🦅 STEVE CH. 2 WIP EXCERPT
Consubstantiation calls upon the divine.
Steve Harrington is, notably, not divine, but he is determined to commune with those who are. The moral. The just. The virtuous. His neighbors and ‘friends’ dressed in fine silks, button down linens, dry-cleaned slacks, and ridiculous floral hats to be placed beside them in the pews.
On Sundays, he joins them to consume divinity in tiny neat parcels. Follows the line forward in a herd of merciful ducklings. Mindless and desperate to be told what to do, how to believe, why there are miracles and mysteries.
He’s never understood, but he follows.
He follows and bends at the knee to pay his respects and tries to ignore the ache in his soul that protests the nauseating idea that he contains an odious and unforgivable sin. One, even Christ, himself, would name too heinous, too damning.
The women smile, nod, wave titillating hands with newborn babies perched upon their hips. Fulfilling God’s will to inherit the Earth with the constant creation of miniature disciples. Tin soldiers in a post-modern war. Against blasphemy, exposed shoulders, parties that last until the early hours of the morning.
The men lead, speak louder than they should in anticipation of Monday night football, scold their daughters for skirts that ride up over their knees.
It’ll be a beating at home. A bloodbath. It’s for their own good. Lust kills. Worse than cigarettes and dunk driving combined. The casualties begin at the age of ten or eleven and, from then on, it's a lazy, redundant crime—
Eddie was naked.
Eddie was a boy who looked a whole lot like a girl.
Curls brushing past the midpoint of his spine like they aimed to meet the dirt and claim roots underground—build him a place to rule and laugh and talk in that liquifying tone.
Cool smile. Sharp grin. Cutting edge. Delicately encompassed by those poetic lines of black ink.
Rings that sting and leave little bite marks of the devil. Reminders that he’s here to stay.
Steve’s stomach flips and there’s that familiar warm pull in his gut.
It can’t happen here.
Not with his father solemnly praying over the Lord’s precious gifts. Consecrating and holding his gaze through the crowd like a warning.
Not with the growing lump in his throat that seems like it could only be resolved by Eddie’s fingers splaying out around it. Squeezing and taunting and humiliating his contrition until it dissipates. Swallowed into the black of his eyes. The midnight haze.
Venomous.
Steve makes every conscious effort not to choke on his own spit. Not to bite off his own lip in the midst of the choir’s screeching crescendo.
He’s sweaty and awkward and grasping at his shirt collar, because the air is decidedly too thin and everyone’s going to be dead on the floor in less than a minute if they don’t open a window.
Eddie Munson touched that man like he wanted to punish him—
Eddie Munson recited spells that transformed insults into terms of undying affection—
Eddie Munson made the birds sing for him and whistled a tune like he had every right to make a home in the middle of the woods—
He’s next in line. His father’s looking down at him in judgment. His father knows—can smell it on him, can see it bubbling up beneath the vulnerable layer of his skin. His mouth twitches in dissatisfaction and Steve prepares to lose.
And, there’s no surviving a fate like that, so Steve blinds himself.
Closes his eyes, whispers a few ancient words—a holy and devout enchantment, and opens his mouth for the moment of communion.
Receives the sacrament and pretends it’s going to work. Pretends it can slay the beast and leave him whole. Pretends he can win at the game. Have his cake and eat it, too—lick the pretty mess off his frosting coated fingers. Sprinkle candied confetti over the carnage and somehow, not dissolve into guilty ruin.
When Steve’s father places it between his teeth, he stifles a scream. Quiets the addiction, the obsession, the infestation striking nutrient rich gold in the labyrinth of his fear. Clambering against his ribs to get free.
It’s a thing of nightmares. A thing of dreams.
One startled heartbeat later and the blessed flesh makes contact with his tongue. Melts into a sticky, gummy mess. He sticks to the routine. Swallows a subsequent quick swig of burgundy wine, almost black where it sloshes in the ornate chalice.
Made for a King.
The King of Kings.
It's lukewarm and languid in his throat. Tastes bitter and bloodied and it vaguely chills his bones to think that every pair of lips in the congregation—children and expectant mothers excluded—will press themselves along that seam like an audience of succubus monsters.
There’s a split second, fragmented into crooked shards, in which he considers the fact that the son of God is really and truly inside him. Filling his core. Turning him belly up and meek. Renouncing Satan. Finding the cracks in his tainted purity, in his poisoned humanity.
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