#very bad friends as a teenager
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speaking as an autistic person, the secret to making friends (and meaningful romantic/sexual relationships) is 95% just engaging in a genuine way. if someone doesn't want to be friends with you when you're being yourself, their friendship wouldn't be something you want anyway. the sad irony is that a lot of SELF-consciousness puts ppl off because... they can tell you're thinking about yourself & not them.
people just want to be seen and valued as a human being (and to have fun!). they don't want to feel like you're just using them to fill a need, or their company actually makes you kind of miserable and stressed or you can't be yourself around them. they want to feel like you enjoy their company and are interested in them. if you're autistic use your earnest swag & they love it because it invites them to be genuine and at ease too!!
#I feel like i learned a lot about how to be a friend from having#very bad friends as a teenager#and then as an adult i knew exactly how it feels when an obsessively self deprecating person puts you on a weird pedestal#and knew I never wanted to do that to anyone else.#and I think people can blame you like ofc you're sad and insecure and lonely#so I think it's more constructive to think about like#in what ways are you actually disrespecting people's humanity. are you doing things that are actually using that person#are you jusr. thinking abt urself and not them even if it's negative?#I think it can be a reinforcing thing bc ppl (think they) want someone to worship THEM and put THEM on a pedestal#so they try and do that to others#but when that actually happens it's very dehumanising and uncomfortable and... never actually about you and how great you are#but healing your insecurity can be hard & having friends who value u can help so it's a cycle u have to break off somewhere...#I just genuinely feel like everyone internalised weird shit at school and that is not how ppl actually work teenagers are just basically#on drugs. like study after study shows everyone consistently underrates how happy people actually are to engage with them#okay aaaand time to go read i and thou im just saying that again. NVM.
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so much happened in this whole episode but iām still on fig infiltrating rubenās dream, making it look like the place where his friend was murdered, and then disguising herself as kipperlilly & repeatedly saying different variants of āsomebody needs to take the fall for this, and itās not going to be me. itās going to be you.ā while adaine as the elven oracle shows up next to her. can you imagine waking up from that, the idea of a horrible truth being pinned on you by your friend to save her own skin while the personification of fate and destiny stands there, almost as a promise that this is GOING to happen to you. we donāt even know if this kid is guilty. my god.
#fantasy high#dimension 20#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#fantasy high junior year#fig faeth#ruben hopclap#lucy frostblade#the rat grinders#adaine abernant#kipperlilly copperkettle#watching fig terrorize him like girl!!! we donāt even know if heās guilty!!!!#this might just be for me but i do not think 5 teenagers willingly brutally killed their friend idk#like there just has to be some other element to it and i am very scared to find out what that was#what if they were put in a position where they felt there was/there was no other choiceā¦ like oh my god#my comedy brain is having fun but my āthis is a teenagerā brain is in such deep distress all the time this season#the rat grinders i trust brennan to not make u cartoonishly evil so i am holding u as gently as i can in my confused shaky hands#also with the devilās nectar iāve been wondering why they all seem so well-adjusted & now iām curious if theyāve been intentionally-#changing their memories in a way so that either the trauma is lesser or they think they arenāt guilty. idk#but it seems like from how gertie was talking she was making it more recently so the well adjustedness from early jy doesnāt quite add up#they could have another source maybe??? idk iām just low stakes 4 a.m. spitballing here#thereās also the strong possibility that theyāre aware of what happened but they werenāt the ones who killed lucy. idk who knows#the way you could probably devilās nectar yourself into believing it wasnāt your fault someone diedā¦ CRAZY IMPLICATIONS!!! CRAZY IDEA!!!#anyways the bad kids & the rat grinders donāt ever have to like each other but i do wonder if at least some of those kids deserve a chance
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danmarch šš
#honkai star rail#dan heng#march 7th#danmarch#fanart#hsr#what else do i tag. i have no idea#anyway. im breaking my VERY LONG oc art streak to post my one(1) contribution to star rail#i care them very much#ive been playing this game so religiously and they have not left my team#tragic past(emo) vs tragic past(girly pop)#theres NO WAY with marchs very teenage girl mind that she does not have a crush on the hot cool mysterious yet caring dragon guy#who stays in the room right next to her#and the fact that he teases her so much........#the whole ass belabog quest he throws in little harmless march roasts every so often#he fucking CARE her#i bets shes like a filipino mom with that camera. every oppertunity (picture!!!!)#and dan heng gets dragged into it#he is honing his photography skills against his will#any nice place? shes like (lemme pose can you get a photo of me?)#dan heng just sighs#they bond over silently judging stelle rummaging through the garbage#cast each other that best friend glance as half her body is sticking out of a trash bin#i like to think you see them hanging out on the train together#with dan heng reading some obscure 8th century book on civilization pattern and development#and march is humming and putting stickers and aesthetic shit in her scrapbook#taping a piece of antimatter legion loot in the middle of a page#and with bubbly handwriting (we beat some bad guys today!!! <333 so fun!!)
