad too strict when it comes to donning justice is also a disaster human being who’s crap at showing his feelings to anyone except davos but loves his daughter anyway and is that strict also because it’s a trauma coping method not because he gets a boner out of sentencing people to die doesn’t mean that the book version is going down the same path. ;)

tldr: because it’d be ooc and show!stannis hasn’t done three things IC in a row since S3. ;)

#stannis baratheon #this is a stannis baratheon appreciation blog #sorry for the rant but man don't i hate S5 #a lot #Anonymous #ask post

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mermaidmafia-official · 5 years ago

Text

☽ BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYE

i walk the plank, not a tear in my eye / i won't go down, your blushing bride / under the water, I'll be sharpening my knife

B A S I C S .

NAME: Yinmei Zhang (张银妹 / Zhāng yín mèi). Name lit. translates to “silver girl”, or “silver sister”. ‘Grandmother Zhang’ as a joke, with Ysa.

APPARENT AGE: 35

ACTUAL AGE: 2251 (born in 231 BCE)

BIRTHPLACE: Changsha, China, in a rural area that is now a textile factory. She hasn’t been back in centuries - or perhaps, millennia? - and she doesn’t intend on visiting anytime soon.

CREATOR/CREATRIX: Jinyang Chen (陈金阳 / Chén jīn yáng); his name lit. translates to “golden sun”. Ironic, considering that he was a vampire.

FC AND FEATURES: Rowena Xi Kang. Wears a glass eye with a ruby iris in the socket of what once was her left eye.

LIKES: pretty, delicate things of all sorts!, flowers, scaring people with her glass eye >:)

DISLIKES: people who insult her fashion choices, dealing with mortals, her Creator (that stupid-ass motherfucker!!!)

GOALS: To enjoy the rest of her long, long life in any way possible, and to help Ysa protect the rest of the Coven. Oh, and she still hasn’t found a perfect perfume yet. Hmm.

FEARS: Losing Ysa and the rest of the Coven, whom Yinmei has grown attached to, through the centuries. And though she won’t admit it to anyone, she is lowkey terrified of facing her Creator again.

RUMORS: That she’s immune to religious iconography (in reality, having literally been born - as well as Created - before Christianity existed, Yinmei finds that Christian crosses and such have no effect on her, but ancient Indian and East Asian religions are a different story. Buddhist mantras make her nauseous). That her glass eye is ~magical~ in some capacity (it’s not. But Yinmei’s certainly not denying the rumors, at least not openly ;D).

T Y P I C A L S .

WARDROBE: Very lacy and delicate, and a bit frilly, sometimes. Yinmei has a penchant for reds and whites (black is also fine, if the occasion calls for it), and likes billowy gowns with sheer, wispy pieces of fabric that float prettily around her when the breeze picks up, or when she levitates. Yinmei doesn’t like things that pinch her feet too tightly, so when she wears heels, they’re usually a size or two too big - in fact, she’s not too fond of showing her feet at all, so she wears a lot of floor-length skirts (unlike her dear friend Ysabelle). She’s also very fond of jewelry, and all the pretty sparkly things that one can wear. Yinmei frequently accessorizes with dangly earrings and bejeweled hairpins, to hold up her waterfall of black hair (she’s very proud of her hair, really). Recently, she has taken to wearing razor-sharp sterling silver hairpins.

PLACES MOST LIKELY TO BE FOUND: In her rooms, perusing her extensive closet(s). Or out shopping for yet another set of pretty but useless trinkets or tchotchkes for either the house itself, or to decorate her own rooms. And, of course, hanging out with Ysa.

PEOPLE MOST LIKELY TO BE WITH: Her beloved friend Ysa, of course, as well as all the other vampires in the Coven. She has one enthralled mortal - a teenage boy who had no future beyond the violent street gangs in a city half a world over - that she uses for sustenance purposes, and for sustenance purposes only.

STRONGEST CHARACTER TRAIT: Frivolous (or, guarded. Hmm.)

MANNERISMS: Throughout her extensive lifetime, Yinmei has played the blushing bride, the dainty doll, the coy seductress, the enigmatic beauty...but now that she’s over 2,000 years old (and as safe as she’ll ever get, she thinks), she doesn’t have the patience for such games. Yinmei has always been quick to anger, and these days, she doesn’t bother to control or hide it, the way she had done for the past centuries. She walks with her head held high, her steps brisk and purposeful, and although she's not particularly tall - about five feet and three inches, or 160 cm - her curt, clipped voice is enough to get the entire room to pay attention to her. She’s blunt and unapologetic, despite her very obvious frivolity. Yinmei also has a bit of a flair for the dramatic, and when she decides that walking is too much work (or when she wants to make a particularly attention-grabbing entrance), she’ll usually opt for levitating a few inches off the ground, letting the flowy skirts she’s so fond of flare out around her.

B I O G R A P H Y .

[BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYE - if the rumours are true, her origins are in ancient china. she claims that her small, porcelain doll-like features garnered her much attention in her day, but after her creator tied her up by her ankles to drain her and then took her lovely left eye “as a prize”, she considered herself irredeemably marred- cursed and so enraged she could swallow her own tongue. however, a short but gory reign over her old hometown followed by a good piking of her much-loathed creator did much to lift her self-image. (besides, the glass eye with the ruby iris isn’t so bad- it’s fearsome.) but, recently, it seems she may not have finished the job all those years ago.]

Yinmei was once the daughter of a wealthy provincial official in Qin Dynasty China. Polite, pristine, and perfect, commoners and lords alike compared her to a delicate porcelain doll. And for a time, Yinmei was flattered.

Yinmei was rather sickly as a child, and having her feet bound - standard practice for highborn daughters, at the time - certainly didn’t help.

Yinmei’s demure beauty meant that her parents had plenty of suitors to choose from, and when she was seventeen, she married a regional governor ten years older than she was. As his first wife - and from a rich and powerful family at that - Yinmei was treated well enough, all things considered.

Yinmei bore him many children, which did nothing for her already delicate constitution. Her last pregnancy was when she was thirty-five, and she would have died in the process of birthing the child, had it not been for her Creator.

