#very fascinating and did not help me

[starlightkun]

reading scientific articles on human scent glands to write one scene of a fic. sigh. guess what fic this is for.........

[dailyloopdeloop]

DAY 75: onehat

[luck-of-the-drawings]

"I think this is the most inhuman; and human, that I've ever felt.." MUCH CAN HAPPEN IN A YEAR. IN FIVE YEARS. A DECADE. imagine how much can happen in a century. just ONE (1). How will you grow? what phases do you find? even in 5 years, you will find patterns.

[uncanny-tranny]

When I find it hard to do certain things, I like to pretend I am a neanderthal living in a cave with my clan, and I must do The Thing in order to survive.

So, when I'm doing cardio at the gym, I'm actually chasing and tracking a mammoth, and when I need to cook, well, I'm not cooking on a stove top, I am hurdled over the first fire and watching the fat of our kill drip down onto the burning wood. And when I find it hard to crochet, I pretend that the first winter storm is coming and our clan needs me to make blankets to hurdle under and that I must contribute.

I hope whatever you do to do The Things will help. It is a uniquely personable trait to motivate yourself through pretend and stories. That's what makes this life interesting - that's what makes you feel larger than yourself 💛

[moeblob]

Demyx (my beloved)

[cherry-alive]

So, okay, I made a post a bit about this yesterday, but I've had a lot of thoughts since then and a useful conversation with my therapist. So. Complaining about dyspraxia below

I haven't been formally diagnosed with dyspraxia. It's actually pretty much the only diagnosis I've given to myself without at least medical confirmation. But I've given it to myself based on both a lot of research and comments I have received from medical practitioners (e.g. my pediatrician commenting on my weak grip, not meeting developmental milestones on time, comments from teachers, etc). And today my therapist said she's pretty sure I have it based not just on what I've reported but what she's observed in the way I physically interact with the world over the years, so that was helpful and validating. And we contacted my doctor today to hopefully get a referral to an OT, who will be able to actually assess me, which would be very cool. Because I still doubt myself all the time and go "you don't really have this" except like...I do though lol.

Part of the reason I doubt myself about it is that it hasn't had that much impact for many years. But recently, that has changed, and I've realized that it's not that I got better, it's that I went on disability and stopped trying to do a lot of things I used to do and spent like all day on my computer and got assistance with most physical tasks. I'm doing much, much better mental health wise lately, which is amazing, and as a result I'm engaging more and more with the physical world around me, whether that's going on walks or to the grocery store or cooking or dressing nicely or eating in restaurants or trying art or whatever. Which is great!

But it's all. so. fucking. physically. difficult. Not in an exhausting way, in a coordination way. Pushing carts at the grocery store? I bump into things constantly and get really overwhelmed by it and a few weeks ago dropped a glass bottle of olive oil that shattered all over the aisle in the store. Cooking? I love to cook, but it takes me at least 2 to 3 times the time to make any given recipe because I know myself and know I can't multitask so I do all the prep all at once up front, and slowly at that bc cutting vegetables is hard. Putting on makeup? Better set aside 10 minutes just to try to put on lip gloss without going outside the lines. Going to a restaraunt? Often a mortifying experience where I a) bump into other tables and/or b) have food all over my shirt by the end of the meal, which is so embarrassing but I've struggled with it my whole life. And it's just. It's all really really difficult and often I feel so ashamed when I drop something or bump into something or get messy or whatever in public and it just...it just sucks. And I get so so so frustrated and flustered and overwhelmed when I'm trying to do basic tasks at home like hanging up clothes or whatever and it's just so difficult and frustrating for me.

And I had forgotten how hard it all was because for years I just spent all my time on my computer. But I'm not doing that now. Which is great! But I trip and stumble and knock into things and get lost outside and can't do the things I want to do and I'm just constantly reminded that the physical world is very challenging for me. My probable dyspraxia has really been interfering with my life lately in pretty significant ways that have surprised me, I had kind of forgotten how frickin hard it makes a lot of things. I consider myself able bodied for the most part but I'm remembering now that like...not exactly 100% actually. And it just kind of sucks. A lot.