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juvie buddies
#alek art#td duncan#td mal#total drama#total drama all stars#(if i want to get technical)#2024#duncan is around 15 here... mal is around 16#ive thought really hard about them these past few days . in my brain they actually knew each other and canon is different#duncan and mike got along really well. in juvie mal refused to speak to anyone about anything and would fight as many people as he could .#he wanted to stay in there and far away from home . they get roomed together and duncan is the first person who mal can talk to . he isnt#scared of him . he relates to him a lot . like -> wow we both act out for attention and people think we are terrible because of it#duncan being a mentally ill teenager seeing mal an also very mentally ill teenager thought 'i can fix him' . mike and duncan speak too here#i cant really see anyone else fronting besides those two . their brain was on lockdown and mike wanted out so bad . i see manitoba as a#gatekeeper so hed handle some sessions with their psych. i want to say they (duncan and mike) get moved to a psyche ward just because#i have more knowledge on being in one and how it goes ... but yeah i like duncan mal a lot . this art isnt ship whatsoever though š i dont#see them as a couple their dynamic is just better as friends imo#but anyways in all stars they obviously recognize each other but have an unspoken agreement not to say anything abt it#duncan is a known criminal but mike isnt like that . mike hadnt even told zoey about that part of his life . so duncan wanted to respect his#privacy -> then mal starts hurting people and he has to step in . mal isnt a good person by any means but i dont think he was that bad in#juvie . so duncan had to come to terms that his friend wasnt the same person he was years ago (in all stars duncan is ~18 and i think mike#is almost 20... so it had been a while since they last talked)#them getting each other like no other and being in pain because they couldnt really speak . i see them having a conversation still in moon#madness abt their past and history . god i just think abt them and their wasted potential wdym mike and duncan were in juvie together#duncan was in for trespassing or destruction of private property or something really dumb . mal fought his parent(s) and got in for assault#mal was already in when duncan was placed . and duncan was let out early on good behavior + his parents (dad) mostly did it to teach him a#lesson . wrong of them or otherwise . so mal was just kinda stuck there until they realized he was actually not right in the head . think he#knew abt their DID but was only diagnosed in juvie and had to go from there . tbh he shouldve been tried as an adult but td logic . doesnt#matter dw guys . mike gets the 'was put on random meds that made him go braindead' treatment bc that was me . post mental hospital abilify#had me messed up
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Happy to say that I am back in my "every time I remember the ineffable husbands exist I have to sit down for a second" mindset
#THEY'RE LITERALLY SO ROMANTIC ITS INSANE#if it weren't for them I would be a very different person I promise you that#the way they defy their nature AND learned prejudices to be together#the inherent divinity of humanity and not being completely good or bad but somewhere in the middle out of pure choice and love#THE 6000 YEARS OF PINING.#theyre a bickering old married couple theyre teenagers in their first relationship#they arent even dating yet theyve been in love for centuries#they wont even admit that theyre friends and yet they KNOW the feelings are mutual#i haven't been this feral over them since 2020 pray for me#good omens#good omens 2#ineffable husbands#aziracrow#ramblies