Jinyang Chen was a moderately powerful politician working with Yinmei’s husband, at the time. He somehow managed to keep his true nature secret, and as Yinmei lay dying, one of the nurses taking the stillborn child away, Jinyang managed to turn her, just in the nick of time.

Jinyang took Yinmei with him back to the town that Yinmei had grown up in, strung her up by her ankles (so that he could better admire her dainty, perfect feet, he said), and gouged her left eye out of its socket, keeping it as a twisted trophy of some sort.

Understandably, Yinmei was angry. As her vampiric powers set in, Yinmei shapeshifted into a bat and escaped. She managed to integrate herself into the powerful vampire circles within China, even with the rise and fall of multiple dynasties, and a century later, she - along with some of her newfound allies - hunted down Jinyang, drove a pike through his heart, and cut him to pieces, burning what was left. Yinmei went on to reign over her old hometown (at least until the armies of the Han emperor decided to investigate the bloodbath the normally peaceful town had turned into), resolving to forget everything from her human life.

Yinmei then spent some time traveling around Asia, flitting aimlessly from place to place. In her mind, she’d suffered enough, as a human. She was going to do what she wanted, now, and that mostly meant killing shitty men, robbing wealthy landlords, and buying the most beautiful things, all for herself.

She left East Asia for Europe around six or seven centuries ago, and hasn’t been back since. With the spread of Buddhism into the continent, the spiritual and the secular had become too tightly intertwined, you see. It was annoying when even architectural features and natural landscapes had some sort of symbolic and quasi-religious importance; even now, Yinmei is loathe to return to East Asia. Pop culture is saturated with all kinds of ancient Daoist and Buddhist influences - what’s up with a fictional monk chanting his mantras all day when the TV adaptation of a Tang Dynasty novel comes on daily at 1 PM?!

In Europe, she found someone to help her finally, finally, fix her feet. Yinmei hates exposing her feet or wearing shoes that pinch them too tightly, to this day.

She also met Ysabelle Vavassour, who would eventually become her best friend. In truth, they got off to a bit of a rocky start because of a slight miscommunication (Yinmei takes perceived slights very seriously, you see - she’s petty like that), but once they cleared it up, it wasn’t long before Yinmei began to appreciate Ysa’s iconic aesthetic. And, if she’s going to be honest, it was nice to have a friend again.

Ysa and Yinmei fell into bed together, for a brief period of time, but that was centuries ago.

Yinmei moved to the States with Ysa and the rest of the Coven. She has stayed there ever since, the only things bringing her pleasure being 1) Ysa and the Coven, and 2) pretty things (with the third being shopping for pretty things).

Yinmei has never let herself think too much about the past. But recently, she’s been feeling a stirring in her consciousness, a niggling at the back of her mind - slight enough to ignore, for now, but she can’t help but to wonder. She can’t remember everything clearly, of course, because it was two thousand years ago, but she thinks that maybe, just maybe, she didn’t finish the job completely when she killed her Creator.

R E L A T I O N S H I P S .

with THE BLOODMOTHER aka YSABELLE VAVASSOUR - Yinmei and Ysa met quite some time ago; it’s hard to say exactly when, with lives as long as theirs. They jokingly bicker about the two-centuries difference in ages (’Grandmother Zhang’ has become an inside joke in between the two of them), and Yinmei is basically Ysa’s second-in-command (though she’d never want to be the leader of the house, herself; do you know how much work that’d be?!).

with A COLLAR OF SPIKES - text

with FUNERAL FEAST - text

with SLEEPING EVIL - text

E X T R A S .

moodboard

P L A Y L I S T .

psycho // red velvet

ancestors // dumfoundead

devil, devil // milck

gangsta’s paradise // coolio ft. lv

castle // halsey

praise the lord // a$ap rocky

moonsea // phildel

#btr #yinmei #ayz's!#blood gets in your eye #FINALLY DONE #hmu for plotting ideas!!!

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kieranhqs · 3 months ago

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Welcome to New York {KIERAN YATES} !! They are a {36} year old {CIS MAN} who uses {HE/HIM} pronouns. They’re a {BARTENDER} who has been in town for {SIX MONTHS}. When looking at {KIERAN} you automatically think of {EARLY MORNINGS & LATE NIGHTS, FALLING-APART CONVERSE HI TOPS, THE CONSTANT FEELING OF BEING OUT OF PLACE} but that probably makes sense since they also remind you of {JOSEPH GILGUN}. You can always hear {IN THE CITY} by {THE JAM} coming from their place. Who knows what kind of trouble they’re going to get themselves into. [penny, 25, gmt, n/a]

fullname: kieran james yates. nickname(s): kier, kj. not a particular fan of either, but will answer to pretty much anything. age: thirty-six. birthday: march 28th. gender / pronouns: cis man , he / him. but basically by default because he does not gaf. orientation: pansexual / panomantic. place of birth: chorley, lancashire, england. current residence: brooklyn, new york. height: 6'0. personality: loyal, immature, unreliable, kind-hearted.

( tw ; substance abuse, mental health, alcohol, drugs / use )

born in lancashire to young parents who were struggling with substance abuse ; the last time they were really involved in kieran's life was his birth. and his dad was three hours late for that, so it really set the scene. much of his childhood was therefore spent in and out of care ( mostly in ), but he doesn't hold it against his parents. looking back, it's pretty clear that they were not prepared and frankly ill-suited to look after a child anyway.

kieran hated school from the moment he stepped foot in it. actually, he quite enjoyed the first year of primary school, but from there it went downhill. he was consistently truant from about the age of seven and generally a nightmare for many a social worker, foster parent & group home.

it wasn't until seventeen ( when he decided to go back to try and pass maths & english to get a mechanic apprenticeship ) that he was finally diagnosed with adhd & dyslexia and depression & anxiety, but he knew about the latter. it had the opposite of the desired effect, though -- sure, he could admit that it helped him understand himself a bit more -- but it also became the final nail in the coffin of effort in educational attainment, so he dropped out of college and kept working as a bartender in his local.