The good news is that as I mentioned, we contacted my GP about it and hopefully I'll get an assessment and maybe even some OT and/or PT, which could hopefully really help me. Because I'm trying very hard to recover and regain some independence, and this is proving a more significant challenge towards those goals than I had expected.

[innanzituttoticalmi]

i'm sorry if you genuinely think bozzi and leclerc "copied the other driver/engineer's strategy" i canttttttt take you seriously

[britneyshakespeare]

Man is saying weird things to me again

[weidli]

i've made the acquaintance of a couple of first year students (some of them i'm tutoring officially and everything) and inevitably they ask me how i study how i handle writing papers and getting the citing right etc. great questions entirely reasonable things to ask someone unfortunately i have no good answers since "well buddy i cannot emphasize enough how much all this is my version of fun" is uh. Unhelpful

[villalunae]

Are you an academic lesbian? 👀

unfortunately yes

[stardustdiiving]

My friend today was like you know fern I think your genshin favs are really funny because to me they’re all very tame green flags that have good vibes and then there’s zhongxiao which everyone hates. And I was like. WELL…..YES….SNUCHFJFJCNC

[animationismycomfort]

guys what if and hear me out instead of Donnie having a crush on April they just have a weird fascination with humans

[asummersday]

local author is absolutely obsessed with raph and leo's relationship following the end of season 2 and is making it everyone's problem, more at 11!

[moeblob]

What Deacon thinks: what did that mean? did he want me to wear a collar too? why else would he mention my neck? i mean, if he /asked/ me i would wear one but he didn't so would wearing one be weird?

What Ymber meant: It's nice to be near someone who isn't tethered to this world to serve it with a physical reminder for all to see.

[gothamcityneedsme]

finished swtor update earlier today and im still thinking like. tavon gripping petra by the shoulders: do not trust the empire. do not fucking trust the empire. DO NOT fucking trust the empire.

[o-wyrmlight]

Hello. Me again.

I wanna do a bunch of comics as I replay the games so I won't answer everything XD but to answer a basic question;

You can play as a male or female Shepard, but Bioware intended the main character to be female. But because video games they were afraid dudebros wouldn't want to play a female lead so they just gave you a choice. Both are called "Shepard" because it's the last name. (Femshep's first name is Jane).

There is also character creation. So you can create a Shepard OC. but Shepard is one of the weirdest main characters I've ever seen, because as the years have gone on... instead of people leaning more into the self insert style of mass Effect, default Jane Shepard has become more and more popular. So these days most art and fanfic will write her as a default instead of a player/reader insert. it's fucking wild!

Also I am still in ME1 so she's still in uniform, but uh... that doesn't last.

........also yes I own the hoodie....

As for everything else... I selfishly don't want to spoil?? Even tho you can literally google it?? 😂 Because I wanna draw it because who boy.... do my babies have a storm coming....

I see! That is super cool, though--I like that female Shepard was intended to be the more canonical between the selectable characters. I wasn't 100% sure about it because I do remember seeing a mention or two about an option between male and female, but I've really only ever seen concept of female Shepard.

And I also think that it's super neat that Shepard's default is so popular! It's sort of a double-reverse of what you'd expect, and people are so baller for that, to be honest.

It sort of reminds me of how--when I play a Legend of Zelda game--I'll usually default to the names I can chose as being the canonical names. Link as Link, Epona as Epona, etc... same with the Pokemon games.

I think part of the reason for that might also be due to consistency. It seems like Mass Effect is a chronological series that takes place over the course of a period of time that features the same characters, so it'd make sense for the main character to remain the same over time.

You look at game series like Fallout, customization is much easier to get a hold of because each game (if I'm correct) features a new main character. It allows for more customization of the experience to fit around the character, but since Mass Effect is in that chronological story that follows the same or a similar cast, it's easier to have an agreed-upon default than it is to have a thousand or so different Shepherds, especially since they all end up sharing the same name (which takes away a part of that customization process).

It could also be that, as Shepard is the name given to the character, it feels ingenuine to a lot of people to have them deviate from their default--as if it's changing their identity. Already having the name implies that the character doesn't exist in a vacuum--they already existed before in the context of the game.

I! Am! Rambling! But I do find it super interesting to think about this!