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would you like to talk about how bad the mha ending was hella
as much as i would love to give like. a comprehensive response i genuinely dont think i can get my words together just yet without it being a constant unintelligble stream of 'AND ANOTHER THING-' and bc it's become quite torn in the fandom on if the chapter was good or bad i want like. an actual coherent response here. so i will reblog this if/when i can word it but know IM NOT FUCKING HAPPY
#paragraphs and paragraphs about the villains' endings alone. hawks hpsc president. midoriya's ending#the fact hero society is barely changed and the changes that do happen feel very much TELLING the reader it happened#as opposed to actually showing us how society changed on it. this is smthn ik people will argue w me about#bc yes it was a 400+ chapter manga arguably showing us how society changed but like. did it actually show that#like do u honestly think any community would watch televised battles between TEENAGERS and bad guys#and have the majority of them go 'gah! i cant help but sympathise with the bad guy who just suckerpunched child extra no.28!'#so like. why are they all suddenly on board with massive systemic reinvention. where's the rage where's the bitterness#this wasn't a story on showing the villains as redeemable and working towards society sympathising with them#and slowly painfully coming to a conclusion where japan was ready to change as a COLLECTIVE#this was a story of showing a group of redeemable villains (first step CHECK) getting DEFEATED IN BATTLE#THEY ALL FUCKING DIED EXCEPT SPINNER AND PRESUMABLY COMPRESS#WE DONT EVEN FUCKING KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO DABI AT THE END ONLY THAT HE WAS PUT IN THE EXACT SAME POSITION#HE WAS IN WHEN HE WOKE UP FROM HIS COMA AND DABI WAS BORN. 'DABI' AS A PERSONA MEANT NOTHING#we still have an abuser who didn't come to justice. we still have the corrupt government body now being led by the guy they trafficked#and abused and conditioned into the perfect soldier. do u think maybe his opinions are a little biased in regards to that gov. body#maybe. perhaps. slightly. and we still have hero charts!!!!!! every kid in the last chap is still obsessed w becoming a hero!!!!#and dont get me STARTEDDDDDDDDD on midoriya being a teacher. 'i think it's cute he finally gets a life of peace š„ŗ#this way he can help the next generation directly š„ŗ' womp to the fucking womp he was supposed to be the world's no.1 hero#he barely sees his friends anymore. 'it's realistic to adulthood!' i dont want realism in my superpowered teen and up manga#put them in the avengers mansion NOW#so as you can see i waffled regardless of saying i specifically wasn't gonna do that and some of these points bother me more than others#with some being personal I Didn't Like It and some being i genuinely truly believe it to be bad writing#but my summary is mha ultimately felt like a story where a group of individuals unlearned (eh) the beliefs of a toxic society#and tried to save the people that society failed and then they themselves DID NOT FUCKING SAVE THEM#(i have a hit on the redemption via death trope on the dark web for ten bajillion pounds)#and while yeah that isn't objectively an evil story to tell i think 1) it was done poorly#and 2) isn't what a lot of people believed the premise to be nor what i think horikoshi himself was trying to write#ask#mha spoilers#mha
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Can you tell us your the reasons for why you like Papyrus? (Iām sure youāve did this before xd, but I always enjoyed rambles about Papyrus. Hope youāre well!)