with nothing but evening work in the pub to keep him occupied, and a boredom so deep it had definitely seeped through into his bones, kieran turned to petty crimes to entertain himself. it was mostly theft -- he was surprisingly good at it for someone with all the subtlety of a drunk elephant, and for someone who was very often, extremely intoxicated ( by one substance or another, or possibly a few at once ) at the time.

and that's really all he did from the age of seventeen until just over a year ago. he was sent to prison for six months for stealing a car ( actually, he'd really just taken it for a joyride and fully intended to return it, but apparently that wasn't relevant ). admittedly, it was the longest time he'd been completely sober since... forever, and he had ( foolishly, he thinks ) been quite proud of himself for that. the sobriety lasted no longer than 24 hours after kieran had been released and he woke up the next day with the desire to just leave.

he turned to the only person he felt did more than just tolerate him ( a retired teacher & local who'd suggested he go back to college and look into diagnosis, and who had really looked out for him his whole life -- though he has no idea why ) with an idea. to his surprise she agreed to help him move to the states -- he managed to raise most of the money himself, working across several establishments bartending and picking up odd jobs in the local area, but she also helped financially and made sure he had all the necessary paperwork. it was the most focused he's ever been in his life, and because of it he was doing well -- not sober, by any means, but close.

he's been in the city for six months now, living in the renaissance buildings in brooklyn with countless other roommates, and no doubt annoying the hell out of all of them. when he first moved, the wild life had calmed down a little -- for a while he'd limited himself just to alcohol use, but that was of course a slippery slope, and one he slid down almost immediately. he's managed to gain and keep ( somehow ) two jobs bartending ; one at retro in the bronx, and the other at joe's tavern in queens for a few months now, though he is kind of expecting he'll be fired soon. that's usually how it goes, and he can't blame them.

headcanons

a chaos merchant if there ever was one, and kieran lives for it in one sense. it keeps him occupied, there's always something to do, someone to go wild with, but it's also a source of serious conflict for him. he knows at the ripe age of thirty-six he should have a bit more of a grip on himself and probably mature, settle down at some point like people do. but then the predominant part of him thinks he's just not suited for that -- he's not the type of person made to be loved, just... tolerated when a good time is to be had.

needless to say, his self esteem ( and mental health along with it ) is on the floor. he would never admit it, but that is the root cause of his substance abuse. he can feel better about himself for a bit, stop thinking so much and just live in the moment ; have some fun.

does not and doesn't really know how to look after himself. he's six foot, lanky as hell and looks like a strong wind could blow him over and honestly it probably could. he never remembers to eat, cannot cook to save his life, and hasn't ever really tried to.

a sensitive, golden retriever soul beneath all the bravado and intoxication. definitely a ride or die type friend, if a little unreliable -- he'll say he's on his way, then get distracted by a side quest. such a very little / non-existent sense of self-preservation, would tie himself in knots trying to help anyone.

can't really read. well, he can. but not very well at all -- the truth is he barely learnt to in the first place, and he did not keep it up. it's probably the most difficult thing for him to do, and he is very easily dissuaded from trying to do things. it requires effort, and honestly he is a bit embarrassed about it. if you send him a text longer than a sentence or two he will just call you ( or alternatively, just show up ) to find out what's up. actually made reading a novel ( for the first time ) a goal for the year, but he hasn't even picked up a book yet -- and probably won't.

promiscuous is probably not a strong enough word for kieran. the short of it is, he loves people -- platonically, too. you just have to make eye contact with him for three seconds and you're already considered a new best friend. romantically, he's much less forthcoming. prefers and no doubt has had countless one night stands, flings, flirtationships. will flirt with anything that moves and likewise will sleep with anything that moves. the fact that he absolutely hates sleeping alone does play a part in this and there's absolutely a large part of him that would love to cuddle and chat afterwards... but that feels very intimate / vulnerable and he probably just sneaks out a lot to avoid it.

calls everybody -- absolutely everybody -- mate, love, sweetheart, babe, darling and any other term of endearment that takes his fancy in the moment. especially likes it when the receiver gets proper riled up about. bc it's funny innit. strong lancashire accent that he likes to use to fuck around with people.

wanted connections. pinterest board.

literally everything pls. the person he's got the closest to in nyc ( aka attached himself to ) -- this could be a friend he parties with, or not ; this is the person he will go to at 4 in the morning when he's not managed to take anyone home to ask if he can stay with them. failing that, he'll literally sleep outside their door. any number of past/present flings, or one night stands. a good influence !! lord knows he needs one. regulars at either place of work. a fellow / mutual bad influence, drinking buddies, weed buddies, etc. roommates & neighbours -- those who hate his disruptive ass, those who don't mind him or at least find him kind of entertaining. cousins, however distant. coworkers. friends with feelings. general friends.

#boroughs.intro #substance abuse tw #mental health tw #alcohol tw #drugs tw #drug use tw

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schalaasha · 4 years ago

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Soundtrack of the Year 2015 Post Archived

Originally posted January 18, 2016 on the old forum.