oh it is 100% his whole loneliness thing. growing up i was a chronic friend group hopper all the way from kindergarten to 8th grade and then by high school that didn't work anymore so i just kinda didn't have any genuine friends for basically that entire 4 years. so hyperfixating so hard on a character who's basically completely centered around that struggle helped me feel a bit less hopeless about it. the funny thing is i think pre-undertale papyrus actually had more friends than i did back then but like its the little things
that's why this fic that i'm gonna plug again hit me so hard tbh. shit sucks when you're trying so so hard to be friendly and engage in other people and then you get to a point where you have to realize they're not at all interested in returning the favor, even if they're not overtly rude about it or anything, they just don't care to get to know you any deeper than surface level convenience and it gets real hard to not let yourself get angsty about it lmao
i do think that while sometimes i wish i hadn't been given such free internet access as a kid i'm still really lucky that i was able to be exposed to undertale when i was. it's such a unapologetically hopeful game that i'm sure it absolutely impacted the way that i think about things today in terms of optimism and the ability to turn bad situations around, and papyrus plays a huuuge part of that entire message. if it weren't for him, i'm honestly not sure if i would've had the drive to keep trying to connect with other people even when it didn't work for so long.
so tl;dr thank you funny little skeleton man for constantly reminding me that making friends is still possible even when your demeanor is frankly weird as fuck. sometimes you just gotta keep truckin until you find your people even if it takes a while
#trousled rambles#emphasis on rambles#ew this is sappy as hell who put this on my blog dont read this ewwwwwwwww#btw now that i'm in college i finally ended up with a group of friends who actually make me feel like they want me around regularly#so it really is possible i promise :> yeah i woulda liked if it happened sooner but i've never had this many friends before in my lifeee#that being said do u know how annoying it was to hear those fuckers thought i was cool in high school but were too scared to talk to me#i was wearing the same 3 black hoodies every day and used to have a keychain with enough charms that could probably be a weapon if needed#i was a LOSER just TALK TO MEEEE#i'm not gonna act like i was nearly as outgoing as papyrus bc i kept to myself a lot especially in my senior year#and that's because papyrus did not cure 12 years of social anxiety/isolation. but at least he helped me be less emo about it yknow#for a while i actually thought The Loneliness didnt effect me as bad as it did him but tbh i was just repressing that shit lmao#man when the 10 year undertale anniversary comes around we're all gonna be destroyed huh. it will definitely kill me#anyway thank u toby fox for showing 11y/o me that things could work out if i just didnt give up. also make papyus the knight pls ok byeee#oh edit one more thing i havent quiiite psychoanalyzed myself or her enough for me to be certain of this yet but#im pretty sure this is also why i am very drawn to susie in deltarune. lonely skeleton but a blunt teenage girl instead like okayyyy
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Raph amassing a decent squad of stuffed animals when heās little and coming up with wrestling matches between them.
Captain Cuddles is the winning face, and Cheech is his long-standing heel rival. Their fights are legendary.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt raph#rottmnt headcanons#rise Raph#I feel like people ignore Raphās love of wrestling too much I think itās so cute he loves it as much as he does š#but yeah little Raph making up his own wrestling matches between his stuffed animals#because heās gotta go with the stuffed animals - they canāt get hurt as easily as his brothers#and he learns from a young age how easy it is to hurt#so itās better to have friends that canāt get hurt! right?#SIDE NOTe#I like to think Raph connects so well with Franken-Foot largely because he connects with inanimate objects so easily#heās very quick to give humanity to anything that endears itself to him#I wonder if they had a bad run in with humans in the past and Raph remembers it most vividly#projecting on inanimate objects and animals with the respect and care he wishes others would give him
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Absolutely the funniest thing about my current corner of tumblr is that pretty much everyone I've recently followed for Apollo-Appreciating Purposes are either genuinely Hellenist or just rather very into Rick Riordan's Trials of Apollo series which is wild because I know a net zero about both of those things.
#I've never been interested in Riordan's work and the Percy Jackson books I did read as a young lad didn't change my mind on that topic#Growing up I preferred a very one or the other method for my greek adaptational content#which essentially means either you're a play or an adaptation of a legit story or myth with recogniseable figures and plotpoints#or you're an original story with mythical elements but the myths and the adaptations and interpretations of those myths is secondary#Percy Jackson did both and it was very disorienting for me because the books were well grounded enough that when I came into contact#with some element I didn't recognise or couldn't remember I myself would get confused and go āIs that true? like really?? :0cā#Then I ran a library book club and Percy Jackson books were p much all the kids wanted to read#but they rejected all of my supplementary greek myth exercises and got a lot of stuff mixed around#because percy jackson does a rather good job of making a convincing argument that it knows its stuff and people will quicker cite that#than do readings of the much more difficult older texts and translations of text#It's not Percy Jackson's fault it's just a bad experience that stuck with me and by extension leaked over into Trials of Apollo when that#was released#Trials of Apollo was crazy because I generally make it my business to consume any and all greek myth interpretational media that bothers#to include Apollo (there is a shockingly low amount of things that do that)#however a LOT of novels especially never let Apollo retain the dignity of a god in their portrayals of him#and have him resemble a teenager more than anything even remotely close to an adult#I had just gotten finished reading a novel adaptation of the story of Coronis and Apollo with this same issue#so when I opened the first volume of ToA and saw that Apollo simply genuinely WAS a teenager#Frankly I just closed the book and put it back on the bookstore shelf and very calmly walked away LMFAO#I have nothing to say about Hellenists and neo hellenists y'all seem like wonderful people and I hope#you have a lovely time with your e-offerings and worship#unless you are my single personal friend with Apollo as your patron#then I wish you 1000 woes and 10000 divine brain blasts#toa#pjo#ginger rambles
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Call me Mahoro because I also think her brother is hot af Btw the plot twist in this series is that Arajin is going take his crush last name but not because of her. Sorry for the spoilers peace and love in the planet Earth
And could somebody make this Marito teddy bear real? It's a basic and essential need atp
#bucchigiri?!#/jk#look her brocon thing is weird and uncomfortable but she can be funny as hell#can you blame her for liking Marito. Look at him#his design is so cool#and so it is his personality and caring relationship with Outa and how clingy abd touchy he is to people he likes (Ara-teen)#and the nicknames are cute too#and his voice too#move Arajin is my turn#Unpopular opinion: Arajin is also good. Ik he's an ass to Matakara and it's probably completely undeserved and uncalled for but#he has some of the funniest reactions in this show. He's pathetic like a wet kicked cat waiting outside my door to let him enter#he made awful decisions and all to get laid and tbh him letting the hormones do the reasoning it's the most teenager thing ever#Most of us had been annoying af and horrible at processing information and taking hints or making important decisions#He's relatable for all the wrong reasons and he's very real for that. If you dislike/hate him I get it though. Very understandable š#god I wanna talk about why I think he's acting like that with his childhood friend so bad but these tags are already too much#anyway I advocate for Arateen rights and wrongs. Also for the Bucchigiri teddy bear collection#mahoro jin#arajin tomoshibi#marito jin#Mariteen#jin marito#jin mahoro#tomoshibi arajin#ā” ā shut up noko#woah imagine it turns out to be true Arajin will be Arajin Jin. Wild stuff. Lmao even
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no one ever talks about how the signature adhd thought process that gets you from one place to another illogically from the outside but the sequence makes total sense To You can be so Toxic actually omg like. it can go from silly to dark & back in moments & sometimes itās like. Bestie. Chilllle š
#me: oh I love lonely island theyāre so silly Iām glad my sister is into them lately itās so silly my mom polices her about that#thatās a perfectly appropriate thing for a teenager to be into & im right for encouraging it#just like Iām right for introducing my sister to shows & movies that are so perfect for a teenager#itās very silly for my parents to be so strict#ā¦ however I have also been part of introducing people to bad things beforeā¦. if I think about jt#like being the oldest cousin introducing my cousin to alcohol & weed without knowing the path heād take toward addiction#or smoking weed with my friend who later discovered fentanyl & fucking died#like. girl. that thought progression started with LONELY ISLAND & how SIlLLY they are#letās dial it the fuck back PLEASE Jesus Christ#a peek inside my brain for u lovely people#rose.txt
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MACKERELMORE hii good morning i hope u r goodddd :] anyway. staring up at u w/ my big sopping wet shark eyes.... do u have any new haven wards costume opinions & thoughts. ik a while ago u said smth abt imprint showing an Inadvisable amount of skin considering his power bc he's cocky & it's an intimidation thing..... wraith with the whisperer cloak... what else!!!