I don’t have much to say other than ... I’m tired of 2015. Haha. It was a rough year so I didn’t get to listen to everything I’d wanted to! I did get to listen to the Yasunori Mitsuda remix album, and a bunch of albums that Solune and I talked about over the course of a few months. My shortlist was apparently longer than some expected, and I do think 2015 had a lot of great albums. Although the Canadian dollar sank like a tank (and this isn’t going to change heading into 2016), I did try to listen to as many soundtracks as I could. However, I will readily admit that I did not get a chance to listen to everything like I usually do in previous years. Personal life combined with work combined with the crappy dollar combined with falling in love (this is a good thing), kind of made it a little hard try to check out new stuff. I was fairly on top of everything for the first half of the year and then everything kind of fell apart towards the end. The decision between my number one and number two soundtracks was fairly tough. I went through a lot of mental wrangling in terms of the question “do I vote with my heart, or do I vote with my head?” I don’t usually like going with my heart when I vote for game of the year or soundtrack of the year. It feels completely biased on my part, and I feel like I’m not evaluating something with clarity or based on its own merits. Then I sort of realized, “Well, isn’t that the point?” In my head, Undertale takes the win. In my heart, though, something else does, and it’s entirely based on context. So this year, I decided to go with my heart. Listening to my heart feels weird. I feel very strongly about two soundtracks this year, and therefore, I have decided to go with only two. This is also the first time that I think I’ve written a list where I’ve played all the games. I could be wrong on that front, but this comes as a genuine surprise. I am disappointed with the lack of Falcom on my list, but I am not entirely comfortable throwing a vote Tokyo Xanadu’s way because I’m almost finished the game. While I do have a lot to say about Tokyo Xanadu’s soundtrack at the moment, I would much rather experience the music further in context before throwing a vote its way (but the soundtrack is really good, and the game itself is quite fun!). Previous Posts: 2011 Soundtrack of the Year: 1, 2 2012 Soundtrack of the Year: 1, 2, LTTP Post 2013 Soundtrack of the Year: 1, 2, 3, 4 2014 Soundtrack of the Year: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 Soundtrack of the 6th Generation: 1 / 2 / 3 I decided to forego the awards this year, particularly because I decided to forego my Worst Soundtrack of the Year award. My pick for that would be more than a bit controversial, and I think a few folks know what that one is so I’ll let it slide under the rug. Honourable Mentions x. Ori and the Blind Forest : I’d been waiting for this soundtrack for months before the game came out, and it did not disappoint. I was going to make it #3 on my soundtrack list, but halfway through my writeup for it, I felt as though I lost my motivation to write about it. Therefore, I am only including a top 2 this year. A lot of the tracks are incredibly emotional (Light of Nibel, and whenever there’s a rush to quickly platform (Restoring the Light, Facing the Dark), the pacing of the tracks do the level design justice. x. Tokyo Xanadu : Mixing electronica and violins makes this soundtrack fairly classy, from the upbeat yet elegant Strayed into Passage to the characteristic Believe It!!. Falcom hasn’t lost it; the sound is just evolved to fit Tokyo Xanadu’s tone. x. Nights of Azure : Holy shit, Nights of Azure is some hot shit, and I wish more people listened to this soundtrack cuz Solune and I love it so much. Moving from some hard rock (Malicious Roses and Edge of Apocalypse to the jazzy Hotel Ende. I wish I had way more time to spend with this soundtrack and imported the game because the soundtrack is definitely Top 5 material. x. Splatoon : Shooters aren’t my thing. If everyone I tweet didn’t bring this soundtrack up when I was asking for help with the archive, then I probably wouldn’t have known about the soundtrack’s variations. Sucker Punch, Ink Me Up x. Legend of Legacy : I like Legend of Legacy. Or, at least, when I played the Japanese version of it. It had stuff I liked to nitpick and the game is certainly not for everyone. The music itself feels like an extension of Hamauzu’s recent work. Ex: Twin Dimensional Battle, Initium (one of the better town themes he’s composed, imo) x. Kirby and the Rainbow Curse : I didn’t finish this game. I, uh, didn’t feel like it jived well with me, and anyone who knows me knows that I absolutely adore Kirby. But this game has some fantastic tuneage, from Great Cave Escape to Dethskullk Jam to The Final Battle. A lot of the soundtrack drives back to previous Kirby games, which is to be expected. However, the tone of the music moving directly back to Kirby Super Star sounds felt right. x. Transformers Devastation : I had to laugh when NTom64 brought this one up to me, just because I... wasn’t expecting it? I didn’t play the game, so I don’t know if any of the music fits the context at all (never mind that I saw the Transformers movie and I know The Touch fits super-well), but holy crap, the music is incredible and I think it deserves the Badassery Award. Sample: Face the Devastation 2. Undertale

Toby Fox

It’s not even a damn contest. I can reiterate what everyone has said in this thread up to this point about Undertale, but it’s undeniable that this is one of the best soundtracks of 2015. Heck, it might be the best soundtrack of 2015 if the whole “voting with your heart” thing didn’t get in the way for me. Basically, it took a lot of convincing to get me through this game. For one, another GAF member (Shadow Hog) gifted me the game on Steam because I essentially refused to play it at the time. And I’m still thankful that he did. I played through the whole game with Noi doing his own playthrough and we pushed each other through the game. It took some prodding from EmCee to finish off the game and get the True Pacifist Ending to add more meaning to the soundtrack overall (and I took Noi with me in tow for that, too). Now that doesn’t mean I don’t like the game. I just got spoiled on the endings and a lot of things before playing the game because, well, a lot of people wouldn’t shush about it. When I played the game, I felt like it was about the journey not the end. The game’s musical journey is fulfilling. Writing about Undertale’s soundtrack feels like a daunting task simply because there is just so much to say. From references to other games, to leitmotifs being used in single areas, to different types of instrumentation, to different soundfonts being used... there’s a lot of things to say about the soundtrack, and even just glancing through this entire thread, there are a lot of different things that people are saying about it. Undertale’s soundtrack is fairly difficult to review. There are a lot of tracks (well, actually, that part isn’t too difficult; I’ve reviewed 100+ track albums before), they all have extremely varying track lengths, and they all use different soundfonts that somehow create a cohesively-sounding album in the end. Overall, the album encourages the listener to be attentive: to soundfonts, to leitmotifs, to different references to other games, and more. There are twenty-three leitmotifs in the entire soundtrack. Undertale’s soundtrack release also composes of music that hasn’t been used in the game. I think the best way for me to approach the soundtrack, and Noi and I were talking about this last night when he was trying to get me to stop panicking about writing this post in general, is through discussing the leitmotifs. It’s like he said to me, “When you listen to <track>, what do you think of?” Well, there are a lot of things to think of. Nearly every single theme in Undertale references something else internally and externally. There are so many albums and soundtracks that use underlying motifs for everything, but Undertale kind of goes for the nth degree with respect to subtext and motif usage. The soundtrack opens up with Once Upon a Time, serving as the Undertale theme and the primary leitmotif in the game. The thing about the Undertale theme is that I guess it’s supposed to evoke a comparison between either Pollyanna or Eight Melodies. Going into the Start Menu continues a Mother comparison in terms of the Fun Naming themes without the “OK desu” part. More of the Undertale motif picks up in the comforting midi string theme Home, and it’s here that you start piecing together that all of the thematic similarities between each theme and their usage essentially crafts a story. Or at least, it lets the player have expectations of characters or areas. I particularly like the B-portion, where it sounds like it’s channeling some of the acoustic-driven themes Chrono Cross. It is also here that the player recognizes that Undertale’s soundtrack isn’t just a mesh of soundwaves; it uses midi to its advantage and thus steps up soundfont usage even further. The Undertale motif doesn’t surface until much further into the album under the Hotel and Can You Really Call This a Hotel, I Didn’t Receive a Mint On My Pillow themes, which are more flamenco-based, upbeat and resort-like. I particularly like the latter theme simply because it merges the Undertale theme with the uptempo nature of another character’s leitmotif (rather, the leitmotif isn’t used, but the tempo is). The live acoustic with the final Undertale theme in the neutral ending is so, so good. It mixes another leitmotif from His Theme and the Undertale theme to create a piece that’s used in a particular area that weaves in and out of battle and serves as an excellent conclusion for the six-hour journey. The Undertale motif is used in further pieces on the soundtrack, but I will elaborate on those further down the line. Your Best Friend is the next motif and it’s kind of one of my favourites simply because it comes from this stupid two-channel harmony but extends into something else entirely as the motif is used beyond this track. The next track is a major spoiler, but This theme is hilarious out of context because it’s just amazing how much mileage a 23-second loop got in six entire variations with different samples and soundfonts entirely. It makes complete sense in-game, but listening to it out of context like I initially did, I had to wonder why a 23-second initial loop got so much mileage and different soundfonts applied to it in one single theme. Finale has a ton of synth bass applied to it and I adore its pacing with a piano lead turning into a backing. Trying to apply the theme to a synth bass-orchestra is a nice touch too. Ruins is one of the more curious tracks in the game because it’s referenced several times in places that I didn’t particularly expect. I love the B-portion after the introduction because the percussion is so good. It’s the first place where you start realizing that everything is all connected. Ruins is further referenced in Waterfall, for instance, and it’s an entirely different area altogether. In fact, the Ruins leitmotif fits into another character’s motif altogether and gets a bit combined. Undyne has her own leitmotif, which sounds rightfully knightly and gothic (yet the loop is incredibly short), but in battle themes and general themes concerning Undyne, a lot of the leitmotifs intervowen into these themes are that of Ruins. The few themes that are raw arrangements of Undyne’s own theme in another soundfont (and I may add that the sampling is fairly decent for some of these soundfonts) entirely is Dating Tense!, and Run! (which I feel is a better arrangement of the two). Undyne’s battle theme, Spear of Justice is a hot number, with several portions throughout the track dedicated to sampling other themes: from Undyne, to Ruins (specifically, the version of it in Waterfall), Don’t Give Up, to An Ending. The backing makes the theme for me, and the introduction hits the right notes, especially when they’re held. The C-portion with the different arrangements and instrumentations of Undyne’s theme before the loop is so melodic and catchy. Battle Against a True Hero also samples a bit of Ruins itself, bringing a little more percussion and synth strings into the fray. Additionally, the Waterfall/Ruins motif also lends itself to Another Medium and CORE (with those two themes adopting thematic elements based on the characters that integrate themselves into the plot of those areas). Another Medium is probably the biggest theme that popped out at me. I played through Undertale together with Noi and we just sat there talking while this theme was playing in the background while just going “baby, this theme is so good, isn’t it?” to each other. Aeana brought it up with me, and I did indeed feel like it references X-Naut Fortress. And a lot of themes in Undertale, thematically-speaking, references a lot of other themes from other games, whether it’s in terms of a soundfont used, or just... being like Dating Fight! and Oh! One True Love. Temmie Village is fucking stupid and it isn’t even cohesive, and I love it. I enjoy the stupid soundfonts used, and I enjoy that it’s supposed to refer to the music played whenever a character’s behaving like an idiot, due in part to the lack of percussion in the track overall. Death by Glamour is one of the more fabulous tracks on the entire soundtrack. The piano harmonies aren’t as cohesive as possible, and the beat is kind of frenetic, but I think that’s what makes the piece its own. It’s an arrangement of CORE, Metal Crusher, and It’s Showtime! It’s a gigantic showcase of, well, being kind of like… um, Roundabout by Yes. The reference was so good that I had to laugh. Even the bass and percussion was replicated so well. A few folks who’ve played the game, and know where Roundabout is from may also get an additional reference, and then everything will make complete and utter sense. Definitely up there with some of my favourite tracks in the game. From here on, I guess I should probably not discuss names of tracks. The penultimate boss‘s theme is one of my favourites. For all of the emotions it evokes, and for the callback to this theme at the beginning of the game (which I truly enjoy has a few channels compared to the actual theme which uses more channels), I can’t help but to feel like it’s my favourite? It sounds like the most honest theme in the entire game. Even though it’s entirely honest, it’s an arrangement of this small theme from another of Fox’s works. It’s nice to see it expanded into something with greater detail. I love the C-portion of this track, due to the percussion and synth voice degenerating into synth piano and chiptune prior to a piano in a lower range taking over prior to the loop. It assists with making the pacing so smooth and frenetic, and emotional to boot. Even if I didn’t hear the theme in context, I’d still feel the same way. Noi and I did another ending last night together. When we heard Here We Are, I mentioned to him that it sounded fairly... Meguro-like? Perhaps that was an error in terms of analysis on my part, because upon further consideration, it reminded me a lot of OFF and Yume Nikki. It also uses the soundfont for this, though it’s not readily apparent. One of the more interesting tracks, Amalgam is a strange sampling of Earthbound tracks integrated into one thing that’s kind of cohesive taken as one whole product. Finally, what a lot of people feel the theme that caps the entire soundtrack off is the final True Pacifist boss theme. Or rather, both of its themes. Noi and I sang the whole things to each other while we were playing through the ending together. In fact, EmCee refused to let me vote for Undertale until I’d finished off the True Pacifist ending, and I could tell why. The first half of the track I linked is one separate theme for an entire phase, using three different motifs dedicated to stronger Undertale themes, opting for a synth violin opening, then transitioning forward into a synth guitar and chiptune. Undertale likes to lie about its upfront appearance. You suspect the entire soundtrack to drown in chiptune, but it doesn’t. The second theme, completely obliterates that notion, opting for a stronger sense of synth/electronica with a combination of guitar, drums, and a nice little xylophone. It’s a very pleasant and semi-rock-opera-esque way to cap off the soundtrack as a whole. I suppose, that the strongest suit that this soundtrack has, is that it tells every character’s story. The synergy between every piece in an area dedicated to that particular character, and also callbacks to other area themes is so flawless that sometimes it’s not even noticeable until you start to think about it. The soundtrack isn’t entirely flawless. A lot of the unused tracks simply sound like that: unused and unpolished. It’s nice to have them there, but they stick out in not the best way. I feel like tracks on the album should have additional loops. Speaking about the soundtrack in a game context, it’s difficult to narrow down a shortcoming because the way each theme is used is dedicated and carefully placed. Undertale was a pleasure to experience, both the game, and its soundscape. It’s an inspired album, internally and externally. It’s probably a stupid and silly reason, but I can’t help but to compare the soundtrack to what Nier the game was: a collection of different references to everything else and nods to other games woven into one thing. Of course, the collection of different soundfonts and different samples in every theme and from theme to theme is really… strange, but I kind of dig it? It’s a testament to the fact to a lack of cohesion doesn’t necessarily break a product because I feel as though Fox got what he wanted out of the game and out of its soundtrack’s lack of cohesion. It’s all over the place, but it fits. It’s different, and out of context, it sounds like the strangest thing, and even in context it sounds like the strangest thing. But because it’s so strange, it sounds so natural and fitting. Undertale is a strange journey. Its soundtrack being strange, yet so cohesive is absolutely fitting, and it has earned its spot as one of the best and strongest soundtracks of 2015.