AH hello!!! I have been. underwater all morning <3 I will be underwater again all afternoon but it's lunch time first :] I will say hi 2 the sharks for u . blow the grouper a kiss etc etc
UHHHHHHHH I DONT HAVE A WHOLE LOT OF THOUGHTS OTHER THAN WHAT WE'VE SAID BEFORE especially because. outfit design is not my strong suit idk how to talk about clothes lmao. but! the generals:
wraith: big loose fitting clothes that conceal a layer of body armor. they let him move and give him a bigger silhouette than he actually has and look deceptively weak? you go to kick a guy in a hoodie and your foot hits a kevlar vest instead. whisperer cape is a must. i dont think he knows the similarity. william was never big into capes i think if he ever saw anything of the whisperer it was only in passing and not enough to stick in his mind. full-face mask (which i would assume is like.... built into the hood somehow? to keep it up on his head better as hes moving), undecided on whether he would keep his hair fully covered or let some of it out from under the hood. i think at first his costume would be white with blue accents ("ghostly" vibes without being too scary) but as time goes on i think it would be cool if it got darker and darker until the white parts have gone from grey-dark grey-black (idk how that would work mechanically but. nudges greyscale implications)
failsafe: HONESTLYYYYY I REALLY LIKE WHAT YOU HAVE FOR HIM SO FAR. crop top is essential. failsafe has way more skin showing than imprint. i think hed keep his knuckles/forearms taped bc his fighting style is very physical? i know dakotas whole thing is kicks only but i think failsafe should get to punch things super hard too like cmon. hes got the likee.... headband mask . i like what u have for him a lot. i think his pants are a lot like wraiths thing where theyre loose and mobile but hes wearing armor under them.
imprint: tactical. his stuff is mostly black i dont think he would budge on that for anything. i do think he should have skin showing like. in case they get caught off guard by a fight i dont think hed want to take the time to have to pull off sleeves or gloves or whatever in case he needed to use his powers in a snap. i DO however think he has gloves just for convenience's sake. but i think he keeps specific body parts uncovered? majority of his arms for sure. he has the half-face mask. idk if this is something the prt would necessarily allow but i think he has a lot of straps and belts and things for holding weapons. i feel like hes trained in so many ways to fight he would probably always want at least a knife or gun on him at all times. the purple accents were the PR teams additions so he wouldnt be totally black. since he wanted to keep his shitty dyed purple hair, theyd at least make the costume match so it looked somewhat cohesive and intentional
OH YEAH u didnt ask abt tide but its very important to me that his costume is like a wetsuit. i havent made my post about tide and wetsuits yet but i think abt him a lot. also i think the ear fins are cosmetic and not a result of weird clone things but i do think he should keep them bc i think theyre cute. ive been imagining wavelengths costume pretty much the exact same as in pd . and i have. no ideas for auxiliary but whenever i think abt him i think abt ur timeline art so thats canon 2 me
#sorry this took like. eight fucking hours. okay.#trying so hard to think of things a guy like glenn would do to them like taylors butterflies.#for william its the bright costume... i think he probably hates that so bad. kills his emo kid swag(<< stupid teenager mindset)#i dont think it has to be FULLY white like i have been imagining the cape as black. so i think it has black accents still. but the hoodie?#bright white n blue. and probably his pants too. idk man#for dakota its editing out his scars in all promotional material. eugh#and for vyncent its the . you wanna keep your hair? fine. purple on your tactical black costume.#and . VERY limited weapon storage if any at all.#thought about giving him fingerless gloves but i feel like that would. defeat the purpose. idk man#new haven wards#EXTREMELY excted 2 see u draw imprint and wraith btw.... man.#the failsafe one is SO GOOD ive been looking at him for hours#asks#friends!!!#intertexts