1. Final Fantasy XIV: Heavensward (patches 3.0 to 3.15)

Masayoshi Soken (some original tracks by Nobuo Uematsu)

This is where I decided to listen to my heart. I really wanted to give Undertale the first spot, because speaking as an evaluator, I felt that Undertale was the most consistent soundtrack of the year and the most impressive soundtrack from one single person. However, as I keep playing Heavensward and experiencing what I feel and what my friends feel, I can’t help but to think with my heart instead of my brain. I picked up Final Fantasy XIV after years of Noi asking me to play the game with him and I didn’t really want to start playing it because I wasn’t interested in any of the jobs until Ninja was implemented. Perhaps it might be slightly unprofessional on my part (lol “professionalism” when it comes to organizing a thread) to choose a soundtrack based on my personal biases and experiences that is game-specific as opposed to the musicality of a soundtrack. A lot of my decision-making with respect to this soundtrack has a lot to do with personal experiences, so please bear with me. A lot of Final Fantasy XIV’s soundtrack, particularly pieces from A Realm Reborn and the 2.x patch content, can be a bit mixed. While some of it is amazing, like Thunder Rolls or Torn from the Heavens, some of it doesn’t feel entirely cohesive. This is due in part by some of the music being remnants from the game that Final Fantasy XIV was, and the game Final Fantasy XIV is today. It is also due in part to Masayoshi Soken having not come into his own entirely yet. Soken has composed for other games, such as Mario Hoops 3-on-3, but these games typically side-games or games that don’t have a lot of traction outside of niche circles. I believe, even since last year, I was waxing poetic about Soken��s work simply based on out of context experiences with his music. Now that I can say I’ve experienced his work in context, it’s even better, and I understand the following he has. Final Fantasy XIV: Heavensward is, for the most part, Soken’s time to shine in the sun. Although the main theme, Dragonsong, was composed by series’ veteran Nobuo Uematsu, many of its leitmotifs are carried on throughout the entire soundtrack. I do feel as though Dragonsong is more cohesive than Answers; however, that is a personal bias considering I liked Final Fantasy XI’s theme, Distant Worlds, far more than Answers. Truth be told, I did not start warming up to Answers until my Free Company started raiding the Binding Coil of Bahamut more often. That being said, there’s a lot of what Dragonsong does, which works for me more than Answers did (and I’m typically not a huge fan of Uematsu’s vocal pieces at all). Susan Calloway’s diction is, as usual, incredibly excellent. Hearing her voice feels like a gift. As some may recall, I’ve studied vocal music, trained as a mezzo-soprano, so hearing another soprano with a lot of control feels amazing to me. Physically-speaking, it’s hard to control your voice when you get into a higher range and your voice is more of a power voice than a paper-thin voice. My vocal coach and I spent sessions together trying to get my voice under control for Phantom of the Opera pieces where I did both parts when I was younger, even. I’ve come to admire sopranos who can get it done flawlessly, and Calloway is one of them. It’d be an honour to hear this live one day. While the lyrics describe nothing but the legend of Saint Shiva, Hraesvelgr, and the history of Ishgard itself, the way the music is composed, with many of the note holds, some of the simplicity and elegance melodically-speaking, and the feeling and diction emanating from Calloway’s vocals makes the music more meaningful. I feel that way every time I let the game’s opening trailer roll. Many of the game’s themes revolve around Dragonsong’s motifs. Well, “many” is probably falling short of how many truly use its motif. Despite this, as Thoraxes and I had discussed months ago, this soundtrack demonstrates a lot of Soken’s growth as a composer. Dragonsong appears numerous times in different motifs, from the slowest, most delicate pieces, so the more energizing pieces. I enjoy the redone prelude, since much of the instrumentation used in terms of strings is more evocative of cold and loneliness, which enhances Heavensward’s thematic elements a little more. I’ll personally be sad to see the theme go when 4.0 rolls around, but I love leaving the game on the start screen just to listen to it even more. The boss theme, Ominous Prognosticks, is more melodic than the A Realm Reborn boss theme, and it’s even better. It’s easy to hum, and I love the percussion and brass. The percussion drives the entire thing and the strings and brass carry it all the way through, especially frantic bit in the C-section. When the theme launches into the main melody in D, extending into the main Heavensward melody, with the chorus, it’s paced so well with the percussion hitting hard then extending into the main traditional Final Fantasy battle opener prior to the loop. It’s one of the better boss themes in the series, and it’s incredibly catchy. The Primal themes in this game are different from those of 2.1-2.5. Ravana’s themes demonstrate that Soken’s not all about rock operas or metal. The first half is a hilarious waltz. The strings make this far more than the chorus. But then you’re blasted into the second half with some hot bass (throatsinging) vocals and setting itself far apart from the other upbeat primal themes. The instrumentation doesn’t run far from the vocals, and the brass doesn’t overtake any of the vocals, letting the lyrics play out gracefully. I can just sing “the war still wageth on” when it comes up because I know when it’s coming up in the movement. I like it. It’s one of the better Primal themes in the game because there’s a lot of depth to the instrumentation and care taken in lyrical writing. For the second primal theme, Bismarck, Soken decides to go with more electronica as opposed to rock or what he did for Ravana. More drum and bass, and it sounds really good. It’s the first primal theme out of the two main ones that I gravitated towards because of the bass. The second phase adds some piano and slight vocals. The bass and percussion stand out more in front of the rest of the music and it’s something I always appreciate in any sort of music because bass anything is my sort of jam. The second portion of the track where the piano is added is nicely rhythmically-paced, integrating vocals. It’s hard to say out of the two primal themes which one I enjoy more, but it entirely depends on my mood. Heroes is the final boss theme of Heavensward, and it integrates parts of Dragonsong