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#unrebloggable because i dont want anybody who sees this to do so without knowing that i fucking hated dj at the time#largely bc the fan content was uh. i don't want to say bad but it was deeply uninteresting. but in the comic on the other hand?#i actually found the resulting conflict interesting and seeing two human characters have to reckon with if being mlm would change how#their friends perceived and treated them was literally the best and most grounded and most validating portrayal of what it was like to be a#queer teenager that i had ever seen. it meant a lot to me#but that wasn't really the same as shipping it#which i very much do now as an adult#teen me would hate myself but its okay me i got older and gayer and came back to this comic with a bunch of mental illnesses you're welcome#i'm not dissing rosmary btw i fucking loved it as a teenager. so much. it just didn't have the same reckoning with the reality of queerness#i was obsessed with rose as a teen. i wish i could go back. now i like her deranged gay dad instead
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heartstopper has a specific talent to make me cry w the second episode of each season
#just watched 3x02 and i am not okay as someone who has dealed w this#it also makes me more aware how my suffering doesn't just impact myself but the people around me#when i was 12/13ish i had a bad relationship w food#i have healed a lot more since then but it still creeps back#and during that time i relied heavily on my bsf#i tried my best to not make her feel obligated to help me since it is a pretty hard thing to hear your friend is going through#but i just can't help but feel like i made her suffer regardless#and i love her and never wanted to put that kind of weight on my shoulders#but she stuck around and listened to me when i needed to let it out and she was the most important person in my life during that time#<333#heartstopper#trigger warning ed#tw eating issues#tw vent#a little rant of mine#heartstopper has become very comforting to me so quickly#this is such an important show for teenagers to watch and see themselves in#i'm so happy to live in an age where i can find comfort in a show like this
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š
#well the friend group drama just got ugly#I really hoped it wouldnāt come to this but yeah. people have been blocked#not me I wasnāt involved but as the go between of the parties at odds I feel bad this all happened#especially after one very distressing conversation yesterday#I donāt think weāll ever fully recover from this#if only certain people had listened to my advice!! this would not have happened#(and this is why teenagers shouldnāt date)#(and also why Iām on hiatus from boys)#elly's posts
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processed some trauma i think
#i did a lot of things very wrong when i was a teenager but also i was a teenager and everything was difficult#i feel bad for how i ended some of my friendships over the years bc it was often like.#they were clearly struggling. something was deeply wrong with all of my friends home lives. deadly serious things. molestation abuse etc#but when i was 14-16 that was extremely difficult for me to contextualize. i knew it was bad of course i wasnt stupid#it was more just. i didnt have the life experience to know just How Much it affected a person.#that type of shit can obliterate healthy functioning adults. the type of behavior it invokes in teens can be fucking UNPARALLELED#it affects your entire brain and body. i dont think theres a single part of you thats left completely undamaged.#in retrospect i now recognize that there was more i could've done. i could've talked to my parents more and i really dont know why I didnt.#i think I just felt like nothing could be done?#and there probably wasnt much that could be done#but idk. it could've helped me process it which could've helped them process it.#and as important as i think compassion is. even towards people who can be viscerally unpleasant. i was a kid. not a social worker#it was the responsibility of the adults around us to make it better. and they either failed or made it worse.#it's just awful to think back on it and realize that we were all in this shit together. but the trauma ripped us apart anyway.#i really sincerely hope everyone from those dA chatroom days are doing better now. i hope they're safe. i hope they're not dead.#it's always going to bother me a little bit that i have no way of knowing what happened to any of them.
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