into the theme. Even listening to it while writing this up, I find myself humming the harmony because it’s my favourite part as opposed to the lead melody or the vocal portions. The portions where the main melody of Dragonsong flows in, it’s difficult not to be enraptured by the string sweeps, the percussion, the orchestration, and the brass. The Azys Lla theme is one of my absolute favourites. I don’t know what to gush about first. The introduction with electronica? The organ melodies (oh hell yeah, the organ melodies)? The theme is a deliberate nod to Final Fantasy VI’s New Continent, albeit with different instrumentation. I love the backing, too. It’s not something you typically hear unless you have a good audio system, but in some good headphones, during the downbeat/piano portion in D, there’s some really nice stuff being done with hi-hats and synth vocals. It’s fairly different from other area themes in the game overall, and it stands out by being a completely different genre from everything else. I have a very deep affection for Coerthas Western Day, and Coerthas Western Night, simply because they were really the first two themes I went out to experience for myself when I got to the Heavensward patch. The instrumentation in both is so melancholy, hinging on strings and piano in a cold wilderness. At the same timeChurning Mists Day and Churning Mists Night don’t get a lot of love in-context because... well, not a lot of people like that place. It sucks. Musically speaking, both themes are really nice inverses of each other and easily told apart due to a complete difference in terms of instrumentation. One is a beautiful piano rendition, and the other is draped in strings and plucking. The introductions of each piece are fantastic and tender and slow. Contention, linked previously, is one of my favourite themes in the entirety of Heavensward, and half of the reason is because it’s a very important theme for me. It is supposed to illustrate a deeper connection between two characters in the Heavensward narrative, and hence it’s a graver arrangement, led by a piano, of Dragonsong. However, in a personal sense, I generally associate the theme with Noi and me fighting then making up, or just being together listening to the theme and telling each other that we love each other very much. Thus, Conviction is very important to me, both as a game-player, and as an individual. Musically-speaking, it’s a wonderful grave piano arrangement of Dragonsong, and it doesn’t necessarily build or change outside of synth strings being added in a layer. Nothing necessarily overtakes the piano until a small grave climax in the theme. It’s very tender and I love it very dearly. I kind of dislike the Idyllshire Day and Night themes, and I find the Hinterlands Day and Night themes fairly unremarkable. I feel like they don’t necessarily add anything musically or add anything with respect to musicality other than “here’s this town theme, it sure sounds like a town theme”. The Hinterlands themes simply use instrumentation that don’t necessarily tug on my ears. By contrast, the Ishgard themes (Pillars : Night / Day; Foundation Night / Day), are much better and more grounded in emotion along with motifs for Dragonsong better portrayed through instrumentation. The piano, the brass, and the organs play out the prestige of a town theme mixed with a main title theme, and it’s a pleasure to listen to every time. However, the main dungeon theme for the dungeon in the Idyllshire area, Ink Long Dry, is one of my favourite themes in all of Heavensward. That jazz piano is some of the hottest stuff on this side of D4. The bass stands out, and while the time signature for this piece is weird, and everything about the piece is so weird, it’s the most relaxing piece in the entire game for me outside of another soon to be mentioned. Jazz fused with some weird instrumental hip hop in the main portion of the track, and it sounds so good. Out of the two postgame dungeons in 3.0, I like The Fractal Continuum more (not just because my damage-per-second shoots through the roof based on my job, but it doesn’t hurt!). While Neverreap sounds like a standard arrangement of The Sea of Clouds, Fractal brings its own fun melody to the table with organs, synth, a nice backing guitar, fun backing percussion and hi-hats, a nice little piano. But man, listen to that percussion. It’s almost to die for and I’d love to drum that myself if I ever got better at playing the drums. The Alexander themes are a true treasure. It’s something you kind of expect from the area, and from Soken himself due to his previous work and which genres he chooses to set his themes. The ambient theme doesn’t get a lot of play, and honestly due to the area, it doesn’t get a lot of love either. I kinda dig it because it reminds me of 90s rave music. The electric guitar melody is pretty hot, the organ is hard to hear but it adds a lot of melody, and the backing synth is jammin’. The one theme that everyone loves (well, not Jucksalbe :V :V) is the boss theme! This shit right here is super-hot. The lyrics are hot (dc, dying, dying, electricity!), the percussion is so fucking good in almost every section of the theme (particularly A-portion prior to a verse, with the electronica). The introduction is so good, and I’d love to hear an entire piano quartet rendition of the entire theme because of that. Sometimes I go in, hum one part of the melody and Noi hums the other for the harmony and it feels so good to know someone else gets it. Metal is probably the one theme that some folks who don’t play the game might know? There was a live version done at a panel and some non-FF14 players thought it was hilarious on my timeline, anyway. The lyrics are lore-specific, with FF14’s Goblinspeak pervading throughout the entire theme. This is where “No Busydeals For the Wicked” comes from, and you can’t help but to sing along to it to have something to laugh at because folks aren’t doing their jobs in the raid and not picking adds up when they should also the tank isn’t stunning the legs ... and... what? Metal is a theme that’s more or less a typical Soken theme. The lyrics don’t kick in until the battle actually starts and someone’s hitting something. The instrumentation is so caustic, particularly due to the reliance on hard percussion coming from all angles. The synth and the electric guitar pick up at a fantastic point during the theme’s chorus, and I especially love the bit during the second verse with some of the off-beat string points. It’s so frantic and sounds added in because they were late to the party, but it fits so well. The 3.1 themes are a bit hit-and-miss. The Diadem and its battle theme sound great for the first few times, particularly because they invoke the traditional prelude, and it hinges on more of an orchestrated sound as opposed to the rock or gothic themes that we usually get for raids. The B-portion of the former theme is probably the best part of it as opposed to the introduction which includes the prelude, because it sounds more militaristic due to the percussion, and yet, it evokes a sense of wonder due to the brass and flute. That being said, like any MMO theme like this, it gets very repetitive very quickly, particularly before its loop. The battle version of the Diadem theme is really cool due to the pacing of the track, and because it integrates the classical Final Fantasy battle theme introduction. I like it far more than the exploratory theme, and I kind of wish it had a longer loop because I’d rather hear that for 90 minutes straight as opposed to the exploratory theme. The two dungeon themes in 3.15 are really good, though one is old. Pharos Sirius only got a new (very excellent) piano introduction, and I wish the rest of the piece were more arranged to set it apart from its easy mode predecessor. Saint Mocianne’s Arboretum is gorgeous. I’ve used it as study music. The woodwind introduction, with the piano D-portion is my favourite. Never mind that the dungeon itself is gorgeous; the pacing of the track itself, particularly in its C-portion with its pacing piano prior to the loop and the B-portion relying more on strings and guitar, allow the player to perceive a sense of beauty and magnificence with respect to a slight reference to Final Fantasy IX. It’s a very nice arrangement of the Dravanian Hinterlands theme, and it makes the theme even more respectable. The new Vanu themes are so well-done to me. They’re so evocative of some Genso Suikoden III pieces that tried to inspire the same tribal tone but those themes weren’t always so successful at it. I especially enjoy the piano in this theme, combined with the underlying backing and percussion. It sounds so frenetic and disjointed, but it works so well, and I’m glad that these themes were integrated into the patch. The Gundu theme may not start off as strong, but its final portion before the loop has an excellent orchestrated background with a flute lead. I couldn’t help but to think, upon hearing the themes in the patch for the first time, that Soken grew a little bit. He’s not confined to rock anthems or electronica anymore. He can still land into traditionalist territory and set himself apart. I don’t have much experience with the Lords of Verminion theme because I don’t usually do the event. But man, it reminds me of Mortal Kombat. It’s so easy to dismiss it because of the electronica backing and the percussion, but the best part of it is the violin passage. Even then, it’s unfortunate that the loop is so short, when matches are apparently five to ten minutes long. The Void Ark themes are probably the best new pieces of music in the 3.1 patch. While traditionally gothic, it’s not every day that we get organ and piano-filled themes like that in Final Fantasy XIV. Void Ark’s Calm Theme relies on its organ, its piano, plucking, and softer percussion. I feel like I know the melody in and out because I have someone humming it in my ear every time I run through the dungeon with him. There are times when I literally have to tell him to shush because I’m concentrating on healing or hitting a thing, but it honestly makes me love the melody more because it tells me that the melody is quite catchy. Even during the battle theme, I can’t help but to sing the main melody along with Noi because it keeps me at ease when I’m in a tough situation. I do enjoy that the brass became more prominent in this version as opposed to the organ and piano in the former. The Echidna boss theme is still a variation of the Void Ark theme, but it includes choral work, more brass, and more percussion. The bells return and there is a sweet interlude in the C-portion with the original organ and flute before picking up to the main instrumentation. The final theme added in patch 3.15 is the (final boss spoiler) Primal Extreme boss. Some people kinda hate because it’s not enriching enough, but I love it. I love the B-portion, post percussion introduction, with the piano prelude joining an arrangement of the main final boss theme/Dragonsong arrangement. It’s a good arrangement in a completely different key. After the big bombastic portion finishes, a piano transition occurs which I absolutely adore. It’s backed by synth and very little percussion, and the portion slightly arranges the Azys Lla theme. It then transitions to a paced choral portion of Dragonsong with a final brass fanfare before looping. I haven’t done the fight yet because the running joke is that my FC is busy doing silly distracting things instead of new content (hey man, 3-4-manning content is plenty fun!), but man I’m sure I’ll love it in context when I do finally do it. I had asked Noi to run the Aetherochemical Research Facility with me on Friday because I was still struggling to vote between my heart and my head. And after our run was over, I realized that I should go with my heart. Listening to Dragonsong arranged with more percussion and emotion (brass/piano) made me realize a lot of things. Heavensward as a whole brought me closer to a lot of other people whom I consider good friends of mine. It brought me much closer to Noi in ways I wouldn’t have dreamed of three years ago. Talking about our experiences with the soundtrack, a few of us singing the soundtrack to each other, going “whoa” at some new pieces of music, and gabbing a whole lot about different parts of it made me realized that maybe it’s not so bad to go with your heart once in a while. From a technical perspective, Heavensward’s soundtrack is not perfect. It definitely has a few duds. Speaking from standpoint reflective of soundtrack cohesion, while Heavensward elects to use Dragonsong everywhere throughout its entire soundtrack, it isn’t successful in some areas, and it ends up being dragged down because of it (ex: Sohm Al; this is an arrangement for the sake of an arrangement to me). Heavensward’s highs more than make up for its inadequacies, however. This soundtrack, despite essentially being a motif arrangement soundtrack, demonstrates that Soken has grown very much as a composer since A Realm Reborn. And patch content demonstrates that he still is growing. I look forward to seeing what Soken does next, and I genuinely hope that he gets attached to a mainline single-player Final Fantasy game for everyone to experience his work.

#soty2015 #undertale #finalfantasyxiv #heavensward

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